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Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to Bounce Forward with Me, Tiff Paul.

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Speaker 1: I'd like to acknowledge your traditional custodians of the land

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Speaker 1: on which I'm recording this podcast. There were hundred people

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Speaker 1: of the Cooler Nation. I pay my respects to elders

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Speaker 1: past and present. Today's question is a little bit different,

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Speaker 1: so I'm going to split it into two episodes. Stephanie

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Speaker 1: wrote into the podcast and said, Hi, Tiff. I'm a

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Speaker 1: little bit ashamed to say I've only just discovered you

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Speaker 1: on socials and I found out all about your career. Wow.

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Speaker 1: I also noticed a lot of news articles always talking

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Speaker 1: about your body, and I wondered how that made you feel.

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Speaker 1: I know you speak about bouncing forward all the time

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Speaker 1: and accepting our post baby bodies, but how do you

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Speaker 1: deal with that much attention on your body? I would

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Speaker 1: hate that. Oh yes, it's been tough, Stephanie. Because I

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Speaker 1: was a fitness trainer in the public eye and worked

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Speaker 1: on The Biggest Loser, and you know, was on Tally

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Speaker 1: for a bit. It sort of was like the media

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Speaker 1: felt like they could just comment on my body all

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Speaker 1: the time, and I guess my body changed a lot

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Speaker 1: and they didn't expect this sixth then black belt super

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Speaker 1: fit gladiate a person to put on forty kilos and

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Speaker 1: you know, I ended my pregnancy up at over ninety

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Speaker 1: kilos or something, when I was usually sitting at you know,

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Speaker 1: fifty five kilos or something. I doubled my weight And

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Speaker 1: it was a tough time for me personally because I

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Speaker 1: really did feel like I was failing in having put

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Speaker 1: on so much weight. I was like, shouldn't a train

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Speaker 1: to just be like this stick figure with a bump?

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Speaker 1: You know? How come my body hold so much fluid?

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Speaker 1: How Come I couldn't control my hormones? How come I

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Speaker 1: had cravings? How come all this stuff happened to me?

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Speaker 1: And I just couldn't help that. My body just blew up,

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Speaker 1: And and I did feel like people would lose trust

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Speaker 1: in me, that I had failed people, because your body

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Speaker 1: is kind of a billboard for your fitness and your

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Speaker 1: methods as a trainer. And I was thinking, wow, I'm

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Speaker 1: not really projecting that I look fit. But then it

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Speaker 1: forced me to think in a more positive and reframe

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Speaker 1: that and go, am I less of a coach now

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Speaker 1: that I weigh more? You know? And really have the

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Speaker 1: hard discussions with myself and I thought to myself, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm still a good coach. It hasn't impacted the way

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Speaker 1: I coach or what I know, or my knowledge or anything.

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Speaker 1: And so it forced me to really knuckle down on

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Speaker 1: coaching people and really being more kind and compassionate to myself,

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Speaker 1: which is where the whole bounce forward philosophy came. But

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Speaker 1: to be honest, I was so sick of the media's

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Speaker 1: attention on my body. Like I would be interviewed, the

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Speaker 1: journalists would be like, are you scared of losing your fitness?

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Speaker 1: Are you scared of your body changing in pregnancy? And

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Speaker 1: all these questions, and I would be like, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess but and I was just so sick of, Oh,

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Speaker 1: let's get you in for a post baby photo shoot

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Speaker 1: eight weeks after having the baby. The pressure on women

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Speaker 1: that that's the whole reason I said I'm going to

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Speaker 1: bounce forward, because I was sick of that toxic pressure

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Speaker 1: that was coming through to always bounce back, bounce back,

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Speaker 1: bounce back through social media and the media, and so

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Speaker 1: I said it was going to bounce forward. And you know,

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Speaker 1: it's nothing new. There's interesting women's bodies in the media.

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Speaker 1: It's intense and it's unfair. Men never get put under

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Speaker 1: the same microscope. And then when we want to change

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Speaker 1: our bodies, right when we lose weight or get fit

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Speaker 1: or we change anyway, then there's some negativity around that.

