Speaker 1: I've definitely dated, my fast share.
Speaker 2: Of douchebags, my time just get tingling, hilling my balls.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm spiraling, Oh my God, tell us.
Speaker 2: Everything flame emojis slept right and center.
Speaker 1: Matt loves a bit of God and.
Speaker 3: I need to affect you back. I really need you
Speaker 3: with that.
Speaker 1: I know I'm jealous. I'm the most jealous person ever.
Speaker 2: Relationships like a fart. If you have to force it,
Speaker 2: it's probably shit.
Speaker 1: Hi city dot Com for you. I'll be a bloody
Speaker 1: single and alone with ten cats for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. On today's episode of Where's Your Head Out,
Speaker 1: We're giving you our top ten tips on how to
Speaker 1: get over a breakup.
Speaker 2: We are spilling all the tea about our most recent
Speaker 2: breakups with Kurra and Josh.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned, It's going to get juicy. Where's Your Head
Speaker 1: At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups,
Speaker 1: reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more. Hey Matt, Kyana, so
Speaker 2: good to see you here. Surprise you rocked off after
Speaker 2: your antics last night.
Speaker 1: What do you mean he's throwing me under the bus already,
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 3: After we left, did you hang around and have more
Speaker 3: tequila shop?
Speaker 1: Hold on one second, let's rewind. What did we do
Speaker 1: last night?
Speaker 3: We went for a double date.
Speaker 2: We went to the We did nothing better than life
Speaker 2: this Wednesday night with a couple of beers, which, yeah,
Speaker 2: double date.
Speaker 1: So that's quite an extravagant date for you, Matt, considering
Speaker 1: you put in minimal effort. Was it was that free
Speaker 1: tickets you got? Surely?
Speaker 3: Well, now you're throwing me under the bus? How was
Speaker 3: your night? Then?
Speaker 1: My name was good. We had a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: I got to meet the new girl in Mat.
Speaker 3: Is it worse?
Speaker 2: Is it worth mentioning that they had matched on hinge
Speaker 2: before and had spoken they had.
Speaker 1: So basically Matt was like, I'm bringing this girl. I
Speaker 1: went on probably like six or seven dates with this guy,
Speaker 1: so you've actually met him before, and so you actually
Speaker 1: added him on Instagram and noticed.
Speaker 2: That she was following him and he was following her
Speaker 2: and oh no, oh no, So I just did a
Speaker 2: couple of feelers are and I asked her did some research.
Speaker 2: Apparently they matched on hinge and had been speaking for
Speaker 2: a bit.
Speaker 1: So so basically we were on dates on a double
Speaker 1: date with two people who had already been speaking. It
Speaker 1: was quite interesting. But that's dating in twenty twenty one,
Speaker 1: right y. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And Melbourne's a very small place.
Speaker 1: So very small, very insular. Yeah, it just feels all
Speaker 1: too connected. My favorite part of the day, just before
Speaker 1: we move on to other topics, was we actually stayed
Speaker 1: at the restaurant pretty late because the theater finished late
Speaker 1: and we were all leaving and the SRUP was actually
Speaker 1: closing up and they started mopping the floors. And that
Speaker 1: was literally so swave like. He was like so cool,
Speaker 1: come and collected throughout the whole day, rolling off his
Speaker 1: best lines. And then they told us like, okay, you
Speaker 1: have to pay, didn't they They were kicking us out, basically,
Speaker 1: and that went to the toilet and was bammed beyond ice,
Speaker 1: literally almost stacked it head first, and I was crying
Speaker 1: with laughter. She was crying. The guy who I was
Speaker 1: on a date with was crying.
Speaker 2: It was the best people stopping on the freshly mopped floor.
Speaker 2: And then I put my arms out and the owner,
Speaker 2: I guess, this seventy eighty year old man was standing
Speaker 2: there to catch me did not not look.
Speaker 3: Like catching me.
Speaker 2: And then the guy who was moughing, this young kid
Speaker 2: just quickly grabbed me from stumbling. Yeah, like you said,
Speaker 2: I'd been on fire all night, and.
Speaker 1: Iiced highlight of mine.
Speaker 2: I think I made her laugh though. All right, let's
Speaker 2: dive into this breakup episode. It doesn't matter if your
Speaker 2: first or six breakup, they never get any easier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. I reckon that a piece of
Speaker 1: your heart literally dies every time you go through a breakup.
Speaker 1: But in saying that they are amazing for self development,
Speaker 1: I think we all learn such valuable lessons about ourselves.
Speaker 1: We find out things that we want in a partner,
Speaker 1: things that we don't want in a partner. So yeah,
Speaker 1: they're amazing for our growth. But Matt Tummy, what's the
Speaker 1: hardest breakup other than your most recent breakup? What's the
Speaker 1: hardest breakup that you've gone through?
Speaker 3: Definitely would have to be my ex of two years.
Speaker 2: We started dating when I was twenty two, and when
Speaker 2: I started to date her, when I asked her to
Speaker 2: be my girlfriend, I was really going through a rough
Speaker 2: patch in my life and I was like, oh, I've
Speaker 2: got to make some changes with what I'm doing. So
Speaker 2: I remember I got a girlfriend, I started wrestling, and
Speaker 2: I started like a bowling team, believe it or not,
Speaker 2: all in my.
Speaker 3: In the space of like a week.
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm going to change my life
Speaker 2: now and get out of this rut. And she was
Speaker 2: just really good to me, like her energy, the way
Speaker 2: she was and like I literally saw like my endgame
Speaker 2: with her, like the rest of my life.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So then when she broke up with me, I took
Speaker 2: it really bad. And I took it as a shock
Speaker 2: because obviously we had our problems. No relationship is perfect,
Speaker 2: and I'm not going to sit here and say that,
Speaker 2: but I thought it was nothing we couldn't work on. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: so I said, like, let's work on it, and then
Speaker 2: she just came back with like, no, she didn't. She
Speaker 2: didn't want to work on it.
