Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming
Speaker 1: she How.
Speaker 2: Do I put this? He isn't a fan of my
Speaker 2: kissing style with.
Speaker 1: The boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in
Speaker 1: a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching them mu.
Speaker 2: I love being love, I love Love.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At Is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 1: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 3: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 3: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 1: Matt, I think congratulations are in order. You just celebrated
Speaker 1: your sixth month anniversary.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 3: Indeed, Jenna and I were actually very surprised. We looked
Speaker 3: at the date and we're like, hang on, this is
Speaker 3: our six months and god, time goes fast when you're
Speaker 3: having fun.
Speaker 2: Doesn't it.
Speaker 1: Do You know? What's really crazy is Matt and I
Speaker 1: andies with Jen and Michael are two months apart to.
Speaker 2: The day to the day. Yeah, who would have thought.
Speaker 3: I was thinking about it the other day and I
Speaker 3: was thinking about those two months of when you were
Speaker 3: in a seeing Michael stage situation situationship. Yes, how wild
Speaker 3: that time was for me? And then you must have
Speaker 3: started dating Michael around the time I met Jen, and
Speaker 3: we are yeah, wow to think here we are now
Speaker 3: so happy to have relationships.
Speaker 1: You know what, you were getting very upset when things
Speaker 1: were ending with different situationships that you were going through
Speaker 1: during that.
Speaker 2: Time, some wild times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think I think you got to the
Speaker 1: point where you were like, I think the timing is
Speaker 1: right for me. I want a girlfriend, I want to
Speaker 1: settle down. That's what I want.
Speaker 3: And then I happened to go on a very magical
Speaker 3: date and the rest is history.
Speaker 1: The rest is history. We've had so many messages from
Speaker 1: you guys talking about the fact that you guys are
Speaker 1: going through breakups and you guys want our advice. We've
Speaker 1: also noticed that a lot of our friends seem to
Speaker 1: be going through breakups at the moment. I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's that time of year.
Speaker 3: Are something's in the air, something's in the air, and
Speaker 3: worry we don't catch it.
Speaker 1: Look, breakups are never easy. So we decided that we
Speaker 1: want to do a throwback for you guys. We have
Speaker 1: so much good advice, so many great useful tips and
Speaker 1: tools to deal with a breakup, whether that be a situationship,
Speaker 1: a relationship or anything in between. This is the episode
Speaker 1: to really help you, guys, move on from that breakup,
Speaker 1: whether it's you going through this friend, give it a
Speaker 1: listen and enjoy. Guys.
Speaker 3: We are also touch on our very public relationships that
Speaker 3: we had and how they break up and how we
Speaker 3: handle them. So make sure you take a listen to
Speaker 3: this one.
Speaker 2: Let's dive into this breakup episode.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter if your first or six breakup, they
Speaker 3: never get any easier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent, And I reckon that a piece
Speaker 1: of your heart literally dies every time you go through
Speaker 1: a breakup. But in saying that they are amazing for
Speaker 1: self development, I think we all learn such valuable lessons
Speaker 1: about ourselves. We find out things that we want in
Speaker 1: a partner, things that we don't want in a partner.
Speaker 1: So yeah, they're amazing for our growth. But Matt Tullmy,
Speaker 1: what's the hardest breakup other than your most recent breakup?
Speaker 1: What's the hardest breakup that you've gone through?
Speaker 2: Definitely would have to be my ex of two years.
Speaker 3: We started dating when I was twenty two, and when
Speaker 3: I started to date her, when I asked her to
Speaker 3: be my girlfriend, I was really going through a rough
Speaker 3: patch in my life, and I was like, I've got
Speaker 3: to make some changes with what I'm doing. So I
Speaker 3: remember I got a girlfriend, I started wrestling, and I
Speaker 3: started like a bowling team, believe or not, all in
Speaker 3: my like the space of like a week. I was
Speaker 3: just like, I'm going to change my life now and
Speaker 3: get out of this rut. And she was just really
Speaker 3: good to me, like her energy, the way she was
Speaker 3: and like I literally saw like.
Speaker 2: My endgame with her, like the rest of my life. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So then when she broke up with me, I took
Speaker 3: it really bad. And I took it as a shock
Speaker 3: because obviously we had our problems. No relationship is perfect
Speaker 3: and I'm not going to sit here and say that,
Speaker 3: but I thought it was nothing we couldn't work on. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: so I said like, let's work on it, and then
Speaker 3: she just came back with like, no, she didn't, she
Speaker 3: didn't want to work on it.
Speaker 1: So you thought she was the one and maybe she
Speaker 1: didn't see you as her end game.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and that was pretty brutal for me to
Speaker 3: take upbreaking. Yeah, I didn't take it too well. And
Speaker 3: I remember we so we broke up at mine and
Speaker 3: then a couple. Like a week later, she said, all right,
Speaker 3: let's catch up and see where you're at. Let's see
Speaker 3: where where our heads are at. And then we caught
Speaker 3: up at this the local tire restaurant, and I remember
Speaker 3: sitting opposite her and I was just like trying everything
Speaker 3: I could to get her back, and then.
Speaker 1: Unsuccessful scull.
Speaker 3: I remember even like the waiter came up and was
Speaker 3: asking for our order and I couldn't even look at him.
Speaker 3: I was just sitting there crying, weeping at the table.
Speaker 3: People on different tables were like getting uncomfortable because I
Speaker 3: was just sitting there just weeping.
