Speaker 1: Apodia production.
Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn.
Speaker 2: Laugh, and level up together.
Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the
Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table
Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander.
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, welcome back to Grow and Glow. Hey you
Speaker 1: feeling mate? I feel good? How are you feeling? Oh?
Speaker 1: I'm feeling a lot of different emotions because this is
Speaker 1: just a really big episode and it's something I've obviously
Speaker 1: been going through myself the last couple of months. But
Speaker 1: to finally just be talking about my life the last
Speaker 1: couple of months, because it has been a whirlwind. It
Speaker 1: has been something I did not see coming so unexpected.
Speaker 1: But I'm going to tell her all today, all the
Speaker 1: details how everything's happened and led me to this point
Speaker 1: of one finding out that I've got a brain aneurysm.
Speaker 1: Two finding out then a few months later that I
Speaker 1: need to have surgery because I didn't think I would
Speaker 1: have to have surgery after them finding it. And three
Speaker 1: how I've come to the decision to close down Baseline
Speaker 1: Active the clothing side of my business, so not the
Speaker 1: app but the clothing side of my business, which is huge.
Speaker 1: It is huge, and for all of this to happen
Speaker 1: at once, it just like WHOA. It's been a lot.
Speaker 1: So we'll start from the beginning. A couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: I was really not feeling happy and it was really
Speaker 1: unlike me. I feel like the last I don't know
Speaker 1: how many years, five, ten, fifteen years, there's been ups
Speaker 1: and downs, but I've really enjoyed my life. I've really
Speaker 1: enjoyed my business. I really enjoyed the opportunities that I've had.
Speaker 1: I've really enjoyed being in my hume. I've been hustling
Speaker 1: for a long time and I've loved it and it
Speaker 1: served me up until now. And a couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: I just felt like something was off and I couldn't
Speaker 1: quite pinpoint exactly what it was, but I felt like
Speaker 1: I was waking up and I didn't want to get up,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to handle my responsibilities. I felt stressed all the time.
Speaker 1: I felt very stretched. I felt like I just wasn't
Speaker 1: enjoying my tasks and my roles, and even being around
Speaker 1: older people. I kind of felt like I just wanted
Speaker 1: to go in and be at home more and be
Speaker 1: with my kids more. I started finding it really hard
Speaker 1: to leave Tarla to go to work, like I just
Speaker 1: didn't want to leave her. I wanted to be with
Speaker 1: her more. And I was crying all the time, like honestly,
Speaker 1: every second or third night, I would just sit on
Speaker 1: the couch and sometimes I would try and hold it
Speaker 1: back because I just got so sick of crying, and
Speaker 1: Steve would just have to take one look at me
Speaker 1: and I would start crying again, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just so unhappy, and I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I did start to really feel like majority of it
Speaker 1: came from my work life. It was just a really
Speaker 1: difficult time and I felt really stressed, and I started
Speaker 1: to not sleep very well. And on a Friday, we'd
Speaker 1: organized a little girls sleepover myself, Nadine, and Sarah because
Speaker 1: they were all feeling a bit like, Oh, let's get together.
Speaker 1: We always have fun. Tap into that playful energy. Stepped
Speaker 1: over there. We had a beautiful night. The next morning,
Speaker 1: I woke up and I thought, God, my neck just
Speaker 1: feels really, really tight. Anyways, went to training. On the
Speaker 1: way back from training, I was meeting the girls at
Speaker 1: the cafe, and just as I was pulling out, probably
Speaker 1: a couple hundred meters away, I started to lose sight
Speaker 1: in my left side of my eye. It was flickering
Speaker 1: flashes of black if I would look straight ahead. I
Speaker 1: couldn't see on my left side, and I was like driving,
Speaker 1: So I was just so scared. Luckily was really close.
Speaker 1: Pulled into the cafe and I was like, oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: what is going on. I must be getting a migraine.
Speaker 1: No sign of a headache or anything. I sat at
Speaker 1: the cafe and I just the girl's like, you're right.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I can't see, Like I literally
Speaker 1: can't see it on my left hand side. So Sarah
Speaker 1: ran down to the chemist and got me some voltain
Speaker 1: because she's like, you're getting a migraine, take volta and
Speaker 1: it's stronger than neurothin. I took both to neurofin and
Speaker 1: Voltarin and it kind of helped a little bit. But
Speaker 1: I ended up getting Sarah to drive me back to
Speaker 1: her house because it was like two minutes away, and
Speaker 1: she just laid me down in her bed, covered my
Speaker 1: eyes and I laid there for about two hours, just
Speaker 1: in the darkness, and it went away. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that was scary. Just must have been a migraine. All good.
Speaker 1: Told Levi about it. He was like, Oh, you should
Speaker 1: probably go get a scan or something. That's really strange.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, it'll be fine. Two days later,
Speaker 1: same thing happened. I trained. I lost my sight, this
Speaker 1: time in my right side. I was like, it must
Speaker 1: be training. There must be something to do with my neck,
Speaker 1: trying to find the answer, trying to find the solution.
Speaker 1: Leva I was like, you should go get some scans.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I probably should, Hay. Anyways, life
Speaker 1: went on, went about my week. So the first time
Speaker 1: was a sad day, then it was a Tuesday. Then
Speaker 1: it was all good until the Sunday and I'm sitting
Speaker 1: at breakfast with Steve and his family, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I lose sight in both my eyes. I
Speaker 1: look at my father in law because we're talking about this,
Speaker 1: and he's like, that happens to me when I get migraines.
Speaker 1: And I said, I can't see you. I'm looking at him.
Speaker 1: I'm staring straight at him and I said, I can't
Speaker 1: see you. He's like, what do you mean, and he's
Speaker 1: waving his hand up and I said, it's blurry. I'm
Speaker 1: having the flashes of black and I just I said,
Speaker 1: I just need to sit back and tables all over me.
Speaker 1: She always is. So I'm sitting in this cafe and
Speaker 1: I just put my head back and Mari Steve's mom
Speaker 1: passes me to a neurofin and like puts it in
Speaker 1: my mouth and I have that and I'm panicking at
Speaker 1: this point because I really can't see. And Steve's like,
Speaker 1: we need to go to the doctor, like this is
Speaker 1: a third time this week something's not right, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, let's go now. So we helped in
Speaker 1: the car, went to the doctor and he took me
Speaker 1: straight in and he just looked at my eyes. He
Speaker 1: then got on the phone and must have rang a
Speaker 1: neurologist or someone who specializes in eyes, and they said,
Speaker 1: send us straight to the hospital. And I was like,
Speaker 1: this is a bit dramatic, like wouldn't it just be
Speaker 1: in migraine? Trying to get out of go in to
Speaker 1: the hospital because it's a Sunday morning. I'm with my
Speaker 1: family and I thought, what could it be? You know,
Speaker 1: Steve drove me straight to the hospital. So sat in
Speaker 1: the waiting room. They took me through. I got a
Speaker 1: c T scan, I got a tone of eye test,
Speaker 1: done everything with my eyes came back clear. And then
Speaker 1: eight hours later the doctor comes out and said, your
Speaker 1: eye tests are all fine, but we have found a
Speaker 1: brain aneurysm. And I was like what. I was like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean a brain aneurysm? And so we
Speaker 1: found a brain aneurism. We're going to keep you overnight
Speaker 1: because we want to put you through an MRI to
Speaker 1: see if this was related to your eyesight and just
Speaker 1: to find out more information about it. So you're staying
Speaker 1: in tonight. Do you want to call a family member
Speaker 1: and get them to drop you some stuff off? And
Speaker 1: I'm just like I started crying, just absolute shock at
Speaker 1: this point. And then I called Steve and he was like,
Speaker 1: fuck okay, because Steve's had a brain aneurysm. So backstory
Speaker 1: on Steve. He had actually I figured what it's called
Speaker 1: ac something. Basically he had lots of little aneurysms that
Speaker 1: come together to create one big, tangled aneurysm. They're really dangerous.
Speaker 1: From age I think it was ten to nineteen, not
Speaker 1: one surgeon in Australia would operate on him because it
Speaker 1: was so dangerous. The risk of him dying in surgery
Speaker 1: was huge, the risk of him going blind huge. Turned
Speaker 1: nineteen one surgeon in Sydney so that I'll operate on him.
Speaker 1: But there's still a high risk of death or a
Speaker 1: high risk that you're going to go blind. But also
Speaker 1: you walking around with this aneurism, you are literally a
Speaker 1: ticking time bomb. He had to stop all contact sport.
