Speaker 1: I get a team. It's Harps, it's the You Project.
Speaker 1: It is it's a Wednesday, it's Wednesday in Melbourne. It's
Speaker 1: a beautiful day. I'm super excited. Now, you might think
Speaker 1: to yourselfself, how does Harps come up with the guests?
Speaker 1: How does he figure out what he's going to talk about,
Speaker 1: what direction is going to go, what topics he is
Speaker 1: going to explore. I'm going to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: it's not highly strategic. It's not like I look at
Speaker 1: the last one hundred episodes and go right, We've had
Speaker 1: sixteen scientists, we've had three actors, we've had twelve athletes.
Speaker 1: I don't do that. I tend to be a bit
Speaker 1: organic and spontaneous. And sometimes obviously, you know, we have
Speaker 1: David Gillespie One's Fortnite, Patrick once a Fortnite, And sometimes
Speaker 1: I just meet someone who's interesting. But really I just
Speaker 1: want to chat. I just want to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with people who I think might be interesting to chat with,
Speaker 1: whom my I have an insight, an idea, a perspective,
Speaker 1: or maybe some information that might add value to your
Speaker 1: lives my listeners. And so it's not overly strategic. And
Speaker 1: I was just saying to our guests too. I'll introduce
Speaker 1: in a moment that probably in six years of podcasting
Speaker 1: and fifteen hundred plus episodes, there's maybe been ten or
Speaker 1: fifteen times when I've just you know, like on my
Speaker 1: social media, I see people comment or people like or whatever,
Speaker 1: and every now and then I'll just have a cruise
Speaker 1: through the kind of the names, just to see who's
Speaker 1: hanging about. And I did that recently with doctor Lucas
Speaker 1: from Queensland and we spoke about the secret, We spoke
Speaker 1: about manifestation, mindset and all of those things. And I
Speaker 1: generally don't find the guests, but he was someone that
Speaker 1: I stumbled across. We had a really good conversation. You've
Speaker 1: given me good feedback. And Teagan, who'm about to chat with,
Speaker 1: was the same. She left a comment or a like
Speaker 1: or a love or something on one of my things,
Speaker 1: and I thought, this person has an interesting job. Now
Speaker 1: before you know what she does, because you've already read
Speaker 1: the title and you've read the copy. But I'm going
Speaker 1: to preface this with a couple of my friends said,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you should do that episode. Harps,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you that Tigan a couple of my
Speaker 1: friends said, I don't know if she should open that door.
Speaker 1: So before I do open the door, here's my disclaimer.
Speaker 1: I'm not an expert in this area at all, and
Speaker 1: I'm not pretending to be. But I do know that
Speaker 1: seventy percent of our audience, give or take a woman,
Speaker 1: and I do know that for a few other people
Speaker 1: that I spoke to when I was thinking should I
Speaker 1: or shouldn't I, they went, yeah, that'd be great. I'm interested.
Speaker 1: So with that in mind, Hi, Tegan, welcome to the
Speaker 1: You Project. How are you good?
Speaker 2: Thanks, Craig, how are you?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Good? Thanks for agreeing to do this. Hey, tell
Speaker 1: my listeners what your job is, if you would, what
Speaker 1: do you do and how did you get into it?
Speaker 1: That'd be let's start with that perfect.
Speaker 2: So, first of all, I want to start with the
Speaker 2: fact that you know, when you said before, maybe we
Speaker 2: shouldn't do this conversation, because that's where my ears preaking,
Speaker 2: my heart lights up. Yes, obviously, this conversation and this
Speaker 2: topic needs to be had, and it's not in a
Speaker 2: sense where everybody has to walk around being sexually liberated creatures.
Speaker 2: It's just about bringing awareness to you know, back to women.
Speaker 2: To improve from, you know, a health perspective, a really
Speaker 2: deeply rooted intuition wisdom health perspective. So I am a
Speaker 2: somatic sex therapist and I've also done therapeutic yoni mapping
Speaker 2: or massage, which is internal body work of the female genitalia.
Speaker 2: So the two real well, really great hand in hand
Speaker 2: to get women, you know, reconnected with their bodies and
Speaker 2: just feeling freaking amazing.
Speaker 1: Oh oh my goodness. Remember everyone just asking the questions.
Speaker 1: All right, So sematic is it sematic or sematic? Sematic? Yep,
Speaker 1: sematic yep, sematic sex therapist? Yes, okay, what does what
Speaker 1: does sematic mean? Just what does explain that term to us? So?
Speaker 2: Sematic is basically working with the body to unlock issues
Speaker 2: and trauma and challenges that we go through. M So,
Speaker 2: where I differ from a sexologist is I'm a more
Speaker 2: holistic approach to sexuality as opposed to a more psychological
Speaker 2: talk theory therapy aspect of sexuality.
Speaker 1: M What what got the I need to be careful
Speaker 1: with all of my questions here.
Speaker 2: I'm good?
Speaker 1: What got that? Fuck? Do I? So you were worried?
Speaker 1: I need to be worried, Togan, you need to fucking
Speaker 1: work shop me through this. I'm more nervous than you. Okay,
Speaker 1: how did this start? What got the metaphoric ball rolling
Speaker 1: in terms of this, No pun intended this this kind
Speaker 1: of pursuit or this career or this. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's more than just a career. I feel it's it's
Speaker 1: like almost a purpose or a calling.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I loving you said that, because it is.
Speaker 2: And you know, me, looking back with all the wisdom
Speaker 2: and the information that I have now looking back on
Speaker 2: my childhood, there was something there in the really really
Speaker 2: early days without me having an understanding of what it meant,
Speaker 2: that was in this field of working with females and
Speaker 2: you know, all the ancient womb wisdom and our sexuality
Speaker 2: and our creativity and our you know, we are we
Speaker 2: are creators. We were things everything from ideas to humans.
