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Speaker 1: I'll get a team. It's Harps, it's Bobby.

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Speaker 2: It's a week after the last episode that we did

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Speaker 2: at seven thirty two in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne.

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Speaker 2: In down them the bottom end the bum end of Australia,

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Speaker 2: and Bobby's over there on the West coast in the States.

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Speaker 1: In are you in San Diego? Still? Is that where you're.

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Speaker 3: At San Diego?

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Speaker 1: What's going on in San Diego? What are you? You're

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Speaker 1: just heading out of winter? In is it?

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Speaker 3: What is it spring?

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Speaker 1: I should know the seasons where we're just flipped.

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Speaker 3: We're the opposite of you, so we are. We're heading

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Speaker 3: into winter. We're kind of an autumn right now.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm sorry here, No, you're coming out of summer.

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Speaker 1: I'm a fucking idiot worker. And that's why we get you.

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Speaker 1: That's why we get you, because you're the brilliant one.

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Speaker 3: Sought the seasons out. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good thing. I'm not Jane Bunn. You

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Speaker 2: don't know who Jane Bunn is. She's very famous weather

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Speaker 2: forecaster here in Melbourne. How's your week been, mister Kabucco.

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Speaker 3: It's been good. It's been you know, bright and sunny,

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Speaker 3: a little bit overcast. I know you weren't actually asking

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Speaker 3: for the weather report when you pose that question, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's been all right. I'm doing a lot of rating

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Speaker 3: right now, and sometimes you forget the things that you

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Speaker 3: do that keeps you happy. You get away from it,

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Speaker 3: and I am spending several hours a day with my

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Speaker 3: head and a laptop, and I almost I feel guilty

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Speaker 3: because it's really hard work and it's a lot of research,

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Speaker 3: and you know, sometimes to like say something correctly, especially

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Speaker 3: with my brain, it takes longer than you feel that

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Speaker 3: it should. But at the end of the day, I

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Speaker 3: realize I'm happy.

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Speaker 2: What is your I mean, I've spoken about this a

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Speaker 2: few times with a couple of academics, but over the

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Speaker 2: course of six years, so it doesn't hurt to ask you.

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Speaker 2: So you're one of the best researchers I know, and

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Speaker 2: you also have this you climb to have a brain injury.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure about that, but.

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Speaker 3: Her a bloke with it early in the episode.

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Speaker 2: It's her bloke with a brain injury. Your brain is

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Speaker 2: pretty fucking amazing. What's your process? Like?

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Speaker 1: Do you do you take.

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Speaker 2: Do you hear a term or a concept or you

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Speaker 2: hear somebody talk and something gets triggered and you open

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Speaker 2: the door and go, I'm going to do a little

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Speaker 2: bit of a deep dive in that, or how does

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Speaker 2: it work for you?

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Speaker 1: And also is your amazing recall?

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Speaker 2: Is that just how your brain works or is that

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Speaker 2: just you know, just going back to the books or

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Speaker 2: going back to the research constantly and keeping updated.

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Speaker 3: I just did a Q and A on this with

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Speaker 3: the organization that I work for, the North American part

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Speaker 3: of the organization, where they wanted to find people that

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Speaker 3: have challenges learning and basically say how do you navigate that?

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Speaker 3: So they were looking like, who is the absolutely most unfortunate,

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Speaker 3: screwed up person we have working here in North America.

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Speaker 3: So they invited me to join this panel. And it's

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Speaker 3: a matter of for me understanding that your brain just

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Speaker 3: works differently, and there's a lot of experimentation. Luckily I

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Speaker 3: found out how my brain works and how I learned

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Speaker 3: very early. It was by default rather than by design.

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Speaker 3: For me, I always have to be looking for information.

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Speaker 3: My intent is up like I am always with my

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Speaker 3: head in the book, my head in a paper, in

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Speaker 3: the literature, listening to podcasts like yours, and when I

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Speaker 3: find things. I write them down, and I build on them,

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Speaker 3: I teach them. It is short of the amount of

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Speaker 3: time between I learned something and share something, the greater

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Speaker 3: chance that I'll retain it. I do not have a

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Speaker 3: very good memory, and that's a misconception because I do

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Speaker 3: hear that all the time. I love hearing that because

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Speaker 3: it means, okay, I'm doing something right. But for me,

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Speaker 3: it's repid and not just repetition in the same modality.

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Speaker 3: I have to read it multiple times, I have to

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Speaker 3: say it multiple times, I have to hear it multiple times.

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Speaker 3: So I need to use a multi century learning approach

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Speaker 3: otherwise nothing sticks. Like I will look at people that

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Speaker 3: I know and be like, for the life of me,

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Speaker 3: I can't remember your name. I mean, I know who

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Speaker 3: you are right now. So this episode should go rather smoothly.

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Speaker 3: But that's been happening to me increasingly lately, and I

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Speaker 3: don't know if that's a cause for concern, but it's

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Speaker 3: pretty normal, which is why I'm not getting that disturbed

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Speaker 3: or that concerned. Early. My memory isn't great. I've just

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Speaker 3: learned how to saturate myself with things that interest me.

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Speaker 3: If that answers the question.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So when you listen to something like this,

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Speaker 2: like if you were a listener listening to you and

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Speaker 2: may talk about the things we're going to talk about today.

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Speaker 2: Are you listening specifically to learn? Do you have the

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Speaker 2: mind of a student when you're listening or are you

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Speaker 2: just listening as a listener And if something comes up

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Speaker 2: you're like, ah, I'll just jump that down and I

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Speaker 2: might I look into that lighter.

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Speaker 3: I think the word is curiosity. I don't go onto

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Speaker 3: a podcast saying Okay, what can I learn? Although that's

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Speaker 3: a definite motivation. If you weren't interested in learning podcasts,

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Speaker 3: it's kind of an interesting venue for you. But I'm like,

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Speaker 3: what am I interested in? Because so a few years ago,

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Speaker 3: I was doing a preconference presentation over at what it

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Speaker 3: was FILEX and it was myself and a couple of

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Speaker 3: our friends. Ode was there, Michaell was there. PT was

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Speaker 3: speaking at this event, and a presenter got on the stage.

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Speaker 3: And when people say things that I vehemently disagree with,

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Speaker 3: I love those speakers because those are the things that stick.

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Speaker 3: And the person said, if you're reading, ninety nine percent

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Speaker 3: of your information should pertain directly to your craft, Like,

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Speaker 3: don't waste your time going out reading nonfiction, reading novels.

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Speaker 3: I thought that is just the opposite, because, especially if

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Speaker 3: you're going to share information, you're sharing information with people

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Speaker 3: with diverse learning modalities, diverse interest backgrounds. I want to

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Speaker 3: take in as much information from as wide of a

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Speaker 3: span of resource as I can find out what interests

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Speaker 3: me and where are the connections, because now you have

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Speaker 3: such a multifaceted ex approach to explaining the same thing

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Speaker 3: in a diversified way to a diversified group of people.

