WEBVTT - #1992 Building Confidence - Harps 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.880 I got Adia, Bloody Champions. Welcome to another instorm with 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:05.680 the you project. It's him with the slightly froggy voice. Still, 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:10.959 but I'm improving. Please tell me I'm improving. I've been 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:13.160 Barry White, Barry White. If you don't know who Barry 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:16.799 White is, look him up a I think he's the 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:19.160 late Great. I'm pretty sure he's not with us anymore. 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:23.320 God bless his little socks. Amazing singer and an incredible voice, 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:27.160 which mine isn't. But lately I've been sounding a little 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:29.680 bit like his talking voice, not his singing voice. I 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:32.040 hope you well. I hope you're enjoying your week. It 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:36.560 is Sunday, it's around lunch time here in the thriving metropolis, 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:41.320 and I was having a chat with somebody on Friday 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:48.320 about their struggle with confidence, or I guess their lack 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:52.680 of confidence. So I thought, well, that's something that's pertinent 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:55.400 to all of us at some stage, whether it's in relationships, 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:57.240 or whether or not at school, or whether or not 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:01.080 it's in work, or whether or not it's in socializing, 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:04.120 being out and about trying to interact with others and 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:08.600 connect and build rapport and not feel too weird. And 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.320 not seem too weird, or whether or not it's trying 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:13.920 to get a raise or a new job, or whether 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:18.040 it's trying to develop a skill or to master something 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:23.640 that might make our life better or more fun. So 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:26.640 I thought I would talk about that. I've definitely struggled 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:29.760 with people not pick it, but I've struggled with confidence 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:36.040 doing certain things throughout my life, and times when I 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:42.240 felt overwhelmed and in adequates and not good enough and 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:44.480 all of those things that we all feel right. So 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:48.640 I'm not a special case. There's no newsflash in any 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:53.960 of this. But I'm of the belief that many people 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:58.720 don't succeed because two things I talk about one all 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.280 the time is what we think of us. So not 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:05.600 so much our actual potential or ability or capacity to succeed, 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:09.520 or our genetics or resources or time or opportunities or 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:14.880 even energy, but rather how we see ourselves. That is, 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:20.000 we put limitations on ourselves. We tell ourself stories about us, 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:25.200 and those stories are mostly self limiting beliefs based on 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:30.880 often based on nothing, usually out of fear. And the 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.640 thing that I'm talking about today that also holds us 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:39.040 back is just a lack of confidence self belief, a 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:43.920 lack of truly believing that we have the capacity to 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:46.360 be able to do something amazing and special and to 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:49.600 succeed and to optimize whatever it is that we have 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:52.600 to work with. So this won't be long. I want 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:59.440 to share with you just some fundamentals that have worked 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:01.799 for me. So these are all out of muskon, all 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:05.040 out of my little bonce things that have worked for me, 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:10.440 the person who isn't naturally gifted and talented. And I 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:12.880 don't say that so that someone's going to go, oh, 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:16.799 but you are. I truly know that about me. Now 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.440 that's not to say I have no talent, or I 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:22.160 have terrible genetics or I don't have any but it's 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:26.600 not that. It's just to say that, you know, my genetics, 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:32.600 my academic ability, my creativity, my intellect, all of the 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:35.640 things that are kind of the variables or some of 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:39.000 the variables that determine, you know, how well we go 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.520 at this thing that we call life. There's a lot 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.520 more things, of course, but I didn't have a running 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:48.760 start at it. And not only was I not gifted 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.680 in that things came easily. But then once you start 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.200 to fail, and once you start to get a few labels, 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:57.360 and once you have some shitty experiences, and once you 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:00.560 feel a little bit of social and emotional and mental pain, 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:04.480 then you're like, wow, that's true. I am fucking terrible. 