WEBVTT - #1952 Public Speaking - Bobby Cappuccio

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<v Speaker 1>Good.

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<v Speaker 2>I tellam, I've been trying to get the show started

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<v Speaker 2>for the last three minutes, but like over there in

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<v Speaker 2>the baseball cap or beret or whatever that is on

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<v Speaker 2>the other side of the world, keeps interrupting halfway through

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<v Speaker 2>me bloody intro. Thank god, you shut up for twelve

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<v Speaker 2>seconds so I could say what I just said, which

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't that impressive anyway, Hello Roberts.

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<v Speaker 1>I've got to say that was a lot of fun

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<v Speaker 1>for me.

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<v Speaker 2>Actually, Ah, when I want you to talk, you have

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<v Speaker 2>these awkward long gaps, and when I don't want you

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<v Speaker 2>to talk, you just keep talking. Hell are you buddy?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm okay. Thank you for asking. That's very kind of you,

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<v Speaker 1>Like does anybody really ask about me anymore? You're the

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<v Speaker 1>first person today, so much appreciated. Secondly, well, I need

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<v Speaker 1>to set things straight. When you ask me something and

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<v Speaker 1>you get a long, awkward silence, you might think, well,

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<v Speaker 1>Bobby Capuci is really awkward, and that would be true.

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<v Speaker 1>But what it also could be that you're observing is

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<v Speaker 1>that the magnitude of your question and the one this

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<v Speaker 1>level of respect and affection that I have for you

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<v Speaker 1>warrant jernalize and think about it. It's the powerful it's

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<v Speaker 1>the power of the pause.

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<v Speaker 2>Mete. You're wrapping your sarcasm in a pseudo compliment and

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<v Speaker 2>nobody's fucking buying it, including me. But you are loved.

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<v Speaker 2>I actually spoke to a lady this morning, this very morning,

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<v Speaker 2>the twenty fourth of July, and she said, when have

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<v Speaker 2>you got Bobby back on the show? I said, well,

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<v Speaker 2>funny you ask, I said, in about five hours from now.

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<v Speaker 2>She goes, I love him. He's my favorite. So shout

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<v Speaker 2>out to all the others that are not that lady's favorite.

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<v Speaker 1>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't even know her name. You know, when you've

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<v Speaker 2>met some I don't know her well, I've met her

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<v Speaker 2>maybe three times, and then you get to a point

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<v Speaker 2>where you're like, fuck, I can't ask because get.

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<v Speaker 1>The name my one fan. You didn't get the name

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<v Speaker 1>hell one person.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what? I just realized I didn't have said

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<v Speaker 2>any of this because she's going to listen to exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>What I just.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry, lady, but you you are amazing. I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 2>I just I just fuck. Can we edit this out? Hey? Anyone?

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<v Speaker 2>Melissa tiv anyway, you do know you have more than

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<v Speaker 2>a one fan. You have many fans.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know when somebody told me about my shirt?

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<v Speaker 1>She wrote in and I don't know how to take this.

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<v Speaker 1>She said, you know, I just love your show because, like,

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<v Speaker 1>I have insomnia and nothing gets me to sleep at night,

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<v Speaker 1>and every night I fall asleep listening to the sound

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<v Speaker 1>of your voice. And I was like, oh, well, wait

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<v Speaker 1>a minute, I'm not really sure how to take that.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been told similar, I've had sorry, I'm having a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit of a drink. Everyone I apologize. I've been

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<v Speaker 2>told yeah, yeah, I'm with you. I don't know, Like

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<v Speaker 2>quite a few people say, I play your podcast when

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<v Speaker 2>I go to sleep. It helps me sleep. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know whether or not I'm going to take it that

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<v Speaker 2>you and I have trustworthy, calming therapeutic dulcet tones.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that sits better with me than we're more boring

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<v Speaker 1>than a bag of houds. But but we could, we

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<v Speaker 1>could rebrand this. This episode could be like all about

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<v Speaker 1>how to cure and symn there massive it.

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<v Speaker 2>You and I have got to be uncharacteristically efficient today.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's crack on the I have to be out in oh,

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<v Speaker 2>listen to you being irish. I have to be out

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<v Speaker 2>in thirty one minutes from now. You posted today. I

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<v Speaker 2>think it was today. I saw it today anyway, on

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<v Speaker 2>your ig you posted something like overcoming your fear of

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<v Speaker 2>public speaking, and I thought, while we have spoken about

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<v Speaker 2>it in the two thousand shows or so that we've

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<v Speaker 2>had here, and you and I in the hundred or

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<v Speaker 2>so that you and I have done together, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how many, by the way, it's probably more than that,

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<v Speaker 2>but we've opened the door a bit. But I thought

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<v Speaker 2>it wouldn't be terrible to do an entire conversation around

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<v Speaker 2>the idea of being more comfortable, more competent, more skilled,

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<v Speaker 2>whatever at doing that thing, and whether or not that's

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<v Speaker 2>you know, talking at your own birthday, having say in

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<v Speaker 2>a few words at your fortieth birthday when you're terrified,

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<v Speaker 2>or speaking in a conference room to a thousand people,

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<v Speaker 2>or anything in between. Yeah, why did you post that?

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<v Speaker 2>And what do you Let's let's start the wheels turning.

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<v Speaker 2>Where do you start with this with people? Is there

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<v Speaker 2>a start?

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<v Speaker 1>Well? I think I posted it because so many people

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<v Speaker 1>struggle with it. I didn't actually post it. My wife

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<v Speaker 1>Amy posted it. I didn't even know it was up

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<v Speaker 1>until now. But it makes sense, right and when I

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<v Speaker 1>talk about public speaking, I'm not talking about like you

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<v Speaker 1>brought up. I'm not necessarily talking about you're getting on

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<v Speaker 1>stage in front of like hundreds of thousands of people,

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<v Speaker 1>although doing public presentations is definitely part of that. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>talking about someone who gets up to give a toast

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<v Speaker 1>at a wedding, or someone who has to do a

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<v Speaker 1>presentation for the board, or they're a team leader, they're

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<v Speaker 1>a manager, and they got to get up and present

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<v Speaker 1>to their team and they either panic or they which

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<v Speaker 1>means they completely free, or they overthink and they start

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<v Speaker 1>to choke. And this becomes a major stumbling block for people.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know, if you take doctor Albert Ellis came

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<v Speaker 1>up with something that's widely used in cognitive behavior therapy,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's the ABC process. There's ABC D, but basically

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<v Speaker 1>it's that you have an activating event the A and

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<v Speaker 1>this is something that causes you stress. It's associated with adversity,

