1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:15,001 Speaker 1: Apologie production Growing Glows Twelve Days of Christmas. Hello Ron, 2 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: and welcome back to Growing Glow Twelve Days of Christmas. 3 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:19,961 Speaker 1: I've got my good friend Kathleen here today. Hello, I'm 4 00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:22,441 Speaker 1: so excited to be here. I'm so excited you're here 5 00:00:22,601 --> 00:00:24,201 Speaker 1: for those who don't know you. Do you want to talk 6 00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:26,201 Speaker 1: a little bit about what you do for mums now? 7 00:00:26,201 --> 00:00:27,321 Speaker 1: Because that's a topic today. 8 00:00:27,481 --> 00:00:28,041 Speaker 2: Definitely. 9 00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:31,241 Speaker 3: So I am amom myself to Teddy, my two and 10 00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:34,881 Speaker 3: a half year old, and throughout my journey and my 11 00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 3: experience with the postpartum I found it really difficult, as 12 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 3: a lot of mums do, and so I really struggled 13 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:46,881 Speaker 3: with being able to ask for what I needed, and 14 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:51,321 Speaker 3: I really struggled with being able to look after myself. 15 00:00:51,641 --> 00:00:54,001 Speaker 3: So everything sort of went by the wayside. I used 16 00:00:54,041 --> 00:00:58,081 Speaker 3: to love doing, like extracurricular activities. I did so many 17 00:00:58,161 --> 00:01:01,281 Speaker 3: different fun sports and had so many hobbies, and as 18 00:01:01,281 --> 00:01:03,881 Speaker 3: soon as I had Teddy, all I could think about 19 00:01:04,081 --> 00:01:07,881 Speaker 3: was how do I like look after this new responsibility 20 00:01:07,921 --> 00:01:12,441 Speaker 3: and it completely consumed my life. And over about eight months, 21 00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:15,601 Speaker 3: I got more and more tired, more and more sick. 22 00:01:15,881 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 3: I got diagnosed with sleep apnea and I could barely 23 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 3: get out of bed to go to gym or do 24 00:01:21,801 --> 00:01:24,921 Speaker 3: anything really, And so I got to this stage where 25 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,921 Speaker 3: I thought, surely this can't be it. Surely this isn't 26 00:01:27,961 --> 00:01:29,961 Speaker 3: what being a mum looks like. And being a first 27 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,161 Speaker 3: time mum, you're constantly looking at milestones and you know, 28 00:01:33,401 --> 00:01:35,681 Speaker 3: baby led weaning or should I be using spoons? 29 00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:36,761 Speaker 2: And why is he not sleeping? 30 00:01:36,761 --> 00:01:40,161 Speaker 3: And like literally everything, And so I thought, how do 31 00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:43,121 Speaker 3: I get my spark back? And so over the last 32 00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:46,161 Speaker 3: year I was searching for that and doing all of 33 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,961 Speaker 3: this research, having all of these experiences and trying to 34 00:01:48,961 --> 00:01:50,961 Speaker 3: figure out what do I need to do to be 35 00:01:50,961 --> 00:01:54,841 Speaker 3: able to fit like my life back into my life. 36 00:01:55,321 --> 00:01:59,361 Speaker 3: And so I started studying my masters in positive psychology 37 00:01:59,881 --> 00:02:02,721 Speaker 3: and it was in that that I learned about flourishing 38 00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:08,001 Speaker 3: and how so many people in our current society are 39 00:02:08,001 --> 00:02:10,921 Speaker 3: living a life where they're languishing. So basically, when we 40 00:02:10,961 --> 00:02:15,081 Speaker 3: talk about languishing, we're looking at people who are going 41 00:02:15,121 --> 00:02:17,561 Speaker 3: through the day to day life. So they're not excited 42 00:02:17,561 --> 00:02:20,921 Speaker 3: about things they're not doing day day exactly exactly. So 43 00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:22,721 Speaker 3: they go to a job that they're doing just for 44 00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:25,241 Speaker 3: the money, making the same dinners over and over again, 45 00:02:25,321 --> 00:02:28,161 Speaker 3: and not having anything that they're like really looking forward to. 46 00:02:29,281 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 3: And I thought, honestly, like how do I get out 47 00:02:31,881 --> 00:02:34,761 Speaker 3: of that? Because that's where I am right now. And 48 00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:38,281 Speaker 3: so through some of those sorts of things, I learned 49 00:02:38,441 --> 00:02:40,761 Speaker 3: how do I actually create a life where I'm flourishing. 50 00:02:41,321 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 3: And the biggest part of that for me was bringing 51 00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:47,241 Speaker 3: joy back into my life. And that's spark whatever that 52 00:02:47,281 --> 00:02:50,561 Speaker 3: looks like. So some of that look like doing different 53 00:02:50,601 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 3: achievements and like actually working on things that I could 54 00:02:53,561 --> 00:02:58,001 Speaker 3: actually do, you know, getting back into work, and also 55 00:02:58,081 --> 00:03:01,201 Speaker 3: going to events, connecting with people, like going and looking 56 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,801 Speaker 3: at my love languages and saying what do I actually 57 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,841 Speaker 3: really enjoy doing? And so now with her Spark, I 58 00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:09,960 Speaker 3: share that journey and I share what my insights are 59 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 3: and my learnings and how to help people to prioritize 60 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,721 Speaker 3: themselves as a mum without the guilt and without the overwhelm. 