Speaker 2: But you know, going through life, we all go through
Speaker 2: a plethora of crap and we've all got to unpack
Speaker 2: that plethora of crap. And I got to a point
Speaker 2: about seven years ago where I started working with women
Speaker 2: and coaching through psychology and hormones and nutrition. So I
Speaker 2: did that for a number of years, and it got
Speaker 2: deeper and deeper because I like to get deep, and
Speaker 2: a lot of our coaching sessions were turning into, you know,
Speaker 2: sessions around shame our bodies, how we have challenges in
Speaker 2: our relationships, how we don't enjoy sex, how there's so
Speaker 2: much pain involved in it, how women are doing things
Speaker 2: for the sake of doing them but not really wanting
Speaker 2: to do them. And from there it was just like
Speaker 2: a whole new world opened up. And that's when the
Speaker 2: sexology came into it. So it was just fascinating. How
Speaker 2: you know, it has taken me on more of a journey,
Speaker 2: I suppose, and something that I've seeped out.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that? And again I'm generalizing, but
Speaker 1: so this is not probably not with you, but with
Speaker 1: a lot of people. Why is there so much awkwardness
Speaker 1: and weirdness and apprehension to discuss around sex? Like what
Speaker 1: is that? And it's probably not one thing, it's probably
Speaker 1: many things. But what are your thoughts?
Speaker 2: Thoughts are straightway? Is we're uneducated. We're just not educated
Speaker 2: and free within the information to receive the information in
Speaker 2: the first place. So therefore there's a block up. It's
Speaker 2: like we've got our innate wisdom, we have our intuition,
Speaker 2: to connect with our higher self. We have all these
Speaker 2: feelings of sexuality and pleasure and our desire and our
Speaker 2: fantasism we want to do, but we're not given the
Speaker 2: language or the education to actually speak about and feel
Speaker 2: okay about what we want and asking for what we want.
Speaker 1: Hmmm, what about I'm sure when my mum was born
Speaker 1: in nine thirty nine, Teagan, fucking hell? How long ago
Speaker 1: is that? Right? And then she she was a young woman.
Speaker 1: When when did she You know, she was a young
Speaker 1: woman in the let's say sixties, so she would have
Speaker 1: been twenty and nine fifty nine. Like talking having this
Speaker 1: conversation in nine fifty nine, can you imagine like women
Speaker 1: like it seems like for I mean again, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but it seems like for a lot of the kind
Speaker 1: of evolutionary timeline, or at least over the last few
Speaker 1: hundred years. Anyway, like women and sexuality and pleasure like
Speaker 1: that wasn't really much of a discussion in the general
Speaker 1: kind of conversation.
Speaker 2: No, definitely not. And you know, going back, you know,
Speaker 2: with all the study that we do, goes back eons
Speaker 2: and eons ago, and once upon a time women were
Speaker 2: absolutely worshiped. You know, I'm not saying that's what it's
Speaker 2: got to be nowadays, but everything was very open and explorative.
Speaker 2: When the dawn of time came in, when you know,
Speaker 2: everything was commercialized in agriculture and all that kind of
Speaker 2: stuff came in, there was like a dominance and a
Speaker 2: ruler and everything started being submissed. So we were more
Speaker 2: in a controlled state than a free and educated state.
Speaker 2: So over the years, when all that's gone on, it
Speaker 2: was just less and less spoken about, and women had
Speaker 2: less and less right So pleasure and sets became more
Speaker 2: about what it was for the man than what it
Speaker 2: was for the woman. So women were pretty much just
Speaker 2: told what to do and when to do it. Up
Speaker 2: until really recently, marital rate was still actually considered.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's so crazy to think, is it? And so
Speaker 1: fucking terrible?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: What So, here's a really like fundamental, basic bloke question.
Speaker 1: What don't and there's probably a million things, but maybe
Speaker 1: cut it down. What don't blokes get about about female
Speaker 1: sexuality that we that we need to at least be
Speaker 1: more aware of or start to think about as a partner.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, so I think that's a great question,
Speaker 2: and I see I have a big soft spot for men,
Speaker 2: because you know, a lot of women are really quick
Speaker 2: to blame men for not getting things right. But men
Speaker 2: only know what we teach them to understand. So if
Speaker 2: we aren't aware of our choices and the way that
Speaker 2: we feel and the things that we want, they're not
Speaker 2: going to be aware of that either. But what we
Speaker 2: both need to realize from a male and a female
Speaker 2: perspective is that female femalees thrive off context. So a
Speaker 2: man can often go into a sexual exp it's pretty
Speaker 2: wham band, thank you man, ready to go. They're very
Speaker 2: visual if sex is brought up, it's kind of like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: when can we do it? You know, let's get onto things.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm ready, I'm ready, that's right. Yeah, I'm eating
Speaker 1: dinner though, and we're at a restaurant. Okay, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2: Whereas women, it's very much like all the boxes have
Speaker 2: to be tipped leading up to that point. It's like
Speaker 2: we've already scenario scenarioized what the outcome is going to
Speaker 2: be and what we've got to do to get there.
Speaker 2: So from going from you know, A to B like
Speaker 2: that just doesn't happen fast, right right right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: So is I mean Fuck, I don't even know the
Speaker 1: right questions to ask for this chat? So can you
Speaker 1: excuse my ignorance? So talk to me about So if
Speaker 1: we're talking about male arousal and female arousal, like male
Speaker 1: arousal is oh there's a picture, I'm ready. Yeah, not
Speaker 1: always and I'm generalizing of course, but but women, it's
Speaker 1: like you said, it's about context. What is that? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here going cool? What does that mean? Like?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: And I know it's not the same for everyone, but
Speaker 1: talk to us about female arousal.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So context is like a physical aspect and an
Speaker 2: emotional aspect of things. So emotionally it's like how are
Speaker 2: we feeling within ourselves? We can over analyze things like
Speaker 2: if we're going into this experience, have I shaved my legs?
Speaker 2: Have I had the Brazilian this week? When was the
Speaker 2: last time I showered? You know, all of that kind
Speaker 2: of stuff. What's my hair look like? What's he going
Speaker 2: to think if he kisses my neck and I don't
Speaker 2: have perfume on? All of that kind of stuff. Other
Speaker 2: things like what was your workday? Like what's he to do?