Speaker 1: That's awful.
Speaker 3: But yeah, like you said, you need to go through
Speaker 3: that to grow as a human. And I've learned a
Speaker 3: lot about myself going through.
Speaker 1: That, right, Yeah, and you do.
Speaker 3: So what about you, Anna, what's the hardest breakup that
Speaker 3: you've been through other than your most recent?
Speaker 1: I mean, I would definitely say my relationship that went
Speaker 1: for six years. I was with him throughout my whole twenties,
Speaker 1: and I got to twenty six and I realized that
Speaker 1: I needed to be by myself and to spread my
Speaker 1: wings and see who I was outside of that relationship
Speaker 1: because I had literally grown up with him, And that's
Speaker 1: the hardest thing about going through a breakup is you're
Speaker 1: not only losing your partner, but you're also losing your
Speaker 1: best friends, so it's such a loss. And we also
Speaker 1: lived together, so it was the biggest life adjustment and change.
Speaker 1: So I think that was really difficult, and I knew
Speaker 1: that I had really hurt him in breaking up. I
Speaker 1: still feel guilty about it even to this day. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that was probably like one of, if not
Speaker 1: the hardest breakup.
Speaker 2: To sixty years or so one.
Speaker 3: Through your twenties, you're like growing with them, you're learning
Speaker 3: life with them. Yeah, it's even more hectic when you
Speaker 3: break up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well we were together. We met when I was
Speaker 1: nineteen and we were together until I was twenty six,
Speaker 1: so that's.
Speaker 2: You know, going through a lot of life lessons with him.
Speaker 1: I think as well, like I felt like if I
Speaker 1: didn't take time to also be single, if I ended
Speaker 1: up getting engaged to him or married to him, I
Speaker 1: might regret that that I never had those young single
Speaker 1: years of my life and kind of put that to bed.
Speaker 1: And I think that's a big reason why a lot
Speaker 1: of people break up, because they're not ready to fully
Speaker 1: commit to someone because they don't feel like they've explored
Speaker 1: and seen what's happen there. I think you need to
Speaker 1: realize that the grass isn't greener, and I think if
Speaker 1: I were into a relationship today, I could comfortably go
Speaker 1: into it. I know that the grass isn't greener, and
Speaker 1: I think you learn that through experiences.
Speaker 3: And it wouldn't have been fair to stay with him
Speaker 3: if you did have those doubts in your mind, and
Speaker 3: those thoughts.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent like it would have constantly plagued my mind.
Speaker 1: And so that's how I know it was the right decision.
Speaker 2: So what are the different stages of a breakup?
Speaker 1: Anna, There's like the so there's denial, We've all been there.
Speaker 2: Is that the first stage?
Speaker 1: That's the first stage. Then there's the anger, the bargaining,
Speaker 1: the depression, the worst part, and finally the best part
Speaker 1: of a break up, the acceptance, when you're just at
Speaker 1: a point where you're like, I've accepted it. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to try and beg for them. What
Speaker 1: part do you think that you were at with your
Speaker 1: exit the tire restaurant.
Speaker 2: I was definitely at the bargaining stage.
Speaker 3: I was throwing off offers like I'll be like this,
Speaker 3: if you take me back, I'll do this, I can change.
Speaker 1: I'll be like but no, I'll totally change my whole personality.
Speaker 3: Take me back, I'll be a different guy. But then again,
Speaker 3: she probably didn't want a different guy. She just Yeah,
Speaker 3: So the bargaining definitely didn't work that time. So it's
Speaker 3: back to what's the next dage depression?
Speaker 1: Yeah, off to depression depression. So your ex was obviously
Speaker 1: breaking up with you, but research has actually found that
Speaker 1: women go through more emotions and physical pain after a
Speaker 1: breakup compared to men, and men deal with the pain
Speaker 1: later or they move on and never fully heal from
Speaker 1: a breakup. Do you agree with that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't feel like I've ever completely healed from
Speaker 3: any of the breakups so I've gone through. I obviously
Speaker 3: have found closure in them, and I'm not like dwelling
Speaker 3: on them or like obsessed with them anymore, But I
Speaker 3: feel like there's a part of me that hasn't completely
Speaker 3: healed from each breakup I've been with.
Speaker 1: Wow, so pieces of your heart is still mildly broken
Speaker 1: from all of your breakup? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I mean when I get in love with someone I
Speaker 3: love them, and I'm like committed to them, and I'm
Speaker 3: like give them everything, and I invested in them. So
Speaker 3: for me, it's hard for me to completely heal once
Speaker 3: my heart's broken. Honestly, I think it stems from when
Speaker 3: I was younger seeing my parents break up, and I
Speaker 3: think I never saw my mom fully get over my dad,
Speaker 3: and at such an impressionable age, around like twelve thirteen. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think that left more of an impression on me
Speaker 3: than I originally thought. Yeah, and I guess that I'm
Speaker 3: like my mum in that way that it takes me
Speaker 3: a while to move on. Obviously, I eventually move on
Speaker 3: and I find closure, but a bit of me still, yeah,
Speaker 3: still hurts.
Speaker 1: And you're so close to your mama. Would have been
Speaker 1: so hard seeing her go through heartbreak when you're so young.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Well she did a good job at hiding it,
Speaker 3: but obviously you could tell.
Speaker 2: It was there.
Speaker 1: We can tell. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, So now to the part of the show
Speaker 3: that everyone's been waiting for.
