1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,801 Speaker 1: Appologie production. 2 00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:16,481 Speaker 2: She Rises Twelve Days of Christmas. 3 00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:19,601 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to She Rises and welcome to 4 00:00:19,961 --> 00:00:22,681 Speaker 1: Twelve Days of Christmas with Tiana and Ashley. 5 00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:24,561 Speaker 2: We are so excited to have you join us over 6 00:00:24,561 --> 00:00:26,481 Speaker 2: the next twelve days because this is your twelve day 7 00:00:26,521 --> 00:00:27,841 Speaker 2: glow up before Christmas. 8 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,521 Speaker 1: Yes, and each episode is going to go no longer 9 00:00:30,521 --> 00:00:32,761 Speaker 1: than around twenty minutes, so they kind of bite size 10 00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:35,561 Speaker 1: self development chunks where you get to learn from us, 11 00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:38,081 Speaker 1: feel empowered. And our goal for this towards the end 12 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: is for you to be the most authentic you. No 13 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:44,761 Speaker 1: more people pleasing, no more overgiving, just being yourself. 14 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and little disclaimer, these episodes are going to be 15 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 2: slightly triggering, so come in with an open mind and 16 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 2: a willingness to take accountability and to grow, because we're 17 00:00:52,681 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 2: really going. 18 00:00:53,001 --> 00:00:55,361 Speaker 1: To call you forward in these episodes. Definitely, some of 19 00:00:55,361 --> 00:00:57,041 Speaker 1: the stuff that we're saying you might be like, ooh 20 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,681 Speaker 1: doesn't feel good or like you said, a little bit triggering, 21 00:00:59,681 --> 00:01:01,681 Speaker 1: but we want you to take radical responsibility and have 22 00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: the self awareness as to how you're showing up and 23 00:01:03,881 --> 00:01:06,081 Speaker 1: how you present yourself, because if you're not being your 24 00:01:06,081 --> 00:01:08,281 Speaker 1: authentic self, it's really going to drain you, especially over 25 00:01:08,281 --> 00:01:10,761 Speaker 1: the Christmas holiday when there's so much more family around 26 00:01:10,761 --> 00:01:12,961 Speaker 1: that everyone's needing you, and it's just this. They say 27 00:01:12,961 --> 00:01:16,401 Speaker 1: silly season. I say busy season. So today we're getting 28 00:01:16,601 --> 00:01:18,961 Speaker 1: stuck into it and it's all around people pleasing. Like 29 00:01:18,961 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 1: the title of this episode is unboxing the real You 30 00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:24,921 Speaker 1: while playing nice land you on the Naughty List. 31 00:01:24,761 --> 00:01:26,801 Speaker 2: And as you can tell, it's a little bit cheeky. 32 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,241 Speaker 2: So bring that Christmas spirit whilst you're also listening to 33 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,321 Speaker 2: these episodes, have fun with it, come in with an 34 00:01:31,321 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 2: open mind and let's get started. 35 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,281 Speaker 1: Variety. So people pleasing. We are all guilty of this. 36 00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:38,401 Speaker 1: I think as a society, as little girls, our generation, 37 00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:41,681 Speaker 1: we've grown up to please everyone, put everyone else first, 38 00:01:41,761 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: make sure you're always helping, you're always of service. So 39 00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:46,801 Speaker 1: as we do that, along the way, we've really learned 40 00:01:46,801 --> 00:01:49,481 Speaker 1: to abandon ourselves, not listening to our gut, not know 41 00:01:49,561 --> 00:01:51,441 Speaker 1: how to say no. We feel guilty if we put 42 00:01:51,441 --> 00:01:55,001 Speaker 1: ourselves first, and we're all trying to unlearn that, and 43 00:01:55,041 --> 00:01:57,641 Speaker 1: it's really uncomfortable. We've even had situations lately we've had 44 00:01:57,641 --> 00:02:00,641 Speaker 1: to have hard conversations with other people and put boundaries 45 00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:03,481 Speaker 1: in place. And it's interesting when we do that, we 46 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:06,281 Speaker 1: question ourselves because it feels so uncomfortable because we love 47 00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:08,161 Speaker 1: the people around us. When you put something in place, 48 00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:10,441 Speaker 1: it's like, I don't want to upset them. It's almost 49 00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:13,401 Speaker 1: easier to just say yes to them and know to yourself, 50 00:02:13,441 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: because it's easy to hold the pain on yourself than 51 00:02:16,281 --> 00:02:19,601 Speaker 1: it is to inflict upset on someone you care aboutely, 52 00:02:19,601 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: But it's something we really need to practice, and over 53 00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:24,081 Speaker 1: the silly season, in the Christmas season, and not even that, 54 00:02:24,081 --> 00:02:26,361 Speaker 1: we're going to give examples that aren't just Christmas related 55 00:02:26,441 --> 00:02:29,361 Speaker 1: of when we have overgiven and people please and not 56 00:02:29,481 --> 00:02:31,921 Speaker 1: had boundaries and systems in place and not honored what 57 00:02:32,281 --> 00:02:35,121 Speaker 1: felt true to us and then the repercussions of that 58 00:02:35,201 --> 00:02:36,121 Speaker 1: and what happens after that. 59 00:02:36,321 --> 00:02:38,441 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And you know what, it is really tough, 60 00:02:38,441 --> 00:02:40,921 Speaker 2: Like what you're mentioning, we care so much about belonging 61 00:02:40,921 --> 00:02:43,201 Speaker 2: and we care too much about connection that it is 62 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,241 Speaker 2: like our number one value for the most part for 63 00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:48,241 Speaker 2: most people. And so when something comes in and potentially 64 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,601 Speaker 2: could disrupt that, well like absolutely not am I going 65 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:51,001 Speaker 2: to do that? 66 00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: And why would I do that? 67 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,921 Speaker 2: Why would I put myself at risk of losing somebody 68 00:02:54,921 --> 00:02:57,441 Speaker 2: that I care about so much simply because I wanted 69 00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:00,081 Speaker 2: to say how I felt, or simply because I wanted 70 00:03:00,081 --> 00:03:02,001 Speaker 2: to share an opinion that they might not agree with. 71 00:03:02,441 --> 00:03:04,561 Speaker 2: And so there is a time in my life where 72 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,481 Speaker 2: I had a really really good friend of mine. She 73 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,481 Speaker 2: was my best friend, and we were so so close 74 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,201 Speaker 2: and we created a really really beautiful bond. But at 75 00:03:11,201 --> 00:03:13,201 Speaker 2: that time in my life, I wasn't somebody who could 76 00:03:13,201 --> 00:03:15,561 Speaker 2: stand true in what it was that I needed. And 77 00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:18,961 Speaker 2: so this is how me being nice ended me up 78 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 2: on the naughty list because I ended up being the passive, aggressive. 79 00:03:22,281 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: Friend came out in another way. 80 00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 2: I came out yeah, because I was always the easy 81 00:03:26,401 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 2: going girl. I would go with the flow. I never 82 00:03:28,721 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 2: had an opinion of my own, even when it came 83 00:03:30,561 --> 00:03:32,441 Speaker 2: to things like what we would get to eat, like 84 00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:35,201 Speaker 2: it was just the little things that built up over time. 85 00:03:35,361 --> 00:03:38,081 Speaker 2: And so because in those little moments and also my 86 00:03:38,161 --> 00:03:41,161 Speaker 2: whole life, I spent my whole life growing up like 87 00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:44,001 Speaker 2: abandoning what it was that I needed and always putting 88 00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:47,601 Speaker 2: everyone else first, I built up all of this resentment 89 00:03:47,801 --> 00:03:50,561 Speaker 2: and I was just like angry inside. You know. It 90 00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:52,201 Speaker 2: was like I never get to have what I want 91 00:03:52,201 --> 00:03:53,521 Speaker 2: and I don't get to have my needs, and. 92 00:03:53,521 --> 00:03:55,281 Speaker 1: Da da da, no one's listening to me. That's right. 93 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,001 Speaker 2: But it was also because I wasn't choosing to show 94 00:03:58,041 --> 00:03:59,801 Speaker 2: up at the moment, because I was terrified of abandonment. 95 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:03,041 Speaker 2: So yes, whilst my angle was valid and all those things, 96 00:04:03,281 --> 00:04:05,281 Speaker 2: it was actually because I wasn't being true to who 97 00:04:05,321 --> 00:04:08,961 Speaker 2: I was. I wasn't taking up space, I wasn't putting 98 00:04:08,961 --> 00:04:11,361 Speaker 2: myself out there, I wasn't speaking my opinions, and I 99 00:04:11,441 --> 00:04:13,161 Speaker 2: was so terrified that I was going to get a 100 00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,681 Speaker 2: backlash that was simply just a fear and a projection 101 00:04:15,841 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 2: really that I stopped myself from showing up in a 102 00:04:18,441 --> 00:04:20,121 Speaker 2: way that I was actually a really really good friend. 103 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:23,721 Speaker 2: And so that passive aggressiveness like leaked out onto my 104 00:04:23,801 --> 00:04:26,561 Speaker 2: friend and then it created cracks in the relationship that 105 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:29,561 Speaker 2: we're no longer friends anymore, but so much so that 106 00:04:29,801 --> 00:04:32,401 Speaker 2: I wasn't authentically showing up as myself in that dynamic. 107 00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: Over time, it really built up. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting 108 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,601 Speaker 1: too because I hear in that too, there's like the 109 00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:40,121 Speaker 1: anxious attachment. We're spoken about this that when we speak 110 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,361 Speaker 1: our voice and maybe put a boundary in place. We're 111 00:04:43,401 --> 00:04:45,641 Speaker 1: so scared they're going to leave or be upset. I 112 00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:47,521 Speaker 1: don't know about you, but I've had evidence of that 113 00:04:47,601 --> 00:04:49,881 Speaker 1: being real when I've used my voice. So I've brought 114 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,961 Speaker 1: something up or whether it's around money or it's around 115 00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:55,641 Speaker 1: expectations or something, and they haven't been able to hold me. 116 00:04:55,681 --> 00:04:57,881 Speaker 1: It makes me go, oh, that's confirmation. I can't use 117 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,241 Speaker 1: my voice. 