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Speaker 1: Apogae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

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Speaker 1: A Bad Mum? Podcast? I do feel like a bad

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Speaker 1: mum today. You know, you just have those moments and

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh, do things so much better?

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Speaker 2: What could possibly have gone on?

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Speaker 1: I think when you see how other people do it,

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Speaker 1: the choices that they make, and again we're seeing that,

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Speaker 1: so you know it might not be actually what's happening.

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Speaker 1: But then I'm like, I then have like this spiral

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Speaker 1: of looking back at how I've reacted to things and

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Speaker 1: how I've done certain things and gone probably want to

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Speaker 1: changed that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I come in here and we do this podcast,

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Speaker 2: and I think maybe once a week I've touched base

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Speaker 2: with you and gone, ah shit, Like I get it.

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Speaker 1: We're all there.

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Speaker 2: But at the same time, I don't know. This whole

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Speaker 2: guilt piece that we just continually stick on as moms

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Speaker 2: and dads and grandparents, it's becoming wearing, Katie. I'm getting

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Speaker 2: tired of this mother guilt. I beat myself up because

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Speaker 2: of the way that I react to Elsie, even though

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Speaker 2: Elsie was so rude to me this morning, But then

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Speaker 2: I'm the one beating myself up. I don't know where

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Speaker 2: I stand Katie this parenting thing. Yeah, like you're beating

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Speaker 2: yourself up. I'm beating myself up.

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Speaker 1: Are they No, Well, it depends on the kids, because

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Speaker 1: I definitely think I have one that's like whatever, fuck you,

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Speaker 1: and off she goes with a day. I have another

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Speaker 1: one who will if we have an argument in the morning,

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Speaker 1: I'll get a text. Yeah right, and she's not okay

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Speaker 1: with carry on her day until she knows that it's

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Speaker 1: been solved. It's a nice trade.

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Speaker 2: I don't mind that trade.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's like, well, in the moment, you didn't

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Speaker 1: fucking care.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've probably got one of each as well. The

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Speaker 2: one that's like fuck it, I don't care is the

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Speaker 2: second born that walked out of the gate this morning

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Speaker 2: like I was the bad person, feeling hurt by her,

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Speaker 2: like dismissal of me and telling me to shush because

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Speaker 2: I'm too loud. She's trying to listen to something, but

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Speaker 2: like did it numerous times. Yeah, I said to her,

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Speaker 2: excuse me, like why are you speaking to me like that?

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Speaker 2: She went sh I went silent, and I just walked out.

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Speaker 2: Then we passed each other at the gate. She just

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Speaker 2: looked at me like I was again the problem for

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Speaker 2: telling how to get off her iPad whilst walking to school. Honestly,

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Speaker 2: it is wild.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're always the problem, and that doesn't stop. Like

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Speaker 1: I know that you look at me with my grown up,

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Speaker 1: seen year old now and think it might get better.

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Speaker 1: Well it doesn't. It gets worse, my friend to get

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Speaker 1: so much worse. Am I a bad mum for treating

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Speaker 1: them like primary school kids. They are constantly saying to me,

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Speaker 1: we shouldn't have to have a bedtime, we shouldn't bring

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Speaker 1: our screens down. We're sixteen, we're almost adults. We could

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Speaker 1: move out. In fact, Amelia even said to me the

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Speaker 1: other night, she went, I can have sex. I can.

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Speaker 1: She was listening all the things that you can do.

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Speaker 1: I can drive. I turned around and went, but you

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Speaker 1: don't act like sixteen year old. When you act like

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Speaker 1: you're sixteen, I will treat you like you're sixteen because

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Speaker 1: at the moment you are not acting like that. And

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you why. Rite we introduced a homework needs

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Speaker 1: to be done by eight thirty rule.

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Speaker 2: I love this rule, and I'm gonna let you explain

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Speaker 2: it all. But I love this rule. I've actually in

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Speaker 2: my head deeper over this because I was like, I

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Speaker 2: love this rule. I don't see any holes in it.

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Speaker 1: Because my life at the moment or up until this rule.

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Speaker 1: Although the rule hasn't fully come into force because there's

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Speaker 1: been some pushback.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's some teething issues before it's landed.

