WEBVTT - Are Our Listeners The A**holes? (AITA Dilemmas Edition) 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:05.039 Welcome to first things First, I'm Maddie Mills. My pronouns 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:05.880 are he and him. 0:00:06.240 --> 0:00:08.239 I'm Brook Blatton and my pronouns are she and her. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:10.800 And before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge the 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:13.400 custodians of the land on which we record, and today 0:00:13.440 --> 0:00:15.840 that's the Gatigal people of the urination. 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:18.600 And for me, it's a rendering people of the coolin nations. 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.720 Let's get into it, okay. 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:27.120 So I started this thing recently because I thought it 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:30.040 takes me about five minutes right to get my car 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:31.360 out of my garage. 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.560 I know, I've done it. 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:36.920 The car lift yright, and it's so funny because people 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:40.400 think it's so unhinged. So I was like, well, this 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:43.839 is the perfect time to tell people about my unhinged 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:47.040 stories doing in my car lift. 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.200 Yeah, it does take about five minutes, it does. 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.479 Yeah, So I started that today. 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:56.520 I'm gonna, you know, gather up some stories because fuck 0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:59.880 do I have some stories, and I'm just gonna occasionally 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:04.640 post one of them to my Carliff thoughts. I love 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.200 this and it had me thinking like how fucking funny 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:12.200 is when people will actually relate to your stories or 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.640 they have had the same thing happened to you. M 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:18.240 It's just it blows my mind that people out here 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:18.960 doing these on him. 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:23.200 Shit, what made you? I mean, you've obviously like had 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:26.280 a bit of experience with dating. Do they mostly come 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:27.759 from dating dating? 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.120 I guess, like I also, you know, maybe when I 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.760 was younger, I had unhinged things. Like once I was 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:39.520 walking home from my job, I was working at Target. Yeah, 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:42.160 and I just bought my lay by you know how 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:44.679 you'd lay by things and you'd spend every week. 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:45.720 You know, paying it off. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.080 Yeah, and I was so excited about all these like 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:53.080 I had this like fur jacket, this coat, like this skirt, 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.040 like all these clothes, right, because I really. 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.080 Love clothes, luxury, I know. 0:01:57.640 --> 0:01:59.840 But you know this is why I was very interested 0:01:59.880 --> 0:02:03.160 in fashion, Like I love Clothes' been to my house, 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:07.040 you know, fucking every wardrobe is full, even the spare 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:09.519 room and the office. 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:14.040 But yeah, and I got mobbed by three girls. So 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:14.720 they followed me. 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:16.320 He told me this story. 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:18.480 They ripped my hair. 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:23.040 We called me back in La. Yes, I just had 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:24.799 a flashback to walking down the street in La. You 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:25.680 telling me this story. 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:28.160 Memories, yeah, memories. 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:33.040 Well then yeah, they ripped me Basically, I got on 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.799 the bus because it was the last the last bus, 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.399 which is like nine thirty on a Thursday night. 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:42.840 God who was learning a fifteen year old? 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:47.840 Anyways, another story, catch the bus and I had these 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:49.720 girls jump on the bus and they were real like 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:54.840 now real rats, look hood rats, you know, like real 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:57.200 hood rat. And I'm like, you know, no no hate, 0:02:57.280 --> 0:03:00.000 but you can tell. And they'll yelling out to peace 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:04.560 and like being really rude and swearing and smoking. 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:06.600 And I was a little bit scared. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.280 Actually, if I'm being honest, I remember that little scared 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:09.960 person I was. 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:11.079 And I was like, just. 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:12.880 Put your head down, put your headphones in. You know 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.000 that's when you had like cord headphones and an MP 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:16.360 three yep. 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:21.120 And I was like, fuck, this is this? What are 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:21.680 they gonna do? 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:26.359 Anyways, I didn't realize, so I got off the bus 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:28.560 and they ended up getting off at the same stop 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.040 as me, okay, and I fucking freaked out. I was like, 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.400 oh my god, I'm like something's gonna happen here. And 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:37.920 I just started swiftly walking away. Then all of a sudden, Yeah, 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.400 I got my hair ripped. I dropped my bag, my 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:44.880 shoulder bag as well. Everything sort of fell on the floor. 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:49.640 I got started getting kicked into, punched. They were like 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:53.800 saying horrible things to me, and then ended up basically 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.920 taking my lay by bag and my bag. 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:58.240 Actually luckily I had my. 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:00.400 Phone, so you got beaten them robbed. 