WEBVTT - I CAN’T HAVE KIDS… 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.200 I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming she. 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:06.040 How do I put this? He isn't a fan of 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:07.000 my kissing. 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:10.680 Style boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:11.760 He's in a trash bin. 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:13.640 He's non recyclable catching her. 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:16.239 I loved being loved. I love love. 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.360 On today's special episode of Where's Your Head At, we 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:25.760 will be discussing infertility and how it can impact your relationships. 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:31.800 So stay tuned, guys. 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:34.559 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:40.000 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:43.000 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:49.199 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:53.760 Okay, Matt, I want to firstly start by saying that 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:58.400 I am so proud of you for being so open 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:02.319 and honest about this time topic. I know, as one 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:05.400 of your closest friends, how hard this has been for you. 0:01:05.480 --> 0:01:10.360 We've been talking about potentially recording this episode now, yeah, 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:14.040 pretty much since we started Where's your Head At? And 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:16.679 you've kind of been back and forth. You know, it's 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:19.560 a really big deal moving forward in your life from 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:23.000 this moment on being this open and honest. 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:24.680 So I just want to say as a friend. I'm 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:25.360 so proud of you. 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:28.720 Oh thanks. Look, I thought long and hard about this 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:32.360 topic and my situation that I'm in, and I thought, like, 0:01:32.480 --> 0:01:34.520 I want to be open and honest about it with people, 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:38.039 because obviously I've gone through this, and I don't know 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:40.200 anyone that goes through this, and I feel like if 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:42.399 other people can relate to me and hear this, that 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:45.360 it might help them. And I encourage them to open 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:47.039 up and message me if they are going through this, 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:49.240 because yeah, I can relate to them and I can 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:49.760 help them out. 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:50.120 Yeah. 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:55.040 And I think when you first realized you didn't really 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.600 have a role model to look up to, anyone who 0:01:57.680 --> 0:01:59.720 you felt like you could relate to, and you felt 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:00.920 pretty alone, right. 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:04.920 I didn't understand it completely obviously, I just yeah, I 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:06.600 didn't know who to talk to about it. Obviously I 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.880 spoke to family, but like, what can they say. They 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:09.760 don't know, they haven't. 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:10.760 Been through it, and they can't relate. 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:12.720 Yeah, I can relate, So they just give you like, oh, 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.120 like you know this is this is the way it is, 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:19.200 this and that. But yeah, I mean it's yeah, I've 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:21.920 come to terms with it now, and i'd like to talk. 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:24.560 About it, So let's get the elephant in the room 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:25.480 out of the way. 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:31.200 You are, Yeah, so I am infertile, but I will 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.280 go into more detail about that as we go on, 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:36.560 and my situation and what it means for me going forward. 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:43.959 Okay, so how did this all come about? Because obviously 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:47.560 you're super young. You're twenty six, right, I feel like 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.640 people realize that they're infertile when they're trying to have 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:52.720 kids or how did you? 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:54.280 How did you figure this out? 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:54.680 All right? 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:56.760 So, I was, by no means trying to have kids. 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:57.560 I'm ready. 0:02:58.160 --> 0:02:59.120 I didn't think you are. 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:00.359 Yeah, I was not. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.800 Trying with anyone to have kids. But my ex Kira, 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:05.799 as a matter of fact, she kept saying weird stuff 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:09.080 about the consistency of my sperm and my ejaculation. She 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.640 kept saying, it's weird, and like eventually she was like, 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.680 it's like the same consistency as a guy I used 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.080 to sleep with who had a phaseptomy. And I was like, 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:19.760 oh okay, and she's like, you should probably get that 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:21.959 looked at. That doesn't look right. When I was like, 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:24.560 I was like, oh, okay, I've never had this. I've 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:27.000 slept with multiple women. I've never had anyone tell me this. 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:29.320 Maybe it's just Kira being here. I was like, okay, 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:31.320 I'll bring it up with my mom. So I went 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.320 back to my mum's one time and I said, look, 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:35.160 this is what because obviously I have an open relationship 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:36.880 with my mom, I'm like, this is what Kira said 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:40.440 to me. And my mom was like, look, when you 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:43.640 were born, as you know, you had undecended testicles, which 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:47.960 means that my testicles were in my stomach and they 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:52.640 hadn't dropped to my ball sack, right. So she said, 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:55.560 they got the surgery as the doctor and the surgeon 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.880 recommended when I was a year old, and they did 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.880 the surgery as soon as possible, and they said around 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:03.800 this age give or take, it depends if I'm trying 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:08.640 for kids, I should do a sperm count. So I said, well, 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:10.920 I'm not trying for kids. And I was like, what 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:12.680 have I got to lose? So I went into the GP. 