Speaker 1: I'll get atenm it's Harps, It's Kelly Smith, the one
Speaker 1: and only back for the first time in twenty twenty six,
Speaker 1: I think, am I right in that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, first time?
Speaker 1: Giddy up by a cup, welcome back? How are you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Pretty good?
Speaker 2: Pretty good? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm good. Just soldiering through soldiering That sounds melodramatic,
Speaker 1: Just sprinting through the year, starting with a little bit
Speaker 1: of a slow jog, building up as I head towards March.
Speaker 1: Just finding a little bit of momentum and ticking a
Speaker 1: few boxes and getting a few outcomes and learning a
Speaker 1: few things and fucking up a little bit as I do.
Speaker 1: But I guess we call that the human experience. Have
Speaker 1: you had anything, anything outstanding on your calendar so far?
Speaker 3: Pretty much the same, so, you know, the start of
Speaker 3: the year for me, there was a lot going on
Speaker 3: with my nan, who I've mentioned before. She at ninety six,
Speaker 3: had to really reframe and change her life. So she's
Speaker 3: now in what we call h care And they are amazing,
Speaker 3: amazing people like you look at them and go wow,
Speaker 3: Like you guys, do something for someone else every single
Speaker 3: day with a smile on your face. And you know,
Speaker 3: initially we thought, okay, they're probably putting it on because
Speaker 3: you know, she's brand new, and it has it hasn't changed.
Speaker 3: They are all so lovely. Nan is very happy and
Speaker 3: very safe, which is what we want for her obviously.
Speaker 3: But just the other day she said, where's your podcast?
Speaker 3: What's going on? Why are you talking to people anymore?
Speaker 1: Oh? Wow?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so.
Speaker 3: She was, She's like, well, you need to you need
Speaker 3: to go back and start talking to people again. And
Speaker 3: I think now that she feels quite settled, she's ready
Speaker 3: to kind of, you know, give me a bit of
Speaker 3: a shove back out there.
Speaker 2: And so that was quite nice. So that's been yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: so that's been the start of my year.
Speaker 3: So, as you say, just kind of getting ready to
Speaker 3: ramp up, you know now that things are a bit
Speaker 3: kind of I.
Speaker 2: Don't know what's normal, but getting back into a rhythm.
Speaker 1: I guess how's her brain going. How's her ninety six
Speaker 1: year old brain going?
Speaker 2: Look for ninety six, I would dare say very well.
Speaker 2: So short term memory is.
Speaker 3: She says she's getting a bit bloody, that's her technical term,
Speaker 3: bit bloody. But she could still tell you everything that
Speaker 3: happened when she was five years old.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so yeah, that's the way I think. Even
Speaker 1: when you're you know, fifties and sixties, like sher short
Speaker 1: term memory starts to go unless you're really really working
Speaker 1: on it. And like I've got friends my age who
Speaker 1: their short term memory is pretty rubbish, their long term
Speaker 1: memory is amazing. That's part of the brain that kind
Speaker 1: of one of the bits that kind of declines first
Speaker 1: is the short term stuff Like how I don't it
Speaker 1: probably doesn't happen to you, but I meet people in
Speaker 1: a conversation four sentences in, I can't remember the name
Speaker 1: of the per that I just got introduced to, mainly
Speaker 1: because I wasn't really focusing, but also that's pretty bad.
Speaker 1: So we're met jad for rock solid forty seconds and
Speaker 1: forty seconds ago someone told me your name was Donna
Speaker 1: or Dave or something, and I'm looking at you, going nah,
Speaker 1: I got nothing. So from then it becomes old.
Speaker 4: Mate, oh mate, the go to all right, So your
Speaker 4: job in Inverted Commas is to come on every once
Speaker 4: in a while and just as our regular civilian, our
Speaker 4: regular listener with a.
Speaker 1: Curious brain who might have a few questions relevant to
Speaker 1: yourself or just general stuff. That you think might be
Speaker 1: of interest to the collective. So where do you want
Speaker 1: to start. I'm putty in your putty in your hands.
Speaker 3: Oh, this is this is fun. One of the things
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about recently. So I've been working with
Speaker 3: the nutrition coach, and this is something that I've always
Speaker 3: been really curious about and never really understood completely. Sort
Speaker 3: of thought I had a bit of a handle on
Speaker 3: it and really didn't. So I'm getting all of this
Speaker 3: wonderful information about calories, macros, how they work, how they
Speaker 3: work in particular with heavy expenditure like lifting weights and
Speaker 3: things like that. But one of the things I'm noticing,
Speaker 3: and it's something that you have spoken about a bit recently,
Speaker 3: and I'm seeing it with friends. I'm seeing it, you know,
Speaker 3: every time you kind of plug something into like a
Speaker 3: calculator or whatever. And it's the fact that walking and
Speaker 3: getting your steps up is so much more important in
Speaker 3: terms of your fitness, weight loss, fat loss journey. And
Speaker 3: it was something for me that I always really enjoyed walking.
Speaker 3: It was more like a you know, let's go and
Speaker 3: clear the headspace. But it's becoming more and more obvious
Speaker 3: that the more you walk, the easier or the more
Speaker 3: beneficial that is for fat loss, and why, like what
Speaker 3: is it around, like the actual physicality of that that
Speaker 3: makes that such a good form of exercise.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think anything that you do where you
Speaker 1: are carrying your weight, Like you sit on a bike,
Speaker 1: you're not really carrying your weight. The bike is carrying
Speaker 1: your weight and you're just peddling. You know, you sit
Speaker 1: on an arm bike in the gym, or a grinder,
Speaker 1: or you know you're on an elliptical strider in the
Speaker 1: gym where yeah, you're kind of carrying your weight, but
Speaker 1: really the whole thing is on a pendulum or a swing.
Speaker 1: So I think there's a couple. It's not a single thing,
Speaker 1: but one of the main things is that you are
Speaker 1: carrying your weight, and the heavier you are, the more
Speaker 1: work you're doing. So if we get somebody, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to make some of the figures up. But if
Speaker 1: we get Kelly, who weighs I don't know what your
Speaker 1: a doesn't matter. But let's say you weigh sixty kilos.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what you weigh. But let's say you've
Speaker 1: got a friend who wears a hundred kilos and you
Speaker 1: and that one hundred kilos versus sixty kilos Kelly, that
Speaker 1: person you go for the same walk at the same time,
Speaker 1: over the same distance, at the same speed, Well, there
Speaker 1: any energy expenditure ie calorie burning will be way bigger
Speaker 1: than yours because they're carrying forty kilos that you are
Speaker 1: not carrying, So it's hiking that weight around. So in
Speaker 1: a weird way, sometimes being bigger or heavier or more overweight,
Speaker 1: there are surprising benefits because you're burning more calories per
Speaker 1: unit of time if you're doing the same thing at
Speaker 1: the same level. And I think you know, I think
Speaker 1: also when you start something like I am, like everyone
Speaker 1: who listens to this show regularly knows that a year
Speaker 1: and a half ago my phone time, I was fat
Speaker 1: and I didn't walk enough right pretty much, and then
Speaker 1: I just started I went right, well, that's it. From tomorrow,
Speaker 1: I'm doing ten thousand rock bottom and hand on harder.
Speaker 1: I can say that every day that since then, I've
Speaker 1: done at the worst ten thousand steps a day, and
Speaker 1: I was doing something like four and a half without
Speaker 1: really realizing it. So my steps are somewhere between doubled
Speaker 1: and tripled every day of my life. But also what
Speaker 1: happens when you create a new good habit. We'll talk
Speaker 1: about the difference maybe between habit and obsession. That's an
Speaker 1: interesting conversation in itself. But when you create a new habit,
Speaker 1: there's a shift emotionally and psychologically. So I'm not going
Speaker 1: to go and walk ten thousand steps or fifteen thousand
Speaker 1: steps and at the end of that eat a fucking
Speaker 1: cheeseburger because I've done this really good. So when we
Speaker 1: create a new habit, one which aligns with who and
Speaker 1: how we want to be behaviorally, psychologically, emotionally, physiologically like
Speaker 1: I'm improving me or what I think is my version
Speaker 1: of improvemental success or growth, we're much more likely to
Speaker 1: make decisions which are consistent with health, wellness, optimization performance.
Speaker 1: There's that. Now, if you want to go physiology, then
Speaker 1: more of the calories, so the greater. Let's say we
Speaker 1: burn x calories per hour walking and we burn one
Speaker 1: and a half x calories an hour running or two
Speaker 1: x calories an hour. Overall, will burn more fat running
Speaker 1: than walking, and this is where people get tripped up.
