1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,241 Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,001 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:25,641 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics 7 00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,721 Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:30,921 --> 00:00:34,121 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises with Ashley and Tiana. 10 00:00:34,161 --> 00:00:36,561 Speaker 1: And this one is all for the mums. How to 11 00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:39,161 Speaker 1: find your identity after having a child, the loss of 12 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,281 Speaker 1: your old self, the grief and finding your confidence again 13 00:00:42,361 --> 00:00:46,361 Speaker 1: after having children, which is something so many mums are 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 1: wanting more help with. So many moms struggle with. It's 15 00:00:48,921 --> 00:00:52,161 Speaker 1: in my DMS every single day. Powerful topic. It is 16 00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: a powerful topic. It's a really important one and it's 17 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,641 Speaker 1: something that I think I can lead with confidence because 18 00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,401 Speaker 1: I think I do really well not to choot my 19 00:00:58,441 --> 00:01:02,121 Speaker 1: own horn, but I do to you do. I love 20 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,361 Speaker 1: being like a leader in this space because I think 21 00:01:04,361 --> 00:01:06,441 Speaker 1: it's so important for us not to lose ourselves and 22 00:01:06,481 --> 00:01:11,321 Speaker 1: to honor what's important in our lives before pregnancy and 23 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: after we have children, our hobbies, our passions, our purposes, 24 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,681 Speaker 1: our relationships, our friendships, things that light us up. When 25 00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: you become a mum, you're not just a mum. You're 26 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,761 Speaker 1: still everything that you were underneath all of that, it 27 00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:25,921 Speaker 1: can just look and feel a little different. So let's 28 00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:30,081 Speaker 1: get into it. Why do so many mums lose themselves personally? 29 00:01:30,161 --> 00:01:32,201 Speaker 1: I think a lot of mums lose themselves when they 30 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,761 Speaker 1: become a mother because there is this disordered belief that 31 00:01:35,801 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: when you become a mum, that's all you are. And yes, 32 00:01:39,401 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 1: it is the most important job in the world, and 33 00:01:41,681 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: yes it's very consuming, and yes it is your number 34 00:01:44,121 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: one priority that would never change even for me. But 35 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,921 Speaker 1: it's not all you have to be. You can still 36 00:01:49,961 --> 00:01:53,401 Speaker 1: be someone who enjoys a hobby, who plays sport, who 37 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:56,361 Speaker 1: wants to learn an instrument, who wants to travel, who 38 00:01:56,361 --> 00:01:58,681 Speaker 1: wants to succeed in their career, who wants to do 39 00:01:58,721 --> 00:02:01,441 Speaker 1: a course, who wants to be sexy with their partner. 40 00:02:01,481 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: You can still be all of that. It's just navigating 41 00:02:04,201 --> 00:02:06,641 Speaker 1: and finding a new ne But what prevents us from 42 00:02:06,721 --> 00:02:09,921 Speaker 1: enjoying all of that is the story that society, I 43 00:02:09,961 --> 00:02:11,721 Speaker 1: think has told us that we can't do all of 44 00:02:11,721 --> 00:02:14,081 Speaker 1: that because our kids need to be everything. And you're 45 00:02:14,121 --> 00:02:17,001 Speaker 1: a bad mum if you take time away from your kids. 46 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,800 Speaker 1: And I still see it when I go for date 47 00:02:18,881 --> 00:02:20,961 Speaker 1: night or I go traveling, or I come up to Brisbane, 48 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,881 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, even we've been on a live last time. Yeah, 49 00:02:23,921 --> 00:02:26,401 Speaker 1: how are the kids when you go away? I was like, 50 00:02:26,441 --> 00:02:29,441 Speaker 1: giggle it. I was like, amazing. They're all over Steve. 51 00:02:29,761 --> 00:02:31,761 Speaker 1: They're covering him like a rash, They're playing with him, 52 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,041 Speaker 1: They're having the best time with him. They love their dad. 53 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,321 Speaker 1: Do you mean, how are they? They're being very well 54 00:02:36,361 --> 00:02:38,761 Speaker 1: taken care of by their dad, but they're very capable, 55 00:02:38,881 --> 00:02:42,441 Speaker 1: hands on, present, loving dad. Yeah, they're fine, you know. 56 00:02:42,481 --> 00:02:44,481 Speaker 1: And I don't carry guilt for doing all of that 57 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: because I know that it makes me a better mum. 58 00:02:46,361 --> 00:02:46,601 Speaker 2: Yeah. 59 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: And I will ever die on that hill of yelling 60 00:02:48,561 --> 00:02:50,081 Speaker 1: that out, screaming at the top of my lungs to 61 00:02:50,121 --> 00:02:52,921 Speaker 1: other mums that they can still have a life outside 62 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 1: of being a mum as well. And it's going to 63 00:02:54,921 --> 00:02:56,641 Speaker 1: look and be different to everyone. Your work might not 64 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,041 Speaker 1: require you to travel like it does me. You might 65 00:02:59,081 --> 00:03:01,441 Speaker 1: not value friendship as much as me. You might not 66 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,481 Speaker 1: want to play a sport or go to dance class. 67 00:03:03,481 --> 00:03:06,161 Speaker 1: It's going to look and feel different to everyone. But 68 00:03:06,361 --> 00:03:08,201 Speaker 1: don't put yourself in a box to think that that's 69 00:03:08,281 --> 00:03:10,521 Speaker 1: all you have to be the next eighteen years off 70 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: your life until your kid leaves home, because I promise you, 71 00:03:13,161 --> 00:03:15,361 Speaker 1: if that's what you do, you will lose yourself. You 72 00:03:15,401 --> 00:03:18,081 Speaker 1: will question everything, and when they do leave home and 73 00:03:18,161 --> 00:03:20,321 Speaker 1: leave the nest, you're gonna be like, who the fuck 74 00:03:20,361 --> 00:03:22,361 Speaker 1: am I? What do I like? What am I doing? 75 00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:24,641 Speaker 1: Who's that man that I've been living with? Your husband? 76 00:03:25,281 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: And I know this bo because I've watched my mum 77 00:03:26,841 --> 00:03:29,201 Speaker 1: go through it. Yeah, I wish she did things differently. 78 00:03:29,201 --> 00:03:31,641 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for what she did for us, but 79 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,641 Speaker 1: I wish she took more time for herself and put 80 00:03:33,641 --> 00:03:36,561 Speaker 1: herself as a priority because her health suffered, her relationship suffered, 81 00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:39,001 Speaker 1: her life suffered, and when we all left, it was 82 00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:41,561 Speaker 1: like what now you know? You see? It feel like 83 00:03:41,601 --> 00:03:44,601 Speaker 1: it's really common. It's super common. And I'd also think 84 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,841 Speaker 1: that our kids role model everything that we do. I 85 00:03:47,921 --> 00:03:51,241 Speaker 1: want them to value connection and friendship and purpose and 86 00:03:51,281 --> 00:03:54,281 Speaker 1: passion and have a mission to make the world a 87 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:57,921 Speaker 1: better place. Who do they learn that from me. They're 88 00:03:57,921 --> 00:04:01,401 Speaker 1: not learning off Oprah. I love Oprah, Love twenty Robins. 89 00:04:01,401 --> 00:04:04,121 Speaker 1: But we have such a big impact on our children. 90 00:04:04,201 --> 00:04:05,841 Speaker 1: So what happens in the home and how we show 91 00:04:05,921 --> 00:04:08,161 Speaker 1: up is really important. And even when I come up here, 92 00:04:08,241 --> 00:04:10,041 Speaker 1: like Taj this morning, he was like, oh, you're going 93 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,561 Speaker 1: to Brisbane again. I said, yeah, I am. Babe said why, 94 00:04:12,561 --> 00:04:13,961 Speaker 1: I guess I'll just miss you and I said I'll 95 00:04:13,961 --> 00:04:16,041 Speaker 1: miss you too. But you know how much mum loves this, 96 00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:17,921 Speaker 1: you know how much it helps women. He's like, I 97 00:04:17,961 --> 00:04:20,121 Speaker 1: know you love it. It's like gonna be back tomorrow. 98 00:04:20,281 --> 00:04:24,001 Speaker 1: And I was like, you're coming back. Mommy always comes back. Yeay, goodbye, 99 00:04:24,401 --> 00:04:26,921 Speaker 1: I fum my Daddy And it's all good. They're allowed 100 00:04:26,921 --> 00:04:28,801 Speaker 1: to miss me. Doesn't mean that what I'm doing is wrong. 