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Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always

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Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.

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Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm out and this is

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Speaker 2: too Broke Chicks the show that she has life lessons

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Speaker 2: and tips to help make you rich in life. And

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Speaker 2: welcome back to our angel and friend.

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Speaker 3: Alexis back.

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Speaker 4: She's back, baby. How many times have we had you

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Speaker 4: on the pod?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 4: I feel like poor yeah, or this is the fourth

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think this is this is fourth, but everyone's obsessed

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Speaker 3: with you. Yeah, exactly, So.

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Speaker 2: We're going to get Alexis back on. And if you

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Speaker 2: chicks aren't familiar, Alexis hosts the do You Fucking Mind?

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Speaker 2: Podcast and we've had her on the show quite a

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Speaker 2: few times, and today we have you on because we're

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Speaker 2: about to enter our unbothered era.

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Speaker 4: This is the unbothered era. Bummy, yeah, yeah, I'll give

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Speaker 4: it today. Yeah, I love it. I can't wait.

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Speaker 2: And as too chronic overthinkers, I think we're like the

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Speaker 2: perfect patience for you, like naughty man, mummy.

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Speaker 4: How are we giving you like one on one therapy?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, But before we get into the juicy part of

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Speaker 2: the episode, you know, we love to start with a

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Speaker 2: life lesson, yes of the week, So would you like

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Speaker 2: to kick us off?

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Speaker 5: I guess my life lesson of the week is do

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Speaker 5: less to do more. So I find that when I

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Speaker 5: really lean into like really slow afternoons or really slow Sundays,

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Speaker 5: or just like pockets, and it doesn't have to be

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Speaker 5: a full day, but pockets in the week where I

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Speaker 5: do next to nothing but intentional. So I'm not talking

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Speaker 5: about doom scrolling, but intentional rest like R and R,

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Speaker 5: I am then at least fourfold more productive when I

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Speaker 5: actually am working. So it's like, if you're feeling burnt out,

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Speaker 5: it's so counterproductive.

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Speaker 4: You think you're doing more because you have to.

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Speaker 5: Do more, but you are so much slower in everything

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Speaker 5: that you do because you just got way too much

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Speaker 5: shit on. You're trying to juggle a thousand things at

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Speaker 5: the same time. So I think, yeah, everyone who's listening

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Speaker 5: a fucking go.

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Speaker 4: It's so good.

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Speaker 3: That ties into my word of the year. My word

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Speaker 3: of the year is less.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, lets it's a lot that less.

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Speaker 3: Is so much fucking isn't it.

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Speaker 2: Do you have any hacks on how to actually switch off?

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Speaker 5: Well, so one thing, my sister calls it because she's

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Speaker 5: a firefighter, so it's yeah, she's like she's hardcore.

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Speaker 4: She's an absolute weapon. She's like in special rescue.

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Speaker 5: She's hardcore, and she does like twenty four hour shifts,

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Speaker 5: and she does these like scheduled pajama days, so it's

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Speaker 5: a day where you do not get out of your

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Speaker 5: pajamas a whole day.

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Speaker 4: She's like, you could do a scheduled You're like, I

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Speaker 4: did that supposed to be scheduled. You didn't have to.

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Speaker 5: But it's like, as long as you are intending to

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Speaker 5: do not much at all. So she's like, the intention

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Speaker 5: of that day is to make it so lazy that

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Speaker 5: by the time tomorrow rolls around, I cannot.

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Speaker 4: I am leaving it, so she will.

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Speaker 5: And if you don't have a full day, that's fine,

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Speaker 5: you could you could schedule like this afternoon, I'm actually

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Speaker 5: blocking out three hours before, but so like make it

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Speaker 5: way earlier, get into my pajamas earlier, and just read

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Speaker 5: a book or you know, if you enjoy cooking, like

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Speaker 5: slowly cook a meal, watching a rom com, that's what

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Speaker 5: I do. So my way switching off in the afternoon

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Speaker 5: if I've had a really hectic day rom com while

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Speaker 5: like cooking a meal that I really enjoy because I'm

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Speaker 5: not a fan of cooking normally. But if it's like

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Speaker 5: it's for me, it's almost a meditation. It winds, it unwinds,

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Speaker 5: and yeah, yeah, like it's it's something methodical, yes, because

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Speaker 5: if you if you try to just sit in silence,

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Speaker 5: your mind will be going on oning. So you're almost

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Speaker 5: better doing a methodical task that doesn't require high focus

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Speaker 5: and you slowly unwind and you start to really relax.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, either a scheduled pajama day or you know,

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Speaker 5: some methodical task that will help you unwind.

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Speaker 3: Comfort movie. But it's the number one rom com.

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Speaker 5: Oh okay, these are like I don't know about number one.

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Speaker 4: But I love French Kiss, I love.

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Speaker 5: You've Got Mail, I love Made of Honor. It's complicated.

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Speaker 1: There's just so many, Okay, I would like to have

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Speaker 1: a full circle moment since Alexis is back. Last time

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Speaker 1: Alexis was on the show, we read out the top

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Speaker 1: fifteen most attractive male hobbies.

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Speaker 3: Yes that's right now.

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Speaker 1: After getting reefed on social media for reading the most attractive,

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Speaker 1: I'd like to read the least yay it.

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Speaker 3: If I choose to put this on tiktop men.

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Speaker 4: I didn't write this list.

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Speaker 1: Okay, this was surveyed from another person. It's not personal

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Speaker 1: and you're beautiful.

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Speaker 4: Okay, all right.

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Speaker 3: So from number fifteen, what is that?

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Speaker 1: What is that?

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Speaker 4: It says manosphere.

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Speaker 1: Speed.

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Speaker 2: I do a quick google.