Speaker 1: List?
Speaker 2: Like have you done the groceries? All of that kind
Speaker 2: of stuff. So you've got your physical and your emotional
Speaker 2: side of things that plays a massive role that's going
Speaker 2: through our heads and our bodies constantly before we actually
Speaker 2: get to that moment. And it's not to say that
Speaker 2: women can't have that spontaneous desire and go into a
Speaker 2: actual experience really quickly, but more often than not, like
Speaker 2: the way that we are living as a society, there's
Speaker 2: way more checks than to do lists and things that
Speaker 2: we're over analyzing in our heads and in our bodies
Speaker 2: that are making it a lot more difficult for us
Speaker 2: to get to that space.
Speaker 1: Do you I don't know if the answer to this
Speaker 1: is yes, But based on what you just said, do
Speaker 1: you think that women are in general terms more self
Speaker 1: conscious than men like men are like, well, I'm awake,
Speaker 1: so I'm good to go right whereas like you know,
Speaker 1: there's not too many dudes going you know, if there's
Speaker 1: somebody who wants to have sex with them. And again
Speaker 1: I'm generalizing having said that, I'm a clean freak. I
Speaker 1: shower twice a day, I hate you know, I clean
Speaker 1: my teeth five times a day.
Speaker 2: So you'd be ready to go, no worries.
Speaker 1: Well, in a hypothetical parallel universe. But yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 1: So is that because women are more self conscious about
Speaker 1: how they look, smell, or present or what they think
Speaker 1: the other personal think of them is that the money
Speaker 1: or am I wrong?
Speaker 2: No, that's exactly on the money. And you know, we
Speaker 2: look at social media and things like that these days
Speaker 2: and women are constantly comparing themselves to everything that they
Speaker 2: see on a screen and around them. It's like we're
Speaker 2: waking up of a morning and you know, the first
Speaker 2: things we're thinking of is that comparison. Am I good enough?
Speaker 2: What's this person doing?
Speaker 3: Then?
Speaker 2: I'm not? Why can't I look like that? It's a
Speaker 2: whole plethora of reasons. It's really really difficult for women
Speaker 2: to get through their days without that level of comparison.
Speaker 2: It's like we're running in that, you know, that realm
Speaker 2: of fear because of comparison and all that that we've
Speaker 2: got going on in our mind.
Speaker 1: It's like there's two messages teaging. It's like, on the
Speaker 1: one hand, we're saying, you know, you're enough, Tiguan, you're enough,
Speaker 1: like what you look like, what you know? Like how
Speaker 1: much you earn? All of that stuff, which is a
Speaker 1: really good message, and it's you know, it's true, like
Speaker 1: you're enough. It's like if somebody only loves you because
Speaker 1: you know you look a certain way, or you can
Speaker 1: you know, you have enough money, or you tick enough.
Speaker 1: You know, that's probably not love. That's probably more like
Speaker 1: some kind of strategic alliance or something. But and while
Speaker 1: we're that, that messaging is loud and clear on many
Speaker 1: fronts these days, the other messaging that isn't verbal, but
Speaker 1: it's there is you're not enough. You're not pretty enough,
Speaker 1: you're not handsome enough, you're not lean enough, you're not
Speaker 1: fucking famous enough, you're not rich enough. You're not And
Speaker 1: while there is more kind of outspoken, kind of I
Speaker 1: guess support than ever and it should be that for
Speaker 1: you know, for want of a better term for women
Speaker 1: empowerment and all of that stuff. It's probably the wrong term,
Speaker 1: but forgive me everyone fucking clumsy in their space. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, it's still do you think women
Speaker 1: put themselves under pressure as well? Like I know we
Speaker 1: love to blame men for everything, fucking men, but do
Speaker 1: you think women in terms of women put pressure on
Speaker 1: other women?
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Absolutely, And it comes as close as even your
Speaker 2: family members and your friends. You know, how many times
Speaker 2: have you been in a friendship with someone who supports
Speaker 2: and supports and supports you until you get that five
Speaker 2: minutes ahead of them, and they're quick to cut you down.
Speaker 2: Everyone wants to see you be amazing until you're amazing.
Speaker 1: That's so fucking true. That's so true.
Speaker 2: You know the reason, the reason that I do what
Speaker 2: I do. Yeah, the sex stuff is great. We look,
Speaker 2: we've got the actual physical side of having sex, but
Speaker 2: it's all the stuff, the emotional stuff that comes along
Speaker 2: with that. And it's about empowering women to be so
Speaker 2: deeply and connected and in love with themselves that the
Speaker 2: rest of that stuff doesn't matter. That's the society of
Speaker 2: women that we need to be raising because there is
Speaker 2: always going to be shit around us, and we have
Speaker 2: to get better at self managing and self belief to
Speaker 2: lead really amazing lives, because right now, not enough women
Speaker 2: are leading amazing lives because they're in that comparison.
Speaker 1: Field, comparison culture. Yeah, and it's it's real, but and
Speaker 1: it is. I know we're talking about women mainly today,
Speaker 1: but it's even in the gym. I see young dudes, Teagan,
Speaker 1: and they're living on YouTube they're watching all their favorite
Speaker 1: bodybuilders and fucking you know whatever heroes train, and there's
Speaker 1: I need to be careful what I say, but let's
Speaker 1: just say there's not a small percentage of eighteen nine
Speaker 1: and twenty year olds in and around where I live
Speaker 1: that are are using you know, supplements, let's call them
Speaker 1: supplements to help, you know, because they want to look,
Speaker 1: they want to be massive, they want to be jacked,
Speaker 1: they want to be lean. And this resonates strongly for me,
Speaker 1: who was exactly that, you know, when I was eighteen
Speaker 1: nineteen twenty, I was just a big insecure fuck with
Speaker 1: trying to be loved and liked and popular and wanted
Speaker 1: and needed. And yeah, it's like I don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: men and women are different, but they're kind of the same.
