1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,161 Speaker 1: Apogie Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,201 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is. 3 00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, 4 00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:25,641 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics 7 00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761 Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:31,801 --> 00:00:35,041 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to she Rises. It's Ashy 10 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,521 Speaker 1: and Tiana and we're so excited to be here. Today's 11 00:00:38,521 --> 00:00:40,961 Speaker 1: topic is a little bit heavier and edgier for you 12 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,881 Speaker 1: to talk about. But before we get into it, we'll 13 00:00:42,881 --> 00:00:45,961 Speaker 1: do our shares of the week. Mine is language shifts. 14 00:00:46,161 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 1: I think language shifts are so powerful. So this just 15 00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:52,161 Speaker 1: gives a little few examples of things that we tend 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,481 Speaker 1: to say and they come from a good place, but 17 00:00:54,641 --> 00:00:58,721 Speaker 1: things we can say that are just nicer. So instead 18 00:00:58,721 --> 00:01:01,321 Speaker 1: of saying I know what it feels like, let's say 19 00:01:01,681 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: I can't imagine your heartbreak. Instead of saying you're strong, 20 00:01:05,681 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: you'll get through this, let's say you'll hurt and I'll 21 00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:11,801 Speaker 1: be here. Instead of saying you look like you're doing 22 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,881 Speaker 1: really well, let's say, how are you holding up today? 23 00:01:16,121 --> 00:01:20,121 Speaker 1: Instead of saying healing takes time, let's say healing has 24 00:01:20,241 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: no timeline. And instead of saying everything happens for a reason, 25 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,441 Speaker 1: let's start saying this must feel so terribly senseless right now. 26 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,561 Speaker 1: I just think, yeah, sometimes we say things and they 27 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: come from a good place, but it almost blocks people 28 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,361 Speaker 1: from having a full expression of how they're feeling. And 29 00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: sometimes when people are grieving or they're going through something 30 00:01:41,241 --> 00:01:43,200 Speaker 1: really hard, they need someone to just say how are 31 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: you and like have a cry or say I'm really 32 00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:49,401 Speaker 1: not coping or life's really hard right now. But when 33 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,561 Speaker 1: you say, oh, you'll be right, or everything happens for 34 00:01:51,561 --> 00:01:54,441 Speaker 1: a reason, it just kind of like it doesn't give 35 00:01:54,441 --> 00:01:56,401 Speaker 1: them permission to do it, and it doesn't create a 36 00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:59,481 Speaker 1: safe landing spot for them to just fully feel everything 37 00:01:59,521 --> 00:02:01,841 Speaker 1: they need to feel to heal through it. Yeah, you know, 38 00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:03,681 Speaker 1: when you're going through something and someone's like, oh, don't worry, 39 00:02:03,681 --> 00:02:06,641 Speaker 1: everything happens for a reason, it's like, well, okay, that 40 00:02:06,681 --> 00:02:08,481 Speaker 1: does not help me feel good right now. Right now 41 00:02:08,481 --> 00:02:10,761 Speaker 1: I'm in the thick of morning what I had or 42 00:02:10,801 --> 00:02:11,881 Speaker 1: greeting what I want? 43 00:02:12,041 --> 00:02:14,081 Speaker 2: You know, it does, it really does make you feel 44 00:02:14,121 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 2: like you have to be, like you have to put 45 00:02:16,441 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 2: on a front. It's almost like that person is saying, like, 46 00:02:18,441 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 2: I'm expecting you to show up in this way, even 47 00:02:20,321 --> 00:02:22,481 Speaker 2: it comes from a good place, yes, Or when you're going 48 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,561 Speaker 2: through it, you're like, oh, maybe there's no space for 49 00:02:24,601 --> 00:02:28,001 Speaker 2: me to actually just feel how I'm actually feeling about 50 00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:31,721 Speaker 2: this situation and maybe even bring my most raw emotions forward. 51 00:02:31,881 --> 00:02:33,361 Speaker 1: You just need a moment for someone to hold it 52 00:02:33,401 --> 00:02:35,881 Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, Like this fucking sucks right now, and 53 00:02:35,881 --> 00:02:38,041 Speaker 1: it's hard always say like have that little pity party 54 00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:40,601 Speaker 1: for yourself, but having people around you that can hold 55 00:02:40,641 --> 00:02:43,201 Speaker 1: that for you so nice. What's your share of the week? 56 00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:46,281 Speaker 3: Love that. My share of the week is just nailing 57 00:02:46,281 --> 00:02:47,001 Speaker 3: the basics. 58 00:02:47,161 --> 00:02:49,641 Speaker 2: So something that has been really really helpful for me 59 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,321 Speaker 2: when I've just you know, maybe you had like a 60 00:02:52,361 --> 00:02:54,961 Speaker 2: harder season or things feel a little bit more heavy, 61 00:02:55,081 --> 00:02:57,481 Speaker 2: you know, when you just kind of like you noticeably 62 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 2: recognize I feel a little bit more tired lately, or 63 00:02:59,881 --> 00:03:02,401 Speaker 2: feel a little bit more sad this season, or you know, 64 00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:04,641 Speaker 2: I'm going through it and it feels really tough, Like 65 00:03:05,281 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 2: in those moments, I think like nailing the basics is 66 00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:11,361 Speaker 2: really important. And I've noticed, like when I've gone through 67 00:03:11,401 --> 00:03:14,001 Speaker 2: those seasons, if I nail the basics, and what I 68 00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:17,561 Speaker 2: mean by that is literally just like sleep, food, water, movement, 69 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,161 Speaker 2: and being kind to yourself and not isolating yourself, so 70 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,321 Speaker 2: like surrounding yourself at least once a week with people 71 00:03:23,321 --> 00:03:27,361 Speaker 2: that you love, Like those things help get you through 72 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,641 Speaker 2: that season, you know. And it's like as soon as 73 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,761 Speaker 2: one of those or more of those things drop off, 74 00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:34,281 Speaker 2: it's like you're suddenly in the trenches and You're like, 75 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,561 Speaker 2: now things are really feeling harder. Now I feel even 76 00:03:37,641 --> 00:03:39,481 Speaker 2: more sad. Now I feel even more lonely. Now I 77 00:03:39,521 --> 00:03:42,001 Speaker 2: haven't eaten all day and I'm starving, and you know, 78 00:03:42,081 --> 00:03:43,721 Speaker 2: and then you just have low energy in it. Just 79 00:03:43,881 --> 00:03:47,281 Speaker 2: all of those things have a negative flow on effect, 80 00:03:47,841 --> 00:03:50,681 Speaker 2: they do. And so I think for me, just what 81 00:03:50,841 --> 00:03:53,481 Speaker 2: has really been powerful is every time that I now 82 00:03:53,561 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: notice and I'm feeling like in a harder season or 83 00:03:57,201 --> 00:04:01,321 Speaker 2: stretched bits stretched, I check those things and I go, Okay, 84 00:04:01,521 --> 00:04:03,521 Speaker 2: how's my food at the moment, how's my water? 