1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land, Always was, always 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 2: Hey Chicks, I'm out and I'm this is to brote Chicks, 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 2: to show that shares life lessons and tips to help 5 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 2: make you rich in life. And today it's our absolute 6 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 2: pleasure to be joined once again by Jemma Sphag, the 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 2: host of the Psychology of Your Twenties podcast and also 8 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 2: the Marchra podcast and the author of Person in Progress 9 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:34,560 Speaker 2: figure Els. Welcome to Jim, I'm taking them into Gemmo 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 2: is in Dahos the podcast. 11 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: Who are new to the law of this podcast. Gemma 12 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: is one of our best friends. 13 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 3: Hello, we are all obsessed with each other. 14 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 4: We see kumbaya and hold hands basically. 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 2: Guests at your show, your podcast and I was getting 16 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 2: there spoiler. 17 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: And Jemy is joining us for the group Chat tour 18 00:00:58,720 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: in every city. 19 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 4: So she also joined us last year and it was 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 4: such a hit. 21 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 2: We thought it was about time to have you back on. 22 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 2: So today we're going to talk about how to feel 23 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,040 Speaker 2: like yourself again. 24 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 3: And we're going to run through a lot of questions 25 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 3: for you. 26 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 2: Very excited, but before we get started, we always like 27 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 2: to start with a life lesson of the week. 28 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:15,479 Speaker 5: No way, I didn't know that. 29 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 3: So what have you got for us? 30 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:19,839 Speaker 6: What did you do on the weekend? 31 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: Well? 32 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 5: I ran a half marathon on the weekend. 33 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 6: So maybe in my life did you run at the 34 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 6: start of the. 35 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 5: Year three kilometers? 36 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 4: Take us through that? 37 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 5: Okay, maybe my life lesson is you can do hard things. 38 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a really good fuck and. 39 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 5: Even when you like reach a wall within yourself, that 40 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 5: wall can be kicked down like a Taylor Swift music video. 41 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 5: People know the reference to that love the music video 42 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 5: that I'm talking about in the comments below. But yeah, 43 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 5: I really it was really hard. It was really hot 44 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 5: as well, so like and it was all in the sun. 45 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 1: What took you to that decision of like, you know, 46 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: at the start of the year being a queen and 47 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: running three k's and then going to, you know what, 48 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to run half marathon. 49 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 5: To be honest, I just really like let myself be excited, 50 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 5: like just have fun. So I feel like people when 51 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,839 Speaker 5: they start running and like, well I need to run 52 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 5: this certain amount, and I need to run this pace, 53 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,360 Speaker 5: and I need to run this distance. And I was like, 54 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 5: I'm just gonna run the amount that makes me feel 55 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 5: good every time I go for a run, and so 56 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 5: like sometimes I would be like, I can show you 57 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,519 Speaker 5: my Strava, it's like one hundred and fifty meters, and 58 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 5: then I'd be like, I don't want to do it today. 59 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 5: And then other times I'd be like, I feel like 60 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 5: running twelve kilometers, so I'll just okay, Like I'll just 61 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 5: keep running until I don't feel like running anymore. And 62 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 5: it was like the first time I've done something where 63 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 5: I haven't needed to be like really good at it immediately. 64 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 5: And then I ran eighteen k's and I was like, 65 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 5: I should probably do a half marathon just for fun. 66 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 5: But there's a big difference between eighteen and twenty one. 67 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 6: Really, I didn't think that was. 68 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 5: Gonna be I will like again, it was boiling hot, 69 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 5: so I was like, oh, I was dying. And the 70 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 5: last like kilometer was up a hill. Who does that? 71 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,959 Speaker 3: Yeah that is eually if. 72 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 5: You make a like a race start, yeah, well guess 73 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 5: what it was at the start, but it was downhill, 74 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 5: So I was like, you ran down the hill to 75 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 5: start the race and up the hill to finish, doesn't 76 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 5: make any sense. People are like throwing up your a 77 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 5: man a man, you know who that a really fit 78 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 5: man who was Yeah, fine, it's Joe who's sick in 79 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 5: the head. 80 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 4: People that look at that and they go, yeah, hard finisher. 81 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 6: Yeah, not me, not me. 82 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 4: I've never been that person that like gets the end 83 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 4: of the gym class and like, yeah, hard finishes. So 84 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 4: you smash it at the end, you feel really fucked ill. 85 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 2: Time at the start, yeah, and then make it easy 86 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: the rest of the way. 87 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 5: And it was easy at all. It wasn't like we 88 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 5: needed the extra challenge, like just down it was thirty 89 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 5: and it was thirty degrees. 