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Speaker 4: I'm getting it's like a computer game.

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Speaker 3: Well, okay.

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Speaker 2: The Google suggestions are Manosphere Podcast, Manosphere, Reddit, Manosphere.

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Speaker 5: Like the male podcast where they're like, I'm a man's microphone.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is dark.

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Speaker 2: The Manisphere is a network of online men's communities against

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Speaker 2: the empowerment of women and who promote anti feminists and sexist.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that makes sense, and I'm really they're not number one,

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Speaker 1: Oh what the fuck?

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Speaker 4: Okay, that's only number fifteen, all right, okay.

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Speaker 1: Number fourteen, gambling, number thirteen, pawn Wow, yeah, number twelve

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Speaker 1: arguing online.

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Speaker 3: Another one, funko is that like those funko pops? Surely

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Speaker 3: not sure it's going to be something.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Number ten marijuana, Number nine clubbing, clubbing.

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Speaker 4: I think it's I think that.

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Speaker 5: I mean, if you're going out clubbing all the time

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Speaker 5: and you're like an adult who's got respond.

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Speaker 3: Mind a good party.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I love a spontaneous night out.

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Speaker 3: I love getting a bit drunk with my boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: I'm imagining those guys though, who like go out with

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Speaker 2: the lads.

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Speaker 1: They get table absolutely with like the bottle of vodka.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, and then they like, you know, go and ask

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Speaker 2: for a bunch of chicks numbers and don't reply to

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Speaker 2: their girlfriend.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Well if it's that then yeah, yeah right.

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Speaker 3: Next one's cigars.

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Speaker 4: Okay, don't mind a cigar.

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Speaker 3: I'm like for a special occase cigar.

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Speaker 1: The next one, crypto, this one, I completely disagree with.

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Speaker 4: Makeup. No, that's fine, Yeah, that would be amazing.

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Speaker 3: Put eyeliner on. I actually prefer it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, great, men in makeup, men in makeup smash Yeah,

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Speaker 2: why not?

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Speaker 4: Then we have.

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Speaker 3: Anime and then MTG. I don't know what that is,

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Speaker 3: but I'm scared to look at the magic the Gathering.

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Speaker 4: Is that a game?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the trading card game?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god? If that is that they're referring number five.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so now we're in the top four of the

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Speaker 1: top for least attractive male hobbies for is drinking?

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Speaker 4: Okay, I'm going to say you that is like sessive. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's a beautiful dinner and they know how to choose

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Speaker 4: the wine. That's what they're.

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Speaker 3: Like, Joe, let's pair this one, and I'm like the

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Speaker 3: cheapest rose. Please they have wine anyway. Number three debating,

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Speaker 3: don't argue with me? Isn't that also arguing online?

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Speaker 4: So kind of but this is maying.

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Speaker 3: In person, so basically shut up.

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Speaker 4: Just want they just wanted to shut up.

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Speaker 3: I agree with me, agree with me.

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Speaker 1: Number two is cosplay and then number one is comic books.

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Speaker 5: Oh no, no, I mean, okay, it's not attractive, but

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Speaker 5: I would not have that as number one.

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Speaker 1: No comparison to so many of them.

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Speaker 2: Fifteen number fifteen should be number one. I'm so surprised

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Speaker 2: because people don't know what it is the people who

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Speaker 2: are being served, I think.

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Speaker 4: So I feel like.

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Speaker 3: I agreed with the most attractive.

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Speaker 4: Well, yes, because reading was the number one, wasn't it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Right, So we love reading, but we don't like comic books.

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Speaker 4: They're not the same. It's so judgmental, it's the same thing.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, it's time to get into our unbothered era.

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Speaker 3: Time to get into our unbothered air.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So starting off, what's the difference between being unbothered

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Speaker 2: and being indifferent and just not giving a fuck about anything.

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Speaker 5: Yes, okay, So I think that firstly, you want to

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Speaker 5: look at what does bothered mean? Because to care about something,

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Speaker 5: to have you know, passion behind something is I think

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Speaker 5: the most important thing in life, right Like, if we

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Speaker 5: don't have that, then what is the point. So to

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Speaker 5: care to invest your time, your energy, your emotions into

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Speaker 5: something that is all kind of I think what we

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Speaker 5: strive for in life. Because the happiest people in the

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Speaker 5: world are the ones that give a shit that the

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Speaker 5: ones that like really put their heart and soul into

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Speaker 5: they invest. The most unhappy people are the ones that

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Speaker 5: are very surface level.

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Speaker 4: And a lot. So that is caring.

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Speaker 5: And I think bothered is things that it's kind of

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Speaker 5: It looks like overthinking. It looks like being irritable. It

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Speaker 5: looks like being embarrassed and revisiting embarrassing moments. It looks

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Speaker 5: like trying to mind read oh my god, they're maybe

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Speaker 5: thinking these or oh my god, oh you know, or

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Speaker 5: they're gonna want me to say this, or you know,

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Speaker 5: people pleasing it is.

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Speaker 4: All these things.

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Speaker 5: It's trying to mold yourself into something because you think

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Speaker 5: you're going to get a better result. So I've got

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Speaker 5: to pretend to be someone else, so he likes my

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Speaker 5: message or he replies to me, or all that kind

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Speaker 5: of stuff.

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Speaker 4: So that's bothered. I'm now bothered.

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Speaker 5: And also to add another layer to that, when you're unbothered,

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Speaker 5: it should never negatively impact somebody else. So it shouldn't

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Speaker 5: be like I don't give a fuck, I'm not fuck.

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Speaker 5: It's not not caring. It's I need to be less bothered,

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Speaker 5: so this doesn't affect my mental health.

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Speaker 4: That's how you want to look at being unbothered.