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<v Speaker 1>Like you're thinking about, I've got to give a presentation,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, tomorrow or in the next hour. Some people

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<v Speaker 1>it could be even next week. And then if you

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<v Speaker 1>jump from A to C, right, the consequence consequence is

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<v Speaker 1>what happens when you're in that situation that is causing

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<v Speaker 1>you to feel a sensation that you're interpreting as an emotion.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't want to feel stress, and it could be well,

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<v Speaker 1>I start to get sweaty pumps, I start to hyperventil

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<v Speaker 1>I start to think about you know, what happens when

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<v Speaker 1>I get up in front of the room and just

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<v Speaker 1>people are tuned out, They're just staring off out into space.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh they hate this. I'm not connecting. I'm not going

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<v Speaker 1>to get that promotion. And when you're in that state

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<v Speaker 1>of stress physiologically, what happens to your frontal lopes. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, they downregulate and performance drops. So even you

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<v Speaker 1>thinking that thought and being fixated on what's going on inside,

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<v Speaker 1>if you rather them what's going on with the people

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<v Speaker 1>in front of you, and being able to assess that accurately,

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<v Speaker 1>you invariably bring down your own level of performance. So

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<v Speaker 1>it's if you take a look at what's in between

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<v Speaker 1>A and C, it's B and B stands for belief. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>well that could be it too, but it's whatever you're interpreting,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever you believe about that scenario is going to dictate

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<v Speaker 1>what's going on side of you emotionally and how you're

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<v Speaker 1>responding to what's happening inner world with what you're projecting

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<v Speaker 1>into your outer world. So and this cuts both ways.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's say we take two people, right Jane. Jane gets

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<v Speaker 1>up and she's speaking in front of the board, and

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<v Speaker 1>she notices that somebody in the back of the room

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<v Speaker 1>they just started looking at their phone and now they're

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<v Speaker 1>just texting. And then she took a look at another

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<v Speaker 1>person in the board and they're staring up the ceiling. Instantly,

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<v Speaker 1>Jane starts to interpret that the belief there is, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>they are so tuned out. I am completely bombing. This

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<v Speaker 1>is why I got passed over last year. They're not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna hand me any more important projects. You know, they're

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<v Speaker 1>downsizing around here. Am I even gonna have it? She's

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<v Speaker 1>thinking about all of this. She's no longer even with

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<v Speaker 1>the group. She's in her head. No matter how good

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<v Speaker 1>her presentation was supposed to be, it's not gonna be

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<v Speaker 1>anywhere near as good. And she's probably gonna not be

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<v Speaker 1>able to wait until she gets out of the room.

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<v Speaker 1>And every time that she presents holding that belief, she's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna create that self fulfilling prophecy. It's not the activating event.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not the consequence physiologically and behaviorally, it's the belief

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<v Speaker 1>about what's happening. I mean, for all, she knows that

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<v Speaker 1>person could have gotten an emergency text message that their

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<v Speaker 1>kid is sick at school. What she's not noticing is

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<v Speaker 1>the members of the board that are close to her

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<v Speaker 1>are nodding their head into agreement. What she's not noticing

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<v Speaker 1>is two people were leaning back in their chair. That

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't mean anything, by the way, it's not disinterest. They

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<v Speaker 1>could be comfortable. But what she didn't notice is they

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<v Speaker 1>went from leaning back in their chair and when she

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<v Speaker 1>made her third point, they both leaned in and they

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<v Speaker 1>were engaged. So she's noticed everything in line with her belief.

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<v Speaker 1>She's dismissing everything that's not in line with her belief.

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<v Speaker 1>So in that video, what we do is we restructure

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<v Speaker 1>the rules so it's impossible to have well, it's not impossible,

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<v Speaker 1>that's ridiculous. It's a lot harder to suffer from performance

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<v Speaker 1>anxiety because what we do with this person, let's say Jane,

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<v Speaker 1>is we ask her, okay, on a scale from one

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<v Speaker 1>to ten, how good of a presenter do you reckon

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<v Speaker 1>you are? And doesn't matter Let's say she's like, I'm five.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm not the worst presenter, but by far

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<v Speaker 1>not the best presenter in my department. I'm sort of mediocre. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>what I would ask Jane is, well, tell me what

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<v Speaker 1>makes a five a five? Why'd you say that? And

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<v Speaker 1>then she's in one of our classes where we're teaching

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<v Speaker 1>public speaking skills. I might ask Jane to get up

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<v Speaker 1>in front of the room and show me a five.

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<v Speaker 1>Show me that five presentation, and then I'll stop her

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<v Speaker 1>a minute or so into it, and I'll say, all right, Jane,

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<v Speaker 1>let's tweak this a little bit. Show me how you

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<v Speaker 1>can do just a little bit worse. Show me a four,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we'll take it to Okay, show me a three.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll go all the way down to one. And the

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<v Speaker 1>reason why this works is if you're having performance anxiety,

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm not really good at this, Well, the rules

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<v Speaker 1>are let's see how bad you can be, And there's

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<v Speaker 1>usually a couple of responses. One, I cannot experience the

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<v Speaker 1>same level of performance anxiety because if I fail, I've

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<v Speaker 1>succeeded according to the rules. Two, I'm getting the person

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<v Speaker 1>to start to play around with range. So if you

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<v Speaker 1>can intentionally make your presentation much much worse within a

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<v Speaker 1>matter of minutes. And by the way, I've never met

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<v Speaker 1>anyone who cannot. And some people are even embarrassed to

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<v Speaker 1>do this, but eventually they get there, their presentation is atrocious.

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<v Speaker 2>Where's they by winning?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly, I asked you to do that. So it's

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<v Speaker 1>not like, oh, I'm failing. No, you're doing the assignment properly.

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<v Speaker 1>But the bias becomes if you can make it worse,

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<v Speaker 1>what makes you believe that you're not capable of intentionally

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<v Speaker 1>and expeditiously making it better. And at this point, people

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<v Speaker 1>are laughing. They're having a good time, so they're not

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<v Speaker 1>inwardly as as stressed or feeling so much duress. The

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<v Speaker 1>rest of the audience, the class is laughing, so now

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<v Speaker 1>they're not laughing at you, they're laughing with you. So

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<v Speaker 1>now you have social support and cohesion. And that's like, Okay, Jane,

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<v Speaker 1>take me back to that five again. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>see that five one more time, but this time the

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<v Speaker 1>five is a different representation of the five. She thinks

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<v Speaker 1>she's showing you a five, but the rest of the room,

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<v Speaker 1>and what she realizes soon is the five. Now minutes

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<v Speaker 1>later is much better that it was ten to fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>minutes ago. And then it's like, okay, show me a six,

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<v Speaker 1>let's take it to eight to nine to ten. And

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<v Speaker 1>we're working within range of emotion and expression and energy.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're working on behavioral things that create an intrinsic state.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you can play with locus of control in

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<v Speaker 1>one direction, you can do it another. So there's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of reasons why that particular exercise that we talked

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<v Speaker 1>about in the video works really really well.