Speaker 1: So you thought she was the one and maybe she
Speaker 1: didn't see you as her end game.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and that was pretty brutal for me.
Speaker 1: To take artbreaking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't take it too well.
Speaker 2: And I remember, so we broke up at mine, and
Speaker 2: then a couple like a week later, she said, all right,
Speaker 2: let's catch up and see where you're at.
Speaker 3: Let's see where where our heads are at.
Speaker 2: And then we caught up at this the local tire restaurant,
Speaker 2: and I remember sitting opposite her and I was just
Speaker 2: like trying everything I could to get her back.
Speaker 1: And then unsuccessful successfully.
Speaker 2: I remember even like the waiter came up and was
Speaker 2: asking for our order, and I couldn't even look at him.
Speaker 2: I was just sitting there crying, weeping at the table.
Speaker 2: People on different tables were like getting uncomfortable because I
Speaker 2: was just sitting there just weeping.
Speaker 1: That's awful.
Speaker 2: But yeah, like you said, you need to go through
Speaker 2: that to grow as a human. And I've learned a
Speaker 2: lot about myself going through.
Speaker 1: That, right, Yeah, and you do.
Speaker 2: So what about you, Anna, what's the hardest breakup that
Speaker 2: you've been through other than your most recent.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would definitely say my relationship that went
Speaker 1: for six years. I was with him throughout my whole twenties,
Speaker 1: and I got to twenty six and I realized that
Speaker 1: I needed to be by myself and to spread my
Speaker 1: wings and see who I was outside of that relationship
Speaker 1: because I had literally grown up with him. And that's
Speaker 1: the hardest thing about going through a breakup is you're
Speaker 1: not only losing your partner but you're also losing your
Speaker 1: best friends, so it's such a loss. And we also
Speaker 1: lived together, so it was the biggest life adjustment and change.
Speaker 1: So I think that was really difficult, and I knew
Speaker 1: that I had really hurt him in breaking up. I
Speaker 1: still feel guilty about it even to this day. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that was probably like one of, if not
Speaker 1: the hardest breakup.
Speaker 2: To six years or so on three your twenties, you're
Speaker 2: like growing with them, you're learning life with them. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's even more hectic when you break up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well we were together. We met when I was
Speaker 1: nineteen and we were together until I was twenty six,
Speaker 1: so that's you know.
Speaker 3: Going through a lot of life lessons with him.
Speaker 1: I think as well, like I felt like if I
Speaker 1: didn't take time to also be single, if I ended
Speaker 1: up getting engaged to him or married to him, I
Speaker 1: might regret that that I never had those young single
Speaker 1: years of my life and kind of put that to bed.
Speaker 1: And I think that's a big reason why a lot
Speaker 1: of people break up, because they're not ready to fully
Speaker 1: commit to someone because they don't feel like they've explored
Speaker 1: and seeing what's out there. I think you need to
Speaker 1: realize that the grass isn't greener. And I think if
Speaker 1: I went into a relationship today, I could comfortably go
Speaker 1: into it. I know that the grass isn't greener, and
Speaker 1: I think you learn that through experiences.
Speaker 2: And it wouldn't have been fair to stay with him
Speaker 2: if you did have those doubts in your mind, and
Speaker 2: those thoughts.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent like it would have constantly plagued my mind.
Speaker 1: And so that's how I know it was the right decision.
Speaker 3: So what are the different stages of a breakup?
Speaker 1: Anna? There's like the so there's denial, We've all been there.
Speaker 3: Is that the first stage?
Speaker 1: That's the first age. Then there's the anger, the bargaining,
Speaker 1: the depression, the worst part, and finally the best part
Speaker 1: of a break up the acceptance, when you're just at
Speaker 1: a point where you're like, I've accepted it. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to try and beg for them. But
Speaker 1: what part do you think that you were at with
Speaker 1: your exit the tire restaurant.
Speaker 3: I was definitely at the bargaining stage.
Speaker 2: I was throwing off offers like I'll be like this,
Speaker 2: if you take me back, I'll do this.
Speaker 3: I can change, I'll be like this, But no.
Speaker 1: I'll totally change my whole personality. Take me back.
Speaker 3: I'll be a different guy. But then again, she probably
Speaker 3: didn't want a different guy.
Speaker 2: She just Yeah, So the bargaining definitely didn't work that time.
Speaker 3: So it's back to what's the next stage? Depression?
Speaker 1: Yeah, off to depression depression. So your ex was obviously
Speaker 1: breaking up with you, but research has actually found that
Speaker 1: women go through more emotions and physical pain after a
Speaker 1: breakup compared to men, and then deal with the pain
Speaker 1: later or they move on and never fully heal from
Speaker 1: a breakup. Do you agree with that?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I've ever completely healed from any
Speaker 2: of the breakups I've gone through. I obviously have found
Speaker 2: closure in them, and I'm not like dwelling on them
Speaker 2: or like obsessed with them anymore, but I feel like
Speaker 2: there's part of me that hasn't completely healed from each
Speaker 2: breakup I've been with.
Speaker 1: Wow, so pieces of your heart is still mildly broken
Speaker 1: from all of your breakup?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean when I get in love with someone, I like,
Speaker 2: I love them, and I'm like committed to them, and
Speaker 2: I might give them everything and I invested in them.
