1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Coming up on dilemmas my boyfriend sleeps in the same 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:04,560 Speaker 1: bed as his mum. 3 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 2: No, I don't want to hear it. 4 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 1: What he's seriously the best boyfriend and person ever and 5 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,279 Speaker 1: we've been together for two years and we're both twenty five. 6 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 1: Relatable The Relatable podcast's hosted by myself, Jake Craig aka 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: Daddy and my just realize remember this my cookie eater 8 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: in Crime Cookie here and Crime. 9 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 2: I like that Odie Clark aka Mummy. 10 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: Now, as I was saying that, it's because I'm wearing 11 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: this dang cookie shirt, which is Dang cookies is the 12 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: thing in Bali and we ate a lot of them. Yeah, 13 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: but another thing you could some people say vagina is 14 00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: a cookie? 15 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 2: Do they Okay? 16 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 3: Well, so as I was saying it, I was like, 17 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,960 Speaker 3: wait a second, I kind of speak to Actually, I 18 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 3: have two butter Boy cookies waiting for me when I 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 3: see my girlfriend next. 20 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 2: She was yesterday. I said, yo, babe, you know that 21 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 2: cookie place. 22 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 3: Babe? No, fuck, you know that cookie place could get 23 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 3: me some please. 24 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,760 Speaker 1: To be fair, buttle Boy cookies are good. But something 25 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: about dang cookies. Guys, if you're ever in Bali, you 26 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,039 Speaker 1: gotta hit something about cookies. 27 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 3: If you guys want a relatables cookie coat, that's one 28 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 3: of our business ideas. We've talked about Relatables cookie coat 29 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,919 Speaker 3: for about two years. Yeah, if you want it to happen, 30 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 3: I want two hundred and fifty comments, because then I 31 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 3: know there's a market for it. 32 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, at least two un and fifty people will buy one. 33 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 3: And if people want me to get fat, comment because 34 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 3: if I own Relatables cookie coat, I'll we taste and 35 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 3: to be fair, they'll be the best cookies in the world. 36 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 3: And we're both cookie connoisseurs. 37 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: But we will have gluten free cookies. We will will 38 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: have to be Celiac baddies. 39 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 2: Yes, it's all like we can dive into that market 40 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: the tastes for that. They have two different kitchens or chefs. 41 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, to be Seliac friendly, can't be cooking in the 42 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,079 Speaker 1: same area as we'll see. 43 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 3: But Jake Dilemmas is back once again with the prompt. 44 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 2: I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. 45 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 3: And before we get into the baddies rock and hard places, 46 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 3: I have a dilemma myself, and I think it's relatable 47 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 3: and I want to know your opinion. 48 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 2: On it. 49 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 3: So as we've gotten older, everyone starts to lose their friends. 50 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 3: Right I've recently been pimping out my car Togo camping, 51 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 3: and I would say I'm quite an independent person and 52 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 3: I like to do my things alone. And right now, 53 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 3: no one can go camping with me with my girlfriend 54 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,239 Speaker 3: probably for the next like I don't know, six weeks, 55 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 3: and I'm stuck between. I could go by myself. It's 56 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 3: funer to go with people. 57 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: The thing is me is like I could trying to 58 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: think I could go. I just I don't know if 59 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:20,959 Speaker 1: I can go before Christmas. 60 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, you probably can't, Like it's a busy time with 61 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 3: the expect everyone I would come. But also I could 62 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 3: just go away for a couple of days. 63 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 2: And I was looking at camp Sue last night. I 64 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,359 Speaker 2: was like, what could be funny with some people? 65 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 3: Maybe you could do it not that far just for 66 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 3: one night. 67 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, it could do one night. 68 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 3: And but the thing we're camping too is the things 69 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 3: I like to do by myself are kind of like 70 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 3: in and around, Like I like to go to the 71 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 3: gym too, fair like surfing. Most of the places you 72 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 3: go camping are very far away from the gym and surfing. 73 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 2: There are two separate things. I get to drive like minutes. 74 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 3: But all the time I was tossing up, I was like, 75 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 3: should I just wait or should I go and send it? 76 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 3: And I'm like I was like, oh, I could just 77 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 3: do it and like figure it out, like I've done 78 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 3: it before. You've been camping on your own four yeah, 79 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 3: I did like four days down the South coast once. 80 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, maybe five days. 81 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 3: It was really good actually, But I also just like 82 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 3: it's funny with people because I could do Like, I 83 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 3: don't know. 84 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 2: It is funny with people. 85 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,159 Speaker 3: It's just in the back of my head. I know 86 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 3: it shouldn't be a consideration. I always think people are 87 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 3: going to think I'm weird camping by myself. 88 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 2: No one would think there. 