WEBVTT - We all need therapy!

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<v Speaker 1>Apogee Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

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<v Speaker 1>A Bad MoMA? Podcast? It's the question we constantly ask,

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<v Speaker 1>am I A bad mum?

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<v Speaker 2>It's a great reflective question that we do ask. Painting

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<v Speaker 2>can get really tough, really, I would say spicy some days.

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<v Speaker 2>If you were to describe your household, like in a

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<v Speaker 2>recipe sense, what would it be.

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<v Speaker 1>It would be like a Vinderloo curry, like it's there

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<v Speaker 1>to really mess shit up. It's going to burn your

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<v Speaker 1>mouth and then you're gonna beat the other end is

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<v Speaker 1>going to be terrible.

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<v Speaker 3>Terrible, and then it carries over the next day as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Like just angry, noisy.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I would feel like maybe some days it would

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<v Speaker 2>almost be like a sushi train experience. Sometimes you just

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<v Speaker 2>don't even know when the train's coming. You're just like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh fuck, that's gone hour. Oh no, then that's happening,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I'm meant to beware, and you just I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like so many moving pieces.

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<v Speaker 1>I was in sushi train yesterday. I realized that when

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<v Speaker 1>you sit on the opposite side, So if you're in

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<v Speaker 1>a booth and you sit on the opposite side and

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<v Speaker 1>so the train is going past you that other way,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not coming towards you.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's quite stressful.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like I keep looking like I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to my kids and you know, ask them about

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<v Speaker 1>their day and be present, and I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Constantly like salmon and falking hungry.

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<v Speaker 1>Am I about mum or over sharing?

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<v Speaker 3>Over sharing?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like a massive oversharer. You know when

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<v Speaker 1>people put stuff on social sometimes and you're.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, oh, that's out there. Yeah, it's out there.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, let's just talk about the fact that we've got

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<v Speaker 2>a podcast that we share everything on. And this has

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<v Speaker 2>been brought to our attention several times by all four

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<v Speaker 2>of our children. But the other side of it is

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<v Speaker 2>is that your kids are also now of a different

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<v Speaker 2>age where there probably still are boundaries, but there's probably

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<v Speaker 2>not a lot that you can't overshare with.

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<v Speaker 3>They're quite cluey.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have to make anything PG no no, And

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<v Speaker 1>when I look at they teach us things at times. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>if you had a look at what they watch on Netflix,

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<v Speaker 1>it's very adult.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all very adult.

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<v Speaker 1>I've lost control fully, But this is off the back

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<v Speaker 1>of going to see a counselor. We openly talk on

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast about how we feel about psychology. In that

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<v Speaker 1>we go to the gym for our physical health, for

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<v Speaker 1>our bodies, we should be going to see people about

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<v Speaker 1>health as well. It's really important, especially when you've got

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<v Speaker 1>kids that also need to see psychologists for whatever reason, anxiety,

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<v Speaker 1>o CD, you know, whatever it might be, to normalize that.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I go to I think it's really important.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think that anyone should be around that whole

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<v Speaker 2>area of being exempt of therapy. And it might just

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<v Speaker 2>be every piece of therapy is different. There's all different types.

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<v Speaker 2>You might see a psychiatrist, psychologist, you might speak to

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<v Speaker 2>a therapist that's really just about talk therapy, which is

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<v Speaker 2>another whole, you know, area of being able to help.

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<v Speaker 2>There's so much out there on offer, and I think

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<v Speaker 2>the open transparency from us to our children is a

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<v Speaker 2>great way of sort of going, look what I do.

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<v Speaker 2>I do this for myself, my mental health, my well being,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know there are options for them as well.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's a great way to sort of lead

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<v Speaker 2>by your actions rather than just words.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because I think once upon a time it was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to see a psychologist, like there's something wrong

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<v Speaker 1>with me, you know, whereas now it's like I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like everyone should. Yeah, I mean it's expensive, so very

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<v Speaker 1>it can't all the time.