118 00:04:58,281 --> 00:04:58,441 Speaker 2: Yeah. 119 00:04:58,521 --> 00:05:00,481 Speaker 1: If I do, they're leaving. Yeah. So it's only the 120 00:05:00,521 --> 00:05:02,921 Speaker 1: last couple of years and through safer relationships and being 121 00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:04,601 Speaker 1: around the right people. Because at the end of the day, 122 00:05:05,161 --> 00:05:07,041 Speaker 1: if you are around the right people, you could say 123 00:05:07,081 --> 00:05:09,241 Speaker 1: anything how you feel. Boundaries in place, and the right 124 00:05:09,281 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: people are going to love and respect you for that. 125 00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:13,121 Speaker 1: Even if they feel uncomfortable trigger in the moment, you 126 00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 1: know they're still going to love you and they're going 127 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,641 Speaker 1: to leave you for that. Yes, but it's really scary. 128 00:05:16,761 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: It is so scary. Mine's more around in the workplace. 129 00:05:19,681 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: And this is a really honest conversation I've had with 130 00:05:21,681 --> 00:05:23,841 Speaker 1: Tiana when we went into business. It's like things that 131 00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:25,481 Speaker 1: I do and don't want to do. I'm ten years 132 00:05:25,521 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: older than Tiana and I've been in business for a 133 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,601 Speaker 1: very long time, and along the way, I've learned that 134 00:05:29,641 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: I really don't enjoy managing a team. I don't like 135 00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:36,721 Speaker 1: being the main point of contact. Steve is amazing at it. 136 00:05:36,761 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 1: He is a fantastic leader the way he manages everything. 137 00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: I'm two people pleasy, and when I'm anxious to I 138 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,721 Speaker 1: go into that faun response of over pleasing. And I 139 00:05:44,801 --> 00:05:47,561 Speaker 1: just really wanted to always be the cool boss and 140 00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:50,361 Speaker 1: the fun boss and the flexible boss, because the bosses 141 00:05:50,361 --> 00:05:51,641 Speaker 1: I had always shit, and I was like, if I 142 00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:53,921 Speaker 1: ever be a boss, I never being like that. I've 143 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: got kids, so I get that's hard with kids. I 144 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,801 Speaker 1: want to be flexible, like live your best life, and 145 00:05:58,281 --> 00:05:59,521 Speaker 1: I want them to go home to their friends and 146 00:05:59,561 --> 00:06:01,761 Speaker 1: families say, oh my gosh, I have the coolest workplace, 147 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: I have the coolest boss, Like it's really so fun. 148 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,881 Speaker 1: We got to do all this cool shit. But what 149 00:06:05,921 --> 00:06:09,401 Speaker 1: I learned in my last business was having no boundaries 150 00:06:09,481 --> 00:06:12,281 Speaker 1: and trying to be their friend. It almost made them 151 00:06:12,281 --> 00:06:14,321 Speaker 1: lose a bit of respect for me. So then when 152 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,401 Speaker 1: I did have to put a boundary in place, it 153 00:06:16,481 --> 00:06:18,281 Speaker 1: wasn't received very well and it was kind of like, oh, 154 00:06:18,401 --> 00:06:20,041 Speaker 1: what the fuck, Like what do you mean you're putting 155 00:06:20,081 --> 00:06:22,281 Speaker 1: that in place now? It was I would have things 156 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:24,241 Speaker 1: that I assumed they would know that wasn't the right 157 00:06:24,241 --> 00:06:26,481 Speaker 1: thing to do. You can never assume. It's the opposite 158 00:06:26,521 --> 00:06:28,641 Speaker 1: of communication. And they would do something and I'd be like, 159 00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:30,041 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like I've got to bring this up, 160 00:06:30,081 --> 00:06:31,681 Speaker 1: like why are you doing that? Like that's not allowed here, 161 00:06:31,681 --> 00:06:33,201 Speaker 1: and they're like, well, what do you mean. You've always 162 00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:35,001 Speaker 1: been crazy with everything. Why would you get upset about that. 163 00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:37,281 Speaker 1: This isn't even a big deal. Yeah, And then I 164 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, And there was just yeah, 165 00:06:39,281 --> 00:06:42,161 Speaker 1: situations where work relationships broke down, and I take full 166 00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,521 Speaker 1: responsibility because I didn't know how to put boundaries in place. 167 00:06:44,561 --> 00:06:46,041 Speaker 1: I didn't know how to be stern, I didn't know 168 00:06:46,081 --> 00:06:48,201 Speaker 1: how to use my voice, and then when I tried 169 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: it wasn't received very well. And maybe I wasn't the 170 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,401 Speaker 1: best at communicating either. So it's not that I want 171 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,121 Speaker 1: to avoid it in future. Of course, I can grow, 172 00:06:55,161 --> 00:06:56,841 Speaker 1: but I really just don't think it's a strong point. 