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Speaker 1: Apogey Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm actually

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back

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Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises. I'm Tiana and I'm

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Speaker 2: actually happy.

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Speaker 1: Mondays to have a fresh week.

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Speaker 2: And as you like it, we are going to talk

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Speaker 2: about sex.

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Speaker 1: Nothing new here.

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Speaker 2: It's your favorite topic now it is.

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Speaker 1: We actually did a poll on our Instagram stories and

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Speaker 1: sex and controversial topics took the lead. So here we are.

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Speaker 1: You guys say that it ruffles a few feathers, but

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Speaker 1: you still love it.

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Speaker 2: You still love it absolutely back for more. No, today's

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Speaker 2: topic is all about having a low libido and like,

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Speaker 2: what happens to your libido when you are stretched, when

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Speaker 2: you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, when life is starting to take over,

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Speaker 2: and how it is impact from your day to day

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Speaker 2: life and how to kind of get it back. So

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Speaker 2: we want to have a conversation all about that and

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Speaker 2: kind of diving deep all into ludo.

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Speaker 1: But before we get started, watch your share of the week.

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Speaker 2: My share of the week is actually something at a

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Speaker 2: place called hot Of Markets on the Gold Coast. It

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Speaker 2: happens on a Sunday, and they have these like buckwheat

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Speaker 2: wraps that are the most insane thing ever. Like, trust me,

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Speaker 2: if you just go to Hotder Markets, I'm not sure

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Speaker 2: of the name of it, but you'll see people walking

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Speaker 2: around with these really extravagant buckwheat raps.

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Speaker 1: See hydrated buckwheat as the rap.

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Speaker 2: They're in like a cone shape, and you just follow

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Speaker 2: the people.

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Speaker 1: You can get salmon. What are the protein? Can you

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Speaker 1: get with it?

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Speaker 2: And get salmon? I get like a truffle mushroom one

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Speaker 2: and I ask, it's actually really delicious that I add

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Speaker 2: bacon and I add avocado and it is ten out

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Speaker 2: of ten.

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Speaker 1: They're like twenty five dollars. Though, yeah, a little bit

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Speaker 1: more prissy, you know. What to think about the price

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Speaker 1: as we speaking about this morning is because the process

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Speaker 1: of dehydrating a wrap takes like twelve hours. Actually dehydrating

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Speaker 1: anything can take twelve to twenty four hours. Why wow,

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Speaker 1: there you go. It's so worth it. Yeah, Like I

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Speaker 1: know it's such a luxury, but try it at least once.

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Speaker 1: Just go to home markets before eight am because after

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Speaker 1: eight am it gets packed and really does it's very

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Speaker 1: overwhelming in this nomit to sit. Yeah, such a beautiful market,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, it's really busy.

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Speaker 2: It's very fun.

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Speaker 1: Mine's TV show it's called Sirens on Netflix. It's not

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Speaker 1: a huge series. I think there's eight episodes, but it

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Speaker 1: was just really good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It's like this billionaire family and all the ins and

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Speaker 1: outs of what's happened, and it's based around her pa

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Speaker 1: okay and her life. Her sister comes in and they've

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Speaker 1: had a crazy life together and it brings up all

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Speaker 1: of her past. And then the billionaire it's his second

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Speaker 1: wife and in their relationship and just how it all

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Speaker 1: pans out. And apparently there's a season two coming. But

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Speaker 1: it's really good. It's easy to watch, but keeps on

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Speaker 1: the edge of your seat.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So like drama is it romance? Is it a

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Speaker 2: bit of all thriller?

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Speaker 1: Maybe not thriller, but drama romance and just twists and

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Speaker 1: turns and things that you just don't think will happen.

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Speaker 1: And lots of big, strong personalities. Fun really recommend it.

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Speaker 1: All right, So let's get on to talking about labis

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Speaker 1: because this is a very common problem for a lot

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Speaker 1: of women, I think, especially mums. So let's talk about

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Speaker 1: it before we get into it. Like what even is albedo?

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Speaker 1: Albedo is our overall sexual desire, but it's so much

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Speaker 1: more than that, so much more than just feeling horny.

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Speaker 1: I think people just think low libido means I'm horny

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Speaker 1: or I'm not horny. But there's so many different things

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Speaker 1: that impact your libido. It's your life force energy, it's

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Speaker 1: your spark, You're inner fire, and it's influenced by your body,

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Speaker 1: by your brain, your emotions, your hormones, your relationships, your

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Speaker 1: self worth, your stress levels, and even your damned to

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Speaker 1: do list. Yes, so it's not just one thing. I've

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Speaker 1: had kids, now I don't have a libido when you

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Speaker 1: have kids. There's so many laysers to wipe your libido's

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Speaker 1: affective because when you have kids, you are more tired,

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Speaker 1: You probably have resentment if you're not communicating with your partner.

