1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:03,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to the show, Amahiginsburg. This is better than yesterday 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: when Australia's favorite parenting expert, the incredible Maggie Dent came 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: here for the podcast. She dropped so much wisdom on me, 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: and today I've got four immediately actionable ways you can 5 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:19,759 Speaker 1: find support, ditch the myth of perfection, and maybe even 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,440 Speaker 1: start to enjoy parenting. The full episode has got so 7 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: much more, but these are the ones that really stood 8 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: out for me. Starting with the idea that we're supposed 9 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: to do this whole parenting thing alone. This has got 10 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: to be one of the biggest, most exhausting lies that 11 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: we tell ourselves about parenting. It's just not the way 12 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: that human beings are wired to raise children. You've obviously 13 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: heard the phrase it takes a village to raise a child, 14 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: but this is where Maggie makes a really good point. 15 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: The concept of this child raising village is practically impossible 16 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: in our modern life. So how do we access that backup, 17 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: that's safety net, that thing that every family needs to 18 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: thrive in a world that's becoming increasingly isolated. Maggie reckons 19 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: the answer isn't a village at all. 20 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 2: That village concept, of course, is fundamentally is still important 21 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 2: to us in terms of you're far more at risk 22 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 2: if it's just a very small group to computer to big. 23 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 2: My message to parents is find the tribe rather than 24 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 2: the village. It's impossible to find the village, except if 25 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 2: you live in country towns where everyone knows what's going 26 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 2: on anyway, and they will tell you what you're doing 27 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 2: because you don't. 28 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, flip the current right, yeah, oh limpy, Yeah. 29 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 3: Let's see it like that. Right. 30 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 2: So a tribe means it's a smaller group. But what 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 2: it is is the humans who are in your life 32 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 2: around your children. So whether it's the people with kids 33 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 2: the same age, the teachers within your school environment who 34 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 2: really are on the same page, is that we actually 35 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 2: consciously need to create a sense of connectedness because our 36 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 2: kids need to feel safe with some other people other 37 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 2: than us. And I challenge parents quite often if your 38 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 2: car breaks down on the way to pick kids up. 39 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:05,919 Speaker 3: Who can you call? 40 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,519 Speaker 2: Who you know can walk up to the school because 41 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 2: they're going to be there, Because you know they're going 42 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 2: to be there. That's the first thing you know they're 43 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 2: going to be there too. The school knows that they 44 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 2: are the safe person that you get on with them, 45 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 2: they're going to pick up your kids. How many of 46 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 2: you've got that? 47 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: Wow? 48 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: Right, that's the stuff that matters. And also, you know 49 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 2: when we went through COVID, it was really how we 50 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 2: were all kept away from each other. How fundamentally that 51 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 2: did everyone's heads in right. So the second part to 52 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:38,839 Speaker 2: that is the we. We are a social species. We're 53 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 2: not a me species. What is online is very much 54 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 2: a focus of me. So do anything you can that 55 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 2: encourages the we and your family. It's us as a system, 56 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 2: it's us as a tribe. 57 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 1: It's so good to be reminded we have to deliberately 58 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 1: create and maintain that safety in ed. It doesn't just appear. 59 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,679 Speaker 1: And when Maggie told me that straight away I could 60 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: see where are the gaps in our backup? I got 61 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: right on it. It didn't take long just to chat 62 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: with my wife that night about who might be able 63 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 1: to step in. Just doing that was so powerful. So 64 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,679 Speaker 1: I'd invite you right now, pause this, ask yourself the 65 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: same question. Don't wait for your tribe to magically show 66 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: up in an emergency. You kind of got to go 67 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: and find them and nurture those people. In your tribe. 