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.760 Oh look all the Not only do I think that 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:11.040 and of experience, but now the feedback is that the data, 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.880 the evidence is there and it's not really but it 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:19.080 well sometimes it is. But all that means when I'm 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.080 looking back at the things that I fucked up or 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:24.240 didn't do well at or didn't thrive at, it was 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:28.360 just because I hadn't got there yet. And obviously there 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:31.839 are things that I could never do. I just didn't 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:35.520 have the actual ability and potential and genetics like around 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:38.960 one hundred meters in ten seconds, become you know, a 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:42.320 world famous singer, become you know a lot of things whatever. 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.680 But looking back at the things that I thought I 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.120 couldn't do, most of the things that I thought I 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:52.839 couldn't do, I actually could. It just was going to 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:57.120 take work and effort and pain and consistency and resilience 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:01.200 and courage. And so these are the things I believe 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:04.279 that get in the way more than our lack of 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:08.799 ability or potential or possibilities So for me, it's always 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:13.680 been developing confidence by doing. By doing, It's been in 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.600 the doing for me and for most people that I've 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:21.719 worked with, it's been when they lack confidence or self belief, 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.200 and then we get them to do something. We plan 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:28.680 something together, we create a plan, we timeline it, we 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.839 execute it. They get some little results, they get a 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:35.400 couple of failures, they get some positive, a little negative, 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:38.320 another positive. Over time we build up where we're starting 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.479 to get some wins on the board. And in the 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:43.719 middle of the peaks and the troughs, the highs and 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:47.000 the lows, the failures and the successes, they're becoming a 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:51.320 different person. So they are not only they becoming more 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:54.960 capable and comfortable in the middle of failure and let 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:59.080 down and disappointment and emotional and psychological pain, because they 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.880 start to realize, well, that's just fucking part of the deal. 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:04.760 That's what we deal with. That's what happens when you're 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:08.920 trying to do something. That's what happens when you're closer 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.440 to the regular end of the scale than the superstar 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.880 end of the scale. So I want to share with 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.840 you what is it I think to eight things that 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.160 have been really important for me. And look, there's no 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:27.479 there's no magic in this. But this is broadly true 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:32.640 for personal development and self help and human behavior and psychology, 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:34.440 is that there's not a lot of magic in it. 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:40.000 And sometimes the problem is that we spend so long 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.520 looking for the quick fix, the magic pill, the magic potion, 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:47.040 the how do how do I get three years worth 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:50.120 of results in three months that we kind of want 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:53.800 to side step the work and side step the practical 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.680 stuff and side step to doing. But it's in the 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:59.640 work and the practical stuff, and it's in the doing 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:03.200 we actually become the person that we need to become 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:05.840 to be able to execute all the shit that we 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:08.800 want to execute to create the outcomes and the successes 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.280 that we want. So Number one on my list is 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:15.360 do the reps. Do the reps. Just fucking roll up 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:17.720 your sleeves and start. Of course you'll fail. Of course 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:21.600 you'll look silly, feel silly. That's okay. Do the reps. 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:24.520 Keep doing the reps, do them as well as you 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:26.440 can do them, as light as you need to. I'm 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:29.320 talking about literal reps and metaphoric reps. Of course, do 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:33.400 lots of them. You cannot get good at what you 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:38.040 won't do. So the starting point for you for many 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:41.080 things that you will do will be that you might 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:42.840 be a one out of ten, you might be a 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:45.760 zero point five out of ten. Well guess what. You 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:50.320 can never become a two by avoiding what's required for 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:53.520 growth or improvement or development. So cool, start at a one, 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.400 Start at one, see what happens. And I've given you 