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Speaker 1: Apoja Production. Welcome to She Rises, Freaky Friday, Go.

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Speaker 2: Secrets, Horror Scandal, Mysterios Wild. Welcome back to another episode

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Speaker 2: of Freaky Friday. I'm Tatiana, I'm Stephanie, our alter egos

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Speaker 2: and we building.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they really are.

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Speaker 2: They're well and truly here in Tiana and Ashley on Vaca.

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Speaker 2: We have a very interesting Freaky Friday segment story for

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Speaker 2: you today.

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Speaker 1: This is a challenging one. It is alright, you guys,

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Speaker 1: ready buckle and grab your popcorn and let's get started. Okay,

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Speaker 1: today's submission. I work in corporate and every year we

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Speaker 1: have this ridiculously over the top Christmas party, think open bar,

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Speaker 1: live DJ, staff, dancing on tables, the works. Last year,

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Speaker 1: things got extra loose after the espresso martini started flowing.

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Speaker 1: Let's just say professionalism left the building Somewhere between eleven

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Speaker 1: PM and some very bad decisions. I wandered into the

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Speaker 1: law a photocopy room looking for my purse. Instead, I

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Speaker 1: found my married manager hooking up with a barely legal

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Speaker 1: intern skirt up shirt off zero shame Jesus. He begged

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Speaker 1: me not to say anything, said it was a one

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Speaker 1: time mistake, and even offered to put in a good

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Speaker 1: word for my promotion if I kept quiet. Oh goodness,

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Speaker 1: I told him I was not interested in being part

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Speaker 1: of his damage control. Here's the twist. I got the

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Speaker 1: promotion anyway, and so did she. We now sit in

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Speaker 1: the same boardroom. His wife. She now follows me on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Hasn't said a word, but something about her watching my

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Speaker 1: stories gives me the ick, Like she knows. Now every

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Speaker 1: meeting feels like an episode of the office meet Scandal.

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Speaker 1: What do you girls think? Do I speak up or

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Speaker 1: sip my coffee and mind my own damn business? Speak up? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's gonna lose a job though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're playing with fire, and it's unfortunate because it's

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Speaker 2: not your battle to fight, and it's unfortunate that you

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Speaker 2: were in the wrong place at the wrong time. But

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Speaker 2: it also is a secret that you were going to

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Speaker 2: have to bear. And like that feeling of guilt that's

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Speaker 2: coming up for you, eat you up. Yeah, it's going

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Speaker 2: to eat you alive. You're carrying somebody else's secret. And

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Speaker 2: I get like, not wanting to put your nose in

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Speaker 2: somebody else's business, but unfortunately walking into it puts you

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Speaker 2: into their business. And again everyone is different in this,

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Speaker 2: But if it were me, I would want somebody to

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Speaker 2: tell me if my partner were cheating at work at

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Speaker 2: its workplace.

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Speaker 1: Put yourself in her shoes, Yeah, for sure. You know

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Speaker 1: what I think I would do first? I think I

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Speaker 1: would go to the intern, and I would go to

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Speaker 1: the manager, the married manager who did this, and say, look,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to have to go to your wife. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: but morally and out of integrity, I just like, can't

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Speaker 1: keep this a secret. I'm going to give you the opportunity.

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Speaker 1: You've got a week to say something. Otherwise I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to have a conversation with her. Yeah, Like, I

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Speaker 1: can't live with this guild. I can't imagine how you're feeling.

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Speaker 1: You said it's a one time thing. If it's a

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Speaker 1: one time thing, go and talk about it.

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Speaker 2: Own it.

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Speaker 1: This is not fair to your wife, it's not fair

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Speaker 1: for me, it's not fair for the intern. This has

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Speaker 1: made the whole work environment really uncomfortable. And I can't

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Speaker 1: keep going like this. Do the right thing, like step up,

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Speaker 1: be a man, absolutely, and to the intern too. I'd

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Speaker 1: probably go to him first and then give him a

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Speaker 1: couple of days. Then I'd go the intern and say, look,

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Speaker 1: I've requested him to go do it, he hasn't yet. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving you this opportunity to do the right thing,

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Speaker 1: do the right woman to woman. Why. Yeah, I've never

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Speaker 1: been this situation. But say if one of your best

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Speaker 1: friends was cheating on their partner, would you go and

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Speaker 1: tell the partner? Would be loyal to your friend and

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Speaker 1: keep the secret. It's a tricky one, isn't it, because

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Speaker 1: you're going to lose your friendship. Probably. Oh, that's a

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Speaker 1: tough one.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't be okay with my friend doing that.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I could stand by her narrowly if

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Speaker 1: that's what she believes is right. If she can do

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Speaker 1: that to him, I'm like, where's your morals?

