WEBVTT - #2108 Can We Change the Way we Think? - Harps 0:00:01.280 --> 0:00:04.560 You know gag. I hope you're bloody amazing. It's jumbo, 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:08.520 it's you project, it's I think I'm going to make 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:12.360 this the last one in this little installment of coaching session. 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:16.759 I hope you've enjoyed them, got something out of them, 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:21.360 something useful, and maybe even more importantly, I hope you've 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:27.639 done something with the thing that you found useful. So 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.120 we spoke a lot over the last couple of days, 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:33.720 or the last couple of sessions, I should say, about 0:00:34.720 --> 0:00:38.000 trying to understand, you know, the feedback that life is 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:40.120 giving us. What we what's my life telling me? What 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.320 are we going to do with that? Starts with awareness, 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:46.000 the acknowledgment, then a decision, and then some action and 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.320 some on which I think that's a good kind of 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:51.440 door to open for us. Then we spoke about the 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:55.480 idea of the quality of our questions relating or correlating 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:58.960 to the quality of our life, with thinking being that 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:02.320 when I ask myself for better question, I'm more likely 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:06.000 to gain a level of awareness that I didn't have 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:09.920 or couldn't have achieved without the question, because I start 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:12.959 to think about all the underlying stuff rather than just 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:18.720 looking at the outcomes. In isolation. So we absolutely know 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:21.200 that there is a relationship between the quality of the 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:23.920 questions that I ask and the outcomes that I produce 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:26.120 due to all those middle bits. You know. So I 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:28.920 ask a good question, then I'm more resourceful, more creative, 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:33.000 more solution focused. I tend to make better decisions. I 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:35.520 tend to do better things because I ask better questions. 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.760 I've got some clarity perspective, and so that is a 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:40.959 really good way to create shift. That is a really 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:46.360 good way to increase one's self awareness and also to 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:50.360 get a level of I guess, understanding and insight about us. 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.640 Why do I do these things? What is like? What 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:57.000 do I eat this way? What do I socialize this way? 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:59.920 Why do I respond or react that way? What is 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:02.640 what is the reason behind all of that? Not so 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:06.040 that we can self loathe or criticize, but so that 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:09.680 we can understand us more with the the premise of 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:12.720 much of what I teach and coach is about, well, 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:17.520 if I understand me better and secondly others better. But 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:20.239 if I start with me and I understand me better, 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.960 then I can self manage and self regulate and improve 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:28.960 my self awareness so that I don't stay what's the 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:31.600 word I'm going to say, stuck in that behavioral groove 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:37.440 or that ritual or that that habit that isn't particularly 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:43.480 helpful or healthy. We spoke a lot about how we 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:47.160 think and why we think the way that we do, 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:51.400 and our drivers, our motivators, our underlying reasons, which we 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.120 put that all into the category of what's my why, 0:02:54.639 --> 0:03:00.640 What is the underlying thing that's driving me worseeeing me, 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:05.080 prompting me, forcing me, even though it's me to do 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.400 the stuff that I do, the good stuff and the 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:13.840 bad again, all about understanding. We spoke about understanding on 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:18.280 a metacognitive level, exactly why I do Oh because Mum, 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:21.680 because Dad, or this environment or school, or the media 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:24.560 and social media that I'm exposed to, the ideas and 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:28.040 philosophies and theology, and all of the things that I 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:31.040 have been exposed to and you have been exposed to 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.880 up until right now listening to this, all of those 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:41.800 things have contributed to your version of reality, your cognitive landscape, 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:46.520 your emotional landscape, your beliefs, your ideas, your ideologies, your philosophies, 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:51.040 your fears, your phobias, your values, everything that makes up 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:56.480 that internal cognitive and psychological, so brain stuff and then 0:03:56.520 --> 0:04:01.000 the psychological stuff which is intertwined, and then stuff, and 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.400 under that would be the fear stuff and the overthinking 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:06.680 stuff and the self doubt stuff, all of those myriad 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:10.920 of factors internal we'll just call them the internal stuff 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:17.520 that influences, if not controls, how you see life, how 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:21.440 you respond to life, how you either become a passenger 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:24.120 in your own life. So you're not running the show. 