Speaker 1: But as a percentage of energy expenditure, it will be
Speaker 1: higher in the walking. Okay, So but let's say, hypothetically,
Speaker 1: let's say seventy percent of the five hundred calories that
Speaker 1: I expend walking are fat are from fat. We go
Speaker 1: seventy percent, and five hundred is three point fifty, right,
Speaker 1: and we might go only fifty percent of the calories
Speaker 1: that I burn when I'm jogging is from fat, so
Speaker 1: walking is better. But then you go, hang on, Brian,
Speaker 1: you're burning eight hundred calories running. Fifty percent of eight
Speaker 1: hundred is four hundred, which is more than three fifty.
Speaker 1: So if we're looking at overall expenditure side by side
Speaker 1: per unit of time, walking at five k's won't spend
Speaker 1: as many calories as jogging at ten k's, of course,
Speaker 1: and it won't even expend the same amount of fat.
Speaker 1: But what it will do is most of what you're
Speaker 1: using when you're walking is fat, which is what people want.
Speaker 1: What also it will do, which is something people don't
Speaker 1: either realize or understand or talk about much, is you
Speaker 1: will lose less muscle walking. Now I'll shut up after this,
Speaker 1: but this is just interesting. Look at the runners, the
Speaker 1: people in the world of running who are muscly, how
Speaker 1: far do they run? Kel the big musclie.
Speaker 2: People, I dare say not far.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred meetings one hundred meters, two hundred meters,
Speaker 1: they're starting to get smaller. You look at a dude
Speaker 1: or dudet who runs hundreds, they're generally quite muscular, quite
Speaker 1: powerful because it's pretty much an anaerobic event. There's not
Speaker 1: a lot of oxygen required to sprint for nine or
Speaker 1: ten or ten and a half seconds or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But then you look at somebody who's running fifteen hundred meters, well,
Speaker 1: weighing one hundred kilos and being jacked and muscular and
Speaker 1: big is not consistent with running a fast mile or
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred. Then you look at the marathoners who might
Speaker 1: be the same height like some of the African Ethiopian
Speaker 1: you know, some of those runners who are just canyons
Speaker 1: who are just beautiful, like amazing physiology, but they're six
Speaker 1: foot tall and they weigh fifty five kilos, So they're
Speaker 1: just light, powerful, hyper endurance running machines. Now, if you
Speaker 1: got the same girl or guy who was that good
Speaker 1: a runner, and you went now do that with thirty
Speaker 1: extra kilos, their best time would go from to ten
Speaker 1: minutes to three hours and twenty minutes. So that was
Speaker 1: a very long answer. I'll try and coep the future
Speaker 1: one shorter.
Speaker 2: No, No, it's good.
Speaker 3: It's good because, yeah, there is this rise at the
Speaker 3: moment of making sure or kind of having a benchmark
Speaker 3: of ten thousand steps, and I'm very curious as to
Speaker 3: what the reasoning behind that was. So now I think
Speaker 3: I'll just I'm going to order a weight vest off
Speaker 3: Amazon so that I'm carrying around more weight and doing
Speaker 3: that same walk. But in all seriousness, that is beneficial
Speaker 3: as well, isn't it hundred percent?
Speaker 1: Well, the thing is, if you know, like it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what you weigh, that's not us. But let's say
Speaker 1: you weigh sixty or let's let's use me, so I
Speaker 1: weigh eighty, give or tape. Let's say I'm carrying twenty kilos.
Speaker 1: Now I'm moving one hundred kilos through suburbia. I'm not
Speaker 1: moving eighty, So that will be very similar in terms
Speaker 1: of energy expenditure as if I weighed one hundred kilos.
Speaker 1: But then one other thing maybe to talk about with steps,
Speaker 1: right is people like gott to walk ten thousand steps,
Speaker 1: got to walk ten thousand steps, you know, keep it
Speaker 1: on your phone, keep it on your watch da da
Speaker 1: da da da. Well, not if you're a bloke or
Speaker 1: a girl working on a construction site, climbing ladders, carrying shit,
Speaker 1: building shit, moving constantly. You might not be out directly
Speaker 1: taking step after step, but your movement, your incidental and
Speaker 1: occupational activity they call it, is through the roof. So
Speaker 1: old mate might walk a thousand steps at work, but
Speaker 1: is built, is spent more energy or used more calories
Speaker 1: than everyone else who's been walking the whole time, because
Speaker 1: you know, so, I think the most the most relevant
Speaker 1: that piece of advice becomes, or the more relevant it becomes,
Speaker 1: is when we're talking about people whose life otherwise incidental
Speaker 1: and occupational is a low energy expenditure is somewhat you know,
Speaker 1: you know, not where they there's a lot of movement.
Speaker 1: But for somebody who is like an eighteen year old
Speaker 1: trade who's climbing up and down bloody scaffolding and ladders
Speaker 1: and carrying shit and building shit and moving shit and
Speaker 1: running to whatever all day, that dude probably needs to
Speaker 1: walk zero extra steps per day. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what you said before about habit versus obsession, I
Speaker 3: do find that really interesting. So we've had a few
Speaker 3: conversations where I was talking about like my fitness tracker watch,
Speaker 3: and I'd been very determined to get rid of it
Speaker 3: because I'd set myself this number of this is the
Speaker 3: amount of calories I'm going to burn, this is you know,
Speaker 3: the it was everything i'd set myself based on something
Speaker 3: that I think I probably googled. And so every day
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I need to do this because I've
Speaker 3: got this watch telling me that I'm need to do it,
Speaker 3: and it was actually.
Speaker 2: Giving me far more like it was quite unsettling.
Speaker 3: It became very unsettling because I was constantly trying to
Speaker 3: make a piece of technology happy, or you know, seek
Speaker 3: this kind of form of approval from a piece of technology,
Speaker 3: and that to me became I wouldn't say obsessive, but
Speaker 3: it became way more than a habit. So over Christmas,
Speaker 3: I thought I'm not going to wear it anymore. And
Speaker 3: the first couple of days I was like, but I
Speaker 3: don't know how far off walked. I just don't know.
Speaker 2: I feel like I've done enough, but I.
Speaker 1: Just don't know.
Speaker 2: So I ended up just getting this step tracker pure
Speaker 2: step tracker.
Speaker 3: And the headspace that it relieved was incredible, and I
Speaker 3: think what I'm finding is that it's far more beneficial
Speaker 3: to be almost for me, kind of free ranging that
Speaker 3: rather than try racking every single metric.
Speaker 2: And the.
Speaker 3: Really funny thing about that for me is that my
Speaker 3: results at the moment are far better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, great, great, Well, the way that you're doing it
Speaker 1: is I think the healthiest. If you can do it,
Speaker 1: the people go to me. In fact, I recently got
Speaker 1: asked this question trackers and apps and all that. Good
Speaker 1: or bad? That's what I get asked, good or bad?
Speaker 1: I go good and bad, which I know that's a
Speaker 1: terrible answer depending on who's listening. But so here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I wrote this in my first ever book. The difference
Speaker 1: between habit and obsession is ones in control ones out
Speaker 1: of control. Right, if we're talking about this type of stuff,
Speaker 1: of course there can be negative, addictive habits they're out,
Speaker 1: but we're talking about something that we're an operating system
Speaker 1: that we're creating. And it's like I'm trying to do
Speaker 1: or I'm doing ten thousands steps a day. But if
Speaker 1: this day on whatever, I'm flying around Australia and I
Speaker 1: get off a plane at eleven thirty at night and
Speaker 1: I happened to do eight I'm not going to have
Speaker 1: a mental breakdown because it wasn't that I was lazy
Speaker 1: or I didn't try right. So I think in general terms,
Speaker 1: you know, in the positive way, having help, having habits
Speaker 1: that you built and created and designed and implemented incorporated,
Speaker 1: you know, that's a positive thing. That's an in control thing,
Speaker 1: that's a healthy thing, that's a logical thing. Whereas obsession
Speaker 1: is emotional, habit is logical in the sense that we're
Speaker 1: talking about it. And so. But one of the problems
Speaker 1: with this or can be, is that we get like
Speaker 1: when we get to our steps, it's almost like a relief,
Speaker 1: and when we're not there, it's anxiety. And I see
Speaker 1: that all the time and even down to like this
Speaker 1: is digressing, but it's related. Like I've seen so many people,
Speaker 1: not so much in recent times because I don't do
Speaker 1: this anymore, but over the years they come into the
Speaker 1: gym and let's say we weigh them once a month.