90 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 4: Oh my god. 91 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 5: But I had a great one. 92 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 4: When did my text hit you? 93 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 5: It was actually really sweet, like halfway. 94 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 4: That's your life lesson the sale hundred Sally hundred. 95 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 2: Okay, My life lesson of the week is actually a 96 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 2: little challenge that Chris and I have been doing, and 97 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 2: you guys have probably seen it on the internet. It 98 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 2: has a few different names like dinner rule Lett or 99 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: Supermarket Rulelette. 100 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 3: Have you guys seen it? 101 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 6: Is this the one where you like both turn around? 102 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's that version, and then there's also like 103 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 2: you can do a sciss of paper. 104 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 5: Rock rock paper scissors. 105 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 3: That a camera thing. 106 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 6: Paper rock, rock paper scissors in the studio? Can you 107 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 6: let us know the paper grow up again? 108 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 5: In Queensland? Rock paper scissors? 109 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 2: Is it scissors, paper rock or whatever? 110 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 4: That rock paper scissors. 111 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 5: I don't know it, but that is but like rock 112 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 5: paper scissors. And then you do it. 113 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 3: You aren't saying it with a conviction, you know, So. 114 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 2: Tell us tell us in the comments which one is correct? 115 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 3: And also where are you from? 116 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 4: Because I need to know all a potato scollop? 117 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 5: A potato scollop? 118 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,280 Speaker 2: Okay, if you want to say potato cake, I want 119 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 2: to say called it a potato cake. 120 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 5: It's not a cake. This it's not sweet, I know. 121 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,840 Speaker 6: But it's also not fucking rock paper scissors. 122 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, where was I? 123 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 2: So I've been seeing this TRN and Chris and I 124 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 2: have been doing it to decide what to have for 125 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 2: dinners during the week. And so you pick like an 126 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: entree aside a maine. 127 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 3: A drink, and a dessert. 128 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 2: And we've been doing like a siss of paper rock, 129 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,159 Speaker 2: and then whoever wins gets to pick each of the 130 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,359 Speaker 2: things and it's just been a really fun way to 131 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 2: mix up what we have for dinner. I love that 132 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,119 Speaker 2: if you've been stuck on what to have for dinner 133 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 2: or you feel like shaking it up a little. 134 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,280 Speaker 3: I feel like that's a fun little game to play. 135 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 3: What's your life? 136 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 1: Listen, We're like a recommendation, but recently started watching the 137 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: show ted Lasso. 138 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that. 139 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 5: Was my favorite TV. How can we've not talked this? 140 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's amazing. So I'm watching it for 141 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 4: the first time. 142 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: Season one, and I'm obsessed with it, Like, it's so 143 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: so good. 144 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 5: You know, the creator of that just came out with 145 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 5: a romantic drama. 146 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 3: What what is it? 147 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 5: It's called All of You. The guy who created it's 148 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 5: called Brett Goldstein, and he also made this show called Shrinking, 149 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,159 Speaker 5: which you need to watch after you finished. 150 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: Yeah. 151 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 5: Everything he makes is amazing. Oh my god. 152 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: Well yeah, if you haven't watched ted Lasso, you absolutely 153 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,040 Speaker 1: need to because it's everything I think about during the day. 154 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,280 Speaker 1: Like when I wake up, I'm like, okay, how many 155 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: hours until ted Lasso time? 156 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 5: Like made you a happier person? 157 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like I need to have more of that energy. 158 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, Rok is the one who created the show. 159 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 6: No, Yeah, I. 160 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 4: Can't wait to hit Rob with this fun fact tonight. 161 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. 162 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, so yeah, that's my life. Lesson is to watch that. 163 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: Should we get into the episode, can do It? Gemma, 164 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 3: you have been on the show couple of times. 165 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 2: For any of the chicks who aren't acquainted, tell us 166 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 2: a little bit about yourself, how you started the podcast 167 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 2: and how you got into psychology. 168 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 5: Okay, so I studied psychology at ED, but I was 169 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 5: actually studying politics, economics and philosophy, and I was like, 170 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 5: I'm going to be a politician, and then I realized 171 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 5: that was a big mess and I was just like, 172 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 5: I'm just not made to be criticized, which was now. 173 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 3: So you launched a podcast. 174 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 5: I know, silly, but I was just like, I just 175 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 5: can't do it. 176 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 6: Let me put myself online. 