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<v Speaker 2>Mmmm ah, so many things around this. I had a

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<v Speaker 2>lady on in fact, an academic and a medical doctor

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<v Speaker 2>and a researcher and an integrated medicine specialist and maybe

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<v Speaker 2>one of the leading trauma experts in the world. Her

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<v Speaker 2>name is doctor Amy Appajean. Have you heard of her?

0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:54.439
<v Speaker 2>She anyway, she wrote a book called The Biology of Trauma.

0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:58.600
<v Speaker 2>I had her on this morning. Wow, she was so good, dude,

0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:03.800
<v Speaker 2>you shall get her on your show. Amazing. Well, we're

0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:06.640
<v Speaker 2>on your show and my show, so you shall get

0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:11.240
<v Speaker 2>her on our show. The self help antidote great, And

0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:15.280
<v Speaker 2>she was talking about you know, like the I mean,

0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.160
<v Speaker 2>it's like so many things. It's not like, oh, you're traumatized.

0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:21.080
<v Speaker 2>All right, here, do this, you won't be anymore. Like

0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:25.679
<v Speaker 2>it's so it's so complicated, it's so contextual, it's so

0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:30.320
<v Speaker 2>variable depending on a range of bloody factors. But she

0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:35.480
<v Speaker 2>did talk on a level about how she didn't say

0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:40.200
<v Speaker 2>these exact words, but we kind of traumatize ourselves based

0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:45.200
<v Speaker 2>on a reaction to a thing, like something happens, and

0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.560
<v Speaker 2>then the trauma is our response to the thing that happens.

0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:52.200
<v Speaker 2>And somebody else might have the same thing happen and

0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.400
<v Speaker 2>out of their control happening in their physical world, the

0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:59.959
<v Speaker 2>thing happens and they are not traumatized. Now this is

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:03.600
<v Speaker 2>not a criticism or a praise of anyone, but rather

0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:11.319
<v Speaker 2>an awareness. Right, so that being able to, you know,

0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:13.400
<v Speaker 2>knowing that people get on stage who are calm, and

0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:15.680
<v Speaker 2>knowing that people get on stage who are terrified, or

0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:17.439
<v Speaker 2>knowing that people have got to do a talk of

0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:22.480
<v Speaker 2>their best mates fiftieth and they're terrified or they can't wait,

0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:25.680
<v Speaker 2>they're excited. It's not about the fiftieth It's not about

0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:29.280
<v Speaker 2>the situation or circumstance. It's about how you as an

0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:33.360
<v Speaker 2>individual respond to that. It's about the impact based on

0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:35.960
<v Speaker 2>the story you tell or as you say, the belief

0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.280
<v Speaker 2>you have. What's my story about the thing I've got

0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:43.720
<v Speaker 2>to do this Saturday night at Bobby's birthday. It's Bobby's birthday.

0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:48.760
<v Speaker 2>Amy asked me to say a few things. Oh my god. Right,

0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:51.720
<v Speaker 2>So it's not about the birthday or the speech. It's

0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.520
<v Speaker 2>about my fucking response and my story and then my

0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 2>subsequent anxiety and all of these things. I mean what

0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:02.200
<v Speaker 2>you're saying. I but for people who don't have that

0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:06.880
<v Speaker 2>at their disposal or access, where does someone start who's

0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:11.280
<v Speaker 2>listening to this, going, that's cool, Bobby, But I don't

0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.400
<v Speaker 2>have that person to walk me through that or talk

0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:20.960
<v Speaker 2>me through that process is, you know, is desensitizing ourselves.

0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.920
<v Speaker 2>You know, just exposure therapy good is like well, fuck,

0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:26.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna I'm going to talk to my phone

0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.400
<v Speaker 2>and do a one minute presentation and then watch it

0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.520
<v Speaker 2>back and then I'm going to send it to someone.

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:36.400
<v Speaker 2>Or like, what's like some practical shit that we can

0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:40.320
<v Speaker 2>do that will move the needle in a short ish

0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:43.400
<v Speaker 2>period of time, Like practical, real world stuff that we

0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:43.840
<v Speaker 2>can do.

0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.120
<v Speaker 1>And the answer to all that is is yes, But

0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.680
<v Speaker 1>to a certain degree, there's got to be a balance

0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:55.360
<v Speaker 1>between support, safety and challenge. If you have a sneak phobia,

0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:58.360
<v Speaker 1>jumping into a snake pit is probably not a good

0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.920
<v Speaker 1>form of exposure. You're going to die of a heart

0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:04.440
<v Speaker 1>attack before snake can do anything to you. So look

0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:09.760
<v Speaker 1>for tiny little situations where you can execute. I'll give you.

0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:11.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to give you an example out of my

0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:17.040
<v Speaker 1>own life. Something that happened yesterday. So yesterday I had

0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:18.680
<v Speaker 1>to give a presentation. We all did. It was like

0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:22.120
<v Speaker 1>one of those quarterly updates. And when I sat down

0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:25.960
<v Speaker 1>to give a quarterly update on the three strategic initiatives

0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:29.160
<v Speaker 1>that I'm working on in order to accomplish our north

0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:33.120
<v Speaker 1>Star goals, There's there's a couple of people in the room,

0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.120
<v Speaker 1>and no matter what I say, they always think it's

0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.560
<v Speaker 1>the stupidest thing they have ever heard. And it irritated

0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:43.280
<v Speaker 1>Like there's nothing I could say that will not irritate

0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.800
<v Speaker 1>them and make them think that that was the stupidest

0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.880
<v Speaker 1>comment in the whole whole meeting. So I'm sitting there

0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:51.320
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, God, I really don't even want to

0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.240
<v Speaker 1>speak right now. I'm just like looking at them like

0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:58.280
<v Speaker 1>this still happens to me, And I'm so nervous because

0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.760
<v Speaker 1>these two people and I'm trying so hard to please

0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:05.920
<v Speaker 1>for reasons beyond the show that I'm hitting these buttons

0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:08.640
<v Speaker 1>and all these pop up boxes are appearing all over

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:10.800
<v Speaker 1>the slide. I don't know how to get them off.