Speaker 1: I didn't weigh people very often, but twenty eight days,
Speaker 1: you know, and we do lots of testing other than that.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, hey, feeling good. How I feel? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel strong, healthy, My energy is good. I'm sleeping good.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely leaning at da da da da. And they
Speaker 1: get on the scales and in a month they've lost
Speaker 1: two hundred grams. Now, a minute ago they felt great,
Speaker 1: They literally felt great mentally, emotionally, physically. Now they look
Speaker 1: at the scales and they pretty much spiral. They don't
Speaker 1: spiral because a bad thing happened. They don't spiral because
Speaker 1: they they actually got a bad result, or they didn't
Speaker 1: spiral because they feel sick or they're getting whit. No,
Speaker 1: all the signs are great, except they have placed so
Speaker 1: much value on this fucking but between their toes that
Speaker 1: that has hijacked their happiness rather than understanding what that
Speaker 1: means or might mean or doesn't mean. And then I
Speaker 1: would say to people, well, depending on when I was
Speaker 1: at my stage of my journey, but I'd go so
Speaker 1: in the mornings, I weigh about ninety k's and at
Speaker 1: night I weigh about ninety four. And they're like, what,
Speaker 1: I go, yeah, because by the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I've got food in my stomach, I've got fluid on
Speaker 1: board of this, I've got that I'm at least two
Speaker 1: two and a half kilos heavier, maybe three or four, right,
Speaker 1: And I go, this does not. There's a point where
Speaker 1: it matters depending on the person and their body composition
Speaker 1: and where they are at. But for the average punt
Speaker 1: who's just on the journey and doing the things properly
Speaker 1: and doesn't have extremes like gaining a kilo or losing
Speaker 1: two kilos, or up a few grams or down a
Speaker 1: few grams, is not nearly as important as they think.
Speaker 1: It's just that we've been trained and programmed and sometimes
Speaker 1: by ourselves to be obsessed with a particular number, and
Speaker 1: that number between people's toes can literally ruin their day,
Speaker 1: whereas if they felt exactly the same and the number
Speaker 1: was a bit lower, they'd have a great day in
Speaker 1: the same body. You know, I'd say to people, well,
Speaker 1: you know, so there's a thing called body composition, and
Speaker 1: that's what your body's actually made of. Also, by the way,
Speaker 1: you might have lost a kilo a kilo and a
Speaker 1: half of fat this month, but you've gained some muscle.
Speaker 1: You maybe haven't had a wi this morning like you
Speaker 1: did last or whatever. But you know, body weight matters
Speaker 1: to a level, but body composition is far more indicative
Speaker 1: of health. You know. Well, but you know, if you
Speaker 1: look at not that on the thing. But if you
Speaker 1: look at me, the world doesn't need to see this,
Speaker 1: but just in pair of shorts and my top on
Speaker 1: Lena's fakers at the moment, but I'm still qualifiers overweight, yeah,
Speaker 1: based on the highlight thing. Right, So we've spoken about
Speaker 1: that too much.
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, And so at the moment for me
Speaker 3: seeing a certain number on a particular day, I'd be.
Speaker 2: Like, oh my god, what have I done wrong?
Speaker 3: Like, what is it that I ate that I probably
Speaker 3: I can't eat that again because it's going to.
Speaker 2: Make that spyke happen.
Speaker 3: And then I've had this reframing of Okay, well, what
Speaker 3: did I did I enjoy it?
Speaker 2: Did I did I even like? Did I overindulge?
Speaker 3: Was it you know, potentially the wrong thing to put
Speaker 3: into my body? Or is it just you know, something
Speaker 3: that wasn't an event? For instance, did I enjoy having
Speaker 3: a meal with some friends and family? And then reframing
Speaker 3: it in terms of what is that one day in
Speaker 3: amongst that average, because is that one day going to
Speaker 3: affect you know the rest of the month where everything
Speaker 3: is pretty much spot on? And that has alleviated a
Speaker 3: lot of my anxiety around it so looking more so,
Speaker 3: as you say, like if it's a day where you're
Speaker 3: busy and you get eight thousand versus ten thousand steps, Like,
Speaker 3: I'm looking at it more so from the point of
Speaker 3: view of what's the average over the week, and is
Speaker 3: my average still you know where it should be? And
Speaker 3: if so, then I'm quite happy with that. If not,
Speaker 3: am I going to keep kicking myself about it? No,
Speaker 3: because I know that I'm doing the work and also
Speaker 3: to learning about like I thought I had a pretty
Speaker 3: good handle on calories macros right, but then having it
Speaker 3: explained in terms of how certain carbs are going to
Speaker 3: help a workout.
Speaker 2: So if I know that I want to reach.
Speaker 3: A different weight the next day, like lifting certain weight
Speaker 3: the next day, what do I need to fuel my
Speaker 3: body with?
Speaker 2: So that reframe as well, and I find that that is.
Speaker 3: Far more healthier than I've ever been in terms of
Speaker 3: thinking about what goes in and then how I then
Speaker 3: use my body in a way that.
Speaker 2: For me feels fit and strong. Yeah, and that is Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 3: It all just purely started with you know, I'm not
Speaker 3: going to have this thing beeping on.
Speaker 2: My wrist anymore.
Speaker 3: That's controlling, you know, whether or not I'm smiling at
Speaker 3: something or feeling shit about something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think also that's very good insight and
Speaker 1: self awareness. I think also trying to understand that your
Speaker 1: body is one of one, like we intellectually know that.
Speaker 1: So even when your dietitian slash nutritionnus whatever slash Craig
Speaker 1: Harper slash whoever is giving you some kind of direction
Speaker 1: or advice, or we are all having an educated guess,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So I've written thousands and
Speaker 1: thousands of exercise programs, and I know you pretty well,
Speaker 1: but I don't know a lot, right, like I don't
Speaker 1: know a lot of things about you. And so if
Speaker 1: you said, you know this, who I am, this sort
Speaker 1: of way, this is what I know, this, how I look,
Speaker 1: This is how my back works or my bloody legs
Speaker 1: don't work, or my body is great, but my lower
Speaker 1: body's got no flexible or whatever it is. You give
Speaker 1: me all this information, then you tell me what you
Speaker 1: want to be your goals. And then based on all
Speaker 1: of the data that you give me, which is also
Speaker 1: a subjective interpretation of what you think is going on
Speaker 1: in your body, it's still not fucking science, right, it's
Speaker 1: still because your body and your interpretation is wrapped in
Speaker 1: emotion and logic and illogic, and it's still the Kelly
Speaker 1: story about her body. Right. So then on top of that,
Speaker 1: then I go, all right, well, based on that and
Speaker 1: based on the equipment you've got available here at SNAP
Speaker 1: five one five fucking Bluff Road, Hampton East. You're welcome, blood,
Speaker 1: I mean you welcome SNAP. Then then I write your
Speaker 1: program and it could be the perfect program, very unlikely.
Speaker 1: It could be really fucking good, or it might not
Speaker 1: be so good. So all of the time we are
Speaker 1: trying to understand our body and our emotions and our psychology.
Speaker 1: And I think one of the problems that we one
Speaker 1: of the mistakes that we make. I'm globalizing here everyone,
Speaker 1: so this may not be you, but is that we
Speaker 1: outsource decisions for our own fucking body. When your body's
Speaker 1: going hey, dumbass, listen to me, or your nervous systems going, Kelly,
Speaker 1: I am fucking telling you what creates anxiety because when
Speaker 1: you do this, I'm going nuts over here. And the
Speaker 1: information's there, right, we might not always understand it, but
Speaker 1: we have it. And so I think using people who
Speaker 1: are in inverted Comma's experts is something that should be
Speaker 1: done cautionarily, with caution. That's me too, including you know too.
Speaker 1: Or I did a podcast yesterday with Bobby about like
Speaker 1: should we actually give advice at all?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: This is a whole fucking cannon. Should you give it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why should you? When should you? Did they want it?
Speaker 1: Did they ask for it? Do you understand the total context?
Speaker 1: Like maybe you're seeing the tip of the iceberg and
Speaker 1: you think that's the problem or the issue or the challenge,
Speaker 1: But it's fucking six miles of iceberg below the surface
Speaker 1: that you can't see, right, So all of this, and
Speaker 1: this is my passion around all of this, even around
Speaker 1: the body, even around health, even around training. Is you
Speaker 1: trying to understand you, You're trying to learn how to
Speaker 1: operate you. And I'm going to sound like an old
Speaker 1: fuck here, but and this is a purely a personal preference,
Speaker 1: but I wish young people would try it. Fuck off
Speaker 1: your apps, fuck off your phone, fuck off all that
Speaker 1: in terms of this process, and just write stuff in
Speaker 1: a book, do it for six months, get a spiral
Speaker 1: bound like I've I've got one right here as you
Speaker 1: can kind of see. Nope, No, anyway.
Speaker 2: Yet there.
