1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. 3 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm now sorry I said 4 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,760 Speaker 2: that and I stared at her right she was saying 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 2: you sip and welcome to two Broake Chicks to show 6 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 2: that she has life lessons and tips to help make 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,320 Speaker 2: you rich in life. And today we are joined by 8 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 2: relationship and intimacy coach Susie Kim. 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 3: Hello, happy to be here. 10 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 2: We've got you on because this episode is dropping the 11 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 2: week of Valentine's Day, and we asked the chicks to 12 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 2: send in their dating and relationship and intimacy dilemmas and 13 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,159 Speaker 2: oh boy, I think it was the most responses to 14 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,520 Speaker 2: a story we've ever had. 15 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,480 Speaker 3: Oh wow, yeah. 16 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. So all of the questions that we're asking today 17 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 2: are inspired by the submissions from you chicks, So thank 18 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 2: you so much for writing in. And I'm sure we'll 19 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 2: get into all the details of all the dilemmas, but 20 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: before we do, we like to start with our life 21 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 2: lesson of the week. So, as our guest, would you 22 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:03,639 Speaker 2: like to kick yourself? 23 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 3: Yes? Love to. 24 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 4: So my life lesson this week is it's a bit 25 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 4: of like an oldie, but a goodie. But I feel 26 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,199 Speaker 4: like best life lessons are kind of like they repeat themselves. 27 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,759 Speaker 3: They yeah, they're classics. 28 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 4: So I went on the weekend camping and hiking with 29 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 4: my husband and we kind of had a fight the 30 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 4: night before. So I was like grumpy because we were 31 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 4: getting there really late, and we had these things like well, 32 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 4: should I just drop you off there and youry to 33 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 4: do it by yourself and like yeah, and it's like no, 34 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 4: let's just get there, let's just do it. So we 35 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,199 Speaker 4: like started at the trailhead at like four pm. 36 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 3: It was late. 37 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 4: It was really grumpy, but then you know, we walked down, 38 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 4: got into the valley, had to swim in the river, 39 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 4: camped overnights, h sokatas blah blahlahlah blah lah, camped out, 40 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 4: and like, you know, the life lesson for me is 41 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 4: like I think, firstly it's I always go to nature, 42 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 4: always with it. Yeah, but also it's like, even when 43 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 4: things are a bit grumpy and when things are a 44 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 4: bit tense, like just do the nice thing, like crowd 45 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 4: that out with the nice experience, and then that sometimes 46 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 4: has its own momentum and just takes over. Yeah, you know, 47 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 4: because I think like we're always going to fight about 48 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 4: this thing, like getting to nature late. We've thought about 49 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 4: it like so many times before, yeah, and you. 50 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 2: Know, and then you get there and you're like, where 51 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 2: are we fighting? 52 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 4: Yeah? 53 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 3: So true to get. 54 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 2: Dragged down by the details like oh, well we were 55 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 2: supposedly fifteen minutes ago, or I told you blah blah, 56 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 2: like you took the wrong turn, like all these little things. 57 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 2: But and sometimes it's hard not to hold onto that 58 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 2: and be like, still be grumpy, but then you're ruining 59 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 2: the nice experience that you could have had together. I 60 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 2: feel like as an intimacy and relationship coach, you would 61 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 2: have the most mature fights ever. 62 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 4: Oh yes, and no I think I think when I'm 63 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 4: having the non mature fights, I've got like a running 64 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 4: commentary in the back of my mind being like, oh, 65 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 4: I'm not really feeling this properly, but you know what, 66 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,919 Speaker 4: I don't want to be the mature. 67 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 3: One right now. 68 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 1: Is actually nice to know like that, you know, even 69 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: experts are human, and like you're allowed to have your 70 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 1: moments where you're like, no, I don't want to be 71 00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: mature right now. 72 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 4: And I honestly think the best thing, like the most 73 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 4: mature part of fighting is like does just make sure 74 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,079 Speaker 4: you repair? Just make sure you own your staff and repair, 75 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,080 Speaker 4: and that's that's kind of all you need to do. 76 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 2: You love that. What's your life lesson? 77 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: My life lesson is a quote that I saw on 78 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: TikTok so I don't know where its origins are, but 79 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 1: and I thought it was helpful for this episode. But 80 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: it's the quote that if they couldn't speak, with their 81 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: actions be enough? Love it, I know, right, Like, if 82 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: they couldn't speak, would their actions be enough? 83 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 2: Like if you're not getting the apology. 84 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 1: Messages and I'm sorry, I actually do really care about you, 85 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: Like no, I won't do it again. 86 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 5: Blah blah blah, take that away. 87 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 2: Actions speak out of them. 88 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: It hits yeah, right, And I feel like there was 89 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: definitely a time in my life that if I saw that, 90 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: I would have hurt my own feelings. 