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:15.640 I explained the situation to him. He gave me all 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:19.000 like the right forms, blood test, the thing, the cut, 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:22.480 the car Yeah, the cut which came with like a 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.440 an a four piece of paper of like everything I 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:24.880 had to do. 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:28.360 I thut, you're going to Hay like some pornothing. 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:30.560 He's completely not like that at all. It's actually not 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:32.760 like that. I expected to go into a room. 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:35.360 And they like like, where's my magazine, Yeah, where's my thing? 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:35.800 Yeah? 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:37.919 So actually I'll get into that as well. But the 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.320 thing that stood out to me was I cannot ejaculate 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:42.920 for forty eight hours, which anyone that knows me knows 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:46.200 I'm going morning, lunch, breakfast. 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:46.479 Yeah. 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.359 Anyone that knows me, anyone that's day to me knows that. Like, 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:55.480 I'm pretty heavy honesty. So that was the biggest obstacle there, 0:04:55.600 --> 0:05:00.200 which became a massive struggle. Like I was like, alright, 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.960 so where's forty eight hours from now? That's Wednesday morning. 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:04.799 I'm all right, so I can't have sex from now? 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:07.440 Obviously you're dating someone living with them. It was a struggle. 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:08.960 So we got there after a couple of weeks. 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:09.520 Yep. 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:12.760 And like I thought, I thought, you go into a room, 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.839 you go there to doctors the hospital, you watch some porn, 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:17.160 and you give it to them when you walk out. 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:18.520 It's not like that at all. You have to do 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:21.240 it wherever you are, and then you have to like 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.679 drive it to the doctors. The test lab within forty 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:24.640 five minutes. 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:28.360 So you basically ejaculate it home so you can, you know, 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.760 get off how of you like, and then you put 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:32.440 it into a car. 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:34.440 Yes, so you aim it for the carp So the 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.160 first time I did it and I had to go 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:39.479 to work, so Kira drove it to the local hospital. 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.400 I think there's only three in Melbourne that took it. 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:43.560 I think there's one in Frankston fitzro So she drove 0:05:43.600 --> 0:05:46.680 it there. It got there, it was all good. I 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:48.520 found out a couple of weeks later. It was an 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.440 over the phone call and the doctor called me and he. 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:53.560 Was like, before you say this, I just want to 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:57.000 ask you, what was your gut feeling before you got 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:57.920 the results. 0:05:58.320 --> 0:05:59.880 I thought it would come back okay, yeah. 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:02.719 Just like I'm just doing this just to do this. 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.599 Yeah, the doctor recommended what Kira had said. I didn't, 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:07.920 you know. I mean, I was just like, there's no chance. 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:13.720 I'm not that guy. So the doctor called me and 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:16.240 he was like to me, look, Matt, I was going 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:18.000 to call you in, but like, I'll do it over 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.520 the phone. You have no sperm. And I was like, oh, 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:24.479 I was like, I've got low sperm and He's like, no, Matthew, 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:29.040 You've got no sperm. And I was like, what does 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:31.640 that mean? And he goes, look, there's a multiple things 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:34.240 that this could mean. I think you should do another test. 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:36.320 I think that we should go into this more in depth. 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.600 You should say specialists, all this sort of stuff. So 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.760 I said, okay, I'm not gonna lie. I procrastinated on 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:43.240 it for a bit. I said, all right, that's one test. 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:45.680 It could be a dud load, it could be anything. 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:46.760 I procrastinated on it. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:48.840 So you're in denial a bit at the stuff when 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:49.720 you first found out. 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:51.280 Yeah, I was like, there's no way. I was like, 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:53.800 maybe it was a dud test. Maybe I didn't wait 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:54.480 forty eight. 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:55.760 Hours, had a big weekend. 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:58.840 Yeah, maybe here I didn't go straight there. She took 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:02.920 a little scenic rout, all this sort of stuff, like yes, 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:05.440 so many variables. I just thought, this isn't it. So 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:08.400 I procrastinated for a bit and then I was like, okay, 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:10.880 I'll have to get the retest. So I went back 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.840 to the GP. I got another thing. I explained the situation. 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.600 I went I did it again, same result, no sperm. 