85 00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:03,761 Speaker 1: So? 86 00:04:03,961 --> 00:04:07,241 Speaker 2: Am I getting enough sleep? Am I getting enough movement? 87 00:04:07,241 --> 00:04:09,361 Speaker 2: Am I walking once a day? Because it's like those 88 00:04:09,361 --> 00:04:11,601 Speaker 2: things are such a lifeline for me because I know 89 00:04:11,641 --> 00:04:14,881 Speaker 2: if I have all that foundation is strong, then anything 90 00:04:14,881 --> 00:04:16,641 Speaker 2: else that I experience on top of that, I know 91 00:04:17,121 --> 00:04:18,881 Speaker 2: I'm gonna be able to get through it because I'm like, well, 92 00:04:18,921 --> 00:04:21,281 Speaker 2: my foundation is solid. But then when I drop off 93 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,481 Speaker 2: those things, I'm like, I don't have a solid foundation 94 00:04:23,601 --> 00:04:25,881 Speaker 2: to be like, well, now I can deal with this 95 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,401 Speaker 2: heartbreak or now I can deal with this hardship at 96 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: work or this friendship challenge or you know, it's like 97 00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 2: those things will just feel ten times heavier on a 98 00:04:34,561 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 2: rocky foundation. 99 00:04:35,561 --> 00:04:38,241 Speaker 1: That's so true. Foundation is so important and it's good 100 00:04:38,241 --> 00:04:40,201 Speaker 1: to have a little checklist. It's like when I'm feeling off, 101 00:04:40,241 --> 00:04:43,281 Speaker 1: I'm feeling stretched, it's also burnt out or whatever. It's like, 102 00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:45,881 Speaker 1: I just go back to that. I am in control 103 00:04:45,921 --> 00:04:47,401 Speaker 1: of that. Because a lot of things that you get 104 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,881 Speaker 1: stressed about or you're going through, or how people are 105 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,121 Speaker 1: responding or what's happening at work or whatever, or finances 106 00:04:52,201 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 1: right now, like a lot of them, you might not 107 00:04:53,481 --> 00:04:56,921 Speaker 1: have instant control over those. You do, Yeah, let's really 108 00:04:57,201 --> 00:04:59,441 Speaker 1: harness into those and lock into those, and it will 109 00:04:59,481 --> 00:05:00,321 Speaker 1: make a world of difference. 110 00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:02,481 Speaker 3: It's like focusing on the things that you can control 111 00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:02,921 Speaker 3: love it? 112 00:05:03,681 --> 00:05:06,561 Speaker 1: Okay, So today's episode it is definitely a heavier, edgy 113 00:05:06,601 --> 00:05:09,361 Speaker 1: one for you to talk about. I've heard this story 114 00:05:09,401 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: and you have spoken about it on stage once a 115 00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:14,161 Speaker 1: couple of months ago, which I know was a huge 116 00:05:14,201 --> 00:05:17,641 Speaker 1: accomplishment for you. But speaking to tens of thousands of 117 00:05:17,641 --> 00:05:21,761 Speaker 1: people and sharing this really vulnerable story that happened to you, 118 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,841 Speaker 1: I know it is really hard. So I'm really proud 119 00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:26,881 Speaker 1: of you for being here today and sharing it. Thank you. 120 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,441 Speaker 1: You guys obviously saw the title that Jianna had a 121 00:05:29,481 --> 00:05:33,681 Speaker 1: sex tape released, So take me back, Who was it with, 122 00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:36,001 Speaker 1: How did it happen? How did you find out? 123 00:05:36,641 --> 00:05:37,881 Speaker 3: I already feel emotional. 124 00:05:38,161 --> 00:05:40,481 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so okay. 125 00:05:40,721 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 2: Like literally any woman's worst nightmare, Like I had a 126 00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:48,561 Speaker 2: sex tape of me released without my consent at nineteen 127 00:05:48,641 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 2: years old. I was seventeen in the video though. Oh 128 00:05:53,361 --> 00:05:56,441 Speaker 2: and yeah, it was with an ex partner of mine 129 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,841 Speaker 2: who I had been with for three almost four years. 130 00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:00,721 Speaker 3: It was like on and off. 131 00:06:01,281 --> 00:06:03,921 Speaker 2: It's like one of those you know, your first relationship 132 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:07,161 Speaker 2: not very healthy, it's quite toxic, including my own behavior 133 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,161 Speaker 2: in that relationship. 134 00:06:08,281 --> 00:06:10,321 Speaker 1: But you have a really bad breakup and was that 135 00:06:10,401 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 1: like revenge porn. 136 00:06:12,401 --> 00:06:15,121 Speaker 2: I mean, I can't imagine it being anything else. 137 00:06:15,761 --> 00:06:16,841 Speaker 1: You know, it's a messy break. 138 00:06:17,081 --> 00:06:19,721 Speaker 2: Like our relationship was very damaging for the both of us, 139 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,841 Speaker 2: Like we just were both so young and didn't know 140 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 2: how to navigate each other, and we hurt each other 141 00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:26,161 Speaker 2: and it just wasn't healthy. We were constantly breaking up 142 00:06:26,161 --> 00:06:30,401 Speaker 2: and getting back together. And probably halfway through our relationship, 143 00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:34,161 Speaker 2: we decided to make an into my video. And the 144 00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:36,281 Speaker 2: thing is, at the time and I look back now 145 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 2: and I really recognized, like I knew it was wrong, 146 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,281 Speaker 2: but I obviously was like wanting to do it and 147 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 2: experience that with my partner, and I was like, Okay, 148 00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:46,481 Speaker 2: maybe we've been long enough together. And I saw myself, 149 00:06:46,521 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: you know, getting married with him and potentially having kids, 150 00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:49,441 Speaker 2: and I. 151 00:06:49,361 --> 00:06:50,921 Speaker 3: Thought it was my forever person, you know. 152 00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 2: I was like, of course, I can trust this person, 153 00:06:53,041 --> 00:06:55,681 Speaker 2: like I would never in a million years have thought that. 154 00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:56,961 Speaker 3: We done that. 155 00:06:57,161 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, trust them. 156 00:06:58,241 --> 00:07:01,201 Speaker 2: And whilst our relationship wasn't the healthiest, it was like 157 00:07:02,081 --> 00:07:05,001 Speaker 2: we had this unspoken bond that like I just knew 158 00:07:05,121 --> 00:07:07,201 Speaker 2: ever in a million years thought that he would do. 159 00:07:07,201 --> 00:07:07,801 Speaker 3: That, you know. 160 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,361 Speaker 2: So I was actually at home this one night and 161 00:07:11,401 --> 00:07:14,081 Speaker 2: I was laying in bed watching Netflix and one of 162 00:07:14,081 --> 00:07:16,241 Speaker 2: my best friends, Laura, she called me up and she 163 00:07:16,441 --> 00:07:19,561 Speaker 2: was like, Tiana, I need to see you. Can I 164 00:07:19,601 --> 00:07:22,921 Speaker 2: come over? But it was like she wouldn't tell me 165 00:07:22,921 --> 00:07:24,801 Speaker 2: what it was about. And that was really unusual because 166 00:07:24,841 --> 00:07:26,321 Speaker 2: like we were so close that it was like we 167 00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:28,721 Speaker 2: would literally just voice message each other back and forth, 168 00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:30,241 Speaker 2: and she would tell me anything. 