1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:02,679 Speaker 1: I get am. I hope this finds you well. Welcome 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: to another installment of you project, Craig Anthony Harper. Just 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: a reminder if you're listening to this week, this week 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: being well, it's the fourteenth of August. As I record, 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: I'm going to be in Bendigo this weekend. I'm going 6 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: to be in Bendigo this week and doing my workshop, 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 1: my new workshop which is called Understanding You. If you 8 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: live anywhere near Bendigo and you're interested, go to my 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: website Craig Arba dot net. Go to education, have a 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: look and you can find out more about that. I'd 11 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 1: love to see you there. Right So today, as is 12 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 1: often the way, and I say this too much, but 13 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: it happens to be true, I'm talking about something that 14 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: I spoke about with somebody this morning, and that is 15 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 1: the idea of doing the hard thing, the slow thing, 16 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: the inconvenient thing, the thing that's not quick, easy or painless, 17 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:07,040 Speaker 1: and moreover, ladies and gentlemen, more over, the idea of 18 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: delaying gratification, not doing the thing in the moment that 19 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: might give us an instant hit of dopamine or pleasure, 20 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: but rather having an awareness, a greater awareness of the 21 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 1: bigger picture and being able to make a decision in 22 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 1: the moment which might make all of our subsequent moments 23 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: better or potentially better, because we are resisting something that 24 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: might give us a modocoum of joy or euphoraur or 25 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: dopamine in the moment. But by doing that constantly, which 26 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: many of us do, hitting the quick fix button or 27 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: hitting that dopamine button, it kind of fucks us up 28 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:56,000 Speaker 1: over the long term, and in our fast paced world 29 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: where instant access to everything is at our fingertips, it's 30 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: just to click away. The idea of delaying gratification can 31 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: seem old fashioned, I guess, an outdated and maybe sometimes 32 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: even counterintuitive, but for me personally and with the people 33 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: that I've worked with over the years, it's proven to 34 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,519 Speaker 1: be that while, of course we can have our moments 35 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaker 1: of pleasure and fun, and we need to an extent 36 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,079 Speaker 1: live in the moment, but we also need to have 37 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: an awareness of our life moving forward and what our 38 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: life might look like moving forward, the quality of our life, 39 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: our health, our relationships, our career, our experiences, our mental 40 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 1: and emotional well being. It's good for us to have 41 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: an eye on that, or an awareness of that moving forward, 42 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: so that in this moment when I'm about to do 43 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 1: this thing or say this thing, or make this decision, 44 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,800 Speaker 1: or eat this thing, or drink this thing, or buy 45 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: this thing, or react this way, that I'm realizing that 46 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 1: even though it might feel good or it might feel 47 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 1: right in the moment, in the context of my life, 48 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: it could be somewhat destructive. It could be toxic, it 49 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: could be a negative. And you and I live in 50 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: a culture that really celebrates you know, the now, the 51 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: quick wins, the fast food, the magic pills, the quick fixes, 52 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: the two minute abbs, the instant results of which I've 53 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: spoken about many times. But we know that when it 54 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: comes to building a better life, whatever that means, like 55 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: whatever a better life means to you, so health, career, lifestyle, 56 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: the kind of results that you're producing in your world, 57 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: your energy levels, your relationships, or I guess, broadly speaking, 58 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: that internal state, like I've said a lot of times, 59 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: like where life happens is external, but where living happens 60 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: is internal. And so what is the impact. I'm thinking 61 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: about this as I go. So if it's a little 62 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: bit lumpy and bumpy today, please excuse me. This is 63 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: not scripted or particularly planned other than the theme. So 64 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: I'm as I do always with these solo ones. This 65 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: is intuitive, instinctive, and organic. So if it ain't the 66 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: most polished brothers and sisters, I apologize, But just the 67 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 1: I guess, having the awareness of in the moment, what 68 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: might be the consequence, good or bad, of this thing 69 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 1: that I'm going to do. And for somebody who spent 70 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: a lot of his life really struggling with food, like 71 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: for me, food was my drug, Food was my addiction. 