1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:14,440 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey Cheeks, I'm sal and I'm 3 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: out and this is two Broke Cheeks, a show that 4 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 1: shares life lessons and tips to help make you rich 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: in life. 6 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 2: And look who we've got back in. It's Alexis Fernandez. 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 3: So happy to be back fix our lives. 8 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 2: I want to say, I feel like we get you 9 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 2: in like quarterly. 10 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,599 Speaker 1: This is my quarterly therapists appointment. 11 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, scheduled in yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. 12 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, but we've got you on again because we're going 13 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,200 Speaker 2: to talk about how to change your life. 14 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 3: In thirty days. 15 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 2: Yes, because you just dropped your brand new audiobook, How 16 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,239 Speaker 2: to Chase Chains. 17 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 3: I'm so excited. 18 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: Oh my god, congratulations, thank you. 19 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,280 Speaker 3: Thank you. It's weird because I kind of had to 20 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 3: re listen to it because I wrote it over a 21 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 3: year ago. You guys wrote a book, you know what 22 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 3: it's like. You know, you write it, then there's the 23 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 3: whole process. So I was listening back to it and I'm like, 24 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 3: that's actually really good. That's good stuff, right, Yeah, you 25 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 3: impress yourself. So yeah, no, I'm so I'm so happy 26 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 3: it's finally out, and it's really cute because I've got 27 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 3: all these listeners writing being like I'm on day seven, 28 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 3: I'm one day because you've got to listen to like 29 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 3: ten minutes a day for thirty days. It's incredible. 30 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that the little modules it like gives 31 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,559 Speaker 2: you daily homework and yeah to do, which I think. 32 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 3: Is so good. It makes it really digestible. 33 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 34 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 3: I think there's also. 35 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: Like nothing like that really Like I think so it's 36 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: really a great form of short form, easy and achievable 37 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: content to listen to, exactly because I think sometimes we 38 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: can I don't know, we'll read like a self help 39 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 1: book stuff and it's so good in the moment, but 40 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: it's really easy. 41 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 3: To fall off. I forget and what I noticed exactly 42 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 3: that I will. I don't want to put it down, 43 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 3: so I like inhale the whole book, but then I've 44 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 3: actually only retained half of it. If that because there 45 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 3: might have been good tips, but I haven't put them 46 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 3: into practice. Yeah, because I'm so excited about just reading 47 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 3: the whole thing, and I think, well, I'll get to 48 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 3: the end and then i'll read it again. But I 49 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 3: never do micro learning. Yeah, exactly. This like forces you 50 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 3: to get through that step and then you do the 51 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 3: next thing. 52 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. Well we're going to get into it in detail, 53 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 2: but before we do, you know, how we roll, we 54 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 2: like to start with a life lesson of the week, 55 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: So what's yours. 56 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 3: Life lesson of the week? Lowering expectations in a good way. 57 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,799 Speaker 3: I think for myself, I had like, sometimes I've set 58 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 3: myself all these goals that I have to complete by 59 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 3: the end of the week, but then I actually managed 60 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,360 Speaker 3: to do a lot of other things that are not 61 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 3: work related that were actually really fulfilling. And then I'm like, 62 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 3: sometimes I will mark my success based on what I 63 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 3: got done at work, especially because like work, for myself, 64 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 3: everything's like if I don't do it, it's not going 65 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 3: to get done. So then it's really easy to slip 66 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 3: into well, I haven't achieved enough, I'm not doing enough. 67 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 3: I'm constantly feeling like more should be done. But I 68 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 3: think the lesson that I've learned is sometimes it's really 69 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 3: important to like zoom out and look at how much 70 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 3: I've done with like connecting with people haven't seen in 71 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 3: a while, like read, you know, all of that, and 72 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 3: lowering your expectations in a good way. It's like it's 73 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 3: not all on that zoom out kind of look at 74 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 3: the bigger picture. And every time I do that, I 75 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 3: feel so good about myself And it's so easy to 76 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 3: just slip into the I measure my value based on 77 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:16,239 Speaker 3: my output of work. So yeah, that's a very convoluted answer. 78 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: I love that, And I think, you know, it's such 79 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 2: a good way to practice gratitude as well. I know 80 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 2: that's a real buzzword, but I do think it's important 81 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 2: and can help like center you when things are feeling 82 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 2: overwhelming or you're feeling a little bit lost. 83 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,359 Speaker 3: Totally. Yeah, I love that. 84 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 2: What's yours elf? 85 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 3: Okay? 86 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: Mine is just a silly goofy one, and it is 87 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: the fifteen most attractive male hobbies to women. Oh and 88 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to read it out please, I know, I 89 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: know you'll have an opinion. Ok, okay, Number fifteen traveling, Yeah, 90 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: oh yeah, right, Number fourteen blacksmithing. 91 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 3: What yeah? 92 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: Eighty eight point two two percent of women said they 93 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: found blacksmithing an attractive male hobby. 94 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 3: Were they asked do you think black? Or did eight 95 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 3: percent of women just think off the top of the head. 96 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I don't have that information because I'm like, 97 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 1: because that's why. 98 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 3: But I like, I like. 99 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: Surely it had to be like a multiple choice, and 100 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 1: it was like, has to be. 101 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie. 102 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: If I saw blacksmithing on a serve, I'd be like, 103 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:26,479 Speaker 1: that's a sword, I'd be like, yeah, maybecause we love 104 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: it's like. 105 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 3: An active service almost. 