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.880 all the metaphors before about black belts and white belts, 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:02.040 but literally, what I love about that kind of grading 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:07.600 system is that it teaches us that we come into 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:12.040 that environment, that situation, that skill that we're trying to develop, 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:15.480 We come into that, you know, almost like a blank 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:19.080 canvas that's got no paint on it yet, and we 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.280 don't know how to paint. We don't know how to 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:24.360 know how to do a kick or a punch or 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:26.880 a renaked choke. We don't. So we get on the 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:29.320 mat with our white belt. We get on the mat 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:31.720 being a zero point five or a one out of ten, 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:34.920 and we immerse ourselves in that place where we're going 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:37.000 to do the reps. We're going to just keep showing 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.599 up and people are going to be better than us. 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:42.680 People are going to be better than us. At that skill, 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:46.000 at that thing, whether it's singing, whether it's dancing, whether 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:51.200 it's understanding the PhD journey. Like for me, when I started, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:56.600 everyone around me was way more developed, way down the 0:08:56.640 --> 0:09:01.360 tunnel for the academic journey tunnel then I was. But 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:06.960 guess what, Hopefully the only way I could go was 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.880 up because I was so inadequate. But isn't it great 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.160 when you are around people that have skills and knowledge 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.280 and experience and strength and understanding and insight that you 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:22.360 don't have, and now you spend time with them. Now 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.600 you start to learn the language. Now you start to 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:28.679 learn the energy and the culture and the vibe and 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:32.840 the process, and you start to develop because you're doing 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:35.640 the reps and you're just showing up. So just show up, 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:39.720 Just show up. You've all been bored with my rambling about, 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:42.120 you know, the six hundred episodes I did on this show, 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:46.040 which you know I lost money on. But I thought that, well, 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.840 I wasn't positive, but I genuinely thought that this show 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:52.040 had potential. I thought that one day we're going to 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:55.880 get good sponsors, and not only will it be you know, 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:59.439 and exercising creativity and hopefully helping people and growth and 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:01.880 all of those things for me and enjoy it has 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:06.400 always given me joy, but also it would be something 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:10.280 that could be commercially viable. So I did the reps 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:12.800 for six hundred shows. I kept showing up, I kept 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.439 doing my research. I kept learning, I kept unlearning, I 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:19.600 kept paying attention. I kept sucking up, falling down, getting 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:22.600 back up, looking at other great podcast as, other great 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.360 communicators are the great interviewers, and just rocking up and 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.160 put my face in front of this fucking microphone that's 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:33.440 here right now, and eventually, eventually I got okay at it, 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:36.600 and eventually I'll leave the judgment up to you, but 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.640 not bad at it. But I couldn't. I couldn't even 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.520 get three out of ten at it if I didn't 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:45.200 sit down being a one. And that's where I started, 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:48.960 and that's where you start, So do the reps. My 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:52.480 next one is kind of similar, and that is put 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:57.160 yourself in the game. So get yourself in the space. 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.200 Like I said with me at UNI, I knew I 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:01.520 was going to be out of my depth when I 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:04.520 started at fifty six doing a PhD. And literally everyone 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.440 was probably on average thirty years younger than me. I 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:13.680 knew that energetically, that academically, that linguistically, that practically. I 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:17.360 knew that I would be way behind the starting point 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:25.160 for even a normal, regular day one PhD candidate, because 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:29.280 I was coming from far back. I hadn't studied at 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:34.840 university for nearly twenty years, you know, and think about 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:38.360 the work that people do and the things that people 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:43.000 do over time that came out of them showing up somewhere, 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.400 putting themselves in the room, getting in the room for 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.800 the first time. Now, I don't know how many people 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:54.000 I've had say to me, either coming into