Speaker 1: He was a footy player. He couldn't go surfing. Anything
Speaker 1: that could hit his head could kill him. So he's
Speaker 1: been through one a lot more severe than mine. But
Speaker 1: when I called him, he was just like, holy shit,
Speaker 1: I can't believe you've got a brain aneurysm. And I
Speaker 1: had a brain aneurysm. So then I called my mum
Speaker 1: and she was like, oh, okay, you know this is
Speaker 1: what grand died of, and you know this is what
Speaker 1: Uncle Mark died of and you know, Uncle Craig's got one.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my gosh, this is like
Speaker 1: heavy in my family and she's like yeah. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, this is really scary. So anyways, I had
Speaker 1: forty eight hours total in hospital. The next morning I
Speaker 1: went for an MRI that was all clear, didn't really
Speaker 1: tell us anything else, and they told me, then, you know,
Speaker 1: we're going to send you away. We think your loss
Speaker 1: of sight has nothing to do it with your aneurysm
Speaker 1: that we are putting down to extreme stress and phaustion.
Speaker 1: So you need to slow the fuck down. Basically, however
Speaker 1: you're living right now, like you need to take a
Speaker 1: step back. Your body's given you symptoms and signs that
Speaker 1: it's not handling the stress, and you need to sleep
Speaker 1: and rest more with the aneurism, or we need to
Speaker 1: come back in three months and we're going to see
Speaker 1: if anything's grown or changed in any way, shape or form,
Speaker 1: but you most likely won't have to do anything about it.
Speaker 1: You'll just come back for yearly checkups. I was like, cool,
Speaker 1: no worries, walked away pretty confident. My mum, however, was
Speaker 1: pretty upset. She was like, I don't like that you're
Speaker 1: just walking out of there. I feel like they should
Speaker 1: be doing something about it. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, it's only just over four millimeters. Obviously isn't huge.
Speaker 1: They obviously don't think anything's wrong, so that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to go through surgery. So I
Speaker 1: kind of went about my life just you know, thinking
Speaker 1: that it'll be all good. Went back for my second MRI.
Speaker 1: This is only a couple of weeks ago. Steve's like,
Speaker 1: do you want me to come with you? And I said, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'll be good. I'm sure they'll just send me away
Speaker 1: and I'll have my yearly checkups. When I went into
Speaker 1: the doctor, he said, look, you know, we've sat down
Speaker 1: and spoken about your case and all the neurology team here.
Speaker 1: We've decided it's best to move forward with surgery. And
Speaker 1: at this point, I'm just like, once again in complete shock.
Speaker 1: I said, am I not getting an MRI today for
Speaker 1: you to see if it's changed? Like you haven't even
Speaker 1: checked if it's changed. He said, it doesn't matter. I said,
Speaker 1: but it's only small. He goes, it doesn't matter. It's
Speaker 1: the placement of it, it's your age. The best thing
Speaker 1: to do is for us to get in there and
Speaker 1: to do something about it. We only can go off stats,
Speaker 1: and I could tell you that you could be fine
Speaker 1: for the next ten twenty forty years, but you could
Speaker 1: walk out of here and tomorrow it ruptures or you stroke.
Speaker 1: It is best if we do surgery to prevent any
Speaker 1: of that happening. And at that point he told me
Speaker 1: there's three different types of surgery they can do. But
Speaker 1: as he's telling me this information just flying over my
Speaker 1: head because I'm just in complete shock. He's like, let's
Speaker 1: book in a surgery date and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. Can I go home and just like chill
Speaker 1: and think about it? Like I don't have to go
Speaker 1: through the surgery, do I? And he said, look, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't advise chilling on this. Let's book a surgery date
Speaker 1: in and if you decide this isn't for you and
Speaker 1: you want to cancel, it's going against what we're advising you.
Speaker 1: But obviously you're life. But let's book something in. So
Speaker 1: did that whatever rain? Steven just bore my eyes and
Speaker 1: just like yeah, really struggled to process say information. But
Speaker 1: while I was in hospital, I just had a lot
Speaker 1: of time to think. I had forty eight hours just
Speaker 1: literally laying in hospital bed, and I was really reflecting
Speaker 1: on my life and what's important and what I'm enjoying
Speaker 1: and what I'm not and where my stress is really
Speaker 1: coming from, and when it all came down to it,
Speaker 1: it was baseline. And that was a really hard pill
Speaker 1: for me to swallow because I think I've wrapped so
Speaker 1: much of my identity around this business and being a
Speaker 1: successful business woman and being able to juggle all the
Speaker 1: hats and do so much and hustle and be successful
Speaker 1: and grow this beast of a business that it is,
Speaker 1: and I've been so proud of that, and I have
Speaker 1: enjoyed so much of it until I haven't. And you know,
Speaker 1: on social media, I definitely show more the highlight stuff
Speaker 1: around business because that's the fun stuff that we want
Speaker 1: to see and it's a high vibe. But most of
Speaker 1: my time is sitting behind a desk and dealing with
Speaker 1: the logistics and the cash flow and managing a team
Speaker 1: and just the stress of running a big business. And
Speaker 1: I'm being completely honest, I fucking hate it. I don't
Speaker 1: enjoy it. And it wasn't until I had that time
Speaker 1: and space to reflect that. I was like, ah, I
Speaker 1: can see this so clearly now, but in the same breath,
Speaker 1: it's like, well, what do you do about that? You
Speaker 1: don't give up. You've got to keep going. You've got
Speaker 1: staff that need jobs. You've paid for nine months worth
Speaker 1: of collections. That's hundreds of thousands dollars that I put
Speaker 1: deposits on for the next nine to twelve months. I
Speaker 1: can't just quit a business, and this business is very
Speaker 1: heavily reliant on me. It's probably one of the biggest
Speaker 1: mistakes I've made throughout my career, is everything being really
Speaker 1: heavily focused on me because I'm the front end on
Speaker 1: the face of But once again, I've loved that part
Speaker 1: of it. So I don't know how I would have
Speaker 1: done it differently. Maybe I would have hired different team
Speaker 1: members to train them up to do different I don't know,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I just come to the conclusion that I
Speaker 1: don't want to do this anymore. And when I went home,
Speaker 1: I hadn't even brought this up with Steve, but basically
Speaker 1: the next day he sat me down because when I
Speaker 1: was in hospital, obviously the team and him had to
Speaker 1: step in and take over quite a lot of my
Speaker 1: roles and deletgate, and also Steve wanted to change up
Speaker 1: the way the business was running so that I could
Speaker 1: step back a little bit more because I'd been advised
Speaker 1: by my medical team to not work as hard and
Speaker 1: full on as what I was. So he'd changed a
Speaker 1: few things up. Team members were stepping up and trying
Speaker 1: to do different things. And he sat me down and
Speaker 1: he just said, you haven't been happy for months, and
Speaker 1: you know I will do whatever I can to support
Speaker 1: you in your dreams and your brands and whatever you
Speaker 1: want to do. Like I will step up, I will
Speaker 1: work harder, I will take on more. If your heart
Speaker 1: is one hundred and ten percent in this, if you
Speaker 1: know this is what you want to do for the
Speaker 1: next five, ten, fifteen years, like this is just everything
Speaker 1: to you. But if you don't, I don't think guy,
Speaker 1: I can give it one hundred percent either. And in
Speaker 1: that moment, I knew it was over. I knew, and
Speaker 1: I boiled my eyes and he just sent me off
Speaker 1: for a walk so I could like breathe in process,
Speaker 1: and I just went for this walk. I knew I
Speaker 1: had to make the decision to close it down, but
Speaker 1: there's just so much like so many layers to it,
Speaker 1: and then yeah, the rescuer and people pleaser and me
Speaker 1: my staff. My first thing that came to my head
Speaker 1: is like, now I have to let go of some
Speaker 1: of the team members, and I have to announce my audience,
Speaker 1: and just so many reflections and learnings and aha moments
Speaker 1: of who I am and how I've been showing up
Speaker 1: is all about to change. But the sadness and the
Speaker 1: fear didn't last too long. And that's how I knew
Speaker 1: this was the right decision for me. And I say
Speaker 1: that with such like excitement. It was really really exciting
Speaker 1: to come to that decision. So he made this decision
Speaker 1: pretty damn quickly. When we went to Levi about it,
Speaker 1: he was so supportive because he's obviously our business partner
Speaker 1: in everything that we do and has been for the
Speaker 1: last fifteen years. And he just looked at me and
Speaker 1: he just said, this is the right decision. He's like,
Speaker 1: how can you argue with your health? You cannot make
Speaker 1: a decision to keep going based on your health and
Speaker 1: your other values, which is family and freedom and time.
Speaker 1: They're the things that I value most and baseline robs
Speaker 1: me of all of that. Now, it was taking more
Speaker 1: than what it was giving. And I say, in any relationship,
Speaker 1: any job, any situation, if it's taking more than it's giving,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's right for you. And we spoke
Speaker 1: about another podcast that whole like never give up, don't
Speaker 1: give up. But I honestly have learned firsthand experienced in
Speaker 1: myself that it takes bravery and strength to know when
Speaker 1: it is time to let go. And it's not easy.