91 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 2: Yeah that I was like, fuck, no, it doesn't it's 92 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 2: not enough. I feel like a lot of chicks just 93 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 2: went a shit. Yeah, I appreciate that. What's your life lessen? Okay, 94 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 2: Well I'll be the odd one out because mine isn't 95 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 2: relationship themed, but that's okay. Mine is a reminder to 96 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 2: always put air tags in things that are important to you. 97 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 2: I got a pair of headphones for Christmas and really 98 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 2: cherish them and love them, and I left them in 99 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 2: a cafe yesterday and I was like, why didn't I 100 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,960 Speaker 2: have an air tag in the case, because I have 101 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 2: an AirTag in my old headphones. And luckily it all 102 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 2: ended up fine. The lovely cafe owner had found them 103 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 2: and had them behind the cash red just waiting for 104 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 2: me this morning. But I was like, oh my god, 105 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 2: the peace of mind I would have had last night 106 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,600 Speaker 2: if I had it and been like, oh, it's at 107 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 2: the cafe, I can go get it. Reminder to use 108 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 2: your air tags. 109 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 1: Love that ten out of ten. Yeah, all right, shall 110 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:45,279 Speaker 1: we get into the episode. 111 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:46,280 Speaker 2: Let's do it. 112 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: We're going to start with a big question first, and 113 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: it is probably like the most common question that we get, 114 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: and it is what are your top. 115 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 2: Three dating red flags? Or what are the top three 116 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,599 Speaker 2: dating red flags? 117 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 3: Okay, okay, this is a good one. 118 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 4: I think that one of the top red flags is 119 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 4: when someone tells you that they can't something like I 120 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 4: can't meet you, i'm not ready, I'm not available. When 121 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:24,119 Speaker 4: they actually say those words, I think sometimes, especially as women, 122 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 4: we kind of go, oh. 123 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, but maybe they're just not ready, but they will be. 124 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 3: I can change him. 125 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,320 Speaker 4: I can change him, you know, I can feel that 126 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 4: he actually really loves me, but actually he's saying something else. 127 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 3: Nah. If they're saying that straight out, take that for 128 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 3: what it is, right, hate the words for me. 129 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 4: Do not try to convince that or change that in 130 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 4: any way. That's one another two. The second one is like, 131 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 4: if you're talking about relationship history and they have no 132 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 4: insight or self awareness into like their part what happened 133 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 4: in their past relationships and they only have slightly bad 134 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 4: to say, or they just don't really have anything to say, 135 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 4: They don't really know anything. It just it just shows 136 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 4: you that they don't have that capacity to self reflect 137 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 4: on their behavior, and it's going to be a nightmare relationship. 138 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 3: Yeah. 139 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: So when they're like sitting they're being like, oh, my 140 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 1: RS was crazy, isn't it. 141 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And it's like, oh, what did you do? 142 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 3: What did you contribute to that? 143 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 5: What did you do that made her crazy? 144 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 3: Because I know you did for sure. 145 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 4: I think the third one is if they're being a 146 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,840 Speaker 4: little bit mean to you, or if they're being a 147 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 4: little bit mean to other people. I just think like 148 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 4: in the beginning, you only want people to be open 149 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 4: and available and loving. And if you're sort of getting 150 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,919 Speaker 4: hints that they're actually being really critical of you from 151 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 4: day one, it's like, nah, just get out of there. 152 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 4: Get You're in for a lifetime of hell. 153 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, because like at the start, that's when it's supposed 154 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: to be literally the smoothest of sailing, yes, exactly. And 155 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: then I feel like sometimes and like I've done this 156 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: in the past as well. At the start, if it's 157 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 1: like spicy, you think that's exciting, and like the fighting 158 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: it's like. 159 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 2: On we bough, but then we have great makeup says. 160 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 5: It's like nothing, that's passion. It's not passion. 161 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 3: They're a dick. Yeah, yeah exactly. 162 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 2: And that's gonna get old real fast. 163 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 3: It's gonna get old real fast. 164 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 4: And like that beginning when people start new relationships and 165 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 4: it's really hectic in the beginning and on and off 166 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 4: and this and that, it's like you want that beginning 167 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 4: to be what you look back on years later, to 168 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 4: be like. 169 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,760 Speaker 3: Remember we had that. Yeah, you could get something like yeah, 170 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,000 Speaker 3: this reservoir of like happy memories. 171 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, like a strong foundation for sure. And I've said 172 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 2: before on the show, but when people show their true colors, 173 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:44,119 Speaker 2: believe them. Yes, yeah, What are some signs that they're 174 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 2: just not that into you? 175 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 6: Oh? 176 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 3: There are so many. There are so many. 177 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 4: And I think this is so important for like chicks 178 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 4: especially to just like have a little list in the 179 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 4: back of the mind, like not in a way where 180 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 4: they're weaponizing it and then you're jumping down, just in 181 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 4: a way of like all right, yeah, take no, I'm 182 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 4: just going to take this in calmly and then I 183 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 4: can make some rational decisions. 184 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 2: Right. 185 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 4: So I think that one of them really is around. 186 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 4: Are they replying to you in a timely manner? 187 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 6: Right? 188 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 4: Because if a guy is really into you, yeah, you 189 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 4: will know. You will know because you will feel like 190 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 4: he's replying to you, he's messaging you, he's making plans, 191 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 4: he's considering you, he's thinking about things that you said, 192 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 4: and like maybe giving you a little gift or maybe 193 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 4: like making a little comment like you will one hundred 194 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 4: percent not with the consistency and the care and the 195 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,559 Speaker 4: consideration that he's showing you. 196 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 2: What would you consider timely? Yeah, I want an hourly 197 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 2: or daily breakdown. 