177 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 5: Then I went through a breakup, started The Psychology of 178 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 5: your Twenties and really didn't have any listeners. Just was 179 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 5: like hanging out, was putting very personal details about my 180 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 5: life online, and then suddenly people started listening to it, 181 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 5: and then I, yeah, became my job and I'm obsessed. 182 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 5: I love podcasts a right. 183 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 2: So in today's episode, we're talking about how to feel 184 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 2: like yourself again? Why does it feel like most of 185 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 2: us in our twenties and beyond, like in our thirties, 186 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 2: and I feel like you couldn't even put a time 187 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 2: frame on this, feel like we lose our sense of self. 188 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 4: Why does this cycle tend to repeat? 189 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it happens for a lot of reasons. 190 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 5: Obviously that's not a great way to start, because you 191 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 5: probably think, like I want a specific reason, But I 192 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 5: would say the biggest one comes down to you've just 193 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 5: become quite passive in your life now. Sometimes that's because 194 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 5: your life is taken up by something very big and 195 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 5: stressful and immediate. That means you can't focus on the 196 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 5: everyday practices that reaffirm who you are. But it could 197 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 5: also just be like you have slowly started replacing making 198 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 5: art in the evenings with scrolling your phone. You've slowly 199 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 5: started being like, oh, it's kind of a bit too 200 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 5: exhausting to see my friends. You've slowly started making your 201 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 5: Sunday all about chores and not about stuff that might 202 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 5: enrich you more spiritually or more creatively or more emotionally, 203 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 5: and like, the world's pretty exhausting right now. Also, as 204 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 5: you get older as well, it just feels like you 205 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 5: lose a little bit of everyday joy for life. I 206 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 5: think everyone goes through a chapter in their life around 207 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 5: the age of like I would say twenty five to 208 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 5: thirty two, which is kind of like a long period. 209 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 5: But at some point in that period where you've really 210 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 5: become an adult, you will go through this period of 211 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 5: being like, oh, I really actually don't know who I 212 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 5: am anymore? Yeah, what do I even like? What are 213 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 5: my values? What do I care about? 214 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 6: Am I doing? 215 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 5: What do I do for fun? Why do I enjoy? 216 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,560 Speaker 5: I think you need to go through that in order 217 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 5: to come out the other side and be like, ah, 218 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 5: I'm glad I went through that period of not knowing 219 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 5: so I could rebuild. 220 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 3: Do you believe in the Satin Return? 221 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 5: I literally I am doing an episode on it next week. 222 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,199 Speaker 3: Oh my god, I can't wait to listen. 223 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 5: I do believe in it from a psychological point of view, 224 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 5: where it's like, actually it makes sense psychology. Yeah. That 225 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 5: talks about how you get to this period in your 226 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 5: life around the age of twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine, 227 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 5: where a life shift, like there is a huge life 228 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 5: shift where you truly like shift into the next chapter 229 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 5: of life. You go through all these life changes, all 230 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,319 Speaker 5: the people around you are also going through those life changes, 231 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 5: the expectations you have for yourself are different. People like 232 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 5: suddenly break up with their long term partners. People suddenly 233 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 5: like go back to. 234 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: School, they move consent countries because they quit their job. 235 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 4: That return is a real real thing. 236 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 5: I think it's like as you get approach thirty, it's 237 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,559 Speaker 5: when you really start being like, oh my god, I 238 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 5: only have a couple of years left of what is 239 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 5: this like meant to be this fun? Yeah decade. I 240 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 5: look at you and I'm like, you're having so much 241 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 5: fun in your thirties. It makes me very excited to 242 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 5: be in my thirties. 243 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, I forget you're so much younger than now. 244 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 1: There's a funny story one time Sal and I did 245 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: a collab with an alcohol brand and we had to 246 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 1: put an age restriction on it and Jim couldn't see it. 247 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, Jem we had to put a twenty five plus 248 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 2: age cap on it. 249 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 5: Because I was twenty four. 250 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and Jem I was like, oh, I think there's 251 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: something broken on your Instagram stories And I was like. 252 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 6: What fuck? 253 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: It just like says there's a story, but it's yeah, 254 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 1: and weis And I was. 255 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 2: Like, wait, how old are like twenty four and I 256 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 2: was like, bad, I digress. That's good to know, though, 257 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 2: because I do think that this feeling can feel quite isolating, 258 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 2: and feeling like you have a disconnect from yourself can 259 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 2: actually be a really shocking feeling. But it creeps up 260 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 2: on you, like it's not something that you necessarily wake 261 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 2: up one day and you're like, I've lost myself. 