61 00:03:17,641 --> 00:03:20,121 Speaker 4: Love that you've been for it all. 62 00:03:20,721 --> 00:03:22,721 Speaker 1: You've got a system now that's got you out the 63 00:03:22,721 --> 00:03:24,601 Speaker 1: other side, and now you want to help empower and 64 00:03:24,641 --> 00:03:26,721 Speaker 1: like help other moms step into that as well, because 65 00:03:26,761 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like when you said, is 66 00:03:28,721 --> 00:03:30,681 Speaker 1: this it, It doesn't have to be like that. We 67 00:03:30,761 --> 00:03:32,441 Speaker 1: get to choose, but a lot of the time we 68 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,401 Speaker 1: do need guidance, we need like help. So today we're 69 00:03:35,401 --> 00:03:37,641 Speaker 1: going to be covering a lot of things. But let's 70 00:03:37,641 --> 00:03:40,521 Speaker 1: start with mum guilt. Yes, because I feel like all 71 00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:43,641 Speaker 1: of us have experienced it, and most mums experience are 72 00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:47,121 Speaker 1: on the daily so many multiple times. What is mum 73 00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:48,641 Speaker 1: guilt to you? What does it look like to you? 74 00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:51,081 Speaker 3: So for me, I might just start with saying that 75 00:03:51,321 --> 00:03:54,361 Speaker 3: mum guilt truly is felt by everybody, and even people 76 00:03:54,441 --> 00:03:57,721 Speaker 3: who are great at managing their mum guilt still have 77 00:03:57,801 --> 00:04:00,241 Speaker 3: it pop up for themselves. There's no point at which 78 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:03,041 Speaker 3: you go, I don't feel guilty anymore in my motherhood journey, 79 00:04:03,041 --> 00:04:06,601 Speaker 3: because there's always something else that pops up. And so 80 00:04:06,761 --> 00:04:09,401 Speaker 3: for me, when I think about mum guilt, what I 81 00:04:09,441 --> 00:04:11,721 Speaker 3: really think about is it's a bit of an indicator 82 00:04:11,721 --> 00:04:14,441 Speaker 3: for me that I'm either out of alignment with the 83 00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 3: priorities that I'm doing or that there's something that needs 84 00:04:17,761 --> 00:04:21,481 Speaker 3: to change. So, for example, if I think about something 85 00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 3: that I might feel guilty about is at the moment, 86 00:04:24,841 --> 00:04:28,281 Speaker 3: my work is really busy, and so I might have 87 00:04:28,361 --> 00:04:31,121 Speaker 3: to work on a Sunday, and so in that time, 88 00:04:31,281 --> 00:04:34,241 Speaker 3: I feel guilty when I hear my son and my 89 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 3: husband playing in the lounde room, or especially if something 90 00:04:37,281 --> 00:04:41,561 Speaker 3: is going wrong, when there's a tantrum, when they're a 91 00:04:41,561 --> 00:04:44,161 Speaker 3: bit tired, and I think, oh, my poor husband, he's 92 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,721 Speaker 3: worked all week and now he's having to manage this. 93 00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:50,321 Speaker 3: I think, oh, if I just stepped out there and 94 00:04:50,361 --> 00:04:53,361 Speaker 3: helped out, that would make it easier for him. And 95 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,121 Speaker 3: then I feel guilty for saying no, actually, I really 96 00:04:57,161 --> 00:04:58,841 Speaker 3: need to get my work done. So work is a 97 00:04:58,921 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 3: huge one for a lot of mum and for me, 98 00:05:02,081 --> 00:05:05,201 Speaker 3: that really hits this indicator of why am I feeling 99 00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:07,721 Speaker 3: this guilt and what is the thing that I need 100 00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:09,681 Speaker 3: to change or that I need to do with that. 101 00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:13,241 Speaker 3: So for that example, it's a mindset change, right. 102 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,361 Speaker 4: Not actually physically getting up and doing something different. 103 00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:17,481 Speaker 3: It starts in here, and it's a really interesting one 104 00:05:17,481 --> 00:05:19,841 Speaker 3: because you know, for a lot of months they go, oh, well, 105 00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 3: my priority is that I want to prioritize my child, 106 00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:23,841 Speaker 3: so I should go and step out, and I should 107 00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:26,681 Speaker 3: go and help out, and I should step in, and it's. 108 00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:27,201 Speaker 2: Actually a no. 109 00:05:27,521 --> 00:05:30,721 Speaker 3: It's like I need to firstly give my husband the 110 00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:32,921 Speaker 3: tools and support for him to be able to feel 111 00:05:32,961 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 3: confident and comfortable in that situation so important. Yeah, and secondly, 112 00:05:37,361 --> 00:05:40,041 Speaker 3: the space for him to be able to use those 113 00:05:40,081 --> 00:05:42,601 Speaker 3: strategies and tools to be able to say, you know, 114 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,281 Speaker 3: the first time he manages that, he might get frustrated 115 00:05:45,281 --> 00:05:47,001 Speaker 3: and angry and you know, need to go and have 116 00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:47,921 Speaker 3: some cool downtime. 117 00:05:47,961 --> 00:05:48,721 Speaker 2: And we support that. 118 00:05:49,401 --> 00:05:52,081 Speaker 3: But as they get that opportunity to do more of that, 119 00:05:52,481 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 3: they actually get the ability to regulate themselves and find 120 00:05:56,401 --> 00:05:57,401 Speaker 3: the way that they want to do. 121 00:05:57,361 --> 00:05:58,241 Speaker 4: It, find their own system. 122 00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,201 Speaker 2: Hey exactly. 123 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that was at I made with Taj and Steve, 124 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,321 Speaker 1: and like, first time round is every time he would 125 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 1: try to do something, I would step in and snap 126 00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:09,121 Speaker 1: or say you're doing it wrong, or like overcorrect him, 127 00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:10,401 Speaker 1: and then he was like, I don't even want to 128 00:06:10,401 --> 00:06:12,801 Speaker 1: help them because I try exactly, you're just on my 129 00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: back about it. So then I would build up reseven 130 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,041 Speaker 1: because he wasn't helping and it was just. 131 00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 4: Back and forth. 132 00:06:16,681 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 1: So second time round, we were like, Okay, what worked, 133 00:06:19,641 --> 00:06:21,681 Speaker 1: what didn't, and we've just done it so much better 134 00:06:21,721 --> 00:06:22,401 Speaker 1: this time around. 135 00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, so common. 