1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:19,281 Speaker 1: Appoche production. The heroine I had at the time was 2 00:00:19,401 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: cut with ventanyl, so there was ventanyl in it too. 3 00:00:21,801 --> 00:00:24,841 Speaker 1: But I gave a friend to ride did the methadone 4 00:00:24,841 --> 00:00:27,161 Speaker 1: clinic one morning, and I pulled into this neighborhood and 5 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,481 Speaker 1: I just I decided, right then and there, I was 6 00:00:29,521 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: going to kill myself. I was over it. I was done. 7 00:00:32,561 --> 00:00:35,001 Speaker 1: My brother died, I got stabbed, I got shot. I 8 00:00:35,081 --> 00:00:39,881 Speaker 1: abandoned my son and just completely neglected him in all responsibilities. 9 00:00:39,921 --> 00:00:42,081 Speaker 1: I lost a career in the music business, which is 10 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,521 Speaker 1: something I dreamed of having ever since a little kid. 11 00:00:45,161 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: I did everything wrong and there was no point to 12 00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:50,761 Speaker 1: have me around. I figured, you know, like, what good 13 00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:55,001 Speaker 1: was I? Yeah? Horrible, horrible, horrible human being. And I 14 00:00:55,041 --> 00:00:57,481 Speaker 1: couldn't go to my brother's funeral. I never went because 15 00:00:57,601 --> 00:00:59,761 Speaker 1: if I went a I would show up either high 16 00:00:59,881 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 1: or dope sick. And I wasn't going to disrespect my 17 00:01:02,281 --> 00:01:04,801 Speaker 1: brother like that. I wasn't going to show up to 18 00:01:04,801 --> 00:01:08,441 Speaker 1: his funeral higher or withdrawing from heroin, and I certainly 19 00:01:08,481 --> 00:01:11,161 Speaker 1: wasn't going to be seen by everybody who knew what 20 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,961 Speaker 1: it was with me. Yeah. So I'm in this neighborhood 21 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,521 Speaker 1: and I I cockt this high point three eighty and 22 00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:21,681 Speaker 1: high point three eighties are cheap. They're historically cheap pieces 23 00:01:21,721 --> 00:01:24,921 Speaker 1: of shit. And the gun jammed, and I'm sitting there 24 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,681 Speaker 1: and I'm banging the gun and I can't get it 25 00:01:26,721 --> 00:01:28,961 Speaker 1: to work, and I'm trying to click and it won't go, 26 00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:32,601 Speaker 1: and uh, I do a bunch of heroin, I do 27 00:01:32,681 --> 00:01:35,081 Speaker 1: a bunch of meths. And I'm just sitting there trying 28 00:01:35,121 --> 00:01:37,281 Speaker 1: to get the gun to work, and I slip and 29 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,721 Speaker 1: I fall forward and the gun goes off right next 30 00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: to my ear and just completely whizzes by my ear. 31 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,081 Speaker 1: It actually burned the tip of my ear lobe. 32 00:01:46,521 --> 00:01:49,041 Speaker 2: How did you not sort of die from the hot 33 00:01:49,161 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 2: racing to hot slow to hot raising, I don't. That's 34 00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:55,481 Speaker 2: a fucking cocktail that's just distant for death. 35 00:01:55,961 --> 00:01:58,641 Speaker 1: Well, so what happened was I literally went boom and 36 00:01:58,641 --> 00:02:00,601 Speaker 1: it goes off. Next minut I went, whoa, so you're 37 00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:03,361 Speaker 1: on the norright, and I yes, I was nodding off 38 00:02:03,401 --> 00:02:04,961 Speaker 1: and it went off right past me, and I just go, 39 00:02:05,881 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 1: oh my god, Okay, so I completely changed my mind. 40 00:02:08,521 --> 00:02:12,401 Speaker 2: I don't know if you're whoa. 41 00:02:12,121 --> 00:02:14,241 Speaker 1: All of a sudden, all of a sudden all the 42 00:02:14,321 --> 00:02:17,161 Speaker 1: drugs and the adrenaline kick in and I overamp and 43 00:02:17,201 --> 00:02:20,441 Speaker 1: I fall asleep. I passed out from how crazy the 44 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,121 Speaker 1: high was like from the gun going off. My heart's 45 00:02:23,201 --> 00:02:26,361 Speaker 1: just beating out of my chest. The mats the heroine 46 00:02:26,761 --> 00:02:28,561 Speaker 1: and I had been up for three or four days 47 00:02:28,561 --> 00:02:30,921 Speaker 1: as it was. And I fall asleep and I wake 48 00:02:31,041 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: up to sir, could you open the door please? And 49 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:38,481 Speaker 1: it's the cops, and I went, oh, no, you know, 50 00:02:38,561 --> 00:02:40,721 Speaker 1: I sunk. I fell in my chair and I just 51 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,361 Speaker 1: slumped back. 52 00:02:41,601 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 2: So the gun would have still been there. Everything would 53 00:02:43,721 --> 00:02:48,201 Speaker 2: have been exposed. Everything's right there, nothing hidden, it's tucked away. 54 00:02:48,321 --> 00:02:50,201 Speaker 1: It's right there, and they see it and they grabbed. 