WEBVTT - I Hooked Up With A Celebrity

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<v Speaker 1>A Poche Production.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to a bonus episode of We Will Always Have.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just a little tidbit to tide you over where

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<v Speaker 2>Chrissy and I talk shit. I'm going to draw a

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<v Speaker 2>card from my wisdom deck of cards. On each card

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<v Speaker 2>is a message that I believe you need to hear

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<v Speaker 2>in this moment. Which one's jumping out at me? This one.

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<v Speaker 2>Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>this is good. Is it true? Is the first gate.

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<v Speaker 2>Is it necessary? Is the second. And is it kind?

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<v Speaker 2>Is the third. Is it.

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<v Speaker 1>Necessary?

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<v Speaker 2>All right, time to draw another sexy questions from the box.

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<v Speaker 2>Reach deep into your box.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, have you ever had a crush on a celebrity?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I know the answer for you.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, my Keithy, beautiful Keithy.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I thought it was me.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, of course. But have you had any crushes? Have

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<v Speaker 1>you ever had any liaisons?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I always get asked that. No. Oh. Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>No names mentioned.

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<v Speaker 2>No. Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, you have?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. And would it be somebody that we... I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know why I've done that. I've now got a face

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<v Speaker 1>full of sand as.

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<v Speaker 2>I've... You just reached over and wiped your face with

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<v Speaker 2>the beach towel.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sick of feeling wet from sweat.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you hot?

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<v Speaker 1>Or is it just me? Like, I feel like I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just in a lather of sweat.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you want to sit here? I feel like there's

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<v Speaker 2>a breeze.

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<v Speaker 1>You take that towel.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So you had your little liaison with a celebrity.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Who initiated that?

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<v Speaker 2>They did.

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<v Speaker 1>They did?

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<v Speaker 2>I can't talk about it. But just know, yes, I have. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Who's your celebrity crush? Rod Stewart.

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<v Speaker 1>I love Rod Stewart.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Love Rod Stewart. He's a sexy, sexy man.

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<v Speaker 2>If you could, so Rick, bless your heart, but if.

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<v Speaker 1>If he was my hall pass.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like who would, I just feel like you would

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<v Speaker 2>be like, oh, my hall pass would be having an

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<v Speaker 2>Aperol spritz with them and not sexy bedroom time.

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<v Speaker 1>Look, I'm a 55-year-old woman, right?

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<v Speaker 2>Sexually identifying as 96.

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<v Speaker 1>I will never get naked for anybody else other than

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<v Speaker 1>my husband.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>And that is a bit of a stretch there because,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the darkest rooms with, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Into the basement. I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>I have no desire to be with any other man

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<v Speaker 1>in my.

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<v Speaker 2>Whole entire life. Apart from? Apart from my husband. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>No. Who's the sexiest celebrity in your eyes?

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<v Speaker 1>Who's the sexiest celebrity in my eyes? I love Rod Stewart.

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<v Speaker 1>I love his style. But I also love Harry Styles. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>he's old enough to be my child, so that's a

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<v Speaker 1>bit inappropriate. But I love his style too.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>He's very good. Who's yours?

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<v Speaker 2>I like Redheads. Oh, do you really? I have a

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<v Speaker 2>thing for Redheads. I find them very attractive.

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<v Speaker 1>Really? Hmm. Redhead. I would never have guessed that.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a guy on SNL. I forget his name. Really tall. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just like, hello. There are some redheads who are

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<v Speaker 2>not for me, but.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I would never have thought that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Don't forget the other side of the card.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, the other one. Oh, okay. Have you ever read

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<v Speaker 1>an erotic story in public?

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<v Speaker 2>Have you? No. Have you ever? Ever read an erotic story?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, you have?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Fifty Shades.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, my God.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone read Fifty Shades back in the day.

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<v Speaker 2>Did it do anything for you?

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<v Speaker 1>Not at all.

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<v Speaker 2>Were you like, take me, Rick.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought it was the most worst written books I

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<v Speaker 1>have ever read. I don't even think I finished the

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<v Speaker 1>third one. It was that ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 2>I can imagine you saying what you just said before

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<v Speaker 2>after reading Fifty Shades.