136 00:06:23,481 --> 00:06:25,161 Speaker 1: I love that you've brought out that point of allowing 137 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: your husband or your partner where it was helping you, 138 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,241 Speaker 1: to actually give them the space to figure it out. 139 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,921 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. I was talking to another mum the other 140 00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 3: day and she was saying how bedtime is such a 141 00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,561 Speaker 3: difficult one for them, and I was like, oh, okay, 142 00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:39,321 Speaker 3: because he works away from home. And I was like, okay, well, 143 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,241 Speaker 3: what does that look like for you? Like what does 144 00:06:41,281 --> 00:06:43,281 Speaker 3: bedtime look like for you when he does it? Like 145 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,761 Speaker 3: why do you have to step in? She said, oh, well, 146 00:06:45,801 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 3: he doesn't want to read seven books and he doesn't 147 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,481 Speaker 3: want to sing eight songs and he doesn't always dads. 148 00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:54,201 Speaker 3: And I was like, my husband would never see. 149 00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,681 Speaker 2: And so I was like, what if you just stepped away. 150 00:06:59,081 --> 00:07:02,441 Speaker 3: You know, when we first started Marty doing the bedtime routine, 151 00:07:02,561 --> 00:07:03,641 Speaker 3: I put headphones in. 152 00:07:04,081 --> 00:07:05,801 Speaker 2: I would get in the car and I would drive. 153 00:07:05,721 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 3: Away, because you know, hearing my son cry while they're 154 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,041 Speaker 3: trying to figure out would really set me off and 155 00:07:11,081 --> 00:07:14,481 Speaker 3: it would make me feel really unwell honestly, and so 156 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,201 Speaker 3: actually I had to completely remove myself from the situation 157 00:07:17,281 --> 00:07:20,961 Speaker 3: so I didn't just jump in. And so sometimes that's it, 158 00:07:21,201 --> 00:07:22,441 Speaker 3: giving ourselves space to. 159 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,081 Speaker 2: Go Actually I'm not needed here. 160 00:07:24,281 --> 00:07:26,881 Speaker 3: They completely need the space to do whatever they want 161 00:07:26,921 --> 00:07:29,001 Speaker 3: to do and get the opportunity to do that. 162 00:07:29,201 --> 00:07:31,961 Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because I was away in Sydney 163 00:07:31,961 --> 00:07:34,521 Speaker 1: this week and I came back last night and Tyler 164 00:07:34,641 --> 00:07:36,681 Speaker 1: was already in bed and I said, walk passed her room. 165 00:07:36,721 --> 00:07:39,361 Speaker 1: There was no white noise on, and I'm like, I 166 00:07:39,361 --> 00:07:41,681 Speaker 1: said to him, I was like, babe, I was like, 167 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,921 Speaker 1: did you forget the white noise? Knowing you forgot the 168 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,441 Speaker 1: white noise? He's like, babe, you think that it has 169 00:07:46,481 --> 00:07:49,161 Speaker 1: to be done this particular sleepsack and he's she's got 170 00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:51,201 Speaker 1: to have the white noise on and da da dah. 171 00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:53,881 Speaker 1: But like she still slept the exact same She was 172 00:07:53,881 --> 00:07:57,001 Speaker 1: not bothered. And it's like moments like that, I'm like, ah, 173 00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,761 Speaker 1: it's not my way or the highway. So even for 174 00:07:58,801 --> 00:08:01,361 Speaker 1: that moment, it's like, what if he only read one book, 175 00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:02,961 Speaker 1: maybe their child might be okay, you. 176 00:08:02,921 --> 00:08:07,361 Speaker 3: Know, yeah, what Dad's put down look like mums exactly. 177 00:08:07,441 --> 00:08:10,081 Speaker 3: And the thing is, if you get to the same outcome, 178 00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:13,521 Speaker 3: there's no guilt there, there's no actually, yeah. 179 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:13,761 Speaker 4: You're so right. 180 00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:15,401 Speaker 1: I'm glad that you brought up for the guilt never 181 00:08:15,441 --> 00:08:17,321 Speaker 1: goes away. So I feel like I am one of 182 00:08:17,321 --> 00:08:19,161 Speaker 1: those mums. It's very good at managing and I don't 183 00:08:19,161 --> 00:08:22,121 Speaker 1: get it often, yes, because I think guilt is when 184 00:08:22,161 --> 00:08:25,201 Speaker 1: you feel like what you're doing is wrong exactly. So 185 00:08:25,241 --> 00:08:26,681 Speaker 1: it doesn't come up a lot for me. But even 186 00:08:26,681 --> 00:08:28,721 Speaker 1: this morning. I've been away in Sydney this week. I 187 00:08:28,761 --> 00:08:30,601 Speaker 1: haven't seen Tyler as much as what I normally do, 188 00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:33,361 Speaker 1: and we have Thursdays with her and I was cuddling 189 00:08:33,361 --> 00:08:35,361 Speaker 1: her and she grabbed my face. She goes, Mummy, no 190 00:08:35,521 --> 00:08:38,961 Speaker 1: work today, Mummy stay home with tabath and I was like, 191 00:08:39,281 --> 00:08:41,641 Speaker 1: oh my god, the heart strings. And Steve was just 192 00:08:41,681 --> 00:08:43,441 Speaker 1: looking and he's like, all that hurts. 193 00:08:43,521 --> 00:08:44,921 Speaker 4: I was like, it really. 194 00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:46,681 Speaker 1: Does, and that might have guilt popped up, but I 195 00:08:46,761 --> 00:08:49,761 Speaker 1: was like, hello, gilt, thank you for letting me know 196 00:08:49,841 --> 00:08:52,361 Speaker 1: that my daughter's wanting connection. I'm wanting connection too. Yes, 197 00:08:52,721 --> 00:08:55,041 Speaker 1: Mammy still has to go to work and she will 198 00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,201 Speaker 1: be okay and I'll come back, you know, tomorrow, and 199 00:08:57,241 --> 00:08:59,681 Speaker 1: it'll be beautiful. But there is those micro moments and 200 00:08:59,761 --> 00:09:00,241 Speaker 1: those moments. 201 00:09:00,281 --> 00:09:00,841 Speaker 4: I don't know about you. 202 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,761 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your thoughts, but I just have 203 00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,001 Speaker 1: to give loving compassion to myself and to her. 204 00:09:05,121 --> 00:09:05,761 Speaker 4: I gave her a big. 205 00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:07,841 Speaker 1: Huddle, and I spent all the time I could with her, 206 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,081 Speaker 1: and I was like, Mom, I can't wait spend the 207 00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:09,721 Speaker 1: weekend with you. 208 00:09:09,801 --> 00:09:10,321 Speaker 2: Exactly. 209 00:09:10,521 --> 00:09:11,841 Speaker 4: That's all I could do in that moment. 210 00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:14,721 Speaker 1: Was I beat myself up about it and like stepped 211 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,041 Speaker 1: into the studio today when I'm interviewing nine from people 212 00:09:17,081 --> 00:09:18,121 Speaker 1: like imagine my energy. 213 00:09:18,401 --> 00:09:18,881 Speaker 2: Exactly. 214 00:09:19,001 --> 00:09:21,081 Speaker 1: No, it's good to talk about it because so many 215 00:09:21,121 --> 00:09:21,841 Speaker 1: of us feel it. 216 00:09:22,081 --> 00:09:23,561 Speaker 2: But I think that that's exactly the thing. 