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Speaker 3: So when I go on and listen to a podcast,

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Speaker 3: what am I curious about? And when something captures my curiosity?

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Speaker 3: Very often I'll put the podcast on pulse. I don't

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Speaker 3: want to hear anymore because I'm gonna pull over to

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Speaker 3: the side of the road and I'm gonna jop that down.

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Speaker 3: My best friend is on my iPhone. You know that

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Speaker 3: notes app that you have. Each one of those notes,

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Speaker 3: I'll have twenty page and it starts out with a quote,

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Speaker 3: starts out with a statement. I'll say, Okay, what's the

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Speaker 3: research to support this? What are some other ideas? If

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Speaker 3: I was going to put this in a presentation, how

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Speaker 3: I organize my ideas and why would that be relevant?

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Speaker 3: And then I'll pay attention when I'm in a consulting

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Speaker 3: meeting somebody asks a question, Oh my god, that pertains

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Speaker 3: to what I learned the other day. So it starts

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Speaker 3: out with a few lines, I will literally have twenty

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Speaker 3: pages when I transfer that into a word document and

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Speaker 3: start dressing it up. Yeah, make life your lab.

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Speaker 2: I love that. You know what I've been what I've

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Speaker 2: been doing lately is I listen to lots of podcasts

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Speaker 2: like you. But I've started listening to a few autobiographies,

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Speaker 2: which I don't normally do, and I think I recommended

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Speaker 2: to you.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure.

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Speaker 2: I definitely recommended to our listeners a book by Megan

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Speaker 2: Phelps Roper about the Westbrood Baptist Church. It's cool, unfollow

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Speaker 2: and it's fucking amazing. Like I had low expectations, so

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Speaker 2: I thought it'd be a bit interesting. It was fascinating.

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Speaker 2: And then I just finished yesterday listening to Terry Crews.

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Speaker 2: You know, Terry Crews is the guy that hosts America's

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Speaker 2: Got Talent x NFL.

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Speaker 3: Player Terry Crews.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm like, uh, like, someone's like, you should

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Speaker 1: listen to this. I think you'd like it.

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Speaker 3: I'm like yeah, And.

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Speaker 1: I had like four credits on audible.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, so and it wasn't like, oh fuck,

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Speaker 2: that was mind blowing, but it was just interesting to

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Speaker 2: hear somebody's story who is from such a different world

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Speaker 2: to the world that I grew up in. And even

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Speaker 2: though you know, it's not like, oh, here's a profound insight,

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Speaker 2: cray and go and jot that down and then go

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Speaker 2: and open the door on that and research, it was

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Speaker 2: just like I loved listening about someone else's childhood that

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Speaker 2: was nothing like mine, and someone else's school experience that

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Speaker 2: was nothing like mine, and someone else who had parents

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Speaker 2: who with nothing like mine, and just to try to

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Speaker 2: get in the head of another human. But even the

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Speaker 2: way that sometimes I love the way that people explain

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Speaker 2: a concept. It's not even the I'm interested in the concept.

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Speaker 2: But you and I both know as teachers and as speakers,

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Speaker 2: sometimes someone will explain an idea or a construct in

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Speaker 2: a way that is better than the way I explain it,

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Speaker 2: and I go, okay, that's mine now, thank you. You know,

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Speaker 2: where somebody will talk about something and so just listening

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Speaker 2: to you know, there's the entertainment value and the wow

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Speaker 2: factor value. But then on top of that, just listening

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Speaker 2: to you know, like I was listening to him talking

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Speaker 2: about some of he he had a rough childhood, rough

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Speaker 2: and it just gives me gratitude for the rough childhood

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Speaker 2: that I didn't have.

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Speaker 1: You know, you had a rough childhood.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that to for any you know,

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Speaker 2: reason other than it's just true. And when I've spoken

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Speaker 2: to you over the years that it's not one of

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Speaker 2: the reasons I love you, but it's one of the

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Speaker 2: reasons that i'm I'm I have compassion for you, and

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Speaker 2: I know you don't want that, but it's just when

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Speaker 2: I hear about your shitty childhood or Terry Kruz's shitty

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Speaker 2: childhood or the challenges, and I think, I'm just this

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Speaker 2: privileged kid who grew up in the country, really and

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Speaker 2: it's not like we were it was a Hollywood.

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Speaker 1: Existence or anything.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I think listening to other people just talk

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Speaker 2: about their journey and their story, even then if they're

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Speaker 2: not expressly making some kind of profound point, but there's

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Speaker 2: so much along the way that you can take on board.

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Speaker 3: See if you're so methodical that lands with me that

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Speaker 3: you're only looking for relevant information to what you think

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Speaker 3: is necessary in the moment, you miss a lot of things.

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Speaker 3: Like all sad goals are extremely important. I'm not just

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Speaker 3: talking about for success and achievement. I really think they're

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Speaker 3: important for fulfilled resilience and a level of happiness. To

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Speaker 3: be fair, but if you're so locked into your behavioral

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Speaker 3: routine and things that either aligned with your goals or don't,

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Speaker 3: you don't have that unbound play and exploration that one

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Speaker 3: allows you to test different scenarios, that allows you to

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Speaker 3: creatively imaginally project yourself into different situations. You don't have

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Speaker 3: all of that, and you kind of miss things. It's

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Speaker 3: like that person that goes to a seminar and they say, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I want you to write down fifty things that are

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Speaker 3: congruent with the person of your dreams, your ideal partner,

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Speaker 3: and they walk around their whole life and it's like,

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Speaker 3: if everyone you meet doesn't meet all fifty things on

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Speaker 3: that checklist, which probably nobody will. I mean, in the

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Speaker 3: seminar they said that you'll attract that same exact person,

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Speaker 3: but someone who is really suited to you could walk

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Speaker 3: through the front door and you will miss them because

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Speaker 3: they don't match your checklist. There's something in life if

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Speaker 3: I believe about exploration, and when you vic it's social

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Speaker 3: cognitive theory, like Abbat Bendura. When you vicariously experienced the

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Speaker 3: world through someone else's situation that you didn't go through,

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Speaker 3: you can kind of learn how you would approach similar situations.

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Speaker 3: And you know, people are very different, but people are

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Speaker 3: also kind of very much the same. So autobiographies and

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Speaker 3: other people's stories. I remember we took we took a trip.