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Speaker 5: Care, care about the people you love, care about your life, passions,

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Speaker 5: put in all your energy into that, but not into

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Speaker 5: the stuff that makes you bothered. You know, because something

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Speaker 5: that's important isn't bothering you. It might be weighing on you,

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Speaker 5: it might be you know, but it shouldn't bother you.

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Speaker 5: So that's how I differentiate the two.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's an important distinction. And you recently

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Speaker 2: did an episode on how to enter our Unbothered era

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Speaker 2: and you had five steps. Yes, so we'll start with

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Speaker 2: step one, which was detach. Can you explain that process

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Speaker 2: of how we attach ourselves to things that bother us,

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Speaker 2: how to identify that, and then how to detach.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So we I think that it's so easy to

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Speaker 5: become attached to something. And the reason we become attached

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Speaker 5: to things, whether it be through limereents, like somebody that

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Speaker 5: is not texting us back and we're attached to that,

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Speaker 5: whether it be something about our identity, whether it be

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Speaker 5: you know, we attach ourselves to the outcome of something

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Speaker 5: so heavily.

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Speaker 4: And the reason for that is because like attracts like.

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Speaker 5: And I say it all the fucking time, but basically,

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Speaker 5: one thought makes it so much easier to think of

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Speaker 5: a similar thought and then a similar feeling thought similar,

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Speaker 5: and that's where we end up spiraling. That's like catastrophic thoughts,

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Speaker 5: that's you know.

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Speaker 4: So that's how.

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Speaker 5: It becomes really easy to be attached to something. And

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Speaker 5: also it comes down to how much emotion you are

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Speaker 5: putting behind that thing. So when something is emotionally charged,

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Speaker 5: whether it's good or whether it's bad, we get deeper

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Speaker 5: and deeper and deeper into that emotion. So one of

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Speaker 5: the best ways to become less attached when you're looking

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Speaker 5: at a negative emotion like anxiety or fear or you know,

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Speaker 5: fear of the unknown, is to name what it is

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Speaker 5: that is causing you this like anguish in your body.

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Speaker 5: So for example, you could be like, you know you'll

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Speaker 5: feel a straightaway, you feel a change in your body.

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Speaker 5: Always listen to your body first, and you think, okay,

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Speaker 5: I feel a bit heavier. I'm just like, something's clearly wrong.

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Speaker 5: When did this start? And then you think it's when

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Speaker 5: I received that text message? It's when I open my emails,

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Speaker 5: That's when it started. Then you think a kind of

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Speaker 5: going to name it was the email that I received

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Speaker 5: from this person. Okay, now I've named it. And it

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Speaker 5: sounds so basic because you're just naming something, but you

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Speaker 5: actually use a different part of the brain when you

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Speaker 5: name something.

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Speaker 4: And it's been tested on all kinds.

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Speaker 5: Of different fears, Like they've done studies on this stuff,

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Speaker 5: and one of the major studies that actually did it

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Speaker 5: on people with like full blown rachnophobia, like fear of spiders.

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Speaker 4: They had a group of people who would go and interact.

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Speaker 5: Or just like get really close to a spider. So

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Speaker 5: one group had to be like, just let just just

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Speaker 5: be emotional, just be and so they're like, oh my god, hyperventilating,

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Speaker 5: having a really bad time.

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Speaker 4: The other group just had.

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Speaker 5: To name what they were feeling like, I'm feeling very scared,

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Speaker 5: I'm feeling actually.

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Speaker 4: I'm feeling sweaty, I'm feeling whatever.

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Speaker 5: Then the other group had to be like, I'm all good,

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Speaker 5: it's fine, i feel great, it's all good. Then the

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Speaker 5: next time round, they wanted to see how it changed

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Speaker 5: how they approached the spider the next time, like two

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Speaker 5: days later. I can't remember the time frame, but there

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Speaker 5: was like a bit of a wash out period they

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Speaker 5: went and the people that named their fear were able

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Speaker 5: to get a lot closer to that spider. They were

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Speaker 5: able to nationalize their fear so much more. And the

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Speaker 5: reason for that, it's called name entertainment. And you can

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Speaker 5: do this with any emotion. The reason for that is

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Speaker 5: when we feel an emotional feeling, you're using like the amygdala,

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Speaker 5: the olympic system. It's like part of the mid brain.

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Speaker 5: It's more primitive. It's what causes us to.

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Speaker 4: Respond in the moment. So we need it. It's important.

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Speaker 5: But then it goes like off the rails for a

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Speaker 5: lot of us, and then when you for most of us,

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Speaker 5: and then when you name it, you're using your prefrontal cortex.

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Speaker 5: That's like you're reasoning your forward planning your executive function.

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Speaker 5: So that causes instantly, it causes these two brain regions

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Speaker 5: to communicate, so you're already in your head without having

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Speaker 5: to talk yourself down off the ledge. Your brain's already

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Speaker 5: doing that for you. It starts to reason, So it

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Speaker 5: doesn't it doesn't eliminate the stimulus. The spider is still there,

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Speaker 5: the person still hasn't messaged you back, but your brain

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Speaker 5: stops catastrophsed ye think, I'm still aware that this thing

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Speaker 5: is there, but I'm so much more capable for dealing

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Speaker 5: with it right now instantly, Like takes the edge off.

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Speaker 5: There's going to be a population of people out there

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Speaker 5: because I did a TikTok on this and so many

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Speaker 5: people like, wow, it worked straight away. This has worked

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Speaker 5: for me, and there's like a couple like, this doesn't

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Speaker 5: work for me. It's like, this is general advice. There

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Speaker 5: might be one or two people that need to try it,

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Speaker 5: a few tire a difference, but for the general population,

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Speaker 5: that is one of the best ways to detach yourself

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Speaker 5: from an emotional investment in something that feels really negative.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Also, like things like that, it does take work, It

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Speaker 1: does take effort, and it does depend on the thing

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Speaker 1: that you're dealing with.