89 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: I feel like that when we were camping for a 90 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: long time, I didn't look at anyone on their own and. 91 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 2: Think, yea true. 92 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,600 Speaker 1: We were too busy, just like doing our own thing exactly. 93 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: It would be nice to go on your own, if 94 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: you think about. 95 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 3: It, it would be very peaceful and in a sense of 96 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 3: like everything that's happened in the year and now we're 97 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 3: ramping down, but it kind of ramped up before it 98 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 3: ramps down. It might be a nice little reset button, 99 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:46,719 Speaker 3: but that's my dilemma. 100 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 2: That is. 101 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: Look, I think it's a relatable dilemma. I want you 102 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,279 Speaker 1: to just go do one little camping trip on your own. 103 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,559 Speaker 1: I think it'd be sick. 104 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I out on my gear. Some I might 105 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 2: do it. Yeah, you want to test that all you get? 106 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 2: You just I might have to put in my manual 107 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 2: leave now and then request you're annually. 108 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:23,919 Speaker 1: Oh god, okay, baddies, that's what you're really here for, 109 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: all right, dilemmas theme, I'm stuck between a rock and 110 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 1: a heart place. Got a lot of quite a few 111 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 1: responses on these. 112 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, and to reiterate, if you want to get your 113 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,239 Speaker 3: dilemma red, there'll be a link in the description. 114 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: Let's do it, Okay, number one to go long one. Okay, 115 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: it's good. Hey, Mummy and Daddy absolutely love the pod, 116 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: especially book Club Without Foul always manages to make me smile. 117 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: I'm so torn and conflicted, and I really hope you 118 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: can provide an outside perspective. I'm a thirty year old 119 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,839 Speaker 1: married female. Hubby is my best friend, and we have 120 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 1: had a near perfect ten year long relationship until recently 121 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: when a guy at work started pursuing me. What started 122 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 1: as meaningless but definitely flirty banter turned into this guy 123 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:20,160 Speaker 1: wanting something physical. Full disclosure, he is also married. He 124 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: actively pursued me, he could be quite touchy and has 125 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: made it clear he wants to have an affair. Beyond that, 126 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: nothing physical has happened, not even a kiss, despite this 127 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: dilemma suggesting otherwise. I am honest and loyal, but I 128 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 1: did enjoy the attention until it got a bit serious. 129 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: I reflected on why I enjoyed the attention so much, 130 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: which is likely due to personal issues I am currently facing, 131 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: and I told Hubby everything. He totally understands and has 132 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: agreed to work through this together, perhaps making some changes 133 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,400 Speaker 1: in the marriage so we can get back to our 134 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: normal selves. Hubby also said he's happy I was honest 135 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 1: and we will come out of this stronger. We agreed 136 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: I need to tell the other guy at work to 137 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 1: back off, which I did, but he's taken it badly 138 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 1: and gone really cold. Here's the dilemma. I missed the attention, 139 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: what and she even said what the fuck? 140 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 2: Question mark? 141 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: I know I've done the right thing and all sorry 142 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,880 Speaker 1: on all accounts for my marriage, my husband, myself, and 143 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: my career. But I find myself craving the excitement of 144 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: being chaste. Even if I never wanted anything to happen, 145 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: I never dreamt this would happen to me, And when 146 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: I was younger, I would have advised someone with this 147 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 1: dilemma that they don't love their husband and they should leave. 148 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: Now I'm older and wiser, I can say with certainty 149 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: that is fundamentally untrue. Is this just a symptom of 150 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: being in a long term relationship? How am I meant 151 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: to be normal in work around this guy? Is there 152 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: anything I should do to make it less awkward? Or 153 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: just hope time fixes it. I refuse to leave the 154 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: job as my career is very important and I love 155 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: my job slash have great career prospects. I guess I 156 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: just want some advice or thoughts on why I might 157 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: feel like this and if there's anything I can do 158 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: to make this situation more bearable. 159 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 3: The guilt is killing me. Grateful for any thoughts or 160 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 3: comments you have. Much love. 161 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 2: Are very conflicted, daddy. Ooh okay, this is Jake. You're 162 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 2: starting off very very hard. 163 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, dude, I know, because like she said 164 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 3: she did everything right, but then she still misses the chase. 165 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 3: And to be fair, obviously, that is a very nice 166 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 3: feeling to be. It's flattering, yeah, to be wanted, and 167 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 3: it makes you, It gives you a little perking your step. 168 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,839 Speaker 2: He's just like, yeah, damn, I am her. 169 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 1: It's the hard thing is is like, so she said, 170 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: years ago, I would have said to someone in this 171 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: situation that you obviously don't love your husband and you 172 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: need to leave him. But she's saying that now, having 173 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: experienced it, that's un not true. 174 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 3: I agree too, And it comes back to this sounds harsh, 175 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 3: but real love's boring. 