1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,960 Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables, But right now, I think you've 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 1: got to shoot your shot and back yourself. Man. I 3 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: remember I was a young, seventeen eighteen year old kid. 4 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,880 Speaker 1: I thought I was ugly, skinny, tall, like I didn't 5 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: have anything going for me. But I had a few things, 6 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: and I just didn't see him. Everyone has a few 7 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,760 Speaker 1: things going for him, you just can't see him. When 8 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,479 Speaker 1: you're that young, going through adolescence and puberty, you just 9 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,279 Speaker 1: nitpicky of all the most little things when in reality, 10 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,159 Speaker 1: I bet you got the fact that she's friends of you. 11 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: You're making her laugh. Like, if you're making her laugh, man, 12 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: that could be all you need. 13 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 2: The Relatables podcast is hosted by myself, Jake Craig AKAA Daddy, 14 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 2: and my partner in crime Clarke aka Mmy. Keeping it 15 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: simple today, guys, I'm not in the mood. 16 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: Why aren't you in the mood? 17 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 2: Jay? Because I'm strrassic as you should be. 18 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: Everybody. If you're tuning in for the first time in 19 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, you're gonna have to go back 20 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: and listen to Monday's episode because we are to find 21 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,759 Speaker 1: out the results of the Great Mustache. 22 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 2: Battle for you just quick backstory a little bit. Yeah, 23 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,199 Speaker 2: go okay, I've been growing to mustache. She has everyone 24 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 2: knows personality. I'm sure you've noticed. If you everyone noticed. 25 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 2: And so I was, uh, we already got back from 26 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 2: ballet first, and I was growing it like when when 27 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 2: Oddie left is when I stopped shaving, and then when 28 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,399 Speaker 2: he got back, I had a little mustache right first 29 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 2: time back recording. He's like, oh no, no, it actually doesn't 30 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 2: look like that bad, Like it looks all right, but 31 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 2: it's just a bit uneven. I was like, yeah, I 32 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 2: need to learn how to trim it. On the phone 33 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 2: and my girlfriend that night and I was like, I 34 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,479 Speaker 2: think she must have asked, what did Doddy think. I said, oh, 35 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 2: he actually liked it, but he said, just need some 36 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 2: good trimming. 37 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:40,040 Speaker 1: Uneven. 38 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 2: She goes, oh, I can help. I'm a pro. I 39 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 2: would also like to add on the phone when we 40 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 2: were in Melbourney, I was on the phone to her 41 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 2: and she goes, I listened to the podcast and I 42 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 2: have a gripe. 43 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: What's a gripe? She says. 44 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 2: I was like, I think there was some misinformation spread. 45 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 2: Oh right, she seems to think that on the phone, 46 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 2: she didn't say she was a pro. 47 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,559 Speaker 1: She said she's had experience. 48 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 2: She said, And I was like, she she seems to 49 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 2: think that she said that. All she said was I'll like, 50 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 2: I'll do it for you. And I said to now, 51 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 2: and I was like, I was like, I know myself 52 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 2: pretty well. 53 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, she's gaslight again, I. 54 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 2: Know myself pretty well. And like, initially I was kind 55 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 2: of like, oh, sorry, like I didn't know I lied, 56 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 2: Like I genuinely thought you said that. 57 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have just made that up. 58 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 2: Like I was apologized. And then I think I kind 59 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 2: of was like, well, wait, wait, you know I remember 60 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 2: this pretty well, Like I don't think I would have said, 61 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,080 Speaker 2: why would you shave it if you hadn't said I 62 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 2: have experience or I'm a pro. And then she started laughing. 63 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,119 Speaker 2: She started laughing, and I was like, you know, I'm right, 64 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 2: So I still stand by what I said. 65 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: Could that be alluding to the fact that she's not 66 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: confident in your mustache? Oh shit, I don't know she's 67 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: playing games right now, but anyway, right now, anyways, right now, guys, 68 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: she takes coffin. He's that nervous. 69 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 2: I think I have a bit of a pastroom. 70 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: I'm about to put the mustaches on the screen for 71 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: any visual watch watches, and if you're a listener, will 72 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: do our best to describe it. And we're also going 73 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,239 Speaker 1: to put on the screen in our studio. So, Jake, 74 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: are you ready? I am going to close my eyes. 75 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 1: Here we go. As you can see, the photos are. 76 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 2: Up, I've still got my eyes closed. Open your eyes. 77 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: Oh what do you think? 78 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 2: I don't think. I'm not as upset as I thought 79 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 2: I was going to be. 80 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: Are you sure? 81 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 2: I got to say, if Beth did that trim job 82 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 2: on him, she does do a good job. Okay, close 83 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 2: see mine up close. I could use a trip, I 84 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 2: could use a shaper. 85 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: How do you feel right now? 86 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 2: Mm? I don't feel terrible. I actually don't feel all 87 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 2: that terrible. Okay, I do have butthole lips. I need 88 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 2: to put some chapstick on. Well. 89 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: Sorry to inform you, but this has all been a 90 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: little ploy mate. That's not her ex so far. That's 91 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: Italian batch mate, you idiot. 