Speaker 1: Hello, Legends, Welcome back to a special best of edition
Speaker 1: of Stepping Up.
Speaker 2: This week, we're diving into one of the biggest things that.
Speaker 1: Can hold us back from becoming the person we want
Speaker 1: to be, which is, unfortunately sometimes is our own self talk.
Speaker 1: Whether it's the unrelenting pressure we put on ourselves, our
Speaker 1: fear of failure, or simply getting stuck in the same
Speaker 1: negative thought loop. Sometimes I always that sabotaging us the
Speaker 1: most is the one inside our own head, and most
Speaker 1: of the time it is. And I've picked some of
Speaker 1: my favorite moments from past episodes and next week we'll
Speaker 1: be back with a brand new episode. Few we are
Speaker 1: eyeballs deep shooting planners right now. We are day four
Speaker 1: or five of shooting, and let's just say, I feel
Speaker 1: like my hair's going to snap off from hairspray. Honestly,
Speaker 1: you think, like doing shoots and stuff, like it's so
Speaker 1: much fun and I love it so so much, but you.
Speaker 2: Do it's really tiring.
Speaker 1: And I don't know how like proper models, and like
Speaker 1: I'm not comparing myself to a model, by the way,
Speaker 1: but how people that do this type of stuff full
Speaker 1: time would actually survive Because I'm struggling. I'm on struggle,
Speaker 1: but we have lots of fun and I cannot wait
Speaker 1: for you guys to see the planners. They are next level.
Speaker 1: But first up, let's start with a bit of a
Speaker 1: reality check. Have you ever stopped to think about whether
Speaker 1: you're actually being way too hard on yourself? The biggest
Speaker 1: red flag that you are an asshole to yourself is
Speaker 1: that you're constantly saying the word should. I should be
Speaker 1: doing this. I should be doing that. I should have
Speaker 1: done it this way, I should have done it that way.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 1: I should go and do this. I should be here
Speaker 1: by now. If that is something you are saying constantly,
Speaker 1: your expectations on yourself are way too bloody high. And
Speaker 1: this is all because you, my friend. How can I
Speaker 1: say this in the nicest way possible. You're an asshole.
Speaker 2: To yourself.
Speaker 1: But the funny thing is, although you are an asshole,
Speaker 1: you are the most understanding, kindest, sympathetic person to those
Speaker 1: you love. Yet you won't meet yourself with the same
Speaker 1: kindness or understanding. All right, So now you know you've
Speaker 1: got a few red flags happening. Maybe you're being a
Speaker 1: bit too harsh on yourself. I guess how do you
Speaker 1: know that you truly have such ridiculous expectations? So I've
Speaker 1: made an asshole criteria for you. So I want to
Speaker 1: run through some questions that will help you determine where
Speaker 1: you sit on the asshole meter. Well, that sounds weird.
Speaker 1: The first question is when you make mistakes, do you
Speaker 1: get very hard on yourself or do you expect not
Speaker 1: to make any at all?
Speaker 2: Do you always tend.
Speaker 1: To focus on your imperfections and what you didn't do
Speaker 1: rather than what you did do? And you're always putting
Speaker 1: yourself down and you don't even realize you're doing it.
Speaker 1: And I'm the first to admit I am terrible with this,
Speaker 1: and I try really hard with myself talk, but I'm
Speaker 1: always calling myself an idiot always, I even say it
Speaker 1: out loud. And I'm constantly having friends and family saying Steph, like,
Speaker 1: don't talk to yourself like that. When you reach your goal,
Speaker 1: do you tend to think about what you should have
Speaker 1: done better or even worse? You chuck it to the
Speaker 1: side and move on to the next thing, and then
Speaker 1: the next thing, always seeking that validation, always seeking the
Speaker 1: next best thing for fulfillment. Are you someone that no
Speaker 1: matter what you do, and you could achieve the most
Speaker 1: amazing goal, but you just never feel good enough.
Speaker 2: It just is never enough. Biggest one? This is one.
Speaker 1: I know you're all going to say yes too, But
Speaker 1: do you try to be everything to everyone all of
Speaker 1: the time, putting everyone above yourself and all your own
Speaker 1: needs even though you saying yes to everything like it's
Speaker 1: out of your abilities or capabilities, like you literally cannot
Speaker 1: do it, but you will continuously say yes and people please.
Speaker 2: I am the worse for this.
Speaker 1: For me, I feel like because of my jobs and things,
Speaker 1: I'm just very passionate, so I will just say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and I won't even think about all the other things
Speaker 1: I've got to do. Are you someone you like you're
Speaker 1: always wanting and needing to be busy. You can't sit down.
Speaker 1: You need to be doing all the things, because, let's
Speaker 1: be honest, our self worth is tied to our productivity
Speaker 1: and our achievements.
Speaker 2: And lastly, you.
Speaker 1: Set goals on what you think they should be based
Speaker 1: off others and what they tell you or what you
Speaker 1: see on social media, and that's going to lead us
Speaker 1: into all the pressures that we feel in day to
Speaker 1: day life.
Speaker 2: Now, I'm not here saying.
Speaker 1: We've got to ditch the goals, We've got to ditch
Speaker 1: the expectations altogether. We all know I love a good goal. Now,
Speaker 1: usually the most passionate people are assholes to themselves. Do
Speaker 1: I want to say asshole guys? I mean, like to ourselves, Like,
Speaker 1: we're not actual assholes, We're awesome. But it is time
Speaker 1: for us to have a bit of a wake up
Speaker 1: call and to understand that yes, it is good to
Speaker 1: have goals, but they need to be realistic and have
Speaker 1: a realistic level of expectation so then we can move forward.
