1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,880 Speaker 1: Welcome back to start here, the very special mini series 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: within Sugar Mama's Fireplay, where I answer your real life 3 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 1: money questions with practical, empowering advice to help you get 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: started in achieving your financial goals and dreams. Today's question 5 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: comes from a listener who wrote, Hikenna, I've been on 6 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: my financial journey and really educating myself this past year. 7 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 1: There's a topic I don't think gets talked about enough, 8 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: helping your parents. My parents have never been in a 9 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: good financial position. They're both in their early sixties. Mom 10 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: doesn't work and has no SUPER. Dad's been working in 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 1: retail for most of his life and doesn't earn much. 12 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: They own their own home mortgage free, but have a 13 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: car loan and possibly some credit card debt. They keep 14 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: talking about traveling and cutting back on work hours, but 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: I can't see it happening. I'm worried that when Dad 16 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: hits preservation age, they'll withdraw a lump sum from super 17 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: for a big trip or worse, take out alone against 18 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 1: the house. Any suggestions on how to help or how 19 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: to start this conversation. Well, first of all, what a 20 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: caring and thoughtful message. I can really feel how much 21 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,399 Speaker 1: you love and are worried about your parents and the 22 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: concern that sits behind this question. I know so many 23 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 1: listeners will relate to this, both adult children worried about 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: their parents and even parents worried about their adult children, 25 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,399 Speaker 1: because navigating money or aut conversations with parents or with 26 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: children adult children, it's really hard, especially when you're trying 27 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: to be supportive but also not overstep boundaries. So today 28 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: I want to help you find the right balance between 29 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 1: caring and respecting, between supporting not controlling, and will talk 30 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: through why these conversations matter, how to approach them gently, respectfully, 31 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: and the practical steps that can actually help your parents 32 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: and you feel a lot more secure, connected and empowered. 33 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: So let us begin. Okay, Step one, let's understand really 34 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: what's going on here before you say anything to your parents. 35 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 1: Start by understanding why you're worried. You know, it's not 36 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: just about the money or the numbers, it's about what 37 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 1: this situation represents. You are seeing your parents move towards 38 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 1: retirement with limited super debt, growing debt potentially, and these 39 00:02:55,120 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: really big dreams, and you're naturally worried about that choices, 40 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: particularly as you know that they don't have a certain 41 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,519 Speaker 1: level or any level potentially of financial literacy, and you're 42 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: hearing things like withdrawing super early or borrowing against the 43 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: house that could really jeopardize their financial security, particularly in 44 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: the long run. But at the same time, it's also 45 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: really important to remember your parents' mindset around money comes 46 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 1: from a very different period of time. You now, for 47 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 1: many people in their fifties today, superannuation wasn't compulsory until 48 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: I think about nineteen ninety two maybe, and that's only 49 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: one generation of real contributions. You know, they've grown up 50 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: in an era where you know, hard work and home 51 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: ownership equaled financial security, and you always had, you know, 52 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: the government's age pension to fall back on and support 53 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: you until your final days. You know, the conversations around 54 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 1: superation and investing in the share mark and needdfs these 55 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: are sort of foreign concepts to a lot of people 56 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 1: who form part of that generation. So before jumping into 57 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: advice invest time for you taking a moment to pause 58 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: and acknowledge this. They're not being irresponsible, they're just operating 59 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: from a very different financial framework and mindset. And it's 60 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: just one though that unfortunately today might not actually be 61 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,599 Speaker 1: the most or best functioning mindset in order to be 62 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,599 Speaker 1: able to have that long term financial security. Okay, the 63 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: next thing is is to lead with curiosity not control. 64 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,159 Speaker 1: This is where the magic happens and how you start 65 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: opening the door to these really important, empowering conversations. If 66 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: you start these conversations with control, Mum, Dad, I think 67 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:59,479 Speaker 1: you need to do this immediately, those defensive walls go up. 68 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: They are really solid brick walls. However, if you can 69 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: start the conversation with an element of curiosity, like planting 70 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:13,039 Speaker 1: a seed, you start to invite and build trust. You know, 71 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: you could try asking very gently, like open ended questions 72 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 1: like you know, what are you most looking forward to 73 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 1: when you retire? You? How are you feeling about your 74 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 1: super and the income that you will have through retirement? 75 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,600 Speaker 1: Do you know what your living costs will look like 76 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 1: once you both stop working and you start thinking about 77 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 1: those holidays and those trips that you're talking and planning about. 