my gym's 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:57.880 when I owned gyms, or just out about talking. I 0:11:57.920 --> 0:11:59.520 want to be here or i want to get to 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:05.760 the gym, but I'm terrified. I'm scared. I'm embarrassed of 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.680 how I look. I'm embarrassed of what people think about 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:12.160 me or say about me. I'm intimidated. I'm this and 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.840 this and this, and they wheel off ten reasons why 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.640 they're not going, and I understand all of that, and 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:24.080 they have my sympathy and empathy. And I remember being 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:29.120 horribly out of shape and humiliated and embarrassed and hated 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:33.839 people looking at me. So I'm speaking experientially and personally, 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:37.440 not just theoretically. Do I understand it, but I fucking 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:42.360 understand it. But how do you get comfortable in a gym? 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.040 How do you learn to train effectively? How do you 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:48.680 build confidence in a gym? We can't build confidence in 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:52.280 a gym or any environment similar to that, any workout 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:55.440 or training environment, if you're never in the fucking environment, 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.160 if you never go to the gym or the pool 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:00.760 or the running track or the CrossFit box or the 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:05.200 class or whatever it is. There needs to be a 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:08.640 moment in time, and it could be a job interview 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:10.280 and you know you're not going to get the job, 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.959 and you know that you're terrible at interviews, You know 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:17.480 that you lack confidence, you know that you just don't 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.720 have the experience or the skills, and maybe you're naturally 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:24.000 anxious in all of those things. And yes, understand, I understand, 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:26.880 tick tick tick, But guess what. You can get good 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:31.360 at interviews. You can get good at interviews. You can 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:33.120 apply for the job, you can get your bum on 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:34.800 the seat, you can sit in front of the people 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:37.959 that are going to chat with you. You can even go 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.000 in saying look, this is probably not going to happen, 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:41.880 but I'm here to have an experience, and every time 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.080 you have an experience, you learn something. Every time you 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.880 have an experience, there's an opportunity for you to grow 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.920 and gain insight, to become better at that thing that 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:52.880 you're not currently good at, for you to be able 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:55.880 to go in the room and instead instead of having 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.640 minus three out of ten confidence you walk in the room, 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.080 you've got two or three now, and then you've got four, 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:03.120 and then you've got five, and then over time you 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:07.720 build confidence. You understand yourself in that environment more, you 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:10.480 understand the process, you understand what the people are looking 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:14.120 for and who they're looking for, and you can build 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:16.520 that kind of resilience. You can build that kind of 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:20.520 knowledge and understanding and skill because you're putting yourself in 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.200 the room. You're getting in the room in front of people, 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:29.160 and we go into that knowing or at least accepting 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:34.400 the possibility. This might take me fifty attempts, this might 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.200 take me less, it might take me more. I'm not 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:40.920 going to count it off like that, but it might 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:44.520 take a while, and that's okay. My next confidence builder 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:48.760 is also not mind blowing, also not revolutionary, but it 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:56.600 is set ridiculously achievable micro goals like set little goals 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:01.040 that are pushing you, moving you building confidence for the 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:05.400 biggest stuff. Set something that you know you can reasonably do. 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:11.440 So that might be whatever in today's meeting, I'm going 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:14.360 to ask a question. I'm not going to ask ten questions. 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:16.960 I'm not going to pull the microphone out of anybody's hand. 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:20.880 Each time we do that, we get a little hit 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.640 of dopamine that reinforces self belief. Every time we do 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:27.400 something that we haven't done and we don't capitulate and 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:30.000 people don't laugh at us, and we didn't fuck anything up. 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:34.360 Maybe we didn't create any revolutionary kind of transformation within 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.840 the company, but you know, we asked something, or we 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:39.160 said something, or we gave a little bit of feedback, 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:42.560 or it might be you know, you're petrified of talking. 