101 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,721 Speaker 1: Steve misses me, doesn't mean that I'm doing something wrong 102 00:04:31,761 --> 00:04:35,601 Speaker 1: by my relationship. But we create these stories that it's wrong, 103 00:04:36,121 --> 00:04:38,561 Speaker 1: and we hear from other moms too, you know, specially 104 00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:41,241 Speaker 1: with TikTok. God. I love TikTok, but I also think 105 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,161 Speaker 1: it can be a dangerous place because you could see 106 00:04:43,201 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: one video and they're touching on a sore spot for 107 00:04:45,921 --> 00:04:47,681 Speaker 1: you if you're already feeling a little bit guilty and 108 00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:50,241 Speaker 1: edgy for planning a girl's trip or going back to 109 00:04:50,361 --> 00:04:52,841 Speaker 1: workplace we putting your kid in daycare. You see this 110 00:04:52,841 --> 00:04:55,041 Speaker 1: one video that's like daycare is the worst thing ever 111 00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:57,241 Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, it's like, oh, oh my god, I'm 112 00:04:57,281 --> 00:04:58,841 Speaker 1: the worst mother ever. I need to stay home. Makes 113 00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:01,001 Speaker 1: you spiral and guilt. Yeah, and then you don't go 114 00:05:01,121 --> 00:05:03,561 Speaker 1: back to work and you're at home with your child 115 00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:05,521 Speaker 1: and that's beautiful, but it's not what you want. You're 116 00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:07,521 Speaker 1: not honoring what you want, and then you lose yourself 117 00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:10,241 Speaker 1: and you have resentment and you're miserable. And I want 118 00:05:10,281 --> 00:05:11,641 Speaker 1: to lead the way and show that it can be 119 00:05:11,721 --> 00:05:14,241 Speaker 1: done differently. So that's where I think it comes from. 120 00:05:14,561 --> 00:05:18,041 Speaker 1: When you have a child, two children, three children, it 121 00:05:18,121 --> 00:05:21,361 Speaker 1: changes every single time, but it's new. You have to 122 00:05:21,401 --> 00:05:24,481 Speaker 1: find a new way to be, new routines, new systems, 123 00:05:25,481 --> 00:05:28,161 Speaker 1: new everything, And that can be really challenging and difficult 124 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,441 Speaker 1: and uncomfortable because even in your relationship, so much changes 125 00:05:31,481 --> 00:05:33,481 Speaker 1: because you've both got different new roles and you're both 126 00:05:33,521 --> 00:05:37,241 Speaker 1: taking on so much more, and there's less time for 127 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,481 Speaker 1: connection and for the things that you like, like from 128 00:05:39,521 --> 00:05:42,441 Speaker 1: going from one to two, I noticed a massive change. 129 00:05:42,481 --> 00:05:44,921 Speaker 1: There was definitely way less time for the things that 130 00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:47,481 Speaker 1: I enjoyed. And you know what, there's different seasons. For 131 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,961 Speaker 1: the first year, it was heavily mum mode at home 132 00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:53,121 Speaker 1: with Tarler connected with her. I didn't work as much. 133 00:05:53,681 --> 00:05:56,681 Speaker 1: Even finding an exercise routine was really hard enplay me 134 00:05:56,681 --> 00:05:59,161 Speaker 1: and you, to be honest, thinking myself accountable. I didn't 135 00:05:59,161 --> 00:06:01,081 Speaker 1: feel as motivated to get up and go train. I 136 00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:04,201 Speaker 1: wasn't enjoying it. Told myself that that fitness chapter was 137 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,721 Speaker 1: kind of closed to me now now that I'm a 138 00:06:05,801 --> 00:06:07,361 Speaker 1: mom of two. Yeah, you know, I just need to 139 00:06:07,361 --> 00:06:09,681 Speaker 1: be at home with my kids. So easy to buy 140 00:06:09,681 --> 00:06:12,921 Speaker 1: into the story. It's so easy to buy into the stories. 141 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,161 Speaker 1: That's finding what works for you and your family and 142 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:20,161 Speaker 1: doing whatever you can to make it fit. That's really important. 143 00:06:20,201 --> 00:06:22,041 Speaker 1: Otherwise once again, you will lose yourself. 144 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,961 Speaker 2: So you felt a difference between when you first became 145 00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 2: a mom versus becoming a mom of two. What do 146 00:06:28,561 --> 00:06:31,001 Speaker 2: you feel like was the loss of self that you 147 00:06:31,081 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 2: had first when you had Taj versus when you first 148 00:06:35,081 --> 00:06:35,641 Speaker 2: had Tala. 149 00:06:36,561 --> 00:06:38,241 Speaker 1: I think it's easier to go from one to two 150 00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:40,241 Speaker 1: personally and I know every mom's got a different opinion, 151 00:06:40,281 --> 00:06:44,281 Speaker 1: but zero to one, your whole life changed. Everything slipped 152 00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,521 Speaker 1: outside down. You're so used to you putting yourself first, 153 00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: or putting your relationship first, to everything being about this kid, 154 00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:53,481 Speaker 1: and naturally that happens. But to go from one to two, 155 00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 1: you kind of know what you're doing. No, that's expected. Yeah, 156 00:06:56,481 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: so it's not such a shock to your system. So 157 00:06:59,121 --> 00:07:02,161 Speaker 1: I just found that transition a lot easier. So I 158 00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:04,761 Speaker 1: didn't lose myself so much in the second time because 159 00:07:04,761 --> 00:07:07,921 Speaker 1: I aren't from the first time. What it took, what 160 00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:10,121 Speaker 1: I needed, and how I'm going to do things differently 161 00:07:10,321 --> 00:07:12,761 Speaker 1: because I did things not great in the first time. 162 00:07:12,921 --> 00:07:15,201 Speaker 1: It was like my warm up. Yeah, of course running 163 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,241 Speaker 1: in they're blind. I was never maternal. I hadn't been 164 00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:19,801 Speaker 1: around many children. Neither had Steve. We don't even know 165 00:07:19,801 --> 00:07:21,761 Speaker 1: what we're doing. So in my fast time, yeah, I 166 00:07:21,801 --> 00:07:24,041 Speaker 1: made a lot of mistakes. So going second time around 167 00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:26,001 Speaker 1: with like, okay, that did not work this time, what 168 00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,601 Speaker 1: do we do differently? And we just found it a 169 00:07:28,601 --> 00:07:31,041 Speaker 1: lot more smooth and we communicated so much better. For 170 00:07:31,441 --> 00:07:33,441 Speaker 1: what do you need to feel your best? What do 171 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:35,561 Speaker 1: I need to feel my best? We're both going to 172 00:07:35,641 --> 00:07:37,521 Speaker 1: not get a lot of sleep in the first six months. 173 00:07:37,521 --> 00:07:40,361 Speaker 1: How do you maximize both of us getting enough sleep 174 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,841 Speaker 1: to be able to not just survive but try to 175 00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:46,001 Speaker 1: thrive each day. And we found different systems that worked 176 00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:48,641 Speaker 1: until it doesn't work, or the baby changes and their 177 00:07:48,681 --> 00:07:50,721 Speaker 1: less naps or they're waking up more or less and 178 00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:54,201 Speaker 1: new adapt you to really flexible and adaptable in motherhood. Yeah, 179 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,841 Speaker 1: and that's a skill that it's taught me. I feel 180 00:07:55,881 --> 00:07:59,521 Speaker 1: like I was quite a routine, structured person, which really 181 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,081 Speaker 1: serves me because I get a lot done. I'm quite 182 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,481 Speaker 1: a productive person and I'm like and I go all 183 00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:06,441 Speaker 1: in yep, and I don't do things half asked. But 184 00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:09,241 Speaker 1: being able to be flexible and adaptable to their changes 185 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,561 Speaker 1: and their knees is a very good skill set to 186 00:08:11,561 --> 00:08:14,281 Speaker 1: have as a mom. Oh yeah, yeah, and in life, right, 187 00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:16,681 Speaker 1: everyday life, because life's never going to be the same, 188 00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:18,401 Speaker 1: it's always changing, she happens. 189 00:08:18,441 --> 00:08:20,841 Speaker 2: Being able to be fluid fluid, yeah, yes, because I 190 00:08:20,881 --> 00:08:23,641 Speaker 2: feel like it being a mom, everything would be unpredictable. 191 00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:24,081 Speaker 1: In a sense. 192 00:08:24,161 --> 00:08:26,881 Speaker 2: It is predictable actually when you're doing it for the 193 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 2: first time and you actually don't know what's coming next. 194 00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:32,441 Speaker 2: And I imagine like going through the different phases and 195 00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:35,641 Speaker 2: seasons of you know, the newborn stage to the toddler. 196 00:08:35,321 --> 00:08:37,281 Speaker 1: Stage to the threes. 197 00:08:37,761 --> 00:08:39,921 Speaker 2: You know, it's like you don't know what's coming and 198 00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:41,761 Speaker 2: you have to learn how to change and adapt as 199 00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:44,001 Speaker 2: you go, just learning how to figure it out. 200 00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:47,841 Speaker 1: And you're getting to know this person. Like even now 201 00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:51,561 Speaker 1: Tyala to Taj, Taj has so many more opinions, and 202 00:08:51,601 --> 00:08:53,641 Speaker 1: he's standing up for what he believes in, and he's 203 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,241 Speaker 1: you know, fighting back on different things he doesn't agree with. 204 00:08:56,281 --> 00:08:59,081 Speaker 1: Like even at the moment, for example, he cracks his 205 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:02,281 Speaker 1: knuckles all the time. Drives me nuts. I think I'm 206 00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:05,201 Speaker 1: just noise sensitive and I thought it caused arthritis. Chat 207 00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:09,561 Speaker 1: GBT confirmed it does not arthritis, so I'm want was 208 00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:11,601 Speaker 1: back about that all the time, and he pushed back 209 00:09:11,641 --> 00:09:13,001 Speaker 1: on it. He was like, well, I don't believe you. 210 00:09:13,401 --> 00:09:15,481 Speaker 1: And then we got out chat GBT and we were 211 00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:18,121 Speaker 1: very quickly shut down. Wow, there go. It's like, see 212 00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:19,921 Speaker 1: it doesn't cause anything, so there's no problem to me 213 00:09:19,961 --> 00:09:23,641 Speaker 1: cracking my knuckles. It feels good. I had nothing, I've 214 00:09:23,681 --> 00:09:25,881 Speaker 1: got nothing. I'm like like all right, okay, cool and 215 00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:27,961 Speaker 1: Steve's like, well, it's still it's a habit, and we 216 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,321 Speaker 1: want to break the habit because I would think over time, 217 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,281 Speaker 1: that's cover good for you. Yeah, and there's a reason 218 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,441 Speaker 1: why you're doing it. But that was just an example. 