Speaker 1: We're you know, we express it differently, we manifest it differently,
Speaker 1: we maybe look for it in different ways. But what
Speaker 1: like both when men and women, we want to be needed, wanted, loved, valued.
Speaker 1: We don't want to be anxious, we don't want to
Speaker 1: be depressed, we don't want to be lonely, you know,
Speaker 1: like we want to be fulfilled. These are all emotional
Speaker 1: drivers and needs, you know, and it's just that how
Speaker 1: we express and manifest and connect and create varies a little,
Speaker 1: but but they're you know, there's probably more similarities than
Speaker 1: not at that at that emotional level in terms of needs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, And it's like it's a human thing.
Speaker 2: It's not a male thing or a female thing. We
Speaker 2: both have the challenges that we face, and we do
Speaker 2: do them a little bit differently. But I think that's
Speaker 2: where society has got it wrong as well. Like everybody's pigeonhole.
Speaker 2: Everybody's got to be better or worse, do you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? Yes, men can, of course can face
Speaker 2: the same challenges as women, and it's about us instead
Speaker 2: of separating all of our shit, is like coming together
Speaker 2: and learning from it.
Speaker 1: Talk to me about if you would, And again, these
Speaker 1: are all questions without noticing everyone. Teagan doesn't know what
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask her and when people which she oh,
Speaker 1: she did a little bit. She just said what are
Speaker 1: we going to talk about? And I said, I don't know.
Speaker 1: We'll figure it out. But I do that with all
Speaker 1: my guests. So's she's flying blind and doing beautifully. Talk
Speaker 1: to me a little bit, if you would, about self.
Speaker 4: Esteem, body image and sexuality and how that kind of
Speaker 4: intersect or work together or don't work together.
Speaker 2: So when it comes to sexuality, obviously we've got to
Speaker 2: have everything lined up for us to be free and
Speaker 2: liberated in it. And it comes back to the education.
Speaker 2: So when we look at when we started to be educated,
Speaker 2: it's not just back when our parents and stuff we're
Speaker 2: young like nowadays, we sort of refer it back to
Speaker 2: when we were kids at school and the information was
Speaker 2: just so minimal, and you know, on a daily basis,
Speaker 2: I often ask women what was your education like, and
Speaker 2: they're like, yeah, yeah, it was really good. You know,
Speaker 2: I know the basics, but the basics aren't enough to
Speaker 2: make us feel great and do great. Does that make sense? Yeah,
Speaker 2: So there's a lot involved when it comes to our
Speaker 2: anatomy and if we don't know what they are and
Speaker 2: we haven't made the connections, you know, we just don't
Speaker 2: know that they're there, and we don't know how good
Speaker 2: we can feel. So when it comes to sort of
Speaker 2: body image and stuff like that, again, what we don't
Speaker 2: I don't know. We doubt we criticize, you know, So
Speaker 2: we look at pornography nowadays, everything that most teenagers aretall
Speaker 2: is through pornography, and it's that perfect image of what
Speaker 2: our genitals should look like and what the apple sex
Speaker 2: should actually feel and sound and look like as well,
Speaker 2: and it's just not the case in the real world.
Speaker 2: All of our bits are different, they shape different, they
Speaker 2: look different, they feel different. Every single penis involver is
Speaker 2: completely different to the person that we stand beside.
Speaker 1: H so interesting, and it is You're right, I guess
Speaker 1: for a lot of for a lot of young people
Speaker 1: and even not so young people like their classroom in
Speaker 1: inverted commas is porn like that's where they go to learn,
Speaker 1: which is maybe the worst place to go, right.
Speaker 2: Absolutely it is. We've got the highest rate of women
Speaker 2: undergoing You're plastic to change the way that their volver
Speaker 2: looks because it's appeared as perfect in pornography, whereas in
Speaker 2: real life there's bits everywhere and it's quite the imperfect picture.
Speaker 2: So not only is that an issue, but because the
Speaker 2: study over the years is not enough, there's not enough
Speaker 2: information about it, the doctors and surgeons that are actually
Speaker 2: performing these procedures don't know enough about what they're cutting,
Speaker 2: and more surgery outcomes leave women feeling with no pleasure
Speaker 2: and loss of sensation.
Speaker 1: Just explain to the dudes that are listening and some
Speaker 1: of the ladies that are listening. So that's just well,
Speaker 1: I'll have a go. Is it just where they're just
Speaker 1: trimming the laby had to make it look and it's
Speaker 1: not even about function, it's really just about appearance, right.
Speaker 2: That's right, absolutely, So there's sort of ultimately trimming and
Speaker 2: tucking everything to make it look like that perfect little package.
Speaker 2: And in the meantime, while we aiming for perfection on
Speaker 2: the outside so we are we are accepted by a partner,
Speaker 2: what it's actually doing is you know, creating years of
Speaker 2: pain and discomfort or lack of sensation.
Speaker 1: But it is. I mean, firstly that's kind of it's
Speaker 1: interesting and curious, but it's also sad. And I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to be judgmental, but everyone, guys and girls, has
Speaker 1: all these underlying emotional and psychological drivers, you know, like
Speaker 1: that imagine getting to the point. And I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to sound judgmental here because like I know a lot
Speaker 1: of dudes too are insecure about their penis. You know,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't talk about it, but they are, and like
Speaker 1: it or not, there is I guess there's judgment around it.
Speaker 1: You know, there's and even though in a perfect world
Speaker 1: there isn't we don't live in that world. We don't
Speaker 1: live in the perfect world. We live in the world
Speaker 1: where people get educated on porn sites. We get live
Speaker 1: in the world where people get their sense of self
Speaker 1: esteem and self worth and value from how they look,
Speaker 1: and I mean how all of them looks. And we're
Speaker 1: indirectly being taught that what your genitals look like is important.