106 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, making me something. Yeah, okay. Archery, Yeah, smash, that 107 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 1: was immediate hot. 108 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 3: It's giving, like if you're good. 109 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: At it through twelve hiking that would be last me 110 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 1: because I don't want to go hiking. 111 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 3: Then astronomy I would put that as a neutral. I 112 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 3: don't find that hot. Yeah. 113 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: Next is photography, Yeah, okay, that's a good one. 114 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,039 Speaker 3: Okay. 115 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: Then we've got swimming, gardening, and writing. 116 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 3: Okay, gardening, but if you're a landscaper like heart out, yes, 117 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 3: I don't know. 118 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: I kind of fun with the image of a guy 119 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: building a herb garden. 120 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 3: That's cute. 121 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: Yeahdening, I get writing, writing, And then we've got painting, woodworking, 122 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 1: and cooking. 123 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 3: Cooking. 124 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: Yes, these we're at the top three now, Okay, okay, 125 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: so number three most attractive hobbies of a man to 126 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: a woman playing an instrument. 127 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 3: I would, yes, yeah, what if a guy like serenades 128 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 3: you with like an oboe or something, I'd be like 129 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 3: a clarinet cette. 130 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 1: First day he's like, can I play my saxophone for you? 131 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 3: Saxophone? Actually? I think I could be. Yeah, if you're 132 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 3: like a good jazzy that's soloist. I can't see. 133 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I think it depends on the. 134 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 3: Flexing that skill. How good they are. 135 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 1: Foreign languages is number two, which definitely absolutely agree it 136 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: shows intelligence. And then the number one it is reading. Oh, reading, 137 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: so you know changed and it was like hot guys. 138 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:24,280 Speaker 3: Reading that's true because it shows a level of emotional 139 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 3: intelligence exactly. 140 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: And that's what I was like, you know what, I 141 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,360 Speaker 1: get that, especially when they're reading like a very smart 142 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: book that you get. 143 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 3: It, yeah, or like autobiography, Yes, yeah, exactly. 144 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 2: Okay, My life lesson of the week, I'll keep it 145 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 2: short and sweet, but it's to not wait until you're 146 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 2: feeling sick to go to the doctor and to like 147 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 2: do your regular checkups across the board for your dentist, 148 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 2: your doctor, optometrists, et cetera. Because it always piles up 149 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,479 Speaker 2: and becomes stressful and becomes so mature, really hard to manage. 150 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 2: So I think like that's something that I'd been putting 151 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 2: off for ages, and I just feel like I have 152 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,359 Speaker 2: a little bit more clarity with how I've been feeling 153 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 2: and what's been going on, and it just like gives 154 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 2: you some of the stepping stones to at least try 155 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 2: to improve or feel better, no matter what it is. 156 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 2: And then as well, it's not one of those things 157 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 2: where you're like falling asleep at night and you're like, 158 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 2: I need to go to the dentist. 159 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love an annual checker. 160 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. Get that stethoscope on me. Yeah, 161 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 3: I just love that. Other date. It's funny you say that, 162 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 3: because only just the other day went to the doctor 163 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 3: and be like, can I just get my bloods done? Yeah? Yeah, 164 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 3: and then resolves together like a week later. 165 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, when they give you the results, it honestly feels 166 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: like again, yeah, it's just so fun this week. 167 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Yeah, I felt like I was getting like 168 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 2: a report card back. 169 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. I loved it. Yeah, yeah, I was. 170 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: That's actually probably there's something there's some deeper root cause 171 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: about it. 172 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 3: Anyway, let's jump here. 173 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: Okay, starting off with probably the biggest question of all. 174 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 1: But why is change so scary? Why is it so intimidating? 175 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 3: I think because whether it's changing for the bad or 176 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 3: whether it's changing for the good, which is the most 177 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 3: the main reason why you'd want to change, it's because 178 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 3: it represents the unknown. You really don't know what it's 179 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 3: going to bring you. You could try, Oh, I'm going 180 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 3: to go for this promotion. I'm going to try and 181 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 3: ask this person on a dat There's all these possible 182 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 3: good things that could come out of it, but we 183 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,440 Speaker 3: don't know what it's going to look like. And it 184 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 3: also requires effort and hard work, so we will. We 185 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,199 Speaker 3: can dream about it, which we do we're really good 186 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 3: at and we like plot and dream and brains and 187 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 3: we talk about it. We love to talk about it. 188 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 3: But then we talk about that dreams again and to 189 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 3: get to everyone, and then we feel validated. If I 190 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,719 Speaker 3: talk I'm going to run a half marathon. Oh my god, 191 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:59,559 Speaker 3: you're amazing, You're amazing. I've now been validated when it comes. 192 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 4: To and I'm like no, no, no, no, no no, I 193 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 4: can't be fucked doing that, or it's like that represent 194 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 4: that's a lot harder than I thought it would be 195 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 4: or I don't know how to begin, or I just 196 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 4: experienced my first hurdle and it's just turned me off 197 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 4: doing it. 198 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 3: So we're really good at protecting ourselves and even discomfort 199 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,839 Speaker 3: even if it's not an actual threat. We're like, m 200 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 3: but this is just more safe, This is more comfortable. 