72 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: Food was my not only my physiological barrier, but also 73 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,239 Speaker 1: my mental and emotional barrier. Because I would I would 74 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: in the moment medicate myself with food. I would numb 75 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: myself with food. I would I would drag myself out 76 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: of some kind of pain temporarily with food because I 77 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: just shoved this whatever it is that I didn't need 78 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,160 Speaker 1: my body didn't actually need it. I just wanted it. 79 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: I'd shove it in and then I'd momentarily feel good. 80 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 1: I would make an in the moment, instant gratification driven decision, 81 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 1: and literally fifteen minutes later, I would hate myself. I 82 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: would feel regretful, I would be disappointed in me. I 83 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: would be frustrated, I would be ashamed, and I did that, 84 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 1: or I did a version of that. For years, I 85 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: was constantly trapped in this cycle of pushing the dopamine button. 86 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: And all that did for me was that made me 87 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: less functional, less happy, less resilient, less capable, less adaptable 88 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: over the long term. And so the process or the 89 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: practice of delaying gratification, it's not just potentially transformational, but 90 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:58,919 Speaker 1: it's just a really good, important and powerful idea, I 91 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: guess process path to take. And that doesn't mean, of course, 92 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: like I said before, that we're not going to have 93 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 1: fun and silliness and we're not going to have a 94 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: piece of cake ever, or we're not going to we're 95 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: not going to press that button, that dopamine button at times. 96 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: Of course, I press the dopamine button every time I 97 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,839 Speaker 1: choose to ride one of my motorbikes instead of drawing 98 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: driving my boring fucking car, you know. But that's that's 99 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 1: not what we're talking about. We're not talking about the 100 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 1: exclusion of joy from our life. But we're talking about 101 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 1: decisions in the moment, actions, reactions in the moment that 102 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 1: might be setting us up for pain over the long term. 103 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: So delaying gratification. I guess it means being able to 104 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 1: resist the temptation of something immediate, an immediate reward with 105 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:57,600 Speaker 1: that mental, emotional, psychological, or physiological I should say, in 106 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: favor of something that's bigger and perhaps more enduring in 107 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: the future. So it's the ability to say no to 108 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: the easy choice now, so that you can say yes 109 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: to something that is far more rewarding, fulfeeling, meaningful, empowering, 110 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: and enduring over the long term. Like and I truly 111 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: think that this ability is it an ability, this traits, 112 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: this practice is the cornerstone of personal growth and success. 113 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: I've not met one person who has been what I 114 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: would call And when I say success, I'm not talking 115 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: about financially necessarily. It could be in any realm. It 116 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: could just be that someone that's genuinely fulfilled and happy 117 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: and calm. You know, that's depending on your value system. 118 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: For me, I value that kind of internal, spiritual, emotional, psychological, 119 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: sociological wealth. I hold that personally higher regard than money. 120 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: Money is good. I don't hate money. I'm not mad 121 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: at money. I get paid money. But for me, money 122 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: is a practical resource that I use to do stuff 123 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: and I've made buck all money at times, and I've 124 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 1: made lots of money at times, and I can personally anyway, 125 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: I can tell you that for me, when I was 126 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: making ten times the money, I didn't have ten times 127 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 1: the happiness. That's my experience. Doesn't mean it would be yours, 128 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: but that's my experience. So for me, the relentless pursuit 129 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: of money is a dumb pursuit. It's factored into my 130 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: life moving forward more on a practical and experiential level, 131 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: you know, getting bills paid, being able to do things, 132 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 1: being able to serve others, being able to look after 133 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 1: my parents, all that stuff. But the idea of being 134 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: hell bent on making more and more money at all 135 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,839 Speaker 1: costs for me, that kind of that's not a big driver. 