1
00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,040
Speaker 1: This episode contains discussion of suicide.

2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,600
Speaker 2: If this raises any issues for you, support is available

3
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,200
Speaker 2: through the links and phone numbers in the show notes.

4
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:14,080
Speaker 1: It's October twenty seventeen. Barry Dubois is sitting on the

5
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,800
Speaker 1: set of the popular Channel ten show The Living Room

6
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:20,200
Speaker 1: with co host Amanda Keller. As the program draws to

7
00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:23,920
Speaker 1: a close, the beloved presenter tells Australia that the cancer

8
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,599
Speaker 1: that he was told was being held at bay is

9
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,960
Speaker 1: once again ravaging his body.

10
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:34,320
Speaker 2: I got some bad news. It seems that my cancer

11
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:39,279
Speaker 2: has come back reasonably aggressively. Now I have what's regarded

12
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:45,159
Speaker 2: as multiple myeloma. Ah, so we've got a cancer in

13
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,440
Speaker 2: my body. There's created several tumors.

14
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,720
Speaker 1: It prompts an outpouring of support from across the nation

15
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,760
Speaker 1: as Bari went on to fight for his life and

16
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:59,000
Speaker 1: not for the first time. I'm Att Middleton and this

17
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:03,320
Speaker 1: is head Game today. I'm joined by the ultimate survivor,

18
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,559
Speaker 1: Barby du Bois to find out how he keeps going

19
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:14,200
Speaker 1: when the fights just keep coming. You're a jack of

20
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,440
Speaker 1: all trades, Barby, But what are you a master of?

21
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,959
Speaker 2: That's a good question. What am I own master of?

22
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,200
Speaker 2: I'd like to think I'm well. I described I don't

23
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,000
Speaker 2: describe myself. A couple of years ago, at a keynote

24
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,840
Speaker 2: and workshop for an advertising agency I was doing around

25
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,560
Speaker 2: resilience and mental health. The CEO of that company described

26
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,360
Speaker 2: me as a modern day elder who shares the stories

27
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,000
Speaker 2: of his life, some good, some bad, so that others

28
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,280
Speaker 2: can be better prepared when they face the inevitable hurdles

29
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,480
Speaker 2: that they will face. So I guess I'm a story teller.

30
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,840
Speaker 2: I'm a proud dad, that's for sure, a husband, and

31
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,560
Speaker 2: someone who's doing his best to create a society where

32
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,120
Speaker 2: my children can throw.

33
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,200
Speaker 1: I love that. Bas Listen, talk to me about your upbringing,

34
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:08,919
Speaker 1: because you've had quite the career, going from construction to build,

35
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,920
Speaker 1: into carpentry, into TV and then into keynote speaking at

36
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,360
Speaker 1: being a motivational speaker that the list goes on. But

37
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,320
Speaker 1: speak to me about the opportunities growing up. Where did

38
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,560
Speaker 1: you grow up? And I suppose with yourself you say

39
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,799
Speaker 1: that you didn't have many opportunities growing up, you had

40
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,000
Speaker 1: more less two opportunities. Talk to me about that.

41
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,720
Speaker 2: I came from the western summers of Sydney. We didn't

42
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:33,800
Speaker 2: have much. We lived in a two bedroom firebrough house

43
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:37,639
Speaker 2: and a six lane highway. And I guess to kick

44
00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,280
Speaker 2: this off, what we did have was a close family unit,

45
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,080
Speaker 2: and we'd face plenty of adversity. And my mom and

46
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,959
Speaker 2: dad and your grandparents, my mum and dad. That age,

47
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:53,400
Speaker 2: that age of people, they didn't use the words resilience

48
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,440
Speaker 2: that often. That was just a way of life. So

49
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,800
Speaker 2: I grew up in that way of life. I'm sixty

50
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,000
Speaker 2: five now. And when things something broke, you had to

51
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,880
Speaker 2: fix it. There was no other way. If there was

52
00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:07,320
Speaker 2: a hurdle to climb, you break that hurdle down to

53
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,160
Speaker 2: as many little pieces as possible so you get through it.

54
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,520
Speaker 2: And I was blessed in the fact that I had

55
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 2: a dad who loved his family more than life itself,

56
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,480
Speaker 2: and he thought we were the greatest things on earth,

57
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:24,360
Speaker 2: and he instilled in us this ethos. I guess, and like,

58
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,120
Speaker 2: if I was going to go in a running race

59
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,680
Speaker 2: or a school carnival or something was going to happen

60
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,240
Speaker 2: and say, well, you're a Dubois, you'll wing because we're

61
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,880
Speaker 2: the best at everything. And it was really funny because

62
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,680
Speaker 2: I did win everything. I was a great athlete, I

63
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,400
Speaker 2: was a great footy player, and I say this to

64
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:44,000
Speaker 2: my children now, that's because nine tenths of it comes

65
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,760
Speaker 2: from self belief. But it wasn't until I was about

66
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,400
Speaker 2: fourteen or fifteen. I was in high school, and I

67
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,960
Speaker 2: realized that my dad was just saying that because up

68
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,040
Speaker 2: to that moment, I thought the Dubois was special. And

69
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,360
Speaker 2: in those developmental years from ten to eight or nine

70
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:03,040
Speaker 2: to ten, eleven thirteen, that was drummed into me that

71
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,240
Speaker 2: we could do anything, and if you applied yourself, nothing

72
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,480
Speaker 2: could stand in front of you. And I think that's

73
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,119
Speaker 2: what gave me the self confidence. I think what you're

74
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,120
Speaker 2: getting at is when I started work, I wasn't much

75
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:19,440
Speaker 2: chop at school after something that and in those days

76
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,520
Speaker 2: to have a trade was a pretty important theme. And

77
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,800
Speaker 2: in those days work was a lot scarce than it

78
00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,800
Speaker 2: is now. And I had two uncles. One was a

79
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,680
Speaker 2: carpenter and one was a mechanic. So there were my

80
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,280
Speaker 2: two opportunities in life. There's no way I was going

81
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,720
Speaker 2: to get a job outside the family in those days

82
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:42,040
Speaker 2: that just weren't available. We're talking the early seventies, and

83
00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:46,080
Speaker 2: so I went with the carpenter and I excelled at

84
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:51,600
Speaker 2: that because my boss who was my uncle. Also, it's

85
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:59,320
Speaker 2: probably the best craftsman I've ever met, you know, the

86
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,960
Speaker 2: same as me. In those days, there was no such

87
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,600
Speaker 2: thing as can't and you get through it, whether it

88
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:12,159
Speaker 2: was someone picking on you, whether it was a hurdle

89
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,840
Speaker 2: of any description. I think as kids, though, back then,

90
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,720
Speaker 2: we were lucky with a lot of the resilience you

91
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,800
Speaker 2: and me, And I know you're a lot younger than me,

92
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,039
Speaker 2: but a lot of the resilience we got was through

93
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:27,560
Speaker 2: out of physical effort. You know. My dad would buy

94
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,040
Speaker 2: us a paddic basher. Back where I lived, there was

95
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,760
Speaker 2: lots of paddocks around, and when we were ten years old,

96
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,720
Speaker 2: my dad would go down to Dollar Wallly's that's the

97
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,159
Speaker 2: wrecking yard, and he buy a wreck for ten bucks,

98
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,960
Speaker 2: and then we'd be allowed to drive that round the paddocks,

99
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,920
Speaker 2: and then it was really interesting. We love that. And

100
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,960
Speaker 2: we were only allowed to go into second gear. And

101
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,680
Speaker 2: I'm going like that as if I'm changing gears on

102
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,559
Speaker 2: the stick shift, and most young people can't drive anything

103
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,800
Speaker 2: but automatic these days. I was ten years old and

104
00:05:55,800 --> 00:06:00,000
Speaker 2: I was burnouts in second gear. But when the endine

105
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,400
Speaker 2: and eventually blew up or whatever it was, we would

106
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:07,360
Speaker 2: physically take the engine and the drive year out. This

107
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:10,200
Speaker 2: is ten twelve years old, and we'd push that thing

108
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,279
Speaker 2: like a giant billing cart up the hills or raced

109
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,360
Speaker 2: down and try and jump it and stuff like that.