262 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 3: Like it kind of builds over time. 263 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 2: So what are the red flags that people can look 264 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 2: out for that it may be a sign that they 265 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 2: have lost that sense of themselves. 266 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 5: I think apathy if people even think, like the opposite 267 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 5: of loving your life is hating your life. No, no, no, 268 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 5: it's feeling indifferent. It's being like, oh I just really 269 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 5: don't care. I don't care. Oh yeah, work sucks whatever, 270 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 5: Oh cool, don't have any plans tonight, whatever. You just 271 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,320 Speaker 5: don't care. That's the sign. And then I think eventually 272 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 5: you do get to like the hate stage where you're like, 273 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 5: oh my god, I'm in a pit of misery. The 274 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 5: indifferent stage is like, actually, just if not more important 275 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 5: to identify, So like apathy, indifference, boredom, a lack of 276 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 5: newness or novelty or creativity. When it comes to your life, 277 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 5: and I'm not meaning like you're not, you know, doing 278 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 5: something creative. I'm meaning like you're not actively seeking out 279 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 5: new experiences. I think also a sense of isolation and withdrawing, 280 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 5: so you don't really again make plans, you don't really 281 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 5: want to be around people, and just this sense of 282 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 5: emptiness of just like if someone sat you down and 283 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 5: said who are you? Will you really don't tell me 284 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 5: your job, don't tell me your relationships? Who are you? 285 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 5: Would you know how to answer that question? And if 286 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 5: you are not like enthusiastically like yeah, I have this 287 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 5: and this and this, you can be enthusiastic and you 288 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 5: should be enthusiastic about literally the thing that matters the 289 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 5: most in your life, which is your life. So that's 290 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 5: probably a sign that you've kind of fallen away from 291 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 5: yourself a bit. 292 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: That's a good way to look at it, and I 293 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: think a really helpful way for people to kind of 294 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: identify whether or not that is something that they're dealing with. 295 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: You said something interesting then about you know, if someone 296 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: was to ask you who you are, how would you 297 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 1: answer that that has nothing to do with your job 298 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 1: and nothing to do with relationships. Would one way of 299 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: being able to answer that question feel strongly about that. 300 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: You talk a lot about values and identity. How do 301 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: you figure out your values when you have no idea 302 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: what you feel strongly about. 303 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,199 Speaker 5: There's like a couple of like really famous value exercises 304 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 5: that you could do, like right now. I was in 305 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 5: Bali recently, and I know that's going to make me 306 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 5: sound like such like a wellness influencer. When I was there, 307 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 5: there were these cards that I found that had all 308 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 5: these different values written on them, like generosity, intelligence, compassion, humor. 309 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 5: I like chose the twenty that I liked the most, 310 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 5: then through elimination, I found ten, and then I like 311 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,439 Speaker 5: whittled that down to five. And that's a very famous 312 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 5: exercise that like therapists, psychologists, career advisors will ask you 313 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 5: to do, and you can do something similar online. You 314 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 5: can find this live. Oh I can't remember. I could 315 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 5: probably find the picture, but it was like generosity was 316 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 5: definitely one of them. Curiosity, that's the only two I 317 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 5: can remember, So you probably have to do it again. 318 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 1: No, but that obviously shows you that those are two 319 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: values that are. 320 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 5: And I think like creativity and enthusiasm. Ye, actually I 321 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 5: remember those being another two. You can say, oh, I 322 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 5: really value this thing, but if you're not acting on it, 323 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 5: do you really as having this discussion with a friend 324 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 5: the other day. It's like you can say all you 325 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 5: want about who you are as a person. You can 326 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 5: say you're a nice person, but if you don't do 327 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 5: nice things, you're not a nice person. You can say 328 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 5: all you want, I'm a creative person, but if you 329 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 5: don't act on your creativity, you're not. You're Like personhood 330 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 5: is a verb, not just a series of words. So 331 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 5: once you have like the five values that you feel 332 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 5: are most important to you, the second part of this 333 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 5: exercise is that once every day, you choose one of 334 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 5: those values and you do something that lives that value. 