92 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 2: I was gonna say. I was like, wait, she dates 93 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 2: guys with good jaws. 94 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: Fuck, So don't get too confident yet, I'm drawing it out. 95 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: Close your eyes again. 96 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:30,039 Speaker 2: Fuck like that must batch that I was just looking at, 97 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 2: I think is a bit better than mine. Oh no, 98 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,799 Speaker 2: oh no, what if this is fucking amazing? 99 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: Fuck? All right, everybody in the background. It was very 100 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,799 Speaker 1: hard to find a photo of Jake's girl for friends X. Yes, 101 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: but we've done good, We've done our best. Okay, okay, 102 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: here we go. Open your eyes, Jake. 103 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 2: Oh, I'm cheering. I'm cheering. I am not unhappy at all. 104 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 1: So everybody knows what Jake's mustache looks like. Yeah, but 105 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: Jake's girlfriend's X is very seedy. Okay, there's a part 106 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: of the middle. It's a lot longer. I'm gonna say, Jake, 107 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: I think I've got him. I think you win. 108 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 2: You know, okay, you won't know. What's funny is where 109 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 2: I lack is the middle. Where he lacks more is 110 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 2: the middle, and his is really long and like looks 111 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 2: like you're almost curl it. You know what's funny, as 112 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 2: Beth was like, don't let yours grow long on the sides? Why? 113 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 2: How funny? You know it's so funny is just before 114 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 2: when I was looking at the photo of Italian backs, 115 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,840 Speaker 2: thinking that was I was like, I'm jealous of you. 116 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 2: I'm jealous of his lips. Say, I didn't give a 117 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,160 Speaker 2: fuck about the mustache. I was like, I'm jealous of you. 118 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 1: He's a good looking man. And I zoomed in on 119 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 1: the X as well, just to do your favor. You've 120 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 1: got nothing to worry about. Man, Oh my. 121 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 2: God, this is so fucking funny. 122 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: So now we know you don't have to shave your mustach. 123 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 2: Jake, he's got nice teeth. He's not over analyzing that. 124 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: He's got my team. 125 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 2: I'm just making sure I'm better than I'm just comparing 126 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:05,600 Speaker 2: myself to her. 127 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,360 Speaker 1: What do we say? In the last episode, it was something. 128 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 2: Like, because there was a dilmary about comparing yourself. 129 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, and then spit she's with you for a week. 130 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, Beth is with me for a reason. 131 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: She's not comparing me to her ex. She wanted to 132 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: be with him, she would be with him. But it 133 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: looks like the mustache is stoned. 134 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 2: Gosh, it's such a good day to be alive. Let's 135 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 2: get that shot screen. 136 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: Al right. Everybody up next is dilemmas. You know what 137 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: to do. There's going to be a link in the 138 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 1: description of this episode, or go to Instagram scroll to 139 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: the bottom of our linked in bio and says dilemmas, 140 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: I think this one is good, Jake, because I think 141 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: this podcast is really good because it gives an idea 142 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: of how men think about women, or how we think 143 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: about women. And this is how a young guy thinks 144 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: about his crush and oh, what's funny? Okay, and I reckon, 145 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: we can help him out, and this is so relatable 146 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: for any young dudes listening. Okay, okay, okay, okay, He says, 147 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 1: I know the prettiest girl I've ever laid my eyes on. 148 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: We're in high school and talk every lunch. We also 149 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: have a class together. Not only is she pretty, but 150 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: she's funny, smart, mature, easy to talk to, and a 151 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 1: real one. She doesn't have many friends. Somehow we put 152 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: the same effort into communicate and she's not dry texting 153 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: at all. She lasted my jokes in brackets. I've even 154 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: had her eyes rolling back of her head and brackets. 155 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: That's like obviously a big bit of laughing. 156 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, don't get too dirty. 157 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: I've complimented her before and she seems genuinely grateful. All 158 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: this aside, I'm getting friend vibes and I think she 159 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: is too pretty, sure she has high standards and mentioned 160 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: a guy she thought was hot when we were first talking. 161 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: I'm a pretty mediocre looking and I think I've never 162 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: caught her checking me out, but who knows. To be clear, 163 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: I value her friendship a lot. I would rather stay 164 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: friends than try to get with her, than have nothing. 165 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: My dilemma is when I think of getting with anyone else, 166 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: I can't stand a thought of her liking me all along. 167 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: My gut says she's looking for a friend. But what 168 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: if I lost the chance with such a cool, beautiful person. 169 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 2: Ah, Man, that sucks. 170 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: I know. I was thinking, like, obviously, I reckon. He 171 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,680 Speaker 1: can't admit how much he likes it, and he's not 172 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: really and he's not confident in himself like any like 173 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: seventeen eighteen year old boy. 174 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 2: But he said to himself, he's like, if I was 175 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 2: to go for another girl and then I found out 176 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 2: that she liked me all along, I'd be lived. 