110
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,000
Speaker 2: It was a very different world. But that's where that

111
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,640
Speaker 2: self confidence, self belief in can do attitude came from.

112
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,679
Speaker 1: I love that, Barriie, because you said about the physical

113
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,279
Speaker 1: it's only been sort of the last sort of decade

114
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,240
Speaker 1: or two that they've sort of brought in the physical

115
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,880
Speaker 1: and the psychological element of it. But back in the day,

116
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 1: it was it was physical, physical, physical. Your capability and

117
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,040
Speaker 1: performance was judged on physicality, on how you got out there,

118
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,560
Speaker 1: how you problem solved, and like you said, you were

119
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,159
Speaker 1: ultimate problem solvers at the age of ten eleven twelve,

120
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,680
Speaker 1: because that's all we had. It was almost like a

121
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,839
Speaker 1: put up and shut up type environment, but it was

122
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,640
Speaker 1: how it was managed, and it was managed by problem solving.

123
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,440
Speaker 1: Like you said, you know, getting out there. It's the

124
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,200
Speaker 1: same with myself. We had a motif very similar and

125
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,240
Speaker 1: it would break down and we'd just take it up

126
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,560
Speaker 1: to the top of the hill, jump on it, try

127
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,680
Speaker 1: and jump start it. The whole everything was going everywhere,

128
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,800
Speaker 1: but it was our pride and joy. You know, that

129
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,720
Speaker 1: thing brought us so much fun, and you were ultimately

130
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,960
Speaker 1: problem solving every single day from such a young age.

131
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,200
Speaker 1: That served me so well moving from my later teens

132
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,960
Speaker 1: into For me it was the military. You know, I

133
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,000
Speaker 1: left the school a bit like yourself, didn't really have

134
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,880
Speaker 1: any options. It was either a trade or joined the military,

135
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,679
Speaker 1: and I joined the military. But I think that served

136
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,120
Speaker 1: us well, having that sort of background and also having

137
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:40,400
Speaker 1: such a mental or a positive influence, like a father

138
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,240
Speaker 1: to fall back on. That gave you that sef.

139
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,960
Speaker 2: It wasn't just a father though, it was society, you know.

140
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:52,240
Speaker 2: We respected, yeah, respected elders, and I don't think that's

141
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 2: anywhere near as popular these days. But you touched on

142
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 2: two things there, and the first one is we were

143
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,200
Speaker 2: problem solvers. The fact is, if you wanted it, you

144
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:03,880
Speaker 2: had to do it.

145
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,680
Speaker 1: That's it, absolutely yeah, you had to solve that problem.

146
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,720
Speaker 2: And then what happened is and I think it was

147
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,640
Speaker 2: in the aies where we really dive into consumerism and

148
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:18,080
Speaker 2: the toys that you purchased for your children, they weren't fixable,

149
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,360
Speaker 2: they were bits of plastic, and when they became when

150
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:26,760
Speaker 2: they broke, we'd throw them out. We couldn't go and

151
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,080
Speaker 2: salvage a lawn mailer and take the wheels off and

152
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,160
Speaker 2: put new wheels on it. So we lost a lot

153
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:37,120
Speaker 2: of ability, and we started to live in more densely

154
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:41,520
Speaker 2: populated situations, so the old workshed wasn't available to a

155
00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:45,680
Speaker 2: lot of kids. I know, I'm very lucky. I've got

156
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,120
Speaker 2: a big, beautiful workshop, and my son just and my

157
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:54,959
Speaker 2: daughter just thrived on creating with their hands. But unfortunately

158
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,520
Speaker 2: a lot of kids don't have that realization in life.

159
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,120
Speaker 1: So you get into you finished school, you get into

160
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,880
Speaker 1: a trade, bit and then again bit like myself I

161
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,200
Speaker 1: jumped into the military, you jump into a trade. Were

162
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,720
Speaker 1: you genuinely passionate about your trade, about your carpentry?

163
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. I realized that the harder I worked, the

164
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,199
Speaker 2: more money I will make. I want to feel on

165
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,520
Speaker 2: a story which is not a typical story of a

166
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:25,400
Speaker 2: young apprentice. My boss is my uncle. I lov him dearly. Still, he,

167
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,079
Speaker 2: as I said, I believe, was probably the best craftsman

168
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,240
Speaker 2: I've ever met in my life. Still to this day,

169
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,840
Speaker 2: what he could do with his hands was incredible. But

170
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 2: he wasn't much of a money manager, and because he

171
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:42,280
Speaker 2: wasn't educated either invoices and stuff like that, were difficulties

172
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,000
Speaker 2: for him. And I'll tell you a funny story. I

173
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:48,360
Speaker 2: was earning forty six dollars fifty a week when I

174
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,240
Speaker 2: was a first year apprentice back in ninety seventy five,

175
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,240
Speaker 2: and I thought that was a hell of a lot

176
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,600
Speaker 2: of money. But it doesn't tally up to much for

177
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,840
Speaker 2: a year. And when we got to the end of

178
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:03,760
Speaker 2: the first year of my indentured apprenticeship, he came to

179
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,600
Speaker 2: me and he said, Baz, I've spoken to your dad,

180
00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:09,080
Speaker 2: and this is the way we're going to do it.

181
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,640
Speaker 2: He said, I don't have enough money to pay your

182
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:16,040
Speaker 2: work as compensation because and I knew this already, because

183
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:20,240
Speaker 2: he never put invoices in people, would you know months

184
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:24,360
Speaker 2: before he put an invoice in and ever saying I'm

185
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,040
Speaker 2: waiting for this guy to pay me so I can

186
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,559
Speaker 2: buy this and we can do that, and blah blah blah.

187
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,880
Speaker 2: And I used to think you're the best quality tradesman

188
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,199
Speaker 2: there is, and you're not valuing yourself the way you should.

189
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:38,640
Speaker 2: You just believe in the job. His pleasure I didn't

190
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:42,079
Speaker 2: come from collecting the money. His pleasure came from creating

191
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:47,520
Speaker 2: the perfection in traftsmanship. But a long story short, he

192
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,600
Speaker 2: said to me, how about we go seventy thirty. Whatever

193
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,160
Speaker 2: we earn, I'll give you three. Because I was really good.

194
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,640
Speaker 2: I was a little workaholic. Wasn't little either, I was

195
00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,680
Speaker 2: big and strong. And he was a great teacher, was

196
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,200
Speaker 2: a He was a teach by example sort of a guy.

197
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160
Speaker 2: So he wouldn't let me do something until I'd made

198
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,360
Speaker 2: enough mistakes to know that I could do it right.

199
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,280
Speaker 2: And we were earning good money, and he said to me,

200
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,040
Speaker 2: we'll go seventy thirty. I said, fair enough, I'll do

201
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,040
Speaker 2: whatever you like. I just love working. But then it's

202
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,440
Speaker 2: I'd say, when are we going to get some money?

203
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,680
Speaker 2: You know? And he said, well, I haven't invoiced this person.

204
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,439
Speaker 2: I haven't invoiced that person. And I forgot how much

205
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,600
Speaker 2: we said we charged that guy for this job. And

206
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:29,760
Speaker 2: I said, well, I know these things. And my mum

207
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,040
Speaker 2: believed or not, was a secretary, and she was very fastidious,

208
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,920
Speaker 2: and I said, Mom, can you help me do the invoices.

