1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:00,559 Speaker 1: I'll get it. 2 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:03,239 Speaker 2: Welcome to another installing the show. It's the You Project. 3 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 2: We've got the bloody Irish connection. I haven't told them 4 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,760 Speaker 2: that I'm twelve and a half percent Irish. They'll fucking 5 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 2: love me once I tell them that. It is, of 6 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 2: course the You Project. David Eccles, Tygerkennelly, Hi, boys, Welcome 7 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 2: to the show. 8 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 3: Thanks for having us. Yeah, it's great. You even swore 9 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 3: so you're certainly Irish. 10 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,639 Speaker 4: Well that's a half percent of you, Craig. 11 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,800 Speaker 2: So yeah, my grand my grandmother's name is Molly Malone. 12 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 2: There's not It can't get much more Irish than that. 13 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,240 Speaker 2: That's not even a joke, right, that's a real name. 14 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 4: There's a given mecha make and you're bringing two of 15 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 4: us in your podcast, so we could be in a 16 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 4: bit of bother here. 17 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 2: I think we could be all right. We'll start with you, David. 18 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 2: Tell tell my audience a little bit before we start 19 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:53,559 Speaker 2: talking about w now uh and for those of you 20 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 2: at home who struggle, just press the translate button and 21 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 2: you might go and understand half. 22 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: Of what he says. Tell us a little bit about you. 23 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: Your background. 24 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:07,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, background is Irish, obviously, from the North of Ireland 25 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 4: from a county called Tyrone, a small town called Oma. 26 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,919 Speaker 4: Lived over here in Australia now for sixteen years, married 27 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 4: to a beautiful Australian Argentinian wife, Cynthia. Three young kids six, 28 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 4: four and one. So I'm in the middle of it 29 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 4: at the minute. Blessed of an upbringing in Ireland, in 30 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 4: the North of Ireland, which we grew up in the 31 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 4: middle of what we call the troubles over there, but 32 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 4: it really surrounded me by community, amazing family, amazing community 33 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:41,680 Speaker 4: ship too was but loving living over here in Australia 34 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 4: and everything Australia has to offer in the outdoor lifestyle 35 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 4: so awesome. 36 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, and what about you birthday boy? Well some Yeah, 37 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 2: my audience is seventy female and I wouldn't say a 38 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:00,559 Speaker 2: big ifl kind of following, but most people will probably 39 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 2: know who you are. 40 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: But give us the ty Canelly snapshot. 41 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 5: Hey guys, my name's Tiger. If you don't know me, 42 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 5: google me. 43 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: Jesus. How happy is he with himself? 44 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 5: Dan? 45 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 4: Oh my god? Yeah, yeah, I do a. 46 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 3: Bit of colching. So I tell this to the younger kid. 47 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 3: They're looking at me again, who is this bald, old bastard? 48 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 3: Trying to tell me something about football. 49 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 5: So yeah. I was born born in. 50 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 3: County Kerry, a small country tongue called the Store in 51 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 3: the West of Ireland. Family community, all the brother, younger sister, 52 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 3: had a great childhood. Didn't have a whole lot, but 53 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 3: had a wonderful childhood. I was loved a lot. There's 54 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 3: a lot of love in the house. And you know, 55 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 3: we didn't didn't have a lot of weld, but we 56 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 3: certainly had a lot of love. And it really influenced 57 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 3: me as a young man to I supposed to shake 58 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 3: me who I am, and then I thought was a 59 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 3: big part of my life. 60 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 5: My dad was bort success from a sport. 61 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 3: My brother and I've got an opportunities, need you know, 62 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 3: to come out to Australia playfl football and with the 63 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 3: Sydney Swans. And I was looking to play for fifteen years. 64 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 3: And I'm no married with a beautiful wife, Nicole, and 65 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 3: three wonderful kids. That the apple of my eye and 66 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 3: my apple. Which ways it go, whichever. 67 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 2: Way this is, I think it's I think it's appler 68 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 2: you it's a good thing, you know, A fucking English teacher, 69 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 2: that's for sure. 70 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: I am twenty five twenty five years. Twenty five years. 71 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 2: You've been here, mate, You've you've got you haven't lost 72 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 2: much of that accent at all, have you? 73 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 3: Depends who you ask. I am sometimes when I do 74 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 3: talk to my Irish friends and what's happening to you? 75 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 3: But I slip into the Irish accent pretty quickly, I 76 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 3: think when I'm talking to Irish people. But yeah, depends. 77 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 3: In the football world, I've learned to speak a bit 78 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 3: slower than some media work. You learned to speak a 79 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 3: small bit slower like David, and I hasn't done all 80 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 3: out of media working. I can I can see you 81 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 3: kind of hooking in the small bit to understand the accent. 82 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 3: But look, it's I'm a very proud Irish man, very 83 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 3: proud of I came from. And I'm trying to instill 84 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 3: that in my in my young kids, which can be 85 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: difficult in Australian whostols. But they're running around with roosters 86 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 3: and rabbitos tops and swan stops and I'm trying to 87 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 3: give him some kerry tops and Irish tops. 88 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 5: So it's a bit of a challenge. 