177 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 1: And he'd rather stay friends than lose her altogether, which 178 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: is tough. So how can we help this man out? 179 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: Do you reckon? It's worth finding out? 180 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, I actually think I might have 181 00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:57,559 Speaker 2: experience in this really so so when I was in 182 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 2: I could tell a story right still, story right now, 183 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 2: and I'll tell you okay, fuck it. When I was 184 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 2: in year six, yeah six, you know, yeah, started started 185 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 2: dating a girl. It's one of those ones. Never spoke 186 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 2: to her, maybe hugged her once twice, so you do 187 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 2: when you went to different high schools right middle of 188 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 2: so much broke up me over text deva broken ut. 189 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,439 Speaker 2: It was like, you know, still had a bit of 190 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 2: a crush on her. It was like it is what 191 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 2: it is. And then you know, you get high school 192 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,199 Speaker 2: for figured about oh blah blah blah, went to different 193 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 2: high schools and then and then we both moved back. 194 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 2: So so I moved to Cincumber and then like a 195 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 2: couple months later she moved to Kincumber. Obviously we remember 196 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 2: who each other are. I think it was Yeah, so 197 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 2: about year seven we were chatted h and then we 198 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 2: would like skype Scott. Yeah, the skype was every night. Yeah, 199 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 2: and like I was fucking in love with her, like 200 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 2: just had the biggest crush on it, like I wanted, 201 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,680 Speaker 2: you know, and obviously was never gonna tell her the 202 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: funk would I do that? We didn't know like we 203 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 2: we we would say that we're like best friends, but 204 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 2: like we so like looking about it. We so obviously 205 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 2: she obviously liked me and I obviously liked her, and 206 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,959 Speaker 2: we would say we're best friends, and like we would 207 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 2: never admit to each other that we like each other. 208 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 2: And we would talk for like fucking hours on sky 209 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 2: and like every fucking afternoon. And then she went a 210 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 2: little bit like off the rails, a little bit disconnected. 211 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: She moves schools, moves back to. 212 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: Your school mate. She's back to our school, your heart. 213 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: But like I forget about her, then you know, you forget, 214 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 2: and then like she moves back again, and then we 215 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 2: start chatting again, like nothing ever happened, right, And then 216 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:48,199 Speaker 2: I think, so we were chatting. I still can't fucking 217 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 2: tell her I like her. I just can't do it 218 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 2: because it's like because this, I was like, if I 219 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 2: can't like, if I tell her I like her and 220 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 2: she says no, then the friendship's gone. And I loved 221 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 2: the friendship, but it wasn't friendship because I fucking liked her. 222 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: Did you not tell her as well? Because you thought 223 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 1: you weren't good enough? 224 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 2: I just was like, not ae hundred hundred I just 225 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 2: didn't think she liked me back. I wasn't one hundred 226 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 2: percent sure she liked me. I was not. 227 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: It was but it was obvious, yeah, but I wasn't 228 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,839 Speaker 1: one hundred percent. You can't see it when you that young. 229 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 2: And and then we had school disco one night she 230 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 2: kissed another dude. I was like, oh, my mates comeing 231 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,560 Speaker 2: to me. Mate, she kissed this guy, and I was 232 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 2: like and because I wanted to be friends still, I 233 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 2: remember like. 234 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: She like apologized for kissing another dude. 235 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, so she obviously knew I liked her, and she 236 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 2: was like, I'll do anything to like make you not 237 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 2: be mad at me, and I was like fuck. Ended 238 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 2: up just being like whatever, And then I was gonna 239 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 2: stay friends with her. But then I think like the 240 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 2: next day I was kind of like, nah, sorry, like 241 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 2: I actually liked you, like oh yeah, yeah. So basically 242 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 2: that's where it ended. And then and look that's where 243 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 2: it ended. And then like two years later we dated 244 00:11:54,240 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 2: for a while. But but I'm telling you, like I reckon, 245 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 2: Like she ended up being I don't want to like 246 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 2: get in his head, but she was a bit of 247 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 2: like a crazy girlfriend, and we broke up for pretty much. 248 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 2: That's that's like when I was younger, which I could 249 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 2: go back and just be like, just tell her right now. 250 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I was gonna say, you answered his question 251 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: exactly as well, because when she kissed another dude, it 252 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 1: hurt you. Yeah, And this dilemma your friend, if she 253 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,439 Speaker 1: gets with someone else, that's going to hurt you because 254 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 1: you like her and that's not a friendship. That's so 255 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 1: your friendships, like, it's not friendship. Yeah, you need to 256 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 1: take the chance right now and find out and then 257 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,839 Speaker 1: deal with those emotions and lose the friendship for a 258 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 1: little bit if you get rejected. But it's better to 259 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: know and deal with all the emotions and maybe you 260 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,360 Speaker 1: might be friends in the future down the track. Yeah, 261 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: but right now, I think you got to shoot your 262 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 1: shot and back yourself. Man. I remember I was a young, 263 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: seventeen to eighteen year old kid. I thought I was ugly, skinny, tall, 264 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: like I didn't have anything going for me, but had 265 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 1: a few things, and I just didn't see him. Everyone 266 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 1: has a few things going for him, you just can't 267 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: see him when you're that young, and through adolescence and puberty, 268 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 1: you just nitpicky of all the most little things when 269 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 1: in reality, I bet you got the fact that she's 270 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 1: friends of you. You're making her laugh. Some people really 271 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: value that laughing thing. Like if you're making her laugh, man, 272 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: that could be all you need. 273 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 2: But also like again, if you would meet your feelings 274 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 2: and she doesn't feel the same, it's like who cares? 275 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 2: Exactly Like I wish I could have gone into my 276 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 2: head back. 277 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 1: Then, like who gives a fuck? 278 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 2: Because I'm telling like I know, I genuinely I'm telling 279 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 2: you I don't know your name, who sent this in, 280 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 2: but I genuinely I know how you feel right now 281 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 2: from I just told you. I know how you feel, 282 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 2: So don't fucking waste your time. 283 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: I remember in like high school, just out of high school, 284 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 1: there was always this bundle of confusion of like how 285 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,839 Speaker 1: to talk about your emotions with the opposite sex. Yeah, 286 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: looking back at it now, it's the same as Jake. 287 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 1: You always both knew you liked each other, you both 288 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: couldn't say it, and you'll do all these stupid little games, 289 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: like you'd always hang out of each other face each FaceTime, 290 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,320 Speaker 1: each other all the time. Yeah, but for some reason 291 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,319 Speaker 1: you just couldn't both say I like you. You want to 292 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 1: be my girlfriend. It's stupid, eh, and then you might 293 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: even kissing something. 294 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 2: We still want to fucking We used to end the 295 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:12,439 Speaker 2: phone call saying, I hate you really. We obviously met, 296 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 2: Yeah it was in love, but it was like fucking 297 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 2: you thought it was love, you know, like, ah hate 298 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 2: you more. I was like, what I mean, I was young. 299 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: I was young looking back at it, but yeah, I 300 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 1: wish I had like this podcast to tell me to 301 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: take the chance. It's better to know and deal with 302 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: the emotions than not. No one become Jake. 303 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 2: Yeah I say it, happy, but don't don't grow up 304 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 2: when you're twenty two, all right, I swear, don't be 305 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 2: like Jake. Don't grow up on your twenty two. 306 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: I swear. Every single person had like an on and 307 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 1: off fling with like someone like three or four years. Eh. Yeah, 308 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 1: everyone had that one person. Hey, yeah, both couldn't admit 309 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 1: their feelings and then they just kissed once or twice, 310 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: and they'll date for like a month, and they'll go off 311 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: each other and they'll still talk and FaceTime every night. 312 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: Everyone knew they were things, but they weren't really a thing. Ah, 313 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 1: growing off a sucks. 314 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 2: Okay, guys, We've done a few different topics this this episode. 315 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 2: This is due to a bit of uh want popular 316 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 2: popular demand. Last week we I mentioned something about watching 317 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 2: a Ted talk that I didn't know if it was 318 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 2: good enough to bring to the table, but people wanted 319 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,360 Speaker 2: to hear it. They were interested, and so basically I've 320 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 2: titled it fighting is Good in a Relationship, So it's like, yeah, 321 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 2: like fighting is good for relationship, like that title, Yeah, 322 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 2: fighting is good. So I'll just give a shout out 323 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 2: to the Gotman Institute and the Love Lab. So the 324 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 2: Gotman's working at the Love Lab. 325 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, get me in there. It feels like I belong there. Doctor. 326 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 2: There's two doctor Gotman's husband and wife, right, and so 327 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 2: they have the Gotman Institute, and then they have a 328 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 2: thing called the Love Lab. And so I watched it 329 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 2: once and then I watched it again, and I took 330 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: like a lot of notes, so I think I was 331 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 2: off with like maybe a little intro and then just 332 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 2: some interesting stuff. So basically fight, Like what they say 333 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 2: is fighting is good for relationships. It just kind of 334 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 2: depends on how you do it. Okay, So this is 335 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 2: a little bit of stuff about stuff they've done. So 336 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 2: it's like, how couples fight within the first three minutes 337 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 2: predicts with ninety six percent accuracy, not only how the 338 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 2: rest of the conversation will go, but how the rest 339 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 2: of the relationship will go six years down the road. 340 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 2: What does it mean by the first three minutes, the 341 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 2: first three minutes of the conversation? Yeah, so of like 342 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 2: an argument of the okay, okay of an argument? Yeah sorry? 