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:44.880 Is stranger? It's cool. Just smile at someone today, say 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.120 a lo to someone today, have a good morning, have 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.040 a good night, thank you for holding the door for me, 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:51.360 or let me get the door for you, or whatever. 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:55.640 It is just doing something that is un you. You 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.840 want to build confidence around others, doesn't mean you want 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:00.720 to be a public speaker, does mean you need to 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:04.200 hog the limelight doesn't mean you need to be an extrovert. 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:08.360 But when we set little achievable goals. You know, the 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.920 person who wants to run a marathon and they're in 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.560 no kind of shape to run a kilometer, let alone 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:18.560 a marathon, it would be very understandable for them to go, well, 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:21.320 look at me, as if I could run a marathon 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:24.920 and I get it right now, zero chance right now. 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:28.240 But let's not worry about running a marathon right now. 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:33.160 Let's worry about getting a kilometer of movement in today. 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:37.400 Could you walk a kilometer today? You know, in that 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.880 body that ain't built for running yet, could you walk? 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:45.400 Could you reduce your calories by thirty percent? Could you 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:49.880 change the kind of energy equation in and out? Could 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:51.960 you change that a little bit? Do you think over 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.840 a month that you could go from walking a kilometer 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:57.840 a day to maybe three and maybe in that month 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:01.320 you might lose some kill, which is going to help 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.560 you move even better. Do you think that maybe over 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:07.160 I don't know, three months, you might start to do 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.479 some jogging, and over time you might do more jogging 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:12.840 and less walking, and then eventually you might do a 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:17.640 five k job. Because also in that timeframe, you've lost 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:20.439 ten or fifteen or twenty k's. And so this is 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:24.159 the beauty of setting small goals or micro goals that 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:28.359 we can achieve. We're not being unrealistic, we're not beating 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:31.439 ourselves up, we're not trying to be the alpha in 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:36.520 the group where we're not. We're trying to build competence 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:41.240 and confidence and skill in this example, and fitness that 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.840 can help us do a task down the track that 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:48.560 right now we couldn't even dream of doing. But if 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:51.000 we don't start on the micro goals, the small goals, 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.239 we don't start on the walking, we don't start on 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:57.159 the improving the movement, we don't start on that, then 0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:01.920 we never get to do the marathon or the metaphoric marathon, 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:05.399 whatever that represents to you. So just start with something 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:09.000 and every day, my advice is there. Every day tick 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:12.199 something off and as much as you can make it 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:17.960 progressive over time. Today I walked two thousand steps in 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:22.600 my phone. Your phone has a tracker, of course, and 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:25.040 tomorrow I'm going to do twenty two hundred steps, and 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:26.640 the end of the month, I'm going to be doing 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:30.639 three thousand steps or whatever it is. But that ability 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:32.800 to be able to go Okay, this is going to 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:34.840 be solid for me, but not impossible. So I'm going 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:38.199 to do that. So micro goals. My next one is 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:44.400 be courageous enough enough to fail, and we don't want 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:47.399 to fail. The failure is part of life, depending on 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:50.760 how you frame it, and we can reframe failure into oh, 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.320 it's a lesson, it's an experience, it's a moment in time. 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:56.399 We can do all that. I get all of that, 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.080 but the bottom line is we're going to fuck up. 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:02.840 That's the bottom line. The bottom line is you and 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.440 I will fail at things. That's the bottom line. Doesn't 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:07.720 matter what kind of ribbon you want to put on it, 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:09.320 but you and I know what's going on. I tried 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:12.520 to think I failed. Cool. It is also, or it 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.359 can be also a lesson. It can be a competence 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:19.040 and a confidence builder. Funnily enough, it can help us 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:24.119 build resilience and understanding and even momentum because we're doing it. 