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:05.000 Pretty much my first time ever being monked when I 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:06.960 was fifteen. But that's fucking. 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:11.760 Unhinged, right, like unhinged aggressive. 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:14.320 I literally got home, I walked through the door, my 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:17.280 step mumas and I was just like, oh god. 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:22.400 Mob and spent weeks and weeks saving up for that lay. 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:25.000 By the day you get it out, you get mobbed. 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:27.000 What the fuck? What did the universe having store for 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:27.560 you that day? 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:28.600 What are the chances? 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:29.920 It's disgusting. 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:34.200 So yeah, anyways, so I've got a few unhinged stories 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:38.000 at my up my sleeve, but I also have a 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:41.599 few that people have been willing to share with us. 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:45.760 Oh I love this spill the tea. What have some things? 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:48.640 What's what things have happened in people's lives that are juicy? 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:51.520 Well, this one's a dating one, which I think is 0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:52.320 fucking funny. 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:53.160 Okay. 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:59.159 Well, it's just like classic, you know, fucking relevant and 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:05.359 so relatable. Okay, Okay, so this, she says, this a 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:09.400 girl is coming from a girl and it's her. Basically, 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.560 she says, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:16.520 two years. That's long times y, and we've been living 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:18.039 together for the past eight months. 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:18.719 Okay. 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:21.680 He used to clean up after himself around the house, 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:24.320 but about four months ago he just stopped. 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.760 Oh is he paying rent? 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:29.880 Yeah? What happened? 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:34.839 Okay, So the mess that he's as follows is wet 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.719 food in the sink from not cleaning his plate, dirty dishes, 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:39.320 piled up. 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:41.240 Nah, fucking kick him out. 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:44.400 I'm done, Okay, get nope, to the end of it. 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.040 We need to give this follow a fair shot. 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:50.960 Garbage everywhere or never taken out. That's my pet. 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.080 Hope doesn't wash his own clothes, gets take out with 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:57.320 me whenever he works from home, and just leaves the rubbish. 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.000 In his office slob. 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:02.040 So I stop doing things for him as I was 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:04.920 feeling a little bit like there was an imbalance with 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:10.360 chores and now he's refusing to do anything. I told 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:12.599 him to clean up this weekend or I'm breaking up 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:13.680 with him and moving out. 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:16.800 Oh okay, so she's given him the ultimatum. 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:19.560 Yeah, I did not see that. I thought she was 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.840 going to sound like she'd give him. There's too many things. 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.919 There's too many wet food and the sink nah dorty dishes, 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:27.400 nap garbage everywhere. 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:30.279 Nuh okay, Well, let me tell you something. For the 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:33.120 first eight months. Oh what did she say? So he 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:35.640 has been we've been living together for the past eight months. 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:37.760 He used to clean up after himself, but about four 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:39.919 months ago he stopped, so he was he sort of 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:42.160 showed aside to him for the first four months. That 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:45.240 was probably a little bit of a facade. That's not 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.839 really who he is. That's not really his values or 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:50.679 his morals or the way that he handles his life. 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:53.839 It was just to impress her. Once he started to 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:57.719 see that she would probably clean up after him, He's gone, Okay, 0:06:57.720 --> 0:06:59.640 I'm going to take off for a ride. I'm going 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.800 to be like I would if I was living by myself. 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:05.200 And let's see if she, you know, cleans up after me. 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:07.719 Blood boiling. 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.240 I can feel my blood boiling, because you know what, 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:13.360 there's this whole mentality thing and women need to stop 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:13.800 doing it. 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:17.920 But all my sisters need to stop doing this. Yeah, 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:20.320 it's the thing of Oh I'll just do it. Then 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.960 I hate that, stop doing it, don't do it? 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:27.600 Yeah, And then yeah, it's obviously very appropriate to anyone 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:32.320 who is maybe the more I guess motivated or initiative, 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:34.320 use their initiative the most. 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:36.640 But it fucking infuriates me because. 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:39.160 Pretty much our mums have taught that from a young 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:42.440 age too, pretty much with young boys, but I guess 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:46.200 just in families in homes as well, it's like pick 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:49.080 up after yourself and if they don't, fuck it, I'll 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:49.920 just do it myself. 