209
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,800
Speaker 2: Mum helped me do the invoices. So now all of

210
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,560
Speaker 2: a sudden he's doing incredible work, and he's being paid

211
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,679
Speaker 2: well for it. Because I would say to Pat, I'd say, mate,

212
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,360
Speaker 2: you know, we quoted that last job and you knew

213
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,679
Speaker 2: it was going to cost take four days to do it,

214
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,160
Speaker 2: but you only said this much. We're not earning enough

215
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,480
Speaker 2: money if we do it for that. And I said,

216
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,400
Speaker 2: you know, just simple management skills like that. So by

217
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:03,360
Speaker 2: the end of the second year he came around and

218
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,640
Speaker 2: you know, we were out, and I said, well, what

219
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,000
Speaker 2: are we going to do about money this year? And

220
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,040
Speaker 2: he said, oh, I'll just stick to the seventy thirty.

221
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,920
Speaker 2: But what I knew was the fact that he'd never

222
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,600
Speaker 2: earned as much money because he didn't have to worry

223
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,520
Speaker 2: about the invoys because I'm worried about it. He was

224
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:22,000
Speaker 2: earning more money than he'd ever earned before, and we

225
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,560
Speaker 2: were being paid on time, and because I was a

226
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,320
Speaker 2: young blake, gone from earning forty six dollars a week

227
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,880
Speaker 2: to earning between seven hundred and a thousand a week,

228
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:35,440
Speaker 2: which was an incredible amount of money. Back then, I

229
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,959
Speaker 2: had brought a one ton cold and newt This is

230
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:44,920
Speaker 2: nineteen seventy seven. Now I've bought a purchased air compressor

231
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,440
Speaker 2: and now guns because in those days, there was no

232
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,160
Speaker 2: nail guns in their compressors. I was one of the

233
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,720
Speaker 2: first people to buy those things.

234
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,520
Speaker 1: So you were investing back into into the yeah, straight

235
00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,480
Speaker 1: back into yourself, straight back into And it wasn't.

236
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,559
Speaker 2: That I had a business plan. I just love that

237
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,840
Speaker 2: we were in such amazing work and this new fan

238
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,520
Speaker 2: dangled machine could allow us to do it easier. And

239
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:08,319
Speaker 2: I had the money in the bank, so I purchased it.

240
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,240
Speaker 2: So long story, Sure, we're at the end of the

241
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,920
Speaker 2: second year and he said, you know, we'll stick on

242
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,800
Speaker 2: the seventy here. I said, no, no, we'll go to

243
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,000
Speaker 2: sixty forty because you've never earned so much money and

244
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,679
Speaker 2: I know as my skills are growing, and I said,

245
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,840
Speaker 2: we want to take on an apprentice this year, which

246
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,920
Speaker 2: he didn't want to do anymore because the paperwork was

247
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,760
Speaker 2: too difficult. But I said, now, as an incentive from

248
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,520
Speaker 2: the government, if we take on an apprentance, we get

249
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,840
Speaker 2: three grand up front. And he said, no, I don't

250
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,960
Speaker 2: want to do it. I said, okay, well this will

251
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,800
Speaker 2: sound a bit true, but I stick it up your barm.

252
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 2: I'm going to go and work for myself and the

253
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,480
Speaker 2: apprentance I was going to take on was my brother,

254
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,240
Speaker 2: and I said, come and work with me, and we

255
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,040
Speaker 2: were specializing in frames and roof trusses, and I was

256
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,400
Speaker 2: good at it. So now I'm earning Nelly twice as

257
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,320
Speaker 2: much as what I was with him.

258
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,200
Speaker 1: That's some serious dough for back then as well, Wasn't

259
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,240
Speaker 1: that some serious I.

260
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,720
Speaker 2: Bought my first block of land that year as well.

261
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:08,600
Speaker 2: But after about five or six months, my Auntie, his wife,

262
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,760
Speaker 2: said listen, we're going to have to work something out

263
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,880
Speaker 2: because we have an invoice. Since you left, he's got

264
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,080
Speaker 2: no money, and so I ended up putting him on

265
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 2: wages and he worked for me for the next couple

266
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,640
Speaker 2: of you flipped the script, but again he was earning

267
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,520
Speaker 2: more money than he ever earned. And then I was

268
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,840
Speaker 2: able to complete my building certificate and I became a builder,

269
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,000
Speaker 2: and then pushed on and I started. As I said,

270
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,640
Speaker 2: I brought my first block of land when I was

271
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 2: eighteen years old in nineteen seventy eight, and I built

272
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,840
Speaker 2: a house on that sold it and I didn't know

273
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,800
Speaker 2: the bank anything. So I was starting to go pretty

274
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,920
Speaker 2: good pretty quick, and I saw a good formula there.

275
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,040
Speaker 1: Ultimately, from a young age, you've got this, you have

276
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,520
Speaker 1: without even realizing it. You've got a really good business

277
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,240
Speaker 1: mindset going on. You know, you're reinvesting back into yourself,

278
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,080
Speaker 1: back into the company. You know you're doing these invoices

279
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,440
Speaker 1: and you've literally just been promped into that with no

280
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:05,240
Speaker 1: sort of skills or sort of management skills. That's really

281
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:05,400
Speaker 1: we do.

282
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,400
Speaker 2: It's interesting. Money was never the driver. When I was

283
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:13,320
Speaker 2: in eight to thirteen, I went to the state for

284
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,720
Speaker 2: running every year. I like to be the winner. Now,

285
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,960
Speaker 2: winning in this case wasn't the money. Winning was being

286
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:26,160
Speaker 2: the most sought after carpentry team, and that gave me

287
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,240
Speaker 2: an incredible sense of pride. It brings emotion to the

288
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,920
Speaker 2: surface right now. How proud I was that people preferred

289
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,760
Speaker 2: me than someone else. Money was it was something to

290
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,440
Speaker 2: come because of that. It was never the driver. I

291
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,240
Speaker 2: was passionate about being the best at what I did.

292
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,080
Speaker 2: And when you're the best at what you do, or

293
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,080
Speaker 2: you're good at what you do, you enjoy it. When

294
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,600
Speaker 2: you enjoy it, you do it. So the business acumen,

295
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:58,160
Speaker 2: I think came as a result of my quest for.

296
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:00,400
Speaker 1: Vicellance.

297
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,640
Speaker 2: I was going to say my giant ego.

298
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:16,440
Speaker 1: And that and that it's obviously served you really really

299
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 1: well because you've carried on, Like you said, you've got

300
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,920
Speaker 1: your your qualifications. You went from strength to strength. How

301
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 1: how far did it go and how big was was

302
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 1: the company before the whole TV world sort of came knocking?

303
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,520
Speaker 1: Because I think you were winding down, weren't you.

304
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 2: I retired when I was four.

305
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 1: You've actually retired.

306
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,400
Speaker 2: I didn't retire because I have some money, that's for sure.

307
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,200
Speaker 2: I was doing right financially, you know I was. I

308
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:50,080
Speaker 2: was doing good. But I went through some I went

309
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,520
Speaker 2: through some real I went through a series of personal

310
00:16:53,600 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 2: traumas that affected my resilience and and I started to

311
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,919
Speaker 2: hide behind my shell of confidence rather than use my

312
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,879
Speaker 2: shell of confidence as a means to increase my inner

313
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 2: workings of resilience.

314
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,000
Speaker 1: When did this start happening.

315
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:23,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that started about when I was forty in two thousand.

