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Speaker 1: This is the fits in with Her with Kate Richie podcast.

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Speaker 2: There's no other feeling like this.

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Speaker 3: She's an author, she's an educator and she's a parenting specialist.

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Speaker 3: But she's our mum, Maggie Dent.

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Speaker 4: Welcome Malie.

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Speaker 1: And I'm a nanny.

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Speaker 2: You remember nanny near nanny, Nanny God your understanding, depth

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Speaker 2: knowledge teaching and the way you recognize patterns, your skills

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Speaker 2: in parenting.

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Speaker 1: I'm just old.

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Speaker 2: Is no, you're not. You've mastered it and like the

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Speaker 2: saying is in our house, I don't know, ask.

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Speaker 1: Maggie Ada, what do we do?

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Speaker 2: I'm Maggie.

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Speaker 3: Actually, Maggie, we were just talking off here about the

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Speaker 3: introduction or just the identifying ADHD in kids these days

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Speaker 3: and identifying that. But there's you're saying that there's a

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Speaker 3: lot of kids that are that you see these symptoms

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Speaker 3: and they're a sign of stress. But it seems to

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Speaker 3: be a lot more broad across Australia now, isn't it.

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Speaker 1: Maggie. Oh yeah, there's no question, no more.

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Speaker 5: For a start, you know, like when I was teaching, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: it was bandied around a little bit and I could

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Speaker 5: identify in my classroom especially some of those forteen year

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Speaker 5: old boys wandering around my classroom, wondering why they're wandering

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Speaker 5: around my classroom. Did they have ADHD or do boys

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Speaker 5: have a higher need for move because of testosterone? So

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Speaker 5: I knew the boy who was possibly that because he

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Speaker 5: could not sit still in his seat and he struggled

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Speaker 5: to concentrate for very long. And I think it's those

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Speaker 5: sorts of things that we're now getting much better at identifying.

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Speaker 5: And I do think, you know, so many adults are

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Speaker 5: now finding out that that has been something they've been

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Speaker 5: struggling with their whole life that they didn't realize. So

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Speaker 5: it's executive functioning that's particularly important when we look at

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Speaker 5: is it really ADHD and if it's not, and look,

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Speaker 5: you know, if it is, there's no question that most

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Speaker 5: of the time that medication can give them this incredibly calm,

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Speaker 5: focused brain that they've struggled with, like for years.

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Speaker 2: So when you say it could be misdiagnosed as stress,

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Speaker 2: so what that sort of behavior is an output or

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Speaker 2: reaction to stress.

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Speaker 5: So what we know when the amigdala gets fired up,

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Speaker 5: particularly in children, then it goes into a fight of

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Speaker 5: flight or a freeze mode. And the fight mode usually

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Speaker 5: is an externalizing of behavior, which means that they will

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Speaker 5: do crazy things and run around and move and jump

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Speaker 5: up and down, and.

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Speaker 1: You'll think, oh, they can't concentrate.

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Speaker 5: But is that a response of stress or is that

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Speaker 5: a response because they actually have ADHD And that's why

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Speaker 5: it's really not always easy for educators and parents to

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Speaker 5: be able to work that one out. And of course

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Speaker 5: the waiting lists to be able to get a diagnosis

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Speaker 5: or to be identified.

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Speaker 1: Are you really shinky?

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Speaker 2: Are we over labeling?

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Speaker 5: Oh it's not really my specialty, feel but I am

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Speaker 5: going to say some of the things that are driving

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Speaker 5: stress in our classrooms is that we're pushed down formalized

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Speaker 5: learning and we're actually expecting more of kids who are

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Speaker 5: possibly less resilient than previous generations. Anyway, and if they're

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Speaker 5: digital natives, let's land on my pet topic at the moment,

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Speaker 5: and natives haven narrower concentration span because they've got these

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Speaker 5: dopamine hits that have been happening a lot, so they

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Speaker 5: expect a teacher if you're going to be able to

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Speaker 5: engage them. And teachers tell me that concentration spans have

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Speaker 5: dropped from roughly twenty minutes to around ten, and yet

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Speaker 5: we have more content to cover that. It's they're needing

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Speaker 5: more stimulation because that's exactly what you get on a screen.

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Speaker 2: Because that's I mean Jack at the moment, he's just

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Speaker 2: bored at school. Yeah, because that's I'm just bored dad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 2: And that might be the results of screen time that

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Speaker 2: he's been doing.

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Speaker 5: But also, boys really are want to be there. They

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Speaker 5: tend to want to be interested in what they're interested in.

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Speaker 1: Damn it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, Yeah, it makes sense, doesn't know.