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Speaker 3: We decided to take the car and we drove during

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Speaker 3: the holidays a couple of years ago, and we listened

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Speaker 3: to Will Smith, Trevanoah, Kevin Hart's autobiography All in One Journey,

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Speaker 3: and these are you know, you can say, well, these

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Speaker 3: people are kind of similar, right, because they're all they're

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Speaker 3: all some people who have gone through stuff early in

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Speaker 3: their life, especially when you take a look at Trevoroah

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Speaker 3: first and Foremost and then Will Smith and they turned

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Speaker 3: to calm, So all three of these people have turned

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Speaker 3: to comedy. But they're also very different in their backgrounds

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Speaker 3: and the way they looked at the world. And one

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Speaker 3: of the things that I learned about is one of

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Speaker 3: these individuals created a stick like this persona for himself

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Speaker 3: because he got a lot of laughs on stage, and

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Speaker 3: whilst he was getting a lot of laughs, nobody wanted

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Speaker 3: to book them because there was nothing in this person's

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Speaker 3: personality or persona that was real and authentic and people

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Speaker 3: couldn't relate to it. And then somebody said, hey, why

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Speaker 3: don't you just talk about yourself, Why don't you talk

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Speaker 3: about real stuff that you're dealing with, And he got

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Speaker 3: into observational comedy. And it's not that his career took off.

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Speaker 3: He landed in tons of challenges that most people wanted

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Speaker 3: to have been able to overcome. But eventually it was

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Speaker 3: that authenticity and vulnerability that created a relationship with the

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Speaker 3: audience that he wants to. Everybody can relate to that.

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Speaker 3: So I don't care if you're works an accounting It

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Speaker 3: was Kevin.

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Speaker 1: Hort, right. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So it's interesting how there's so much carry over regardless

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Speaker 3: of where you're sitting in your life.

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Speaker 2: Kevin Hart is a highly motivated individual by the way,

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Speaker 2: you know, like to your point of like, goals are good,

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Speaker 2: goals are good to a point, and then you know

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Speaker 2: it's like sometimes I think like the to do list,

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Speaker 2: or the goal setting process, the structure.

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Speaker 1: Of the accountability, all of that.

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Speaker 2: All of those things are they serve a purpose, but

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Speaker 2: I think there is a point where it can go

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Speaker 2: from you know, motivation and focus and inspiration to obsess

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Speaker 2: obsession and anxiety, where now, if you're not ticking thirty

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Speaker 2: two boxes a day, you feel like a dud.

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Speaker 1: You're now you're disappointed.

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Speaker 2: Now you're beating yourself up because you're not the high

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Speaker 2: performance seven.

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Speaker 1: Days a week.

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Speaker 2: And you I mean, there's that. And I've seen this

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Speaker 2: a fair bit with self help and personal development for

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Speaker 2: want of better terms, where people kind of go on

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Speaker 2: the you know, the personal growth journey and if they're

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Speaker 2: not kicking goals on an hourly basis, then they then

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Speaker 2: they just morph into this other thing that's worse than

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Speaker 2: the thing they were before they started the journey. And

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Speaker 2: it's like, not everything needs to have a point, Like

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Speaker 2: maybe the point is fucking laughter, or maybe it's you know,

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Speaker 2: like you and I before we start this talk, we

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Speaker 2: talk and there's nothing profound going on.

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Speaker 1: It's just two guys bullshitting each other.

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Speaker 2: And it's fun and part of my relationship with you

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Speaker 2: and yours with me. Is that yes we're friends, but

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Speaker 2: like we love laughter and we love having fun and

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Speaker 2: making fun of each other and bullshitting, and you know

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Speaker 2: there's joy in that. Not everything is going to be

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Speaker 2: some profound insight or breakthrough or advancement of the self

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Speaker 2: in the middle of the you know, the life.

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Speaker 3: I think there's a lot of things in self help.

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Speaker 3: I mean my show is called the self help Antidote

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Speaker 3: for that reason. I think there's so much value and

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Speaker 3: insight that comes out of self help, and then there

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Speaker 3: is so much absolute toxic bullshit that is not substantiated

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Speaker 3: in the research. And a lot of times you get

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Speaker 3: to know these people on a personal level. They say,

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Speaker 3: don't ever meet your heroes, and they are so not

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Speaker 3: the person that is delivering that message. Life is not

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Speaker 3: a straight line. A lot of times you stumble upon

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Speaker 3: an insight because you were playing around and you were

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Speaker 3: taking a break. I always use the example of mend Belief.

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Speaker 3: He couldn't complete the periodic table because he was trying

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Speaker 3: so hard to literally find the answers that would complete it.

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Speaker 3: But when he gave up up and I don't mean

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Speaker 3: gave up forever, Like there's something I learned from my

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Speaker 3: wife that I'm actually I'm teaching in a couple of

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Speaker 3: weeks on a municipal government level here with the county.

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Speaker 3: But it's called quitting every day. He just said, all right,

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Speaker 3: I'm stuck, and he went to sleep. And when he

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Speaker 3: let go, it's not when he pushed harder, we let go.

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Speaker 3: The answer came to him in a dream and woke up,

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Speaker 3: completed the period on table and thank you very much

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Speaker 3: for that ball the way. But I watched my wife

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Speaker 3: do this where she would work eighteen hours a day

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Speaker 3: because she was a filmmaker, but as an entrepreneur, she

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Speaker 3: didn't have a lot of budget for editing and for

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Speaker 3: video audio, so she became all of that because she

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Speaker 3: was also an IT engineer in a past life. It

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Speaker 3: would be eighteen hours of brutally hard work. And it's like,

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Speaker 3: how do you do that six days a week, sometimes

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Speaker 3: seven days a week when you're make in a film.

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Speaker 3: And how she would do it is at the end

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Speaker 3: of the day, in her mind, she'd be like this,

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Speaker 3: I quit, and she sit down, turn on Netflix, pour

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Speaker 3: herself a glass of wine, and then the next morning

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Speaker 3: she would hire herself again. And the reason why this

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Speaker 3: is important is because A lot of times I would

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Speaker 3: take days off and I'd be exhausted after a day

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Speaker 3: off because I would think about work. I would ruminate,

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Speaker 3: and I really wasn't taking a day off. I just

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Speaker 3: wasn't engaging. I might as well have been working because

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Speaker 3: I was worrying about work. Which she did was completely

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Speaker 3: disconnect fire herself. I'm done, wake up the next morning,

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Speaker 3: hire herself, and do that whole cycle again. And I

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Speaker 3: think that's really important if you're going to I don't

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Speaker 3: want to say work hard, play hard. That is so cheesy,

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Speaker 3: but if you are invested in sustainable growth and creativity,

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Speaker 3: you also have to be invested in sustainable rest rejuvenation,

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Speaker 3: but also play an absurdity, go out there and experiment

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Speaker 3: with shit. And sometimes experiment might not make sense because

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Speaker 3: of what you're working on. But I have written so

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Speaker 3: many articles, had so many insights from just noticing stupid

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Speaker 3: little things like watching a film where they're talking about

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Speaker 3: that mind the gap thing when you get off the tube.

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Speaker 3: And then one day I was on my way to

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Speaker 3: a date. I got off at Saint James's place and

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Speaker 3: I heard mine the gap, and again I went to

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Speaker 3: the side of the road and started jotting things down

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Speaker 3: because wait a minute, that means something to me right now.

