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Speaker 1: I get a team. It's Harps, it's the You Project.

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Speaker 1: It is it's a Wednesday, it's Wednesday in Melbourne. It's

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Speaker 1: a beautiful day. I'm super excited. Now, you might think

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Speaker 1: to yourselfself, how does Harps come up with the guests?

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Speaker 1: How does he figure out what he's going to talk about,

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Speaker 1: what direction is going to go, what topics he is

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Speaker 1: going to explore. I'm going to be honest with you,

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Speaker 1: it's not highly strategic. It's not like I look at

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Speaker 1: the last one hundred episodes and go right, We've had

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Speaker 1: sixteen scientists, we've had three actors, we've had twelve athletes.

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Speaker 1: I don't do that. I tend to be a bit

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Speaker 1: organic and spontaneous. And sometimes obviously, you know, we have

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Speaker 1: David Gillespie One's Fortnite, Patrick once a Fortnite, And sometimes

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Speaker 1: I just meet someone who's interesting. But really I just

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Speaker 1: want to chat. I just want to have a conversation

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Speaker 1: with people who I think might be interesting to chat with,

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Speaker 1: whom my I have an insight, an idea, a perspective,

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Speaker 1: or maybe some information that might add value to your

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Speaker 1: lives my listeners. And so it's not overly strategic. And

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Speaker 1: I was just saying to our guests too. I'll introduce

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Speaker 1: in a moment that probably in six years of podcasting

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Speaker 1: and fifteen hundred plus episodes, there's maybe been ten or

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Speaker 1: fifteen times when I've just you know, like on my

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Speaker 1: social media, I see people comment or people like or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and every now and then I'll just have a cruise

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Speaker 1: through the kind of the names, just to see who's

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Speaker 1: hanging about. And I did that recently with doctor Lucas

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Speaker 1: from Queensland and we spoke about the secret, We spoke

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Speaker 1: about manifestation, mindset and all of those things. And I

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Speaker 1: generally don't find the guests, but he was someone that

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Speaker 1: I stumbled across. We had a really good conversation. You've

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Speaker 1: given me good feedback. And Teagan, who'm about to chat with,

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Speaker 1: was the same. She left a comment or a like

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Speaker 1: or a love or something on one of my things,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, this person has an interesting job. Now

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Speaker 1: before you know what she does, because you've already read

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Speaker 1: the title and you've read the copy. But I'm going

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Speaker 1: to preface this with a couple of my friends said,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you should do that episode. Harps,

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Speaker 1: I didn't tell you that Tigan a couple of my

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Speaker 1: friends said, I don't know if she should open that door.

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Speaker 1: So before I do open the door, here's my disclaimer.

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Speaker 1: I'm not an expert in this area at all, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not pretending to be. But I do know that

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Speaker 1: seventy percent of our audience, give or take a woman,

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Speaker 1: and I do know that for a few other people

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Speaker 1: that I spoke to when I was thinking should I

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Speaker 1: or shouldn't I, they went, yeah, that'd be great. I'm interested.

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Speaker 1: So with that in mind, Hi, Tegan, welcome to the

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Speaker 1: You Project. How are you good?

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Speaker 2: Thanks, Praig, how are you?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Good? Thanks for agreeing to do this. Hey, tell

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Speaker 1: my listeners what your job is, if you would, what

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Speaker 1: do you do and how did you get into it?

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Speaker 1: That'd be let's start with that perfect.

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Speaker 2: So, first of all, I want to start with the

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Speaker 2: fact that you know, when you said before, maybe we

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Speaker 2: shouldn't do this conversation, because that's where my ears preaking,

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Speaker 2: my heart lights up. Yes, obviously, this conversation and this

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Speaker 2: topic needs to be had, and it's not in a

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Speaker 2: sense where everybody has to walk around being sexually liberated creatures.

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Speaker 2: It's just about bringing awareness to you know, back to women.

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Speaker 2: To improve from, you know, a health perspective, a really

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Speaker 2: deeply rooted intuition wisdom health perspective. So I am a

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Speaker 2: somatic sex therapist and I've also done therapeutic yoni mapping

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Speaker 2: or massage, which is internal body work of the female genitalia.

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Speaker 2: So the two real well, really great hand in hand

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Speaker 2: to get women, you know, reconnected with their bodies and

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Speaker 2: just feeling freaking amazing.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh my goodness. Remember everyone just asking the questions.

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Speaker 1: All right, So sematic is it sematic or sematic? Sematic? Yep?

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Speaker 1: Sematic yep, sematic sex therapist? Yes, okay, what does what

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Speaker 1: does sematic mean? Just what does explain that term to us? So?

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Speaker 2: Sematic is basically working with the body to unlock issues

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Speaker 2: and trauma and challenges that we go through. M So,

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Speaker 2: where I differ from a sexologist is I'm a more

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Speaker 2: holistic approach to sexuality as opposed to a more psychological

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Speaker 2: talk theory therapy aspect of sexuality.

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Speaker 1: M What what got the I need to be careful

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Speaker 1: with all of my questions here?

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Speaker 2: You'd what got that?

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Speaker 1: Fuck? Do I? So you were worried? I need to

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Speaker 1: be worried, Togan, you need to fucking work shop me

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Speaker 1: through this. I'm more nervous than you. Okay, how did

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Speaker 1: this start? What got the metaphoric ball rolling in terms

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Speaker 1: of this, No pun intended this this kind of pursuit

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Speaker 1: or this career or this. I feel like it's more

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Speaker 1: than just a career. I feel it's it's like almost

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Speaker 1: a purpose or a calling.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I loving you said that, because it is.

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Speaker 2: And you know, me, looking back with all the wisdom

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Speaker 2: and the information that I have now looking back on

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Speaker 2: my childhood, there was something there in the really really

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Speaker 2: early days without me having an understanding of what it meant,

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Speaker 2: that was in this field of working with females and

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Speaker 2: you know, all the ancient womb wisdom and our sexuality

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Speaker 2: and our creativity and our you know, we are we

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Speaker 2: are creators. We were things everything from ideas to humans.