169 00:07:30,081 --> 00:07:31,001 Speaker 1: Just stomach drop. 170 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,481 Speaker 3: I was like, something's wrong, Like, something is wrong. 171 00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:36,401 Speaker 2: I think I had like a thirty minute wait for 172 00:07:36,441 --> 00:07:37,961 Speaker 2: her to get to my house, and I was just 173 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:40,161 Speaker 2: like sitting on the end of my bed, like with 174 00:07:40,281 --> 00:07:42,921 Speaker 2: my thoughts and just like thinking like worst case scenario, 175 00:07:43,081 --> 00:07:45,361 Speaker 2: Like I thought, you know, maybe something bad had happened 176 00:07:45,401 --> 00:07:48,161 Speaker 2: to her, or like something bad had happened even to 177 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,961 Speaker 2: like someone we know. Like I was just like thinking 178 00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:52,001 Speaker 2: worst case scenarim like did somebody get hurt? Did somebody 179 00:07:52,081 --> 00:07:52,521 Speaker 2: hurt you? 180 00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:53,961 Speaker 3: Like what happened? 181 00:07:54,881 --> 00:07:56,801 Speaker 2: And she like walks in and sits on the end 182 00:07:56,841 --> 00:07:59,761 Speaker 2: of my bed and she was like, I was sitting 183 00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:03,001 Speaker 2: at a house party at Jamie's house, which was her 184 00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:05,881 Speaker 2: boyfriend at the time, and she was like, I was 185 00:08:05,881 --> 00:08:09,361 Speaker 2: sitting around a fire and I could overhear people on 186 00:08:09,361 --> 00:08:12,361 Speaker 2: the other side of the fire talking about you. Naturally, 187 00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:14,041 Speaker 2: I like shut up and I leaned in so I 188 00:08:14,081 --> 00:08:18,041 Speaker 2: could like listen, and they were talking about how they 189 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,921 Speaker 2: had just watched a video of you. 190 00:08:21,641 --> 00:08:24,761 Speaker 1: Did you know in that moment it was your intimate 191 00:08:24,841 --> 00:08:27,041 Speaker 1: video or had you forgotten that you had made it? 192 00:08:28,081 --> 00:08:30,801 Speaker 2: I knew what it was, but at this point I 193 00:08:30,881 --> 00:08:33,601 Speaker 2: hadn't even told her what it was, like, I didn't 194 00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:35,841 Speaker 2: share that. It wasn't something I even shared with my friends, 195 00:08:36,161 --> 00:08:38,281 Speaker 2: and so I was like, Oh, I know what it is, 196 00:08:38,321 --> 00:08:39,921 Speaker 2: but I'm not allowed to say what it is. It 197 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,641 Speaker 2: was like I need to take this to the grave 198 00:08:41,641 --> 00:08:43,721 Speaker 2: because this is not something that people do. Like that 199 00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:46,361 Speaker 2: was the assumption she had. I felt so much shame 200 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:51,161 Speaker 2: around her. And what was even worse, like when she 201 00:08:51,201 --> 00:08:53,441 Speaker 2: shared that with me, she was like, they were all 202 00:08:53,481 --> 00:08:55,841 Speaker 2: talking about a video of you on their phone and 203 00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:58,521 Speaker 2: one of them had it on his phone and they 204 00:08:58,521 --> 00:09:01,201 Speaker 2: were watching it like around the fire, and she was like, 205 00:09:01,201 --> 00:09:02,761 Speaker 2: I left as soon as I could to come here 206 00:09:02,761 --> 00:09:05,641 Speaker 2: to tell you, and I just like was in shock, 207 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:11,041 Speaker 2: Like I was terrified. My heart like sank out of 208 00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:14,681 Speaker 2: my chest, and I was just like having flashbacks of 209 00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:17,521 Speaker 2: like the type of video that I actually did make, 210 00:09:17,881 --> 00:09:20,681 Speaker 2: and thinking like people are gonna fucking call me a slot. 211 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:24,321 Speaker 3: People are going to be so ruthless with this. 212 00:09:24,441 --> 00:09:26,161 Speaker 2: They're gonna hate me, They're not want it gonna be 213 00:09:26,241 --> 00:09:29,481 Speaker 2: my friend, Like, you know, I'm literally gonna get like 214 00:09:29,721 --> 00:09:32,321 Speaker 2: isolated and pushed down out of the town because people 215 00:09:32,361 --> 00:09:34,761 Speaker 2: are never gonna be friends with a woman who has 216 00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:36,321 Speaker 2: a sex tape, you know. 217 00:09:36,881 --> 00:09:38,601 Speaker 3: And like the thing in the back of my mind 218 00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:39,481 Speaker 3: as well, was like. 219 00:09:40,481 --> 00:09:42,361 Speaker 2: How the fuck am I gonna explain this to my dad? 220 00:09:43,361 --> 00:09:46,561 Speaker 2: Me going to my parents was like the most terrifying 221 00:09:46,641 --> 00:09:49,921 Speaker 2: thing because I knew I was underage in the video, 222 00:09:50,161 --> 00:09:52,481 Speaker 2: and I thought that there was something that they could 223 00:09:52,521 --> 00:09:54,641 Speaker 2: do to stop it from going around the town, because 224 00:09:54,641 --> 00:09:58,801 Speaker 2: it was like eventually people you know, sharing it and 225 00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:01,241 Speaker 2: watching it while I'm sitting in the gym training, and 226 00:10:01,241 --> 00:10:04,321 Speaker 2: then people messaging me on fake accounts after being like, oh, 227 00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:05,921 Speaker 2: by the way, I just want to warn you, like 228 00:10:05,961 --> 00:10:07,801 Speaker 2: there's a bunch of guys in the gym watching it 229 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,121 Speaker 2: while you're training, like laughing behind your back kind of thing, 230 00:10:10,201 --> 00:10:14,121 Speaker 2: and hearing people like walk past me and make, you know, 231 00:10:14,241 --> 00:10:17,281 Speaker 2: comments and things like that in public settings, and you know, 232 00:10:17,521 --> 00:10:20,121 Speaker 2: and it just like ruined like my reputation and my 233 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,401 Speaker 2: self confidence. And I just felt like I wanted to 234 00:10:23,521 --> 00:10:25,361 Speaker 2: literally crawl into a hole and die. 235 00:10:25,721 --> 00:10:27,401 Speaker 1: Likesh, yeah, I don't blame you. 236 00:10:27,641 --> 00:10:29,041 Speaker 2: And I just couldn't get out of my head. Like 237 00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:31,281 Speaker 2: when I found out, I was like, what are my 238 00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:33,161 Speaker 2: parents gonna think? Like how am I gonna tell my 239 00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:36,001 Speaker 2: dad that like his little girl is like you know, 240 00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:41,241 Speaker 2: And I just felt like so like impure, you know. Yeah, 241 00:10:41,281 --> 00:10:43,761 Speaker 2: And I was like something that is so intimate and 242 00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:48,081 Speaker 2: private and like special is like no longer special because 243 00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:50,761 Speaker 2: like all of these people who I don't know and 244 00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:54,161 Speaker 2: who I haven't given permission to like see me naked 