89 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 2: Good luck trying to sell that. Hey, So we're not 90 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 2: here to talk about YouTube Bullfeds. Although we do love 91 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 2: to know you backstory and we appreciate you both. We're 92 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 2: here to talk about this amazing organization project. I don't 93 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 2: know what we what do we call it, David? Do 94 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 2: we call it an organization and outreach of project? 95 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 1: What do we call it? 96 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 4: What do we call w Now it's been described as 97 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 4: a movement, a little movement. We had a retreat. We 98 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 4: do an annual retreat. We call it a retreat, not 99 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,719 Speaker 4: a retreat because Trey selling the retreat to a grip 100 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 4: a man and they won't go on it right, So 101 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,600 Speaker 4: it's a retreat, not a retreat. And they overheard about it, 102 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:48,920 Speaker 4: the ten of our fellows trying to describe what w 103 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 4: and I is, and they were arguing about what it 104 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,799 Speaker 4: is and how do you sell it to your mites, 105 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 4: But they landed on it's a man's health movement. They 106 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 4: call it. 107 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 2: Awesome, and what's the what was the genesis? But firstly 108 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 2: the name, I know what it means, but I'm so 109 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 2: w now unpacked the name and what was the genesis 110 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 2: for the movement? 111 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 3: I've got David. W and I was formed just over 112 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 3: three years ago with David and I. I'd been going 113 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 3: through a bit of a dark time. I'd lost my 114 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: job at the Swans around the COVID period. I thought 115 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 3: it was someone who was worth connected and. 116 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 5: I wasn't. 117 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 3: And until David started reaching out, and I was in 118 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 3: a pretty dark place. Really, I felt like my life 119 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 3: was played out in the public eye, where there was 120 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 3: a lot of media scrutiny around what had happened to me, 121 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 3: and I was living in a nightmare on my own 122 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 3: head when it really wasn't. But I wasn't going outside, 123 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 3: and it was in pretty dark place, and it wasn't 124 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 3: a David kept reaching out to me and saying, come on, 125 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 3: let's go, Let's go for a walk, let's go for coffee, 126 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 3: let's do it the exercise. 127 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 5: But I kept saying now. 128 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 3: But the persistence of a of a good mate dragged 129 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 3: me out of the house and slowly started to turn 130 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 3: things around. And from there we started really talking about 131 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 3: well if I feeling like that, David was going through 132 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 3: some stuff himself with his kids not sleeping and whatnot, 133 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 3: So we kind of lenked on each other and walked 134 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,600 Speaker 3: through some pieces of true mates just being there for 135 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,559 Speaker 3: each other, and we both decided, well, if we feeling 136 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 3: like this, let's do something about it, tot of trying 137 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 3: to help some mates, and from there wo started around 138 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 3: just inviting one friend and they invited another friend, and 139 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 3: then it grew organically. And the name itself when no 140 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 3: One's Watching is it's from my playing days. I was 141 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 3: very good at being able to bluff what was going 142 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 3: on outside the football field or outside the football club. 143 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 3: And I'd get into my car and i'd get to 144 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 3: the football club and I'd put the mask on and 145 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 3: they the body suit on, my body armor, and I'd 146 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 3: be all happy, go lookie, and I'd get out of 147 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 3: the club into the can and I'd just take a 148 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 3: big oh, thank God for that, and. 149 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,159 Speaker 5: I'd be myself. 150 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 3: And we're trying to instill in men to drop the 151 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 3: body armor when they get to the front door, to 152 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:59,359 Speaker 3: live your life like nobody's watching. And it's so important 153 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 3: to do the right thing when no one's watching. And 154 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 3: that's where the name itself has come from. 155 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's awesome all still in a society, it's bloody 156 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 2: amazing and it's good. It's good to see two young 157 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 2: men out kind of connecting and opening doors and being 158 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 2: vulnerable and sharing your story especially when you're like you tyg, 159 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 2: someone that people would look up to and know, but 160 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 2: also at the same time big strong athletes, successful athlete, 161 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 2: but you know, dealing with your own stuff and being 162 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: vulnerable and I guess authentic enough to talk to other. 163 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: People about that. 164 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 2: Why is it when people when blokes come into the group, 165 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 2: are they a bit standoffish? 166 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: Does it vary? Do they How does it work? 167 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 2: Because I you know, I know a lot of guys 168 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 2: are quite hesitant to open that door despite the fact 169 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 2: that they need to. 170 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's. 171 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 4: What happens on a So we meet up at Weddinson, 172 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 4: Organs twenty five locations, twenty one of them in Australia, 173 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 4: four of them overseas at the minute, but everybody does 174 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 4: the same schedule. On a Wednesday morning, we come down, 175 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 4: we do thirty minutes exercise. The exercise is always at 176 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 4: quite a its body with basts. Anybody can really do it. 177 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 4: But that gets people moving, That gets people chatting, shoulder 178 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 4: to shoulder. We do sixty push ups because we lose 179 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 4: sixty men of suicide every sixty minutes around the world, 180 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 4: so that brings everybody back to the way we're here. 181 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 4: And then we pull people into the circle of trust. 