Speaker 1: It's really uncomfortable because, like I said, so much with
Speaker 1: my identity has been wrapped around being the successful business
Speaker 1: woman and having this brand. But I just know the
Speaker 1: this is right for me, and I'm really excited for
Speaker 1: this next chapter. But there's been so many like cool
Speaker 1: little lessons along the way that I thought I would
Speaker 1: touch on today. So one of the first ones is
Speaker 1: just this feminine intuition and pull that I've had to
Speaker 1: be more in my mum life. And I know that
Speaker 1: sounds ridiculous because I'm a mum, but I work so much.
Speaker 1: I work Monday to Friday, and then even on the
Speaker 1: weekends I'm working. And this last like six months, I'm
Speaker 1: working at nighttime too. And what's the first thing I
Speaker 1: do when I wake up I'm working. What I do
Speaker 1: on my walk, I work. It never stops ever, And
Speaker 1: that is the cool flexible thing about having a business,
Speaker 1: they say, is like, you know you've got that flexibility.
Speaker 1: And yes, I've never missed out on any of Taj's
Speaker 1: school events. I've been able to still travel and do
Speaker 1: really cool things and still keep up to date with
Speaker 1: all of my work. But it never stops. And the
Speaker 1: brain like mental load that you carry as a business owner,
Speaker 1: like I never hear anyone talk about. It's all glamorized
Speaker 1: on social media, which I've been a part of too,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to come on and be complaining
Speaker 1: about how hard business is, because I feel so grateful
Speaker 1: that I'm in this position to want to have a business.
Speaker 1: I love get to work on something I'm really passionate about,
Speaker 1: Like I love active where I love helping women feel amazing.
Speaker 1: That will never change. But the other stuff that people
Speaker 1: don't talk about, it's a mental load that you never
Speaker 1: really get a break from, especially if you're in the
Speaker 1: growth stage or is just at a scale and level
Speaker 1: that baseline was at. So I've felt, yeah, like I
Speaker 1: want to be at home more. I want to be
Speaker 1: with my kids, more in charge is at school, but
Speaker 1: Tyler's like just about to turn two. I just want
Speaker 1: more time with her. There's time's going by so fast,
Speaker 1: and yeah I get weekends and after work, but even
Speaker 1: the morning, I've got like an hour before I'm heading
Speaker 1: off to work for the day, and the hour's chaos.
Speaker 1: It's not quality, nice time with my kids. And wanting
Speaker 1: more time with her, Like I see these moms get
Speaker 1: these whole days where they just go to the park
Speaker 1: and like cook and do all this stuff. And I
Speaker 1: started to do that on a Thursday, which I've spoken about,
Speaker 1: and it's just my favorite day of the week. I
Speaker 1: feel so feminine and flowy and connected and just just nice.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I want more of that. But I
Speaker 1: felt so stuck with that. I haven't been able to
Speaker 1: I can't just walk away and expect someone else to
Speaker 1: do my roles. So that was a huge wake up
Speaker 1: call for me that made this decision really easy. I've
Speaker 1: also had a reflection of like, I have been hustling
Speaker 1: and had my foot on the pedal since I was
Speaker 1: thirteen years old. That's when I have my first job.
Speaker 1: I've always been a really, really hard worker, and I've
Speaker 1: always been really praised for that. Wow, you're such a
Speaker 1: hard worker. You juggle so much. How do you do
Speaker 1: it all? So I've kind of stayed in that personality
Speaker 1: because it's brought me so much, like I suppose, pride,
Speaker 1: and I've been so proud of that and people will
Speaker 1: look up to me for that. So that's a part
Speaker 1: of my identity work that I need to do now
Speaker 1: is like, oh, am I still inspirational? If I don't
Speaker 1: have a business? Am I still looked up to? Am
Speaker 1: I still good enough? Am I still smart enough? Have
Speaker 1: I failed? Like all of these stories and questions have
Speaker 1: been rumbling in my head. It's so quick for me
Speaker 1: to come back to But here you are all of
Speaker 1: those things without baseline. Like, baseline isn't who I am.
Speaker 1: That's not what makes me strong and you know, inspiring
Speaker 1: or all those things that I want to be. It's
Speaker 1: not defined on whether I have an active relabel. That
Speaker 1: was just so interesting to unpack. Yeah, and then one
Speaker 1: of the other things was I realized I have had
Speaker 1: my toes dipped in so many different things over the years,
Speaker 1: and once again, I've loved doing that. I don't regret
Speaker 1: it at all. I've helped start up with loads of
Speaker 1: my friends businesses, and I've invested here and there, and
Speaker 1: I've got lots of collaborations, and i work as an
Speaker 1: influence as well. And I've had multiple businesses and brands
Speaker 1: over the years, and I don't regret any of them.
Speaker 1: I've loved all of them, and some have lasted a
Speaker 1: really long time and some have been a short season.
Speaker 1: But I feel like now even have going from one
Speaker 1: kid to two kids, you just don't have as much time. Therefore,
Speaker 1: I can't give one hundred percent into anything. So almost
Speaker 1: feel like I've been giving most things ten or twenty
Speaker 1: percent and that doesn't feel good for me. Yeah, if
Speaker 1: I do something, I want to be able to do
Speaker 1: it properly and put all of my into it, make
Speaker 1: sure that it's something that I'm really really proud of,
Speaker 1: and I can't do that. Like high Away, for example.
Speaker 1: I love our brand Hideaway. My mom started that. I'm
Speaker 1: so proud of that, and I can never help with that.
Speaker 1: When Steve comes to me to ask for help, it
Speaker 1: almost causes like a yucky energy between us because I'm like,
Speaker 1: how do you think I've got time to do that?
Speaker 1: And I'll make comments like that because I'm so stretched,
Speaker 1: but he's you know, we've got strengths and weaknesses, and
Speaker 1: he obviously would love my strength in there, and he
Speaker 1: helps with Baseline as well, but both of us are
Speaker 1: just to run two brands of that size is really
Speaker 1: really difficult, and then to find time to connect and
Speaker 1: have a beautiful relationship that I desire, that's really hard,
Speaker 1: and we've found it harderer since having another kid the
Speaker 1: last two years. It's just things that now I've had
Speaker 1: that time in space to reflect, I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: can see how that's not serving me. And once again,
Speaker 1: I always am just going back to my values. I
Speaker 1: value my family first, and my health, time and freedom.
Speaker 1: I'm a true Sagittarian anyone that's Sagittarios. We value freedom
Speaker 1: so much and this brand doesn't give me any of that.
Speaker 1: So it comes back to that. It just makes the
Speaker 1: decision so much easier. So many lessons, heyah. Another one
Speaker 1: that I realized is just I feel like I've just
Speaker 1: lost the fun of it and I don't feel like
Speaker 1: with this brand that I get to be present and
Speaker 1: celebrate my wins because with based on we have to
Speaker 1: be almost you know, we used to be a couple
Speaker 1: of months ahead, and then we're six months ahead, and
Speaker 1: there were nine months ahead, and the new twelve months ahead.
Speaker 1: And you'll launch a collection and you see the money
Speaker 1: come in, and then twice as much goes out to
Speaker 1: the next two collections. And it's this constant, like hamster
Speaker 1: wheel of just always thinking ahead and always being ahead
Speaker 1: that I'm never present in the moment celebrating it. So
Speaker 1: taking it all on, I'm just like, holy shit, I
Speaker 1: don't enjoy running all parts of the business. So that
Speaker 1: was a huge, big, expensive lesson for me to learn.
Speaker 1: But you just can't have any regrets. You really can't.
Speaker 1: That's what I've learned. I feel like every part of
Speaker 1: my journey the last fifteen years, all the businesses, all
Speaker 1: the moments, all the failurees, all the highs, all the opportunities,
Speaker 1: all the things I've said yes to, all of it
Speaker 1: has led me to this part and I have really
Speaker 1: had to unpack what success means to me. And I
Speaker 1: feel like Baseline's been so successful, not only financially with
Speaker 1: connection and incredible collections and the brand that I've built
Speaker 1: the community, but it's successful to the point now where
Speaker 1: that's done what I wanted it to do, and I
Speaker 1: don't see where I can go with it. I can't
Speaker 1: see where I get more satisfaction or fulfillment out of
Speaker 1: discontinuing running it. How it is, The success for me
Speaker 1: is being able to close it off once it's got
Speaker 1: to where you would have wanted it to go. This
Speaker 1: is a dream of mine to have my own active
Speaker 1: with label, and I've done that. Now, I've done that,
Speaker 1: and I'm really proud of that. It's been the last
Speaker 1: eight years of my life. But redefining what success is
Speaker 1: it's like when I was reflecting in the hospital, I
Speaker 1: did so much journaling. I was like rewind to younger Ashley.
