1 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Carlie Taylor here for this week's My 2 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: Joe Monday. I am a little frazzled right now because 3 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: I've been having so many problems with the sound quality. 4 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: So hope this is the final take and the sound 5 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 1: quality is up to standard, but I apologize if it's not. 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm having to use my own tools here. 7 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: Just getting a bit frazzled. Anyway, Today we're going to 8 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 1: talk about second guessing yourself, and maybe that's I'm doing 9 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 1: a bit of that myself right now, feeling when you 10 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,519 Speaker 1: need to make a decision and then you start doubting 11 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: yourself and these questions come up in your mind, like 12 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: am I doing the right thing? Maybe I shouldn't be 13 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: doing this, or maybe I should ask somebody if it's 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: the right thing. You know, you kind of need that validation. 15 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: This happens to me a lot, and it always has 16 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: a second Guessing yourself can be really exhausting because it 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: can keep you stuck, it can drain you of confidence, 18 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: and it can even make really small decisions feel overwhelming. 19 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: So today we are going to talk about how to 20 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 1: stop second guessing yourself. It's just how to manage it. 21 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: So you can start moving forward, because if you're constantly 22 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: questioning yourself and hesitating, there's a huge risk that you're 23 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: going to miss out on a whole lot of life. 24 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,680 Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is missing out on 25 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: all the wonderful good things that can happen, but also 26 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 1: missing out on a chance to learn from mistakes if 27 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: their outcome isn't what we was hoping it was going 28 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: to be. And at its core, second guessing comes from 29 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: that part of us that craves certainty and wants everything 30 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: to be perfect. It's that internal tug of war. It's 31 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: like one part of you is ready to move forward 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: and do what's important and to take that risk or 33 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: while the other one hesitates, fixating on the risks, and 34 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: that part of your mind is the one that can 35 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: stop you and keep you in your comfort zone. And 36 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: this can happen on our own, but it also happens 37 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: when other people get involved and they plant that seed 38 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: of doubt in our minds. But certainty and perfection are 39 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: illusions because the outcome of any decision is always, to 40 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: some extent, always beyond our control. And acceptance commitment therapy, 41 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: which is act we can get stuck in analysis paralysis 42 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 1: because we treat our thoughts as facts. We assume that 43 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: if a thought pops into our heads, I'm not sure 44 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: if this is right, Maybe I'll get up, maybe I'll 45 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: upset that person if I say wait, or what if 46 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: I regret this? Yah yah yah yea, then it means something. 47 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: But thoughts are just thoughts, and it's just your mind 48 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: doing its job. It's so normal because what your mind 49 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: is trying to do is protect you from danger. Your 50 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: mind really doesn't care about your goal or success and 51 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: your well being. It just wants to keep you safe. 52 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: And that sounds really helpful, but a lot of the 53 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 1: time it's not helpful. It's like a really unhelpful friend 54 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: offering you some really unhelpful advice. And here's the thing. 55 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 1: You'll need to dictate your actions, and maybe the thoughts 56 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: can help with the process. Of course, we have amazing minds, 57 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: So for example, if you need to have a difficult 58 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: conversation with somebody and you're worried that it's going to 59 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: upset them, then you can really prepare you and prepare 60 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: your language, your word so you get your point across 61 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 1: with empathy and respect. So these thoughts can be helpful 62 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: if you're aware of what they can offer. But they 63 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: can also cause us to freeze because we start second 64 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: guessing ourselves. And then with the doubt, the more you 65 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: try and silence it, the louder it, paying so much 66 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 1: attention to it, and the more you analyze it, the 67 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: less chance you're going to take action because you just 68 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: stay in your head and its action, not over thinking, 69 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,359 Speaker 1: is what builds confidence. And I've talked about confidence in 70 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 1: previous episodes and it means with trust. So we want 71 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: to build that trust in ourselves. We want to trust 72 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,160 Speaker 1: the process and then learn if things don't go as planned. 73 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: So a really good question to ask ourselves is this 74 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,240 Speaker 1: thought helpful? And this has been a game changer for 75 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: me in how I respond to my th, a sort 76 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: of believing thoughts to be true or false, or right 77 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,479 Speaker 1: or wrong. We ask ourselves, is this thought helpful for me? 78 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: Is it helping me? Are the worried thoughts, the over 79 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: analyzing over this decision? Are they moving me forward or 80 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:21,279 Speaker 1: are they keeping me back? Because if they want to 81 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: do is rather spend time debating with ourselves about the 82 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: thoughts or trying to get rid of them, what we 83 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: want to do is stop the struggle with them, because 84 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: it's like playing tug of war with that part of 85 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,479 Speaker 1: our mind, and the only way we can stop the 86 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 1: struggle is to rope. And then once we've dropped the rope, 87 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: we are free to turn around and take action on 88 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: the things that are important to us. And so that 89 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: brings me to values. Your values, not your emotions, are 90 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: your compass. So you can what a person do I 91 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: want to be? What sort of character traits do I 92 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: want to have here, and then use those as your comforts, 93 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: not your fleeting emotions, and whatever happens, you can put 94 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: your hand on your heart and you know that you've 95 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: acted according to your values, because yourself keeps you stuck. 96 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: Clarity and confidence comes from action, not from overthinking. So 97 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: you've got to trust yourself and the process and move forward. 98 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 1: And you move forward even if you don't fill one 99 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 1: hundred percent confident, even if doubt is screaming in your head, 100 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: because remember that you wait for it's something that you 101 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 1: build through action. And the more you do this, the 102 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: more confidence and trust you will have. And you will 103 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:55,239 Speaker 1: never gain confidence by not taking action. You won't gain 104 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 1: confidence by staying small and by seeking comfort or avoiding 105 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: you have to move through that. And on the other 106 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: side is that confidence. So this week, when doubt creeps 107 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: in on any decision that you are making, big or small, 108 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: try this. Just notice it, label it. Ask is this, 109 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: Clarify your values, clarify what is important to you, and 110 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: then take action using those values as your compass. So 111 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: thank you for joining me, and if you have made 112 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: it this far, thank you for your patience. I know 113 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: the sound was cutting out sort of in and out 114 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:44,559 Speaker 1: through it. Hopefully we will have it fixed up next week. 115 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: Tech problems are always very frustrating. But have a good 116 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,360 Speaker 1: week everybody, and I will catch you next week. See yep.