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:53.320 I think, stop doing it. Yeah, I think that this 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:55.760 scenario you have to look at what you want to 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:59.040 accept in life. Like, for instance, this fuller obviously is 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:01.200 a dirty person and he doesn't like to clean up 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:04.560 after himself. He doesn't really care about the cleanliness of 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:08.800 the house. He's lazy. Their character traits. So it's like 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:11.040 you need to look at him for what he's showing you, 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.000 not his words, but his actions. Is this the type 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:15.680 of person that you want to have a kid with. 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:18.480 Is he going to lift his fair weight in a relationship? 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.160 Probably not. I don't think that it should be a 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.200 case of I'm going to break up with you if 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:26.120 you don't clean. It should be having a conversation when 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.880 you start to notice things, don't let it get to 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:31.280 this point where you're feeling like, Okay, I'm going to 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:32.840 break up with you if you don't pick up your slack. 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:35.120 It's like you need to have a conversation. See if 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.560 those conversations shift the dial. If it doesn't, then you've 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:42.239 got things to base your breakup on, not just one conversation. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:45.120 So I think she's left it too long. Now she's 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:47.160 giving him an ultimatum. She should have done something in 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:50.040 the beginning. But I think she should look at him 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:52.080 and see this as a reflection of who he is 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:54.280 and if that's not the type of person she wants 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:56.960 to be with, Tatar so your uncle. 0:08:56.679 --> 0:08:58.160 Well exactly, bye, Sia. 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:02.880 But then if she if he doesn't do it, like 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:05.560 she should be saying like, okay, well that's it. But 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:08.800 then he should be saying, oh, well, I want to 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:10.280 be with her. I'm going to change. 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:13.440 Like absolutely, you have to give someone the chance to 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:15.920 show you that they can, that they that they respect 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:17.880 you enough to want to do that. 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:18.679 I'm going to give him. 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:22.000 But what I will say is that if this person 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:24.760 does this in their day to day life. It is 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.400 probably a behavior that's been learned over a long period 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:29.040 of time, and it's going to take a little while 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:30.800 for him to change. It's not something that's going to 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:35.840 happen overnight. So I feel like he probably if he 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.160 loves her and he wants to show her respect and 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:40.199 he doesn't even respect himself, I don't know how it 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:41.200 can show her respect. 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:45.679 But it sounds like he can't even wash brother. 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:53.319 Like sounds like it sounds like a lazy person who 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:56.080 needs a hobby and needs some stimulation in life. It 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:57.960 sounds like he's almost depressed. 0:09:58.000 --> 0:09:58.640 Okay on that. 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:02.240 Because I live by myself, and I have lived by 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:05.960 myself for a while. When I'm busy and i'm a 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.480 little bit maybe overwhelmed, I might do these things. Not 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.680 to that extent, like absolutely, not to that extent, but 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:15.080 I might, Like last night, I had soup for dinner 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:16.040 and my. 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:18.840 Dishwasher needed it was washed, and I just needed to 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:19.520 unstack it. 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:21.720 And I was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna leave 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.319 my play in the sink and I'll unstack the dish 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:26.880 in the morning and then I'll restock it. But things 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:28.520 like that, right, But I live by myself, so I 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:32.240 have nothing to prove, but in saying that, if someone 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:34.360 else and I had to be courteous to someone else 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.120 in the house, I would unstuck that dishwasher and I 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:39.360 would put that dish back in the dishwasher. But I 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.040 have no one to account for, like I have no 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.760 one to respect because it's my space. 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.080 I'm respecting myself. 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:47.600 But also, if you look at your behavior over a 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:49.800 long period of time, I'm sure that you're consistent in 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:53.000 being clean and tidy, you know, having a little slip 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:54.920 up here, having a lazy day here, not putting the 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:58.440 dishes away one day, who cares. But if it constantly happens, 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:02.040 like in this scenario where he's absolutely doing nothing and 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:04.640 leaving everything when it comes to the domestic chores for 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:08.720 his woman, Like that is lazy, That is like disrespectful. 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:14.920 It's also just like disgusting, Like take the rubbish out, 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:16.240 you know, do your own linse. 