201 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:27,079 Speaker 3: So it's not through lack of not wanting a different life, 202 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,200 Speaker 3: but it just it's hard. It's uncomfortable. It's the unknown. 203 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 1: I feel like as well, because so often change we 204 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: can see and look at it as in something bad 205 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: will happen, like it's a lot easier to focus on change, 206 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 1: being like this is bad. This is like what if 207 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: this happens, what if that happened? 208 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 3: Or what if I fail? Yeah, And the thing is, 209 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 3: every time I've done something that I thought was going 210 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 3: to work out and it didn't work out, which has 211 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 3: been many many times in my life, but it's never 212 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 3: been as bad as what I thought the worst case 213 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 3: scenario would be. So from the starting point, I'd be like, 214 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 3: I'm going to take this risk, and if it doesn't 215 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 3: work out, this is what it's going to be terrible. 216 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 3: But the reason it's not as bad is because a 217 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 3: you've already taken that step. You've left your old life, 218 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 3: You've taken that step, so you're already an evolved version 219 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 3: of yourself somewhat. Then that thing doesn't work out, but 220 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:21,679 Speaker 3: you're also too busy to be just sitting there just 221 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 3: you know, having a breakdown about it, because you're likely 222 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,559 Speaker 3: going to be like, all right, well, I left my 223 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 3: job to get this new job. Didn't get it, but 224 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 3: now I've got it. So you become actually quite proactive. 225 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 3: And every time things have not worked out for me 226 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 3: in the past, and I've had like big things not 227 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,880 Speaker 3: work out for me, and every single time, I've been 228 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 3: a lot more resilient. I've responded in a much more 229 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 3: proactive way than what I thought the worst case scenario 230 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 3: would look like. So it's never as bad as you think. Ever. 231 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, my favorite thing to remind myself is 232 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 1: is that every good thing that has ever happened to 233 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: me is because something bad happened. 234 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 3: In the past. Yeah. 235 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 1: Every's everything that didn't go right has led to something 236 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: going right down the track, down the track, Yeah, because 237 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, if like you can backtrack, it 238 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: ll like if you didn't break up with that one person, 239 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 1: maybe you wouldn't have moved to you know, that country, 240 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 1: and then you wouldn't have met your friends you've got 241 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: now or whatever it is like whatever like red string 242 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: on a whiteboard that you want to like break it 243 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: down to. It's just like that's my thing to do 244 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,719 Speaker 1: whenever I'm like this is packed, like it's fine because. 245 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 3: When I'm fifty yeah, no, but it is true, one 246 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 3: hundred percent true. Yeah. 247 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 2: Okay, So we've decided we want to make a change, 248 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 2: we want to change our lives in thirty days. What 249 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 2: does day one look like? 250 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 3: So day one is primarily all about understanding. So I've 251 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 3: got like different modules, but day one is all about 252 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 3: understanding kind of your identity and your I think it's 253 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 3: really easy to decide what I want change. I'm just 254 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,680 Speaker 3: going to go for it, and it's all about like 255 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,160 Speaker 3: action and trying to make things work. But sometimes we 256 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 3: make it's so much harder for ourselves because we don't 257 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 3: understand what the foundation is. And the foundation is you 258 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 3: your beliefs, your mindset, and what you truly identify with. 259 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 3: Because if you're someone that says I'm not a morning person, 260 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 3: I'm you know, and you've got this identity, but then 261 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 3: you think, well, I'm going to start running and the 262 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 3: only time you can run is in the morning. Then 263 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 3: what does that look like for you? You're going to 264 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 3: be hating your life. It's going to be a goal 265 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,079 Speaker 3: that you don't attach too much happiness. It's there's so 266 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 3: many things. And that's just a really basic example, but 267 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 3: a lot of our identity of like what we're deserving off, 268 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 3: what kind of love and relationship we're deserving off a lot. 269 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 3: That's what Module one is all about. Where really and 270 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 3: I break it down into all these categories, but you 271 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 3: really get a bit of a spreadsheet understanding on what 272 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 3: are my real beliefs about who I am and what 273 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 3: I'm deserving off or capable of having, and that is 274 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 3: where we start from to then work on what we 275 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 3: want to bring in. 276 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's more about identifying your values, not your goals, 277 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 1: exactly exactly your values and also like your real belief 278 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: system because they can be changed, but it's hard to 279 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: change it if you don't know what exactly it is. 280 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 3: So it's like the whole you can't change what you 281 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 3: don't acknowledge. We especially if it's a negative belief, we'll 282 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 3: sweep it under the rug because we don't want to 283 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 3: face it. 284 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. 285 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 2: I think that's so interesting because in that module you 286 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 2: talk about cognitive bias and how that can be really 287 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 2: limiting in getting you to achieve your goals and what 288 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 2: you really want to do. And I think that running 289 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 2: example is a good one because it's like, oh, I'm 290 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 2: not a morning person, and it's like, well why not? 291 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 2: Like maybe you could be? Is that just something if 292 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 2: you've got to training yourself. 