Speaker 2: Drum roll, please get excited. Get excited for this one.
Speaker 3: Tell me about how your dating life has been since
Speaker 3: since Love Island. It's coming off the show.
Speaker 1: Well, Obviously I've never spoken about my breakup with Josh. Yes,
Speaker 1: so this is all my relationship.
Speaker 3: Really, this is the first time you're publicly you're going
Speaker 3: to speak about your relationship and your breakup with Josh.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2: Does that give you a little bit of anxiety?
Speaker 1: It does. So I get really bad anxiety, and that
Speaker 1: always calls it anxiety because you know anxiety, it's giving
Speaker 1: me a bit of anisal. So me mentioned that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is the first time I'm going to speak about it.
Speaker 1: I think with my relationship with Josh, as you know,
Speaker 1: when we first met, it was like sparks and fireworks
Speaker 1: and we were obsessed with each other and we were
Speaker 1: for months after the show. When you meet someone in
Speaker 1: a bubble scenario where there's no outside distractions. We literally
Speaker 1: had our phones taken off us, so we were giving
Speaker 1: each other twenty four seven attention. Josh and I went
Speaker 1: from a lockdown scenario in Love Island, which it technically
Speaker 1: was lockdown, like we couldn't contact our friends and family,
Speaker 1: We had no phones, there was no outside distractions, only
Speaker 1: people that they brought in. We were very much in
Speaker 1: a lockdown situation to probably like two and a half
Speaker 1: months of freedom, but it wasn't really freedom because our
Speaker 1: lives were so strange at that time because we just
Speaker 1: come off the show Winning It Together and then went
Speaker 1: into another lockdown situation. So our whole relationship of a
Speaker 1: year was a majority of the time spent in lockdown,
Speaker 1: and I guess it did have harsh Do.
Speaker 3: You think if you guys were normal in a normal like,
Speaker 3: if there wasn't a lockdown, you guys would have been
Speaker 3: any different?
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that Josh and I were meant
Speaker 1: to be together.
Speaker 3: So Josh was working, you were working. You don't think
Speaker 3: it would have been any different likes. I don't think so,
Speaker 3: and I think Josh would agree with me as well.
Speaker 3: I think our personalities just clash.
Speaker 1: Our relationship was very The highs were really high, and
Speaker 1: we were obsessive for each other to an unhealthy level,
Speaker 1: but then the lows were extremely low, so you could
Speaker 1: call it toxic. It was toxic, and I mean we
Speaker 1: both said it, so it was a toxic relationship. It
Speaker 1: didn't mean we didn't have really great times. And it's
Speaker 1: hard with social media because when we were obsessed with
Speaker 1: each other and having those great times, we'd post about it.
Speaker 1: But when we were arguing till like two in the morning,
Speaker 1: screaming at each other there like we weren't posting about
Speaker 1: it because what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 3: Hey, guys, did you feel a lot of pressure from
Speaker 3: the outside world? Obviously winning and everyone was invested in
Speaker 3: your relationship. Did that bring a certain amount of pressure
Speaker 3: to it as well?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, we obviously were from different states, so I
Speaker 1: am Melbourn based and Josh's Sydney based, and we really
Speaker 1: wanted to live together and to give it a go.
Speaker 1: I think there was cracks that started to form before
Speaker 1: we moved in with one another, and we thought that
Speaker 1: the solution would be to be living in the same
Speaker 1: state and not to be doing like a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1: But I guess when we moved in with one another,
Speaker 1: we realized that those cracks were funded. Like fundamentally, our
Speaker 1: personalities just didn't align. And that's nothing bad on Josh
Speaker 1: and nothing bad on me. It's just we weren't what
Speaker 1: parts right for one another, what parts you think didn't
Speaker 1: It's hard to say. We just see things differently and
Speaker 1: have different views.
Speaker 2: Values weren't the same.
Speaker 1: Correct, and that's something that you can't change.
Speaker 2: You think different parts of your life totally.
Speaker 1: Like I've always dated guys older, like much older, and
Speaker 1: Josh is a year younger than me. I've never even
Speaker 1: any on my own age, and I think that was
Speaker 1: an adjustment. Guys are way more immature as well then
Speaker 1: girls generally at this age. Right, It's really I'm really generalizing,
Speaker 1: but I think as a whole, girls normally date after
Speaker 1: the guys date down.
Speaker 3: I think my ex was nine years ten years older
Speaker 3: than me, and I felt like I was more emotionally
Speaker 3: mature sometimes in a certain situations.
Speaker 1: In your own brain, I think you are an exception,
Speaker 1: Like not a lot of guys at twenty five would
Speaker 1: date someone nine years older, Right, That's an exception to
Speaker 1: the rule. But yeah, like I think for me, like
Speaker 1: we yeah, there was just fundamental things that didn't really
Speaker 1: align and it caused a lot of conflict between us
Speaker 1: and things like I like my jealousy. Just we've spoken
Speaker 1: about how we're both quite jealous, and sometimes I felt like.
Speaker 2: What would you get jealous about?
Speaker 1: It's just really hard, Like obviously I was in a
Speaker 1: six and a half year relationship and had none of
Speaker 1: these issues, But when you come off of a show
Speaker 1: and you've just like fallen head over heels in love
Speaker 1: with this guy and you get your phones back and
Speaker 1: then they get hundreds and hundreds of girls messaging them,
Speaker 1: and you know what it's like, you had the DM
Speaker 1: I definitely do. You don't sleep well at night when
Speaker 1: stuff like that's going on.
