WEBVTT - Do the Hard Thing First: Why You're Not Lazy, You're Avoiding a Feeling 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.480 Avoidance works temporarily where you're like trying to make out 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:05.600 that you're busy, but you're just avoiding the actual thing 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:08.560 you need to be doing. Temporarily, the anxiety drops and 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:10.840 you feel better, so your brain goes perfect, let's do 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:13.920 that again, And that is negative reinforcement. The relief literally 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:16.560 trains you to keep avoiding except the task still there, 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:17.840 and now you've stacked, you're. 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:18.520 On top of it. 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:22.920 Ever since I can remember, I've always had crippling anxiety 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:27.000 and issues with starting the most simple tasks. Like I 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:29.280 remember being a kid and you know, looking at my 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:33.159 messy room and it feeling like a mountain of a 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:35.960 task and just not knowing where to start. Or it 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.879 could be something just so simple, like having to do 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.199 one little thing. And I've noticed this more as an adult. 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:45.920 And the thing is with this, I for some reason, 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:49.040 I struggle most with the most simple task, things that 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:51.839 take me five minutes. It could be like a messy 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:54.840 draw or just like ringing the doctors to book an appointment. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.320 And for so so long until I really understood my 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:01.920 brain better, I thought it was a flaw. I just 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.039 thought I was lazy. But when you zoom out, you know, 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.880 most of us that feel like we're lazy, we're anything 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:08.600 but lazy. 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:09.399 You know. 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:11.880 We have the families, we have the careers, we have 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:13.720 all these things going on. We're usually the types of 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:18.120 people that can't sit still. So was I really lazy 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.399 or is it just how my brain's made up? And 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:23.320 I'm sure you understand this feeling. It's that one task 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:25.840 that you've been putting off for so long now that 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:28.600 it's just grown into that mountain that I remember when 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:32.759 I was a kid. And once you realize it isn't 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:36.399 actually the task itself, it's the emotion. It's the potential 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.360 of the outcome of the task that usually is a 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.399 thing that holds us back the most, then you'll realize 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:44.080 how you can actually work with your brain. 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:44.640 And not against it. 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:48.360 And it's not even that you can't be bothered doing 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:51.000 the thing. It's usually like this sense of dread. For me, 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:56.320 I've just always dreaded certain tasks. And you know, I 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:58.800 was diagnosed with add when I was six years old, 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:02.600 and you think by but you know, being diagnosed so young, 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:04.720 and as a female back then, it like I would 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:07.600 have figured it out by now. But the thing is, 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:11.440 I'm still working it out even till this day, and 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:15.320 you're an underneath it all. For some reason, I will 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:18.400 dread sending an email, but I'll go and retoll the bathroom. 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:21.040 And underneath it all, there's a little voice that's saying, 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:24.800 why is this so hard for me? Why can't I 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:29.360 physically bring myself to do this thing? And as your 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:31.200 day goes on, it grows and grows. It kind of 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.240 just like hovers it. It adds to your mental load 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:34.880 and it feels like you're just carrying it around in 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:37.280 like a backpack that continues to get heavier and heavier. 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:39.560 But it has taken me until thirty five. 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:41.960 Years old until now to realize that it's not a 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:44.079 productivity thing, it's not a discipline thing. 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:47.040 It's a brain thing. By the end of today's episode, 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:48.400 you're going to understand. 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:51.960 Why you've physically dread certain tasks and why you do 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.760 tend to put them off, and why you're actually not 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:57.920 afraid of the task itself. And I'll give you the 0:02:57.919 --> 0:03:00.840 real psychology behind you know, the sayings of eat the 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:02.799 frog and you know, making your bed first thing in 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:06.480 the morning, and why these things sometimes actually work or 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.079 they do work, and it doesn't come down to discipline 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.920 these are This is just the one hack. Honestly, this 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:15.320 one hack I'm sharing with you today is something that 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:18.320 will impact your entire day and it also will just 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:21.840 help you be able to start moving through life doing 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.840 what you see is hard much much easier and with 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:26.720 a lot less friction. 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:28.639 This episode isn't about getting more done. 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.440 It's about being able to, you know, go through your 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:35.040 days without having this thing hovering behind you, without you 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:38.160 feeling like a failure or that you're lazy, or that 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.400 you're just different to everyone else who seems to all 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:42.240 be able to get their life admen done or do 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.680 the little tasks. And you're going to be able to 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:48.720 feel much much lighter by doing this one thing. But first, 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:50.720 a little life update, and this is what brought on 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:51.600 this episode. 