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:27.080 You're like a character in a story, the you story 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:30.679 that you're not actually writing. So how do we become 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.400 the creator of our own journey, the creator of our 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:39.440 own destiny, the writer of our own story? All of 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.359 that stuff and more so, now that we cover the 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:45.960 kind of why do I think the way that I do? 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:49.400 Where did my reality come from? Where did my subjective 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:54.480 version of the world come from? I think the next 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:59.200 thing to think about is does it work? Does the 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:03.680 way that I we're talking broadly speaking, does my attitude 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:06.680 broadly speaking in relation to life and work and other 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.920 people and health and wellness? And does my outlook work? 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:13.480 Does my attitude work? Do my beliefs kind of support 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:17.080 me or sabotage me? Do they propel me up? Or 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:20.440 do they drag me down. So it's thinking about that, 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:25.080 and then what I want to talk about. First question 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:28.719 tonight I want to address is not why do I 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:33.120 think the way that we do, because we've done that, 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.719 but rather how can I change the way I think? 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:41.560 So I've prepared nothing other than the question, big surprise. 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.640 So if i'm meander, if I stop and start a little, 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:49.400 forgive me, because this is organic, real time coaching, without notes, 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:53.080 This is me thinking as I go. So if I 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:56.920 start with me as an example, there were a lot 0:05:56.960 --> 0:06:00.479 of things that I used to think and believe and 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:07.040 accept as absolute truth that turned out not to be 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.960 absolute truth, that turned out not to be real, that 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.200 turned out not to be the best way to think, 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:15.479 not the best ideas for me, not the best plans 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:20.400 for me, and many of those I didn't really choose, 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:25.119 perhaps none of them, I guess generally, as I've said before, 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:27.720 these things kind of happen. The way that we think 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.800 is just a byproduct of stuff. It's a by product 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:32.920 of where we've been and what we've seen, and who's 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.600 been around us, and who we listen to, who we respect, 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.000 who we like, who we pay attention to. And this 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:40.560 could be real people in real time in the three 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.600 D dimension that is life, where you're bumping into them, 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.760 working with them, going to school with them, living with them, 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.960 hanging out with them, socializing with them. So there's that. 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:52.640 But then I think the better question, or the bigger 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.640 question that comes from that, is how can I change 0:06:56.640 --> 0:07:00.200 the way I think? Because you can't just think think 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:05.599 yourself into different thinking. Right, So what I have done, 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:08.440 and what I've supported many other people in doing, is 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:14.440 a few things. And one is not because necessarily you 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:18.600 want to latch onto some new theory or idea or 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.920 operating system, but rather because you want to become more informed. 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:28.520 You want to understand a world bigger than your mind. 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.240 You want to understand a reality, or at least have 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:38.559 a peek into a reality that isn't yours. I wrote 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:40.960 something earlier about hang on, let me just turn around 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:46.200 some my whiteboard. No it's not, I wiped it off anyway, 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:50.840 I think I wrote. Yeah. The question that we should 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:53.560 all ask ourselves at something like this is could I 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:57.280 be wrong? Could I be wrong? Think about that? How 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:01.840 many of us go through life certain values and certain beliefs, 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:10.840 and certain ideas and ideals and things that we cognitively, psychologically, sociologically, 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:15.440 emotionally hold on to and we believe. I'm not saying 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.200 we shouldn't have belief, but do we ever think, oh, 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.200 could I be wrong? Or even in the middle of 