217 00:09:23,601 --> 00:09:25,881 Speaker 3: It's like that compassion and grace that you give yourself 218 00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:28,481 Speaker 3: and you go, this is something that I'm doing not 219 00:09:28,521 --> 00:09:29,521 Speaker 3: only for. 220 00:09:29,801 --> 00:09:31,921 Speaker 2: Like our family, but also for yourself. 221 00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:35,121 Speaker 3: We come back to that achievement. You've got an incredible podcast, 222 00:09:35,161 --> 00:09:36,641 Speaker 3: and the impact that you have on all of the 223 00:09:36,681 --> 00:09:40,161 Speaker 3: women who are listening is going to be profound. So 224 00:09:40,521 --> 00:09:42,761 Speaker 3: you know, this part of your life is so important 225 00:09:42,801 --> 00:09:44,961 Speaker 3: to you, and it's part of your passion and your mission. 226 00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:45,641 Speaker 4: It is. 227 00:09:45,881 --> 00:09:48,281 Speaker 3: And I think that you know, when we look back 228 00:09:48,281 --> 00:09:50,761 Speaker 3: at being a mum, we're not just a mom. Yes, 229 00:09:51,081 --> 00:09:54,881 Speaker 3: it's such an important passion and mission and like purpose 230 00:09:54,921 --> 00:09:57,481 Speaker 3: in our life, but it can't be the only thing. 231 00:09:57,721 --> 00:09:59,321 Speaker 2: No, And I think that when we. 232 00:09:59,241 --> 00:10:02,921 Speaker 3: Actually give ourselves in it exactly when we give ourselves 233 00:10:02,921 --> 00:10:05,281 Speaker 3: a space to be more than just a mum, that 234 00:10:05,321 --> 00:10:06,721 Speaker 3: we can show up for our kids, but we can 235 00:10:06,761 --> 00:10:09,081 Speaker 3: also show up for ourselves. Yes, and I think that 236 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:12,561 Speaker 3: you know exactly what you did was perfect, giving her 237 00:10:12,601 --> 00:10:15,001 Speaker 3: that reassurance that I wish I could be with you, 238 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,481 Speaker 3: but I'm actually going to do something that fills up 239 00:10:17,481 --> 00:10:21,201 Speaker 3: my cup, that is really purposeful and I'm very passionate about. 240 00:10:21,841 --> 00:10:24,201 Speaker 3: And then I'm going to give you that connection and 241 00:10:24,241 --> 00:10:26,801 Speaker 3: that time on the weekend. Yeah, it's not like, oh 242 00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:28,281 Speaker 3: and then I'm going to work on the weekend and 243 00:10:28,281 --> 00:10:29,961 Speaker 3: then they're gonna fly away and I'm never going to 244 00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:30,561 Speaker 3: see you weekend. 245 00:10:30,681 --> 00:10:31,481 Speaker 2: Yeah. 246 00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:32,801 Speaker 4: It's so true, isn't it. 247 00:10:33,361 --> 00:10:35,961 Speaker 1: What I want to show my kids too, is how 248 00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:38,721 Speaker 1: important it is for them to put themselves first. And 249 00:10:38,761 --> 00:10:40,841 Speaker 1: you can say all the things, but they're not gonna listen. 250 00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:43,881 Speaker 1: They're gonna watch, and I want them to know, like, 251 00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:45,041 Speaker 1: what do you value for me? 252 00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:45,561 Speaker 4: Connection? 253 00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:49,081 Speaker 1: It's one of my highest values. So coming into this podcast, 254 00:10:49,201 --> 00:10:51,121 Speaker 1: I get to connect with mums and other women and 255 00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:54,321 Speaker 1: learn expand myself. That makes me a better person. It 256 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,001 Speaker 1: puts me in a high vibe and guess what. Then 257 00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:58,961 Speaker 1: that overflows to my family, So I know, go to 258 00:10:59,001 --> 00:11:01,481 Speaker 1: work today. It was harder because I missed her and 259 00:11:01,521 --> 00:11:04,041 Speaker 1: I knew she wanted me. But I know coming back, 260 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,721 Speaker 1: I'm just so filled up, Like you says when I 261 00:11:06,721 --> 00:11:08,561 Speaker 1: come home from the podcast, He's like, you are like 262 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:11,881 Speaker 1: a new woman. Like the vibrational one is how fulfilled. 263 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,801 Speaker 1: I feel like the impact, the connection, the love, it's 264 00:11:14,921 --> 00:11:15,801 Speaker 1: just it's the best. 265 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:16,881 Speaker 4: So we have to. 266 00:11:16,921 --> 00:11:17,841 Speaker 2: Roll model all of that. 267 00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:20,001 Speaker 1: It's like we're going to the gym and eating healthy 268 00:11:20,041 --> 00:11:24,321 Speaker 1: and like prioritizing our boundaries. They need to actually see 269 00:11:24,321 --> 00:11:25,521 Speaker 1: how that is modeled. 270 00:11:25,841 --> 00:11:28,081 Speaker 3: And I think even you know, if we go like 271 00:11:28,281 --> 00:11:31,801 Speaker 3: down to that really base level of foundational needs, making 272 00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:35,361 Speaker 3: sure that you prioritize your movement and your sleep and 273 00:11:35,401 --> 00:11:38,361 Speaker 3: your nutrition, like all of those things are so important 274 00:11:38,401 --> 00:11:41,521 Speaker 3: to being able to show up and they are essential. 275 00:11:41,721 --> 00:11:45,321 Speaker 3: I think that it's a misconception that we think it's luxury. Yeah, 276 00:11:45,481 --> 00:11:47,201 Speaker 3: it's a luxury to go to gym or to go 277 00:11:47,281 --> 00:11:49,561 Speaker 3: for a walk or go to sleep, yes, And I 278 00:11:49,561 --> 00:11:53,241 Speaker 3: think that that's not true. We can't function without those things. 279 00:11:53,401 --> 00:11:55,961 Speaker 1: No, They're so important. It's like when people say it's 280 00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:58,361 Speaker 1: a break when a mum goes to grocery shopping. Yes, 281 00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:01,121 Speaker 1: I'm like, what that is wild? 282 00:12:01,401 --> 00:12:01,801 Speaker 2: It is? 283 00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,961 Speaker 1: Yes, I love grocery shopping by myself for sure. I 284 00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:05,561 Speaker 1: enjoy that when I can look at a the products, 285 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:08,521 Speaker 1: the reading ingredients without a screaming child. But like that 286 00:12:08,641 --> 00:12:11,601 Speaker 1: is not your break? No, But when did that become normalized? 287 00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:14,281 Speaker 3: And like laughed at and that conversation of what is 288 00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:16,921 Speaker 3: rest Like folding the washing is not rest? 289 00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,801 Speaker 1: Oh my god, so true you said there's some one 290 00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:21,521 Speaker 1: of your Instagram stories. I think recently, I was like, wow, 291 00:12:21,561 --> 00:12:23,241 Speaker 1: that is so true. A woman thinks that, like if 292 00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:25,561 Speaker 1: they're watching TV in the background but they're folding their clothes, like, 293 00:12:25,641 --> 00:12:26,601 Speaker 1: that's still not resting. 