198 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 4: I'd say like within a day, yeah, for sure, or 199 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 4: like if he message at the start of the day, 200 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,559 Speaker 4: at least by end of day. 201 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: Yeah. 202 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,079 Speaker 4: I do think that like a guy, no matter how 203 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 4: busy he is, if he's really into you, he will 204 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 4: carve out time in his day too. 205 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 2: Reply great, I completely agree. 206 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: When they'll be like, sorry, like life's just been hectic, 207 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: I've just been so busy. 208 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,559 Speaker 3: There unless they're like diying down a mind shaft. 209 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 5: Astronaut on Mars. 210 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 3: That's like in surgery for hours. 211 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay, astronaut or surgeon. 212 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,079 Speaker 2: These are only two exceptions. Okay, what else. 213 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 4: It's around like is he getting annoyed at little things 214 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 4: that you do? Or does he have actually quite a 215 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 4: lot of grace around it and he's he kind of 216 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 4: like really open and curious about just whoever you are. 217 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 4: Because when a guys really into you, everything you do 218 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 4: is kind of shiny to them, but it really is 219 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 4: for a while exactly, everything's cute, everything's like oh wow, 220 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,839 Speaker 4: like okay, it's not annoying, right, and they're just sort 221 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 4: of open and really like there's this energy of like 222 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 4: delight like when a guy's into you, you know, like 223 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,840 Speaker 4: even if guys aren't expressive, it's like, oh, yeah, that's cool. 224 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah that's nice, a little smile. 225 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 4: And I think that's really obvious to a girl because 226 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 4: you just feel so relaxed. You can kind of say anything, 227 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 4: do anything, be anything, and they're just like. 228 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 3: Oh cool, yeah yeah. 229 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 2: And also like showing interest in the things that you're 230 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 2: passionate about, right, Like what if they're sort of like 231 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 2: you're talking about your work or something that you've got 232 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 2: coming up, like a holiday or something. Is how they 233 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 2: respond to that important? 234 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 3: It is? Right, it is. 235 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 4: But at the same time, I really want to like 236 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 4: cater to some of the guys who are like more 237 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,199 Speaker 4: introverted and they don't like express as much as maybe 238 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 4: some girls or maybe guys who are more extroverted. So 239 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, they're sometimes they're not the greatest at 240 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,559 Speaker 4: asking questions, but they are interested. 241 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, how. 242 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:37,079 Speaker 2: Can you tell that distinction between somebody who isn't interested 243 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 2: or somebody who is maybe a little bit more introverted 244 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 2: or maybe they just want to ease into the relationship. 245 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: So it's not that they're not committed, Like, how do 246 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 2: you know if they're not committed or they're just easing 247 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 2: into it. 248 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 4: Oh, how do you know if they're not committed or 249 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 4: just easing into it. I think there's like so in 250 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 4: their energy. I think there's like an openness if they're 251 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 4: interested in you, but they're just a little bit like withdrawal, 252 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,839 Speaker 4: a little bit shy. They will give you space when 253 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 4: you talk, and when you say stuff, they will probably 254 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 4: say like a little considerate thing back, which shows that 255 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 4: they've been listening. When a guy is not interested, like honestly, 256 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 4: it's kind of it's kind of obvious, Yeah, talk about themselves, 257 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 4: or they're not that or they're just not that receptive 258 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 4: to what you have to say, or they don't really 259 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 4: have a response, you know, like they just don't really 260 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 4: respond the same way, or they kind of like what 261 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 4: do they do they like, Yeah, it's like they don't 262 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 4: really contact you, they're not really that interested, they don't 263 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 4: really respond. 264 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 3: I think that they're the things. 265 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like the biggest thing you said as 266 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,440 Speaker 1: well is like if they're interested in you, you won't 267 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: be confused, like you'll know and if you're confused, they're 268 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,439 Speaker 1: probably not that interested. 269 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 4: And it's either they're not interested or they don't have 270 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 4: the capacity to show up in the way that you 271 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 4: want them to. 272 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,959 Speaker 3: Sometimes guys really really want to. 273 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 4: And I feel like, especially like maybe younger guys also 274 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 4: older guys. 275 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,839 Speaker 3: Let's face it, you. 276 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 4: Known, man, everyone does this, but like they will often say, oh, 277 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,320 Speaker 4: you know, I love you and I want to be 278 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 4: this person for you. But it's like, can they actually 279 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 4: do that? Sometimes they just don't have the capacity or 280 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 4: the maturity to do it. So I think that's about 281 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,439 Speaker 4: like judging do they have the maturity as well. 282 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 3: As the desire. Yeah. 283 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: So another thing that we got sent in a lot 284 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 1: was that the chicks are keen to get off the 285 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: dating app. Yeah, so what are some ways that people 286 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: can meet new people and make genuine connection? 