245 00:10:54,361 --> 00:10:58,761 Speaker 2: or to see me having sex, you know, literally like 246 00:10:58,801 --> 00:11:03,001 Speaker 2: being fucking penetrated on video. Like I just just like 247 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:05,761 Speaker 2: lost myself in it, you know, And I just wanted 248 00:11:05,801 --> 00:11:06,161 Speaker 2: to run. 249 00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:07,481 Speaker 3: All I wanted to do was run. 250 00:11:08,361 --> 00:11:11,001 Speaker 2: The thing that I look back at now is that 251 00:11:11,961 --> 00:11:14,841 Speaker 2: I had a conversation with my ex partner after we 252 00:11:14,881 --> 00:11:17,761 Speaker 2: had made it about deleting the video, but I wasn't 253 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:21,441 Speaker 2: strong enough for my boundaries to continue pushing for that boundary, 254 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,881 Speaker 2: Like I said, I want to delete the video, and 255 00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:27,281 Speaker 2: what he came back to me with was or. 256 00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:27,961 Speaker 3: Don't you trust me? 257 00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:31,201 Speaker 2: We've been together for one and a half going on 258 00:11:31,241 --> 00:11:33,761 Speaker 2: two years, now do you seriously not trust me? And 259 00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,481 Speaker 2: in that moment, I felt guilt and I was like, 260 00:11:35,521 --> 00:11:37,841 Speaker 2: oh no, like of course I trust you, Like of 261 00:11:37,881 --> 00:11:39,801 Speaker 2: course I do. Like what partner does it make me 262 00:11:39,881 --> 00:11:42,041 Speaker 2: if I don't trust my partner with something so intimate? 263 00:11:43,041 --> 00:11:46,121 Speaker 2: And yeah, it was like that moment that I just 264 00:11:46,721 --> 00:11:49,841 Speaker 2: I didn't end up deleting it. And it was going 265 00:11:49,881 --> 00:11:53,001 Speaker 2: around for a year and a half to two years 266 00:11:53,041 --> 00:11:56,121 Speaker 2: before I had actually found out about it. Oh my gosh, 267 00:11:56,481 --> 00:11:57,481 Speaker 2: it was circulating for me. 268 00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:58,881 Speaker 1: Even if you wanted to get on top of it, 269 00:11:58,881 --> 00:12:01,241 Speaker 1: was like so many people have seen it anyway. Yeah, 270 00:12:01,281 --> 00:12:03,681 Speaker 1: So did you ever speak to him after? Did he 271 00:12:03,881 --> 00:12:06,321 Speaker 1: send it to like a boy's group chat? Or did 272 00:12:06,321 --> 00:12:07,681 Speaker 1: he send it to one friend who had sent it 273 00:12:07,721 --> 00:12:09,561 Speaker 1: to someone else? Like how did it get around? 274 00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:13,161 Speaker 2: So I had this conversation with him and he denied anything. 275 00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:13,601 Speaker 1: Denied it. 276 00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:15,521 Speaker 3: I would never do that to. 277 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,161 Speaker 1: You, So how did they get it? Then? 278 00:12:17,401 --> 00:12:20,761 Speaker 2: So excuse What apparently was the case was the computer 279 00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:22,841 Speaker 2: that we filmed it on was a friend like he 280 00:12:22,881 --> 00:12:26,161 Speaker 2: lived in a house full of guys, Like there was 281 00:12:26,201 --> 00:12:28,841 Speaker 2: like three roommates or something like that, and apparently it 282 00:12:28,921 --> 00:12:33,001 Speaker 2: was one of the roommate's computer, and apparently it was 283 00:12:33,081 --> 00:12:35,281 Speaker 2: the friend who actually did it and not him. 284 00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:38,161 Speaker 1: But I just do you believe it? 285 00:12:38,321 --> 00:12:38,361 Speaker 2: No? 286 00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:38,921 Speaker 3: I don't. 287 00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:42,481 Speaker 2: I don't because I actually had confirmation from another friend 288 00:12:42,521 --> 00:12:45,081 Speaker 2: of mine who was a good friend of his, who 289 00:12:45,121 --> 00:12:48,281 Speaker 2: had openly said, we've sat around on a Friday night 290 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:51,561 Speaker 2: having drinks like watching it. And then it just went 291 00:12:51,681 --> 00:12:55,121 Speaker 2: like a fucking wildfire around my whole town, and I 292 00:12:55,161 --> 00:12:57,561 Speaker 2: was just like, there is no life for me here. 293 00:12:57,881 --> 00:12:59,441 Speaker 1: And did you have a job back then, and did 294 00:12:59,441 --> 00:13:00,641 Speaker 1: this impact your work? 295 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,201 Speaker 2: The way that I found out was that I entered 296 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:06,441 Speaker 2: the competition Miss World Australia, and I had a lot 297 00:13:06,441 --> 00:13:09,241 Speaker 2: of like news press go out around, like going in 298 00:13:09,241 --> 00:13:12,881 Speaker 2: that competition, and so I was getting like media things 299 00:13:12,881 --> 00:13:15,761 Speaker 2: happening and you know, interviews and going on TV and 300 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,441 Speaker 2: stuff like that, and then then it started to circle. 301 00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:23,041 Speaker 1: So take me back to the night you're with your friend. 302 00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:27,161 Speaker 1: You obviously wanted to hide, guessing you're crying, You're emotional. 303 00:13:27,721 --> 00:13:29,721 Speaker 1: What's your next step? Do you call your mom and 304 00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:31,681 Speaker 1: dad that night? Do you wait till the next day. 305 00:13:32,721 --> 00:13:33,881 Speaker 1: What happened after that? 306 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:38,641 Speaker 2: That night, my friend left and I ended up just 307 00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:41,441 Speaker 2: like crying, Like I sat in the shower and I 308 00:13:41,481 --> 00:13:45,521 Speaker 2: was just like, how am I going to overcome this? 309 00:13:45,841 --> 00:13:46,841 Speaker 3: Yeah, like I don't know. 310 00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:49,161 Speaker 2: I don't have the tools, I don't have the resources. 311 00:13:49,201 --> 00:13:52,321 Speaker 2: I don't no, Yeah, I don't know what to do. 312 00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:55,321 Speaker 3: In this moment. And I just was like, there's got 313 00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:56,321 Speaker 3: to be a way to stop it. 314 00:13:56,641 --> 00:13:58,681 Speaker 2: And I just ended up going to my parents and 315 00:13:59,161 --> 00:14:01,801 Speaker 2: that night that night, and I told them what had happened, 316 00:14:01,881 --> 00:14:04,481 Speaker 2: and they were so good with me about it, Like. 317 00:14:04,801 --> 00:14:06,961 Speaker 1: What did you say to your dad? Like did you 318 00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:07,561 Speaker 1: freak out? 319 00:14:07,961 --> 00:14:11,321 Speaker 2: I said, just what had happened, what Laura had told 320 00:14:11,361 --> 00:14:13,881 Speaker 2: me about a video and I had made a video 321 00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:18,121 Speaker 2: like about being intimate, And yeah, they were both really good. 322 00:14:18,121 --> 00:14:19,721 Speaker 2: They were like, Okay, what we'll do. We'll go to 323 00:14:19,761 --> 00:14:22,121 Speaker 2: the police, like we'll put in a statement, We'll see 324 00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:24,161 Speaker 2: if we can get the technology taken away and get 325 00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:25,601 Speaker 2: it wiped and all that sort of stuff. 