0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:15.879
<v Speaker 1>So and you know, I thought about a teaching from

0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:21.280
<v Speaker 1>Marcus Aurelius, where you know, in Meditations. What's really interesting

0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.240
<v Speaker 1>is this is arguably one of the most powerful people

0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:26.720
<v Speaker 1>who have ever lived, could have had anything he wanted,

0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:30.320
<v Speaker 1>faced with temptations, none of us could ever even have them.

0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:34.040
<v Speaker 1>But what he was so preoccupied with was virtue and

0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:36.919
<v Speaker 1>abuse of power. I don't ever want to abuse this power.

0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:40.720
<v Speaker 1>And he never thought anyone would read Meditations. So it's

0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.400
<v Speaker 1>brutal honesty. It's a book to himself. And the reason

0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.800
<v Speaker 1>why I'm bringing this up is because one of the

0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:52.919
<v Speaker 1>remarkable things was his perspective on greatness, right, because I

0:17:53.000 --> 0:17:57.320
<v Speaker 1>get irritated with the top of greatness people like achieve greatness,

0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:00.000
<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to put it. It's like we're human beings.

0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.520
<v Speaker 1>We can get a virus tomorrow, be gone by Saturday.

0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.160
<v Speaker 1>So like, what is when you say greatness? What does

0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:09.800
<v Speaker 1>that mean to Marcus Aurelia's greatness was no matter what

0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:13.840
<v Speaker 1>situation you're in, no matter what position or status you're holding,

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:20.520
<v Speaker 1>always intend to do the greatest good with the resources

0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:23.439
<v Speaker 1>you have from where you are. So for me, it

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:26.880
<v Speaker 1>was like, Okay, I'm going to say this one thing

0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:31.320
<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to make this one point emphatically. I

0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:34.719
<v Speaker 1>am going to practice right now because this is important

0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:38.800
<v Speaker 1>and it involves other people in their career development, and

0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:42.840
<v Speaker 1>I am going to elevate my level of intensity and

0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:45.760
<v Speaker 1>the emotion that I'm feeling. I am going to project

0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.240
<v Speaker 1>that and play with that range, and I'm going to

0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:52.240
<v Speaker 1>make eye contact with people who I know in the

0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.639
<v Speaker 1>room are wanting to hear this and they're going to

0:18:55.720 --> 0:19:00.760
<v Speaker 1>resonate with it. So that was just ten seconds practice that,

0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:06.160
<v Speaker 1>and after I went through, I went through an assessment.

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:11.119
<v Speaker 1>I said, Okay, what did I do particularly well in

0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:15.120
<v Speaker 1>this presentation. It's like, well, first thing is I sat

0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.320
<v Speaker 1>down and I gave it right. I could have gotten

0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.480
<v Speaker 1>up and walked out of the room. Wouldn't have been

0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:21.720
<v Speaker 1>a very good idea for the room for the meeting

0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:24.200
<v Speaker 1>of my career, but I could have done that. Second

0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:29.639
<v Speaker 1>thing is I identified what part of this is going to

0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:35.800
<v Speaker 1>galvanize and excite people that because it aligns with their

0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:41.040
<v Speaker 1>career aspirations, and I chose to control and focus on

0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:45.920
<v Speaker 1>my delivery in that particular moment. Oh and by the way,

0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:48.040
<v Speaker 1>after the meeting, somebody came up to me and said, oh,

0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:51.120
<v Speaker 1>can I speak to you? I have that aspiration? Can

0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:54.400
<v Speaker 1>you help me get there? Absolutely have my full commitment.

0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:59.760
<v Speaker 1>So that was a success. Second question is if I

0:19:59.760 --> 0:20:03.920
<v Speaker 1>can go back in time and do that meeting all

0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:07.560
<v Speaker 1>over again, what would I have done differently, and not

0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:11.080
<v Speaker 1>just in the presentation inside my own head? Would I

0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:15.119
<v Speaker 1>have changed what I was focusing on? Okay, great, So

0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.359
<v Speaker 1>now I learned two things. I learned what I did

0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:22.119
<v Speaker 1>well so I could duplicate that and create on demand. Two.

0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:25.560
<v Speaker 1>I can't control the outcome of that presentation, but I

0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:28.760
<v Speaker 1>can learn from it and leverage that to be more

0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:33.159
<v Speaker 1>effective next time. So when you look at the work

0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:36.840
<v Speaker 1>of doctor Martin Sella and he talks about explanatory style,

0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:40.879
<v Speaker 1>explanatory style is what you say to yourself after an event,

0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:44.760
<v Speaker 1>and there are three elements to a explanatory style that

0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:50.080
<v Speaker 1>are important. It's personal, permanent, and pervasive. So if I

0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:52.960
<v Speaker 1>walked out of that presentation and say, oh god, I

0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:58.120
<v Speaker 1>always drop the ball. I am so stupid. Well, that's permanent.

0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:02.160
<v Speaker 1>Can't fix stupid, can you. It's personal, it's me right,

0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.480
<v Speaker 1>and it's pervasive. It's not like, ah, I'm so stupid

0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:10.160
<v Speaker 1>in instances when Nope, I'm just I'm just generally stupid

0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:14.960
<v Speaker 1>in all situations. Like exceeding all things, I want a

0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:18.240
<v Speaker 1>couple of things happen. One, I'm probably not gonna try. Two,

0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:23.200
<v Speaker 1>I can't learn anything from that. So when you have

0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:29.560
<v Speaker 1>that explanatory style, it's dishonest. Whether it's like I'm amazing

0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:33.880
<v Speaker 1>what you're amazing at all times with all things, now,

0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:37.240
<v Speaker 1>that's probably not honest. You want to be balanced between

0:21:37.240 --> 0:21:40.880
<v Speaker 1>a strong internal and external frame of reference. When when

0:21:40.880 --> 0:21:43.960
<v Speaker 1>you implement something like this or that thing that you

0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:46.760
<v Speaker 1>don't want to say in a meeting, you practice saying

0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:51.000
<v Speaker 1>it emphatically or you know what, I'm gonna stand up

0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:54.199
<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna have fun with the toast because I

0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.400
<v Speaker 1>know if I completely stuff this toast up, everyone's gonna

0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:01.240
<v Speaker 1>laugh and that's gonna be great. So I'm gonna lean

0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:03.440
<v Speaker 1>into it. I'm gonna try to fail, I'm gonna I'm

0:22:03.440 --> 0:22:06.639
<v Speaker 1>gonna play but and then after always go through that

0:22:06.760 --> 0:22:12.119
<v Speaker 1>explanatory style and balance internal and external frames. An internal

0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:17.000
<v Speaker 1>frame is where you take responsibility for what you did

0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:20.440
<v Speaker 1>in the moment that produced that outcome, both the good

0:22:20.600 --> 0:22:23.879
<v Speaker 1>and you know the could be better, but also what

0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:29.680
<v Speaker 1>happened externally outside of you, because not everything's in your control.