219 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,561 Speaker 1: You're adapting all the time. Yes. Another thing of why 220 00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:40,921 Speaker 1: we lose ourselves in motherhood too is because we don't 221 00:09:40,921 --> 00:09:43,321 Speaker 1: take care of ourselves. Once again, that stories you have 222 00:09:43,361 --> 00:09:45,681 Speaker 1: to put your kids before anyone else, and you do. 223 00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:48,241 Speaker 1: But putting your kids as a priority doesn't mean you 224 00:09:48,281 --> 00:09:50,721 Speaker 1: have to put yourself as a last priority. You can 225 00:09:50,801 --> 00:09:53,321 Speaker 1: still know your worth, know that you're important, and know 226 00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:55,441 Speaker 1: that when you take care of yourself, you show up 227 00:09:55,521 --> 00:09:57,921 Speaker 1: is the best version of yourself for your kids. And 228 00:09:57,961 --> 00:10:00,321 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be a full day spa. It's 229 00:10:00,321 --> 00:10:03,801 Speaker 1: the little micro moments during it throughout the day. Yeah, 230 00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:06,361 Speaker 1: it's choosing what you put into your body. It's choosing 231 00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:08,521 Speaker 1: do you get up fifteen minutes before your kid normally 232 00:10:08,521 --> 00:10:10,761 Speaker 1: gets up and getting out in the sunshine, or listening 233 00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:13,241 Speaker 1: to a meditation or having a sauna or going for 234 00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:15,241 Speaker 1: a walk around the block. It's doing those little things 235 00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:17,721 Speaker 1: that just fill your cup up or forever say that 236 00:10:17,761 --> 00:10:19,921 Speaker 1: you can't pour from a empty cup, which actually is 237 00:10:19,961 --> 00:10:21,641 Speaker 1: a lie, because moms do that all the time because 238 00:10:21,641 --> 00:10:23,721 Speaker 1: we have to. Yeah, however, why would you if you 239 00:10:23,761 --> 00:10:26,321 Speaker 1: have a choice not to, Why would you try and 240 00:10:26,361 --> 00:10:28,001 Speaker 1: pour from an empty cup all the time and give 241 00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:32,201 Speaker 1: them whatever's left instead of the best of you? Overflow? Overflow? 242 00:10:32,881 --> 00:10:36,121 Speaker 2: Why do you think that that happens when women become mothers, 243 00:10:36,961 --> 00:10:39,401 Speaker 2: that they tend to lose themselves and no longer prioritize themselves. 244 00:10:39,441 --> 00:10:41,641 Speaker 2: Do you think it comes from, like not knowing how 245 00:10:41,681 --> 00:10:45,121 Speaker 2: to adjust to pouring into bub and still being able 246 00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:45,961 Speaker 2: to give to themselves. 247 00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:47,721 Speaker 1: Where do you think that that comes from. I think 248 00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:49,481 Speaker 1: that we don't have a lot left to give, so 249 00:10:49,801 --> 00:10:51,321 Speaker 1: we've got we are giving it to our kids. At 250 00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:52,361 Speaker 1: the end of the day, it's like I don't have 251 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,001 Speaker 1: anything to give to my husband, let alone myself or 252 00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:57,721 Speaker 1: my friends or work or anything. Yeah, it's very consuming. 253 00:10:57,761 --> 00:10:59,641 Speaker 1: That's why I think it's important to understand the seasons. 254 00:10:59,641 --> 00:11:01,601 Speaker 1: I was like that too for the first year, but 255 00:11:01,641 --> 00:11:03,841 Speaker 1: then it's like, Okay, I don't want to sit here forever. Yeah, 256 00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:06,281 Speaker 1: now they're getting older and sleeping a bit more, or 257 00:11:06,401 --> 00:11:08,641 Speaker 1: you know, they can stay with the dad they're not breastfeeding. 258 00:11:08,681 --> 00:11:10,921 Speaker 1: That is reliant on me. I'm going to carve out 259 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,081 Speaker 1: time here, babe. I'm going to go for a walk 260 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,441 Speaker 1: at four o'clock this afternoon. I'm going to do this. 261 00:11:15,481 --> 00:11:17,641 Speaker 1: When do you need time? Let's work together, Let's tag team. 262 00:11:17,681 --> 00:11:18,881 Speaker 1: We still tagged team all the time. 263 00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:19,201 Speaker 2: Yeah. 264 00:11:19,241 --> 00:11:20,601 Speaker 1: On the weekend, I go to the gym and go 265 00:11:20,601 --> 00:11:22,121 Speaker 1: for my walk, come back. He does the same thing. 266 00:11:22,521 --> 00:11:24,561 Speaker 1: And then our Saturday starts at ten am. We've both 267 00:11:24,561 --> 00:11:26,601 Speaker 1: had our own time to fill our cups up. We 268 00:11:26,681 --> 00:11:29,001 Speaker 1: feel good, we moved our body, I've connected with girlfriends. 269 00:11:29,201 --> 00:11:32,561 Speaker 1: We're good to go. Yeah, it's this constant communication that 270 00:11:32,601 --> 00:11:34,961 Speaker 1: and then the pressure of society. Yeah, that they have 271 00:11:35,121 --> 00:11:37,441 Speaker 1: this new rule that they're allowed to put themselves first, 272 00:11:37,761 --> 00:11:40,001 Speaker 1: and they're deemed as sell fish and a bad mum, right, 273 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,561 Speaker 1: And I get that all the time. So I get 274 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,921 Speaker 1: when women think that. Yeah, So like the fear of 275 00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:46,801 Speaker 1: judgment of other moms. I'm not a good mum if 276 00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:48,761 Speaker 1: I do things for myself and I'm looked at his 277 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,481 Speaker 1: bad mum all the time. Because I see my friends 278 00:11:50,481 --> 00:11:52,241 Speaker 1: and I go away and I travel and all the things. 279 00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:54,361 Speaker 1: That's terrible, isn't it? It's sad. I don't mean I 280 00:11:54,401 --> 00:11:55,641 Speaker 1: don't take it on board because I know I'm not 281 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:56,481 Speaker 1: a bad mum of course. 282 00:11:56,681 --> 00:11:56,881 Speaker 2: Mom. 283 00:11:56,961 --> 00:11:58,681 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a fantastic mom. I love the way for 284 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,161 Speaker 1: the parents down. Yeah. Care for my children a lot, 285 00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:02,921 Speaker 1: and I believe what I'm showing them as a beautiful 286 00:12:02,921 --> 00:12:04,721 Speaker 1: way to live life. I want them to live a 287 00:12:04,721 --> 00:12:05,361 Speaker 1: life life this. 288 00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:07,921 Speaker 2: I think it's really sad though, that that's put pressure 289 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,681 Speaker 2: on mums, because like mums are the ones who suffer 290 00:12:10,721 --> 00:12:13,241 Speaker 2: in silence exactly, Like with all this pressure and like 291 00:12:13,281 --> 00:12:15,121 Speaker 2: all of the stuff on social media about not being 292 00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:17,681 Speaker 2: able to take a minute for yourself and taking that 293 00:12:17,761 --> 00:12:20,401 Speaker 2: quite literally, and then they're like suffering inside and then 294 00:12:20,481 --> 00:12:22,841 Speaker 2: the baby suffers, and then your partner suffers. 295 00:12:22,401 --> 00:12:25,281 Speaker 1: And everyone feels it. Right, everyone does. What's that saying. 296 00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:27,281 Speaker 2: I don't know how it goes, but everyone operates to 297 00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:28,121 Speaker 2: the green mom does? 298 00:12:28,441 --> 00:12:32,321 Speaker 1: Yeah something I have heard of that before. Yeah. And 299 00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:33,961 Speaker 1: there's just so many rules that you put on mums, 300 00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:36,401 Speaker 1: Like even if I wear like a more sexy outfit, 301 00:12:36,441 --> 00:12:39,361 Speaker 1: I'll get comments on social media. Once again, doesn't bother 302 00:12:39,401 --> 00:12:41,281 Speaker 1: me because I'm not insecure about it. But it's like 303 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,721 Speaker 1: moms shouldn't wear that, And I'm like, says who, Yeah, 304 00:12:45,041 --> 00:12:47,801 Speaker 1: but because I push a baby out, I have a baby, 305 00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:50,721 Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to where something tight to wear a 306 00:12:50,721 --> 00:12:54,561 Speaker 1: moo moo yeah, apparently with your hair and a bun. Yeah, 307 00:12:54,881 --> 00:12:57,961 Speaker 1: but why where these rules come from? But other women 308 00:12:57,961 --> 00:13:00,041 Speaker 1: then see these comments and they're already feeling like, oh, 309 00:13:00,201 --> 00:13:01,921 Speaker 1: is that do I need to be more conservative? Now 310 00:13:01,921 --> 00:13:03,841 Speaker 1: I'm a mom? Am I not allowed to express myself 311 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:06,601 Speaker 1: in that way anymore? Is that deemed subtly feel bad? 312 00:13:07,001 --> 00:13:10,721 Speaker 1: So there's all that pressure online that I think when 313 00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:13,681 Speaker 1: other mums read that, it confirms them that I shouldn't 314 00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:15,521 Speaker 1: be allowed to do that or you feeling like that, 315 00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:20,161 Speaker 1: and they're tired and exhausted and depleted insecure their bodies change. 