182 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 4: And the circle of trust is where somebody can step 183 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,720 Speaker 4: forward and celebrate something, where somebody can ask for help 184 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 4: or something that's on their mind, or somebody can share 185 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 4: get something off their chest that they're going through at 186 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 4: the minute. And people are kind of warmed up before 187 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:54,079 Speaker 4: they get into the circle. But I'm a Joe nobody right, 188 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 4: and I stand and I look at you see people 189 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 4: like Tag that step forward that we put sports stars 190 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 4: in pedestal. Tag always baby oil his biceps and the 191 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 4: shoulders up before going out onto the football pitch, and 192 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 4: he looks bulletproof, you know. But when these people step 193 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 4: forward and they go, you know what, I'm just struggling 194 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 4: a little bit because of x y z it. I 195 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 4: can see the impact that has and other fellows around 196 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 4: the group, you know, and you're going, shit, well, if 197 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,160 Speaker 4: he's got an issue, that gives me permission to step 198 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 4: forward to go you know what, I'm struggling a little 199 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,679 Speaker 4: bit as well. Some people absolutely get it from day one. 200 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 4: Other people they kind of come down. They might come 201 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 4: down because of the exercise, they might come down because 202 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 4: somebody's dragged him down. And then when you get into 203 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 4: the circle, you can see them their heads almost exploding, 204 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 4: going what the f is going on here? You know, 205 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 4: there's still as stepping forward and speaking at six thirty 206 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 4: in the morning about how they feel and what their 207 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 4: emotions are. It's unlike any other meal environment I've been in. 208 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 4: Like if I go back to going into the pub 209 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 4: and a Friday night my mates, if I try to 210 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 4: show vulnerability or weakness there, the lads will tear shreds 211 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 4: off me for a week until somebody else is silly 212 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:14,079 Speaker 4: enough and unfurther commas the share of vulnerability. But here 213 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,559 Speaker 4: we celebrate. We absolutely celebrate the winds in life. But 214 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 4: it's an absolute safe space where people can speak about 215 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 4: the vulnerabilities and the challenges in their life as well. 216 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 4: A monce fellows realize that they're going to be getting 217 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,959 Speaker 4: pats in the back before we get no water, or 218 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 4: people are going to welcome here and the challenges they're facing. 219 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 4: I haven't met a man yet that doesn't want to 220 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 4: share his story. But it's just about creating safe and 221 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 4: supportive spaces. 222 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,880 Speaker 5: For people to step forward and do that, you know. 223 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:49,959 Speaker 2: And so I guess there's not the right word, but 224 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 2: all the right terms, but we'll go with it. I 225 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 2: guess the therapy and the healing is just in the 226 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: connection and the sharing and the being together. I mean, 227 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 2: nobody's nobody's dispensing psychological advice per se, right ty. 228 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, one of the sense, it's the connectivity piece, you know. 229 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 3: I think in that demographics now we do have kids 230 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 3: that come down with their dads and we've got grandfathers. 231 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 3: You know, demographic is you know, from ten to eighty, 232 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 3: but the majority of the mean that we have in 233 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 3: the group already from twenty five to fifty five. And 234 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 3: you know, they either get too busy at work, you know, 235 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 3: they're separating the marriage, or they get too busy in 236 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 3: the marriage and they lose their social connection. And when 237 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:40,320 Speaker 3: things got tough for our things fall apart, they're almost 238 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 3: on their own and they go, well, what's happened to 239 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 3: my connection and my social connection? And we fill the 240 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:49,560 Speaker 3: space around in the loneliness, the fact that so many 241 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 3: men are alone, and certainly in Sydney with six million people, 242 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 3: it's blown me away. The lack of the lack of 243 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 3: I suppose that's what I'm looking for at the cold 244 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 3: face work for for for mental health, but also loneliness 245 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,839 Speaker 3: and connection for me, you know, if it's organized for 246 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 3: me and we won't do it. You know, it's a 247 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 3: free exercise slash social connection piece where you come down, 248 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 3: do some exercise, share, have a bit of dipping the water, 249 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 3: have a coffee and connect and it sets people up 250 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 3: on the Wednesday piece itself. And that's the major connection. 251 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 3: The major piece of w OL is the social connection. 252 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 3: And then then there's offshoots of it. You know, there's 253 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 3: guys that are into tennis, they're into poker, nights, are 254 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 3: into soccer, and the connection off building almost the club 255 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 3: fuel on your Wednesday. And it's the regular piece that's 256 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 3: the big attraction I feel for in the fact that 257 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: it's on every Wednesday in twenty five locations around the country. 258 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 3: Now that it's been organized and all you have to 259 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 3: do on a Tuesday night is put your coffee order 260 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,839 Speaker 3: into the WhatsApp group, which creates the accountability piece in 261 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 3: their mind, we'll have them Tuesday night. 