293 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 3: Look to paris what you be a morning person? Like 294 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 3: what you get go to the airport? You know, it's 295 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 3: all about it's all about value exchange. If something brings 296 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,679 Speaker 3: you enough value, you have no problem putting in the work, 297 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 3: So why don't you value it? Maybe we need to 298 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,079 Speaker 3: reframe why we need to value something more. But if 299 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 3: everything comes down to what is more valuable right now 300 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,679 Speaker 3: for me? Is it that thing or what I'm doing 301 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 3: right now, sleeping in or whatever it is? You know, 302 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,839 Speaker 3: so there's always there's always a trade off. What if 303 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 3: you don't know what you want? 304 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 2: We had quite a few people write in and say, 305 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 2: I know I want change and I want to have goals, 306 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 2: but I just don't know what I want those goals 307 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 2: to be how can you define your goals and what 308 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 2: you want to do with your life? 309 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 3: Yeap, So I think if you are in a position 310 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 3: where you're like I actually have no idea. I think 311 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 3: that it is good to look at what you don't want. 312 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 3: Not to don't sit on it for too long, because 313 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 3: then you can just spend your whole life just avoiding 314 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 3: what you don't want. But I think it is good 315 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 3: to look at what you don't want. For example, in relationships, 316 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 3: like I think it really serves you. I never say 317 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 3: that it's I never say that I'm grateful for abusive 318 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 3: relationships because I don't think anyone should go through it. However, 319 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 3: being in emotionally abusive relationships gave me such clarity on 320 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 3: what I would never have again in my life, so 321 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 3: I was able to be like, I don't want that. 322 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 3: I don't want that. I don't want that. What does 323 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 3: the opposite of that look like? So, for example, if 324 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 3: you think, well, what do I like about my life? 325 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 3: I don't like that it's mundane. I don't like that 326 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 3: I'm not filled with joy going into work. I don't 327 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 3: like commuting. So you can start thinking I don't like 328 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 3: I don't like I don't like I don't like feeling 329 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 3: like I have no energy. So then now you've identified 330 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 3: all these things and now you're like, what does the 331 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 3: flip side of that look like? Okay, maybe I need 332 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 3: more adventure. Maybe I'm seeking that kind of feeling in 333 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 3: my life. Maybe I'm seeking being full of energy. Maybe 334 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 3: I'm lonely, maybe I need to So that's how you 335 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 3: start to like identify what you value. And when you 336 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 3: know what you value, then you can be creative. Because 337 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 3: I think a lot of people also think I have 338 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 3: to know the answer right now, I have to know 339 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 3: what I want. But it's like, just identify the feeling 340 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 3: that you value and where you can access that. So 341 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 3: if I feel like I want more adventure, do I 342 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 3: want that at work? Do I want to just travel more? 343 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 3: Do I want to be more spontaneous at nighttime? What 344 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 3: do I want to be doing? You know what I mean? 345 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,120 Speaker 3: And then through a bit of trial and error, it's 346 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 3: like a numbers game, you're going to see something will 347 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 3: stick and then you can follow that path. I like that. 348 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 1: I like that it's looking about starting rather than stopping, 349 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 1: like not focusing on the negative thing that you don't want. Yeah, exactly, 350 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: I feel like that's like the lock and the key 351 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 1: for your brain a little bit. Yeah, because it's like 352 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 1: even with you saying, you know, I don't want to 353 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 1: feel tired, or it's like I want to feel more energy, 354 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: and that's the thing that you'll be like, okay, okay, 355 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: I will get up, like I will you know, I'll 356 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: drink my water or whatever. That's the most basic example. 357 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: But nobody is Yeah, that whole thing. 358 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 3: I love that. 359 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 1: But what are your tips for people like me asking 360 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: for a friend who struggle with procrastination or getting the 361 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 1: motivation to get started? 362 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, So, okay, the number one thing with motivation is 363 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 3: that we sit here and we think that there's this 364 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 3: like future version of ourselves either tomorrow or next week 365 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 3: that is more willing to do something that we're willing 366 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 3: to do right now. So if you're saying to yourself, 367 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 3: I'll leave this for tomorrow because I don't want to 368 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 3: do it now, you're not going to want to do 369 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 3: it tomorrow. You're kidding yourself. There's no world where you're 370 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 3: going to be in the mood to do it if 371 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 3: you're not in the mood right now, especially if it's 372 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 3: something that you've procrastinated on multi times. So what I 373 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 3: do with anything that I procrastinate on is you want 374 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 3: to break it down in the most manageable, bite sized piece, 375 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,199 Speaker 3: so even if the task can't be completed. So the 376 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 3: example I use is doing an essay for a subject 377 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 3: that was really, really hard, and I just knew that 378 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,040 Speaker 3: it would be a nightmare because I hadn't completely grasped that. 379 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 3: So what I used to do is I would think, well, 380 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 3: if I say to myself, I'm going to be sitting 381 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 3: here for four hours working on this essay, I would 382 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 3: avoid it at all costs because I'm like, this is 383 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,119 Speaker 3: I get anxiety when I sit and do this. I 384 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,119 Speaker 3: can't It's stressing me out so much. So then I thought, 385 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,960 Speaker 3: I'm going to set a thirty minute timer and I'm 386 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 3: just going to look at and I think, like, how 387 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 3: can I make the barrier of entry so easy? So 388 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,440 Speaker 3: I thought, I'm just going to look for references. I'm 389 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 3: just gonna like troll through a Google scholar and look 390 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,639 Speaker 3: at references. I don't actually write shit, so that the 391 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,239 Speaker 3: barrier to entry was so loow because I'm like, I'm 392 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 3: not putting pressure on myself, but I am dedicating thirty 393 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 3: minutes no matter what. And then once the timer goes off, 394 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 3: I can stop doing it. So then because or you 395 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 3: could do twenty minutes and then more. Almost every time 396 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,240 Speaker 3: when the time I went off, I was I'm so 397 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 3: engrossed in that task, and I'm like thirty more minutes, 398 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 3: twenty more minutes because there's no pressure. So what I 399 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 3: say to people, if you're procrastinating, limit the barrier to entry. 