Speaker 3: So you didn't trust Josh or you just didn't feel
Speaker 3: comfortable with these messages.
Speaker 1: I think it was a bit of both. I think
Speaker 1: maybe I could have had more reassurance in the relationship.
Speaker 1: But yeah, again, like that's like fundamentally, yeah, work because
Speaker 1: of things like that.
Speaker 3: I was obviously there through your whole relationship, you and Josh.
Speaker 3: I'm really good friends with both of you, and I
Speaker 3: feel like that, like there was nothing worry about there,
Speaker 3: Like that's just like it was happening to me as
Speaker 3: well at the same time. You just like they come
Speaker 3: and they go those messages, you know what I mean, Like.
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, look, I think it was the
Speaker 1: bigger picture of like it was a fresh relationship. There
Speaker 1: was the pressure of the show where with a last
Speaker 1: standing couple, I think, and there's like we didn't really
Speaker 1: set up boundaries because everything just happened so fast and
Speaker 1: we were like flying in and out of into stay.
Speaker 3: Like you said as well, the pressure for coming from
Speaker 3: the show, and I'm keeping that like look up on
Speaker 3: your Instagram, like the look of you guys, like being
Speaker 3: the couple, and like that's what everybody wanted to see,
Speaker 3: cute photos of you guys together. Yeah, And I remember,
Speaker 3: like a lot of my friends, a lot of people
Speaker 3: say how cute are Anna and Josh, Like they're like
Speaker 3: on Instagram, They're so cute, and I'd sit there and think, fuck, Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: we had their.
Speaker 1: Issues, yeah, like everyone does. But I think ours just
Speaker 1: got really intense at the end of the relationship. And
Speaker 1: when we did break up, it was definitely the right time,
Speaker 1: like it needed to happen.
Speaker 2: I was there that night.
Speaker 1: I think before we decided to end the relationship, we
Speaker 1: did go to couples counseling for the last few months
Speaker 1: because we felt so much pressure to stay together because
Speaker 1: we didn't want to let everyone down, And I think
Speaker 1: that was really hard, Like I felt like, although I
Speaker 1: was really sad about the relationship ending, I also felt
Speaker 1: like I was letting everyone down who believed in Josh
Speaker 1: and I as a couple and everyone who spent hours
Speaker 1: watching the show.
Speaker 2: And then hours later getting invested in you guys.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, And I think that was way more
Speaker 1: pressure than I could have ever imagined. And I wanted
Speaker 1: to do everything I could to make it work, and
Speaker 1: honestly we tried.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So it was me and my ex you and Josh
Speaker 3: for his birthday, having a couple of drinks, and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it got pretty drunk.
Speaker 2: I got pretty drunk, and yeah.
Speaker 1: We started arguing.
Speaker 2: And just really snowballed into something.
Speaker 1: That and from that fight we didn't recover.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Go now I think it was I think we've been
Speaker 1: broken up for eight months. Jeez, sost known.
Speaker 2: How did you go with the breakup? Though?
Speaker 3: Obviously you're coming off this high pressure relationship, every intense relationship.
Speaker 2: How'd you go with the breakup?
Speaker 1: So the breakup from me was the hardest breakup that
Speaker 1: I've ever had to deal with in my life. It
Speaker 1: was really hard.
Speaker 2: What made it difficult?
Speaker 1: So obviously people move on from relationships differently, and everyone
Speaker 1: handles them differently. Some people choose to hook up with
Speaker 1: someone straight away hate others choose not to. And I
Speaker 1: think the day after we broke up, or to maybe
Speaker 1: two days after we broke up, Josh went out and
Speaker 1: hooked up with someone, and then my.
Speaker 2: Oh, we went out that night, but I left early.
Speaker 2: I was you were there?
Speaker 1: Sorry I forgot and that was the I.
Speaker 2: Was getting messages from my exit come home.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yes, but.
Speaker 2: Back to me.
Speaker 1: So, Josh hooked up with someone relatively quickly, a couple
Speaker 1: of days after we broke up, and obviously, in a
Speaker 1: normal breakup, I wouldn't know about that and it wouldn't
Speaker 1: hurt me. But because people knew, like it was a
Speaker 1: very public relationship, my dms were flooded with people telling
Speaker 1: me that.
Speaker 2: You're getting messages. What your message is saying.
Speaker 1: Josh, Josh's with a girl. I just saw Josh at
Speaker 1: a bar with this girl. What's happening? Josh's cheating on you?
Speaker 2: So, you guys hadn't gone public yet.
Speaker 1: We hadn't told people we weren't together. So my dms
Speaker 1: were flooded with people telling me and updating me on
Speaker 1: what Josh was doing, and it was really hard for
Speaker 1: me to deal with.
Speaker 2: I have mixed opinions about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, obviously I get they maybe they think they're doing
Speaker 3: the right thing, but maybe but out because obviously they
Speaker 3: don't know, like, it's just going to make.
Speaker 2: It harder for you.
Speaker 3: Well, I get that you're a public in the public eye,
Speaker 3: you're a public relationship, but they don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3: You guys could be having like a break and it's like,
Speaker 3: you do it you want to do. I do what
Speaker 3: I want to do, you know what I mean, And
Speaker 3: it's just going to make things worse for you, guys,
Speaker 3: like I don't know.
