WEBVTT - HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION ANXIETY 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.640 I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming. 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:06.000 She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:07.000 my kissing style. 0:00:07.520 --> 0:00:10.879 We would boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:13.880 in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching the muck. 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.239 I love being love, I love love. 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:20.560 On today's episode of Where's your Head Out, we're exploring 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:22.120 rejection anxiety. 0:00:22.520 --> 0:00:24.439 No one likes to be rejected, but what if I 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.040 told you that these emotions could stop you from seeing 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:29.280 your friends, working, or even thinking clearly. 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.040 We have all the tips and all the tricks on 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:36.640 how to manage rejection and anxiety whilst dating, so stay tuned. 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:43.960 Where's your Head Out is a podcast that talks all 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:49.320 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:52.320 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:58.480 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:00.960 How are you feeling? 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:01.520 Yeah? 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:05.440 Look a bit off today, so apologies in advance. If 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:09.360 I am not my cherky funny, go lucky yourself. I 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:11.800 don't know, just a bit off. I've woken up on 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:12.560 the wrong side. 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:12.720 Of the bed. 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:14.480 Maybe have you have you had a coffee? 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.920 I've had two, so maybe you're feeling a bit anxious 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:20.360 because you had like two early morning coffees. 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:22.520 Oh, I mean I've normally had three by now, so 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:25.120 maybe my anxiety isn't peaking where it normally is. So 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:28.679 I'm feeling a bit off. No, I don't know. It's 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:30.360 just one of those days, you know, sometimes I don't know. 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:33.840 Maybe my moon, my Luna's in retro and in the 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.080 wrong galaxy, I don't know. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:39.640 Whatever they say, Okay, well, look, I'm feeling a bit 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:45.280 shitty because something happened in my relationship for the first 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:46.320 time this week. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:47.720 Is what was it? 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:51.800 I shook to the core. What happened is wild? 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.560 Yeah, geez, I tried to have sex with Michael and 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:57.440 I got turned down. 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:00.840 Wait Michael, like turns you down for sex? He said, no, 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:01.440 thank you. 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:03.160 Yes, I couldn't believe it. 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:05.520 Normally I'm the one who'd be like, I'm a little 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.600 bit tired right now, like maybe later. 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:12.359 But no, I was the one who got full blown rejected. 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.239 So what was his excuse then? What was his turned down? 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:16.160 How do he reject you? 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:19.320 Well we had already done it that morning, but he 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:20.200 had actually gone it. 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:23.560 So how long after? Was like ten minutes? 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:25.960 It was that night, but he had just gone out 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:31.520 to basketball and he came in all hot, sweaty looking like. 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.360 You know, he was looking good, so you were turned on. 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:37.680 Oh yeah, he rolled in and I was like, you 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.400 know what, like, let's let's do it. 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:42.959 At three quarter basketball shorts get you going. 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:45.239 Stripey. 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:47.840 Yeah, I was like, he was looking hot, and I 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:48.560 was like, you know, like. 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.200 Let's let's have sex. 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:53.400 And normally he's never turned me down. If I'm like 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:55.440 about it, he's like all on board. 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:58.760 So this this brings me to think about this, like 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.400 I have definitely turned down Jen in the past, and 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:04.080 it is like the end of the world. It's like, well, 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:06.079 what's wrong. Is there's something wrong? Blah blah blah, And 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:08.280 I'm like, no, I'm just not in the mood right now. 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:10.679 I mean, like, we've just watched a great movie. I'm 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:13.120 fully relaxed. The last thing I want to do is 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.480 you know, doing a workout and then having another shad. 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:18.560 I want to put my retainer in and go to sleep, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.639 like you know, like I just why is it when 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.960 guys turn down their girlfriend it's blown out of the water. 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:28.320 But for girls, it's just a normal thing. They're like no, 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:30.120 I'm too tired, or do you reckon? 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:31.680 There's a bit of a double standard. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:35.120 I reckon, there is here there definitely there definitely is. 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.880 But then again, like there is this this reputation or 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.440 stigma around guys that like it's not that hard for 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:43.400 us to get up and get ready to have sex, 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:44.240 is it really? 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:46.640 Like well, I mean. 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:48.280 So it's like Jen's who you are. 