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Speaker 5: This is the thing every dnos are in the universe,

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Speaker 5: but nothing else.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, let's talk about online dangers whenever you come on

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Speaker 3: our show in thirteen twenty fourteen, if you'd like to

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Speaker 3: ask Maggie a question, can you tell us about Control

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Speaker 3: Shift and what a new group that you're involved with.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, look, I think you all know how much I've

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Speaker 5: been concerned about the harm that happens online. And that's

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Speaker 5: a big part of why I was a part of

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Speaker 5: you know, thirty six more is can we kind of

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Speaker 5: protect them by delaying it?

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Speaker 1: But we know.

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Speaker 5: There's millions of our kids already out there with our devices.

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Speaker 5: So the E Safety Commissioner came up with a figure

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Speaker 5: over the last few years, there's been a four hundred

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Speaker 5: and sixty percent increase in online harm. Our kids are

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Speaker 5: getting harmed, and they're getting harmed more than ever. And

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Speaker 5: then we're going, well, what do we.

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Speaker 1: Do about that?

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Speaker 5: Because whatever we're doing at the moment isn't addressing it

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Speaker 5: and it's getting worse. So that's when you know, a

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Speaker 5: couple of my wise friends who I reach out to

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Speaker 5: when I want to know what's going on online, we

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Speaker 5: all just thought, what about we jump in together because

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Speaker 5: there's two things. How do we keep updated with the

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Speaker 5: next potential harm because it's a moving space, especially with AI.

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Speaker 5: We didn't have deep fakes two years ago, no, right,

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Speaker 5: and we didn't have sort of the stuff with bots

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Speaker 5: now that are happening. So how does how do parents

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Speaker 5: keep up to date? How does the school? So we've

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Speaker 5: decided to create a place where we can get that

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Speaker 5: information getting through to parents via schools as it happens

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Speaker 5: in real time, and that really excites the heck out,

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Speaker 5: I mean the second part. So that's sort of like

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Speaker 5: we're going to train some online social coaches or in

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Speaker 5: schools and then we'll feed the information to them. But

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Speaker 5: then they go in and do regular updates with the

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Speaker 5: kids in the school, not just once a year. And

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Speaker 5: then the second part, which has been really big for me,

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Speaker 5: is what do we do when really serious harm happens,

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Speaker 5: because that's a bit of a confusing space and we

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Speaker 5: need to sort that out with some clear protocols that

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Speaker 5: not just because you remember, sometimes the ones that do

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Speaker 5: dumb stuff have immature brains and they thought that was

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Speaker 5: just a bit funny. And so once if that boy,

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Speaker 5: if it's usually a boy who does some of that stuff,

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Speaker 5: you expel them. You're actually drowning a boy in shame

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Speaker 5: without necessarily teaching him why that was a harmful thing.

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Speaker 5: How could he repair that? How could he then come

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Speaker 5: back and be a better human. So it's about looking

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Speaker 5: after both victims and perpetrators and making sure that our

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Speaker 5: school systems know exactly what to do and not kind

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Speaker 5: of oh yeah, well, we'll, you know, push it under

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Speaker 5: the map because it might ruin our reputation.

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Speaker 2: Which happens a lot. Maggie, I love this.

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Speaker 1: This is the fits in with Her with Kate Richie podcast.

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Speaker 2: If you have a question about parenting, whatever is going

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Speaker 2: on school or at home, she has the answers for you.

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Speaker 2: Andy Ands Andknives.

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Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, how are you going good?

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Speaker 2: You've got a question for Maggie Dent.

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Speaker 1: I do I do?

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Speaker 6: Maggie, I have a question for you. When I have

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Speaker 6: a child in kindergarten and it's his birthday party, do

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Speaker 6: I invite the whole past? Is that like etiquette, polight

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Speaker 6: or the right thing to do?

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Speaker 1: All?

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Speaker 7: Right?

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Speaker 6: You invite the people he's.

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Speaker 1: Friends with, You're right there.

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Speaker 5: No, you never ever invite a whole class full of kids.

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Speaker 5: Not only is it going to just destroy you and

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Speaker 5: your house, but your child is not fond of everyone

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Speaker 5: in the class, and that's because we're just not right.

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Speaker 5: So I think it's this, We've got to be this lovely,

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Speaker 5: overly worried about upsetting other people thing, which is like

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Speaker 5: past the parcel.

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Speaker 1: Everyone gets surprised.