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:21.360 And I was like, okay, third time, what is going on. Yeah, 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:23.400 I was like, what's going on? So try a third time, 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.320 exact same result. So I was like, Okay, something's off. 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:30.679 And how did you feel after the third test? Knowing that, wow, 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:32.400 like I could be infertile here. 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.800 So I remember distinctly coming back to my mum's. I 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:38.720 remember I was standing in my closet and I was 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:41.400 grabbing shirts to go back to Kira's at the time, 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.840 and I was like packing my bag and she was like, 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:47.720 how do you feel? And I'm like, I'm like I 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:50.040 don't know. I'm like, it is what it is. And 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.720 she was like she likes he hated crying, and I 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:55.200 was like standing there and she's like, I'm sorry, and 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:58.040 she was apologizing to me, and she's like, we did 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.160 what we could. And I was like, I said, I'm 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:02.640 not sad for me, because I know I'm at least 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:06.280 ten to eight years off having like children, But I 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.520 said and I started crying, and I was like, I'm 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.760 sad for Matt in like ten years from now, who 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:14.000 is going to like, you know, want to have kids 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:17.240 with the girl that he loves at that time. Yeah, 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.240 And yeah, I guess that's when I started crying in 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:21.160 the hallway to my mum, and I was like, yeah, 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.280 that's that was a bit when I realized, yeah, fuck, 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:27.920 this is real. My dad as well, when I told him, 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.160 he had the exact same reaction. He just defended there 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:31.840 like them. He's like, look, we got you in as 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.640 soon as we could. And I'm like, I'm not blaming anyone. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:35.560 I'm like, it's not no one's fault. It is like 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:38.960 what's been They've chosen for me, I guess my path. 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:44.560 Yeah, like seeing your mom and dad break down obviously, 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:46.959 is that moment where it just makes it all really 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:48.679 real and you're like, fus. 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:50.760 Yeah this is this could be a problem for me. 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:53.080 Yeah it was. And then it was more or less 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:56.560 like my sisters as well started getting and even like 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.480 I wasn't really like thinking it was real, so like 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:02.880 it is what it is. And then like my sister's 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:05.960 like Lara, my sister, Lara, she's not the sort of 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.080 person that Liary. She's out like you know what I mean, 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.360 she's pretty cold. You've met her. She called me and 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.120 I was like, how are you going? Blah blah blah blah, 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.720 and she she baked me my favorite cake and I 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:17.000 was like, you know, what I mean, and I was like, yeah, 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:18.920 I was like, okay, so I guess like it's actually 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.040 a thing. Yeah, everyone was like taking it a lot 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:25.560 more serious than I was. So I eventually we booked 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:29.080 into the specialist and I brought my old man with 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:31.360 me for moral support and just because I knew there 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:32.920 was gonna be a lot of information, so I wanted 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:37.320 someone else there to like so in case I miss something. Yeah. Actually, 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:41.480 at dinner here I had brought up with my old man, 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:45.560 she'd said, if matt sperm isn't, if there's got no sperm, 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:49.920 is it okay if we take some of yours else, 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:53.880 which means that my son would be my brother. 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:57.160 So but yeah, I mean, as you know. 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:00.840 It'd be the closest thing to me. So that is 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:03.840 an option. But I'll talk more about that. So I 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:06.320 brought Daddy in and we sat down with the specialist 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.480 and he gave me more assurance on the fact that 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.200 maybe they're not there. So there was three options. There 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:16.880 was when I had the original surgery, the tubes haven't 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.839 been connected properly and there's something a blockage or something 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.720 going on between them. So he said, in real terms, 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.400 you've had a phasepto me when you were born, and 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:29.040 then when you want kids, You're just going to reverse 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:32.040 the septomy. And I'm like, well, that's laughing. I mean 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:32.959 I can live the next. 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:39.679 Couples country reception or what No, yeah exactly, And then 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.840 so he said that, and then the other option was 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:44.640 straight up just duds. 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:48.480 I'm unlucky. The third option was they're not swimmers that 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.680 I would have to get surgery and they would have to. 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:56.960 So either I get surgery now they freeze them, or 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:02.720 I get surgery when I want I and then with 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:04.320 the girl, which has a better chance. 