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Speaker 4: It's like a big time you know.

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Speaker 1: It's not a way to be like if you're stressed

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Speaker 1: and like, no, don't be stressed.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: It's like when someone's sad and they're like, no, be sad,

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Speaker 3: and it's like no, it's not going to work, like.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and we're not saying you're going to cure the problem.

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Speaker 5: If I'm feeling heartbroken and I'm having a really really

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Speaker 5: bad time, I can just be like, look, I'm feeling

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Speaker 5: really anxious because and I can just explain what's going

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Speaker 5: on to myself.

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Speaker 4: That doesn't remove the heartbreak. Is it just you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: it seem like a cognitive diffusion.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like.

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Speaker 1: You're naming the feeling exactly and the emotion rather than

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Speaker 1: that it being a fact exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So you're just yeah, and you're like kind of talking

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Speaker 5: yourself through what it is that you're experiencing, and you're

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Speaker 5: just really, what you're aiming to do is to get

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Speaker 5: the brain regions communicating better. And when they communicate better

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Speaker 5: than you, you self soothe a whole lot better.

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Speaker 1: And I also find it so interesting that the denial

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Speaker 1: group wasn't the best I know because it's you can

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Speaker 1: so often think that if you know positive affirmations, but

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Speaker 1: it's like not acknowledging it and just burying it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, wasn't actually the best method.

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Speaker 5: I think a lot of people think, oh, well, I've

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Speaker 5: got to think positive thoughts all the time.

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Speaker 4: I got to think good thoughts.

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Speaker 5: But it's not it's I need to know what I'm

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Speaker 5: feeling so I can actually process it better. Like and

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Speaker 5: this is me going on a tangent, but there's other

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Speaker 5: studies that we've done that people that cry when they

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Speaker 5: need to cry are a lot happier than people that

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Speaker 5: try and hold back tears.

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Speaker 4: Crying so happy. It's actually really therapeutic.

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Speaker 5: It's like a tactical cry if you can cry when

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Speaker 5: you actually so it's not saying I'll put on a

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Speaker 5: sad song and force yourself to cry.

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Speaker 4: That's not at all it and it doesn't recommend that

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Speaker 4: you do that.

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Speaker 5: But if you're like, oh my god, I need to

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Speaker 5: grunte to cry, because sure like neurochemicals that gets released

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Speaker 5: in your tears that make you feel better. So it's

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Speaker 5: never about avoiding your emotions. It's feel it, but don't

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Speaker 5: exacerbate it and don't force yourself to spiral.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like a tactical cry in

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Speaker 1: your late twenties and thirties is like a tactical bomb. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a tactical cry is the new tactical bomb. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: your lesson. What if you're vomiting and crying? Okay, So

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Speaker 1: let's move on to step two, which is the pause.

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Speaker 1: So how can you identify the triggers?

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Speaker 4: The pause is a great thing. So the pause is literally.

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Speaker 5: For anything that requires a bit of thought or emotion

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Speaker 5: behind it.

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Speaker 4: And I'll get into that in one second.

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Speaker 5: Give yourself a pause that's long enough to take a

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Speaker 5: deep breath.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 5: So, for example, if you're someone with social anxiety and

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Speaker 5: someone invites you out and you're a people pleaser, and

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Speaker 5: you say, oh yeah, yeah, yep, and then you're like,

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Speaker 5: how do I cancel later? How do I This is

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Speaker 5: where you take a breath. Doesn't even have to be

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Speaker 5: that obvious.

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Speaker 4: You don't have to be like how you just quietly go.

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Speaker 5: Pause, and then you say can I get back to

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Speaker 5: you on that? You've already just made your life so

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Speaker 5: much because when you.

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Speaker 4: Pause, you stop going. You go from reactive to proactive.

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Speaker 5: You give yourself that moment your brain thing switches on,

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Speaker 5: it switches, something changes, and you think, I've got that

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Speaker 5: one moment to become self aware enough that I'm not

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Speaker 5: going to be reactive anymore. I had that moment to

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Speaker 5: remove the reactivity, and now I can say, and you

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Speaker 5: can prep yourself for these things.

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Speaker 4: I'll get back to you on that. I have to

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Speaker 4: check my diary.

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Speaker 5: And then when you're in your own comfortable space, you think,

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Speaker 5: am I actually do I actually want to be at

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Speaker 5: this event? And if I do, how can I prepare

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Speaker 5: myself so I feel safe going to this event without

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Speaker 5: having like a full mental breakdown when I'm there. Or

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Speaker 5: another thing would be if I'm really angry and someone

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Speaker 5: says something to me and I snap and say something

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Speaker 5: hopeful and then I've got demons take a pause and

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Speaker 5: just say I need to talk about this at another time,

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Speaker 5: or like I need a moment.

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Speaker 4: I just need a moment.

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Speaker 5: Like I always say to people, if you're having an

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Speaker 5: argument with your partner, the healthiest thing you can do

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Speaker 5: is like, can we just have five and come back?

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Speaker 4: Because by the time you come back, you are not

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Speaker 4: screaming at each other.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and you communicate so much better because people are like,

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Speaker 5: but I want it now in the moment, it's like, no,

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Speaker 5: I'm giving you the worst version of myself right now.

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Speaker 4: This is just not helpful. So the same good.

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Speaker 5: There's so many times where you're basically when you think

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Speaker 5: if I'm reacting, if I'm going to react, take a breath.

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Speaker 5: And the other reason why it's important to and ideally

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Speaker 5: take a big breath if possible is this the sigh.