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Speaker 2: But you know, going through life, we all go through

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Speaker 2: a plethora of crap and we've all got to unpack

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Speaker 2: that plethora of crap. And I got to a point

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Speaker 2: about seven years ago where I started working with women

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Speaker 2: and coaching through psychology and hormones and nutrition. So I

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Speaker 2: did that for a number of years, and it got

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Speaker 2: deeper and deeper because I like to get deep, and

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Speaker 2: a lot of our coaching sessions were turning into, you know,

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Speaker 2: sessions around shame our bodies, how we have challenges in

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Speaker 2: our relationships, how we don't enjoy sex, how there's so

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Speaker 2: much pain involved in it, how women are doing things

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Speaker 2: for the sake of doing them but not really wanting

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Speaker 2: to do them. And from there it was just like

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Speaker 2: a whole new world opened up. And that's when the

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Speaker 2: sexology came into it. So it was just fascinating. How

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Speaker 2: you know, it has taken me on more of a journey,

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Speaker 2: I suppose, and something that I've seeped out.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think that? And again I'm generalizing, but

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Speaker 1: so this is not probably not with you, but with

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Speaker 1: a lot of people. Why is there so much awkwardness

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Speaker 1: and weirdness and apprehension to discuss around sex? Like what

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Speaker 1: is that? And it's probably not one thing, it's probably

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Speaker 1: many things. But what are your thoughts?

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Speaker 2: Thoughts are straightway? Is we're uneducated. We're just not educated

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Speaker 2: and free within the information to receive the information in

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Speaker 2: the first place. So therefore there's a block up. It's

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Speaker 2: like we've got our innate wisdom, we have our intuition,

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Speaker 2: to connect with our higher self. We have all these

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Speaker 2: feelings of sexuality and pleasure and our desire and our

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Speaker 2: fantasism we want to do, but we're not given the

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Speaker 2: language or the education to actually speak about and feel

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Speaker 2: okay about what we want and asking for what we want.

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Speaker 1: Hmmm, what about I'm sure when my mum was born

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Speaker 1: in nine thirty nine, Teagan, fucking hell? How long ago

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Speaker 1: is that? Right? And then she she was a young woman.

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Speaker 1: When when did she You know, she was a young

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Speaker 1: woman in the let's say sixties, so she would have

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Speaker 1: been twenty and nine fifty nine. Like talking having this

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Speaker 1: conversation in nine fifty nine, can you imagine like women

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Speaker 1: like it seems like for I mean again, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but it seems like for a lot of the kind

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Speaker 1: of evolutionary timeline, or at least over the last few

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Speaker 1: hundred years. Anyway, like women and sexuality and pleasure like

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Speaker 1: that wasn't really much of a discussion in the general

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Speaker 1: kind of conversation.

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Speaker 2: No, definitely not. And you know, going back, you know,

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Speaker 2: with all the study that we do, goes back eons

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Speaker 2: and eons ago, and once upon a time women were

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Speaker 2: absolutely worshiped. You know, I'm not saying that's what it's

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Speaker 2: got to be nowadays, but everything was very open and explorative.

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Speaker 2: When the dawn of time came in, when you know,

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Speaker 2: everything was commercialized in agriculture and all that kind of

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Speaker 2: stuff came in, there was like a dominance and a

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Speaker 2: ruler and everything started being submissed. So we were more

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Speaker 2: in a controlled state than a free and educated state.

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Speaker 2: So over the years, when all that's gone on, it

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Speaker 2: was just less and less spoken about, and women had

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Speaker 2: less and less right So pleasure and sets became more

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Speaker 2: about what it was for the man than what it

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Speaker 2: was for the woman. So women were pretty much just

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Speaker 2: told what to do and when to do it. Up

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Speaker 2: until really recently, marital rate was still actually considered.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's so crazy to think, is it? And so

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Speaker 1: fucking terrible?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What So, here's a really like fundamental, basic bloke question.

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Speaker 1: What don't and there's probably a million things, but maybe

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Speaker 1: cut it down. What don't blokes get about about female

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Speaker 1: sexuality that we that we need to at least be

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Speaker 1: more aware of or start to think about as a partner.

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, so I think that's a great question,

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Speaker 2: and I see I have a big soft spot for men,

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Speaker 2: because you know, a lot of women are really quick

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Speaker 2: to blame men for not getting things right. But men

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Speaker 2: only know what we teach them to understand. So if

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Speaker 2: we aren't aware of our choices and the way that

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Speaker 2: we feel and the things that we want, they're not

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Speaker 2: going to be aware of that either. But what we

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Speaker 2: both need to realize from a male and a female

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Speaker 2: perspective is that female femalees thrive off context. So a

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Speaker 2: man can often go into a sexual exp it's pretty

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Speaker 2: wham band, thank you man, ready to go. They're very

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Speaker 2: visual if sex is brought up, it's kind of like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: when can we do it? You know, let's get onto things.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm ready, I'm ready, that's right. Yeah, I'm eating

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Speaker 1: dinner though, and we're at a restaurant. Okay, yeah, that's it.

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Speaker 2: Whereas women, it's very much like all the boxes have

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Speaker 2: to be tipped leading up to that point. It's like

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Speaker 2: we've already scenario scenarioized what the outcome is going to

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Speaker 2: be and what we've got to do to get there.

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Speaker 2: So from going from you know, A to B like

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Speaker 2: that just doesn't happen fast, right right right? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Right? So is I mean Fuck, I don't even know

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Speaker 1: the right questions to ask for this chat? So can

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Speaker 1: you excuse my ignorance? So talk to me about So

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Speaker 1: if we're talking about male arousal and female arousal, like

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Speaker 1: male arousal is oh there's a picture, I'm ready. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: not always and I'm generalizing of course, but but women,

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Speaker 1: it's like you said, it's about context. What is that? Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting here going cool? What does that mean? Like? What?

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Speaker 1: And I know it's not the same for everyone, but

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Speaker 1: talk to us about female arousal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So context is like a physical aspect and an

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Speaker 2: emotional aspect of things. So emotionally it's like how are

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Speaker 2: we feeling within ourselves? We can over analyze things like

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Speaker 2: if we're going into this experience, have I shaved my legs?