176 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 2: I mean yeah, and it's boring and it's easy. Yeah. 177 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know, when people say love is hard, 178 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: I don't really agree with love is hard. I think 179 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: love with the right person is actually quite easy. 180 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 2: But it is boring. 181 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's boring, And that's why people get 182 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 3: stuck in those toxic relationships, those endless cycles of highs 183 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 3: and lows of doing Some people, you've done all the 184 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 3: right steps to be fair to you, and you haven't 185 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 3: acted on how you're feeling, and you've talked to your 186 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 3: hubby and you're going to work through this. So I 187 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 3: think you're completely fine. But some people act on this 188 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 3: and also before getting married, people going to say love Island. 189 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 3: All those people who go on that show, for example, 190 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 3: they love the cycle of toxic I mean love I 191 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 3: fucking hate him. I love him, I hate them. Let 192 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 3: me kiss you, let me not kiss you, like that's 193 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 3: what it is. Yeah, and that's kind of what you're 194 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 3: going through in a more mature way. Okay, Yes, yeah, 195 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 3: I think it's completely human. And the fact that you're 196 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 3: asking all these questions. I think he's good and it's completely. 197 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 2: Human to want to feel wanted. 198 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: At least you're admitting it to yourself too, Like admitting 199 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: it to yourself is always the first step. So you 200 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: did a good thing talking to your husband about it. 201 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: How you were like, oh, this guy was pursuing me. 202 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:19,960 Speaker 1: I kind of was like giving it back a bit, 203 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: but you know, he doesn't feel right like and he 204 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 1: was happy you were honest. 205 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 2: He wants to get through it with you. And also, but. 206 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,680 Speaker 1: Now just the one step more of how you're like, fuck, 207 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 1: why do I miss the flirty banter? 208 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 2: Yeah? 209 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 3: And I think you answered your own question, and I 210 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 3: think time will do it. Because, like you said, you 211 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 3: love your husband and you're not going to act on this, 212 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,079 Speaker 3: and I'm thinking, like I'm trying to relate to her. 213 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 3: It's going to be a stupid analogy. But you know 214 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 3: when you start dieting and you've been having a sweet 215 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 3: treat every single night, okay, and then you go shopping 216 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 3: and you don't buy that sweet treat, okay. In the 217 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 3: first couple of weeks you diet, you go to your 218 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 3: fridge to look for this sweet treat and it's not there. 219 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 3: It's kind of the same thing. You're like, fuck, I 220 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 3: wish I bought a fucking sweet treat. It's like you 221 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 3: said to him, I don't want to entertain this anymore. 222 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 3: And now he's not entertaining and he's gone all cold. 223 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 3: The sweet treat's not there anymore, and you're like, fuck, 224 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 3: what did I do? Why am I doing this to myself? 225 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 2: Like I loved it. 226 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 3: I loved my fucking sweet treat, but now it's. 227 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 2: Not there my guilty pleasure. 228 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 3: Yeah literally, yeah, But working towards your goals, mind being 229 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 3: guarding yours, being a loving relationship with your icebanden. I 230 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 3: think time will heal it, because once you get through 231 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 3: that initial stage of it being awkward and cold and 232 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,959 Speaker 3: you want to focus on your career, you'll just get 233 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 3: over it. 234 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 2: I'm inclined to agree. I thought you'd like mine. I 235 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 2: do like it. 236 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 1: I didn't really see where it was going until you finish, 237 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: but once you did get there, so you landed smoothly. 238 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 3: Um. 239 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,199 Speaker 1: I think it is hard because you probably feel you're 240 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 1: guilty about these feelings, but you love your husband, and 241 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: I think what you said at the beginning is like 242 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 1: kind of correct that the love with your husband is 243 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: secure and boring and easy and no drama, and you know, 244 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: no more chase. You know you have each other exactly, 245 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: like the chase isn't going to last forever exactly. Think 246 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 1: about when your husband was chasing you. You know it's 247 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: that same feeling. And also, you are a human. Humans 248 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: do always want the new. 249 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 2: Thing is always grew up for humans. 250 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, the grassways green though we're never quite happy. But 251 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,440 Speaker 1: I think that right now I'm assuming it's like a 252 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: pretty fresh thing, So I think give it a little 253 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:59,560 Speaker 1: more time, and if it's still really you're like, I 254 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: miss this. I think I like this guy. And now 255 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,439 Speaker 1: it's kind of turned to the thing where you like 256 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 1: him because you can't have him because he was going 257 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,679 Speaker 1: to allow you to have him, Yeah, and now he's 258 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: not because you've said no. I think it might be 259 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: the right thing to do to bring it up with 260 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: your husband again, although it may break his heart. 