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.360 So explain the third option to us, because I understand 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:12.439 the first two. So you either reversive potential visectomy. The 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:15.320 second option is is that you're just unlucky and you 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:18.160 can't have kids. And then the third option is is 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:22.080 that you go in through surgery, they open up your 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.880 my testicles, your testicles. 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:27.120 And they will take a sperm out. 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.600 Right, so they retrieved them from the area. 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:31.679 Yeah, and because they're obviously not they might be just 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:36.800 not swimmers, not strong swimmers, and then they will freeze them. Okay, 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.280 but they said if you do that, there's a less 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:44.120 chance of IVF working. Also, there could be that they're 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.800 duds and I've gone into that surgery and then I 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:49.480 know one hundred percent that I'm for the rest of 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:53.840 my life. Or I wait till I have a wife 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:55.560 and I'm trying to have kids and I get that 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:58.720 surgery then where there's more chance of IVF working. Yeah, 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:01.800 but I don't know whether they're going to cut in 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:02.439 and find out. 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.400 So basically, if you're wanting to have kids, the best 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.440 option for you is to go in with your wife. 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:13.000 They remove the sperm directly from your testicles and directly 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.079 insert it via IVF. 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.800 Yes, but the problem is there might not be any there. 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:20.959 There might not be So I've gone in with this 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:24.520 thing with my wife and then turns out that it's 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.120 a waste of time, a waste of money, and we're 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:28.000 back at square one. 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:33.080 Yeah, And have you, mentally, I guess, prepared yourself for 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.640 that worst case scenario or are you trying to remain 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:37.320 more positive? 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.079 I'd say, to the best of my ability, I have. Obviously, 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:44.560 when that news would hear, there's no warning you for that. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:46.920 And I mean there is obviously worse news out there 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.679 that you could get. But in that time, when you're 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:51.920 with the one you love and you want to have children. 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:54.800 It could be pretty detrimental. Like I said, there's worse 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.559 stuff that could happen. But still it's pretty big news. 0:12:57.760 --> 0:13:00.719 Yeah, to find it out, Matt, I couldn't even imagine. 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:05.439 So question, how did Kira, who was your girlfriend at 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:07.360 the time, take this news. 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:10.480 I think she was trying to play it off like 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:13.040 it wasn't a big deal. But I think we both 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:15.760 know Kira. I think she ideally wants to have children. 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.560 I think that is her goal, is to have children 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.600 with someone. She said it wasn't a deal breaker, but 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.400 I mean, looking back at our relationship, there were so 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.000 much more problems than just yea, this one. 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:30.080 Thing. 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:31.920 I was like, let's get through all these problems before 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:35.160 we discuss that route. I don't She just said it 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.520 wasn't a deal breaker, and it was what it was, 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:42.520 what any normal girl would say. 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:46.960 Okay, Matt, so you've recently discovered that you're infertile. When 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.560 did you tell your current partner, Magical Day Girl. 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:53.800 Quite early into us seeing each other. 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:54.880 How early. 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:57.880 It would have only been a couple of weeks, if 0:13:57.960 --> 0:13:59.400 not maybe ten days. 0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:01.800 And what was her reaction when she found out? 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.160 I think her literal words were, that's not a deal breaker. 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:08.839 It's like twenty twenty one. There's ways around it. Cute, Yeah, 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:10.760 I mean, how would you take it when someone tells 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:14.439 you that, Like girl I was seeing before, probably the 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:15.800 same reaction. She said, the. 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:18.760 Same thing, yeah, I mean, And the thing is is like, yeah, 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:22.800 like people are renowned for having kids, but it's the 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.760 twenty first century. You know, women are very career driven. 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:28.960 A lot of people who're steering away from kids and 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:30.880 they want to have them later in life or they're 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.200 going down different routes. Some people have kids without even 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.960 having a partner these days. Like there's so many different avenues. 0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:43.160 And I guess if you are with someone who tells 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:46.880 you they're infertile, like yeah, like it's hard. 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.080 To hear, but like there are so many different avenues. 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:52.320 As you said, Well, that is why I brought it 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.160 up with her. I'm under the impression that if you're 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:59.280 getting serious with someone or like you're starting to see someone, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.640 I'm not a liar. I'm not going to hide anything. 