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Speaker 2: All? Where him?

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Speaker 1: To us? You don't value honesty, respect, consideration. You're not

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Speaker 1: thinking about the impact that your decision is having on

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Speaker 1: the people you love. Yeah, and I can't stand by

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Speaker 1: you and watch and support what you're doing. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: If it was a friend, I would be like, you're

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Speaker 2: telling him, like, do the right thing, and I would

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Speaker 2: stand by that. I don't think that I would go

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Speaker 2: to the person and tell the personage, but I would

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Speaker 2: encourage her to do it. And do the right thing

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Speaker 2: by herself as well, you know, by herself, by the

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Speaker 2: other person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, to show up.

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Speaker 2: In that moment and like actually own and take accountability

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Speaker 2: for the mistake that she had made or the choice

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Speaker 2: that she had made, and own it. Because when you

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Speaker 2: own your consequences, you give yourself permission to grow from

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Speaker 2: that experience. And if it was somebody that was in

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Speaker 2: my life that I cared for, you fucking bet your

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Speaker 2: ass that I would be holding her to a higher standard.

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Speaker 1: Me too, And like, there's no way if you're scared

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Speaker 1: and uncomfortable to have that conversation, admit you're wrong. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you should have thought about that before you did what

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Speaker 1: you did. Yeah, this is the consequence. You've made your bed.

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Speaker 1: You've got to lie in it now, Like, this is

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Speaker 1: what happens. This is why you don't do that stuff.

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Speaker 1: You have hard a conversation. You see where the cracks

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Speaker 1: are in your relationships, and you bring it forward, not

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Speaker 1: lean out and look for things outside of your relationship. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know I've had a or don't drink if

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Speaker 1: like the alcohol is a problem. Yeah, control yourself when

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Speaker 1: you're drinking. That's a choice to make. So drinking. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is a tough one and I get the

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Speaker 2: discomfort getting fiery. Yeah, and also because your job's on

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Speaker 2: the line, Like we get that. It also there's risk

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Speaker 2: in it too, But the fact that you've got a promotion,

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Speaker 2: because it's kind of like hush money and trying to

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Speaker 2: keep you not feel good that there's no way, there's

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Speaker 2: no way that would feel good, would feel like you

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Speaker 2: almost haven't earned it either.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't think that i'd want to know

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Speaker 1: that I've earned my place, you know, but to know

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Speaker 1: that it's to keep quiet, and you're also faced with

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Speaker 1: it every day. Every day you're like you is on

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Speaker 1: You're holding that secret.

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Speaker 2: Every single day, you're holding the burden of their betrayal.

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Speaker 2: And that's something that like eats a way to a person,

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Speaker 2: whether you did the act or not.

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Speaker 1: And now that the wife's watching her stories, I know

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Speaker 1: one if she's got an intuition that something's up and

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Speaker 1: she's trying to figure out which girl it was, maybe

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Speaker 1: she thinks it's you.

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Speaker 2: And she probably does know women are pretty spidy. Senses

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Speaker 2: are very strong.

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Speaker 1: I definitely would be going to straight to the manager.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a beautiful way to do it online

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Speaker 1: and then also going to the intern and then saying like,

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Speaker 1: this is done in two weeks, I'm going to go forward. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that's a goodiety to approach it. I can't

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Speaker 1: hold this. I don't want to hold this doesn't feel

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Speaker 1: right for me. I feel for your wife. This is

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Speaker 1: something that she deserves to know. If I was in

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Speaker 1: this position, I damn straight I would die if someone

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Speaker 1: was like keeping that secret from me. Everyone else knew

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Speaker 1: about me. Yeah, it's like when my mom went through

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Speaker 1: her effect with her ex husband, which was my stepdad.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I felt like an idiot. I felt humiliated.

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Speaker 1: Everyone else knew except for me. That's so tough. That

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Speaker 1: was so embarrassing. She's like, I wish someone even just

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Speaker 1: slid anonymous letter on my windshield wipers, anonymous email just

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Speaker 1: to let me know the details and enough that it

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Speaker 1: was like legit. Just like I wish someone was brave

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Speaker 1: enough to tell me and I didn't waste all that time. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I just would put myself in her shoes and think, well,

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Speaker 1: how would I want to be treated in this situation,

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Speaker 1: and like girl code, Yeah, be a girl's girl, own't it? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right out. I know.