Speaker 1: We're not being stagnant, which again is okay to be
Speaker 1: stagnant for a while, But the keyword here is realistic,
Speaker 1: which apparently isn't in my vocabulary.
Speaker 2: So how do we change this?
Speaker 1: Well, here's the three steps to stop being an asshole
Speaker 1: to yourself. And one of these steps I want to
Speaker 1: be giving you an amazing, amazing episode next week on
Speaker 1: how to really take one of these steps and implement
Speaker 1: it daily and it is going to save your life.
Speaker 2: But step number one, break down.
Speaker 1: Your goals into smallest steps or even habits. Especially when
Speaker 1: for myself I do this. I was making the mistake
Speaker 1: of saying, Okay, do this project today. But the project
Speaker 1: that's thing, is literally ten plus hours work. So you
Speaker 1: need to be specific, set yourself time limits, be like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to work on this for one hour. I
Speaker 1: am going to clean out the garage for one hour.
Speaker 1: So break everything into steps or just time frames. And
Speaker 1: just like I always say, you don't think of the
Speaker 1: whole house. You think of that cupboard, you think of
Speaker 1: that draw, you think of that bench, and it's the same.
Speaker 1: You don't think of the whole staircase. You think of
Speaker 1: the first step. A huge example with this, which I
Speaker 1: have told you guys before, is when I was always
Speaker 1: striving to hit ten k steps and I was never
Speaker 1: meeting them, Like by the afternoon, I was at like
Speaker 1: three k and I'd give up. So as soon as
Speaker 1: I dropped the bar lower to eight k steps a day,
Speaker 1: when the afternoon came, I was like, oh, if I
Speaker 1: just go for a walk, I'll hit it. So then
Speaker 1: I started hitting my daily step count. And it's cause
Speaker 1: I dropped.
Speaker 2: The bar lower.
Speaker 1: Because when you think about it, if you're an overachiever
Speaker 1: or you have high expectation. If we just lower our
Speaker 1: bar to what we think is low, that's other people's
Speaker 1: like medium to.
Speaker 2: High, probably high.
Speaker 1: You know, it's better to chip away at things slowly
Speaker 1: than not do them at all, or just sit there
Speaker 1: and hate yourself. And the best resource for this is
Speaker 1: my roadmap, so I will make sure I link you
Speaker 1: guys to that episode and the download below. The next
Speaker 1: step is be realistic. I want you to order your
Speaker 1: to do list, so everything, all the things that are
Speaker 1: circling in your brain, get them out. But I want
Speaker 1: you to actually look at what's actually urgent. You know,
Speaker 1: we're not saving lives unless you're a doctor, which I
Speaker 1: say all the time because it is the best thing.
Speaker 1: And also just remember their urgency is not your emergency.
Speaker 1: So yes, you might have to email Margaret from accounts,
Speaker 1: but she can wait a couple of days. I'm sure
Speaker 1: she'll be fine. She'll be fine. Just buy a drink
Speaker 1: at the Christmas party.
Speaker 2: I don't know. So look at your ort to do list,
Speaker 2: give it a really good audit.
Speaker 1: See what's urgent, what you can schedule later, what can
Speaker 1: be deleted or what can be delegated. And as I
Speaker 1: said in next week's episode, I want to give you
Speaker 1: the best planning hack, daily planning hack that is going
Speaker 1: to help you completely change your day, which I'm so
Speaker 1: excited to. That's why I like put these two episodes
Speaker 1: one after the other because it's just going to save you.
Speaker 1: Second thing and now, this is the hack that I
Speaker 1: spoke about at the start.
Speaker 2: I want you to keep a list.
Speaker 1: Now, this list is going to have actual time estimations
Speaker 1: that daily tasks take you to complete, because we all
Speaker 1: think something will take an hour, but it actually takes three.
Speaker 1: So when you're organized to do list, if you have to,
Speaker 1: like me, oh, write how long it actually takes me,
Speaker 1: and using things like your timer, and it's even a
Speaker 1: really good app called toggle and you can actually type
Speaker 1: in there what you're doing and then it just like
Speaker 1: will time you. And then you stop it and you
Speaker 1: keep a list of the actual amount of time it
Speaker 1: takes to do things. So then again you're not setting
Speaker 1: yourself up for failure. Having your list of task times
Speaker 1: is going to change your life, especially if you have
Speaker 1: ADHD or if you're just terrible time in general. The
Speaker 1: next step is when you're having judgmental thoughts, you're thinking
Speaker 1: should be doing this, should be doing that, I'm an idiot.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sally is so amazing.
Speaker 2: Ask yourself, if.
Speaker 1: My friend was going through this right now, what would
Speaker 1: I tell her? How would I speak to her? And
Speaker 1: that leads me on to my next point. It's always
Speaker 1: just so good to have someone that you can trust
Speaker 1: to be your reality check. So there will be times
Speaker 1: I'll be so flustered and even with all my planning tips,
Speaker 1: my anxiety takes over. I can't think straight. So I
Speaker 1: will go to Ry and I'll be like, what makes
Speaker 1: sense to you? And he helps me see clearly. You
Speaker 1: know you can go to someone and they can tell
Speaker 1: you if you are being too hard on yourself, if
Speaker 1: you're expecting too much, and they can just be realistic
Speaker 1: with you and spoiler alert, you are being too hard
Speaker 1: on yourself. That was a bit of a look at
Speaker 1: how unrealistic expectations and negative self talk can quietly creep
Speaker 1: into our everyday lives. But even when we recognize those patterns,
Speaker 1: there's often something else that keeps us stuck, which is fear.