400 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 3: Make it ridiculously easy to do, and then see if 401 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 3: it sticks. And then the beauty of it is if 402 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,159 Speaker 3: the timer goes off and you're like, I'm still hating this, 403 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 3: then stop doing it, because then you can say, you 404 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 3: know what I did the ten minutes, I did something 405 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 3: towards this task, and then tomorrow I can do another 406 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,600 Speaker 3: ten minutes. I don't you know. Once the time I 407 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,919 Speaker 3: went off, I let myself stop, you know, So that 408 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 3: way in here, right, Yeah, you do. You get that 409 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 3: sense of accomplishment and it does feel good and then 410 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,159 Speaker 3: you think, even though that was hard, I loved how 411 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 3: I felt after, so I'm more likely to want to 412 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 3: do it again. Yeah. 413 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,360 Speaker 2: That's like the motivation, Yeah, gets you there. And also 414 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 2: looking at the individual steps rather than the mountain. 415 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 3: Never, Yeah, card look at the mountain because it's so fat. Yeah, 416 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 3: that mountain. 417 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 2: I feel like that's what I have to do because 418 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 2: otherwise I spiral and like the big picture and then 419 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, no, let's break it down into steps. Yeah, 420 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,640 Speaker 2: and the individual tasks I need to do to get there, 421 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 2: And a lot of the time it's so much easier 422 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,440 Speaker 2: than the fresher that you've so hard. 423 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 3: I was seeing this thing on like ADHD TikTok, and 424 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 3: I don't have ADHD, but I could fully relate to this. 425 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 3: It's like, I need a tidy this shelf, and before 426 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 3: you know, you've pulled out everything of your wardrobe. It's 427 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,120 Speaker 3: all on your bed, and you start going through your documents. 428 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,920 Speaker 3: Then it's nighttime and you get to your bedroom and 429 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 3: you're like, oh, it's so bad. Yeah, And then the 430 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 3: thing is, next time you go and do it, you're like, oh, no, 431 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 3: that's too big a task. Whereas if you did one 432 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 3: carpet or one draw a week, your kitchen would always 433 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 3: be in great order, you know. So it's it's that 434 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 3: kind of stuff. It's like if I didn't procrastinate on 435 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 3: this and wait till it got bad, enough that would 436 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 3: never have to happen, you know. 437 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 2: Ahead, So let's say that we've made a conscious decision 438 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 2: to make a change. What are three common ways that 439 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 2: we self sabotage in our twenties. 440 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 3: Okay, So the first one, and this is probably like 441 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 3: the main one, is our language. We really don't pay 442 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 3: attention to our language and how we talk about our selves. 443 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 3: And there's so much, you know, data and evidence to 444 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 3: show how much your language impacts what you're going to 445 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 3: do and how you're going to show up as you know, 446 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 3: a friend or whatever. And it's not in the sense 447 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 3: of because I was I watched this TikTok recently, and 448 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 3: it's like everything you say is going to be the truth. 449 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 3: So stop saying, oh my god, I'm dead. I'm dead. 450 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:26,120 Speaker 3: It's like that's ridiculous. Like I can say oh my god, 451 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 3: I'm dead as a reaction because it's the belief behind 452 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 3: the language which mars. So if you're saying like I'm 453 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 3: always late, I'm always late, you believe that because you 454 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 3: are always late, But you are just you are reiterating 455 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 3: and re establishing something again and again. I always fail 456 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 3: just because you have a history of not passing things 457 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 3: you then say I'm a failure. I'm a failure. We 458 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 3: become really universal with our language, which is really unhealthy. 459 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,960 Speaker 3: So I say, the first thing that's holding you back 460 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 3: is take like a snapshot of how you speak about 461 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 3: yourself and be like, is this actually the truth? Am 462 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 3: I being too general with this? Instead of saying I'm 463 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 3: a failure, say I've in the past failed at this, 464 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 3: failed at these things, and then change your language too. 465 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,679 Speaker 3: I would be capable of passing if I were to 466 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 3: do these things, you know, So you start to evolve 467 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 3: your language. That's the first thing. Number one thing. The 468 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 3: next thing that we do is that we are so 469 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 3: dramatic with the changes that we want to make. We'll 470 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 3: be like, right, right, right, I'm going to start at 471 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 3: the gym, and then I'm also not going to eat 472 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 3: any sugar and have no And then you've put so 473 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 3: many things that are really difficult back to back, so 474 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,159 Speaker 3: it's not just one hard thing. I'm not gonna have 475 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 3: sugar this week, or I'm going to go to the 476 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,160 Speaker 3: gym every single day, or whatever it is you decide, 477 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 3: I'm going to become a brand new person tomorrow, and 478 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 3: I'm doing it every single one of those, so you 479 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 3: set yourself up to fail because it's so horrible. You 480 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 3: try and do it and it's like, this is fucked. 