Speaker 2: So for me, it's hard for me to completely heal
Speaker 2: once my heart's broken. Honestly, I think it stems from
Speaker 2: when I was younger seeing my parents break up, and
Speaker 2: I think I never saw my mom fully get over
Speaker 2: my dad, and at such an impressionable age, around like
Speaker 2: twelve thirteen. Yeah, I think that left more of an
Speaker 2: impression on me than I originally thought.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2: Guess that I'm like my mum in that way that
Speaker 2: like it takes me a while to move on. Obviously,
Speaker 2: I eventually move on and I find closure, but a
Speaker 2: bit of me still yeah, still hurts.
Speaker 1: And you're so close to your mama. Would have been
Speaker 1: so hard seeing her go through heartbreak when you're so young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well she did a good job at hiding it,
Speaker 2: but obviously you could tell.
Speaker 3: It was there.
Speaker 1: We can tell. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, So now to the part of the show
Speaker 2: that everyone's been waiting for.
Speaker 3: Drum roll, please.
Speaker 2: Excited, get excited for this one. Tell me about how
Speaker 2: your dating life has been since since Love Islands coming
Speaker 2: off the show.
Speaker 1: Well, obviously I've never spoken about my breakup with Josh. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is all my relationship.
Speaker 2: Really, this is the first time you're publicly going to
Speaker 2: speak about your relationship and your break up with Josh.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3: Does that give you a little bit of anxiety?
Speaker 1: It does, So I get really bad anxiety, and that
Speaker 1: always calls it anxiety because.
Speaker 3: You know anxiety.
Speaker 1: It's giving me a bit of anis me mentioned that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is the first time I'm going to speak about it.
Speaker 1: I think with my relationship with Josh, as you know,
Speaker 1: when we first met, it was like sparks and fireworks
Speaker 1: and we were obsessed with each other, and we were
Speaker 1: for months after the show. When you meet someone in
Speaker 1: a bubble scenario where there's no outside distractions. We literally
Speaker 1: had our phones taken off us, so we were giving
Speaker 1: each other twenty four seven attention. Josh and I went
Speaker 1: from a lockdown scenario in Love Island, which it technically
Speaker 1: was lockdown, like we couldn't contact our friends and family,
Speaker 1: We had no phones, there was no outside distractions, only
Speaker 1: people that they brought in. We were very much in
Speaker 1: a lockdown situation to probably like two and a half
Speaker 1: months of freedom, but it wasn't really freedom because our
Speaker 1: lives were so strange at that time because we just
Speaker 1: come off the show winning it together and then went
Speaker 1: into another lockdown situation. So our whole relationship of a
Speaker 1: year was a majority of the time spent in lockdown,
Speaker 1: and I guess it did have harsh Do.
Speaker 2: You think if you guys were normal in a normal like,
Speaker 2: if there wasn't a lockdown, you guys would have been
Speaker 2: any different?
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that Josh and I were meant
Speaker 1: to be together.
Speaker 3: Was working, you were working, You don't think it would been.
Speaker 1: Any different likes, I don't think so, and I think
Speaker 1: Josh would agree with me as well. I think our
Speaker 1: personalities just clash. So our relationship was very The highs
Speaker 1: were really high, and we were obsessive over each other
Speaker 1: to an unhealthy level, but then the lows were extremely low,
Speaker 1: so you could call it toxic. It was toxic, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I mean we've both said it, so it was
Speaker 1: a toxic relationship. It didn't mean we didn't have really
Speaker 1: great times. And it's hard with social media because when
Speaker 1: we were obsessed with each other and having those great times,
Speaker 1: we'd post about it. But when we were arguing till
Speaker 1: like two in the morning, screaming at each other, there like,
Speaker 1: we weren't posting about it. Because what am I supposed
Speaker 1: to do?
Speaker 2: Hey, guys, did you feel a lot of pressure from
Speaker 2: the outside world. Obviously winning and everyone was invested in
Speaker 2: your relationship, did that bring a certain amount of pressure
Speaker 2: to it as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like we obviously we're from different states, so I
Speaker 1: am Melbourn based and Josh is Sydney based, and we
Speaker 1: really wanted to live together and to give it a go.
Speaker 1: I think there was cracks that started to form before
Speaker 1: we moved in with one another, and we thought that
Speaker 1: the solution would be to be living in the same
Speaker 1: state and not to be doing like a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1: But I guess when we moved in with one another,
Speaker 1: we realized that those cracks were funded. Like fundamentally, our
Speaker 1: personalities just didn't align. And that's nothing bad on Josh
Speaker 1: and nothing bad on me. It's just we weren't what
Speaker 1: parts right for one another, What parts you think didn't
Speaker 1: It's hard to say. We just see things differently and
Speaker 1: have different views.
Speaker 3: Values weren't the same.
Speaker 1: Correct, and that's something that you can't change.
Speaker 3: You think you're different parts of your life totally.
Speaker 1: Like I've always dated guys older, like much older, and
Speaker 1: Josh is a year younger than me. I've never sated
Speaker 1: even any one my own age, and I think that
Speaker 1: was an adjustment. Guys are way more immature as well
Speaker 1: than girls generally at this age. Right, It's really I'm
Speaker 1: really generalizing, but I think as a whole, girls normally
Speaker 1: date they I date down.
Speaker 2: I think my ex was nine years ten years older
Speaker 2: than me, and I felt like I was more emotionally
Speaker 2: mature sometimes in certain situations.
Speaker 1: In your own brain, I think you are an exception.
Speaker 1: Like not a lot of guys at twenty five would
Speaker 1: date someone nine years older, Right, that's an exception to
Speaker 1: the rule. But yeah, like I think for me, like
Speaker 1: we yeah, there was just fundamental things that didn't really
Speaker 1: align and it caused a lot of conflicts between us
Speaker 1: and things like like my jealousy. Just we've spoken about
Speaker 1: how we're both quite jealous, and sometimes I felt like.