262 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 5: So now I've got to go on Wednesday morning. 263 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 3: It takes am, rain, hail, a shine and then they're 264 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 3: there and that's really the whole essence of it all. 265 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so do you know what is really interesting? 266 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 2: There's lots of research. This one surprised you too, blokes. 267 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 2: But in the psychology space health wellness, you know, there's 268 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 2: a lot of research out now that talks about the 269 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:21,439 Speaker 2: role of social connection, intimacy, not sexual intimacy, but just connection, belonging, 270 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 2: all of that in terms of the health physical health outcomes. 271 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 2: So when we talk about health outcomes, generally we talk 272 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 2: about food and exercise and lifestyle and booze. And this 273 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 2: fascinated me as a neuropsych researcher and an exercise physiologist 274 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 2: that maybe the biggest influence on health outcomes and immune 275 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 2: system function and resilience and sickness is being loved, being connected, 276 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 2: being valued, belonging more than needing a shit diet. It's amazing, right. 277 00:13:56,040 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 4: We Friendship, I think, is the mossunder appreciated aspect of 278 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 4: holistic wellness or whatever it might be. So like doctor FAVEC. Murthy, 279 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 4: the Surgeon General of America, has done a great piece 280 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 4: of work around. He said, the biggest killer in America 281 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,599 Speaker 4: wasn't heart disease, wasn't cancered, it was loneliness. And the 282 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 4: stats are all out there at the minute that if 283 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 4: you're chronically lonely, your life expectancy is fifteen years last. 284 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 4: It's got the health impacts of smoking a packet of 285 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 4: cigarettes today or having sex alcoholic drinks today. When I 286 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 4: said that the tag that being lonely has got the 287 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 4: health impacts of sex alcoholic drinks today, he said, so 288 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 4: as metes, we can go and drink five points a 289 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 4: day in the pub be healthier than if if we 290 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 4: were lonely. Like you know, so there's an Irish solution 291 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 4: for an Irish problem. I think, right, but it's so true, 292 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 4: Like you know, I think we just want to bring 293 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 4: back We want to bring back friendship and what it 294 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 4: is to be a myth, you know, so like it's 295 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,160 Speaker 4: the biohackle life. If you want to live longer, if 296 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 4: you want to live better, if you want to be 297 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 4: able to deal with stress better, it's all about becoming 298 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 4: better friends and being able to share with one another. 299 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 4: I think, as man, we've been told to suck it 300 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 4: up and the man up, and you bottle all these 301 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 4: feelings and emotions inside yourself. That's what being a tough 302 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 4: man is, you know. But that stress has to release 303 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 4: itself somewhere, you know, and that comes. That's where loneliness 304 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 4: that's where depression, anxiety, substance abuse, whatever it might be, 305 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 4: that the stress releases itself in that and all the 306 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 4: stats are saying, like the loneliest, the loneliest demographic of 307 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 4: people in Australia a man from the age of thirty 308 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 4: five to forty nine. That's where we start getting really 309 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 4: successful in our careers. That's where we start having the 310 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 4: kids coming in and we start becoming time poorer with ourselves. 311 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 4: We start losing that circle of friends that we got 312 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 4: in our teenage years and our twenties or whatever, and 313 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 4: may become with liolence into ourselves. We're trying to make 314 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 4: sure that if that's our main graphic of men, we're 315 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:06,440 Speaker 4: trying to bring back the midship and the friendship amongst 316 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 4: men and try to make a difference. There's seven men 317 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 4: a day that we lose the suicide sixty men every 318 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 4: sixty minutes around the world. We say we would love 319 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 4: in Australia if we can drop that seven to six 320 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 4: and drop it the five. Just by bringing people on 321 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 4: the beaches or in the locations and being able to 322 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,400 Speaker 4: chat with one another. 323 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 3: We're ever more connected, you know, in the world's itchally, 324 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 3: but wherever so disconnected and you look at such Certainly 325 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 3: David and I come from smaller communities and upbringings where 326 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 3: it takes a village to raise a person. And that's 327 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 3: in essence as part of w NOR, the community field 328 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 3: and the local field that building the chapters in different 329 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 3: locations or engage in local business, local Facebook pages, local 330 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 3: people that go well it's here, or does the community 331 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 3: based field to w NOR, the support is there if 332 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 3: you need it, and you can see that coming through 333 00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 3: the conversations in the chats itself, and whether it's based 334 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 3: against that I'm looking for a carpenter or anyone know, 335 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 3: a choir practor or just the village piece and the 336 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 3: community feel that we've lost in society, which we all 337 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 3: need as human beings. We want that touch, that kindness, 338 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 3: the community to support the people are there for you, 339 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,920 Speaker 3: are knowing that the there for you is a piece. 340 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 4: Yeah, we live in Sydney here six million people in Sydney. 