481 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 3: I'm not enjoying this at all, this is this is 482 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,880 Speaker 3: not a life. And then you think, oh, those fit people, 483 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 3: how do they enjoy their life? How can they? So 484 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:57,119 Speaker 3: then you start attaching that hard work to being like, 485 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 3: that's a negative life to live because it's so hard, 486 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 3: instead of thinking, what if I were to change one 487 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 3: thing at a time until it became part of my lifestyle, 488 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,160 Speaker 3: then it wouldn't be a horrible lifestyle. I'd actually quite 489 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 3: enjoy it and I'd have a lot more balance in 490 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 3: my life. So this idea of trying to change twenty 491 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 3: things at once, it rarely, rarely, rarely works. So don't 492 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 3: do it because then you're gonna look at it with 493 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 3: a negative lens and you're going to say to yourself, 494 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 3: I tried it and I couldn't do it. It's like 495 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 3: you're not the failure. You had a flawed strategy that 496 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 3: was the problem. 497 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,320 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, so it didn't found your strategy. 498 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:35,919 Speaker 3: Your strategy was fuck strategy. And then the last one is, 499 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,880 Speaker 3: of course procrastination. Like we're talking about earlier we will 500 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 3: always put off things because we think that we need 501 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 3: to be one hundred percent sure. We're like, that's another 502 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 3: reason why we procrastinate. We're like, well, maybe I don't 503 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,359 Speaker 3: know that we're waiting for something to slap us in 504 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 3: the face with clarity. I need to know. Almost everything 505 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,639 Speaker 3: I've done in my life I've not had clarity on. 506 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:57,360 Speaker 3: I've had like a general push an interest like oh 507 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 3: that I could you know, and then you find clarity 508 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 3: by doing. It's kind of like, you know, we think 509 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 3: we're going to know, we're going to be ready all 510 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 3: these things you can only truly know once you begin. 511 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 3: So just like start if it doesn't work, a cape swap, start, 512 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 3: I don't care how many times you have to chop 513 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 3: and change, but don't sit and wait for clarity. 514 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 2: Yeah. 515 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: I also think taking the pressure off sometimes is what's helpful, 516 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: because it's like I do think setting like, you know, 517 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,240 Speaker 1: a goal that's like numerical and being like I'm going 518 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,439 Speaker 1: to do this like every week is good and that 519 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: is helpful. But I've recently found that sometimes even just 520 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,840 Speaker 1: being like I'd like to do more of this rather 521 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,640 Speaker 1: than being like I'm going to do this has been 522 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 1: more helpful because you take the pressure off and then 523 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: you stop having the failure thing being like if I 524 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 1: didn't do it, then I suck and I obviously just 525 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 1: can't do it. Yeah, And I find that so helpful. 526 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 3: And you don't want to make it like, oh, I'm 527 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,440 Speaker 3: in a prison, and I'm like, I'm like, it shouldn't 528 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,399 Speaker 3: be a chore. No, exactly, yeah, exactly. It has to 529 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 3: feel good. 530 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: But I would love your opinion on what do you 531 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 1: think about the saying nothing changes if nothing changes. 532 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I agree. I agree with it in the 533 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 3: sense of, you know, in order, like you, something has 534 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 3: to give. You know, the only thing that's if you 535 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 3: weren't to change anything in your life, you would actually 536 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 3: fall behind because everything keeps moving around you, like things 537 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 3: are constantly evolving around you. Your friends are in different 538 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 3: stages of their life, so is your family. Your work 539 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 3: dynamic is going to change. If you changed nothing, you 540 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 3: would fall behind. So we always have to evolve constantly. 541 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 3: We've got to evolve. Look at our fashion, look at 542 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 3: everything like everything evolves. Nothing is stagnant. So you've got 543 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,159 Speaker 3: to look at change and constantly evolving as that's the 544 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 3: default option. You know, if we hold onto things too much. 545 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 3: Not only will nothing change, I actually think you will regress. 546 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 3: You know, there's no life that's safe enough. There's no 547 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 3: relationships safe enough, there's nothing safe enough that warrants you 548 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 3: holding on so type for it not to change. Ever, 549 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 3: so you're better off being a little bit more carefree 550 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 3: and thinking. If I can change and evolve all the time, 551 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 3: then when a curve wall comes my way, I'm very equipped. 552 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 3: I'm very equipped to change, very I'm adaptable, I'm resilient. 553 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,159 Speaker 3: I'd rather be adaptable and resilient than be a hoarder 554 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 3: with what I've got in my life, because even then 555 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 3: you can't ensure that things are going to stay the same, 556 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,640 Speaker 3: you know. So yeah, I definitely agree with that saying yeah, 557 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 3: I love that put that shit on shirt. 558 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 2: So another big one, how do you carry on the 559 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 2: changes that you've made and the habits that you've built 560 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 2: beyond the thirty days? 561 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 3: Okay, So what I do is I try and get 562 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 3: people to kind of have like a hierarchy, a hierarchy 563 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,880 Speaker 3: of importance of their goals and stuff. And you always 564 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 3: start with one thing and you make it easy for yourself. 565 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,800 Speaker 3: So say I want to start waking up earlier. Okay, 566 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 3: So you wake up at eight and you want to 567 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 3: start waking up at six, I'm going to start waking 568 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:52,119 Speaker 3: up at seven thirty. 569 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: Okay. 570 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 3: Then once it becomes a habit, then you can push 571 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 3: it earlier. Then you can push it earlier. The aim 572 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 3: is to become so accustomed to that one thing that 573 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 3: instead of it being a conscious effort, you've outsourced that 574 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,439 Speaker 3: job to your subconscious mind. You no longer have to 575 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 3: You've it's like you've subcontracted that. I like that exactly. 