294 00:12:26,641 --> 00:12:27,881 Speaker 2: So you're still not resting. 295 00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,961 Speaker 3: And I think that you know, it's not until you're 296 00:12:29,961 --> 00:12:34,041 Speaker 3: actually taking absolute quiet time to connect with yourself and 297 00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:38,201 Speaker 3: you know, or to watch a show without doing anything else. 298 00:12:37,961 --> 00:12:39,561 Speaker 2: Without scrolling and just enjoy out. 299 00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,321 Speaker 3: Yeah, doing something just for enjoyment, that's when you actually 300 00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:44,801 Speaker 3: can even consider it rest. 301 00:12:45,001 --> 00:12:45,841 Speaker 4: It's so true. 302 00:12:45,961 --> 00:12:48,081 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that one other thing I wanted 303 00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:50,441 Speaker 3: to share in that is that there's a lot of 304 00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:54,761 Speaker 3: mum guilt over doing things that you want rather than need. 305 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,001 Speaker 3: And that's something that I've really had to work through 306 00:12:57,361 --> 00:13:01,481 Speaker 3: because early on I had this conversation of if it's 307 00:13:01,521 --> 00:13:04,081 Speaker 3: not in need, then it can find it go by 308 00:13:04,121 --> 00:13:07,801 Speaker 3: to the waveside. And so when I start to think about, 309 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:12,521 Speaker 3: you know, even clothing. I had a post recently about 310 00:13:12,721 --> 00:13:16,001 Speaker 3: like not buying kids more toys, like not going and 311 00:13:16,041 --> 00:13:19,201 Speaker 3: doing activities like buy the bra you know. So I 312 00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:21,801 Speaker 3: love that and I think that it was so interesting 313 00:13:21,921 --> 00:13:25,721 Speaker 3: just seeing in the comments how many women were saying 314 00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:26,561 Speaker 3: that they can't. 315 00:13:26,961 --> 00:13:27,481 Speaker 2: I can't. 316 00:13:27,601 --> 00:13:30,241 Speaker 3: I can't do that because it's taking away from my child. 317 00:13:30,681 --> 00:13:33,961 Speaker 3: And there's a really beautiful quote from La Nost that 318 00:13:34,121 --> 00:13:38,241 Speaker 3: talks about it's not about me first, it's about me too. 319 00:13:38,881 --> 00:13:42,001 Speaker 3: And I love that this conversation of I'm not taking 320 00:13:42,041 --> 00:13:45,361 Speaker 3: away from my children, from my husband, from my family, 321 00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:49,241 Speaker 3: I'm actually just prioritizing myself. And I think that that's 322 00:13:49,281 --> 00:13:50,201 Speaker 3: such a beautiful thing. 323 00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:52,001 Speaker 4: So many women think they can't have. 324 00:13:52,401 --> 00:13:54,241 Speaker 1: Yeah, and at the end of the day too, your 325 00:13:54,281 --> 00:13:56,441 Speaker 1: kids won't notice how many toys they have. They're gonna 326 00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:58,561 Speaker 1: notice how present you are and how happy famy was. 327 00:13:58,961 --> 00:14:02,361 Speaker 1: They grew up with Mum just always feeling resentful. 328 00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:04,361 Speaker 4: And angry and like tired. 329 00:14:04,641 --> 00:14:07,121 Speaker 1: Yeah, like that's their childhood and there I think that 330 00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:08,041 Speaker 1: one of them. 331 00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:11,001 Speaker 3: That's right, And it's so often. You know, we just 332 00:14:11,081 --> 00:14:14,041 Speaker 3: did a big toy clear out and so in our 333 00:14:14,361 --> 00:14:19,321 Speaker 3: living room there's about seven toys total, and honestly, Teddy 334 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:22,401 Speaker 3: is a completely different kid. Instead of jumping between different 335 00:14:22,401 --> 00:14:24,561 Speaker 3: activities and dumping them all on the floor and not 336 00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:27,121 Speaker 3: wanting to clean them up and do anything, he'll actually 337 00:14:27,161 --> 00:14:29,081 Speaker 3: go and choose something that he wants to do, do 338 00:14:29,121 --> 00:14:33,081 Speaker 3: the activity and then put it away and has just completely. 339 00:14:32,761 --> 00:14:33,561 Speaker 2: Changed my life. 340 00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:34,321 Speaker 4: I love that. 341 00:14:35,761 --> 00:14:37,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, we do a regular toy clean out as well, 342 00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:39,721 Speaker 1: and they donate the ones that she's like out grown 343 00:14:39,801 --> 00:14:40,401 Speaker 1: or whatever. 344 00:14:40,441 --> 00:14:42,441 Speaker 2: Yep, and you can cycle through them like they're all 345 00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:42,841 Speaker 2: in a cup. 346 00:14:42,921 --> 00:14:45,041 Speaker 3: It it's not about like we never have toys again, 347 00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:48,321 Speaker 3: that he gets bored with them and doesn't want to play. Yeah, 348 00:14:48,361 --> 00:14:50,961 Speaker 3: but it really does come back to like the next 349 00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:55,201 Speaker 3: thing doesn't really matter to them. It's about that quality time, 350 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,201 Speaker 3: about doing things with you. You know, he's way more 351 00:14:58,801 --> 00:15:02,361 Speaker 3: likely to do independent plays if I play with him 352 00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,561 Speaker 3: for ten minutes at the start. Can I just sit 353 00:15:05,601 --> 00:15:08,041 Speaker 3: there in journal I drink my hot cup of tea 354 00:15:08,201 --> 00:15:10,921 Speaker 3: of it. Yeah, I lay on the couch and close 355 00:15:10,961 --> 00:15:13,321 Speaker 3: my eyes and have a rest. Like, yes, you can, really, 356 00:15:13,721 --> 00:15:16,041 Speaker 3: you know, do those sorts of things with your child there. 357 00:15:17,161 --> 00:15:19,201 Speaker 3: You just have to find what works for you, do. 358 00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:20,601 Speaker 1: You think a lot of women when they say I 359 00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:22,121 Speaker 1: can't do that, I can't do that, a lot of 360 00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,601 Speaker 1: it will come down to their self worth and thinking 361 00:15:24,601 --> 00:15:26,641 Speaker 1: are not worthy of having the nice bra or buying 362 00:15:26,641 --> 00:15:28,401 Speaker 1: a new dress, or going to get a massage or 363 00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:29,281 Speaker 1: getting a pedicure. 