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Speaker 2: Never I told you about the time where I had

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Speaker 2: two best friends come to me. One of my old

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Speaker 2: best friends when I was really young, she had slept

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Speaker 2: with a man who had a girlfriend, but the girlfriend

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Speaker 2: was best friends with one of my other best friends,

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Speaker 2: and she put me in a really fucking shit position

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Speaker 2: because she told me about it.

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Speaker 1: What did you do?

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Speaker 2: I told my best friend. I told my other friend. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and it was hard and I still don't know if

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Speaker 2: I did the right thing in the moment, but because

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Speaker 2: I obviously betrayed one friend's trust to tell another.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, that's so.

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Speaker 2: But the other best friend came to me. It was like, Tiana,

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Speaker 2: if you know something and you know that he cheated,

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Speaker 2: please tell me.

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Speaker 1: Could not?

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Speaker 2: I told her I had to because she was like, listen,

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Speaker 2: this is going to be the deciding factor whether she

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Speaker 2: stays with him or not, and he's not good for

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Speaker 2: her if this happened, please tell me so she can

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Speaker 2: let go. And I was like, babe, like I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 2: but it happened. And then I had just had to

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Speaker 2: let my girlfriend know. I'm like, listen, I'm so sorry

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Speaker 2: that I did this, but I love you, but you

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Speaker 2: did the wrong thing and you have to own your

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Speaker 2: mistake now, and like it created discomfort in the relationship

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Speaker 2: for a little while, but at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: she respected why I did what I did. She also

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Speaker 2: put herself in my shoes and was like, if it

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Speaker 2: was my other best friend, I would have told her

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Speaker 2: to you know, definitely. So, Yeah, it was a sticky situation.

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Speaker 1: Is sticky situations. We've even had a girlfriend recently come

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Speaker 1: to us. It was over a year ago, but she

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Speaker 1: went out on like a couple of drinks at a

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Speaker 1: casino and someone she knew slept with a man at

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Speaker 1: the casino, and then our friend found out that he

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Speaker 1: had a partner and kids. And then he goes to

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Speaker 1: one of the gyms we go to. Yeah, and when

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Speaker 1: he walked in last day and she was like, that's him,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I had a full body response. It was like,

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Speaker 1: you're poor wife. I don't know him from a bar side,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know hers, and it's just not my

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Speaker 1: place to insert, but I just felt sick. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: was like, your wife just has no idea that happened

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Speaker 1: last year, and probably it's not the first time or

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Speaker 1: the last time. If he's gotten away with. It just

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Speaker 1: makes you feel sick.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: I just couldn't imagine. I wouldn't be able to live with.

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Speaker 2: Myself knowing that other people knew that I had done

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Speaker 2: something of that caliber.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you could live with yourself even doing

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Speaker 1: something like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, regardless, that dud, but it just would like eat

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Speaker 2: me alive.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I don't know. This is just one

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Speaker 1: of those things.

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Speaker 2: Just think about your actions before you do them so

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Speaker 2: you don't have to deal with the consequences later.

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Speaker 1: Think about the impact it has on the people you

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Speaker 1: supposedly love and care for. This is going to have

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Speaker 1: huge impact on their life forever. Yeah, you're going to

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Speaker 1: create trust issues, You're going to create corracts new relationship.

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Speaker 1: You may lose them, you may lose your family, everything

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Speaker 1: you've worked off. What just for a couple of minutes

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Speaker 1: of pleasure. Yeah, no thanks, yeah, yeah, oh way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And at the end of the day, with this situation,

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Speaker 2: in scenario, whilst you're not involved in the deceit of

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Speaker 2: this situation, the portrayal that has happened, you get to

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Speaker 2: choose who you show up as in the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So whether that be you going to them like what

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Speaker 2: actually said and being like hey, like you've got to

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Speaker 2: do the right thing or I'm going to Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: get to choose how you behave in that you also

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Speaker 2: get to set the standard of what you'll allow in

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Speaker 2: your life moving forward, because I think, truly, I personally

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Speaker 2: believe like what everyone doesn't say no to is an

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Speaker 2: accomplice of some kind, you know, is allowing is enabling

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Speaker 2: that behavior. And actually I was dating somebody not that

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Speaker 2: long ago, and he obviously has a business. Yes, we

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Speaker 2: were going to go on a date and he asked

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Speaker 2: me to go on a date with Oh.