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Speaker 1: Speak from experience with Taje. Your hormones are very, very different.

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Speaker 1: You're sleep deprived. You're trying to figure out how to

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Speaker 1: live a new life and find a new normal. You're

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Speaker 1: trying to be the boss, babe, mum, You're trying to

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Speaker 1: look after the kids. You're trying to keep your self

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Speaker 1: care up, you're trying to have an intimate relationship. There's

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Speaker 1: so many things going on. All of that is impacted,

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Speaker 1: even if you don't have kids. If your libido isn't high,

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Speaker 1: it could be health reasons. It could be lack of connection,

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Speaker 1: it could be lack of desire, it could be boredom.

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Speaker 1: You could be bored as fuck in the bedroom with

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Speaker 1: your partner. So true, there's so many reasons why that

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Speaker 1: libido is low, and there's so many things that you

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Speaker 1: can do to pick it back up. So that's what

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about today. So good.

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Speaker 2: It's so funny. Even like in my personal experience with

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Speaker 2: having a low labido, on the moments where I've had

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Speaker 2: a more low libido and that sexual drive and that

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Speaker 2: sexual energy is when I don't prioritize my relationship with myself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, So when I noticed that, like I'm dipping

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Speaker 2: in and out of even self pleasure or taking care

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Speaker 2: of myself or being gentle with myself and really taking

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Speaker 2: care of myself. I find that my sex drive kind

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Speaker 2: of goes up or down. But like what you mentioned,

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Speaker 2: it's not just your sexual desire. It's not just that.

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Speaker 2: It's like that life force energy. And when you feel

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Speaker 2: like you don't have as much of that life force energy,

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Speaker 2: you feel a little bit like life is a little

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Speaker 2: bit like dull somethings. You know, it's like not as

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Speaker 2: exciting and not as lit up, You're not as creative.

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Speaker 2: But then when you you prioritize that and you can

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Speaker 2: access that take care of yourself so that you do

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Speaker 2: feel that central, playful, pleasureful energy, you pour that into

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Speaker 2: every area of your life.

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Speaker 1: It's so true. The number one thing for me, for

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Speaker 1: Steve and a lot of other people I know, is

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Speaker 1: stress and your nervous system. When Steve is stressed, if

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Speaker 1: he's having a hard season of work, it is like

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Speaker 1: a switch has been flicked off. Yeah, he just does

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Speaker 1: not think about it. It doesn't crave it, and we

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Speaker 1: will openly talk about it and he's like, I'm just

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Speaker 1: so stressed, like I can't think of anything else. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then when things are cruisy again, you can see

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Speaker 1: it like come back to life. For me, definitely stress

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Speaker 1: and exhaustion. If I'm exhausted and i feel like I've

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Speaker 1: got nothing left in the tank. Sex it's just like

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Speaker 1: the last thing in my mind. But it does take

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Speaker 1: conscious effort as well. Yeah, and a lot of communication

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Speaker 1: around what does make you feel turned on, what does

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Speaker 1: light you up, what does make you feel alive, what

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Speaker 1: does make you feel desired, what you enjoy in the bedroom,

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Speaker 1: Because once you understand that around each other, Like say,

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Speaker 1: for me example, at the moment, what really turns me

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Speaker 1: on is sexting with Steve. I love it. It really

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Speaker 1: turns me on. It gets me excited. And when I'm

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Speaker 1: turned on and excited, he's ben turned on excited, and

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Speaker 1: we both feel alive. We're having fun and we're being playful,

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Speaker 1: and it's the fourth play throughout the day, not just

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Speaker 1: in the bedroom. Yes, and that's kind of being really

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Speaker 1: helpful for us lately, even if I'm tired or stressed,

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Speaker 1: because I've got that playful, flirty energy with him during

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Speaker 1: the day, it overflows to when we are actually intimate. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I think I used to just say, oh, I've

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Speaker 1: just got a low libido, but I don't want anyone

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Speaker 1: listening to think that's just normal. It's not another thing

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Speaker 1: I'm doing too, which I have an appointment next Monday

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Speaker 1: with the Natch path. I've got all of my blood's done.