78 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: The key here is tone, you know, coming from a 79 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: place where it's warm, not worry, curiosity, not criticism. You 80 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: are not trying to manage them or control them. You're 81 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: just trying to understand them, you know, get to learn 82 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: more about what they want, and I always say it's 83 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: is their alley they're ordered to. So the next step 84 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: is to share, not preach, and this is something that 85 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: works when you're talking with friends as well, or anyone 86 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,239 Speaker 1: that you love that you're about money. It can always 87 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: be really tempting to tell your parents what they should 88 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 1: be doing, but remember advice from a child, or advice 89 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: from a partner, or advice from a parent can land 90 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 1: very differently. So instead share something that you've learned or 91 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 1: you've discovered, or that you're excited about. Say something like 92 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 1: I've been learning a lot about income and how much 93 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: income I need in order to be able to retire 94 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: and do all these wonderful things that you're planning on doing, 95 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: and it's really opened up my eyes as to how 96 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 1: much I really need, so I'm excited about working towards this. 97 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,679 Speaker 1: Or I've recently started tracking my spending and I'm starting 98 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 1: to realize how much things, those little things really do 99 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,039 Speaker 1: add up. And whilst it's bit of a shock to me, 100 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: I'm actually finding this really liberating because I've got a 101 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,160 Speaker 1: sense of clarity as to how much I spend and 102 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: how much I'm going to be able to build and 103 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: need an invest for the future. Or I read something 104 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: the other day that taking like a lumps some matter 105 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: of your super can be really dangerous because it can 106 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: actually shorten how long the money actually lasts. And I 107 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 1: didn't actually know that until recently. See, when you try 108 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: this approach, she completely disarms that natural defensiveness that we're 109 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: all guilty of. It shows humility and also invites collaboration 110 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: and conversations. And you're saying, hey, I'm in the same 111 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: boat as you. I'm learning too, I'm trying to figure 112 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: it all out and do the best for myself and 113 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,679 Speaker 1: everyone else. You're not saying I know better, you should 114 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 1: do this. You're not being demanding, you're not being bossy, 115 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: and you're definitely not been patronizing. And if they're open, 116 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: you know, offer to explore things together. You know, don't 117 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 1: just send them off to go and fix this and 118 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: get advice. Offer to like hold the hand and be 119 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 1: on that path and that journey with them. For example, 120 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: you know, sit down together and log into their super 121 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: fund if they're comfortable with that, you know, look at 122 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: doing a budget with them, look at you know, getting 123 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: together their paperwork so that they know who to call. 124 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: To check their acount balances, to check their mortgage details, 125 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: to check their insurance details, you know, even their wills 126 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: if you like, help them. You know, sometimes one of 127 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: the reasons why we do nothing is we just don't 128 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 1: know where to start. But if you have someone saying, hey, 129 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 1: i'll sit with you and we'll do this together, you'll 130 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: get so much more done and you get started, which 131 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: is most important because then you can build momentum from 132 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: there and as you tick things off your list, you 133 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: can go on to the next. You know, it may 134 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 1: seem small, but it's actually really positive and it's a 135 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: really non intrusive way of helping them get engaged without 136 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: feeling like they judged it all before you know it. 137 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: They're actually not just getting started, they're will on their way. 138 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: The next thing is to suggest a financial health check. 139 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: So once you've opened the door, very very gently, suggest 140 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: a financial health check. Now, a way of framing this 141 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 1: in a really positive, exciting way is to say something like, 142 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: you know, you guys have done so well in that 143 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: you own your home outright and you don't have a mortgage. 144 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: Let's make sure that the next step in your life 145 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: financially is just as secure. You know, encourage them to 146 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,560 Speaker 1: check their super their balances, their investment options, even the 147 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: fees that they're paying, and then get them to go 148 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: through that credit card debt, see who they owe money 149 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: to and how much and even if you can look 150 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,320 Speaker 1: at their budget and work with them to see how 151 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: they can potentially pay that off quickly, including the carloan 152 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 1: that you mentioned as well. These are things that are 153 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: going to help create awareness and this will then allow 154 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: the space for their own AHA moment to kick in 155 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:15,319 Speaker 1: and then of course most importantly, encourage them to get advice. 156 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: A really handy starting point is the government's Financial Information Service. 157 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: It's known as FIS at centerling. Can you I think 158 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: you can log into it through Services Australia. You can 159 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 1: do it online and you can make an appointment as well, 160 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: and you can even go along with them to this meeting. 