Speaker 1: Welcome to first things First, I'm Maddie Mills. My pronouns
Speaker 1: are he and him.
Speaker 2: I'm Brook Blatton and my pronouns are she and her.
Speaker 1: And before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge the
Speaker 1: custodians of the land on which we record, and today
Speaker 1: that's the Gatigal people of the urination.
Speaker 2: And for me, it's a rendering people of the coolin nations.
Speaker 1: Let's get into it, okay.
Speaker 3: So I started this thing recently because I thought it
Speaker 3: takes me about five minutes right to get my car
Speaker 3: out of my garage.
Speaker 1: I know, I've done it.
Speaker 3: The car lift yright, and it's so funny because people
Speaker 3: think it's so unhinged. So I was like, well, this
Speaker 3: is the perfect time to tell people about my unhinged
Speaker 3: stories doing in my car lift.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it does take about five minutes, it does.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I started that today.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna, you know, gather up some stories because fuck
Speaker 3: do I have some stories, and I'm just gonna occasionally
Speaker 3: post one of them to my Carliff thoughts. I love
Speaker 3: this and it had me thinking like how fucking funny
Speaker 3: is when people will actually relate to your stories or
Speaker 3: they have had the same thing happened to you. M
Speaker 3: It's just it blows my mind that people out here
Speaker 3: doing these on him.
Speaker 1: Shit, what made you? I mean, you've obviously like had
Speaker 1: a bit of experience with dating. Do they mostly come
Speaker 1: from dating dating?
Speaker 3: I guess, like I also, you know, maybe when I
Speaker 3: was younger, I had unhinged things. Like once I was
Speaker 3: walking home from my job, I was working at Target. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and I just bought my lay by you know how
Speaker 3: you'd lay by things and you'd spend every week.
Speaker 2: You know, paying it off.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was so excited about all these like
Speaker 3: I had this like fur jacket, this coat, like this skirt,
Speaker 3: like all these clothes, right, because I really.
Speaker 1: Love clothes, luxury, I know.
Speaker 3: But you know this is why I was very interested
Speaker 3: in fashion, Like I love Clothes' been to my house,
Speaker 3: you know, fucking every wardrobe is full, even the spare
Speaker 3: room and the office.
Speaker 2: But yeah, and I got mobbed by three girls. So
Speaker 2: they followed me.
Speaker 1: He told me this story.
Speaker 2: They ripped my hair.
Speaker 1: We called me back in La. Yes, I just had
Speaker 1: a flashback to walking down the street in La. You
Speaker 1: telling me this story.
Speaker 2: Memories, yeah, memories.
Speaker 3: Well then yeah, they ripped me Basically, I got on
Speaker 3: the bus because it was the last the last bus,
Speaker 3: which is like nine thirty on a Thursday night.
Speaker 2: God who was learning a fifteen year old?
Speaker 3: Anyways, another story, catch the bus and I had these
Speaker 3: girls jump on the bus and they were real like
Speaker 3: now real rats, look hood rats, you know, like real
Speaker 3: hood rat. And I'm like, you know, no no hate,
Speaker 3: but you can tell. And they'll yelling out to peace
Speaker 3: and like being really rude and swearing and smoking.
Speaker 2: And I was a little bit scared.
Speaker 3: Actually, if I'm being honest, I remember that little scared
Speaker 3: person I was.
Speaker 2: And I was like, just.
Speaker 3: Put your head down, put your headphones in. You know
Speaker 3: that's when you had like cord headphones and an MP
Speaker 3: three yep.
Speaker 2: And I was like, fuck, this is this? What are
Speaker 2: they gonna do?
Speaker 3: Anyways, I didn't realize, so I got off the bus
Speaker 3: and they ended up getting off at the same stop
Speaker 3: as me, okay, and I fucking freaked out. I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm like something's gonna happen here. And
Speaker 3: I just started swiftly walking away. Then all of a sudden, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I got my hair ripped. I dropped my bag, my
Speaker 3: shoulder bag as well. Everything sort of fell on the floor.
Speaker 3: I got started getting kicked into, punched. They were like
Speaker 3: saying horrible things to me, and then ended up basically
Speaker 3: taking my lay by bag and my bag.
Speaker 2: Actually luckily I had my.
Speaker 1: Phone, so you got beaten them robbed.
Speaker 3: Pretty much my first time ever being monked when I
Speaker 3: was fifteen. But that's fucking.
Speaker 1: Unhinged, right, like unhinged aggressive.
Speaker 3: I literally got home, I walked through the door, my
Speaker 3: step mumas and I was just like, oh god.
Speaker 1: Mob and spent weeks and weeks saving up for that lay.
Speaker 1: By the day you get it out, you get mobbed.
Speaker 1: What the fuck? What did the universe having store for
Speaker 1: you that day?
Speaker 2: What are the chances?
Speaker 1: It's disgusting.
Speaker 3: So yeah, anyways, so I've got a few unhinged stories
Speaker 3: at my up my sleeve, but I also have a
Speaker 3: few that people have been willing to share with us.
Speaker 1: Oh I love this spill the tea. What have some things?