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Speaker 1: Literally every single blood test that you can think about

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Speaker 1: I have had done and we're going to go over

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Speaker 1: all of that. So if you are constantly tired, getting migraines,

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Speaker 1: or things are happening in your body, it's something to

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Speaker 1: look at. It's not just normal for you to feel

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Speaker 1: so shit and tired all the time. There is so

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Speaker 1: much to look at. Your sleep, your nutrition, your blood's

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Speaker 1: especially if you are a post part and mum, you

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Speaker 1: should be getting your bloods in every single year. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: kids and breastfeeding it depletes so much of your nutrients

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Speaker 1: and all your vitamins and minerals that goes to your

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Speaker 1: babies and your breast milk and pregnancy and birth, and

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Speaker 1: it's a lot for your body to endure. So getting

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Speaker 1: your bloods and making sure that you're looking after yourself

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Speaker 1: the best that you can will help massively. So I'm

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Speaker 1: really excited to see if there's other ways that I

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Speaker 1: can support my body.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, especially with everything post surgery

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Speaker 2: as well. I'm making sure that you're taking care of

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Speaker 2: your whole system.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, definitely very good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely feel you on the stress front. Like

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Speaker 2: if I'm mentally and emotionally stretched or my capacity feels stretched,

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Speaker 2: I don't feel like it's the first thing that I

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Speaker 2: turned to.

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Speaker 1: Oh you know, normally takes a back seat for anyone,

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, in relationship.

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Speaker 2: Or not, because there's just like, when you've got so

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Speaker 2: much going on mentally, you go yeah first, like unless

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Speaker 2: you kind of have got a habit where like you're

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Speaker 2: using it as like a coping mechanism, then obviously that

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Speaker 2: falls into like that's a whole other conversation coming out

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Speaker 2: to that. Yeah, a whole lot the kettle of fish.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, it just seems to be the thing that

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Speaker 2: takes a back seat. But you can see how different

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Speaker 2: you feel when you do have a low labita versus

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Speaker 2: when you have a high one, because you just I

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Speaker 2: feel like two versions of myself.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, right, Yeah, I feel like.

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Speaker 2: I'm more tapped in, turned on, tuned in to myself.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's what I'm decribing live. Yeah, we're talking

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Speaker 1: to you about this lately because I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: in my sexual era.

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Speaker 2: Yeah you are.

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Speaker 1: I just feel so much more alive and happy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know they joke about that, like after glow sex

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Speaker 1: they get those dolphins. That's real. It's very true. It's

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Speaker 1: not something to joke about. It's actually real. So when

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Speaker 1: you're doing that regularly, you regularly feel lit up and

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Speaker 1: alive and turned on and happy and excited and flirty

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Speaker 1: and fun, and that playfulness gets to come out even

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Speaker 1: if there's chaos.

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Speaker 2: There's something that I read once and it was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: if you want to know if someone's having good sex,

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Speaker 2: just look at the wife. Oh look at how glowy

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Speaker 2: she is, and you'll be able to tell.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so true. It's fun. That's so funny.

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Speaker 1: Steve and I went for a stay k. We had

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Speaker 1: two nights down there. It was just so beautiful. I

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Speaker 1: actually didn't post about it and talk about it, just

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Speaker 1: went away, unplugged, just connected with him. We really plugged

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Speaker 1: into each other. Yeah, and we we came back and

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Speaker 1: the kids were chaotic, and came back to work and

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Speaker 1: then I had this story of like, oh, we have

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Speaker 1: to go to stay ks to be able to access

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Speaker 1: that deep level of intimacy and connection and be super sexual,

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Speaker 1: Like is that just when we go away? Because we

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Speaker 1: were both stressed and like tied a couple of months

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Speaker 1: before that, and then I was like, oh, I don't

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Speaker 1: want that to be truth. How do I bring more

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Speaker 1: of that into my day to day?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: What do we do away? That was so awesome and

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Speaker 1: that had us so plugged into each other?

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Speaker 2: Ya?

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Speaker 1: How do I now bring little bits and pieces of

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Speaker 1: that into my day to day? And we're doing it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's cool. Yeah, it's not the same as being on

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Speaker 1: holidays or being on a stake, but there's little micro

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Speaker 1: moments every single day that keeping us feeling alive and

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Speaker 1: turned on and connected in that playful, pleasurable way. So

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Speaker 1: now we're thinking I had a low labido when I

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Speaker 1: was stressed. It's like, no, there was other things to

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Speaker 1: look at. Yeah, So don't just blame it on one

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Speaker 1: thing and think that's just how it has to be,

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Speaker 1: because it doesn't have to be like that.

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Speaker 2: And like what you were saying before, it takes conscious

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Speaker 2: effort because it's like you guys are both consciously choosing

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Speaker 2: in every moment to stay plugged into each other as

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Speaker 2: opposed to like let everything that's kind of happening or

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Speaker 2: go back to like old ways of being or old

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Speaker 2: have it pulling back into that. You guys are staying

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Speaker 2: plugged in and.