Speaker 1: I at the time was appreciative of it, but now
Speaker 1: in hindsight, it really did hurt me and it was
Speaker 1: really hard to cope with.
Speaker 3: I would say, oh, yeah, I just dream, so that's
Speaker 3: about I would never want to get messages like that
Speaker 3: about next.
Speaker 1: It's not good, especially two days after so yes, and
Speaker 1: then Josh ended up with a girl from The Bachelor,
Speaker 1: the recent season that me and him watched together, and
Speaker 1: whilst we were watching it, he said she's hot, Oh no,
Speaker 1: and then he ended up hooking up with her, and
Speaker 1: there was daily mail articles on that. That was month one.
Speaker 1: Month two, we watched Bachelor and Paradise together. He didn't
Speaker 1: say she was hot at the time, and then he
Speaker 1: hooked up with her. And then on month three I
Speaker 1: found out he was going on the block, which is
Speaker 1: great and I'm so happy for him. But it was
Speaker 1: just it was like thing after thing, like every month,
Speaker 1: I was like waiting for something bad to happen. So
Speaker 1: I took it really hard. But now I'm good and
Speaker 1: I have moved on and I'm happy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So obviously your breakup was difficult with Josh. She found
Speaker 3: that hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was really hard, And obviously all breakups are
Speaker 1: really difficult. That was just the hardest one that I've
Speaker 1: personally been through. But I feel like I gained so
Speaker 1: much knowledge and I had so many tools that really
Speaker 1: helped me to get over the breakup. And obviously we're
Speaker 1: going to share these soon in this episode. But like,
Speaker 1: let's talk about your breakup with Kira. How did that
Speaker 1: go for you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it was at the start, it was
Speaker 3: almost like we hadn't broken up, because I come in
Speaker 3: with the theory of like you can remain friends after
Speaker 3: a breakup, Yeah, and you can hang out, you continue
Speaker 3: to sleep together, you continue to hang out. But she
Speaker 3: I don't think she'd done anything like that before, where
Speaker 3: obviously I had with my ex, I'd done that, and
Speaker 3: then I would just say to her like we can
Speaker 3: just do this with no pressure on it, know nothing,
Speaker 3: and then we're just two ships that sail out tonight.
Speaker 2: Eventually you just stopped.
Speaker 1: Is that evening toxic that I'm hearing a bit of.
Speaker 2: Looking back?
Speaker 3: It probably was, But I don't think either of us
Speaker 3: were ready to completely say goodbye to the relationship and
Speaker 3: didn't want to let it go because obviously there was
Speaker 3: a there was a like a connection there, and there
Speaker 3: was something there, and it was like you said, we.
Speaker 1: Were good, You're really good.
Speaker 3: And when we were running low, we were running really low.
Speaker 3: So I think that I wasn't ready to say goodbye
Speaker 3: to it, and we kept hanging out. But in hindsight,
Speaker 3: it wasn't what our relationship. We shouldn't have done that,
Speaker 3: we should have had a clean snap, because to her
Speaker 3: it was either we were There was no gray. It
Speaker 3: was black or white, like we're not together or if
Speaker 3: we hang out, we're together.
Speaker 1: But that's how I see it.
Speaker 3: I think that's how a lot of people see it,
Speaker 3: and I don't there there could there is a gray
Speaker 3: area for me where we can remain friends. We're now
Speaker 3: on talking terms. Try not to but we are on
Speaker 3: talking terms. We're friends. Now, it obviously got to a
Speaker 3: point where it had to be cut off, and that
Speaker 3: was eventually done.
Speaker 2: So we're on talking terms now.
Speaker 3: And I found it very difficult I our breakup, Like
Speaker 3: I struggle, Like if I invest in someone and I
Speaker 3: give them my thing, like I invest like I'm balls
Speaker 3: to the wall like you you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: Like I give you everything, give everything, I give everything.
Speaker 3: So it is hard for me.
Speaker 1: And that's a good quality to have, Like it's good
Speaker 1: to be able to go like I'm very all or
Speaker 1: nothing as well, Like if I like you a little bit,
Speaker 1: I'm not invested and I won't really do it. But
Speaker 1: when I'm in, I'm all in and.
Speaker 2: We both have that quality.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I saw I was in, and obviously
Speaker 3: it's something I've got. I think I've got to work
Speaker 3: on and I've got to learn, is that when it
Speaker 3: is done, pull myself out quicker than trying to hang
Speaker 3: around and trying to see what I can do and
Speaker 3: try and see if you can make it work in
Speaker 3: another way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So when I break with someone, I'm cut contact.
Speaker 2: You know, cut the head off the snake and you're done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I think it's easier that way. Whereas you
Speaker 1: like to remain friends, you like.
Speaker 2: To kind of just fizzle it out, just burn out.
Speaker 1: You say fizzle it out, I say drag it on.
Speaker 1: And that's why we see things a little bit differently.
Speaker 3: Yeah, A good thing is like you rip the band
Speaker 3: aid off, correct, I sort of peel it off slowly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that can cause a lot more
Speaker 1: heartache because they're still in your life and then all
Speaker 1: of the great qualities that you loved about them are
Speaker 1: still right there. And how can you possibly like move
Speaker 1: your energy onto someone else if you're still seeing all
Speaker 1: of those great qualities, Like if you were with someone officially,
Speaker 1: that's a pretty big deal, Like, yeah, you don't just
Speaker 1: have all of these relationships with people for someone to
Speaker 1: be a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Yeah, they were pretty
Speaker 1: special to you, right Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you emotionally invested in them, correct, And so
Speaker 3: it's hard to just yeah to Well, I had a
Speaker 3: relationship in the past that worked. When we did that,
Speaker 3: we broke up and remained friends, and I thought that
Speaker 3: was going to work this time, and it obviously didn't.
