Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I
Speaker 1: A Bad MoMA? Podcast? It's the question we constantly ask,
Speaker 1: am I A bad mum?
Speaker 2: It's a great reflective question that we do ask. Painting
Speaker 2: can get really tough, really, I would say spicy some days.
Speaker 2: If you were to describe your household, like in a
Speaker 2: recipe sense, what would it be.
Speaker 1: It would be like a Vinderloo curry, like it's there
Speaker 1: to really mess shit up. It's going to burn your
Speaker 1: mouth and then you're gonna beat the other end is
Speaker 1: going to be terrible.
Speaker 3: Terrible, and then it carries over the next day as well.
Speaker 1: Like just angry, noisy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would feel like maybe some days it would
Speaker 2: almost be like a sushi train experience. Sometimes you just
Speaker 2: don't even know when the train's coming. You're just like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck, that's gone hour. Oh no, then that's happening,
Speaker 2: and then I'm meant to beware, and you just I
Speaker 2: feel like so many moving pieces.
Speaker 1: I was in sushi train yesterday. I realized that when
Speaker 1: you sit on the opposite side, So if you're in
Speaker 1: a booth and you sit on the opposite side and
Speaker 1: so the train is going past you that other way,
Speaker 1: it's not coming towards you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's quite stressful.
Speaker 1: I feel like I keep looking like I'm trying to
Speaker 1: talk to my kids and you know, ask them about
Speaker 1: their day and be present, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Constantly like salmon and falking hungry.
Speaker 1: Am I about mum or over sharing?
Speaker 3: Over sharing?
Speaker 1: I don't feel like a massive oversharer. You know when
Speaker 1: people put stuff on social sometimes and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, oh, that's out there. Yeah, it's out there.
Speaker 2: Now, let's just talk about the fact that we've got
Speaker 2: a podcast that we share everything on. And this has
Speaker 2: been brought to our attention several times by all four
Speaker 2: of our children. But the other side of it is
Speaker 2: is that your kids are also now of a different
Speaker 2: age where there probably still are boundaries, but there's probably
Speaker 2: not a lot that you can't overshare with.
Speaker 3: They're quite cluey.
Speaker 1: I don't have to make anything PG no no, And
Speaker 1: when I look at they teach us things at times. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you had a look at what they watch on Netflix,
Speaker 1: it's very adult.
Speaker 3: It's all very adult.
Speaker 1: I've lost control fully, But this is off the back
Speaker 1: of going to see a counselor. We openly talk on
Speaker 1: this podcast about how we feel about psychology. In that
Speaker 1: we go to the gym for our physical health, for
Speaker 1: our bodies, we should be going to see people about
Speaker 1: health as well. It's really important, especially when you've got
Speaker 1: kids that also need to see psychologists for whatever reason, anxiety,
Speaker 1: o CD, you know, whatever it might be, to normalize that.
Speaker 1: Like I go to I think it's really important.
Speaker 2: I don't think that anyone should be around that whole
Speaker 2: area of being exempt of therapy. And it might just
Speaker 2: be every piece of therapy is different. There's all different types.
Speaker 2: You might see a psychiatrist, psychologist, you might speak to
Speaker 2: a therapist that's really just about talk therapy, which is
Speaker 2: another whole, you know, area of being able to help.
Speaker 2: There's so much out there on offer, and I think
Speaker 2: the open transparency from us to our children is a
Speaker 2: great way of sort of going, look what I do.
Speaker 2: I do this for myself, my mental health, my well being,
Speaker 2: and you know there are options for them as well.
Speaker 2: I think it's a great way to sort of lead
Speaker 2: by your actions rather than just words.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think once upon a time it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to see a psychologist, like there's something wrong
Speaker 1: with me, you know, whereas now it's like I feel
Speaker 1: like everyone should. Yeah, I mean it's expensive, so very
Speaker 1: it can't all the time.
Speaker 3: I could claim it back. You can't go every week
Speaker 3: but claim it back on my parents. No, I mean no, no,
Speaker 3: no no.
Speaker 1: And then I was explaining it to my kids and
Speaker 1: I just said, you know, I went to you know,
Speaker 1: see this lady, and blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: It was really great.
Speaker 1: I feel good.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And Amelia had this moment. We got out of the
Speaker 1: car and she came around. She gave me a hug,
Speaker 1: and she went, oh, mom, I wish that you could
Speaker 1: see yourself like everybody else sees you. And I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I had not talked to her about what I'd spoken
Speaker 1: about to this particular counselor. I don't go into detail.
Speaker 1: You know, if you go and see a psychologist, then
Speaker 1: it's your own business, Like you don't want other people
Speaker 1: knowing about all your fucked up shit.
Speaker 2: It's a bag of things that were all carry with us,
Speaker 2: you know, like we all have a bag of stuff
Speaker 2: that you go that there is a bag of fucked
Speaker 2: up shit.
Speaker 3: That I carry with me for my whole entire life.
Speaker 3: I'm ready to leave it here and let it go.
Speaker 3: We've all got one.
Speaker 1: And literally, I'll let my psychologists know about this, but
Speaker 1: nobody else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not leaving this room the wolves.
Speaker 1: Later on that night, Holly came downstairs and she was
Speaker 1: really questioning her ability to play the guitar. So she
Speaker 1: has been learning the guitar. When I say has been learning,
Speaker 1: we offered to yeah, we offered to get her lessons.
Speaker 1: She didn't want lessons.
Speaker 3: She picked up a.
Speaker 1: Guitar on New Year's Day and she has practiced every
Speaker 1: day since then, and has taught herself chords and writes
Speaker 1: them all down in a book, and has learned songs.