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Speaker 2: Have I had the Brazilian this week? When was the

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Speaker 2: last time I showered? You know, all of that kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff. What's my hair look like? What's he going

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Speaker 2: to think if he kisses my neck and I don't

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Speaker 2: have perfume on? All of that kind of stuff. Other

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Speaker 2: things like what was your workday? Like what's he to do?

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Speaker 3: List?

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Speaker 2: Like have you done the groceries? All of that kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff. So you've got your physical and your emotional

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Speaker 2: side of things that plays a massive role that's going

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Speaker 2: through our heads and our bodies constantly before we actually

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Speaker 2: get to that moment. And it's not to say that

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Speaker 2: women can't have that spontaneous desire and go into a

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Speaker 2: actual experience really quickly, but more often than not, like

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Speaker 2: the way that we are living as a society, there's

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Speaker 2: way more checks than to do lists and things that

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Speaker 2: we're over analyzing in our heads and in our bodies

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Speaker 2: that are making it a lot more difficult for us

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Speaker 2: to get to that space.

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Speaker 1: Do you I don't know if the answer to this

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Speaker 1: is yes, But based on what you just said, do

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Speaker 1: you think that women are in general terms more self

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Speaker 1: conscious than men like men are like, well, I'm awake,

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Speaker 1: so I'm good to go right whereas like you know,

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Speaker 1: there's not too many dudes going you know, if there's

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Speaker 1: somebody who wants to have sex with them. And again

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Speaker 1: I'm generalizing having said that, I'm a clean freak. I

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Speaker 1: shower twice a day, I hate you know, I clean

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Speaker 1: my teeth five times a day.

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Speaker 2: So you'd be ready to go, no worries.

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Speaker 1: Well, in a hypothetical parallel universe. But yeah, that's funny.

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Speaker 1: So is that because women are more self conscious about

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Speaker 1: how they look, smell, or present or what they think

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Speaker 1: the other personal think of them is that the money

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Speaker 1: or am I wrong?

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Speaker 2: No, that's exactly on the money. And you know, we

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Speaker 2: look at social media and things like that these days

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Speaker 2: and women are constantly comparing themselves to everything that they

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Speaker 2: see on a screen and around them. It's like we're

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Speaker 2: waking up of a morning and you know, the first

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Speaker 2: things we're thinking of is that comparison. Am I good enough?

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Speaker 2: What's this person doing?

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Speaker 1: Then?

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Speaker 2: I'm not? Why can't I look like that? It's a

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Speaker 2: whole plethora of reasons. It's really really difficult for women

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Speaker 2: to get through their days without that level of comparison.

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Speaker 2: It's like we're running in that, you know, that realm

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Speaker 2: of fear because of comparison and all that that we've

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Speaker 2: got going on in our mind.

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Speaker 1: It's like there's two messages teag and it's like, on

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Speaker 1: the one hand, we're saying, you know, you're enough, Tiguan,

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Speaker 1: you're enough, like what you look like, what you know?

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Speaker 1: Like how much you earn? All of that stuff, which

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Speaker 1: is a really good message, and it's you know, it's true,

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Speaker 1: like you're enough. It's like if somebody only loves you

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Speaker 1: because you know you look a certain way, or you

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Speaker 1: can you know, you have enough money, or you tick enough.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's probably not love. That's probably more like

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Speaker 1: some kind of strategic alliance or something. But and while

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Speaker 1: we're that that messaging is loud and clear on many

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Speaker 1: fronts these days, the other messaging that isn't verbal, but

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Speaker 1: it's there is you're not enough. You're not pretty enough,

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Speaker 1: you're not handsome enough, you're not lean enough, you're not

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Speaker 1: fucking famous enough, you're not rich enough. You're not And

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Speaker 1: while there is more kind of outspoken, kind of I

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Speaker 1: guess support than ever and it should be that for

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Speaker 1: you know, for want of a better term for women

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Speaker 1: empowerment and all of that stuff. It's probably the wrong term,

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Speaker 1: but forgive me, everyone fucking clumsy in their space. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, it's still do you think women

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Speaker 1: put themselves under pressure as well? Like I know we

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Speaker 1: love to blame men for everything, fucking men, but do

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Speaker 1: you think women in terms of women put pressure on

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Speaker 1: other women?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely? Absolutely, And it comes as close as even your

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Speaker 2: family members and your friends. You know, how many times

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Speaker 2: have you been in a friendship with someone who supports

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Speaker 2: and supports and supports you until you get that five

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Speaker 2: minutes ahead of them, and they're quick to cut you down.

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Speaker 2: Everyone wants to see you be amazing until you're amazing.

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Speaker 1: That's so fucking true. That's so true.

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Speaker 2: You know the reason, the reason that I do what

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Speaker 2: I do. Yeah, the sex stuff is great. We look,

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Speaker 2: we've got the actual physical side of having sex, but

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Speaker 2: it's all the stuff, the emotional stuff that comes along

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Speaker 2: with that. And it's about empowering women to be so

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Speaker 2: deeply and connected and in love with themselves that the

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Speaker 2: rest of that stuff doesn't matter. That's the society of

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Speaker 2: women that we need to be raising because there is

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Speaker 2: always going to be shit around us, and we have

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Speaker 2: to get better at self managing and self belief to

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Speaker 2: lead really amazing lives, because right now, not enough women

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Speaker 2: are leading amazing lives because they're in that comparison.

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Speaker 1: Field, comparison culture. Yeah, and it's it's real, but and

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Speaker 1: it is. I know we're talking about women mainly today,

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Speaker 1: but it's even in the gym. I see young dudes, Teagan,

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Speaker 1: and they're living on YouTube they're watching all their favorite

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Speaker 1: bodybuilders and fucking you know whatever heroes train, and there's

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Speaker 1: I need to be careful what I say, but let's

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Speaker 1: just say there's not a small percentage of eighteen nine

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Speaker 1: and twenty year olds in and around where I live

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Speaker 1: that are are using you know, supplements, let's call them

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Speaker 1: supplements to help, you know, because they want to look,

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Speaker 1: they want to be massive, they want to be jacked,

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Speaker 1: they want to be lean. And this resonates strongly for me,

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Speaker 1: who was exactly that, you know, when I was eighteen

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Speaker 1: nineteen twenty, I was just a big insecure fuck with

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Speaker 1: trying to be loved and liked and popular and wanted

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Speaker 1: and needed. And yeah, it's like I don't. I mean,

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Speaker 1: men and women are different, but they're kind of the same.