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Speaker 5: When you take a sigh and the best So dogs

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Speaker 5: teach us a lot about this. So dogs, if you

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Speaker 5: observe a dog just before they're going to go to sleep,

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Speaker 5: they will.

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Speaker 4: Circle SoC socle, lie down, huge signe I do yeah.

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Speaker 3: And when you've got a dog and you go big self.

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Speaker 5: And so dogs when they want to drift into a

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Speaker 5: different state, either date, relaxation, or sleep, they'll do a

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Speaker 5: big sign because they're like telling their brain I'm changing states.

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Speaker 5: What happens is you basically go into reactivity.

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Speaker 4: You know you're changing.

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Speaker 5: You know your nervous system is always telling you, do

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Speaker 5: I need to be on high alert or can I relax?

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Speaker 5: So if you're on high alert, you're not digesting properly.

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Speaker 5: That's why stress causes a lot of digestive issues. When

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Speaker 5: you're you know, you're like your heart is racing, you

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Speaker 5: don't feel that good. If you are anxious and stressed,

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Speaker 5: you are not doing a deep breath, so your body

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Speaker 5: knows that, so you trick your body. A deep sigh

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Speaker 5: makes your body think, well, I mustn't be under threat

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Speaker 5: if I can take a nice, long, deep breath, so

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Speaker 5: you instantly switch into rest and relaxation mode. You tell

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Speaker 5: your brain has a switch and you think, oh, well,

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Speaker 5: I must be okay because.

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Speaker 3: If you actually were danger.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, because if it was actually made at danger, you

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Speaker 5: couldn't stop and have a big side.

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Speaker 4: You were actually responding to the d.

443
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 5: You're like, oh well, I'm about to be hit bihr

444
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 5: big side, like you wouldn't.

445
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,280
Speaker 4: You're like, I need to actually respond right now.

446
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 5: So when you're able to do the big site, it's

447
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 5: almost like you're intercepting what's happening. So that's why when

448
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,680
Speaker 5: it possible in this pause time, you're like, change my state,

449
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 5: change my state before I react, big breath, let it

450
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 5: all out, and instantly you're able to be like I

451
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 5: can't give you an answer right now, or just I

452
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 5: need a moment or you know, I'm not going to

453
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,719
Speaker 5: say that hateful thing. I can just say what I

454
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 5: actually mean without lashing out. There's so many moments where

455
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 5: you think, wow, the way I reacted to that, I'm

456
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,159
Speaker 5: actually now less bothered. But if I reacted in a

457
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 5: way that was that was lashing out, not only have

458
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,360
Speaker 5: you probably hurt someone with what you've said, but then

459
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 5: you've also got demons for weeks to come being like

460
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 5: now I'm a psycho.

461
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 3: Like I didn't want to react that way, and that's

462
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,160
Speaker 3: bothering you.

463
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 4: Then you're bothered, you know.

464
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 5: So I think it's so important if you can master

465
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 5: the pause, it will change your life and you become

466
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 5: a much more relaxed person because that then becomes automatic.

467
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 5: It's like it's kind of forced at the start, but

468
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 5: then the more you do it, your body just uses

469
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 5: that as the automatic reply every time.

470
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 3: I really love that analogy. We're not even an analogy,

471
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 3: but that example.

472
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 5: Of the dogs and now when you see a dog doing.

473
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:07,919
Speaker 4: It's so okay.

474
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 1: I feel like even just visualizing that makes it so helpful.

475
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,640
Speaker 1: It's like when you're like spiraling your baby, like no,

476
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: think of a dogs like.

477
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 4: Think of the dog trying to fall asleep. Huge sigh,

478
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 4: and then they're off to sleep. I love that. It's

479
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 4: like a magic trick.

480
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,880
Speaker 2: Yeah it is, because like why can't our brains tell

481
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 2: the difference between I've received an email and I'm getting chased.

482
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 4: Down by a bear? Like why those responses are the same.

483
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 2: But I love that in having that in your tool kit.

484
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:40,160
Speaker 2: Let's go on to step three self talk. So how

485
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 2: does the way that we speak to ourselves impact our

486
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 2: emotions and how we respond to things?

487
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, so massively.

488
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,440
Speaker 5: So kind of similar to what I was talking about

489
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 5: with you know, getting different brain regions to communicate with

490
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 5: each other, and it helps talk you down at the

491
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 5: ledge like name entertainment. Self talk overall makes you feel

492
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 5: a whole lot more more in control of your emotions.

493
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 5: That's kind of the basis of this whole unbothered thing

494
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 5: is I want to be in control of my emotions,

495
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 5: and I don't want my emotions to be in control

496
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 5: of me.

497
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 4: It's not about not feeling emotions. You still should feel

498
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 4: the entire spectrum of emotions that there is.

499
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 5: Like I still get anxious, I still get hurt, I

500
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 5: still get embarrassed.

501
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 4: I still you know, because I think.

502
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 5: People think, well, how do you never It's like, I

503
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 5: feel everything you feel, but I guess the thing that

504
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 5: I like to claim is that I can intercept it

505
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 5: relatively quickly. Yeah, you know so, And that is in

506
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 5: how you talk to yourself. So, for example, you have

507
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 5: a thought about yourself or about a situation, and you

508
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 5: want to look at how you are wording that thought

509
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 5: and if the wording is really universal.

510
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 4: Like, for example, let's say you embarrass yourself in front

511
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 4: of someone.