326 00:14:25,641 --> 00:14:29,201 Speaker 3: So like they didn't judge or shame or anything like that. 327 00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:31,921 Speaker 2: They felt it, you know, but I just like was 328 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:35,641 Speaker 2: so terrified because I knew that that would impact what 329 00:14:35,721 --> 00:14:37,801 Speaker 2: other people would think of them, and what other people 330 00:14:37,841 --> 00:14:40,121 Speaker 2: would think of my siblings, and like how that would 331 00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:42,761 Speaker 2: you know, tarnish their reputation and things like that. It 332 00:14:42,801 --> 00:14:45,921 Speaker 2: was the flow on effect and a couple of the 333 00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:48,601 Speaker 2: boys technology got taken and apparently they didn't find anything, 334 00:14:48,641 --> 00:14:49,881 Speaker 2: and then it just got like thrown out. 335 00:14:49,921 --> 00:14:52,041 Speaker 1: After that, your parents went to the police. You went 336 00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:52,321 Speaker 1: with them. 337 00:14:52,401 --> 00:14:53,161 Speaker 3: I went with them. 338 00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:55,881 Speaker 1: I gave your statement, wrote a statement. They then went 339 00:14:55,881 --> 00:14:58,401 Speaker 1: to the boys that were showing the video. Yep, they 340 00:14:58,441 --> 00:15:00,601 Speaker 1: got their phones, yeah, their computers. 341 00:15:00,201 --> 00:15:02,801 Speaker 2: Yeah, all of their technology and like couldn't find a 342 00:15:02,841 --> 00:15:03,761 Speaker 2: copy of it on there. 343 00:15:05,161 --> 00:15:06,961 Speaker 1: And that all makes sense because I was showing it 344 00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:09,041 Speaker 1: to people. Do they know the police were coming to them? 345 00:15:09,081 --> 00:15:10,721 Speaker 1: So they just deleted Why they could. 346 00:15:10,601 --> 00:15:11,161 Speaker 3: I don't know. 347 00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:13,401 Speaker 2: I don't know what happened, but they only pulled up, 348 00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:17,401 Speaker 2: like I think two boys and yeah, that was kind 349 00:15:17,401 --> 00:15:19,641 Speaker 2: of it. And basically they just said to me, like, look, 350 00:15:20,241 --> 00:15:24,481 Speaker 2: seventeen doesn't classes child pornography for under sixteen under sixteen, god, 351 00:15:24,561 --> 00:15:25,761 Speaker 2: so there's nothing that we can do. 352 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,081 Speaker 1: And it was charged anyone. 353 00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:30,601 Speaker 2: No. I remember thinking to myself, like I can either 354 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:33,161 Speaker 2: run and I can hide from this or I can 355 00:15:33,201 --> 00:15:35,921 Speaker 2: face this and I can like stand true to like 356 00:15:35,961 --> 00:15:39,001 Speaker 2: who I know myself to be. And I just was like, 357 00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:40,721 Speaker 2: the one promise that I made to myself is like 358 00:15:40,761 --> 00:15:42,801 Speaker 2: I'm not going to hide. And so I kept going 359 00:15:42,801 --> 00:15:45,201 Speaker 2: to the gym, I kept walking every day, I kept 360 00:15:45,201 --> 00:15:47,681 Speaker 2: posting on social media, and I just kept doing my 361 00:15:47,721 --> 00:15:49,561 Speaker 2: thing because it was one thing that kept me feeling 362 00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:50,561 Speaker 2: like my life was normal. 363 00:15:50,761 --> 00:15:52,921 Speaker 3: Yes, you know, and even. 364 00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:54,761 Speaker 2: Though I knew people looking at me, making jokes, sending 365 00:15:54,761 --> 00:15:57,081 Speaker 2: me messages on fake accounts, trying to warn me about it, 366 00:15:57,121 --> 00:15:58,081 Speaker 2: sending me copies of. 367 00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,801 Speaker 3: It, like to be like is this you? 368 00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:02,721 Speaker 2: And yeah, it was like from that moment that I 369 00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:06,241 Speaker 2: really learned to lean on myself, you know, and have 370 00:16:06,321 --> 00:16:08,601 Speaker 2: your own back, like I had my family and stuff 371 00:16:08,641 --> 00:16:10,441 Speaker 2: like that, but like no one could relate to what 372 00:16:10,481 --> 00:16:13,401 Speaker 2: I was going through and know how it would feel 373 00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:15,761 Speaker 2: in that moment to be so isolated, to be so 374 00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:20,441 Speaker 2: publicly humiliated and judged by like a whole town who 375 00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:23,321 Speaker 2: you know, making assumptions about who you are as a person, 376 00:16:23,401 --> 00:16:25,321 Speaker 2: or that you're a slut, or that you're you know, 377 00:16:25,361 --> 00:16:28,001 Speaker 2: you're this and you're that, or like just making up 378 00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:30,561 Speaker 2: stories about me, and it just was I was like, 379 00:16:30,601 --> 00:16:32,841 Speaker 2: I only really have myself now, you know. 380 00:16:33,921 --> 00:16:36,601 Speaker 1: Did you have any suicidal thoughts when you're going through 381 00:16:36,601 --> 00:16:37,921 Speaker 1: this process. 382 00:16:37,961 --> 00:16:40,801 Speaker 2: In the very beginning, yes, because I was like I 383 00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:42,441 Speaker 2: didn't know how to overcome it, Like. 384 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,321 Speaker 1: You couldn't have seen the light of like you're getting 385 00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:46,921 Speaker 1: through the other side and this being a thing at 386 00:16:46,921 --> 00:16:48,921 Speaker 1: the past that no one like thinks about or talks 387 00:16:48,921 --> 00:16:49,961 Speaker 1: about or sees you like that. 388 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,561 Speaker 2: I think more so in the first few weeks. It 389 00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:56,361 Speaker 2: was like the first few weeks, I was like laying 390 00:16:56,401 --> 00:16:58,481 Speaker 2: in bed at night being like, what am I going 391 00:16:58,561 --> 00:17:01,241 Speaker 2: to do? Your life is over. If you ever want 392 00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:03,561 Speaker 2: to like succeed in anything, this is always going to 393 00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:05,201 Speaker 2: be a skeleton that will come back and buy you 394 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,761 Speaker 2: in the arse, and it'll ruin your reputation then and 395 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,761 Speaker 2: anything that you try to build for yourself will be 396 00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:12,561 Speaker 2: tarnished with you being a slot and you being the 397 00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:14,801 Speaker 2: girl with the video and like all of these things, 398 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 2: and I just remember thinking like I don't see the 399 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,801 Speaker 2: way out, you know. I think I was grateful and 400 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,321 Speaker 2: lucky enough to be able to come out of that 401 00:17:23,481 --> 00:17:27,361 Speaker 2: quickly because I was like, I don't have any other 402 00:17:27,441 --> 00:17:30,521 Speaker 2: choice than to keep pushing through, Like I put on 403 00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 2: a bit of a front and I had ego up 404 00:17:32,561 --> 00:17:35,400 Speaker 2: and I just pretended like I didn't care and like 405 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,001 Speaker 2: it didn't bother me, and then I would go home 406 00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:39,521 Speaker 2: and cry at night, and like I just didn't let 407 00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:41,601 Speaker 2: anybody see that it really impacted me in the way 408 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 2: that it actually did, you know. 409 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 3: And that was how I got through. 