316
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:28,520
Speaker 1: So by this stage, you've got you happily married, your

317
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,840
Speaker 1: business is going well.

318
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 2: I got married when I was thirty nine. We're going

319
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,720
Speaker 2: to skip a long way forward here, but you've only

320
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,160
Speaker 2: got so much time. I've always been a confident character,

321
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:46,320
Speaker 2: and because financially, because I lived out in the Western suburbs,

322
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,120
Speaker 2: what I thought was where I grew up was a

323
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 2: haven or the landscape was full of asbestos and fibro,

324
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,399
Speaker 2: and I thought, I actually thought the richest guy in

325
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,879
Speaker 2: the world was the only person in our area that

326
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:05,159
Speaker 2: owned a brick home. That's how not birch outcause so,

327
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,320
Speaker 2: But now I own many brick homes and I build

328
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 2: can million dollar brick homes and waterfronts from the harbor,

329
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:18,200
Speaker 2: and I sell them so and you know, because of

330
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,000
Speaker 2: I want to say this to you to your listeners,

331
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 2: because I think this is really important. A lot of

332
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 2: people think resilience and confidence are the same, especially when

333
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 2: they see guys like you and me on Telly. They think, guy,

334
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 2: he's super confident, he must be incredibly resilient because they

335
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,720
Speaker 2: think they're the same thing. But they're not. And I

336
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 2: talk a lot about this, but confidence is what allows

337
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:43,880
Speaker 2: you to walk into a room with a certain body language.

338
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,679
Speaker 2: It's the way you control yourself, the way you appear,

339
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:53,640
Speaker 2: the way you speak. It's the thing that shows up first, okay.

340
00:18:53,880 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 2: But what strengthens that confidence is inner workings. Resilience nowdence

341
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,679
Speaker 2: allows you to say I'm here to show up and

342
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,719
Speaker 2: show up very good, thank you, And resiliences and mechanism says,

343
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,879
Speaker 2: I'm here and I'm going to stay here, and I

344
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 2: belong here even if the road gets really rough. Okay.

345
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,160
Speaker 2: The interesting thing for both those to fuel both those

346
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:23,440
Speaker 2: things is something I believe, which is the courage of curiosity. Okay,

347
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 2: now we're going to now jump back to when I

348
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 2: was about forty. I'd been married for twelve months. For

349
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,439
Speaker 2: about two years. Prior to that, the only and I

350
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:38,359
Speaker 2: had been trying to have children. We'd had one or

351
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 2: two miscarriages. So I was experiencing a bit of a

352
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 2: trauma there through that. So was my beautiful wife, of course,

353
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 2: But we're just going to focus on me for a second.

354
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 2: And then I think it was two thousand, I had

355
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 2: a really serious fall. I fell fourteen meters off of building.

356
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 2: I broke my back in a couple of places. I

357
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 2: broke my leg in a couple of plays, and snapped

358
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 2: a couple of fingers in my hand. So that's another trauma,

359
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 2: which is physical trauma. And you know, and I know

360
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 2: how physical you are. I love the show. Physical trauma,

361
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 2: if it's not dealt with, can become a big problem.

362
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 2: But what I loved about myself was my appearance. And

363
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 2: I don't mean my physical how I look. People thought

364
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 2: I was successful, and I wanted to appear as successful. Okay,

365
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 2: so I used my outer shell as a bit of

366
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 2: a facade for how I was actually feeling inside. And

367
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 2: I'm struggling with the fact that I thought we would

368
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 2: have babies straight away. Okay. You know, we now have

369
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 2: had maybe three or four miscarriages, and I'm not dealing

370
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 2: with that. In fact, I'm not even speaking about that.

371
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 2: So I'm not having the human connection required when you're

372
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,400
Speaker 2: going through a trauma like that. I was starting even

373
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 2: to struggle talking to my wife about it because I

374
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 2: didn't want her to think that I was weak or scared.

375
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 2: But I was weak and scared.

376
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 1: I love what you just said, this this human connection,

377
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: there's almost a detachment that happens right that during those moments.

378
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,879
Speaker 1: I think that's really really important that you mentioned that,

379
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 1: because that just breaks it down quite nicely. Is you know,

380
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,479
Speaker 1: you're there, you're showing up, but then inside there's a

381
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 1: detachment that happens.

382
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 2: And it was at that point in my life I

383
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 2: used to start what I call now and I talk

384
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 2: about this in my keynotes and my workshops. I used

385
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 2: to take the long journey home. You know, I was

386
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 2: getting a lot out of work. I was doing well

387
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,400
Speaker 2: out of work, but I didn't like being at home.

388
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,640
Speaker 2: I didn't want the phone to ring. From a personal perspective,

389
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 2: I didn't want to have a discussion with the only

390
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 2: and then something. The third lot of trauma that came

391
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,399
Speaker 2: along for me was something that you and everybody listening

392
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 2: to this podcast is going to experience. It was the

393
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 2: trauma of grief. My beautiful mum, who was only an

394
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 2: angel in this world. She was the sweetest person I'd

395
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 2: ever known. Or she lost her battle with cancer at

396
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 2: the age of sixty two, and to put that in perspective,

397
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,639
Speaker 2: her dad had only died two years earlier, at one

398
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 2: hundred and two. And whilst that's a beautiful thing, I

399
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 2: resented that to an extent. She was about the second

400
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,439
Speaker 2: or third oldest in her family and somehow she's the

401
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 2: first to go. That didn't make sense to me. I

402
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,919
Speaker 2: thought it was very unfair. But rather than deal with

403
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 2: the emotional fallout of that, I leant on anger, and

404
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 2: I leant into anger and resentment and what started to

405
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 2: happen there. And I think this is really important for

406
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 2: people to understand. There is no one to resent when

407
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 2: you're going through borrowed trauma of someone that you love

408
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 2: being heard, or the trauma of grief, or even physical trauma.

409
00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 2: So the person you start blaming is yourself. And to

410
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 2: manifest this conversation in my own head that somehow everybody

411
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,959
Speaker 2: that was in contact with me was worse off. I

412
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 2: actually kicked that conversation off in my head in about

413
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 2: two three years after this all started. So it was

414
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 2: only twelve months literally, twelve months after my mum. And

415
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 2: now that outer shell, that shell of confidence, that spark

416
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 2: that gets you into a room that was still there.

417
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 2: It wasn't lit up. And so what you start to

418
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 2: do is really now start avoiding human connection. I didn't

419
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 2: want to talk to my friends about it that I

420
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,679
Speaker 2: didn't want to hear them say are you okay? No,

421
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 2: of course I'm okay. It's batz. Don't worry about me.

422
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 2: I'm looking after everybody else. I don't need anybody looking

423
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 2: after me. And it was only twenty years ago, and

424
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 2: that stigma is still here to an extent, But in

425
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 2: those days it was a lot worse. The situation was

426
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 2: Leoni and I wereround our twelfth attempt of IVF. We

427
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 2: were seventeen weeks pregnant with twins, and you know, I

428
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 2: heard that very familiar scream or how or try from

429
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 2: the en suite, so I knew. I knew that the

430
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 2: pregnancy was finished, and the resentment was already there, and

431
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 2: the manifested conversation around how I was so bad was

432
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 2: really ramping up, and that really added fuel to that fire.

433
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 2: I was convinced that if Leoni had to met someone else,

434
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 2: she wouldn't had to go through this. I was convinced

435
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 2: if someone else's mum got the same cancer that my

436
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: mum got, somehow they would have been saved. And I

437
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 2: really started to spy. And two weeks after that, after

438
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: that pregnancy was lost and we'd heard, we'd seen the scans,

439
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 2: we'd listened to heartbeats. We actually hard to say this,

440
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 2: but we actually created with little bags of frozen food

441
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 2: and with that weighed the right weight, and we said

442
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 2: what size the twins were, you know, and we'd lost them.