55 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,561 Speaker 1: They go, gon, gone gun. They grabbed me. They immediately 56 00:02:52,561 --> 00:02:54,481 Speaker 1: put me in cups and they're like, what are you doing? 57 00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:57,481 Speaker 1: Your piece of shit, you know, And they they pulled 58 00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:58,721 Speaker 1: me back and they put me in the back of 59 00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,801 Speaker 1: the car and then they pulled me out and this 60 00:03:00,841 --> 00:03:03,401 Speaker 1: guy goes, what are you doing here? And I just 61 00:03:03,401 --> 00:03:06,441 Speaker 1: look at him. I go, I was trying to kill myself, man, 62 00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:09,761 Speaker 1: And he goes what and I go, yeah, I was 63 00:03:09,761 --> 00:03:13,721 Speaker 1: trying to kill myself. I'm a junkie, I'm a loser. 64 00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:16,001 Speaker 1: I have nowhere to live, I have nowhere to go. 65 00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:19,681 Speaker 1: I have no family, I have no friends. I abandon everybody. 66 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:24,081 Speaker 1: I abandoned my kid. I abandon my life so that 67 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,321 Speaker 1: I could be a drug addict. My brother just died 68 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:30,161 Speaker 1: and I couldn't even go to the funeral because I'm 69 00:03:30,161 --> 00:03:32,481 Speaker 1: a worthless piece of shit junkie. And I go, just 70 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,321 Speaker 1: please take me to jail, please, please, so I can 71 00:03:35,361 --> 00:03:37,601 Speaker 1: go kill myself there like I'm going to hang myself 72 00:03:37,641 --> 00:03:39,401 Speaker 1: as soon as I get there. I don't even care. 73 00:03:39,881 --> 00:03:42,041 Speaker 1: I don't care what you do, I don't care what 74 00:03:42,081 --> 00:03:44,161 Speaker 1: you say. Just please get me out of here, please. 75 00:03:44,361 --> 00:03:47,081 Speaker 1: I don't want to do this anymore. And he looked 76 00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:48,601 Speaker 1: at me and he puts me back in the car 77 00:03:48,641 --> 00:03:50,121 Speaker 1: and he comes and he pulls me out again, and 78 00:03:50,121 --> 00:03:51,761 Speaker 1: he says, do you have anybody who I can call 79 00:03:51,881 --> 00:03:54,521 Speaker 1: to verify all this information? I go, you want to 80 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,801 Speaker 1: verify that I just tried to kill myself And he goes, no, 81 00:03:57,961 --> 00:04:00,641 Speaker 1: it's just that your brother died and that you're well. 82 00:04:00,681 --> 00:04:02,481 Speaker 1: He goes, we know you're a drug addict because we 83 00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:05,401 Speaker 1: found the drugs. I said, you can call me mom, 84 00:04:05,401 --> 00:04:07,641 Speaker 1: but honestly, she's so sick of getting phone calls from 85 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:11,161 Speaker 1: police officers, she'll probably hang up on you. So he 86 00:04:11,201 --> 00:04:12,961 Speaker 1: puts me in the car. He calls and he's on 87 00:04:13,041 --> 00:04:15,361 Speaker 1: the phone, so I knew he was talking to somebody. 88 00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:17,441 Speaker 1: And we get in the car and he goes, okay, 89 00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:20,481 Speaker 1: off we go. And I didn't know what to say. 90 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,481 Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. But I had this 91 00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:27,001 Speaker 1: moment of clarity and I just I sat back and 92 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:30,121 Speaker 1: I started crying, and I prayed. I prayed harder than 93 00:04:30,121 --> 00:04:33,161 Speaker 1: I've ever prayed in my life, and I just said, God, 94 00:04:33,921 --> 00:04:36,801 Speaker 1: I changed my mind. I don't want to go to