Speaker 1: Fear of getting it wrong, fear of looking silly, fear
Speaker 1: of what other people might think, In this next segment,
Speaker 1: I'm answering a listener question about how to get out
Speaker 1: of your own head and stop letting fear of failure
Speaker 1: hold you back.
Speaker 2: Now, this might be a little bit confronting, but you
Speaker 2: do need to hear it.
Speaker 1: So the question is, how do you get out of
Speaker 1: your own head and your own way to get out
Speaker 1: there and start something new. Then she wrote fear and failure.
Speaker 1: So obviously, as she said, she wants to get out
Speaker 1: there and do something new, but she's holding herself back.
Speaker 1: She's in her own head too much, she's overthinking it,
Speaker 1: which is pretty standard.
Speaker 2: Practice for all of us, and she has a fear
Speaker 2: of failure.
Speaker 1: Now, I resonate with this so so heavily in lots
Speaker 1: of different parts of my life, and all of us
Speaker 1: would resonate with this at one point or another. When
Speaker 1: I read that question, my mind straight away goes to
Speaker 1: when I started my blog and.
Speaker 2: Everything online, which was eight years ago. Now.
Speaker 1: Now, I've had a lot of other times where I
Speaker 1: had fear of starting things, like I had my makeup business,
Speaker 1: I went to UNI, and then I did PT. I
Speaker 1: did all the things, but there was always like a
Speaker 1: fear there. Now, I remember the fear I had when
Speaker 1: starting the blog was back when I had Harper, my
Speaker 1: first daughter, and I just felt so alone. As you
Speaker 1: guys know the story, I didn't have any one friends,
Speaker 1: I had really bad person anital depression. And I love writing.
Speaker 1: I've always loved writing. It's my outlet. And you know,
Speaker 1: I did journalism at UNI and things like that. And
Speaker 1: I remember sitting down with Ryan one time and I
Speaker 1: was feeding Harper, and I said, like she was just
Speaker 1: a newborn, and I just wanted to connect with some
Speaker 1: other mums. I just wanted to be really honest with
Speaker 1: my experience. I've always been a massive oversharer always, and
Speaker 1: I said to whatever I started a blog. There was
Speaker 1: definitely blogs and stuff around, and this was more of
Speaker 1: the beginning of the whole mummy blog era, Like it
Speaker 1: wasn't as huge as what it was now years later,
Speaker 1: and none of our friends or anyone we knew had
Speaker 1: ever done something like this, like started a blog or
Speaker 1: started like an online thing. And then I also was
Speaker 1: going to start an Instagram page to go with that,
Speaker 1: which is now the one I have, which is steph
Speaker 1: Pace Underscore. Thank god, it's not just another mummy blog anymore.
Speaker 1: And you know, Ryan was always like from the start,
Speaker 1: just do it, Just do it, And I kept thinking,
Speaker 1: but what are people going to say?
Speaker 2: What if I make a fool of myself?
Speaker 1: And this thought stopped me from starting the blog for
Speaker 1: probably about two months. Isn't actually that long when you
Speaker 1: think about it, because there's a lot of people out
Speaker 1: there that want to do something, and the fear of
Speaker 1: them looking silly or making full of themselves, they sit
Speaker 1: on that for years. Those people never start, they never
Speaker 1: go out and do what they want. And that's what
Speaker 1: we hear of these people who are going deeper.
Speaker 2: People on their.
Speaker 1: Deathbed, the biggest regret they had is not doing the
Speaker 1: things that they truly wanted. They always were doing things
Speaker 1: that made other people happy and putting other people first
Speaker 1: and not following their dreams, you know, and it's really sad.
Speaker 1: So when you think about that, two months in comparison
Speaker 1: is nothing. And that was honestly because of Ryan. He's
Speaker 1: always been that supportive person for me no matter what
Speaker 1: I wanted to do.
Speaker 2: So I did.
Speaker 1: I opened up a WordPress website and started posting, opened
Speaker 1: up an Instagram page. And when I first started, because
Speaker 1: you got to remember, this was after I had been
Speaker 1: running a really successful makeup ardistry of business for a
Speaker 1: couple of years, like I was booked out for years
Speaker 1: in advance, but the one thing I didn't really love,
Speaker 1: and I did go back to it after half I
Speaker 1: was born for a little while while I was doing
Speaker 1: the blog on the side, because the blog was always
Speaker 1: a hobby, like I didn't know you could make money.
Speaker 1: I didn't know influence the stuff. I didn't know any
Speaker 1: of that shit. I just wanted to share my story
Speaker 1: with people and talk to people, and I did, and
Speaker 1: the connections I made online during that time it saved
Speaker 1: me from my post named depression.
Speaker 2: It really did.