Speaker 1: What's what things have happened in people's lives that are juicy?
Speaker 2: Well, this one's a dating one, which I think is
Speaker 2: fucking funny.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Well, it's just like classic, you know, fucking relevant and
Speaker 3: so relatable. Okay, Okay, so this, she says, this a
Speaker 3: girl is coming from a girl and it's her. Basically,
Speaker 3: she says, my boyfriend and I have been dating for
Speaker 3: two years. That's long times y, and we've been living
Speaker 3: together for the past eight months.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: He used to clean up after himself around the house,
Speaker 3: but about four months ago he just stopped.
Speaker 2: Oh is he paying rent?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What happened?
Speaker 3: Okay, So the mess that he's as follows is wet
Speaker 3: food in the sink from not cleaning his plate, dirty dishes,
Speaker 3: piled up.
Speaker 2: Nah, fucking kick him out.
Speaker 1: I'm done, Okay, get nope, to the end of it.
Speaker 1: We need to give this follow a fair shot.
Speaker 2: Garbage everywhere or never taken out. That's my pet.
Speaker 3: Hope doesn't wash his own clothes, gets take out with
Speaker 3: me whenever he works from home, and just leaves the rubbish.
Speaker 2: In his office slob.
Speaker 3: So I stop doing things for him as I was
Speaker 3: feeling a little bit like there was an imbalance with
Speaker 3: chores and now he's refusing to do anything. I told
Speaker 3: him to clean up this weekend or I'm breaking up
Speaker 3: with him and moving out.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so she's given him the ultimatum.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did not see that. I thought she was
Speaker 3: going to sound like she'd give him. There's too many things.
Speaker 3: There's too many wet food and the sink nah dorty dishes,
Speaker 3: nap garbage everywhere.
Speaker 1: Nuh okay, Well, let me tell you something. For the
Speaker 1: first eight months. Oh what did she say? So he
Speaker 1: has been we've been living together for the past eight months.
Speaker 1: He used to clean up after himself, but about four
Speaker 1: months ago he stopped, so he was he sort of
Speaker 1: showed aside to him for the first four months. That
Speaker 1: was probably a little bit of a facade. That's not
Speaker 1: really who he is. That's not really his values or
Speaker 1: his morals or the way that he handles his life.
Speaker 1: It was just to impress her. Once he started to
Speaker 1: see that she would probably clean up after him, He's gone, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to take off for a ride. I'm going
Speaker 1: to be like I would if I was living by myself.
Speaker 1: And let's see if she, you know, cleans up after me.
Speaker 2: Blood boiling.
Speaker 3: I can feel my blood boiling, because you know what,
Speaker 3: there's this whole mentality thing and women need to stop
Speaker 3: doing it.
Speaker 2: But all my sisters need to stop doing this. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's the thing of Oh I'll just do it. Then
Speaker 2: I hate that, stop doing it, don't do it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then yeah, it's obviously very appropriate to anyone
Speaker 3: who is maybe the more I guess motivated or initiative,
Speaker 3: use their initiative the most.
Speaker 2: But it fucking infuriates me because.
Speaker 3: Pretty much our mums have taught that from a young
Speaker 3: age too, pretty much with young boys, but I guess
Speaker 3: just in families in homes as well, it's like pick
Speaker 3: up after yourself and if they don't, fuck it, I'll
Speaker 3: just do it myself.
Speaker 1: I think, stop doing it. Yeah, I think that this
Speaker 1: scenario you have to look at what you want to
Speaker 1: accept in life. Like, for instance, this fuller obviously is
Speaker 1: a dirty person and he doesn't like to clean up
Speaker 1: after himself. He doesn't really care about the cleanliness of
Speaker 1: the house. He's lazy. Their character traits. So it's like
Speaker 1: you need to look at him for what he's showing you,
Speaker 1: not his words, but his actions. Is this the type
Speaker 1: of person that you want to have a kid with.
Speaker 1: Is he going to lift his fair weight in a relationship?
Speaker 1: Probably not. I don't think that it should be a
Speaker 1: case of I'm going to break up with you if
Speaker 1: you don't clean. It should be having a conversation when
Speaker 1: you start to notice things, don't let it get to
Speaker 1: this point where you're feeling like, Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 1: break up with you if you don't pick up your slack.
Speaker 1: It's like you need to have a conversation. See if
Speaker 1: those conversations shift the dial. If it doesn't, then you've
Speaker 1: got things to base your breakup on, not just one conversation.
Speaker 1: So I think she's left it too long. Now she's
Speaker 1: giving him an ultimatum. She should have done something in
Speaker 1: the beginning. But I think she should look at him
Speaker 1: and see this as a reflection of who he is
Speaker 1: and if that's not the type of person she wants
Speaker 1: to be with, Tatar so your uncle.
Speaker 2: Well exactly, bye, Sia.
Speaker 3: But then if she if he doesn't do it, like
Speaker 3: she should be saying like, okay, well that's it. But
Speaker 3: then he should be saying, oh, well, I want to
Speaker 3: be with her. I'm going to change.