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:20.240 That's my love language. If some someone literally it's mine too. Yeah, 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:23.400 when Dad was staying here the week, and I'd wake 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:26.000 up and you know, Dad's already been up for maybe 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:28.920 two hours doing his beautiful prayers, little angel that he 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:31.960 is bless, you know, he's gone for a walk, taken 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:35.840 cober bring brings back a coffee for me. Am, I 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:39.440 I'm lucky girl. And he takes the bin out nothing, 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:42.280 doesn't even say anything, doesn't do anything, and I got 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:43.920 to put something in the bin and it's clean and 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:46.920 it's full, it's empty, and I'm like, oh my god, I. 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:48.280 Love language exactly. 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:49.920 I go to the gym on a Saturday morning. I 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:53.440 come home every Saturday morning. While I'm at the gym, Danny, 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:56.920 my partner, is cleaning. And it's like, because I normally 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.040 do a clean on a Wednesday while he's at work, 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:01.720 so I do them be week clean, like a thorough clean, 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.120 and he would do a weekend clean. So I get up, 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:05.720 I go to the gym. I come back on a Sunday, 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:08.440 a Saturday morning. The house is sparkly. I walk in 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:10.760 and it's just a different energy. It's like, oh, this 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:13.960 is so nice. It's like it's a it's a way 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:16.840 to show respect for your partner. And he cleans, you know, 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:19.199 that's his job. So he cleans all week and then 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.720 on Saturday morning still does it. Yeah, and we have 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.440 like a little, you know, way of respecting each other. 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.400 Way when he's busy during the week. I'll do it 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:31.040 on a Wednesday. Wednesday's my day, Saturday's Tuesday. It gets done. 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.640 It's a it's a you know, a really sharing of 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.920 the load, which is respect in a relationship. So I 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:40.440 think she needs to look at him, you know, and 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:42.760 see that, you know, unless he's going through something what 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:44.120 if No, that's note. 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:45.920 I was gonna give him the benefit of doubt, like 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:48.600 you know, like you can notice when someone's mental health 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:50.880 is definitely decreasing by the level. 0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:52.360 But it's also like reach. 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.720 You know, you've got your partner there, you've got support there, 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:58.040 that something is going on, communicate or like try to 0:12:58.160 --> 0:12:58.640 at least. 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:01.160 Yeah, I was to give him the benefit of doubt. 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:03.160 But you know what, girl, you deserve better. 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:04.839 Yeah yeah, yeah, I feel like. 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.439 Don't be the asshole. But he's a asshole. 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.080 I think she needs to have a hard, hard yarm 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:13.560 with him. If he improves and he shows that, yeah, okay, 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:16.320 I can see that. Okay, give him the benefit, you know, 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:17.920 give them benefit of the doubt to show you that 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:19.880 he's going to change over time. But if he's like, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.240 oh no, I work all week, you should be cleaning, 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:23.200 get rid. 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.960 Of him see ya see yah bye. 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:34.160 Okay, so we have another scenario. Am I the asshole 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:37.840 for not wanting to babysit my nephew? Ooh I like this? Okay? 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:41.240 So this person works in childcare, specifically before the kids 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:45.040 go into their primary schools, and because of my career choice, 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.200 my sister tends to look down on me and think 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:50.520 that I'm just a glorified babysitter. Oh that means me. 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:51.400 Yeah. 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:54.439 She also happens to expect me to babysit my five 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:57.240 year old nephew whenever she needs. I only work three 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.560 days a week and study to finish my apprenticeship the 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:03.160 other two. So technically, yes, I am at home those days, 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:04.839 and I do have space for my house to look 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:07.360 after him. But I really don't want to be around 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:10.960 kids on my days off. Understandable. My sister has since 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:11.880 stopped talking to me. 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:14.400 Oh what hush. 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:17.480 My sister in law is a manager at a childcare 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:21.480 center okay, and I have never seen someone work so. 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:23.080 Hard as much as it. 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:24.680 Yeah, so she is not. 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.160 A glorified babysitter. I hate that people undermine. 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.600 Childcare, so do I. 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:33.440 And the thing is, it's the most required thing in 0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:35.200 order for people parents. 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:38.480 To work, absolutely, like what the fuck? And also, those 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:41.720 kids spend a lot of time with you know, the 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:46.240 childcare workers, and it's the way that they're shaped, you know, those. 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:47.840 Are the most valuable years. 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:52.480 Yeah, childcare workers put in a lot of work and 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:56.560 do a lot of training to provide that care. 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.720 I just don't Yeah, I don't agree with this girl. 