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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

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Speaker 1: A Bad MoMA? Podcast? It's the question we constantly ask,

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Speaker 1: am I A bad mum?

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Speaker 2: It's a great reflective question that we do ask. Painting

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Speaker 2: can get really tough, really, I would say spicy some days.

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Speaker 2: If you were to describe your household, like in a

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Speaker 2: recipe sense, what would it be.

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Speaker 1: It would be like a Vinderloo curry, like it's there

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Speaker 1: to really mess shit up. It's going to burn your

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Speaker 1: mouth and then you're gonna beat the other end is

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Speaker 1: going to be terrible.

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Speaker 3: Terrible, and then it carries over the next day as well.

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Speaker 1: Like just angry, noisy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would feel like maybe some days it would

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Speaker 2: almost be like a sushi train experience. Sometimes you just

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Speaker 2: don't even know when the train's coming. You're just like,

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Speaker 2: oh fuck, that's gone hour. Oh no, then that's happening,

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Speaker 2: and then I'm meant to beware, and you just I

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Speaker 2: feel like so many moving pieces.

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Speaker 1: I was in sushi train yesterday. I realized that when

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Speaker 1: you sit on the opposite side, So if you're in

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Speaker 1: a booth and you sit on the opposite side and

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Speaker 1: so the train is going past you that other way,

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Speaker 1: it's not coming towards you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's quite stressful.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I keep looking like I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: talk to my kids and you know, ask them about

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Speaker 1: their day and be present, and I'm.

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Speaker 2: Constantly like salmon and falking hungry.

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Speaker 1: Am I about mum or over sharing?

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Speaker 3: Over sharing?

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like a massive oversharer. You know when

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Speaker 1: people put stuff on social sometimes and you're.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh, that's out there. Yeah, it's out there.

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Speaker 2: Now, let's just talk about the fact that we've got

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Speaker 2: a podcast that we share everything on. And this has

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Speaker 2: been brought to our attention several times by all four

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Speaker 2: of our children. But the other side of it is

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Speaker 2: is that your kids are also now of a different

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Speaker 2: age where there probably still are boundaries, but there's probably

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Speaker 2: not a lot that you can't overshare with.

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Speaker 3: They're quite cluey.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to make anything PG no no, And

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Speaker 1: when I look at they teach us things at times. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you had a look at what they watch on Netflix,

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Speaker 1: it's very adult.

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Speaker 3: It's all very adult.

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Speaker 1: I've lost control fully, But this is off the back

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Speaker 1: of going to see a counselor. We openly talk on

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Speaker 1: this podcast about how we feel about psychology. In that

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Speaker 1: we go to the gym for our physical health, for

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Speaker 1: our bodies, we should be going to see people about

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Speaker 1: health as well. It's really important, especially when you've got

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Speaker 1: kids that also need to see psychologists for whatever reason, anxiety,

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Speaker 1: o CD, you know, whatever it might be, to normalize that.

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Speaker 1: Like I go to I think it's really important.

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Speaker 2: I don't think that anyone should be around that whole

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Speaker 2: area of being exempt of therapy. And it might just

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Speaker 2: be every piece of therapy is different. There's all different types.

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Speaker 2: You might see a psychiatrist, psychologist, you might speak to

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Speaker 2: a therapist that's really just about talk therapy, which is

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Speaker 2: another whole, you know, area of being able to help.

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Speaker 2: There's so much out there on offer, and I think

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Speaker 2: the open transparency from us to our children is a

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Speaker 2: great way of sort of going, look what I do.

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Speaker 2: I do this for myself, my mental health, my well being,

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Speaker 2: and you know there are options for them as well.

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Speaker 2: I think it's a great way to sort of lead

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Speaker 2: by your actions rather than just words.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think once upon a time it was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to see a psychologist, like there's something wrong

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Speaker 1: with me, you know, whereas now it's like I feel

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Speaker 1: like everyone should. Yeah, I mean it's expensive, so very

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Speaker 1: it can't all the time.