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Speaker 3: And then you know, I went off on my date

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Speaker 3: talked about it, and that created a seminar that got

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Speaker 3: me booked with a major organization. And it's just playing

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Speaker 3: around and being open to things, I believe.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, how good is that?

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Speaker 2: I told this story briefly the other day on a show,

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Speaker 2: but I'll tell you quickly.

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Speaker 1: So I did a gig.

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Speaker 2: I did two gigs this week for a radio station

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Speaker 2: here in Melbourne called a Lot of Him who do

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Speaker 2: a lot of good work with the community. And I

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Speaker 2: ran these two big events, mental health events, lots of

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Speaker 2: people and one of the knights, one of the knights,

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Speaker 2: I had the most gorgeous hecla. She wasn't really a hecla,

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Speaker 2: but she was in the front row, this little girl,

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Speaker 2: and she had a disability, and she was sitting with

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Speaker 2: her mum and she was just yelling out the most random.

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Speaker 1: Shit, you know.

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Speaker 2: And at first You're just like, all right, I'll just

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Speaker 2: duck and weave around this. It's all good, you know,

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Speaker 2: And then I just started engaging her and asked her

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Speaker 2: a name, and it was just like this moment where

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Speaker 2: you know, when you're in the moment, you're like, hmm,

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Speaker 2: well I definitely hadn't planned for this, and this definitely

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Speaker 2: isn't part of my presentation, but you go. But nonetheless,

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Speaker 2: and I mean it was a big group. It was

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Speaker 2: like about six or seven hundred people. But nonetheless, you're like,

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Speaker 2: all right, well, where I thought I was going to

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Speaker 2: go and how I thought this was going to work

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Speaker 2: out and kind of the energy, and well, that's all

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Speaker 2: out the window now because this is happening in front

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Speaker 2: of me. And as it turns out, I went for

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Speaker 2: you know, it was fine, but then I just went

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna We're just going to go for it.

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Speaker 2: So I just started interacting with her as well as

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Speaker 2: the whole group, and she was a delight, an absolute delight.

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Speaker 2: And the funny thing is, I actually think she made

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Speaker 2: the experience better and the moment that I stopped trying

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Speaker 2: to make it all polished and amazing and slick and professional,

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Speaker 2: and I just put my presentation on hold for a

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Speaker 2: minute and I just walked to the edge of the

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Speaker 2: stage and just riffed with Mel. All of a sudden,

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Speaker 2: everyone loved Mel. It wasn't annoying, not that she was annoying,

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Speaker 2: but it wasn't annoying. It was it was cute. You know,

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Speaker 2: there's that there's something that you can't plan for. And

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying I've always has done it, well I haven't,

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Speaker 2: but being able to go, well, fuck, this is just

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Speaker 2: where we're at right now. This wasn't my plan, and

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Speaker 2: right now my plan is out the window.

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Speaker 1: But fuck it. Here we are.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes out of those here we are moments comes

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Speaker 2: something that like at the end, I was thinking, I

402
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Speaker 2: was driving home thinking that was better than last night

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Speaker 2: took because I did two the same gig essentially in

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Speaker 2: two different places, and night one was quite good, but

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Speaker 2: the second one, which was full of mayhem, was better.

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Speaker 2: And I had a line of people for nearly an hour.

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Speaker 1: Just who wanted to, you know, say lo and talk

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Speaker 1: and ask a question.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, it's funny those moments that are completely organic,

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Speaker 2: out of your control.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes it's almost like the problem becomes the gift.

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Speaker 3: I am going to use that story. I think that

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Speaker 3: is why I'm so indexed on play. Play is my

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Speaker 3: highest value. In the last episode, we talked about don't try,

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Speaker 3: and I think that's the epitome of don't try, because

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Speaker 3: if you've got up there and we're trying to make

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Speaker 3: an impact with the audience, trying to make your point,

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Speaker 3: that would have been quite disruptive. But if you're not trying,

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Speaker 3: you're allowing that session to unfold, well, then things like

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Speaker 3: that are an invitation and you could choose to accept

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Speaker 3: that invitation. A couple of weeks ago, my team of

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Speaker 3: coaches did a presentation for the company and they just

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Speaker 3: they just crushed it right, They hit it out of

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Speaker 3: the park. And because of that, they're invited now to

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Speaker 3: come present for the board, which is very unusual. As

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Speaker 3: you can imagine, a lot of departments don't get invited

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Speaker 3: to present for the board. But they did that well.

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Speaker 3: And when they first got up there, they were so nervous,

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Speaker 3: and you could tell I could tell. I don't know

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Speaker 3: if the room could tell. But it's not what happens

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Speaker 3: to you. It's what you do with it that determines

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Speaker 3: the impression that makes on other people in your audience.

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Speaker 3: And they leaned into it, they laughed about it, and yea,

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Speaker 3: sometimes when you're up and you misspeak in front of

435
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 3: a room, you could see the presenter get flustered and

436
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 3: then everybody feels uncomfortable on their behalf and you just

437
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 3: lost them versus somebody that laughs about themselves. So you

438
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 3: tell a joke and it just doesn't land, does it?

439
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,919
Speaker 3: And you call that out because it's hysterical that it

440
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 3: doesn't land. And they just played with it, and they

441
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 3: just embraced it and just flowed right into the presentation.

442
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 3: And I was not I was proud because they delivered

443
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 3: really well, because they prepared and they earned that. But

444
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,679
Speaker 3: what I was more proud about is how they just

445
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,360
Speaker 3: embraced the awkwardness and the discomfort of being scared shitless

446
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 3: in the first thirty seconds of that, And I thought, wow,

447
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 3: now that's impressive. There's something that's valuable.

448
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 2: Sometimes I think this is going to sound weird, but

449
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: I feel like there's this whole thing going on in

450
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 2: the room despite me, Like that's got nothing to do

451
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 2: with me, And sometimes it's a really good thing. It's

452
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 2: got a bit to do with me, but a lot

453
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 2: of it not to do with me. And with things

454
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 2: like that, where something's happening with this young this young lady.

455
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,719
Speaker 2: I actually don't know how old she was is, but

456
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 2: I would say, you know, teenage sixteen to she could

457
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 2: even be twenty, I don't know, but anyway, Gordeous, but

458
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 2: it was like I needed to get out of the way,

459
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 2: like my plan and my ego and my insecurity needed

460
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 2: to get out of the way and just try to

461
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 2: because she was definitely for ten to twenty minutes, she

462
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,639
Speaker 2: was the star. It was like I was just backup singer,

463
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 2: right and like allowing that to happen and to make

464
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: her have a good time as well, and to try

465
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 2: to bring that all together. But yeah, it was that

466
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 2: That's one of those things that you know when you

467
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 2: when you do anything which is somewhat organic, you know

468
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 2: you can you and I you know how much I

469
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 2: don't plan so but I have an idea and I

470
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,439
Speaker 2: have it. I know what I want to talk about

471
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 2: on the night, but I don't have a presentation per se.