261 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 3: I reckon what you should do. You already initiated the 262 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 3: right step. So you communicated with your husband with everything 263 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 3: that's going on. Just whenever something comes up at work 264 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 3: or however you're feeling, just communicator that your husband. Yeah, 265 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 3: I think you feel like the communication. I was feeling 266 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 3: weird at work today, like he was cold and I 267 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 3: don't know. Just keep communicating it because the more he knows, 268 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 3: like the it's the least of a fool he's going 269 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 3: to feel. Yeah, and he has all the pieces to 270 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,719 Speaker 3: make up his mind too. Yeah, especially, and it's just 271 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 3: being open and on us because you don't want to 272 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 3: keep feeling these ways and feel guilty because you're going 273 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 3: home to this guy loves you. But if he has 274 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 3: all the pieces that you have, he's in the exact 275 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 3: same equation. You're right, I think just keep communicating it and. 276 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: That he wants to fix this. Your husband's he wants 277 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: you to be honest. He was happy you were honest 278 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 1: the first time. So I would say that's the absolute 279 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: best thing you can do with giving yourself the best chance. Like, 280 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe your husband will start chasing you 281 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 1: again a bit. I don't know. 282 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,439 Speaker 2: I don't know if it's right answer. I don't know 283 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 2: if that'll fix things, but it's worth trying new things. 284 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 3: Maybe it comes back to it's maybe a deeper underlying 285 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 3: issue in a sense of. 286 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 2: What do you find exciting about it? Is it the chase? 287 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 2: Is that what you love? Is it the attention? 288 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 3: And like you can talk through that with your husband 289 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 3: and be like, let's. 290 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: Fucking splice things up a little bit. Let's do some 291 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 2: fucking kinky shit. 292 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 3: Let's fucking let's just go on a first date and 293 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 3: pretend like we've never met, like shit like that. Maybe 294 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 3: that's what you want. It's simple, and you've got to 295 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 3: do that stuff when you've been dating for a long time. 296 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 1: I've always wondered as well, we've spoken about this before. 297 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: When you've been with your partner, your girlfriend, you snip 298 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: another for quite a while, is that when you want toys? 299 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: And is that when you want role play? Because it's 300 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 1: like you need that thing to drive that flame, I 301 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: think so. 302 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,480 Speaker 2: I don't think this one's a sexual thing. It's more 303 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 2: of a feeling wanted. 304 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, feeling like someone really wants me. Where's this guy 305 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 3: already has you? So he's probably not to be fair 306 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 3: to him. He probably doesn't need to, but he's also 307 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 3: probably not putting in the same amount of effort as 308 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 3: he used to. Yeah, and you want that, Yeah that 309 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 3: would make sense. 310 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, so talk through it with him. Yeah, all right, 311 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 2: that was fucking hard. That was hard. I don't know, Yeah, 312 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 2: that was hard. 313 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 3: Alrighty my dilemma, Hi, guys, love the pod. I'm torn 314 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 3: between two choices. Last May, I grew really close to 315 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 3: a friend i'd known for two years. 316 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 2: We went on a date. 317 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 3: He invited me to his place in Brackets, quite a 318 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 3: big deal as seniors in high school in France, and 319 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 3: even his friends told me he liked me. Then, out 320 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 3: of nowhere, he pulled away and said he didn't want anything, 321 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 3: even though he never really explained why. I was hurt, 322 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 3: but we stayed on good terms after summer. He kept 323 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 3: coming back into my life in small but meaningful ways. Texts, 324 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 3: story likes, birthday messages, classics, just enough. I added the classics, 325 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 3: just enough to make me wonder if he still had feelings. 326 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 3: When we finally hung out again with his friends, he 327 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 3: kissed me, only to tell me the next day it 328 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 3: in quotes, shouldn't have happened. That broke me because I 329 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,400 Speaker 3: care for him deeply as a friend and still do. 330 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 3: When I confronted him about the mixed signals, he'd admitted 331 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 3: he didn't even understand his own actions. My friends think 332 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 3: he has feelings for me, but is avoidant and scared. 333 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 3: Now we don't talk at all. And here's my dilemma. 334 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 3: Do I keep contact with someone who has hurt me 335 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 3: but I really generally appreciate and missed deeply. Or do 336 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 3: I cut him off completely to protect myself, even though 337 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 3: losing him will hurt just as much. Both truces feel awful. 338 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 3: Either I risk being hurt again, or I lose someone 339 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 3: that I mean a lot to and he means a 340 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 3: lot to me. 341 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: Ah, girl, I gotta say, I think this one's easy 342 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:48,920 Speaker 1: for me? 343 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 2: What is it? Fuck him off? 344 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's actually no other answer. 