Speaker 1: Success to me was all about growth and more. I
Speaker 1: wanted more money, I wanted more followers. I wanted more growth,
Speaker 1: more businesses, more significance, more opportunities, more business, more hustle.
Speaker 1: It was just more, more, and more, even like the
Speaker 1: nice things like nice hand and travel and doing all
Speaker 1: the cool things and paying for my friends to do
Speaker 1: everything like and a reflection, I was like, Okay, in
Speaker 1: my brain, that's what I define success is. I was like, cool,
Speaker 1: ash You've done it, So what now. I dreamt as
Speaker 1: a little girl to be famous and to be on stage. Okay,
Speaker 1: you've done that. In my mind like I have been
Speaker 1: roll on, I've been on stages, but I've had three
Speaker 1: thousand people turn up to my events. Okay, cool? And
Speaker 1: I felt nothing. Talking to myself was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I've tipped all those boxes. They don't mean what they
Speaker 1: used to mean to me. That doesn't excite me anymore,
Speaker 1: that doesn't bring me fulfillment, it doesn't bring me anything,
Speaker 1: So shit, what does success mean to me now? And
Speaker 1: then I got to go on a journey of like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, okay, to me, it's like a really
Speaker 1: regulated nervous system. It is time to spend with my friends,
Speaker 1: my family, my loved ones, myself. It's feeling excited about
Speaker 1: my day. It's not putting my in a box of
Speaker 1: actually being this successful business person. It's like, I'm so
Speaker 1: multifaceted and there's so many hats that I wear and
Speaker 1: to be able to honor all of that. I will
Speaker 1: still always enjoy the nice things in life, but they
Speaker 1: don't bring me happiness anymore. And that was a really
Speaker 1: cool realization that once again made the decision so much easier.
Speaker 1: On top of that, I feel like I was kind
Speaker 1: of just surviving through each day, not thriving. I love
Speaker 1: that saying, I really do. And I feel like throughout
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, even recently, I've had opportunities
Speaker 1: that I haven't been able to say yes to because
Speaker 1: I feel like almost bogged down with my responsibilities with Baseline. Yeah, overall,
Speaker 1: this experience with my health, it's really shaken me up
Speaker 1: and shaken my whole world up. I just was so
Speaker 1: burnt out I didn't even realize it. And I think
Speaker 1: the universe has a really interesting way to give you
Speaker 1: your little gentle nudges. And I always say, the universe
Speaker 1: will like whisper to you first and give you a
Speaker 1: little couple of symptoms to see if you'll take action
Speaker 1: and honor that. And if you don't listen to that,
Speaker 1: it'll get a little bit louder and push you a
Speaker 1: little bit harder. And if you don't listen to that,
Speaker 1: it'll then yell and push you so hard that it'll
Speaker 1: force you to stop. And I feel like the universe
Speaker 1: has been telling me for the last couple of months
Speaker 1: that this isn't working for you anymore, and you're not happy,
Speaker 1: but you keep ignoring it. Because I kept pushing through
Speaker 1: like okay, I'm crying up said okay, get up, try again,
Speaker 1: keep going. You've got to keep going, like just never
Speaker 1: give up. Push push, push, You've got this. It's just
Speaker 1: a hard time. It's just you know, your period's coming up.
Speaker 1: It's just the full moon. Everyone's finding it hard right now.
Speaker 1: It's just a phase. And then when you find out
Speaker 1: a healthcare like that, it just like I felt like
Speaker 1: the universe literally shook me and was like, wake the
Speaker 1: fuck up. This isn't working and you need to stop.
Speaker 1: I'm going to force you to stop in a way
Speaker 1: of going into brain surgery. Okay, thanks Universe. But it's
Speaker 1: really good because it's shaken me up and it's made
Speaker 1: me re evaluate everything, and I'm so grateful for that.
Speaker 1: I'm also just so grateful that they found the aneurism.
Speaker 1: Anyone with the aneurism, you were literally a walking, ticking
Speaker 1: time bomb. You never know when it could rupture, You
Speaker 1: never know. My grand didn't know she had one, so
Speaker 1: she was eating lunch, felt dizzy and went for a
Speaker 1: nap and passed and asleep. My uncle dropped dead, like yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't know, And that is so common. There's kids
Speaker 1: as teenagers, adults that literally just die in their sleep
Speaker 1: or you know, drop dead from theirs and rupturing like,
Speaker 1: how lucky am I that they found it? How lucky
Speaker 1: am I that I get to go and have surgery.
Speaker 3: It's really changing your whole life, like me just seeing
Speaker 3: you and being your friend and seeing the transition of
Speaker 3: all this happening. It's like it's saving your life, but
Speaker 3: it's also the start of a brand new one.
Speaker 1: That's exactly how I feel. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: that sounds dramatic to anyone else, but that's exactly how
Speaker 1: it feels. You could not have worded that better. It's
Speaker 1: literally this whole situation saved my life, made me realize
Speaker 1: what's important, and it's given me like a second chance
Speaker 1: to have a chapter two almost that looks and feels
Speaker 1: completely different, and I'm so excited for it. And I
Speaker 1: don't even know what the next chapter will be like,
Speaker 1: Like it feels so weird the thought of not having
Speaker 1: baseline to think about, because it's all I think about
Speaker 1: all day every day. It's completely consumed me for the
Speaker 1: last eight years, in good ways and bad ways. Like
Speaker 1: I said, I've loved so much of it. And I
Speaker 1: will miss being out designed and have my own actual
Speaker 1: for a brand, like I will miss having you know,
Speaker 1: the girls and the team and whatever. But my passion
Speaker 1: for helping women and making them feel confident doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be defined around the clothes that they wear. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that has been a part of it, because I
Speaker 1: love when women say I feel so confident in baseline,
Speaker 1: I love the way you know, I can go to
Speaker 1: the gym and feel supported, and these tips really hold
Speaker 1: me in here after having a baby, and this color
Speaker 1: makes me feel so feminine, fun like. I love all
Speaker 1: of that. It will never get old to me when
Speaker 1: I walk down the street, walk into a gym, seeing
Speaker 1: mom at a park, rocking baseline. That's been beautiful. But
Speaker 1: my true passion for helping women doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: defined by the closest they're wearing that I've made. Had
Speaker 1: someone say to me that I was talking about this.
Speaker 1: It was a staff member and they said, oh, I
Speaker 1: feel like you're going to get a bit of pushback
Speaker 1: on this, that you're in such a privileged position to
Speaker 1: make that decision to close it down and to step
Speaker 1: back from work. And I said, yeah, they could probably
Speaker 1: take it like that, but what people don't realize and
Speaker 1: what they haven't seen is the last fifteen years of
Speaker 1: time and energy and money that I've sacrificed and built
Speaker 1: up my personal brand and built up hide Away and
Speaker 1: built up my collaborations with Happy Way and Clean Treats,
Speaker 1: and I've got my toes dipped in so many things
Speaker 1: that this wasn't a financial decision. I'm supported by my
Speaker 1: other streams of income and I said it on a
Speaker 1: recent podcast that that was a massive piece of advice
Speaker 1: that Tony Robins gave me. It was never have one
Speaker 1: leg to stand on. You have seven, So of one
Speaker 1: leg breaks, you've got another six. And that is kind
Speaker 1: of the position that I'm in. I do feel very,
Speaker 1: very lucky in privileged for sure, but I've also built
Speaker 1: this life that I can step back and be with
Speaker 1: my kids more. It's not like I won't be working.
Speaker 1: Like Grow and Glow is growing and expanding so much.
Speaker 1: We put so much into this, but I want to
Speaker 1: put more into this Hideaway. Would love to have me
Speaker 1: in there more, and I would love to be in
Speaker 1: there a little bit more. And there's has been other opportunities,
Speaker 1: like I said in the past, that I've been offered,
Speaker 1: whether it's speaking events or travel opportunities and just different
Speaker 1: cool things that I'm like, I can't do that because
Speaker 1: I've got this on. So it kind of excites me
Speaker 1: that I'm just going to have more space, first of all,
Speaker 1: to look after my health. Like, honestly, that is the
Speaker 1: first and foremost most important thing. I will never take
Speaker 1: my health, my brain, my body, my energy, my family,
Speaker 1: my friends. Like the amount of support that I've had
Speaker 1: through this, it's just been so beautiful. Even Levi when
Speaker 1: we first went to him, I was like petrified and
Speaker 1: telling him that we're going to close this down because
Speaker 1: that's his business as well. But how supportive he was,
Speaker 1: and he was like, yeah, that is the only option,
Speaker 1: Like you have to do this for you because health
Speaker 1: is the number one. Like you can't argue with that.