Speaker 1: I used them my whole life, where I just write
Speaker 1: down thoughts, feelings, ideas, and then I can flick back,
Speaker 1: you know, like there's something different to me from scrolling
Speaker 1: to last Tuesday's steps and going all right, I did
Speaker 1: eleven thirty eight or three eighty or whatever it was right,
Speaker 1: but opening last tuesdays and it's going Oh. I woke
Speaker 1: up at six, I felt fucked. I felt tired. I
Speaker 1: got out of bed. I had a coffee at six thirty.
Speaker 1: I did some coaching at seven, I was back home.
Speaker 1: At age fifteen, I had this for Brecky. I trained
Speaker 1: at this time. I did this workout at this intensity.
Speaker 1: I felt fucking amazing. I did this many steps that day.
Speaker 1: I went to bed at this time. I ate this
Speaker 1: for food. Of this food for dinner or for lunch,
Speaker 1: or I took these supplements. I drank this water. I
Speaker 1: had two coffees. Now I've got a hold, not just
Speaker 1: that's on stepping, not just and not only have I
Speaker 1: got all of this information, I've also got how I felt.
Speaker 1: Because changing your body is a feeling process or an
Speaker 1: emotional process, and a psychological process and a physical process.
Speaker 1: But what we're doing when we're just plugging numbers into
Speaker 1: a phone is just fucking stats and data. And I
Speaker 1: like the idea of looking at my writing on a page.
Speaker 1: I can even tell by my writing how I was going.
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I writing? I was fucked? You know?
Speaker 1: So that's my and of course that's just my thoughts everybody.
Speaker 1: That's not what anyone should necessarily do. But I think
Speaker 1: but the thing is with that too. Let's say you
Speaker 1: do a twenty eight day trial of that where you've
Speaker 1: got a spiral bound little pad or whatever. I would
Speaker 1: say a four size to be honest, just so you
Speaker 1: can get a whole day on there. Do it enthusiastically
Speaker 1: rather than gonn ah, fuck, this is a thing I've
Speaker 1: got to do for twenty eight days, because no, if
Speaker 1: you do it that, then don't start. But I diorized
Speaker 1: all of my training, all of my sleep, all of
Speaker 1: my food, all of my fluid intake, my supplements, my vitamins,
Speaker 1: my injuries, my energy levels from when I was eighteen
Speaker 1: to when I was about thirty five, so whatever, seventeen
Speaker 1: years right, And people go, oh, you're obsessed. I go, no,
Speaker 1: I'm curious. I'm fucking If I said to you do
Speaker 1: you want to understand your body? Really well, everyone's going
Speaker 1: to no, one's going to go no, I don't now,
Speaker 1: I don't. Well, you're a dumbass. Why the fuck don't
Speaker 1: you want to? You can't get a new one? Do
Speaker 1: you want to understand how your body responds to different
Speaker 1: stimuli and processes? Write that shit down and just go oh,
Speaker 1: when I do this, when I go to bed at
Speaker 1: that time, when I get up at that time, when
Speaker 1: I have a coffee after six, I'm fucked. I can't sleep,
Speaker 1: So don't do that. Also, I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I seem to be stronger between eleven am and two
Speaker 1: pm than I am from fucking five to seven pm.
Speaker 1: So maybe when I feel the strongest, if I can,
Speaker 1: as we're not, I'll try. So you're kind of doing
Speaker 1: a PhD in kelly yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Interestingly I read a similar version of that just the
Speaker 3: other day, and it was advice from a writer, and
Speaker 3: it was pretty much exactly what you've just said. And
Speaker 3: so he would he took note of when he felt
Speaker 3: like he was at his best performing, and so he documented.
Speaker 3: You know, in the mornings, I'd be doing this and
Speaker 3: then I would go and do this, and he said
Speaker 3: it helped me to figure out what was going to
Speaker 3: be the best rhythm of productivity for me.
Speaker 2: But the process took him a few months.
Speaker 3: And I find it quite interesting that that was the
Speaker 3: advice that came from a writer, and out of that
Speaker 3: he published his first book.
Speaker 2: M Yeah, really.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean and again again, for some people, the
Speaker 1: apps work perfectly, so ignore the fuck out of me
Speaker 1: if you're using an app and it's working, and then
Speaker 1: do that. But I also think I think it's in
Speaker 1: our interest to try to understand how our body works,
Speaker 1: and maybe to go and go and read about the
Speaker 1: nervous system for half an hour, just the nervous system,
Speaker 1: not your nervous system, but how does it work? Like
Speaker 1: I remember when I was young, I spent a week
Speaker 1: and this sounds like so low key. I would have
Speaker 1: been twenty five when we didn't have the internet and
Speaker 1: shit was hard to get a hold of. But I
Speaker 1: just studied the brain for a week, which just trying
Speaker 1: to go, ah, what are the bits of the brain called,
Speaker 1: what is the prefrontal cortext do? What does the amigdala do?
Speaker 1: You know? What does this do? What does that do?
Speaker 1: And just trying to go okay, and I've got one
Speaker 1: of those, and what happens when I'm tired? And what
Speaker 1: happens when by the way, what is my brain run on? Oh? Glucose? Okay?
Speaker 1: And by the way, how much energy does my brain
Speaker 1: use over a day? Well, twenty percent of all your energy? Fuck?
Speaker 1: And the hell you know, like there's and then you
Speaker 1: can just go, oh, you can start to understand your
Speaker 1: own brain and your own cognitive kind of state because
Speaker 1: you now understand a little bit more about the brain.
Speaker 1: Like and we're still learning. Do you remember that thing
Speaker 1: that hubanman He didn't discover it, but he started talking
Speaker 1: about a year or two ago, which is called the
Speaker 1: the am Yeah, AMCC. I've got to remember the words
Speaker 1: and then the acronym. Have you heard about the AMCC
Speaker 1: anterior mid singulate cortex.
Speaker 2: No I haven't.
Speaker 1: Oh, we'll fucking strap in. So the AMCC is a
Speaker 1: part of the brain that actually grows, like physically grows.
Speaker 1: It gets bigger when you do that you don't like doing,
Speaker 1: but you need to do right right, So it actually
Speaker 1: so let's say, and it could be like I've just
Speaker 1: done three sets of lap pools in the gym, for you, Kelly,
Speaker 1: I've done three sets of lap poles of what last
Speaker 1: one was really hard. I'm fucked, and I go, cool,
Speaker 1: do a fourth, and you're like, fuck you, I don't
Speaker 1: want to do a fourth. I go, yeah, cool, I
Speaker 1: know you don't, but do a fourth and you're like,
Speaker 1: I really don't. Like I actually don't. I'm tired. I've
Speaker 1: had a big day and I'm like ah, and you go,
Speaker 1: fuck you and you do the fourth.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: That's an example of doing something that you know. I'm
Speaker 1: not talking about let's get injured. I'm just talking about
Speaker 1: let's go to I'm tired and I like, cool, so
Speaker 1: do something hard. It's going to last sixty seconds, probably
Speaker 1: won't die, probably won't get injured. And a little example
Speaker 1: of that for me is last night I was really tired.
Speaker 1: I went downstairs so I sleep live upstairs. I went
Speaker 1: downstairs to the kitchen to do something. I'll get some
Speaker 1: and I realized that i'd a not a It's only me,
Speaker 1: so it's not like it's a thousand, But I had
Speaker 1: about five or six dishes, right, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: will soak those and I will clean those in the morning,
Speaker 1: and then fucking I hate being these sometimes then amcc
Speaker 1: boy is like, no, you won't. You'll wash them. You'll
Speaker 1: you'll run some hot water, you'll get some lick, some soap,
Speaker 1: you'll fill up the fucking sink. You'll wash them properly,
Speaker 1: you'll dry them properly. Then you'll put them away, and
Speaker 1: then you'll take the dish rack off and you'll wipe everything.
Speaker 1: Then you'll dry and everything, so it looks like a
Speaker 1: fucking showroom. And that's what I did, and I just
Speaker 1: didn't want to. I didn't want to. But it's in that,
Speaker 1: can I digress, I'll shut up after this, And it's
Speaker 1: in that doing of the the hard things I believe.
Speaker 1: I don't mean lifting a heavyweight, because some people lifting
Speaker 1: a heavyweight is fun, so you don't get this particular
Speaker 1: bend effit that I'm talking about. Right, some people that
Speaker 1: hate doing squats, they'll do everything in the gym, but
Speaker 1: they won't put a weight on their back and do squats.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying everyone should do squats, but when you go, fuck,
Speaker 1: I'm going to squat once a week. I don't want
Speaker 1: to hate it. They suck. I don't think I'm very
Speaker 1: good at and blah blah, blah all that. Well, then
Speaker 1: that's where you start to get this type of benefit.