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:52.840 So I'm finding now. 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:55.520 With my girls at their ages, they're eight and ten, 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.960 they are going through hurdles that you know, obviously toddlers 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.920 and little people don't really go through. And I've always 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:04.680 said I didn't understand this saying until now where they 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:07.360 say little people, little problems, big people, big problems, And 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:11.560 now that they're becoming bigger, I'm finding the advice I'm 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.560 giving them I'm needing to take myself and it's always 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:17.280 at the right time. So recently I've touched on this 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:19.120 last week, but one of the girls is struggling a 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:23.080 little bit with anxiety, and you know, I'm finding that 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:26.120 both girls, with certain things they do in the morning 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:27.920 can create a lot of friction for them, and that 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:30.680 if things aren't done a certain way or followed a 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.880 certain way in the morning, or health breaks loose, really 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:36.440 for everyone involved, it's not a good time. It's not 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.120 a good time at the Pace household. So I've really 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:42.080 implemented a morning routine for the girls that you know, 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:46.159 things change that really suits their lives and their phase 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:48.880 right now. And this thing has honestly made them so 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.000 much more confident little people, especially with one of them 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.120 going through anxiety at school, like it's made her so 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:55.040 much more confident. 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:57.640 Anyway, So how it came about. 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:01.080 Was the girls had speeches to do, and well they're 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.960 both quite you know, you know, a bit anxious about it, 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:09.039 and they kept talking about the speech and realistically, like 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:12.520 obviously as a kid, like writing speech and stuff with 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:16.120 your parents or even without can seem like a daunting task. 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:18.320 But you know, we've done a few, Well, you do 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.120 a speech like once a year or once a term, 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:21.560 and it doesn't take us long. 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:22.800 It takes us like fifteen minutes. 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:24.920 Anyway, the girls were talking about this for weeks and weeks, 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:26.800 and one morning they woke up and one of the 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:29.200 girls was just very very stressed about this speech and 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.000 I was like, well, just do the hard thing first. 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.120 She's like, what do you mean, mum, And I said, well, 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:37.200 first thing in the morning. Your brain doesn't really know 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.560 what's going on yet. It's like you know how you know? 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:42.960 For example, as I said, the task that we put off, 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:44.920 it gets bigger as the day goes on. But if 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:49.280 you do that thing first, there's less time to build 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.720 that resistance and that friction and overthink things. So I said, 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:54.839 do the hard thing first. It's like ripping the band 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:58.120 aid off. And because with the way our brains you know, 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:02.479 are in the morning, if we do the one task 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.320 you put off first thing a you have less time 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.760 to think about it and actually do it. And also 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:11.200 that will mean you're less judgmental of the outcome, because 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:13.000 I know, for me, there's certain things I do in 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:14.680 my business. I'm like, I cannot do that in the 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:16.679 middle of the day because I will rip it to shreds. 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:17.520 But if I do it in the. 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:20.320 Morning or even at night, I'm better at it for 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:23.159 some reason, because I'm not judging it so much. But 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.200 number two, if you do the hard thing first, everything 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.480 after that is easier. And when I say hard thing, 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:33.120 I don't just mean doing a big scary thing, I 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:36.120 mean like it could be sending an email, but because 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:38.080 that email carries a lot of weight. 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.000 For you, that's hard. 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:42.560 So if you prove to yourself I can do hard things, 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:44.520 everything else for your day is going to be easier. 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.520 So once I said this to the girls that morning, 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:49.640 I said, why don't let's just get this speech done. 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.440 Let's do the hard thing first, And then they did it, 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.880 and honestly, there they look like they were free. They're 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.040 on holidays, because when you think about it, we're so 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:01.720 tied down by the things and how to do list. 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:04.520 I you know, I think that's why I'm so much 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:07.839 into AI for certain things, is because I really struggle 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.840 to start tasks and they weigh on me so heavily. 