287 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 4: Yes, okay, I love this question because I think that 288 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 4: what chicks do not do enough of is meet people 289 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,080 Speaker 4: in real life. And I think that, you know, a 290 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 4: lot of people tell me they're like, oh, I go 291 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 4: out and like I just do the same thing every 292 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 4: day and I'm not really meeting anyone new. But if 293 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 4: you go out and you go about your daily life, Okay, firstly, 294 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 4: you want to be doing a little bit more than 295 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 4: your daily life, Like, yes, go to some events, hang 296 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 4: out with your friends, friends, like just be like yourself. 297 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 3: But like times one point five social, right, I love that. 298 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,439 Speaker 4: But even when you're going out your daily daily life 299 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 4: and going to your cafe, go to your gym, go 300 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 4: to this, like, don't just stay buried on your phone. 301 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 3: If you see a Q guy, actually like get up 302 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 3: out of. 303 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 4: There, face him, yeah, make eye contact, yeah, and smile. 304 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 2: And I'm like, why so I am very interested? 305 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 4: And that's what that's like such a big part of it. 306 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 4: It's like are you actually making eye contact and smiling 307 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 4: at people? And then are you just like making a 308 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 4: little bit of conversation if they smile back. 309 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,199 Speaker 3: But it doesn't matter what you. 310 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 4: Say, if they're interested in they're keen. 311 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,560 Speaker 3: Oh they will take that so quickly. Yeah, they will 312 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 3: reply right then and there because they just want an 313 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 3: excuse and they're excited. They just want it opening. 314 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: And it's so interesting, especially because you know this is 315 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: audio people can't see. But even when you were just 316 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: saying that, you lifted like your shoulders back, like rather 317 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: than concaving in, you like lifted your shoulders back and 318 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: like open literally opened yourself up to conversation. 319 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 3: That I think is so. 320 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: Interesting And yeah, just even like not sitting on your 321 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,320 Speaker 1: phone and like being opened so that someone can like. 322 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 2: Take your headphones off. Yeah, nobody's going to come up 323 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 2: and strike a conversation with you. Well, no respectable person 324 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 2: is going to come up and do that. 325 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 3: Well, I don't want to disturb you. 326 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, when what it's like a pet talk though that 327 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: you can say in your head because it's like nerve racking. 328 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that. 329 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 4: Okay, So this is the thing I think so many 330 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 4: people are like, Oh, it's so awkward, it's going to 331 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 4: be so cringe. It's like, just be cringe, be awkward. 332 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 4: It's okay, right, it's okay. I think, like I feel 333 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 4: like I've heard you talk about this before, Like if 334 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 4: anything that you want to do but you're putting yourself 335 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 4: out there is going to feel a little bit cringe, it's. 336 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 3: Fine, you know. 337 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 4: And so it's like it's okay to be cringe, and 338 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 4: I'm just going to be open and friendly. Like you're 339 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 4: not really doing anything, you're just literally being open and friendly. 340 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 3: And so many people don't do that. 341 00:14:56,560 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, And those moments so often, when you look back 342 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 2: on the early stages of your relationship, they're really endearing. 343 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 2: Like when you if you do pursue something with this person. 344 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 2: You'll be like, remember that time when I came up 345 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 2: to you and I like awkwardly tripped over my words 346 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 2: or I tried to hit on you and blah blah. 347 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: Like you guys will laugh about that together as well, 348 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 2: So maybe you can be like, this will be an 349 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 2: endearing origin story. 350 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,479 Speaker 1: It's funny to tell your friends about it later exactly 351 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: and be like, guys, it is the stupidest thing. 352 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, you have one of two options. It will be 353 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 2: really romantic one day, or it will be fucking funny. 354 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 3: For your friends. 355 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 2: I love that those are two good options. Do you 356 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 2: have a formula for how to be more confident for 357 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 2: a first date? 358 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 3: Look my formula? 359 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 4: Okay, you know how everyone's like being yourself and then 360 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 4: like there are all these memes like but myself is 361 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 4: really weird. 362 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 3: So it's like, look, there's true to that. 363 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 4: But I think it's like step one, get into your 364 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 4: most relax version. Whatever is available to you in that 365 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 4: moment doesn't have to be the most relax version, right, 366 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 4: that's what. And when you're relaxed, you're just naturally kind 367 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 4: of who you are. 368 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 3: A bit more. 369 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 4: Two, you're always having a narrative right when you're an interaction, 370 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 4: Am I doing this? 371 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 3: Okay? 372 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 4: Am I showing up like this? I'm a little bit 373 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 4: more nervous. Down'm a bit more tense today. The inner 374 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 4: narrative that you want to cultivate is like, whatever it is, 375 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 4: however I'm showing up is completely okay, right, So that's 376 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 4: like that inner narrative. 377 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 3: Going on at the same time all the time. 378 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 4: I'd say, as as a baseline, and then three is 379 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 4: then you just want to amplify a tiny bit the 380 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 4: more fun, playful parts of your personality, the curious, the flirty. 381 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 4: So you're just amplifying that like a little bit, like 382 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 4: sprinkle a little bit dust on that ast. 383 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, gst exactly. 