410 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 2: But it was the most pivotal thing that I've ever 411 00:17:48,721 --> 00:17:51,360 Speaker 2: been through because it taught me so many beautiful things 412 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,640 Speaker 2: about being able to rely on myself, showing myself that 413 00:17:55,721 --> 00:17:56,400 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. 414 00:17:57,321 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 3: The biggest thing. 415 00:17:58,441 --> 00:18:02,281 Speaker 2: The biggest thing was no longer being afraid of the 416 00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:03,041 Speaker 2: fear of judgment. 417 00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 3: And it's not to say say that it doesn't come up. 418 00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:06,521 Speaker 3: It still does. 419 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,841 Speaker 2: Like I'm human, but on that big of a scale, 420 00:18:10,281 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 2: and like feeling it every day, getting messages doing this, 421 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,961 Speaker 2: people looking at you, like knowing that people had seen you, 422 00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 2: like in such an intimate way their words carry no weight. 423 00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like it was like, oh. 424 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 2: Cool, Like there's nothing in life now that could scare me. 425 00:18:25,201 --> 00:18:28,440 Speaker 2: When I've carried as much people see me literally have 426 00:18:28,561 --> 00:18:30,360 Speaker 2: sex on camera, you know. 427 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,601 Speaker 3: So true for that, I'm so. 428 00:18:32,441 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 2: Grateful all of the things that I think scare me 429 00:18:34,761 --> 00:18:35,281 Speaker 2: in life. 430 00:18:35,761 --> 00:18:37,120 Speaker 3: Not much more is worse than that. 431 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,360 Speaker 2: There are a few things, but like, not much more. 432 00:18:39,521 --> 00:18:43,161 Speaker 1: That's pretty brutal. I'm assuming one of the loneliest things 433 00:18:43,201 --> 00:18:45,761 Speaker 1: going through something like that is you don't have someone 434 00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 1: to relate to, you know, when you go through a 435 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,561 Speaker 1: breakup or you go through something hard financially, it's like, oh, 436 00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:53,041 Speaker 1: I've been in that season. Oh my gosh, it's so hard. Yeah, 437 00:18:53,281 --> 00:18:55,201 Speaker 1: you didn't have anyone being like, oh my gosh, town 438 00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,441 Speaker 1: when this happened to me, this is how I got 439 00:18:57,481 --> 00:19:00,161 Speaker 1: out of it. It's like you were there on your own. 440 00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 2: And you know what I think scared me the most 441 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:06,321 Speaker 2: was like every time I met someone new, like a 442 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 2: friend or a potential partner, Yeah, I was like have 443 00:19:09,521 --> 00:19:10,001 Speaker 2: they seen it? 444 00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 3: Like, have they seen it? Do they know about it? 445 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,081 Speaker 1: They used to ask that they're. 446 00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:16,001 Speaker 3: Looking at me? No I didn't. I didn't. 447 00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:18,001 Speaker 2: I'd be like literally thinking in my head like are 448 00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,761 Speaker 2: they looking at me? Funny because they know they've seen 449 00:19:19,801 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 2: it and they're just not saying anything. But then I 450 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,680 Speaker 2: made a pact with myself that every partner that I 451 00:19:25,721 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 2: would meet after that, or that I would be intimate 452 00:19:28,521 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 2: with or see or whatever. I would tell them straight 453 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,721 Speaker 2: away because I never wanted anybody to be able to 454 00:19:32,721 --> 00:19:35,081 Speaker 2: hold that over me, you know, or like be like, oh, 455 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 2: look at this skeleton in your closet. I would literally 456 00:19:37,481 --> 00:19:40,041 Speaker 2: start seeing somebody for a long enough period of time 457 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,081 Speaker 2: for it to be substantial whatever, and then I'd be like, Hey, 458 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,360 Speaker 2: I just want to let you know, like this is 459 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,200 Speaker 2: a part of my past. If you're not okay with that, 460 00:19:46,201 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 2: you can let me know, but you can let me 461 00:19:48,281 --> 00:19:51,521 Speaker 2: know now because and I tell them the story and 462 00:19:51,561 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 2: tell them how it changed me and all those things, 463 00:19:53,481 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 2: and it was like a beautiful way for me to 464 00:19:56,681 --> 00:19:58,321 Speaker 2: accept that as a part of my past and a 465 00:19:58,321 --> 00:20:00,360 Speaker 2: part of my story, you know, but not let it 466 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:00,801 Speaker 2: define me. 467 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,441 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like that's the cool thing, is like this one 468 00:20:03,521 --> 00:20:07,120 Speaker 1: sex tape does not define who you are as a woman. Yeah, 469 00:20:07,521 --> 00:20:09,241 Speaker 1: isn't that just the coolest thing? When you go through 470 00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:12,001 Speaker 1: those really hard times and it, like you said, it's pivotal, 471 00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:14,120 Speaker 1: Like you probably wouldn't be the woman you are today 472 00:20:14,801 --> 00:20:18,281 Speaker 1: and have the tools, the resilience, the confidence, the strength, 473 00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:20,640 Speaker 1: the way you have your own back and you are 474 00:20:20,681 --> 00:20:22,281 Speaker 1: your own best friend. Like I don't think you would 475 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,721 Speaker 1: have that now, if you weren't put through that experience, 476 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 1: would you go through it again? Probably not. 477 00:20:26,761 --> 00:20:28,041 Speaker 3: Would I like to you, absolutely not? 478 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:28,521 Speaker 2: No. 479 00:20:28,681 --> 00:20:30,281 Speaker 1: Would you wish I to have put your worst enemy? 480 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:30,761 Speaker 3: No? 481 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: Awful? However, we rise above, Yes, and you find the 482 00:20:35,961 --> 00:20:39,441 Speaker 1: lessons and you push through, and you show yourself how 483 00:20:39,481 --> 00:20:41,561 Speaker 1: capable you are and that you can get through the 484 00:20:41,561 --> 00:20:42,241 Speaker 1: other side. 485 00:20:42,521 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 3: You know what's beautiful about it? 486 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 2: A lot of my clients do say to me, you 487 00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:49,360 Speaker 2: don't judge, you have like a deep understanding. I actually 488 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,920 Speaker 2: had one client say this to me, there's nothing that 489 00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:54,161 Speaker 2: I could bring in here that would shock you and 490 00:20:54,201 --> 00:20:56,001 Speaker 2: make you judge me beautiful. 