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Speaker 1: And then you're sad because you're like, Hey, I liked.

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Speaker 2: You, Yes, I liked you. How did you not pick

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Speaker 2: up on all the cues? That what cues I didn't

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Speaker 2: give you?

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Speaker 3: Hi, guys, welcome back.

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Speaker 4: We're almost This is our second last May app for

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Speaker 4: the year.

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Speaker 3: I know we're good then going on a little bit

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Speaker 3: of a break, but don't worry. There will be like

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Speaker 3: outtakes and some of our favorite episodes be playing in

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Speaker 3: the meantime. Why we're just like having a little break, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: recouping before we come back big and strong next year.

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Speaker 1: This week's episode is a goodie.

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Speaker 4: We've got Mimi What a dating and relationship coach, which,

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Speaker 4: based on all the dilemmas you girls send us and

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Speaker 4: the stories we give you, I think we could all

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Speaker 4: benefit a little bit from a dating and relationship coach,

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Speaker 4: and she was amazing.

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Speaker 3: One hundred Before we get into our episode with Mimi,

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Speaker 3: we just wanted to encourage you all to slow things

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Speaker 3: down this holiday period and really get to understand and

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Speaker 3: know what we want from the dating apps.

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Speaker 4: I just think it's really important with dating and we

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Speaker 4: did actually learn this with Mimi in the episode, to

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Speaker 4: make your intentions really clear.

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Speaker 1: For what you're looking for with dating.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like this year for twenty twenty four

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Speaker 3: is in. I have been super reflective on what we

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Speaker 3: have learned from dating this year, and there actually is

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Speaker 3: a prompt on Hine that I think is in I

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Speaker 3: both going to use going into next year of this year,

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Speaker 3: I want to prompt so going off that is.

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Speaker 2: What will you be following as the this year? I

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Speaker 2: want to prompt on him.

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Speaker 1: What I want to do is what do you want

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Speaker 1: to do? I think I want to be more open

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Speaker 1: with dating.

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Speaker 4: I think I tend to be very shut off, but

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Speaker 4: I've seen so many people go in and out of

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Speaker 4: love this year.

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Speaker 1: I want to find love. I think I just need

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Speaker 1: to relax.

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Speaker 4: I know him very heavy and with a lot of

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Speaker 4: pressure on myself. Yeah, dating, So I think just having

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Speaker 4: more fun with her. I'm only twenty four.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I just want to have more fun.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, super casual.

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Speaker 3: And I think even then they're getting to know other

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Speaker 3: people even more on a friendly level, So then you

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Speaker 3: can meet more people and then they can maybe introduce

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Speaker 3: you to your their friends.

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Speaker 4: Just put myself out of my camp, don't. I'm a

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Speaker 4: very routine kind of gal. I go to the same

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Speaker 4: place every week, I do the same thing. So I

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Speaker 4: think even if I do want to meet someone, I

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Speaker 4: think I need to put myself out of my comfort

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Speaker 4: zone and go to different places, talk to more people,

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Speaker 4: do more things.

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Speaker 2: Totally.

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Speaker 3: What about you, girl, Well, I think as well. I

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Speaker 3: learned in this episode and you guys will hear. I

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Speaker 3: think my dating intention for twenty twenty five is being

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Speaker 3: more forward. I think I let people come to me,

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Speaker 3: and I don't really like show them that I'm interested.

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Speaker 3: I kind of give them nothing as probably a bit

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Speaker 3: of a protection.

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Speaker 2: Thing for myself.

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Speaker 3: But I think if I'm interested in the guy, I

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Speaker 3: need to let them know a little bit more, maybe

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Speaker 3: ask them out.

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Speaker 1: Because boys don't read minds gals, No.

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Speaker 3: They don't, and I'm slowly learning that. But yeah, I

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Speaker 3: think that's my intention for twenty twenty five is to

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Speaker 3: be more forward into dating.

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Speaker 2: Maybe put something out to them.

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Speaker 1: And you can put that intention in play today tonight.

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Speaker 4: Oh that's secrets.

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Speaker 3: So is now that we know what you're going to

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Speaker 3: be doing in twenty twenty five with dating, what is

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Speaker 3: a lesson that you've learned in twenty twenty four that.

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Speaker 2: You're going to leave in this year.