Speaker 1: And she literally goes onto YouTube and learns songs so good.
Speaker 1: And I do tell her that I'm so impressed, but
Speaker 1: I wonder whether I don't tell her enough, because she
Speaker 1: was very much full of self doubt. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's very good, so and so it is better at it.
Speaker 1: She's been singing as well, so she's been learning songs
Speaker 1: and then singing too. And I just all of a
Speaker 1: sudden saw this massive insecurity around her self belief, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, fuck, this is me, look what
Speaker 1: I've done. And I thought, well, I don't say any
Speaker 1: of that I remember my mum was constantly dieting, so
Speaker 1: she would be doing Waitros one minute, and then she'd
Speaker 1: be doing you know, slimming World the next minute. And
Speaker 1: she'd go on these like crazy diets and then she'd
Speaker 1: obviously stop the diet and go back to normal. And
Speaker 1: then it was like that was a constant. It was
Speaker 1: always about wait for her. Yeah, and I was very
Speaker 1: aware of that didn't stop me as a teenager walking
Speaker 1: past Makis buying a burger, then walking past hungry Jackson
Speaker 1: buying another burger, Like, I still didn't really care about that.
Speaker 1: I feel like Artina is just a lot more educated
Speaker 1: these days and what's good for your body.
Speaker 3: And what's not.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just had that feeling of I've never
Speaker 1: spoke to my kids about any of my own issues. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yet they're picking up on it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's one of those harder topics to kind of, you know,
Speaker 2: explain so quickly in one of our podcasts, which is
Speaker 2: all about that actions.
Speaker 3: Words, behaviors.
Speaker 2: They watch, they listen, They soak up everything that you're
Speaker 2: you know, you're doing. Like you just said, for instance,
Speaker 2: with Amelia, you hadn't told her anything to do with
Speaker 2: what your therapy session was about no that in itself
Speaker 2: shows with just her words and the way that she
Speaker 2: cares for you, that it was a pretty nail on
Speaker 2: the head kind of comment to make for you in
Speaker 2: terms of what you were sort of working through yourself
Speaker 2: on a personal level. That's crazy that stuff doesn't just happen, though,
Speaker 2: Like that is them being connected with you on so
Speaker 2: many more levels, so many more. Like I am probably
Speaker 2: not the person to sit here and tell everyone on
Speaker 2: all of the levels of which that is. I do
Speaker 2: believe it, though, that there is that connection that you know,
Speaker 2: once you have that baby, you're connected for life. You know,
Speaker 2: like when they cut that umbilical cord, the strings never disconnect.
Speaker 2: That's your baby. That's how she obviously has picked up
Speaker 2: on that. She's felt what you're feeling. You know, we
Speaker 2: do the whole am I bad mum thing. I think
Speaker 2: that's a positive thing. I look at that and go, wow,
Speaker 2: you must be really proud as a parent to see
Speaker 2: your daughter and hear your daughter show that compassion to
Speaker 2: you as another human being, not just mum, but like
Speaker 2: as another human being, to go, oh wow, mom's really
Speaker 2: feeling it today. I wish you could just understand how
Speaker 2: much you know they appreciate you. That in itself is
Speaker 2: such a positive, such a positive, even when you're feeling
Speaker 2: as blat and low as you you know you might
Speaker 2: have been on that particular day. I think that's a
Speaker 2: win for a parenting moment. And yeah, when you see
Speaker 2: the other side of it, as in the knock on
Speaker 2: effect with Holly, with that self doubt and that you know,
Speaker 2: question her own ability, I think it's a great thing
Speaker 2: of being able to like look and see and acknowledge
Speaker 2: that you can see where she's at to be able
Speaker 2: to then maybe give her some tools to be able
Speaker 2: to work through it at her age rather than getting
Speaker 2: to our age and then trying to work through it
Speaker 2: I'm nearly forty at nearly forty, rather than you know,
Speaker 2: at their age at sixteen. When that you're always sort
Speaker 2: of going, Okay, well, here's why don't you try this
Speaker 2: and this and this and why don't we work together
Speaker 2: and you know, seeing a therapist or whatever it is,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, You're giving her the tools way earlier
Speaker 2: than what we did.
Speaker 3: It's a positive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting, thank you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you we looked at that.
Speaker 1: My thing was ah, you fucked her up as well.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: See day, like when you talk to therapists or you know,
Speaker 1: see what people are saying on social media about traumas
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, it all comes from your parents mostly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, ah shit, how did I learn?
Speaker 3: And that too late? I think there's a difference though.
Speaker 2: I think right now if we were talking about like generations,
Speaker 2: like this is going really deep for am I bad mom,
Speaker 2: But generations is that you and I are in our
Speaker 2: forties and we're trying to do the work. We're trying
Speaker 2: to get the tools now on this toolkit of life
Speaker 2: of being able to go, Okay, how do I handle
Speaker 2: myself when I hit that self doubt? We all do it?
Speaker 2: Or like what about my self worth? It's really flat
Speaker 2: right now? Geez, I'm feeling it. How to take yourself
Speaker 2: out of that. The thing that they've got now is
Speaker 2: the sixteen you're seeing that for them, you have the
Speaker 2: tools in your tool to be able to hand down
Speaker 2: to them now like at that age doesn't mean that
Speaker 2: it's going to stop like instantly fix something, but how
Speaker 2: that is so much more than what we.
Speaker 3: Had right that's such positive. I think that's super positive.
Speaker 3: On you Am I bad mom? How No, you're a
Speaker 3: good mom.
Speaker 1: Seriously, though, I can't afford to put us all through therapy.