136 00:08:54,160 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 1: That's not a big driver. So let's think about the 137 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 1: pursuit of, say, better health. I mean, this is a 138 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 1: no brainer because everybody wants that. So we know that 139 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: in the moment, it's far easier to reach for the 140 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 1: thing that we don't need, whatever that is for you, 141 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: than it is for a healthy option and that immediate 142 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: kind of pleasure, that immediate kind of hit or fix, 143 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: satisfying that craving or that urge is understandable. And I 144 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 1: actually think every now and then, I don't think that's 145 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,200 Speaker 1: a deal breaker. I don't think, but I think the 146 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:37,439 Speaker 1: decision to delay that consistently so to for example, choosing 147 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: to go for a run, or choosing a nutritious meal, 148 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: or choosing to have some water instead of some booze, 149 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: or choosing to have a different having one glass instead 150 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: of five glass. Perhaps, but this not only does this 151 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: hey dividends over time, but it changes us. It changes 152 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: us so that we become we become better at making decisions, 153 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 1: right decisions, and choosing the right path and taking the 154 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: right action and reacting the right way. And when I 155 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: say the right way, I mean the right way for you, 156 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 1: the right way for you. And we go, well, what's 157 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: the right way for you? What does that mean, Craig? 158 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: How do I know what's the right way? Here's how 159 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 1: you know. If you are if you are making a decision, 160 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: if you are taking an action, if you are responding 161 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: a certain way, and that response or that action or 162 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 1: that choice aligns with your values, how you want to be, 163 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: who you want to be, what is important to you, 164 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 1: then that is the right choice. Then that is the 165 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: best choice that is the best action, that is the 166 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 1: best reaction, and the same thing. You know, it applies 167 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: across the board, like with lifestyle, the kind of life 168 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: that you want to build, you want to you want 169 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,200 Speaker 1: to buy a home, or you want to dream holiday, 170 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: or you want financial independence. You know, the temptation to 171 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 1: short term, to spend on short term pleasures like to 172 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: buy the gadget that we don't need one hundred inch TV, 173 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,960 Speaker 1: or the spontaneous shopping spree, or the eating out seven 174 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: nights a week because it gives us a level of 175 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: instant gratification. Again, sometimes these are things that we need 176 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,960 Speaker 1: to go Is this what I should be doing to 177 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 1: set myself? What do I want my life to look 178 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: like in five, ten, fifteen, twenty years? What do I want? 179 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,960 Speaker 1: What is the best version of me? What is the 180 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,560 Speaker 1: best version of my health? What is the best version? 181 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: If I think of my optimal lifestyle or my optimal 182 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,319 Speaker 1: living situation, or my optimal career, and I think about 183 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: how that might eventuate or unfold or grow, how I 184 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: might create that over the next one, two, five, ten, 185 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 1: fifteen twenty years, I think about my life moving forward, 186 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: and then I come back to the micro of now 187 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 1: then I come back to today, to this moment. And 188 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: obviously whether or not I choose a beer or a 189 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: water in this moment is not in and of itself transformational. 190 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: But when we put all of those moments together, of 191 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 1: delaying gratification or denying gratification, or choosing the narrow path 192 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: not the wide path. When we put all those in 193 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 1: the moment moments together, the collection of those, that becomes 194 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: our superpower. That becomes the way that you and I 195 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: build an operating system that aligns with who and how 196 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:39,839 Speaker 1: we want to be over the long term. And it's tough. 