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Speaker 5: I am going to say minor moments of these discomforts

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Speaker 5: are actually good for kids. But your child would want

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Speaker 5: the children around that they like and they play with,

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Speaker 5: and that is exactly who they should have there. And

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Speaker 5: it does worry me sometimes because you know, we're so

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Speaker 5: desperately to be careful, and in that carefulness we do

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Speaker 5: things that are actually going to cause your child to

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Speaker 5: have a birthday party that they'll regret for the rest

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Speaker 5: of their lives. So go for common sense, check in

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Speaker 5: with them, and then you know, I just know that

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Speaker 5: your child's not also going to get invited to some

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Speaker 5: party and welcome to life.

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Speaker 3: Wow, what if I said, Lisa and Glenmore Park, you

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Speaker 3: got a question for Maggie.

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Speaker 6: Hi, Maggie, I do my nine year old He's coming

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Speaker 6: home here bits and bobs from his friends. I want

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Speaker 6: to know, is nine years.

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Speaker 7: Old too young to talk about the birds and.

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Speaker 3: Bees with him?

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Speaker 7: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Golly, yep. And if possible, we start a lot earlier.

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Speaker 5: But I can be reassured that there this is a

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Speaker 5: time that you I mean, you are really lucky that nine.

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Speaker 5: We do know that we've got young boys, particularly finding

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Speaker 5: pornography online way younger. So if you're that's why we

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Speaker 5: have to talk to them about healthy bodies and about

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Speaker 5: private parts, and about our rights and who can touch them.

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Speaker 5: All of that needs to be part of conversations much earlier.

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Speaker 5: And I'm going to give you a very disturbing statistic.

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Speaker 5: We have had a five hundred percent increase in inappropriate

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Speaker 5: sexual play with children under five.

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Speaker 2: Oh my God, God, and that is.

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Speaker 5: Because some of the children have had siblings, have seen porn,

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Speaker 5: others have had things done to them. So you can

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Speaker 5: see we have to start much much earlier than we

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Speaker 5: ever did. And I am going to just I know

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Speaker 5: I don't shouldn't advertise anything, but Michelle Mitchell has a

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Speaker 5: couple of fabless books, one for boys and one for

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Speaker 5: girls that really is exactly what is going to answer

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Speaker 5: the questions and in a light way that doesn't make

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Speaker 5: it too big a thing. So you know, the pictures

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Speaker 5: of you know, penises are quite sweet. So I'd go

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Speaker 5: there check out her website for a great book to

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Speaker 5: start because it is awkward for us to have the conversations,

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Speaker 5: but not having the conversations can put your child at risk.

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Speaker 2: Because that's what we were talking Megan, I said, I

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Speaker 2: think I need to say to the boys, what have

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Speaker 2: you seen online? Is there an opening line that you

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Speaker 2: should use?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit. I think that is just curious.

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Speaker 5: So I'm really a bit curious that have you seen

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Speaker 5: anybody without their clothes online? Because we know sometimes it's

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Speaker 5: in the sidebar of game like Fortnite and things like that,

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Speaker 5: even Minecraft, they've slipped in these so it's also in

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Speaker 5: some of the kids YouTube clips that porn is actually

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Speaker 5: dropping in further and further, which is the other reason.

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Speaker 1: These are the things that cause harm to our kids.

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Speaker 5: Gotcha, And while we've got to be better informed.

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Speaker 1: So yes, please start early. Yes about your private parts.

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Speaker 3: Kelly and Camden. You want to You've got a question

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Speaker 3: about your two year old?

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Speaker 7: Hi, team, Hi Maggie, Yes I do.

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Speaker 4: So.

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Speaker 7: I have a two and a half year old little

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Speaker 7: girl and a one year old little girl, and my

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Speaker 7: two and a half year old is definitely showing some

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Speaker 7: signs of jealousy in terms of hitting, pushing, feeling toys

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Speaker 7: and things, and I just want to know how to

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Speaker 7: navigate that, aside from giving her some one on one attention,

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Speaker 7: which we're already trying, but I just want to know

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Speaker 7: what else I can do to help her out in

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Speaker 7: understanding these feelings.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, can you see how she feels?

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Speaker 5: Imagine if you know your male partner brought home a

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Speaker 5: new friend for the house, you know what the poor boy, right,

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Speaker 5: So it's completely normal for her to feel some abandonment

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Speaker 5: issues as the fact you've brought this other one home

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Speaker 5: and that she's two and a half and two and

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Speaker 5: a half is a really big age where they start

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Speaker 5: to realize they're separate and they're not feeling as special

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Speaker 5: and they're wondering why on earth you've done this. So

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Speaker 5: her reaction, she's not able to say, oh, Mummy, I

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Speaker 5: am feeling some abandoned issues about you bringing home another

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Speaker 5: little girl and I feel a bit.