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:12.840 We all know about the mental load. We all have 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:15.720 the mental load, but so much of our mental load 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.200 is taken up by things that we can just tick 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:22.920 off so easily. So now, obviously the girls don't have 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.200 a speech to write every day, but I've started getting 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:26.920 the girls and I'm going to do a whole episode 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:29.360 on this. I'm getting the girls more involved in helping 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:31.200 with the household now that they're older. I'm like, you 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.600 can actually be involved, not and I'm not just saying 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:34.840 clean your room, I mean like. 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:36.040 Actually help contribute. 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:39.480 So part of the girl's morning routine now is they 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.560 unstack the dishwasher. And I thought there was going to 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:44.280 be a lot of friction with this, but there hasn't been, 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:46.960 and honestly, I think in their minds because it's making 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:50.160 them feel like big girls. It gives them a responsibility. 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:52.920 They both have so much more confidence, and they're all 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:55.880 so much easier to get other cleaning things done, like 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.600 clean your room and things like that. So that's part 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.000 of our routine now. And let me tell you, it's 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.360 made my life easier as well. But yeah, just like 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.320 the change, and the girls like their confidence, the way 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.400 they carry themselves, the way that they seem so much 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.360 lighter because now they're doing even if it's unloading the dishwasher, 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:12.160 they're doing a hard task first, and it made me 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:13.920 realize that this isn't just a kid thing, this is 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:18.240 a human thing, and we just need to start relearning 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:19.560 these tricks and things. 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:20.560 As we go as adults. 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:24.080 Now, the whole thing with the kids also made me 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:27.120 go out and start posting this little series. Now, as 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.160 you guys know from one of my past episodes, I 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:30.960 do this thing once a month called to Get Shit 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:33.920 Done Day, and that's a prime example of doing the 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.440 hard things, even if a hard thing means literally doing 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.480 the washing. Now I have one get shit Done day 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.760 a month. One is a life admin task, one is 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.640 a quick win, and one thing is that annoying task 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:48.319 you've been putting off. Now, realistically, doing these three things 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:50.680 could take you half an hour because you know, a 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:54.760 life admin task could be ordering online groceries, an annoying 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:56.880 toss you've been putting off could literally be cleaning out 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:59.920 the car, and a quick win could be just doing 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.480 something simple like making a healthy meal. So that is 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:05.520 an example of what it get shited Done day can 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:07.800 look like. Now, once a month, I will post my 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:09.560 get Shit dun Day in what I do. So if 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.400 you don't follow me on Instagram already to make sure 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:16.560 you do. But I started including on these posts the 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:19.760 time I spent avoiding this task and then the time 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:23.200 it actually took to do the task. And it's pretty 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:24.920 funny when you look at it, because it will say 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.400 time avoided for most things. Like one was cleaning my 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:29.720 office which was last month, and I think I avoided 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.920 that task for ret least three or four months, and 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:34.720 it took me like forty five minutes or something. And 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.600 then another one was I think for this month was 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.400 clean out my handbag and I avoided that task for 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.640 six months and it took me five minutes. Like and 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:45.480 you need to remember to you, every time you see 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:48.080 that task that you keep pushing back and pushing back, 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:51.079 that's you could be in like such a good mood 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:54.320 and it's gonna instantly bring you down and fill you 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:56.720 with you know, a lot of emotions. And again like, 0:09:57.200 --> 0:10:00.640 it's not the task itself, it's the emotions to to it. 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:04.839 Now this might surprise you, but for me, one really 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.240 hard task, and I've struggled with this for a long 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:09.679 time is social media posts. 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.480 Yes, so literally the thing I. 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:14.840 Somehow used to be able to do without any pressure 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:15.520 on myself. 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.719 Like I remember back when I started. 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:19.720 For years, I would just post whatever, and I know, 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:22.480 like social media has changed a lot, so it's kind 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.480 of valid as well because when I back in my day, 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:28.320 we would literally post a photo and then I'd write 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.480 a really long caption because I just love writing, So 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:32.200 that's kind of where it stemmed from for me. And 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:34.520 also the blog, so there wasn't like a whole big 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.760 production needed. And now when you're scrolling, there's like so 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:41.600 many reels and there's so much happening and it's very overwhelming. 