316 00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:22,961 Speaker 1: It's so easy when it's noisy outside to take all 317 00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:27,001 Speaker 1: that in Absolutely even more reason to take care of 318 00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:29,121 Speaker 1: yourself so that you can make decisions that are aligned 319 00:13:29,161 --> 00:13:32,041 Speaker 1: with you. If you're scattered and disregulated and taking all 320 00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:34,281 Speaker 1: the noise and scrolling and numbing out and not taking 321 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,881 Speaker 1: care of yourself, yeah, you're going to be pretty influenced. 322 00:13:37,241 --> 00:13:40,521 Speaker 1: And no way I'm going to let outside people make 323 00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,161 Speaker 1: the rules of my life. And how I need to 324 00:13:42,161 --> 00:13:42,721 Speaker 1: be as a mum. 325 00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:45,521 Speaker 2: Oh I love that. No way, Mic Drop, Yeah, no way. 326 00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:48,121 Speaker 2: It's so crazy to me though. You know, it's like, 327 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,041 Speaker 2: just because you have a baby doesn't mean that you 328 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,521 Speaker 2: lose all of these parts of yourself. 329 00:13:51,921 --> 00:13:53,441 Speaker 1: Does it go away? Where does it go? Does it 330 00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:54,081 Speaker 1: go in a cupboard? 331 00:13:54,121 --> 00:13:56,921 Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're sitting in the noughty corner you're not 332 00:13:56,921 --> 00:13:57,401 Speaker 2: allowed out. 333 00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:59,561 Speaker 1: Where does it go? And why does it go? Yeah? 334 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:03,921 Speaker 1: Giving birth is so empowering, it's sexy, it's amazing, it's beautiful. 335 00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:07,841 Speaker 2: This is why people have such sexual shame, because as 336 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,441 Speaker 2: soon as you become a mum, all of a sudden, 337 00:14:09,441 --> 00:14:11,841 Speaker 2: you're not allowed to be sexually expressed. You're not allowed 338 00:14:11,841 --> 00:14:14,961 Speaker 2: to feel powerful, feel sexy, feel confident in your own body, 339 00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:18,801 Speaker 2: do things that are deemed as sexualized or over sexualized, 340 00:14:18,841 --> 00:14:22,081 Speaker 2: which people label it as bad, but it's not. It's like, 341 00:14:22,241 --> 00:14:26,721 Speaker 2: that's again how you create life. Intimacy is birthing children 342 00:14:26,721 --> 00:14:30,241 Speaker 2: into the world, and it's through that sexual energy that 343 00:14:30,321 --> 00:14:30,681 Speaker 2: we have. 344 00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:33,041 Speaker 1: There's so much shame around it. And even the dance class, 345 00:14:33,041 --> 00:14:35,761 Speaker 1: I was like, oh I love Vintage see Steven I 346 00:14:35,881 --> 00:14:39,441 Speaker 1: cuddling and like being in love and being happy together 347 00:14:39,481 --> 00:14:42,241 Speaker 1: and going experiencing things together. I tell you what, I 348 00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:45,761 Speaker 1: have never received so many dms and what I received 349 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:48,241 Speaker 1: that night when I posted that dance routine. Wow, there 350 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,201 Speaker 1: was probably over a thousand. I reckon Wow. Three of 351 00:14:51,241 --> 00:14:55,561 Speaker 1: them were bad, the rest were like, Wow, I'm so inspired. 352 00:14:55,641 --> 00:14:57,681 Speaker 1: I want to do this with my husband. Where did 353 00:14:57,681 --> 00:14:59,681 Speaker 1: you do this? Where's the art for it from? Do 354 00:14:59,721 --> 00:15:01,481 Speaker 1: you think I could try this at home? How did 355 00:15:01,481 --> 00:15:03,401 Speaker 1: you get confident to do that? Because I spoke about 356 00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:06,121 Speaker 1: how I used to get uncomfortable watching that kind of content. Yeah, 357 00:15:06,321 --> 00:15:08,361 Speaker 1: and it used to trigger me because I had sexual 358 00:15:08,361 --> 00:15:10,561 Speaker 1: shame because I put myself into a box of I 359 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,601 Speaker 1: don't want to be seen as dirty or slutty or 360 00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:14,961 Speaker 1: bad or anything. I'm the good girl. Men will like 361 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,841 Speaker 1: the well behaved girl on the street. They do, even 362 00:15:17,841 --> 00:15:21,841 Speaker 1: not in the bedam. But I don't get into a box. 363 00:15:21,841 --> 00:15:24,121 Speaker 1: So I can understand why that's true to watch that content. 364 00:15:24,161 --> 00:15:26,561 Speaker 1: But I remember the first time I saw a girl 365 00:15:26,601 --> 00:15:29,281 Speaker 1: online do a dance like this, I felt triggered, and 366 00:15:29,321 --> 00:15:32,761 Speaker 1: I felt equally like, Ooh, I like this. I want 367 00:15:32,761 --> 00:15:34,281 Speaker 1: to be able to do that. That's why I posted 368 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,561 Speaker 1: it because I want to be a leader in that. 369 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,681 Speaker 1: I want to show mums and just women in general 370 00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:40,121 Speaker 1: that you can be all of that. There's no rules 371 00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:42,281 Speaker 1: on when you can even age. Whomen were wiping up 372 00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:43,641 Speaker 1: and like, oh, I'm fifty five. Do you think I'm 373 00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:46,321 Speaker 1: too old for this? I was like, no, definitely not, 374 00:15:46,401 --> 00:15:48,801 Speaker 1: absolutely not. Do it now at fifty five instead of 375 00:15:48,801 --> 00:15:50,961 Speaker 1: waiting till you're eighty five on your deathbed looking back 376 00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:52,801 Speaker 1: and going why did I just go and do that dance? Class? 377 00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:54,681 Speaker 1: I wish when did they wisha live with me more? 378 00:15:54,761 --> 00:15:58,481 Speaker 1: But I wish I did that? Never too old? So yeah, 379 00:15:58,481 --> 00:16:01,161 Speaker 1: it's really cool. I felt so empowered after that dance. 380 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,921 Speaker 1: I love that. It was so good, so fun. Oh, 381 00:16:04,201 --> 00:16:07,201 Speaker 1: so connecting brings the fire back in as well. 382 00:16:07,281 --> 00:16:10,681 Speaker 2: Little things like that conscious effort to bring play, consistently, 383 00:16:10,681 --> 00:16:13,601 Speaker 2: bring effort into the relationship. Yeah, pull back into you guys. 384 00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:16,641 Speaker 1: So fun. Oh, I love that, so fun. 385 00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:19,721 Speaker 2: Before becoming a mom, how would you have described your 386 00:16:19,721 --> 00:16:22,601 Speaker 2: identity and how has that since changed? 387 00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:27,001 Speaker 1: Oh? I think my identity was wrapped around being successful, 388 00:16:27,641 --> 00:16:29,841 Speaker 1: having a lot of money, being well known, being the 389 00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:32,041 Speaker 1: best in the industry. I think it was all wrapped 390 00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:36,401 Speaker 1: around what success looked like, yeah, I valued relationships, connection 391 00:16:36,521 --> 00:16:38,721 Speaker 1: and love. But I think my ego was very in 392 00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:41,001 Speaker 1: the way I wanted to be perceived and looked at 393 00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:43,881 Speaker 1: it a certain way. Yeah, And I think motherhood really 394 00:16:44,081 --> 00:16:45,761 Speaker 1: broke that down and brought me back down to earth 395 00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:48,881 Speaker 1: what was really important, which was relationships and love and 396 00:16:48,881 --> 00:16:50,601 Speaker 1: purpose and be able to make a difference to my 397 00:16:50,681 --> 00:16:52,321 Speaker 1: family and to other people. 398 00:16:53,161 --> 00:16:55,881 Speaker 2: Do you think that was still like a value of yours, 399 00:16:55,921 --> 00:16:58,241 Speaker 2: It just wasn't as much in the forefront. When you 400 00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:00,761 Speaker 2: went from not being a mom to becoming a mum. 401 00:17:00,681 --> 00:17:04,241 Speaker 1: It felt more purposeful. After I became a mum, I 402 00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:06,400 Speaker 1: still wanted to be successful, but I felt like I 403 00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 1: wanted it to be more impactful. Yeah, it felt like 404 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:13,001 Speaker 1: for a bigger reason outside of the significance of being 405 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,481 Speaker 1: seen successful. 406 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,880 Speaker 2: What do you think the change was in that he 407 00:17:16,961 --> 00:17:18,401 Speaker 2: said it felt more impactful. 