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<v Speaker 3>I could claim it back. You can't go every week

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<v Speaker 3>but claim it back on my parents. No, I mean no, no,

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<v Speaker 3>no no.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I was explaining it to my kids and

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<v Speaker 1>I just said, you know, I went to you know,

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<v Speaker 1>see this lady, and blah blah blah.

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<v Speaker 3>It was really great.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel good.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And Amelia had this moment. We got out of the

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<v Speaker 1>car and she came around. She gave me a hug,

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<v Speaker 1>and she went, oh, mom, I wish that you could

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<v Speaker 1>see yourself like everybody else sees you. And I was like, wow,

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<v Speaker 1>I had not talked to her about what I'd spoken

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<v Speaker 1>about to this particular counselor. I don't go into detail.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, if you go and see a psychologist, then

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<v Speaker 1>it's your own business, Like you don't want other people

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<v Speaker 1>knowing about all your fucked up shit.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a bag of things that were all carry with us,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like we all have a bag of stuff

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<v Speaker 2>that you go that there is a bag of fucked

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<v Speaker 2>up shit.

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<v Speaker 3>That I carry with me for my whole entire life.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm ready to leave it here and let it go.

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<v Speaker 3>We've all got one.

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<v Speaker 1>And literally, I'll let my psychologists know about this, but

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<v Speaker 1>nobody else.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's not leaving this room the wolves.

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<v Speaker 1>Later on that night, Holly came downstairs and she was

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<v Speaker 1>really questioning her ability to play the guitar. So she

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<v Speaker 1>has been learning the guitar. When I say has been learning,

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<v Speaker 1>we offered to yeah, we offered to get her lessons.

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<v Speaker 1>She didn't want lessons.

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<v Speaker 3>She picked up a.

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<v Speaker 1>Guitar on New Year's Day and she has practiced every

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<v Speaker 1>day since then, and has taught herself chords and writes

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<v Speaker 1>them all down in a book, and has learned songs.

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<v Speaker 1>And she literally goes onto YouTube and learns songs so good.

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<v Speaker 1>And I do tell her that I'm so impressed, but

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<v Speaker 1>I wonder whether I don't tell her enough, because she

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<v Speaker 1>was very much full of self doubt. I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>it's very good, so and so it is better at it.

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<v Speaker 1>She's been singing as well, so she's been learning songs

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<v Speaker 1>and then singing too. And I just all of a

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<v Speaker 1>sudden saw this massive insecurity around her self belief, and

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like, fuck, this is me, look what

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<v Speaker 1>I've done. And I thought, well, I don't say any

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<v Speaker 1>of that I remember my mum was constantly dieting, so

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<v Speaker 1>she would be doing Waitros one minute, and then she'd

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<v Speaker 1>be doing you know, slimming World the next minute. And

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<v Speaker 1>she'd go on these like crazy diets and then she'd

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<v Speaker 1>obviously stop the diet and go back to normal. And

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<v Speaker 1>then it was like that was a constant. It was

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<v Speaker 1>always about wait for her. Yeah, and I was very

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<v Speaker 1>aware of that didn't stop me as a teenager walking

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<v Speaker 1>past Makis buying a burger, then walking past hungry Jackson

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<v Speaker 1>buying another burger, Like, I still didn't really care about that.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like Artina is just a lot more educated

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<v Speaker 1>these days and what's good for your body.

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<v Speaker 3>And what's not.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, I just had that feeling of I've never

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<v Speaker 1>spoke to my kids about any of my own issues. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but yet they're picking up on it.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>It's one of those harder topics to kind of, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>explain so quickly in one of our podcasts, which is

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<v Speaker 2>all about that actions.

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<v Speaker 3>Words, behaviors.