Speaker 1: You know, people were reading my blogs and I started
Speaker 1: having people reaching out to me saying like this is
Speaker 1: really helpful. And obviously things don't take off quick straight away,
Speaker 1: like I've been doing this for eight years now, and
Speaker 1: there was a lot of people who just didn't understand
Speaker 1: why I would leave makeup. They saw the success that
Speaker 1: I had with the makeup artistry business. And by this
Speaker 1: point this had been a few months now, I started
Speaker 1: getting you know, brands reaching out and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't making any income yet, but you know,
Speaker 1: we could start to see something brewing there, and eventually
Speaker 1: when the blog and Instagram and that did turn into
Speaker 1: something that actually was an income and eventually being a
Speaker 1: better income than what the makeup ardiship business was so
Speaker 1: it could support my family. People still didn't get it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I remember people giving
Speaker 1: me their opinions all the time, and I thought to myself,
Speaker 1: it was not hurting anyone. But the problem is, especially
Speaker 1: in Australia with like tall Poppy syndrome. Not saying I
Speaker 1: was killing it or anything, but we're so so quick
Speaker 1: to give judgment to other people as soon as people do.
Speaker 2: Well for some reason. And I'm not saying ah Oussi's
Speaker 2: obviously love us Ozzi's are the best, but.
Speaker 1: It's just this culture that we have here in Australia
Speaker 1: where we have to put them back in their box
Speaker 1: and put them down, like get them off their own
Speaker 1: little pedestal and get back down in the dungeon, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And it's just really sad. And I know, for me,
Speaker 2: when I.
Speaker 1: See other people doing well and doing something different, I
Speaker 1: actually love that. I love that, like that makes me
Speaker 1: feel really motivated to do more shit, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: And I do remember this one conversation.
Speaker 1: It was with one of my old girlfriends then still
Speaker 1: love it to death, but I do remember her saying,
Speaker 1: you know, like why are you doing this? Like I
Speaker 1: just don't get it, Like why don't you just go
Speaker 1: back and do makeup? And I said to her, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to spend the weekends with Ryan
Speaker 1: and Harper where new parents who want to be together,
Speaker 1: and it makes me happy. I love writing, I love
Speaker 1: sharing my life, and I love these new connections I'm
Speaker 1: making online. And those type opinions did come in quite
Speaker 1: often of why are you doing this?
Speaker 2: I don't get it?
Speaker 1: And I even had some people like there was a
Speaker 1: couple of close friends I just refused to follow me
Speaker 1: in general. And I tried not to take it personally,
Speaker 1: because you know, it is just social media when you
Speaker 1: think about it. But I think there was a bigger
Speaker 1: message there. And could you imagine if I had let
Speaker 1: my fear of looking like an idiot, which I did
Speaker 1: look like an idiot, my fear of failure and the
Speaker 1: opinions of others stop me from doing what I wanted,
Speaker 1: I would not be talking in this microphone right now.
Speaker 1: I would probably still be doing makeup and not spending
Speaker 1: the weekends with my family. You know, none of these
Speaker 1: opportunities would have come up if I had listened to
Speaker 1: other people. When you think about it, you get one life.
Speaker 1: We live once, and to be honest, I was very naive.
Speaker 2: To the fact. I obviously was aware of the fact that.
Speaker 1: We live once, but I was very naive to the
Speaker 1: reality of it until I lost Dad and Nan. And
Speaker 1: I think until you experience a close loved one or
Speaker 1: someone passed away, I feel like you don't actually understand how.
Speaker 2: Huge that is.
Speaker 1: There's just one time, like you get one go, that's it.
Speaker 1: Why the hell are we letting other people's opinions dictate
Speaker 1: how we live our lives and if we pursue our
Speaker 1: passions or not. And granted, those people now a lot
Speaker 1: of them are the ones now coming to me asking
Speaker 1: me for advice on how to grow and run a
Speaker 1: business and things like that, which again I'm totally winging,
Speaker 1: by the way, And that was the same with the
Speaker 1: staff based planner's business. Granted, when I started Staft based
Speaker 1: Planners platform was well established and you know, that was
Speaker 1: my full time job, but I still had people with doubts,
Speaker 1: those people who just didn't understand, Like, why would you
Speaker 1: go to all that effort and make your own product
Speaker 1: when you can just get paid to show other people's products.
Speaker 2: And it's just for me. I've never done any of
Speaker 2: this for the money. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: If you have a goal or something you want to do,
Speaker 1: your why, as I've said, I talked about this in
Speaker 1: that routine video, but your why has to be deep.
Speaker 1: It cannot be surface level. So if you are wanting
Speaker 1: to like start a podcast or start a social media
Speaker 1: channel to make money and that's the only reason is money, mate,
Speaker 1: you're not going to last because I tell you what,
Speaker 1: anything you decide to pursue is going to be a
Speaker 1: lot of work. And if that passion and drive isn't there,
Speaker 1: and like you knowing this deep purpose of why you
Speaker 1: need to be doing it, if that's not there, as
Speaker 1: soon as it gets hard, you're going to bow. You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm fucking out, you know.
Speaker 2: What I mean?
Speaker 1: If you want to know what makes me different than
Speaker 1: other people when it comes to getting out of your
Speaker 1: own way and just starting and not letting the opinions
Speaker 1: of others stop me. I think at that time I
Speaker 1: valued my vision and passion over the opinions of others.