384 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really good advice because on our first date 385 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 2: as well, people don't know you, so they don't know 386 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: that maybe you're amplifying it a little bit, whereas I 387 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 2: think people are like, well, like I feel like a 388 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 2: phony or I'm really nervous or whatever, and they feel 389 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 2: like they're going to be like not genuine if they're 390 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 2: amping it up. 391 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know the person doesn't. 392 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 4: I have something to say to that, because yes, you're right, 393 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 4: the other person doesn't know, And I think it's really 394 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 4: great to just say that you feel nervous day. 395 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 3: You know, like I have a really cracked thing that 396 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 3: I used to do on dates. Oh my god, was 397 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 3: really cracked. 398 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 4: I used to play this game where okay, do you 399 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 4: want to play a game? 400 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, but the game is do you want to share? 401 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 3: What would like? What's the most vulnerable thing for you 402 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 3: to share right now? 403 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 2: I hate it? 404 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,879 Speaker 3: What would people say? Well? 405 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 4: I did it with my husband our first date, and 406 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 4: he shared that he's not a short guy, but he's 407 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 4: not six foot. 408 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,920 Speaker 3: He used to be under six foot, and he said. 409 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 4: You know, when I went on dating apps, a lot 410 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,120 Speaker 4: of girls are saying they only want six foot and over. 411 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 4: So now, like, it just made me a little bit 412 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 4: self conscious about my height. So that's what I wondered. 413 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 3: You know, Oh my god, what did you say for me? 414 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 5: Yeah? 415 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,719 Speaker 3: Oh my mine was so similar. 416 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,920 Speaker 4: Mine was like, oh, I feel a little bit self 417 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 4: conscious in what I'm wearing because it was a really 418 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,160 Speaker 4: quick day and I feel like I might not look 419 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 4: the best right now. 420 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 2: Oh I hate it. I mean, I just hate. 421 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 4: Being It's really it's really intense thing to do. I 422 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 4: wouldn't recommend it unless you're like a real like emotional 423 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 4: depth junkie. 424 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 3: But it does lead to some pretty cute results. 425 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 2: It's a good icebreaker. 426 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it could just be I feel really awkward 427 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 3: and nervous right now. 428 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's okay to acknowledge that the elephant 429 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,400 Speaker 2: in the room. Yeah, yeah, okay. 430 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,400 Speaker 1: This one was also a spicy question that we got 431 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: sent in a lot, and it is the saying once 432 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: a cheater, always a cheat out true, Can you ever 433 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: move on. 434 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 3: From cheating in a relationship? 435 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 2: Like? I think that's a two parter. 436 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:43,399 Speaker 3: I don't think so. 437 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 4: I think it really depends on like, Okay, I think 438 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 4: there's a big difference between a one off cheating and 439 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 4: like a repeated pattern of compulsive or just repetitive behavior. 440 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,080 Speaker 3: So if they've. 441 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 4: Cheated in every single relationship, yeah, that would be a 442 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 4: red flag, right. There's something going on and there's something 443 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 4: subconscious that's driving them or maybe conscious, right, which means 444 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,880 Speaker 4: that likely going to happen in your relationship if it's 445 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 4: just a one off and they've really like went into 446 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,199 Speaker 4: it and they felt really bad about it, and you 447 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,919 Speaker 4: know they've done their own reflection on it and know 448 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 4: how it happened to I don't think it's necessarily a 449 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 4: red flag. A lot of people have cheated, you know, 450 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 4: men and women. It happens. It's just a fact of life, 451 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,640 Speaker 4: you know. So I think if you have that that 452 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 4: circumspection and that reflection and that self awareness around it, 453 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,200 Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be a red flag. 454 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 3: I think it could be could be a green flag. 455 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,399 Speaker 2: Even honest about the situation and they. 456 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,679 Speaker 4: Have the learnings right because I think sometimes like what 457 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 4: I see is cheating happens, and it's so like excoriated 458 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 4: people like that's so bad. But what I see is like, 459 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,159 Speaker 4: you know what cheating happens, and it sometimes happens in 460 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,920 Speaker 4: a way that's so powerful you almost like can't prevent it, 461 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 4: you know, And that's a really uncomfortable fact for something people. 462 00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 3: You know, I don't like it. 463 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,600 Speaker 4: I don't. It's uncomfortable, right, But it can be so 464 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 4: powerful how it happens, but it doesn't also doesn't just happen. 465 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 4: So it's like, if you know how it happened, there 466 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 4: was all this disconnection in the relationship, or you're going 467 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 4: through a personally a hard time, you didn't want to 468 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 4: share it with your partner, whatever, there was someone at work, 469 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,439 Speaker 4: you got close to them slowly and then at a 470 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 4: party it happened, you know, whatever the circumstances. I think 471 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 4: it can give you a lot to reflect on. 472 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it really like warrants a big conversation. 