Speaker 1: And I was listening to a podcast. Do you know
Speaker 1: who Alex Hanald is the climber corn So he is
Speaker 1: considered by most to be the best climber in the world,
Speaker 1: and he he has climbed the toughest. He's probably the
Speaker 1: one person who's done most of the you would call impossible,
Speaker 1: in impossible for the average human, climbs like El Capitan,
Speaker 1: which is in I think it's Insemite, which is I'm
Speaker 1: going to get the numbers wrong, but it's something like
Speaker 1: two thousand or two and a half thousand feet straight
Speaker 1: fucking up. It's like climbing. It's like timbing the wall
Speaker 1: of your bedroom. It's like it's straight up right. And
Speaker 1: then he was talking to Stephen Bartlett, who does Diary
Speaker 1: of CEO. Shout out to him. He's, oh, gladly give
Speaker 1: him a shout out. Good podcast, a good podcast. And
Speaker 1: he was talking about, you know, like the sacrifice of
Speaker 1: all these things he did, like he lived in a
Speaker 1: van from when he was nineteen to thirty thirty years,
Speaker 1: eleven years and all he did was, you know, climb.
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, you did all these horrible things
Speaker 1: and hard things, and they started talking about the AMCC
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, but what you don't understand is
Speaker 1: for me, that's joy, you know. For me, that's what
Speaker 1: is hard for me is coming into the city and
Speaker 1: putting on a fucking suit and tie and going to
Speaker 1: talk to some corporates. Like that's for him a horror story,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's like we get this cognitive benefit
Speaker 1: when we do something which for someone else might seem
Speaker 1: easy or convenient, but for you it's like, no, fuck,
Speaker 1: I hate doing this. Like I would say, for you,
Speaker 1: part of your cognitive growth doing these with me, starting
Speaker 1: from the girl lady who's never done one to be
Speaker 1: the lady who has now been on here unteen times.
Speaker 1: And I can tell in you the thing that used
Speaker 1: to stress you doesn't stress you as much. I don't
Speaker 1: know what your individual response is, but it might have
Speaker 1: been somewhere in the ballpark of a ten, and right now,
Speaker 1: in this moment, you're probably sitting closer to a one
Speaker 1: than a ten.
Speaker 3: AM I correct, absolutely, And even in terms of speaking
Speaker 3: in front of people as well, Like we've had conversations
Speaker 3: where I've been asked to present to rooms of leaders
Speaker 3: at work and things like that.
Speaker 2: And I was sweating so much that I thought I
Speaker 2: was going to you know, it's going to roll down
Speaker 2: the sleeve of my arm.
Speaker 3: And now it's I can absolutely reframe that and it
Speaker 3: doesn't terrify me as much. Like I think I've still
Speaker 3: got a very healthy level of nerves, and that's because it's.
Speaker 2: Something that matters.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I find it slightly easier and certainly talking
Speaker 3: in front of a lot of people, because even that
Speaker 3: would terrify me. Like i could be in a room
Speaker 3: full of people that I've known for quite some time
Speaker 3: and you know, people would suddenly start listening to what
Speaker 3: I was saying and I'd be like, oh, everyone's.
Speaker 2: Looking this is this isn't comfortable at all.
Speaker 3: And now it's like, okay, well I feel a bit
Speaker 3: more at ease with that.
Speaker 1: So yes, yeah, yeah, And I think the challenge in
Speaker 1: the middle of all like so many things where we think, oh,
Speaker 1: I've got to change this about my life, or I've
Speaker 1: got to change this about my body, or I've got
Speaker 1: to change this about my bank account, I've got to
Speaker 1: change this about my relationship and ships. I've got to like,
Speaker 1: we look at all of these external things. But the
Speaker 1: thing that we've really got to change.
Speaker 2: Is us, absolutely, And when.
Speaker 1: I change, when you change, you, when you are now,
Speaker 1: when your default setting is, oh, Kelly, let's use the
Speaker 1: metaphor of a mountain. Kelly can go and climb that mountain.
Speaker 1: And she's not nervous about it. She's not exhausted, she's
Speaker 1: not terrified halfway up the mountain because she's climbed at
Speaker 1: the mountain. She's climbed the mountain. She's progressed. She's started here,
Speaker 1: she worked to two, then three, then four, and now
Speaker 1: she's got skills and knowledge and courage and understanding and
Speaker 1: insight and all of this stuff. Where the mountain is
Speaker 1: the same, the task is the same, the environment is
Speaker 1: the same, but you're different. And without anything about the mountain,
Speaker 1: be that a literal or metaphoric mountain, without anything about
Speaker 1: the mountain changing because you different. Now your relationship with,
Speaker 1: experience with and respond to the mountain is different, and
Speaker 1: you change nothing except you.
Speaker 2: Oh it's wild, isn't it?
Speaker 3: And I think so the other day you were talking
Speaker 3: about how you don't have to always keep pushing up
Speaker 3: the hill because life is also swings and roundabouts, and
Speaker 3: what I took from that is you can be always
Speaker 3: like pushing for something next, right like whether it's you know,
Speaker 3: you want to you want to do more steps, you
Speaker 3: want to lift a heavier weight, you want to lose weight,
Speaker 3: you want to learn more, you want to think differently.
Speaker 3: But there's going to be times when you've got to
Speaker 3: pause because something else in life is happening. And so
Speaker 3: in amongst all of the things that have been happening
Speaker 3: at the moment with my nan, like I'm her kind
Speaker 3: of key person, I'm her primary care basically, so there's
Speaker 3: been a lot of admin around that, and I thought,
Speaker 3: I've got to focus on what it is that I
Speaker 3: can control within MySpace while I'm not actively pushing up
Speaker 3: that hill. And so when you said what you did
Speaker 3: the other day, I'm like, Okay, that makes absolute sense.
Speaker 3: Because if you're on say the swings all the roundabout
Speaker 3: its metaphor, it can be going up and down, and
Speaker 3: that's fine.
Speaker 2: Because of all the work that you've put in.
Speaker 3: It's not actually changing anything about your progress. It's just
Speaker 3: taking the focus off it for the moment. Yeah, So
Speaker 3: I thought that is you know, if we're talking quite
Speaker 3: literally about the U project, that for me was like
Speaker 3: it was such a light bulb moment of Yeah, things
Speaker 3: are always you're going to have those moments of it
Speaker 3: being up and down, but depending on the work that
Speaker 3: you've already put in, it's not going to change your
Speaker 3: progress and then eventually the swing will stop and you
Speaker 3: can start the bush again.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I think also like when we're aiming for something,
Speaker 1: chasing something, trying to create an outcome. So I'm writing
Speaker 1: this down because I'm thinking this through in real time.
Speaker 1: This is how much I don't prepare. Well, I couldn't
Speaker 1: because I didn't know what you're going to ask. But
Speaker 1: we talk about So I've written on my page goal,
Speaker 1: there's the thing that we want. Then I've written underneath goal,
Speaker 1: I've got a circle around goal, and then an arrow
Speaker 1: down to the word story. We all have a story
Speaker 1: about what happens when I get the goal, and it's
Speaker 1: always something good. Right, Yeah, I'm my self esteem will
Speaker 1: be great because now I'm in shape. My confidence will
Speaker 1: be greater because now I've got fifty thousand followers, not
Speaker 1: five my you know fill in the blank. And I
Speaker 1: think that is the expectation that we have, or the
Speaker 1: belief that we have tied into a theoretical does not
Speaker 1: yet exist outcome. And then I would say, how many
Speaker 1: times have you achieved a goal or done a thing
Speaker 1: that you wanted to do and did not have the
Speaker 1: subsequent subsequent emotional or psychological or broadly speaking, internal shift,
Speaker 1: And most of us would go nearly every time. It
Speaker 1: might have been temporarily better. But then, you know, if
Speaker 1: we talk about satisfaction and contentment, very few people are
Speaker 1: actually content. And you go, oh, yeah, but if I
Speaker 1: do this, change that, own that earn that, get that
Speaker 1: I will be I doubt it. I doubt it, Which
Speaker 1: is not to say getting earning, having owning, achieving is bad,
Speaker 1: of course not. But I've never got to the point
Speaker 1: where I think, oh yeah, I've got it, sort it out,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm content. I will never want anything else.
Speaker 1: I am fulfilled. I am fucking hell, I have figured
Speaker 1: it out. Hey, world, eyes to me, listen the fuck up.