512
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 5: You like, I'm a failure, I'm an idiot, I'm so stupid,

513
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 5: I'm so this, I'm sorry, and then you start and

514
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,479
Speaker 5: then you feel really bad. And even if you're not

515
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,919
Speaker 5: speaking the words because some people say, oh but I

516
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,919
Speaker 5: don't think in words, but you're feeling it. You're feeling shame,

517
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,920
Speaker 5: you feel embarrassment, you feel like you don't want to

518
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 5: be seen in public. You feel like we all know

519
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 5: that feeling, but we're being very catastrophic here. So what

520
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 5: you have to do is then name again, name the thing,

521
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 5: but replace it with a statement. And when you replace

522
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 5: it with a statement like I'm all for affirmations, I'm

523
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 5: big on affirmations.

524
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 4: However, you've got to do them right for them to work.

525
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 5: And if you're in a really low vibration state, like

526
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 5: I'm a failure to then say everybody loves me does

527
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 5: not feel real and then you're like shit. And so

528
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 5: what I say is like, what is a thought that's

529
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 5: a bit more empowering than that. So you could say,

530
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 5: if you think, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed, I'm

531
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 5: such a failure, I'm just and that just say I

532
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 5: embarrass myself one time I provide so much laughter to

533
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 5: my friends, or I provide so much value to my friends,

534
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 5: you know.

535
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 4: You know, I can think of one example.

536
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 5: Where I embarrass myself, but I can think of three

537
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 5: really great examples where I've excelled socially, like I just

538
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 5: pulled my friend out of her heartbreak yesterday, or I just,

539
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 5: you know, was that shoulder to cry on for somebody else.

540
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 5: Or I made these people laugh or I you know,

541
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 5: So that you start to counter and that's with yourself talk.

542
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 5: So then the more you do that, the easier it

543
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 5: is to counteract thought. It takes practice, just like any

544
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 5: you know, growing a muscle or whatever, but eventually that

545
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 5: actually becomes automatic in the brain. So if we're someone

546
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 5: that instantly thinks the worst and starts to spiral, and

547
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,479
Speaker 5: the only way we snap out of it is by

548
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 5: being distracted.

549
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 4: Then you've never fixed the problem. So you want to

550
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 4: be like, I don't want.

551
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 5: To wait for a distraction for me to start feeling

552
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 5: better about myself.

553
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 4: I want to be the one who can pull myself

554
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 4: out of this.

555
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 5: I want to be able to rely on myself to

556
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 5: pull myself out of this really like low feeling thought,

557
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 5: and the same thing goes for like, oh I failed

558
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 5: that exam, Now I feel like a failure. You can

559
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 5: think I failed one thing, but here's three things that

560
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 5: have really succeeded at. He's three things that are pretty

561
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 5: good at And then when you go to that next step,

562
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 5: then you think it's possible for me to get better

563
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:56,679
Speaker 5: at that.

564
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,959
Speaker 4: It's possible. What would it take for me to actually

565
00:24:58,960 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 4: be good at this?

566
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 5: When you go from this like low vibration to think

567
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 5: I could do that, this could be possible.

568
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 4: This you know, same like when you're embarrassed.

569
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 5: It's like embarrassing things happen to people all the time,

570
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 5: and I've there's been things that have happened to my

571
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 5: friends that have been so embarrassing that I've been laughing

572
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 5: my head off that I now can't recall, like in

573
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 5: stitches laughing.

574
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 4: And now I'm like, oh wish I could remember that,

575
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 4: But I'm that friend. I don't be hilarious.

576
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 5: So it's like, really, just like you've got to you

577
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 5: need to kind of minimize it, because we're very good

578
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 5: at grabbing one isolated event and magnifying at times one

579
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 5: hundred and thinking that everyone else perceives it the way

580
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 5: we perceive it.

581
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,639
Speaker 4: It's never the case. It's never the case.

582
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 5: Even if people laugh at you, it's still never the case,

583
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 5: you know, because they've got their own shit.

584
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 4: They might have laughed, but now they're thinking about something else.

585
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 5: You can't let that determine how you're going to behave

586
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 5: around that same person again in the future and things

587
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 5: like that. So that's what I mean by how you

588
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 5: talk to yourself. You're just basically thinking of how can

589
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 5: I counter this with a more empowering thought.

590
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: Okay, we've got two more steps, the emotional toolkit.

591
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 3: What is an emotional toolkit?

592
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 5: So an emotional toolkit is something that you can refer

593
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 5: back to that will always lift your mood and make

594
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 5: you feel either funny like me. Yeah, like a dopamin menu,

595
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 5: but even easier than a dopamine menu because you don't

596
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 5: even have to be doing things. So I have, for example,

597
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 5: so I got a list of funny things.

598
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 4: So that's one thing that I could go to.

599
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 5: I've got a particular playlist that I have that it's

600
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 5: literally to turn my mood around. That for me is

601
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 5: you've got to really curate that playlist. It kind of

602
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 5: any sad lyrics, that kind of any it's got to

603
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,400
Speaker 5: be an empowering playlist. Any song that could pick any

604
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 5: song out of that playlist and be like, no, I'm

605
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 5: in a better mood.

606
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 3: What kind of song's on it?

607
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 4: Oh, there's all sorts of things. I've got like reggaeton

608
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 4: in there.

609
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 5: I've got a lot of like nineties music that's been

610
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 5: remade into.

611
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:58,479
Speaker 4: House music classics. It's just empowering banger after banger. Love it.

612
00:26:58,800 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 4: So that is another one.

613
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 5: Another one is like, I've got a whole bunch of

614
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 5: screenshots from people that have written to me with the podcast.

615
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 4: So if I'm ever like or if I'm ever feeling.

616
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 5: Like a little bit like lacking in like inspiration for

617
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 5: the podcast, if I just read a few.

618
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,360
Speaker 4: Of those, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so inspired.

619
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 2: You know.