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.600 And for me, I actually don't really scroll socials anymore 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.800 because it just for me, it's like a reminder of 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:50.680 work and things I should be doing, and I just 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:53.480 don't enjoy it as much anymore. So I end up 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.040 I'm not perfect. I scroll like Amazon and shit, like 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.200 I do other dumb shit on the internet, but social 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:01.480 media is not like a big thing I do at 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:05.280 the moment. I do love a good like rabbit hole search, 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:07.880 so like especially in Reddit. I love Reddit at the moment. 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:10.440 But for me, you'd think for me, posting would be 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:14.120 second nature. And if I'm really honest, I'm not scared 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:17.840 to make the post. I'm scared to post the post. 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:20.840 What I'm scared of is the outcome. You see, I have, 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:24.440 sadly still have high expectations of myself, which I'm working on. 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:26.600 But that is a bit of a second nature to me. 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:29.920 So I'm not scared of creating, going in in Canva 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:32.600 and putting some things together, which I wish it was 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.720 that quick. I'm not scared of actually making a post. 0:11:35.880 --> 0:11:39.720 I'm scared of the outcome, my emotion attached to it, 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.520 the possibilities of the outcome, like could it go shit? 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:43.200 Could it go good? 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:46.079 And it's just like I will constantly put it off, 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:48.760 you know, I'm scared that it's not going to land 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:51.600 the same way as it does in my head. I 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:54.720 might think the post is a banger and it goes shit, 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:56.559 and then it's always the post that take you two 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:59.839 seconds you don't think about that go off. So I 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.120 finally figured out I wasn't avoiding the task, I was 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:06.040 avoiding the feeling because I'm a perfectionist. Like for example, 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:08.800 another thing I tend to avoid is which is not 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:11.560 good is certain health appointments. Now, as you guys know, 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:14.320 I have a lot of health anxiety from my childhood 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:17.880 and things like that, So I figured out that I 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:21.880 will always put off anything health related, but I still 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:23.960 look when I say that, I don't do it for 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.120 too long, but I will really struggle with it, like 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:27.720 I'll do it because I know I have to, but 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:31.360 it's painful for me, Like it's painful. But this is 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.960 where you can also kind of start, you know, recording 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.120 things you're avoiding for how long, but how long they 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:39.880 actually take you because what that is that creates evidence 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:43.400 and receipts to show you that it's actually not that bad. 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:49.080 It's funny how I will greatly underestimate how long tasks 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:52.520 can take. Like, you know, if I'm feeling like a 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:54.000 bit optimistic that day, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:55.600 can record a podcast in five minutes. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:56.480 Of course I can't. 0:12:57.720 --> 0:12:59.199 But if I'm having a day or maybe I'm not 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.240 feeling super comfort in things, and obviously being on camera 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:05.040 and recording yourself can be putting yourself out there. If 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:06.800 I'm in my lude, your phase, you bet I'll be like, no, 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:08.800 that's going to take me six hours to record a 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.840 five minute podcast, which obviously don't do five minute podcasts. 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:13.760 But you get my gist. So what I want you 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:14.560 guys to do at home. 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:16.640 This is going to be your first takeaway for helping 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:19.040 you guys do the hard thing. First is I want 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:20.880 you to keep like a little notebook or even the 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:22.880 notes in your notes app. But I do warn you 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:26.439 they will get lost in the little universe in your phone. 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:30.160 But keep a little reference point of things you avoid 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:32.400 and then how long they actually take you. And have 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.839 you ever noticed once you've actually done the thing you've 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:37.280 been putting off for so long, you feel so bloody good. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.840 You're like, I can do anything now, Just like my 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.000 kids in the morning, once they did the dishwasher and 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.880 they did their speech, They're like, this, my life is 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:46.360 so easy, Like look what I just did. 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:47.960 You have so much more self confidence. 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:50.000 And that comes with like I said last week in 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:53.240 my episode, self trust comes from doing the things you 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.000 said you would. That's where you get confidence from. So 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.320 the more you can work that muscle and do the thing, 0:13:58.640 --> 0:13:59.760 the easier it gets. 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.400 And it also does come from like the unknown, like our. 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:06.520 Brain will protect us from things that you know, doing 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:08.760 things that has an outcome we are not sure or 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:11.120 that we don't know about. So that's why you know 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:14.120 you don't maybe you know, starting a new job you 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:17.120 have never been in like that feels terrifying, or even 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:20.160 like public speaking, because our brain's like, no, we don't 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.320 do this every day. This isn't safe, and that's when 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:24.800 the anxiety kicks in. But if you can do the 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:27.240 thing improve to yourself, you can do hard things and 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:29.920 actually be pretty good at them. You might just learn 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.920 a new skill and you will start getting way more confident. Like, 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.680 for example, I was never able to do public speaking, 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.000 which is wild, like I would at Uni. I've told 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.960 you guys this story that's in my book, which also 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.280 you need. You guys need to grab Mastering my Messy Life. 