Speaker 3: He just cares about you you so much that it's
Speaker 3: not even an issue.
Speaker 1: He was like, why the hell would you keep going
Speaker 1: when it's caused this. It's beautiful. Yeah, so so cool.
Speaker 1: I wrote this in my journal. I thought I'd just
Speaker 1: read out a little paragraph. I've journaled like literally a
Speaker 1: whole notebook, so I could have read it all. But
Speaker 1: this is just a little part that I thought was
Speaker 1: really cool. I'm closing off a chapter of who actually
Speaker 1: once was, whoever I knew her it was, and what
Speaker 1: they knew her for. And I don't even think I
Speaker 1: fully know who I am once I remove all the titles, hats,
Speaker 1: and achievements. But I'm really excited to get to know
Speaker 1: this rebirth of who I am once I strip away
Speaker 1: so much of what I thought was to be me
Speaker 1: or what others have put me into boxes. To be crying,
Speaker 1: I'm crying, I said to Steve. I really hope I
Speaker 1: get through this episode without crying. Now you're crying. I'm
Speaker 1: so proud of you. I'm just so proud of you.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you. And I wanted to share
Speaker 1: this because obviously, I've shared so much of my life.
Speaker 1: The last Oh, give me a moment, I wish I
Speaker 1: wasn't on my period, please so much easier. Oh made
Speaker 1: me laugh. I've shared so much of my life and
Speaker 1: me having all of these realizations and this health scare
Speaker 1: like nothing like a health scare shift your whole life.
Speaker 1: But I really want to share this part of the
Speaker 1: business because when I first started having these thoughts, I
Speaker 1: couldn't think of like one person that had gone through this,
Speaker 1: and in a public sense as well of like consciously
Speaker 1: like saying I'm closing down my business. I haven't really
Speaker 1: seen anyone else do that and put the business aside.
Speaker 1: I really want this message to be an empowering message
Speaker 1: of like, if you are not feeling happy, and it's
Speaker 1: not that you're not going to feel sad or have
Speaker 1: different emotions, that's part of the human experience. We all
Speaker 1: know that. But day to day, if you are not
Speaker 1: feeling happy, something has to change, something has to shift.
Speaker 1: Your body is telling you that through these emotions, and
Speaker 1: it's our responsibility. Like no one else can make those
Speaker 1: decisions for you, No one else can save you. You
Speaker 1: can park them to the side as much as you want,
Speaker 1: like I did for months, but your body will keep
Speaker 1: nudging and pushing you and then forcing you to listen.
Speaker 1: And I really hope anyone listening that if you are
Speaker 1: having thoughts of just not feeling a line, not feeling happy,
Speaker 1: and feeling really off center, like something's just not feeling good,
Speaker 1: that you can change your mind. Yes, it's going to
Speaker 1: take sacrifice, Like I've lost hundreds of thousands of dollars
Speaker 1: closing this down because all the deposits that we've put
Speaker 1: down for these future collections, you don't get your money back.
Speaker 1: That's see you later. It's cost me a lot of money.
Speaker 1: People have lost their jobs. A couple of them have
Speaker 1: been able to absorb in to hide away. That was
Speaker 1: really hard. But you are responsible for your life and
Speaker 1: your happiness, and you have to honor yourself that you
Speaker 1: literally get one life, like I'm thirty five years old,
Speaker 1: life so short, like my uncle passed away at forty two.
Speaker 1: Like I refuse to live my life to please others
Speaker 1: or to be looked at as successful. I don't give
Speaker 1: it a fuck or people think about me anymore. I
Speaker 1: don't care if they think I've failed, or if they
Speaker 1: don't think I'm successful, if they think I should have
Speaker 1: kept going, kept pushing, I don't care because my priority
Speaker 1: is my health and my family, and I choose to
Speaker 1: put that first and I will always put that first.
Speaker 1: And it probably shouldn't have taken a health scare to
Speaker 1: make me do that, but how cool that it has.
Speaker 1: Like I said, everything in my journey has led me
Speaker 1: to be exactly where I am right now, and for
Speaker 1: the first time in a long time, I feel so free,
Speaker 1: and I haven't even had my brain surgery yet. When
Speaker 1: I first was talking to the surgeon, I obviously was
Speaker 1: really scared of the risks of surgery, which they are
Speaker 1: really scary. It's like one to two percent of people
Speaker 1: stroke in surgery or have a stroke. My anuism could
Speaker 1: rupture when I'm on the table, which could lead to
Speaker 1: brain issues and problems. If I stroke on the table.
Speaker 1: My aneuism's on the right side of my brain, just
Speaker 1: behind my eye. If I stroke, I could lose the
Speaker 1: ability to use my left hand and my left leg. Like,
Speaker 1: these are real risks, and there's obviously a risk that
Speaker 1: you could pass on the table. There's a huge risk.
Speaker 1: So those thoughts are being told that by a surgical
Speaker 1: team when you have children. I can't even explain the
Speaker 1: fear that came through me. But when I was talking
Speaker 1: to my mom about it, because I was like, something
Speaker 1: ever happened to me like my kids? Like, these are
Speaker 1: the thoughts so scary, right, But she's like, you get
Speaker 1: a chance now for your life to be saved so
Speaker 1: that you can be here for them. If you don't
Speaker 1: and it ruptures, most likely you'll die because you'll probably
Speaker 1: be nowhere near a hospital where they can quickly help you.
Speaker 1: Whereas my surgeon said to me, if you rupture on
Speaker 1: the table or you stroke on the table when I'm
Speaker 1: operating on you, it is the best place for that
Speaker 1: to happen because I can do things that can minimize
Speaker 1: the damage, can minimize the brain damage, you can minimize
Speaker 1: how severe your stroke is. The good thing about being
Speaker 1: in my right side is if it strokes on your
Speaker 1: left side, you can lose the ability to be able
Speaker 1: to speak properly. On my right side, it won't happen,
Speaker 1: so I'll still be able to talk on the podcast.
Speaker 1: May need some help getting up the stairs. I've got you.
Speaker 1: If it's not loving, have to I have to right,
Speaker 1: You've got to be in humor into otherwise I'll just
Speaker 1: keep crying so I'll still be able to continue with
Speaker 1: the podcast. We're all got there, guys. But yeah, this
Speaker 1: is a thing like so many emotions can coexist. And
Speaker 1: as I'm going through this, this is literally I'm talking
Speaker 1: to you guys as I'm experiencing. This has all happened
Speaker 1: within the last four weeks. It's been a big month. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's happened so fast. From finding out about my surgery,
Speaker 1: to making this decision, to putting things in place, to
Speaker 1: figuring out how to wrap this up. It's been huge,
Speaker 1: but I feel so at peace with it all and
Speaker 1: so excited for all. I just no, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be okay through the surgery, Like I really do believe that.
Speaker 1: And even if I'm not okay, I'm going to be okay,
Speaker 1: even if I lost the ability to use my left
Speaker 1: arm and leg, Like if I'm still here with my
Speaker 1: kids and I've still got time on my side, amazing
Speaker 1: because a lot of people don't get that opportunity, that
Speaker 1: don't get that second chance. Because I've got that here
Speaker 1: right now, and that's all we do have, right That's
Speaker 1: what we've got to lean in on. That's been the
Speaker 1: biggest thing that's helped me through all of this is
Speaker 1: lean on gratitude any hard time that you go through.
Speaker 1: I know it's really hard to be grateful for hard
Speaker 1: things that are happening, but you have to. I feel
Speaker 1: like every situation you can definitely find the light, the
Speaker 1: silver lining, and the gift That's been my biggest like
Speaker 1: flex over the last ten years is I'm really really
Speaker 1: good at that and that gets me through really really
Speaker 1: hard times. And that's a skill that I really want
Speaker 1: to pass on to my kids because it's so powerful
Speaker 1: and it will get you through the scariest and hardest
Speaker 1: times of your life, really does. So my surgery is
Speaker 1: booked in for the start of July, and I mean
Speaker 1: hospital just for three days. So the first night I
Speaker 1: go in and they have to load me up on
Speaker 1: blood thinners to prevent a clot, and then I go
Speaker 1: into surgery the next morning and then I'm in ice
Speaker 1: you for twenty four hours, be monitored by a nurse
Speaker 1: like I get my solo nurse who looks after me.
Speaker 1: And then when more night in the ward, and then
Speaker 1: I go home for two weeks bed rest and then
Speaker 1: I'm good. Yeah, and then life goes on and I
Speaker 1: get to start this new chapter. Yeah, how cool? Was that?
Speaker 1: So cool? So cool?