345 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 2: Simple. 346 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 3: And you said in there like you called him a friend, 347 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 3: he's not a friend. No, Yeah, you have feelings for 348 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 3: him and I think also he's not ready for a 349 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 3: relationship and he doesn't deserve you because he obviously fucking 350 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 3: likes you. 351 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, and he does. 352 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:15,760 Speaker 3: Have avoidant commitment issues and you shouldn't have to deal 353 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 3: with that shit. I think that he is being very selfish. 354 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,239 Speaker 3: He might not know he's doing it, ah, but the 355 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 3: sound of it there in high school, how dune we were. 356 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 2: I remember how Dumbell was. 357 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 1: Like I think back on it though, right, and I think, 358 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,159 Speaker 1: like there is probably there is things that I didn't 359 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:35,960 Speaker 1: know I was doing. 360 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 2: Right, there's things now I still don't know what I'm doing. 361 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:44,880 Speaker 1: But when you get told you're doing a thing, it 362 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: doesn't excuse the thing you did. 363 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 2: No. 364 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 1: The book I've been reading at the moment for some 365 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 1: reason has been talking about it's a fiction book, right, 366 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 1: but it kind of had this saying that stuck with me, 367 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: and it's like, if you regret being evil, it doesn't 368 00:17:59,040 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: mean you weren't evil. 369 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:04,719 Speaker 2: Oh, Like you know, you're allowed to regret the thing 370 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,480 Speaker 2: you did, but you still did it. Yeah. 371 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: So I think this guy is never I'm sorry to 372 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,920 Speaker 1: be like pessimistic, but I don't think he's ever gonna 373 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,200 Speaker 1: be the right guy for you. 374 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:18,360 Speaker 3: No, I don't think so either, And it's confronting because 375 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 3: when you lose a friend and to you, you lose 376 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 3: someone you like, but also you kind of owe it 377 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 3: to yourself. Yeah, he's played you and hasn't take responsibility 378 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:28,760 Speaker 3: for that, and things. 379 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,199 Speaker 2: Like, oh, I don't know why I did that. I 380 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 2: was just so scared. Sorry, Like we shouldn't have done that, 381 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,439 Speaker 2: but we can still be friends. Like no, yeah, you 382 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: hurt my feelings. You don't deserve to have me in 383 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 2: your life. Fuck this guy, Yeah, I reckon. 384 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,359 Speaker 1: Honestly, I think you're gonna be the short term pain 385 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,720 Speaker 1: right by getting rid of him, long term gain. 386 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 2: The short term pain, long term gain. All Right, I 387 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 2: love it. Okay this one get ready to squirm? 388 00:18:54,119 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: Ah okay title my boyfriend sleep in the same bed 389 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 1: as his mum. 390 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:02,879 Speaker 2: No, I don't want to hear it. 391 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,479 Speaker 3: What ha. 392 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: He's seriously the best boyfriend and person ever and we've 393 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: been together for two years and we're both twenty five, 394 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: so it's like relatively serious. He's smart, respectful, responsible, has 395 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: a good job, super cute, tall, everything you could ask for. 396 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 1: But he's also a complete mumma's boy, to the point 397 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 1: where he shares a bed with his mum when he 398 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: visits her home or on vacation, etc. 399 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 3: I think they like snuggle. What And he admitted to this. 400 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: He was the one who told me he does this, 401 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: Yeah for transparency, but I don't even know. 402 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,120 Speaker 2: He texts her all day too. But she's super cool 403 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 2: and smart, so I let that go. Ha ha ha. 404 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 1: He also tells her everything, and I mean literally everything. 405 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,199 Speaker 1: And then she put an egg plant, a cat and 406 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: a peach emoji. 407 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:02,919 Speaker 2: What the fuck? 408 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm glad he has a great relationship with 409 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 3: his mom. 410 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 2: But help, please, help is the right word. A. Yo, 411 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 2: this is wild. 412 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,159 Speaker 3: Moms and their sons, mothers and their sons. 413 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,120 Speaker 2: Dude, mothers and their son. 414 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 3: This kid would have been like breastfed two it was 415 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:22,679 Speaker 3: like twelve. 416 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: A yeah, this kid's giving Yeah, breast fed till he 417 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: was twelve, for sure. 418 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. 419 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 3: Okay, So he's perfect, but he's suss of his mom. 420 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 2: You just have to fucking vocalize that. A. To me, 421 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,120 Speaker 2: this is the most valid reason to leave. 422 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:49,400 Speaker 3: So playing Devil's advocate, this is all he's ever known, 423 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 3: and he doesn't see it as a problem because he's 424 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,640 Speaker 3: used to being this close. 