341 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 4: Sydney is the second and onliest city in the world 342 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 4: after Stockholm. You know, Tiger and I both come from 343 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,119 Speaker 4: small towns of six to twenty thousand people. You know, 344 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,960 Speaker 4: and you say, like, if I look at my hometown 345 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 4: Woman the North of Ireland, nineteen ninety eight. It was 346 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 4: the last atrocity of the troubles. There was a bomb 347 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 4: in our hometown that ended the Civil War and there 348 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 4: weren't enough doctors or counselors or sex to go around. 349 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 4: So it was the community that healed. The community. The 350 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:54,119 Speaker 4: types of conversations that you were having in the furry clubs, 351 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,880 Speaker 4: in the schools and the pubs the cafes were really 352 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 4: keeping meaningful conversations. Then come over here to a cety 353 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 4: of six million people and everybody's running around and life 354 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 4: is extremely fast, but we're forgetting the most important thing 355 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,440 Speaker 4: is to slow down and connect with one another and 356 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 4: support each other in correct communities of care and lover 357 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 4: around each other. 358 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 2: It's amazing that you can be in the middle of 359 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 2: a crowd and totally isolated normally. 360 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, the bigger of the city, the more isolated you 361 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:23,200 Speaker 4: can be. 362 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 5: I think, you know. 363 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 2: This is irrelevant, but I'd never been to Ireland until 364 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 2: a few years ago. 365 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 1: I had to do a gig. I do a lot 366 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: of speaking and stuff, but I did it a gig 367 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 1: in Tullamore. Do you know where Talamore is? And it 368 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: was it was so good. 369 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:48,640 Speaker 2: I did a half day workshop and what was hilarious 370 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,680 Speaker 2: was nobody knew me. I didn't know anyone obviously, and 371 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 2: I was there for a couple of days and I 372 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 2: just hung out and I walked around and people, I 373 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 2: would say ten different families asked me to stay with them. 374 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 2: They like it, but ask me where are you staying? 375 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,440 Speaker 2: And I'd tell them and they're like, oh, no, you won't. 376 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: If you staying there, you'll be staying with us. Like 377 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 2: I'm like what, They're like, yeah, no, no, don't stay there, 378 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,720 Speaker 2: Come and stay stay with us. Like I'm not stay 379 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,880 Speaker 2: thank you, thank you, but the warmest, friendliest And I'm 380 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,360 Speaker 2: not saying it because I'm with you two. I've never 381 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:27,159 Speaker 2: ever been anywhere where people have been so generous and 382 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,920 Speaker 2: so friendly. And it really bothered them that I was 383 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 2: in Australian on the other side of the world by 384 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,679 Speaker 2: myself and staying in a hotel. 385 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,959 Speaker 1: They didn't like it at all. 386 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a fellow from my hometown, sorry from Australia, 387 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,160 Speaker 4: but he's living in my home town and I don't 388 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,879 Speaker 4: know his name because he just gets called Arsie your 389 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 4: story resonator. Because he came for a weekend and he's 390 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 4: still living there twenty years later, and he's been brought 391 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 4: in by the family and the community. I don't think 392 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 4: he's everbought a I don't think he's ever bought a drink, 393 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 4: and he just fell in love with the tone and 394 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 4: the community. 395 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,880 Speaker 2: Do you think boys that that like when we grow 396 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 2: up as I mean not just boys, I think all 397 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,200 Speaker 2: of us. But we're kind of taught about you know, 398 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 2: we need to manage our money, we need to manage 399 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 2: our education, you know, real estate projects, career like, we 400 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 2: have all of these projects, but it's like we don't 401 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:30,640 Speaker 2: know how to manage ourselves mentally, emotionally, socially, practically, which 402 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 2: is why I called this podcast the You Project, right 403 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 2: because I think, like, without trying to sound like a weirdo, 404 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 2: by the time I was thirty three, I had five 405 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 2: different businesses and I was doing really well. But in 406 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 2: the middle of all of that, I was fucked. I 407 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 2: was mentally and emotionally like I was doing well, but 408 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 2: I felt almost spiritually bankrupt. And it was because I 409 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 2: didn't know how to manage me, my mind, my emotions, 410 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,439 Speaker 2: my you know, my body to an extent. But all 411 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 2: that social stuff. Do you think that we don't really 412 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,240 Speaker 2: I feel like, let's just talk about blokes for the moment, 413 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 2: but we live a little bit on autopilot and it 414 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 2: doesn't really work. 415 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I think that are three 416 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 3: kids in the minute. You know, I'm trying to build 417 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:24,080 Speaker 3: some resilience in by helicoptering as a parent, so you know, 418 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 3: and I'm only learning from my parents, and I'm trying 419 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 3: to get better as a dad, and I'm trying to 420 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 3: learn and teach. Sorry, my kids do understanding of the 421 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 3: struggles and how important it is to not get things 422 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,639 Speaker 3: your way, So they're getting the life lessons to be 423 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 3: able to take care of themselves and understand the piece 424 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,440 Speaker 3: that life's not going to be easy for you. So 425 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,119 Speaker 3: you're trying to develop tools into young people, and not 426 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,679 Speaker 3: just my own kids, but young people in general aren't 427 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 3: how to deal with the struggles and the challenges that 428 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,360 Speaker 3: are going to come your way. And we certainly don't 429 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 3: do enough of it, you know, And I think you're 430 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,640 Speaker 3: banging on. In the school system, we do a lot 431 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 3: physically to help kids, and even we could be a 432 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 3: lot better a physical point of view and in schools, 433 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:03,920 Speaker 3: but we certainly don't do a lot with the mental 434 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 3: tools of helping young boys and girls to develop with 435 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,639 Speaker 3: the stresses and struggles of life. And it's certainly an 436 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 3: area that needs a lot of looking into because it's 437 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,240 Speaker 3: a it's a piece that's not being touched for mine, because. 