Speaker 3: Something that we didn't chat about is the vision. So
Speaker 3: that's got nothing to do with your aneurysm, the fact
Speaker 3: that you were losing your vision, right.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's got nothing to do with it.
Speaker 3: So do they know what that.
Speaker 1: Well, you know what. The first neuro team that I
Speaker 1: spoke to when I first went in, they said, it's
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with it. The second neurologist that
Speaker 1: I spoke to, he said, tell me about your loss
Speaker 1: of sight. I was like, oh, they've just put that
Speaker 1: down to stress and exhaustion, and he rolled his eyes.
Speaker 1: So I feel like the doctors you get different opinions.
Speaker 1: The third one that I went to to actually book
Speaker 1: my surgery and ask the million questions that I didn't
Speaker 1: have the capacity to when he first told me, that's
Speaker 1: my actual so that is doing my surgery. And she's
Speaker 1: a female and I asked her that and she said, no,
Speaker 1: it's not related to your site. The position of where
Speaker 1: it is is behind your right eye, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: block off your vision and if it did, it would
Speaker 1: have completely blocked it out for good. So she doesn't
Speaker 1: think it is okay. And since I found out about
Speaker 1: this aneurysm, I have tried to slow down as much
Speaker 1: as I can. I've still got a lot of responsibilities.
Speaker 1: But I went to the Eden Retreat, which we're gonna
Speaker 1: do a whole episode on because life changing, life changing,
Speaker 1: Holy fuck, everyone needs to go there. And just the
Speaker 1: timing for me, this is the timing, Like I just
Speaker 1: I feel like it gives me goosebumps. But the universe
Speaker 1: really has my back because the timing of that when
Speaker 1: I found out that week, it was that week I
Speaker 1: found out I had to have surgery on the Monday,
Speaker 1: and we were leaving on the Thursday. The miss call
Speaker 1: when we were that's.
Speaker 3: Right, and you look at the surgery Monday, Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: On the Friday. I was like, no, I'll call it
Speaker 1: back on Monday. But like that timing was so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Since the loss of sight in that week, I haven't
Speaker 1: had it since, So I do think they're right. I
Speaker 1: do think it was due to stress. It was a
Speaker 1: type of migraine of some sort that I didn't get
Speaker 1: a headache with. I didn't know this migraine, yeah, or
Speaker 1: like that. I know, it's really scary, especially when you're driving.
Speaker 1: Twice when I was driving, yeah, that's full on. I
Speaker 1: don't know about anyone else, but I straight away went like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I've got cancer. That was my initials. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about an anneurism when my grand died.
Speaker 1: Because there's my grand who had three boys, once my
Speaker 1: father who I don't talk to, I don't know, and
Speaker 1: the other two my uncles. I had relationships with. My
Speaker 1: other uncles. So one of them died from aneurism and
Speaker 1: their mum died, my grd And when they died, my
Speaker 1: uncle Craig had said to me, you need to go
Speaker 1: and to get checked because this is in our family.
Speaker 1: And I remember reading this email of him being like,
Speaker 1: obviously so sad that they've passed and went to the
Speaker 1: funerals and you know all that stuff. I'd never once
Speaker 1: considered to go and get checked. Why why did I
Speaker 1: not go and get checked? We think we're in vincil
Speaker 1: sometimes I think so. I just I thought it was
Speaker 1: age related, but a lot of us are actually born
Speaker 1: with aneurysms. I thought, I'm young, I'm healthy, I would
Speaker 1: never have aneurism. Like and now I'm messaging my brother
Speaker 1: because we've got the same father. I'm saying you need
Speaker 1: to go and get a MRI. And I know he's
Speaker 1: not going to. I bet you he won't. And I
Speaker 1: messaged him the other day and I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: have you booked MRI's Like, life's so busy, life so crazy.
Speaker 1: I was like, I know, but this is the thing
Speaker 1: that could wipe out your life if he have run.
Speaker 3: Like once you go like you don't know what's going
Speaker 3: to happen, and it's scary.
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't just think that, yeah, you're invincible. You
Speaker 1: might not have one. We all have one. Very likely
Speaker 1: you'll have one. And then there's this whole a of
Speaker 1: now like, holy shit, Steve's had one, I've had one.
Speaker 1: We have to get our kids checked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what age do you start doing that?
Speaker 1: You can be born with them so soon? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I've spoken to Taj about it, because obviously I've talked
Speaker 1: really openly with him and he knows everything that's going on,
Speaker 1: and I told him the machine. I went interview for
Speaker 1: the MRI and he just freaked out. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't go on that. I'm really scared. So I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm just going to keep easy and having
Speaker 1: these conversations with him and trying to word it in
Speaker 1: different ways that will make him feel safer. I remember
Speaker 1: going into an MRI Petrifik because I'm quite claustrophobic, but
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, Ash, I love having conversations with myself.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is the only thing you need to do.
Speaker 1: You're fine, You're not. I remember saying to myself, you're
Speaker 1: not going in for brain surgery. You're lucky. I was like,
Speaker 1: you're not going from brain surgery, You're not in hospital
Speaker 1: getting chemotherapy. You have your whole life ahead if you
Speaker 1: if you have to lay here for twenty eight minutes
Speaker 1: on your back being still, you got this, and I did.
Speaker 1: It's a long time for a kid, hey, but for
Speaker 1: a kid, they don't they don't know how to process
Speaker 1: like that. Their brain isn't developed like that. So yes,
Speaker 1: we definitely will get him checked. But both of us,
Speaker 1: like Steve's like, I cannot believe you have one, like
Speaker 1: after everything I've been through. So Steve's was crazy. He
Speaker 1: doesn't have sight in the corner of his left eye,
Speaker 1: but that's an amazing result. But when he worked up
Speaker 1: from a surgery, he was kind of in a coma
Speaker 1: and he didn't have sight for six weeks, so they
Speaker 1: didn't know if he was going to lose his sight.
Speaker 1: So every day he'd wake up and like couldn't see.
Speaker 1: Every day he's waking up praying his site comes back,
Speaker 1: not knowing if it's going to. Should see his scar.
Speaker 1: It's literally from like the top of his skull right
Speaker 1: down the back. They'd take his skull off and like
Speaker 1: it was such a what I mean, such a basive,
Speaker 1: such an invasive, complex surgery, like a ton of aneuism's
Speaker 1: all tied into one, Like mine's just one that's nearly
Speaker 1: five millimeters. So that's the thing too. The Neurositchon said
Speaker 1: to me, once you're at five millimeters, they want to operate.
Speaker 1: Mine's four point seven, so it's nearly there. But she's like,
Speaker 1: whyld we risk it? It's so close to being at
Speaker 1: a size. And she's like, you're so young, You've got
Speaker 1: two kids. This is like a preventative almost. They could
Speaker 1: be silly, not too. But I had a couple of
Speaker 1: just to end this on a lighter note, a couple
Speaker 1: of just things that I wrote down that have really
Speaker 1: kind of helped me process this and get through this.
Speaker 1: And I want to remind you all that it's really
Speaker 1: important that you meet yourself where you're at right now,
Speaker 1: because I think so much of ash binds I've been
Speaker 1: living in from who I was five years ago and
Speaker 1: who I was ten years ago with fitness and with
Speaker 1: business and being on social media and just being this identity.
Speaker 1: I'm always authentic and I share very honestly, but there's
Speaker 1: definitely parts of myself that I've just made my identity.
Speaker 1: I've changed and evolved and rebirthed so many times that
Speaker 1: Ashi winds five years ago, like I don't even recognize
Speaker 1: her anymore. So meet yourself where you are at right now.
Speaker 1: And That's what I'm doing. I'm meeting myself where I'm at.
Speaker 1: It's a whole new chapter, new ashy that I'm still
Speaker 1: getting to know as well. If you ask who I
Speaker 1: am underneath all those labels and achievements and titles, I
Speaker 1: probably couldn't give you a clear ancey yet if you
Speaker 1: ask yourself that being interesting thing to journalong like do
Speaker 1: you know who you are when you take off your
Speaker 1: mum hat? Your business hat? Or your success? Is your achievements,
Speaker 1: your things that people praise you on, Like who are
Speaker 1: you at your core? A lot of people can't answer that.
Speaker 1: It's really important, we know that. So meet yourself where
Speaker 1: you're at right now. Fully own your truth, like exactly
Speaker 1: who you are, like no one can argue with you
Speaker 1: or criticize or change your narrative to your truth. They can't.
Speaker 1: It's your truth. And people can make up their own
Speaker 1: assumptions as to where you're at or what you should
Speaker 1: be doing with your life because that's their projections and
Speaker 1: their truth and what they think is right. But you
Speaker 1: know your truth even if someone's like I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do with this, like your heart and your head. No,
Speaker 1: you know, when you create the space to reflect and
Speaker 1: journal or just like be with yourself, the answers are
Speaker 1: all within you. But most of the time we just
Speaker 1: keep parking it to the side because we're so busy.