173 00:06:56,841 --> 00:06:59,081 Speaker 1: And when you're scaling and growing a brand, I personally 174 00:06:59,081 --> 00:07:01,521 Speaker 1: think it's really important to put people in their strong points. Yeah, 175 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,241 Speaker 1: and for me, to stay in my strong points and 176 00:07:03,281 --> 00:07:07,161 Speaker 1: my creative energy flow. So there was big lessons along 177 00:07:07,201 --> 00:07:09,881 Speaker 1: in that. But I really upon reflection because in the moment, 178 00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:11,841 Speaker 1: I was like, oh gosh, they should just know they 179 00:07:11,881 --> 00:07:14,201 Speaker 1: have no respect, and I fell into victim was now 180 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,641 Speaker 1: and I pulled myself out. I'm like, well, you didn't 181 00:07:15,641 --> 00:07:17,721 Speaker 1: put budgies in place? What did you expect? Yes, you 182 00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:20,121 Speaker 1: were trying to be too flexible and too cruzy son 183 00:07:20,121 --> 00:07:22,121 Speaker 1: when you weren't. Of course they responded like that. 184 00:07:22,761 --> 00:07:24,961 Speaker 2: But interesting, isn't it the way that yeah, the way 185 00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:27,601 Speaker 2: that it feels when you're actually sitting in it, yeah, 186 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,001 Speaker 2: and how we kind of frame it in our head 187 00:07:29,041 --> 00:07:30,961 Speaker 2: of like what's actually going on? Yeah, when we're not 188 00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 2: in that accountability energy. 189 00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:34,601 Speaker 1: But it builds up over time. So over like the 190 00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:37,001 Speaker 1: years that I had that business, the resentment built up 191 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:39,601 Speaker 1: and it didn't come out passive aggressive, But when I 192 00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:41,641 Speaker 1: did put my foot down, it just didn't go down 193 00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:42,081 Speaker 1: very well. 194 00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:42,761 Speaker 2: Yeah. 195 00:07:42,801 --> 00:07:44,801 Speaker 1: So it's yeah, It's interesting is that you can see 196 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,441 Speaker 1: where it comes up, and it always comes from a 197 00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:48,401 Speaker 1: good place because you just you want to be liked 198 00:07:48,441 --> 00:07:50,961 Speaker 1: and accepted and you want everyone to feel happy. 199 00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:54,241 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, and you know something, the cost of what, Yes, 200 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,921 Speaker 2: are the cost of what something that you said spark 201 00:07:56,001 --> 00:07:58,681 Speaker 2: something for me in this dynamic with this friend when 202 00:07:58,721 --> 00:08:00,801 Speaker 2: that was happening, I remember feeling like a victim as 203 00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:03,881 Speaker 2: well in that dynamic. But it's interesting because the story 204 00:08:03,881 --> 00:08:05,961 Speaker 2: that I told myself at the time, because I couldn't 205 00:08:05,961 --> 00:08:08,161 Speaker 2: recognize my own behavior, I was looking at her going, 206 00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:10,361 Speaker 2: oh wow, she just like so happy to take up 207 00:08:10,401 --> 00:08:13,121 Speaker 2: the spotlight, and like, yeah, you know, she's so comfortable 208 00:08:13,161 --> 00:08:15,241 Speaker 2: doing that. But then I made it mean that like 209 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,841 Speaker 2: there's no room for me. Yeah, And so because I 210 00:08:17,841 --> 00:08:19,321 Speaker 2: felt like there was no room for me, I always 211 00:08:19,321 --> 00:08:20,881 Speaker 2: felt like I was kind of like sitting on the 212 00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:22,921 Speaker 2: back end, you know what I mean, like never fully 213 00:08:22,921 --> 00:08:24,481 Speaker 2: being able to like someone's shadow. 214 00:08:24,281 --> 00:08:26,641 Speaker 1: In someone's shadow. Almost. Yeah, it did feel a little 215 00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:27,001 Speaker 1: bit like that. 216 00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:28,761 Speaker 2: But it's interesting because at the time, I in a 217 00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:30,881 Speaker 2: way was blaming her, which is why the resentment, right, 218 00:08:30,921 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 2: it was a lack of communication. Wasn't sharing that with her, 219 00:08:33,441 --> 00:08:36,201 Speaker 2: I wasn't being honest about how I was feeling, but 220 00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:38,601 Speaker 2: like not taking accountability. 221 00:08:38,041 --> 00:08:40,121 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, a big accountability in that is like 222 00:08:40,281 --> 00:08:40,601 Speaker 1: per sense. 223 00:08:40,681 --> 00:08:42,881 Speaker 2: So when I did take accountability, I was like It's 224 00:08:42,961 --> 00:08:46,081 Speaker 2: not her job to make herself smaller so that I 225 00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:47,841 Speaker 2: can feel comfortable. It's not her job, do you know 226 00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:49,881 Speaker 2: what I mean? And that it was my own insecurities 227 00:08:49,881 --> 00:08:52,881 Speaker 2: that were coming up in the moment that made me 228 00:08:52,961 --> 00:08:56,321 Speaker 2: want to position her as the villain, almost because in 229 00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:58,881 Speaker 2: order to have a victim, there has to be a villain. 230 00:08:59,041 --> 00:08:59,201 Speaker 1: Yea. 231 00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:01,761 Speaker 2: So it was a really interesting thing to recognize, and 232 00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:04,641 Speaker 2: I remember, especially when it comes to resentment or like 233 00:09:04,681 --> 00:09:07,481 Speaker 2: pass aggressiveness, it can feel really challenging to see it. 234 00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:07,921 Speaker 1: First. 