408 00:17:18,561 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: I just think it changed why I was doing what 409 00:17:20,961 --> 00:17:23,360 Speaker 1: I was doing. I wanted to make a difference for myself, 410 00:17:23,521 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 1: for my son because he was my firstborn, and for 411 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,961 Speaker 1: the people around me, rather than just to be seen 412 00:17:30,041 --> 00:17:32,481 Speaker 1: a certain way. It just felt different. It changed me 413 00:17:32,521 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: for the better. It's like my body. I used to 414 00:17:34,801 --> 00:17:37,961 Speaker 1: work out to look a certain way, to be super lean, 415 00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:40,360 Speaker 1: to have no sale light, to have a six pack, 416 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,001 Speaker 1: and to be looked at as the fitness girl. Yeah. 417 00:17:44,041 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: And then when I had TAJ, I was like, Oh, 418 00:17:46,201 --> 00:17:48,761 Speaker 1: it's not just about that. It's actually about appreciating my 419 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,321 Speaker 1: body for what it's done and appreciating for it that 420 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 1: it gets me from A to B and that I 421 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,640 Speaker 1: can move And my health is now a priority for 422 00:17:55,681 --> 00:17:57,241 Speaker 1: not what it looks like, but for what it does 423 00:17:57,281 --> 00:18:01,041 Speaker 1: for me. Like that's way more important. Just shifted my mindset. Yeah. 424 00:18:01,041 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 1: I love that my relationship with my self strengthened, the 425 00:18:05,201 --> 00:18:08,041 Speaker 1: relationship with my body strengthened appreciation for what it could 426 00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,561 Speaker 1: have done, what it did for me. Yeah, So it 427 00:18:10,681 --> 00:18:13,640 Speaker 1: just changed how I viewed everything. I like that. 428 00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:16,481 Speaker 2: What were the first kind of signs that you noticed 429 00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:19,920 Speaker 2: when you felt like you were losing yourself in the 430 00:18:19,961 --> 00:18:21,881 Speaker 2: transition into motherhood. Hm. 431 00:18:22,921 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: I just felt like I didn't know who I was. 432 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,400 Speaker 1: I questioned everything, I couldn't make decisions. I felt scattered 433 00:18:29,561 --> 00:18:32,360 Speaker 1: all the time, Like everything just felt like a big blur, 434 00:18:32,961 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 1: and I just had no confidence to do anything except 435 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,241 Speaker 1: for go to the gym. Yeah, it was the only 436 00:18:38,281 --> 00:18:40,041 Speaker 1: thing I felt like I was good at so I 437 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,481 Speaker 1: kind of just suppressed all how that was feeling. And 438 00:18:42,681 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 1: as I was spoken about before, when you suppress some 439 00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: park things, it just blows up later on and then 440 00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:48,360 Speaker 1: I started to have panic attacks and anxiety attacks and 441 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,161 Speaker 1: fell into a postpartum depression and spiraled. Do you think 442 00:18:52,201 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 1: that was like overwhelm of the unknown? There was a 443 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 1: lot going on at that time, with online trolling, becoming 444 00:18:57,481 --> 00:19:00,681 Speaker 1: a new mum, My career was at its peak. On paper, 445 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: everything looked really good, but behind closed doors, I was 446 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:04,521 Speaker 1: really suffering. 447 00:19:05,441 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, like becoming a new mum and dealing with the 448 00:19:07,961 --> 00:19:10,761 Speaker 2: trolling and having to hold and deal with the transition 449 00:19:10,961 --> 00:19:13,241 Speaker 2: from not being a parent to becoming a parent. 450 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,521 Speaker 1: And also social media too, everyone that posted about becoming 451 00:19:16,561 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 1: a parent, it just looked so beautiful and easy, and 452 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,761 Speaker 1: it was the opposite. For me. It was not beautiful. 453 00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:24,081 Speaker 1: It was not easy. I'm votaged being like two weeks old, 454 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: and I looked at my mom and I was like, 455 00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: I don't think I can do this. I didn't think 456 00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:29,640 Speaker 1: I made to be a mum, Like this is so 457 00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:33,360 Speaker 1: hard and so daunting. I'm anxious every single day. I'm 458 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 1: anxious when I go to bed at night, how many 459 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,001 Speaker 1: times is going to be up? And if I'm going 460 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:37,801 Speaker 1: to be able to settle him? And he's really coloquy 461 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,721 Speaker 1: and had a lip in tongue to which I didn't 462 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: know at the start. I just questioned everything. I was 463 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,321 Speaker 1: constantly anxious, so I compared and then thought I was failing. 464 00:19:46,441 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 1: So I'd carry shame in that and guilt in that, 465 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: and compared to other women who just looked like it 466 00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:52,441 Speaker 1: was so easy and breezy, and it might have been 467 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,201 Speaker 1: for them, but yeah, I really found it hard. 468 00:19:54,721 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 2: Was there any part of you that felt like resentful 469 00:19:57,241 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 2: towards those mothers who did him to have it quotations easy? 470 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,641 Speaker 1: Yep? I was so jealous. Yeah, And I would struggle 471 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,121 Speaker 1: to be around them, struggle to be happy for them. 472 00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:09,200 Speaker 1: Makes he was one of them. Yeah, I was just 473 00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:12,360 Speaker 1: so easy for her. She just loved being a mom. 474 00:20:12,561 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: She's a stay at home mom and she didn't even 475 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 1: have a license at that time, and she just floated 476 00:20:17,201 --> 00:20:20,120 Speaker 1: about her day and did this and that, and she 477 00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 1: just loved every single moment of Sonny's life. And I 478 00:20:24,281 --> 00:20:26,601 Speaker 1: was like, I don't love every moment. I actually find 479 00:20:26,761 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: most of this really hard and I remember there was 480 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,601 Speaker 1: five of us that had babies at the same time. 481 00:20:30,721 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: They were all girls except for Tage, and we'd always 482 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,801 Speaker 1: catch up five of us and like wrap them in 483 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,801 Speaker 1: cute little swaddles and take photos and everything. And he 484 00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:42,761 Speaker 1: was always the one crying, screaming, crying. I couldn't settle him. 485 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,001 Speaker 1: I would leave because I was anxious, I was embarrassed. 486 00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: I would get scared to go and catch up with 487 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,880 Speaker 1: them all because their baby seemed so cruisy and easy. 488 00:20:48,961 --> 00:20:52,041 Speaker 1: Mine was always upset. It was hard, so I always 489 00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:53,761 Speaker 1: compared and I found it really hard to be happy 490 00:20:53,801 --> 00:20:55,241 Speaker 1: for them they were having a good time because I 491 00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: was like, why is this not easy for me? 492 00:20:57,001 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 2: Like? 493 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,360 Speaker 1: Why me? What am I doing wrong? I'm such a 494 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,281 Speaker 1: failure as a mom that I beat myself up and 495 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,521 Speaker 1: just suffer in silence. It was awful. How do you 496 00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:09,001 Speaker 1: feel like you navigated out of that headspace went on 497 00:21:09,041 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 1: for quite a long time. I feel like it was 498 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,400 Speaker 1: the first couple of years of Taji's life. I think 499 00:21:13,441 --> 00:21:15,880 Speaker 1: as he got older, he got easier. I think the 500 00:21:15,921 --> 00:21:18,321 Speaker 1: first year was the hardest, but as a toddler he 501 00:21:18,441 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: was pretty cruisy. He's like a pretty cruisy kid and 502 00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:26,681 Speaker 1: I also started getting coaches and how to support, learning 503 00:21:26,721 --> 00:21:29,841 Speaker 1: how to help myself. And I think as I came 504 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,921 Speaker 1: out of the newborn phase, I started to get back 505 00:21:31,921 --> 00:21:35,521 Speaker 1: into work and back into some hobbies and wasn't scared 506 00:21:35,521 --> 00:21:37,201 Speaker 1: to ask mom to help, so Steem and I could 507 00:21:37,241 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: go for date night and just started to venture out 508 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,360 Speaker 1: and do more things that lit me up. And then 509 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,241 Speaker 1: I felt like I could go back and handle motherhood 510 00:21:42,321 --> 00:21:44,921 Speaker 1: better because I'd taken care of me. That's why I'm 511 00:21:44,921 --> 00:21:47,321 Speaker 1: so passionate about it now, because I could feel that 512 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:49,281 Speaker 1: transition of when I started to step out and take 513 00:21:49,321 --> 00:21:51,440 Speaker 1: care of me but myself as a priority, I was 514 00:21:51,481 --> 00:21:54,160 Speaker 1: a better mum, like this not only serves me, that 515 00:21:54,241 --> 00:21:55,561 Speaker 1: serves my child as well. 516 00:21:55,761 --> 00:21:57,561 Speaker 2: And with that season that you were, like deep in 517 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,481 Speaker 2: the trenches of motherhood, is there anything that you would 518 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,920 Speaker 2: go back and implement earlier or do you think that that, 519 00:22:04,441 --> 00:22:06,041 Speaker 2: like the way that you did it was perfect for 520 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:06,681 Speaker 2: where you were at. 521 00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:08,441 Speaker 1: I mean it was good because I had to learn 522 00:22:08,441 --> 00:22:10,400 Speaker 1: some really hard lessons in it. Yeah, But if I 523 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,721 Speaker 1: could go back, I probably would have got support more 524 00:22:13,721 --> 00:22:16,080 Speaker 1: earlier on what does that look like like a dueler? 