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Speaker 1: My god, I just remember the story. Fuck.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So he asked me to go to dinner with

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Speaker 2: one of his sales guys. Yes, but the sales guys

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Speaker 2: was seeing somebody new. And then I later found out

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Speaker 2: like I hadn't said yes, but he had told me

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Speaker 2: that the sales guy was actually dating a woman who

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Speaker 2: was still married. She was having an affair with him

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Speaker 2: because she was quotations unhappy in her marriage. And he

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Speaker 2: asked to go on a double date with them, and

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Speaker 2: I said to him, no, like I'm not going with you.

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Speaker 1: I stand for that.

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Speaker 2: No, I can't stand for that. I don't support that.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to enable that. She's married. She's telling

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Speaker 2: him that she's unhappy, but she's being disloyal to her partner.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't get behind that behavior.

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Speaker 2: There's no fucking way.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to be like hanging out and connecting

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Speaker 1: with someone that's doing that.

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Speaker 2: And he was taken back because of my beliefs on

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Speaker 2: that and how strong I was in that when he had,

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Speaker 2: for the last seven months been enabling this guy openly

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Speaker 2: having conversations about being with a married woman and openly

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Speaker 2: having an affair.

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Speaker 1: That's not right. She has four.

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Speaker 2: Kids too, Yeah, four, there's no way. Yeah. I was

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Speaker 2: so like gobsmacked that he even asked me to put

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Speaker 2: myself in that situation.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, that's my story. With cheating and everything, I

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Speaker 1: can see how relationships break down, and I can see

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Speaker 1: why some people cheat. Yeah, I don't condone it. I

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Speaker 1: don't think it's the right way to do things, but

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Speaker 1: I also can see how it happens, so don't fully

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Speaker 1: judge it either. For sure, it's not something I think

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Speaker 1: ever entertain or want to do. I'd rather have hard

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Speaker 1: conversations or rather end a marriage before I did that,

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Speaker 1: because I just don't think I could live with myself

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Speaker 1: doing that knowing I've hurt my partner like that. We've

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Speaker 1: had another freaky frider come in where she did cheat

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Speaker 1: and she felt so much remorse and regret and all

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Speaker 1: the things, and you could see how it led to that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: so I don't ever want anyone thinking listening to this

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Speaker 1: that we're just judging and putting cheats all into a box.

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Speaker 1: I can see how happened. Sometimes people have human needs

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Speaker 1: and not getting met. They might be abused in their

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Speaker 1: relationship or not heard and loved and cared for on

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Speaker 1: the person's controlling them, and they feel stuck and they

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Speaker 1: don't know how to get out, and then this person

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Speaker 1: comes along makes them feel so safe and yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: looked at a different.

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Speaker 2: Way, finally sees them and hears them, or pays attention

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Speaker 2: to them or listens to them when they're watching that.

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Speaker 2: For sure, people make mistakes, Yeah, Okams, like consistent mistakes

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Speaker 2: is a choice, it is, right, So that's a whole

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Speaker 2: different kettle of fish, it is. That's also you know,

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Speaker 2: we come on these episodes because we're Stephanie and Tatiana

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Speaker 2: and This is the very spicy, very honest and direct

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Speaker 2: opinions that we would give each other, you know, but

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Speaker 2: it's important to know that too. It's not from a

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Speaker 2: place of judgment. It's just from a place of who

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Speaker 2: do you want to be and who you're choosing to

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Speaker 2: be in the world, and you get to decide who

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Speaker 2: that version of you is ultimately going to be, and

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Speaker 2: it comes from these really hard decisions.

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Speaker 1: And if anyone is judging me, like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: they're so judging, I just want you to take a

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Speaker 1: big breath to start with, because I understand these conversations

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Speaker 1: can be triggering and ruffle feathers. Anyone's opinionated with what

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Speaker 1: is wrong or right. Just put yourself in their shoes,

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Speaker 1: or think of it as if it's your daughter and

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Speaker 1: she's in this situation, or your best friend or your mum.

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Speaker 1: You'd be so fired up, you'd be so triggered. You'd

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Speaker 1: be like, that's fucked. They're fuck they shouldn't have done it.

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Speaker 1: They how dare they? You would have all these same

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Speaker 1: emotional reactions we're having. I just wanted to flip the

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Speaker 1: other side, to be like, I can see how cheating happens.

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Speaker 1: I don't see it as black and white. I feel

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Speaker 1: like there's a series of events and human needs not

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Speaker 1: being met throughout a long period of time before this happens,

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Speaker 1: or there's a lot of substances alcohol, drugs and partying

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Speaker 1: that leads to these kind of things happening as well.