364 00:15:29,521 --> 00:15:32,201 Speaker 3: Definitely, I think that motherhood is such a hard thing. 365 00:15:32,321 --> 00:15:36,081 Speaker 3: The transition to motherhood, you are fundamentally changed as a person, 366 00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:40,601 Speaker 3: and I think that there is a lot of guilt 367 00:15:40,921 --> 00:15:45,201 Speaker 3: that people feel and a lot of responsibility. And if 368 00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:48,761 Speaker 3: you aren't meeting those incredibly high expectations that you have 369 00:15:48,841 --> 00:15:52,161 Speaker 3: set for yourself, or that you see on Instagram or 370 00:15:52,281 --> 00:15:54,601 Speaker 3: you know in society that's being told to you by 371 00:15:54,641 --> 00:15:56,961 Speaker 3: your mother in law or you know, I have a 372 00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,881 Speaker 3: beautiful mother in law, so I'm all good in that respect, 373 00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:05,001 Speaker 3: But if you're not actually seeing yourself meeting those expectations, 374 00:16:05,161 --> 00:16:07,561 Speaker 3: you're never going to think that you deserve that, and 375 00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:11,281 Speaker 3: those expectations aren't real. No, like, if you actually think 376 00:16:11,281 --> 00:16:15,041 Speaker 3: about what your child needs. They need a happy present parent. 377 00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:17,481 Speaker 4: Yeah, and a clean bum. 378 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:17,801 Speaker 2: Yeah. 379 00:16:17,841 --> 00:16:21,041 Speaker 1: Food, lots of food at this age. Oh my gosh, 380 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:21,881 Speaker 1: so much snacking. 381 00:16:22,161 --> 00:16:24,961 Speaker 3: I've never seen anyone eat so many berries in my life. 382 00:16:24,961 --> 00:16:27,681 Speaker 4: Oh, they're gonna have to vow a whole punt. Yeah, 383 00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:28,841 Speaker 4: blueberry is expensive at. 384 00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:32,361 Speaker 3: The very I'm very happy we're coming into like summer seasons, 385 00:16:32,361 --> 00:16:33,561 Speaker 3: so it's all the summer fruits. 386 00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:37,361 Speaker 1: But I feel you, I would love to finish off 387 00:16:37,361 --> 00:16:40,001 Speaker 1: with talking about some things that you used to feel 388 00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:42,761 Speaker 1: guilty for that now you're like, fuck no, I love 389 00:16:42,841 --> 00:16:44,481 Speaker 1: this woo Definitely. 390 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:48,201 Speaker 3: My first one is I do not feel guilty for 391 00:16:48,281 --> 00:16:49,961 Speaker 3: my husband doing swimming lessons. 392 00:16:50,161 --> 00:16:51,401 Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I love this. 393 00:16:51,481 --> 00:16:53,281 Speaker 1: Or we spoke about it when my first star love 394 00:16:53,361 --> 00:16:55,281 Speaker 1: right please is I hate the dirty pools too. 395 00:16:55,561 --> 00:16:55,801 Speaker 2: You know. 396 00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:58,641 Speaker 3: I was doing it from the start, from like four 397 00:16:58,841 --> 00:17:02,881 Speaker 3: months old. And honestly, I have a big son. He's tall, 398 00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:07,561 Speaker 3: he's heavy. I get nervous about like dunking underwater, and honestly, 399 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:08,721 Speaker 3: my husband thrives. 400 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 2: He just absolutely loves it. They do it. 401 00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,761 Speaker 3: It's their special Saturday morning thing that they do together. 402 00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 3: They have so much fun. They run back in and 403 00:17:16,481 --> 00:17:19,281 Speaker 3: I'm literally still in bed most days, they run back 404 00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:22,120 Speaker 3: in and they're like, Mummy, I had so much fun 405 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,081 Speaker 3: and they just love it. So I don't feel guilty 406 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 3: about not doing that anymore. It took a while for 407 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,801 Speaker 3: me to actually see the enjoyment that they both have 408 00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:33,961 Speaker 3: from that, But now that I do, I'm like, Okay, amazing, 409 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,481 Speaker 3: I don't have to worry about this. 410 00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:36,121 Speaker 4: Love that. 411 00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,961 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't feel guilty about getting a babysitter for 412 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:39,721 Speaker 1: at date night. 413 00:17:40,241 --> 00:17:42,001 Speaker 2: Oh I love this so much. Yeah. 414 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,281 Speaker 1: I still sometimes on social media we get like a 415 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,321 Speaker 1: call it pushback where people are just like, yeah, they 416 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,601 Speaker 1: don't prioritize. I think it's a waste of money and 417 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,281 Speaker 1: like you're lucky to be able to do that, And 418 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,961 Speaker 1: it's just such a priority for me because we didn't 419 00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:55,761 Speaker 1: do it for a couple of months and we really 420 00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:59,041 Speaker 1: noticed I don't want to say disconnection. We talk a 421 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,601 Speaker 1: lot and my good communicators, but it just wasn't feeling 422 00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: as nice. It almost felt more roommates. 423 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:10,201 Speaker 3: Yes, it's a completely different connection when you have absolutely 424 00:18:10,241 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 3: no one else to distractions. If you're not checking that 425 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,360 Speaker 3: they're going to sleep on the monitor cleaning up the 426 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 3: dishes while you're having a chat at all, you know, 427 00:18:17,561 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 3: you finally sit down to have a cup of tea 428 00:18:20,321 --> 00:18:22,041 Speaker 3: and chat together and have that connection. 