525 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,961 Speaker 1: For example? Yeah, CLO's birth. That was a game change 526 00:22:19,001 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 1: of having that after Tyler. Yeah, just someone to hold 527 00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:25,161 Speaker 1: me through my birth process. The nutrition side of things. 528 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: They come weekly and do beautiful like sessions with you, 529 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:31,761 Speaker 1: whether it's a Yoni steaming or a massage, or they 530 00:22:31,761 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: talk about your birth and cases any trauma there and 531 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,281 Speaker 1: help support you through that. It was someone to message 532 00:22:36,281 --> 00:22:38,001 Speaker 1: all the time. If my baby was upset, they'd be like, 533 00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:39,241 Speaker 1: have you tried this, We're going to drop off some 534 00:22:39,281 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 1: probotics to you. I'm going to come and take the 535 00:22:41,241 --> 00:22:42,640 Speaker 1: baby for an hour so you can go and have 536 00:22:42,681 --> 00:22:45,761 Speaker 1: a nap. Like, just having that outside support I think 537 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,041 Speaker 1: was really really important. So I would do that differently, 538 00:22:48,441 --> 00:22:51,121 Speaker 1: and I think just speak about it more online. Back then, 539 00:22:51,201 --> 00:22:54,401 Speaker 1: no one was really sharing. Instagram stories were not a thing. Yeah, 540 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,481 Speaker 1: that wasn't a thing on the app yet. Yeah. Wow, yeah, 541 00:22:56,521 --> 00:22:58,880 Speaker 1: it wasn't a thing. Oh that Snapchat was yeah, okay, 542 00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:00,561 Speaker 1: And I don't know why, but I just I think 543 00:23:00,561 --> 00:23:03,161 Speaker 1: I used to watch Shane Mitchell from a Pretty Little 544 00:23:03,201 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 1: Lia love her, so she was huge on Snapchat back 545 00:23:06,201 --> 00:23:07,640 Speaker 1: in the day, and I used to watch her post 546 00:23:07,801 --> 00:23:10,401 Speaker 1: every second of her day. Her snaps were huge. I'd 547 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,521 Speaker 1: be like probably an hour's worth. Wow. And I just 548 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,400 Speaker 1: naturally started talking on there and sharing my journey and 549 00:23:16,441 --> 00:23:18,400 Speaker 1: I found it quite therapeutic just talking about what I 550 00:23:18,441 --> 00:23:19,921 Speaker 1: was going through and what was happening in the day. 551 00:23:20,001 --> 00:23:21,880 Speaker 1: And then I started to get feedback from other moms 552 00:23:21,921 --> 00:23:24,160 Speaker 1: like oh my gosh, thank you for sharing that, and 553 00:23:24,201 --> 00:23:27,000 Speaker 1: that just gave me like an outlet, I suppose, and 554 00:23:27,041 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 1: knowing that it was helping other mums that were going 555 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,001 Speaker 1: through it and maybe not feel so alone as well. Yeah, yeah, 556 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:31,761 Speaker 1: so beautiful. 557 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,241 Speaker 2: And in terms of like self care, what was self 558 00:23:36,281 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 2: care like before you had children and how do you 559 00:23:38,441 --> 00:23:40,281 Speaker 2: think that that's kind of evolved now? 560 00:23:40,521 --> 00:23:42,561 Speaker 1: I feel like when I was younger, I didn't really 561 00:23:43,001 --> 00:23:46,601 Speaker 1: take that great a care of myself. I just went 562 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,440 Speaker 1: to the gym all the time. I just wanted to 563 00:23:48,481 --> 00:23:51,921 Speaker 1: be fit and help not even healthy fit and lean yeah, 564 00:23:51,961 --> 00:23:54,161 Speaker 1: and look a certain way. I don't think I took 565 00:23:54,241 --> 00:23:55,921 Speaker 1: very good care of myself, Like I didn't. I went 566 00:23:55,921 --> 00:23:58,321 Speaker 1: to acupuntra to clear my skin, but it was fully 567 00:23:58,921 --> 00:24:01,201 Speaker 1: to look better. Yes, I don't think I took very 568 00:24:01,201 --> 00:24:03,641 Speaker 1: good care of myself when I was younger. I think 569 00:24:03,681 --> 00:24:06,041 Speaker 1: I value myself more as a mom now is what 570 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,921 Speaker 1: I did when I was younger. So I take way 571 00:24:07,961 --> 00:24:10,321 Speaker 1: better care of myself now. And I also have a 572 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:13,561 Speaker 1: sense of responsibility to be a good mum. If I'm 573 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,401 Speaker 1: not taking care of myself, I know I can't show 574 00:24:15,441 --> 00:24:17,041 Speaker 1: up in a way that I'm proud of. Yeah, so 575 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,801 Speaker 1: I'm constantly I have a strong reason why to put 576 00:24:19,801 --> 00:24:22,281 Speaker 1: myself as a priority because if I don't, my kids suffer. 577 00:24:22,481 --> 00:24:25,281 Speaker 1: My kids are more important to me than anyone. Yeah, okay. 578 00:24:25,441 --> 00:24:27,321 Speaker 2: Whereas like before, it was like, oh but it's just me, 579 00:24:27,561 --> 00:24:30,001 Speaker 2: it's okay if I let it go or I'm not 580 00:24:30,241 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 2: care about myself, I don't consistently show up for myself. 581 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,601 Speaker 1: But it's bigger than you. I didn't love myself back 582 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,121 Speaker 1: then either, So I didn't care. I honestly didn't care. 583 00:24:37,721 --> 00:24:39,321 Speaker 1: I didn't think I was worthy, You didn't think I 584 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,921 Speaker 1: was important. Yeah, I didn't care. As now I care 585 00:24:42,241 --> 00:24:45,920 Speaker 1: a lot. I love myself. Yeah, and I love my 586 00:24:46,041 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 1: kids so much. I want you. I want them to 587 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,400 Speaker 1: have the best version of me. 588 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 2: So you think having children allowed you to build a 589 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,640 Speaker 2: greater sense of self love for your self and appreciation 590 00:24:56,001 --> 00:24:56,441 Speaker 2: so much? 591 00:24:56,521 --> 00:24:59,441 Speaker 1: So, And like I said before, you're a walking example, 592 00:24:59,481 --> 00:25:01,281 Speaker 1: like how you speak to yourself and how you treat 593 00:25:01,281 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: your body and what you do in your house. Your 594 00:25:03,041 --> 00:25:04,561 Speaker 1: kids are going to that's going to be their normal. 595 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 1: It's why even having a strong marriage and putting my 596 00:25:07,281 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 1: relationship as a priority, I want their normal to be 597 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,241 Speaker 1: happy and in love and touchy and going on date nights. 598 00:25:13,281 --> 00:25:15,720 Speaker 1: I don't want it to be odd that parents go 599 00:25:15,761 --> 00:25:17,521 Speaker 1: and do that, because then that's what they're going to have, 600 00:25:17,721 --> 00:25:19,681 Speaker 1: like a rarity. I want them to see how Steve 601 00:25:19,721 --> 00:25:21,281 Speaker 1: treats me and speaks to me and puts me to 602 00:25:21,321 --> 00:25:22,961 Speaker 1: the priority, because I want Tirler to have a man 603 00:25:23,041 --> 00:25:25,321 Speaker 1: like Steve. The same with your dad, your dad that 604 00:25:25,321 --> 00:25:28,121 Speaker 1: sends you good morning messages and and he's so beautiful, 605 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,321 Speaker 1: and it's like you're like, why why would I sit 606 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,360 Speaker 1: off for anything less than what my dad gives me? Yeah, 607 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:34,961 Speaker 1: that's so freaking cool. It is cool. Yeah, and that's 608 00:25:35,001 --> 00:25:35,640 Speaker 1: so beautiful. 609 00:25:36,441 --> 00:25:38,400 Speaker 2: I think that's a cool perspective to have and something 610 00:25:38,481 --> 00:25:40,761 Speaker 2: really beautiful for other women to hear, just as a 611 00:25:40,761 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 2: piece of evidence. So I feel like there is a 612 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,321 Speaker 2: lot of stuff, even for me, as someone who's not 613 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,321 Speaker 2: a mum to hear. The more negative side of parenting 614 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:52,521 Speaker 2: and motherhood and and losing yourself. And whilst there's duality 615 00:25:52,521 --> 00:25:55,041 Speaker 2: in the conversation we're having now, I think it's beautiful 616 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,000 Speaker 2: to hear that it made you love yourself more, so 617 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 2: much more, because there are lots of things that you 618 00:25:59,521 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 2: see about women, you know, falling out of love with 619 00:26:01,521 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 2: themselves and not loving their reality and not knowing how 620 00:26:04,481 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 2: to get back up, and you know, really losing themselves 621 00:26:07,201 --> 00:26:10,121 Speaker 2: in becoming a parent. I think that's a really really 622 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,640 Speaker 2: important key thing that women get to hear that it 623 00:26:12,761 --> 00:26:15,440 Speaker 2: is possible for them to love themselves more throughout the journey. 