335 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 5: So if your value for me, like it's generosity, it's like, Okay, 336 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 5: today I'm going to really practice my generosity and I'm 337 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 5: going to donate however much money I want to this charity. 338 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 5: And maybe the next time you find someone who really 339 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 5: needs a meal, or someone outside the grocery store who 340 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 5: can really do with like whatever groceries they want, and 341 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 5: you just practice that, or you oft to give a 342 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 5: friend a lift, or like small acts build personhood. That's 343 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 5: like a very simple way I think of describing it. 344 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 4: I love that, and that is a very easy exercise. 345 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 6: You can probably go online and. 346 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 4: Probably you'll find that buy the cards as well. 347 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, or you can just do it like they have 348 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 5: a big list. I don't know what it's called. I 349 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 5: can't remember, but it's. 350 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 3: Lincoln in the show notes n I love that, so sweet, 351 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 3: there's such. 352 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 5: A beautiful girl. You should do it together before when 353 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 5: we're on tour. No, Yes, that would be so really cool. 354 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 3: That would be really cool. 355 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 2: It seems like everyone in their twenties and their thirties 356 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 2: and beyond has this moment of who the fuck am I? 357 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: How does the identity inventory help you get your sparkle there? 358 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 5: Your identity inventory is basically like if I had to 359 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 5: make a bunch of buckets and a bunch of things 360 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 5: that described me, like what would be most important? So 361 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 5: it's essentially again kind of like making words, or like 362 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 5: choosing words that describe you and then living them. But 363 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 5: a lot of people, especially in your twenties and thirties, again, 364 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 5: it's like, my identity inventory is what I do for work. 365 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 5: My identity inventory is who I was five years ago, 366 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 5: and I'm not those things anymore. So what you really 367 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 5: need to do is again give yourself these different hats, 368 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 5: like who am I in this context? Who am I 369 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 5: in that context? How do I live that version of me? 370 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 3: You were describing it? How for yourself? 371 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 2: You would say that you are a podcaster, But you'd 372 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 2: also say that you're a sister and a friend, and 373 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 2: that it is kind of different to that value side 374 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 2: because you are sort of talking about the things that 375 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 2: you do in day to day life. And you could 376 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 2: say I'm a painter or you could say I'm a runner, 377 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 2: and you could put those things that are like actions 378 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 2: and hobbies and things aside from your values. But I 379 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 2: think the interesting thing in the way those things should 380 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 2: intersect is that you should be able to like marry 381 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,200 Speaker 2: up those values, right. 382 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 5: And I think also I said this again in the episode, 383 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 5: was you can call yourself a runner, or you can 384 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 5: call yourself a hiker. You can call yourself a podcaster 385 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 5: even if you've only done one episode, even if you 386 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 5: only hiked last weekend. What's the difference between me and 387 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 5: a runner? If I run all the time, I'm a 388 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 5: runner because I run. I'm a painter because I paint 389 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 5: mother to cat. 390 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,360 Speaker 2: Mother cats, muddy books, friends, play. 391 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 6: Reader, movie writer, yeah, entrepreneur, all of the above. 392 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 5: When you really go into it, you can be like, whoa, 393 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 5: I'm a lot. Yeah, yeah, I would really invite people 394 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 5: to do this, and you will be like, wow, I'm 395 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 5: like so much more multifaceted. And maybe that's just like 396 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 5: the coming home to like who you really are that 397 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 5: you kind of just forget because you don't think about 398 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 5: it that much and think about who you really are. 399 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 5: I would say ninety nine percent of the day we 400 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 5: are not actively thinking about our identity. We're just thinking 401 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 5: about what's on our grocery list and like who annoyed 402 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 5: us in traffic, and like what we need to do next. 403 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: No, we just don't spend enough time in our heads 404 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: in a way that's like being present in our identity. 405 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 1: It's like we're like going through the motions of everything 406 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: that's external rather than like actually experiencing how we feel 407 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,199 Speaker 1: in certain moments. And you have mentioned that weekends are 408 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: a great place to start to find yourself again beyond 409 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: the usual like life admin and like casual coffee catch up. 410 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: What are some tips for like a weekend rebrand to 411 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 1: help get your spark. 