425 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 2: With his mom. 426 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,919 Speaker 3: But in the real world this is very weird and 427 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 3: suss And I guess the step before leaving him is 428 00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 3: vocalizing how susan weird and uncomfortable this makes you feel 429 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 3: and it's weird. Dude, you got to stop it or 430 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 3: we don't like giving ultimatums, but stop or we stop. 431 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,160 Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, what are you going to do? Share 432 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,160 Speaker 2: a bed and cut with your mum when you're forty? 433 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 3: What? 434 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:21,359 Speaker 2: Well, I don't know about that. 435 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 3: It's also like I would probably, but she's already found 436 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 3: out and hasn't left, so she gave it a chance. 437 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 2: I would probably leave. 438 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 3: It's different, I'm saying if I was the girl, because 439 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 3: two a daughter and a mom's very. 440 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 2: Different to a son and a mum. I mean a 441 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 2: daughter and a mom, or a daughter and a dad 442 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 2: or daughter and dad, Sussa. 443 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,199 Speaker 3: I mean, come see comes up? 444 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was thinking the same thing, different sides 445 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 2: of a fence. Yeah, yeah. 446 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 3: If Cassie went away with her mum and they slept 447 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 3: in the same bad I wouldn't think anything of it. 448 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 2: Oh neither, No, not at all, Yeah, exactly. But if 449 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 2: she went away and slept with her dad, Yeah, and cuddled. 450 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:01,440 Speaker 2: I don't want to think of it. 451 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, That's what I'm trying to think myself in 452 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: the shoes here where like so Beth wenton, I don't 453 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 1: even really see a beout hugger dad. 454 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 2: I reckon Dad's worse. But also that's not a scenario. 455 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 2: I guess, so sudden, Mum. 456 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:20,880 Speaker 3: I think, just one chance, one chance, only communicate how 457 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,320 Speaker 3: weird it is, and if he's like, yeah, but we 458 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 3: just have such a good relationship dumped. Ah, I'm keen 459 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 3: for the comments on this one. 460 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. 461 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 3: It's easy for us because we don't have any emotional 462 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 3: connection to him. 463 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 2: You said that before, Yeah, yeah, yeah, true, it is easy. 464 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: To give like black and white or more like a 465 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,360 Speaker 1: direct bit of advice because we have no emotional But. 466 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 3: Also I would get in my own hand about it 467 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 3: and be like, when we're sleeping together is like this 468 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 3: thing he relates to his mum. 469 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: I think the whole even texting his mom all day 470 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,640 Speaker 1: and also telling his mum everything about like the emogens. 471 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:04,640 Speaker 1: She said sex life, like there's a line, A, there 472 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 1: is a line. I'm glad you have a great relationship 473 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:08,920 Speaker 1: with her, but. 474 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 2: She's not. 475 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 3: Actually, I would even double down in a sense of 476 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,359 Speaker 3: you two having sex is such an intimate action that 477 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 3: he doesn't have. 478 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,680 Speaker 2: The right to tell his mum about that. I would say, 479 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 2: would you? I don't think. I think that's kind of 480 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 2: disrespectful in a way. 481 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,160 Speaker 3: Maybe a sibling, they're more like a friend. 482 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 2: I would say. 483 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 3: The line is telling her you have sex, that's it. 484 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,720 Speaker 1: Well, she she also just knows that you don't have 485 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 1: to tell her. Yeah, she just knows, like it's really 486 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 1: this is really. 487 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 2: Itcking me out. I'm not gonna lie to you. This 488 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:48,119 Speaker 2: is like making me squirm? Was the right word? Whoom? Dude? Okay. Also, 489 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 2: I don't know I'm gonna leave this one day. 490 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 1: Yeah it look, I think I just feel bad being 491 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 1: super direct, but I think I'm gonna say something because 492 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: fuck it, it's that podcast, right, and we don't make 493 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: decisions for anyone. So whatever the baddy does, the Baddi 494 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,919 Speaker 1: does her decision with potentially our voices in mind, but 495 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:07,120 Speaker 1: we didn't do the thing. 496 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 3: This is fucking weird. 497 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,680 Speaker 2: All right, This is super super duper weird. All right. 498 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,199 Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not judging you for being with him, but 499 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,640 Speaker 1: I am judging him and his mum insanely. Yeah. 500 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 2: So I think you're going to be doing yourself. 501 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: A favor by getting out of there. He's perfect, but 502 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,360 Speaker 1: but sometimes when the butt is in all caps, it's 503 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 1: too much. 504 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean. And if it's but. 505 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,600 Speaker 1: He's weird, leave yeah yeah yeah yeah, And it's like. 506 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:49,159 Speaker 2: Snuggling, snuggling. Yeah nah, I don't know, leave him. 507 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 3: Okay, next one. Everyone knows where we stand on this one. 508 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 2: Jake, And oh my god, it's best friend one. No no, no, no, no, no, 509 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,920 Speaker 2: no, no no. I'm not going to say anything, and I don't. 510 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 2: Let's spend too much time on it. 511 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 3: Oh, I want you to respond as directly as possible. 512 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:09,240 Speaker 2: Oh easy, you're gonna hate it, dude. Oh okay. Dilemma. 513 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 3: My boyfriend doesn't want me to make a fitness account. 