438 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,159 Speaker 2: There's it seems to me, tiger like, there's there's a 439 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 2: real balancing act between and between letting our kids fall down, 440 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 2: you know, scrape their knees, build resilience, do hard things. 441 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,920 Speaker 1: You know, you ran the race, you came last. That's okay. 442 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,880 Speaker 1: I still love you, You're still my kid. It's all good. 443 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,119 Speaker 2: Sometimes you're going to come first, Sometimes you're going to 444 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 2: come last. It's okay, right, But at the same time, 445 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 2: you know, we need to be loving and we need 446 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 2: to be aware of their feelings, Like, what's that kind 447 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 2: of as a dad, what's that that line that you 448 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 2: walk between not wanting to molly cuddle them but also 449 00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 2: not throwing them. 450 00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:58,719 Speaker 1: To the wolves. 451 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 3: It's ardist balance and the hardest challenge I find in 452 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 3: my current life. You know, I've got about twenty jobs 453 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 3: at the moment, but the most important one is raising 454 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 3: my kids, and I find it extremely difficult to even 455 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 3: at the sporting field or just a school piece with 456 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,120 Speaker 3: homework and the balancing act of not stepping in because 457 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 3: you want to hug them and kiss them, and it's 458 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 3: very difficult to do. And I get it, and I 459 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,160 Speaker 3: understand it because when your kid balls, I hurt themselves. 460 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,040 Speaker 3: You don't want to see them disappointed. But you've got 461 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 3: to consistently remind yourself. And I'm consistently learning and educating myself. 462 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 5: Around and what it means to be a better dad 463 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 5: and a better man. 464 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 3: Constantly reading it, you know, and I'm consistently challenging my 465 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,600 Speaker 3: own thoughts on you know, an example, my middle boy 466 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 3: very very in touch with emotions, and some people will 467 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,440 Speaker 3: say he's soft, and my initial tendency was to push 468 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 3: him through this piece. 469 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 5: And go, what are you doing? 470 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,160 Speaker 3: You need a tough enough And that was my own psyching, 471 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 3: but in fact it was me that I need to 472 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 3: be looking at No, I need to be embrace in 473 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 3: this lovely young man that's in touch with these motions. 474 00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 3: That's caring, that's kind, And that's exactly what I've done, 475 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 3: bestly true, just learning and improving myself as a person. 476 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,119 Speaker 3: So I've got that piece right from just look at 477 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 3: myself to help my young finessing through and them and go, 478 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 3: come on, you got to tough and up and you know. 479 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 3: And that's all I can say really as far as advice, 480 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 3: and it's only I'm learning. David will continue to tell 481 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 3: the echos to say, we're all as a dad, I 482 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,240 Speaker 3: certainly don't know the answers when I'm trying my best. 483 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 2: It's interesting because in psychology there's a thing called the 484 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 2: false consensus effect, and it says basically that we think 485 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 2: others think like us, right, But obviously it's like us 486 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,159 Speaker 2: three are in one conversation, but we're not having the 487 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,120 Speaker 2: same experience because none of us are identical psychologically, emotionally, 488 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:47,399 Speaker 2: sociologically or physically right, So, and it's not necessarily about 489 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:52,359 Speaker 2: agreeing with but just understanding someone else's version, like what's 490 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 2: your version of this? Because it ain't my version and 491 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 2: it doesn't need to be my version. 492 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 3: It's so good I find out court and courting your kids, 493 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 3: and I could get frustrated and frustrated with a piece 494 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 3: of I'm trying to teach them and how they're not 495 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,680 Speaker 3: getting it, and then understanding that piece of well, we 496 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 3: all don't think the same or my kids are not 497 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 3: going to be the same as me. But as parents 498 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 3: who often think, oh, well, I'd love my kids to 499 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,159 Speaker 3: do this that, and we try and insteal what we 500 00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 3: think we would like as a parent. 501 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,119 Speaker 2: What's it called, Oh, that's called false consensus effect. But 502 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 2: that is where you assume that other people think like you. 503 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 2: But I'll give you a couple more terms that you 504 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 2: might both like. So there's another interesting term. And I 505 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 2: apologize to my audience who get bored with my bullshit, right, 506 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,400 Speaker 2: But there's a really interesting area of research called metacognition, 507 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 2: which is just thinking about thinking. Then up from that 508 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 2: is another area called theory of mind, which is your 509 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 2: ability to understand the mind of someone else, right, not 510 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 2: agree with it, not endorse it, not support it, just 511 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:57,480 Speaker 2: understand it. 512 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,919 Speaker 1: And then this is probably something you'll. 513 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 2: Find maybe the most fascinating, which is my PhD research, 514 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,959 Speaker 2: which is on a thing called metaperception, which is your 515 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 2: ability to understand that you experience for others. So the 516 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,000 Speaker 2: question at the center of my research is what's it 517 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 2: like being around me for the rest of the world, 518 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,639 Speaker 2: whether that's yeah, whether that's my kids, my wife, my athletes, 519 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:27,680 Speaker 2: my business, partner, you know, the people listening to this podcast. 