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Speaker 4: Okay, this is it's a light lesson, but a helpful

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Speaker 4: one for all. I think, don't drink too much on

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Speaker 4: the first date, I find because of my anxiety. Even

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Speaker 4: if I have really liked someone, that little hangover anxiety

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Speaker 4: that kind of creeps in pushes me away from ever

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Speaker 4: sort of chatting to or seeing the guy again because

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Speaker 4: of that anxiety in myself, even if I really did

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Speaker 4: enjoy the date and I had a lot of fun.

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Speaker 4: So I think my lesson will be I want to

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Speaker 4: kind of do different things on the dates. I do

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Speaker 4: love a drink state. I think they're there for a reason.

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Speaker 4: I think there's so much fun, and I absolutely will

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Speaker 4: be doing them more, but I think mixing and mixing

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Speaker 4: it up a little bit. You know, I'm kind of

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Speaker 4: releasing my anxiety because I tend to judge myself verse

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Speaker 4: like kind of you know what you've always said to me.

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Speaker 4: It's an interview for them to see whether I like

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Speaker 4: them first, looking at it, like sitting on a date,

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Speaker 4: going do they like me?

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Speaker 1: Yes? Fliplessly and they.

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Speaker 3: Take your boxes not due to ticket there. I think

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Speaker 3: that's a big one to take.

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Speaker 1: That is my lesson. Yeah, thank you, what about you.

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Speaker 3: My lesson that I've learned this year is that I

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Speaker 3: need to find someone who levels me out, not brings

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Speaker 3: like a rise out of me, if that makes sense. Like,

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Speaker 3: I definitely think I'm more interested in, like more of

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Speaker 3: an introvert than an extrovert, because I don't like fighting

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Speaker 3: for someone or someone to like do a bit of

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Speaker 3: a level.

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Speaker 1: Up kind of spotlight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I just think having someone who levels me

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Speaker 3: out calms me down. I'm a really busy person. I

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Speaker 3: think I have my friends to do really big social

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Speaker 3: aspects with like social events. With that, I think that

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Speaker 3: having an introvert will help me switch off and remove

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Speaker 3: myself from the social scene as a social media is

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Speaker 3: our job, So I like someone who's a bit out

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Speaker 3: of it, like, yeah, calm me down because I am

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Speaker 3: such a stress head and I like don't know when

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Speaker 3: to stop. So I think, yeah, an introvert is on

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Speaker 3: the cards for twenty twenty five and extrovert is in

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Speaker 3: the past.

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Speaker 1: What do you think would me better and introverted and introvert?

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Speaker 1: I've never dated. No, both my ex boyfriends are introverts

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Speaker 1: and I like it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I dated an introvert and

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Speaker 3: I think it.

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Speaker 2: Was the best thing.

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Speaker 1: So so introvert boys were coming for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, be a.

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Speaker 3: Little extra better, so we can be eat but then

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Speaker 3: hello and then be introverted once you say hi.

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Speaker 4: So we've just had a little look through each other's

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Speaker 4: hinge and you know, I think it's always important to

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Speaker 4: update your dating profiles and yes, make them accurately reflect you.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to give some little changes.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, some things I noticed about your hinge profile. You

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Speaker 3: still have some blonde photos on your hinge photo and

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Speaker 3: you are now over on the dark side. I think

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Speaker 3: it suits you so much more. I think you need

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Speaker 3: to update it. I need to think you need to

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Speaker 3: put the brunette out there. Track to the brunettes, and

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Speaker 3: that is what you need to change. You need to

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Speaker 3: have all your photos as a brunette. You're going into

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty five, change it all. This is you, this

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Speaker 3: is you.

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Speaker 2: Update it. You're hot, You're you're fun.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you need to update with the photos to

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Speaker 3: the brunette side.

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Speaker 1: Totally.

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Speaker 2: I feel your girl, what about me?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 4: So for you, I think even just one of the prompts,

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Speaker 4: I think it's important to kind of structure the prompt

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Speaker 4: in a way that it allows people to easily respond

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Speaker 4: to it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, for a conversation starter.

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Speaker 4: So I think making one of your prompts a conversation

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Speaker 4: starter that like really opens the doors because every time

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Speaker 4: I like change one of my prompts or something like that,

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Speaker 4: it like floods in with responses. Okay, because people want

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Speaker 4: to find something easy they can respond to.

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Speaker 1: Okay, if I look at a profile, no, you're welcome.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you for your guys.

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Speaker 1: I feel like if I look at.