jail. 95 00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:39,281 Speaker 1: I don't want to go to prison. I don't want 96 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,001 Speaker 1: to do any of this anymore. If you get me 97 00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:45,841 Speaker 1: at this somehow, some way, by some divine miracle, I'll 98 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,921 Speaker 1: call my mom as soon as I get to jail. 99 00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:49,681 Speaker 1: I'll ask her to get me a bond so I 100 00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:52,801 Speaker 1: can bond out. And I swear I give my word 101 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:57,281 Speaker 1: to you, if you're out there, I will make every 102 00:04:57,361 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: and all efforts to really really try to be sober. 103 00:05:00,481 --> 00:05:03,401 Speaker 1: Now I'm sick of this. I cannot do this anymore. Hi, brother, 104 00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:06,361 Speaker 1: just on that powerful is pray. 105 00:05:07,361 --> 00:05:09,761 Speaker 2: I don't I don't give a fuck who you are. 106 00:05:10,161 --> 00:05:12,241 Speaker 2: You cannot sit there and tell me that in your 107 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:16,561 Speaker 2: darkest moments you've not turned around and looked and just 108 00:05:16,641 --> 00:05:19,601 Speaker 2: put your hands up and said, Lord help me, God, 109 00:05:19,761 --> 00:05:24,361 Speaker 2: give me some sort of strangle my. I love what 110 00:05:24,401 --> 00:05:27,601 Speaker 2: you're saying right now, brother, and I'm feeling it. 111 00:05:28,281 --> 00:05:31,321 Speaker 1: Well. What happened was and I'm praying, and I'm thinking, 112 00:05:31,361 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to jail no matter what. I mean. 113 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 1: An ounce of heroin, a half ounce of meth. Guns 114 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: as a felon. I'm a felon. I'm not supposed to 115 00:05:39,201 --> 00:05:41,721 Speaker 1: be in the possession of guns. I've been arrested for 116 00:05:41,801 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: gun charges before, so that's already. I've got checks that 117 00:05:45,561 --> 00:05:48,681 Speaker 1: aren't mine. I've got fraudulent and I've been arrested for 118 00:05:48,761 --> 00:05:51,521 Speaker 1: that shit too, for fraud, for mail theft. I had 119 00:05:51,521 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 1: a bunch of mail that wasn't mine, from stealing credit 120 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,441 Speaker 1: cards out of people's mailboxes. And no matter what I'm 121 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,721 Speaker 1: thinking to myself, I'm going to jail, but if I 122 00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:02,601 Speaker 1: can get a bond, and at this point I'm on probation, 123 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: so if I get another charge, I'm going to prison 124 00:06:05,561 --> 00:06:08,121 Speaker 1: no matter what. So I'm praying for God to get 125 00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:10,721 Speaker 1: me a bond in time so I can get out 126 00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:13,561 Speaker 1: and at least try to get myself into treatment or 127 00:06:13,561 --> 00:06:16,041 Speaker 1: some sort of a program so I can make this right. 128 00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:18,321 Speaker 1: I'm praying and I'm just and I meant it. I 129 00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:21,281 Speaker 1: meant everywhere I said, I'm sick of this. I'm so 130 00:06:21,561 --> 00:06:25,041 Speaker 1: sorry to you God it. I really will try as 131 00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: hard as I can to lead a clean life moving forward. 132 00:06:29,001 --> 00:06:31,161 Speaker 1: Please help me. I don't want to do this anymore. 133 00:06:31,201 --> 00:06:33,281 Speaker 1: So we pull up and I get out and I 134 00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: see this building I don't recognize. And I've been to 135 00:06:36,841 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: jail enough times to know what the jail looks like 136 00:06:39,161 --> 00:06:40,921 Speaker 1: and where it is. And I just looked at the 137 00:06:40,961 --> 00:06:42,881 Speaker 1: cop and I go, where are we? And he goes 138 00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:44,921 Speaker 1: right at the Southwest East A Hospital and I go, 139 00:06:45,001 --> 00:06:47,241 Speaker 1: what the fuck are we doing here? And he goes, 140 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,441 Speaker 1: I'm taking you here to detox and get a psyche 141 