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Speaker 1: We're you know, we express it differently, we manifest it differently,

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Speaker 1: we maybe look for it in different ways. But what

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Speaker 1: like both when men and women, we want to be needed, wanted, loved, valued.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to be anxious, we don't want to

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Speaker 1: be depressed, we don't want to be lonely, you know,

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Speaker 1: like we want to be fulfilled. These are all emotional

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Speaker 1: drivers and needs, you know, and it's just that how

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Speaker 1: we express and manifest and connect and create varies a little,

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Speaker 1: but but they're you know, there's probably more similarities than

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Speaker 1: not at that at that emotional level in terms of needs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, And it's like it's a human thing.

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Speaker 2: It's not a male thing or a female thing. We

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Speaker 2: both have the challenges that we face, and we do

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Speaker 2: do them a little bit differently. But I think that's

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Speaker 2: where society has got it wrong as well. Like everybody's pigeonhole.

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Speaker 2: Everybody's got to be better or worse, do you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean? Yes, men can, of course can face

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Speaker 2: the same challenges as women, and it's about us instead

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Speaker 2: of separating all of our shit, is like coming together

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Speaker 2: and learning from it.

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Speaker 1: Talk to me about if you would, And again, these

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Speaker 1: are all questions without noticing everyone. Teagan doesn't know what

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Speaker 1: I'm going to ask her and when people which she oh,

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Speaker 1: she did a little bit. She just said what are

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Speaker 1: we going to talk about? And I said, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: We'll figure it out. But I do that with all

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Speaker 1: my guests. So's she's flying blind and doing beautifully. Talk

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Speaker 1: to me a little bit, if you would, about self.

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Speaker 3: Esteem, body image and sexuality and how that kind of

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Speaker 3: intersect or work together or don't work together.

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Speaker 2: So when it comes to sexuality, obviously we've got to

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Speaker 2: have everything lined up for us to be free and

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Speaker 2: liberated in it. And it comes back to the education.

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Speaker 2: So when we look at when we started to be educated,

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Speaker 2: it's not just back when our parents and stuff we're

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Speaker 2: young like nowadays, we sort of refer it back to

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Speaker 2: when we were kids at school and the information was

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Speaker 2: just so minimal, and you know, on a daily basis,

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Speaker 2: I often ask women what was your education like, and

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Speaker 2: they're like, yeah, yeah, it was really good. You know,

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Speaker 2: I know the basics, but the basics aren't enough to

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Speaker 2: make us feel great and do great. Does that make sense? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So there's a lot involved when it comes to our

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Speaker 2: anatomy and if we don't know what they are and

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Speaker 2: we haven't made the connections, you know, we just don't

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Speaker 2: know that they're there, and we don't know how good

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Speaker 2: we can feel. So when it comes to sort of

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Speaker 2: body image and stuff like that, again, what we don't

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Speaker 2: I don't know. We doubt we criticize, you know, So

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Speaker 2: we look at pornography nowadays, everything that most teenagers aretall

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Speaker 2: is through pornography, and it's that perfect image of what

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Speaker 2: our genitals should look like and what the apple sex

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Speaker 2: should actually feel and sound and look like as well,

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Speaker 2: and it's just not the case in the real world.

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Speaker 2: All of our bits are different, they shape different, they

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Speaker 2: look different, they feel different. Every single penis involver is

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Speaker 2: completely different to the person that we stand beside.

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Speaker 1: H so interesting, and it is You're right, I guess

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Speaker 1: for a lot of for a lot of young people

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Speaker 1: and even not so young people like their classroom in

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Speaker 1: inverted commas is porn like that's where they go to learn,

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Speaker 1: which is maybe the worst place to go, right.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely it is. We've got the highest rate of women

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Speaker 2: undergoing You're plastic to change the way that their volver

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Speaker 2: looks because it's appeared as perfect in pornography, whereas in

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Speaker 2: real life there's bits everywhere and it's quite the imperfect picture.

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Speaker 2: So not only is that an issue, but because the

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Speaker 2: study over the years is not enough, there's not enough

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Speaker 2: information about it, the doctors and surgeons that are actually

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Speaker 2: performing these procedures don't know enough about what they're cutting,

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Speaker 2: and more surgery outcomes leave women feeling with no pleasure

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Speaker 2: and loss of sensation.

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Speaker 1: Just explain to the dudes that are listening and some

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Speaker 1: of the ladies that are listening. So that's just well,

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Speaker 1: I'll have a go. Is it just where they're just

390
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Speaker 1: trimming the laby had to make it look and it's

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Speaker 1: not even about function, it's really just about appearance, right.

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Speaker 2: That's right, absolutely, So there's sort of ultimately trimming and

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Speaker 2: tucking everything to make it look like that perfect little package.

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Speaker 2: And in the meantime, while we aiming for perfection on

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Speaker 2: the outside so we are we are accepted by a partner,

396
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Speaker 2: what it's actually doing is you know, creating years of

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Speaker 2: pain and discomfort or lack of sensation.

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Speaker 3: But it is.

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Speaker 1: I mean, firstly that's kind of it's interesting and curious,

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Speaker 1: but it's also sad. And I'm not trying to be judgmental,

401
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: but everyone, guys and girls, has all these underlying emotional

402
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Speaker 1: and psychological drivers, you know, like that imagine getting to

403
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Speaker 1: the point. And I'm not trying to sound judgmental here

404
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: because like I know a lot of dudes too are

405
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Speaker 1: insecure about their penis. You know, they wouldn't talk about it,

406
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Speaker 1: but they are, and like it or not, there is

407
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Speaker 1: I guess there's judgment around it. You know, there's and

408
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,640
Speaker 1: even though in a perfect world there isn't we don't

409
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Speaker 1: live in that world. We don't live in the perfect world.