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Speaker 4: A profile and like I'll be like, this guy's cute,

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Speaker 4: but I don't really know what to say here, I

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Speaker 4: sometimes will just swipe to the next because I'm like

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Speaker 4: I don't really know.

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Speaker 1: How to words.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So conversation starter and one of your prompts. Okay,

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Speaker 4: that's a goodie.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. I will take that on and I will

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Speaker 2: change them tonight.

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Speaker 4: So you guys have just heard about our dating life,

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Speaker 4: our dating profiles, so make sure you're all setting your

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Speaker 4: dating intentions as well.

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Speaker 1: For twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 3: On hinge, update your photos, update your prompts. Going to

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Speaker 3: the new year with a fresh start. Download hinge if

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Speaker 3: you're not on it yet, and we can all try

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Speaker 3: to find our match in twenty five.

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Speaker 4: All right, guys, now let's see from Mimy Enjoy. Hello,

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Speaker 4: welcome mimmym to Just for Girls.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on.

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Speaker 4: We're so excited to have you and hear about all

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Speaker 4: your dating coach expertise.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we also need a pass we need for the

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Speaker 3: girls coming into twenty twenty five. I feel like it's

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Speaker 3: a really good time to like reset your dating goals,

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Speaker 3: know what you want, what to look for in dating.

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Speaker 2: So thank you so much for coming on.

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Speaker 4: Okay, so can you tell us a little bit about

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Speaker 4: your background and what led you to become a dating

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Speaker 4: and relationship coach.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely.

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Speaker 6: So for those of you who don't know me, my

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Speaker 6: name is Mimi wat and I'm a dating and relationship

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Speaker 6: coach from Sydney and I got into dating and relationship

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Speaker 6: coaching probably about two years ago. Now, I was a

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Speaker 6: general life coach doing a bit of business coaching and

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Speaker 6: all this stuff. And then I'd been through like quite

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Speaker 6: a tumultuous journey with relationships myself, like over the years,

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Speaker 6: and then went through sort of a big personal transformation

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Speaker 6: with that in twenty twenty and then I had learned

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Speaker 6: a lot, gone through a lot, and then I just

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Speaker 6: sort of started to question, like what area I felt

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Speaker 6: like I had a lot of strength and expertise. And

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Speaker 6: I was talking to my to some friends of mine

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Speaker 6: and they kind of said, they're like, you're amazing with relationships.

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Speaker 6: You're amazing with communication, with understanding relationship dynamics and stuff, like,

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Speaker 6: maybe start talking about that. So I did about yeah,

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Speaker 6: two years ago, and it's just sort of stuck ever since,

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Speaker 6: like started talking about it. It was really resonating with my audience,

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Speaker 6: and then things grew and Yeah, so I specialized in

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Speaker 6: helping people who have an anxious attachment style.

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Speaker 5: Which are you familiar with that?

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Speaker 1: I think?

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Speaker 3: I think I'm an anxious attachment style myself. I used

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Speaker 3: to date an avoidant attachment styles. Apparently they go together, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: well God, all right, So what do you think is

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Speaker 3: the most important thing for young women to know when

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Speaker 3: it comes to relationships and love?

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Speaker 6: The number one thing I would say is really understanding

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Speaker 6: yourself in dating and relationships. So if you have maybe

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Speaker 6: you've had a few relationships or you've started dating, and

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Speaker 6: if you're noticing that dating feels really hard, like you're

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Speaker 6: often feeling anxious, you're often questioning yourself. So if you

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Speaker 6: often find yourself dating people who are quite like emotionally unavailable,

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Speaker 6: so they kind of they might be really close for

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Speaker 6: the first few weeks or first month, and then they

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Speaker 6: start to go distant, you are like wondering what's going

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Speaker 6: on all the time.

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Speaker 5: There's a lack of consistency.

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Speaker 6: If these are the types of patterns you're noticing in relationships,

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Speaker 6: Like my number one piece of advice is you must

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Speaker 6: understand why this is happening. And the best place to

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Speaker 6: start with that is understanding attachment theory and i identifying.

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Speaker 5: Where you fall.

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Speaker 6: So we have the attachment styles ranges, so we have

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Speaker 6: three different types. There's anxiously attached, securely attached, an avoidance,

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Speaker 6: and so it's a bit of a sliding scale, right,

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Speaker 6: so you can move along this scale. But typically if

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Speaker 6: you are anxiously attached, you will attract people who are avoidant. Right,

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Speaker 6: So that's like the emotionally unavailable guys or girls whoever,

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Speaker 6: who Yeah, they're sort of vague, they kind of it's

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Speaker 6: hot and cold up and down.