Speaker 1: Like absolutely, you have to give someone the chance to
Speaker 1: show you that they can, that they that they respect
Speaker 1: you enough to want to do that.
Speaker 2: I'm going to give him.
Speaker 1: But what I will say is that if this person
Speaker 1: does this in their day to day life. It is
Speaker 1: probably a behavior that's been learned over a long period
Speaker 1: of time, and it's going to take a little while
Speaker 1: for him to change. It's not something that's going to
Speaker 1: happen overnight. So I feel like he probably if he
Speaker 1: loves her and he wants to show her respect and
Speaker 1: he doesn't even respect himself, I don't know how it
Speaker 1: can show her respect.
Speaker 3: But it sounds like he can't even wash brother.
Speaker 1: Like sounds like it sounds like a lazy person who
Speaker 1: needs a hobby and needs some stimulation in life. It
Speaker 1: sounds like he's almost depressed.
Speaker 2: Okay on that.
Speaker 3: Because I live by myself, and I have lived by
Speaker 3: myself for a while. When I'm busy and i'm a
Speaker 3: little bit maybe overwhelmed, I might do these things. Not
Speaker 3: to that extent, like absolutely, not to that extent, but
Speaker 3: I might, Like last night, I had soup for dinner
Speaker 3: and my.
Speaker 2: Dishwasher needed it was washed, and I just needed to
Speaker 2: unstack it.
Speaker 3: And I was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna leave
Speaker 3: my play in the sink and I'll unstack the dish
Speaker 3: in the morning and then I'll restock it. But things
Speaker 3: like that, right, But I live by myself, so I
Speaker 3: have nothing to prove, but in saying that, if someone
Speaker 3: else and I had to be courteous to someone else
Speaker 3: in the house, I would unstuck that dishwasher and I
Speaker 3: would put that dish back in the dishwasher. But I
Speaker 3: have no one to account for, like I have no
Speaker 3: one to respect because it's my space.
Speaker 2: I'm respecting myself.
Speaker 1: But also, if you look at your behavior over a
Speaker 1: long period of time, I'm sure that you're consistent in
Speaker 1: being clean and tidy, you know, having a little slip
Speaker 1: up here, having a lazy day here, not putting the
Speaker 1: dishes away one day, who cares. But if it constantly happens,
Speaker 1: like in this scenario where he's absolutely doing nothing and
Speaker 1: leaving everything when it comes to the domestic chores for
Speaker 1: his woman, Like that is lazy, That is like disrespectful.
Speaker 1: It's also just like disgusting, Like take the rubbish out,
Speaker 1: you know, do your own linse.
Speaker 3: That's my love language. If some someone literally it's mine too. Yeah,
Speaker 3: when Dad was staying here the week, and I'd wake
Speaker 3: up and you know, Dad's already been up for maybe
Speaker 3: two hours doing his beautiful prayers, little angel that he
Speaker 3: is bless, you know, he's gone for a walk, taken
Speaker 3: cober bring brings back a coffee for me. Am, I
Speaker 3: I'm lucky girl. And he takes the bin out nothing,
Speaker 3: doesn't even say anything, doesn't do anything, and I got
Speaker 3: to put something in the bin and it's clean and
Speaker 3: it's full, it's empty, and I'm like, oh my god, I.
Speaker 2: Love language exactly.
Speaker 1: I go to the gym on a Saturday morning. I
Speaker 1: come home every Saturday morning. While I'm at the gym, Danny,
Speaker 1: my partner, is cleaning. And it's like, because I normally
Speaker 1: do a clean on a Wednesday while he's at work,
Speaker 1: so I do them be week clean, like a thorough clean,
Speaker 1: and he would do a weekend clean. So I get up,
Speaker 1: I go to the gym. I come back on a Sunday,
Speaker 1: a Saturday morning. The house is sparkly. I walk in
Speaker 1: and it's just a different energy. It's like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is so nice. It's like it's a it's a way
Speaker 1: to show respect for your partner. And he cleans, you know,
Speaker 1: that's his job. So he cleans all week and then
Speaker 1: on Saturday morning still does it. Yeah, and we have
Speaker 1: like a little, you know, way of respecting each other.
Speaker 1: Way when he's busy during the week. I'll do it
Speaker 1: on a Wednesday. Wednesday's my day, Saturday's Tuesday. It gets done.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a you know, a really sharing of
Speaker 1: the load, which is respect in a relationship. So I
Speaker 1: think she needs to look at him, you know, and
Speaker 1: see that, you know, unless he's going through something what
Speaker 1: if No, that's note.
Speaker 3: I was gonna give him the benefit of doubt, like
Speaker 3: you know, like you can notice when someone's mental health
Speaker 3: is definitely decreasing by the level.
Speaker 2: But it's also like reach.
Speaker 3: You know, you've got your partner there, you've got support there,
Speaker 3: that something is going on, communicate or like try to
Speaker 3: at least.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was to give him the benefit of doubt.
Speaker 2: But you know what, girl, you deserve better.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I feel like.
Speaker 2: Don't be the asshole. But he's a asshole.