Speaker 1: I wonder what that's doing though, to our soul, you know,
Speaker 1: to our emotional health, to our mental health, because then
Speaker 1: even if you go and do and get that surgery
Speaker 1: or any surgery, you know, with the excuse of kind
Speaker 1: of surgeries that are for medical reasons of course, but
Speaker 1: any kind of cosmetic surgery. And men and women do this,
Speaker 1: so it's it's not just ab gender. It's like, you go,
Speaker 1: then what then what? Like I don't have any research
Speaker 1: on it, but I wonder about the positive correlation between Oh,
Speaker 1: I've had this surgery. Guess what Now I'm twenty five
Speaker 1: percent happier all the time. I guess what, Yeah, now
Speaker 1: I don't worry about my body. Now my self esteem
Speaker 1: is great, and I kind of don't think that's happening,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: No, it's definitely not like And that's the whole thing
Speaker 2: when it comes to coaching and therapy and psychology, isn't it.
Speaker 2: It's like we can be seeking that external validation and
Speaker 2: we can go and have the procedures done, we can
Speaker 2: have the botox, we can have the nice hair, the
Speaker 2: flash car, but it's not actually resolving the underlying issue.
Speaker 2: You get a month down the track of feeling really
Speaker 2: good and then going, well, fuck, that issue is still
Speaker 2: there and I feel too shitty about it because now
Speaker 2: I've gone and done X Y Z and it's cost
Speaker 2: me ten grand and I don't have any feeling left
Speaker 2: in my vole, but I have sex anymore.
Speaker 1: And now what Yeah, all right, let's talk about specifics
Speaker 1: around sex because this is your one of your areas
Speaker 1: of expertise. So people who I might fuck up some
Speaker 1: of these terms, so you correct my my mangling of
Speaker 1: the terms. So people who lose their libido drops, their
Speaker 1: sex drive drops, but they want to still have sex, Like,
Speaker 1: what can they do about that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So when we look at libido, it's not an
Speaker 2: actual organ in the body.
Speaker 1: A lot of.
Speaker 2: People, you know, perceive it as you know, my libido's dropped.
Speaker 2: What can I take to fix it? Or what can
Speaker 2: I do to fix it? It's just it's a whole
Speaker 2: area of you know, emotional and psychological health, as well
Speaker 2: as other factors like our hormones, our menstrual cycle, medications.
Speaker 2: We're taking in all of that kind of stuff. So
Speaker 2: you know, at the start, I know you said, you know,
Speaker 2: we're not actually prescribing anything to an individual. That's just
Speaker 2: how broad it is. Everybody's situated when they come in
Speaker 2: will have a unique path to take that won't be
Speaker 2: same as the same as the last person. Libido isn't
Speaker 2: just a thing we can fix, we can turn on
Speaker 2: and off. There's a whole lot of stuff that comes
Speaker 2: into play for our libido to be where we want
Speaker 2: it to be. As women, we are cyclic creatures, so
Speaker 2: our libido is it's completely normal for it to ebb
Speaker 2: and flow throughout the course of our cycle, of our
Speaker 2: period month.
Speaker 1: All right, So tell me about therapeutic I don't even
Speaker 1: know if I want to know. I'm so scared. Therapeutic
Speaker 1: yon mapping, Yeah, yeah, WT WTF is that? Yeah?
Speaker 4: It is?
Speaker 2: It is THERAPEUTICONI mapping is my area of expertise. Obviously,
Speaker 2: the sex therapy and sex coaching side of things is
Speaker 2: fascinating and we do a lot of work with that
Speaker 2: as well. Like the talk therapy is really really important,
Speaker 2: but the therapeutic yurni mapping itself is deep internal body
Speaker 2: work of the female genitalia. So you know, people can
Speaker 2: listen to this kind of thing and go, oh my god,
Speaker 2: you know, why does she stick her finger in other
Speaker 2: females volvers and vaginas. But you know, my comeback to
Speaker 2: that is we've got gynecologists, we've got pelvic floor specialists
Speaker 2: that do all that kind of work on a similar feel.
Speaker 2: So this type of work has significance and has importance
Speaker 2: as women, Everything that we go through in our entire
Speaker 2: life gets stored in our pelvic space. Everything and that
Speaker 2: is sexual and non sexual stuff. So whether we had
Speaker 2: poor education as a kid, whether we were sexually abused,
Speaker 2: whether someone told us we were really ugly when we're
Speaker 2: ten years old, whether we've had infertility issues, poor menstrual cycles,
Speaker 2: we've had sex in relationships that we didn't want to
Speaker 2: have sex, everything gets stored in our cells, in our
Speaker 2: pelvic space. So the importance behind therapeutic Yuroni mapping is
Speaker 2: to actually go in no different to what you would
Speaker 2: do when you went to a physio or a cairo
Speaker 2: where you go and have a remedial massage. The body
Speaker 2: work is done through touch of the muscles and the
Speaker 2: skin on the external side and the internal side of
Speaker 2: the genitalia, so the vulva and the vagina, and the
Speaker 2: work is like magic. All the different touch spaces that
Speaker 2: we go through within their loads and loads of emotional
Speaker 2: baggage can come up for women and it's just phenomenal.
Speaker 2: We can have women that have experienced severe pain through
Speaker 2: intercourse to actually not having any pain whatsoever after leaving.
Speaker 2: There are also areas of numbness, areas where we might
Speaker 2: have experienced such high trauma that the body you just
Speaker 2: shuts that entire space down and we have zero sensation
Speaker 2: there at all. Again, once bringing this touch therapy in,
Speaker 2: women can leave and actually be experiencing amazing pleasure, having
Speaker 2: orgasms again. Maybe they're never orgasmed for years. Certain medical
Speaker 2: conditions like vaginiemus and volvadinia can just all be completely
Speaker 2: eliminated after you've had this therapy done. It's absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1: What's vaginismus.
Speaker 2: So vaginismus is a condition which involves in voluntary muscle
Speaker 2: spasms of the vagina. And there's two different there's two
Speaker 2: different sorts. You've got your primary one, which can be
Speaker 2: present since a woman became sexually active, and then you've
Speaker 2: got your secondary one, which can be at any point
Speaker 2: after somebody has become sexually active.