624 00:26:15,481 --> 00:26:17,400 Speaker 1: Trust me, it is there's light at the end of 625 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,001 Speaker 1: the tunnel. And I think when you're so deep stuck 626 00:26:20,001 --> 00:26:22,081 Speaker 1: in it, which trust me, if you're a mum right 627 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: now and you were in the fucking trenches, I see you. 628 00:26:25,441 --> 00:26:27,640 Speaker 1: I get it. It's traumatizing to even think about it 629 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,041 Speaker 1: because I just remember those days. It is dark, But 630 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,640 Speaker 1: I promise you there was light at the end of 631 00:26:31,681 --> 00:26:33,241 Speaker 1: the tunnel and you will get out of it. 632 00:26:33,761 --> 00:26:35,161 Speaker 2: What were some of the things that kind of helped 633 00:26:35,201 --> 00:26:36,961 Speaker 2: you through when you were going through and you were 634 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,961 Speaker 2: thick in the trenches. What were the things that kind 635 00:26:40,001 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 2: of got you through those moments. 636 00:26:42,561 --> 00:26:45,561 Speaker 1: I think having girlfriends that were going through the same thing, 637 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,960 Speaker 1: like Gretty and I had Taj and her daughter Zahara 638 00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:50,041 Speaker 1: at the same time. Yeah, so I think we really 639 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,761 Speaker 1: lent on each other, like if in our morning walks 640 00:26:51,761 --> 00:26:53,681 Speaker 1: would take the kids together and that was our time 641 00:26:53,721 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 1: to like talk and catch up and vent about the night. 642 00:26:57,281 --> 00:26:59,041 Speaker 1: How many times have been away because I think that 643 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,360 Speaker 1: was really helpful, But honestly, not a lot. I was 644 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,360 Speaker 1: just deep in it. I think I was playing victim 645 00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 1: as well. But I think I was just in a 646 00:27:06,481 --> 00:27:08,481 Speaker 1: dark period for a very long time. It wasn't until 647 00:27:08,521 --> 00:27:11,680 Speaker 1: I pulled myself out and got outside support through a 648 00:27:11,761 --> 00:27:14,680 Speaker 1: coach that I started to crawl out of it. But 649 00:27:14,721 --> 00:27:18,160 Speaker 1: it was a long, slow journey. Yeah, it was not 650 00:27:18,201 --> 00:27:20,921 Speaker 1: fun reality. I wish I had more powerful advice there, 651 00:27:20,921 --> 00:27:24,321 Speaker 1: but like get help, get support. Stop thinking you have 652 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,761 Speaker 1: to do this by yourself. Make sure the people around 653 00:27:26,761 --> 00:27:28,521 Speaker 1: you you can lean on them. Like I always felt 654 00:27:28,521 --> 00:27:30,281 Speaker 1: I was just a burden. I felt like I was 655 00:27:30,321 --> 00:27:32,881 Speaker 1: complaining all the time. So I started just to shut 656 00:27:32,961 --> 00:27:35,120 Speaker 1: down because I didn't want to be a burden. Yeah, 657 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,281 Speaker 1: and then I didn't want to go to Steve Badt 658 00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 1: all the time too, because I felt like he was 659 00:27:38,681 --> 00:27:41,001 Speaker 1: going through it as well, so he had enough on 660 00:27:41,001 --> 00:27:43,200 Speaker 1: his plate. Plus he was running the business, so I 661 00:27:43,321 --> 00:27:45,360 Speaker 1: kind of pulled away from him as well, so I 662 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 1: just felt really lonely in it. I think I vented 663 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 1: to my mum quite a lot. She was a strong 664 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,001 Speaker 1: support system for me, and she lived around the corner 665 00:27:51,001 --> 00:27:52,361 Speaker 1: as well, so if I was having a hard day, 666 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:55,041 Speaker 1: I could literally take tars around there and just hang there. 667 00:27:55,041 --> 00:27:56,561 Speaker 1: And I think getting out of the house, getting out 668 00:27:56,561 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 1: of the house, actually, yeah, that really helped me and 669 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 1: the baby carrot in the prem go for a car 670 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,160 Speaker 1: ride somewhere and just get out of my environment, just 671 00:28:03,201 --> 00:28:04,840 Speaker 1: get some fresh air and change my state. 672 00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 2: That was really good, and get like a bit Cavin fever. 673 00:28:07,961 --> 00:28:09,920 Speaker 1: Yes, day to day, getting out of the house. That 674 00:28:10,041 --> 00:28:12,160 Speaker 1: was really important. And you know what, I think the 675 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,360 Speaker 1: Australian culture is not great. I have a friend that's 676 00:28:15,481 --> 00:28:17,561 Speaker 1: from a Greek family. I have a friend who's from 677 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,160 Speaker 1: a Bania and it's like all in when someone has 678 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,041 Speaker 1: a baby in those things. Yes, yeah, my girlfriend in Melbourne, 679 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: her family is still all around there all day every day, 680 00:28:26,761 --> 00:28:28,920 Speaker 1: helping with her children, like when they're first born, she's like, 681 00:28:28,921 --> 00:28:31,561 Speaker 1: I haven't even bathed my daughter because mum and auntie 682 00:28:31,561 --> 00:28:34,281 Speaker 1: and sister and fuck and everyone's everyone's taken over. Yeah, 683 00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:37,400 Speaker 1: whereas I think the Australian culture is very not like that. 684 00:28:37,441 --> 00:28:39,720 Speaker 1: We're not a tribe, we don't have this collective village 685 00:28:39,721 --> 00:28:42,201 Speaker 1: helping out. So yeah, mums are doing it by themselves. 686 00:28:42,241 --> 00:28:44,401 Speaker 1: Like in the afric cultures, you're passing a baby around 687 00:28:44,401 --> 00:28:47,121 Speaker 1: and everyone's helping to feed each child, and everyone's taking 688 00:28:47,121 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: the baby when you need to have a rest, and 689 00:28:48,601 --> 00:28:51,001 Speaker 1: say with the Chinese culture the forty days postpart and 690 00:28:51,041 --> 00:28:54,681 Speaker 1: it's like mom is laying horizontal and resting, she's letting 691 00:28:54,681 --> 00:28:59,241 Speaker 1: her body heal internally externally everyone's chipping in and grandparents 692 00:28:59,321 --> 00:29:01,281 Speaker 1: there and annie's and uncles and it's just not like that. 693 00:29:01,321 --> 00:29:04,241 Speaker 1: And earlier definitely not like that, so isolated and you're 694 00:29:04,321 --> 00:29:07,161 Speaker 1: so lonely, and then the women that are celebrating, like 695 00:29:07,481 --> 00:29:09,121 Speaker 1: you know, I've just popped out my baby and I'm 696 00:29:09,241 --> 00:29:11,201 Speaker 1: oh my laptop and I'm hustling, and I'm not dissing 697 00:29:11,281 --> 00:29:13,841 Speaker 1: them because I did it too, and I felt proud 698 00:29:13,881 --> 00:29:16,681 Speaker 1: of myself. But also like that shouldn't be glamorized. You're 699 00:29:16,721 --> 00:29:19,361 Speaker 1: doing it all because we're not wired and made your 700 00:29:19,401 --> 00:29:21,921 Speaker 1: nervous system. You will burn out. You're not wired to 701 00:29:21,961 --> 00:29:24,921 Speaker 1: do it all. It's too much, but it's celebrated in 702 00:29:24,921 --> 00:29:27,041 Speaker 1: this Australian culture to do it all and to run 703 00:29:27,081 --> 00:29:30,041 Speaker 1: the multimillion dollar business while you're raising children. And it's 704 00:29:30,081 --> 00:29:33,041 Speaker 1: a lot. It's a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. 705 00:29:33,201 --> 00:29:35,641 Speaker 2: Yeah, even to like be on the laptop like a 706 00:29:35,801 --> 00:29:38,401 Speaker 2: postpart it, I know, like rest your body. 707 00:29:38,121 --> 00:29:42,081 Speaker 1: Girl, Like, oh my god, all of it. Yeah, I 708 00:29:42,081 --> 00:29:43,641 Speaker 1: haven't had a lot of pressure. And then it's the 709 00:29:43,681 --> 00:29:46,601 Speaker 1: side of the pressure women having to go back to 710 00:29:46,681 --> 00:29:50,401 Speaker 1: work so soon. But DAK is so expensive, so expensive, 711 00:29:50,561 --> 00:29:53,161 Speaker 1: like yeah, and I can't believe it. It's wild. Hay. God. 712 00:29:53,241 --> 00:29:54,841 Speaker 1: I've got a girl friend at the moment who's pregnant, 713 00:29:54,881 --> 00:29:57,161 Speaker 1: and she was telling me like the little time that 714 00:29:57,241 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 1: she gets off and she will have to go back 715 00:29:58,801 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 1: to work because she owns more than her partner. She's like, 716 00:30:01,521 --> 00:30:03,161 Speaker 1: I don't want to go back to work, but I'm 717 00:30:03,161 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: going to have to others. We can't pay our bills. Yeah, 718 00:30:06,481 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: Like wow, I feel like the government needs to support 719 00:30:08,481 --> 00:30:11,321 Speaker 1: women even just every woman should get a whole year 720 00:30:11,361 --> 00:30:14,521 Speaker 1: off just to support connect, bond with their baby, be 721 00:30:14,601 --> 00:30:17,321 Speaker 1: with their baby. It's so tough. So there's that side 722 00:30:17,321 --> 00:30:20,961 Speaker 1: of things to the financial stress. Is maternity leave not paid? Yeah, 723 00:30:21,001 --> 00:30:22,960 Speaker 1: it depends on where you work, Like I think you 