Speaker 1: You know it's no you're a human like you're going
Speaker 1: to get there and go, oh fuck here, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be here. I thought I wanted to be here,
Speaker 1: you know. And then then what's interesting is interesting is
Speaker 1: to go, what is that about? What is the psychological
Speaker 1: or emotional or spiritual thing that I really want but
Speaker 1: don't know that I want it or really need while
Speaker 1: I think I want something else. Like this is when
Speaker 1: we start to get hold on kel. It's about to
Speaker 1: get fucking deep. This is when we start to get
Speaker 1: past goal setting and personal growth and you know, human
Speaker 1: performance and all of that stuff is good because that's
Speaker 1: part of who we are. But also, do you and
Speaker 1: me and every one of our listeners know someone who
Speaker 1: you would go fuck and how They're a stud, they're
Speaker 1: a superstar, they're successful, and they're miserable as fuck, Yet
Speaker 1: none of them want to be miserable outside looking in
Speaker 1: all shiny and successy inside overthinking self doubt, paranoia, depression, anxiety, medication,
Speaker 1: darkness not light, and you go, dude, you're chasing the
Speaker 1: wrong things or you look for the right solutions in
Speaker 1: the wrong places. And this is opening a door on
Speaker 1: real high level self understanding and awareness and consciousness where
Speaker 1: we start to question our own beliefs about what will
Speaker 1: fix me, what will make me happy. You know, when
Speaker 1: I was and I don't say this to you know,
Speaker 1: but when I was young thirty, I was way more
Speaker 1: successful financially commercially da da da da than I thought
Speaker 1: I would ever be in my entire life. And I
Speaker 1: was thirty, and I'm like, well, how did this happen?
Speaker 1: And why do I still feel like dogshit? And why
Speaker 1: am I insecure when I have that and known that
Speaker 1: and earned that and got a profile and I've got
Speaker 1: all these things, I've got all these shits, And how
Speaker 1: come in the middle of all of my shit? And
Speaker 1: again just my experience, but I know I was. I
Speaker 1: definitely remember thinking back when I was twenty and I
Speaker 1: was working in pubs four nights a week, I'm getting
Speaker 1: punched in the face for twelve dollars an hour, and
Speaker 1: I was working in gyms for someone else, and I
Speaker 1: was on a wage, and I had mates and we
Speaker 1: did dumb shit and my girlfriends and we just life
Speaker 1: was just fun. And I'm like, I definitely remember. And
Speaker 1: that's not to say one or the other. That was
Speaker 1: just my story. It's like I was in a situation
Speaker 1: that no one would aspire to, perhaps like my practical
Speaker 1: reality of my world. I had a shit car, had
Speaker 1: a shit motorbike. I didn't own a house. Every week
Speaker 1: I'd make you know, four more dollars than I needed
Speaker 1: to survive and in the middle of that happiest shit
Speaker 1: and then you go and now I've a gieved all
Speaker 1: these fucking amazing things, and I yeah, so I think,
Speaker 1: and I don't have a single answer to that. I
Speaker 1: just think, fuck, that is an interesting phenomenon. You know,
Speaker 1: let's what is that about for me? What is that
Speaker 1: about for you? And it's like, what do you want
Speaker 1: to be when you're forty well you know? And then
Speaker 1: you go, well, why do you want to be it?
Speaker 1: And do you really want to be it? And then
Speaker 1: if you do you get there? What then.
Speaker 3: Who knows?
Speaker 2: That's why I kind of think.
Speaker 3: When I was planning for my holiday last year, there
Speaker 3: was these things I was reading and someone said, sometimes
Speaker 3: it's in the planning and the anticipation and the looking
Speaker 3: forward to that it's far more rewarding and far more
Speaker 3: exciting than the actual getting there and the doing and
Speaker 3: the scene. And it's like having you know, you've got
Speaker 3: something marked in your calendar of Hey, I've got this
Speaker 3: to look forward to, and there's all of this time
Speaker 3: in between that I'm going to be doing whatever it
Speaker 3: is I'm doing, but I've got this thing here to
Speaker 3: look forward to and at the moment for me, because
Speaker 3: I do feel I feel really good within myself physically.
Speaker 3: It's like, Okay, well, I know that I'm still doing
Speaker 3: this kind of challenge thing for another couple of weeks,
Speaker 3: but I don't even care anymore. I don't care what
Speaker 3: the end result is because I know my thing thinking
Speaker 3: around it has changed and that is giving me this
Speaker 3: internal sense of achievement already and I haven't even got
Speaker 3: to where.
Speaker 2: The you know, the arbitrary goal is. So the reframe
Speaker 2: of the doing being the reward.
Speaker 3: Like, I'm finding that's working for me and it's keeping
Speaker 3: me consistent, and it's something that.
Speaker 2: It's just working for me.
Speaker 3: Something is clipped over around my brain that's saying the
Speaker 3: doing is the reward, not the end goal. It's going
Speaker 3: to be a number or this or that, And I
Speaker 3: don't know, maybe maybe that's maybe there's something in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely A couple of things come to mind when
Speaker 1: you say that. One is how people get excited about
Speaker 1: a holiday for a year. And this part this couple
Speaker 1: talk about where we're going to do it and what
Speaker 1: we're going to look see that, and then we'll go
Speaker 1: and see that we'll stay in this joint and I mean,
Speaker 1: tell them why we're going to France in Mapril next year.
Speaker 1: I mean, and which is great. They go and they
Speaker 1: almost fucking hate it because it's not as good as
Speaker 1: the idea. It's like, ah, the food kind of sucks.
Speaker 1: The guy that served us was a prick. It's hot
Speaker 1: as fuck or whatever. Like, sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not.
Speaker 1: There's the idea of what we're going to do, and
Speaker 1: then there's the thing that we're going to do, and
Speaker 1: sometimes you know that aligns and sometimes it doesn't. But
Speaker 1: another thing that came to mind was, so what if
Speaker 1: we just said to ourselves, like, oh, some days I'm
Speaker 1: going to have a shit day and that's fine. Some
Speaker 1: days I'm going to be sad. That's fine, because that's
Speaker 1: what humans do. You know. Some days I'm going to
Speaker 1: be happy as fuck. I might not even know why
Speaker 1: I'm so happy today. And sometimes I'm going to get disappointed.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm going to win, sometimes I'm going to lose.
Speaker 1: And in the middle of all of those human experiences,
Speaker 1: I'll just try and navigate and I'll just try and
Speaker 1: have the best mindset that I can. I'll try and
Speaker 1: self regulate as well as I can. Like, you've been
Speaker 1: going through stuff with Nan, who you love, and it's
Speaker 1: some of it sucks, some of it's fucking horrible. It's
Speaker 1: not where you want to be, how you want to be,
Speaker 1: it's not how you want her to be. It's it's
Speaker 1: all the things. But also there's a knowing you can't
Speaker 1: control it. It's just happening. So in that instance, we
Speaker 1: resign ourselves and we go all right, well, this is
Speaker 1: in some shape or form inevitable, So how do I
Speaker 1: be of service to Nan? How do I love her?
Speaker 1: How do I mentally, emotionally practically love her? And you
Speaker 1: just all of a sudden, you're like, oh, wow, I
Speaker 1: might have six months with her that I didn't think
Speaker 1: I would have, or a year or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: and you're just grateful. You're just grateful for something that
Speaker 1: you were never truly grateful for because she was always
Speaker 1: just there, you know. So I think there's you know,
Speaker 1: context and reframing. And I remember recently, I can't remember
Speaker 1: what day, but in the last three weeks I had
Speaker 1: a day where I was fucking sad, and I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: I don't get sad. I'm Craig Harper, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't get sad. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Speaker 1: I was flat? And Melissa rang me and I go, fuck,
Speaker 1: I'm flat. She's like really, I go and she was
Speaker 1: like you, I'm like me, I'm flat as fuck. I
Speaker 1: feel sad. I don't talk to anyone. People are ringing me,
Speaker 1: I'm not answering, and I'm like, oh, okay, so this
Speaker 1: is new, this is new. I don't know what was
Speaker 1: going on. I still don't know. I think I suspect
Speaker 1: a bit of unling, underlying stuff with mum and dad
Speaker 1: and a few issues and PhD and getting shit done,
Speaker 1: taking a few bucks and you know, personally trying to
Speaker 1: fucking get healthy, and it's all the things, and it's
Speaker 1: Tuesday and you feel like shit. So there you go,
Speaker 1: sham Tuesday, feeling shit. I'm like Roger that so and
Speaker 1: the next day quite a bit better. Next day, brand new,
Speaker 1: happy as fucked. I don't know why I didn't do
Speaker 1: anything in particular, but I think the goal of being
Speaker 1: happy may not be the best goal.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I think the goal of just navigating life successfully and
Speaker 1: if you're happy, great, If you're sad, that's Okay. If
Speaker 1: you're confused, that's cool. If you're clear, that's cool. Also,
Speaker 1: for God's sake, stop needing to be right. Stop needing
Speaker 1: to be right, stop needing to win arguments and conversations,
Speaker 1: Stop needing to show the world some form of how
Speaker 1: good you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I'm so glad you said that.