Speaker 1: Do you I mean, as I'm listening to you now
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at you, I'm listening to you, and
Speaker 1: I'm curious and I'm engaged, I would imagine that what
Speaker 1: you just explained you need to if people were asking
Speaker 1: you about your work, you couldn't just wheel that out
Speaker 1: in any context because people would think. Some people would think,
Speaker 1: kind of, that's bullshit, or that's do you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying? Like yeah, or that's like I'm you know
Speaker 1: where I'm thinking. Oh, Like, as you explain it, I go, well,
Speaker 1: that makes sense, that makes sense, and like the therapeutic
Speaker 1: benefits and all of that. But because I mean, we're
Speaker 1: weird about Dixon vaginas, aren't we. Let's be honest. In
Speaker 1: our culture, everyone's like every second joke as a dick
Speaker 1: joke or a what you know, it's like, yeah, and
Speaker 1: when I'm probably men are more weird than women if
Speaker 1: I'm being honest. But yeah, explaining that would take more
Speaker 1: than a thirty second kind of off the cuff comment
Speaker 1: at a dinner.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. The funny thing is, I think when
Speaker 2: you sort of step into your purpose, even though shit
Speaker 2: might be really scary to explain, when you've got the
Speaker 2: passion and the understanding behind it, it's kind of just like,
Speaker 2: fuck it. I don't actually care what people think from
Speaker 2: an opinionated perspective. Yeah, when we first start, you know,
Speaker 2: learning about sexuality and Yoni mapping, one of the first
Speaker 2: things that stuck with me was exposure. The more we
Speaker 2: expose ourself to stuff, the less of an issue it
Speaker 2: actually becomes. So I'm quite outspoken in this field, not
Speaker 2: because not from an actual outspoken perspective, open it up,
Speaker 2: because if I'm not. If I'm here to make a
Speaker 2: change and I don't open the door and make people
Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable, nothing is going to actually change.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just I'm googling right now. What is yoni
Speaker 1: mapping in that I wonder?
Speaker 3: Okay, a blend of talk therapy and external and internal
Speaker 3: massage that aims to release mental and physical tension and
Speaker 3: heal old heal old wounds that are preventing vagina owners
Speaker 3: from living their best lives and discovering their personal truth.
Speaker 1: It's and and how are people when when people come
Speaker 1: to you and they've maybe never heard of that, when
Speaker 1: you go, hey, there's this thing called this and this
Speaker 1: is what it's about. What are the reactions when you
Speaker 1: kind of open that door for the first time and
Speaker 1: explain to people that particular therapy.
Speaker 2: So generally people that come to me already know what
Speaker 2: it is, right and it's kind of like the end
Speaker 2: of the line for them, if that makes sense. So
Speaker 2: it's not not necessarily freak it. I'm just going to
Speaker 2: do it because what else have I got to lose?
Speaker 2: But their wisdom in their body has gone. I've been
Speaker 2: through the medical system. I've seen pelvic floor specialists, I've
Speaker 2: been to gynecologists, I've had the operations done, I've seen
Speaker 2: the psychologists. But there's something that's not working. What else
Speaker 2: could it be? Yes, Well, it's actually connecting back in
Speaker 2: with their body. That's got the answers the whole time.
Speaker 2: You know, when it's not a medical condition, the body's
Speaker 2: already got the answers. So, yeah, is it.
Speaker 1: When somebody comes for the first time, like obviously that
Speaker 1: would for them be a I would imagine like it
Speaker 1: might end up being a great experience as in like
Speaker 1: because it's it's therapeutic and it's healing, But initially it's
Speaker 1: got to be weird, right like for like do they go, oh,
Speaker 1: what do I do? Where do I? Like? I would
Speaker 1: imagine people are initially anxious or uncertain or uncomfortable, because
Speaker 1: that's that's not a day to day kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Yep, No, that's that's correct. And we do a lot
Speaker 2: of talk, therapy and education before we go into an
Speaker 2: actual session as well.
Speaker 1: So my next question is what don't men And I'm
Speaker 1: again generalizing because not some men are fucking more aware
Speaker 1: and evolved than others not so much, and others just
Speaker 1: don't know. And you can't apply what you don't know, right,
Speaker 1: What don't blokes know in general terms that maybe we
Speaker 1: should know or what should we think about or or
Speaker 1: I'm talking about for the men that are in relationships
Speaker 1: with women that care about pleasing their partner or supporting
Speaker 1: their or understanding their partner, especially in the realm of sex.
Speaker 2: And that's really big and it comes back to communication.
Speaker 2: So any great relationship and sexual outcome needs to have
Speaker 2: really open conversation about what you both like and what
Speaker 2: you don't like. Men also need to be equally as
Speaker 2: educated as women on what the actual anatomy involves. So
Speaker 2: we have the external outside, which is the vole. We
Speaker 2: have the inside, which is the vagina. Can I show
Speaker 2: you something here?
Speaker 1: I'm sure, yep, sure.
Speaker 2: Even though we're on we might we might.
Speaker 1: Turn this, Oh my god, we might turn this into
Speaker 1: a real alright or something. Yeap.
Speaker 2: What I'm showing you now is actually the entirety of
Speaker 2: the clitteral body.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's two Okay, hang on, everybody, So can you
Speaker 1: just well it's like there's like four almost like legs
Speaker 1: to it for and then the glitter us up the top.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Never been less comfortable on my own show. Okay, So.
Speaker 2: What a lot of men and women don't know, like
Speaker 2: women included there is So when we talked about anatomy
Speaker 2: education before, women are like, oh, yeah, I know, I've
Speaker 2: got this thing that I can see on the outside
Speaker 2: of my body, but they don't need how to operate it.
Speaker 2: What it feels like and all the external stuff that
Speaker 2: they can find for pleasure on the inside as well.