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.360 an argument, when we're going at it with someone and 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.120 we know we're right, We know we're right, that's why 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:27.440 we're arguing because they're wrong. Of course they're wrong. Of 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:29.920 course we're right. How many times in the middle of 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.640 that do we truly and I mean there's no bullshit, 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:37.040 no bullshitting yourself, do we honestly think I wonder if 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:41.720 she's right and I'm wrong, like humbly, authentically consider the 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:46.440 real possibility that what's coming out of my mouth might 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:48.880 be flawed. It might be a bit wrong, it might 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:54.280 be totally wrong, it might be a complete untruth. I 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:58.080 think about how many times I've gotten things wrong, how 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.240 many mistakes I've made, how many beliefs I have that 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:03.200 turned out to be flawed beliefs, how many truths I 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:06.760 held onto that weren't truths, they were just my version 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:09.640 of the truth. This is one of the challenges with 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:15.400 being human is that we can simultaneously build and inhabit 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:19.680 a personal reality all the while thinking this is not 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:26.400 a personal reality. This is Capital thhe v universal reality. 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.839 So this is not Craig real, This is just real. 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.240 And so one of the ways that we begin to 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:36.760 change the way that we think is to begin to 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:40.640 consider the fact that, oh, there things that I think 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.120 might be wrong. Well, no, shit, Sherlock, of course they 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:48.439 fucking can do. You know why? Because you get things 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:52.280 wrong probably every day, you probably have for years and years, 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.160 not because you're bad or flawed or broken, because you're normal, 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:59.520 because you're a human and humans get shit wrong. I mean, 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:04.560 stud and learning and researching my ass off forever, I 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.320 still think I probably get just as many things wrong 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.800 as before I started the journey. Doesn't mean I don't 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:14.720 have more knowledge, doesn't mean I am not a bit 0:10:14.760 --> 0:10:18.120 more educated, of course I am. But I'm still flawed, 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.480 I still have ego. I still want to be right sometimes, 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:24.079 although I'm aware of that wanting to be right, and 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:27.120 I try to mitigate that in real time. And so 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:31.040 being able to change the way that we think needs 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:34.320 to at some stage come with a recognition of the 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:37.959 way that I think might be flawed, or it might 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:43.880 be problematic, or my thoughts lead to paranoia, or my 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:53.200 thoughts lead to obsession or are overthinking, or a myriad 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:56.000 of other states that we don't want to be in. 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.200 Do they serve me my thoughts or do they sabotage me? 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:01.960 Do they get out of my way? Do they help 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.199 me get out of my own way? Or do they 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:07.560 get in my way? And so when we talk to 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:10.640 other people, we have conversations, and we don't have conversations 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.760 coming from the perspective of I want to tell them 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:16.120 what's right. I want to talk at them, not with them. 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.240 I want to talk with them. I actually want to 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.800 say less and listen more. Now that doesn't mean when 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.560 I open myself up to other concepts or ideas or 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:29.920 philosophies that I need to adhere to them or embrace 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:33.800 them or even like them. I can still consider someone 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:40.120 else's perspective and think that's dog shit. I can, and 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:44.079 I do sometimes. But sometimes I think A and someone 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:46.520 else thinks B, and I pull my ego in, and 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:48.679 I pull my head in, and I pull my shitty 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:52.760 self esteem in and I just go hmm, I wonder 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:55.200 if that's true, or I wonder if part of that's true. 0:11:55.800 --> 0:12:00.560 And also having the awareness to realize that my my world, 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:04.480 the Craig world. Nobody lives in that. Nobody lives in 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.240 the Craig world. Nobody lives in the Craig mind. Thank God, 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:10.760 they all say, rejoicing. Nobody lives in my mind. Nobody 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.080 lives in my beliefs or values. We might overlap and 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:17.800 intersect a little bit, but nobody on the planet thinks 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:21.800 the way that I do consistently every day, just like 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:28.120 nobody does you. And so our challenges not to be right, 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:33.959 but I guess in a cheesy way righteous where we're like, oh, 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:38.079 I'm okay with being wrong. I'm okay with being flawed. 