520 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 2: So me, as a professional communicator, educator, corporate speaker, I'm 521 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,200 Speaker 2: always trying to at least have an insight into what 522 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,920 Speaker 2: it's like for the audience in this moment. 523 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 5: Do you become do you become too self? 524 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:45,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. 525 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 2: So there's a difference between So some people misinterpret as, oh, 526 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 2: you know, do they like me? 527 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 1: It's not that. It's not about. 528 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 2: Insecurity or self loathing. It's about self awareness. Like, here's 529 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 2: the thing, right, you might be expressing something to a 530 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 2: bunch of athletes, young athletes tie and in your mind 531 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 2: it makes sense. It's clear, you're articulate, it's not confusing. 532 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 2: And you've got twenty young footballers. Five of them are 533 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,920 Speaker 2: fucking confused, five of them are having a light bulb moment, 534 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,439 Speaker 2: five of them are bored, and five of them are inspired. 535 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 2: Because and it would be more diverse than that, right, 536 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 2: because the only person in the group thinking like you 537 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,720 Speaker 2: as you. So the question the question is how do 538 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 2: I share this thought or idea or message or strategy 539 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:40,119 Speaker 2: in a way which has the most resonance with this group, 540 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,159 Speaker 2: And that would be you could ask that same question 541 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,040 Speaker 2: with fifty blokes on the beach at a w now 542 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 2: kind of get together, right, It's like, and I would say, 543 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 2: you guys are already doing that on autopilot to an extent, 544 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,639 Speaker 2: because you're trying to You're not trying to make them 545 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 2: be you or be like you. You're genuinely trying to 546 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 2: connect and understand. So you do it somewhat naturally, I 547 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:07,879 Speaker 2: would think, But there's a whole raft of research around it. 548 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 2: And in the corporate space, I'll shut up after this, 549 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,359 Speaker 2: but you might be interested. They are a fuck load 550 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 2: of bosses, managers and leaders who are absolutely shit at this, 551 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 2: and they essentially don't care what people think, which is 552 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,639 Speaker 2: a really bad strategy. So it's not being worried about 553 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,120 Speaker 2: whether or not people like you. That's a different thing 554 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:33,320 Speaker 2: that's in security. It's just about understanding is the way 555 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 2: that I'm communicating optimal for this moment, for this group, 556 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,960 Speaker 2: for this you know, whatever we're in. 557 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's flip flipping the mainset from being an ego 558 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 4: centric main set seek and approval. I think to be 559 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 4: in a service given mainsat rate and think, and I 560 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 4: think that's where happiness comes in the service giving, not 561 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 4: the seeking approval or the ego centric approach ate. 562 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 2: Well, the moment that it's about you, then you fucked 563 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 2: up because especially with the work that you boys do, 564 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 2: and I think like the question what is that Stephen 565 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 2: Covey and a few others have said over the years 566 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 2: like seek first to understand and then to be understood. So, hey, 567 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 2: so how does it work? So you said, David, you said, 568 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 2: there's twenty five chapters? 569 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, go yeah, twenty five chapter is growing by the week. 570 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 1: So is there a leader for each one? 571 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 2: Is there? 572 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: How does it work? 573 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: Like? 574 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,560 Speaker 4: So we've we've chapter leads for each chapter, but the 575 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 4: growth has really been in the last six months nine months. 576 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 4: Like a little bit of the backstory is it was 577 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 4: as Tag said, I have only two treats as a friend. 578 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:55,920 Speaker 4: It's consistency and being annoying. So it was me constantly 579 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 4: trying to pull them out of the host to get 580 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 4: thrown under the beach. And two became four became it 581 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 4: became sixteen, but it was just in one location. Then 582 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 4: we got a call from the New South Wales Mental 583 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 4: Health Commission one day saying, hey, you guys coming to 584 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 4: the award ceremony on Friday and we didn't know. We 585 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 4: didn't know there was an award ceremony, we didn't even 586 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 4: know there was a Mental Health Commission. But she gave 587 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,160 Speaker 4: us our Community Champion of the Year and that cut 588 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 4: the word out there a little bit. So people in 589 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,959 Speaker 4: Balmorle approached us about starting one the other side of Sydney. 