Speaker 3: What would you get jealous about?
Speaker 1: It's just really hard. Like obviously I was in a
Speaker 1: six and a half year relationship and had none of
Speaker 1: these issues. But when you come off of a show
Speaker 1: and you've just like fallen head over heels in love
Speaker 1: with this guy, and you get your phones back and
Speaker 1: then they get hundreds and hundreds of girls messaging them
Speaker 1: and you know what it's like you had the DM
Speaker 1: I definitely do. You don't sleep well at night when
Speaker 1: stuff like that was going on.
Speaker 2: So you didn't trust Josh or you just didn't feel
Speaker 2: comfortable with these messages.
Speaker 1: I think it was a bit of both. I think
Speaker 1: maybe I could have had more reassurance in the relationship.
Speaker 1: But yeah, again, like that's like fundamentally, yeah, I work
Speaker 1: because of things like that.
Speaker 2: I was obviously there through your whole relationship, you and Josh.
Speaker 2: I'm really good friends with both of you, and I
Speaker 2: feel like that like there was nothing worry about there,
Speaker 2: Like that's just like it was happening to me as
Speaker 2: well at the same time. You just like they come
Speaker 2: and they go those messages, you know what I mean, Like.
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, look, I think it was the
Speaker 1: bigger picture of like it was a fresh relationship. There
Speaker 1: was the pressure of the show. We were the last
Speaker 1: standing couple, I think, and there's like we didn't really
Speaker 1: set up boundaries because everything just happened so fast and
Speaker 1: we were like slag in and out of into stay.
Speaker 2: Like you said as well, the pressure for coming from
Speaker 2: the show and I'm keeping that like look up on
Speaker 2: your Instagram, like the look of you guys, like being
Speaker 2: the couple, and like that's what everybody wanted to see,
Speaker 2: cute photos of you guys together.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I remember, like a lot of my friends, a
Speaker 2: lot of people say how cute are Anna and Josh,
Speaker 2: Like they're like on Instagram, They're so cute. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: I'd sit there and think, fuck.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, we had issues, yeah, like everyone does. But
Speaker 1: I think ours just got really intense at the end
Speaker 1: of the relationship, and when we did break up, it
Speaker 1: was definitely the right time, like it needed to happen.
Speaker 3: I was there that night.
Speaker 1: I think before we decided to end the relationship, we
Speaker 1: did go to couples counseling for the last few months
Speaker 1: because we felt so much pressure to stay together because
Speaker 1: we didn't want to let everyone down. And I think
Speaker 1: that was really hard, Like I felt like, although I
Speaker 1: was really sad about the relationship ending, I also felt
Speaker 1: like I was letting everyone down who believed in Josh
Speaker 1: and I as a couple and everyone who spent hours
Speaker 1: watching the show and.
Speaker 3: Then hours later getting invested in you guys.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, And I think that was way more
Speaker 1: pressure than I could have ever imagined. And I wanted
Speaker 1: to do everything I could to make it work, and honestly,
Speaker 1: we tried.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it was me and my ex you and Josh
Speaker 2: for his birthday, having a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1: And yes, yeah it got pretty drunk.
Speaker 3: I got pretty drunk, and yeah.
Speaker 1: We started arguing and.
Speaker 3: Just really snowballed into something.
Speaker 1: That and from that fight we didn't recover.
Speaker 3: Yeah that was a while ago now I think it was.
Speaker 1: I think we've been broken up now for eight months, jeez,
Speaker 1: so almost known.
Speaker 3: How did you go with the breakup though?
Speaker 2: Obviously you're coming off this high pressure relationship, Yeah, every
Speaker 2: intense relationship.
Speaker 3: How'd you go with the breakup?
Speaker 1: So the breakup from me was the hardest breakup that
Speaker 1: I've ever had to deal with in my life. It
Speaker 1: was really hard.
Speaker 3: What made it difficult?
Speaker 1: So obviously people move on from relationships differently, and everyone
Speaker 1: handles them differently. Some people choose to hook up with
Speaker 1: someone straight away hate others choose not to. And I
Speaker 1: think the day after we broke up, or to maybe
Speaker 1: two days after we broke up, Josh went out and
Speaker 1: hooked up with someone and then.
Speaker 3: My oh, we went out that night, but I left early.
Speaker 1: I was you were there. Sorry, I forgot, and that.
Speaker 3: Was I was getting messages from my exit come home.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yes, But.
Speaker 3: Back to me.
Speaker 1: So, Josh hooked up with someone relatively quickly a couple
Speaker 1: of days after we broke up, and obviously, in a
Speaker 1: normal breakup, I wouldn't know about that and it wouldn't
Speaker 1: hurt me. But because people knew, like it was a
Speaker 1: very public relationship, my dms were flooded with people telling
Speaker 1: me that.
Speaker 3: You're getting messages. What your message is saying.
Speaker 1: Josh, Josh's with a girl. I just saw Josh at
Speaker 1: a bar with this girl. What's happening? Josh is cheating
Speaker 1: on you?
Speaker 3: So, you guys hadn't gone public yet.
Speaker 1: We hadn't told people we weren't together. So my dms
Speaker 1: were flooded with people telling me and updating me on
Speaker 1: what Josh was doing, and it was really hard for
Speaker 1: me to deal with.
Speaker 2: I have mixed opinions about that. Yeah, obviously I get
Speaker 2: they maybe they think they're doing the right thing, but maybe,
Speaker 2: but yeah, because I was so they don't know, Like,
Speaker 2: it's just going to make it.