68 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: They're your air bag of humans to protect you from 69 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: the car crash of life. Unfortunately, they might not be 70 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: able to get there in time when it's you that's 71 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: losing it because we've all done it. I did it 72 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: just the other morning. You know you're tired, you're running late, 73 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: they're being loose, and you have that shouty moment, you 74 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: pull out the wrong time of voice, just a bit 75 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: too much, and the next second, this beautiful child, this 76 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: child for which you have more love than you've ever known, 77 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: is crying with tears stremming down their face, had snop 78 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: doubles doing the ha and you're the reason for it. 79 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,080 Speaker 1: And then there's a crushing guilt, and then there's off. 80 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: This is clearly evidence that I am the world's worst parent. 81 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: It's not great when that happens. But it's only the 82 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: worst if we're comparing ourselves to some imaginary, perfect pinterest 83 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: kind of parenting. But what if the key to being 84 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: a great parent isn't about the pursuit of perfection. What 85 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: if it's something far simpler and far more immediately available 86 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: even after you make a mistake. 87 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 3: To whoever you're co parenting with. It's hard. 88 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 2: Parenting is really hard, Like I don't think we'd breed 89 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: if we knew how hard it. 90 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:32,919 Speaker 3: Was going to be. Really I think we just go 91 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 3: no thanks, I'm out of here. 92 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 2: That whoever you're co parenting with have a really honest 93 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,159 Speaker 2: conversation not only about sharing the to do lest but 94 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 2: what is it that you need to do for at 95 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 2: least twice a week for an hour and a half 96 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:51,799 Speaker 2: that fills your cup and prioritize that, make sure either 97 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,839 Speaker 2: of you just works out how can we fit that 98 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,840 Speaker 2: in for each of us as the growing ups, Because 99 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 2: unless we've got a fill cup, full cup or a 100 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 2: half fill cup, we can't pour in to the little 101 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 2: ones in our house and everything's not going to work 102 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 2: as well. And every now and then, just keep recognizing 103 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 2: that there is no such thing imperfect as perfection in parenting. 104 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:13,600 Speaker 3: And that every. 105 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 2: Age, every stage will have a gift and a challenge, 106 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 2: and that just beating yourself up because you've had the 107 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 2: shouty moment, you've lost something or like me, left one 108 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 2: at the pool. You know you're not a lousy parent. 109 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 2: You're a parent just doing the best you can. Right, 110 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 2: you just get back up, focus on connection and get 111 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 2: back up the next day, let yourself off the hook 112 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 2: and have another crack. 113 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: I felt a lot of relief when Maggie said that 114 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: your child doesn't need a perfect parent, they need a 115 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: connected one. You're not a terrible parent for having a 116 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: bad moment. You are a human being doing the best 117 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: they can with the tools they've got, the willingness to 118 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: focus on that connection, giving it another go. 119 00:05:58,839 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 3: That's parenting. 120 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: None of us own a time machine to undo the mistake, 121 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: but we can take action in those moments to repair 122 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 1: the rupture, and connection is where it starts. That and 123 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 1: keeping a cup for now, I don't mean suddenly taking 124 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 1: up cycling and all golf so you can leave your 125 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: family for a full day every weekend. I'm off to 126 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: fill my cup. Honey, No, no, no, you heard what 127 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: she said. Twice week look at your screen time. Scrolling 128 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 1: doesn't count as filling a cup, but it clearly shows you, 129 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 1: oh yeah, you've got the time. Because when we're running 130 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 1: on empty, a part of the way that our brains 131 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: try to protect us is by highlighting the things which 132 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: can be seen as threats. And that's why when we're ragged, 133 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: we only see the shitty stuff. The mass the tantrums, 134 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: the things that aren't the way we want them to be, 135 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: the things that went wrong. Not only do we forget 136 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 1: the good stuff, sometimes even the good stuff can appear 137 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 1: to us as bad stuff. So when we're in it, 138 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,799 Speaker 1: and we all have been in it, or we're gonna 139 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: be in it, how do we make sure that our 140 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,120 Speaker 1: kids grow up with a brain that's anchored to happy, 141 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 1: joyful memories and not just the stuff that we get 142 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: cranky about. 