Speaker 3: We're friends now, but there was a bit there where miscommunication,
Speaker 3: expectations weren't the same of the situation and yeah, but
Speaker 3: we're all good.
Speaker 1: Now Let's get into our breakup advice for everyone then,
Speaker 1: since we just spoke about how traumatic break because I
Speaker 1: feel like we did we learned really good techniques on
Speaker 1: how to move on. I feel totally healed from my breakup.
Speaker 2: I feel completely healed as well. I feel moved on.
Speaker 3: So I think that, like, we wrote down our best
Speaker 3: advice to our top ten best advice that we felt
Speaker 3: that helped us get over our excess, so we want
Speaker 3: to share that with you guys.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's do this. Okay. So the first one is
Speaker 1: I think writing down all of the negatives because when
Speaker 1: you break up with someone, you somehow, I don't know
Speaker 1: why our brain wants to fuck us over like this,
Speaker 1: but somehow our brain's like, but what about all of
Speaker 1: the good things? And you somehow all of the bad
Speaker 1: things seem to fizzle out and you actually genuinely forget
Speaker 1: why you shouldn't be together.
Speaker 2: So what only the good things? Only the good times
Speaker 2: and good memories?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're like, could we still make it work?
Speaker 2: And you hang out with them once and you're like,
Speaker 2: that's why.
Speaker 1: That pretty much? Yeah, So when I broke up with Josh.
Speaker 1: I wrote myself a letter, so I said, dear Anna,
Speaker 1: I just want you to know the reasons why you
Speaker 1: should not be with Josh. And I listed all of
Speaker 1: the reasons why we weren't compatible or white for one another.
Speaker 1: And it was good and anytime I missed him or
Speaker 1: was really sad, I read the letter that I wrote
Speaker 1: to myself, and I feel like, if you write a
Speaker 1: letter to yourself, how much more powerful can it be.
Speaker 1: It's not like you're reading a letter from a friend
Speaker 1: or a family member. You've literally you want yourself to
Speaker 1: hear this. What's advice number two?
Speaker 3: Okay, so no contact and unfollow on socials. Obviously I
Speaker 3: didn't do the no contact. Now I suggest no contact.
Speaker 3: I think that works a lot better than my original
Speaker 3: thought on following the socials. I did that from the start,
Speaker 3: the moment we broke up, blocked.
Speaker 2: I blocked it.
Speaker 3: I didn't want her seeing what I was doing. I
Speaker 3: didn't want to see what she was doing. I just,
Speaker 3: you know, because we obviously aren't together. I didn't want
Speaker 3: to see her going out. And it's unhealthy, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it is unhealthy.
Speaker 1: And sometimes when you've been in a relationship with someone
Speaker 1: I might be talking, it might be throwing myself under
Speaker 1: the bus here, but you become almost obsessive over what
Speaker 1: they're doing, Like what are they doing? Are they seeing
Speaker 1: a guy or girl?
Speaker 2: Who are they following?
Speaker 1: Who are the new people they're following? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Number three, stay busy and make new memories.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so be a yes person. Say yes. If someone's like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to come to the pub tonight, just
Speaker 1: be like yeah, why not? When you would normally say
Speaker 1: no because you were at home cuddling your partner. Now
Speaker 1: it's time to be a yes person, right.
Speaker 2: There's no point sitting there like doing nothing.
Speaker 1: Just no.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So like dive into work, dive into new things
Speaker 3: like get make yourself busy, seeing your friends, seeing family.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I think that when I break up
Speaker 1: with someone, I give myself a week two if I'm
Speaker 1: really struggling.
Speaker 2: How long did you give yourself with Josh?
Speaker 1: I think too, but like, definitely a week to really
Speaker 1: just sit at home, eat chocolate, watch movies, cry, be
Speaker 1: surrounded by your friends, mope around. And then when you've
Speaker 1: set that date to just like start being normal again,
Speaker 1: you pick yourself up, you get dressed.
Speaker 2: And you like put on your tightest little number.
Speaker 1: And get a little number out there. And you're like,
Speaker 1: because people see breakups as really like sad and negative,
Speaker 1: but actually if you turn around your turn that mindset around,
Speaker 1: they can be great. Like, your life has so many opportunities.
Speaker 1: Now you have opportunities to do things that maybe you
Speaker 1: couldn't have done.
Speaker 2: So one door closes, another one opens.
Speaker 3: Number four, So this is pretty much on that, find
Speaker 3: the lesson in the breakup and work on yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so every breakup that we go through, there's a
Speaker 1: lesson that we have to learn, right, Yes, what was your.
Speaker 3: My most recent one was, Yeah, you can't change someone. Yeah,
Speaker 3: they're thirty five years of That makes them who they are.
Speaker 2: You can't come along and try and change them.
Speaker 1: You just have to accept people for who they are and.
Speaker 3: They can't change you, like you have to stay true
Speaker 3: to yourself. So yeah, and when that happens and you're
Speaker 3: trying to change someone, you, yeah, it's not healthy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it becomes unhealthy.