0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:32.120
<v Speaker 1>You know, was there a time crunch and you didn't

0:22:32.160 --> 0:22:34.960
<v Speaker 1>have time to prepare? That's something that you can learn from.

0:22:35.040 --> 0:22:38.520
<v Speaker 1>Did somebody point to you and go, hey, uh, Craig, oh,

0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:41.639
<v Speaker 1>pop up? And you know, we'd love to love for

0:22:41.680 --> 0:22:44.120
<v Speaker 1>you to say a few words. I need to get

0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:47.639
<v Speaker 1>better at creating on demand in the moment because I

0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:49.760
<v Speaker 1>don't know when these things are going to happen. But

0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:53.320
<v Speaker 1>if you go too far to an external frame of reference,

0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:57.040
<v Speaker 1>that becomes an attribution era where nothing's ever your fault

0:22:57.119 --> 0:23:00.880
<v Speaker 1>or your responsibility. It's all things outside of yourn. If

0:23:00.920 --> 0:23:03.640
<v Speaker 1>you go too far to an internal frame of reference,

0:23:04.119 --> 0:23:08.359
<v Speaker 1>everything's your fault, and you start to go from constructively

0:23:08.400 --> 0:23:11.840
<v Speaker 1>dissecting elements that allow you to progress and get better

0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:16.960
<v Speaker 1>incrementally even though it's uncomfortable, and you start adapting global

0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:21.000
<v Speaker 1>explanatory styles where if you're just dumb or if you

0:23:21.160 --> 0:23:23.679
<v Speaker 1>just suck in front of a room, why would you

0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:27.520
<v Speaker 1>ever try to get better? It's not possible for you,

0:23:27.600 --> 0:23:32.400
<v Speaker 1>it's not accessible for you. So it's balancing the explanatory

0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:37.560
<v Speaker 1>style and balancing internal external frames or reference, putting yourself

0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:44.000
<v Speaker 1>in challenging but relatively safe situations where you can practice

0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:47.040
<v Speaker 1>presenting in a way that aligns with the person who

0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:48.880
<v Speaker 1>you want to be and have the impact you want

0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:51.159
<v Speaker 1>to have, and eventually you'll get better and better and

0:23:51.160 --> 0:23:52.960
<v Speaker 1>it won't be like I'm going to say this thing

0:23:52.960 --> 0:23:54.960
<v Speaker 1>in a meeting. Maybe it's I'm going to lead a

0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:58.520
<v Speaker 1>meeting two months from now, or maybe next time my

0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:01.640
<v Speaker 1>company has a conference they send me to represent them

0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:04.840
<v Speaker 1>six months later because and I love what you said

0:24:04.840 --> 0:24:07.000
<v Speaker 1>about you know, and do it in a way where

0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:12.880
<v Speaker 1>it'll feel uncomfortable, but you remove yourself from being overwhelmed

0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:15.359
<v Speaker 1>with anxiety in the moment where oh my goodness, my

0:24:15.400 --> 0:24:19.000
<v Speaker 1>boss watched this and now now they've lost faith in me.

0:24:19.480 --> 0:24:22.199
<v Speaker 1>Record yourself on video and watch it. It's not going

0:24:22.240 --> 0:24:24.760
<v Speaker 1>to be comfortable, but you're not going to fire yourself.

0:24:25.320 --> 0:24:27.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, You're not going to kick yourself out of

0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:30.600
<v Speaker 1>the house unless it's like that bad and then send

0:24:30.640 --> 0:24:34.280
<v Speaker 1>it to someone who's honest with you and supportive at

0:24:34.280 --> 0:24:37.119
<v Speaker 1>the same time, and I'll tell you how they really feel.

0:24:37.640 --> 0:24:40.760
<v Speaker 1>And you know, see, I see. If you get that

0:24:40.880 --> 0:24:43.920
<v Speaker 1>response consistently and work on that daily, like make a

0:24:44.000 --> 0:24:47.680
<v Speaker 1>video every single day to post on social media. Even

0:24:47.720 --> 0:24:50.200
<v Speaker 1>if you don't post it, make a social media video,

0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:51.119
<v Speaker 1>you'll get better.

0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:55.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm going to ask you some questions, but here's

0:24:55.160 --> 0:25:00.560
<v Speaker 2>my rule. One minute response Max, you're ready, one minute?

0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:01.600
<v Speaker 1>What is the secret?

0:25:03.080 --> 0:25:08.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, yeah, So being a good presenter. Let's talk

0:25:08.520 --> 0:25:10.640
<v Speaker 2>a little bit more. Now, not so much you're talking

0:25:10.720 --> 0:25:14.000
<v Speaker 2>at your mate's birthday, although that can be it. But

0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:17.040
<v Speaker 2>now where maybe we've got to we've got to present

0:25:17.080 --> 0:25:18.840
<v Speaker 2>to the group at work, and it could be five

0:25:18.880 --> 0:25:21.320
<v Speaker 2>minutes or it could be something big. Like you now

0:25:21.359 --> 0:25:24.560
<v Speaker 2>you want to be a corporate speaker, but you're actually presenting,

0:25:24.680 --> 0:25:26.639
<v Speaker 2>let's say, for more than two or three minutes to

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:32.360
<v Speaker 2>a group. So if you've nailed everything but you can't

0:25:32.400 --> 0:25:35.960
<v Speaker 2>read the room or at least have an insight into

0:25:37.400 --> 0:25:39.960
<v Speaker 2>you're in trouble. So talk to me about reading the room.

0:25:40.000 --> 0:25:42.360
<v Speaker 2>And as you said, we'll get it wrong at times,

0:25:42.359 --> 0:25:47.800
<v Speaker 2>but with for me, one minute on building rapport, creating connection,

0:25:48.080 --> 0:25:51.000
<v Speaker 2>understanding what's going in front of you, and being able

0:25:51.040 --> 0:25:55.080
<v Speaker 2>to adapt to what is happening in the room.

0:25:55.680 --> 0:25:58.679
<v Speaker 1>I believe and the context of this question, that if

0:25:58.680 --> 0:26:02.400
<v Speaker 1>you're having trouble constantly reading the room, you're too inwardly focused.

0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:05.159
<v Speaker 1>You're thinking about your level of performance. You're not with

0:26:05.400 --> 0:26:09.760
<v Speaker 1>the room when you are completely focused on what you

0:26:09.880 --> 0:26:14.320
<v Speaker 1>want to contribute and why, and you are projecting that outward.

0:26:14.840 --> 0:26:18.320
<v Speaker 1>So there's two frames of mind. One is here I am.