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:49.280 But yeah, mainly not. 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:51.480 If Gen starts kissing my neck, there's a bit of 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:57.400 blood pumping, I reckon, blood starts going around. 0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:01.080 Look, I've definitely rejected Michael way more times, but I 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:05.279 feel like I just took the rejection a little bit personally. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:10.600 So we want to talk all things rejection in today's episode. 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:11.240 Let's jump in. 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:16.760 What is anxiety dysphoria? 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:21.520 Anda, Okay, So rejection anxiety dysphoria is characterized by extreme 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:27.240 emotional sensitivity when you get rejected, whether real or perceived. 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:31.000 So sometimes you can get rejected and someone is literally 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.880 rejecting you. But also there's a lot of the time 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.200 where it's what's playing out in our own heads, Like 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:42.599 subconsciously you can be triggered. I know that you've experienced 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:44.640 this as well, Like when something triggers you, and then 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.600 it's maybe something that's more going on internally. 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.640 Yeah, So I think that like, sometimes you can be 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:53.800 rejected and you're not even feeling like you're rejected. It's 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:56.479 your own mind playing tricks on you. So yeah, I 0:04:56.520 --> 0:05:00.320 feel like if I'm talking to someone, say like a 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:03.279 at like a table or a dinner or something like that, 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:06.200 that even the slightest thing like that I'm looking at them, 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.360 or they like lose concentration for a bit or even 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:10.480 yawn like for some reason, I feel like that's like 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:12.159 rejection as well. It makes me feel like they're not 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:13.320 interested in what I'm saying. 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:15.520 Yeah, Like what do I always say to you when 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.400 we do the podcast, I'm like, let's just look at 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:19.479 each other, so I can feel like this is like 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:22.880 a free flowing chat. Like sometimes we get distracted or 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:25.880 like look on our phones or like we're on our laptops, 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:30.560 and like that disconnection kind of like makes the conversation lack. 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:31.520 I would say. 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:35.839 It's interesting because one of the possible explanations for feeling 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:40.120 this type of rejection anxiety dysphoria is it can actually 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:43.440 come from having a parent who was overly critical of 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:48.560 you or neglectful, which impacts how these individuals view themselves. 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:50.000 Do you think you fall into that. 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:53.120 I mean, I think my mum was very like a 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:56.159 perfectionist and would always want me to be the very best, 0:05:56.400 --> 0:06:00.159 and so I think that's definitely impacted me and my 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:03.400 anxiety and how I like view myself and things like that. 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:05.400 What about you, Yeah, I think my dad was quite 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:07.000 critical of me, but like you said, only want the 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:08.560 best for you. It wasn't like in a nasty way 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:11.920 or anything. They're just like really like perfectionists. They want 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:13.800 the best from you and they think that that's well, 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.000 that's probably how they were dealt with when they were parented, 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:17.719 so that's probably the only way they know how to 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:18.160 deal with it. 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:20.720 Yeah. Absolutely. Have you ever been rejected? 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:24.280 Oh yeah, god, yeah, I think that is just like 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:25.800 if it's from like if we talk, what are we 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:28.000 talking about, like dating or just general life stuff. 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.719 I mean, it can be whatever, Like what's your first 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:33.320 memory of rejection? 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:37.760 Okay, so my first memory of being dating rejected was 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:39.840 only being on the playground and I really liked this 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.000 girl called Brittany, and I think that was grade one, 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.400 and I like said that I liked her and she 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:50.560 was like, ill, and that was pretty much it. She said, ill, Yeah, 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:52.680 she just didn't like me. And I remember being rejected. 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:54.080 She was the love of my life back then, and 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.360 I from there, like, I don't know, I think I've 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:58.560 got a thick skin getting rejected because I remember getting 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.160 like rejected from a f your team, the ones I 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:03.240 took it pretty good, didn't like you know, and it 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.360 just is what it is. And I think my whole life, 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:08.040 like I've sort of been really good at bouncing back 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:08.640 from rejection. 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:10.760 Yeah, what about you? I reckon. 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:14.640 My first real memory of like, well what it was 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:18.640 kind of like what I perceived to be rejected was 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:22.400 when I went to the Blue Light Disco. And I 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:26.440 remember that so many of my classmates we're talking about 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:28.320 how guys would ask them to dance at the Blue 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:30.120 Light Disco and it was like this thing and like 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:33.560 it was very exciting. And I remember my first Blue 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.000 Light Disco, like no guy asked me to dance, and 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:38.800 I was kind of like I took it personally, being like, 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:39.800 what's wrong with me? 