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.920 I don't agree with her either, but still the sister, 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:04.440 the sister, Yeah, I don't agree with her because I 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.720 also feel like if somebody doesn't want to babysit your 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:11.320 child or doesn't have the time or exactly, you need 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:15.680 to boundaries not judge them. Yeah, but that's your kid, 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:16.600 you figure it out. 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:19.880 Yes, Yes, if you're desperate desperate. 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.440 Sure, But if you're like just playing that desperate card 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.760 all the time, absolutely not. And if you're playing the 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:28.040 sister card like, oh well it's your nephew too, Like no, 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:31.160 I would I would. I would, you know, babysit my 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.760 nephew anytime. But if I did have things on which 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:39.400 I would say work or things like whatever, then I 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:43.600 would just say that, yeah, you know, prioritize work. Maybe 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:47.520 I don't know, I suggest with this girl, like to 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:51.400 put in those healthy boundaries with your sister, because yeah, 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.360 she obviously is not respecting your work. 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.200 I mean, what do you what does she do? What 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:55.680 does she do? 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.640 What do you do? I think I think the sister 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:05.120 needs to, you know, look at the like she's making 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:08.800 really extreme decisions based on her sister not wanting to 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.560 you know, babysit, like to stop talking to her. 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.160 Yeah, that's it's emotional manipulation. 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:18.080 Emotional manipulas, right, yes, yes, yeah, you're right. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.200 I'm not a fucking therapist, but fuck I have. 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:23.080 I had a step mom that fucking emotionally abused me 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.040 by doing the silent treatment for many years. And it's 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:31.240 not it's not okay because now it interrupts your relationships. 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:35.120 And how you deal with conflict. It pretty much you 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:36.520 gain shitty. 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.560 Self esteem from it because you're stuck with your own 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:40.960 fucking thoughts because you think, oh, that person hates me 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.520 because she doesn't want to talk to me. So yeah, 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:46.560 that's that's really unfair. And I don't think it's really 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:48.160 fair for your sister to do that. 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:49.960 That's my own opinion. That's my own opinion. 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:51.920 And I don't think you're an asshole for not wanting 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.480 to babysit your nephew on your days off. 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.560 No, yeah, take. 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:58.800 Your time away, you know, that's that's your space. 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:02.040 Where's the dad too, where's the mum or dad whatever 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.800 a parent? Where's the other parent? I get single moms 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:06.639 like one hundred percent. Like I grew up with a 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.520 single mom. I know how hard it is, and you're 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.679 helping to your best, but it's like, if there's a 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.480 father in here or someone another parent, where are they? 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.879 I think also the fact that she expects her to 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:22.000 babysit her five year old nephew whenever she needs, Like, yeah, 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:24.879 that's not cool. Like these things need to be spoken about, 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:27.719 they need to be scheduled in. Obviously there are moments 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:31.239 where there's an emergency. Yeah, help your sister out, But 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:33.240 you don't have to put your life on hold for 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.959 your sister. You don't have to, you know, rearrange your 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:38.399 life just so that you can please your sister. Your 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:41.040 sister has to deal with this and figure it out herself. 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.000 Yeah, I agree, that's what she has. 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:44.280 Other friends agreed. 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.920 Schedule I reckon if you want to say, your sister, 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:49.800 she's a single mom and she needs help, and she 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:50.440 just wants. 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:54.200 Her own time. I'm sure you would. The person who's 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.720 written in would say, yeah, okay, that's pretty reasonable. 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.800 I'm happy to because it's been communicated, been discussed, and 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:02.280 it's been scheduled in for sure. 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.800 Yeah. I was at my cousin's thirtieth birthday. 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.080 Oh I'm Nelly thirty recently, where I met someone who 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:15.600 I felt immod attracted to. I love that feeling, that's like, yeah, yeah. 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:18.680 Anyways, turns out the feeling was mutual. 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:23.720 Fuck, that's a sleigh because we spent the entire party laughing, chatting, 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:28.159 and just enjoying each other's company. Yep, say, I have 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:31.040 not felt this way about someone, or have felt such 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:33.720 an immediate spark with someone so quickly before. 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:34.000 Right. 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:38.960 The only hitch is that this person is my cousin's 0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:42.560 cousin on the other side of the family, so we're 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:48.119 not technically related by blood only marriage. Okay, They've asked 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:51.040 me out to dinner to really fancy, nice restaurant and 0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:52.120 said they want. 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:54.920