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Speaker 1: Yet my thing is right. We get home normally by

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Speaker 1: four pm. That gives you four and a half hours

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Speaker 1: from four pm to eight thirty pm to get your

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Speaker 1: work done. It's not going to take that long. If

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Speaker 1: you've got it done by five, great, You've then got

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Speaker 1: your own time. What has been happening is they fuck

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Speaker 1: around wonderful TikTok scrolling. This is the example. Right the

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Speaker 1: other day, Amelia starts her homework at nine point fifteen.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing? Screens are supposed to come down

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Speaker 1: by nine o'clock? What are you doing starting it? I

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Speaker 1: need to do this. I've got an assignment this due.

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Speaker 1: I was like, why are you doing it now?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Because I didn't have any other time. I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: what about the fact that we got home at four?

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Speaker 1: What about that whole time? Like, it's now nine to fifteen,

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Speaker 1: that's what fun It's a lot of hours. What is

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Speaker 1: that for? Five?

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Speaker 2: Six?

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Speaker 1: Seven eight. That's five over five hours, a lot of hours.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing in that time? Well, I had

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Speaker 1: to have dinner, it didn't take five hours. I had

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Speaker 1: a shower that didn't take five hours. I mean it

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Speaker 1: could over leg out. I mean yeah, typical sixteen and

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Speaker 1: she's making up all these excuses. Rachel. I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: let me have a look at your phone. Let me

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Speaker 1: have a look at what you were actually doing for

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Speaker 1: that whole time. Three hours on TikTok de pop for

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Speaker 1: like an hour and a half. So started her homework.

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Speaker 1: At nine point fifteen. I went to bed. I was like, whatever,

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Speaker 1: fucking do it all night for all I care. And

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Speaker 1: then my head, I'm still like, if she's up till midnight,

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Speaker 1: she's gonna be horrible tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: It's like the next three days, it's like, yeah, i'ck

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Speaker 2: on effect of it. And they think that they're just

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Speaker 2: gonna be a okay, And.

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Speaker 1: That still happens with them, Like they think they can

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Speaker 1: stay up all night long, and then they wonder why

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Speaker 1: they're so emotional the next day, and I'm like, because

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Speaker 1: you're tired. And then they turn around to me and go,

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Speaker 1: everything you say is because we're tired, Like, if we're

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Speaker 1: not feeling well, you're tired. If I'm emotional, if I'm

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Speaker 1: upset by something.

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Speaker 2: Tired, absolutely exhausted.

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Speaker 1: How so it's a mom answer. I was so mad

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Speaker 1: when I saw the amount of times she spent on

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Speaker 1: TikTok and the amount of times she'd spent on deep op,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, this has to stop. We are

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Speaker 1: bringing in a new rule, and the rule is that

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Speaker 1: homework has to be done by eight thirty PM. And

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Speaker 1: there was pushback and there was arguing, and there was

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Speaker 1: rudeness and attacking us. And I've told all of my

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Speaker 1: teachers and they think it's ridiculous. I emailed their head

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Speaker 1: of house yesterday, rach I emailed her and I said,

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Speaker 1: this is what's been going on tonight. Can you please

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Speaker 1: help with getting them to manage their time for their

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Speaker 1: assignments because this is what's just happened. She's telling me.

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Speaker 1: All our teachers say it's ridiculous at sixty. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to go to bet at hate thirty.

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Speaker 1: And you're also not giving them any context. The context

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Speaker 1: is that you spent five hours scrolling on your phone yep,

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Speaker 1: and then you started your assignment at nine point fifteen.

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Speaker 1: So when your teachers say that it's ridiculous that you

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Speaker 1: have to stop homework at eight thirty, it's because you

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Speaker 1: didn't give them context.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what you're teaching them is that it's like such

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Speaker 2: a long time and easily done on a device, just

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Speaker 2: scrolling in the depths of nothing. And I get it,

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Speaker 2: we all do it, but it's like this whole piece

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Speaker 2: of like your brain is not developed with the logic

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Speaker 2: to go, I'm wasting three hours of my five hour

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Speaker 2: bracket of getting my assignment done.

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Speaker 1: I get it.