343 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 2: So yeah, the how couples fight within the first three 344 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 2: minutes of the fight. Yep, some fighting improves the relationship 345 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 2: and even improves sex life. 346 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: I can see what makeup sex. 347 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 2: So they had three thousand couples come to their lab 348 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 2: and while they were in the lab, they had all 349 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 2: the monitor's heart rate, you know, close up camera like 350 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 2: everything was monitored, and they had these These couples had 351 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 2: conflict discussions or fights, talking about the events of their day, 352 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 2: and then after their fight, they rated how they felt 353 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 2: before returning home. They would return to the lab every 354 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 2: year or two, with some couples doing it for twenty years. 355 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 2: It's a good test. They've been doing this for like 356 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 2: fifty years. They're old. These two people were old. Okay. 357 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 2: Over time, they saw some couples get divorced or break up. 358 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 2: Some couples stayed together unhappily, and some stayed together happily. 359 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 2: There is three major styles of fighting. It was probably 360 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 2: a old bunch, but the three major ones the. 361 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 1: Most people do. 362 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 2: There are the conflict avoiders. I will say that is me. 363 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: I dabble a little bit in there. 364 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:55,679 Speaker 2: I dabble a lot, and so conflict avoids They agreed 365 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 2: to disagree and would rather just wash the dishes than 366 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,479 Speaker 2: argue a point in like, you know, let's say you're 367 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 2: gonna do the dishes, but then your your spouse is like, 368 00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 2: when the fuck are you gonna do the dishes? Like, 369 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 2: instead of being like I was literally about to do them, 370 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,400 Speaker 2: you're just like fine, like yeah, yeah. 371 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,720 Speaker 1: Sorry you hate the confrontations through this coplic Sorry, sorry. 372 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 2: But I'll do it now. There's the conflict validators. They 373 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 2: will bring up an issue by expressing their feelings calmly 374 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,399 Speaker 2: and then jumping right into problem solving. 375 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: That's that's probably me more pretty good. No, when I 376 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,480 Speaker 1: read this, I was like, no, that's odd. Yeah. 377 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 2: And then there's the conflict volatiles. They express their feelings 378 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 2: in a very intense and passionate way and then they 379 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 2: would keep on trying to prove that they are right 380 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:47,680 Speaker 2: and their partners, and like, I don't think like there's 381 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 2: I don't let look you. Obviously, there's probably some types 382 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,119 Speaker 2: of fighting styles that are better than others. But as 383 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 2: long as like your partner understands what you've got and 384 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 2: they understand what you've got is I think, like it 385 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 2: doesn't matter that you can still it doesn't matter what 386 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,960 Speaker 2: type you are. Yeah, and I think also the volatile 387 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 2: fighting sounds bad, but also how volatile fighters love would 388 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 2: be so much like so much emotion. You're very passionate. Yeah, 389 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 2: they're just a passionate person exactly. So it says some 390 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,439 Speaker 2: partners have different styles of fighting to each other, but 391 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 2: you can have a successful relationship as long as the 392 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 2: ratio of positive to negative responses during an argument is 393 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 2: at least five to one. Okay, So examples of positive 394 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 2: responses would be like head nodding just good, like smiling 395 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,639 Speaker 2: of facial expressions blah blahlah, or Stephen staying where's like 396 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 2: fair enough? I understand you or you know, stuff like that, 397 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 2: and then it goes into some negative responses. But they 398 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 2: like to emphasize that not all negative responses are equal. 399 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 2: So like, I don't think all positive ones are equal, 400 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,360 Speaker 2: but they're all pretty much like balls, you know. Yeah, 401 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 2: and so there are four big negative responses and they 402 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 2: call them the four horsemen of the Apoca. 403 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:04,640 Speaker 1: Lips horsemen of the apocalypse. Grim don't tell me. One 404 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: is raising your voice. 405 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 2: So number one is criticism, which means blaming a problem 406 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 2: on a personality floor of your partner. 407 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, So. 408 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 2: It's like again, I guess, say with the dishes or something. 409 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 2: It's like you've walked into the kitchen and it's like, 410 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 2: why the kitchen is so fucking dirty? You're such a slot? 411 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, you're slop. Make it their problem. 412 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 2: And then contempt is it's like criticism, but with a 413 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 2: dash of superiority. And so it's kind of like there 414 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 2: may I guess superiority. They're making them sound better than 415 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 2: you're making yourself sound better than your partner. 416 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 1: Is that like all I pay all the bills? 417 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 2: I think? So, yeah, I think it's kind of like 418 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 2: or maybe you know, dishes Again, it's just an easy 419 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 2: exam easiest example. It's like why you wash the dishes? 420 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:48,120 Speaker 1: You slop? 421 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 2: Like I do it every time I finish eating. 