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<v Speaker 2>They watch, they listen, They soak up everything that you're

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you're doing. Like you just said, for instance,

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<v Speaker 2>with Amelia, you hadn't told her anything to do with

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<v Speaker 2>what your therapy session was about no that in itself

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<v Speaker 2>shows with just her words and the way that she

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<v Speaker 2>cares for you, that it was a pretty nail on

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<v Speaker 2>the head kind of comment to make for you in

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<v Speaker 2>terms of what you were sort of working through yourself

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<v Speaker 2>on a personal level. That's crazy that stuff doesn't just happen, though,

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<v Speaker 2>Like that is them being connected with you on so

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<v Speaker 2>many more levels, so many more. Like I am probably

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<v Speaker 2>not the person to sit here and tell everyone on

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<v Speaker 2>all of the levels of which that is. I do

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<v Speaker 2>believe it, though, that there is that connection that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>once you have that baby, you're connected for life. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>like when they cut that umbilical cord, the strings never disconnect.

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<v Speaker 2>That's your baby. That's how she obviously has picked up

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<v Speaker 2>on that. She's felt what you're feeling. You know, we

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<v Speaker 2>do the whole am I bad mum thing. I think

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<v Speaker 2>that's a positive thing. I look at that and go, wow,

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<v Speaker 2>you must be really proud as a parent to see

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<v Speaker 2>your daughter and hear your daughter show that compassion to

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<v Speaker 2>you as another human being, not just mum, but like

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<v Speaker 2>as another human being, to go, oh wow, mom's really

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<v Speaker 2>feeling it today. I wish you could just understand how

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<v Speaker 2>much you know they appreciate you. That in itself is

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<v Speaker 2>such a positive, such a positive, even when you're feeling

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<v Speaker 2>as blat and low as you you know you might

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<v Speaker 2>have been on that particular day. I think that's a

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<v Speaker 2>win for a parenting moment. And yeah, when you see

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<v Speaker 2>the other side of it, as in the knock on

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<v Speaker 2>effect with Holly, with that self doubt and that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>question her own ability, I think it's a great thing

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<v Speaker 2>of being able to like look and see and acknowledge

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<v Speaker 2>that you can see where she's at to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to then maybe give her some tools to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to work through it at her age rather than getting

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<v Speaker 2>to our age and then trying to work through it

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<v Speaker 2>I'm nearly forty at nearly forty, rather than you know,

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<v Speaker 2>at their age at sixteen. When that you're always sort

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<v Speaker 2>of going, Okay, well, here's why don't you try this

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<v Speaker 2>and this and this and why don't we work together

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, seeing a therapist or whatever it is,

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<v Speaker 2>whatever it is, You're giving her the tools way earlier

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<v Speaker 2>than what we did.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a positive.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's interesting, thank you.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you we looked at that.

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<v Speaker 1>My thing was ah, you fucked her up as well.

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<v Speaker 2>No.

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<v Speaker 1>See day, like when you talk to therapists or you know,

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<v Speaker 1>see what people are saying on social media about traumas

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<v Speaker 1>and stuff like that, it all comes from your parents mostly. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>so I'm like, ah shit, how did I learn?

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<v Speaker 3>And that too late? I think there's a difference though.

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<v Speaker 2>I think right now if we were talking about like generations,

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<v Speaker 2>like this is going really deep for am I bad mom,

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<v Speaker 2>But generations is that you and I are in our

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<v Speaker 2>forties and we're trying to do the work. We're trying

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<v Speaker 2>to get the tools now on this toolkit of life

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<v Speaker 2>of being able to go, Okay, how do I handle

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<v Speaker 2>myself when I hit that self doubt? We all do it?

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<v Speaker 2>Or like what about my self worth? It's really flat

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<v Speaker 2>right now? Geez, I'm feeling it. How to take yourself

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<v Speaker 2>out of that. The thing that they've got now is

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<v Speaker 2>the sixteen you're seeing that for them, you have the

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<v Speaker 2>tools in your tool to be able to hand down

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<v Speaker 2>to them now like at that age doesn't mean that

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<v Speaker 2>it's going to stop like instantly fix something, but how

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<v Speaker 2>that is so much more than what we.

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<v Speaker 3>Had right that's such positive. I think that's super positive.

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<v Speaker 3>On you Am I bad mom? How No, you're a

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<v Speaker 3>good mom.

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<v Speaker 1>Seriously, though, I can't afford to put us all through therapy.