Speaker 1: If you're good, we're going to fucking know, Champ. The
Speaker 1: more you tell me how good you are, the less
Speaker 1: I believe you. So fucking shush one and two, just
Speaker 1: do you blue boom, We'll get it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because in a
Speaker 3: month's kind of feeling as though so many different elements
Speaker 3: have been spinning out of control. Like I will very
Speaker 3: honestly put my hand up and say I've been such
Speaker 3: a little shit with wanting to be right, because it's
Speaker 3: coming from this place of well, if I'm right, then
Speaker 3: I'm in control of that, and that means that there's
Speaker 3: something that is still moving in the right way. And
Speaker 3: you know, it means that I'm in control of that,
Speaker 3: and it means that I know something, and it means that, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm good. But then it's like, stop talking, stop trying
Speaker 3: to prove something. You're actually coming across as a bit
Speaker 3: of an asshole. So maybe just take a step back
Speaker 3: and let someone else talk.
Speaker 2: And that's yeah, it's very much. It's been kind of
Speaker 2: front and center of my mind to stop doing that.
Speaker 3: No one likes it, you don't like it, you actually
Speaker 3: feel like shit afterwards. So what is this inherent kind
Speaker 3: of need to say.
Speaker 2: I know that, I know that you don't know what
Speaker 2: you're talking about. I know better than you.
Speaker 1: Stop talking, and you think about also on a social
Speaker 1: media level. And I'm not throwing social media under the
Speaker 1: bus because I think sometimes it's a really good tool
Speaker 1: and sometimes it's not. And I think we need to
Speaker 1: take responsibility for the impact that social media has on us,
Speaker 1: because you know, where like nobody's putting a gun to
Speaker 1: here to make oh yeah, but they've developed these things
Speaker 1: so that it hijacks your brain, and that has an
Speaker 1: hijacked mine hasn't hijacked a lot of you know, it's
Speaker 1: not like this mandatory I'm a fucking puppet at the
Speaker 1: mercy of It's like, there needs to be some level
Speaker 1: of accountability and responsibility on an on an individual level
Speaker 1: as well as the social media company is having some responsibility.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: But what I was going to say is, so, you know,
Speaker 1: you jump into social media IG for me, and you
Speaker 1: scroll and you're like, you're looking at all of these
Speaker 1: fictional fucking stories that people are wheeling out as though
Speaker 1: this is truth, Like, ah, you know, how happy or
Speaker 1: how successful or how lean or how amazing or how
Speaker 1: fucking we'll fill in the blank, and we go, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to be like they want to be like
Speaker 1: who I want to be like him? Look how amazing that? No,
Speaker 1: that's not their life. That's a fucking real on a
Speaker 1: platform that they have probably shot thirty five different times
Speaker 1: in three different fucking light settings with four different mics,
Speaker 1: with some motherfucker holding the camera, and then they've edited
Speaker 1: the shit out of that to produce this little thing
Speaker 1: that you think just them casually strolling through their excellent existence, right, bro,
Speaker 1: come on, Like, for me, I find it interesting, but
Speaker 1: I know what it is, and I know what it
Speaker 1: isn't you know? This is not life. This is a show.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's literally like a little movie that someone's created.
Speaker 1: Like we don't watch movies, going fuck, I love this
Speaker 1: documentary because we know it's a fucking movie. So don't
Speaker 1: think the movies, the mini movies you're watching on social media,
Speaker 1: are documentaries or any reflection of reality. There's some exceptions,
Speaker 1: but most not really. And so that's going. No, life
Speaker 1: is not a fucking Disney movie. Life is not fucking
Speaker 1: you know, fluffy puppies and unicorns. It's not. It's life.
Speaker 1: Life's life. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes it's horrible. You know, I've
Speaker 1: got friends right now going through all kinds of horrible shit.
Speaker 1: Ask them how life's going. It ain't a reel on Instagram,
Speaker 1: you know, like like our friend that you know, Johnny
Speaker 1: comes to the gym last eight years, it's just gone
Speaker 1: eight years since he got blown up. Eight years with
Speaker 1: a traumatic brain injury. Eight years with daily pain, I
Speaker 1: mean fucking nine out of ten pain, eight years with
Speaker 1: a spinal did I say spinal cord or traumatic brain injury,
Speaker 1: got both of them, and eight years of walking with
Speaker 1: great difficult not eight years because he was in a
Speaker 1: wheelchair at first, you know. And that's his day, like
Speaker 1: he never has Yes, he has moments of joy and fun,
Speaker 1: but if you look at the totality of twenty four
Speaker 1: hour period, he never has a great day. Every day
Speaker 1: contains pain and discomfort, and considerable work, an organization to
Speaker 1: get out of bed in the morning to be somewhat
Speaker 1: operational for the day. So don't tell me how fucking
Speaker 1: amazing life is. Everyone. You know, maybe your life truly
Speaker 1: is amazing, maybe maybe you're the unicorn, but life is
Speaker 1: just life. For some people, it's beautiful. For some people
Speaker 1: it's fucking horrible. We don't want to talk about the
Speaker 1: horrible because we're all about pumping our fist and walking
Speaker 1: on hot coals and being putting light into the world. Well,
Speaker 1: guess what, some people live in darkness. You don't want
Speaker 1: to acknowledge it, you don't like it, but that is
Speaker 1: some people's reality. So we need to be compassionate and
Speaker 1: if we can be a little bit of light. I
Speaker 1: try to be a little bit of light in Johnny's life.
Speaker 1: If I can do that, then I'm proud. But I'm
Speaker 1: not pretending his life is good. You know, there's that
Speaker 1: we've got to, like, fucking get out of the fairy
Speaker 1: talent into this is what life.
Speaker 3: Is, absolutely and they're the far more rewarding conversations as well.
Speaker 3: I've become quite good friends with someone from the gym
Speaker 3: who and she won't mind me mentioning, but she posted
Speaker 3: on social media about her depression and how she didn't
Speaker 3: want to be here anymore and that, like, I just
Speaker 3: sent her a message and I said, you know, I
Speaker 3: don't know you. I see you at the gym and
Speaker 3: I always look at you and think, you know, she's
Speaker 3: she's super fit, she's really lean, she's you know, got
Speaker 3: it all together. And she put this really honest post
Speaker 3: out and I just said to her, I'm really glad
Speaker 3: that you changed your mind, and I'm really glad that
Speaker 3: you're still here. And I don't know you, but please
Speaker 3: send me a message anytime you feel shit.
Speaker 2: And so we have been messaging each other quite a bit.
Speaker 3: Now, and all we know about each other is that
Speaker 3: we're both really you know, vulnerable human beings who dip
Speaker 3: into mental health issues here and there.
Speaker 2: And it's.
Speaker 3: Probably one of the realest connections that I have. So
Speaker 3: that that is a good side of social media. It's
Speaker 3: just it's a message that we send each other. But yeah,
Speaker 3: that's you don't have that level of conversation or depth
Speaker 3: of connection with people who are going, hey, check out
Speaker 3: my makeup tutorial or you know this, you know, here's
Speaker 3: what's on my plate. For the day, or you know,
Speaker 3: here's the latest viral recipe. So yeah, I think, you know,
Speaker 3: not to sound wanky, but I think there's a real
Speaker 3: beauty that can come out of that darkness if you're
Speaker 3: willing to be vulnerable around it and.
Speaker 2: Talk to the right people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, beautiful, I agree, because that's the human experience. Also,
Speaker 1: before anyone gets mad at me, I'm not saying social
Speaker 1: media is bad at all. Also, I'm not saying building
Speaker 1: a business or a profile is bad. I think you know,
Speaker 1: it's like I've got a few follows, I've got a
Speaker 1: few listeners. That's cool, of course, and I'm grateful for that,
Speaker 1: but it's not my identity. And you know, but there
Speaker 1: are other people who jump online and they're purely online
Speaker 1: just to sell this or sell that. Also, well done.
Speaker 1: You know. If you want to build a business, a
Speaker 1: micro business or an online business and you're doing great, well,
Speaker 1: then go you like go you. So it's this is
Speaker 1: the thing. It's like with with any single thing. Is
Speaker 1: cake bad? No? If you have three bits a day,
Speaker 1: well yeah, this booze bad. What depends, doesn't it. It's
Speaker 1: like my mum and dad drink booze. They're eighty six. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're probably going all right. You know, it's like, do
Speaker 1: I drink booze? No? Does that make me better? No?