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Speaker 5: The anxious and the avoidance tend to attract each other.

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Speaker 6: Why is that The reason this happens is because, so

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Speaker 6: I guess a bit of context help you understand. So

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Speaker 6: if you identify as anxious in relationships, it means that

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Speaker 6: when you were growing up, when you were young, you

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Speaker 6: probably had experiences with your parents or caregivers where your

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Speaker 6: emotional needs weren't met the way you needed them to

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Speaker 6: be right, or maybe your emotional experiences were invalidated. So,

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Speaker 6: for example, let's say you are constantly coming to your

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Speaker 6: parents upset you have an issue, and instead of your

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Speaker 6: parents actually listening to you and taking the time to

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Speaker 6: understand what you're going through and trying to understand how

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Speaker 6: they can support you, maybe they just shut you down,

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Speaker 6: or they tell you to just go to your room

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Speaker 6: and deal with it on your own, or I don't

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Speaker 6: have time for this, or maybe your parents were physically

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Speaker 6: there but emotionally absent, or the way around, right. So,

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Speaker 6: growing up, you then learn that it's normal for you

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Speaker 6: to feel like you don't know if your emotional needs

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Speaker 6: going to get met or not, or you might feel

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Speaker 6: like you have to people please a lot, right, because

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Speaker 6: as a child, your emotional needs are like literally dependent

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Speaker 6: on your parents, so you will do whatever it takes

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Speaker 6: to get love and approval from them, right, So then

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Speaker 6: this is sort of like a blueprint that you get

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Speaker 6: growing up, and then as you go into your adult relationships,

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Speaker 6: your brain always wants to prove itself to be true.

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Speaker 6: It wants to find examples that prove your idea of.

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Speaker 5: Love to be true.

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Speaker 6: So therefore you subconsciously will go and seek out people

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Speaker 6: who create this similar dynamic. So people who are avoidant, right,

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Speaker 6: people who you have to work really hard to get

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Speaker 6: their love and approval because your brain is like, even

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Speaker 6: though on a conscious level you don't want that, and

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Speaker 6: you tell yourself like, why would I want to be

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Speaker 6: with someone like that, subconsciously that's.

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Speaker 5: What's familiar to you. You know how to deal with that.

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Speaker 6: So you will keep attracting it until you actually learn about, Okay,

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Speaker 6: why does this keep happening and what's going on here?

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Speaker 6: And how can I take steps to change it?

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Speaker 5: So do that make sense?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Totally.

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Speaker 4: Do you think you need to almost fix that attachment

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Speaker 4: style in order to attract someone different and someone better?

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Speaker 4: Is that kind of what you're saying, is the secure

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Speaker 4: attachment style you were referring to, Is that the ideal

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Speaker 4: one to be Yes?

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Speaker 6: Definitely, So it's ideal you want to be, and then

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Speaker 6: you want to heal your attachment style. Right, So I

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Speaker 6: wouldn't say fix it, because that would imply something's wrong,

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Speaker 6: but something that you know, a big pattern with people

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Speaker 6: who are anxiously attached is like they feel like there's

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Speaker 6: something wrong with them.

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Speaker 5: They feel like, what's wrong with me? Like why am

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Speaker 5: I too much? Why are my relationships always so hard?

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Speaker 6: And it's not actually that there's something wrong with you,

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Speaker 6: it's just you were given the wrong blueprint for how

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Speaker 6: to be an act in relationships, so as you get older, Yes,

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Speaker 6: So that's like, primarily the work that I do is

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Speaker 6: helping people to heal their anxious attachment style, which means

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Speaker 6: you might be carrying core beliefs like I'm not enough,

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Speaker 6: like I'm not good enough, and so it's about healing

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Speaker 6: that belief so that you then feel more secure in yourself,

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Speaker 6: more confident within yourself. And then as you do that,

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Speaker 6: you will slowly start to shift the types of people

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Speaker 6: that you attract in dating. And so someone who is

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Speaker 6: securely attached, they are they're very comfortable with intimacy and relationships, right,

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Speaker 6: Like they can easily meet your needs, they can easily

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Speaker 6: have time by themselves or be with you, it's not

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Speaker 6: a big deal. Whereas someone who's avoidant, to them too

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Speaker 6: much emotional intimacy is a massive threat. So for them,

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Speaker 6: their highest priority is maintaining their independence and their autonomy,

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Speaker 6: which is why you'll notice that if you start to

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Speaker 6: try and seek a bit more emotional intimacy, that's when

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Speaker 6: they start pulling away because they're like, nope, no, no, no,

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Speaker 6: like this is too much for me.