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.679 And if I'm not okay, then I'm trapped in ego 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:45.440 because I am wrong, i am flawed. I'm also right 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:49.880 at times. I'm also perfect or close too at times. 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:52.840 I'm also brilliant at times. I'm also funny and creative 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:56.320 and lovable and likable and generous and empathetic. I'm all 0:12:56.360 --> 0:13:00.040 of those things, and sometimes I'm a fuck with This 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:05.640 is the human experience where we try not to win 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:09.800 an argument and the moment that we are concrete or 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:14.320 fixed in our thinking. Okay, this is how the world works. 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:17.959 According to me, and everyone who doesn't align with how 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.880 I think the world works, they're wrong. And so what 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:24.440 do I do? I only pay attention to people who 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.800 resonate with my thinking, to people who resonate with my 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.240 beliefs and ideals. In other words, I only resonate with 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.000 people who are essentially a version of me. Wow, fuck, 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:38.240 be drunk. That's a massive exercise in ego. Sorry about 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.400 that little swear bit there, everybody. That was a bit 0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:44.839 too craigish, wasn't. It's how I talk, It's that's an 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.840 exercise in ego and insecurity. Ah, I need people to 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:52.120 think like me, because if I'm wrong. See, here's the thing. 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:54.720 When we find out maybe you've been believing or thinking 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:59.520 something for twenty years, so your sense of self and 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.679 your self esteem and your self worth, and your certainty 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.000 and your comfort and your predictability is all tied in 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.160 to that thing being right. Now, if all of a sudden, 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:12.240 that thing you believe for twenty five years, or thought 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:14.120 for twenty five years, or five years, for that matter 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:17.160 of fact, if all of a sudden you somehow discover, hey, 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:20.720 that's actually not true. Not only is it kind of 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:23.760 not true, it's completely fucking untrue. For many of us. 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:28.160 That is a huge source of stress and distress. So 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.920 let's maybe fall in love with learning. Let's maybe fall 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:39.000 in love with being less attached to our stuff. Let's 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:43.480 not look for our identity in our thoughts or in 0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:47.160 our certainty about the way things are. And of course 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:50.840 we're still going to have guiding principles I do and values, sure, 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.960 and I have certain ideas and beliefs, and some of 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:59.880 those beliefs are pretty strong. But I know there's nothing 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.560 that I can as I'm talking to you right now 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:09.240 at nine nineteen on Monday, the sixteenth of sixteenth of 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:12.840 the second February, definitely not November. There's nothing that I 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.800 can think of right now just in terms of general 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:23.440 beliefs and ideas and that I'm positive I'm right about positive. 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.720 I mean, I'm pretty sure. But I've been pretty sure 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.840 about a lot of things. So I don't think we 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.200 should be riddled with doubt. I think we should be 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:39.160 riddled with awareness and humility, and to try to recognize 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:43.320 the thought patterns or the ideas, or the standards that 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.680 we put in place, or the rules that we create, 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:53.120 or the psychological emotional behavior rituals that we create, identify them, 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:58.440 write them down, and say this is me getting in 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:03.960 my own way, and then consciously, creatively and intentionally think 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:09.000 about Okay, so instead of this thought or this idea 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:14.320 or this principle or this behavior, what's an option? What's 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.440 an option? And I've used this too many times, but 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:21.320 I'll just use it because it's clear and it's relatable. 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:24.120 So I grew up, as you know, in a religious 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:28.400 house and continued on a religious journey for quite a while, 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:33.160 jumping in and out of different things and reading lots 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:36.160 and sitting in front of lots of in inverted commas teachers, 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:38.760 some of them good, some of them shit. I got 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:42.320 taught good things, I got taught bad things. I got programmed, 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.360 as does everybody who belongs to a group. We're all 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:51.840 getting programmed. Don't think it's just religious people. And like 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:56.280 many people, I wanted to believe because I wanted to belong. 