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:47.080 I think I need a version two already good Mastering 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:49.880 my Messier Life, because somehow it just keeps getting messier. 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.080 But yeah, I would when I was at UNI doing 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.800 my degree, I would literally have to go to the 0:14:56.880 --> 0:15:00.480 Unibar and skull Beer to do any type of pub speaking. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.520 And now here I am. I have a podcast with Nova, 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:04.800 I go on TV. I do love events like I'm 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:07.360 literally speaking at an event on Friday, and yes, I 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.600 will be angry, like nervous, but I've proven to you 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:12.880 myself I can do hard things and that is a 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.600 receipt for me. So whenever I get nervous about this thing, 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:17.760 I look at the receipts and be like, dude, you 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:19.520 can do this in your sleep. Now, when I was 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.080 doing research with this podcast, I came across the term 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:23.080 avoidance loop. 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.680 Now, avoidance loop is basically. 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.080 When you know, when you've got this thing to do, 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:31.040 but you will do anything else you can think of 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.200 to seem busy, to trick yourself into feeling like what 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:37.560 you're doing is okay and it's productive, instead of doing 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:38.120 the actual thing. 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:39.520 And that's called an avoidance loop. 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:42.560 And that's what makes avoidance so sneaky is it's not 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:47.320 you sitting around doing jackshit. It's you looking busy to 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:50.000 self consciously like trick yourself and being like, I don't 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:51.760 I don't have time to do the one thing I'm 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.160 avoiding because I have all these other things to do instead. 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:56.840 But you know, you're just making that task grow and 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.880 grow and grow. You know, you answer the emails, you 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.520 clean the kitchen, you're making the lunches for your kids, 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:04.280 which is all well and good, but hey, you've got 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:09.200 that project due literally at three pm, bro. And then, sadly, 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.320 because we need pressure to actually do the thing you're 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:14.480 going to have a little punic attack later and really 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:17.400 regret not doing the thing earlier, you know, And I 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:20.400 know this whole episode is pretty ironic considering you know, 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:22.960 I own a planner company and a planer brand. But 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.720 I think that's why I'm always just being so big 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.880 on the reason why I make the types of planners 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.480 and tools I do. It's because it's for messy minds. 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.520 It's to help you organize the overwhelm. Like so many 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.240 other planned companies and brands, which are all gorgeous as well, 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:40.520 but they really are marketed towards type A people, to 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:44.560 the people who maybe they don't have avoidance sloops every day, 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.160 maybe that's like once a month, but for me, that's 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:51.040 a daily battle, and it really is debilitating. And I 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:54.240 can't tell you how much I'm just so passionate about 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:58.280 these topics and just normalizing that not all of us 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:01.880 can just be dissap every day or even feel like that. 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:04.840 Here's a little stat though, that will make you feel 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.800 much better. So researchers have found that we're genuinely terrible 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.880 at predicting how bad something's going to feel. We overestimate 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.800 it every single time, So you imagine like the awkward 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:19.679 conversation that interview, maybe like presenting something anything, it's going 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:21.640 to be terrible, and then when you actually do the thing, 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:23.160 you're like, oh, that was easy, and then you spent 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:27.600 like three weeks losing sleep and just having a shit 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.719 time over something that was so simple. But unfortunately, as 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:33.400 much as we know that, we tend to do it 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:35.080 with all the things we put off. 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:39.359 This leads me to the science on what our brain does. Now. 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:43.760 Everyone treats procrastination like a time management will power problem, 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:47.840 but it's actually an emotion management problem. So think about 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:49.679 that social media post I was putting off and the 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.439 post I put off like I had the programs, I 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:54.520 had the knowledge, I've done this for years, and I 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:58.160 still didn't do it because time was never the issue. 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:02.119 This is just is like my way of viewing the tasks. 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:05.679 And there were two psychologists that actually reframed this for me. 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:10.600 They found procrastination is basically short term mood repair. So 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.440 when a task makes you feel something uncomfortable, your brain 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.480 goes make that feeling go away now, and the fastest 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:18.840 way to do that is just to not do it. 0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:21.320