Speaker 2: So the clitterist, for example, is that little button, little
Speaker 2: pea size thing we see on the outside, Well, we've
Speaker 2: actually got all of this clitteral body, which has is
Speaker 2: very similar in the shape of an actual penis. It's
Speaker 2: got all the same touch points and everything that can
Speaker 2: also be stimulated and aroused during sexual activity. So men
Speaker 2: need to know this because men can be generally so
Speaker 2: trigger happy. It's like quick, let's get in and have
Speaker 2: a little play with click, get a sort of all
Speaker 2: razed up, and let's get on with things. But it
Speaker 2: takes women up to forty five to fifty minutes to
Speaker 2: become fully aroused. So if men aren't the time during
Speaker 2: for play arousing all these you know, highly sensitive zones
Speaker 2: and a female, it can lead to unpleasurable sex for
Speaker 2: the female, which the in terms you know, gives the
Speaker 2: whole mindset around, well, why do I want to have
Speaker 2: sex when it doesn't feel good? Why do I want
Speaker 2: to have sex when he plays with my clip for
Speaker 2: five seconds and then shags me and walks away, Like
Speaker 2: what am I getting out of that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true, and it's like it does seem.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not sure what God or mother Nature
Speaker 1: was thinking when you know, women might take forty five
Speaker 1: minutes to get there and guys might take forty five
Speaker 1: seconds to get there, you know, on a bad day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it does seem something of a mismatch. But it is
Speaker 1: all about communication and understanding, I guess, and it is.
Speaker 2: And I think like it comes to time as well,
Speaker 2: Like we if you want to be deeply connected with
Speaker 2: your partner and have great sexual experiences, yeah, takes time.
Speaker 2: You lose that level of connection when it's quick and
Speaker 2: over and done with. You know, women can be can
Speaker 2: feel like well, what's the point in doing it? Or
Speaker 2: if I'm not fully aroused and I'm experiencing pain or discomfort,
Speaker 2: why do I even want to do that? You know
Speaker 2: that the reasons we go through in arousal are essentially
Speaker 2: taking us to that next realm of pleasure, and that's
Speaker 2: got to be that's got to be like arned, it
Speaker 2: takes time to get there.
Speaker 1: M hmm. I saw on your Insta page. I think
Speaker 1: it was a it was a reel or it was anyway.
Speaker 1: I think the title was let's talk about boobs, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: so tell us about the role of in your words,
Speaker 1: boobs in sex and pleasure and for play and the
Speaker 1: whole kitten kitten kaboodle.
Speaker 2: So boobs are an erotic zone for women as well.
Speaker 2: They are connected to the womb space, like to the pelvis,
Speaker 2: so more touch and stuff that goes on with breasts
Speaker 2: in four places stimulates that arousal as well. And you know,
Speaker 2: looking from a birthing perspective, you know, once we have
Speaker 2: a baby and our boobs get you know, milk and
Speaker 2: stuff in them, that sucking sensation from the nipples is
Speaker 2: directly you know, put into that womb space as well.
Speaker 2: So that's how interconnected everything is. So from a pleasure
Speaker 2: and an arousal perspective, boobs are really really important and
Speaker 2: not to go unmissed.
Speaker 1: I feel like dudes are somewhat clumsy in that region
Speaker 1: and like, like fuck is that true again?
Speaker 2: It comes back to the individual. Everybody experiences pleasure and
Speaker 2: desire and arouse them very differently. You've got your you know,
Speaker 2: your kink, you've got your BDSM, you've got all of
Speaker 2: the sorts of porcher and rough play that can be
Speaker 2: highly arousing for different individuals, or you've got women that
Speaker 2: just like that soft nurturing go at a gentle pace,
Speaker 2: don't rip them off my chest, you know, yeah pace, Yeah,
Speaker 2: Again comes back to communication.
Speaker 1: How isn't it interesting like something that can male or
Speaker 1: female turn one person on can turn the exact same
Speaker 1: thing turns someone horribly off someone else.
Speaker 2: That's right, And that's why it's just about exposure. Like
Speaker 2: every single person when they have an opinion on what
Speaker 2: sex is, it's just an opinion, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 2: it's not a statistic. It's not right and it's not wrong.
Speaker 2: Everybody is so individualized in what they like.
Speaker 1: And to that conversation, tig and I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you a funny story. So a guy I used to
Speaker 1: live with who will remain nameless. He back in the
Speaker 1: days when I was doing security and you know, getting
Speaker 1: paid ten dollars an hour to get punched in the face.
Speaker 1: That was the highlight of my career. But anyway, he
Speaker 1: got a new girlfriend and the first time they had sex,
Speaker 1: she was sitting on top of him. What do you
Speaker 1: call that? Missionary? No, what do you call that? What
Speaker 1: does that call that?
Speaker 2: They probably got on top.
Speaker 1: Of boring Anyway, there's probably too much info for everyone.
Speaker 1: But he was on his back, she was sitting on
Speaker 1: top of him, they having sex, and then she smashed
Speaker 1: him across the face with an open hand and started
Speaker 1: swearing at him and telling giving him instructions, and that
Speaker 1: was it. It just like instantly turned off, instantly lost
Speaker 1: sex drive, instantly lost his erection and that was it,
Speaker 1: like they and she was like, what do you mean,
Speaker 1: Like she thought that was that. I wasn't sitting in
Speaker 1: there taking notes. But he came out and you know,
Speaker 1: we had a chat after she left and had a
Speaker 1: cup of tea in the kitchen and debriefed. It was
Speaker 1: It's funny that, right, how different things for different people
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 2: And it's just so different, I think, like when you
Speaker 2: look at sexuality, it's such that unspoken thing, but everybody
Speaker 2: does it and everybody thinks about it all the time
Speaker 2: all the time. And yeah, what turns one person on
Speaker 2: can dramatically turn another person, like directly off. And that's
Speaker 2: why the communication is so important as well, because from
Speaker 2: a guy's perspective, we can look at a rectile dysfunction
Speaker 2: and that can be from being in a relationship with
Speaker 2: a person like that where they're getting the sheep beaten
Speaker 2: out of them and they're not actually enjoying it as
Speaker 2: opposed to it being in actual medical condition.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, exactly. And also with dudes, I mean
Speaker 1: even guys who biology their biology is fine. Sometimes like
Speaker 1: a this isn't me. Everyone I know, its sounds like
Speaker 1: it isn't me. I would say if it was me,
Speaker 1: but another made of mind. We've spoken about this because
Speaker 1: I don't know why he trusts me. But everything works fine,
Speaker 1: but he gets what do they call it performance anxiety? Right,
Speaker 1: so he gets he now before he has sex, he worries,
Speaker 1: like he gets himself into a state before like everything
Speaker 1: physiologically works fine, but then he worries that it won't
Speaker 1: work fine, so then he gets anxious about it, and
Speaker 1: then it's a self fulfilling prophecy you know where Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like you know when it's like going, don't
Speaker 1: be anxious, don't be anxious. That doesn't fucking help, right, No.