235 00:09:08,041 --> 00:09:11,241 Speaker 2: I remember I rejected her feedback so much because I 236 00:09:11,281 --> 00:09:13,601 Speaker 2: was just like, but I'm so nice, but I do 237 00:09:13,641 --> 00:09:15,761 Speaker 2: everything for everyone, and I go above and beyond for 238 00:09:15,761 --> 00:09:17,201 Speaker 2: the people that I love, and I felt like it 239 00:09:17,241 --> 00:09:20,281 Speaker 2: wasn't getting recognized, almost appreciated, appreciated. 240 00:09:20,401 --> 00:09:20,681 Speaker 1: Yeah. 241 00:09:20,721 --> 00:09:23,281 Speaker 2: But then the interesting thing about that is when you 242 00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:27,201 Speaker 2: see yourself as only one way and not a possibility 243 00:09:27,201 --> 00:09:29,401 Speaker 2: of being the other, you completely miss where you're being. 244 00:09:29,441 --> 00:09:32,721 Speaker 2: That so I didn't identify, quote unquote identify with somebody 245 00:09:32,721 --> 00:09:35,081 Speaker 2: who was passive aggressive because I was a nice girl. 246 00:09:35,361 --> 00:09:37,841 Speaker 2: I was kind and thoughtful and put everyone else first, 247 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:40,961 Speaker 2: never got angry whatever. And then I was like, oh 248 00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:42,601 Speaker 2: my god, I was completely missing where I was actually 249 00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:44,481 Speaker 2: showing up as that, and so I remember having to 250 00:09:44,481 --> 00:09:46,441 Speaker 2: sit through it and be like, hey, can you show 251 00:09:46,481 --> 00:09:48,961 Speaker 2: me and tell me the moments where I've been passive 252 00:09:48,961 --> 00:09:50,961 Speaker 2: aggressive so that I can learn, so I can see 253 00:09:50,961 --> 00:09:52,161 Speaker 2: from it, and so I can change my. 254 00:09:52,121 --> 00:09:53,721 Speaker 1: Behavior moving forward. It's really cool. 255 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,561 Speaker 2: It was hard, babe. It was hard. It was so uncomfortable. 256 00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:58,281 Speaker 2: I was like, Fuck, I'm the worst friend ever. 257 00:09:58,521 --> 00:10:01,721 Speaker 1: And passive aggressiveness is so shamed upon, so even if 258 00:10:01,761 --> 00:10:03,481 Speaker 1: you recognize it, then you have to actually sit with 259 00:10:03,481 --> 00:10:06,001 Speaker 1: the shame of like, oh my god, I that. Because 260 00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:07,921 Speaker 1: it's interesting when we hear people we talk about all 261 00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:10,001 Speaker 1: the time and we catch ourselves too, like I would 262 00:10:10,041 --> 00:10:12,241 Speaker 1: never do that. It's like, yeah you would, Yeah you would. 263 00:10:12,241 --> 00:10:14,441 Speaker 1: Everyone's capable of everything, that's right. It's like when you 264 00:10:14,441 --> 00:10:16,081 Speaker 1: watch people go through a really hard time, it's like, 265 00:10:16,081 --> 00:10:17,681 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I wouldn't grieve like that, or I 266 00:10:17,681 --> 00:10:19,801 Speaker 1: wouldn't say that, I wouldn't be showing up like that. 267 00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,121 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be back online. It's like, well, you don't know, 268 00:10:22,201 --> 00:10:24,161 Speaker 1: because you haven't walked that life. You haven't been in 269 00:10:24,161 --> 00:10:25,841 Speaker 1: their shoes, so who are you to judge? How do 270 00:10:25,921 --> 00:10:28,961 Speaker 1: you know how you'd be Yeah, it's like even cheating 271 00:10:29,081 --> 00:10:31,641 Speaker 1: or defeating work decisions. Even I close on baseline, it's 272 00:10:31,481 --> 00:10:33,881 Speaker 1: its own messages just being like, why wouldn't you sell it? 273 00:10:33,921 --> 00:10:35,561 Speaker 1: I would never just close out of business. I'm like, 274 00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,481 Speaker 1: you don't know because you're not in my position and 275 00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:40,081 Speaker 1: you don't understand how I'm feeling and where I'm at. 276 00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:43,001 Speaker 1: It's so interesting, isn't it. Everyone needs to catch themselves 277 00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:46,201 Speaker 1: when they say I would never, because you would. Absolutely 278 00:10:46,241 --> 00:10:48,761 Speaker 1: you're more than capable for doing that. 279 00:10:48,921 --> 00:10:51,321 Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's the thing about just growth in general. 280 00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:54,041 Speaker 2: When you recognize that you're capable of anything and everything, 281 00:10:54,481 --> 00:10:57,521 Speaker 2: you stop almost It is so scary. It's so scary. 282 00:10:57,561 --> 00:10:59,361 Speaker 2: But it's like you take yourself off the hierarchy and 283 00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:01,841 Speaker 2: off the the high horse of like I'm better or 284 00:11:01,881 --> 00:11:03,201 Speaker 2: like iyehinder, I'm nice. 285 00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:04,201 Speaker 1: Signed, I would. 286 00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:06,001 Speaker 2: Never do that because like the real is. And I 287 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,041 Speaker 2: hate to even you know, say it, because I don't 288 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:11,761 Speaker 2: condone cheating whatsoever. But you never know until you're in 289 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,521 Speaker 2: that position how you might behave if your needs a 290 00:11:14,561 --> 00:11:16,161 Speaker 2: neglected for sixteen years exactly? 291 00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:16,721 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? 292 00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:19,801 Speaker 2: And again I'm not condoning it whatsoever, But I'm just staated. 