WEBVTT - Pregnancy, relationships, and doing life 0:00:05.921 --> 0:00:13.241 Apote production. Hi, my name's beck Woodbine and welcome to 0:00:13.281 --> 0:00:14.441 Tenderness for Nurses. 0:00:15.081 --> 0:00:18.921 I'm grateful for the person that I have the opportunity 0:00:18.921 --> 0:00:22.520 to be, So I hit it and parked it for 0:00:22.601 --> 0:00:25.801 Nellie four years. We always have free will, We always 0:00:25.801 --> 0:00:28.881 get to choose. We are autonomous. Hi. 0:00:28.961 --> 0:00:33.040 Everyone, welcome back to Tenness for Nurses. Today we have 0:00:33.161 --> 0:00:36.161 Cannie Ladell with us, who is a lovely friend of 0:00:36.201 --> 0:00:40.641 mine and we've known each other for god fifteen years longer. 0:00:41.480 --> 0:00:42.681 Will you make me look so young? 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:47.760 So I asked Carnie to come on today to have 0:00:47.801 --> 0:00:50.880 a chat to us a because not only has she 0:00:51.001 --> 0:00:54.001 worked within the hospital system, she herself has been a 0:00:54.121 --> 0:00:59.201 patient with the Paralympics. On Cannie herself has actually competed 0:00:59.241 --> 0:01:03.121 in the Paralympics, and I just wanted to touch on 0:01:03.641 --> 0:01:08.241 her experiences both working in the hospital and her experience 0:01:08.241 --> 0:01:11.681 as a patient, but also the impact going to the 0:01:11.761 --> 0:01:17.121 Paralympics had on her. And I suppose moving forward, being 0:01:17.121 --> 0:01:21.121 a powerhouse with human rights, you do so much work 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:22.601 for people that are handicapped. 0:01:22.721 --> 0:01:25.561 I am now forty five, so I was born with 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:29.761 my disability in nineteen seventy nine, and in hockey in 0:01:29.881 --> 0:01:32.440 Rocky Mate, I was miss beef Week nineteen ninety six. 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:35.240 That's part of my that should have been your bloody 0:01:35.241 --> 0:01:39.640 first thing. Great year ninety six, first Paralympics, the year 0:01:39.681 --> 0:01:42.921 twelve miss beef week. So and Rockampton, by the way, 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:47.041 is the beef capital of Australia causin yes, and you 0:01:47.081 --> 0:01:51.721 can only imagine my mother. Obviously there wasn't any ultrasounds 0:01:51.761 --> 0:01:54.561 back then, and she didn't go to doctor quite a bit. 0:01:54.681 --> 0:01:58.481 Mum and said, I feel like she's not moving because 0:01:58.921 --> 0:02:01.441 I guess she'd heard everyone talking about kicking. And the 0:02:01.481 --> 0:02:05.281 doctor of course said go away, everything's fine. Then from 0:02:05.321 --> 0:02:09.881 there I was born in a traumatic birth. So Mum 0:02:09.921 --> 0:02:12.641 went in for a vinal delivery. Yes, let's say what 0:02:12.681 --> 0:02:16.321 you say, and obviously a caesar had to happen. I 0:02:16.401 --> 0:02:19.881 was breached. I was legs over the head. Because now 0:02:19.921 --> 0:02:22.521 I've found out from MRIs only just recently actually in 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.201 the last five years, when they needed a full body 0:02:25.321 --> 0:02:28.441 MRI that supposedly, according to that MRI, I don't have 0:02:29.481 --> 0:02:32.321 any glute muscle, not even like a little extra like 0:02:32.321 --> 0:02:36.481 a black pinprick of muscle in my glutes or my hamstrings. 0:02:36.481 --> 0:02:37.641 Which Patty walks. 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:41.601 Right, So you guys just say you have a bit 0:02:41.641 --> 0:02:44.881 of an idea about Cannie. Yes, she is in a wheelchair. 0:02:45.081 --> 0:02:47.281 I know this for a fact that her mother was 0:02:47.401 --> 0:02:52.121 determined to make her walk, and Cartie can walk. Obviously 0:02:52.121 --> 0:02:53.561 there are areas that she can't. 0:02:53.721 --> 0:02:56.720 Well, I don't walk like you. No, you don't. You don't. 0:02:57.401 --> 0:02:59.000 Is it a gate we call it in the medical community. 