00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: val and I go, so, how long is that? And 142 00:06:53,641 --> 00:06:55,361 Speaker 1: he goes seventy two hours? And I go, so I 143 00:06:55,401 --> 00:06:57,280 Speaker 1: go to jail in seventy two hours and he goes, 144 00:06:57,761 --> 00:07:00,161 Speaker 1: I'm not taking you to jail, And I said what, 145 00:07:01,201 --> 00:07:03,801 Speaker 1: And he goes, I'm not taking you to jail he goes, Listen, 146 00:07:03,801 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: I've seen your record. It's obvious jail doesn't work. I 147 00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:10,321 Speaker 1: think we ought to try something new and different with you, 148 00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:13,721 Speaker 1: and I just I couldn't believe it. He goes, and 149 00:07:13,721 --> 00:07:16,401 Speaker 1: your mother really misses you, and so does your son. 150 00:07:17,161 --> 00:07:19,441 Speaker 1: You're letting a lot of people down. And I just 151 00:07:19,441 --> 00:07:22,081 Speaker 1: looked at him and I started crying and I said 152 00:07:22,161 --> 00:07:25,481 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And he knew 153 00:07:25,481 --> 00:07:28,081 Speaker 1: I wasn't talking to him. I was talking through him 154 00:07:28,121 --> 00:07:30,961 Speaker 1: to my family, and I wanted to say thank you, 155 00:07:31,041 --> 00:07:33,641 Speaker 1: but I just kept saying I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 156 00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:37,681 Speaker 1: And he said, listen, man, I'm giving you an opportunity 157 00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:41,081 Speaker 1: here to do the right thing. Please don't blow it, 158 00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:42,681 Speaker 1: he goes, because if I ever catch you out on 159 00:07:42,721 --> 00:07:44,841 Speaker 1: the streets again, I promise you I will lock you 160 00:07:44,921 --> 00:07:48,201 Speaker 1: up for every single last thing I can find. If 161 00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:50,521 Speaker 1: you have a joint, I will make sure they throw 162 00:07:50,561 --> 00:07:53,201 Speaker 1: the book at you. Like you have people that love 163 00:07:53,241 --> 00:07:55,761 Speaker 1: and care about you, and this is your chance to 164 00:07:55,801 --> 00:07:58,001 Speaker 1: really turn the things around and make a change in 165 00:07:58,001 --> 00:08:01,561 Speaker 1: your life. Now, I've been arrested for assaulting a police 166 00:08:01,601 --> 00:08:04,921 Speaker 1: officer before. Okay, I've been arrested for spinning on a 167 00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:08,081 Speaker 1: police officer before cops hate me. They see my record, 168 00:08:08,081 --> 00:08:09,561 Speaker 1: they take one look at me, and they just can't 169 00:08:09,601 --> 00:08:12,241 Speaker 1: stay me. Bit I'm telling you right now, I am 170 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,801 Speaker 1: here to say that prayer does work when you really 171 00:08:14,841 --> 00:08:18,681 Speaker 1: mean it. Because I prayed and my prayers were immediately answered. 172 00:08:18,681 --> 00:08:19,961 Speaker 1: I thought it was going to go to jail and 173 00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:23,121 Speaker 1: hopefully just get a bond and have to beat the 174 00:08:23,361 --> 00:08:26,521 Speaker 1: motion to revoke my probation. But it was so much 175 00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:29,241 Speaker 1: better than that. Instead of taking me to jail at all, 176 00:08:29,281 --> 00:08:32,121 Speaker 1: he took me to a detox facility and he gave 177 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,321 Speaker 1: me a chance to start anew and I believe that 178 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,241 Speaker 1: was my higher power working through him. 179 00:08:36,361 --> 00:08:36,681 Speaker 2: Wow. 180 00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,761 Speaker 1: So I get there and a day and a half in, 181 00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:43,441 Speaker 1: I'm dope sick. I'm withdrawing from heroin and fentanyl. And 182 00:08:44,401 --> 00:08:47,281 Speaker 1: fentanyl is the worst. It is literally like having the 183 00:08:47,441 --> 00:08:50,481 Speaker 1: most intense orgasm you've ever had in your entire life 184 00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:54,721 Speaker 1: for twenty minutes straight. I mean, it's incredible, but the 185 00:08:54,761 --> 00:08:58,841 Speaker 1: withdrawals are just I mean, people say I wouldn't wish 186 00:08:58,881 --> 00:09:01,121 Speaker 1: that on my worst enemy. I would wish that on 187 00:09:01,201 --> 00:09:06,361 Speaker 1: my worst enemy because they're so value. You know, the 188 00:09:06,561 --> 00:09:11,561 Speaker 1: land proplah proplahate no tromos