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Speaker 1: Having conversations around it too, Like I didn't realize how

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Speaker 1: much sexting turned me on, how much I loved it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he didn't realize that either, because I communicated and he's

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Speaker 1: not a mind reader. So it's actually having the conversations

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Speaker 1: with your part, Like this really turns me on, This

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Speaker 1: lights me up, This makes me want more of it,

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Speaker 1: This makes you feel closer to you, say that to you,

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Speaker 1: I want to be touched by you more, and both

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Speaker 1: of you being able to communicate that. Then you've got

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Speaker 1: a checklist. It's like so much easier to get there

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Speaker 1: and to connect and to be able to bring that

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Speaker 1: energy in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got like a roadmap of like how to

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Speaker 2: get back into that energy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's beautiful. Another one that I think really gets

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Speaker 1: to libido Lowe's resentment. I think it kills your sex life.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if you're not having conversations about things that

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Speaker 1: are upsetting you, that have hurt you expectations, resentment will

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Speaker 1: just be the killer of it all. And you've got

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Speaker 1: to talk about it. Yeah, you have to bring it up.

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Speaker 1: It's so uncomfortable, and you have to take responsibility for

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Speaker 1: the part that you've owned and also hold them up

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Speaker 1: to a high standard being able to have those conversations

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Speaker 1: and take responsibility for the part they've played.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it definitely is a hard one, isn't it. I

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Speaker 2: feel like because resentment, it's like you feel disconnected from

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Speaker 2: your partner. So it's like there's a lever you pull away,

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Speaker 2: there's a part of you that's not feeling fully safe. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and so what I found is, you know, in the

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Speaker 2: moments where I don't fully feel safe with the partner,

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Speaker 2: like you said, your sex drivee completely goes and you

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Speaker 2: almost feel what's the word. It almost feel like you're like,

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Speaker 2: am I asexual?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know when you're just like but I just

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Speaker 2: I used to want it so much or I felt

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Speaker 2: super connected even when I was single or even in

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Speaker 2: the beginning of the relationship, but now all of a sudden, something'

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Speaker 2: dropped off and something is different. But it really is

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Speaker 2: so much deeper than that. It's not just about that

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Speaker 2: sexual desire. Like, think about how safe you've got to

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Speaker 2: feel as a woman, especially in our current day and age,

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Speaker 2: where like, you know, women feel super unsafe all the time.

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Speaker 2: How safe you have to feel in your body and

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Speaker 2: in your relationship to be able to access that pleasure part,

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Speaker 2: you know, because it's a very much a head game,

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Speaker 2: Like if we don't feel safe in our head and

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Speaker 2: our minds or in our body, we're not going to

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Speaker 2: turn on that pleasure, you know, what is closed.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, and back on the mom stuff too. I definitely

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Speaker 1: thought every new mum just doesn't want to has no libido.

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Speaker 1: You've just given birth, you're covering. That was the case

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Speaker 1: to me. I did not feel like having sex straight away,

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Speaker 1: but I had a girlfriend who was like two weeks later,

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Speaker 1: like wanting to have sex again, so turned on, so connected,

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Speaker 1: the relationship was solid, and I was like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: I've made up this story that everyone's just tired, exhausted,

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Speaker 1: you just disconnected. It's about the baby, and like, yes,

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Speaker 1: it is all those things. But she also could access

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Speaker 1: pleasure and connection and desire and fun and all those

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Speaker 1: things whilst in the middle of taking care of a

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Speaker 1: new baby. And it was really coo evidence for me

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Speaker 1: to be like, oh, this gets to be different and

316
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Speaker 1: I found such a difference from having Taj, my son,

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Speaker 1: who's nine. We didn't have sex for like five months

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Speaker 1: afterwards because I was healing and it was sore and

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Speaker 1: I was tired, and I was just going through stuff

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Speaker 1: and he was going through stuff, and we just weren't

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Speaker 1: connected very well, not communicating. There was resentment, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: there was tyler. I remember at six weeks being like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, am I allowed to have sex now,

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Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm ready connected with beautiful pregnancy together, had

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Speaker 1: a beautiful labor experience together. It was just so nice

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, this is so different.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what a contrast expert or that. You got to

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Speaker 2: look at that and look at that belief though, Yeah,

329
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Speaker 2: change the story around.

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Speaker 1: That, because sometimes when you tell yourself a story, you

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Speaker 1: actually believe it's the full truth. You convince yourself, you'll

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Speaker 1: tell all your friends, you'll tell the story again, and

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Speaker 1: something happened. You're like, oh, it's because of this, it

334
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Speaker 1: becomes your full truth and no one can change your

335
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Speaker 1: mind on it.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point.

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Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, maybe that's not the truth.

338
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Speaker 1: Maybe things can be different in this situation. Yeah, it

339
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Speaker 1: was really cool. It's interesting when you talk about that.