0:02:59.041 --> 0:03:01.481 I call it a swagger. You've got a swagger gets 0:03:01.481 --> 0:03:03.241 better with a couple of gin and tonics. 0:03:03.601 --> 0:03:06.561 But you know, her mum was determined to make her 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:08.240 walk and she did. Hey. 0:03:08.561 --> 0:03:10.481 Yeah. And the thing is, that's another thing that I've 0:03:10.561 --> 0:03:13.321 learned along the way being a disability activist, which is 0:03:13.361 --> 0:03:15.161 something that I'd love to retire from. And I think 0:03:15.161 --> 0:03:17.881 any of us want to be activists. I certainly don't. 0:03:18.121 --> 0:03:19.721 The day that I can say that I'm not one 0:03:20.361 --> 0:03:23.800 is the day that we're finally equal. And it's very 0:03:23.881 --> 0:03:27.481 tiring being an activist for your own life and then 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:31.561 having that kind of responsibility when you become a paralympian 0:03:31.561 --> 0:03:33.481 and you become a public figure. And I did a 0:03:33.481 --> 0:03:35.321 social work degree as well, so I sort of put 0:03:35.361 --> 0:03:39.001 myself in that position not knowing that we would still 0:03:39.081 --> 0:03:41.441 be in what I call the fight I think for 0:03:41.441 --> 0:03:44.201 a couple of years after the NDIS first came in 0:03:44.241 --> 0:03:46.841 to Queensland. For me anyway, it was the first time 0:03:46.841 --> 0:03:48.641 I ever received funding in my whole life, because I 0:03:48.681 --> 0:03:52.881 wasn't eligible for funding before the NDAs came in well 0:03:53.041 --> 0:03:55.481 pre NDIS. And this is something that I think a 0:03:55.481 --> 0:03:58.201 lot of people have forgotten about and the reason why 0:03:58.241 --> 0:04:01.001 there was such a need for the NDAs. And I 0:04:01.001 --> 0:04:03.281 actually was part of the rallies that brought the NDIS 0:04:03.281 --> 0:04:06.521 into Australia. I ran the rallies around Australia, didn't actually 0:04:06.601 --> 0:04:08.201 run them as in I didn't organize them, but I 0:04:08.281 --> 0:04:10.521 was the face and the host and the MC and 0:04:10.561 --> 0:04:13.041 I've never seen the disability community shop like that before. 0:04:13.081 --> 0:04:15.641 I expected to sharp to five people, you know, normal, 0:04:16.641 --> 0:04:19.041 the same five, the squeaky wheels I like call them. 0:04:19.041 --> 0:04:21.761 They shaped every event, every government event. They're the ones 0:04:21.801 --> 0:04:25.041 that get the funding. And that was just thousands and 0:04:25.121 --> 0:04:28.561 thousands and thousands of people wearing these red shirts. What 0:04:28.681 --> 0:04:32.320 is it? Nothing about us? Without us? Everybody accounts and 0:04:32.601 --> 0:04:36.281 the productivity Commission that was done back then was done 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:40.600 because we just as a state government just provided bulk 0:04:40.641 --> 0:04:43.521 funding to all those providers. So whatever propriety you want 0:04:43.521 --> 0:04:45.200 to pick, I'm not picking on them. Let's just say 0:04:45.921 --> 0:04:48.681 and Devin Foundation. They would have so many clients on 0:04:48.721 --> 0:04:50.361 their list, and I would have been more than likely 0:04:50.401 --> 0:04:53.041 on Muscular District, Queensland's list. I don't know if I was, 0:04:53.121 --> 0:04:56.321 but maybe. And then they'd write their proposals and they 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:58.161 get their bulk funding and no one ordered to them, 0:04:58.761 --> 0:05:00.880 and then all of a sudden there wasn't a done 0:05:01.521 --> 0:05:06.761 because the disability community wasn't doing well. You know, we 0:05:06.801 --> 0:05:09.521 are still the most unemployed group in this country. 0:05:09.721 --> 0:05:10.921 So where was the money going. 0:05:11.601 --> 0:05:15.801 The money was bulk funded to those organizations and then 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.521 they were to deliver the services whatever they decided to deliver. 