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Speaker 1: So there's a lot of things to look at. But

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Speaker 1: I just think at the end of the day, you've

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Speaker 1: got to be so clear and who you want to be,

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Speaker 1: your values, your morals, the type of partner you want

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Speaker 1: to be, and stick by that, like be reliable, be considerate,

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Speaker 1: Realize that your actions have huge impacts that can negatively

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Speaker 1: affect someone's life forever and potentially blow up your life

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Speaker 1: and your family and your finances and everything that you

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Speaker 1: say you care about value. You are risking throwing that

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Speaker 1: out the window for a couple of minutes of pleasure.

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Speaker 1: If it's a one night thing, obviously it's an affair,

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Speaker 1: it's not the whole freaking story. But yeah, oh, that

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Speaker 1: woman that's doing that, when you're talking about that, has

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Speaker 1: four children, Like, I wonder how she would feel if

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Speaker 1: her husband was doing that. She'd be like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I'm a home looking after the kids doing having fun

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Speaker 1: with this new girl and like she would should be

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Speaker 1: a mess, absolutely heartbroken. Yeah, so why is it okay

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Speaker 1: for her to go do it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Utterly got to put yourself in their shoes. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: When I think about even that situation of me saying no,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to go to the dinner, it's because

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be another person to enaate that situation.

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Speaker 2: Because by the sounds of it and from what I

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Speaker 2: saw every single person who was around them, we're not

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Speaker 2: voicing that it wasn't okay what they were doing. And again,

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Speaker 2: it's not to sit on my high horse. I've made mistakes.

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Speaker 2: I've been the wounded person to make mistakes and to

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Speaker 2: fuck up really badly and ask for forgiveness on a

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Speaker 2: lot of things. But it's not about that. It's about

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Speaker 2: grown humans being like, Okay, is this right?

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Speaker 1: Is this wrong?

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Speaker 2: And how are we going to change the situation? And

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Speaker 2: I think it takes a whole lot of level of

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Speaker 2: courage to be able to look at a dynamic like

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Speaker 2: that where you aren't happy in your relationship and then

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Speaker 2: be willing to leave. You're not trying to have your

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Speaker 2: cake and eat it too. And I think when you're

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Speaker 2: in situations that aren't healthy and not right or you

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Speaker 2: don't want to be there. Unfortunately, you don't get to

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Speaker 2: have your cake and eat it too. And I think

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Speaker 2: that personally is just the right thing for me based

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Speaker 2: on my level of integrity and how I would assume

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Speaker 2: other people should behave. And again I don't get to

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Speaker 2: really say how anybody else should behave other than myself.

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Speaker 1: Everyone makes their own decisions, that's right.

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Speaker 2: But I think people allow behavior based on what they're

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Speaker 2: influenced by and like the common opinions of the people

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Speaker 2: that's surrounded by. So if there's only one person who's

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Speaker 2: you know, saying, hey, this isn't right, you need to

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Speaker 2: look at this, that might be the reason that that

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Speaker 2: person goes, oh my god, I want to be better

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Speaker 2: than this.

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Speaker 1: Because everyone else is enabling it. It almost like normalizes

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Speaker 1: what they're doing.

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Speaker 2: It normalizes that, Oh it's not that bad, that's right.

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Speaker 1: You wore to come and be like what the fuck

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Speaker 1: are you doing? Yeah, I actually wake them. I'll be like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, what am I doing? Oh my god?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, what have I done? What have I done?

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Speaker 1: How to get out? I didn't even realize.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, And I think that's an important conversation to have.

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Speaker 1: To be that one person that can create positive change

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Speaker 1: like that, that's cool. I would want to be that person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I would want people to do that for

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Speaker 2: me me too, Like, if I'm doing something wrong, please

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Speaker 2: tell me, if I'm doing something that I can't see,

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Speaker 2: or if I'm you know, even crossing boundaries or blurred

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Speaker 2: lines and things that I shouldn't be doing, please tell me.

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Speaker 2: Because I know that you love me. Yeah, I know

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Speaker 2: that you respect us. Yeah, high standards, hey, high standards, tangent, passionate.

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Speaker 1: Oh gosh, thank you for joining us.

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Speaker 2: Guys.

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Speaker 1: It's Friday afternoon or morning weekends here. I enjoy your

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Speaker 1: weekend and we have a really powerful, amazing episode on Mondays.

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Speaker 1: It makes sure you stay tuned. It will be in

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Speaker 1: your ear is four times next week. Bye bye,