412 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 5: About I love this idea of micro adventures. Have I 413 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 5: spoken about this on the podcast on your podcast before 414 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 5: good because it's like my favorite things. An amazing creator 415 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 5: who and I cannot remember her name obviously I'm in 416 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 5: a forgetful mood, but she has this series where she 417 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 5: does micro adventures and I'm so inspired by it and 418 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 5: I've started doing them. And a micro adventure it isn't like, oh, 419 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 5: I need to take the whole weekend off and get 420 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 5: an Airbnb and spend a bunch of money. It's like, Okay, 421 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,360 Speaker 5: I'm gonna go strawberry picking this weekend. A micro adventure 422 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,880 Speaker 5: is like I'm going to go to the farmer's markets. 423 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,119 Speaker 5: I'm gonna go and try out a restaurant that I've 424 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 5: drove driven past every single week that I've never gone into. 425 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,360 Speaker 5: I did that the other week and it wasn't very good. 426 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 5: I went and I tried. 427 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 6: Well, now you know, now I never have and you 428 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 6: still had the adventure. 429 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 5: Yeah, I did. And it's just like doing little things that, 430 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 5: especially in your own city where you live. I just 431 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 5: like super super random, super small, not necessarily like something 432 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 5: that you would put on a postcard, but just like 433 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 5: something really really fun that's like a micro adventure that 434 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 5: allows you to see your life differently and see yourself 435 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 5: differently within life. 436 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,919 Speaker 2: What about people who feel a lot of pressure to 437 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:09,200 Speaker 2: have an identity that's influenced by societal expectations or guilt 438 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 2: or pressure from other people in their lives. How can you, 439 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 2: I guess, separate yourself from that and actually prioritize what 440 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 2: you want to do. 441 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 5: Yeah. So there's this process that people talk about called individuation, 442 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 5: which happens again early adulthood specifically, and it's where you 443 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 5: basically go through this deep, friction, painful, uncomfortable period having 444 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 5: to decide who am I, independent from family, from my schooling, 445 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 5: from my environment, and often means shedding a lot of relationships, 446 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 5: disappointing a lot of people. But the idea is that 447 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 5: you have to move through this period in order to 448 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 5: come at the other side as an individual. It's like 449 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 5: the shift from going from child to adult, an adult 450 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 5: again to individual, adult to person someone who enjoys themselves 451 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,439 Speaker 5: and understands themselves. So, if you're feeling a lot of 452 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 5: conformity towards a certain identity to do with your family, 453 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 5: to do with something that you promised yourself five years 454 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 5: ago that you don't necessarily feel aligned to anymore. Just 455 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,680 Speaker 5: remember that, like at any age, you can and you 456 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 5: should change. It will be painful. But I don't think 457 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,919 Speaker 5: I've ever met anyone who's gone through a period of 458 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:26,120 Speaker 5: perhaps disappointing people for the betterment of themselves and regretted it. Obviously, 459 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 5: you can disappoint people around you because you do bad things, 460 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 5: or you neglect yourself, or you know you do something terrible. 461 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 5: But I don't think I've ever spoken to someone who said, 462 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 5: I quit being this person because I knew it was 463 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,479 Speaker 5: best for me, and I regret that. Or I let 464 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 5: my parents down because I was honoring something that I 465 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 5: deeply needed to try, and I regret that. Like, no 466 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 5: one regrets doing what's best for them, what's best of them, 467 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 5: based on like a really deep gut instinct. It is 468 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,240 Speaker 5: a choice. Like you can choose to ignore that instinct, 469 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 5: and that's totally your decision, but it is a decision. 470 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,439 Speaker 5: You did make a choice to do that. Yeah, Like, 471 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 5: just because people expect certain things from you and I 472 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 5: know the pressure is very very loud, doesn't mean you 473 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,119 Speaker 5: can't push back against it. And if you choose not to, 474 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 5: you have to be aware of what the consequences of 475 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 5: that might be. And you can still choose to do that, 476 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 5: but I do think you can't then turn around and 477 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 5: be like point the finger at someone and be like, 478 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 5: you're the reason my life is bad. You're the reason 479 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 5: my life is crap. Like, No, you chose to live 480 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 5: into their expectations for you in many ways. 481 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 4: What's the self absorption paradox? 