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:24.081 So for example, before that, also all your funding came 0:05:24.121 --> 0:05:26.641 down to what they called Disability Support pension, which everybody 0:05:26.681 --> 0:05:29.641 thinks that we're on. And even if I was on it, 0:05:29.841 --> 0:05:32.241 which I'm not, I was never eligible because in my 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:36.601 interview when I was sixteen, of course, growing up with 0:05:36.641 --> 0:05:39.361 my parents, which I'll get to, and also being apparently 0:05:39.481 --> 0:05:41.961 being and always being like I can you know, look 0:05:42.001 --> 0:05:43.880 at me, I'm the best of everything, don't look at 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:46.961 my disability. I kind of r into that settling interview 0:05:47.001 --> 0:05:48.721 a bit like that, and I was saying things like 0:05:48.801 --> 0:05:50.681 can you walk and can you do this? And what 0:05:50.721 --> 0:05:52.161 can you live? And I'd be like, I don't know, 0:05:52.241 --> 0:05:54.441 what do you mean? What can I lift? They're like, well, 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:55.921 can you lift your cat? I'm like yes, and my 0:05:55.961 --> 0:05:59.121 mom's like, hey, you cat your cat? And I'm like yes, 0:05:59.161 --> 0:06:01.561 I can. And then that was it didn't get the DSP, 0:06:02.001 --> 0:06:06.601 and from there it wouldn't matter anywhere because I always worked. Yeah, 0:06:06.841 --> 0:06:09.440 and when you work with DSP, like anything with Setling, 0:06:09.521 --> 0:06:11.681 they docupay so every week and you can imagine if 0:06:11.721 --> 0:06:14.321 I did a speech, I'd have to ring Sendling and say, oh, 0:06:14.361 --> 0:06:17.001 I can't get my four hundred dollars this week because 0:06:17.001 --> 0:06:18.681 I just did this speech, and it would just be 0:06:18.801 --> 0:06:20.961 you know, there's no way. Yeah. So that was why 0:06:21.121 --> 0:06:25.080 people back then, my friends that needed support work or 0:06:25.161 --> 0:06:28.721 care would stay on the DSP like one day a week, 0:06:29.561 --> 0:06:32.601 just so they could be eligible for support work. No 0:06:32.641 --> 0:06:34.640 one in the world can really afford to pay for 0:06:34.681 --> 0:06:36.681 a care, so if anyone had to buy a care, 0:06:37.081 --> 0:06:39.001 you know, like a twenty four to seven situation right 0:06:39.001 --> 0:06:41.961 now with the price guide. The TOOS is sixty five 0:06:42.001 --> 0:06:44.520 dollars hour and minimum for my support workers and that 0:06:44.601 --> 0:06:46.880 goes up according to the time we live. On a 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:48.881 Sunday them at one hundred and twenty dollars an hour. 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:55.641 So that situation for a twenty four to seven person 0:06:55.641 --> 0:06:57.640 with the disability, it's about two million dollars a year. 0:06:58.041 --> 0:07:01.200 So back then, the care was delivered to forty eight 0:07:01.201 --> 0:07:04.161 thousand queens Onis for example, give or take, and I 0:07:04.161 --> 0:07:07.440 would have been in forty eight thousand person list. And 0:07:07.481 --> 0:07:09.441 if you need a care, it was Blue Care or 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:11.681 whatever was you provider, and they would send out a 0:07:11.721 --> 0:07:15.441 care when they could, and you know, like the old 0:07:15.441 --> 0:07:17.921 Telstra come between nine and eleven nine and whine whatever 0:07:17.921 --> 0:07:20.961 it was, and they'd come with your key, male or female, 0:07:21.081 --> 0:07:22.761 nobody who it was, and they would come and do 0:07:23.361 --> 0:07:27.280 what everybody seems to think we need, which is wipe 0:07:27.281 --> 0:07:32.401 our arms, enemas, showers, et cetera. And that's how it 0:07:32.521 --> 0:07:35.361 rolled back then. And then obviously I was never eligible. 