0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:22.439
<v Speaker 1>The other is, oh, there you are. If you're in

0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:25.199
<v Speaker 1>the second frame of mind, you will be able to

0:26:25.280 --> 0:26:28.440
<v Speaker 1>read that with the same way. When you first fall

0:26:28.480 --> 0:26:31.520
<v Speaker 1>in love with somebody and you are so into them

0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:34.960
<v Speaker 1>that you start to finish each other's sentences, you almost

0:26:35.000 --> 0:26:38.200
<v Speaker 1>know what they're feeling because you are matching and mirroring

0:26:38.240 --> 0:26:42.639
<v Speaker 1>them subconsciously, and you are sending the same messages to

0:26:42.720 --> 0:26:45.320
<v Speaker 1>your brain that they are sending to theirs. So if

0:26:45.359 --> 0:26:48.080
<v Speaker 1>you're having trouble reading the room, I guarantee you you're

0:26:48.119 --> 0:26:50.720
<v Speaker 1>thinking about how am I coming off? Am I precise?

0:26:51.320 --> 0:26:55.119
<v Speaker 1>Did that bullet the third bullet on the four slide land?

0:26:55.520 --> 0:26:55.720
<v Speaker 2>Oh?

0:26:56.560 --> 0:27:00.600
<v Speaker 1>Did I cite that reference? Accurately. Did I unicate what

0:27:00.720 --> 0:27:04.159
<v Speaker 1>was in the research? You're in your own head because

0:27:04.200 --> 0:27:07.080
<v Speaker 1>all of that stuff, whilst important, is about twenty percent

0:27:07.119 --> 0:27:10.320
<v Speaker 1>of the impact. Eighty percent of the impact is how

0:27:10.359 --> 0:27:14.160
<v Speaker 1>do you make the people in the room feel? Can

0:27:14.200 --> 0:27:18.400
<v Speaker 1>they relate to you? Are you speaking to them? Are

0:27:18.440 --> 0:27:22.199
<v Speaker 1>you emotionally provocative in a good way? And do you

0:27:22.320 --> 0:27:27.920
<v Speaker 1>have a cohesive narrative that allows them to touch upon

0:27:28.280 --> 0:27:31.240
<v Speaker 1>something that is relevant, like a basic human need they

0:27:31.240 --> 0:27:34.680
<v Speaker 1>want to fulfill an aspiration that they want to grow into.

0:27:35.200 --> 0:27:37.359
<v Speaker 1>If you're not doing that stuff, you're gonna have a

0:27:37.400 --> 0:27:39.360
<v Speaker 1>hard time reading the people in front of you.

0:27:40.600 --> 0:27:43.760
<v Speaker 2>All right, It was way longer than sixty seconds, but serious,

0:27:45.119 --> 0:27:51.600
<v Speaker 2>fucking way longer. All right. Content Like, there are some

0:27:51.640 --> 0:27:53.919
<v Speaker 2>people who their contents of five out of ten, but

0:27:53.960 --> 0:27:58.280
<v Speaker 2>they're fucking amazing on stage, right, You know that they

0:27:58.920 --> 0:28:01.360
<v Speaker 2>know a bit about seven things, but beyond that, it's

0:28:01.359 --> 0:28:04.040
<v Speaker 2>pretty skinny. And I think when I was young and

0:28:04.080 --> 0:28:06.800
<v Speaker 2>I presented that was me. It's like I knew quite

0:28:06.840 --> 0:28:11.359
<v Speaker 2>a bit about a small area and then but because

0:28:11.400 --> 0:28:13.359
<v Speaker 2>I could get away with a bit of charisma and

0:28:13.480 --> 0:28:16.280
<v Speaker 2>charm and bullshit and storytelling, I got away with it.

0:28:16.680 --> 0:28:19.160
<v Speaker 2>But it caught up with me because I literally when

0:28:19.160 --> 0:28:22.040
<v Speaker 2>I was about thirty, I recognized I need to know

0:28:22.119 --> 0:28:25.760
<v Speaker 2>more stuff. I don't know enough stuff, right, so tell

0:28:25.760 --> 0:28:31.480
<v Speaker 2>me about let's put preparation and content just I don't

0:28:31.520 --> 0:28:33.960
<v Speaker 2>know what you want to say about that, but off

0:28:34.040 --> 0:28:34.199
<v Speaker 2>you go.

0:28:36.480 --> 0:28:40.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel like when it comes to quote unquote charisma, magnetism,

0:28:40.160 --> 0:28:42.080
<v Speaker 1>whatever you want to call it. When it comes to

0:28:43.000 --> 0:28:47.320
<v Speaker 1>true expertise, the ability to similate information and form distinctions

0:28:47.800 --> 0:28:52.760
<v Speaker 1>from that information that's relevant to other people, it's mutually reinforcing.

0:28:52.760 --> 0:28:54.800
<v Speaker 1>The more prepared you are and the more you know,

0:28:55.560 --> 0:28:59.120
<v Speaker 1>the more dynamic and confident you're going to be on stage. Right.

0:28:59.320 --> 0:29:02.920
<v Speaker 1>So I think preparation is something that you do twenty

0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:05.280
<v Speaker 1>four hours a day, not seven days a week. I mean,

0:29:05.360 --> 0:29:08.360
<v Speaker 1>take a day off, but it's something you do every

0:29:08.680 --> 0:29:12.440
<v Speaker 1>single day. If you are cramming for a presentation, that

0:29:12.640 --> 0:29:16.320
<v Speaker 1>presentation is gonna be pretty contrived. I think most of

0:29:16.360 --> 0:29:19.560
<v Speaker 1>the preparation that you do it's a matter of proximity.

0:29:19.880 --> 0:29:22.920
<v Speaker 1>The closer you get to the presentation. I'm talking about

0:29:22.920 --> 0:29:26.080
<v Speaker 1>like a day and hours before. The more preparation should

0:29:26.120 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 1>have to do with mindset and what's going on with

0:29:28.880 --> 0:29:33.160
<v Speaker 1>you emotionally in presence. The further you get from that presentation,

0:29:33.600 --> 0:29:36.320
<v Speaker 1>the more it should be about the content. You need

0:29:36.400 --> 0:29:40.960
<v Speaker 1>to know three to five levels deeper in your subject

0:29:41.040 --> 0:29:46.720
<v Speaker 1>matter expertise than your audience. Otherwise you're gonna come across

0:29:46.720 --> 0:29:50.440
<v Speaker 1>as counterfeit. You're gonna be anxious and for good reason.