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Speaker 1: We live in the world where people get educated on

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Speaker 1: porn sites. We get live in the world where people

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Speaker 1: get their sense of self esteem and self worth and

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Speaker 1: value from how they look, and I mean how all

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00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 1: of them looks. And we're indirectly being taught that what

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00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: your genitals look like is important. I wonder what that's

416
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: doing though, to our soul, you know, to our emotional health,

417
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 1: to our mental health, because then even if you go

418
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Speaker 1: and do and get that surgery or any surgery, you know,

419
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Speaker 1: with the excuse of kind of surgeries that are for

420
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,640
Speaker 1: medical reasons of course, but any kind of cosmetic surgery.

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Speaker 1: And men and women do this, so it's it's not

422
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Speaker 1: just ab gender. It's like, you go, then what then what?

423
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Speaker 1: Like I don't have any research on it, but I

424
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Speaker 1: wonder about the positive correlation between Oh, I've had this surgery.

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Speaker 1: Guess what Now I'm twenty five percent happier all the time.

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Speaker 1: I guess what, Yeah, now I don't worry about my body.

427
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Speaker 1: Now my self esteem is great, and I kind of

428
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Speaker 1: don't think that's happening, you know.

429
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Speaker 2: No, it's definitely not like And that's the whole thing

430
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 2: when it comes to coaching and therapy and psychology, isn't it.

431
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 2: It's like we can be seeking that external validation and

432
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 2: we can go and have the procedures done, we can

433
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 2: have the botox, we can have the nice hair, the

434
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 2: flash car, but it's not actually resolving the underlying issue.

435
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: You get a month down the track of feeling really

436
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 2: good and then going, well, fuck, that issue is still

437
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 2: there and I feel too shitty about it because now

438
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 2: I've gone and done X Y Z and it's cost

439
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 2: me ten grand and I don't have any feeling left

440
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 2: in my vole, but I have sex anymore.

441
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: And now what Yeah, all right, let's talk about specifics

442
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: around sex because this is your one of your areas

443
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 1: of expertise. So people who I might fuck up some

444
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 1: of these terms, so you correct my my mangling of

445
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: the terms. So people who lose their libido drops, their

446
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: sex drive drops, but they want to still have sex, Like,

447
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,439
Speaker 1: what can they do about that?

448
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, So when we look at libido, it's not an

449
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 2: actual organ in the body. A lot of people, you know,

450
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 2: perceive it as you know, my libido's dropped. What can

451
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: I take to fix it? Or what can I do

452
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 2: to fix it? It's just it's a whole area of

453
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 2: you know, emotional and psychological health, as well as other

454
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:48,959
Speaker 2: factors like our hormones, our menstrual cycle, medications. We're taking

455
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 2: in all of that kind of stuff. So you know,

456
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 2: at the start, I know you said, you know, we're

457
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 2: not actually prescribing anything to an individual. That's just how

458
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 2: broad it is. Everybody's situated when they come in. We'll

459
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 2: have a unique path to take that won't be same

460
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 2: as the same as the last person. Libido isn't just

461
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 2: a thing we can fix, we can turn on and off.

462
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 2: There's a whole lot of stuff that comes into play

463
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,679
Speaker 2: for our libido to be where we want it to be.

464
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 2: As women, we are cyclic creatures, so our libido is

465
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: it's completely normal for it to ebb and flow throughout

466
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 2: the course of our cycle, of our period month.

467
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 1: All right, So tell me about therapeutic I don't even

468
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 1: know if I want to know. I'm so scared. Therapeutic

469
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: yon mapping, Yeah, yeah, wt WTF is that?

470
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 2: Yeah?

471
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 3: It is?

472
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 2: It is THERAPEUTICONI mapping is my area of expertise. Obviously,

473
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 2: the sex therapy and sex coaching side of things is

474
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: fascinating and we do a lot of work with that

475
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 2: as well. Like the talk therapy is really really important,

476
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 2: but the therapeutic YURNI mapping itself is deep internal body

477
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 2: work of the female genitalia. So you know, people can

478
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 2: listen to this kind of thing and go, oh my god,

479
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 2: you know, why does she stick her finger in other

480
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 2: females volvers and vaginas. But you know, my comeback to

481
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 2: that is we've got gynecologists, we've got pelvic floor specialists

482
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 2: that do all that kind of work on a similar feel.

483
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 2: So this type of work has significance and has importance.

484
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 2: As women, everything that we go through in our entire

485
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 2: life gets stored in our pelvic space. Everything, and that

486
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 2: is sexual and non sexual stuff. So whether we had

487
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 2: poor education as a kid, whether we were sexually abused,

488
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 2: whether someone told us we were really ugly when we're

489
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: ten years old, whether we've had infertility issues, poor menstrual cycles,

490
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 2: we've had sex in relationships that we didn't want to

491
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: have sex, everything gets stored in our cells, in our

492
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: pelvic space. So the importance behind therapeutic Yuroni mapping is

493
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 2: to actually go in no different to what you would

494
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 2: do when you went to a physio or a cairo

495
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 2: where you go and have a remedial massage. The body

496
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 2: work is done through touch of the muscles and the

497
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 2: skin on the external side and the internal side of

498
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: the genitalia, so the vulva and the vagina, and the

499
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 2: work is like magic. All the different touch spaces that

500
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 2: we go through within their loads and loads of emotional

501
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 2: baggage can come up for women and it's just phenomenal.

502
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 2: We can have women that have experienced severe pain through

503
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: intercourse to actually not having any pain whatsoever after leaving.

504
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 2: There are also areas of numbness, areas where we might

505
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 2: have experienced such high trauma that the body you just

506
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 2: shuts that entire space down and we have zero sensation

507
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 2: there at all. Again, once bringing this touch therapy in,

508
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 2: women can leave and actually be experiencing amazing pleasure, having

509
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 2: orgasms again. Maybe they're never orgasmed for years with certain

510
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 2: medical conditions like vaginiemus and volvadinia can just all be

511
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 2: completely eliminated after you've had this therapy done. It's absolutely amazing.

512
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 1: What's vaginismus?