197 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 1: You know, it's tough because when we and I say 198 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: it's tough, plainly because I want to be honest. You know, 199 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you it's quick, easy, fun 200 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 1: and painless, as you've heard me say, because it ain't. 201 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: It ain't like. Quite often, the thing that you need 202 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: to do to build your best body, build your best life, 203 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 1: build your best marriage, build your best brand. You know, 204 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: do your PhD, do your undergrad degree, write that book, 205 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:10,200 Speaker 1: overcome that addiction, repair that relationship, whatever it is, whatever 206 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 1: it is that you need to do. Quite often, the 207 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: thing that is easy in the short term is destructive 208 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 1: over the long term. And quite often the thing that 209 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: you would much prefer to do today is not the 210 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:25,719 Speaker 1: best thing. I'll say that again. Quite often, the thing 211 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: that you would prefer to do today, it might make 212 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 1: today a bit easier, but it's going to make moving 213 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: forward a bit harder. And so the question is based 214 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,640 Speaker 1: on who I want to be, how I want to be, 215 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,720 Speaker 1: how I want the macro of my life to play out. 216 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,959 Speaker 1: What do I need to do in the micro of 217 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 1: this minute when I hold up the values and the 218 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 1: aspirations and the goals and the intentions and the dream 219 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: and the story of my future, that is the macro 220 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: of my life? What do I need to do now 221 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 1: in this moment, in this moment when no one's looking, 222 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: in this moment, when no one's cheering. And this is 223 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: another thing. With all of this, we need to get 224 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: to the point, I believe, let me preface it with that, 225 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 1: I believe we need to get to the point where 226 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: we are doing the right things in the micro, in 227 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,160 Speaker 1: the moment, in the day to day minutia of our existence. 228 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: We're making the hard decisions and doing the hard things 229 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: and resisting and avoiding the instant gratification without any need, 230 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: without any need for in the moment reward, without any 231 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: need for validation or approval or recognition. And one of 232 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: the problems is that's another instant gratification thing. We love 233 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: everyone to tell us how fucking amazing we are for 234 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 1: eating a salad, for going for a walk, for showing up, 235 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: for just doing the right thing. We somehow revert to 236 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: this child life like mindset that I need people to 237 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: tell me I'm amazing every time I do something that, 238 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: by the way, is not fucking amazing. You eating a 239 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: salad isn't amazing. You going for a walk isn't amazing. 240 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: You do not need a gold medal for that. You 241 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: do not need a round of applause, You do not 242 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: need other people to watch. You do not need any 243 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: kind of validation. And if you think that you do, 244 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 1: the problem is in your thinking. If your story is 245 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: I need someone to tell me this to acknowledge that that, 246 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: then that ain't. The problem is not that that's lacking. 247 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: The problem is the story. We need to always check 248 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: ourselves because we're always telling ourselves a story about what 249 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: is and what isn't, and quite often the story that 250 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: we're telling is the problem, and it's in I guess, 251 00:15:55,000 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 1: it's in the practicing of you know, restraint, I guess, 252 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:05,400 Speaker 1: for want of a better term, delaying, denying, avoiding those immediate, 253 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: sometimes overwhelming desires. And by the way, it's hard, it's 254 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: hard as fuck. I get it. I get it, you know. 255 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: And sometimes like that desire, that overwhelming desire for me 256 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: that still exists in various forms that might not be 257 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 1: so much in food, but sometimes it's in my ego 258 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: where I want to say something that I know is 259 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 1: going to impress someone, or I know that is going 260 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: to get me some kind of accolades, and in the moment, 261 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: in the moment, I realize what I'm about to do 262 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: or what I'm thinking about doing, and it's just putting 263 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: the brakes on that in the moment and just shutting 264 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 1: the fuck up and pulling my ego back into check 265 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 1: and saying, this is not me, this thing that I 266 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 1: want to say or do, this doesn't align with who 267 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: I want to be. And how do I want to 268 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: be humble? Do I want to be self aware? Do 269 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 1: I want to have a purpose bigger than me? Yes? 270 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 1: I want all of that, but I really want that 271 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: so right now, ego, pull your head in Right now, 272 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to I'm going to choose the narrow path 273 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 1: right now. I'm going to deny that impulse that I 274 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: have for recognition, for approval, because yes I'm still insecure, 275 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 1: and yes I still want all of those things, but 276 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 1: me chasing that shit, it doesn't help anyone else, and 277 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: it definitely doesn't help me. And what we do. Quite 278 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 1: often when we become that person that is in constant 279 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 1: need of approval and attention and reward and accolade, we've 280 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:39,159 Speaker 1: then just created a new addiction because I can't do 281 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: anything positive unless there's a round of applause or a trophy. 