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<v Speaker 1>What?

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<v Speaker 2>What did you just say before?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know what to say.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I'm all wet. I'm all wet. Oh, God, the head.

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<v Speaker 2>Can I tell you a fantastic story about how mum

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<v Speaker 2>and dad met? Oh, do. So dad worked for Qantas. Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>And mum was, she was catching a flight and she

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<v Speaker 2>was reading an erotic novel inside of a magazine. So

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<v Speaker 2>pretending she wasn't reading one. And dad saw her. And

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<v Speaker 2>so I think his opening line was, oh, enjoying that.

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<v Speaker 2>She's like, yeah, thank you. And he's like, not that one.

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<v Speaker 2>And she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, whoops. That

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<v Speaker 2>was the first interaction that they had.

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<v Speaker 1>What a great story.

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<v Speaker 2>So funny. I'm like, oh, my God, Mum, what?

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<v Speaker 1>What year was that?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, my Lord. They were married in 1980. Really? So

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<v Speaker 2>they both lived lives before. They weren't like high school sweet. Well, obviously,

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<v Speaker 2>met on a flight. I don't know. How old would

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<v Speaker 2>they have been in 1980? I don't know. How long

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<v Speaker 2>ago is that? uh 46 years ago so.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in their late 30s late 20s yeah i think

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<v Speaker 1>that's brilliant what a top story to tell the grandkids.

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<v Speaker 2>So funny all right we're sorting these animals by their

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<v Speaker 2>typical adult weight from the heaviest to the lightest moose

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<v Speaker 2>emu giraffe grizzly bear ostrich oh this is easy.

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<v Speaker 1>Right okay so the ostrich and the emu they go to.

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<v Speaker 2>The back of the pack yes grizzly bear.

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<v Speaker 1>Right i reckon elephant.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay well you're definitely hearing things because there's no elephant on.

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<v Speaker 1>This list no what does it say oh moose and what.

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<v Speaker 2>Else moose grizzly bear and giraffe oh oh grizzly bear

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<v Speaker 2>come on Oh, what a moose.

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<v Speaker 1>I reckon it's a moose.

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<v Speaker 2>Mooseies? What's the plural of moose? Mouse. A mouse. A

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<v Speaker 2>group of mice. Yeah, because they're huge.

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<v Speaker 1>So say it again.

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<v Speaker 2>Moose, emu, giraffe, grizzly bear, ostrich. But the bears are big.

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<v Speaker 2>They're big and their feet are big. I still think

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<v Speaker 2>a bear. You can say a moose.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think giraffe's a bit of a trick question.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, shit.

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<v Speaker 1>Because giraffes are all legs and then they're big.

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<v Speaker 2>And then they're tall. They are. That would be heavier

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<v Speaker 2>than a moose, for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>So I reckon it's... Oh, shit. I reckon giraffe first.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Moose.

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<v Speaker 1>Yep.

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<v Speaker 2>Bear.

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<v Speaker 1>Mm-hmm. Ostrich. Emu.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you reckon?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you remember that? Giraffe. Mm-hmm. Moose. Yep. Bear. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Ostrich, emu.

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<v Speaker 2>Mine is bear, giraffe, moose, emu, ostrich.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, go.

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<v Speaker 2>What did you say?

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<v Speaker 1>So I said giraffe.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes. Moose. Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Bear, ostrich, emu.

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<v Speaker 2>Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I got it right.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, my God.

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<v Speaker 2>That's two from... You've got two right so far. Well done.

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<v Speaker 2>A giraffe weighs two ton.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, there you go.

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<v Speaker 2>Moose, 800 kilos. Grizzly bear, 780. Very close behind. Ostrich

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<v Speaker 2>is 156. Emu's 55. Ostrich weighs 100 kilos more than

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<v Speaker 2>an emu. Wow. I didn't realise how much bigger they were. Extraordinary.

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<v Speaker 2>Well done.

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<v Speaker 1>See, I'm on fire now.