620
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 5: So when you're needing that inspiration, then I think that's

621
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 5: where you kind of lean towards the screenshots, the music,

622
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 5: the funny things. So you've got like, depending on your mood.

623
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 5: Sometimes you're like, oh, reading funny things isn't going to

624
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 5: turn my mood around. But a playlist well, or you know,

625
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 5: things like that I think will always very.

626
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 4: Very quickly switch your mood.

627
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 5: A good example of this is this this guy did

628
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 5: like a TikTok and he said, every time I'm like

629
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 5: crying or sad, I put on what was it, party

630
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 5: rock Anthem. He's like, you cannot cry, cannot cry? You try,

631
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 5: you try to cry?

632
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 4: Rock flops back to like an old video of him

633
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 4: crying in the car.

634
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 5: These tiny, tiny kind of interceptions really change it for me.

635
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 5: We are suckers to like almost wallowing in our pain.

636
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,439
Speaker 5: So a lot of the time we'll be feeling just like, no.

637
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 4: I need to feel sad.

638
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,439
Speaker 5: On say, you know, it's like, but if you're serious

639
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 5: about you know, let's let's turn it around.

640
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 4: Let's switch it up. I want I don't want this

641
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 4: to affect me so much.

642
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,360
Speaker 5: I put on party rock anthems, try to cry, I

643
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 5: love that.

644
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 2: I feel like that kind of leads on to step five,

645
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 2: which is the micro joy moments. Yes, can you explain

646
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 2: what that is and the psychology behind a micro joy moment?

647
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 5: Definitely, So we I think gets so like caught up

648
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 5: in I will be happy when this thing happens, and

649
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 5: I'll be happy when.

650
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 4: I'm in a relationship and when this.

651
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 5: So we've got these big markers of what we deem

652
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 5: to be success emotionally and career wise and all these things.

653
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 5: But if you're trying to work towards all of these

654
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 5: things while at the same time spiraling being really bothered

655
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 5: about things all the time, then it's almost counter productive

656
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 5: to you achieving anything. Like I was kind of saying before,

657
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 5: like do less to do more. It's kind of even emotionally,

658
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 5: if everything is in the future, everything's like that will

659
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 5: happen when when?

660
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 4: When this? Then we're not actually ever enjoying the present.

661
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 5: And sometimes you never want to look back and be like,

662
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 5: oh my god, they were such good days.

663
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 4: Why was I not thrilled back then? So happy back then?

664
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 5: So basically you want to wake up and almost prime yourself.

665
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 5: So you're more aware of these moments, but you want

666
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 5: to wake up and think it's my It's like, it's

667
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 5: at the top of my list to find joyful moments today.

668
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 5: So like little joyful moments because when you've primed yourself

669
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 5: to look for them, then when they happen, you don't

670
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 5: brush over them, think, oh, like you lean in. For example,

671
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 5: when I get home, and this is something that I've

672
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 5: really leant into lately. I get home, I'll put everything

673
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 5: down and I'll sit on the floor and I'll have

674
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 5: at least five minutes if my dog and.

675
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 4: I don't listen to anything, and I'm like squeezing. He's

676
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 4: just a beautiful angel. I love him so much.

677
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 5: This is I'm.

678
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: Obsessed out can confirm you guys.

679
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 4: He loves you guys so much.

680
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 5: But yeah, it's like that, and I'm so happy after

681
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 5: that interaction.

682
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 4: I'm like, I could literally get home pat him on

683
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 4: the head.

684
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 5: I'm busy, but it's like that moment or it's a

685
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 5: moment of Okay, I have this. I love sweet treats,

686
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 5: and I'm trying to veer away from sweet treats just

687
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 5: a little bit.

688
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 4: So I the other day, my sister and I were

689
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 4: trying to do.

690
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 5: I've already failed, so don't worry, but I'm starting again

691
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 5: the seventy five hard. But I was trying to admind

692
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 5: the diet that I set for myself. I'm like, I'm

693
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 5: happy with what I eat. I'm not going to really

694
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 5: do it, but I will cut out sweet treats because

695
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 5: that's the mental challenge for me.

696
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I really wanted to sweet treats.

697
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 5: So I just went home, opened the frege and I

698
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 5: inhaled like thirty olives and it was so beautiful that moment.

699
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 5: I'm like, this is a joyful moment, Like I just

700
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 5: love all lives so much.

701
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 4: You know, when a meal arrives, don't be on your phone.

702
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 5: If you're at a restaurant and a meal arrives, this

703
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 5: is like, savor the moment when you get your cough,

704
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 5: don't be distracted, Smell it, hold it. And these moments

705
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 5: of like joy, these moments where you're like, I could

706
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 5: be leaning into these tiny moments throughout the day, and

707
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 5: before I know it, I've had a really happy day

708
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 5: and nothing major happened. But it's just because I was

709
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 5: so present in those little things that I live for.

710
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 5: But when they're happening, I'm not present, you know, So

711
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 5: that's the main thing.

712
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 4: And then when you are like that, your mood is lifted.

713
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 5: You can also a ton and more dope that when

714
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 5: something not that good happens, you are more unbothered because

715
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 5: you're in a better state.

716
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 4: Your overall state is better because you're more appreciated.

717
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 3: More resilient. Yeah, you're resilient. And then negative things happening.

718
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 5: And when you're happy, you are proactive and not reactive,

719
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 5: You're able to deal with things better.

720
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 4: You can pacify yourself better.

721
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 5: Like we were talking about all these tools that we

722
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 5: spoke about, you can like intercept them so much easier

723
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 5: when you're in a better mood overall.

724
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: I find it also helpful because like I'm sure a

725
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: lot of the chicks can relate to this as well.

726
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: Like my brain just goes like a million miles an hour,

727
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: and being present isn't always.