143 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: What we can do when we're tired and there's a 144 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 2: lot of pressure on us, is we just focus on 145 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 2: all this shit stuff we keep forgetting. 146 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 3: To focus on the good bit. 147 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 2: So whether it's you know, the movie night with popcorn 148 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 2: and farts on the couch, or we're cooking pancakes together, 149 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 2: or we've just been to the beach and had the 150 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 2: best time. You know, I think we've just got to 151 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 2: create those I call it pockets of joy and in 152 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 2: the homes that we repeat often, because what your kids 153 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 2: remember are the repeated pockets of joy, not the crap. 154 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 3: Right. 155 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 2: The more we can create that, the more the brain 156 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 2: has a capacity to anchor those memories. 157 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, and sometimes we just need to lighten up. 158 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 2: A heck, of a lot more, because seriously, it's more 159 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 2: funny than it's awful, and it releases cortisol at the 160 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 2: same pace as screaming or crying. 161 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 3: I just I just go for laughing. 162 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: Hearing Maggie tell me that we've got a light and 163 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: up heck of a light. Well, that was good to 164 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: hear as well, because things don't always happen the way 165 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 1: you want them to happen. Look, you may as well 166 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 1: remember about how you laughed about it as you were 167 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: sorting it out and fixing things, rather than how angry 168 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: you going. But what happens as these kids get older, 169 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: especially with boys, when you're the size of an adult 170 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 1: but with a child sized decision making system between your ears. 171 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: Just the other night, I ran into a pack of 172 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 1: these guys down the street. They were a sports team 173 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: or getting pizza, twelve or thirteen years old, some of 174 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: them enormous bigger than me, all of them super excited, 175 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: none of them with an off switch. And it was 176 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,079 Speaker 1: easy to demonize teenage boys. I know I used to 177 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: be one, so I just wanted to see this one 178 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: part where Maggie explains the science behind teenage behavior. I 179 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: love it because it really demonstrates how we as parents 180 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: and maybe people who support them, like educators or you know, 181 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: you've grown up friends who they call uncle but they're 182 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 1: not their uncle, how people in their lives, adults in 183 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: their lives can support these kids during this phase of 184 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: them growing up. 185 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 2: Frustration, tolerance, oh and boredom, tolerance, all of these sorts 186 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 2: of things that we're really trying to avoid because we 187 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 2: want to be these super awesome parents. Isn't that sad 188 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 2: that we've kind of like made it an impossible job 189 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 2: because usually when you're doing those things, you're also over 190 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 2: compensating for something else in that space. Can I throw 191 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 2: in one more thing that happens in the teenage years 192 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 2: that I think parents need to know, and that is 193 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 2: that their limbic brain, which is kind of in the hippocampe, 194 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 2: you know down there, that central part it's growing, right, 195 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 2: that's with the amigdor is. That's your threat center. So 196 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:44,840 Speaker 2: that's more fiery than usual, and in boys it's way larger. 197 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: It's a really ancient, ancient bit of the brain. 198 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,719 Speaker 2: Always looking at something could be potentially dangerous. 199 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 1: Very little emotion, if any involution. 200 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,559 Speaker 2: Right, it's spontaneous. It's the threat. Is this a threat 201 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 2: to my chance of survival? And then the second part 202 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 2: is in lessons, all of the Olympic brain fires up, 203 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 2: so everything gets more intense, and it gets really intense 204 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 2: without the prefrontal lobe growing enough to be able to 205 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 2: rationalize it. So that's why you can have massive outbursts. 206 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 2: And there's a lot of door slamming right, And you know, 207 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 2: if you've got boys again, they'll kick stuff. Or I 208 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 2: had one boy come in to my English class and 209 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 2: ten minutes in just stood up and kicked the chair, 210 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 2: kicked the desk, and walked over to the wall and 211 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 2: punched his fist into a brick wall and then went 212 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 2: out the room. And all the kids are looking at me, 213 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,200 Speaker 2: and I went, I don't know you No, They had 214 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 2: no idea anyway. I got him a drink of water 215 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 2: and sat next to him outside and I said what happened? 