Speaker 1: So when you're letting other people's opinions physically stop you
Speaker 1: from doing things that you want to do, you are
Speaker 1: showing that you value the opinions of other people above
Speaker 1: your own. You don't value your own vision and opinion
Speaker 1: and passions as much as you value the judgment from
Speaker 1: other people. And a lot of the time those opinions
Speaker 1: that you are letting override your own, they're not people
Speaker 1: you would even take advice from. The only people you
Speaker 1: should ever listen to is those who have done it
Speaker 1: before and who are where you want to be. And
Speaker 1: even then, everyone takes a different path. So I want
Speaker 1: you to think about it. And that leads into the
Speaker 1: next topic, which is fear of failure. When I first
Speaker 1: started staff face planners, I had never made a product
Speaker 1: in my bloody life. I didn't even know what to do.
Speaker 1: I literally googled how to make a planner. And yes,
Speaker 1: granted I had more ownsmall business before that, but it
Speaker 1: was nothing like I'd ever done before, absolutely nothing like.
Speaker 1: I had to talk to manufacturers, I had to design
Speaker 1: it with my ographic designer, I had to figure out
Speaker 1: how to outline it like just so much went into it,
Speaker 1: and the weight of failing this new venture was much
Speaker 1: bigger than me starting a blog. I saved up for
Speaker 1: so long to be able to have the money to
Speaker 1: you know, get samples and everything like that and then
Speaker 1: pay the deposit for the first batch that I had made.
Speaker 1: But if this failed, then it was the livelihood of
Speaker 1: my family was attached to it.
Speaker 2: This time. It wasn't just me.
Speaker 1: What if people didn't like it? Ones of people didn't
Speaker 1: buy it? And I had a thousand planets sitting in
Speaker 1: my garage for years. They were huge thoughts I had.
Speaker 1: But Ryan said to me, what is the worst that
Speaker 1: could happen? And that is what you really need to
Speaker 1: think about. Okay, sure, you go out and you start
Speaker 1: this business you want to start, or you start your
Speaker 1: own page online, or you go back to UNI.
Speaker 2: You say to yourself, I'm too old for that. Now,
Speaker 2: what's the worst that could happen?
Speaker 1: The worst thing that could happen is it didn't work
Speaker 1: out and you go back to living life the way
Speaker 1: you were before. And that's when you realize, Because I
Speaker 1: know right now, when I say that you're still scared
Speaker 1: of it, you're not actually afraid of failing you're afraid
Speaker 1: of the opinions of others have of you failing. That's
Speaker 1: what you're scared of. I know, it's like, oh fuck,
Speaker 1: isn't it? And look when I talk about the opinions
Speaker 1: of others. Look, we are literally built this way where
Speaker 1: humans when we were cave men and women, we had
Speaker 1: to be in groups or we literally die. We'd get
Speaker 1: eaten by a saber tooth tiger. You had to be likable,
Speaker 1: you had to let everyone else, let you into the
Speaker 1: groups you don't die. But unfortunately, our psychology hasn't really
Speaker 1: caught up with the times.
Speaker 2: So now when bloody oh no, we're not going to
Speaker 2: say Susie, we're not going to say Susie.
Speaker 1: Now when bloody Bethany, sorry Bethany, it's close to Stephanie's
Speaker 1: all say Bethany. So when Bethany now writes a mean
Speaker 1: comment to you, our brain then signals to our body
Speaker 1: that we are in danger. We have to make Bethany
Speaker 1: like us, because if she doesn't, we're going to get
Speaker 1: kicked out of the group and then we're going to
Speaker 1: end up as breakfast with a sabertooth tiger. And we
Speaker 1: don't want that. So instead of actually thinking, Bethany is
Speaker 1: this girl. I haven't seen her for ten years. She
Speaker 1: went to my school. I'm never going to see her again.
Speaker 1: Who gives a shit? We think, oh my.
Speaker 2: God, what she wrote is right? Is that what I'm like?
Speaker 1: And then you need to try and make her like
Speaker 1: you or you just end up going in a full
Speaker 1: on social media battle on Facebook, which I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people love to watch because.
Speaker 2: It's very entertaining. But that's what happens.
Speaker 1: I think it's being brave enough to feel the fear
Speaker 1: and do it anyways. And that's exactly what I did,
Speaker 1: and I do it every single day. I have to say,
Speaker 1: I'm constantly fearful, and I know that sounds like a
Speaker 1: horrible way to live, but I'd rather have some amount
Speaker 1: of fear than be bored. You don't want to end
Speaker 1: up getting to eighty years old and always be wondering
Speaker 1: what if what if I did this? What if I
Speaker 1: did that? You know, I even said this to one
Speaker 1: of my staff members. She's wanted to start her own
Speaker 1: business in social media, and of course, you know, she's
Speaker 1: been working for me for years and I love her
Speaker 1: to death, and she came to me and said that yeah,
Speaker 1: she wants to start her own her own social media business,
Speaker 1: and now I know a lot of bosses would be
Speaker 1: not happy with that. Obviously, I was devastated because I
Speaker 1: love her. But when she was talking about her starting
Speaker 1: her own business and going out on this new venture
Speaker 1: and being scared, I said, well, you know, you can't
Speaker 1: always wonder what if, because it's better to go and
Speaker 1: do the thing and see what happens and give it
Speaker 1: a bloody good hot go then be wondering for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life what if?
Speaker 2: What if I.
Speaker 1: Didn't do that and go and start my own business?
Speaker 1: And I know I would much rather take a chance,
Speaker 1: deal with some shitty opinions along the way, and know
Speaker 1: for myself when it comes to pursuing your dreams, you
Speaker 1: have to be very, very careful who you seek validation from.