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:28.080 We're doing it. We're okay to be embarrassed, to look silly, 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:36.119 to experience some social and emotional discomfort, and to learn 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:38.560 from our fuck ups and to learn from our negative 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:41.520 outcomes and go great. I tried this. It didn't work, 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:43.640 but I did it. But I didn't get the time 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:45.760 I want or exactly the outcome I want. But I 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:49.240 went through the process. How can I change my process? 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:51.760 How could I manipulate the variables to do better? What 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:53.560 do I need to do more of and less of? 0:19:55.720 --> 0:20:00.200 What are the key takeaways from this experience? What is 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:05.240 what is the experience? And what are my outcomes telling me? 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:10.159 And also, you might have you might have an external person. 0:20:10.160 --> 0:20:11.760 You might have a coach, you might have a mentor, 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:13.879 you might have what I call an unreasonable friend. You know, 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:15.359 someone who tells you what you need to hear, not 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:17.680 what makes you comfortable. You might have one of those 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:21.320 motherfucker's floating around and they'll give you some feedback. And 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:24.520 it's your job and my job to be big enough 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:27.520 and brave enough as long as the feedback is feedback, 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:30.800 not criticism, not hate, but actual feedback from someone who 0:20:30.840 --> 0:20:33.000 knows you and loves you, and someone who can give 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:38.679 you some measured analysis that could be valuable if you 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:43.040 do something with it. So be courageous enough to fail 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:46.680 to fall down, to look silly, to go through some 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:50.960 social and emotional discomfort, to disappoint yourself or even others. 0:20:51.040 --> 0:20:55.080 This is also, you know, part of life. And when 0:20:55.119 --> 0:21:02.000 we are so fucking determined to stay comfortable, to stay safe, 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:07.359 to stay in the middle of all things familiar and predictable, 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:13.320 we're just building for ourselves at jail, an emotional and 0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:18.920 psychological and developmental jail that keeps us trapped. I would 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:25.119 rather fail ten times than do nothing. I truly would, 0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:27.600 because I know good things are going to come out 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:32.320 of those ten efforts that I made. My next one 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:40.359 is practice prep, preparation, and be patient. Practice prep and 0:21:40.400 --> 0:21:43.920 be patient. Some things just take a long time to 0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:48.000 take a while. I wanted to work in radio. I 0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:51.399 did a few radio interviews when I was younger. I 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:55.080 enjoyed at commercial radio, got on a few times, got 0:21:55.119 --> 0:21:59.439 told that I might do all right on radio, and 0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:03.359 I needed to somehow build some skills and confidence and 0:22:03.400 --> 0:22:08.880 competence and basically get some time on the mic. It's 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:11.800 not like you can just walk into Triple M or 0:22:11.840 --> 0:22:16.159 Fox FM or NOVERA or whoever and go, hey, I 0:22:16.200 --> 0:22:19.400 think I'll be good at radio. I know, and guess 0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:23.480 what I'm available. How lucky are you? No? That doesn't work, 0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:27.080 of course, that doesn't work. So what I did was 0:22:27.400 --> 0:22:31.760 I went and spent about six to seven years on 0:22:31.880 --> 0:22:36.720 two different community radio stations, and I did a weekly gig. 0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:40.120 So what's that fifty weeks of the year give will take, 0:22:40.960 --> 0:22:43.760 let's say seven, that's three hundred and fifty years. At 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:47.880 three hundred and fifty times I worked in radio. Where 0:22:47.920 --> 0:22:51.919 I was I was also producing, which means I was 0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:54.960 at times anyway, I was actually most of the time 0:22:55.000 --> 0:22:58.120 I was pushing the buttons. I was taking us out 0:22:58.119 --> 0:23:02.440 of a talk set into music or ads or whatever 0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:04.440 it was. I was coming back. I was doing time 0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:08.400 checks where the checks station id all of that welcome back, 0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:11.440 it's blah blah blah. You know. I was doing all 0:23:11.480 --> 0:23:13.280 of that, and I developed all of this understanding and 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:18.239 knowledge and skills. And so when I finally got a 0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:22.040 job on what is Whilst going to say what was 0:23:22.080 --> 0:23:25.840 then it still is sen which is Melbourne's home of sport, 0:23:25.880 --> 0:23:27.640 and all of these things Australia is now, I think 0:23:27.640 --> 0:23:30.680 they're all around Australia. But I already had a lot 0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:37.840 of time talking to people, doing interviews, pushing the buttons, 0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:44.320 understanding how it works, timing, situational awareness, and I wasn't 0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:49.240 brilliant at all. But when I started on community radio, 0:23:49.359 --> 0:23:53.000 I was a one. And by the time I by 0:23:53.040 --> 0:23:57.440 the time I got onto commercial radio, I'd already had 0:23:57.880 --> 0:24:02.160 a lot relative but quite a lot of experience, and 0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:04.200 I would say it was probably a five or six 0:24:04.359 --> 0:24:07.439