216 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 2: And he said, my mass death. He used a few 217 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 2: f bombs in there, but I won't drop them out, 218 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 2: and I went, ah, I. 219 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: Thank you for deciding to not swear, considering how blue 220 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,319 Speaker 1: you were from the moment. I let you're at my 221 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: front door. 222 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 3: I can't pretend for a second. 223 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 1: But you don't talk like a Steven or a Dent. 224 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: I do. 225 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 2: But what happened was so he is brewed on his 226 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 2: failure twenty minutes. And I talk about the tipping point 227 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 2: in teens. You know, we've all got one, but we 228 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 2: have the capacity once that prefrontal growth that we go. Man, 229 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 2: I'm really pissed off about this, or I'm really stress 230 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 2: I'm going to go and make myself a cup and 231 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 2: eat a few tim Dams, or you would probably go 232 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 2: and do some downward dogs and some deep breathing, which 233 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 2: is mostly breathing. 234 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:32,679 Speaker 3: I so much. 235 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 2: Okay, So we already have worked strategies of what to 236 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 2: do when our body's giving us those messages. 237 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 3: Teens haven't. 238 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 2: So the last thing that flips them can be sometimes 239 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 2: really quite small, like misreading somebody's you know, someone rolls around. 240 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,079 Speaker 1: The famous what you're looking at? 241 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, what you're looking at? That stuff? Right, have famous 242 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 3: famous last words. It can be right. 243 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,680 Speaker 2: So you can imagine being shamed by somebody or someone 244 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 2: making a smart ass joke that you don't get. You 245 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 2: want to punch their head in. 246 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: Right. 247 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 3: So for that beautiful boy when. 248 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 2: We brought him back in the class, and normally probably 249 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 2: the school's expectations. What I should have sent him to 250 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 2: the deputy to be disciplined, and in my world, I 251 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,679 Speaker 2: felt that's not going to help anyone. When we got 252 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 2: back in the class, all his mates and the kids 253 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 2: had put all his stuff back up, and that's where 254 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 2: I felt there was this compassion for understanding. 255 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,959 Speaker 1: It's incredible the depth of experience that Maggie Dan has 256 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: to draw on when she's trying to explain things to you, 257 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,680 Speaker 1: and such a glorious example of compassion and empathy in 258 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: seeing the difference between helping a young man figure out 259 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: how to handle frustrations and disciplining him without helping him 260 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 1: learn at all what to do in those moments. Just 261 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: by understanding that the way a young man's brain works, 262 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: that can go a long way to helping us manage 263 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: a situation better, or help us be the person that 264 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,679 Speaker 1: helps that young man use a moment that my otherwise 265 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 1: go sideways, help them use it to maybe figure things 266 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: out so things don't happen like this again. What I 267 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: shared with you today is just the tiniest taste of 268 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: the wisdom that Maggie dropped on me the day she visited. 269 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: I'd love to know which ones you really needed to 270 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,679 Speaker 1: hear today. Let me know when you leave a rating 271 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,199 Speaker 1: or a comment. Wherever you've heard this or seen this, 272 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,439 Speaker 1: I'll pop a link in the notes for the full episode, 273 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: as well as links to Maggie's other works. She is 274 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: one of Australia's most successful self published authors for good 275 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,440 Speaker 1: reason and absolute deity when it comes to parenting and 276 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: childhood development, all of it that is anchored in research. 277 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 1: She's incredible. 278 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 3: I adore her. 279 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: If this is your first time here, please like, subscribe, 280 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: follow these new episode's coming every week twice a week. 281 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 1: Most importantly, the best thing you do for us. Tell 282 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: a friend, share this, share it somebody. Thanks for being 283 00:13:51,160 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: a part of it. I'll see your Wednesday.