WEBVTT - Is Your Self-Talk Sabotaging You? 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.080 Hello, Legends, Welcome back to a special best of edition 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:04.880 of Stepping Up. 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:07.280 This week, we're diving into one of the biggest things that. 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:09.399 Can hold us back from becoming the person we want 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:13.480 to be, which is, unfortunately sometimes is our own self talk. 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:16.800 Whether it's the unrelenting pressure we put on ourselves, our 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:19.480 fear of failure, or simply getting stuck in the same 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.959 negative thought loop. Sometimes I always that sabotaging us the 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:25.639 most is the one inside our own head, and most 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:27.880 of the time it is. And I've picked some of 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:30.600 my favorite moments from past episodes and next week we'll 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:32.760 be back with a brand new episode. Few we are 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.120 eyeballs deep shooting planners right now. We are day four 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.960 or five of shooting, and let's just say, I feel 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:43.199 like my hair's going to snap off from hairspray. Honestly, 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.960 you think, like doing shoots and stuff, like it's so 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:48.839 much fun and I love it so so much, but you. 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:50.560 Do it's really tiring. 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:52.960 And I don't know how like proper models, and like 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:54.600 I'm not comparing myself to a model, by the way, 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:57.279 but how people that do this type of stuff full 0:00:57.320 --> 0:01:00.000 time would actually survive Because I'm struggling. I'm on struggle, 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.000 but we have lots of fun and I cannot wait 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:06.000 for you guys to see the planners. They are next level. 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:07.880 But first up, let's start with a bit of a 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.440 reality check. Have you ever stopped to think about whether 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.480 you're actually being way too hard on yourself? The biggest 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:17.160 red flag that you are an asshole to yourself is 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:20.640 that you're constantly saying the word should. I should be 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:22.760 doing this. I should be doing that. I should have 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:24.440 done it this way, I should have done it that way. 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:27.000 I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done that. 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:29.560 I should go and do this. I should be here 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:32.759 by now. If that is something you are saying constantly, 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:37.800 your expectations on yourself are way too bloody high. And 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:42.160 this is all because you, my friend. How can I 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.559 say this in the nicest way possible. You're an asshole. 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:47.280 To yourself. 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:51.520 But the funny thing is, although you are an asshole, 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:57.320 you are the most understanding, kindest, sympathetic person to those 0:01:57.360 --> 0:02:00.560 you love. Yet you won't meet yourself with the same 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:04.600 kindness or understanding. All right, So now you know you've 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:07.360 got a few red flags happening. Maybe you're being a 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:09.640 bit too harsh on yourself. I guess how do you 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:14.519 know that you truly have such ridiculous expectations? So I've 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.840 made an asshole criteria for you. So I want to 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:21.560 run through some questions that will help you determine where 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:24.519 you sit on the asshole meter. Well, that sounds weird. 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.560 The first question is when you make mistakes, do you 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:33.120 get very hard on yourself or do you expect not 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:33.960 to make any at all? 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:35.760 Do you always tend. 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:38.040 To focus on your imperfections and what you didn't do 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:41.239 rather than what you did do? And you're always putting 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:43.600 yourself down and you don't even realize you're doing it. 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:46.320 And I'm the first to admit I am terrible with this, 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.760 and I try really hard with myself talk, but I'm 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:51.440 always calling myself an idiot always, I even say it 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:55.160 out loud. And I'm constantly having friends and family saying Steph, like, 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.000 don't talk to yourself like that. When you reach your goal, 0:02:58.120 --> 0:02:59.760 do you tend to think about what you should have 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:03.400 done better or even worse? You chuck it to the 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:04.960 side and move on to the next thing, and then 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:08.680 the next thing, always seeking that validation, always seeking the 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:13.000 next best thing for fulfillment. Are you someone that no 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.440 matter what you do, and you could achieve the most 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:17.840 amazing goal, but you just never feel good enough. 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:22.160 It just is never enough. Biggest one? This is one. 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.000 I know you're all going to say yes too, But 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:27.960 do you try to be everything to everyone all of 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:33.080 the time, putting everyone above yourself and all your own 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:37.640 needs even though you saying yes to everything like it's 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:41.720 out of your abilities or capabilities, like you literally cannot 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:44.640 do it, but you will continuously say yes and people please. 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:46.119 I am the worse for this. 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:49.520 For me, I feel like because of my jobs and things, 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.320 I'm just very passionate, so I will just say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.080 and I won't even think about all the other things 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:56.960 I've got to do. Are you someone you like you're 0:03:56.960 --> 0:03:59.720 always wanting and needing to be busy. You can't sit down. 