491 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,360 Speaker 3: And I was like, you know why, because I've fucking. 492 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:57,721 Speaker 1: Done it worse. 493 00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:00,041 Speaker 3: Girl, I get it. 494 00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:03,561 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, well, let me tell you. Sit down, 495 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: gets some popcorn. You're embarrassed about that, I let me 496 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,281 Speaker 1: show you something, and. 497 00:21:07,241 --> 00:21:09,120 Speaker 2: Like it's a beautiful thing, right because it's like a 498 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,481 Speaker 2: part of the reason I believe why I've been able 499 00:21:11,481 --> 00:21:14,521 Speaker 2: to hold space for myself build a beautiful and like 500 00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:17,801 Speaker 2: a more gentle and soft relationship with myself, then also 501 00:21:17,921 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 2: hold space for my clients in that way, and then 502 00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 2: same with friendships, Like that's why I believe like I 503 00:21:22,961 --> 00:21:25,521 Speaker 2: listen and I want to hear people's stories, and I 504 00:21:25,561 --> 00:21:28,200 Speaker 2: have compassion for what people have been through, no matter 505 00:21:28,241 --> 00:21:32,161 Speaker 2: how bad, scary, dark, shameful they think it is, because 506 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,081 Speaker 2: I'm like I've been there, Like if I can get 507 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 2: what it feels like to be in the trenches of 508 00:21:36,521 --> 00:21:37,681 Speaker 2: something that's hard and. 509 00:21:39,321 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 3: Terrifying and mortifying. 510 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:45,440 Speaker 2: And shameful at yeah, you know, so it's like I 511 00:21:45,481 --> 00:21:48,281 Speaker 2: get it, and like I see you and like it's 512 00:21:48,281 --> 00:21:49,001 Speaker 2: going to be okay. 513 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:50,681 Speaker 1: And isn't that, you know, isn't that what we all 514 00:21:50,681 --> 00:21:53,200 Speaker 1: want to be seen, heard and validated, not shame for 515 00:21:53,241 --> 00:21:56,281 Speaker 1: our mistakes, all the things that have happened to us. Yeah, 516 00:21:56,321 --> 00:21:57,121 Speaker 1: that's crazy. 517 00:21:57,201 --> 00:21:59,081 Speaker 2: Wow. I just got teary then when I said it's 518 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,041 Speaker 2: going to be okay, it felt like a little like 519 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,041 Speaker 2: it's going to be okay to. 520 00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:02,720 Speaker 3: Like little Tiana. 521 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,201 Speaker 1: I was going to say, yeah, just being. 522 00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:08,801 Speaker 2: Like so proud of like you can get through anything 523 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 2: you have. 524 00:22:09,521 --> 00:22:12,921 Speaker 1: Was there anything any further discussions with your dad, because 525 00:22:12,921 --> 00:22:15,281 Speaker 1: I know you have the most beautiful bond with your dad, 526 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,921 Speaker 1: Like Daddy's little girl, I am. He's so beautiful. He's 527 00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:21,121 Speaker 1: a lover boy. This is even when I first met him, 528 00:22:21,201 --> 00:22:23,440 Speaker 1: just like, oh, I can see like everything you described 529 00:22:23,481 --> 00:22:25,881 Speaker 1: about him. He's just so beautiful. You're like, he'll take 530 00:22:25,921 --> 00:22:26,881 Speaker 1: you in. I'm like perfect. 531 00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like there's enough dad to go there's enough dad 532 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:31,400 Speaker 2: to go around. 533 00:22:31,561 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 1: I feel like I've asked all my friends does to 534 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 1: adopt me daddy issues and we will anyway bringing in. 535 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,241 Speaker 1: But yeah, was there any further chats with him? Did 536 00:22:41,281 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 1: other things come up for him and you guys navigated 537 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: it together. Was it kind of just he stepped into 538 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,321 Speaker 1: protective mode, like let's see what we can do and 539 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 1: now I'm just here. 540 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,801 Speaker 2: For you stepped into protective mode. I think it was 541 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 2: more like a this doesn't define you, like you're okay, 542 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,360 Speaker 2: you can do this, Like you're gonna be fine, Like 543 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,160 Speaker 2: this isn't gonna impact your future or anything like that. 544 00:23:01,281 --> 00:23:03,161 Speaker 2: Soon people won't know about it and they'll be onto 545 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,801 Speaker 2: the next thing. And it's very always been very encouraging 546 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,681 Speaker 2: like that, and even in really hard times like hardships, 547 00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:11,801 Speaker 2: he's just always known like the right things to say, 548 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,041 Speaker 2: like has a very positive outlook on life and like 549 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,201 Speaker 2: is really able to see through the ship and kind 550 00:23:17,241 --> 00:23:19,441 Speaker 2: of like get to the lesson, you know, love that 551 00:23:19,561 --> 00:23:20,121 Speaker 2: which I love. 552 00:23:20,281 --> 00:23:22,561 Speaker 3: I think such a skill With my mom. 553 00:23:22,321 --> 00:23:24,441 Speaker 2: It was a little bit of a different a little 554 00:23:24,441 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 2: bit of a different thing because like, tell me about that. 555 00:23:26,481 --> 00:23:30,361 Speaker 2: Growing up, my mom has always said to me. She's like, Tiana, 556 00:23:30,721 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 2: do not let anybody feel me. 557 00:23:32,561 --> 00:23:33,801 Speaker 1: Before this even happened. 558 00:23:33,521 --> 00:23:38,481 Speaker 3: Before it even happened. And she was like, she wasn't, 559 00:23:38,521 --> 00:23:41,001 Speaker 3: but she was like a little bit, she was a 560 00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:41,400 Speaker 3: little bit. 561 00:23:41,441 --> 00:23:45,321 Speaker 2: She was kind of like, well, yeah, she used to 562 00:23:45,321 --> 00:23:47,441 Speaker 2: warn me about these things, you know, like. 563 00:23:47,481 --> 00:23:50,321 Speaker 1: As you do, she's like, just. 564 00:23:50,321 --> 00:23:52,640 Speaker 2: Be careful, make sure you make the right decisions. Don't 565 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 2: let it force you into anything, like don't if you 566 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 2: don't ever feel okay with something, don't do it, you know. 567 00:23:58,041 --> 00:23:58,841 Speaker 3: And then I did and she. 568 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 2: Was like, but this is why I tell you these things, 569 00:24:01,561 --> 00:24:03,361 Speaker 2: not because I want to scare you, but because it 570 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 2: can happen to anybody. 571 00:24:05,561 --> 00:24:06,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. 