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:59.200 I wanted to believe because I wanted to be part 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:03.120 of something bigger than me. But the truth is the 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:07.199 objective truth, not the Craig subjective truth is. The objective 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:09.800 truth is that some of the people that I trusted 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:14.760 weren't trustworthy. Some of the things I were taught were 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:20.520 untrue or misleading. So when I expose myself now to 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:24.280 new ideas and new thinking and new people and new conversations, 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:30.400 then I'm opening a new cognitive, psychological, and emotional door. 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:34.880 And when I hear about somebody coming up with, let's say, 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:39.919 and eating and eating philosophy or ideology that is not mine. 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:43.360 And of course initially I'm resistant because I've been talking 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.879 about food my whole life, thinking about food my whole life, 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:52.240 teaching others, writing programs and not diets, but writing overall 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.560 programs for people where we talk about diet and all 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:57.280 of these things. And guess what, I know everything. I 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:59.439 know everything because I've been doing this since I was haden, 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:01.639 which was four four years ago. So I fucking know. 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.200 Guess what, Champ, Guess what, Jumbo, Guess what? Fatty Harps. 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:08.160 You don't fucking know. You just think you know. There 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:10.480 are some things that he writes on. There are some 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:13.600 things you're kind of right but not quite, and some 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:18.679 things you're totally incorrect about, and that is okay. I 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:24.480 think it's our okayness with being wrong that is the 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:32.560 real breakthrough. Sometimes the challenge is not to learn. Sometimes 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.880 the challenge is to unlearn. Because you have learned and 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.160 I have learned, and I put that word in inverted 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:43.360 commas with an asterisk. You and I have learned things 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.600 that are actually the problem because the things that we 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.960 learned were flawed, the things that we believed were not 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:55.639 wholly correct, the things that we believed right were problematic. 0:18:55.680 --> 0:19:00.840 And then when we believe something emphatically, then we rap emotion. 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.719 That's a dangerous thing, it's a human thing, but we 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:07.359 wrap emotion around that belief, and then down the track 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:11.760 that emotion grows, that belief in that idea grows, that 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:14.959 devotion to that thing grows, and now there is no 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.840 difference between who we are and the things that we 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:21.560 think we are, the things that we think our beliefs 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:25.680 tell you who we are. Oh, tell me about you. 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.400 I am a Buddhist. Tell me about you. I'm a Christian, 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:33.000 I'm a vegetarian, I'm a this. We don't talk about ourselves. 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:36.200 We talk about the things that we do. Oh well, 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:40.040 you eat vegetables. Oh well, you go to church. Oh 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:46.560 you build houses. But that's not who at your core 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:50.239 you are. That's your job, that's your interest. That's what 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.600 you think about, that's where you go. They're the people 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:55.600 you hang out with. So this is where we kind 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:58.159 of and if I'm rambling there turn off. But anyway, 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:01.520 I love this shit. Then we start to get to 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:04.960 the well, who am I beyond the things I'm not? 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:09.359 Because I'm not a job, I'm not a body even 0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:11.240 I'm not a weight. I'm not a size, I'm not 0:20:11.280 --> 0:20:14.280 a number. I'm not an outfit. I'm not a face. 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:17.240 I'm not a pair of biceps. I'm not a bank balance. 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:22.600 I'm not a review on Google. I'm not someone's opinion. 0:20:24.840 --> 0:20:27.439 And when we start to discount the things that we're not, 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:31.800 but the places we ironically look to see who we are. 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:35.600 I want people to respect me as a whatever, as 0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:38.800 a builder, as a master builder, as a very fucking 0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:42.359 good podcast, as an academic. Because I'm smart. I want this. 