161 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: But it is free, it is independent, and it is 162 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: designed for older Australians like your parents and try to 163 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 1: help make sure that they prepare for retirement. And you know, 164 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: of course yes they can go and speak to a 165 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: licensed financial plannet, which is something I would firmly recommend. 166 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,439 Speaker 1: Don't try and do this yourself. It's way too complicated 167 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,719 Speaker 1: and it could end up being a mess. This is 168 00:10:54,760 --> 00:11:00,440 Speaker 1: also very delicate, intricate details where you need strategic but 169 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: that's today's opposite episode, not about the advice or the strategy. 170 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 1: It's about working with your parents and getting them in 171 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: front of the right people. So a financial planner, obviously 172 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 1: is someone who really understands these situations. Your situation is 173 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,320 Speaker 1: not uncommon, and a financial planner that can specialize in 174 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: retirement strategies like pension eligibility, downsizing rules, superannuation withdrawal options, 175 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 1: that's going to be their specialty. That's going to be 176 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: their forte and they can talk through all of those 177 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: options and have those uncomfortable conversations on your behalf with 178 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 1: your parents. So they definitely need to go and see 179 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: a financial planner, but starting with Fizz through Services New 180 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 1: South Wales or Services Australia is a great start. And 181 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: here's one more great tip as well, even if they're 182 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: not ready to see a financial planner, and that is 183 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 1: when your parents make that call to their superannuation account 184 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: provider who whoever it may be, it's worth asking whilst 185 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,080 Speaker 1: they're on the phone if that particular fund offers free 186 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: general advice or even discounted limited advice. So more and 187 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: more superannuation providers now actually have this in house financial 188 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: advisors and they can give them like general guidance on 189 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: investment options, contribution strategies, and even like ideas on retirement preparation. 190 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: And this can be really handy because it's affordable, it's 191 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: non intrusive, and that you can do this over the phone, 192 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: you can do it at a time that suits you, 193 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 1: and it's just a really efficient use of your time 194 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 1: and money. And again, like you're not telling them what 195 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 1: to do, but you're helping them find the right people 196 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: that can help them achieve what they want. You're getting 197 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: them in front of them, and you're allowing these people 198 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: who do this every single day to have those conversations. 199 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 1: They know how to navigate this and also how to 200 00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: tiptoe around certain landmines and also come from a place 201 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: of compassion in a very ethical way. The next thing 202 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: is for you is to set boundaries and to help 203 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: your parents protect their future. This is the awkward part, 204 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,760 Speaker 1: but it's also really important if you are worried about 205 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: your parents borrowing against the home like a reverse mortgage 206 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 1: or taking out ridiculous amounts of debt like credit card 207 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 1: debt and buy now, pay later. It is okay for 208 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: you to have that conversation, but it needs to be 209 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:35,080 Speaker 1: done kindly and with compassion. You know, try something like, 210 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 1: you know, I just want to make sure that both 211 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,319 Speaker 1: of you are really secure financially. You know, I would 212 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,560 Speaker 1: feel so much better, and I think you would feel 213 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 1: so much better if you spoke to a financial planner 214 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 1: together before going and borrowing any more money or taking 215 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,239 Speaker 1: on more debt or adding any more stress to this situation. 216 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: And you yourself can also set some firm, respectful boundary. 217 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,040 Speaker 1: You know, it's really natural to want to help people, 218 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 1: and if you're in a position where you know, to 219 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 1: help people financially if you can afford to. But the 220 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 1: thing is, you don't want to go and sacrifice your 221 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 1: own financial goals, your own financial stability, security, and even 222 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: your own financial opportunities, you know, like saving for your 223 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 1: own retirement or paying off your own home because of 224 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: your parents burying the head in the sand and continuing 225 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: to make toxic financial decisions that actually are undoing every 226 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: bit of their financial security. You do need these boundaries 227 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: in place so you might say something to your parents 228 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 1: to let them know of these boundaries so that they 229 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: never assume that you're always going to bail them out, 230 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: or you're going to help them, or that they can 231 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 1: rely on you financially. So you can put those boundaries upfront, 232 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: and the sooner the better, And a great way of 233 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: saying this is something like, you know, I can help 234 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 1: you with information, and of course I'm one hundred percent supportive, 235 00:14:56,160 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: but I personally cannot afford to take on your expenses, 236 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: your living expenses and your retirement needs. You are not 237 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: being selfish, you are not being disrespectful. You are just 238 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: showing sustainable love. So please always remind yourself of that. 239 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: And the fact that