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Speaker 3: I could claim it back. You can't go every week

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Speaker 3: but claim it back on my parents. No, I mean no, no,

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Speaker 3: no no.

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Speaker 1: And then I was explaining it to my kids and

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Speaker 1: I just said, you know, I went to you know,

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Speaker 1: see this lady, and blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: It was really great.

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Speaker 1: I feel good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And Amelia had this moment. We got out of the

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Speaker 1: car and she came around. She gave me a hug,

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Speaker 1: and she went, oh, mom, I wish that you could

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Speaker 1: see yourself like everybody else sees you. And I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: I had not talked to her about what I'd spoken

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Speaker 1: about to this particular counselor. I don't go into detail.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you go and see a psychologist, then

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Speaker 1: it's your own business, Like you don't want other people

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Speaker 1: knowing about all your fucked up shit.

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Speaker 2: It's a bag of things that were all carry with us,

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Speaker 2: you know, like we all have a bag of stuff

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Speaker 2: that you go that there is a bag of fucked

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Speaker 2: up shit.

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Speaker 3: That I carry with me for my whole entire life.

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Speaker 3: I'm ready to leave it here and let it go.

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Speaker 3: We've all got one.

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Speaker 1: And literally, I'll let my psychologists know about this, but

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Speaker 1: nobody else.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not leaving this room the wolves.

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Speaker 1: Later on that night, Holly came downstairs and she was

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Speaker 1: really questioning her ability to play the guitar. So she

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Speaker 1: has been learning the guitar. When I say has been learning,

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Speaker 1: we offered to yeah, we offered to get her lessons.

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Speaker 1: She didn't want lessons.

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Speaker 3: She picked up a.

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Speaker 1: Guitar on New Year's Day and she has practiced every

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Speaker 1: day since then, and has taught herself chords and writes

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Speaker 1: them all down in a book, and has learned songs.

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Speaker 1: And she literally goes onto YouTube and learns songs so good.

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Speaker 1: And I do tell her that I'm so impressed, but

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Speaker 1: I wonder whether I don't tell her enough, because she

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Speaker 1: was very much full of self doubt. I don't think

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Speaker 1: it's very good, so and so it is better at it.

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Speaker 1: She's been singing as well, so she's been learning songs

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Speaker 1: and then singing too. And I just all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden saw this massive insecurity around her self belief, and

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Speaker 1: I was just like, fuck, this is me, look what

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Speaker 1: I've done. And I thought, well, I don't say any

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Speaker 1: of that I remember my mum was constantly dieting, so

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Speaker 1: she would be doing Waitros one minute, and then she'd

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Speaker 1: be doing you know, slimming World the next minute. And

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Speaker 1: she'd go on these like crazy diets and then she'd

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Speaker 1: obviously stop the diet and go back to normal. And

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Speaker 1: then it was like that was a constant. It was

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Speaker 1: always about wait for her. Yeah, and I was very

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Speaker 1: aware of that didn't stop me as a teenager walking

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Speaker 1: past Makis buying a burger, then walking past hungry Jackson

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Speaker 1: buying another burger, Like, I still didn't really care about that.

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Speaker 1: I feel like Artina is just a lot more educated

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Speaker 1: these days and what's good for your body.

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Speaker 3: And what's not.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I just had that feeling of I've never

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Speaker 1: spoke to my kids about any of my own issues. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but yet they're picking up on it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's one of those harder topics to kind of, you know,

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Speaker 2: explain so quickly in one of our podcasts, which is

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Speaker 2: all about that actions.

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Speaker 3: Words, behaviors.