473 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,560 Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, what if you're in a relationship 474 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,880 Speaker 2: and your partner has cheated on you, can you ever 475 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,120 Speaker 2: come back from that? Or do you have any advice 476 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 2: for somebody who has gone through that? 477 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 3: Yeah? 478 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, So that was obviously like so painful to go through, 479 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,159 Speaker 4: and it's like a big it's a big trauma for 480 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 4: the relationship. It's a big relationship trauma. You can come 481 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 4: back from it. I think like it takes a while, 482 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 4: you know, And I think it takes like so much 483 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,440 Speaker 4: willingness on the person who cheated to really be right 484 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 4: and revealing. And I think like what it does is 485 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 4: it reveals like everything that hasn't been addressed in the 486 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 4: relationship has to kind of come up and be seen. 487 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 3: Is generally how it happens. Surely what works. 488 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 4: And I think for the person who's been cheated on, 489 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 4: at some stage, like not immediately, but at some stage 490 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 4: you've got to decide like, am I actually going to 491 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 4: forgive my partner and let go even though it really 492 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 4: hurt me and it completely brought me to my knees 493 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 4: and it's so scary and I don't know if I 494 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 4: can trust you. 495 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,160 Speaker 3: Am I still going to forgive them? 496 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,160 Speaker 4: Like you kind of have to go through that process 497 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 4: or you know, you let you let it go, you know, 498 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 4: because I think it's hell to stay in a relationship 499 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 4: not forgive them and then just have that drag out 500 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 4: for like five years. You know, if you've been cheated on, 501 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,359 Speaker 4: there's a lot of pain that you also need to 502 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 4: deal with, Like, yes, you need to deal with as 503 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:51,640 Speaker 4: a couple, preferably in some sessions, but you personally need 504 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,119 Speaker 4: to deal with the pain that you're feeling, you know, 505 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 4: and that like I think being cheated on can also 506 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 4: bring up a lot of other stuff, Like you know, 507 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,480 Speaker 4: it really depends like it's your earlier attachment trauma, Like 508 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,200 Speaker 4: did you have a parent who wasn't like emotionally present 509 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:06,920 Speaker 4: or did you have a parent who literally left? 510 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 3: Like what what else has been going on? 511 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 4: Because I think if you're cheated on, it's such a 512 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 4: big trauma you can bring up anything that's like any 513 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 4: other insecurities that were there already in yourself, which aren't 514 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,200 Speaker 4: really to do with your partner. So I think there's 515 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 4: definitely a measure of like self healing and self responsibility 516 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 4: as well as couple healing. 517 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: It's such a thing that it's like there's no blanket 518 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: blanket term and it is a case by case. But 519 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,639 Speaker 1: you just mentioned attachment styles, which for the chicks, if 520 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,920 Speaker 1: you don't know what attachment styles are, there's three types secure, anxiety, 521 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: and avoidant, and then you can kind of break them down. 522 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 4: Right, yeah, and then there's just disorganized Oh that's right, Yeah, which. 523 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:42,399 Speaker 6: Is like that. 524 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 5: That's me. 525 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,760 Speaker 2: That was like a mix between anxiety and avoidant. 526 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, you sort of go between. 527 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: But one kind of type that we get a lot 528 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: of messages that relate to is the avoidant person. So 529 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: what are three tips if you're dating an avoidant person? 530 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,160 Speaker 4: Okay, So I would say if you are an anxious 531 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 4: girlie and you're dating someone avoidant, I would say, look, 532 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 4: just think twice about that. I think it's a lesson 533 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 4: that a lot of people go through and at some 534 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 4: point you might go, you know what, it's actually going 535 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 4: to be better for me to date someone who's a 536 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 4: little bit more secure. It's actually just going to be 537 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 4: a better experience for me, right, because I think they're 538 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 4: anxious and avoidance. They're like drawn together like magnet for sure, 539 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,400 Speaker 4: because you've got like corresponding wounds, you know. So you're like, oh, 540 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 4: drawn together like magnets. 541 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 3: It feels so good. 542 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,479 Speaker 4: But then you realize you're just in a pattern. Oh 543 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,199 Speaker 4: we're just playing out our attachment patterns right now. Yeah, 544 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 4: So like just have that awareness maybe you don't want 545 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 4: to be there, maybe we choose something else. 546 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,159 Speaker 1: That's that's my So if you're an anxious girl, like 547 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: don't do that, Like yeah, just. 548 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 3: Be a little bit wary. Yeah. 549 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 4: And then most second one is I guess the growth 550 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 4: opportunity of dealing of like being with an avoidant is 551 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 4: like you learning to kind of self regulate. Because the 552 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 4: thing with like an anxious attached person is they always 553 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 4: like need to coregulate and they don't kind of self 554 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 4: soothe as much. Right, And then the thing with an 555 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 4: avoidant is they need to self regulate and it's not 556 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 4: a safe for them to like connect and co regulate. 557 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 3: So it's like the lesson is like, great, maybe. 558 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 4: You can do a bit more to grow your own 559 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 4: self soothing abilities like speak to your own girlfriends, do 560 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 4: your own thing, go to your own classes, do your 561 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,160 Speaker 4: own journaling, like do all those things and actually try 562 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 4: to grow that muscle. 563 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, so it be like a little bit more independent. 564 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,719 Speaker 4: Yeahah, yeah for sure. And then the final one is 565 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,720 Speaker 4: if you're in because sometimes like you're just a little 566 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 4: bit anxious and they're just a little bit of avoidant 567 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 4: and that's fine, happens all the time. And then it's like, yeah, 568 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 4: just learn to give them space, you know, it's fine, 569 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 4: Like just get okay with giving them space and knowing 570 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 4: that they're going to need a bit more of that. 571 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: Then you what are some signs that someone is an 572 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: avoidant person? What if someone's dating someone they don't realize 573 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 1: that they are, and they're listening to this and they're like, 574 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,399 Speaker 1: oh shit, maybe I am dating an avoidant person. 