Speaker 1: It's like, soon as you become a mom, how many
Speaker 1: opinions do you get? Bloody Betty's saying breastfeed to their
Speaker 1: fifteen Next bloody Bob over there saying, use your placenta
Speaker 1: to make your bloody vagina come back to life.
Speaker 2: I don't know, talking shit now.
Speaker 1: You can't listen to all of them because if your
Speaker 1: mom and you're listening to this, you would know how
Speaker 1: intense it is when you have your first kid and
Speaker 1: every bloody man and their dog have an opinion on
Speaker 1: what you should be doing. I had to learn that
Speaker 1: not every decision deserves a place in my decision making process.
Speaker 2: Like come on, decisions are hard enough. You have to
Speaker 2: trust in.
Speaker 1: Your own gut and your own decision making ability and
Speaker 1: only seek opinions from those who have walked to the
Speaker 1: walk and talk the talk themselves, and they are where
Speaker 1: you want to be. And that is the only thing,
Speaker 1: my friend, that makes me with a successful business any
Speaker 1: different from the next person. Is I valued my own
Speaker 1: opinions above the opinions of others.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: Now, let's talk about moving through this, because it's one
Speaker 1: thing for me to sit here and talk in your ear,
Speaker 1: but it's another to actually move through it for yourself.
Speaker 1: But I do hope you have had some light bulb moments,
Speaker 1: because there's nothing more freeing than throwing the weight of
Speaker 1: everyone else's expectations and opinions and even sometimes your own
Speaker 1: if you have high expectations off your shoulders. So how
Speaker 1: do you get out of your own way and get
Speaker 1: out of your own head and actually do the things
Speaker 1: that you've been wanting to do.
Speaker 2: Trust your vision, trust in yourself.
Speaker 1: For once, I'm the first person to say, and I
Speaker 1: really ruggle to make decisions. I never know what I
Speaker 1: should be having for lunch if I haven't meal prepped it.
Speaker 1: It could be the smallest thing for me. It's funny
Speaker 1: the little decisions I struggle with, but the big important
Speaker 1: ones I always just know because I've learnt before. There
Speaker 1: was like a year with Planner covers and I knew
Speaker 1: I had to do this special like the limited edition design.
Speaker 1: I wanted it to be across all the planners and
Speaker 1: the teams, what it was safe for, just to test
Speaker 1: it out first, and then it's sold in one night
Speaker 1: like all the Planners with that limited edition print sold
Speaker 1: out in literally one to two nights. And then I
Speaker 1: promised myself from that day forward, I need to trust
Speaker 1: my vision. I need to trust my gut when it
Speaker 1: comes to things, especially that I'm passionate about. And ever
Speaker 1: since then, especially for this year, I've done huge risks.
Speaker 1: I've made a huge risk with the planners, but I
Speaker 1: know that they're going to be twenty times better and
Speaker 1: I don't need anyone else to try and talk me
Speaker 1: out of that. But when it comes to other things,
Speaker 1: there's still a lot of times where I seek the
Speaker 1: opinion of others, whether that's for feedback on a social
Speaker 1: media post or maybe like a marketing strategy of my
Speaker 1: really good friend Stacy. She owns Last Minerals, so she's
Speaker 1: the CEO of Lust and we talk most days, and
Speaker 1: she's done what I've done. She's walked the walk, she's
Speaker 1: talk the talk, and she's where I want to be,
Speaker 1: and her values line up with my own as a person.
Speaker 1: So I do take her opinion on but in a
Speaker 1: good way, in a way that's constructive, which leads me
Speaker 1: onto the second thing that you can do, which is
Speaker 1: be able to divide opinions into constructive feedback and unsolicited advice.
Speaker 1: So unsolicited advice would be from people who maybe they
Speaker 1: don't have the same values as you. They don't live
Speaker 1: the life that you feel like aligns with your own.
Speaker 1: They aren't doing the things that you're doing. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that. For example, you know, I see opinion
Speaker 1: of my friend who runs another type of business. Just
Speaker 1: because they're not running an e commerce brand like me
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I warrant take on their opinion. But if
Speaker 1: that person holds the same values as me and lives
Speaker 1: a life in a similar alignment as me, as in, like,
Speaker 1: you know, she puts her family first, she's creative, she's driven,
Speaker 1: likes to take a risk. So obviously, if you're someone
Speaker 1: who wants to start your own business, I would say
Speaker 1: you should be listening to those who have started their
Speaker 1: own businesses over those who have been in the same
Speaker 1: nine to five job for decades and a very risk
Speaker 1: adverse because that's very different than what you are.
Speaker 2: Like, that doesn't line up, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's where you can divide the opinions into constructive feedback
Speaker 1: and unsolicited advice. So unsolicited advice is also those who
Speaker 1: just like to tell you their opinion without you asking
Speaker 1: for it.
Speaker 2: You know, those people that are just happy to tell
Speaker 2: you what they.
Speaker 1: Think even though you're like, I didn't ask. They're everywhere,
Speaker 1: and I had a lot of that at the very
Speaker 1: very start. Now, the third thing is reframing failure. I
Speaker 1: have dramatically changed my view on failing something, especially over
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, and I keep using SPP
Speaker 1: because it's like the stakes are high there, and I've
Speaker 1: had mistakes that have cost me a lot of money
Speaker 1: and have cost me a lot of stress and sleepless nights,
Speaker 1: Like the stakes are higher, So that's why I like
Speaker 1: to use it as an example. But over the years,
Speaker 1: I've had my fair share of failures. And I remember
Speaker 1: Ryan asked me.