443
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 2: And two weeks later, with our gynecologists looking at what

444
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 2: was next, and he said to us, unfortunately, we discovered

445
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 2: some cancer our cells when we were in the curate

446
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 2: and when we're tidying up and a Leoni now has

447
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 2: to have a radical hysterectomy, and she has cervical cancer,

448
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 2: so there's a whole lot of treatment to go with that.

449
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 2: For me, that was the end of belief in humanity.

450
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 2: I'd lost attachment to human connection. I hated myself with

451
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 2: every inch of power I had. Any emotion I had

452
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 2: was only invested in hate and negativity towards myself. And

453
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 2: I'm not sure how long after it was. I know

454
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:19,120
Speaker 2: we only got through the treatment. She's an incredibly resilient

455
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 2: and powerful woman, but I think it was about twelve

456
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 2: months later, and I continually manifested my long journey's home

457
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 2: now or at least two hours, so I'd try and

458
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 2: get home after she'd had dinner, so I could just

459
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 2: go up and say I'm tired and sleep on the lounge.

460
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 2: I wasn't in our marital bed anymore. I didn't think

461
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 2: I deserved anything. And after one of those long drives home,

462
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,440
Speaker 2: I was sitting in front of my house. I determined

463
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 2: that the best thing that I could do would be

464
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:56,400
Speaker 2: to take my life. I thought that somehow, when you're

465
00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 2: having those unchecked, negative, biased conversations, what happens is there's

466
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 2: no one, as I said, to check it in check

467
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 2: you so you can say, you can say to yourself,

468
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 2: everybody would be better off if I wasn't here, Leonly

469
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: you'll have plenty of money. She'll find someone better, They

470
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 2: might have kids, she can have the life she wants.

471
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 2: I'd written notes and why this was the best idea.

472
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: And I'm sitting there. It was a rainy night, and

473
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 2: that was a Thursday night. I remember it clearly. I

474
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 2: don't remember the year clearly, but I remember this night

475
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 2: happened and I lost human connection totally. And this is

476
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 2: from a very social guy who played touch football at

477
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 2: two nights a week, Kennie, loved the restaurants and all

478
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: to now doing nothing like that.

479
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 1: Barie, it sounds like that in your head you went

480
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 1: from being a problem solver into becoming the problem.

481
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did.

482
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 1: I I convinced my one eighty flip.

483
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. And for someone as resilient and powerful as myself,

484
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 2: if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone,

485
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 2: that's for sure. And that's why I tell this story.

486
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 2: And so I'm sitting there and the phone rang. And

487
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 2: in those days, the phones lived in the car, and

488
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 2: the phone call came from someone who was a beautiful

489
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 2: young man, and he, twenty or twenty five years earlier,

490
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 2: was an apprentice to me. And to put that in perspective,

491
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: I spoke at his wedding, and he's half my age,

492
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 2: I think. And he'd had three daughters, and when each daughter, well,

493
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 2: he had four daughters. But when the first three daughters

494
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 2: were born, I was that guy. I was the first

495
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: person at the hospital. I had the biggest bunch of flowers.

496
00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 2: I'm celebrating this like it's this is all before all

497
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 2: these problems had happened. And interestingly enough, four or five

498
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 2: months earlier, he had his fourth daughter, and I hadn't

499
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 2: been to the hospital. I didn't bring the biggest bunch

500
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 2: of flowers or the biggest box of chocolates. And I

501
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: hadn't even rung him or text him to say congratulations.

502
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 2: I didn't even know the child's name. And he, to

503
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: his credit, felt that something has to be wrong, something

504
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 2: must be wrong, And so the phones rung. It's him,

505
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 2: And I thought to himself, if I'm going to have

506
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 2: a last conversation, it may as well be with him,

507
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,479
Speaker 2: and I'll keep it short and concise and tell him

508
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 2: I love him, and that I would catch up with

509
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 2: the children soon. So I pushed talk, which was where

510
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 2: you pushed in those days, and I said, how are

511
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: your mate? And he said, ah, Basa, I'm fantastic. He said,

512
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 2: it's Thursday night, so we're out of money, because all

513
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 2: trades are out of money. By the it's that we're

514
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 2: out of money, and I've come down to the bottle

515
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 2: shop to get a couple of bottles of beer. Simoni's

516
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 2: wife was making toasted banana sandwiches at home with sugar

517
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 2: on it, as he said to me, with sugar, just

518
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 2: like you like, and me and the girls are going

519
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: to watch the footage show. I just started to wail.

520
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 2: I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Actually controls a funny word.

521
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 2: Emotions came out of me that I didn't think were there.

522
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 2: But in the back of my mind, I just kept

523
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 2: saying to myself, how come I've got everything? Or my

524
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 2: life appears that I've got everything anybody can ever want.

525
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 2: And I hate myself so much. Yet this guy who's

526
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 2: so honest to say he's out of money and they're

527
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 2: just going to have toasted sandwiches and his life is

528
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 2: so simple. But he's so happy. Why how did I

529
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,479
Speaker 2: get to this in balance? But I couldn't say that.

530
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 2: I couldn't I couldn't say anything. I just cried and

531
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 2: cried and cried. And to his beautiful credit, he he

532
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 2: lives at Cronlla and the journey from Cronala to my

533
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 2: house was about thirty five forty minutes, but he took

534
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 2: about eighteen and right through that whole eighteen minutes, he

535
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 2: didn't say you'll be okay. He said, bas I'm with you,

536
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 2: I'm here with you now, I'm with you, And he

537
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 2: just kept repeating that, and he didn't ask me to

538
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 2: say anything. He didn't ask me to tell him what

539
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 2: was wrong. He didn't ask for any solutions from me,

540
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 2: and he didn't give me any solutions. He just gave

541
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 2: me empathy. He was in a car driving towards me.

542
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 2: I didn't actually know that it was pouring rain as well,

543
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 2: But about eighteen minutes later I saw his car pull

544
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: up beside me, and he just opened the door and

545
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 2: open my door and just let him and just held

546
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 2: me and said, I'm still here. I'm with you, I'm here.

547
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 2: And that was an undeniable, incredible, powerful moment of human connection.

548
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 2: It was led with empathy and it was followed up

549
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 2: with physicality and laugh and after several hours we ended

550
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 2: upstairs and we both slept on the lounge, just sitting there.

551
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 2: And the next day we went for a long walk

552
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 2: on the beach. We didn't leave my side for about

553
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 2: forty eight hours. And that was the micro moment, him

554
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 2: saying he was with me, and then following up by

555
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 2: being with me and knowing how hardly one had tried

556
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 2: and clearly hadn't worked. That was a micro moment to

557
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 2: set my journey to self belief back on track. You

558
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 2: don't wake up Monday morning depressed and you don't get

559
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,719
Speaker 2: over in a day. It took me, I don't know,

560
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 2: two to five years to get to that point, and

561
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 2: it took me a good two years to get back

562
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 2: to the resilience that I show again today. But that

563
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 2: was the micro moment. It was simple words, human connection

564
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 2: and then and this is why I'm so engaged and

565
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 2: so involved with au Okaday. He asked the question, he

566
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 2: didn't demand anything of me, and he listened with his

567
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 2: heart and he made that human connection and he followed

568
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 2: up by just supporting me and getting the mates that

569
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 2: believed like I insisted, they believe that I was okay.

570
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 2: He rallied them to show I think I'm not sure

571
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 2: if he did it deliberately. It's like my business. I

572
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 2: think these things just happen. And I recognize him in

573
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: hindsight now that he led by example. He didn't care

574
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 2: that I thought I was okay. You say, I'm glad

575
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 2: you're okay, but sometimes I'm not okay and I like

576
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 2: hanging out, So let's just do that.