Speaker 3: And then you focus on that thing that you think
Speaker 3: that they could do differently.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I honestly think that that's my lesson too.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to coffee, but that's genuinely how I
Speaker 1: feel like you can't change someone if someone said in
Speaker 1: their ways or they're going to do things on their
Speaker 1: own terms and not specifically how you'd like it or
Speaker 1: want it, like, that's it is what it is.
Speaker 3: And I think you find a lot of peace when
Speaker 3: you realize that you can't change them and you realize
Speaker 3: that that's who they are.
Speaker 1: So and maybe you're just not right together. Maybe that's not.
Speaker 2: It comes to mind. Can you live with that?
Speaker 1: Or can you not get under to get over? What
Speaker 1: do you think of this one you handling?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it can work.
Speaker 3: I obviously think that sometimes this sounds ship, but sometimes
Speaker 3: you're maybe just filling a hole and you could be
Speaker 3: twying with someone else's emotions.
Speaker 1: You've but if it's casual and you make that clear,
Speaker 1: then get under to get.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think it could sometimes work. I
Speaker 3: haven't had it work yet for me, really, No, have
Speaker 3: you had it work?
Speaker 1: I mean I think so? Yeah, So after I broke up,
Speaker 1: just to.
Speaker 2: Clarify, I get under means have sex with something we.
Speaker 3: Need to clarify, We need to clarify.
Speaker 1: Okay, look, I would say, yes, it did work for me,
Speaker 1: So I was so immersed in my relationship with Josh
Speaker 1: and with ex boyfriends as well before and I think
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks after, which was kind of soon,
Speaker 1: but I think because Josh had like a couple of
Speaker 1: days after our breakup, got under, got on top or whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I think I think a couple of weeks after we
Speaker 1: broke up, I got under with like a someone who
Speaker 1: I had previously been seen.
Speaker 2: And he knew it was just casual or yeah, And I.
Speaker 1: Think it reminded me that there is a world full
Speaker 1: of men out there and Josh is not the only
Speaker 1: guy on the planet, and I really needed to be
Speaker 1: reminded of that in that moment in like my breakup
Speaker 1: for the starting like really hard parts of the breakup,
Speaker 1: and I was like, after cooking up with him, I
Speaker 1: was like, actually, I'm gonna be fine, Like this is
Speaker 1: this is okay. There's so many great guys out there,
Speaker 1: and I'm about to go meet them.
Speaker 2: To get under, to get over.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, don't like that.
Speaker 2: I never found it to work. I haven't known. Maybe
Speaker 2: it's different different people. I think it's just a void.
Speaker 1: That's I think it was just a good reminder I.
Speaker 3: Would rather have someone lay in bed with me and
Speaker 3: watch a movie and you're very needy. Those moments make
Speaker 3: me feel like I'm getting over someone, that there is
Speaker 3: that out there.
Speaker 2: That comes easy, that side of things.
Speaker 1: So you're saying sex comes easy, but like emotion and
Speaker 1: connection doesn't.
Speaker 2: Doesn't.
Speaker 1: So that's what you crave.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the way of putting it. Yeah, so I
Speaker 2: craved that.
Speaker 1: And does that mean you would go back to XES
Speaker 1: because you have that?
Speaker 2: I mostly come back for that, Okay, yes, interesting because that's.
Speaker 3: What I feel. Yeah, more, more feels It makes me
Speaker 3: feel better. You feel more fulfilled, fun filled with that
Speaker 3: than just a casual full cup.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean probably since mine's was like not an
Speaker 1: X with someone I had been seeing before, Josh, maybe
Speaker 1: it was fulfilling that in some way. Who knows. Okay,
Speaker 1: moving on. So number six is make an empowering playlist,
Speaker 1: which is literally one of my favorite things to do.
Speaker 3: And after we wrote this list, I actually found myself
Speaker 3: in a situation where I was feeling a bit down
Speaker 3: about the current situation I was in with the breakup yep,
Speaker 3: And I was on a drive and I put on
Speaker 3: one of my favorite songs and I started singing it
Speaker 3: as loud as I could, because I remember you were
Speaker 3: saying that when you sing out loud, it stimulates some
Speaker 3: nerve or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so when you sing loudly, it stimulates your vagus nerve,
Speaker 1: which actually helps reduce anxiety. So it's one of those
Speaker 1: amazing things and tools that you can use when you're stressed.
Speaker 1: And obviously singing and music can take you to a
Speaker 1: really happy place, a sad place, or anything in between.
Speaker 1: So music's great for that. But then when it stimulates
Speaker 1: the vagus nerve, you're actually helping reduce your stress. So
Speaker 1: you win.
Speaker 2: What's your favorite song to belt out?
Speaker 1: I mean, The Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
Speaker 1: is like a serious breakup healing song. And then there's
Speaker 1: also another one. It's Bright Blue Skies by Mitch James.
Speaker 3: You put your Spotified list, maybe we should. We should
Speaker 3: write a break up Spotified list for everyone else.
Speaker 1: I already have one. I head straight to it even when,
Speaker 1: even sometimes in a situationship ends, I'll just pop it
Speaker 1: on and I'll be like, actually, Phili heaps better. Okay.
Speaker 1: Number seven, I do this one.
Speaker 3: If your heart muscle is hurting, put your other muscles
Speaker 3: in pain.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. That's a really good one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So that means going to gym, going to training, getting.
Speaker 1: Fit, getting fit, helping your mental health with.
Speaker 2: Well it releases in doorphins correct, and it's.