Speaker 3: Harder for you.
Speaker 2: Well, I get that you're a public in the public eye,
Speaker 2: you're a public relationship, but they don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2: You guys could be having like a break, and it's like,
Speaker 2: you do what you want to do. I do what
Speaker 2: I want to do, you know what I mean, And
Speaker 2: it's just going to make things worse for you, guys,
Speaker 2: like I don't know.
Speaker 1: I at the time was appreciative of it, but now
Speaker 1: in hindsight, it really did hurt me and it was
Speaker 1: really hard to cope with. I would say, oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I assrem so that's about I would never want
Speaker 2: to get messages like that about.
Speaker 1: Next It's not good, especially two days after so yes.
Speaker 1: And then Josh ended up with a girl from The Bachelor,
Speaker 1: the recent season that me and him watched together, and
Speaker 1: whilst we were watching it, he said she's hot, Oh no,
Speaker 1: and then he ended up hooking up with her, and
Speaker 1: there was daily mail articles on that. That was month one.
Speaker 1: Month two, we watched Bachelor and Paradise together. He didn't
Speaker 1: say she was hot at the time, and then he
Speaker 1: hooked up with her. And then on month three I
Speaker 1: found out he was going on the block, which is
Speaker 1: great and I'm so happy for him. But it was
Speaker 1: just it was like thing after thing, like every month.
Speaker 1: I was like waiting for something bad to happen. So
Speaker 1: I took it really hard. But now I'm good and
Speaker 1: I've moved on and I'm happy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So obviously your breakup was difficult with Josh. You found
Speaker 2: that hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was really hard, And obviously all breakups are
Speaker 1: really difficult. That was just the hardest one that I've
Speaker 1: personally been through. But I feel like I gained so
Speaker 1: much knowledge and I had so many tools that really
Speaker 1: helped me to get over the breakup. And obviously we're
Speaker 1: going to share these soon in this episode. But like,
Speaker 1: let's talk about your breakup with Kira. How did that
Speaker 1: go for you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it was at the start, it was
Speaker 2: almost like we hadn't broken up, because I come in
Speaker 2: with the theory of, like you can remain friends after
Speaker 2: a breakup, Yeah, and you can hang out, you continue
Speaker 2: to sleep that, you continue to hang out. But she
Speaker 2: I don't think she'd done anything like that before, where
Speaker 2: obviously I had with my ex, I'd done that, and
Speaker 2: then I would just say to her, like, we can
Speaker 2: just do this with no pressure on it, no nothing,
Speaker 2: and then we're just two ships that sail out tonight.
Speaker 3: Eventually you just stopped.
Speaker 1: Is that evening toxic that I'm hearing a bit of.
Speaker 3: Looking back?
Speaker 2: It probably was, But I don't think either of us
Speaker 2: were ready to completely say goodbye to the relationship and
Speaker 2: didn't want to let it go because obviously there was
Speaker 2: a there was a like a connection there, and there
Speaker 2: was something there, and it was like you said, we.
Speaker 1: Were good, You're really good.
Speaker 2: And when we were running low, we were running really low.
Speaker 2: So and I think that I wasn't ready to say
Speaker 2: goodbye to it, and we kept hanging out. But in hindsight,
Speaker 2: it wasn't what our relationship. We shouldn't have done that,
Speaker 2: we should have had a clean snap, because to her,
Speaker 2: it was either we were There was no gray. It
Speaker 2: was black or white, like we're not together or if
Speaker 2: we hang out.
Speaker 3: We're together.
Speaker 1: But that's how I see it.
Speaker 2: I think that's how a lot of people see it,
Speaker 2: and I don't there could there is a grey area
Speaker 2: for me where we can remain friends. We're now on
Speaker 2: talking terms. Try not to but we are on talking terms.
Speaker 2: We're friends now. It obviously got to a point where
Speaker 2: it had to be cut off, and that was eventually done.
Speaker 2: So we're on talking terms now and I found it
Speaker 2: very difficult I our breakup, Like I struggle, Like if
Speaker 2: I invest in someone and I give them my thing,
Speaker 2: like I invest like I'm balls to the wall like
Speaker 2: you you know what I mean, Like I give you everything,
Speaker 2: give everything, I give everything. So it is hard for me.
Speaker 1: And that's a good quality to have, Like it's good
Speaker 1: to be able to like I'm very all or nothing
Speaker 1: as well, Like if I like you a little bit,
Speaker 1: I'm not invested and I like won't really do it.
Speaker 1: But when I'm in, I'm all in and we.
Speaker 3: Both have that quality.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I saw I was in, and obviously
Speaker 2: it's something I've got. I think I've got to work
Speaker 2: on and I've got to learn, is that when it
Speaker 2: is done, pull myself out quicker. Yeah, then trying to
Speaker 2: hang around and trying to see what I can do
Speaker 2: and try and see if you can make it work.
Speaker 3: In another way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So when I break up with someone, I'm cut contact.
Speaker 3: You know, cut the head off the snake and you're done.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think it's easier that way. Whereas you
Speaker 1: like to remain friends, you.
Speaker 3: Like to kind of just fizzle it out, just burn out.
Speaker 1: If you say fizzle it out, I say, drag it on,
Speaker 1: And that's why we see things a little bit differently.