0:07:35.361 --> 0:07:37.001 I'm not to be honest. I wouldn't even thought that 0:07:37.001 --> 0:07:39.521 I would be an eligible for support workers. So up 0:07:39.601 --> 0:07:43.521 until the age of thirty seven, I just lived in sharehouses, 0:07:44.721 --> 0:07:48.521 paid for cleaners, struggled, I guess like everybody else, and 0:07:48.641 --> 0:07:52.041 my parents came down, you know, the Sunshine Coast. We 0:07:52.081 --> 0:07:54.321 moved from Rocky I was about eighteen. I moved to 0:07:54.401 --> 0:07:57.401 Brisbane to train for the Sinney two thousand Paralympics, and 0:07:57.441 --> 0:08:00.041 my parents moved to the Sunshine Coast with my brother, 0:08:00.081 --> 0:08:03.561 who finished school at Sunshine Coast. So when the NDIS 0:08:03.721 --> 0:08:08.161 actually came in was when I accidentally, whoopsie fell pregnant. 0:08:09.361 --> 0:08:10.841 It was a whoop see kind of what do we 0:08:10.881 --> 0:08:15.401 do here? And then obviously a single mother with the 0:08:15.441 --> 0:08:19.321 disability having a baby on my own, the NDAs was 0:08:19.361 --> 0:08:22.001 out and from you know, when I fell pregnant, you 0:08:22.041 --> 0:08:24.641 can only imagine. I mean, you know my doctor, doctor 0:08:24.641 --> 0:08:27.601 Glenn Gardner, who's the I think he's a director of 0:08:27.681 --> 0:08:32.920 the high risk unit. He predominantly does high risk babies, 0:08:33.201 --> 0:08:35.681 which Kai was also that, so he was a high 0:08:35.761 --> 0:08:40.161 risk baby. I wasn't genetically diagnosed. Still okay, I'm still 0:08:40.201 --> 0:08:44.041 not quite genetically diagnosed. I'm about ninety nine percent genetically diagnosed. 0:08:44.041 --> 0:08:46.401 This is the fun of living with a really rare 0:08:46.601 --> 0:08:50.121 muscle wasting disease. I was diagnosed at birth with spinal 0:08:50.201 --> 0:08:54.601 muscular atrophy, which, of course, back then they didn't have 0:08:54.641 --> 0:08:56.881 genetics and didn't have blood tests for SMA or MD 0:08:57.001 --> 0:09:00.361 doushen but they it was all clinical. And back then, 0:09:00.441 --> 0:09:02.481 if you're born floppy, which I was, I was born 0:09:02.601 --> 0:09:05.361 very floppy, and they diagnosed me with what I now 0:09:05.401 --> 0:09:06.721 call SMA type one. 0:09:07.201 --> 0:09:07.961 What's that mean? 0:09:08.361 --> 0:09:11.081 Any child that is born pretty much with a muscle 0:09:11.121 --> 0:09:14.841 disease and they're born floppy typically means you're going to 0:09:14.921 --> 0:09:18.761 die really quick. So most of my mates with SMA, 0:09:19.161 --> 0:09:22.081 they are born typical or what we call healthy, which 0:09:22.081 --> 0:09:24.241 I absolutely hate that label. You know, all I want 0:09:24.241 --> 0:09:26.721 to have as a healthy child. Well what happens when 0:09:26.761 --> 0:09:29.281 you don't? What happens when you are that and a 0:09:29.361 --> 0:09:32.321 healthy baby? What happens to us? You know, whenever you 0:09:32.361 --> 0:09:34.081 say things about disability, you got to flip it on 0:09:34.121 --> 0:09:35.961 its side and say or slip slip it over and say, 0:09:35.961 --> 0:09:38.721 well you're saying you don't want me, and then what 0:09:38.881 --> 0:09:39.521 happens then? 0:09:39.801 --> 0:09:41.001 So complex, isn't it? 0:09:41.001 --> 0:09:43.121 It is so complex because I understand as a mother, 0:09:43.321 --> 0:09:44.761 but at the same time, if you're going to have 0:09:44.801 --> 0:09:47.641 a baby, you should understand. 0:09:47.401 --> 0:09:48.521 That things can go wrong. 0:09:48.921 --> 0:09:51.921 Well, there's twenty percent of Australians have a disability. And 0:09:52.641 --> 0:09:54.721 hopefully you don't say I want a girl. If you 0:09:54.761 --> 0:09:56.601 said all I want to have as a girl, then 0:09:56.641 --> 0:09:58.641 someone will say you can't that because there's a fifty 0:09:58.641 --> 0:10:00.961 percent chance you can have a boy. So I guess 0:10:00.961 --> 0:10:04.121 for me, I needed care because when I fell pregnant, 0:10:04.321 --> 0:10:07.641 nobody really knew what was going to happen. Nobody really 0:10:07.641 --> 0:10:09.801 wanted me to have a baby. There was a lot 0:10:09.841 --> 0:10:14.881 of talk around it. I really desperately wanted to have 0:10:14.921 --> 0:10:16.841 a child. I knew that, but I knew that I 0:10:16.841 --> 0:10:18.921 couldn't say it out aloud, and I knew that everyone 0:10:19.001 --> 0:10:21.561 around me was careful with how they talked. I was 0:10:21.601 --> 0:10:24.001 a godmother five hundred times, you know, and everyone gave 0:10:24.041 --> 0:10:25.721 me that. You know you're going to be a godmother. 