472
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: But thank god I didn't have a slide presentation.

473
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 2: That night, because that just that would have gone straight

474
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 2: out the window. But yeah, it gave me food for

475
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 2: thought as I drove home thinking about what was it

476
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 2: despite the mayhem that went on tonight, that was better,

477
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: That made it better.

478
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: Than last night? And I think it was just that that.

479
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 2: Vulnerability and that realness and that authenticity and that just

480
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: that like exchange with another human in front of six

481
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:58,959
Speaker 2: hundred or so humans just watching on. All right, So

482
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 2: last week we did this thing, and we're going to

483
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 2: do it again for around twenty minutes. Now, I'm going

484
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 2: to limit you to two or three minute response time. Now,

485
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 2: I know that's like, I know that's not easy for

486
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 2: you because your default setting is ten minutes rock bottom.

487
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 2: But I've got to increase my blood pressure. Thanks, I've

488
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 2: got about house no what we see, where we go.

489
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 2: I'd like to get through six to eight, but we

490
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 2: might get through two to three. So you do it

491
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 2: at your pace.

492
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 1: All right. Now, Bobby doesn't know what I'm going to

493
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: talk about. He hand on heart.

494
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 2: There's been no prep, no pride, discussion about any of this.

495
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 2: These are just things that I've picked out of your

496
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,959
Speaker 2: LinkedIn page or your LinkedIn platform over the last few months.

497
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 2: All Right, tell us briefly about reflective listening. What is it,

498
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 2: how do we do it? What's the value reflective listening?

499
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 3: In a two minute answer? Okay, so a lot of

500
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 3: times we think about listening, we think about not speaking.

501
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 3: Otto Scharmer, who is an expert in organizational and Cultural

502
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 3: Development wrote a book Through You, and one of the

503
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 3: aspects of Through You are levels of listening. And most

504
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 3: people in our population function on downloading, which is, I

505
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 3: am listening for something that aligns with my worldview, my

506
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 3: cognitive biases, and I'm going to dismiss everything else. When

507
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 3: we are taught to listen, we go one level deeper,

508
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 3: which is a lot better than downloading, but it's still

509
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: not connective immersive listening. That's factual listening. I don't know

510
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 3: if you're very familiar with the old show Dragnet with

511
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 3: Detective Joe Friday.

512
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 2: To you, yeah, I absolutely know that show, but I

513
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: don't think I watched it.

514
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 1: I don't know that I've.

515
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 2: Seen it referred to in movies, but I don't think

516
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 2: i've ever seen the show.

517
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,719
Speaker 3: Right, there's a very cerebral detective Joe Friday, and his

518
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 3: line was just the facts, man, the fact. Yes, but

519
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 3: the facts don't give you context, and very often that's

520
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 3: misleading and communication. But you're kind of listening from the outside.

521
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 3: And then when you start to listen from within the conversation,

522
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 3: from inside that space between you and the other person,

523
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 3: you get into emotional listening. And that's where reflections really

524
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 3: come in. So if somebody says something to you, there's

525
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 3: layers of context and meaning to be discovered, not just

526
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 3: by you, but by the mirror you hold up to somebody.

527
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 3: They get to see something that's not quite apparent all

528
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 3: the time when they're just going through the narrative in

529
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 3: their heads. So an example of this is somebody could say, oh,

530
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 3: you know my kids, I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna

531
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 3: absolutely kill them. I got If you're listening to just

532
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 3: the facts, you should call the police because this person's

533
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 3: playing on murdering their kid. It's if you're listening from

534
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 3: an emotional level, it's you've got so many things that

535
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 3: are on every day sometimes you don't know how you're

536
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 3: going to manage it. And when you got home yesterday,

537
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 3: just what you walked into was so overwhelming. When you

538
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:25,479
Speaker 3: had so many things that you needed to do, but

539
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 3: just had there was nothing left. And when you do that,

540
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 3: somebody goes yeah. And it's interesting because a lot of

541
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 3: times people say coaching, what's about asking really great questions? Well,

542
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 3: if you would ask a question follow by a question

543
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 3: follow by a question, that's an interrogation. I mean, people

544
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 3: do that like after you've been arrested, or when you

545
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 3: like when you go to your prefect, your guidance, well

546
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 3: whatever you call it, like the head master. That's when

547
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 3: you get question after question Usually why when you're in trouble.

548
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 3: When you reflect, someone learns insights about what they just

549
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 3: said that would not have been a parent had you

550
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 3: not reflected back. And a lot of times asking question

551
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 3: after question is not great because they're going through the

552
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 3: same narrative and story that keeps them stuck in the

553
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 3: first place. Even a simple reflection like say any sentence

554
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 3: to me. I'll give you an example of a very

555
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 3: simple reflection.

556
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: Craig went to the supermarket.

557
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 3: So you went to the supermarket, and it's like, that

558
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 3: is a super simple reflection. Yeah, I went to the

559
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 3: supermarket because you know, I was out of milk. So

560
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 3: you now start to continue the conversation and you start

561
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 3: to explore and expand on what you're saying to a

562
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 3: much greater degree than if I just simply asked you

563
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 3: another question. So there's levels of reflection. There's simple reflections.

564
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 3: Then there's a reflection where I'm reflecting back what the

565
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: emotional con tent was, like, what did that feel like?

566
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 3: What was the emotion that I mean, probably hunger is

567
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 3: probably prompted that, But in a coaching conversation, what was

568
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 3: the emotion that I noticed in there? Or if you

569
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 3: go a step deeper, what was the need you just need?

570
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 3: You need peace, you need some time for yourself? What

571
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 3: was the request you're making of the world. And the

572
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 3: deepest level of listening is when you're listening from the future.

573
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 3: There's a future that's emerging as a result of the

574
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 3: conversational dynamic, and you're able to be here and in

575
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 3: that emerging future at once because you know the request

576
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 3: that somebody is making, or you're reflecting the request that

577
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 3: you are observing, and that is what starts to build

578
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 3: bridges between where people are and where they want to

579
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 3: be in the conversation and in the context of what

580
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 3: the conversation's about. So reflective listening becomes very powerful when

581
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 3: you're able to to reflect back what you were observing

582
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 3: that in that space you're holding for the person you're

583
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: listening to.

584
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 1: So my version of all of that is what are

585
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: they telling me that they're not saying?

586
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 3: Oh see, I could have just started with that and

587
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 3: just answered the question. Not very good at these.

588
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: No, no, you're great at that, You're great at strengths.

589
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I think it's I love that, and

590
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,479
Speaker 2: it actually makes complete sense that. Yeah, Like people are

591
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: always telling us something even when their lips aren't moving,

592
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: so it's trying to understand that. I think I love

593
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,959
Speaker 2: this next one. This is not yours, but you shared it.