422 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 1: It's not that hard, you know, putting your Yeah, that 423 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 1: one's bad. 424 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 2: Number three, Yeah, that's pretty ship. Number three is defensiveness, 425 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,439 Speaker 2: big one. That one's where sometimes hard, very difficult. So 426 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 2: it's when we act like an innocent victim even though yeah, 427 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 2: like you just like you can't help. 428 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: But act I didn't know what I was doing. Yeah. 429 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 2: Number four it's called stone walling, And it's just when 430 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,640 Speaker 2: you shut down completely, oh, you know, very shut off, 431 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,679 Speaker 2: you like you can't listen. 432 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: I feel like that there becomes a point in every 433 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 1: fight where you become that stand off a bit because 434 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: you just like don't know how to react. Yeah, you 435 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 1: just especially for males, you just go silent. What's it 436 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 1: called stone stone walling, stone walling. Yeah, especially for men, 437 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: you just go silent, and they're like, what are you playing? 438 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: Silent trip mew. I was like, I physically don't know 439 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:36,400 Speaker 1: how to react. 440 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so I don't want to get that. 441 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to yell. 442 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,440 Speaker 2: I learned a little bit this about it in the video. 443 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,040 Speaker 2: I learned a little bit about it. So they said 444 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,720 Speaker 2: that there's the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Then they 445 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 2: added a fifth. All right, I was like, whatever, Five 446 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,080 Speaker 2: it is. So there's one more that is closely related 447 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 2: to stone walling. Okay, I think that's why they just 448 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 2: had four. And it's called flooding or fight flight or freeze, right, 449 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,080 Speaker 2: And this is when we look calm and collected on 450 00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 2: the outside, but on the inside we are not doing good. 451 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. 452 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 2: Got high heart rate and we're just like scared of 453 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,959 Speaker 2: sh yeah, like we can't. Like we're just like we 454 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,359 Speaker 2: look calm, but like your heart rates like they were saying, 455 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,120 Speaker 2: like heart rate likee hundred bats a minute type ship 456 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 2: like over that and like you're just like fucking hearing 457 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 2: ringing and ship, you know what I mean. 458 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,120 Speaker 1: That's relatable. Yeah, So. 459 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 2: If either one of you get flooded, it is very 460 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:39,199 Speaker 2: important that you call for a break. To love this. 461 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 2: So it's very important that you call for a break. 462 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 2: But you need to say a time when you will 463 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,520 Speaker 2: come back to resume the argument. That's very important. 464 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: I liked it. I didn't have a time. 465 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. See that's where I thought you might like as well. 466 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,399 Speaker 2: So you need to add a time. So it's like 467 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, like I'm flooded, I need a break for 468 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 2: just give me an hour, yeah, all right. And the 469 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 2: thing another really important thing is on this break is 470 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 2: that you do not think about the fight. Oh you self, soothe, relax, 471 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 2: and you're gonna be able to come back and be 472 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,760 Speaker 2: able to actually listen. 473 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,879 Speaker 1: Talk open mindedly. Yes, well that's a great tip for 474 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:20,959 Speaker 1: a relationship. I know I need that. Yeah. I think 475 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,679 Speaker 1: it's also important to realize that when your partner says 476 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: they need time, it's also like not an attack, like 477 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,120 Speaker 1: they need to figure out their emotions and relax. 478 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. But I think which is one massive thing is 479 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 2: like give me an hour or like to I don't know, 480 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:36,440 Speaker 2: time to come back to. 481 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:37,920 Speaker 1: So many people think like I've got to deal with 482 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,439 Speaker 1: it now, Like we can't just we can't go over 483 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 1: for an hour. I'm gonna be thinking about the whole time, 484 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: like we've got to deal with this now. And it 485 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: just doesn't help. 486 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, because like like you say, like you start to 487 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,720 Speaker 2: remember you saying once that maybe had a little love 488 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,879 Speaker 2: tip with your girlfriend and and you didn't catch yourself 489 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,879 Speaker 2: getting heated, and so you guys start to get it 490 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 2: just gets out of proportions. Someone says something they don't mean. 491 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 1: You forget what you're fighting at all. This you like 492 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 1: you're the problem. Yeah, yeah, defensiveness do you you yeah, 493 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: pointing like yeah, and then the little tiny problem that 494 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,199 Speaker 1: turns into like the biggest thing that this escalates, so 495 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: like you're taking that time is so important, alrighty. 496 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 2: The difference between couples that fight right versus fight wrong. 497 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,440 Speaker 2: When you fight wrong, you will bring up an issue 498 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 2: within the first three minutes with something called harsh startup, 499 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:35,920 Speaker 2: which always includes criticism or contempt. So that's like, yeah, 500 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,159 Speaker 2: you know if you An example they used is like 501 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 2: if someone's cooking dinner all the time, I'd say, say, 502 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 2: the wife is cooking dinner every night. Yeah, She'll come 503 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 2: to her husband and just be like, why don't you 504 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:53,440 Speaker 2: ever take me out to dinner? You cheap? I didn't 505 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,439 Speaker 2: say the same word, you cheap or something, And so 506 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 2: that's harsh startup. 