0:10:25.721 --> 0:10:26.881 And I lived in a new farm and I had 0:10:26.881 --> 0:10:29.681 Tiffany the dog. She was my fair baby. You know, 0:10:30.041 --> 0:10:31.881 that was really where I was going, you know. It 0:10:31.921 --> 0:10:34.081 surrounded myself, a lot of gay people, a new farm. 0:10:34.121 --> 0:10:36.561 We lived that life. And again I didn't meet the 0:10:36.601 --> 0:10:39.761 right guy. I'd had a very horrific situation. When I 0:10:39.801 --> 0:10:41.521 was thirty four years of age, I got engaged to 0:10:41.561 --> 0:10:47.641 a very dangerous, narissistic, maybe sociopathic, scary man, very scary 0:10:47.681 --> 0:10:50.121 man that has led a full double life and did 0:10:50.161 --> 0:10:52.161 it to other women after me. 0:10:52.441 --> 0:10:54.401 I remember how scared you were. 0:10:54.641 --> 0:10:56.161 I thought it was going to kill me. Yeah, you 0:10:56.321 --> 0:10:59.681 were terrifying, surprised, absolutely, And now that I know more 0:10:59.681 --> 0:11:02.281 about DV, I am very lucky he didn't kill me. Look, 0:11:02.321 --> 0:11:04.721 that is truly how much control he had over my 0:11:04.761 --> 0:11:09.841 lifefe And nobody saw it coming. Nobody except one friend 0:11:10.561 --> 0:11:13.401 had suspicions about him. He was so good at what 0:11:13.441 --> 0:11:13.761 he did. 0:11:13.841 --> 0:11:16.001 But remember I said to you one time, he's too 0:11:16.081 --> 0:11:19.561 good to be true. Yeah, he's too good to be true. 0:11:20.081 --> 0:11:23.280 I knew there were some things he was lying about, absolutely, 0:11:24.361 --> 0:11:27.401 but I had absolutely no idea that he was lying 0:11:27.401 --> 0:11:29.281 about a double life. And I didn't know he was 0:11:29.361 --> 0:11:32.041 lying down to see his daughter and he was still married. 0:11:32.081 --> 0:11:34.641 And that's scary. How many men are like that then? 0:11:34.761 --> 0:11:37.121 I mean, I've worked in domestic family violence now for 0:11:37.321 --> 0:11:41.721 a long time, and white sociopathic, narcissistic men our most 0:11:41.801 --> 0:11:45.441 dangerous men walking our street right now because we can't 0:11:45.441 --> 0:11:47.321 catch them, because I don't break the law until they 0:11:47.401 --> 0:11:50.361 kill you. I know that sounds really full on and severe. 0:11:50.961 --> 0:11:54.481 But I've met the victims' families. You know, Alison Baiden, 0:11:54.521 --> 0:11:57.561 Clay's family I've met, and a Clark's family. I opened 0:11:57.561 --> 0:11:59.881 their charity for them. I've heard the stories, I've read 0:11:59.881 --> 0:12:02.601 the death review boards. I've been in their lives, and 0:12:02.721 --> 0:12:06.601 there was no physical violence, hardly any of the cases. 0:12:07.161 --> 0:12:10.041 We call them snakes, right, there's snakes in the grass. 0:12:10.601 --> 0:12:13.881 People's easy to catch because they probably will hit you 0:12:13.961 --> 0:12:16.401 in the face. We often say it's a shame that 0:12:16.681 --> 0:12:19.401 they don't hit us in the face, because then somebody 0:12:19.401 --> 0:12:21.441 would believe me. I didn't have the words for it. 0:12:21.441 --> 0:12:23.881 It's funny. I was thirty four, I'd just finished my 0:12:23.961 --> 0:12:28.681 master social work, so I hadn't even studied worked in 0:12:28.681 --> 0:12:31.081 domestic and found me violence And I met him the 0:12:31.281 --> 0:12:35.321 day I handed in my master's last assignment off Tinder 0:12:35.401 --> 0:12:37.481 or whatever it was. And I will never date a 0:12:37.521 --> 0:12:41.721 stranger ever again. And I mean a stranger. I have 0:12:41.801 --> 0:12:43.761 to know someone who knows them. But yeah, I was 0:12:43.801 --> 0:12:50.121 engaged him. Wedding organized, wedding canceled, proper, lost everything, lost 0:12:50.161 --> 0:12:53.121 so much money. Took me years so untangle myself out 0:12:53.121 --> 0:12:55.561 of that mess. So when I did fall pregnant, so 0:12:55.561 --> 0:13:01.881 the next guy I meet felt pregnant to him. When 0:13:01.921 --> 0:13:05.001 I fell pregnant, I had frozen my eggs six months earlier, 0:13:05.201 --> 0:13:07.201 and I do believe that I was full of hoemones. 