577
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: The power of human presence when someone is present and

578
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: you talk about connection, but when someone is present with

579
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 1: no ulterior motive, you know they're present there for you.

580
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 1: Just that presence is enough. You don't need to say anything,

581
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 1: you don't need to find any solutions. It's the power

582
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: of human presence. Someone's there for me where you know

583
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: we're not talking that much, but I just know that

584
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: they're there.

585
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's the same. Would I always say sometimes

586
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:46,879
Speaker 2: you're not going to get the answer if you think

587
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,760
Speaker 2: there's something wrong with someone and you asked the question

588
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 2: are you okay, for example, and they say yeah, okay,

589
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 2: But if you felt you weren't, would you talk to me,

590
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:01,959
Speaker 2: because I would talk to you and what that does

591
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,719
Speaker 2: is it just they go away from you and they

592
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 2: go you know, they stand beside me. As you said,

593
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 2: that has showed up for me and sometimes and this

594
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: is the point, you don't have to go from depressed

595
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 2: to fix. But it took you micro moments to get

596
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 2: into it. And it's little micro moments like that. And

597
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 2: then what happened to me was see, because of the

598
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 2: physical fall I'd had, I'd put on a lot of

599
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 2: weight as well as about one hundred and eight a quillos.

600
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 2: And you know, I wasn't proud of my body anymore.

601
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 2: I wasn't proud of anything about me. But that human connection,

602
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 2: that realization that there is hope there. It gave me

603
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: that that beautiful courage of curiosity. And when I say, curiousity,

604
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,919
Speaker 2: how can I be a little bit better? How can

605
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 2: I physically be a little bit better? I was gone

606
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 2: from playing football to start sailing, and I love my sailing.

607
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 2: Now it was different. I'm stretching for ropes, I'm not smashing.

608
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,919
Speaker 2: I used to a lot of stuff as well. I'm

609
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 2: not punching people. I'm pulling a halliard or I'm pulling

610
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 2: a sheet to tighten a sale. So it's still a

611
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 2: physical exercise, but a different type. And then I was curious, Okay, well,

612
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 2: I used to do a lot of meditation, and I'm

613
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 2: going to go back to that. And I used to

614
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 2: do I've been doing breath works for thirty years, but

615
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 2: in that period, because I disliked myself so much, I

616
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 2: stopped doing those things. And I want to share two

617
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 2: more things with the listeners. Is that in twenty eleven.

618
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 2: So now it's solid six seven years after that event,

619
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 2: I've leant into curiosity, breath work, meditation, physical exercise, nutrition,

620
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 2: all the things that make up a good human body.

621
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 2: And I'm resiling it again. The question that started this

622
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 2: rambling story off was about I retired when I was

623
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 2: forty five. I retired at that point as well, and

624
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 2: I bought my yacht Bella Sonny and I started sailing

625
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 2: around the world and Leoni and I went in. I

626
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 2: think it was six or seven years, six months of

627
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: the year on the yacht and six months of the

628
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: year in our home in Bondai, and my physicality was magnificent.

629
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 2: And to say the lease, there's a backdoor brag. If

630
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 2: you will magnificent, how many how many of you are

631
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: a podcast guests say they had magnificent He sounded like me, yeah,

632
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 2: But I want to share this because I think it's important.

633
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 2: This is that I meanly nowadays describe or give you

634
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 2: an insight to another portion of my life that I

635
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 2: want you to understand is that in twenty eleven, I

636
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 2: went into the doctors one morning at nine o'clock in

637
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:50,240
Speaker 2: the morning.

638
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 1: And.

639
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 2: That day turned into a full day in hospital with

640
00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: cat scans and MRIs. They pushed a big needle into

641
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,839
Speaker 2: I'm a neck here and went into what is now

642
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 2: a giant tumor at the base of my brain. There

643
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,959
Speaker 2: they punched it into the tumor. They drew some out,

644
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 2: and it's about four thirty five o'clock in the afternoon.

645
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,839
Speaker 2: This had been happening all day. Just to get that

646
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 2: steel ride into that tumor took three hours of sliding

647
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: in and out of a cat scan because I couldn't

648
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 2: hit the if. As he said, You've got two arteries

649
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 2: and I can afford to hit one, but I don't

650
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: want it because then I can't do the other side,

651
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 2: because I can't take the risk. And I had to

652
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 2: do it conscious because if he hit the wrong nerves,

653
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 2: I could you know. So it's about four thirty five

654
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 2: o'clock in the afternoon. I've been doing that all day.

655
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 2: I'm exhausted, to say the least. My beautiful wife had

656
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 2: been at my side the whole time, and she was

657
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 2: in tears most of the day. And I'm sitting in

658
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 2: front of three doctors in those clinician rooms, you know,

659
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 2: those doctor rooms, and the first doctor after all that,

660
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: after the whole day, she said to me, the tumor

661
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 2: is moving too rapidly, it's too big, and it's in

662
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 2: a very difficult position. My advice is go home, tidy

663
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 2: up your affairs, and spend as much time with as

664
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 2: you can with your loved ones. I feel that you've

665
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:23,479
Speaker 2: got about three months to live.

666
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: Wow, so you go in. Did you have any in

667
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 1: cognition that you were this bad or was it just

668
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 1: a case of I'm going to get a check up.

669
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: I know I've got something in the back of my neck,

670
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 1: but I didn't expect to walk out of there have

671
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 1: been given three months.

672
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 2: No, No, I definitely did. But I was serving a

673
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 2: couple of months earlier and I went under a wave

674
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 2: and I heard a big crack on my neck, and

675
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 2: I'd had a really bad neck for a couple of months.

676
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: And as the next builder. You know, I was a

677
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 2: boxer and a footy player. All I sing some eggs

678
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:54,919
Speaker 2: and planes, you'd be the same.

679
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're just like scrush them off sort of thing.

680
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 2: Because I was so resilient. Again, I wasn't curious on

681
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 2: how it can be better. And when you have physical pain,

682
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: you've got to check it, you've got to follow up

683
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 2: on it. A long story short, my physio wouldn't do

684
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 2: any more work on my neck until I got some

685
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 2: X rays. So I got the x rays that morning

686
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 2: that after there and I've been given three months to live.

687
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,760
Speaker 2: But when she gave me that prognosis, diagnosi with whatever

688
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 2: you want to call it, I just looked at her

689
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 2: and I said, thank you for your opinion. I hear it,

690
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 2: I respect it, but I'm not interested in it. And

691
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: I'm not going to have you dictate my journey. I said,

692
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 2: I've been to hell in my life and I made

693
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 2: it through that, and with your attitude, i'd rather you

694
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 2: leave the room. And she was a bit arrogant and

695
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 2: she didn't think I was serious, and I said, I'm

696
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 2: not joking. I don't want you in the room. You're

697
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,760
Speaker 2: not going to dictate my story. And you clearly don't

698
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 2: believe in me, and I need people to believe in me,

699
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 2: and she will doubt. And I said to the person

700
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 2: the next person, I said, I'm not sure exactly what

701
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 2: you do, but where do you stand. I believe in me,

702
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 2: and I believe if you do the best job you

703
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:15,320
Speaker 2: can do. Whatever it is you do, I'll be happy

704
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 2: with the outcome. I don't care if I live a month,

705
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 2: three months, or thirty years. I'm going to live every moment.

706
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 2: And I'm not investing in dying. I've invested in negativity

707
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 2: in the past, and it's a downhill spiral. I said,

708
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 2: if you believe in me, I want you to jump

709
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 2: on board. If you don't, you can leave as well.