Speaker 1: I think she needs to have a hard, hard yarm
Speaker 1: with him. If he improves and he shows that, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I can see that. Okay, give him the benefit, you know,
Speaker 1: give them benefit of the doubt to show you that
Speaker 1: he's going to change over time. But if he's like,
Speaker 1: oh no, I work all week, you should be cleaning,
Speaker 1: get rid.
Speaker 2: Of him see ya see yah bye.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we have another scenario. Am I the asshole
Speaker 1: for not wanting to babysit my nephew? Ooh I like this? Okay?
Speaker 1: So this person works in childcare, specifically before the kids
Speaker 1: go into their primary schools, and because of my career choice,
Speaker 1: my sister tends to look down on me and think
Speaker 1: that I'm just a glorified babysitter. Oh that means me.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: She also happens to expect me to babysit my five
Speaker 1: year old nephew whenever she needs. I only work three
Speaker 1: days a week and study to finish my apprenticeship the
Speaker 1: other two. So technically, yes, I am at home those days,
Speaker 1: and I do have space for my house to look
Speaker 1: after him. But I really don't want to be around
Speaker 1: kids on my days off. Understandable. My sister has since
Speaker 1: stopped talking to me.
Speaker 2: Oh what hush.
Speaker 3: My sister in law is a manager at a childcare
Speaker 3: center okay, and I have never seen someone work so.
Speaker 2: Hard as much as it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she is not.
Speaker 3: A glorified babysitter. I hate that people undermine.
Speaker 1: Childcare, so do I.
Speaker 3: And the thing is, it's the most required thing in
Speaker 3: order for people parents.
Speaker 1: To work, absolutely, like what the fuck? And also, those
Speaker 1: kids spend a lot of time with you know, the
Speaker 1: childcare workers, and it's the way that they're shaped, you know, those.
Speaker 2: Are the most valuable years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, childcare workers put in a lot of work and
Speaker 3: do a lot of training to provide that care.
Speaker 2: I just don't Yeah, I don't agree with this girl.
Speaker 1: I don't agree with her either, but still the sister,
Speaker 1: the sister, Yeah, I don't agree with her because I
Speaker 1: also feel like if somebody doesn't want to babysit your
Speaker 1: child or doesn't have the time or exactly, you need
Speaker 1: to boundaries not judge them. Yeah, but that's your kid,
Speaker 1: you figure it out.
Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, if you're desperate desperate.
Speaker 3: Sure, But if you're like just playing that desperate card
Speaker 3: all the time, absolutely not. And if you're playing the
Speaker 3: sister card like, oh well it's your nephew too, Like no,
Speaker 3: I would I would. I would, you know, babysit my
Speaker 3: nephew anytime. But if I did have things on which
Speaker 3: I would say work or things like whatever, then I
Speaker 3: would just say that, yeah, you know, prioritize work. Maybe
Speaker 3: I don't know, I suggest with this girl, like to
Speaker 3: put in those healthy boundaries with your sister, because yeah,
Speaker 3: she obviously is not respecting your work.
Speaker 2: I mean, what do you what does she do? What
Speaker 2: does she do?
Speaker 1: What do you do? I think I think the sister
Speaker 1: needs to, you know, look at the like she's making
Speaker 1: really extreme decisions based on her sister not wanting to
Speaker 1: you know, babysit, like to stop talking to her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it's emotional manipulation.
Speaker 1: Emotional manipulas, right, yes, yes, yeah, you're right.
Speaker 2: I'm not a fucking therapist, but fuck I have.
Speaker 3: I had a step mom that fucking emotionally abused me
Speaker 3: by doing the silent treatment for many years. And it's
Speaker 3: not it's not okay because now it interrupts your relationships.
Speaker 2: And how you deal with conflict. It pretty much you
Speaker 2: gain shitty.
Speaker 3: Self esteem from it because you're stuck with your own
Speaker 3: fucking thoughts because you think, oh, that person hates me
Speaker 3: because she doesn't want to talk to me. So yeah,
Speaker 3: that's that's really unfair. And I don't think it's really
Speaker 3: fair for your sister to do that.
Speaker 2: That's my own opinion. That's my own opinion.
Speaker 1: And I don't think you're an asshole for not wanting
Speaker 1: to babysit your nephew on your days off.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, take.
Speaker 1: Your time away, you know, that's that's your space.
Speaker 3: Where's the dad too, where's the mum or dad whatever
Speaker 3: a parent? Where's the other parent? I get single moms
Speaker 3: like one hundred percent. Like I grew up with a
Speaker 3: single mom. I know how hard it is, and you're
Speaker 3: helping to your best, but it's like, if there's a
Speaker 3: father in here or someone another parent, where are they?
Speaker 1: I think also the fact that she expects her to
Speaker 1: babysit her five year old nephew whenever she needs, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not cool. Like these things need to be spoken about,
Speaker 1: they need to be scheduled in. Obviously there are moments
Speaker 1: where there's an emergency. Yeah, help your sister out, But
Speaker 1: you don't have to put your life on hold for
Speaker 1: your sister. You don't have to, you know, rearrange your
Speaker 1: life just so that you can please your sister. Your
Speaker 1: sister has to deal with this and figure it out herself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, that's what she has.