728
00:31:58,640 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 4: The easiest task.

729
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: That even if it's five minutes at the end of

730
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: the day and going, Okay, what was my highlights the day?

731
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: Like every night Rob and I will be like, what

732
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: was your highlight of the day? His is always coming home.

733
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, you have to pick something yes, yes, yes, yes,

734
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 1: that's my high right, and I'm like you silk well.

735
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 5: So another thing you can do if you're like, well,

736
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 5: how can I is make the statement in your head

737
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 5: of how amazing is it that?

738
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 2: Oh like that so?

739
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 5: And you can use this like a thousand times in

740
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 5: your day. So, for example, the other day, because I'm

741
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 5: trying to use.

742
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 4: That more often. The other day, I grabbed this book

743
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 4: that I started reading.

744
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,479
Speaker 5: And I such a good book. It's called The Paris Apartment.

745
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 5: It's like mystery horror.

746
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 4: Very cool.

747
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 5: And I sit down on my couch, I'd like tidy

748
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 5: the place and I sit down, and before I did anything,

749
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 5: I thought.

750
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 4: How amazing is it that I'm about.

751
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 5: To And it's like that moment, That moment is what

752
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 5: you live for. It's like, how amazing is it that I.

753
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 4: Can just walk to my own grocery store? This is

754
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 4: pretty cool?

755
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 5: Like I live, I really love where I live. I

756
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 5: really love Oh, you have a great interaction with your neighbor.

757
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 5: How amazing is it that I live in a building

758
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 5: where actually like the people around it. Like, so you

759
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 5: just like if you say how amazing is it? That

760
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 5: finish the sentence? How many times can you say that

761
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 5: in your day.

762
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 3: It's actually quite a bit like that challenge.

763
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 2: I think that's so important as well, because if you

764
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 2: don't do that, even when you do achieve those really

765
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 2: big things that are the future milestones that you were

766
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 2: talking about before, you can't be grateful for that because

767
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 2: you're not in the emotional place to really even appreciate

768
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 2: exactly because you're just burnt out.

769
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 3: You're not appreciating the small things.

770
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 4: And you think, when that amazing thing happened, I don't

771
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,719
Speaker 4: think I even was that excited because there was so

772
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 4: much weighing me down.

773
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 5: In other ways, Yeah, I've experienced the same where like big,

774
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 5: big things have happened, you know, in my life, and

775
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 5: I'm like, I just feel like I could have enjoyed

776
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 5: it so much more, but I was so like stressed

777
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 5: and focused on that thing.

778
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 3: You're like, done, what's the next?

779
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 5: Yeah?

780
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 3: You need to sit with that for longer and really

781
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 3: soak it in.

782
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, snag it up, smack it in.

783
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 2: But to wrap up the episode, we always like to

784
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 2: ask what's the biggest life lesson? But for this episode,

785
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 2: what's the biggest life lesson You've picked up in your

786
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 2: unbothered eraror.

787
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,719
Speaker 5: I mean, I kind of already knew this. It's not

788
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 5: really the biggest life lesson, but I just feel like

789
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 5: actual happiness is just always in the subtleties. It's always

790
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 5: in the subtleties, and then when big things happen, it's

791
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 5: almost like you can laughing, like, look what I've created

792
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 5: through the subtle, you know, and the more unbothered I've been, Like,

793
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 5: when you're bothered, when things affect you, you don't appreciate

794
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 5: the good things that happen. Like if I allowed a

795
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 5: negative email to bother me, then someone could write me

796
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 5: something really beautiful and all skim over and being like, oh,

797
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 5: that's nice, you know, instead of being like, Wow, I

798
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 5: didn't really like that email. I'm going to name it

799
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 5: entertainment and then I'm going to you know, compartmentalize that

800
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 5: and then someone writes something nice to me and I

801
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,800
Speaker 5: can really sit in it and be like, this is

802
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 5: a happy moment for me. This is so I feel

803
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:55,479
Speaker 5: like what I've learned is being unbothered really teaches you

804
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 5: to be so much happier in the moment, like so

805
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 5: much more present in the moment. And it takes training,

806
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 5: like it takes you know all these steps that we

807
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 5: were talking about, like.

808
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 4: Just consistency, because it feels a little.

809
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 5: Bit overwhelming at the start if it's someone who overthinks.

810
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 5: But I think that that, yeah, like you'll become just

811
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 5: an overall happier person being unbothered.

812
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 3: Love it. I feel unbothered right.

813
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 4: Now, right now.

814
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 2: But before we let you go, where can the chicks

815
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,760
Speaker 2: find you? And because you announced something very exciting.

816
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 4: So you can find me at my podcast. It's called

817
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 4: do You Fucking Mind? Mindset Hacks for a Bad Oss Life?

818
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 5: And I am doing a live show too, what around Australia.

819
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 5: I'm so excited except Sydney. Sidney will come later in

820
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,440
Speaker 5: the year because I already did Sydney last year.

821
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 3: You had your turn.

822
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 5: But yeah, so it would be Gold Coast, Brisbane, Perth,

823
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 5: Adelaide and Melbourne. Very excited Melbourne tickets hows are going crazy,

824
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 5: die hard beans in Melbourne. And you can get tickets

825
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 5: through my website which is dyfmpod dot com. Yea yeah,

826
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 5: and then there's just a page that just live show

827
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 5: tickets and then you find your city gorge you click through.

828
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: It's always a pleasure, it's always it's so fun, it's

829
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: the best. I love it and thank you to m

830
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: o K made for making this episode of Two Bread

831
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: Chicks happen. We love being in your ear holes, kisses,

832
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 1: cuddles Next Tuesday.

833
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 3: See Next Tuesday Chicks. I love you, by by bye