575 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:55,439 Speaker 3: Yeah. 576 00:24:55,560 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 4: I mean it's things like okay, so it's of in 577 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:05,640 Speaker 4: the name, right, like they kind of maybe avoid closeness. 578 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 4: So like often like you'll get really close and even 579 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 4: in the beginning and avoid and you can get really 580 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:11,919 Speaker 4: close for like say like the first month or something, 581 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 4: and then they suddenly need distance, right, they suddenly lose consistency, 582 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,240 Speaker 4: like they suddenly need space. Or sometimes it can be 583 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 4: like when things get more vulnerable, or if you have 584 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 4: your first disagreement, they suddenly need to avoid the intensity 585 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 4: and they can't be available for that. It's kind of 586 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 4: like that, like they want to avoid emotional intimacy which 587 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:36,400 Speaker 4: includes conflict, or emotional intimacy which includes like closeness. 588 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:42,359 Speaker 2: And speaking of I guess differences in relationships, Do you 589 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 2: have any advice for people who have different sex drives 590 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 2: in their relationship? 591 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I do, right, because I think it's super 592 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 4: common for people to have like different appetites, right, different 593 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:57,120 Speaker 4: relationships to sex. And for me, like when people come in, 594 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 4: I think that's such a great sign to actually get 595 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:02,879 Speaker 4: some external se because it's such a tender, sensitive area 596 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,679 Speaker 4: that brings uple is stuff and it's really hard to 597 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 4: talk about because I think the most difficult position is 598 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,199 Speaker 4: when one person feels really pressured and judged for not 599 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,680 Speaker 4: wanting to have sex, and the other person feels really 600 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 4: like bereft and lonely and left because they're not getting 601 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 4: the connection that they want. And the one question that 602 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 4: I would always ask is like what does this mean 603 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 4: to you like what does sex mean to you? And 604 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 4: what does sex mean to you? And often it means 605 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 4: you know, to this person, like, oh, it's how I connect, 606 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,200 Speaker 4: it's how I go to these magical places. It's really 607 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,160 Speaker 4: it's beautiful. And to the other person it's like, oh, 608 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,520 Speaker 4: it's like a sign of like how deficient I am 609 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,439 Speaker 4: and how I'm not giving you what you want and 610 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 4: you know, and just being able to see that already 611 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 4: like loosen some of the pressure. And then the other 612 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,360 Speaker 4: thing that I see as well, especially in hetero relationships, 613 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,919 Speaker 4: because I think like when it's like a girl or 614 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,639 Speaker 4: girl or like a fab with a fab, it's like 615 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:56,880 Speaker 4: it's different, likes girl's touched differently. 616 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:57,479 Speaker 2: Yeah. 617 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,040 Speaker 1: And I just think as well, like because when I've 618 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,879 Speaker 1: been with girls in the past, like the communication is 619 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: just like completely different. 620 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 3: Like it's more heartfelt. 621 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, and like I feel like it's less confusing because 622 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 1: like I don't know, it's like men the. 623 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 5: Language barrier, Yeah, the gender language barriers just. 624 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,640 Speaker 1: Isn't there, but yeah, yeah, they just don't always say 625 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 1: how they feel, yeah, whereas like with women's and not 626 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 1: all the time, but women can be a little bit 627 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:24,080 Speaker 1: more open with that. 628 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I see that like a lot 629 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 4: of what happens eventually is like women they kind of 630 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 4: in the beginning, they're okay with like really exciting hot 631 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:33,880 Speaker 4: like sex, and then at a certain point in time, 632 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 4: maybe when they get older, maybe when they have a child, 633 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 4: maybe it's just been a while, they want more attunement, 634 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 4: you know. They want to be like touched and approached 635 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 4: in a way where they can kind of like open 636 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 4: and where there is this sensitivity to their feelings and they. 637 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,920 Speaker 3: Want that presence and it's slower. 638 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 4: And like I'm kind of like touching like my body 639 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,199 Speaker 4: in this really like feathery, kind of lightweight, and you 640 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,919 Speaker 4: know a lot of men, especially in Australia, they're not 641 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 4: really trained to do that. 642 00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,239 Speaker 3: They're not really educated to do that. 643 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,160 Speaker 4: And I think that I see that a lot where 644 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,320 Speaker 4: women are like, oh, I don't want him to just 645 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 4: grab my ass and be ready, you know, I really 646 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 4: like want that slowness and that presence, and I want 647 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,240 Speaker 4: him to know like how to approach me. 648 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 2: Yeah or play yeah or play yeah. 649 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: I saw this thing once and it was like four 650 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 1: play starts in the morning, and I was like fuck. 651 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 3: Yes, four plase twenty four yeah, yeah. 652 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, even just asking you about your day or showing 653 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,720 Speaker 2: interest in your life, or you know you've had a 654 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 2: busy day, so they pick up the groceries for you. 655 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 2: Like showing that they care about you. That is non 656 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 2: sexual is also as important as like the sexual stuff 657 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 2: when it comes down to it, because so often you'll 658 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 2: hear somebody will be like, oh well, I just like 659 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 2: don't want them to touch me, so pissing me off. Yeah, 660 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 2: you lose that connection. You can't just switch that. 661 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 3: On for sure. 662 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 2: Should you ever date anyone from work? 663 00:28:54,640 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 5: Because I feel very hard indication, but I would. 