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:03.640 So I brought it up quite early in the piece 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:07.000 because she was expressing that she wants kids, and I 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.680 explained the situation to her, and I said, yeah, it's 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.960 not going to be as easy as well if you think. 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.840 Yeah, obviously, like it's hard news to hear if she's 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:19.800 talking about kids. But I really feel like you've gone 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:22.960 about it the right way and the most respectful way. 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:24.800 You've been really upfront and honest. 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:26.520 Like imagine if you were with someone for like a 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.520 year and then you're like, shit, like when do I 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:29.960 say it? 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:32.280 And how would you react if you were a girl 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:35.160 and the other way around and they've been keeping it 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:37.200 from you from that long. Yeah, like you feel like 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:37.960 that's a bit shady. 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:40.440 Yeah, you feel like it was like something that needed 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:41.160 to be shit, she. 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.520 Was talking about like kids, how what her kids' names, 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:44.920 was not in a weird way or anything. I was 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:48.080 just in conversation and we will do it, And I 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:49.880 was like, well, look like fuck, like I can't. I 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:53.600 don't feel comfortable unless I explain to you where I'm at. Yeah. 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:57.520 Why I was uncomfortable with doing this episode was because 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:00.600 it's now for people out there and they'll hear it. 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:02.520 So I don't know out there yet. I don't know 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.760 exactly now if they've listened to it or when to 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:06.440 bring it up. 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:09.200 But it is what it is, So you just mean 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:10.040 moving forward. 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:13.000 If you were to start dating again, which hopefully you're not, 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:15.400 the magical date girl could be the one we think, 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:18.720 we hope if you were to start dating again, that's 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:19.840 out there for people. 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:22.440 That's when we were first talking about this episode. I 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.640 was single and I was worried about expressing this. Obviously, 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:28.800 now that some things that got serious with her, I 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.040 feel like I've told her I can come on here 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:35.120 and express it. Notably when I did tell I caught 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:37.760 up with my ex a couple of months ago. Laura 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:41.240 and I were talking about how she doesn't want kids 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.040 and how she do want kids, and I was like, wow, yeah, 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:47.440 she's really career driven like you said women are. And 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.520 I said to her, well, I was the perfect guy 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:51.880 for that. Then she was like, what do you mean? 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.720 And I said, I explained to her my situation and everything, 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:58.080 and I will never forget her reaction. She actually, like 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.680 we were walking out from dinner and she actually stopped 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:04.080 and started laughing, like foot laying downside laughing, and she's like, 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:07.119 I fucking knew it. Yeah, She's like I knew it. 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:08.840 I told my mum I knew it, and I was 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:11.719 like what, And she's like, there is no way we 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:14.119 did what we did for so long and there was 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:19.520 no Charlie juniors running around And I was like what, 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:21.480 And she's like I knew it. She's like the amount 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.040 of times I skipped and missed stuff and we just 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:25.960 nothing came of it. She's like, there was no way 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:26.439 you weren't. 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:30.640 Yeah, because you're you haven't been the safest with sex, 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:34.520 which we definitely don't condone, but I mean, I feel 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.080 like there should definitely have been a few mats running 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:37.800 around by now. 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:40.200 Oh definitely explains why there isn't a couple of Italian 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:49.920 and British mats knocking on my door. Yeah, all right. 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.159 So I just want to give people a couple of 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.640 tips on how to deal with this if they are 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:58.000 going through this scenario the same as me, and stuff 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.120 that have helped me as well deal with it. Obviously, 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:04.560 your mental health comes first, so put yourself first, practice 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:09.200 self care, come to some sort of acceptance of what's happened, 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.960 and then go from there. I feel talk to others 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.959 and speak to a trusted cancelor. I feel that I 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:17.639 do that a lot. I speak, I lean on you, 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:19.480 I lean on my mom. I lean on everyone for 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:22.000 advice on how to deal with stuff. So if you 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:23.840 don't have people around you that you can trust and 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:27.120 you feel like you can get advice from, seek professional advice. 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:28.400 I mean, that's what they're there for. 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:30.320 Yeah, And I mean if you have a friend going 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:33.119 through something like this, I think it's really important to 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.359 know that you don't have to come up with solutions 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:35.800