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Speaker 1: SITZI and we with Kate Ritchie podcast. I'm a bit excited,

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Speaker 1: and I know I shouldn't be getting excited about this,

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Speaker 1: and maybe it's an indication of how unexciting everything else

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Speaker 1: is in my life.

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Speaker 2: Or is it just really clever?

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Speaker 1: Okay, maybe it's really clever that I listened to a

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Speaker 1: podcast called The Imperfect and our very own Whipper revealed

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Speaker 1: that he'd written an erotic novel and he was going

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Speaker 1: to gift it to Ryan Shelton. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: he wanted it or not. And now it's got a

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Speaker 1: life of its own. We read a little bit of

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Speaker 1: it yesterday and I didn't think that it was I mean,

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Speaker 1: as far as erotic novels go, not that I've ever read.

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Speaker 1: I've never read that much of Shade. It's a brave

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Speaker 1: I've never even seen any of the films.

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Speaker 2: Read fifty Shades. Now. When Lisa was reading it, she

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Speaker 2: would read it to me out aloud, and it was

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Speaker 2: at breakfast, so horrible. You've got your own audible Yeah,

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Speaker 2: reading it and I'd go, this is too much for me.

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Speaker 2: In fact, I'll go and write my own called The

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Speaker 2: Far Too Personal Trainer. Well, Hugh Jackman and debutsed to

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Speaker 2: do that read to each other.

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Speaker 1: Remember they used to read to each other Ben before

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Speaker 1: they went to bed and when they woke up in

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Speaker 1: the morning. But that didn't work, did it.

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Speaker 2: There's so many people in media writing kids books, nobody's

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Speaker 2: writing anything for the adults. That's where I step in.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it was twenty fourteen when I started depending

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Speaker 2: this beautiful story, so we're coming up to ten year

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Speaker 2: anniversary off these books that no one's held.

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Speaker 1: So far, we've read a tiny little part yesterday, which

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Speaker 1: was basically just the setup of you know, the hero Ben,

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Speaker 1: what's his name, Ben Holder. He's the personal trainer twenty

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Speaker 1: six who just hates the fact that he trains these

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Speaker 1: women at the gym, who you know, a bit down

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Speaker 1: on themselves, and he builds them up in more ways

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Speaker 1: than one.

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Speaker 2: Kate Richie, you were you were angered that yesterday's introduction

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Speaker 2: to the character of Ben wasn't spicy enough. I've presented

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Speaker 2: something else. I've got another part of the book I

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Speaker 2: want you to read today. Now, Tommy, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: get you to step in as the sense of horn. Yes,

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Speaker 2: you have on the big horns. Can you play the

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Speaker 2: horn for us? I'll test test my horn out. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so it's like a horn.

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Speaker 1: Not to stop talking.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to ruin all the fun. Does anyone

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Speaker 2: know about that horn? When you hear my horn? I

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Speaker 2: don't think we're allowed horns in the studio. They were

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Speaker 2: the new rules.

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Speaker 1: And also, speaking of new rules, if one of my

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Speaker 1: bosses came to the office yesterday, and if he's listening,

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Speaker 1: because it is a bit launchier today, please don't come

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Speaker 1: in and give me notes about how I read it.

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Speaker 1: Because he strode into the office naming names. What I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is I thought, you know, rules were tightened around

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Speaker 1: this place, and he was. So he said, wow, that

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Speaker 1: erotic novel stuff you did. The way you read that

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Speaker 1: was amazing.

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Speaker 2: Can I get the first copy?

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Speaker 1: Said since then, has been negotiating a contract.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, let me set the scene of the part

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Speaker 2: that I've given you.

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Speaker 1: So he's it's only quite a short little bits.

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Speaker 2: He's on the way to the gym, right, and he's

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Speaker 2: in a school school traffic. A girl called Annabelle has

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Speaker 2: bumped into him in the traffic anyway, that's.

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Speaker 1: Not in the car.

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Speaker 2: In the car yep, just hello, no, no, no.

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Speaker 1: They had a bingle.

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Speaker 2: He's furious his bumper bars falling off. Anyway, they end

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Speaker 2: up a bumper right up the back of the Hold

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Speaker 2: your horn, Tom, I have the horn. Guys, if we

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Speaker 2: can just okay, keep it clean and don't cheapen this

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Speaker 2: beautiful story as a writer in the car. Anyway, he

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Speaker 2: realizes that Annabel is quite attractive, and he takes a

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Speaker 2: sneaky photo of Annabel's bottom. Anyway, she's a really expensive sorry,

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Speaker 2: probably she's a really wealthy lawyer. Annabel plays that character.