Speaker 1: We've got so much to do and everyone needs us.
Speaker 1: And that's why being in hospital, I feel like that
Speaker 1: was the biggest gift of having forty eight hours in
Speaker 1: hospital to myself. I had that space to think about
Speaker 1: all of this, and then go to Eden, I got
Speaker 1: more space to just think about it, and that's really
Speaker 1: helped me be able to come to these decisions and
Speaker 1: just know they're so right. Like nothing anyone could say
Speaker 1: could tell me that I'm making the wrong decision, which
Speaker 1: is so cool. You're so the decision yeah, and so
Speaker 1: powerful and so empowered, and that's really cool energy to
Speaker 1: be in. With everything that's going on, I want you
Speaker 1: to all give yourself permission to begin again, give yourself
Speaker 1: permission to change your mind, give yourself permission to be
Speaker 1: the beginner, Like why do we always have to know
Speaker 1: it at all? Or be afraid to start something new
Speaker 1: and be starting something fresh that's actually really exciting. Give
Speaker 1: yourself permission to do it. I think it's so scary
Speaker 1: to change your mind. Like maybe you're in a relationship
Speaker 1: or a marriage or a friendship, or a job or
Speaker 1: a career or a business, and it's so scary to
Speaker 1: change your mind. But give yourself permission to do that.
Speaker 1: That's part of life. Yeah, And I feel like in
Speaker 1: business about you, but say if you know someone and
Speaker 1: they decide to change jobs, it's so celebrated, it's like,
Speaker 1: will go you, that's awesome. But if you change your business,
Speaker 1: I feel like people don't accept it as much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I find that really interesting, And is that why I'm
Speaker 1: not a a lot of people are talking about it
Speaker 1: or they carry so much shame when they decide that
Speaker 1: it's not for them because it's not spoken about on
Speaker 1: social media. No, it's not there really isn't even me
Speaker 1: talking to friends and family about this. There's been so
Speaker 1: many other stories that have come out and been like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: well I used to do this and I didn't like it,
Speaker 1: so I closed it down and started this. But the
Speaker 1: way they say it, it's like, oh, I a bit shameful,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's cool. Yeah, that's really cool that
Speaker 1: you did that much. If you kept going, how miserable
Speaker 1: you'd be so true. So give yourself permission to change
Speaker 1: your mind and try something new, be a beginner, and
Speaker 1: just honor what you want to do. You're allowed to.
Speaker 1: It's your life. I think sometimes we lose our power
Speaker 1: and thinking that we can't or that we're stuck, and
Speaker 1: we're not stuck. It's just scary and uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Scary, uncomfortable and also like you to do this, especially
Speaker 3: publicly in the way you're doing it.
Speaker 1: And it's really letting go of your ego. Yeah, it's going,
Speaker 1: it's going.
Speaker 3: I'm doing this no matter how uncomfortable or what anyone
Speaker 3: else thinks.
Speaker 1: I'm choosing me one hundred percent. You're right, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of ego that comes into this, and that also
Speaker 1: feels so empowering to be like good And you know what,
Speaker 1: speaking of the ego, I remember when we had our
Speaker 1: Transformation center. We had it for five years and Steven
Speaker 1: Leeve I were ready to close it down. You don't
Speaker 1: stop me from closing it down even though I was
Speaker 1: ready to my ego hmm. No, I don't want to
Speaker 1: be looked at as a failure. I don't want to
Speaker 1: have to explain people. I don't want to have to
Speaker 1: announce this to everyone. No, Like my ego kept us
Speaker 1: going for another two years and for what Yeah, none
Speaker 1: of us were enjoying it. Scary.
Speaker 3: And the more you're creating a safe home within yourself,
Speaker 3: the more you're feeling like you're safe, You've got yourself.
Speaker 1: So the more you're probably feeling like, Okay, that's fine.
Speaker 3: If two seasons done, I do, You've got me.
Speaker 1: That's the coolest thing. That's what I mean. Like, no
Speaker 1: matter what anyone says, it can't shake me because this
Speaker 1: is just my life and my decision and what feels
Speaker 1: right for me. I just want to talk about this
Speaker 1: because I just want everyone else to be able to
Speaker 1: feel like this if they're going through those same feelings.
Speaker 1: Like we all come to so many crossroads in our life. Hey,
Speaker 1: and it's so scary to am I going to go left?
Speaker 1: And we know right? So I keep going on this path,
Speaker 1: even doesn't feel right, but it's safe. Yeah, And when
Speaker 1: you expand and you grow and you unpack, there's that
Speaker 1: little voice in you that's like, oh, just stay there,
Speaker 1: just stay safe. That's what you've always done. That's what
Speaker 1: you've got to remain. Don't go out there. That's too scary.
Speaker 1: You might not be able to do that.
Speaker 3: You're in a child. You need to look after you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, protect yourself. Well, I will think what we will say.
Speaker 1: Who you are upset? Do stay there, stay there safe.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that anymore. No, this one life that
Speaker 1: we get to live. How cool when we're eighty and
Speaker 1: on our deathbed. Hopefully I'm one hundred on my deathbed
Speaker 1: to be that old woman still jam and love and life.
Speaker 1: I want to look back and be able to tell
Speaker 1: my great grandkids like, oh, like I did this, and
Speaker 1: I did this, and I tried this, and this is
Speaker 1: really cool and this led me to this rather than
Speaker 1: just being like, oh, I was this my whole life.
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed it for five years and then I
Speaker 3: hated it for the next twenty five.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I never tried anything else, Bob, because
Speaker 1: I was scared of what people thought of me. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: thank you. No. Scared of who too when we think
Speaker 1: about it, Scared of who Yeah, so true silly solely
Speaker 1: Underscore ninety three at hotmail dot com. Scared of No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not scared of them. You're not scared of them. No,
Speaker 1: anyone listening. You're not scared of them, even your family
Speaker 1: and friends, Like, are you literally going to keep living
Speaker 1: your life for them? For what they perceive is being
Speaker 1: right in your life? In your life? How do they know?
Speaker 1: They don't know anything? They think they do, but they
Speaker 1: don't your life And I love your low It's so true,
Speaker 1: you really do. It's one life, Like how are you
Speaker 1: going to live it? And how are you going to
Speaker 1: look back? What are you going to regret the opportunity
Speaker 1: is that you said no to or yes to. It's
Speaker 1: such a cool conversation. I was so excited to have
Speaker 1: this conversation because there's been so many lessons and I
Speaker 1: really hope it makes so many of you. Just stop,
Speaker 1: give yourself some space, be still, and fully reflect on
Speaker 1: everything in your life and what's working, what's not, and
Speaker 1: then take the steps to change, no matter how scary
Speaker 1: is anyway, feel the fear and do it anyway, because
Speaker 1: you'll come out the other side. The other side is
Speaker 1: so much lighter and brighter and more exciting. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: find the unknown quite exciting. Now. You used to really
Speaker 1: scare me. I used to be such a certainty person.
Speaker 1: Now I'm really excited for options might come along. I
Speaker 1: don't even know how cool. Yeah, I feel like when
Speaker 1: you close one door as well, so many more open up.
Speaker 1: But when you've got your door closed. So I had
Speaker 1: my door closed just to baseline because that was my
Speaker 1: priority and that was my all. I can't do the
Speaker 1: other things. So now when I open that up, I
Speaker 1: feel like all these other doors are going to fly
Speaker 1: open for me and I get to choose what I
Speaker 1: want to do, which is really cool. So when you
Speaker 1: choose to make a big change in your life, I'm
Speaker 1: expecting or assuming that there's going to be a bit
Speaker 1: of an aftermath. What I mean by that is when
Speaker 1: you go through something really big in your life, whether
Speaker 1: it's a health scare or a change of business or
Speaker 1: a divorce or something really big happens, your body kind
Speaker 1: of goes into the survival mode and all this adrenaline
Speaker 1: to support you through it. And that's amazing. Our body's
Speaker 1: there to support us, right, But then when the big
Speaker 1: thing happens and it's done, I think there could be
Speaker 1: this crash of exhaustion where then your body kind of
Speaker 1: catches up. And I feel like I've been running in
Speaker 1: an energy of fight or flight, scarcity and survival for
Speaker 1: a really long time. There's been a lot of passion
Speaker 1: and purpose in there as well, and alignment for sure.
Speaker 1: But when I truly be honest with myself, I think
Speaker 1: I've been trying to prove to myself and prove to
Speaker 1: everyone so much. Makes to cry thinking about it because
Speaker 1: I think of my younger self and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you've really put yourself through a lot to prove that.