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Speaker 1: Sad and I need to cry.

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Speaker 5: She can't do that, she's too so she will use

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Speaker 5: her body to show those things.

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Speaker 1: So again it's an age thing in many ways.

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Speaker 5: But you've got to keep your hands right really close

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Speaker 5: because she might not be able to understand how to

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Speaker 5: use kind hands.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to keep an eye.

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Speaker 5: There will be certain times the more disregulated she is,

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Speaker 5: so the more tired she is, the hungrier she is,

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Speaker 5: that she's going to be more likely to want to

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Speaker 5: lash out at her little sister, and when what you've

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Speaker 5: got to do now is create opportunities for her to

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Speaker 5: be able to play in a fun way, even though

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Speaker 5: little ones aren't that much fun yet. So it's about

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Speaker 5: creating the fun and the laughter and the lightness around it,

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Speaker 5: and just be prepared to keep on jumping in and

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Speaker 5: holding a hand instead of holding it to tight hold

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Speaker 5: it and put kisses all over it and keep on

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Speaker 5: topping up, absolutely topping up that ruffling hair, giving her

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Speaker 5: lots of little moments of connection around the ages, and

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Speaker 5: gradually she'll move through that and sounds like she might

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Speaker 5: be the rooster of the too.

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Speaker 1: So she's going to really love bossing that little girl.

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Speaker 2: Around for the rest of her life. Thanks cal Nelly

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Speaker 2: and Beacon Hill. Here we go. You've got four boys, Maggie.

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Speaker 2: Go ahead with your question.

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Speaker 3: Nellie.

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Speaker 4: Hi, Maggie, I have an eighteen year old band boy

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Speaker 4: and he is doing his teahs this year and he

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Speaker 4: is so dis engaged. I can't even get him to

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Speaker 4: turn up for four on time. I feel it's better

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Speaker 4: to leave school. How do we navigate this?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 7: Okay?

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Speaker 4: Should he finish?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay. So they're really key to this one.

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Speaker 5: Is one of the things that many boys do is

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Speaker 5: if they don't think they've got a really good chance

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Speaker 5: of winning and nailing it, then why would I want

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Speaker 5: to do it? So a fear of failure is often

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Speaker 5: really underneath this, which you know he's eighteen, of course,

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Speaker 5: because what happens if all his mates do well and

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Speaker 5: he doesn't, He's going to have to deal with that

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Speaker 5: as well. Okay, so I would would really like to think.

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Speaker 5: I have got an article on my website which is

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Speaker 5: a little bit late. It says, what do I do

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Speaker 5: with my lazy, unmotivated eighteen year old's laying on.

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Speaker 1: The couch that has some really great ideas and how

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Speaker 1: we lift him up? But what we want him to

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Speaker 1: do is just finish the job.

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Speaker 5: You know, we're just going to come on board, you know,

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Speaker 5: whoever you're co parenting with. Rather than coming down with

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Speaker 5: all the lectures on why it's important, let's just turn

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Speaker 5: up with his favorite snacks, his favorite meals, you know,

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Speaker 5: everything that might help him be a happier boy, and

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Speaker 5: go mate. It's not the grade, you know, you're not

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Speaker 5: defined by grades, but we really like you to finish

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Speaker 5: things you started.

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Speaker 1: So what else can we do to help you get

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Speaker 1: over the line?

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Speaker 5: And I just I know it sounds ridiculous, but the

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Speaker 5: more kindness that happens in these spaces, the more likely

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Speaker 5: they're going to, oh, yeah, I can do it.

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Speaker 1: But the more we come down.

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Speaker 5: Hard, the more they pull back and feel I'm out

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Speaker 5: of here. I'm out of here.

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Speaker 3: I love that, Maggie, I love that it is because

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Speaker 3: your initial reaction is you just want to get angry,

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Speaker 3: get to school. What are you doing?

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Speaker 4: What it is?

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Speaker 1: I'm going to take your phone off you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I'm Maggie.

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Speaker 2: You are the best.

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Speaker 3: If you want more information on control Shift as well,

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Speaker 3: you can get a control Shift dot Global and you

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Speaker 3: can get more information there. Maggie. We know how busy

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Speaker 3: you are. You're going to go straight to television from here.

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Speaker 3: We appreciate your time.

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Speaker 1: Thanks mam a, thank you both, love you.

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Speaker 2: It's in Whipper with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast

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Speaker 2: walk great shows like this. Download the Nova Player by

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Speaker 2: the app Store or Google playing the