Speaker 2: Literally the other week, if you could go back, what
Speaker 2: would you.
Speaker 1: Change, And even the ones where I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: just wish I knew this sooner, or I wish i'd
Speaker 1: changed this before this happened, I don't regret a single
Speaker 1: one of them because I wouldn't know what I know now.
Speaker 1: Each of those failures were really important lessons that I
Speaker 1: had to learn. Even though they sucked, they fucking sucked.
Speaker 1: And it's the same with things that happen in personal
Speaker 1: life and life. Sometimes people break your heart and make
Speaker 1: you see their real colors, but it's just saving you
Speaker 1: from more heartache further down the track. So as much
Speaker 1: as it is shit, anything that you feel like you
Speaker 1: have failed has taught you the biggest lesson, And I
Speaker 1: want you to decide is it a setback or a comeback.
Speaker 1: You're listening to a special best of edition of Stepping
Speaker 1: Up We've talked about being kinder to ourselves, and we've
Speaker 1: talked about not letting fear of failures stop us from
Speaker 1: taking action. But what it's the way we think is
Speaker 1: shaping far more of our lives than we actually realize.
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to be diving into exploring the connection
Speaker 1: between our thoughts, our habits, and the stories we tell
Speaker 1: ourselves every single day. How am I meant to change
Speaker 1: my brain and how it's been wired because we are
Speaker 1: now hardwired to act and think this way and emotionally
Speaker 1: react this way. But there is hope and there is
Speaker 1: ways that you can rewire your brain.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: The first thing is mental rehearsal. And I didn't realize this,
Speaker 1: but I actually used to do this a lot when
Speaker 1: I first launched my planners again, because I was doing
Speaker 1: some really big, bold moves back then and I'm still
Speaker 1: doing them, but on a different level. Back then something
Speaker 1: I've never done before, you know, going out giving money
Speaker 1: to these manufacturers and like putting myself out there even more.
Speaker 1: I had a lot of self doubt. So what I
Speaker 1: would do is every morning I would sit down and
Speaker 1: I would mentally rehearse how the day was going to
Speaker 1: go and I remember I did this also on my
Speaker 1: very first event when I launched the planner. I remember
Speaker 1: waking up and I mentally rehearsed how it was going
Speaker 1: to go, even down to what I was having for breakfast,
Speaker 1: or maybe I was listening to music. Like you need
Speaker 1: to be so so clear. And again, like I mentioned before,
Speaker 1: your brain doesn't know if it's just a thought or
Speaker 1: if it's reality. And that's also why things like vision
Speaker 1: boards are actually scientifically proven. If you look at them
Speaker 1: and actually mentally rehearse you achieving those goals, because then
Speaker 1: your brain actually creates new neural pathways and behaviors so
Speaker 1: you can actually achieve that goal because it thinks you've
Speaker 1: already done it. Now before you think this is all bullshit,
Speaker 1: because it's not. I've got the science. I've got some
Speaker 1: experiments that they did, and they shared this in the
Speaker 1: book as well. So in this experiment, there was a
Speaker 1: group of people who had to physically practice a song
Speaker 1: on the piano, and they had to do this over
Speaker 1: a certain amount of weeks, and then another group just
Speaker 1: had to imagine themselves doing it so they didn't touch
Speaker 1: the piano every day, had to do the same amount
Speaker 1: of practice but mentally as the people actually playing the piano. Now,
Speaker 1: at the end of the experiment, they scanned both sets
Speaker 1: of brain so both groups, the group that imagined doing
Speaker 1: the piano they didn't touch it, had grown the same
Speaker 1: neural connections in their brain as those who had actually
Speaker 1: played the instrument. So this just proves that by thought alone,
Speaker 1: they are literally rewiring their brain the same as those
Speaker 1: who actually practice doing the thing, and they didn't even
Speaker 1: touch the piano. Now, what if I told you you
Speaker 1: can not only just change the way your brain is
Speaker 1: wired by thought, but you can actually physically change your body.
Speaker 1: Now an article published in nineteen ninety two the Journal
Speaker 1: of Neurophysiology, the subjects were divided into three groups. The
Speaker 1: first group were asked to exercise by contracting and relaxing
Speaker 1: one finger on their left hand for five one hour
Speaker 1: training sessions per week for four weeks. The second group
Speaker 1: mentally rehearsed the same exercise on the same timetable without
Speaker 1: physically activating any muscles in the finger. Now, and then
Speaker 1: there was people in a control group who exercised neither
Speaker 1: their fingers or their mind, so they did nothing. At
Speaker 1: the end of the study, the scientists compared the finding.
Speaker 1: So the first set of participants who had their finger
Speaker 1: strength tested against the control group a no brainer. Obviously,
Speaker 1: the group who actually did the exercise showed thirty percent
Speaker 1: greater finger strength than those in the control group who
Speaker 1: did nothing.
Speaker 2: Now we all know, you know, when.
Speaker 1: You repeatedly do the same movement and load up a muscle,
Speaker 1: it gets stronger. But what you probably wouldn't expect is
Speaker 1: that people who mentally rehearsed the exercises showed a twenty
Speaker 1: two percent increase in muscle strength. So that just shows
Speaker 1: the mind produced an actual physical effect on the body.
Speaker 1: And they've also done this in so many other studies.