293 00:11:19,841 --> 00:11:23,121 Speaker 2: For example, you never know where somebody is being pushed to. 294 00:11:23,401 --> 00:11:25,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, you never know. I'm the same thing. I don't 295 00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:27,361 Speaker 1: condone it, but I also don't judge it. Because we 296 00:11:27,361 --> 00:11:29,321 Speaker 1: had this conversation recently about someone that was in a 297 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:32,441 Speaker 1: domestic abusive relationship, and I was like, wow, you could 298 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:36,281 Speaker 1: see if a woman is constantly getting neglected, abused, yelled at, 299 00:11:36,841 --> 00:11:40,961 Speaker 1: violently abused, left out, like not emotionally connected, doesn't feel safe, 300 00:11:41,121 --> 00:11:43,641 Speaker 1: not being provided for, just basically put in a corner 301 00:11:43,641 --> 00:11:46,841 Speaker 1: and forgotten about. And then this beautiful night, shining arm, 302 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,721 Speaker 1: a soft man welcomes her, looks at her, sees her, 303 00:11:49,761 --> 00:11:50,321 Speaker 1: wants to take. 304 00:11:50,161 --> 00:11:51,601 Speaker 2: Care of her, makes her feel safe. 305 00:11:51,721 --> 00:11:53,441 Speaker 1: You can see how she'd be drawn to going with 306 00:11:53,521 --> 00:11:55,121 Speaker 1: that man. And you know what, I don't blame her, 307 00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:57,361 Speaker 1: don't condone it. Yeah, you can see how that happened 308 00:11:57,361 --> 00:11:57,761 Speaker 1: for sure. 309 00:11:57,921 --> 00:11:59,601 Speaker 2: This is a cool conversation to have because it's just 310 00:11:59,681 --> 00:12:03,001 Speaker 2: allowing you to see all things where there's judgment and 311 00:12:03,201 --> 00:12:05,641 Speaker 2: choosing not to judge it because when in that position. 312 00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:08,041 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's even like when you have kids, this is 313 00:12:08,241 --> 00:12:10,481 Speaker 1: very extreme. Bring it in. You would never think you'd 314 00:12:10,481 --> 00:12:13,161 Speaker 1: be capable of hurting another human physically, like murder or something. 315 00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:16,481 Speaker 1: If someone did something to my children, I don't know 316 00:12:16,481 --> 00:12:17,521 Speaker 1: what side of me would come out. 317 00:12:17,641 --> 00:12:17,881 Speaker 2: Yeah. 318 00:12:17,921 --> 00:12:21,881 Speaker 1: I would do anything and everything to protect them. Damn straight, 319 00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:23,801 Speaker 1: I would. Yeah, So I can't see her and say, oh, 320 00:12:23,841 --> 00:12:26,281 Speaker 1: I would never stab someone. Someone came into my house 321 00:12:26,321 --> 00:12:27,681 Speaker 1: and try to take my child, I don't know what 322 00:12:27,761 --> 00:12:30,001 Speaker 1: I'd do. Yeah, I'd react like a fucking monster. 323 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,361 Speaker 2: Yeah, your mum and Bay would come out and be like, 324 00:12:31,441 --> 00:12:31,921 Speaker 2: my god, my. 325 00:12:31,921 --> 00:12:32,961 Speaker 1: Baby, do not come near me. 326 00:12:33,041 --> 00:12:33,241 Speaker 2: Yeah. 327 00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:34,681 Speaker 1: I would do everything to make sure you don't get 328 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,201 Speaker 1: hands on them. 329 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,841 Speaker 2: This is such a good example. That's the reality is 330 00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,201 Speaker 2: that people say, oh my god, look at all these 331 00:12:39,201 --> 00:12:40,881 Speaker 2: psychopaths doing X, Y and Z. But it's like you 332 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,601 Speaker 2: never know what you're capable of until you're pushed exactly. 333 00:12:43,921 --> 00:12:44,801 Speaker 1: So this is why we. 334 00:12:44,801 --> 00:12:46,841 Speaker 2: Want to have this conversation. And likely mentioned this is 335 00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:48,401 Speaker 2: going to be triggering. It's going to be triggering to 336 00:12:48,441 --> 00:12:50,481 Speaker 2: look at to see where you're doing this yourself, because 337 00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:53,001 Speaker 2: this is the accountability. It is the accountability of the 338 00:12:53,041 --> 00:12:55,041 Speaker 2: hard shit that feels triggering that no one wants to 339 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,641 Speaker 2: look at. And I'm going to bring light and play 340 00:12:56,641 --> 00:12:57,241 Speaker 2: to it. Yeah. 341 00:12:57,281 --> 00:12:59,201 Speaker 1: So from this episode, we want you to think about, 342 00:12:59,521 --> 00:13:02,041 Speaker 1: over this Christmas period or just in life in general, 343 00:13:02,321 --> 00:13:04,721 Speaker 1: where are you saying yes when you really want to 344 00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:07,241 Speaker 1: say no? And how do you feel when you continue 345 00:13:07,281 --> 00:13:07,801 Speaker 1: to say yes? 346 00:13:07,881 --> 00:13:08,081 Speaker 2: Yeah? 347 00:13:08,201 --> 00:13:10,321 Speaker 1: Is that resentment building up? How does that then come out? 348 00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:12,121 Speaker 1: Because it might come out and passive aggressive, it might 349 00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:14,521 Speaker 1: come out in silent treatment, it might come out and 350 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,921 Speaker 1: just just your energy alone can speak thousands of words. 