724 00:30:23,001 --> 00:30:25,041 Speaker 1: get like, oh, I didn't even know, it's like seven 725 00:30:25,121 --> 00:30:27,681 Speaker 1: hundred dollars a week or something, okay from the government. Yeah, 726 00:30:27,721 --> 00:30:30,161 Speaker 1: but it's only for a certain amount of time. And 727 00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:32,521 Speaker 1: then some workplaces, like my girlfriend, her workplace is going 728 00:30:32,601 --> 00:30:35,841 Speaker 1: to pay six weeks of full pay or twelve weeks 729 00:30:35,881 --> 00:30:37,761 Speaker 1: of half pay, and then she'll go on to what 730 00:30:37,761 --> 00:30:39,801 Speaker 1: the government pays. But what the government pays is like 731 00:30:39,841 --> 00:30:42,241 Speaker 1: a quarter of what her salary is so crazy even 732 00:30:42,321 --> 00:30:45,240 Speaker 1: six weeks. Yeah, that's not enough time. A lot of 733 00:30:45,241 --> 00:30:47,721 Speaker 1: workplaces don't pay anything. The government just pays it, which 734 00:30:47,761 --> 00:30:49,281 Speaker 1: is at like seven hundred all I think it's around 735 00:30:49,281 --> 00:30:52,361 Speaker 1: seven hundred a week, which these days like doesn't cover rent. 736 00:30:52,441 --> 00:30:55,801 Speaker 1: That's crazy, let alone nappies and no pillar and food 737 00:30:56,001 --> 00:30:58,881 Speaker 1: pobular's expensive appointments. I buy that shit for. 738 00:30:58,921 --> 00:31:00,761 Speaker 2: My sister sometimes when I go to Woolies though, like 739 00:31:00,801 --> 00:31:02,761 Speaker 2: pop in or whatever, damn. 740 00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:05,961 Speaker 1: Especially full good quality one. Yeah. Yeah, all those layers 741 00:31:06,001 --> 00:31:08,321 Speaker 1: of the financial stresses as well. 742 00:31:08,401 --> 00:31:11,121 Speaker 2: If you could speak to the woman who is, you know, 743 00:31:11,241 --> 00:31:13,601 Speaker 2: right in the trenches and going through this like deep 744 00:31:13,641 --> 00:31:16,121 Speaker 2: in motherhood and she's feeling lost and she doesn't fully 745 00:31:16,201 --> 00:31:18,761 Speaker 2: know how to come back to herself, what's a piece 746 00:31:18,761 --> 00:31:19,961 Speaker 2: of advice you would give for her? 747 00:31:21,041 --> 00:31:24,480 Speaker 1: Good question. I think if that was a friend of mine, 748 00:31:25,121 --> 00:31:27,041 Speaker 1: I'd probably go and take the baby for a couple hours, 749 00:31:27,601 --> 00:31:30,641 Speaker 1: go and help more. But I think it would just be, 750 00:31:31,361 --> 00:31:34,281 Speaker 1: like I said before, finding pockets of time to just 751 00:31:34,321 --> 00:31:36,601 Speaker 1: fill your cup up, because if you're running on empty, 752 00:31:36,641 --> 00:31:40,521 Speaker 1: you can't think or expand or change anything. You're literally 753 00:31:40,561 --> 00:31:43,281 Speaker 1: in survival mode your moment by moment, and being a 754 00:31:43,361 --> 00:31:46,081 Speaker 1: mum is a twenty four hour job. You go to 755 00:31:46,121 --> 00:31:47,561 Speaker 1: work and then you go to bed and you sleep 756 00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:50,281 Speaker 1: all night. For a mum and the newborn trenches night 757 00:31:50,321 --> 00:31:52,761 Speaker 1: shift starts, yeah, you are up. Like Chassy at the 758 00:31:52,801 --> 00:31:56,121 Speaker 1: moment is up every hour with her six months old. Wow, 759 00:31:56,601 --> 00:32:01,841 Speaker 1: every hour. Wow, she's exhausted, no doubt. Yeah, far out. 760 00:32:02,481 --> 00:32:05,241 Speaker 1: So I think if I was feeling that in the trenches, 761 00:32:05,521 --> 00:32:07,841 Speaker 1: remind myself that everything is a phase in a season. 762 00:32:07,921 --> 00:32:09,881 Speaker 1: I wish someone told me that when I had Taj. 763 00:32:10,081 --> 00:32:11,641 Speaker 1: With Tala, I knew it was the season, so I 764 00:32:11,681 --> 00:32:13,681 Speaker 1: didn't get too attached to it. Yeah, like, okay, this 765 00:32:13,761 --> 00:32:15,440 Speaker 1: is a development stage. She's going to be like this 766 00:32:15,481 --> 00:32:19,161 Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks. Contact my sleep teachers. Wow, okay, 767 00:32:19,281 --> 00:32:21,721 Speaker 1: this age they're expected to go through this. Gross but cool, 768 00:32:21,761 --> 00:32:24,161 Speaker 1: We're good. But with Taj, I was like, oh my god, 769 00:32:24,241 --> 00:32:25,801 Speaker 1: is this what it's going to be like forever? And 770 00:32:25,841 --> 00:32:27,281 Speaker 1: I would get stuck in that and it would just 771 00:32:27,441 --> 00:32:31,201 Speaker 1: drag out. So just know that everything's a phase. Find 772 00:32:31,241 --> 00:32:33,481 Speaker 1: the pockets of time for yourself. When your baby sleeps, 773 00:32:33,481 --> 00:32:35,121 Speaker 1: even if they're sleeping on you, just like put a 774 00:32:35,121 --> 00:32:36,641 Speaker 1: blanket over them and go sit down in the sun 775 00:32:36,641 --> 00:32:38,321 Speaker 1: and get some sun on your face and your arms 776 00:32:38,361 --> 00:32:41,281 Speaker 1: and just have some slow quiet time to just kind 777 00:32:41,281 --> 00:32:42,961 Speaker 1: of recharge your battery because you're kind of running on 778 00:32:43,001 --> 00:32:45,601 Speaker 1: the red most of the time. Yeah you're on eighteen percent, 779 00:32:46,681 --> 00:32:50,281 Speaker 1: not on thirty six percent or more. No, you're on red. 780 00:32:50,521 --> 00:32:52,921 Speaker 1: So just like go plug in with some sun and movement. 781 00:32:53,521 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: Reach out for support, whether that's professional support or just 782 00:32:56,281 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 1: through friends and family. And like I said, even if 783 00:32:58,801 --> 00:33:00,361 Speaker 1: she just drop around to mum, sometimes it would just 784 00:33:00,401 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 1: be enough to get me through that day, you know, 785 00:33:02,561 --> 00:33:04,321 Speaker 1: get me through the afternoon of witching hour, and then 786 00:33:04,361 --> 00:33:06,761 Speaker 1: I go home and up the night. It was enough 787 00:33:06,761 --> 00:33:10,161 Speaker 1: to keep me going. And I wish I lent on 788 00:33:10,481 --> 00:33:12,681 Speaker 1: gratitude a little bit more because I was so focused 789 00:33:12,681 --> 00:33:15,321 Speaker 1: on everything that was hard that I think I missed 790 00:33:15,401 --> 00:33:18,841 Speaker 1: so many of the potentially beautiful moments with taj And 791 00:33:18,921 --> 00:33:22,041 Speaker 1: I really consciously did that with Tala, and I feel 792 00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:25,881 Speaker 1: like I enjoyed probably ninety five percent of her whereas 793 00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:28,161 Speaker 1: the Taje it was, I didn't enjoy much of it, 794 00:33:29,001 --> 00:33:31,921 Speaker 1: so which I feel sad for that I didn't enjoy 795 00:33:31,921 --> 00:33:35,641 Speaker 1: that with Taji, but grateful for all the lessons. And yeah, 796 00:33:35,641 --> 00:33:38,161 Speaker 1: I think when you focus on gratitude, it just grows 797 00:33:38,601 --> 00:33:41,521 Speaker 1: focus on the negativity. It expands what you focus on 798 00:33:41,561 --> 00:33:44,601 Speaker 1: and what you feel it is going to amplify. So 799 00:33:44,681 --> 00:33:46,801 Speaker 1: I think I really did it so differently with Tala's 800 00:33:46,801 --> 00:33:48,681 Speaker 1: So if you can just try to soak in those 801 00:33:48,681 --> 00:33:51,281 Speaker 1: beautiful moments, I think big on social media too, we're 802 00:33:51,321 --> 00:33:53,641 Speaker 1: exposed to so many tragic things happening to babies and 803 00:33:53,681 --> 00:33:55,721 Speaker 1: women who can't feel pregnant. I think I really lent 804 00:33:55,801 --> 00:33:58,801 Speaker 1: on I'm so lucky there's babies here. I waited so 805 00:33:58,881 --> 00:34:01,361 Speaker 1: long for her, eleven months I took before pregnant. I 806 00:34:01,361 --> 00:34:03,401 Speaker 1: went through all that pregnant. Since she's here save for 807 00:34:03,481 --> 00:34:05,481 Speaker 1: my arms, and even now and she like at the 808 00:34:05,481 --> 00:34:07,561 Speaker 1: moment she's falling out of her bed and she wakes 809 00:34:07,641 --> 00:34:10,281 Speaker 1: up screaming absolute horror because she's obviously got a fry. 810 00:34:10,321 --> 00:34:11,681 Speaker 1: And I sit the other day and I'm like, it's 811 00:34:11,721 --> 00:34:14,001 Speaker 1: just the best going in there. That would rattle me 812 00:34:14,001 --> 00:34:15,761 Speaker 1: if it Targe. I go in there and she's scared, 813 00:34:15,761 --> 00:34:18,321 Speaker 1: and she her eyes are just like ah, she's screaming, 814 00:34:18,361 --> 00:34:19,801 Speaker 1: and I just like pick her up, pop her back 815 00:34:19,841 --> 00:34:22,681 Speaker 1: in bed, cuddle her and just I'm like her pain relief. 816 00:34:23,041 --> 00:34:25,361 Speaker 1: I instantly co suthe her, and I'm like, that is 817 00:34:25,561 --> 00:34:28,841 Speaker 1: so fucking beautiful. I hope that never ends. I hope 818 00:34:28,841 --> 00:34:30,681 Speaker 1: when she's still twenty she comes running to me and 819 00:34:30,681 --> 00:34:32,641 Speaker 1: I can put my arms around her and say I've 820 00:34:32,641 --> 00:34:35,081 Speaker 1: got you, and we can co regulate together, like it's 821 00:34:35,121 --> 00:34:38,761 Speaker 1: so beautiful. Yes, I didn't have that knowledge and awareness 822 00:34:38,761 --> 00:34:41,121 Speaker 1: with Tage, so with her, I did it so differently. 823 00:34:41,681 --> 00:34:43,281 Speaker 1: I try and lean on that. I know it's hard 824 00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:45,361 Speaker 1: when you're in the trenches, but there is still moments 825 00:34:45,401 --> 00:34:48,161 Speaker 1: of gratitude and things that you'd be grateful for, Like 826 00:34:48,281 --> 00:34:50,921 Speaker 1: you wanted this baby. You're so lucky to have them. 827 00:34:51,241 --> 00:34:53,721 Speaker 1: Some people are not ever lucky enough to experience what 828 00:34:53,761 --> 00:34:58,041 Speaker 1: we get to experience. And tomorrow's not promised, as we've learned. 829 00:34:58,121 --> 00:35:00,161 Speaker 1: You know, it's like up every moment you can with them. 830 00:35:00,281 --> 00:35:02,801 Speaker 1: It's so beautiful. Yeah, that's so so beautiful. 831 00:35:03,281 --> 00:35:05,401 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing all of that, answering 832 00:35:05,441 --> 00:35:06,401 Speaker 2: all my read questions. 833 00:35:06,441 --> 00:35:09,961 Speaker 1: I love it all right, guys, thanks for joining us. 834 00:35:09,961 --> 00:35:11,601 Speaker 1: If you have anything else you'd like us to cover 835 00:35:11,681 --> 00:35:14,401 Speaker 1: on motherhood, just pop it into our Facebook forum and 836 00:35:14,481 --> 00:35:16,561 Speaker 1: we can talk about it. Sounds good. We'll see you 837 00:35:16,561 --> 00:35:19,521 Speaker 1: on the next one. Bye bye.