Speaker 1: But I've really felt like I've had to prove to
Speaker 1: myself and show myself that I can do it everything
Speaker 1: that my stepdad told me that I couldn't do. You
Speaker 1: wouldn't be lovable, you never make anything of yourself, You're
Speaker 1: too dumb, you never have any money, you know you'll
Speaker 1: never succeed. All those things. I had to prove it.
Speaker 1: I've proved it to myself, and then I kept having
Speaker 1: to prove it to everyone else. And that's why when
Speaker 1: I had that conversation with myself with what success is,
Speaker 1: and I was like, holy shit, ACTU, You've done all
Speaker 1: of that. You've proven it to yourself. You've got nothing
Speaker 1: else to prove. You don't need to prove anything to
Speaker 1: anyone else anymore. And no one really cares that, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like everyone's living their own life.
Speaker 1: I don't need to prove anything to anyone, but most
Speaker 1: of all not to myself. I've ticked all those things off,
Speaker 1: I've done all those achievements. It's well done, pat on
Speaker 1: the back, gold staff for me. Awesome. It's just not
Speaker 1: what really matters. So it's so cool that I feel
Speaker 1: like I've healed this younger self of just needing to
Speaker 1: be seen and needing to be proven that she's worthy
Speaker 1: of having it all. I am, Yeah, I am worthy
Speaker 1: of it all, definitely are, and I don't need to
Speaker 1: prove that to anyone anymore.
Speaker 3: And you're also worthy of enjoying life, yes, ye being
Speaker 3: rather than doing yes.
Speaker 1: Being enjoying my life one hundred percent? So for now,
Speaker 1: what's next? I'm not one hundred percent sure? Grow and
Speaker 1: glows a huge focus and a huge passion, Like I
Speaker 1: just love this so much. I'm excited to have been
Speaker 1: hideaway more. And Steve's just awesome. He's like whatever, you
Speaker 1: want to do will be amazing. I'm very creative and
Speaker 1: I love the social media aspect, the marketing, the UGC creations,
Speaker 1: the video content be a bit more in the product development.
Speaker 1: We've got some huge wholesaling opportunities that there's some big
Speaker 1: things coming for a hideaway for especially in this next
Speaker 1: six months. Once again timing, it's just like so freaking cool.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be with Tyler a lot more, which
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for. And yeah, baseline clothing will be
Speaker 1: no more so when you guys listen to this. We've
Speaker 1: changed the website up and everything needs to be cleared.
Speaker 1: Everything is on sale. We want to clear the warehouse
Speaker 1: and close it off asap. We've got quite a few
Speaker 1: of our older collections just with leftover stock, so you
Speaker 1: need some teapact to wear. It's super super cheap. All
Speaker 1: sports bras are twenty five dollars, all shorts twenty five dollars,
Speaker 1: leggings are thirty, jumpers are thirty, all accessories are five dollars.
Speaker 1: Like it's super super cheap and it's incredible quality. It
Speaker 1: last year for years. You guys can go and shop
Speaker 1: over there and clear all that out and then it'll
Speaker 1: be no more. My app will still be up and running,
Speaker 1: it will be changing, which is exciting for Levi, so
Speaker 1: he will be putting it under his branding. We had
Speaker 1: Levy on our podcast a couple of weeks ago, so
Speaker 1: he does trauma and toxin therapy. We do workshops together.
Speaker 1: We're planning a few different retreats next year. But he's
Speaker 1: going to be taking over the back end of the
Speaker 1: app and managing that, but it'll be under his branding.
Speaker 1: So you still be able to access all of my
Speaker 1: twenty eight day programs. I'll still be your coaching there.
Speaker 1: I'll still be in the forum. I'll still be supporting
Speaker 1: women because, as I said, that hasn't changed for me
Speaker 1: one bit. That's what I truly love. I even feel
Speaker 1: like I haven't been able to like show up as
Speaker 1: much as what I've wanted to be this last couple
Speaker 1: of months because I feel like I've just lost my
Speaker 1: sparkle and energy to be able to do that. So
Speaker 1: that is all still going to be the same, same,
Speaker 1: but the umbrella and branding will be changing to be
Speaker 1: more Levi's brand, which is really exciting because I love
Speaker 1: working with him and I love what we've built together,
Speaker 1: but he's only expanding and growing and helping more people,
Speaker 1: so I still get to be a part of all
Speaker 1: of that. And then I go in for my surgery.
Speaker 1: Good two and a half, three weeks of recovery, and
Speaker 1: then I'm off to Barley with my mum.
Speaker 3: It's nice timing too, it is polite.
Speaker 1: He's got you back. I couldn't believe we booked these
Speaker 1: flights before I found out if I'm my brain of Newism, before,
Speaker 1: the dates couldn't have aligned more perfectly. I've got just
Speaker 1: enough time and before anyone jumps, I'm allowed to travel.
Speaker 1: I've already asked. But yeah, the timing of that. When
Speaker 1: I come back from Bali, I feel like it's my
Speaker 1: whole new chapter begins. That's what a beautiful way to
Speaker 1: start it. So that's in an in a nutshell. If
Speaker 1: you're still here, thank you for listening for this whole
Speaker 1: hour conversation. It's good. It's our longest podcast we've ever done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but there was a lot to say and a lot
Speaker 1: of really valuable lessons, and yeah, it was really easy
Speaker 1: and hard for me to talk about this. It's quite funerable,
Speaker 1: I suppose, so proud of you. Thank you.
Speaker 3: Obviously, hearing about your aneurysm and stuff like that is
Speaker 3: scary for me.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm going to get rational, you.
Speaker 3: Know, just making sure that you're okay, Like I just
Speaker 3: want to make sure you're okay. Yeah, yeah, not even
Speaker 3: you know, with a surge and everything, but just emotionally,
Speaker 3: like I just see and I know that you're that
Speaker 3: like strong friend who can always handle so much and
Speaker 3: hold so much space for everyone else. But also like
Speaker 3: sometimes you just need to know that you've got the
Speaker 3: support and that you can actually just.
Speaker 1: Be held as well be held as well. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: saw something on Instagram the other day and it was
Speaker 1: like something similar to that, like you're strong, friends still
Speaker 1: need strength, yeah, and like the organizers for parties still
Speaker 1: like to be surprised and like things like that. It's
Speaker 1: so true, and I've really leant into that support throughout
Speaker 1: this I feel like this is my time that I
Speaker 1: do need to be held. It's been such a huge
Speaker 1: couple of months, but especially the last month, and it's
Speaker 1: so nice to be held. It's like it's almost the
Speaker 1: Universes said, here's the right path for you. I'm like
Speaker 1: holding my hand out in front of me, like here's
Speaker 1: the right path for you. Do you choose to follow?
Speaker 1: And I've chosen yes. And that's why it's been so flowy.
Speaker 1: I had these moments I'm like, it can't be this flowy,
Speaker 1: Like it can't be this like not easy in the
Speaker 1: sense like this has been hard. But every step, it's
Speaker 1: just the timing of it, it's been so perfect. Supported you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I have these moments of like, something's got to
Speaker 1: go wrong, like this can't feel like this, but it
Speaker 1: does and it does get to be like that, and
Speaker 1: I'm choosing for it to be like that. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: it's really cool. So yeah, if you guys, so any
Speaker 1: questions you guys have regarding surgery, your baseline, where my
Speaker 1: thoughts at, anything like that, pop it in our forum.
Speaker 1: I'll do a questions box on Instagram as well maybe
Speaker 1: and we'll cover that next time. So thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening. And I just really appreciate all of
Speaker 1: my community that's been there through not only this passpeit
Speaker 1: with my brain surgery, but supporting baseline, like choosing to
Speaker 1: be a part of my brand and my community and
Speaker 1: what I've put so much time, energy, money into wearing
Speaker 1: it so proudly like seeing me in the street and
Speaker 1: being like, oh, Baseline, tagging me on Instagram, sending me
Speaker 1: a DM of like how the clothes make you feel?
Speaker 1: It never gets old, and there's not a day goes
Speaker 1: by that I don't like pinch myself with gratitude of
Speaker 1: how lucky I am to have this support system and
Speaker 1: to have this community of literally some if you've been
Speaker 1: here since the last like fifteen years, that's unreal, that's amazing,
Speaker 1: that's so cool. When you're still here listening to my story.
Speaker 1: Oh head in my heart's so so grateful, So thank
Speaker 1: you for listening, thank you for being here, and let's
Speaker 1: get excited to get to know this new version of
Speaker 1: actually the new chapter. I'm so excited. Thank you, I
Speaker 1: love you, I love you. We'll see you guys next time.
Speaker 1: Bye bye
Speaker 2: Mhm