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:01.520 You need to be doing all the things, because, let's 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:04.920 be honest, our self worth is tied to our productivity 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:05.880 and our achievements. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:07.760 And lastly, you. 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.400 Set goals on what you think they should be based 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:14.960 off others and what they tell you or what you 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:17.479 see on social media, and that's going to lead us 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.400 into all the pressures that we feel in day to 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:20.039 day life. 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:21.880 Now, I'm not here saying. 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:23.400 We've got to ditch the goals, We've got to ditch 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:27.120 the expectations altogether. We all know I love a good goal. Now, 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:32.840 usually the most passionate people are assholes to themselves. Do 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:35.120 I want to say asshole guys? I mean, like to ourselves, Like, 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:39.080 we're not actual assholes, We're awesome. But it is time 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:40.440 for us to have a bit of a wake up 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:44.479 call and to understand that yes, it is good to 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:48.200 have goals, but they need to be realistic and have 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:52.160 a realistic level of expectation so then we can move forward. 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.640 We're not being stagnant, which again is okay to be 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:59.160 stagnant for a while, But the keyword here is realistic, 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:01.760 which apparently isn't in my vocabulary. 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:02.880 So how do we change this? 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:06.320 Well, here's the three steps to stop being an asshole 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:09.400 to yourself. And one of these steps I want to 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:13.919 be giving you an amazing, amazing episode next week on 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:16.960 how to really take one of these steps and implement 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:19.599 it daily and it is going to save your life. 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:22.560 But step number one, break down. 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:28.000 Your goals into smallest steps or even habits. Especially when 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:30.640 for myself I do this. I was making the mistake 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:34.440 of saying, Okay, do this project today. But the project 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:39.760 that's thing, is literally ten plus hours work. So you 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:42.880 need to be specific, set yourself time limits, be like, okay, 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.320 I'm going to work on this for one hour. I 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:47.159 am going to clean out the garage for one hour. 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:51.960 So break everything into steps or just time frames. And 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:54.200 just like I always say, you don't think of the 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:57.240 whole house. You think of that cupboard, you think of 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.320 that draw, you think of that bench, and it's the same. 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:01.159 You don't think of the whole staircase. You think of 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:04.200 the first step. A huge example with this, which I 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:06.719 have told you guys before, is when I was always 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:08.640 striving to hit ten k steps and I was never 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:10.560 meeting them, Like by the afternoon, I was at like 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:12.800 three k and I'd give up. So as soon as 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:15.839 I dropped the bar lower to eight k steps a day, 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:18.719 when the afternoon came, I was like, oh, if I 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.640 just go for a walk, I'll hit it. So then 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:23.080 I started hitting my daily step count. And it's cause 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:23.880 I dropped. 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:24.279 The bar lower. 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:26.840 Because when you think about it, if you're an overachiever 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.080 or you have high expectation. If we just lower our 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.400 bar to what we think is low, that's other people's 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:34.400 like medium to. 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:35.640 High, probably high. 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:37.920 You know, it's better to chip away at things slowly 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.080 than not do them at all, or just sit there 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:42.839 and hate yourself. And the best resource for this is 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:44.680 my roadmap, so I will make sure I link you 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.520 guys to that episode and the download below. The next 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:50.160 step is be realistic. I want you to order your 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:52.360 to do list, so everything, all the things that are 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:54.560 circling in your brain, get them out. But I want 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:57.720 you to actually look at what's actually urgent. You know, 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:00.160 we're not saving lives unless you're a doctor, which I 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:01.760 say all the time because it is the best thing. 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:05.600 And also just remember their urgency is not your emergency. 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:10.680 So yes, you might have to email Margaret from accounts, 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.600 but she can wait a couple of days. I'm sure 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.000 she'll be fine. She'll be fine. Just buy a drink 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:17.880 at the Christmas party. 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:20.680 I don't know. So look at your ort to do list, 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:21.800 give it a really good audit. 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.560 See what's urgent, what you can schedule later, what can 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:26.720 be deleted or what can be delegated. And as I 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:28.760 said in next week's episode, I want to give you 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.440 the best planning hack, daily planning hack that is going 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:34.480 to help you completely change your day, which I'm so 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:36.960 excited to. That's why I like put these two episodes 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:39.080 one after the other because it's just going to save you. 