429 00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:25,041 Speaker 1: Wipe it out as if they fall over since they 430 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:27,360 Speaker 1: need something, since they start fighting inst and someone's hungry, 431 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,481 Speaker 1: she near the wattle. It's like you can't get in 432 00:18:29,521 --> 00:18:31,841 Speaker 1: a deep conversation. So having that date night, we're doing 433 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,281 Speaker 1: it once a week. At the moment we get Steve's 434 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:33,961 Speaker 1: mom down. 435 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:34,880 Speaker 2: We still pay her. 436 00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:37,721 Speaker 1: Yeah, we obviously value her time and she drives down 437 00:18:37,721 --> 00:18:39,241 Speaker 1: from Brisbane, which is beautiful. 438 00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 4: She loves it. 439 00:18:39,761 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 1: She gets time with the kids. But yeah, it's just 440 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 1: such a priority for me now, And even if I 441 00:18:44,241 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 1: couldn't afford to, I feel like I would try and 442 00:18:46,481 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 1: find a way, whether it's like having a date night 443 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,561 Speaker 1: at home, or I'd say to Meg, I'll take Romeo 444 00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:53,801 Speaker 1: and Bella one night and you guys go have a 445 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,201 Speaker 1: date night, and then can you take our kids. 446 00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 2: You know, we just did the exact same thing. 447 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,561 Speaker 3: So one of my girlfriends, we've just talked about it, 448 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,640 Speaker 3: and so a month on and off we're going to 449 00:19:01,921 --> 00:19:04,041 Speaker 3: have her son who's just about the same age, and 450 00:19:04,041 --> 00:19:07,401 Speaker 3: they play together. So Wow, like a little sleepover for them. 451 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,721 Speaker 3: Love that and then yeah, be able to swap that. 452 00:19:09,801 --> 00:19:12,521 Speaker 3: So I think that you're right, it is expensive, and 453 00:19:12,561 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 3: I think that it's so valid to say that. And 454 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 3: we don't have grandparents who are living down here. But 455 00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 3: when something I really want to add with that is 456 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,721 Speaker 3: don't feel guilty to use the grandparents when they come 457 00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:25,120 Speaker 3: to visit. Seriously, like if they come to visit for 458 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,321 Speaker 3: a couple of nights, they are so happy to look 459 00:19:28,441 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 3: after their grandchild and you're not hovering over them, like 460 00:19:31,321 --> 00:19:32,281 Speaker 3: they love that. 461 00:19:32,321 --> 00:19:35,961 Speaker 4: Quality of the time exactly. So it's something I'm so important. 462 00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 1: I used to feel guilty yet because I felt other 463 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: people's projections and now I'm like, no, I'm like wrapping 464 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,321 Speaker 1: myself and bubba rap, your projections cannot come in because 465 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 1: I feel no guilt. Are beginning to connect and like 466 00:19:46,761 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: just be more into it my husband and just just 467 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:53,161 Speaker 1: enjoy him. Just enjoy us, like because before kids, there 468 00:19:53,281 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 1: was us, and I ever want to lose us. And 469 00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,321 Speaker 1: I want our kids to also be like, wow, mommy 470 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,680 Speaker 1: and daddy love each other so much, that's their normal. 471 00:19:59,721 --> 00:20:01,601 Speaker 1: I want them to attract that when they're older, you know. 472 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 3: And Honestly, when they grow up, you are going to 473 00:20:04,201 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 3: have your husband that will be who you have left. 474 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,321 Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, who are you? I 475 00:20:08,321 --> 00:20:09,200 Speaker 1: don't know you anymore. 476 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:10,001 Speaker 2: You need to grow together. 477 00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:12,041 Speaker 3: You need to start connect and still know each other. 478 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 3: And you you know, if you think about the Gotmans 479 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 3: and all of their stuff about connections, the basis is 480 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 3: knowing each other's love maps, actually knowing what are they 481 00:20:20,281 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 3: doing at work, what are they doing in their lives 482 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,321 Speaker 3: with their interests and hobbies, what are they struggling with? 483 00:20:24,481 --> 00:20:26,360 Speaker 2: Like, that's got to be a priority. 484 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,281 Speaker 3: They're a different person than they were a year ago, 485 00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:33,761 Speaker 3: Lelone when you first got together, as you are exactly. 486 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,201 Speaker 1: Saying, what's something else that you don't feel guilty for anymore. 487 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:40,881 Speaker 3: One of the biggest ones that I have grown an 488 00:20:40,921 --> 00:20:43,920 Speaker 3: experience and mum guilt has popped back up for me 489 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:45,721 Speaker 3: is using daycare? 490 00:20:46,321 --> 00:20:47,321 Speaker 2: So interesting? 491 00:20:47,561 --> 00:20:51,120 Speaker 3: Okay, so Teddy's been in daycare since we moved away 492 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,281 Speaker 3: from family, because I really believe that having a village 493 00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:56,400 Speaker 3: is absolute of the utmost important. 494 00:20:56,801 --> 00:20:58,521 Speaker 2: You can't be a mom, need to. 495 00:20:58,441 --> 00:21:00,481 Speaker 1: Do that by ourselves, No, aren't. 496 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:00,801 Speaker 2: No. 497 00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:03,360 Speaker 3: And one of the biggest things is he's been in 498 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,440 Speaker 3: three different daycares because we move around, because we've found 499 00:21:06,561 --> 00:21:11,281 Speaker 3: different daycares, but every single one of those I vetted 500 00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 3: so completely. I felt so connected to the educators, I 501 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:20,161 Speaker 3: felt so comfortable, and he is just absolutely thriving. 