Speaker 2: Yeah, A good thing is like you rip the band
Speaker 2: aid off, correct, I sort of peel it off slowly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that can cause a lot more
Speaker 1: heartache because they're still in your life and then all
Speaker 1: of the great qualities that you loved about them are
Speaker 1: still right there. And how can you possibly like move
Speaker 1: your energy onto someone else if you're still seeing all
Speaker 1: of those great qualities, Like if you were with someone officially,
Speaker 1: that's a pretty big deal, Like, yeah, you don't just
Speaker 1: have all of these relationships with people for someone to
Speaker 1: be a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Yeah, they were pretty
Speaker 1: special to you, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and you're you're emotionally invested in them, correct,
Speaker 2: And so it's hard to just yeah to well, I
Speaker 2: had a relationship in the past that worked. When we
Speaker 2: did that, we broke up and remained friends, and I
Speaker 2: thought that was going to work this time, and it
Speaker 2: obviously didn't. We're friends now, but there was a bit
Speaker 2: there where miscommunication, expectations weren't the same of the situation.
Speaker 3: And yeah, but we're all good now.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's get into our breakup advice for everyone then,
Speaker 1: since we just spoke about how traumatic breakup, because because
Speaker 1: I feel like we did, we learned really good techniques
Speaker 1: on how to move on. I feel totally healed from
Speaker 1: my breakup.
Speaker 3: I feel completely healed as well. I feel moved on.
Speaker 2: So I think that, like we wrote down on our
Speaker 2: best advice, that the top ten, our top ten best
Speaker 2: advice that we felt that helped us get over our exes.
Speaker 3: So we want to share that with you, guys.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's do this. Okay, So the first one is
Speaker 1: I think writing down all of the negatives, because when
Speaker 1: you break up with someone, you somehow, I don't know
Speaker 1: why our brain wants to fuck us over like this,
Speaker 1: but somehow our brain's like, but what about all of
Speaker 1: the good things? And you somehow all of the bad
Speaker 1: things seem to fizzle out and you actually genuinely forget
Speaker 1: why you shouldn't be together.
Speaker 3: So what only the good things? Only the good times
Speaker 3: and good memories.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like, could we still make it work?
Speaker 3: And you hang out with them once and you're like,
Speaker 3: that's why. That pretty much why didn't work.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So when I broke up with Josh, I wrote
Speaker 1: myself a letter, so I said, dear Anna, I just
Speaker 1: want you to know the reasons why you should not
Speaker 1: be with Josh. And I listed all of the reasons
Speaker 1: why we weren't compatible or white for one another, and
Speaker 1: it was good And anytime I missed him or was
Speaker 1: really sad, I read the letter that I wrote to myself,
Speaker 1: and I feel like, if you write a letter to yourself,
Speaker 1: how much more powerful can it be. It's not like
Speaker 1: you're reading a letter from a friend or a family member.
Speaker 1: You've literally you want yourself to hear this. What's advice
Speaker 1: number two?
Speaker 2: Okay, so no contact and unfollow on socials. Obviously I
Speaker 2: didn't do the no contact. Now I suggest no contact.
Speaker 2: I think that works a lot better than my original
Speaker 2: thought on follow on the socials. I did that from
Speaker 2: the start, the moment we broke off, blocked, I blocked it.
Speaker 2: I didn't want her seeing what I was doing. I
Speaker 2: didn't want to see what she was doing. I just,
Speaker 2: you know, because we obviously aren't together. I didn't want
Speaker 2: to see her going out.
Speaker 1: And it's unhealthy, right, It is unhealthy. And sometimes when
Speaker 1: you've been in a relationship with I might be talking,
Speaker 1: it might be throwing myself under the bus. Here, but
Speaker 1: you become almost obsessive over what they're doing, like what
Speaker 1: are they doing? Are they seeing a guy or girl?
Speaker 3: Who are they following?
Speaker 1: Who are the new people they're following?
Speaker 3: Number three, Stay busy and make new memories.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so be a yes person. Say yes. If someone's like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to come to the pub tonight, just
Speaker 1: be like yeah, why not? When you would normally say
Speaker 1: no because you were at home cuddling your partner. Now
Speaker 1: it's time to be a yes person, right.
Speaker 2: There's no point sitting there like doing nothing, just no. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So like dive into work, dive into new things like
Speaker 2: make yourself busy, seeing your friends, seeing family.
Speaker 1: One hundred. I think that when I broke up with someone,
Speaker 1: I give myself a week. Two if I'm really struggling.
Speaker 3: How long did you give yourself with Josh?
Speaker 1: I think too, but like definitely a week to really
Speaker 1: just sit at home, eat chocolate, watch movies, cry, be
Speaker 1: surrounded by your friends, mope around. And then when you
Speaker 1: set that date to just like start being normal again,
Speaker 1: you pick yourself up, you get dressed, and you like
Speaker 1: put on your little number and get it a little
Speaker 1: number line out there, and you're like because people say
Speaker 1: breakups as really like sad and negative, but actually if
Speaker 1: you turn around your turn that mindset around, they can
Speaker 1: be great. Like, your life has so many opportunities. Now
Speaker 1: you have opportunities to do things that maybe you couldn't
Speaker 1: have done.
Speaker 3: So one door closes, another one opens. Number four.
Speaker 2: So this is pretty much on that, find the lesson
Speaker 2: in the breakup and work on yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so so every breakup that we go through, there's
Speaker 1: a lesson that we have to learn, right, Yes, what
Speaker 1: was your.
Speaker 2: My most recent one was, Yeah, you can't change someone. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they're thirty five years of That makes them who they are.
Speaker 3: You can't come along and try and change them.
Speaker 1: You just have to accept people for who they are.
Speaker 2: And they can't change you, like you have to stay
Speaker 2: true to yourself. So yeah, and when that happens and
Speaker 2: you're trying to change someone you, yeah, it's not healthy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it becomes unhealthy.