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Speaker 2: And this is a moment where they end up back

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Speaker 2: at her place, and now she wants a lamp shade carried

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Speaker 2: up to the bedroom by a very strong personal trystain.

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Speaker 2: Probably would have been a bit better nine years ago.

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Speaker 1: So cliche. Here we go, even with a lamp shade

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Speaker 1: in my face, I'm still managing to take a peek

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Speaker 1: at her bra through her white shirt. Are we doing this?

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Speaker 1: Are just a bit further over to the table and

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Speaker 1: just put it down here? There you go. I lower

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Speaker 1: it onto the table, slam goes the bedroom door behind me.

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Speaker 1: I turn around and she's standing there with her back

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Speaker 1: towards the door and both hands pratt and both I'm

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Speaker 1: getting to do, and both hands pressed against it, as

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Speaker 1: if to hold off anyone that might be coming through it.

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Speaker 1: Is this where you wanted it, I say, trying to

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Speaker 1: pretend the mood hasn't changed and the lamp was steal

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Speaker 1: my focus. Get out your phone and show me the

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Speaker 1: picture you took of my bum.

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Speaker 2: Wow, she knew that's interesting.

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Speaker 1: I was standing there now, sweating for two reasons and

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Speaker 1: trying to read her face. Was this lawyer going to

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Speaker 1: call the police and have the firing squad arrive abuse

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Speaker 1: me for privacy crimes against hot school mums? Oh? My god?

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Speaker 1: Did you think I didn't notice you taking a photo?

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Speaker 1: My job is based on evidence, where the smallest piece

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Speaker 1: can place a man behind bars for life. And you

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Speaker 1: think I wouldn't notice some brainless chunk of meat taking

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Speaker 1: a photo of my I don't want to say that

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Speaker 1: word backside, backside, That's not what it says here. But

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Speaker 1: go on, show me the photo, you brainless chunk of meat. Brainless,

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Speaker 1: that's the lawyer, that's Annabelle. This is while she's pressed

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Speaker 1: up against the door, I'm guessing I'm thinking. I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: she would have stepped forward at this point she wouldn't

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Speaker 1: she wouldn't she?

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Speaker 2: She hasn't.

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Speaker 1: Oh you'll hang on a second. I'm and I'm the actress.

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Speaker 1: Here you go.

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Speaker 2: Are you happy with that?

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Speaker 1: It's just your bom. I've seen a few. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe what's happening is I'm holding the phone in her face,

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Speaker 1: face the page. She's flustered. What do you think of it?

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Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting that question. It's it's nice. Is that

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Speaker 1: the right thing to say? Good? I'm glad you like

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Speaker 1: what you see, because if you want to see more,

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Speaker 1: you're going to need to do this first. Oh God,

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Speaker 1: here we go. Grabbing me by the wrists, she pulls

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Speaker 1: me towards her. Now we're pressed against each other, leaning

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Speaker 1: against the door. Please don't let this be another honey,

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Speaker 1: I'm home situation. Her head is now locked into my neck.

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Speaker 1: I can feel her heart up against me.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I've jumped in with I didn't even get to

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Speaker 2: the bi God sent a horns to ride. Yeah, guys,

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Speaker 2: very strict to read?

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Speaker 1: Well, of course there is I can read the I

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Speaker 1: can have we got a song? I can read the

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Speaker 1: rest in the song. Have you spoken to a publisher

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Speaker 1: about this?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Good? Were you.

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Speaker 2: Were you living out a few frustrations in twenty four?

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Speaker 2: What are you talking about married there? I'm an author, yes,

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Speaker 2: and I just wanted to create a really gripping story,

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Speaker 2: which we've heard as acted by Kate Richie from Audible.

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Speaker 1: I think I need to get some advice from my

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Speaker 1: friends at Penguin Random House. I can see whether there's

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Speaker 1: even a market for this clichedrubbish.

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Speaker 2: Let's see what the Let's see what the Nover executives thought.

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Speaker 2: If you're reading today, is there a Tommy? You know?

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Speaker 2: I was thinking last night? Is there a ben Holder

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Speaker 2: in the Sydney someone with the lead character?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Is anybody listening right now that knows a ben Holder?

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Speaker 2: I've got a drink holder. Okay, let's do be talk Ben.

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Speaker 2: We might do another reading tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: I approve read.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I need a drink world. I'm Kate Richie.

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Speaker 1: It'sy and Wipper with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast.

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Speaker 2: For more great comedy shows like this, head to novapodcast

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Speaker 2: dot com dot au