0:13:08.281 --> 0:13:11.841 But when my doctor got the eggs out, she only 0:13:11.841 --> 0:13:12.681 got seven or eight. 0:13:13.201 --> 0:13:14.761 But that's what they aim for these days. 0:13:15.161 --> 0:13:16.761 Well, I've had a lot of friends that I had IVF. 0:13:16.761 --> 0:13:18.921 And by the way, it's so funny because when I 0:13:18.921 --> 0:13:22.321 fell pregnant my sisters who used wheelchairs, You've had babies, 0:13:22.641 --> 0:13:25.801 They like, oh, no, big questions. The personal questions about 0:13:25.881 --> 0:13:28.721 disability got to get worse and more personal. I thought 0:13:28.761 --> 0:13:31.361 to myself, how is that even possible. Ever I go, 0:13:31.441 --> 0:13:33.281 people are at me like, what happened to you? What's 0:13:33.281 --> 0:13:34.961 wrong with you? What have you done to yourself? Have 0:13:35.041 --> 0:13:40.121 you tried gluten free? Have you tried rehab? I hear 0:13:40.161 --> 0:13:42.401 it's really effective. Have you seen now Lex mckinn and 0:13:42.401 --> 0:13:45.521 he can still walk? Like so, I've just been dealing 0:13:45.561 --> 0:13:48.001 with all of that, And again, think about what you're saying, 0:13:48.241 --> 0:13:52.681 what's wrong with you? Nothing? What have you done to yourself? Nothing? 0:13:53.241 --> 0:13:55.401 But if I say I've got a neuroe, muscular waste 0:13:55.401 --> 0:13:58.561 in disease. I think it's oncongenital typnopathy. What are they 0:13:58.601 --> 0:14:02.641 going to say to that, is it curable? Are you 0:14:02.641 --> 0:14:04.761 going to die? What can you do? Do this? So? 0:14:05.481 --> 0:14:07.321 And then if you answer it with a car accident, 0:14:07.361 --> 0:14:10.401 because its kind of that's what they want, then from 0:14:10.441 --> 0:14:12.041 there I feel bad because I'm. 0:14:11.881 --> 0:14:14.561 Like, I'm just like, I'm not diminishing what you just said. 0:14:15.161 --> 0:14:18.361 But after I had my second child, I you know, 0:14:18.601 --> 0:14:21.001 was carrying a bit of weight and Jacob never slept, 0:14:21.001 --> 0:14:22.921 and you know, I was a bit of a fatty 0:14:22.921 --> 0:14:26.481 poopa and carried it all in my tummy. Me too, 0:14:26.881 --> 0:14:30.841 And I was asked all the time when my next 0:14:30.841 --> 0:14:33.401 baby was due, and you know how you want to 0:14:33.921 --> 0:14:37.001 not embarrass that person, you just go, oh, no, no, 0:14:37.081 --> 0:14:38.681 I just had a baby now, and Jacob was twelve 0:14:38.721 --> 0:14:41.641 months down the track, so you know, I just hadn't 0:14:41.641 --> 0:14:44.521 lost the weight. Anyway, I had a really bad day. 0:14:44.521 --> 0:14:47.201 I hadn't slept because Jacob love him to pieces, and 0:14:47.241 --> 0:14:50.441 he's what twenty three now, But that kid didn't and 0:14:50.481 --> 0:14:52.721 I'm not exaggerating. He did not sleep for three years. 0:14:52.801 --> 0:14:55.201 We were in and out of sleep hospitals, and he 0:14:55.721 --> 0:14:59.481 had severe reflup. He was a nightmare anyway, bad day, 0:14:59.721 --> 0:15:03.281 no sleep, had worked the night before, went into kmart 0:15:03.641 --> 0:15:06.241 and this lady says to me, oh, so, when's your 0:15:06.241 --> 0:15:08.601 baby jew And you know, I just snapped and I 0:15:08.681 --> 0:15:10.841 just turned her and I said, no, I'm just fat, 0:15:12.681 --> 0:15:16.481 and so my personality to make people feel uncomfortable. 