507 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 1: And then you're just caught off guard. And then you 508 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 1: and how do you respond to that. You're defensive. 509 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:07,960 Speaker 2: You'd be like, whoa, I'm busy, you know. Yeah, to 510 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 2: fight right, you will bring up an issue with a 511 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 2: softened startup, and a softened startup consists of a bunch 512 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:20,239 Speaker 2: of eye statements that describe yourself, not your partner. You 513 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 2: start with what you feel, then you describe the situation 514 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:27,160 Speaker 2: at hand, and then what you need from your partner 515 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: to make things better rather than what you resent. 516 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 1: Mm yeah, what you need from them. Yeah. 517 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,399 Speaker 2: So I think the example they gave was something like, 518 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 2: I'm feeling stressed that I'm always cooking dinner? Would you 519 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 2: please take me out one night? Which really is quite 520 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 2: like when you think when you dumb it down, like 521 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 2: it's so black and White's a soft approach, but you 522 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 2: can see how that would be taken yeah, compared to 523 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 2: the why don't you ever take me out? Exactly? Instead 524 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,439 Speaker 2: of just getting mad, he doesn't know your stress. He 525 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 2: just thinks you've been a bitch. Yeah. 526 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 1: And sometimes there's you hear every relationship say like I 527 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: can't mind read, and it's because of that first initial approach. 528 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 2: Yo, I've said I can't mind read bad time, I know. 529 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: But that's also like a problem for your partner because 530 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,800 Speaker 1: she thinks or he thinks that you can. 531 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 2: So it's exactly, yeah, I mean, I do you have 532 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 2: to voice. 533 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 1: How you feel in a soft manner, especially for your 534 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 1: boyfriend and the dumber down to him to make him 535 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: realize what you're feeling and how this could make you 536 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 1: feel that makes so much sense? 537 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,199 Speaker 2: It does, doesn't It's crazy. Yeah, these are they're all 538 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,880 Speaker 2: very simple obviously sixty nine percent. 539 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,800 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, of all of all. 540 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 2: Relationship problems are perpetual, which means they never actually go away. 541 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 2: So basically conflicts they need to be managed and not 542 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:44,160 Speaker 2: always solved. 543 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,280 Speaker 1: That makes sense sixty nine percent. 544 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 2: She said. They were saying that couples that came into 545 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 2: the first trial that had a little gripe with each other, 546 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 2: you know, they figure it out healthily. Every two years 547 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,880 Speaker 2: they come back, it'd be the same thing. 548 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: IM thinking. I'm realizing that that you manage your problems 549 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,880 Speaker 1: always a solution because you're different people. Yeah, and it's 550 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 1: accepting that you are different. Yeah, it's crazy. 551 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 2: All right, it's my last little sentence. The biggest mistake 552 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: couples make when bringing perpetual or solvable problems is they 553 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 2: fight to win, which means somebody has to lose. What 554 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,879 Speaker 2: the masters do you ask? They fight to understand. 555 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,680 Speaker 1: I love that fight to understand people. 556 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 2: Like fight in a relationship is like the F word, Yeah, 557 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 2: like we no, no, no, we don't fight. Yeah, yeah, I 558 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 2: want to start saying fucking we fight Yeah. Yeah, we 559 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 2: fucking fight. 560 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 1: We fight, and you know who wins both of them? Yeah, 561 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 1: we fight to understand each other. 562 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I have. I ran a little long time 563 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 2: because I wanted to go to the gym. Sorry, but 564 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to do a little more research because they 565 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 2: started talking about when a perpetual or a solvable problem 566 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 2: comes up. They started talking about how there's some really good, designated, 567 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 2: designed questions to understand. So it's like they're basically there's 568 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,679 Speaker 2: six of them. They say, there's six questions that are 569 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,560 Speaker 2: designed to get how you feel, how you think, and 570 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 2: like history like past history or whatever of why I'm 571 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 2: feeling this way, getting into the center of the problem. 572 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 2: And yeah, and so what the tactic is is like 573 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 2: say you and I have a fight where a couple, 574 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 2: we have a fight. I ask you the six questions. 575 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:29,520 Speaker 2: You answer, I'm not allowed to interrupt. You answer. 576 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. 577 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 2: Then we rolls reverse and you ask me the six 578 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 2: we should do it? We should. I need to find them. 579 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:37,840 Speaker 2: I just couldn't find them, and they didn't link a 580 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 2: fucking thing to their website. I'm just gonna have to 581 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 2: look up like I'll try and find I'm sure it's 582 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 2: on there. Somewhere, but I've freaking I thought it was interesting. A. 583 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: I think it's all very useful information, And I'm thinking, 584 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,719 Speaker 1: how can you implement that when you're trying to make 585 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 1: the relationship better but your partner's stuck in his ways 586 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,680 Speaker 1: and using all those bad defensive method putting his walls up, reserve, 587 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 1: doing all those things. 