Speaker 3: Like works doubly because you're making yourself look fit, you're
Speaker 3: making yourself look better.
Speaker 1: So when you hit the singer ready to me, you're
Speaker 1: looking on point, you're looking on point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well if your heart muscle's in pain, you should, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Let's let's be in pain everywhere.
Speaker 1: Let's put all our muscles through the ring.
Speaker 3: Ah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Number eight book a holiday.
Speaker 3: So obviously this one would be handy if we weren't in.
Speaker 1: The climate with Coronavu.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the climate we were in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that doesn't mean to go on a plane.
Speaker 3: You could drive somewhere, you could obviously you could think
Speaker 3: of something else as a holiday.
Speaker 1: Like I went to Talkie with my friends and it
Speaker 1: was the best thing that I had done.
Speaker 2: Look, so that doesn't work now.
Speaker 3: It could be getting out just doing stuff that you
Speaker 3: wouldn't normally do, going on a drive, your talking, going
Speaker 3: on a day trip. And then it comes back to
Speaker 3: making new memories and just.
Speaker 1: A change of scenery. I feel just elevates your mood.
Speaker 1: So yeah, like you said, even if you can't fly anywhere,
Speaker 1: just to change the scenery, go somewhere new. It could
Speaker 1: even be like a new restaurant, but somewhere an hour
Speaker 1: outside of where you are living. It honestly makes a difference,
Speaker 1: just to change your scenery, to be away from people
Speaker 1: who you normally see.
Speaker 2: They don't go places that you went with your ex partners.
Speaker 1: That's it's a strong from us. Okay, number nine, I
Speaker 1: think this one's good.
Speaker 2: I think this son's good therapy.
Speaker 3: So if you don't have mates, family, which I rely
Speaker 3: heavily on, even if you do, even if you do,
Speaker 3: because they might get sick and tired of fearing.
Speaker 2: I know, I know my mom does.
Speaker 1: I don't I feel bad. I take that bad.
Speaker 3: Sick and tired of hearing what she did this to me?
Speaker 3: Why do I feel like this? Go to therapy. Seek
Speaker 3: out professional help, even if it is just calling a lifeline.
Speaker 3: If you don't can't afford to go see someone, just
Speaker 3: talk to a professional. Get some help that will help
Speaker 3: you get through the breakup.
Speaker 1: It makes such a difference. They give you so many tools.
Speaker 1: They change your perspective on things. So it's always beneficial
Speaker 1: and like, if you can and have the means to
Speaker 1: do so, go to therapy. It's it's a winning it is,
Speaker 1: it's a winning formula. And what's our last one?
Speaker 2: Live by the rule what's for you won't go past you.
Speaker 1: This is like key, I genuinely, in my deepest heart
Speaker 1: of hearts, believe that what is meant for us will
Speaker 1: find us. If we break up with the person who
Speaker 1: were meant to be with, they'll find a way back
Speaker 1: to us. And honestly, I sleep easy at night living
Speaker 1: by that rule.
Speaker 3: It goes from more than breakups, like your jobs, It
Speaker 3: goes for different everything. If it's meant to be, it
Speaker 3: will find its way to you.
Speaker 1: And you know, sometimes when when I think back, like
Speaker 1: think of breakups, like early breakups, when I was really heartbroken,
Speaker 1: before I really knew how to deal with them, and
Speaker 1: I had this mentality of I'll never get over this,
Speaker 1: like my life will never be the same, my life
Speaker 1: is doomed without them. When I think back to those times,
Speaker 1: something better has always come along, exactly always, And if
Speaker 1: I hadn't gone through those really bad phases and really
Speaker 1: stressful situations, I honestly would never have met at like
Speaker 1: some really amazing people in my life.
Speaker 3: My ex, who I thought I was my endgame, who
Speaker 3: I thought I was going to spend the rest of
Speaker 3: my life with, a couple of years ago, she broke
Speaker 3: up with me.
Speaker 2: I say, out of the blue.
Speaker 3: I thought that we were going to work on things,
Speaker 3: and she didn't want to, so she broke up with me,
Speaker 3: and I literally thought it was like the end of
Speaker 3: my life. I thought that, like, there's no coming back
Speaker 3: from this, I'll never love again.
Speaker 1: I do think that though, ra I do.
Speaker 3: But in saying that, ten days later, I got a
Speaker 3: message from the producers of Love Island.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: They asked me if I wanted to try out and
Speaker 2: go through the casting things.
Speaker 1: So turn of events exactly.
Speaker 3: So, and then if I was still with her, I
Speaker 3: wouldn't be here. I wouldn't you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be in the situations I'm in. So everything
Speaker 3: happens for a reason, right, you know, like it might
Speaker 3: feel at the end of the world at that moment,
Speaker 3: but like, just remember that one door closes and something
Speaker 3: else is going to open.
Speaker 1: The door opens always.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, guys, I hope those tips helped I
Speaker 3: know that Anna's empowering playlist definitely helped me through my
Speaker 3: most recent breakup of a situation ship.
Speaker 1: We're going to link that on our where's your head
Speaker 1: at pod at page. If you're not listening, give that
Speaker 1: a listen. Guys. We also are a small podcast, so
Speaker 1: we would love it if you could give us a
Speaker 1: five star rating. It really means the world to us.
Speaker 1: If you're going through a breakup, we're thinking of you.
Speaker 1: We know it's really hard and we're sending you all
Speaker 1: of our love. Stay strong until next time, guys. Bye,