594
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 2: Tim Gorway's formula from The Inner Game of Tennis that

595
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 2: a lot of people. I don't know if you can

596
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 2: remember it, i'll share it with you, but a lot

597
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 2: of people have spoken it. Like if there was a

598
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 2: hundred books, I would pick this one based on the

599
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 2: title last. But so many people have talked about how

600
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 2: profoundly insightful and powerful this book is, which I have

601
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 2: not read, so I can't endorse that, but I've had

602
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 2: a lot of people tell me about this book anyway.

603
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 2: His formula is capital P equals lower case P minus I,

604
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 2: which I think is I didn't write it down. I

605
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 2: think it's performance equels potential minus interference.

606
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's talk about I love this. He's talking about

607
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 3: removing what gets in the way. Let's go back to

608
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 3: public speaking. Yeah, if you go to a public speaking course,

609
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 3: very often they'll tell you how to construct a speech,

610
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: how to deliver a speech, how to stand, had a gesture,

611
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 3: how to emote, And that's good, but then other courses

612
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 3: will identify who you are in moments when you communicate effectively,

613
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 3: impactfully and seamlessly, and it doesn't have to be in

614
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 3: front of an audience. Like we all have that friend

615
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 3: that when we go out with that friend, we're the

616
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 3: funniest version of ourselves because that friend holds a space

617
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 3: of openness, generosity, non judgment and they find us pretty funny.

618
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 3: We're always that funny. But how come we're more of

619
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 3: that version of ourselves with this person because we don't

620
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 3: have all of the internal interference of insecurity. Am I

621
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 3: doing this right? Is this a funny joke? Is this

622
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 3: going to land? Is this inappropriate? If I say this?

623
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 3: Am I going to make a connection in this meeting?

624
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 3: Or are they going to send me to HR? And

625
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 3: I'm going to have to explain myself, which I'm not

626
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 3: suggesting you say inappropriate things and meetings, But a lot

627
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,399
Speaker 3: of the things that gets in the way of our

628
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 3: potential is a matter of interference. It's removing what is not,

629
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 3: which is why I love that story about the David.

630
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 3: I tell that story all the time. We're the unveiling

631
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 3: of the David at the Palazzo dela Sonora in Florence,

632
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 3: and Don Tello actually writes about this instant where Nichelangel

633
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 3: was asked how he was able to create something so

634
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 3: lifelike it was it was seems like it was created

635
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 3: from the hands of the divine and he explains, in paraphrase,

636
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 3: he didn't create the David. He saw the image of

637
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 3: the David trapped inside the marvel marble, and he removed

638
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,919
Speaker 3: everything that was not the David. And that's a very

639
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 3: different perspective. And it's like, when you remove everything that

640
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 3: is not the masterpiece version of what sometimes shows up,

641
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 3: it is far more authentic, It is far more vulnerable,

642
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 3: It is far more relatable than trying to adapt a

643
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 3: set of practices that make you appear as this person.

644
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 3: So interference like like the inner game of tennis. It's

645
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 3: not like, okay, stand like this, serve like this. Okay,

646
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 3: you're gonna You're gonna rotate your hips in this manner

647
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 3: that's instructive. It's a matter of self awareness and what

648
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 3: you're focusing on, and by making subtle shifts and those variables,

649
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 3: removing the interference that gets in the way of who

650
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 3: you are when you're having the best game of your life.

651
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 3: Because if you had the best game you've ever had once,

652
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,399
Speaker 3: it was a fluke. If you've done that twice, it's

653
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 3: a pattern. What are the variables, Let's get rid of

654
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 3: what gets in the way.

655
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:31,959
Speaker 2: Love it tell me about weaponized positivity. What an interesting term,

656
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 2: weaponized positivity?

657
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:40,720
Speaker 3: You know, I think that's when somebody utilizes a game.

658
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 3: Like here's another great book, and it's a book that

659
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 3: I want to warn people to read with caution because

660
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:53,479
Speaker 3: it's almost like those those illusioned images like the old

661
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 3: lady and the young girl. Yeah, look at it. You

662
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: see one verse. Once you see both images, you can

663
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 3: never see it. So once you read this, you're not

664
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 3: going to be able to unsee this. And this is

665
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 3: games people play. By talktor Eric Byrne, and he's talking

666
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 3: about transactional analysis, and one of the things that he

667
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 3: brings up is people are running a racket. It's when

668
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 3: I pretend to be doing one thing, but I'm really

669
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 3: doing something else that's not nice and it's not socially acceptable,

670
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 3: and there's a deeper motive and that's what I'm disguising,

671
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:36,240
Speaker 3: and that's what I define as toxic positivity. When somebody says,

672
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 3: I'll give you an example of this from my Wife's film.

673
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 3: There's a scene where this guy just got broken up

674
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 3: with by his girlfriend. He is devastated. He actually asked

675
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 3: her to marry him. He was so self obsessed he

676
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: didn't realize something had changed in the relationship. She was

677
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 3: having an affair, planning on leaving him. He accidentally bumps

678
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 3: into a woman at the supermarket, I mean bumps into

679
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 3: her knox or stuff all over the floor. They wind

680
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 3: up in her apartment later and they're having this conversation

681
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 3: and she's talking about the loss of her husband. Her

682
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 3: husband died last year. And he says, but at least

683
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 3: you had eight years with someone who loved you and

684
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 3: didn't choose to be leave you like happened to me.

685
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 3: They were taken away from you. At least you can

686
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 3: look on the bright side of that is what he's saying,

687
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 3: and that is the She gets very angry because that

688
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 3: is the least empathetic thing you could possibly say to somebody.

689
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 3: It's filled with self reference and self obsession, a little

690
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 3: bit of narcissism. If we're honest, I understand the persons

691
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 3: in pain, but that's toxic positivity. At least look at this.

692
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 3: But also you could choose to rather than that would wow,

693
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 3: you lost your husband, you felt so alone because you

694
00:39:53,719 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 3: didn't know where he ended, and you began it's unjust infuriating.

695
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 3: Like again, that's an example of empathetic reflection in a

696
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 3: conversation rope. You don't have to interject your own autobiography.

697
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 3: You don't have to interject a positive interpretation. Sit with it.

698
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and reflect back what you are observing and

699
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,800
Speaker 3: what that person is feeling, and you will deepen that connection.

700
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 3: M Yeah, that's that is. That is why toxic positivity

701
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 3: is so insidious to me.

702
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: And also intertwined with, as you said, narcissism and sociopathy

703
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: and psychopathy and all theopathies. Hey, I remember you saying

704
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 1: this to me, and I know you didn't invent this expression,

705
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 1: but you were the first to say it to me

706
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 1: years ago, and I went, fuck, I love that, and

707
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: it is don't believe everything you think. And I thought

708
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: it's so true and it's so obvious, but.