590 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 4: So we had to create a template if you want 591 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,479 Speaker 4: that they could do, because we couldn't be in two 592 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:34,240 Speaker 4: places at once. 593 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:34,760 Speaker 5: We've got a. 594 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:38,239 Speaker 4: History of saying yes to things and then thinking how 595 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 4: to do it after I think you know, and then 596 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 4: Bond II, which everybody knows in Sydney, started about eighteen 597 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:50,360 Speaker 4: months ago. Koogie, our fourth chapter, started the fifth of July, 598 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,560 Speaker 4: so this time last year and I'm not going to 599 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,040 Speaker 4: go through the rest, but it was a slowish start 600 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,880 Speaker 4: because we never intended it to be this But now 601 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 4: that word has got out there thanks to the podcast 602 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,600 Speaker 4: like This and a couple of TV programs in the 603 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:07,200 Speaker 4: last in the last six months, it's really growing from 604 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 4: from that four to twenty five overnight different chapters around Australia. 605 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 4: We now have won in New Zealand, two in Ireland, 606 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 4: one in America or New Zealand opening we have one 607 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:26,360 Speaker 4: kicking off in in Cyprus. We've one kicking off in Dubai. 608 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,560 Speaker 4: We've required of assis done in Antarctica that want to 609 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 4: kick one off in Antarctica. And it's just they're contacting us, 610 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 4: associating with seeing, seeing what we're doing, going hey, that 611 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 4: looks cool. Can we start one of them here? We appoint, 612 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 4: We appoint that We kind of bring them through a 613 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 4: little bit of basic basic training and the everyday man. 614 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 4: Anybody can pick it up. Anybody can run a program. 615 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,719 Speaker 4: We support them. We've got a little pack, We've got 616 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 4: a two pager which tells them what to do. We 617 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,440 Speaker 4: give them the exercise routine to do every week, and 618 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 4: then we do a bit of coaching around the language 619 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 4: which they should use throughout throughout the program. But two 620 00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 4: your earlier point staining and early in. We're not psychologists, 621 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 4: we're not therapists, we're not doctors. We're just about creating 622 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 4: safe and supportive spaces where men can come drop their 623 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 4: body armor and just be their authentic selves for an 624 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 4: hour or a week. 625 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: You know, yeah, I love it. 626 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 2: I love it, And so I mean, on a practical level, 627 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 2: if people want to get involved, how do they do that. 628 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 4: The website is WNI w now dot com dot au. 629 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 4: There's a big button in the middle of it to 630 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 4: contact us, and they just send us an email and 631 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 4: we'll get back to them within twenty four forty eight hours. 632 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,320 Speaker 4: You'll also see a button and it's saying about joining 633 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 4: us at a w NI chapter. There'll be a drop 634 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 4: down there about our twenty five locations that will get 635 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 4: you into one of the WhatsApp grips and then you're 636 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 4: in the family or the tribe from there. 637 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 2: So well, boys, I think what you do is amazing 638 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,560 Speaker 2: and I genuinely mean that, and I don't know if 639 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 2: I can help in any way, but I'd love to 640 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 2: be involved or help you at the very least support 641 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,680 Speaker 2: you through the you project and our listeners. And i'd 642 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 2: encourage our listeners. If you're a dude or you've got 643 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 2: some dudes in your life who maybe would benefit from 644 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,440 Speaker 2: being involved, just reach out to the boys. Just go 645 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 2: to the w OW website and get involved. But for now, Tig, 646 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,120 Speaker 2: thanks so much. Is there any parting message from you, sir, 647 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 2: to any blokes who might be struggling. 648 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think in the now and the head Craig, 649 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 3: you know, reach out to your mates FoST of all 650 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 3: a simple text. 651 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 5: Or a phone call. 652 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 3: You don't know what people are going through, and often 653 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,120 Speaker 3: say it to the guys from chat and put your 654 00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 3: fine on and text that person that you've been thinking 655 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 3: about because sometimes you think it gets too long in 656 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 3: a relationship and I haven't. 657 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 5: Got there, I haven't talked to them in three months, 658 00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 5: four months, gone too far. Just just fucking do it. 659 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,080 Speaker 5: It's the best thing you do. And that'd be very appreciative. 660 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 3: And I think the world's full of great, great ideas, 661 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,839 Speaker 3: but not enough people doing doing shit and getting shit done. 662 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate it. 663 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 2: And David, if people reach out via the website, you 664 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,480 Speaker 2: or one of the team will get back to them. 665 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 2: I reached out to you to have a chat with 666 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 2: you too on the website and you, I think got 667 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 2: back to me or someone got back to me really quickly. 668 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,000 Speaker 2: So if someone wants to reach out, they'll get a response. 669 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely, it's our mission, it's their mission to help 670 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 4: a million man be better. Where we're about five percent 671 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 4: of the way there at the minute, I would say, 672 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 4: so please everybody reach out, no matter where you are 673 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 4: in the world. Will help you get set up either 674 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,440 Speaker 4: join a W Night chapter or set you up with 675 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:46,560 Speaker 4: your own W Night chapter. 676 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:47,680 Speaker 1: Perfect. 677 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,960 Speaker 2: All right, boys, we'll say goodbye affair, but for now 678 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 2: we really appreciate having the chat with me and connecting 679 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:54,759 Speaker 2: with our audience here. 680 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,280 Speaker 1: Thanks boys, Thanks craigat