513
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 2: So, vaginismus is a condition which involves in voluntary muscle

514
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 2: spasms of the vagina. And there's two different there's two

515
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 2: different sorts. You've got your primary one, which can be

516
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 2: present since a woman became sexually active, and then you've

517
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 2: got your secondary one, which can be at any point

518
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 2: after somebody has become sexually active.

519
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: Do you I mean, as I'm listening to you now

520
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at you, I'm listening to you, and

521
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: I'm curious and I'm engaged, I would imagine that what

522
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 1: you just explained you need to if people were asking

523
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: you about your work, you couldn't just wheel that out

524
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: in any context because people would think. Some people would think,

525
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: kind of, that's bullshit, or that's do you know what

526
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like yeah, or that's like I'm you know

527
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: where I'm thinking. Oh, Like, as you explain it, I go, well,

528
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: that makes sense, that makes sense, and like the therapeutic

529
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: benefits and all of that. But because I mean, we're

530
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: weird about Dixon vaginas, aren't we. Let's be honest. In

531
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 1: our culture, everyone's like every second joke as a dick

532
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: joke or a what you know, it's like, yeah, and

533
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: when I'm probably men are more weird than women if

534
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: I'm being honest. But yeah, explaining that would take more

535
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: than a thirty second kind of off the cuff comment

536
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: at a dinner.

537
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. The funny thing is, I think when

538
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 2: you sort of step into your purpose, even though shit

539
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 2: might be really scary to explain, when you've got the

540
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 2: passion and the understanding behind it, it's kind of just like,

541
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 2: fuck it. I don't actually care what people think from

542
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 2: an opinionated perspective.

543
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

544
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 2: When we first start, you know, learning about sexuality and

545
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:46,239
Speaker 2: Yoni mapping, one of the first things that stuck with

546
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 2: me was exposure. The more we expose ourself to stuff,

547
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 2: the less of an issue it actually becomes. So I'm

548
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,719
Speaker 2: quite outspoken in this field, not because not from an

549
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 2: actual outspoken perspective, open it up, because if I'm not.

550
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 2: If I'm here to make a change and I don't

551
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 2: open the door and make people feel uncomfortable, nothing is

552
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 2: going to actually change.

553
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm just I'm googling right now. What is yoni

554
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: mapping in that I wonder?

555
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 4: Okay, a blend of talk therapy and external and internal

556
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 4: massage that aims to release mental and physical tension and

557
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 4: heal old heal old wounds that are preventing vagina owners

558
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 4: from living their best lives and discovering their personal truth.

559
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: It's and and how are people when when people come

560
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: to you and they've maybe never heard of that, when

561
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: you go, hey, there's this thing called this and this

562
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 1: is what it's about. What are the reactions when you

563
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: kind of open that door for the first time and

564
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 1: explain to people that particular therapy.

565
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: So generally people that come to me already know what

566
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 2: it is, right and it's kind of like the end

567
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 2: of the line for them, if that makes sense. So

568
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 2: it's not not necessarily freak it. I'm just going to

569
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 2: do it because what else have I got to lose?

570
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 2: But their wisdom in their body has gone. I've been

571
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 2: through the medical system. I've seen pelvic floor specialists, I've

572
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 2: been to gynecologists, I've had the operations done, I've seen

573
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: the psychologists. But there's something that's not working. What else

574
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 2: could it be? Yes, Well, it's actually connecting back in

575
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 2: with their body. That's got the answers the whole time.

576
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 2: You know, when it's not a medical condition, the body's

577
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 2: already got the answers, So yeah, is it.

578
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 1: When somebody comes for the first time, like obviously that

579
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 1: would for them be a I would imagine like it

580
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: might end up being a great experience as in like

581
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: because it's it's therapeutic and it's healing, But initially it's

582
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 1: got to be weird, right like for like do they go, oh,

583
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: what do I do? Where do I?

584
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 4: Like?

585
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 1: I would imagine people are initially anxious or uncertain or uncomfortable,

586
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,399
Speaker 1: because that's that's not a day to day kind of thing.

587
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 2: Yep, No, that's that's correct. And we do a lot

588
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 2: of talk, therapy and education before we go into an

589
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 2: actual session as well.

590
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: So my next question is what don't men And I'm

591
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: again generalizing because not some men are fucking more aware

592
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: and evolved than others not so much, and others just

593
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 1: don't know. And you can't apply what you don't know, right,

594
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: What don't blokes know in general terms that maybe we

595
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: should know or what should we think about or or

596
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: I'm talking about for the men that are in relationships

597
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: with women that care about pleasing their partner or supporting

598
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: their or understanding their partner, especially in the realm of sex.

599
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 2: And that's really big and it comes back to communication.

600
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 2: So any great relationship and sexual outcome needs to have

601
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 2: really open conversation about what you both like and what

602
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 2: you don't like. Men also need to be equally as

603
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 2: educated as women on what the actual anatomy involves. So

604
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 2: we have the external outside, which is the vole. We

605
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: have the inside, which is the vagina. Can I show

606
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:19,399
Speaker 2: you something here?

607
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,320
Speaker 1: I'm sure, yep, sure.

608
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 2: Even though we're on we might we might.

609
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,320
Speaker 1: Turn this, Oh my god, we might turn this into

610
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 1: a real alright or something. Yeap.

611
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 2: What I'm showing you now is actually the entirety of

612
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 2: the clitteral body.

613
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's two Okay, hang on, everybody, So can you

614
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 5: just well it's like there's like four almost like legs

615
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:52,439
Speaker 5: to it for and then the glitter us up the top.

616
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Never been less comfortable on my own show. Okay, So.

617
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 2: What a lot of men and women don't know, like

618
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 2: women included there is So when we talked about anatomy

619
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,719
Speaker 2: education before, women are like, oh, yeah, I know, I've

620
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 2: got this thing that I can see on the outside

621
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 2: of my body, but they don't need how to operate it.

622
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 2: What it feels like, and all the external stuff that

623
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 2: they can find for pleasure on the inside as well.