Speaker 1: They did the same with bicep curls, and again the
Speaker 1: people who just thought about it gained muscle mass in
Speaker 1: their biceps simply from thinking about it.
Speaker 2: And they didn't even lift up a dumbbell.
Speaker 1: So what I'm saying with all of this is if
Speaker 1: you can sit there every morning, and mornings and nights
Speaker 1: are the best time to do things like meditation, journal
Speaker 1: and mental rehearsal is because it is when your brain
Speaker 1: is more primed subconsciously to create changes. So you go
Speaker 1: into certain brain waves, which one is theater. I can't
Speaker 1: remember the other one, sorry, but yeah, your brain is
Speaker 1: basically more moldable at morning and night, and obviously when
Speaker 1: you're asleep because you are really tapped into your subconscious
Speaker 1: and your brain waves are literally at a different level.
Speaker 2: It's literally science, guys. I'm not full of shit.
Speaker 1: So if you can wake up every single morning and
Speaker 1: be so clear in your mind and mentally rehearse how
Speaker 1: your day's going to go, how you are going to
Speaker 1: react to certain situations, and just how you're going to
Speaker 1: conduct yourself as a human, how you're going to think,
Speaker 1: how you're going to feel and just really feel it,
Speaker 1: your brain will then start to create those pathways. So
Speaker 1: then you actually are able to turn up and do
Speaker 1: those things, and you can actually rewire our everyday normal.
Speaker 1: We can stop living in our past experiences and stop
Speaker 1: reacting as though we are in the past, and create
Speaker 1: a new reality in a new future. It's just insane
Speaker 1: and it really makes so so much sense. So I
Speaker 1: want you to start practicing your own mental rehearsals, and
Speaker 1: that's going to obviously prep you and prime your brain
Speaker 1: to start doing those actual behaviors.
Speaker 2: Now, the next thing you can do is journaling.
Speaker 1: This is really about awareness because firstly, the first thing
Speaker 1: to do any of this is to have awareness. I'm
Speaker 1: sure so many of you listening now before this episode
Speaker 1: didn't realize that most of these things that you do yourself.
Speaker 1: So now you've got the awareness, that's step one tick
Speaker 1: you guys pass that class. So journaling is so much
Speaker 1: more than writing dear diary, dear diary. Today, Susan in
Speaker 1: accounts was an asshole. It's about being aware of your
Speaker 1: day and your behavior and how you want to show
Speaker 1: up that day. So for me, a journaling practice I've
Speaker 1: done for years and I've talked about it before is
Speaker 1: I will literally in the morning, right about my day
Speaker 1: as if it's already happened. So again that's like a
Speaker 1: form of mental rehearsal. And I also will write down,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe about the day before about maybe there's
Speaker 1: a way I reacted that I didn't like, or maybe
Speaker 1: I felt like I wasn't present, and I'll actually pinpoint
Speaker 1: what it was. And the thing is, if we're not
Speaker 1: being aware, and you know, sitting down journaling or not,
Speaker 1: if you're not being aware of your life and what's
Speaker 1: going on and why you're feeling the way you're feeling
Speaker 1: things aren't going to change because it comes down to
Speaker 1: the awareness and actually being able to sit down and reflect.
Speaker 1: And if we don't do these things, we're just existing
Speaker 1: in our lives. We're not living, we're existing, and we're
Speaker 1: an autopilot and we're all programmed into the past negative
Speaker 1: behaviors that we've always known. Yes, we're not perfect, and
Speaker 1: you're not meant to be perfect, but there is just
Speaker 1: so much power that we have and we don't even
Speaker 1: realize it. And then, of course the other thing to
Speaker 1: do is meditation. Again, this is the activity that literally
Speaker 1: can tap into your subconscious because it gets your brain
Speaker 1: waves at that level where you can really tap into
Speaker 1: that and make new experiences. So literally rewire now. I
Speaker 1: will do you a full episode of meditation, because I
Speaker 1: feel like people think it's about again like sitting on
Speaker 1: a bloody rock for four hours, you're not allowed to
Speaker 1: have any thoughts, and that's not what it is at all.
Speaker 1: I have the busiest mind known to men, like gods,
Speaker 1: I have adhd okay, no joke. Meditation It changes my
Speaker 1: day instantly, I can't even tell you. And doing these
Speaker 1: things like mental rehearsal journaling and meditation will change your life,
Speaker 1: and it will really help you get out of those
Speaker 1: past behaviors and past thoughts. You know, It's just like
Speaker 1: all the times when we have that narrative we tell
Speaker 1: ourselves that we're not good enough, we're not smart enough.
Speaker 1: That will be because and I can bet you ninety
Speaker 1: percent of the time that is because ninety nine percent
Speaker 1: of the time that is because when you were younger,
Speaker 1: something happened where you felt that way. And that's the
Speaker 1: thing and the story and the narrative that your brain
Speaker 1: and body has told you ever since. So now you
Speaker 1: think that's what you are, what you think you become.
Speaker 1: It really is so true. That's it for today's special
Speaker 1: best of edition of Stepping Up. I hope these conversations
Speaker 1: have reminded you to be a little kinder to yourself,
Speaker 1: trust yourself a little bit more, and pay attention to
Speaker 1: the stories you're telling yourself every single day. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening, and remember what you think about
Speaker 1: consistently has far more power than you actually realize. I'll
Speaker 1: be back next week with a brand new episode. Until then, Bye,