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Speaker 5: I don't want this.

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Speaker 6: So it's like this toxic push pull dynamic, which is

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Speaker 6: really painful.

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Speaker 5: So yes, the idea is to heal.

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Speaker 6: Those wounds so you can attract secure, securely attached people.

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Speaker 2: And as you said, there was a scale of the thing.

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Speaker 3: Is it normal or is it a thing to kind

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Speaker 3: of bounce in between attachment styles, because like, as you're speaking,

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Speaker 3: I'm kind of like, oh, I was a bit of

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Speaker 3: an anxious attachment style, but now I think I'm an avoidant.

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Speaker 3: Is that a thing to go in between certain attachment

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Speaker 3: styles depending on the person that you may be seeing

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Speaker 3: or the situation that you're in.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's it's interesting how that can happen.

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Speaker 6: You can move between the different attachment styles depending on

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Speaker 6: the person you're dating, right, So especially like so if

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Speaker 6: you are more anxious in relationship chips, and then let's

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Speaker 6: say you meet someone who maybe they're also a bit anxious,

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Speaker 6: so they're coming on really strong. Because your nervous system

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Speaker 6: is used to chasing, not like getting all like the

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Speaker 6: attention all the time, you might find that a bit

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Speaker 6: of a repellent so that you can become a bit

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Speaker 6: avoidant and you start pulling away and pushing that person away.

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Speaker 1: So, yes, it's so interesting. Color I just find a

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Speaker 1: good man. So, Mimi, what are some of the.

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Speaker 4: Most common issues or challenges you see young women facing

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Speaker 4: in the dating world.

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Speaker 6: Oh, the most common issues I would say is people

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Speaker 6: putting all of their emotional eggs into one basket. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: so when you're dating, I always say that you should

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Speaker 6: be dating or at least speaking to a few people

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Speaker 6: at once.

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Speaker 2: Really so much effort.

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Speaker 4: What if I can't find that many people that I'm

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Speaker 4: interested in?

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Speaker 5: That's a good question. You might you might not always

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Speaker 5: find people.

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Speaker 4: Never do like I'm maybe talking to no one at all,

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Speaker 4: Or I will speak to one guy, maybe go on

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Speaker 4: one or two dates and be like, nah, fuck this.

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Speaker 5: I think it's help.

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Speaker 6: I think there's a lot to be said for going

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Speaker 6: into dating, like with a very intentional mindset.

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Speaker 1: I think that's me. Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, So if you're going into dating with this preconceived

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Speaker 6: idea of like, oh, like there's no one out there,

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Speaker 6: or guys are just shits or everyone sucks, Yeah, that's

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Speaker 6: what that's what your experience is going to be, right, Like,

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Speaker 6: you're going to find evidence to prove that when you

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Speaker 6: go out and dating. So when I so, for example,

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Speaker 6: when I was anxious, I used to I would meet

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Speaker 6: one guy and it was like that was it.

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Speaker 5: I would be obsessed and we just would end up

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Speaker 5: in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Interesting. I couldn't think of anything I'd like that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah my dream right there?

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Speaker 2: All right?

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Speaker 5: Interesting? So you two are different in the way, yeah, is.

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Speaker 2: In I have very well.

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Speaker 3: I became single this time last year, so it's kind

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Speaker 3: of been the first time in our friendship that we've

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Speaker 3: both been single and navigating the dating world, and we

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Speaker 3: have noticed a very big difference between us. Is like

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Speaker 3: I'm like I don't care, Like I'll go for a

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Speaker 3: coffee with you or I'll go for drinks with you,

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Speaker 3: and like I'm very like casual about it, like I

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Speaker 3: don't really think too much into it, where as Easy

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Speaker 3: is like I think it's because you've been been.

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Speaker 1: Single for three years now.

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Speaker 4: I've really got badly hurt by my two expot friends.