Speaker 2: And then you focus on that thing that you think
Speaker 2: that they could do differently.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I honestly think that that's my lesson too.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to cope, but that's genuinely how I
Speaker 1: feel like. You can't change someone. If someone said in
Speaker 1: their ways, or they're going to do things on their
Speaker 1: own terms and not specifically how you'd like it or
Speaker 1: want it like. That's it is what it is.
Speaker 2: And I think you find a lot of peace when
Speaker 2: you realize that you can't change them and you realize
Speaker 2: that that's who they are so.
Speaker 1: And maybe you're just not right together, maybe that you're
Speaker 1: not it's it comes to mind, can you live with that?
Speaker 1: Or can you not get under to get over? What
Speaker 1: do you think of this one?
Speaker 2: You handbul Yeah, I think it can work. I obviously
Speaker 2: think that sometimes this sounds shit, but sometimes you're maybe
Speaker 2: just filling the hole and you could be tweing with
Speaker 2: someone else's emotions.
Speaker 1: You've but if it's casual and you make that clear,
Speaker 1: then get under to get over.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think it could sometimes work. I
Speaker 2: haven't had it work yet for me. Really, No, have
Speaker 2: you had it work?
Speaker 1: I mean I think so? Yeah, So after I broke up, just.
Speaker 2: To clarify, I get under means have sex with someone.
Speaker 2: We need to clarify. You need to clarify.
Speaker 1: Okay, Look, I would say yes, it did work for me,
Speaker 1: So I was so immersed in my relationship with Josh
Speaker 1: and with ex boyfriends as well before and I think
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks after, which is kind of soon,
Speaker 1: but I think because Josh had like a couple of
Speaker 1: days after our breakup got under, got on top or whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I think I think a couple of weeks after we
Speaker 1: broke up, I got under with like a someone who
Speaker 1: I had previously been seen.
Speaker 3: And he knew it was just casual or yeah, And.
Speaker 1: I think it reminded me that there is a world
Speaker 1: full of men out there and Josh is not the
Speaker 1: only guy on the planet, and I really needed to
Speaker 1: be reminded of that in that moment in like my
Speaker 1: breakup or the starting like really hard parts of the breakup,
Speaker 1: and I was like, after hooking up with him, I
Speaker 1: was like, actually, I'm gonna be fine, Like this is
Speaker 1: this is okay. There's so many great guys out there,
Speaker 1: and I'm about to go meet them.
Speaker 3: To get under, to get over.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, don't.
Speaker 3: I never found it to work. I haven't known.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's different different people. I think it's just feeling
Speaker 2: a void, that's.
Speaker 1: I think it was just a good reminder.
Speaker 2: I would rather have someone lay in bed with me
Speaker 2: and watch a movie and.
Speaker 1: You're very needy.
Speaker 2: Those moments make me feel like I'm getting over someone,
Speaker 2: that there is that out there.
Speaker 3: That comes easy, that side of things.
Speaker 1: So you're saying sex comes easy, but like emotion and
Speaker 1: connection doesn't.
Speaker 3: Doesn't.
Speaker 1: So that's what you crave.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's the way of putting it. Yeah, so I
Speaker 3: crave that.
Speaker 1: And does that mean you would go back to XS
Speaker 1: because you have that?
Speaker 2: Y I mostly come back for that, Okay, Yes, interesting
Speaker 2: because that's.
Speaker 3: What I feel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, more, more feels it makes me feel better, feel
Speaker 2: more fulfilled.
Speaker 3: For fun, filled with that than just a casual full cup.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean probably since mine's was like not an
Speaker 1: X with someone I had been seeing before. Josh, Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe it was fulfilling that in some way. Who knows. Okay,
Speaker 1: moving on. So number six is make an empowering playlist,
Speaker 1: which is literally one of my favorite things to do.
Speaker 2: And after we wrote this list, I actually found myself
Speaker 2: in a situation where I was feeling a bit down
Speaker 2: about the current situation I was in with the breakup yep,
Speaker 2: And I was on a drive and I put on
Speaker 2: one of my favorite songs and I started singing it
Speaker 2: as loud as I could because I remember you were
Speaker 2: saying that when you sing out loud, it stimulates some
Speaker 2: nerve or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so when you sing loudly, it stimulates your vaguus nerve,
Speaker 1: which actually helps reduce anxiety. So it's one of those
Speaker 1: amazing things and tools that you can use when you're stressed.
Speaker 1: And obviously singing and music can take you to a
Speaker 1: really happy place, a sad place, or anything in between.
Speaker 1: So music's great for that. But then when it stimulates
Speaker 1: the vaguest nerve, you're actually helping reduce your stress.
Speaker 2: So what's your favorite song to belt out?
Speaker 1: I mean, The Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
Speaker 1: is like a serious breakup healing song. And then there's
Speaker 1: also another one. It's Bright Blue Skies by Mitch James.
Speaker 2: You put your Spotified list, maybe we should. We should
Speaker 2: break up Spotified list for everyone else.
Speaker 1: I already have one. I head straight to it even when,
Speaker 1: even sometimes in a situationship ends, I'll just pop it
Speaker 1: on and I'll be like, actually, Phil heaps better. Okay,
Speaker 1: number seven, I do this one.
Speaker 2: If your heart muscle is hurting, put your other muscles
Speaker 2: in pain.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. That's a really good one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So that means going to cheer, going to training.
Speaker 1: Getting getting fit, helping your mental health.
Speaker 2: With releases in doorphins correct, And it's like works doubly
Speaker 2: because you're making yourself look fit, you're making yourself look better.
Speaker 2: So when you hit the singer ready to, when you
Speaker 2: hit the clubs, you're looking on.
Speaker 1: Point, you're looking on point. Yeah, Well, if your heart
Speaker 1: muscle's in pain, you should, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Let's let's be in pain everywhere. Let's put all our
Speaker 1: muscles through the ring. Ah. Yeah. Number eight book a holiday.