Speaker 1: Other friends agreed.
Speaker 3: Schedule I reckon if you want to say, your sister,
Speaker 3: she's a single mom and she needs help, and she
Speaker 3: just wants.
Speaker 2: Her own time. I'm sure you would. The person who's
Speaker 2: written in would say, yeah, okay, that's pretty reasonable.
Speaker 3: I'm happy to because it's been communicated, been discussed, and
Speaker 3: it's been scheduled in for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was at my cousin's thirtieth birthday.
Speaker 3: Oh I'm Nelly thirty recently, where I met someone who
Speaker 3: I felt immod attracted to. I love that feeling, that's like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Anyways, turns out the feeling was mutual.
Speaker 3: Fuck, that's a sleigh because we spent the entire party laughing, chatting,
Speaker 3: and just enjoying each other's company. Yep, say, I have
Speaker 3: not felt this way about someone, or have felt such
Speaker 3: an immediate spark with someone so quickly before.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: The only hitch is that this person is my cousin's
Speaker 3: cousin on the other side of the family, so we're
Speaker 3: not technically related by blood only marriage. Okay, They've asked
Speaker 3: me out to dinner to really fancy, nice restaurant and
Speaker 3: said they want.
Speaker 1: To spoil me and get to know me well dinner.
Speaker 3: But I don't know if this is wrong or not.
Speaker 3: Is it okay to date my cousin cousin? M I know,
Speaker 3: because what if they get married, because they know the
Speaker 3: cousins are going to be at your wedding, but as cousins,
Speaker 3: not as a cousin's cousins.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: Like see, this is the biggest dilemma in the mobs
Speaker 3: because you will wave double check your family tree and
Speaker 3: make sure that you're not dating your cousin cousin.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, I don't see an issue with it. I
Speaker 1: really don't. I think it's a little bit hard to
Speaker 1: at first grapple with because there's such a close connection
Speaker 1: in terms of, you know, through marriage. But I don't
Speaker 1: see anything wrong with it. If it's your cousin's cousin,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's okay, Like you're not if you
Speaker 1: have kids, they're not going to come out with three arms,
Speaker 1: Like it's not that vibe.
Speaker 3: But I think it's it's not even that as well,
Speaker 3: like the gene defects. It's the principle for me, like, oh,
Speaker 3: how did you guys meet? Oh, cousin's wedding? The fuck
Speaker 3: both of your cousins?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: What a good story? No great story.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say, there's plenty of fish in the sea girl.
Speaker 1: But she hasn't they haven't felt this spark ever in
Speaker 1: their life, Like, sorry it's loud, they.
Speaker 2: Haven't help, but sorry I had in my life.
Speaker 1: But okay, no, they haven't felt this spark ever, and
Speaker 1: this doesn't happen much like if there's a fire cracker
Speaker 1: moment in your life, enjoy it, go to the nice restaurant.
Speaker 1: Maybe fuck, but you don't need to get married, Like,
Speaker 1: enjoy the moment for what it is.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, yeah, I agree with you, but I
Speaker 2: just wouldn't myself.
Speaker 1: She doesn't need to plenty, doesn't need to put a
Speaker 1: ring on it.
Speaker 3: No, but could just be a quick fuck and then
Speaker 3: you can say that never have I ever fucked my cousin?
Speaker 1: How nice would that be? Go to it. It's not
Speaker 1: a cousin, it's a cousin's cousin.
Speaker 2: Now, how many layers in a temassou.
Speaker 3: Today?
Speaker 1: I just, I seriously think that it's not an issue.
Speaker 1: You enjoy the fantasy, go and have your cavia and
Speaker 1: then your cousin.
Speaker 2: I agree, You.
Speaker 1: Know what that's disgusting?
Speaker 2: Do you do? You know?
Speaker 1: You do your cousin's cousin. Look, it's a conundrum.
Speaker 3: And wait, it's I don't even think it's cis. I
Speaker 3: think it's it's non gender, so it could be a
Speaker 3: guy as well. Okay, the lesbian environment is very instuous
Speaker 3: as well, so I probably stuck with my cousin's cousins
Speaker 3: cousins as well.
Speaker 1: Have you do you think you have?
Speaker 2: Probably?
Speaker 3: I think one of my first boyfriends in year eight
Speaker 3: was my cousin, but we only held hands.
Speaker 1: This is so funny because the girl my first girlfriend seven,
Speaker 1: her name was Nikita, and she was my cousin.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we have dated that cousin and I had.
Speaker 1: To step up. I had to step up on the
Speaker 1: guard to kiss her because she was really tall.
Speaker 2: No, I'm recy used to live the street behind my
Speaker 2: house and so.
Speaker 1: I'm a kissing cousin. Oh lord, oh god, I kiss.
Speaker 2: My You know there's cults out there for that.
Speaker 1: In Tasmania.
Speaker 2: Anyway, moving on, we're so problematic.
Speaker 1: Okay, why do we do like a little game? Why
Speaker 1: don't we do like a quick fire dilemma game?
Speaker 2: Okay, go on? Then, okay, what are the.