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Speaker 4: They both screwed me over really badly, so I think,

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Speaker 4: and I'm older as well, I think I have some

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Speaker 4: sort of mental block. I seem to date with more intention,

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Speaker 4: Like it's not as lighthearted to me because of how

400
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Speaker 4: badly I was hurt. So it's like, if i don't

401
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 4: see something potentially arising, I'm pretty quick to nip it

402
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Speaker 4: in the bard, Whereas I feel like Sam has more

403
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Speaker 4: of that free spirited look to it, that it's all

404
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:58,920
Speaker 4: just like a bit of fun.

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Speaker 1: But I really struggle to look at it that way.

406
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Speaker 4: Like I love going on dates, don't get me wrong,

407
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Speaker 4: but I think I will very quickly put you into

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Speaker 4: a category and sort it out there.

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Speaker 3: See, and I'm like very nonchalant about it, like I

410
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Speaker 3: don't really mind, like I'll go get to know you. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I might see you once or twice, but then I'm

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Speaker 3: like I am still quick to end it because I'm

413
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Speaker 3: like I don't think I'm emotionally ready, but like I

414
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Speaker 3: easy gets really anxious before them, and I like.

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Speaker 1: I just think I need to have more lightness in it.

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Speaker 4: Like, I think I'm very heavy with how I feel

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Speaker 4: about dating because of my previous yeah partners.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to.

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Speaker 4: Sort of open that up to be like, I'm still young,

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Speaker 4: Let's just see how we go, you know.

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Speaker 6: I mean it's certainly valid to feel that way going

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Speaker 6: into dating if you've been badly hurt by two of

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Speaker 6: your ex's, you know, Yeah, it makes sense that you'd

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Speaker 6: be nervous. And I think what I would say to

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Speaker 6: that is, like, have you ever done any work intentionally

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Speaker 6: to try and heal and work through.

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Speaker 4: That therapy when both those relationships ended. Yeah, now we're

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Speaker 4: actually both doing kinesiology, which I'm like, there to kind

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Speaker 4: of heal that block that I think I have when

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Speaker 4: it comes to dating. So I think I'm more just

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Speaker 4: I'm excited to see how that goes, see how it

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Speaker 4: plays out. But yeah, it's definitely one of my biggest stresses,

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Speaker 4: is that sort of block I have with dating.

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Speaker 6: That's really funny that you just said that, because I

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Speaker 6: did kinesiology as well too myself, because I had a

436
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 6: similar feelings a few years ago, and I had a

437
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 6: similar feeling where I was I wanted to date and

438
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Speaker 6: I wanted to get back out there, but I was

439
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Speaker 6: scared and I had this block. And I did kinesiology

440
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 6: and then I think that combined with like the tools

441
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Speaker 6: to heal anxious patterns in dating that I had learned,

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Speaker 6: I did it, and I swear to God, like a

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Speaker 6: week later, I met this guy who I ended up

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Speaker 6: in a relationship.

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Speaker 4: Well, and it was I think it really really worked

446
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 4: for kinesiology.

447
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,879
Speaker 6: Did I don't know if I wouldn't say it was

448
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:58,439
Speaker 6: like that in isolation, but I think it's definitely like

449
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 6: on some energetic level.

450
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, it made quite a big difference.

451
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,360
Speaker 1: Okay, great, well that's good to hear.

452
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 4: It's like kinesiology for the people listening, it's like it's.

453
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 3: More of a spiritual way. It's feeling your body through

454
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 3: your muscles, is it.

455
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 4: It's like healing energy and stuff in your body. And

456
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 4: it's kind of like therapy as well, because you do

457
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,160
Speaker 4: talk a lot at the beginning and then they kind

458
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 4: of like you'll lie down and they'll do this energy.

459
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 4: It's like people call it like woo woo, spiritual shit.

460
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: But I love that stuff.

461
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 4: So I'm really excited and I'm glad to hear it

462
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 4: works so well for you.

463
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

464
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:31,439
Speaker 6: Yeah, No, I think it's an amazing tool, and it's

465
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 6: it's energetics, and it's also I think delving into your subconscious, Yeah,

466
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 6: which is extremely important, right, because that's where your subconscious

467
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 6: is like the driving.

468
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,880
Speaker 5: Force for all of your behavior.

469
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 6: So if you aren't able to get into a certain

470
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,879
Speaker 6: emotion like state where you can access your subconscious, you

471
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 6: will just keep living on autopilot. You'll keep repeating the

472
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 6: same patterns, you'll keep dating the same person with a

473
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 6: different face, and you'll still be confused as so like, yeah,

474
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 6: why does this happening?

