WEBVTT - Is Helping Others Burning You Out?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey everyone, it's Cali here and welcome to this week's

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<v Speaker 1>Mojo Monday. So some of us are naturally giving people.

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<v Speaker 1>Where the rock that keeps others steady, the one people

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<v Speaker 1>call when things aren't going well. We're there to pull

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<v Speaker 1>them out of the weeds and to lift their mood,

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<v Speaker 1>to drive them to appointments, to help with the kids,

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<v Speaker 1>to listen, to support, to offer advice. So we are

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<v Speaker 1>the helpers, and often this comes naturally. It can actually

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<v Speaker 1>make for a very deeply meaningful and rewarding life. It

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<v Speaker 1>is good to help others. It's good that our focus

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<v Speaker 1>isn't always on our selves. In fact, constant self focus

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<v Speaker 1>attention can lead to anxiety and rumination and a life

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<v Speaker 1>of complaint. But there is another side to this. Those

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<v Speaker 1>who are natural helpers often disregard themselves to the point

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<v Speaker 1>where their own health starts to suffer. And I'm wondering

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<v Speaker 1>whether that sounds familiar to you, whether it's for you

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<v Speaker 1>or somebody that you know. You're looking after everyone else,

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<v Speaker 1>but not yourself. You're the one who always says yes,

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<v Speaker 1>and if that resonates, here are a few questions worth

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<v Speaker 1>asking yourself when you say yes to everything? Why are

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<v Speaker 1>you saying yes. Is it because you genuinely want to

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<v Speaker 1>help with no other reason, or if you're really honest

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<v Speaker 1>with yourself, is there something else there that's true? If

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<v Speaker 1>you said no because you were busy, because you had

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<v Speaker 1>a lot on your plate, because your health is suffering,

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<v Speaker 1>what do you think would actually happen? Because quite often

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<v Speaker 1>we say yes not from generosity, but from guilt, and

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<v Speaker 1>that matters because it means we're not really choosing to

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<v Speaker 1>put others first. We're allowing guilt to be the compass

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<v Speaker 1>that drives our decisions, and guilty isn't always a reliable guide.

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<v Speaker 1>There's another way to look at it. Every time you

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<v Speaker 1>say yes to someone, you're saying no to something else,

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<v Speaker 1>your health, your energy, your time, your sanity. And this

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<v Speaker 1>is where it gets a bit tricky because often these

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<v Speaker 1>decisions sit at these crossroads of competing values. So on one hand,

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<v Speaker 1>you do value helping others, you genuinely do want to help,

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<v Speaker 1>But on the other hand, you also value your health,

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<v Speaker 1>your well being, your commitments to yourself, and both of

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<v Speaker 1>those matter, But in the moment, we often choose the

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<v Speaker 1>easier option. We say yes to avoid the discomfort of

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<v Speaker 1>guilt or awkwardness or letting someone down. It feels better

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<v Speaker 1>right now, but what is the long term impact. It

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<v Speaker 1>can build to resentment, exhaust burn out, and slowly you

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<v Speaker 1>move further away from the very things that keep you well.

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<v Speaker 1>And more often than not, people understand that you have

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<v Speaker 1>other priorities. If you said, I would really love to help,

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<v Speaker 1>but I've committed to going to the gym and that

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<v Speaker 1>is really important to me right now, most people, especially

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<v Speaker 1>those close to you, would respect that. And if they don't,

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<v Speaker 1>because not everybody will, that's okay too, because you can't

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<v Speaker 1>control their response. You can only control yours, not just

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<v Speaker 1>to them, but to the feeling of guilt that shows up.

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<v Speaker 1>You see, guilt will appear because you care. It's reflection

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<v Speaker 1>of your values, your desire to support others. But just

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<v Speaker 1>because it shows up doesn't mean it should decide your actions.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes you have to choose the discomfort of putting yourself first,

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<v Speaker 1>and that discomfort might feel strong in the moment, but

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<v Speaker 1>it won't last forever. What does last is the benefit

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<v Speaker 1>of looking after yourself, having the energy, the capacity, the

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<v Speaker 1>health to keep showing up for the people who matter.

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<v Speaker 1>So you get to choose. You can let guilt, run

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<v Speaker 1>the show and say yes to everybody and everything, or

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<v Speaker 1>you can acknowledge it and carry it with you and

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<v Speaker 1>still choose to say no respectfully and with empathy. Because

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<v Speaker 1>the truth is, if you don't look after yourself, there

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<v Speaker 1>will come a point where you can't look after anyone else,

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<v Speaker 1>and that is not what you want. This isn't about

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<v Speaker 1>becoming less giving, it's not about turning your back on others.

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<v Speaker 1>It's about balance. So be the generous supporting person that

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<v Speaker 1>you are, and at the same time make space to

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<v Speaker 1>look after your own health, your own energy, and your

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<v Speaker 1>own commitments, because that that's what allows you to keep

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<v Speaker 1>showing up, not just today, but long into the future.

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<v Speaker 1>So thanks for joining me this week and I will

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<v Speaker 1>catch you next week. See ya.