572 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 2: Oh that was hard, Yeah, but you know what, like 573 00:24:09,481 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 2: I'm grateful for it all, babe. Like I honestly, if 574 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,321 Speaker 2: I could go back and I could take things out 575 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:17,681 Speaker 2: of my journey, I wouldn't take it out, really, I wouldn't. 576 00:24:17,721 --> 00:24:19,961 Speaker 2: I would make myself grow through that every single time. 577 00:24:19,961 --> 00:24:22,400 Speaker 2: If I had to come back to however, life works 578 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 2: and earthworks. If I had to reincarnate, come back and 579 00:24:25,441 --> 00:24:27,400 Speaker 2: experience the same thing again, I would leave it in 580 00:24:27,481 --> 00:24:30,561 Speaker 2: there because like a huge part of my character now 581 00:24:30,801 --> 00:24:32,641 Speaker 2: is a result of me going through that. 582 00:24:32,761 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 1: So, you know, before you've got that perspective and outlook. 583 00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:36,880 Speaker 1: And I hope everyone listening can take some moments to 584 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,001 Speaker 1: reflect on the things that have happened to them, because 585 00:24:40,041 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 1: sometimes we can kind of get really stuck in the 586 00:24:42,801 --> 00:24:44,920 Speaker 1: things that have happened to us, and it's hard to 587 00:24:44,961 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 1: pull yourself out. And like I've evenly pushed back online 588 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 1: when I say find the lesson, like, well, what's the lesson? 589 00:24:49,441 --> 00:24:52,201 Speaker 1: And this horrible thing happening and get out some things 590 00:24:52,201 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: I still don't have the lesson for. Yeah, for sure 591 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,361 Speaker 1: there is things that I say right now that none 592 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,400 Speaker 1: of us know why it happens to young children, you 593 00:24:58,481 --> 00:25:02,041 Speaker 1: know whatever. But if you can, if you can find 594 00:25:02,041 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: the lesson, if you can see the light, if you 595 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,920 Speaker 1: can grow as a p some build resilience and find 596 00:25:06,961 --> 00:25:09,120 Speaker 1: gratitude in it in some way, shape or form, it 597 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,761 Speaker 1: will help pull yourself out of that. 598 00:25:10,921 --> 00:25:11,801 Speaker 3: You know what to add to that? 599 00:25:12,001 --> 00:25:16,521 Speaker 2: Stay curious, yes, curious, Like that's the reason why I 600 00:25:16,561 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 2: will believe that I was able to get out of it. 601 00:25:17,921 --> 00:25:19,801 Speaker 2: I'm like, cool, Okay, Well if this isn't the end, 602 00:25:20,241 --> 00:25:20,920 Speaker 2: what's next? 603 00:25:21,321 --> 00:25:21,640 Speaker 1: Yeah? 604 00:25:21,721 --> 00:25:24,120 Speaker 2: Okay, Well, if this isn't all that there is for me, 605 00:25:24,561 --> 00:25:27,681 Speaker 2: what else is? You know? And just following that little 606 00:25:27,801 --> 00:25:30,360 Speaker 2: niggle that you feel in your chest of like there's 607 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,241 Speaker 2: more for me here, you know, And just reminding yourself, 608 00:25:33,321 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 2: like if you've been through anything, and you've been through 609 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:38,041 Speaker 2: hardship or something that you know you feel like you're 610 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,041 Speaker 2: going through alone, just know that you're not alone because you. 611 00:25:41,001 --> 00:25:43,481 Speaker 3: Have yourself, yes, and never alone, Like. 612 00:25:43,481 --> 00:25:45,521 Speaker 2: You can rely on yourself so much more than what 613 00:25:45,561 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 2: you give yourself credit for. And when you do and 614 00:25:47,961 --> 00:25:52,481 Speaker 2: you show up, I promise you your relationship with yourself will 615 00:25:52,521 --> 00:25:54,160 Speaker 2: be the best relationship that you have. 616 00:25:54,281 --> 00:25:58,401 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Yeah, Now fast forward, Your twenty six has 617 00:25:58,441 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 1: happened quite a long time ago. Now does it ever resurface? 618 00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 1: Does anyone ever message you? Does it ever come up 619 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,321 Speaker 1: on conversation? Does it do ever pop in your inbox 620 00:26:06,321 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 1: from a fake account? It's it ever come up again? 621 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,120 Speaker 2: I haven't seen or heard of it since I was 622 00:26:11,201 --> 00:26:12,681 Speaker 2: probably twenty one. 623 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: I love that for you. 624 00:26:13,721 --> 00:26:15,761 Speaker 3: Yeah, we too. 625 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,401 Speaker 2: He I'm like, hopefully all those phones are destroyed. Yeah, yeah, No, 626 00:26:19,561 --> 00:26:21,721 Speaker 2: I haven't seen it pop up. I haven't had anybody 627 00:26:21,721 --> 00:26:24,641 Speaker 2: message me, which I'm really grateful for. I think as 628 00:26:24,681 --> 00:26:28,001 Speaker 2: time goes on, people move on, people move on. Yeah, 629 00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:30,200 Speaker 2: it's not always the center of attention. That'll be on 630 00:26:30,281 --> 00:26:32,041 Speaker 2: to something else. And you know what as well, like 631 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 2: that part of my life is so different and a 632 00:26:35,281 --> 00:26:37,201 Speaker 2: lot of those people aren't in my life anymore, from 633 00:26:37,201 --> 00:26:39,640 Speaker 2: that town, from that place, from that time of my life, 634 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 2: and like, yeah, people are so worried about what they're 635 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,801 Speaker 2: doing that. Yeah, eventually when things like this do happen, 636 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:45,961 Speaker 2: it's like it fades out. 637 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,001 Speaker 1: It does you know. Yeah, Well, I'm glad you moved, 638 00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: wouldn't it you otherwise? 639 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,561 Speaker 3: I know it's the best decision ever. 640 00:26:50,721 --> 00:26:52,561 Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for sharing leading up to 641 00:26:52,561 --> 00:26:55,281 Speaker 1: come to record this. I know you're feeling very nervous, ye, 642 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,481 Speaker 1: but there's so much beauty and what you've been through. 643 00:26:58,321 --> 00:27:00,441 Speaker 1: You've come so far and you've grown so much. You're 644 00:27:00,481 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 1: so strong and resilient because of that, and that's something 645 00:27:02,281 --> 00:27:03,041 Speaker 1: to be really proud of. 646 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:03,601 Speaker 3: Thank you. 647 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 2: I appreciate that sometimes topics like this aren't easy to 648 00:27:06,801 --> 00:27:08,761 Speaker 2: listen to because they feel a little bit more heavy. 649 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,241 Speaker 2: But I just appreciate the space you're holding and listening 650 00:27:12,321 --> 00:27:14,921 Speaker 2: and letting me be seen by you, like I. 651 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,241 Speaker 3: Really appreciate that. So thank you, she rises, she rises. 652 00:27:18,481 --> 00:27:20,281 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us, guys, and we'll 653 00:27:20,321 --> 00:27:21,801 Speaker 1: see you in our next episode. 654 00:27:22,001 --> 00:27:22,561 Speaker 3: Bye by