Speaker 1: Or maybe I'd be a better person if I had
Speaker 1: a fucking wine or a beer each day, accounty, I
Speaker 1: don't know. But it's like these yeah, these things are
Speaker 1: not arbitrary so much. You know, maybe if you things
Speaker 1: like well, we know cigarettes are probably going to fuck
Speaker 1: you up. But you know, is our social media good
Speaker 1: or bad? Both? Both? But it's really not about is
Speaker 1: it inherently good or bad. It's really about how it
Speaker 1: is used by people and how it impacts people. It's
Speaker 1: more than that, you know, And even over time we
Speaker 1: find out via a lot of our guests on even
Speaker 1: this show, it's like, oh, the thing that we used
Speaker 1: to think was really bad, eating lots of meat might
Speaker 1: actually not be bad, you know, Or maybe this kind
Speaker 1: of oil is you know, don't ever have fucking butter now?
Speaker 1: Some people are like, no, you should just have butter. Again.
Speaker 1: I'm not endorsing or rejecting anything. I'm just you know,
Speaker 1: this is the thing, and it's like, I like, for me,
Speaker 1: I've never I've never been less busy in the sense
Speaker 1: that I don't have multiple business and I don't have
Speaker 1: lots of stuff, and I don't have sixteen meetings a day.
Speaker 1: But I feel the richest I've ever felt, and not
Speaker 1: because of money. Like I'm like, oh, how good is
Speaker 1: my fucking life? How good is my life? And I go,
Speaker 1: I am you know, of course there's money, which we
Speaker 1: call wealth, And then I go, yeah, what about your
Speaker 1: emotional bank account or your spiritual bankccount, or your social
Speaker 1: bank account or your mental bank account or how's that going?
Speaker 1: But we're so preoccupied with the first one, not the
Speaker 1: last four, that we feel the first one sometimes again,
Speaker 1: that's not a bad thing, that's an amazing thing. But
Speaker 1: then then around that, you know, is my identity intertwined
Speaker 1: with the ship that I own and the money that
Speaker 1: I have, or is that just a resource available to
Speaker 1: me to do the stuff that I'm actually passionate about.
Speaker 3: Look, I would dare say that for me, like my identity,
Speaker 3: Like I know that I have a lot of really
Speaker 3: wonderful people in my life, and I look at them
Speaker 3: and it's kind of like, well, if someone as amazing
Speaker 3: as this person is in my life and they come
Speaker 3: to me and support me when they know that I'm
Speaker 3: not feeling great.
Speaker 2: That is worth more than any.
Speaker 3: Bank balance, because you've got the right people around you
Speaker 3: that support you and love you and care for you
Speaker 3: when you need it, and also you get to do
Speaker 3: the same for them and they accept that from you.
Speaker 3: And I know for a lot of people in my life,
Speaker 3: they don't let.
Speaker 2: Just anyone in. And to know that, you know.
Speaker 3: It's a relationship that goes both ways in that they
Speaker 3: can be for you and you can be for them.
Speaker 2: That's my absolute wealth.
Speaker 1: And yet there'll be people listening to you and I going, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's all right for you, Harps. You're a faculty fucking
Speaker 1: single bloke living in wherever. I've got four kids and
Speaker 1: we're a one income household and my wife or me
Speaker 1: and my husband and six miles and four lots of education.
Speaker 1: And then you go, well for you one as best
Speaker 1: I can understand, not being you, I understand total empathy,
Speaker 1: total love, and I get that like making money practically,
Speaker 1: that's just got to be your priority now, absolutely, you know,
Speaker 1: And it's like it's situation dependent. I'm going to give
Speaker 1: you an eight and a half for this. You've done
Speaker 1: very well. I don't want to give you a ten,
Speaker 1: because I want to give you something to work towards
Speaker 1: and aspire to excellent.
Speaker 2: I like doing the work.
Speaker 1: How did you feel getting back behind the wheel?
Speaker 2: Great? Really, really good.
Speaker 3: It's nice to be stretched in ways that I wouldn't
Speaker 3: normally be And that's really what I'm getting out of
Speaker 3: the conversations that I get to have with you. So yeah,
Speaker 3: I feel really good.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: What I want people to know and correct me if
Speaker 1: I fuck any of this up. But like you and I,
Speaker 1: I've never sat down and had a coffee together. We've
Speaker 1: never had a meal together, we've never hung out together.
Speaker 1: We know each other through the gym and we message
Speaker 1: back and forth, we have the odd phone call, a
Speaker 1: few SMSs. But my understanding of you is this is
Speaker 1: not your natural wheelhouse, right, You're way down the introvert
Speaker 1: rather than the extrovert end of the scale.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, Why do you?
Speaker 1: And I know it's not because you want to people
Speaker 1: to know you and you don't want to be or
Speaker 1: you want to be famous. I know it's not that,
Speaker 1: because I fucking know you. Why do you want to
Speaker 1: come on and chat to me in this situation that
Speaker 1: is not By the way, you're getting better and better.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's the Maybe that's the reason, right. And even
Speaker 1: at the start when I did the first one with you,
Speaker 1: I remember talking to Melissa going for somebody who's fucking
Speaker 1: nervous and shy and an introvert. She did an amazing
Speaker 1: job just talking. So what's your reason for wanting to
Speaker 1: do it?
Speaker 3: I think so in person, I have a lot of
Speaker 3: social anxiety, and that's something that I've worked through. I
Speaker 3: think the fact that this is through a screen, there's that.
Speaker 1: Barrier.
Speaker 3: There's a physical barrier, right, So we're not actually in
Speaker 3: the same room. We're having a conversation. You're not kind
Speaker 3: of looking at me in any way. That's you know, judging.
Speaker 1: Like you know what.
Speaker 3: It's likely to have conversations with people in person and
Speaker 3: they might give you a bit of a look up
Speaker 3: and down, and then suddenly your train of thought has
Speaker 3: gone to, oh my god, what are they looking at? Like?
Speaker 2: Do I is my fly undone?
Speaker 3: You know? Is my shoe less undone? Like what's going on?
Speaker 3: But I'm also I reached out to you the first
Speaker 3: time when I was on this huge journey of learning
Speaker 3: about self awareness. Meditation was in there, learning about the brain,
Speaker 3: was in their physical learning as well. And you know,
Speaker 3: to me, you were always just the scary dude at
Speaker 3: the gym, and I always wondered why everybody flocked to you.
Speaker 3: And then I started listening to what you're putting out
Speaker 3: and I'm like, this is so fascinating, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just tried my luck.
Speaker 3: I thought, from a very selfish perspective, I get to
Speaker 3: ask you questions, and I know from what I see
Speaker 3: on the Facebook groups, there's so many people that want
Speaker 3: to ask you questions. And I'm like, I'm so lucky
Speaker 3: to be able to do this, so preparing for it,
Speaker 3: thinking about it, thinking about, you know, questions that if
Speaker 3: I've got the chance to be asking, let's say, on
Speaker 3: behalf of other people who are curious, what's going to
Speaker 3: be the best use of this time?
Speaker 2: And from that it's just you.
Speaker 3: Know, even also, you know, talking with tiff On Hers
Speaker 3: and it's really pushed me out of my comfort zone
Speaker 3: and I as much as I'm introverted, I'm enjoying that.
Speaker 1: And you know what's funny is and this is not
Speaker 1: an invitation for everyone else, sorry, but if you hadn't asked,
Speaker 1: never to have happened, right, So you did a really
Speaker 1: brave few thing asking the scary dude. Hey. I think
Speaker 1: it started with there are a bunch of people that
Speaker 1: sent me some questions on the platform. Also everyone I
Speaker 1: realized I asked for questions a month ago and I
Speaker 1: haven't got to them. I will get to them. I've
Speaker 1: still got them in a document. But you went, hey,
Speaker 1: something like can I ask you those questions? On the
Speaker 1: ones that were I think that's where we started, wasn't it.
Speaker 3: Well? The first one was when you put it out
Speaker 3: and this was a few years ago about the listener
Speaker 3: invasion and you invited three listeners to come and that
Speaker 3: was the first.
Speaker 2: Time, and from then I was always like, how can
Speaker 2: I do it again?
Speaker 3: Because that was just magic and in full disclosure, like
Speaker 3: any time I've thought or been brave enough to say, hey,
Speaker 3: can I have another go? It's been when I'm at
Speaker 3: the gym and all of my endorphins are pumping and
Speaker 3: I'm like, I've just lifted something heavy.
Speaker 2: I can do anything, and I'll click your message. And
Speaker 2: it went from kind of like hi to hey, but
Speaker 2: a cup.
Speaker 1: Yes, there's been a progression in familiarity. I will say
Speaker 1: that makes me a little uncomfortable, but no, it's great,
Speaker 1: it's fun. Well, good for you, I mean talk about
Speaker 1: a mc C talking about doing something that you want
Speaker 1: to do but that terrifies you and you want to
Speaker 1: do but you kind of don't want to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well done you all right, thanks, say goodbye A fair
Speaker 1: but nice to chab Kel.
Speaker 2: Thanks