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.080 Second thing and now, this is the hack that I 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:43.239 spoke about at the start. 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:45.560 I want you to keep a list. 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:50.560 Now, this list is going to have actual time estimations 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:55.520 that daily tasks take you to complete, because we all 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.280 think something will take an hour, but it actually takes three. 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.240 So when you're organized to do list, if you have to, 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:03.480 like me, oh, write how long it actually takes me, 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.680 and using things like your timer, and it's even a 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.400 really good app called toggle and you can actually type 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:11.000 in there what you're doing and then it just like 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.480 will time you. And then you stop it and you 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:16.400 keep a list of the actual amount of time it 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:19.080 takes to do things. So then again you're not setting 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:23.080 yourself up for failure. Having your list of task times 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:25.440 is going to change your life, especially if you have 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.760 ADHD or if you're just terrible time in general. The 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:32.600 next step is when you're having judgmental thoughts, you're thinking 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:35.000 should be doing this, should be doing that, I'm an idiot. 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:37.679 Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sally is so amazing. 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:40.040 Ask yourself, if. 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:43.559 My friend was going through this right now, what would 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:45.880 I tell her? How would I speak to her? And 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:48.920 that leads me on to my next point. It's always 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.600 just so good to have someone that you can trust 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:54.760 to be your reality check. So there will be times 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:58.000 I'll be so flustered and even with all my planning tips, 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:01.200 my anxiety takes over. I can't think straight. So I 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:02.640 will go to Ry and I'll be like, what makes 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:04.880 sense to you? And he helps me see clearly. You 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:06.920 know you can go to someone and they can tell 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:09.360 you if you are being too hard on yourself, if 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:11.679 you're expecting too much, and they can just be realistic 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.079 with you and spoiler alert, you are being too hard 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:16.440 on yourself. That was a bit of a look at 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:20.439 how unrealistic expectations and negative self talk can quietly creep 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:23.959 into our everyday lives. But even when we recognize those patterns, 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:27.240 there's often something else that keeps us stuck, which is fear. 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:30.600 Fear of getting it wrong, fear of looking silly, fear 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.800 of what other people might think, In this next segment, 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.319 I'm answering a listener question about how to get out 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.920 of your own head and stop letting fear of failure 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:39.720 hold you back. 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:42.160 Now, this might be a little bit confronting, but you 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:43.000 do need to hear it. 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:45.000 So the question is, how do you get out of 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.199 your own head and your own way to get out 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:50.160 there and start something new. Then she wrote fear and failure. 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:53.040 So obviously, as she said, she wants to get out 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.440 there and do something new, but she's holding herself back. 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:57.560 She's in her own head too much, she's overthinking it, 0:09:57.600 --> 0:09:58.880 which is pretty standard. 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.720 Practice for all of us, and she has a fear 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:01.280 of failure. 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:04.560 Now, I resonate with this so so heavily in lots 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:06.960 of different parts of my life, and all of us 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.600 would resonate with this at one point or another. When 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.000 I read that question, my mind straight away goes to 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:15.319 when I started my blog and. 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:17.280 Everything online, which was eight years ago. Now. 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:19.280 Now, I've had a lot of other times where I 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:22.319 had fear of starting things, like I had my makeup business, 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.280 I went to UNI, and then I did PT. I 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.120 did all the things, but there was always like a 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:28.720 fear there. Now, I remember the fear I had when 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:32.200 starting the blog was back when I had Harper, my 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:35.319 first daughter, and I just felt so alone. As you 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:37.200 guys know the story, I didn't have any one friends, 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:40.920 I had really bad person anital depression. And I love writing. 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.560 I've always loved writing. It's my outlet. And you know, 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:45.800 I did journalism at UNI and things like that. And 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:48.120 I remember sitting down with Ryan one time and I 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.640 was feeding Harper, and I said, like she was just 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:52.600 a newborn, and I just wanted to connect with some 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:54.520 other mums. I just wanted to be really honest with 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:58.280 my experience. I've always been a massive oversharer always, and 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:00.560 I said to whatever I started a blog. There was 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:02.800 definitely blogs and stuff around, and this was more of 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.120 the beginning of the whole mummy blog era, Like it 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.120 wasn't as huge as what it was now years later, 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:10.760 and none of our friends or anyone we knew had 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:12.920 ever done something like this, like started a blog or 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.360 started like an online thing. And then I also was 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:17.400 going to start an Instagram page to go with that, 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.240 which is now the one I have, which is steph 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.040 Pace Underscore. Thank god, it's not just another mummy blog anymore. 