you've reached out to me to 240 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 1: ask this question shows that you are someone who genuinely 241 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: cares and is genuinely worried and wants a solution. So 242 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: the next thing is to start using tools, free tools 243 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: that you can help prepare for their retirement. Now. Practical 244 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: tools can help make discussions a lot less emotional but 245 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:47,120 Speaker 1: more focused on the job at hand. So using a 246 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: budget planner or, if you like, jumping on money Smarts, 247 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: retirement calculator together makes this process so much easier because 248 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: it's not you talking. The numbers on the screen are talking, 249 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: and it takes out that personal, touchy sensitive, sometimes even 250 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: aggressive conversation that can naturally come up. But when a 251 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: number is showing you you're going to run out of 252 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 1: SUPER four years into retirement, you're not saying it. The 253 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 1: computer is saying it because it's showing it through the 254 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: evidence of the strategy. And yes, projections are a guideline only, 255 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 1: but it can help create that awareness for your parents 256 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 1: to start doing things differently and also to take responsibility 257 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: of their own financial situation. So another great calculator I 258 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 1: highly recommend is Noel Whittaker's website. He has some brilliant 259 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: calculators that can you can actually show your parents, well, 260 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: if you want eighty thousand dollars a year to be 261 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: able to travel overseas each year and do all the 262 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: things you're talking about, it looks like you need one 263 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: point six million dollars in SUPER. Again, you're not telling them. 264 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: The computer is telling them the facts. The figures are 265 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: telling them. This is their wake up call. The computer 266 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: is giving it to them, not you, even though we 267 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: obviously master planning this. And the one thing I'll also 268 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: say is make the conversations short and casual. They're chats, 269 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,679 Speaker 1: money chats, you know, do it over a meal or 270 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: a coffee instead of having this like confrontation, ambushing them 271 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: or even having like an intervention. That is not what 272 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 1: this is about. This is about really relaxed, caring, loving, 273 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 1: kind conversations. And a great strategy is get them to 274 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: write down their goals, you know, get them to write 275 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: down the places they want to visit and how much 276 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: that might cost, and you know, the lifestyle that they want. 277 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 1: Do they want a lifestyle where they can afford to 278 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,880 Speaker 1: go to a nice restaurant once a week, Do they 279 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,240 Speaker 1: want to pick up certain hobbies like learn how to 280 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: play golf or do art classes. Write these things down 281 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 1: so that with them, so that they can get really 282 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: clear themselves as to what their future looks like and 283 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: what is the financial reality that they need to build 284 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 1: to make this achievable, so there aren't as many risks 285 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,440 Speaker 1: or dangers ahead of them because they can now use 286 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: this insight to make those important changes and shifts. And 287 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 1: then finally, remember this is about love, unconditional love, not lectures. 288 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,120 Speaker 1: At the end of the day, it's not money here. 289 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 1: It's about the care, the dignity, the respect, and the 290 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: connection that you have with them. You're trying to help 291 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,880 Speaker 1: your parents protect their financial security. One that they have 292 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:28,320 Speaker 1: worked their entire lives for both your mother in raising 293 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,680 Speaker 1: you and your siblings if you have them, and taking 294 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,400 Speaker 1: care of the home and the life admin that comes 295 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,439 Speaker 1: with that, and your father working long hours standing on 296 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: his feet in retail. This is an act of deep, 297 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 1: unconditional love. So these conversations can feel really hard because 298 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: they touch on independence and pride. But when you approach 299 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: these conversations with empathy, listening not lecturing, you can actually 300 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 1: find yourself coming together and being much much closer instead 301 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 1: of being further apart. And remember, your parents have wisdom 302 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:09,400 Speaker 1: to you know their have lived through recessions, mortgage rate spikes, 303 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 1: you know the juggle of raising families, and so much more. 304 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: We can also learn from them as well, so never 305 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 1: forget that. So if you take just one thing from 306 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,399 Speaker 1: today's episode, let it be this. When it comes to 307 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:28,160 Speaker 1: family and finances, progress is not measured by who is right, 308 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 1: is measured by who feels heard, felt and seen. So 309 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: if this episode resonated with you, can you please go 310 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 1: and share it with a friend who might be navigating 311 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: the same challenge with their elderly parents or even family members. 312 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 1: And if you would like your own question featured on 313 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 1: a future episode of Start Here as part of Sugar 314 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: Mama's Fireplay, please send me a DM on Instagram, at 315 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: sugar Mama TV or at Canna Campbell Official. I will 316 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: see you next time on sugarman SMAs Fireplay on Monday 317 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 1: morning at five am. And thanks again for connecting to 318 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 1: this Start Here mini series, Chaff