351 00:13:18,401 --> 00:13:20,561 Speaker 1: And how would it feel this the next week or 352 00:13:20,561 --> 00:13:23,121 Speaker 1: over the Christmas period to actually practice saying no? And 353 00:13:23,161 --> 00:13:24,601 Speaker 1: it can be done in such a beautiful way, like 354 00:13:24,641 --> 00:13:26,841 Speaker 1: even if you need space first to think about it, 355 00:13:26,881 --> 00:13:28,441 Speaker 1: so like, hey, I'd love to help you with that. 356 00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:30,121 Speaker 1: Can I just get back to you tomorrow? Then it 357 00:13:30,121 --> 00:13:31,961 Speaker 1: gives you a full twenty four hours to draft up 358 00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:34,681 Speaker 1: to your response, get tragipt if you need help, or 359 00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,721 Speaker 1: just yeah, think of a way that feels good for you. 360 00:13:36,761 --> 00:13:38,801 Speaker 1: That's like, Hey, gosh, I really love to help you out, 361 00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:40,961 Speaker 1: but totally forgot, I've got X Y Z on and 362 00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:42,561 Speaker 1: I just know I'm going to stretch myself and not 363 00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:44,401 Speaker 1: be able to show up for you. Therefore, show up 364 00:13:44,401 --> 00:13:46,681 Speaker 1: for myself and my kids. I'm so sorry, any other 365 00:13:46,681 --> 00:13:48,441 Speaker 1: way that I can support you, You let me know 366 00:13:48,481 --> 00:13:50,201 Speaker 1: and I'll be there. I love that so much, Just 367 00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:51,761 Speaker 1: a beautiful way that you can say no. It doesn't 368 00:13:51,761 --> 00:13:53,081 Speaker 1: have to be like fuck, no, I can't go the 369 00:13:53,241 --> 00:13:54,721 Speaker 1: help me. Why would I want to help you? Yeah, 370 00:13:54,841 --> 00:13:56,801 Speaker 1: not like because it doesn't come from that place even 371 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,561 Speaker 1: And then if you practice saying no, I believe then 372 00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:02,401 Speaker 1: you lead the way. So next time your friend is 373 00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,281 Speaker 1: in that position and they've seen you do it, it 374 00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:06,481 Speaker 1: gives them permission and strengths be like, oh she can 375 00:14:06,481 --> 00:14:08,761 Speaker 1: say no, then maybe she'll be okay if I say no, 376 00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,961 Speaker 1: and you both get to choose yourself, do that for 377 00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:14,081 Speaker 1: each other, and take care of you because you know 378 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,361 Speaker 1: that you're not going to give the best of you 379 00:14:15,841 --> 00:14:18,321 Speaker 1: if you're constantly giving all of you out to everyone else, 380 00:14:18,321 --> 00:14:19,241 Speaker 1: you're left on empty. 381 00:14:19,361 --> 00:14:21,681 Speaker 2: When you're in this like overly nice energy, you're trying 382 00:14:21,681 --> 00:14:23,481 Speaker 2: to people please, like you're not showing up as your 383 00:14:23,481 --> 00:14:25,841 Speaker 2: authentic self. No, you can't connect on that level. And 384 00:14:25,881 --> 00:14:28,001 Speaker 2: a way that this shows up is you might have 385 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,001 Speaker 2: somebody in your life right now where you're like, for 386 00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:32,601 Speaker 2: some reason, I just feel disconnected from them. I don't 387 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,921 Speaker 2: feel as safe with them, I can't open up as much. 388 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:37,801 Speaker 2: I feel like there's space between us. It's probably because 389 00:14:37,801 --> 00:14:40,041 Speaker 2: of the unspoken words that you haven't said. And so 390 00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:42,561 Speaker 2: this is why getting everything out on the table is 391 00:14:42,601 --> 00:14:45,521 Speaker 2: so beneficial for your relationships, because it's only going to 392 00:14:45,561 --> 00:14:50,601 Speaker 2: help bring you closer. Like open communication. Granted, it's hard, granted, 393 00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:54,121 Speaker 2: choosing yourself voicing things that hurt you, voicing things that 394 00:14:54,641 --> 00:14:57,281 Speaker 2: are sitting on your heart. It's uncomfortable to do, and 395 00:14:57,321 --> 00:15:01,921 Speaker 2: you're probably going to feel guilty and shameful and feel 396 00:15:01,961 --> 00:15:03,881 Speaker 2: like what you're doing is wrong. But just because you 397 00:15:03,881 --> 00:15:05,041 Speaker 2: feel that way, it doesn't mean that it's wrong. 398 00:15:05,201 --> 00:15:07,921 Speaker 1: It's because you're growing. Yeah, we always talk about this too, 399 00:15:07,961 --> 00:15:10,361 Speaker 1: just allowing all to be seen that it dissolves quicker. Yeah, 400 00:15:10,361 --> 00:15:12,001 Speaker 1: if you let it sit in your head and your 401 00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:14,121 Speaker 1: heart and your body, it just grows and grows and grows. 402 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:16,481 Speaker 1: It festers like absolutely affection or a rash. 403 00:15:16,561 --> 00:15:17,201 Speaker 2: Oh it's the. 404 00:15:17,121 --> 00:15:19,041 Speaker 1: World, Get on top of that before it can grow. 405 00:15:20,601 --> 00:15:23,721 Speaker 2: Yeah. Even this happened literally the other day or yesterday. Yeah, 406 00:15:23,761 --> 00:15:26,041 Speaker 2: I had a hard conversation around something that felt right 407 00:15:26,081 --> 00:15:28,561 Speaker 2: for me, but it could have been perceived by somebody 408 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,721 Speaker 2: that I love as like a really selfish thing to 409 00:15:30,841 --> 00:15:33,441 Speaker 2: choose and do, but it comes from a place of 410 00:15:33,481 --> 00:15:35,521 Speaker 2: love and like I know that I know my intention 411 00:15:35,641 --> 00:15:38,401 Speaker 2: is pure. And also I felt so guilty for like 412 00:15:38,441 --> 00:15:40,401 Speaker 2: an hour, like I was talking actual about I'm like, babe, 413 00:15:40,401 --> 00:15:42,201 Speaker 2: I feel so shit right now. Yeah, but I know 414 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,761 Speaker 2: it's the right thing to do for me, and if 415 00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:46,481 Speaker 2: I don't do this now, it could potentially create cracks 416 00:15:46,481 --> 00:15:48,481 Speaker 2: in the future. Yes, and that's what I'm always future 417 00:15:48,521 --> 00:15:51,521 Speaker 2: thinking of me. Being honest and authentic right now is 418 00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:53,321 Speaker 2: going to prevent problems in the future. 