340
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Speaker 1: I even obviously I don't have children, but when I

341
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Speaker 1: hear people's stories, I think I almost have this belief

342
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Speaker 1: as well that that's true. Yeah, you know, because obviously

343
00:13:40,801 --> 00:13:44,601
Speaker 1: people have experiences where like the partners disconnect more because

344
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Speaker 1: baby is also super dependent on mum, and then the

345
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Speaker 1: partners like mom and dad disconnect, and so in my head,

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Speaker 1: I'm almost like, oh wow, like, if that time of

347
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Speaker 1: my life comes, is there going to be like a

348
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Speaker 1: separation period where I expect that to be normal?

349
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Speaker 2: That's right, like when me and my partner are going

350
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Speaker 2: to disconnect and not emotionally be so intimate or as

351
00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:04,041
Speaker 2: plugged into each other because now I'd be so focused

352
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Speaker 2: on baby.

353
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Speaker 1: Yes, And I'm like, it is alary a little bit.

354
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Speaker 1: It is scary, and there is an element of that,

355
00:14:08,921 --> 00:14:11,161
Speaker 1: and every situation is so different, like depending on your

356
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Speaker 1: birth trauma, how your partner's coping with things, your finances, like,

357
00:14:14,481 --> 00:14:16,361
Speaker 1: of course, there's so many layers to it, but it's

358
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Speaker 1: just cool to talk about this to make anyone listening

359
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,241
Speaker 1: just sit back and go okay, just because it happened

360
00:14:22,281 --> 00:14:25,121
Speaker 1: to that couple or my friends over there or actually

361
00:14:25,121 --> 00:14:27,281
Speaker 1: here like doesn't have to be my story in my truth?

362
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Speaker 1: And what can I do to prevent this from happening?

363
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Speaker 1: How can I make more effort and bring us together?

364
00:14:33,281 --> 00:14:34,841
Speaker 1: How can I not be sold on the stories that

365
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:37,281
Speaker 1: that's how it has to be. Like, there's so much

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00:14:37,321 --> 00:14:39,881
Speaker 1: that we are in control of that we think where

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00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,201
Speaker 1: sometimes not. We have so much power in our everyday

368
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Speaker 1: choices and our mindset around things and the stories that

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Speaker 1: we're telling ourselves.

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Speaker 2: It's so true.

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Speaker 1: There's so much power there.

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Speaker 2: It's like the conscious choice and constantly making the effort,

373
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Speaker 2: regardless of what season you are in your life, so

374
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Speaker 2: that you can create what it is that you want.

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Speaker 2: You're always in control of some aspect of your life,

376
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Speaker 2: so you choose to focus on what you can control

377
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,881
Speaker 2: rather than what you can't. Yeah, and then create the

378
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Speaker 2: reality that you want.

379
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Speaker 1: I love that.

380
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Speaker 2: You know what else I feel like can tribute It's

381
00:15:05,281 --> 00:15:07,961
Speaker 2: to whether you feel like in a very sexual energy

382
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,081
Speaker 2: or not. Is the way that you're speaking to yourself? Yeah,

383
00:15:11,241 --> 00:15:13,281
Speaker 2: you know when you're like in those slumps sometimes and

384
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Speaker 2: sometimes I get like this where I'm just like a

385
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Speaker 2: little bit more prone to like negative self talk or

386
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Speaker 2: I don't feel as good in my body or I'm like, oh,

387
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Speaker 2: I've put on a little bit of.

388
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Speaker 1: Weight, or how you have those moments.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like in those moments where you're just a little

390
00:15:23,921 --> 00:15:26,881
Speaker 2: bit nastier to yourself. I feel like that sometimes can

391
00:15:26,961 --> 00:15:28,881
Speaker 2: like switch off my libido because I'm like, oh, I

392
00:15:28,921 --> 00:15:31,961
Speaker 2: don't feel as connected to myself and I feel not

393
00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:33,961
Speaker 2: as nice in my body, or don't feel as sexy,

394
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:36,041
Speaker 2: or don't feel as confident. And then I'm like, oh,

395
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Speaker 2: like I don't want to do that, because then I

396
00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:38,961
Speaker 2: start to rush myself.

397
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Speaker 1: I start to like compare to how you used to be, yeah.

398
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:44,241
Speaker 2: And start to get into this bit of a mindset

399
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Speaker 2: where I'm like, oh, well, now I'll just you know,

400
00:15:46,041 --> 00:15:47,761
Speaker 2: if I'm gonna self pleasure or whatever, I'll just do

401
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:49,681
Speaker 2: it really quickly. Yeah, just get it over and done with,

402
00:15:49,801 --> 00:15:52,801
Speaker 2: as opposed to like genuinely enjoy the experience, or you know,

403
00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:54,961
Speaker 2: be intimate with a partner and you're taking your time

404
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:58,961
Speaker 2: and you're being slow and genuinely getting to enjoy the experience.