514 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,560 Speaker 3: He hates the idea of other boys seeing my ass 515 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,200 Speaker 3: in brackets. 516 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 2: I'm a jim girl. What can I say? Low, I've told. 517 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 3: Him he can't hold me back or make me feel 518 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 3: bad about something I want because of him. 519 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 2: Please help. 520 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: Okay, So, your boyfriend is exactly what is in the 521 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: word boyfriend, a boy all right, insecure, immature, and not worthy. 522 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 3: Of you, So dump him, start that page, go make millions, 523 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 3: be a baddie and fuck this man off. 524 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 2: Period. 525 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:55,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, moving on, that's fucking insane alright, are. 526 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,440 Speaker 2: Next to amma baddies? 527 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 3: I want a monogamous relationship but also want to be. 528 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 2: A naughty girl. 529 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 1: I love being sexually open, and so does my partner. 530 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,359 Speaker 1: We both wanted to have sexual experiences with others, so 531 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: we agreed that we would continue being open to experiences 532 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: throughout our relationship as long as we do anything together. 533 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,400 Speaker 1: I'm talking like three times a year. The only thing 534 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: is I get jealous of other girls. 535 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:34,919 Speaker 2: I'm not worried. 536 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,720 Speaker 1: About him leaving me for them. I just envy them 537 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,920 Speaker 1: if they have features that I don't. It's a me issue. 538 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: But how do I have my cake and eat it 539 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,640 Speaker 1: without being an insecure girly? Damn? 540 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 2: This is tough, Yo, tough. 541 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:56,159 Speaker 1: So I have never once thought an open relationship is 542 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: gonna work. 543 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 2: Purely like this is. 544 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,680 Speaker 1: This is one of the main reasons I've never thought 545 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: of an open relationship would work. 546 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, if it works. 547 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 3: For you, fabulous. But if you're having these feelings, then 548 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 3: do you really want to be open? 549 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:10,920 Speaker 2: Yeah? Well she does. 550 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 1: To be fair, She's like, she does want to be 551 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 1: open because she wants to sleep with other dudes like 552 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: three times a year, right, she just wants like sexual experiences. 553 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 2: And then she also just. 554 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 3: Wants to have sex with a boyfriend and be monogamous, 555 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 3: but she just wants to be naughty. 556 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 557 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 3: My advice would almost be you need to be single 558 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 3: to do this. 559 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that. 560 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 1: I don't want to say we're the wrong people to ask, 561 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:39,800 Speaker 1: but there's probably better people to ask for. 562 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 2: Advice on vanilla. Yeah, so the thought so, I've had this. 563 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 3: Conversation with Cassier about being open, no, not being open, 564 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,679 Speaker 3: Oh my god, about like no, have you had the 565 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 3: conversation with Bess. 566 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 2: She's like, oh, what's your thoughts on a threesome? 567 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, And we both 568 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 3: said no for the pure fact of she could never 569 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 3: see me having sex with another girl. Yeah, and I 570 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 3: could never see another dude having sex with no. 571 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. I would fucking cry. That's insane, 572 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,240 Speaker 2: that's not happening. 573 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: So also, it's quite often that a heterosexual man is 574 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 1: gonna want to have a threesome with two women, and 575 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:19,680 Speaker 1: a heterosexual woman is going to want to have a 576 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,880 Speaker 1: threesome with two men. Yeah, right, so there you've got 577 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: a conflict already. Oh he's Secondly, let's just say it's 578 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: like agreed that we're gonna do it with two women. 579 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,439 Speaker 1: I can barely handle myself with one. 580 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 3: It's almost like the boy brain inside him is like, fuck, 581 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 3: that would be nice, but also like what am I 582 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:39,160 Speaker 3: gonna do? 583 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 1: I just couldn't have another guy pleasure my girlfriend, Like 584 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: I couldn't hear her making sounds she makes with me, 585 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 1: God forbid, she's louder with him. 586 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,520 Speaker 2: Then, well, it's the same thing this girl's feeling. It's like, 587 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 2: what if his penis is a little bit. 588 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 1: Larger, it's a little bit thicker, So she's kind of like, 589 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 1: what if her ass is a bit fatter? Yeah, by 590 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 1: the way, and what if she has bigger tits? 591 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 2: Exactly? Well, what if she has like better head. I 592 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:04,600 Speaker 2: don't know. 593 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 3: It's almost like your brain and body is telling you 594 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,200 Speaker 3: maybe I don't want this. 595 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 2: I have a feeling that I'm going to make an 596 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 2: assumption because why the hell not. 597 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but I'm going to make an assumption. 598 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: I think that, like you said, you want to be monogamous. Now, okay, 599 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 1: but you're telling yourself that you still want to be 600 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,920 Speaker 1: a naughty girl because that's what you told yourself a 601 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,280 Speaker 1: while ago, and you don't want to be the one 602 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: to change the their mind. Yeah, because your boyfriend agreed. 