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:25.600 And you know, Ryan was always like from the start, 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:28.960 just do it, Just do it, And I kept thinking, 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:30.720 but what are people going to say? 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:32.720 What if I make a fool of myself? 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.720 And this thought stopped me from starting the blog for 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:38.280 probably about two months. Isn't actually that long when you 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.000 think about it, because there's a lot of people out 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:43.000 there that want to do something, and the fear of 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:46.600 them looking silly or making full of themselves, they sit 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:49.120 on that for years. Those people never start, they never 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:51.000 go out and do what they want. And that's what 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.080 we hear of these people who are going deeper. 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:53.880 People on their. 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.440 Deathbed, the biggest regret they had is not doing the 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:58.720 things that they truly wanted. They always were doing things 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.240 that made other people happy and putting other people first 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:05.000 and not following their dreams, you know, and it's really sad. 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.439 So when you think about that, two months in comparison 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.640 is nothing. And that was honestly because of Ryan. He's 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.840 always been that supportive person for me no matter what 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:13.440 I wanted to do. 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:14.120 So I did. 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:17.440 I opened up a WordPress website and started posting, opened 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:21.400 up an Instagram page. And when I first started, because 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.880 you got to remember, this was after I had been 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:26.480 running a really successful makeup ardistry of business for a 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:28.560 couple of years, like I was booked out for years 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.040 in advance, but the one thing I didn't really love, 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.040 and I did go back to it after half I 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:34.640 was born for a little while while I was doing 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:36.199 the blog on the side, because the blog was always 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:37.840 a hobby, like I didn't know you could make money. 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.800 I didn't know influence the stuff. I didn't know any 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:42.360 of that shit. I just wanted to share my story 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.319 with people and talk to people, and I did, and 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:48.160 the connections I made online during that time it saved 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:49.560 me from my post named depression. 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:50.160 It really did. 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.040 You know, people were reading my blogs and I started 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:55.040 having people reaching out to me saying like this is 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:58.280 really helpful. And obviously things don't take off quick straight away, 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:00.160 like I've been doing this for eight years now, and 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.640 there was a lot of people who just didn't understand 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.440 why I would leave makeup. They saw the success that 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:09.920 I had with the makeup artistry business. And by this 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:12.800 point this had been a few months now, I started 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.199 getting you know, brands reaching out and stuff like that, 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:18.360 and I wasn't making any income yet, but you know, 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:22.000 we could start to see something brewing there, and eventually 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.160 when the blog and Instagram and that did turn into 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:27.400 something that actually was an income and eventually being a 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:30.200 better income than what the makeup ardiship business was so 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:32.640 it could support my family. People still didn't get it, 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:36.000 you know what I mean. And I remember people giving 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.559 me their opinions all the time, and I thought to myself, 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:41.240 it was not hurting anyone. But the problem is, especially 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:43.800 in Australia with like tall Poppy syndrome. Not saying I 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:46.400 was killing it or anything, but we're so so quick 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.880 to give judgment to other people as soon as people do. 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.400 Well for some reason. And I'm not saying ah Oussi's 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:53.480 obviously love us Ozzi's are the best, but. 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:55.400 It's just this culture that we have here in Australia 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:57.520 where we have to put them back in their box 0:13:57.559 --> 0:13:59.360 and put them down, like get them off their own 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:01.319 little pedestal and get back down in the dungeon, you 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:01.800 know what I mean. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.520 And it's just really sad. And I know, for me, 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:05.040 when I. 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.680 See other people doing well and doing something different, I 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:10.240 actually love that. I love that, like that makes me 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:13.240 feel really motivated to do more shit, you know what 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:13.640 I mean. 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:15.760 And I do remember this one conversation. 