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Speaker 1: It seems that it's okay for dads to have a

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Speaker 1: dad bod and want to change their dad bod, but

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Speaker 1: it's not okay for women to have a mom board

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Speaker 1: and want to change that and to get stronger and

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Speaker 1: to get fit. Because I received negativity when I was bigger,

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Speaker 1: and then I received negativity when I changed and I

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Speaker 1: got fit again. Oh, it's easier for you. You're a trainer,

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Speaker 1: as genetics or is this or is that? It's none

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Speaker 1: of those things. It was hard work. And actually, if

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Speaker 1: we're talking genetics, I actually put on fat stores pretty easily.

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Speaker 1: Like that's my body. I know that if I don't

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Speaker 1: train and eat badly, I put on weight very easily.

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Speaker 1: So it's actually harder for me to maintain a really

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Speaker 1: fit physique. And that was evident through my pregnancies, where

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Speaker 1: you know, I put on weight quite easily and just

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Speaker 1: it's snowballs. I really did struggle with having people talk

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Speaker 1: about my body so much. With Vader postpartum. I was

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Speaker 1: extremely vulnerable. I extremely struggled with it on the verge

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Speaker 1: of depression. To be honest, I couldn't deal with the

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Speaker 1: social media. I couldn't even be on social media. And

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Speaker 1: it was really hard for me because I run a

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Speaker 1: business where Instagram is the primary advertising platform for my business.

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Speaker 1: So being on Instagram, being present, posting often, being on Facebook,

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Speaker 1: you know, looking at it, being engaged, it's really important

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Speaker 1: for my business. But I just withdrew and I just

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Speaker 1: couldn't face it, and I actually had to have a

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Speaker 1: little bit of time off. I took four weeks of

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Speaker 1: mental health leave and I just was like, I told

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Speaker 1: my team, I'm going to take four weeks off, and

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Speaker 1: they were fantastic and prepton covered me. No one would

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Speaker 1: have ever known because we were posting all content or

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Speaker 1: you know, posting pre recorded stuff and things. But I

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Speaker 1: needed four weeks to actually shut down from the world

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Speaker 1: and just be like, right, tip, oh my gosh, all

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Speaker 1: this noise about your body. And to be honest, at

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Speaker 1: that time, I was breastfeeding. I was struggling with breastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't exercise too much or diet because I was

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Speaker 1: breastfeeding and wanting to preserve my milk supply, struggling with

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Speaker 1: my milk supply, so I was scared to exercise. I

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Speaker 1: was scared to die. I was eating more food because

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Speaker 1: I wanted to try and get that milk going. I

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Speaker 1: was on medication to try and help the milk. Vader

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Speaker 1: wasn't feeding. She was a sleepy baby. She wasn't interested

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Speaker 1: in breastfeeding at all. So breastfeeding is all about supply

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Speaker 1: and demand. The baby sucks, more milk comes. But because

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Speaker 1: she wasn't sucking hard, my milk just wasn't coming in.

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Speaker 1: And so I was power pumping. And any of the

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Speaker 1: mom's out there who has ever experienced pumping, it can

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Speaker 1: be such a soul destroying experience when you were sitting

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Speaker 1: on that breast pump all day and I would pump

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Speaker 1: before and after feed to stimulate the milk. And I

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Speaker 1: was doing twenty minute sessions before and after every feed.

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Speaker 1: And if you're feeding, you know, six to eight times

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Speaker 1: a day, that's a hell of a lot of pumping.

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Speaker 1: And it was just killing me when I wasn't getting

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Speaker 1: anything out, you know, And I was determined to hang

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Speaker 1: in them for breastfeeding until my mental health health was

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Speaker 1: just declining, and I thought, you know what, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to take some time off for me, off work, off media,

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Speaker 1: off social media, completely black it out. And I also

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Speaker 1: decided I'm going to give up breastfeeding. And that was

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Speaker 1: a huge emotional decision for me, and I even get

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Speaker 1: teary thinking about it now. All those guilty feelings that

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Speaker 1: come up. Oh my god, I'm failing my baby. You know.