405
00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:01,241
Speaker 2: But then when you're in those headspaces and you're with

406
00:16:01,281 --> 00:16:04,401
Speaker 2: your partner, and it's like that transfers into that environment

407
00:16:04,401 --> 00:16:06,681
Speaker 2: and you're not as full present, because then you're like

408
00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:08,401
Speaker 2: if they're looking at how my stomach looks, or like

409
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,241
Speaker 2: do I need to turn.

410
00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:09,761
Speaker 1: The lights off?

411
00:16:09,961 --> 00:16:10,201
Speaker 2: Yeah?

412
00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:11,401
Speaker 1: Yeah, not in your body.

413
00:16:11,561 --> 00:16:13,561
Speaker 2: Yeah. So it's like coming out of that like negative

414
00:16:13,561 --> 00:16:15,761
Speaker 2: headspace when you are feeling a little bit more negative.

415
00:16:16,081 --> 00:16:17,681
Speaker 2: It's like just being able to be a little bit

416
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,601
Speaker 2: softer on yourself.

417
00:16:18,681 --> 00:16:19,761
Speaker 1: Yeah and grace.

418
00:16:19,921 --> 00:16:23,041
Speaker 2: Yeah, starting to like clock the negative self talk because

419
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:25,321
Speaker 2: if you can like clock it and stop allowing it,

420
00:16:25,521 --> 00:16:27,241
Speaker 2: because I feel like the more you allow it, the

421
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:29,201
Speaker 2: more you entertain it, and the longer it lasts for

422
00:16:29,681 --> 00:16:31,561
Speaker 2: and then you kind of stay in it becomes normal,

423
00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:33,361
Speaker 2: it comes your normal, and then you stay in that

424
00:16:33,361 --> 00:16:36,441
Speaker 2: negative headspace and that slump for longer and then create

425
00:16:36,481 --> 00:16:38,761
Speaker 2: that more disconnection from yourself because you're not connecting to

426
00:16:38,801 --> 00:16:40,201
Speaker 2: that sexual energy that you've got.

427
00:16:40,081 --> 00:16:42,001
Speaker 1: To break it to, isn't it It is? It's you

428
00:16:42,081 --> 00:16:43,681
Speaker 1: crack it and go, oh, hang on a second, that's

429
00:16:43,681 --> 00:16:45,601
Speaker 1: not so Me're not gonna get myself out of this. Yeah.

430
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Speaker 2: Absolutely. Something that's really helped me is like having internal

431
00:16:48,361 --> 00:16:51,881
Speaker 2: boundaries with myself elaborate like say, if I'm feeling really

432
00:16:51,881 --> 00:16:54,641
Speaker 2: negative or I'm feeling like I'm down on myself just

433
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,001
Speaker 2: being like, no, Tiana, I hear you, but we're not

434
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Speaker 2: going to entertain that today. Like it's okay that you

435
00:16:59,201 --> 00:17:00,921
Speaker 2: feel that way, but it's not the end of the world,

436
00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:03,321
Speaker 2: like you know, and just like being more gentle in

437
00:17:03,361 --> 00:17:05,521
Speaker 2: my approach. And it's not trying to go from one

438
00:17:05,521 --> 00:17:07,001
Speaker 2: extreme to the other, being like, oh, I don't feel

439
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:08,761
Speaker 2: good in my body today and then being like, oh

440
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,761
Speaker 2: my god, I love myself. I'm obsessed with myself. I

441
00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 2: love myself sick Like, it's not kind of go to

442
00:17:13,041 --> 00:17:16,720
Speaker 2: that extreme jump, it's just gently being that little bit kinder,

443
00:17:16,761 --> 00:17:18,521
Speaker 2: because then that's going to create like a flow on

444
00:17:18,561 --> 00:17:20,041
Speaker 2: effect of positive thoughts.

445
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,401
Speaker 1: You have internal conversations with.

446
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,281
Speaker 2: Yourself, internal conversations, yeah.

447
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,521
Speaker 1: Which we all do, but being more conscious around what

448
00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:26,441
Speaker 1: that conversation is.

449
00:17:26,521 --> 00:17:28,080
Speaker 2: Like, say, for example, you're in a room with a

450
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,561
Speaker 2: friend and you would never want them to talk badly

451
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,120
Speaker 2: about somebody in front of you. If you wouldn't allow that,

452
00:17:33,321 --> 00:17:35,200
Speaker 2: you're going to have a boundary I'm not available for

453
00:17:35,201 --> 00:17:35,761
Speaker 2: this conversation.