419 00:15:53,401 --> 00:15:55,921 Speaker 1: And it's okay for it to feel uncomfortable because it's different. Yeah, 420 00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:57,801 Speaker 1: it's not what you would normally do. Normally you would 421 00:15:57,801 --> 00:15:59,921 Speaker 1: just be the yes girl to make everyone else happy 422 00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:01,601 Speaker 1: and then suffer yourself in silence. 423 00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:03,841 Speaker 2: You know what I heard one time, Actually, it must 424 00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,681 Speaker 2: have been a quote or somebody said it on social media. 425 00:16:05,681 --> 00:16:08,961 Speaker 2: I can't remember who, but somebody said, when you feel 426 00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:12,081 Speaker 2: uncomfortable for choosing yourself or you make a decision where 427 00:16:12,081 --> 00:16:14,601 Speaker 2: you're choosing yourself, what it's doing is showing you all 428 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,961 Speaker 2: of the times that you've actually abandoned. 429 00:16:16,121 --> 00:16:17,401 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true, because if. 430 00:16:17,321 --> 00:16:20,441 Speaker 2: Choosing yourself feels uncomfortable every other time before that you've 431 00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:21,321 Speaker 2: abandoned yourself. 432 00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:24,041 Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so it's like the more uncomfortable you feel, 433 00:16:24,121 --> 00:16:25,401 Speaker 1: the more you've abandoned yourself. 434 00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:27,921 Speaker 2: Well, the more uncomfortable you feel, the more you're choosing yourself. 435 00:16:28,081 --> 00:16:30,401 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. Yeah, it's a cool reflection. 436 00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:32,121 Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought it was really cool. Like that's a 437 00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:33,401 Speaker 2: really interesting way to look at it. 438 00:16:33,481 --> 00:16:35,561 Speaker 1: And just like anything, if it's new, it's not going 439 00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:37,721 Speaker 1: to feel amazing. It's going to fel uncomfortable. I feel 440 00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:40,001 Speaker 1: edgy and stretching. You're going to question yourself. Like yesterday 441 00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,321 Speaker 1: you were like, oh, I'm not being too strict? Am 442 00:16:41,321 --> 00:16:43,401 Speaker 1: I being too harsh? Is that big a deal? I'm'm 443 00:16:43,441 --> 00:16:45,441 Speaker 1: making it bigger. I'm like yes, because in that moment 444 00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:47,481 Speaker 1: that felt right for you. But now it's all your 445 00:16:47,481 --> 00:16:50,281 Speaker 1: old conditioning. Yes, that's trying to take over yep, from 446 00:16:50,321 --> 00:16:52,761 Speaker 1: like stick with it and you're doing it beautifully, communicating 447 00:16:52,801 --> 00:16:54,441 Speaker 1: it well, and you can just like move through it. 448 00:16:54,401 --> 00:16:56,321 Speaker 2: All my old conditioning of like, oh, but you know what, 449 00:16:56,361 --> 00:16:58,481 Speaker 2: I should just be a supportive friend. I should be 450 00:16:58,561 --> 00:17:00,201 Speaker 2: I should the word should, I should. 451 00:17:00,001 --> 00:17:00,721 Speaker 1: Be a supportive friend. 452 00:17:00,761 --> 00:17:02,361 Speaker 2: But it's not even a big deal it started up, 453 00:17:02,361 --> 00:17:04,841 Speaker 2: but internally, to me it felt like a big deal 454 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 2: in it, I felt like I needed to voice it. Yeah, 455 00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 2: you know, so give yourself grace in this time. But honestly, 456 00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 2: if it feels uncomfortable, you're probably heading in the right direction. 457 00:17:12,801 --> 00:17:15,801 Speaker 2: And kind of use that discomfort as a way of like, 458 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,360 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, right now I'm outside of my comfort zone, 459 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,001 Speaker 2: which is good because it means that I'm growing in 460 00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:21,041 Speaker 2: the direction I want to grow in. 461 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,481 Speaker 1: We just invite you to practice. And if the people 462 00:17:23,481 --> 00:17:25,761 Speaker 1: around you can't hold your boundaries, they're not your people. 463 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 1: I have literally lost friends and lost people because of it. 464 00:17:28,961 --> 00:17:31,001 Speaker 1: They're not your people. The right people will love all 465 00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:32,281 Speaker 1: of you, and they will expect that you want to 466 00:17:32,281 --> 00:17:34,601 Speaker 1: put yourself first and you're saying no for the right reasons, 467 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 1: and they understand. They want to make sure that you're okay. 468 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,561 Speaker 1: And if both people are doing that, create's a really 469 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,441 Speaker 1: beautiful relationship. 470 00:17:40,521 --> 00:17:41,481 Speaker 2: Yeah that's so true. 471 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: So sending my love in this silly season and this 472 00:17:43,921 --> 00:17:46,761 Speaker 1: busy season. But time to put yourself first and practice 473 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: saying yes to the things that really you feel that 474 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,721 Speaker 1: big body yes, and no to the things that aren't 475 00:17:51,721 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: feeling quite right, right now. 476 00:17:52,921 --> 00:17:55,561 Speaker 2: Absolutely use your voice. Yes girl, get it. 477 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,441 Speaker 1: Thank you, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye bye