624
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 2: So the clitterist, for example, is that little button, little

625
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 2: p size thing we see on the outside, Well, we've

626
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 2: actually got all of this clitteral body which has is

627
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 2: very similar in the shape of an actual penis. It's

628
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 2: got all the same touch points and everything that can

629
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 2: also be stimulated and aroused during sexual activity. So men

630
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 2: need to know this because men can be generally so

631
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 2: trigger happy. It's like quick, let's get in and have

632
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 2: a little play with click, get a sort of all

633
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 2: razed up, and let's get on with things. But it

634
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 2: takes women up to forty five to fifty minutes to

635
00:37:55,840 --> 00:38:01,240
Speaker 2: become fully aroused. So if men aren't the time during

636
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 2: for play arousing all these you know, highly sensitive zones

637
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 2: and a female, it can lead to unpleasurable sex for

638
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 2: the female, which the in terms you know, gives the

639
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 2: whole mindset around, well, why do I want to have

640
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,879
Speaker 2: sex when it doesn't feel good? Why do I want

641
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 2: to have sex when he plays with my clip for

642
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 2: five seconds and then shags me and walks away, Like

643
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:26,359
Speaker 2: what am I getting out of that?

644
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true. And it's like it does seem.

645
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not sure what God or mother Nature

646
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: was thinking when you know, women might take forty five

647
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: minutes to get there and guys might take forty five

648
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: seconds to get there, you know on a bad day. Yeah,

649
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 1: it does seem something of a mismatch. But it is

650
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,759
Speaker 1: all about communication and understanding, I guess, and it is.

651
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 2: And I think like it comes to time as well,

652
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 2: Like we if you want to be deeply connected with

653
00:38:55,280 --> 00:39:00,720
Speaker 2: your partner and have great sexual experiences, yeah, takes time.

654
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 2: You lose that level of connection when it's quick and

655
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 2: over and done with. You know, women can be can

656
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 2: feel like, well, what's the point in doing it? Or

657
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 2: if I'm not fully aroused and I'm experiencing pain or discomfort,

658
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 2: why do I even want to do that? You know

659
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 2: that the reasons we go through in arousal are essentially

660
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 2: taking us to that next realm of pleasure, and that's

661
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 2: got to be that's got to be like arned, it

662
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 2: takes time to get there.

663
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: M hmm. I saw on your Insta page. I think

664
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 1: it was a it was a reel or it was anyway.

665
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: I think the title was, let's talk about boobs right, Yeah,

666
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 1: So tell us about the role of in your words,

667
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 1: boobs in sex and pleasure and for play and the

668
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 1: whole kitten kitten kaboodle.

669
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:57,240
Speaker 2: So boobs are on erotic zone for women as well.

670
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 2: They are connected to the womb space, like to the pelvis,

671
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 2: so more touch and stuff that goes on with breasts

672
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 2: in four place stimulates that arousal as well. And you know,

673
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 2: looking from a birthing perspective, you know, once we have

674
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 2: a baby and our boobs get you know, milk and

675
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 2: stuff in them, that sucking sensation from the nipples is

676
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 2: directly you know, put into that womb space as well.

677
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 2: So that's how interconnected everything is. So from a pleasure

678
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 2: and an arousal perspective, boobs are really really important and

679
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 2: not to go unmissed.

680
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,760
Speaker 1: I feel like dudes are somewhat clumsy in that region

681
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: and like, like fuck is that true again?

682
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 2: It comes back to the individual. Everybody experiences pleasure and

683
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:49,439
Speaker 2: desire and arousal very differently. You've got your you know,

684
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 2: your kink, you've got your BDSM, you've got all of

685
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 2: the sorts of porcher and rough play that can be

686
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 2: highly arousing for different individuals or you've got women that

687
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 2: just like that soft nurturing go at a gentle pace,

688
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 2: don't rip them off my chest, you know, yeah pace, Yeah,

689
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 2: Again comes back to communication.

690
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 1: How isn't it interesting like something that can male or

691
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: female turn one person on can turn the exact same

692
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 1: thing turns someone horribly off someone else.

693
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 2: That's right, And that's why it's just about exposure. Like

694
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 2: every single person when they have an opinion on what

695
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 2: sex is, it's just an opinion, you know what I mean, Like,

696
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,760
Speaker 2: it's not a statistic. It's not right and it's not wrong.

697
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 2: Everybody is so individualized in what they like.

698
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 1: And to that conversation, tig and I'm going to tell

699
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 1: you a funny story. So a guy I used to

700
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 1: live with who will remain nameless. He back in the

701
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: days when I was doing security and you know, getting

702
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,800
Speaker 1: paid ten dollars an hour to get punched in the face.

703
00:41:56,880 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 1: That was the highlight of my career. But anyway, he

704
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 1: got a new girlfriend and the first time they had sex,

705
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: she was sitting on top of him. What do you

706
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 1: call that? Missionary? No, what do you call that? What

707
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: does that call that? They probably got on top of boring. Anyway,

708
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 1: there's probably too much info for everyone. But he was

709
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:20,919
Speaker 1: on his back, she was sitting on top of him

710
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 1: having sex, and then she smashed him across the face

711
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 1: with an open hand and started swearing at him and

712
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 1: telling giving him instructions, and that was it. It just

713
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:39,720
Speaker 1: like instantly turned off, instantly lost sex drive, instantly lost

714
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 1: his erection and that was it, like they and she

715
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: was like, what do you mean, Like she thought that

716
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 1: was that. I wasn't sitting in there taking notes. But

717
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 1: he came out and you know, we had a chat

718
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 1: after she left and had a cup of tea in

719
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 1: the kitchen and debriefed. It was It's funny that, right,

720
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: how different things for different people it is.

721
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 2: And it's just so different, I think, like when you

722
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 2: look at sexuality, it's such that unspoken thing, but everybody

723
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 2: does it and everybody thinks about it all the time

724
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,279
Speaker 2: all the time. And yeah, what turns one person on

725
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 2: can dramatically turn another person, like directly off. And that's

726
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: why the communication is so important as well, because from

727
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 2: a guy's perspective, we can look at a rectile dysfunction

728
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 2: and that can be from being in a relationship with

729
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 2: a person like that where they're getting the sheep beaten

730
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 2: out of them, and they're not actually enjoying it as

731
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 2: opposed to it being in actual medical condition.