282 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,160 Speaker 1: And while it's great to have people that care about 283 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 1: us and support us, it is completely unhealthy to be 284 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: paralyzed or incapable of moving forward or doing anything positive 285 00:17:55,720 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 1: unless we have the attention of someone else. So I 286 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 1: guess delaying gratification is not It's not about denying ourselves 287 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:13,160 Speaker 1: the pleasure of living a life or denial and deprivation. 288 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,719 Speaker 1: It's not about misery, it's not about in fact, it's 289 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 1: the opposite. It's about creating a life that is more rewarding, 290 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 1: more fulfilling, more joyous, and also in the middle of 291 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: creating that life, it's about creating a version of us 292 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,360 Speaker 1: so that we don't need or we don't need, that 293 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 1: instant gratification, whatever that might look like. It's about making 294 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 1: conscious choices that in the moment might be hard, but 295 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: conscious choices that in the moment align with our deeper 296 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,879 Speaker 1: values and our longer term goals. It's about recognizing that 297 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: the easy path is rarely the rewarding path, and that 298 00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: true success, health, happiness, fulfillment, growth require patience and perseverance 299 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:08,360 Speaker 1: and a willingness to forego the immediate pleasure of something 300 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: for the sake of something greater in the macro of 301 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: our existence. You know, the ability to delay and deny 302 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 1: gratification is a muscle that can be strengthened. But it's 303 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: like anything else. We need to go to the gym. 304 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 1: We need to go to the delaying gratification gym so 305 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 1: that the next time we do it it's a bit easier, 306 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: and it's a bit easier, and it's a bit easier. 307 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,639 Speaker 1: Each time we choose to wait, each time we choose 308 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: to deny that impulse or resist that impulse, or each 309 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 1: time we choose to prioritize our future over our in 310 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: the moment, right, we build that muscle, and over time, 311 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: these small and repetitious and consistent acts of self control 312 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 1: they accumulate, they build that muscle, They build, they pertrophy 313 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: that that delaying gratification muscle. They turn us into a 314 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: version of ourselves that can now consistently make or more 315 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: consistently perhaps the kind of decisions and embrace the kind 316 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:25,439 Speaker 1: of behaviors that lead to that profound transformation. They shape 317 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 1: our character, they shape our habits, our day to day 318 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,119 Speaker 1: operating system, and ultimately they shape what our life will look, feel, 319 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 1: and function like. And us in the middle of it, 320 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: you know, and I guess in a world that is 321 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,719 Speaker 1: always pushing you and me, you know, through marketing, through media, 322 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:49,879 Speaker 1: through various forms of advertising, through peer pressure, through you know, 323 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 1: we're always being urged to take the quick and easy route. 324 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: And in the middle of all of that, the practice 325 00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: of delaying gratification is a it's a somewhat radical act, 326 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: like it's really it's a choice to live with intention 327 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:13,360 Speaker 1: and self control and awareness and some other very unsexy 328 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: things like discipline, and to prioritize the long term us, 329 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 1: the long term growth, the long term fulfillment, the long 330 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 1: term calm, the long term success over the short term whatever, 331 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,439 Speaker 1: and to invest in a future that holds the promise 332 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 1: of something truly worthwhile. And I believe it's in the 333 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 1: mastering of this practice, this trait, this habit, whatever you 334 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: want to call it, that we can unlock a power 335 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,000 Speaker 1: create a life that's not just good in the moment, 336 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: but amazing over the long haul.