Speaker 1: First one I think about or comes to mind? Is
Speaker 1: kids at weddings? Now that's quick.
Speaker 2: I love kids, you know what. I love kids?
Speaker 1: But no, not enough obviously, not at weddings.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, unless the child of the people
Speaker 3: that are getting married. Yeah, all right now, so we
Speaker 3: so no babies. I don't want babies. I don't want
Speaker 3: little I don't know. Open ceremony, like if it was
Speaker 3: an open ceremony to you got biggest one family, like
Speaker 3: a Greek family.
Speaker 1: Open casket.
Speaker 2: It's a wedding, not a funerally.
Speaker 1: Open casket. And I was like, oh, what about kids
Speaker 1: at funerals?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's hard because I was a kid having
Speaker 3: to go to a funeral my mom.
Speaker 2: So that's yeah.
Speaker 1: But you would want to be a part of it
Speaker 1: as a kid, right, Like you wouldn't want to miss
Speaker 1: that moment in terms of your life memories.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: What do you have?
Speaker 2: None?
Speaker 3: Disabled people using disabled toilets. I've gone in the toilet before.
Speaker 1: I feel really bad about this one. It is my
Speaker 1: preferred choice, so much cleaner, it's so much clean up,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm in my private little sanctuary
Speaker 1: doing a poo in the shopping center.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I just want to go, go and I'll
Speaker 2: be out there as soon as you were. You won't
Speaker 2: even notice me.
Speaker 1: Oh it scares me, says this door will unlock in
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. What if it takes longer to do a
Speaker 1: ship than fifteen minutes.
Speaker 3: Well, then you're just gonna have to open do a
Speaker 3: snap off, wipe your bum, and then close the door again.
Speaker 1: Cut that turtle head off and go you're all fucked.
Speaker 2: I'm done.
Speaker 1: What's the next one?
Speaker 2: It's flirting with someone? No talking? So talking to your
Speaker 2: ex when you're okay, this is good.
Speaker 1: It is relevant to me, so I love it.
Speaker 2: Okay, talking to your ex when you're in a new relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, what what do you think about this? I want
Speaker 1: to know? Or your partner talking to their X while
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship. I I don't know.
Speaker 3: This is like so hard because like I had no
Speaker 3: I had therapy this morning, and I'm like kind of
Speaker 3: exploring something else with someone new, the same.
Speaker 1: Person, just to saying anything.
Speaker 2: If you didn't listen to the last episode, Maddy roasted me.
Speaker 2: But what's next? Anyways?
Speaker 3: And I realized that I'm actually still so emotionally attached
Speaker 3: to my ex and that relationship. So I haven't really
Speaker 3: been able to move on in the new relationship because
Speaker 3: I haven't closed that door or that chapter, and so Yeah,
Speaker 3: Well I had that conversation with not with my ex
Speaker 3: because I haven't really spoken to him, but with you know,
Speaker 3: my new relationship, where I've been like pretty honest and
Speaker 3: just said, like I went to therapy and this has
Speaker 3: kind of come up, and this is actually how I've
Speaker 3: been feeling because I.
Speaker 2: Haven't actually been able to be intimate with my new.
Speaker 3: Relationship for the last three because I've been really struggling
Speaker 3: to explore intimacy. And I was like, this is so
Speaker 3: unheard of for me, like so unusual, like you know,
Speaker 3: but it's because I'm still so emotionally attached to my ex,
Speaker 3: which is shitty, and you know, it's like it hurts,
Speaker 3: but it's like I have to grieve that relationship first
Speaker 3: and then be able to move on.
Speaker 1: So totally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So yeah, I don't think it's a good thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, Well, look, I'm in a tricky position.
Speaker 1: I am with a boyfriend who does talk to their ex,
Speaker 1: but it's become less and less and less as we've
Speaker 1: become tighter in our relationship.
Speaker 2: Can I ask why does he talk to him?
Speaker 1: I think that you know, his relationship with his ex.
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk bad about it. But like
Speaker 1: I think it was quite tumultuous. I think that it
Speaker 1: was a tough relationship. But I think that his ex
Speaker 1: really helped him change his life. You know, he was
Speaker 1: able to create this new world in Australia for his
Speaker 1: life and be able to live a brand new life
Speaker 1: because he, you know, was a partner with a partner
Speaker 1: who was able to give him a visa. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I think they had something special. But obviously it didn't
Speaker 1: work out. And I can understand why it didn't work out.
Speaker 1: And I totally get it that it's never going to
Speaker 1: happen again, Like I know that, but I've I struggled
Speaker 1: a little bit in the beginning with the fact that
Speaker 1: you know, he having communication, communicating, but when I met Denny,
Speaker 1: Denny was still sleeping in the same bed as his ex.
Speaker 1: Denny was still in the house they were living together.
Speaker 1: There was, you know, a tricky sort of connection there
Speaker 1: that I was unaware of or aware of. I was
Speaker 1: very aware. I was very aware it was all happening.
Speaker 2: But you were just fine with that or did you
Speaker 2: just understand the situation?