454
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,480
Speaker 1: Yes, so true, right, But when do we do that

455
00:17:37,521 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 1: to ourselves?

456
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,161
Speaker 2: When do we go in our heads, Hey Tiana, I'm

457
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,961
Speaker 2: not available for this conversation going, We're not going there.

458
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,600
Speaker 2: You know, I feel like that's really helpful, that's really cool.

459
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,401
Speaker 1: We always talk about it. But where's your nervous system at?

460
00:17:48,961 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 1: If you are constantly stuck in fight or flight, you

461
00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:54,161
Speaker 1: are not going to be turned on. No, your libido

462
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,600
Speaker 1: is going to be but fuck nowhere, that's nowhere to

463
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,761
Speaker 1: be seen. Your nervous system is something that we will

464
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,561
Speaker 1: always preach to be checking with every single day. Where

465
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,321
Speaker 1: is your breath at? Where is your body? Do not

466
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,120
Speaker 1: feel safe? Are you in your head? Are you in

467
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,160
Speaker 1: your body? Where are you taking moments to have some

468
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:13,441
Speaker 1: slow to reconnect, get out in the sunshine, do all

469
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:16,641
Speaker 1: the basic foundational things. It's a little one percenters each day.

470
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,961
Speaker 1: It's starting to day with hydration, taking some big breasts,

471
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:24,120
Speaker 1: getting five minutes of sun, moving your body, being grateful,

472
00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:28,321
Speaker 1: surrounding yourself with good people. Do you have hobbies, passion? Purpose?

473
00:18:28,681 --> 00:18:32,121
Speaker 1: All those little things actually have huge impacts. They do.

474
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,481
Speaker 1: They're not little things actually they're really big things. Yeah,

475
00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:36,481
Speaker 1: but sometimes we can get so lost and get out

476
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,640
Speaker 1: of habit of doing them, and then it just like

477
00:18:38,761 --> 00:18:40,961
Speaker 1: piles up and impacts your libido.

478
00:18:41,281 --> 00:18:43,840
Speaker 2: It's so true because there's so many external variables, isn't it.

479
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 2: All of the things that we like, not necessarily can't control,

480
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:50,681
Speaker 2: but external factors that contribute how we feel day to day.

481
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 2: It's like, if you can get on top of all

482
00:18:52,321 --> 00:18:54,120
Speaker 2: of those things, you're not going to swing in and

483
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,441
Speaker 2: out of those high highs and low lows all the time.

484
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,641
Speaker 1: That's my goal the moment's not swing so much.

485
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 2: Is to be consistent, consistent, like emotionally, mentally, all of it.

486
00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 1: Like Steve and I dipped a lot. Yeah, maybe it's

487
00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:08,961
Speaker 1: around my cycle too, probably, but would have times where

488
00:19:08,961 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 1: we're super plugged in and super connected and having amazing,

489
00:19:11,481 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 1: beautiful into it moments and sex life is great, and

490
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,481
Speaker 1: they would have a couple of weeks where it was

491
00:19:15,481 --> 00:19:17,441
Speaker 1: a bit drier and just not so great. Yeah, he's

492
00:19:17,441 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 1: stressed and I'm stressed or going through things. More consistency,

493
00:19:21,521 --> 00:19:24,401
Speaker 1: that's definitely my goal. Now I'm experiencing that, and I've

494
00:19:24,441 --> 00:19:27,161
Speaker 1: got evidence that it can be more consistent. It's actually

495
00:19:27,201 --> 00:19:29,881
Speaker 1: like on me, yeah, but both of us being more

496
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,241
Speaker 1: conscious to it. Lots more conversations, lots more openness, lots

497
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:37,880
Speaker 1: more connection, lots more prioritizing, even when you've got so

498
00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:40,561
Speaker 1: much else going on, which is hard with kids, it's

499
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:44,681
Speaker 1: really hard. But prioritizing it because it is so important,

500
00:19:44,721 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: it'll make you feel so much more alive.

501
00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 2: I'm sure it would make everything else feel lighter as well.

502
00:19:49,961 --> 00:19:52,401
Speaker 2: When you have like your team and you're like, we're

503
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 2: a team in this. I'm doing it solo by yourself

504
00:19:54,441 --> 00:19:56,201
Speaker 2: over there, and I'm doing it solo over here, We're

505
00:19:56,201 --> 00:19:56,920
Speaker 2: doing this together.