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:42.239 Why did this girl get asked to dance? 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:46.000 And I did, like it's so minor, but like, I 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:49.120 think that was my first the first time where I 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:51.520 kind of questioned myself and was like, is this a 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:52.320 me problem? 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:54.840 Am I doing something wrong? Could I be doing better? 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:57.320 Well? I think the main thing to think about here 0:07:57.360 --> 0:07:59.360 is when you're rejected or stuff like this pop up, 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.280 is it's not a you problem. Sometimes there's a lot 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.640 more so it's not black and white. It's not it's 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:06.680 not like there's something wrong with you or something wrong 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.240 with them. I think that there's such a gray area 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:11.480 in there where it could be a whole multiple range 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.120 of things. I think this is what people should remember 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:15.720 absolutely when they are in this situation of being rejected, 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.760 Like it could be that like that straight up you're 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:19.080 just not. 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:22.160 Their flavor exactly, Like that's exactly what I was thinking. 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:23.800 Like have you ever been on a first date with 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:26.920 someone and you're like they're perfect, Like they're actually an 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:31.360 amazing person, they're funny, they're ticking all the boxes, but 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.600 the thing that you just need, like that spark is 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:38.160 just not there. And like, no matter how amazing that 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:41.839 person is, you can't fake a spark. So I mean, 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:44.560 it really has nothing to do with you majority of 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:44.839 the time. 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.120 Majority of the time, it could be like I said, yeah, 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.079 they like like you know what I mean, the color 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:51.640 purple and your color pink, you know what I mean, 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.079 Like just you're not exactly what they're. 0:08:53.880 --> 0:08:55.480 Looking for and exactly. 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.480 And with relationships, there's such an added layer. There's like, 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.680 you know, time is such a big thing, so it 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:03.080 could be that maybe. 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.200 The spuck is there, but the timing is off, and 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:05.800 then it's. 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:09.520 Like there's just so many different things that have to 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:14.720 align in two people's lives for a relationship to be 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:17.480 able to work out or to get that second date 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:21.080 or whatever it might be. So yeah, like I think 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:26.360 taking things like that personally is so detrimental. 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.160 And I think it's also worth mentioning that they could 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.240 also just be having like they could be having an 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.120 off day like I am tat you know, you could 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:34.679 just not be there, like ready to be opening up 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:37.080 yourself to something. You could have literally had a phone 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:38.719 call before you got out the car, or before you 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.520 went into that situation with your boss and you criticized 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:43.360 the fuck out of your or you know, like a 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:46.480 friend has something like that and then it's like made 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:48.920 you off. So I would not so much take these 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:52.000 rejections personally as to think, you know, like there's something 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:54.880 probably going on in their life that is adding to this. 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:57.680 And yeah, don't reflect on yourself and put yourself down. 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:00.560 If you're rejected, what rejection would you say? It has 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:03.760 hurt you the most. I was lining up to getting 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:07.400 to a revolver on the weekends and I said, no, mate, 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.840 you're too intoxicated. Go have a drink of water. That sucked. 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:12.079 I was really keen to get in there. 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:15.960 Oh my god, thank god. They rejected you. A different 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:16.760 person right. 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:20.960 Now, even worse. But I don't know. There's a lot 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:24.480 like I mean, I think it's pretty documented if anyone's 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:28.040 watched our Love Island experience that I was probably the 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:29.880 most one of the most rejected people in the history 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:32.199 of that show. I've got how many times. 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.240 I think, like you did, he went through a few 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:36.400 and you didn't really take it that well. 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:38.839 It depends what you're asking. I think they've got to 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.360 handle that a lot worse than I did. 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.400 Oh, absolutely, Like people would have. 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.600 The thing about you, which is great is you don't 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.200 get angry, You just get sad. Like you just like 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:49.840 fucked my life, had a bit of a cry, got 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.160 it out of your system, and just like got back up. 