482 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 5: Oh? Well, you know what I was gonna talk about 483 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 5: this before, when we were talking about how we need 484 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,959 Speaker 5: to think about ourselves more in terms of our identity. Yeah, 485 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,120 Speaker 5: so there is this thing called the self absorption paradox, 486 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 5: which is basically like, the more you think about yourself 487 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 5: and your problems, the less in touch with yourself you become, 488 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 5: and actually like the more like selfish, but also the 489 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 5: more just like confused you get. Yeah. So, the thing 490 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,479 Speaker 5: that I liked about what we were saying before is like, 491 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 5: use the time you're going to think about yourself to 492 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 5: think about yourself in a productive way. Thinking about myself 493 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,560 Speaker 5: through the lens of how other people are thinking about me. Yeah, 494 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 5: I'm thinking about myself because I hate my outfit and 495 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 5: I hate what I look like here, And oh, Did 496 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 5: I do that right? Did I do that wrong? I 497 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 5: want our people assume about me from. 498 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,439 Speaker 6: The external validation point of view. 499 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 5: Don't really think about the things that are wrong in 500 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,359 Speaker 5: your life, like you should think about yourself in terms 501 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 5: of like, Okay, what are the things that are actually 502 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 5: bothering me that if I were to think about them 503 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 5: more in a critical way I could improve upon Versus 504 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 5: what are things that I have thought about so many 505 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 5: times over and I'm just doing so because it's reassuring 506 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 5: to think about them, or because it brings like a 507 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 5: certain level of comfort. And actually part of like finding 508 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 5: your way back to yourself, which I talk about in 509 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 5: that original episode, is finding your way back to yourself 510 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 5: through others. Sometimes you need to actually just take a 511 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 5: step away. You've done all those exercises, if you've really 512 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 5: thought deeply put them into practice first, yes, but then also, 513 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 5: how could you put them into practice in terms of 514 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,440 Speaker 5: serving others? How could you think about other people a 515 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 5: little bit more like volunteering, becoming friends with your neighbors, 516 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 5: doing kind things for your friends, like doing things for 517 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,360 Speaker 5: your community. The most like me I feel is when 518 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 5: I'm like doing that kind of stuff. Yeah, and I 519 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 5: know where I was like, go and volunteer, Like it's 520 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,239 Speaker 5: actually really fulfilling and like you really do see the 521 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:21,160 Speaker 5: best sides of yourself and your humanity, and like it's 522 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 5: also a self esteem booster. Maybe that's just what you 523 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:23,800 Speaker 5: really need. 524 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: We were talking about this on an episode on Tuesday, 525 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:32,120 Speaker 1: and it was like the law of reciprocity. Ye love, 526 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: how when you do good things for others you get 527 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 1: the feeling back, not because they've done something for you, 528 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: but the way that it makes you feel to do 529 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,680 Speaker 1: good to others and how like and. 530 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 5: It makes you like other people more as well. 531 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, crazy frank It took me like seventeen goals to 532 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:53,280 Speaker 1: get that word right though. Every time I said how 533 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 1: would you say this, and she's like, reciprocity out report, Yeah, 534 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 1: rechie party Taurus, Yeah that one. 535 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you. 536 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 3: I've never heard of the Ben Franklin effect before. 537 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 5: The Ben Franklin effect is like if you do nice 538 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 5: things for other people, you'll like them more so, like. 539 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 3: You see the humanity and other people. 540 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, okay, so if someone is like super 541 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,400 Speaker 5: mean to you, and like your neighbor, if your neighbor's 542 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 5: like super mean to you, and then you bring their 543 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 5: pins in like you like the more and it will 544 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 5: make you feel I guess maybe it's like an e 545 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 5: makes you like less. 546 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,880 Speaker 4: I feel like it makes you less angry. 547 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, because they all do with that. Yeah yeah, yeah, 548 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,199 Speaker 5: the rage bait's been getting me recently. 549 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,720 Speaker 1: Oh god, but that's not anyone's fault as well, Like 550 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: new cycle burnout is so prevalent at the moment, and 551 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:44,159 Speaker 1: like it's pretty fucking normal for everything that's happening to 552 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,960 Speaker 1: be angry. Yeah, but that's not obviously a healthy state 553 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 1: to be sitting with and I feel emotions. 554 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 5: I feel angry. Iff Like that's how I kind of 555 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 5: lost myself for a little while, where I was just 556 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 5: like angry. Oh, I was angry, I was irritated, the 557 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,359 Speaker 5: world felt terrible, and then I was like, I need 558 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,480 Speaker 5: to get off my phone and get. 559 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: Being resentful and resenting work, resenting your friends, resenting your partner, 560 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:16,440 Speaker 1: being resentful is burnout totally, and so doing nice things 561 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 1: for other people is a really good way to kind 562 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,439 Speaker 1: of maybe go back to the version of yourself that 563 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 1: you like a little bit more. Because I absolutely adore 564 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 1: myself when I'm having fun and I'm girly pop and 565 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,679 Speaker 1: I feel sparkly and fun and blah blah blah, like, yeah, 566 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: you know, that's always the better time. 567 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 5: Also, I don't know anyone whose natural state is to 568 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 5: be mean. I know people's. 569 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 3: Living in like discomfort days they've gotten to. 570 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 5: Lost a long time ago. You can always go that. 571 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:51,200 Speaker 1: Okay, So after listening to this episode, what's one thing 572 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,159 Speaker 1: every chick should do to feel more like themselves? 