Speaker 2: So obviously this one would be handy if we weren't
Speaker 2: in the climate with con Yeah, the climate we were in.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean to go on a plane. You
Speaker 2: could drive somewhere. You could obviously you could think of
Speaker 2: something else as a holiday.
Speaker 1: Like I went to Talkie with my friends and it
Speaker 1: was the best thing that I had done.
Speaker 3: Look, so that doesn't work now.
Speaker 2: It could be getting out just doing stuff that you
Speaker 2: wouldn't normally do, going on a drive, your talking, going
Speaker 2: on a day trip. And then it comes back to
Speaker 2: making you memory and.
Speaker 1: Just a change of scenery I feel just elevates your mood.
Speaker 1: So yeah, like you said, even if you can't fly anywhere,
Speaker 1: just to change the scenery, go somewhere new. It could
Speaker 1: even be like a new restaurant, but somewhere an hour
Speaker 1: outside of where you're living. It honestly makes a difference,
Speaker 1: just to change your scenery, to be away from people
Speaker 1: who you normally see.
Speaker 3: Don't go places that you went with your ex.
Speaker 1: Partners from us. Okay, number nine.
Speaker 3: I think this one's good.
Speaker 1: I think this sounds good.
Speaker 3: Therapy.
Speaker 2: So if you don't have mates, family, which I rely
Speaker 2: heavily on, even if you do, even if you do, yeah,
Speaker 2: because they might get sick and.
Speaker 3: Tired of fearing.
Speaker 2: I know, I know my mom doesn't I feel bad.
Speaker 2: I take that bad, sick and tired of hearing what
Speaker 2: she did this to me?
Speaker 3: Why do I feel like this? Go to therapy.
Speaker 2: Seek out professional help, even if it is just calling
Speaker 2: a lifeline. If you don't can't afford to go see someone,
Speaker 2: just talk to a professional. Get some help that will
Speaker 2: help you get through the breakup.
Speaker 1: It makes such a difference. They give you so many tools,
Speaker 1: They change your perspective on things, so it's always beneficial.
Speaker 1: And like, if you can and have the means to
Speaker 1: do so, go to therapy. It's a winning it is,
Speaker 1: it's a winning formula and what's our last one?
Speaker 3: Live by the rule what's for you won't go past you.
Speaker 1: This is like key, I genuinely, in my deepest heart
Speaker 1: of hearts, believe that what is meant for us will
Speaker 1: find us. If we break up with the person who
Speaker 1: were meant to be with, they'll find a way back
Speaker 1: to us. And honestly, I sleep easy at night living
Speaker 1: by that rule.
Speaker 2: It goes from more than breakups. It like your jobs,
Speaker 2: It goes for different everything in life. If it's meant
Speaker 2: to be, it will find its way to you.
Speaker 1: And you know, sometimes when when I think back, like
Speaker 1: think of breakups, early breakups, when I was really heartbroken
Speaker 1: before I really knew how to deal with them, and
Speaker 1: I had this mentality of I'll never get over this,
Speaker 1: like my life will never be the same, my life
Speaker 1: is doomed without them. When I think back to those times,
Speaker 1: something better has always come along, exactly always, And if
Speaker 1: I hadn't gone through those really bad phases and really
Speaker 1: stressful situations, I honestly would never have met like some
Speaker 1: really amazing people in my life.
Speaker 3: My ex who I thought I was, my endgame.
Speaker 2: Who I thought I was gonna spend the rest of
Speaker 2: my life with a couple of years ago, she broke
Speaker 2: up with me.
Speaker 3: I say, out of the blue.
Speaker 2: I thought that we were going to work on things
Speaker 2: and she didn't want to, so she broke up with me,
Speaker 2: and I literally thought it was like the end of
Speaker 2: my life. I thought that, like, there's no coming back
Speaker 2: from this. I'll never love again.
Speaker 1: I do think that, though, rah do.
Speaker 2: But in saying that, ten days later, I got a
Speaker 2: message from the producers of Love Island.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: They asked me if I wanted to try out and
Speaker 3: go through the casting things.
Speaker 1: So turn of events exactly.
Speaker 2: So, and then if I was still with her, I
Speaker 2: wouldn't be here. I wouldn't you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be in the situations I mean. So everything
Speaker 2: happens for a reason as well, right, you know, like
Speaker 2: it might feel like the end of the world at
Speaker 2: that moment, but like just remember that one door closes
Speaker 2: and something else is going to open.
Speaker 1: The door opens always.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: On a serious note, like those break up tips really
Speaker 1: will help you. So if you're going through a breaker.
Speaker 2: We'll put these on our Instagram where it's your head
Speaker 2: at Pod, So you guys can get these and you
Speaker 2: can use these and print s Greenham and save them
Speaker 2: in your notes and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 3: What's happening on next.
Speaker 1: Episode, Well, we are going to talk all things cheating.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about which one of us has cheated,
Speaker 1: who's been the cheating.
Speaker 3: I think you'll be surprised at who too.
Speaker 1: I think you guys will as well. And if you
Speaker 1: guys would like to get involved in our next eco
Speaker 1: and be part of the Whees their head at segment,
Speaker 1: you can send in your juicy questions to our Instagram
Speaker 1: page Where's your head at Pod? So get involved, guys.
Speaker 2: I'm nervous about that because if you think they're cheating,
Speaker 2: they probably are.
Speaker 1: They probably are. Okay, guys, thank you for listening to
Speaker 1: our episode. We've loved having you.
Speaker 3: Bye, see you next time. Bye bye, have a beautiful time.