Speaker 1: And I understood the situation. I also wasn't totally invested
Speaker 1: in thinking that I would be with Danny.
Speaker 2: Why I in the same bed though, Well, I think it.
Speaker 1: Was the living circumstances, you know, But I think, you know,
Speaker 1: whatever that was is done. But I know that they
Speaker 1: still are in contact. And look, I've become more mature
Speaker 1: about it. I've been like, if anything was to happen,
Speaker 1: you know what, I truly believe that, Like, if you
Speaker 1: can have him, have him. But I got that's my mindset.
Speaker 1: Like I truly believe that I've got to a point
Speaker 1: in my life and my existence that I'm really content
Speaker 1: with who I am. And I know that I am
Speaker 1: an amazing partner.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So if you know, if my partner talks to their
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend, and I'm not saying I'm ever going to
Speaker 1: be happy with them being best friends, no, but if
Speaker 1: they're going to communicate, I don't even want to stress
Speaker 1: about it because like, if anything goes on, or if
Speaker 1: anything bad happens, or if they cross any boundaries, I'd
Speaker 1: be more happy just to step aside to try and
Speaker 1: fight for something that is going to hurt me. So
Speaker 1: I feel really content about my position in that scenario.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 3: That's a really good way of looking at things. And
Speaker 3: I guess just like to show maturity. And I guess
Speaker 3: every relationship is so different, Like, you know, there's not
Speaker 3: one way of having a relationship with someone. And you know,
Speaker 3: when you're together, you have you've loved one another previously
Speaker 3: in another life.
Speaker 2: You can still love that person, but you're just not
Speaker 2: in love with them, so you still care about those relationships.
Speaker 1: I don't talk to Paul on a regular basis. I
Speaker 1: don't communicate with him. I think that that's been good
Speaker 1: for both of us. We had such a strong connection,
Speaker 1: strong love that I feel like, you know what, leave
Speaker 1: that in the past, and I've done that because I've
Speaker 1: been able to focus on moving on. Is that not
Speaker 1: that I don't want to talk to him. I just
Speaker 1: feel like it's not it's not meant.
Speaker 2: But then also, this is a thing.
Speaker 3: Look at both of your previous relationships and then look
Speaker 3: at the relationship that you have with Danny, Like obviously
Speaker 3: those experiences have made you, guys learn love better, love stronger,
Speaker 3: and love it, you.
Speaker 1: Know, And we're not the same versions of ourselves in
Speaker 1: this new relationship. We're actually showing up as completely different
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. And we realize that and we recognize
Speaker 1: it and we love the fact that we are not
Speaker 1: the same people who we were in our past, and
Speaker 1: I think that's super important for our success. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love that.
Speaker 2: That's good. All right.
Speaker 1: One more, refusing to attend a family event because of
Speaker 1: a homophobic or racist family member. I think that's valid,
Speaker 1: so valid, But yeah.
Speaker 2: So can be so resolved. Well, no, you can just
Speaker 2: call it out and you say that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can going to continue to be racist and
Speaker 3: homophobic or you're gonna, you know, cause an uncomfortableness for
Speaker 3: every single person in our family because of you can't
Speaker 3: figure your shit out.
Speaker 1: I have sort of a like a two step or
Speaker 1: three step process when it comes to situations like this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, first about it.
Speaker 1: His first step is private. Do it privately. Hey, I
Speaker 1: know this is the way that you're you're treating me,
Speaker 1: or this is the remarks that you've said, I don't
Speaker 1: appreciate it, wants you to stop m h. If they
Speaker 1: don't or if they say no, that's just how I feel,
Speaker 1: that's how I think, and they do it again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can do it publicly in front of other people.
Speaker 1: You've given them an opportunity and then embarrass them. And
Speaker 1: then if they don't do that if they don't, if
Speaker 1: they continue to do it, then just cut them off.
Speaker 1: So in private, I did this in a play that
Speaker 1: I was in. Somebody said something racist to me. They
Speaker 1: walked into the bathroom. I walked in after them, and
Speaker 1: I said, I need to speak to you in private.
Speaker 1: This is about before we're about to go on stage.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to let you know that
Speaker 1: what you said in there is not okay. I don't
Speaker 1: know you well enough for you to be making jokes
Speaker 1: like that, and it's actually really racist. You need to stop.
Speaker 1: They apologized, and I felt like I was in Wentworth,
Speaker 1: you know, when they walk in the bathroom with the
Speaker 1: ship and they're about to take them down. Put my
Speaker 1: back up against the door and I was like, I've
Speaker 1: got something to say.
Speaker 2: I would ship my pants and I was like, serious, Maddie.
Speaker 1: But I serious, I've got someone to sign.
Speaker 2: Smart And that was right.
Speaker 1: But they know that was my first step, and I thought, Okay,
Speaker 1: if they do it again, I'm going to do it
Speaker 1: publicly in the dressing room with everyone else and say
Speaker 1: I'm going to call them out, and then if they
Speaker 1: continue to do it, I'll just cut them off silent treatment.
Speaker 1: Get the fuck out of my life. I don't want
Speaker 1: anything to do with you. So you get three chances.