0:15:16.641 --> 0:15:20.041 But that woman ran that fast and I thought, you know, 0:15:20.121 --> 0:15:22.121 I said, you know, I'm gonna believe what happened to me. 0:15:22.201 --> 0:15:22.961 Oh my god. 0:15:23.401 --> 0:15:25.641 But you know, why is it that we have to 0:15:25.641 --> 0:15:31.241 make everyone else who ask us a really personal, uncomfortable question, 0:15:31.721 --> 0:15:33.721 we then have to go out of our way to 0:15:33.841 --> 0:15:35.921 make them feel comfortable for being so rude. 0:15:36.121 --> 0:15:37.961 And the thing is too, when I was younger watching 0:15:37.961 --> 0:15:42.201 my older paralympic friends snap, you know, or say things 0:15:42.241 --> 0:15:45.281 that like nothing wrong with me or whatever, I ignore them. 0:15:45.401 --> 0:15:47.641 And you know, people often come in high five you 0:15:47.641 --> 0:15:49.721 when you're out and say good on you for being out. 0:15:49.721 --> 0:15:53.081 You say brave, and they wonder why that's totally offensive 0:15:53.681 --> 0:15:56.801 and patronizing. And I feel like saying, I don't high 0:15:56.801 --> 0:15:58.641 five anyone back now. I mean, to be honest, my 0:15:58.721 --> 0:16:00.601 high five is not good. I've got a muscle disease. 0:16:00.641 --> 0:16:03.601 It ain't great life five is a lot better. But 0:16:03.641 --> 0:16:05.921 you know, you get high five. If you've been a paralympian, 0:16:05.961 --> 0:16:07.801 I'll high five you back. You're in a high five me. 0:16:07.801 --> 0:16:09.561 If you're doing a great speech, I'll hire five you back. 0:16:10.081 --> 0:16:12.161 I'm not high fiving you for being out and being 0:16:12.201 --> 0:16:15.561 brave and being inspiration. Sorry, that is disgusting, it's rude. 0:16:15.761 --> 0:16:17.681 And also I always think to myself, would you say 0:16:17.681 --> 0:16:20.361 that to n a body person? So when I was pregnant, 0:16:20.761 --> 0:16:23.481 the number one question I got asked was how'd you 0:16:23.481 --> 0:16:28.481 get pregnant? No joke. This was from friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Now, 0:16:28.761 --> 0:16:30.281 I tend to think that if you're gonna ask someone 0:16:30.321 --> 0:16:32.001 a question, I always think to myself, you're gonna ask 0:16:32.041 --> 0:16:34.721 anyone a question, probably at least be ready for two answers, 0:16:34.761 --> 0:16:36.201 like yes or no. If you're not ready for either 0:16:36.241 --> 0:16:38.081 of those, like, for example, are you going to die 0:16:38.081 --> 0:16:40.001 from it? If I'm going to say yes, what are 0:16:40.041 --> 0:16:41.881 you going to say? Then? Therefore don't say it. Don't 0:16:41.881 --> 0:16:44.481 ask that question unless you're ready to know what you're 0:16:44.481 --> 0:16:46.641 going to say to yes. Same with how you're going 0:16:46.681 --> 0:16:49.441 to fall pregnant? If you go up to a pregnant 0:16:49.441 --> 0:16:52.921 woman like you in Kmart that wasn't pregnant much more fun. 0:16:53.281 --> 0:16:55.441 So how'd you feel pregnant? You're not going to say 0:16:55.441 --> 0:16:56.361 that to a body person. 0:16:56.441 --> 0:16:58.721 Surely have strangers asked you that when you. 0:16:58.961 --> 0:17:01.841 Was the number one most common question you've asked anyone 0:17:02.081 --> 0:17:04.160 that uses a wheelchair if they've been high five for 0:17:04.241 --> 0:17:09.041 going out, being inspirational or I would kill myself if 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:10.920 I was you. Oh if I had it up in 0:17:10.921 --> 0:17:14.281 a wheelchair. I tell the newbies that I meet, we 0:17:14.441 --> 0:17:16.080 are going to go out and this is what's going 0:17:16.120 --> 0:17:17.880 to happen, and they think I'm lying. 0:17:18.681 --> 0:17:21.160 That must be heartbreaking. 