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:45.640 I want that. It's all insecure bullshit, because I am 0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:48.160 what I am. I am who I am, and what 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:54.040 people think of me doesn't change who I am. This 0:20:54.200 --> 0:20:58.000 is very easily said Craig Harper. I understand, do I 0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:01.960 ever worry about what people think think of me? Truthfully, 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:06.679 not often, but ever, of course I do did, I 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:09.560 used to oh all the fucking time. I was so 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:13.520 obsessed and so insecure about what people thought of me. 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:17.399 I was constantly looking for approval from people who not 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.040 only don't they love me, they fucking want me to fail. 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:26.920 They take joy in my mishaps and yours. And that's 0:21:26.920 --> 0:21:30.440 not nice. It's not nice, but it's real. There's lots 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:32.680 of things that are real in life, lots of situations 0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:35.280 and lots of parts of the human condition which are 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:37.480 kind of fucking ugly, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't 0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:40.560 talk about it. Some people want you to win no 0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:44.439 matter what. Some people are all team you, no matter what, 0:21:44.560 --> 0:21:47.600 and that's lovely and that's beautiful. Guess what, it's not 0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:51.880 very common. What's far more common is people who kind 0:21:51.880 --> 0:21:54.840 of resent you when you do well. And so it's 0:21:54.880 --> 0:21:58.159 in our interest to understand all of this without feeling 0:21:58.200 --> 0:22:01.879 happy or sad about it. Hard, I know, but to 0:22:02.040 --> 0:22:05.040 understand all this is how the world works, not every person, 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:09.720 not every time. And so when I start to intersect 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:14.000 with new people, open myself to new ideas, new cultures, 0:22:14.080 --> 0:22:17.920 new thinking, new information. When I start to look at 0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:22.520 research that doesn't support what I already believe and think, oh, 0:22:22.520 --> 0:22:24.280 that can't be the best way to train, because I've 0:22:24.320 --> 0:22:26.680 been training for nearly fifty years and I know, so 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:29.200 don't fucking come with me. You're twenty two year old 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:32.320 with your bit of science. Fuck you and fuck your science. Right, 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:35.879 that's bullshit. That's me. I'm the problem. I'm not saying 0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:38.800 I need to believe them or believe their science, but 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:42.920 maybe it's worth considering them, listening to them, reading the research, 0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:46.119 seeing how it's done, seeing what the outcome was, because 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:50.800 maybe I'm going to unlearn and relearn because maybe I 0:22:50.880 --> 0:22:55.520 got it wrong. Can we get something wrong fifty years course? 0:22:56.040 --> 0:23:01.880 Of course? So how do we change the way we think? Well, firstly, 0:23:01.960 --> 0:23:04.360 we don't assume we're right. We assume we could be right, 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:11.560 and we don't confuse my opinion for my facts. A 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:14.000 lot of the things that we call truth or fact 0:23:14.600 --> 0:23:21.080 or absolute, they're not. They're your version of facts, they're 0:23:21.240 --> 0:23:25.480 my version of the truth. And so when we stop 0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:32.200 believing that what we think and our worldview is the worldview, 0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:36.560 our belief is the truth, it is the one path. 0:23:38.280 --> 0:23:40.240 And I don't want to bang on, but again, just 0:23:40.280 --> 0:23:43.320 to convenient example, when we think about all of the 0:23:43.359 --> 0:23:48.360 different religions in the world, big and small, there's over 0:23:48.440 --> 0:23:51.199 four thousand. There's probably a lot more, but that we 0:23:51.320 --> 0:23:56.240 kind of know of. There's about four thousand. And essentially, essentially, 0:23:56.359 --> 0:24:00.000 every religion thinks they're the right religion. Everythink's every religion 0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:06.240 thinks the other religions are wrong. Ergo they exist, We exist. 0:24:06.320 --> 0:24:09.640 We believe that this group got it wrong for these reasons, 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:11.879 and that group got it wrong for that reason. And 0:24:11.920 --> 0:24:16.400 by the way, we have a hot line to God. No, 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:20.560 they think they have a hot line to God. Maybe 0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:24.080 they do. I don't know, but is there any evidence. 0:24:24.119 --> 0:24:27.080 Now I know that belief is about faith. I get that. 0:24:27.840 --> 0:24:30.840 But faith, as we've discussed on this show before, faith 0:24:30.920 --> 0:24:33.520 is believing in something you can't prove, which is why 0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:36.960 it's not called knowledge. It's called belief, which is why 0:24:37.000 --> 0:24:41.119 it's not called knowledge. It's called faith. I can have faith. 0:24:41.200 --> 0:24:43.639 I can believe there's a God. I can believe that 0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:45.959 the Bible's true or partly true. I can believe that 0:24:46.040 --> 0:24:49.080 God heals. I can believe all these things. But also, 0:24:49.200 --> 0:24:54.080 and this is where people recoil. Believers recoil because they 0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:56.760 don't want to think that possibly it's not true, or 0:24:56.800 --> 0:24:59.439 some of it's not true, because who they are is 0:24:59.520 --> 0:25:03.639 so into twined with being right about that book or 0:25:03.680 --> 0:25:07.440 that theology or this book or that sacred text or whatever, 0:25:08.080 --> 0:25:12.840 that they have lost the ability to think anything else 0:25:13.160 --> 0:25:15.560 or to be open to anything else, which is the 0:25:15.600 --> 0:25:18.199 opposite of what we claim to be. What do we 0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:22.920 claim to be? Most people open minded? Put up your hand. 0:25:22.920 --> 0:25:24.320 If you think your open mind that I ask a 0:25:24.400 --> 0:25:26.200 room of one hundred people, one hundred hands go up. 0:25:27.400 --> 0:25:29.000 Put up your hand. If you think you're for the 0:25:29.000 --> 0:25:34.520