603 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: So now you're like the one that looks insecure, but 604 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: you're insecure, like for a very valid reason. All right, 605 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: he might be feeling the same. 606 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 3: I think the two options are you're insecure because you 607 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 3: actually like this man, or you do those accents you 608 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 3: don't like this man. 609 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you see to say to him like, 610 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,960 Speaker 2: I want to try monogamy. Yeah. 611 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 3: I think the only thing that ever works is you 612 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 3: have sex with people who you don't care about because 613 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 3: you care about this man. 614 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,200 Speaker 2: That's why you care what the other girls look like. 615 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,600 Speaker 3: But if you're just having sex with randoms on one 616 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 3: night stands and then go on here there and being 617 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,920 Speaker 3: an order girl, valid and just do that. But also, 618 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 3: you care about this man so much, so maybe reassess 619 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 3: your values. 620 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 1: I had I listened to a podcast of two friends 621 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: best friends growing. 622 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 2: Up and they are both gay. 623 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 1: Right, one of them has a boyfriend, one of them doesn't. 624 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 1: The one with a boyfriend is in open relationship. With 625 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: this boyfriend, and they did a whole episode on how 626 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 1: this open relationship works, and. 627 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:45,760 Speaker 2: It's out there. 628 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,640 Speaker 1: It's good children is the past, and so I listened 629 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: to it, and so they have these rules. It's very 630 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 1: interesting and intricate, and I was just thinking while listening 631 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 1: to it, like like he said that it's been bumpy, 632 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: but it works for them now they have they have 633 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 1: these rules in place. But I was just like, there's 634 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,320 Speaker 1: there seems to be levels of rules here, like it's 635 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: getting a bit techy. 636 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 3: Well, they're one step ahead though, because all three parties, 637 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 3: like all three parties like three dudes, all the same gender. 638 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 2: True, it is all one gender, So maybe it makes 639 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,240 Speaker 2: it a little less complicated. 640 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,560 Speaker 3: I don't know, yeah, because I guess whichever way you look, 641 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 3: or is that just like openers and you can have 642 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 3: sex with and. 643 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 2: I have a dude, not three people. What do you mean? 644 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 2: Because they're talking about like I'm thinking threesome. Sorry, I'm 645 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 2: going back. No, these guys are. 646 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: They're not having threesomes in the dilemma. They're just having 647 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: like so they're together and like two or three times 648 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: a year, she'll go sleep with the dude just on 649 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 1: her own and he'll go sleep with another girl. 650 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 3: I think what's scary about that is also the unknown factor, 651 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,440 Speaker 3: because you don't know what happened. 652 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 2: I think, No, you're right. How much did he like it? 653 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 3: Yeah? 654 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 2: How big were it's? Yeah? 655 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: And also it just opens up this massive can of worms, 656 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 1: like because you obviously would. 657 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 2: Have some rules, I assume, But you know, if. 658 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: You just so happen to sleep with this guy, that 659 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 1: fucking makes you shake with pleasure. 660 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 2: So you're like, I need that again. 661 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:20,240 Speaker 1: You're gonna probably be like more inclined than another person 662 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: to ever so slightly bend your rules sleep with this 663 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: one guy a couple more times, because I don't want 664 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 1: to see your rules aren't not like your rules are 665 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: kind of bendable, like in mind, that's just how I 666 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: see it. Yeah, like you have a leg to stand 667 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 1: on in an argument as to why you've slept with 668 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,240 Speaker 1: the same person more than once and maybe five times 669 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: in the one year or whatever. 670 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:41,960 Speaker 2: I think it's two techy. 671 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's techy as it's too techy for us. 672 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,520 Speaker 3: Please please, you need to take this dilemma to some 673 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 3: kinkier hosts. 674 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 1: Okay, you need to take this dilemma to good children 675 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,959 Speaker 1: all right because they literally can help you. 676 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,720 Speaker 2: Or Dak Shepherd, Dak. 677 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 1: Shepherd, I listen to an episode before he was with 678 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,640 Speaker 1: Kristen Kirstin Bell. He was in a ten year relationship, 679 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,960 Speaker 1: open the whole time, Oh ship, I. 680 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 3: Got Yeah, Alright, Batties. 681 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 2: That is the end of Dilemmas on Spotify. 682 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 3: If you want some extra dilemmas, it's going to be 683 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 3: on Patreon for five dollars a month under the same 684 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 3: prompt Stuck between a rock and a hard place, go 685 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,240 Speaker 3: on over there linkers in the description and we love you. 686 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 3: Stay