Speaker 2: That's right. And it's so interesting because you know, as
Speaker 2: many women as they're out out there wanting to perfect
Speaker 2: the way that they look and they perform, it's there's
Speaker 2: probably more in terms of men that have that as well.
Speaker 2: Like if they're in relationships where they're not having sex
Speaker 2: all the time, they can often go, well, what's wrong
Speaker 2: with me? You know what doing wrong? I'm not pleasing her.
Speaker 2: So when it comes to the actual sexual experience itself,
Speaker 2: they're having trouble with a recto dysfunction or they're orgasmine
Speaker 2: within like the first ten seconds, and nothing's actually going
Speaker 2: any further than that. It's all that performance anxiety that
Speaker 2: comes around how long they last and how long they
Speaker 2: can keep it up for it if they can keep
Speaker 2: it up in the in the first place. And you know,
Speaker 2: the rise of men using viagra is absolutely out of control,
Speaker 2: and it's not actually fixing the issue, it's just sort
Speaker 2: of masking it.
Speaker 1: What I mean, what like I should know? But what
Speaker 1: does it do? Does Does biagraa just increase blood flow
Speaker 1: to the penis? Is that how it works? Is it
Speaker 1: like a vasal or a dilator?
Speaker 2: It's like a yeap, So it causes it causes the
Speaker 2: erection side of things, but there's still all the emotional
Speaker 2: and the mental stuff that's sitting there lurking around in
Speaker 2: the background right.
Speaker 1: Right, And doesn't it also raise blood pressure and a
Speaker 1: few other things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not howthy.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like a great idea. He's my last one,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, I don't know how how long
Speaker 1: we can talk on this or not. But sensuality versus sexuality,
Speaker 1: so for women mainly we're talking about trying to talk
Speaker 1: about women today. What's the intersection of sensuality And to
Speaker 1: me it seems more emotional and psychological, whereas sexuality seems
Speaker 1: more physiological. Is that kind of in the ballpark or
Speaker 1: what is it? What's the gap? What's the overlap?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so putting the really nerdy perspective on it, sexuality
Speaker 2: and sensuality have sort of been intertwined that they're the
Speaker 2: same or a very similar thing. Like to be sensual
Speaker 2: is to be erotic and arousing sexual, But sensuality is
Speaker 2: really just igniting our senses and keeping us grounded. Right,
Speaker 2: So we can use our sensory system within sexual experiences,
Speaker 2: but it's not limited to just that. We should be
Speaker 2: igniting our sensuality in everything we do in our everyday life.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like even with food, food can be kind of essential, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, Yeah, And I like to explain to client, sensuality
Speaker 2: can be like you know, seizing the day as what
Speaker 2: are you grateful for? What's gratitude? You know, what awoken
Speaker 2: your senses today to make you feel awesome? What are
Speaker 2: things you smell? What are things you tasted? What are
Speaker 2: things you touched? What are things you heard that made
Speaker 2: you feel awesome?
Speaker 1: So we know that ninety percent of men masturbate and
Speaker 1: ten percent lie. Tell us about, tell us about as
Speaker 1: we will wind up with this one, like is that deep?
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, is that something that we talk about with
Speaker 1: our clients? You talk about with your clients? And is
Speaker 1: that encouraged? Is that is?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Is that a part of the kind of spectrum of
Speaker 1: self healing and all of that?
Speaker 2: It is? And masturbation is only an issue when it
Speaker 2: becomes an addiction. So again, if we can't get through
Speaker 2: our day without doing it, we're potentially looking at you know,
Speaker 2: what's the cause and the problem behind that. But masturbation,
Speaker 2: for both men and women is a sensual part of
Speaker 2: our self care and our well being and connecting in
Speaker 2: with our bodies. Yeah, really really important. And masturbations just
Speaker 2: not talked about, especially amongst couples.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, there it is right there. This has been
Speaker 1: terrifying for me and fascinating and I might have to
Speaker 1: go into therapy myself. No, it's been really it's been
Speaker 1: really good, and thank you so much. How do people
Speaker 1: follow you on Instagram? How do they find you on
Speaker 1: the interwebs? Point them in the right direction.
Speaker 2: No worries. So I'm on Instagram at Bespoke Underscore health
Speaker 2: Underscore Cope, and my website is bespokehealthcode dot com dot au.
Speaker 2: And I also wanted to slide in the end here, Craig,
Speaker 2: if you don't mind, because I'm so near and far
Speaker 2: from a metropolitan area and I'm down here in little
Speaker 2: Old Warnable. I've got an amazing package that I offer
Speaker 2: for metropol or city people, and it's to come down.
Speaker 2: It's to have sex therapy, it's to have therapeutic yearning mapping,
Speaker 2: and it's luxury accommodation and also a session at our
Speaker 2: local hot springs here as well. So for anyone that
Speaker 2: sort of feels like therapy is just out of reach
Speaker 2: and they want that little bit of indulgence, get in
Speaker 2: contact with me and I can hook you up for
Speaker 2: an awesome weekend.
Speaker 1: The way sounds awesome. Yeah, all right, well good for you,
Speaker 1: We'll say goodbye, a fair back for the moment. Well
Speaker 1: done you, Thanks Tigan, thank
Speaker 2: You so much for having me.