732
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, exactly. And also with dudes, I mean

733
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 1: even guys who biology their biology is fine. Sometimes like

734
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: a this isn't me. Everyone I know, its sounds like

735
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: it isn't me. I would say if it was me,

736
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: but another made of mind. We've spoken about this because

737
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: I don't know why he trusts me. But everything works fine,

738
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 1: but he gets what do they call it performance anxiety? Right,

739
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: so he gets he now before he has sex, he worries,

740
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 1: like he gets himself into a state before like everything

741
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:27,440
Speaker 1: physiologically works fine, but then he worries that it won't

742
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 1: work fine, so then he gets anxious about it, and

743
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:35,240
Speaker 1: then it's a self fulfilling prophecy you know where Yeah,

744
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 1: and it's like you know when it's like going, don't

745
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: be anxious, don't be anxious. That doesn't fucking help, right, No.

746
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 2: That's right. And it's so interesting because you know, as

747
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,760
Speaker 2: many women as they're out out there wanting to perfect

748
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 2: the way that they look and they perform, it's there's

749
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 2: probably more in terms of men that have that as well,

750
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,720
Speaker 2: Like if they're in relationships where they're not having sex

751
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 2: all the time, they can often go, well, what's wrong

752
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 2: with me? You know what doing wrong? I'm not pleasing her.

753
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 2: So when it comes to the actual sexual experience itself,

754
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 2: they're having trouble with a recto dysfunction or they're orgasmine

755
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 2: within like the first ten seconds, and nothing's actually going

756
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: any further than that. It's all that performance anxiety that

757
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 2: comes around how long they last and how long they

758
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 2: can keep it up for it if they can keep

759
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 2: it up in the in the first place. And you know,

760
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 2: the rise of men using viagra is absolutely out of control,

761
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 2: and it's not actually fixing the issue, it's just sort

762
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 2: of masking it.

763
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 1: What I mean, what like I should know? But what

764
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 1: does it do? Does Does biagraa just increase blood flow

765
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 1: to the penis? Is that how it works? Is it

766
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 1: like a vasal or a dilator.

767
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:54,919
Speaker 2: It's like a yeap, So it causes it causes the

768
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 2: erection side of things, but there's still all the emotional

769
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,320
Speaker 2: and the mental stuff that's sitting there lurking around in

770
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 2: the background right.

771
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 1: Right, And doesn't it also raise blood pressure and a

772
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 1: few other things? Yeah, it's not how it doesn't seem

773
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 1: like a great idea. He's my last one, and I

774
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,919
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know how how long we can

775
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 1: talk on this or not. But sensuality versus sexuality, so

776
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: for women mainly we're talking about trying to talk about

777
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 1: women today. What's the intersection of sensuality And to me

778
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 1: it seems more emotional and psychological, whereas sexuality seems more physiological.

779
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: Is that kind of in the ballpark or what is it?

780
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 1: What's the gap? What's the overlap?

781
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, so putting the really nerdy perspective on it, sexuality

782
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 2: and sensuality have sort of been intertwined that they're the

783
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 2: same or a very similar thing. Like to be sensual

784
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 2: is to be erotic and arousing sexual, But sensuality is

785
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 2: really just igniting our senses and keeping us grounded. Right,

786
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 2: So we can use our sensory system within sexual experiences,

787
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 2: but it's not limited to just that. We should be

788
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: igniting our sensuality in everything we do in our everyday life.

789
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?

790
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:20,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like even with food, food can be kind of essential, right.

791
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 2: Yes, Yeah, And I like to explain to client, sensuality

792
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 2: can be like you know, seizing the day as what

793
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 2: are you grateful for? What's gratitude? You know, what awoken

794
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 2: your senses today to make you feel awesome? What are

795
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 2: things you smell? What are things you tasted? What are

796
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:43,280
Speaker 2: things you touched? What are things you heard that made

797
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 2: you feel awesome?

798
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 1: So we know that ninety percent of men masturbate and

799
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 1: ten percent lie. Tell us about, tell us about as

800
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 1: we will wind up with this one, like is that deep?

801
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, is that something that we talk about with

802
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,880
Speaker 1: our clients? You talk about with your clients? And is

803
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 1: that encouraged? Is that is?

804
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 3: Like?

805
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 1: Is that a part of the kind of spectrum of

806
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: self healing and all of that?

807
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 2: It is? And masturbation is only an issue when it

808
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 2: becomes an addiction. So again, if we can't get through

809
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 2: our day without doing it, we're potentially looking at you know,

810
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 2: what's the cause and the problem behind that. But masturbation,

811
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 2: for both men and women is a sensual part of

812
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 2: our self care and our well being and connecting in

813
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 2: with our bodies. Yeah, really really important. And masturbations just

814
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 2: not talked about, especially amongst couples.

815
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, there it is right there. This has been

816
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 1: terrifying for me and fascinating and I might have to

817
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 1: go into therapy myself. No, it's been really it's been

818
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: really good, and thank you so much. How do people

819
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:08,880
Speaker 1: follow you on Instagram? How do they find you on

820
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 1: the interwebs? Point them in the right direction.

821
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 2: No worries. So I'm on Instagram at Bespoke Underscore health

822
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 2: Underscore Cope, and my website is bespokehealthcode dot com dot au.

823
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 2: And I also wanted to slide in the end here, Craig,

824
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 2: if you don't mind, because I'm so near and far

825
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 2: from a metropolitan area and I'm down here in little

826
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 2: Old Warnable. I've got an amazing package that I offer

827
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 2: for metropol or city people, and it's to come down.

828
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 2: It's to have sex therapy, it's to have therapeutic yearning mapping,

829
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 2: and it's luxury accommodation and also a session at our

830
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 2: local hot springs here as well. So for anyone that

831
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 2: sort of feels like therapy is just out of reach

832
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 2: and they want that little bit of indulgence, get in

833
00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 2: contact with me and I can hook you up for

834
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 2: an awesome weekend.

835
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: The way sounds awesome. Yeah, all right, well good for you,

836
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 1: We'll say goodbye, a fair back for the moment. Well

837
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 1: done you, Thanks Tigan, thank you so

838
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 2: Much for having me.