0:17:20.921 --> 0:17:24.080 For these words and me together. There's a couple of 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.041 us together. Oh, were on a date with the going 0:17:26.041 --> 0:17:29.880 on a wheelchair? Wow, that's really fun. So yes, number 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:33.001 one question was how do you feel pregnant? And everybody, 0:17:33.041 --> 0:17:36.161 I know that'll affects me to say, because the way 0:17:36.201 --> 0:17:38.600 that we frame disability and talk about disability has been 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:40.440 said to me for a very long time. So I 0:17:40.481 --> 0:17:42.680 know how you feel about it. You've told me. So 0:17:42.801 --> 0:17:46.840 therefore I know that you all think not you, of course, 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.961 but a lot of people think and had this misconception 0:17:51.201 --> 0:17:54.640 that I'm the riskiest person in every room that I 0:17:54.721 --> 0:17:58.360 go into to support servi or employee, and that disables 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:01.280 me way more than my disability. So that misconception and 0:18:01.281 --> 0:18:05.200 that attitude towards disability, if that went away tomorrow, I 0:18:05.241 --> 0:18:07.521 could deal with the inaccessible environment that I have to 0:18:07.561 --> 0:18:09.801 deal with. But the fact that I've got a deal 0:18:10.561 --> 0:18:13.121 with people coming at me in front of my son. 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:14.761 And when I was pregnant, they wanted me to say, 0:18:14.801 --> 0:18:17.080 IVF right, because of course, if you think I can't 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.041 get a job and I can't get on a plane, 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:22.680 or I can't baby Shrek ride at dream Well, but 0:18:22.721 --> 0:18:25.561 my kid care he's full, then of course I can't 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.761 have a baby. And they weren't expecting me to say 0:18:28.801 --> 0:18:33.400 a couple of gen tonics and a root with a 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:35.761 guy that I billy knew. And when I had to 0:18:35.801 --> 0:18:44.321 tell my friends, like who you data, I'm like, so, I, yeah, 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:48.640 I was probably more scared about telling people because I knew. 0:18:48.961 --> 0:18:52.680 Also I was single more than likely, you know, there 0:18:52.721 --> 0:18:55.641 was a lot going on in that situation. But yeah, 0:18:55.961 --> 0:18:58.761 I went to doctor Glenn. He was the high risk. 0:18:58.921 --> 0:19:00.880 He didn't know what to do. He was great, but 0:19:00.961 --> 0:19:06.361 really and truly from probably twenty weeks, stability to do everything, 0:19:07.201 --> 0:19:09.281 and the pain in my back, like I thought my 0:19:09.321 --> 0:19:11.600 back was going to break for sure. You can't imagine. 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:12.921 I mean, did you see me pregnant at the time. 0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:16.080 I couldn't sit up, I couldn't slide down. I couldn't 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:18.321 get away from the pain because the lot lordosis was 0:19:18.360 --> 0:19:21.561 so severe and you can't really complain about either. You 0:19:21.561 --> 0:19:23.920 can't complain about pain because you've got yourself in this 0:19:24.041 --> 0:19:27.440 situation and it's not going to kill me and the baby. 0:19:27.521 --> 0:19:30.241 It wasn't gonna hurt Kai, so its a weird thing. 0:19:30.281 --> 0:19:33.281 It was like, oh, okay, well, Kai's okay. He was 0:19:33.321 --> 0:19:35.561 moving a lot, which was good because Mum didn't move, 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:38.441 and that's part of the disease. No fluid. You get 0:19:38.441 --> 0:19:41.400 stuck in that position can general tighten upathy and then 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:43.001 you come out with contractions. I came out with my 0:19:43.001 --> 0:19:47.160 thumbs like this okay, which I've been fixed, and the 0:19:47.201 --> 0:19:50.120 tenet transfer and really weird feet like whoever I was 0:19:50.201 --> 0:19:51.761 in her eu it you can imagine you come out 0:19:51.801 --> 0:19:54.201 like that. Now, let me know what it is. It's 0:19:54.201 --> 0:19:57.280