0:29:50.920 --> 0:29:56.960
<v Speaker 1>And there's a level there's a level of dishonesty because

0:29:57.000 --> 0:30:00.360
<v Speaker 1>you're presenting yourself as a subject matter expert. So the

0:30:00.400 --> 0:30:06.200
<v Speaker 1>short answer is prepare around content like research, all of

0:30:06.240 --> 0:30:10.520
<v Speaker 1>those things. Subject matter expertise further away. The closer you get,

0:30:10.560 --> 0:30:13.440
<v Speaker 1>the more you shift that towards stage presence.

0:30:14.960 --> 0:30:19.920
<v Speaker 2>Bob Ittt good answer. By the way, Okay, how many

0:30:19.960 --> 0:30:24.000
<v Speaker 2>seconds adapt adaptability you get up it's not going the

0:30:24.000 --> 0:30:27.480
<v Speaker 2>way you want. You realize, Oh fuck, I'm gonna have

0:30:27.480 --> 0:30:31.920
<v Speaker 2>to change direction or slightly change my approach, or it's

0:30:31.960 --> 0:30:34.960
<v Speaker 2>not going the way you thought it was. The ability

0:30:35.000 --> 0:30:37.640
<v Speaker 2>to be flexible and adaptable in real time.

0:30:38.840 --> 0:30:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh to fall back to my last response, if if

0:30:42.320 --> 0:30:46.840
<v Speaker 1>you are constantly preparing around your subject matter expertise, and

0:30:46.880 --> 0:30:49.760
<v Speaker 1>then you're in the right frame of mind, the right mindset,

0:30:49.840 --> 0:30:52.120
<v Speaker 1>you're not nervous about Oh my god, am I going

0:30:52.160 --> 0:30:55.000
<v Speaker 1>to bomb if I if I shift gears, are they

0:30:55.120 --> 0:30:57.239
<v Speaker 1>going to notice? You'll be able to do that much

0:30:57.320 --> 0:30:59.280
<v Speaker 1>more readily. Can I tell a quick story? I know

0:30:59.320 --> 0:31:01.920
<v Speaker 1>we only have fifth sixty seconds.

0:31:01.560 --> 0:31:06.200
<v Speaker 2>But quick story, just at everyone.

0:31:06.440 --> 0:31:08.440
<v Speaker 1>There was a debate I had, and this is going

0:31:08.520 --> 0:31:10.680
<v Speaker 1>back over two decades ago, with this guy that I

0:31:10.720 --> 0:31:12.640
<v Speaker 1>worked with, and he was a professor, and he was

0:31:13.000 --> 0:31:16.240
<v Speaker 1>like one of those PowerPoint kings, right, and I was like,

0:31:16.280 --> 0:31:18.400
<v Speaker 1>you have to present from the PowerPoint and you have

0:31:18.480 --> 0:31:23.080
<v Speaker 1>to have clearly defined, structured slides. I'm like, dude, you're

0:31:23.080 --> 0:31:25.920
<v Speaker 1>a subject matter expert. Come in and know the ten

0:31:26.000 --> 0:31:29.040
<v Speaker 1>points that you want to hit, know your examples, no

0:31:29.480 --> 0:31:31.120
<v Speaker 1>how to, but you got to be able to take

0:31:31.160 --> 0:31:34.760
<v Speaker 1>information and questions from the room and change course and

0:31:34.800 --> 0:31:38.520
<v Speaker 1>then bring it back. That's teaching. And we just constantly

0:31:38.520 --> 0:31:42.160
<v Speaker 1>butted heads on this. So one day he goes to

0:31:42.160 --> 0:31:46.800
<v Speaker 1>give his presentation and the projector's not working and the

0:31:46.840 --> 0:31:50.480
<v Speaker 1>slides were not delivered, so he doesn't have any slides

0:31:50.760 --> 0:31:53.600
<v Speaker 1>and neither does anyone in the room. Well let's just

0:31:53.640 --> 0:31:58.400
<v Speaker 1>say that was a horrible day for him because they

0:31:58.440 --> 0:32:01.000
<v Speaker 1>had to pull him out of there. He could think

0:32:01.040 --> 0:32:04.360
<v Speaker 1>about this, This guy was a professor, then went into

0:32:04.440 --> 0:32:08.160
<v Speaker 1>a commercial enterprise. Standing in front of room decades of

0:32:08.200 --> 0:32:13.680
<v Speaker 1>experience could not present. Yeah, that's what that's what happens.

0:32:14.320 --> 0:32:17.600
<v Speaker 2>That's not uncommon. Thank you for sharing that story. It's

0:32:17.640 --> 0:32:21.960
<v Speaker 2>like people don't get that. It's there's a difference. Well,

0:32:22.640 --> 0:32:25.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you've had this, but and obviously

0:32:25.720 --> 0:32:27.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to say who, but I've had at

0:32:27.360 --> 0:32:31.160
<v Speaker 2>least five people over the eight years, maybe closer to ten, people,

0:32:32.760 --> 0:32:36.520
<v Speaker 2>most of whom were well known. One I'll tell you

0:32:36.560 --> 0:32:42.320
<v Speaker 2>when we finish here, like extremely well known. And the

0:32:42.400 --> 0:32:53.400
<v Speaker 2>conversation was so bad. This particular person was so uninspiring, disinterested.

0:32:54.600 --> 0:32:58.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh my god. And I was excited to

0:32:58.080 --> 0:33:00.560
<v Speaker 2>have this person. And it was also a bit of

0:33:00.600 --> 0:33:04.120
<v Speaker 2>a feather in the typ cap to get this person

0:33:04.160 --> 0:33:07.680
<v Speaker 2>and go, hey, guess who's on and Melissa and I

0:33:07.760 --> 0:33:11.040
<v Speaker 2>waxed and waned over. I'm like, we listened to it, right,

0:33:11.560 --> 0:33:15.440
<v Speaker 2>I can't. This is terrible. People will hate this. Yeah,

0:33:15.480 --> 0:33:18.600
<v Speaker 2>So it's funny you said that because I wrote down

0:33:19.000 --> 0:33:22.800
<v Speaker 2>my last point was death by PowerPoint was So it's

0:33:22.880 --> 0:33:26.680
<v Speaker 2>hilarious that you do that. It's like the antithesis of connection.

0:33:26.760 --> 0:33:32.960
<v Speaker 2>And rapport and you know, instinctiveness and intuition in real time.

0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:35.600
<v Speaker 1>Well, it's a secret cow. I mean, anybody listening to

0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:37.760
<v Speaker 1>us right now, I think about the best conference you've

0:33:37.760 --> 0:33:40.720
<v Speaker 1>ever attended, and who was an inspiring keynote speaker. Eight

0:33:40.760 --> 0:33:42.760
<v Speaker 1>out of ten times they did interview is a PowerPoint.