710
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:35,879
Speaker 2: He's still my doctor today, and the next is still

711
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 2: my doctor today. And I'll give you a tip. I'm

712
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 2: Billy here. And that was twenty eleven's twenty twenty five.

713
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 2: Now my cancer obviously came back in twenty seventeen, and

714
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 2: everybody said, you know, I'm not going to I'm not

715
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 2: counting this guy out. And that's what resilience, that's what

716
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 2: the power of curiosity. The power of understanding you have

717
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 2: a network of support around that's what it can do.

718
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 2: That's the power those things have.

719
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 1: And how important is that? And I'll go back to

720
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: that moment of you going doctor, get out, because you

721
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 1: know this is you know, you're you're in a way,

722
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,720
Speaker 1: you're being super negative saying that you're going to dictate

723
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 1: that I've only got this time to live. How important

724
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: is it to not get rid of people like that

725
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 1: in your life, but to surround yourself with positive people.

726
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 2: Yeah. I only invest in people that invest in positivity.

727
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 2: There is no return in negativity. I'm an investor, you know,

728
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 2: and I don't put money into companies that continually lose.

729
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,880
Speaker 2: I put money into companies that have have a good

730
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 2: management system, they've got good culture in the company, and

731
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 2: they that they're creating something that is of value to society.

732
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 2: And I invest in those companies and they generally give

733
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 2: a good dividend. I invest in you because you're trying

734
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 2: to do something good and the return from this is

735
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 2: our little hour or whatever it is is that some

736
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 2: people will get something and for me, that's a great dividend.

737
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: And how did the TV world sort of come in

738
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,439
Speaker 1: all of this? How did this pop up and how

739
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 1: did that serve you? Did it give you a new

740
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 1: lease of life? Because I remember when I left the

741
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: military and I went through that moment of loss of identity,

742
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: not really realizing where I fit in, and the TV

743
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 1: world sort of gave me a new lease of life,

744
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 1: you know. It gave me a new purpose, that gave

745
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 1: me a new drive, It gave me a new sense

746
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,879
Speaker 1: of direction. Let's say, how did the TV world fit

747
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 1: into your life? And did it come at the right time?

748
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to have to continue that last story

749
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 2: just for a few seconds. Yeah, absolutely, some months earlier

750
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 2: because I'm living a gifted life again. I'm sailing around

751
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,440
Speaker 2: the world and a good made of mine. Pete Cahoun,

752
00:43:56,560 --> 00:44:00,919
Speaker 2: who's the architect on Better Homes and Gardens, the the

753
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 2: rival show.

754
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 1: To our show Channel seven.

755
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 2: That's a great and I love everybody on that show.

756
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 2: But Pete and I have been good mates for a

757
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 2: long time, and Leone and I were now on the

758
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 2: quest for We went through adoption first week, but that failed,

759
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 2: and then we were searching the world for the right

760
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 2: place to do surrogacy. And we're we're on a surrogacy

761
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,399
Speaker 2: journey as well, but Leoni was ever on the boat

762
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 2: for that four months and I and Pete came over

763
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: and when she was on the boat, I could explore

764
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:39,280
Speaker 2: more exotic, if you will, or interesting places. So I'd

765
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 2: been down to the Sudan, I went into the Carthage

766
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 2: and Libya, do all places like that. And Pete had

767
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 2: this idea that we could do a TV show and

768
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 2: he called it Great Cities of the Sea. And it

769
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 2: was where this artisan was me builder, artisan and an

770
00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 2: architect would sail into great cities that have is the

771
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 2: world that we live in today, and we decode the

772
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 2: city through the architecture. Now it sounded like a good idea.

773
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 2: If we can make some money and I can say

774
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 2: around the world, I'm pretty happy, you know. I was

775
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 2: not a fan of TV. Pete living back in Sydney.

776
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 2: He had a lot of footage of us sailing on

777
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,879
Speaker 2: his boat. And there was a show called The Renovators

778
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 2: came up in Channel ten. It was a gigantic show.

779
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 2: And the executive producers of that show saw the footage

780
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 2: of me on the yacht and they kept bringing me up,

781
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 2: or the casting agent kept bringing me up, say we'd

782
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 2: really like you to do this show it's called. They

783
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,280
Speaker 2: didn't say what it was called, but it was the renovators.

784
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 2: I said, I'm not interested in TV. I think TV's

785
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 2: for wankers.

786
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:49,359
Speaker 1: Sorry, and I thought the same, don't worry about it.

787
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: My first initial theme was no way.

788
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 2: But then I had said no way four or five times.

789
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 2: I opened up my flip phone to ring up my

790
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 2: rather and sister. Because this is resilient and as confidence

791
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 2: I was, I was a little nervous as well. I

792
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 2: hadn't spoken to anybody about this outside Leone, and I

793
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 2: thought we both needed a bit of humor, connection and

794
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 2: a bit of support. So I wanted to ring my

795
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 2: brother and sister. And when I turned the phone on,

796
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 2: a private number came up. And back in those days,

797
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 2: if the older listeners will remember, when a private number

798
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 2: rang you, it was probably something important. It wasn't a telemarketer,

799
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 2: so you'd answer it. And I answered it and Kirsty,

800
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 2: who was the casting agent, said, hi, Bazard's Kirsty Gill,

801
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:39,720
Speaker 2: I've art's cast one thousands. She said, my executive producer

802
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 2: has said he'll do anything to get you in for

803
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 2: a casting for this show. He's really really keen to

804
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 2: talk to you. Now I've just been given three months

805
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 2: to live, and I'm in this sterile room and I've

806
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 2: got this beautiful woman. How I still love Dearly today

807
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 2: in my ear, you know. And I looked at the phone,

808
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:01,760
Speaker 2: and I didn't know if I should throw out the window.

809
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 2: I didn't really know what to do, but I said

810
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 2: to her, listen, Kirsty. I said, I wasn't interested. But

811
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 2: what I'll do is if you bring me back in

812
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 2: three months. And I answered the phone, I'm on and

813
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 2: I hung up the phone there. And then now nine

814
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 2: weeks later she rang me back. Six or nine weeks later,

815
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 2: she rang me back. I was walking at a St.

816
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 2: Vincent's the day she called me. I was one hundred

817
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 2: and eighteen kilos, but now one hundred and fifteen kills.

818
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:35,400
Speaker 2: I was muscular, I was big, I was back in

819
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 2: peak condition. But this day, six or eight, nine weeks later,

820
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,280
Speaker 2: I'm walking out of Saint Vincent's. I've just been through radiotherapy.

821
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 2: I'm now seventy eight kilos. Picture that and she said, wow, yeah,

822
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 2: and I've got major surgery in my neck. I mean

823
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:57,240
Speaker 2: they had to fuse my top four vertebrae together because

824
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 2: I lost to vertebrae, and then they made a bracket

825
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 2: up to hold my skull on because I've lost the

826
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 2: connection of the spine and the skull. And she said,

827
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 2: is there any chance you can come? We're doing a

828
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 2: test shoot on Friday. Now I'm in track shoes and

829
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 2: a pajama topic because I'm so none of my clothes

830
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 2: fit me and I wasn't healthy enough to go to

831
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 2: the shops to buy any And I said all right.

832
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 2: And in that six to eight weeks whatever it was,

833
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 2: I was sort of saying to myself, I've got to

834
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 2: get through this because now I want to be on TV.

835
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 2: I've got to get through this. And I think I

836
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 2: did use that as a bit of a carrot for

837
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 2: the donkey come on. That was another thing to give

838
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 2: me power. And the funny thing I walked on to

839
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 2: the set, I was like seventy eight to eighty killers.