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:54.000 On the horse, I say, straight back up on that 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:56.200 horse into the next one. Is there any that stand 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:57.160 out for you? Are you in? 0:10:57.840 --> 0:10:58.400 Yeah? 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.720 Like I think with my first boyfriend, who was like 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:05.280 my first like what I would classify as my first boyfriend, 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:09.640 when he cheated on me that like six times and 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:10.440 seven days. 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:11.880 I think for me that was. 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:17.920 Like really traumatic because because I was so young, I 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:21.760 didn't have like the wisdom and the knowledge to be 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:25.760 able to like handle it, and so they definitely I 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:28.600 reckon When it first happened, like I was very angry 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.079 and was just like fuck you, fuck you. But then 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:33.960 after kind of like the dust settled, I was like, 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.720 is it me? Could I have done more? Was I like, 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:41.560 you know, like really strange things like was I not 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:42.959 good in bed or something? 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:45.199 Or could I have done this better? 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:48.880 Or you know all of those things which are totally 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:52.600 it's not reality, right, Like, if someone's gonna cheat on you, 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:53.480 they're gonna cheat on you. 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:55.400 There's nothing that you can do to change it. 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:57.760 And you're and let's put it into perspective, if you're 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:01.040 a very beautiful woman, very took a lot of boxes 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.280 and all that. Like recently, what's happened with this whole 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:06.920 Adam Levine situation. Like everyone says that he was married 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.000 and had kids with a Victoria Secret Model, and everyone 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:12.679 knows like that Victoria's Secret Models. 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.119 They're apparently like the most. 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:19.160 Blah blah blah blah. Yeah, but he literally cheated on 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.520 her multiple times with multiple women. It doesn't so much 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:24.360 reflect on the person what I was trying to say before, 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:26.800 and more on just the situation and all that sort 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:28.760 of stuff. So there's no point blaming yourself. 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.559 Yeah, And I think like that's the really crucial thing 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:35.719 to take out of rejection is Yeah, it's got nothing to. 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.080 Do with you and a lot to do with them, no. 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:41.679 Matter who you are, what you're doing, what your personality is. 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:44.000 I do love to look on the bright side as well, 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.480 And I think that when you get rejected, when say 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:49.720 you get rejected from dating, or like when I got 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.000 dropped from the Ones or when I didn't get into 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:55.080 ReBs or anything like that, it's just character building and 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:58.040 it makes for you to be a stronger person because 0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:00.400 you deep down and you find something in your self 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:02.560 that like makes you better and it makes you know 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.240 how to deal with this sort of stuff, and you 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:05.640 can take away the lessons from it. 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:08.240 I feel, Yeah, what emotions do you reckon that you 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.800 feel the most when you are rejected? Like in relationships, 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.080 I get anxious, Yeah, I get very anxious. 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.440 I think that's like I reckon that's my main emotion. 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:23.160 Yeah, anxious, Well, anxiety is assuming, Yeah, I reckon. 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:24.400 That takes over my body. 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.520 If you get like really bad anxiety, it's pretty crippling. 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:31.680 Yeah, also sadness, but I think that like anxiety, Yeah, 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.240 Like I hate that feeling though as well. Like it's 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:35.720 I say that all this stuff, but then it's like 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:37.920 when you're in that moment and you're anxious and your 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.640 mind's like spiraling, how fucking terrible is that? 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:41.280 It's awful? 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:42.440 That makes me feel so bad? 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.400 And the thing is is like, really, there's nothing that 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.000 anyone can say that's gonna pull you out of that. 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:50.440 You have to kind of like go through it a little. 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:53.440 Bit, and then you need to be like, Okay, I'm 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:57.160 putting a stop to this, Like let's do the breathing meditation, 0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:58.719 let's do all of. 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:00.959 The things to try and make me feel better. 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.280 But when you're in it, when you're in that hole, 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.560 like it's really really tricky to pull yourself out of it. 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:08.560 Oh no, I say to Jen all the time, like 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.840 I'm flu in this fortext aspiral and can you just 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:12.920 grab me by like my shirt and pull me out 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.160 like metaphorically. But it's not as easy. And I put 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:17.040 a lot of pressure on her to do that, and 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:18.720 I think that that's not fair to put it on 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.520 someone where I should probably learn myself how to do it. 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:25.320 Yeah, you have to all take responsibility for how we act. 