588 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, like how do you bring this up without 589 00:28:58,640 --> 00:28:59,719 Speaker 2: it feeling like an attack? 590 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 1: Yeah? And like it's all good and well, Like I 591 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,320 Speaker 1: bet you there's so many situations where you're like, we 592 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 1: can just fight so much better, but he or she's 593 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: just yelling at you, yeah, or like he just doesn't 594 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,240 Speaker 1: know how to voice his opinion. How can you bring 595 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 1: this sort of conversation up with someone about how to 596 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 1: fight better? 597 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:18,640 Speaker 2: I maybe it's like you do try the soften startup 598 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 2: or something. I don't know, like some people, I'm sure 599 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 2: how you could. 600 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,880 Speaker 1: Probably it's simple as like, so the way we fight, 601 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: obviously we get so heated, and for some reason it 602 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 1: makes us feel like one of us has to win? 603 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 1: Should we try and implement some of these things? So 604 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 1: the problem isn't one of us is to understand each 605 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 1: other better? Yeah? Like something like that obviously. 606 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure, Like I think sometimes I don't want 607 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 2: to speak for anyone's relationship, but I do think sometimes 608 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 2: people love a bit of a proper row like yeah, 609 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 2: like a properly yelling match. And I don't but and 610 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,640 Speaker 2: even though it doesn't make it feel good, but I think, yeah, 611 00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 2: if you guys, if you're a couple, that's like that, 612 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 2: if you could just say to your partner boy or girl, like, 613 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,239 Speaker 2: you know, when we fight, yeah, it fucking sucks, you know, 614 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,360 Speaker 2: do you think it sucks? Yeah, EI think it sucks. 615 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 2: Doesn't make maybe you don't say to you, maybe just say, like, 616 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 2: when we fight, how does that make you feel? I 617 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 2: feel terrible every time? And like you could even say, 618 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 2: like I feel terrible how I speak to you? I 619 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:30,960 Speaker 2: feel terrible? How I make you feel? And then that's 620 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 2: kind of like some eyes. And then you say, what 621 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 2: I think we should do is approach it differently, because 622 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:40,880 Speaker 2: that's saying how it makes you feel, and then you're 623 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 2: saying what you need from your partner to fix this 624 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 2: solvable or perpetual issue. 625 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: Perfectly. I think that's perfect. It's funny how men and 626 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: women digest information differently, like, especially because we learn from 627 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: this pod that we have ninety percent female audience because 628 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: although it's funny and we try and have a bit 629 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 1: of a laugh around here, we try and hide a 630 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 1: good message under each episode, which some dud some do, 631 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: some don't do, like, but girls like to sort of 632 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: take away something from like their time. Yeah yeah yeah, 633 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: Whereas this is statistically proven that dudes like prefer just 634 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,240 Speaker 1: to like not think, have a bit of like background, 635 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,840 Speaker 1: always talk about footy, talk about betting. 636 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,600 Speaker 2: Well, we went to a fucking we were on a 637 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 2: podcast seminar that gave statistics of Australia at least know 638 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 2: Australia is pretty similar to the Western world. Yeah, we're 639 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,720 Speaker 2: part of the Western world, so it's probably pretty similar 640 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 2: in like America, Cannabi. I'm just thinking it is going 641 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 2: to be hard for all of our female listeners who 642 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 2: might have trouble fighting their partner to bring it up 643 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 2: because men do digest information so much differently. 644 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 1: So what you said is good. 645 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,200 Speaker 2: I think it's just yeah, and I just I think 646 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,440 Speaker 2: like that's just such like like it's like it's just such. 647 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:42,320 Speaker 1: A soft way to bring it up. 648 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 2: It's like, how could they get upset except like the 649 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,360 Speaker 2: only all they could do is is think and it's 650 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 2: like they're going to be like, oh my god, like 651 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:54,120 Speaker 2: she's so right, you know, he's so right, And and 652 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,959 Speaker 2: I think if they react badly, it just says so 653 00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 2: much about. 654 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,400 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about all of our friends who are in relationships, 655 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: and I can picture their flights right now, and some 656 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: of their reactions are nunhealthy at all. 657 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 2: No, No, I think about fights I've had in the past. 658 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 1: No that I'm judging a relationship, but I'm just seeing 659 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 1: that for what it is now. 660 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,200 Speaker 2: I think about flights I've had the past, like heaps 661 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 2: of flights I've had in the past with girlfriends, and 662 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:20,719 Speaker 2: and yeah, one thing I reckon I do heaps is 663 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:25,680 Speaker 2: the what's it called flooding, fight, flight or freeze. So 664 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,960 Speaker 2: I look like I'm listening and I am listening to 665 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 2: be fair. 666 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:33,120 Speaker 1: But I don't know what to do kind of digested 667 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,640 Speaker 1: and response. 668 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I literally I can't talk. Yeah, that's 669 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 2: my biggest way is I can't talk. 670 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:44,440 Speaker 1: We'll end it on fight to understand, Fight to understand.