576 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,639 Speaker 3: Once your subconscious mind takes care of it, it's now 577 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,000 Speaker 3: part of your identity, and that's module one. It's like 578 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,440 Speaker 3: you can change your identity as many times as you want, 579 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 3: whatever you want, but it takes effort. But once you've 580 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 3: done it, it's effortless. So then I'm now a morning 581 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 3: person or I now this. Then you just keep stacking 582 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 3: on new things, but you've got to wait till it 583 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 3: becomes something that's more solidified that it's not an effort. 584 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 3: So when I was talking about flawed strategy before, we 585 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 3: put in twenty things at once, and it's all an effort. 586 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,160 Speaker 3: So we kind of even get one done because it's 587 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 3: it's horrible. It's really exhausting. So start with thirty minutes earlier. 588 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:48,160 Speaker 3: Start with drinking one extra glass of water a day. 589 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 3: Instead of thinking I'm drowning myself trying to get through water, 590 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,880 Speaker 3: just an extra glass, or think what if I had 591 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 3: that glass the moment I wake up that way, I've 592 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 3: had a bit more water. And like, it's these tiny, tiny, 593 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 3: tiny things. It sounds so simple, but if you did 594 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 3: this in six months, you would look back and be like, 595 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 3: this is crazy how much I've been able to add 596 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,440 Speaker 3: into my life or change and adapt or the discipline 597 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,400 Speaker 3: that I've got. And it doesn't feel horrible. I'm really 598 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 3: enjoying this. You know. 599 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: I love how you say it's tiny, But we don't 600 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 1: do that even like, yeah. 601 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 3: The reason we're not doing is because we're like, oh, well, 602 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 3: I'm not going to see enough change with that. I 603 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,160 Speaker 3: want I want change that will give you major change. 604 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,200 Speaker 3: It's not exciting, it's not you know, it's not half 605 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,880 Speaker 3: marathon back. Yeah yeah, and it's not exciting to announce. 606 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,440 Speaker 3: It's very personal. It's very much on your own journey. 607 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,359 Speaker 3: No one cares if you've woken up ten minutes earlier today. 608 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 3: So it's just this personal thing that I've got to 609 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 3: just silently chip away these tiny milestones. But that's where 610 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 3: you change your reputation. That's where you change so much. 611 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:49,239 Speaker 3: People will look at you being like, when did this 612 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,640 Speaker 3: transformation happen? And it's this tiny, tiny, tiny things day 613 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 3: to day. Don't look at it as being this spectacle. 614 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,360 Speaker 1: You can't like transform yourself overnight. 615 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 3: No, no, no. 616 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 1: And I think that it is exactly what you were 617 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: saying before of like it feels really good to be 618 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 1: like I'm going to do it these seven things from 619 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 1: now on that yeah, it does feel really good. But 620 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,360 Speaker 1: I also think it ties into that whole thing of 621 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 1: everything we're told we're. 622 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 3: Supposed to be able to do. 623 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 1: Like we're told, all right, you've got to socialize with 624 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: your friends on the weekend, drink five gallons of water 625 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,199 Speaker 1: every hour, and exercise seventy two times a day and 626 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 1: do this and do that. And I feel like that 627 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:29,719 Speaker 1: does feed into it, like the expectation and the pressure 628 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,639 Speaker 1: that you can get that like that like ping you 629 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: that I feel like pulling yourself out of it is 630 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: like one of the really really tricky things. But I 631 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying at the start, though it's identifying 632 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: those values yep, and like, definitely you actually give a 633 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: shit about. 634 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 3: And sometimes you'll you'll really look back and this is 635 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,040 Speaker 3: what I want a lot of people to see. Sometimes 636 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 3: you look back and be like, I actually, based on 637 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 3: my values and based on doing that like that task, 638 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 3: I don't want this anymore. Sometimes we'll bang on about 639 00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 3: something that we think we want, and a huge one 640 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,400 Speaker 3: is like a particular the body type that we're trying 641 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 3: to like, or like a job that you've been slogging 642 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,440 Speaker 3: it out and it's no longer a passion, but it's 643 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,400 Speaker 3: like that sunk cost fallacy, so we stick it out. 644 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,040 Speaker 3: There's so many things that you'll realize when you work 645 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 3: through it, for what do I value, You'll actually be 646 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 3: able to let go off a lot being like that 647 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 3: doesn't matter to me anymore, but this other thing does, 648 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 3: and I want more of that in my life, you know. 649 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like that's the sort of change that 650 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 2: we should be focusing on and chasing in our lives. 651 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. 652 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,040 Speaker 2: And also just reminding yourself that you are entirely capable. 653 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 2: I think there's so many things that we take for 654 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 2: granted that our effort that we do every single day, 655 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,080 Speaker 2: like brushing your teeth or getting up and going to 656 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 2: work on time, or taking the bins down, Like these 657 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 2: are all annoying little things that we do every day 658 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 2: in their habits that we've built up. It's not things 659 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 2: that you're like born into this earth and you're like, 660 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,200 Speaker 2: I'm going to show up to work on time, like 661 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 2: these arenas that we built up, but we take it 662 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 2: for granted. Like, look back at all of these little 663 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 2: minute tasks that you do every day or you've done 664 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,719 Speaker 2: throughout your life and remind yourself you are capable and 665 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 2: waking up thirty minutes earlier is also something that you 666 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 2: are capable of doing. 667 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 3: Oh fuck, that was great. I was loved that. Great. 