840
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 2: I went out and brought a nice designer outfit and

841
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 2: a workman designer outfitllo very smart, I thought. And I

842
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,320
Speaker 2: met Carl and Martinay were her amazing guys, and Paul Franklin,

843
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 2: and you know, I was full of confidence. I told

844
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 2: them that this was the wrong house to buy. And

845
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 2: I told them why, and they said, we love you

846
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 2: and when can you start? And I was on. I started.

847
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 2: I think I was about eighty five killers when I

848
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 2: kicked the first episode of The Renovators off about six

849
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:12,919
Speaker 2: months later.

850
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 1: Wow. And so going back to the question, I think

851
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 1: it did. It did give you a new lease of life.

852
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 1: It did give you a purpose because it does force

853
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: you to, you know, to get back on top of

854
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 1: your game. It does force you to to really look

855
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,839
Speaker 1: at yourself, doesn't it, and get yourself back to where

856
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 1: where you know you can be, especially with yourself with

857
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: your journey.

858
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 2: I did live in a culture where I would have

859
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,399
Speaker 2: found a positive though if it wasn't that, I would

860
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 2: have found something else. And sorry to keep brandling that

861
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,720
Speaker 2: I had the one humor in twenty eleven, two thousand

862
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 2: and seventy, and it came back as one hundred and

863
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: eighty tumors. I now live with that blood cancer called

864
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 2: multiple mile oma. So there's tumors right through my body.

865
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 2: And it's interesting speaking about a sense of purpose and

866
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 2: sense of self belief. The second person I told outside

867
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 2: my direct family was Amanda Keller, and she said it

868
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 2: was anybody else I'd be worried. She said, but I

869
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 2: know if you say you're going to be okay, I

870
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 2: know you'll be okay. And I said to her, I'm

871
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:19,839
Speaker 2: going to be okay. But I don't want to lose

872
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 2: this show because we're now our sixth year in the

873
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 2: living Room and I love that show. I love the

874
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 2: fact that so many millions of people INVI ied us

875
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 2: into their homes each Friday night. And I loved the

876
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,800
Speaker 2: boys and I love Amanda, and we said together, we

877
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 2: made it as a group decision that we believed they

878
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 2: all believed in me, and they said, let's share this

879
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,239
Speaker 2: journey with our audience who love us so much. And

880
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 2: if anybody can do this, it'll be you to show

881
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 2: them that you can get cancer and you can go

882
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:53,280
Speaker 2: through the treatment and you can thrive again after the treatment,

883
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 2: because even seven eight years ago, we believed if you

884
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 2: got cancer you were going to die, and I was

885
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 2: meant to die, but I didn't believe that. And we

886
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 2: were able to share that journey on the show, which

887
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 2: I don't think many shows could do that. And I

888
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 2: showed people that if you believe in yourself and you're

889
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 2: curious on how you can be better every day, whatever happens.

890
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: You're living the best life, and by living your best life,

891
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 2: you're strengthening the individuals around you, which strengthens the community

892
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 2: you live in. And as you know probably and that

893
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 2: second cancer, we had been successful with surrogacy in India

894
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:35,320
Speaker 2: and we had up beautiful twins. So there I am.

895
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 2: I'm super excited to be adding to a society where

896
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 2: my beautiful twins can thrive.

897
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 1: That's amazing, Mete May. And now you're hosting World Traveler

898
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 1: airing on Channel ten. That is obviously something that you

899
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 1: were doing prior to then getting on TV and doing something,

900
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 1: so it's almost like is looping back on each other.

901
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 1: So how's that going, mate?

902
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, we love I think we'll travel a series of

903
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 2: the fantastic series, Laye Beachley, myself, a bunch of other

904
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 2: let's call on celebrities if you will. None of us

905
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 2: like that term, as I'm sure you don't, but we

906
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:23,319
Speaker 2: take every day of strains that need a break on

907
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: a sort of a wellness journey. The episode that is

908
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,399
Speaker 2: coming up shortly on to you for me is where

909
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 2: I take Ange and her she's been raising her twenty

910
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: nine year old nonverbal autistic son for the last twenty

911
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,319
Speaker 2: nine years. And she's an incredible woman that hasn't had

912
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 2: a lot of time for herself over the last twenty

913
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 2: nine years. And he is gone into care. He's doing

914
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 2: really well, so she's got some extra time and I

915
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 2: take her on a week's journey where we rediscover for

916
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 2: her how to start investing in yourself, investing in the curiosity,

917
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 2: and how she can be better. And we do everything

918
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:11,919
Speaker 2: from facials to add sailing. It's a bit like your

919
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 2: show with a bit of a little ex major.

920
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't. We don't allow the makeup in our

921
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:23,799
Speaker 1: show mate. But one final question for you, Barry, at

922
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 1: this specific time in place, are you okay?

923
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 2: Yep? I am. I'm very good. I'm ever curious on

924
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 2: how I can be better?

925
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 1: Lie, Listen, we can always always progress. As long as

926
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:44,720
Speaker 1: we're progressing and you know, learning and growing and becoming

927
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,399
Speaker 1: a better version of who we are, then we're winning, right,

928
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: And talk to me finally about the are you okay day?

929
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. Gavin Larkin's dad, Barry Larkin, took his wife pre

930
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,360
Speaker 2: two thousand and I'm not sure exact sad date, but

931
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:06,319
Speaker 2: Gavin was an advertising guy and Barry Larkin was a

932
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 2: lot like me. He was a man of the community,

933
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 2: a successful man, a footy coach, great swimmer, great surfer.

934
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:20,760
Speaker 2: And when Barry took his life, ended his life, Gavin said,

935
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 2: if this can happen and my dad, it can happen

936
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,320
Speaker 2: to anybody. And that just scares me because maybe it

937
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,439
Speaker 2: could happen to me. And he realized that. I think

938
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 2: he thought. One of the only things he hadn't done

939
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 2: was actually ask his dad was he okay? He believed

940
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 2: he was, but he was unsure and he wished he

941
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 2: had a checked in And those simple words are you

942
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:46,280
Speaker 2: and okay now part of the DNA of all mental

943
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 2: health conversations in this country, and I'm very proud to

944
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:51,839
Speaker 2: be a part of that. It's are you okay? Every

945
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:54,959
Speaker 2: day now we don't have to wait till septemb to ask.

946
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 2: It's really simple. If you if someone liked gazz with me,

947
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 2: if if someone seemed to be acting differently, trust your

948
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:05,279
Speaker 2: gart and check in with them. It's a really important

949
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 2: cause to me. And human connection is an incredibly powerful

950
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 2: tool or medicine, and by asking, you're connecting and okay

951
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 2: is different for everybody as well. There's no defined line

952
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 2: what okay is And so that gives you a lot

953
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 2: of leeway there. And as you said, if you're showing

954
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:32,919
Speaker 2: up for someone and you're letting them know that you're

955
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 2: there if they need to lean on someone, well you

956
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 2: know that conversation or what could come in a conversation

957
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:43,760
Speaker 2: from that question could save someone's life and save mine.

958
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: Barry, Well, thank you for showing up for me. Thank

959
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 1: you for showing up for my listeners. It's been an

960
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:51,759
Speaker 1: absolute pleasure, buddy. I know it's going to help a

961
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 1: hell of a lot of people. Bari, thank you so much.

962
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 1: You a gentleman. Catch you Sep.

963
00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: Thank you. Take care.

964
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:04,240
Speaker 1: More information on our UIK Day or Barrie's new series,

965
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 1: Weld Traveler, check out the show notes. Thanks for joining

966
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 1: me on this episode of Headgame. If you enjoyed this episode,

967
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 1: share it with a friend. I'm Att Middleton. See you

968
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:16,799
Speaker 1: again next time.