Speaker 2: That's really big of you. So my brother dropped a
Speaker 2: word that was quite offensive, not too not racist or yeah,
Speaker 2: yes that one and the S one S.
Speaker 1: One and I these people want to talk, I know,
Speaker 1: and I call.
Speaker 2: Them out and I do it publicly.
Speaker 3: I said, I just literally say, do not fucking say
Speaker 3: that word. It is very and highly offensive.
Speaker 2: I don't care. Like imagine.
Speaker 3: This is when he was baby was pregnant as well,
Speaker 3: and I said, what if your kid comes out neuro divergent.
Speaker 3: You're literally being offensive and saying all these things about
Speaker 3: these people who have no choice in the matter, and
Speaker 3: then your kid comes out in your OVID and you're
Speaker 3: pretty much gonna Is that gonna be?
Speaker 2: K Oh? My god? Has he said it again?
Speaker 1: Good? That gives me strength to say to my brothers
Speaker 1: when they say, I feel quite intimidated around that scenario,
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't be. I should because I was with
Speaker 1: my brothers a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 2: Ahd am I are you a c DFD are you
Speaker 2: x y Z? Are what do you be?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm from the LGBTQ am I ADHD.
Speaker 2: Clearly I am today because fucking hell.
Speaker 1: No, I agree.
Speaker 2: No, I'm getting assessed. I'm getting assessed. And I also
Speaker 2: got told that I might be autistic because I have
Speaker 2: a very creative brain.
Speaker 1: So yeah, right, you know what?
Speaker 2: What on that was my family's reaction when I told him.
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, they say that true, Yes, no, we
Speaker 2: see that. Excuse me, why didn't tell me?
Speaker 1: No, I don't know, but I'm not. I'm not someone
Speaker 1: who can diagnose you, obviously, but I think that I
Speaker 1: have a version of ADHD that is, like my brain
Speaker 1: doesn't stop, so as soon as I finish one task,
Speaker 1: it's like what do I have to do next? And
Speaker 1: I don't know if that is just my personality, but
Speaker 1: I constantly.
Speaker 3: Well, it could be the opposite as well, Like ADHD
Speaker 3: could be the opposite where you can't finish tasks, you
Speaker 3: start a million things. Yeah, yeah, it ADHD is obviously
Speaker 3: they don't even say on the spectrum anymore, but you are.
Speaker 3: But the thing is that could be high functioning to
Speaker 3: you know, having it can have like impacts in your
Speaker 3: life to do things in tasks, like daily tasks.
Speaker 1: But I hate people who all of a sudden come
Speaker 1: out and be like I've got ADHD, like that's why
Speaker 1: I did everything.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, no, I agree, but the thing is from
Speaker 2: some responsibility.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 3: But I heard this girl talk, right, and she said,
Speaker 3: instead of like I don't know what it's called, you
Speaker 3: know where we're you know, people you know are jumping
Speaker 3: on this bandwagon or whatever, it's like, well, maybe no,
Speaker 3: maybe we're just realizing that, like a lot of people
Speaker 3: are realizing that we've all had this, or like some
Speaker 3: of most people have had this, We've just become aware
Speaker 3: of it now, like you know what I mean. So
Speaker 3: it's not like a matter of jumping on a band
Speaker 3: so much more awareness. It's the same with mental health,
Speaker 3: like you know what I mean. So yeah, but I'm
Speaker 3: actually literally getting accessed for both of those because my
Speaker 3: sych says that normally when he talks to his clients,
Speaker 3: he wouldn't get along with them as much as we
Speaker 3: do in our conversations and not able to like converse
Speaker 3: and and sort of jump around but still finish our sentences.
Speaker 2: And he says that is a very close trait to.
Speaker 3: Being near diversion, And OK, yeah, it's kind of interesting,
Speaker 3: but I wouldn't be surprised Yeahessed.
Speaker 2: Know that was fun.
Speaker 3: We should talk more quick find dilemmas. If you have
Speaker 3: your dilemma, you should email or send us a voice
Speaker 3: note or send me a little DM Maddie DM.
Speaker 1: Yeah, send us a voice note. We want to hear
Speaker 1: how you really feel about it?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's that's a good idea. We'll
Speaker 2: put it in a question box on both of our stories.
Speaker 1: Maybe, hey, yes, love it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay, Well that's actually all we have time for today.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for listening to first things first,
Speaker 3: And if.
Speaker 1: You love what you're hear, leave us a rating or
Speaker 1: a little review. And if you want us to cover
Speaker 1: anything on the pod, reach out via our socials.
Speaker 3: Yes, send us those voice notes because I'll be so
Speaker 3: handy for these little quick fire dilemmas that we have
Speaker 3: and let us help you and solve them.
Speaker 1: You know, we don't know how much help, but what
Speaker 1: we'll do, we'll put.
Speaker 2: Our therapy voices on, like what brings are you here today? Anyways?
Speaker 3: My handle is that Brooked Uplin, so go follow me
Speaker 3: and Maddie's handles that it's Maddie Mills and we'll see
Speaker 3: you and speak to you next time.
Speaker 2: Bye on the next episode.