573 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 5: Go and make a playlist of all the songs that 574 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 5: you think reflect you best and call it like Gemma's 575 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,679 Speaker 5: playlist or Alex's playlist or Sally's playlist. And I'm not 576 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 5: just talking like songs that hype you up. I'm talking 577 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,399 Speaker 5: like the songs that you listen to where you're like, 578 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 5: I could have written this song. This deeply describes me. 579 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 5: If you were going to give a playlist to someone 580 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,360 Speaker 5: else and say, I listening to this playlist, you could 581 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 5: understand me as a person. You could understand what I've 582 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 5: been through, maybe some of my life chapters, maybe like 583 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 5: my personality, my like vibrance. You should make one of those. 584 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 5: I have one. It's great, And then anytime I feel. 585 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 6: Like, what's one song on it? 586 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 5: One song is a really old song called Met an 587 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:39,400 Speaker 5: Old Friend by Lucinda Williams, and it's really like quite 588 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 5: a sad song, but it's about like meeting an old 589 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 5: friend and feeling like both sad and happy about that feeling. 590 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 3: What about you? 591 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,639 Speaker 5: It's really sad. I would not necessarily recommend it. 592 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,680 Speaker 3: No, that sounds like a beautiful song about death as well, 593 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,199 Speaker 3: So okay, don't tell the biases this please? 594 00:27:58,680 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 5: In the room? 595 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 3: What would be online? 596 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 2: The first thing that popped into my head is It's 597 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 2: My Life by bon Jovi. 598 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 3: I feel like that's a good one. 599 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,360 Speaker 5: That would be a very good song for your playlist. 600 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 2: It's like an instant mood booster, but also like makes 601 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 2: me feel really nostalgic, Like I can remember one time 602 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 2: that I was like dancing to it at a bar 603 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,160 Speaker 2: with my sister and I see it like in slow motion, 604 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,400 Speaker 2: and it's like a really visceral memory, and I feel 605 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 2: like that's something that I'll remember like when I'm an 606 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:25,919 Speaker 2: old lady. 607 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, what about you? El Oh? 608 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: I feel like this is so lame, but like for 609 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 1: good from Wicked Oh, because there's like so many people 610 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,239 Speaker 1: in my life that I truly feel like I've been 611 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 1: changed for good. 612 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 3: Because I knew them. 613 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 5: What's that song? 614 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 4: I'm not singing it? 615 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 5: Yeah, dang it. 616 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 4: I also think Summer of sixty nine. 617 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've gone my first real six string 618 00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 7: I'll sing that. That song is like, like, yeah, that 619 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 7: encompasses every emotion that I want to feel every day. 620 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 5: It feels like I want to I want to be 621 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 5: like I want to like. 622 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: Nostalgia and happiness and like it's summer, nothing fucking matters. 623 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,040 Speaker 2: That song feels like the gap between Christmas and your year. 624 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 6: Yes, oh my god, it really does. 625 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 4: I'm actually gonna listen to that in the car only way. 626 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 7: Yeah. 627 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: It took me so long to realize what the title 628 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: the Summer of sixty nine truly meant. 629 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 5: It's just the summer of sixty nine. 630 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 3: Having sixty The song was tex position overrated. 631 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 5: I have to go comfortable. I don't want to plank. 632 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,239 Speaker 2: As always, we want to wrap up by asking you 633 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 2: what's your biggest life lesson on your journey so far? 634 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 5: Always like when you feel a calling to do something, 635 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,239 Speaker 5: always just do it. Act on the feeling, act on 636 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 5: like the gut feeling. If it's really cooling. 637 00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 6: I'm hooked on. 638 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:03,400 Speaker 1: All right. 639 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:04,240 Speaker 5: Anyway. 640 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 2: That's a wrap, Thank you so much for coming on 641 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 2: the show. As always, will put all the links to 642 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 2: all of your socials where people can pick up your book, 643 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 2: listen to the pod and everything, because I'm sure everybody's 644 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 2: obsessed if. 645 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 3: They weren't already. 646 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 2: But thank you so much for coming on, and we're 647 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 2: so excited to go on the group Chat tour with you. 648 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 2: Get your tickets, Chicks, Love you, chicks, Thanks for having 649 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:26,920 Speaker 2: us in your ear holes. 650 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 3: Bye love yea, bye love you, Jim, Say bye Jim Jim, 651 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:32,680 Speaker 3: Bye Jimpim