0:33:42.760 --> 0:33:44.600
<v Speaker 1>If they used the power point, it was to show

0:33:44.640 --> 0:33:49.560
<v Speaker 1>you something that's visually represented or a video that's very distinct.

0:33:49.600 --> 0:33:51.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think you can do that through spoken word.

0:33:51.840 --> 0:33:53.880
<v Speaker 1>I think there's a lot of advantages to doing it.

0:33:54.160 --> 0:33:57.080
<v Speaker 1>But I'm not against power point. But power point is

0:33:57.120 --> 0:34:01.360
<v Speaker 1>so overused and depended upon, especially when you work in

0:34:01.360 --> 0:34:05.920
<v Speaker 1>industries where they consider not having a detailed slide by

0:34:05.960 --> 0:34:10.040
<v Speaker 1>slide PowerPoint to be unprofessional. I think the inability to

0:34:10.080 --> 0:34:12.200
<v Speaker 1>get in front of a room and teach them something

0:34:12.239 --> 0:34:16.120
<v Speaker 1>and take them on a journey somewhere without a like

0:34:16.239 --> 0:34:19.160
<v Speaker 1>pink by numbers, bullet by bullet approach to doing so,

0:34:19.719 --> 0:34:23.960
<v Speaker 1>I believe that's somewhat unprofessional. But it's kind of kind

0:34:24.000 --> 0:34:24.239
<v Speaker 1>of hot.

0:34:25.160 --> 0:34:28.040
<v Speaker 2>My last one. Then we're going to wrap it up.

0:34:29.120 --> 0:34:32.360
<v Speaker 2>So you're doing a conference and you're doing it too.

0:34:33.560 --> 0:34:36.480
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't matter what the industry is you're talking about, basically,

0:34:37.120 --> 0:34:38.759
<v Speaker 2>how to be the best version of you, how to

0:34:38.760 --> 0:34:43.280
<v Speaker 2>optimize you mentally, emotionally, physically. You know how to self managed,

0:34:43.320 --> 0:34:45.960
<v Speaker 2>self regulate and be the best version of you. Very broad,

0:34:46.080 --> 0:34:48.680
<v Speaker 2>very general, but you could do that with your eyes closed.

0:34:49.800 --> 0:34:53.960
<v Speaker 2>Thousand people. I get up, I read your bio. I

0:34:54.000 --> 0:34:58.560
<v Speaker 2>tell the room you're fucking amazing. You get up. What

0:34:58.560 --> 0:35:01.279
<v Speaker 2>do you do in the first minute, Like, what is

0:35:01.320 --> 0:35:04.759
<v Speaker 2>the first minute about? What's your intention? What's your focus?

0:35:05.239 --> 0:35:07.719
<v Speaker 2>What's your objective in the first minute.

0:35:10.840 --> 0:35:13.319
<v Speaker 1>I think the first minute in the last minute are

0:35:13.680 --> 0:35:18.440
<v Speaker 1>rather important because primacy and recency is the gateway and

0:35:18.480 --> 0:35:21.840
<v Speaker 1>the framing for all the content in the middle. I

0:35:22.040 --> 0:35:27.440
<v Speaker 1>usually start with a provocative question that touches upon the

0:35:27.560 --> 0:35:29.880
<v Speaker 1>interests or something that I know is going to be

0:35:29.960 --> 0:35:32.359
<v Speaker 1>very important to the people sitting in the audience based

0:35:32.400 --> 0:35:35.080
<v Speaker 1>on the subject matter, or I open with a story.

0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:39.600
<v Speaker 1>What I don't open with because I think that's equally

0:35:39.640 --> 0:35:43.480
<v Speaker 1>important is well today, our goal for this session is

0:35:43.920 --> 0:35:48.120
<v Speaker 1>our objectives are again like PowerPoint based, not saying I'm

0:35:48.120 --> 0:35:50.680
<v Speaker 1>not going to get there, but I'm going to captivate

0:35:50.680 --> 0:35:53.520
<v Speaker 1>the room with the story. So the first thing I

0:35:53.600 --> 0:35:57.440
<v Speaker 1>open with if it's not a question. If it's not

0:35:57.560 --> 0:36:01.759
<v Speaker 1>an antidote, it'll most likely be a story for me.

0:36:02.000 --> 0:36:05.480
<v Speaker 1>And I'm not saying that works for everybody. Then once

0:36:05.520 --> 0:36:09.359
<v Speaker 1>you do that, you capture attention and they're with you. Ben,

0:36:09.440 --> 0:36:12.840
<v Speaker 1>you can go over, Okay, here's our objectives for today.

0:36:13.360 --> 0:36:15.640
<v Speaker 1>And then it's connected to the story you just told.

0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:19.799
<v Speaker 2>You know what you don't do. You don't walk up

0:36:19.840 --> 0:36:22.480
<v Speaker 2>there and go, hey, how is everyone?

0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness, Hey all right.

0:36:25.520 --> 0:36:29.560
<v Speaker 2>How we all doing? Oh my god, stop Brian, stop

0:36:29.800 --> 0:36:31.200
<v Speaker 2>fucking stop.

0:36:33.280 --> 0:36:33.840
<v Speaker 1>Ryan again.

0:36:34.280 --> 0:36:40.160
<v Speaker 2>How are you enjoying it so far? Sush shush, hi mite.

0:36:40.600 --> 0:36:42.719
<v Speaker 2>How do people connect with you? Find you, follow you,

0:36:42.840 --> 0:36:45.680
<v Speaker 2>listen to you tell the world?

0:36:46.719 --> 0:36:50.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, please find me on Robert Capuccio dot com the

0:36:50.120 --> 0:36:54.279
<v Speaker 1>self help antidote, which is the one half of this show.

0:36:54.320 --> 0:36:58.360
<v Speaker 1>You're listening to dot com self help antidote dot com

0:36:58.400 --> 0:37:00.800
<v Speaker 1>not self help antidote one half the show. You're listening

0:37:00.800 --> 0:37:03.240
<v Speaker 1>to dot com. That would just be absurdly long, wouldn't it.

0:37:03.280 --> 0:37:04.160
<v Speaker 1>And I'm on LinkedIn.

0:37:06.880 --> 0:37:13.040
<v Speaker 2>No, you're not o c D at all. Thanks buddy.

0:37:13.080 --> 0:37:16.319
<v Speaker 2>We'll say goodbye fare but as always, appreciate you. See

0:37:16.360 --> 0:37:16.879
<v Speaker 2>you next time.

0:37:17.280 --> 0:37:18.120
<v Speaker 1>Thank you. Everybody,