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Speaker 1: I was comparing it to my sister who had a

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Speaker 1: baby at the exact same time, and she was breastfeeding easily,

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Speaker 1: and I was like failing my daughter, and all of

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Speaker 1: those feelings come up when actually it's not true. Fed

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Speaker 1: is best. And I started formula feeding my baby. She

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Speaker 1: wasn't gaining weight, she was failing to thrive throughout the

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Speaker 1: maternal health nurse every single week, having a way in,

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Speaker 1: she had ur rates in her nappy, like the things

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Speaker 1: were bad. So I needed to get her on formula

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Speaker 1: so quickly to make sure she was putting on weight

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Speaker 1: and she would thrive. And I did that, but I

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Speaker 1: felt so guilty about it. And it's so bad that

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Speaker 1: mums get shamed for bottle feeding or formula feeding, whereas

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Speaker 1: I breastfeed. Arnold exclusively for nearly eighteen months, you know,

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Speaker 1: and breastfed him easily. He was a strong sucker, and

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Speaker 1: we had great boobage and great milk supply and it

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Speaker 1: just always flowed. It was fine. And to have them

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Speaker 1: and not work out with Vader, I was destroyed. So

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Speaker 1: coupled that personal vulnerable experience of breastfeeding with and any

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Speaker 1: mum struggling to feed their child will understand. Put that

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Speaker 1: under a microscope where people are also commenting on your

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Speaker 1: body being overweight and wondering how quickly you're going to

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Speaker 1: lose the baby weight. And I fell apart. And that

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Speaker 1: was the reason I decided to create Mumbo in my program.

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Speaker 1: And I would always film in perfect condition, like where

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Speaker 1: I felt really strong and fit, and you know, like,

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Speaker 1: but with Mumbod, I said, we're going to film next week.

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Speaker 1: I have a big mum tum. I am still overweight,

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Speaker 1: i am not at all fit, but I'm going to

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Speaker 1: roll my tights down. I'm not going to even hide

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Speaker 1: my tummy in my tights. Like you know how you

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Speaker 1: can tuck it in any of my mum's out there

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Speaker 1: with blue skin or mum tums, you can kind of

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Speaker 1: suck it in with tights. I rolled my tights all

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Speaker 1: the way down to my undies and I film the

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Speaker 1: whole program with my tummy out there to show the

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Speaker 1: correct technique and to show how to engage that mum

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Speaker 1: tum and really rehabilitate the right muscles, and to do

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Speaker 1: it properly without the pressure. Because that pressure was making

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Speaker 1: me feel like, oh my god, I've got to go

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Speaker 1: for a ten k run, oh my god, I've got

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Speaker 1: to start dieting. That pressure was really getting to me.

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Speaker 1: And I said, no, we're going to start by rehabilitating

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Speaker 1: the right muscles, the pelvic floor, the lower abdominals, the core,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to do it slowly with fifteen minute

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Speaker 1: workouts three times a week. That's it. That's all I

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Speaker 1: could cope with mentally and physically at that time. And

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Speaker 1: Mumboard was such a huge success because so many women

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Speaker 1: just rolled down their tights and said, I'm here with you, Tiff.

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Speaker 1: I feel exactly the same way. I'm feeling that pressure myself.

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Speaker 1: And women feel that pressure, whether it's going back to

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Speaker 1: work and people commenting the first thing they say, oh,

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Speaker 1: you look great after you've had a baby and you've

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Speaker 1: returned to work. For the first time. Like that pressure

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Speaker 1: on how mums look after they've had babies is just

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Speaker 1: so disgusting and I just really wanted to put a

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Speaker 1: stop to that with my Mumboard program. Thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for listening to Bounce Forward. I love having your company,

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Speaker 1: so please DM me on Instagram at tiffholl Underscore XO

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Speaker 1: and let me know what questions you'd love me to cover.

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Speaker 1: Don't forget to rate and review me on your podcast

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Speaker 1: out Speak soon. Happy Days,