664 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,000 Speaker 2: Like to have an expert's opinion on this. 665 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 4: Okay, So you know before dating apps, right, the way 666 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 4: that we used to meet people the most was firstly 667 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 4: through our friends and then it was through work. 668 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 3: So I think the reality is a lot of people. 669 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 4: It's one of like the main ways where we're exposed 670 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 4: to new people. And I think it is okay to 671 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 4: date people from work. I think the only time when 672 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 4: you need to be really careful is when there are 673 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 4: like different lines of power and power hierarchies, right, So 674 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:32,800 Speaker 4: that's what you have. 675 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 3: To be careful about. 676 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 4: But I'm like, it's a reality it's how a lot 677 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 4: of people meet and you're sort of in the same 678 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 4: pool of people and the same job kind of thing. 679 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 3: So I think it's personally. 680 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:51,640 Speaker 6: That I'm very sorry, Like that's so fair, because Alan, 681 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 6: I have like a really hard and fast rule away, 682 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 6: like never fuck anyone from work. 683 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 2: But the reality is that we spend the majority of 684 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,840 Speaker 2: our time at work, your enforced proximity with people, and 685 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:05,600 Speaker 2: sometimes genuine connections do happen. 686 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: Maybe it's the fact that it's like, don't fuck people 687 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: from work. If you're dating and it's really nice and 688 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: sweet and healthy, then like go for gold. 689 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 2: But it's like when you just be there working and. 690 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 1: It's like just like a friends with benefits thing, like 691 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: that's only gonna just lead to drama a mess. 692 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think, like ask yourself genuinely, would you date 693 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 2: them if you didn't work together? 694 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 4: Yeah? 695 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 3: Would you? Yeah? 696 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 2: Like would you swipe yes to them on a dating app? 697 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 2: Or if you met them out through friends? Do you 698 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 2: think that you would date? 699 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:39,480 Speaker 3: Yeah? 700 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,959 Speaker 2: Sometimes I think it is just like the people at 701 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 2: the airport, the people and you're bored at work, Yeah, 702 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 2: you know, yeah. No. 703 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,640 Speaker 4: I also I've dated multiple people from work personally because 704 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:54,160 Speaker 4: I just have met people, and yeah, it's awkward when 705 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 4: you break up, like you have to deal with the 706 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 4: ramifications of that. 707 00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: What has been your biggest life lesson in regard to 708 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,040 Speaker 1: dating and relationships? 709 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 4: Okay, my biggest life lesson is really that like love 710 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 4: by itself not enough? 711 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,920 Speaker 2: Your face elabor right, Well. 712 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 4: Listen, Like, I've been in love quite a lot of 713 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,719 Speaker 4: times in my life, and I've been in a lot 714 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 4: of heartbreaks, and I think what I've learned is it's 715 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 4: not really about the other person When I fall in love. 716 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 4: I fall in love because I love a lot. And 717 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 4: just because you fall in love, like you still need 718 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 4: to be compatible. 719 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 3: You know. 720 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 4: Just because you fall in love, it doesn't mean you 721 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 4: can live together. Just because you fall in love, it 722 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 4: doesn't mean you can have children with this person. 723 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 3: You know. 724 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 4: Just because you fall in love doesn't mean it's a 725 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 4: good relationship, right, It doesn't really mean anything. It's like, 726 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 4: love by itself is this beautiful experience, and if you're 727 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 4: the kind of person who falls in love a lot, 728 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 4: it's probably just you, babe. 729 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,440 Speaker 2: So shit, that's good. 730 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 3: That's good stuff. 731 00:31:58,720 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: Shit. 732 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, like, what makes it enough? If 733 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 2: you could give like a one sentence or three. 734 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 3: Things, as in like what makes a relationship enough? 735 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, so you've got love a lot of the other 736 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,560 Speaker 2: three things that you need. 737 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 4: Like deep values driven compatibility, like lifestyle match like are 738 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 4: you in the same stage of your life and you 739 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 4: want the same kind of a life. And then it's 740 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:28,200 Speaker 4: like can you get through conflict like easifully enough? 741 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 3: Yeah? So I love that. 742 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 2: Yeah that was good. Oh, thank you so much for 743 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:34,719 Speaker 2: coming on. 744 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,080 Speaker 3: I could honestly talk. 745 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,280 Speaker 2: To you for so long. I think you have to 746 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,560 Speaker 2: say so interesting. But where can the chicks learn more 747 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 2: about you and find you? 748 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, they can find me on Instagram. It's at Susi 749 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 4: Kim Love Well, they can go to my website www 750 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 4: dot Suzkim dot com. 751 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, they're the main way. 752 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,280 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on, and thank you 753 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 2: to all the chicks who wrote in and shared their dilemmas. 754 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 2: And thank you to m ik Made for making today's 755 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 2: episode happen. Love It Chicks check Happy Valentine's m hm 756 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 1: Hm hm