506
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,721
Speaker 1: It makes you feel so much more a team because

507
00:19:58,721 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: you are so much more deeply connected. Yeah. So, in summary,

508
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,360
Speaker 1: don't blame one solid thing on your lobido. There is

509
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 1: lots of things to look at. You got to be

510
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,401
Speaker 1: able to find more pleasure in your every day look

511
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:12,360
Speaker 1: at your nervous system, your sleep, your nutrition, all the

512
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:15,281
Speaker 1: one percenters we just spoke about. Even what you wear

513
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,880
Speaker 1: that matters. Yeah, how confident you feel, how feminine you feel?

514
00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:21,081
Speaker 1: The clothes like, what do you feel when you put

515
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,521
Speaker 1: them on? Even like the perfectly you spray all those

516
00:20:23,561 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 1: like little beautiful things. Check in to see are you bored?

517
00:20:26,441 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 1: Are you lacking desire? Do you need more variety? Are

518
00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:30,961
Speaker 1: you doing the same shit all the time with your partner?

519
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:33,801
Speaker 1: Can you just spice things up? That's another conversation to have.

520
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,681
Speaker 2: Check in with what you're eating, what you're consuming. Yeah,

521
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:39,120
Speaker 2: you're drinking all of the things that you're consuming. And

522
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 2: also that also ties into what you're consuming on social

523
00:20:41,721 --> 00:20:44,600
Speaker 2: media as well. Being might full of those variables because

524
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:45,761
Speaker 2: it all plays its role.

525
00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:48,881
Speaker 1: Yeah, taking the pressure off to be a certain way

526
00:20:48,921 --> 00:20:51,680
Speaker 1: and trying to find more consistency. You don't have to

527
00:20:51,681 --> 00:20:53,200
Speaker 1: be acting like a porn style all the time and

528
00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:55,360
Speaker 1: you're expecting your sex life to be like the movies. Yeah,

529
00:20:55,441 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 1: find what works for you, guys, and constantly be checking

530
00:20:57,921 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 1: in and being graceful in the moments too. That it

531
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,681
Speaker 1: is a bit harder as well, Like I know when

532
00:21:02,681 --> 00:21:05,241
Speaker 1: Steve's super stressed that it's not going to be was

533
00:21:05,281 --> 00:21:07,160
Speaker 1: we were on a vaca yeah, or a stay k

534
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:09,801
Speaker 1: But bringing that in day to day more.

535
00:21:09,721 --> 00:21:11,801
Speaker 2: And also just like not making those moments mean that

536
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,880
Speaker 2: something is wrong. Yeah, just being like, oh, like nothing's wrong,

537
00:21:15,001 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 2: Like the house isn't on fire. We've just pivoted into

538
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,521
Speaker 2: the next room and we've gone off track a little bit. Okay, cool,

539
00:21:19,561 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 2: what can we do to bring it back on a

540
00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:21,880
Speaker 2: track exactly?

541
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,680
Speaker 1: And see where you're putting energy in time to obviously

542
00:21:24,801 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: put a lot of energy in time to our children

543
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: or to our work. How much time you're actually putting

544
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,561
Speaker 1: into your intimate sex life with your partner? Yeah, and

545
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,321
Speaker 1: being connected? Yeah, when you're really honest with yourself. Is

546
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,561
Speaker 1: it two percent? Is it twenty percent? What do you

547
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,281
Speaker 1: do day to day? What do you do week tweek?

548
00:21:38,321 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: What do you do on the weekends? Like, what are

549
00:21:39,561 --> 00:21:42,521
Speaker 1: you doing to contribute to bringing that connection and your

550
00:21:42,521 --> 00:21:43,401
Speaker 1: libido up? Yeah?

551
00:21:43,441 --> 00:21:45,561
Speaker 2: What are those little bits for connection? Are they being met?

552
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 2: Are you connecting? Are you guys roommates? Where are you

553
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:48,561
Speaker 2: guys at?

554
00:21:48,961 --> 00:21:51,880
Speaker 1: Exactly? Constantly checking in and like I said before, just

555
00:21:51,961 --> 00:21:54,001
Speaker 1: day to day, really checking on in your nervous system.

556
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 1: How can you feel more grounded and connected to yourself

557
00:21:56,921 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 1: because that's going to overpour to your partner as well.

558
00:21:59,041 --> 00:22:01,161
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Yeah, beautiful, All.

559
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,721
Speaker 1: Right, guys, and things to joining us. We just thought

560
00:22:02,761 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 1: that was a very important topic to talk about and

561
00:22:04,521 --> 00:22:06,001
Speaker 1: something we got asked about. Whenever you do a Q

562
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,401
Speaker 1: and AAT, there's always things in about how to increase albedo,

563
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,561
Speaker 1: So there's some things to just check in and look at. Yeah.

564
00:22:10,561 --> 00:22:12,361
Speaker 2: Thanks, that's good. We'll see on the next episode.

565
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 1: Bye.

566
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 2: Bye,