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Speaker 2: I get that you've had a really busy day at

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Speaker 2: school and that whole six hours that you went to

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Speaker 2: school it's very draining on your brain. But also what

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Speaker 2: you're doing right now, it's like self soothing, self numbing,

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Speaker 2: Like it's not good for you. What you're doing is

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Speaker 2: not good for you. You could be doing a lot

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Speaker 2: of other things that's going to be a little bit more,

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Speaker 2: you know, counterproductive.

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Speaker 1: It feels so much nicer to get the work done first,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't understand when that clicks in. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: do you know the problem is right, I can say

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Speaker 1: to them, leave your phones down here, and they will

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Speaker 1: just because everything's on the laptop. This is the problem

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Speaker 1: with Apple. Apple is the problem. Yeah, they talk to

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Speaker 1: each other, the phone talks to the laptop. Everything's on there.

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Speaker 1: They still get Snapchat on there, They've still got TikTok

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Speaker 1: on there. Like, everything's still there. They actually don't really

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Speaker 1: give a shit if they have to leave their phones downstairs.

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Speaker 1: And then you can't not let them have their laptops

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Speaker 1: because they can't do their work. You also, because I've

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Speaker 1: contemplated everything, right, I've also contemplated switching off the Wi

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Speaker 1: Fi and they can't do their assignments without the Wi Fi.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 1: Is it access to everything?

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Speaker 2: Everything?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: And it's a really hard one because we've had like

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Speaker 2: some really cool discussions around the idea of like over

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Speaker 2: restricting kids with devices and then the free range sort

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Speaker 2: of parenting with devices. And you know, your girls are

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Speaker 2: in well and truly in that next bracket of like

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Speaker 2: you know, sixteen, they're officially allowed on social media.

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Speaker 1: La la la, all that stuff that goes with it.

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Speaker 2: Right. I think every one of them has got hurdles,

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Speaker 2: every single one of them. But as adults, Katie, we

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Speaker 2: don't have the brain capacity sometimes to put our phones

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Speaker 2: down when they are unhealthy for us. So then as

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Speaker 2: a sixteen year old when it's all sparkling, it's all

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Speaker 2: like so overwhelming. How do they know to do this?

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Speaker 2: I know that we like you know, could bang on

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Speaker 2: all day about devices and stuff like this. You're in

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Speaker 2: a really hard basket with this. But going back to

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Speaker 2: what the rule was, I think it's great. I think

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Speaker 2: what you're doing, my honest opinion, would be constructing an

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Speaker 2: area downstairs where the homework must be done. You're not

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Speaker 2: controlling them, you're not doing that, but it's just like

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Speaker 2: overseeing that they're actually sitting there doing that rather than

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Speaker 2: sitting on snap and I just go like, don't want

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Speaker 2: to go.

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Speaker 1: Fucking up there every ten minutes checking what they do.

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Speaker 1: It's stressful for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think for us obviously, Grace is

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Speaker 2: just starting right and the use of laptop is only

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Speaker 2: for school and so to do her homework, We've got

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Speaker 2: an area that I've sort of made like that's where

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Speaker 2: you can go and do your homework. Why because you're

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Speaker 2: still in view with me, and I know when you're

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Speaker 2: fucking around, I know when you're actually doing the work.

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Speaker 2: And then you can also lean on me if you

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Speaker 2: need a little bit of help, or you want spelling

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Speaker 2: or whatever. It is. Your presence and my presence know

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Speaker 2: that it's going to be harder to do what you

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Speaker 2: want to do. Maybe it's too late, Katie, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Your girls are gonna have to.

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Speaker 2: Like learn the hard way, maybe where they just get

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Speaker 2: really bad grades, which you don't want.

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Speaker 1: They were up until three am on Sunday night. Monday morning,

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Speaker 1: three am, Holly was up doing her assignment and then

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Speaker 1: she's up again a six. I was like, does that

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Speaker 1: not make you feel like She's this makes you feel like,

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Speaker 1: oh n, this makes me feel alive. I love living

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00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:11,561
Speaker 1: on the edge.

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00:11:11,641 --> 00:11:12,281
Speaker 2: I love it.

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00:11:12,361 --> 00:11:15,481
Speaker 1: And you're like, is wrong with you