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.160 It was with one of my old girlfriends then still 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:19.800 love it to death, but I do remember her saying, 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:21.960 you know, like why are you doing this? Like I 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:23.200 just don't get it, Like why don't you just go 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:25.640 back and do makeup? And I said to her, well, 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:27.560 you know, I want to spend the weekends with Ryan 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:29.640 and Harper where new parents who want to be together, 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.400 and it makes me happy. I love writing, I love 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:34.360 sharing my life, and I love these new connections I'm 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:37.760 making online. And those type opinions did come in quite 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:39.400 often of why are you doing this? 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:40.440 I don't get it? 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:42.600 And I even had some people like there was a 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.440 couple of close friends I just refused to follow me 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.200 in general. And I tried not to take it personally, 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:48.280 because you know, it is just social media when you 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.240 think about it. But I think there was a bigger 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:54.480 message there. And could you imagine if I had let 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:57.400 my fear of looking like an idiot, which I did 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:00.080 look like an idiot, my fear of failure and the 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.520 opinions of others stop me from doing what I wanted, 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:05.120 I would not be talking in this microphone right now. 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.080 I would probably still be doing makeup and not spending 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.040 the weekends with my family. You know, none of these 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:12.520 opportunities would have come up if I had listened to 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.160 other people. When you think about it, you get one life. 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:19.120 We live once, and to be honest, I was very naive. 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.600 To the fact. I obviously was aware of the fact that. 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.600 We live once, but I was very naive to the 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:26.320 reality of it until I lost Dad and Nan. And 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.640 I think until you experience a close loved one or 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:33.600 someone passed away, I feel like you don't actually understand how. 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:34.360 Huge that is. 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.440 There's just one time, like you get one go, that's it. 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.680 Why the hell are we letting other people's opinions dictate 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.080 how we live our lives and if we pursue our 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:46.760 passions or not. And granted, those people now a lot 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:48.720 of them are the ones now coming to me asking 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.720 me for advice on how to grow and run a 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:54.280 business and things like that, which again I'm totally winging, 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.840 by the way, And that was the same with the 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.520 staff based planner's business. Granted, when I started Staft based 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.440 Planners platform was well established and you know, that was 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:06.160 my full time job, but I still had people with doubts, 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:08.960 those people who just didn't understand, Like, why would you 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:10.760 go to all that effort and make your own product 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.360 when you can just get paid to show other people's products. 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:15.840 And it's just for me. I've never done any of 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:17.280 this for the money. And that's the thing. 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:19.600 If you have a goal or something you want to do, 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.280 your why, as I've said, I talked about this in 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:24.680 that routine video, but your why has to be deep. 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:27.480 It cannot be surface level. So if you are wanting 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:30.280 to like start a podcast or start a social media 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.680 channel to make money and that's the only reason is money, mate, 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:36.400 you're not going to last because I tell you what, 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:38.560 anything you decide to pursue is going to be a 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.920 lot of work. And if that passion and drive isn't there, 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.360 and like you knowing this deep purpose of why you 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:46.640 need to be doing it, if that's not there, as 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:48.320 soon as it gets hard, you're going to bow. You're like, 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:49.600 I'm fucking out, you know. 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:50.040 What I mean? 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:52.640 If you want to know what makes me different than 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.240 other people when it comes to getting out of your 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.880 own way and just starting and not letting the opinions 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:01.920 of others stop me. I think at that time I 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:06.720 valued my vision and passion over the opinions of others. 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:10.560 So when you're letting other people's opinions physically stop you 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.960 from doing things that you want to do, you are 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:18.080 showing that you value the opinions of other people above 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:21.879 your own. You don't value your own vision and opinion 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:26.560 and passions as much as you value the judgment from 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:28.920 other people. And a lot of the time those opinions 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.840 that you are letting override your own, they're not people 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.240 you would even take advice from. The only people you 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.959 should ever listen to is those who have done it 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.840 before and who are where you want to be. And 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:42.640 even then, everyone takes a different path. So I want 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:45.040