709
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 2: I'd never expressed that, and now I wheel it out

710
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:02,359
Speaker 2: all the time.

711
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 1: I do credit you, but don't believe everything you think.

712
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: Just give us a few minutes on that.

713
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: There's multiple levels of reality, right, I mean the sun

714
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 3: rising in the morning. Well, whether or not you believe

715
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 3: it will, it's going to happen. So there's this absolute

716
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 3: reality that operates independent of your thought processes or beliefs.

717
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 3: If you never existed, that reality would still take place. Yes,

718
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 3: Another version of reality is perceptual reality. And that's very

719
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 3: real because it's real to you and a lot of times,

720
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 3: you know, we all interpret memories, and memory is very inaccurate.

721
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 3: Every time you recall a memory, you have to deconstruct

722
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 3: that synaptic pathway to a degree to recall that memory.

723
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 3: So recall by its new pal biological nature is inaccurate.

724
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 3: And how often you recall that memory and the state

725
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 3: of mind you're in, the emotion you're feeling, the intensity,

726
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 3: all of that influences the level of distortion of those memories.

727
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 3: But you use the interpretation of those past memories to

728
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:24,719
Speaker 3: make predictions about the future. So you might feel that

729
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 3: you have no agency in a certain area of your life,

730
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 3: and it's based on an interpretation. It's real, it's painful,

731
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 3: but you might not be aware of the times where

732
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 3: you were in tough situations and you acted with resilience

733
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 3: and creativity and agency. And like someone who grows up,

734
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 3: let's say, in a very violent household, you know, you

735
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 3: might adapt certain beliefs that, Okay, the only way I'm

736
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 3: safe is when I'm invisible. If I can make myself scarce,

737
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 3: I could avoid being targeted. And for a child who

738
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 3: has no defense mechanism, once drunk dad, you can almost

739
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 3: hear the sound of the heavy footsteps when dad's drunk,

740
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 3: versus when he's sober and he's stomping all over the

741
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 3: house to find somebody to target because he's infuriated you.

742
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 3: Being invisible is a very good strategy. Yet when you

743
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 3: grow up and you go out into the world and

744
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 3: you need to socially integrate and you have a job

745
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 3: in sales, being invisible is not a very good strategy.

746
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 3: But you have these thought processes in mind about how

747
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,359
Speaker 3: life is and how it occurs, and it's true in

748
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 3: that context, but it's not really true. And then I

749
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,320
Speaker 3: don't know, maybe last night I didn't sleep very well.

750
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 3: Maybe you know, I ate shit all last week and

751
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 3: I disrupted my serotonin production. So I'm creating a version

752
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 3: of a narrative this week that's based on biology. It's

753
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 3: not rooted in reality. So you have to step back

754
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 3: and put a space between stimulus and response and ask

755
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:08,280
Speaker 3: a little bit more questions of yourself, like is this true?

756
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 3: And if this is true, how do I know? Do

757
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 3: I have evidence to dispute it? Because not everything you

758
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 3: think is rooted in reality. A lot of times it's

759
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,919
Speaker 3: rooted in emotional state and interpretation.

760
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,959
Speaker 1: Love it all, right, let's do two more.

761
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 2: So when I started my PhD, I actually was not

762
00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:33,719
Speaker 2: doing metapception, metaaccuracy, theory of mind, all the stuff that

763
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: I ended up doing.

764
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: I actually started three months.

765
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 2: I did about three months on motivation, and it was

766
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 2: such a such a fucking mine field, and it was

767
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 2: so it was such a slippery construct, right, And so

768
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,959
Speaker 2: my version now to I just want a couple of minutes,

769
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 2: a few minutes from you on motivation. So there's when

770
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 2: a lot of people talk about motivation, especially in the

771
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 2: getting in shape, you know, change your life, change your thinking, habits, behaviors.

772
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 2: People say things like I've just lost motivation, or I

773
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 2: am motivated, I'm in the zone on pump. So there's

774
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:18,800
Speaker 2: motivation the state, the emotional state or the mental state,

775
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 2: and then there's motivation. So that's one, you know, kind

776
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 2: of very casual definition is how you feel your level

777
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: of motivation.

778
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: And then the other one is your reason your driver,

779
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 1: Like what is your motivation? What is your reason? What

780
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 1: is your driver? What is your why?

781
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 2: I want you just to give us your thoughts around

782
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 2: motivation and the role that it plays in helping us

783
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 2: or empowering us or limiting us to get where we

784
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:47,879
Speaker 2: want to go.

785
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 3: I am so glad you asked me this question. Sort

786
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:56,000
Speaker 3: of it's a bit contentious for me because a lot

787
00:45:56,040 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 3: of people are really fond of saying motivation is not important,

788
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 3: it's this thing you need, and it's like, okay, when

789
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 3: you say motivation, what exactly are you talking about? Simply put,

790
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 3: motivation is whether it is a social influence, a physiological,

791
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:18,280
Speaker 3: psychological influence. It's a reason for doing something or behaving

792
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 3: in some way. If you don't have a reason for

793
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 3: doing something or behaving in some way, you might not

794
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 3: want to do it really. And then there's intrinsic motivation

795
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 3: that comes out of self determination theory that deals with

796
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 3: autonomy and my freedom to choose and personal relevance. It

797
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 3: deals with relatedness and it deals with the development of

798
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 3: mastery competence, if you will. Intrinsic motivation has been proven

799
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 3: in the literature to be a strong determinant of sustainable

800
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 3: behavior change over time. When people say I'm not motivated,

801
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 3: they're confusing motivation with enthusiasm. Like we have those moments

802
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,360
Speaker 3: where you know, when you were a kid and you

803
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:08,840
Speaker 3: watched Rocky and it's like, I am so enthusiastic to

804
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 3: go out and work out, and then the next day,

805
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 3: you know, it's been twenty four hours since you've seen

806
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 3: the film, and it's like it's it's cold, and it's

807
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 3: early in the morning. It's like, I don't feel like

808
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 3: doing this. Well, if you're relying on this emotional precursor

809
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 3: or prompt all the time, you're probably not going to

810
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 3: have the consistency to bring about any of the results,

811
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 3: whether they're extrinsic or intrinsic. So going off of enthusiasm

812
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 3: is a really shit strategy for long term behavior change.

813
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 3: Motivation is very deep motivations around what is meaningful to me,

814
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 3: How does this align with my values? What do I

815
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 3: see for myself? In the future, and why does that matter?

816
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 2: Right, So you make a really valid point, and motivation, inspiration,

817
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:04,920
Speaker 2: and enthusiasm as are typically used interchangeably as meaning pretty

818
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 2: much the same thing.

819
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: But it's not.

820
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 3: Right, not at all. I think one of the things

821
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 3: that would help in conversations is instead of arguing over

822
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,440
Speaker 3: you said something and I don't one hundred percent agree

823
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 3: to it, So I'm going to launch into a monologue

824
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 3: on the internet maybe just hey, you know, when you

825
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 3: say that, what do you mean, well, you need discipline?