502 00:21:20,441 --> 00:21:21,880 Speaker 4: I do you feel guilty for that? Yeah? 503 00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 2: Would I feel guilty? 504 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,281 Speaker 1: Expansion exactly, dependency learning. 505 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,441 Speaker 3: Exactly, and he's so happy. That is such an important 506 00:21:29,441 --> 00:21:31,561 Speaker 3: thing to realize as well, that that guilt will step 507 00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:35,440 Speaker 3: up whenever it feels like different and change. If you 508 00:21:35,481 --> 00:21:38,161 Speaker 3: don't feel that in your daycare, really, you know, take 509 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,481 Speaker 3: that girlt and use that as an indicator. Why why 510 00:21:41,521 --> 00:21:44,161 Speaker 3: do you feel that way about this the serious people? 511 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,801 Speaker 3: Is it the center? Is it the way that he's reacting. 512 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:49,481 Speaker 1: To us something your mother in lawa or someone said 513 00:21:49,521 --> 00:21:51,721 Speaker 1: to you that exactly home with your kids all the time. 514 00:21:51,801 --> 00:21:54,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, So if it's that, let go of that, let 515 00:21:55,041 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 3: go with the expectation else. But if it is something 516 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 3: that you can control, yeah, take control in that. 517 00:22:02,441 --> 00:22:05,001 Speaker 4: So good. Well, thank you so much for joy. 518 00:22:05,441 --> 00:22:07,920 Speaker 1: Say, before we leave, I know you've just launched a 519 00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:10,321 Speaker 1: little programs specifically for mothers. 520 00:22:10,481 --> 00:22:10,681 Speaker 2: Yeah. 521 00:22:10,681 --> 00:22:11,921 Speaker 1: I don't feel like a lot of people are doings. 522 00:22:11,961 --> 00:22:13,400 Speaker 1: I think it's really special. Can you tell us a 523 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:13,961 Speaker 1: bit about it? 524 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, So Revive is our four week self care journey. 525 00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 3: We're just about to get started and then we'll do 526 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,001 Speaker 3: another live round at the start of next year, perfect 527 00:22:22,001 --> 00:22:25,201 Speaker 3: timing exactly, just to start us off with getting back 528 00:22:25,241 --> 00:22:28,481 Speaker 3: to the basics the foundations of self care. So when 529 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:31,041 Speaker 3: we think about self care, we look at those foundations 530 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,600 Speaker 3: that we talked about before our sleep, our nutrition. 531 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:33,921 Speaker 2: Our movement. 532 00:22:34,201 --> 00:22:36,721 Speaker 3: But we also have a module in there about those extras, 533 00:22:36,961 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 3: so things that spark joy and things that we still 534 00:22:39,481 --> 00:22:42,041 Speaker 3: need to prioritize even though they feel like once and 535 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:42,561 Speaker 3: they can. 536 00:22:42,441 --> 00:22:43,200 Speaker 2: Be a lot harder. 537 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 3: We have this beautiful community of women who are in 538 00:22:46,321 --> 00:22:49,961 Speaker 3: that together on two Yeah, it's all feeling the same way. 539 00:22:50,481 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 3: And one of the best things that I think Revived 540 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 3: does for women is it gives you lots of bite 541 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 3: sized chunks information that you can choose to implement now 542 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,121 Speaker 3: or to say, I'm so happy I know that now, 543 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 3: but it's not in my capability call and do. 544 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: The women that come on board with you, they have 545 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,321 Speaker 1: access to you to ask questions. 546 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,201 Speaker 2: Yes, definitely. 547 00:23:10,281 --> 00:23:12,921 Speaker 3: So we've actually got an app that we can all 548 00:23:12,961 --> 00:23:15,321 Speaker 3: connect through and then We also have live calls during 549 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,360 Speaker 3: it where we can all connect and beautiful and I think, honestly, 550 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 3: this is such a lonely journey, and even once we 551 00:23:22,561 --> 00:23:24,801 Speaker 3: start going back to work or going to mum groups, 552 00:23:24,961 --> 00:23:27,921 Speaker 3: it can be really hard to be wanting to take 553 00:23:28,041 --> 00:23:31,281 Speaker 3: action on the things that we're struggling with, because it's 554 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:34,761 Speaker 3: very easy to go I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleeping either. 555 00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:37,801 Speaker 3: I'm so tired. Yeah, it's like none of us really 556 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:38,761 Speaker 3: know what to do about that. 557 00:23:39,721 --> 00:23:40,641 Speaker 4: Oh, that's so cool. 558 00:23:40,721 --> 00:23:42,160 Speaker 1: It's nice to have your support because I think you 559 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,441 Speaker 1: in motherhood can be really lonely, and to have women 560 00:23:44,441 --> 00:23:46,601 Speaker 1: who actually get it and understand it and going through 561 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,201 Speaker 1: the same. 562 00:23:47,001 --> 00:23:49,521 Speaker 2: Things exactly, it makes such a big difference. 563 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 4: And where can we find you? 564 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:55,321 Speaker 3: My Instagram for my personal one is Katerinodriss School Underscore 565 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,161 Speaker 3: and then Hurstpark we have her Spark. 566 00:23:57,921 --> 00:23:59,081 Speaker 2: Underscore so awesome. 567 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,120 Speaker 1: I will leave all the details in the show notes below. 568 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,640 Speaker 4: So thank you so much for joining us. It's so 569 00:24:02,761 --> 00:24:03,521 Speaker 4: nice to see you. 570 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,041 Speaker 2: It was amazing to chat about it. 571 00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:07,481 Speaker 1: Oh, Merry Christmas. I hope you and Teddy here's good time. 572 00:24:08,041 --> 00:24:08,920 Speaker 1: Que Thank you. 573 00:24:09,201 --> 00:24:09,601 Speaker 4: Bye.