668 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 1: Tom everyone. Okay, so we finished every episode with the 669 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 1: big life question, and it is what has been your 670 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 1: biggest life lesson on embracing change in your twenties or 671 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: any age. 672 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 3: Well, for me it was I might have already told 673 00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 3: this story on your podcast, I'm not sure, but for 674 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 3: me it was actually like being absolutely heartbroken and dumped 675 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 3: and just and I was like, in hindsight, I'm like, 676 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 3: I'm so happy that I'm so happy that happened, because 677 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:38,800 Speaker 3: not to say that you have to go through a heartbreak. 678 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:43,080 Speaker 3: But it caused me into the biggest downward spiral for 679 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 3: over a year, which then caused me to buy this 680 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 3: one way ticket to France to Paris. I then moved 681 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 3: there on a whim. It was just chaotic but incredible 682 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 3: because it kind of threw me in the deep end 683 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 3: and I was all alone, and it finally gave me 684 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 3: the opportunity to be like I actually I am capable 685 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 3: of doing so much on my own. And not only that, 686 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 3: I got to a point where I really loved being 687 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 3: in my own company, really loved it. Forced me into 688 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,840 Speaker 3: so much change. It forced me to well, didn't even 689 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 3: force me. It inspired me to quit acting, which is 690 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 3: this is one of the things I was talking about earlier. 691 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,640 Speaker 3: I was like, if I don't get this, this is 692 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 3: what I want this. It made me acting. Yes, I 693 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,120 Speaker 3: used to do acting, and I was like, this is 694 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 3: the be all end all there. You know, there is 695 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 3: no plan B all that shit that people say, guys 696 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 3: have a plan B. It's fine. This whole idea if 697 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:32,959 Speaker 3: there's only one version of my life that I can 698 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 3: be happy in bullshit. There's actually statistically seven versions of 699 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 3: your life that you can be really, really really happy with, right, 700 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 3: So I love that. That's yeah. And so I was 701 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 3: here thinking this is the only way forcing forcing passible. 702 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 3: And then one day I thought, this is give me 703 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,200 Speaker 3: so much anxiety. I'm going to take a six month hiatus. 704 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 3: One month and I'm like, I'm never going back. I 705 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,800 Speaker 3: feel so good. I'm quitting. I'm just going to try 706 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 3: new things. I'm done. I just wanted to just I 707 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,680 Speaker 3: learned to chase the feeling of happiness instead of these 708 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,240 Speaker 3: external things. And chasing the feeling of happiness led me 709 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 3: into leaning into things I was interested in without needing 710 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,600 Speaker 3: I want to study the brain again, instead of thinking 711 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 3: what career do I want? What's like you said the mountain. Yeah. 712 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,520 Speaker 3: I didn't even know what career that would bring me. 713 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,040 Speaker 3: I didn't even look at it. I just thought, well, 714 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 3: every time I think of the brain, I get inspired, 715 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,040 Speaker 3: I get really happy. So I'm just going to study that. 716 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 3: So that breakup was the catalyst for everything. That was 717 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,520 Speaker 3: the biggest lesson in my twenties. It really taught me 718 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 3: all these lessons combined into one, that you can have 719 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 3: your own back, that you are more resilient than you think, 720 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 3: that it's okay to quit. Sometimes it's better to quit 721 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 3: sooner rather than later. It was just the best thing ever. 722 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: Honestly, do you know what that reminds me of. It's 723 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,239 Speaker 1: this quote from the book The Mountain is You, and 724 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,640 Speaker 1: it's to have your new life, you have to sacrifice 725 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 1: your old wife. 726 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 3: Yes, I love that one. It's so true. 727 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like quite literally like you wanting to 728 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 1: be an actor, you were with a part of that 729 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 1: can X and hit, you know, rock break. Now like 730 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 1: you have a completely new life. I have embrace changed happiness, 731 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,720 Speaker 1: and oh I love that. 732 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 2: I really hope that, like so many people who are 733 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 2: listening to this, who either are going through that right 734 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 2: now or potentially will go through something really hard in 735 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 2: the future, will remember that. I think it's such good perspective, even. 736 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,440 Speaker 1: Though it's really hard to remember in the moment. Yeah, 737 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 1: I know, but it's yeah, it's comforting though. It's comforting 738 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: to know that there will be a day that you 739 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,000 Speaker 1: kind of exhale and you're. 740 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 2: Like, thank God that happened. And for anybody who isn't 741 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 2: already following you, where can the Chicks find you? And 742 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 2: the new audiobook. 743 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 3: So you can find me on the Do You Fucking Mind? Podcast? 744 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 3: Good times, It is a good time, many good times, 745 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 3: many harsh, harsh statements like abuse you but nicely it's 746 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:47,760 Speaker 3: called tough. It's like big sister advice. Yeahs so true. Yeah. 747 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 3: And the audiobook. You can find it on all like 748 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 3: so like Audible, Spotify, Spotify, Yeah, yeah, pretty much wherever 749 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 3: you get any any audiobooks. Yeah. 750 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on again. It's always 751 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:01,200 Speaker 2: a pleasure. 752 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 3: I can't wait to see you in ninety days. Yeah literally, 753 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 3: I'm not like this before and after. 754 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 1: Exactly. 755 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,320 Speaker 3: We're checking in thirty days. You know how we're going. 756 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 2: And thanks to your chicks for having us in your 757 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 2: ear holes. 758 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:14,920 Speaker 3: We love to be here. 759 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 2: And thank you to m ik Made for making today's 760 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:17,720 Speaker 2: episode happened. 761 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,360 Speaker 3: Love you chicks, Bye chicks. 762 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 2: Wh