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:27.400 And if you know that you're someone who spirals, then 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.200 you need to like also find coping mechanisms. 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.120 And I know we both talked about this. 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.960 We both it's like a daily thing that we work 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:36.480 on because we both spiral. 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:38.720 I think that my mum was so good at like 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:40.800 realizing how to like pull me out of it, that 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:43.960 I've now put that responsibility on my partners or Jen, 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.200 my partner Jen, And I think it's a bit of 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:47.200 a burden to put on her. 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:51.280 And yeah, yeah, I reckon when I get like rejected, 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:54.400 Like if I was rejected in dating I remember the 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:57.720 last guy who I mean, I would classify it as 0:14:57.720 --> 0:14:58.280 a rejection. 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:00.000 It had kind of ended. 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:02.240 We were kind of seeing each other for a while 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:07.400 and like this event happened where we kind of fell out, 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:09.920 Like it was like this big blow up. He sent 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:13.520 me this massive long message kind of like ending things. 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:15.560 I sent him a long one back, and then there 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:19.160 was just nothing. There was just no response. Not that 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:21.480 I was expecting one, because it wasn't like I didn't 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:23.200 ask him questions or something, but like you know when 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.000 you just like secretly want someone to message you again, 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:27.440 that didn't happen. 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:29.880 So I took that really hard, like a rejection. 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.520 And I was trying to like think back to that 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:36.520 because I remember I was really struggling without like I 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:40.960 lost my appetite completely, Like even like the thought of food, 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.120 like it just made me feel nauseous, and when I 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.320 would eat food, it would make me feel really sick. 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:47.400 I couldn't sleep. 0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:50.880 Yeah, that's the worst, those long sleepless nights. 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.920 Yeah, because when you're super anxious, the only thing worse 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:56.680 than having anxiety all day is to have it all night. 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:58.320 Yeah. 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:00.160 So like I went through a stage. 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:01.760 The only way I could get to sleep with I 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:04.480 would take like a melatonin tablet because I was just 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:08.000 like and even that wouldn't really do a lot, but 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:09.040 like just to. 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:10.720 Just to switch that brain just to switch it off 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:11.400 even just. 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.600 A little bit, which obviously, like we don't cane taking 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:19.160 sleeping tablets, but I think sleep is sometimes really important 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:22.400 for yourself well you know what I mean, Like sleep 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.640 is important to like trying to like keep moving forward 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.640 in your life. And then the other thing that I 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:33.720 kind of thought was that my productivity was just so low, unmotivated, 0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:35.360 totally unmotivated. 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:36.800 It's all you can think about. 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:40.520 Like this rejection kind of like takes over your mind 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.920 and you're like, what have I done? What can I 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.560 do better? Are they going to message me? Is it 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:47.520 over for good? 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:52.880 What if? And it's just like a tornado of just negativity. 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:55.360 I remember I was seeing this girl and we went 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:59.160 on one day and she was like, oh, blah blah blah, 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:00.800 you like, I'm not going to sleep with you all 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:02.080 this sort of stuff, And I was like, yeah, cool, 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.680 I'm not really I don't mind, like I'm not sort 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:06.520 of guys going to like you know. So I was like, yeah, cool, 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:08.640 I don't sleep on the first day either, Like that's. 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:10.720 Not that's what a life. 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:12.720 Yeah, but you know, like I'm not gonna push you, you 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:14.639 know me. So then we went on another one and 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.440 I remember people when I dropped her off at home, 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.679 we were like making out, and then she was like 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.840 come upstairs with me, like to her apartment, and I 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:24.679 remember being like, nah, not tonight. And I remember she 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:28.440 took that rejection so bad, like she was like, well 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.520 I was, I was testing you anyway. I don't want 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:32.840 you to come up like fully like cracked it, like 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:35.840 slammed the door. She got out, and I say to say, 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:36.800 I never spoke to her again. 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:38.359 So why did you reject her? 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:41.239 Because normally, like you're you're not like opposed to like 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:43.920 a one night stand. What made you say no on 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:45.920 the second time? Was it kind of like playing her 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:46.880 at her own game? 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:48.520