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Speaker 2: They watch, they listen, They soak up everything that you're

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Speaker 2: you know, you're doing. Like you just said, for instance,

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Speaker 2: with Amelia, you hadn't told her anything to do with

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Speaker 2: what your therapy session was about no that in itself

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Speaker 2: shows with just her words and the way that she

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Speaker 2: cares for you, that it was a pretty nail on

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Speaker 2: the head kind of comment to make for you in

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Speaker 2: terms of what you were sort of working through yourself

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Speaker 2: on a personal level. That's crazy that stuff doesn't just happen, though,

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Speaker 2: Like that is them being connected with you on so

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Speaker 2: many more levels, so many more. Like I am probably

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Speaker 2: not the person to sit here and tell everyone on

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Speaker 2: all of the levels of which that is. I do

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Speaker 2: believe it, though, that there is that connection that you know,

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Speaker 2: once you have that baby, you're connected for life. You know,

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Speaker 2: like when they cut that umbilical cord, the strings never disconnect.

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Speaker 2: That's your baby. That's how she obviously has picked up

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Speaker 2: on that. She's felt what you're feeling. You know, we

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Speaker 2: do the whole am I bad mum thing. I think

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Speaker 2: that's a positive thing. I look at that and go, wow,

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Speaker 2: you must be really proud as a parent to see

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Speaker 2: your daughter and hear your daughter show that compassion to

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Speaker 2: you as another human being, not just mum, but like

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Speaker 2: as another human being, to go, oh wow, mom's really

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Speaker 2: feeling it today. I wish you could just understand how

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Speaker 2: much you know they appreciate you. That in itself is

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Speaker 2: such a positive, such a positive, even when you're feeling

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Speaker 2: as blat and low as you you know you might

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Speaker 2: have been on that particular day. I think that's a

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Speaker 2: win for a parenting moment. And yeah, when you see

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Speaker 2: the other side of it, as in the knock on

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Speaker 2: effect with Holly, with that self doubt and that you know,

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Speaker 2: question her own ability, I think it's a great thing

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Speaker 2: of being able to like look and see and acknowledge

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Speaker 2: that you can see where she's at to be able

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Speaker 2: to then maybe give her some tools to be able

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Speaker 2: to work through it at her age rather than getting

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Speaker 2: to our age and then trying to work through it

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Speaker 2: I'm nearly forty at nearly forty, rather than you know,

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Speaker 2: at their age at sixteen. When that you're always sort

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Speaker 2: of going, Okay, well, here's why don't you try this

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Speaker 2: and this and this and why don't we work together

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Speaker 2: and you know, seeing a therapist or whatever it is,

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Speaker 2: whatever it is, You're giving her the tools way earlier

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Speaker 2: than what we did.

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Speaker 3: It's a positive.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting, thank you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you we looked at that.

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Speaker 1: My thing was ah, you fucked her up as well.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 1: See day, like when you talk to therapists or you know,

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Speaker 1: see what people are saying on social media about traumas

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that, it all comes from your parents mostly. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I'm like, ah shit, how did I learn?

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Speaker 3: And that too late? I think there's a difference though.

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Speaker 2: I think right now if we were talking about like generations,

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Speaker 2: like this is going really deep for am I bad mom,

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Speaker 2: But generations is that you and I are in our

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Speaker 2: forties and we're trying to do the work. We're trying

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Speaker 2: to get the tools now on this toolkit of life

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Speaker 2: of being able to go, Okay, how do I handle

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Speaker 2: myself when I hit that self doubt? We all do it?

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Speaker 2: Or like what about my self worth? It's really flat

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Speaker 2: right now? Geez, I'm feeling it. How to take yourself

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Speaker 2: out of that. The thing that they've got now is

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Speaker 2: the sixteen you're seeing that for them, you have the

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Speaker 2: tools in your tool to be able to hand down

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Speaker 2: to them now like at that age doesn't mean that

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Speaker 2: it's going to stop like instantly fix something, but how

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Speaker 2: that is so much more than what we.

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Speaker 3: Had right that's such positive. I think that's super positive.

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Speaker 3: On you Am I bad mom? How No, you're a

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Speaker 3: good mom.

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Speaker 1: Seriously, though, I can't afford to put us all through therapy.