826
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 3: Well that sounds reasonable when you talk about discipline, what

827
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,840
Speaker 3: do you mean by that? And it's a fair question

828
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: because we use words so ubiquitously and interchangeably. Sometimes somebody

829
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 3: is using the same exact word, but it means something different,

830
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 3: or it's it's quite different than the context of what

831
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 3: they're using it, of how they're using it, and we

832
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 3: kind of get into these arguments without understanding what are

833
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:00,399
Speaker 3: we really talking about here?

834
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:00,839
Speaker 1: Hm?

835
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,239
Speaker 2: Love it all right now. I don't know if you

836
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 2: can tell this story in four or five minutes. This

837
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:12,399
Speaker 2: is probably the hardest question just in terms of being

838
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 2: able to execute.

839
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 1: The story of Perseville.

840
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 2: I don't know even if you remember it, but I

841
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 2: saw it on your timeline. I'm like, I'm interested the

842
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 2: story of Personval, a young knight's journey to overcome dogma

843
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 2: and embrace his true nature.

844
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 3: Pirst of All was the story of a boy that

845
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:36,760
Speaker 3: became anate and he was tasked with a great purpose

846
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:40,319
Speaker 3: and failed in it initially. And the reason why he

847
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 3: failed in it initially is because he rejected his own

848
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 3: innate nature. He rejected his own inauthenticity based on a

849
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 3: promise that was made to his mother out of context.

850
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,560
Speaker 3: That's the short of the story. The longer of the

851
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 3: story is pirst of All was an old child. His

852
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: brother and his father were knights and they were all

853
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 3: killed in battle, and Perceval, being the youngest, was spared

854
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 3: that fate and he's living with mom. So what do

855
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 3: you think Mom's main intention around Perceval is at this

856
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 3: point having lost all of her sons and her beloved husband.

857
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 2: And the answer, I would assume to keep him alive

858
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:24,720
Speaker 2: and not send him into battle.

859
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, So, whatever you do, you don't want to be

860
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 3: a knight, stay away from knights, that is not for you.

861
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 3: You're gonna work here, you know, work around the house

862
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:40,720
Speaker 3: and make a modest living. Just for the love of heaven,

863
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 3: do not engage yourself in things a bottle. So one

864
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 3: day he's he's, you know, playing about, you know, a

865
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 3: little bit far from his house and he sees these

866
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:54,359
Speaker 3: knights riding and he is just mesmerized and he ends

867
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 3: up joining them. They invite him on a quest. He

868
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:02,280
Speaker 3: goes home to tell mom. Mom's not enthusiastic in the least,

869
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 3: but she sees that, first of all, will not be persuaded.

870
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 3: There's something inside of him that needs to do it.

871
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 3: So she knows he's a very curious character, and he

872
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 3: always his curiosity inserts him in situations like kind of

873
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 3: like the one he's in right now. And she says,

874
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 3: whatever you do, don't ask so many questions, please, because

875
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 3: she figures, at least if he doesn't go around asking questions,

876
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 3: it'll help him stay out of trouble. And he goes

877
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,360
Speaker 3: along with these knights and he finds himself in the

878
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,840
Speaker 3: castle along these many journeys of the fisher King and

879
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 3: the fisher King. It's never really said what the wound is,

880
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 3: but he has a wound that is physical, but it's

881
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 3: also spiritual, and he's die like the fisher. King is

882
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 3: severely inflicted emotionally, psychologically, and physically. He cannot sit, nor lie,

883
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 3: nor stand in any position and not be in excruciating pain.

884
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,800
Speaker 3: And his lands have been laid to waste. Nothing grows,

885
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 3: his people are starving, they're struggling, and here comes this,

886
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:07,919
Speaker 3: this innocent fool. You know, he's, this innocent fool. He's

887
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 3: in the court. But it's prophesied that this innocent fool

888
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 3: will arrive in court and with a question, my lord,

889
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:19,960
Speaker 3: what ails you? The king and his lands will be healed.

890
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 3: And they're waiting for him to ask this question. And

891
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:26,359
Speaker 3: he's so curious. He wants to know what ails this king,

892
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 3: but he can't bring himself to ask this question because

893
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 3: his mother had made him promise, please just don't go

894
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 3: around asking these questions. And so he leaves, and the

895
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 3: king suffering continues, and so does his people, and he

896
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:44,240
Speaker 3: fails in this quest, and he goes on years and years,

897
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 3: and eventually he decides to go home and visit his mother.

898
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 3: And by that time he hears she has already passed,

899
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 3: and he has this revelation that because she has passed,

900
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:58,240
Speaker 3: he has kept his promise to his mother. This whole time.

901
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 3: And he goes back to the castle of the Fisher

902
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 3: King and he says, my lord, what ails you? And

903
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 3: because he was true to his nature and he fulfilled

904
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 3: his task with courage, the fisher King and his lands

905
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 3: are healed. And that is the moral of the story,

906
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 3: is about living in authenticity to your nature. And there's

907
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:32,960
Speaker 3: a lot of conversation around what is authenticity, and I

908
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 3: believe authenticity is when you are living your purpose. You

909
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 3: are living your highest values in any situation. Now that's

910
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:49,880
Speaker 3: something that we do with great error and inconsistency, but

911
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:55,319
Speaker 3: you are acting on intention, if not imperfectly, to live

912
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 3: your values in any situation you find yourself in.

913
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 1: I love that story. I love that story.

914
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 3: It's a great story, isn't it.

915
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: I like this little format with you.

916
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes when you're teaching, I just I

917
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 2: forget I've got to I've got to ask a question

918
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,919
Speaker 2: in a minute, and I just get it a little

919
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 2: bit enamored and a little bit like swept up in

920
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 2: the moment.

921
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: Hey mate.

922
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 2: So Bobby's podcast is called the Self Help Antidote. How

923
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 2: can people find you and connect with you?

924
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 3: Well, it's on the self Help Antidote I need to

925
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 3: check that email box a little bit more often so

926
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 3: you can send us messages there. People do, and eventually

927
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 3: I do read them and respond to everybody. So I'm

928
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 3: at the self help antidote dot com, I'm at Robert

929
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 3: Capuccio dot com. I'm on LinkedIn.

930
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if worse comes to worst, as send me

931
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 2: an email and I'll get it to him.

932
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 1: Thanks, Matte.

933
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 2: We say goodbye out there, but mate, appreciate you, love you.

934
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 2: You're so good at what you do. And I know

935
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 2: it's Saturday afternoon over in San Diego when you probably

936
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,320
Speaker 2: should be out doing something with your beautiful wife.

937
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:09,240
Speaker 1: So thanks for spending an hour.

938
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 3: That's what she said. Thank you, Craig, Thanks everybody. Bye

939
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 3: bye mate