475
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 2: Okay, and kind of going off that.

476
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 3: Do you think that a lot of women with maybe

477
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 3: like how they view themselves when it comes to self

478
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 3: love and self worth plays a role in attracting a

479
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 3: certain type of person or if you don't have a

480
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 3: lot of that, would you struggle to then attract a

481
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,640
Speaker 3: healthy relationship?

482
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, good question.

483
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 6: I definitely think it plays a role because if your

484
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 6: self worth and your self confidence is low, then it

485
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 6: means you're going to you're more likely to just settle

486
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 6: for any sense of attention or connection in a relationship.

487
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 6: It's sort of like the way I like to describe

488
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,719
Speaker 6: it is, you know when you're starving and you go

489
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 6: into woolies or coals or hugo, it's.

490
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 4: On TikTok the other day. What you're about to say,

491
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,439
Speaker 4: it's a really good analogy.

492
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, go, you're so starving that all you can think

493
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 6: about is like, I just I need that hit of

494
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 6: like sugar or carbs, So you'll go straight to the

495
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:02,120
Speaker 6: confectionary island, like guge yourself on sugar. Versus if you

496
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 6: go grocery shopping when you've just had lunch, so like

497
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 6: you're satiated, you're not really hungry, Like you're satisfied. You're

498
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 6: more likely to go in and make healthier, more sensible

499
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 6: choices about what you're going to buy that's gonna be

500
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 6: better for your body. And it's exactly the same in relationships.

501
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 6: So if your self worth and confidence is extremely low

502
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,680
Speaker 6: and you go into dating, you're likely just going to

503
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 6: settle for anyone.

504
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 5: You're probably going to ignore red flags.

505
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 6: You're going to ignore your intuition, which always knows what's best.

506
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 6: You're going to ignore your intuition and just be like well, well,

507
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 6: this guy or girls giving me attention, it feels good,

508
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 6: So I'm just going to latch onto that, and then

509
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 6: we have all sorts of issues down the line.

510
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

511
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 6: Whereas if your self worth is high and you value yourself,

512
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 6: you have a lot of confidence, you're far less likely

513
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 6: to settle because you know what you deserve, and you

514
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 6: also have you have a really positive self like view

515
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 6: of yourself and of others, and so it doesn't really

516
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 6: make sense in your mind to entertain people who would

517
00:22:59,359 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 6: treat you poorly.

518
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, out of playing off that, a lot of people

519
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 4: because yeah, I have been single for quite a while

520
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 4: and I don't really date or chat to boys or

521
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 4: anything much, and a lot of people like, you're just

522
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 4: too picky, and I'm like, I feel like we all

523
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 4: deserve to be picky, and like, wait for do you

524
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 4: think there is like a level of being a little

525
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 4: bit too picky and kind of just waiting around or

526
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 4: like do you think it's worth kind of opening up?

527
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: Or like I'm like, am I being too picky? Is

528
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: what I want to know?

529
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 5: Yeah? To help me, I think. So it's definitely important

530
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 5: to have your standards.

531
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 6: It's important to have things that are like a non

532
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 6: negotiable for you or things that.

533
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 5: Are a deal breakup.

534
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 6: So, for example, it's a non negotiable for me that

535
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 6: the person I'm dating, they must be able to have

536
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 6: vulnerable conversations. They must be able to have like emotional

537
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 6: conversations and hold space for what I'm going through without

538
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 6: shutting the conversation down or making me feel like I'm

539
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 6: the problem or anything like that. So that's a non negotiable,

540
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 6: right total, or a deal like if someone can't do that,

541
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 6: I'm not interested. Or if someone does a lot of

542
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 6: drugs or is like a party person, deal breaker because

543
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 6: that's not me. So have your standards and non negotiables.

544
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 6: But then you still do need to you need to

545
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 6: have a level of curiosity and openness when you go

546
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 6: into dating because if you go in with this like

547
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 6: really rigid approach or this really rigid set of need

548
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 6: of non negotiables and you go in, then you're probably

549
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,959
Speaker 6: gonna be it's gonna be pretty brutal, like you're going

550
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 6: to be you might not give anyone a chance. So,

551
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 6: like I say, you have like your red, orange, and

552
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 6: green flags, So your red flags those things where you're

553
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 6: like if I see this in a person, I'm fucking

554
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 6: out of here.

555
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

556
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 5: But orange flags are.

557
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 6: Things that are like, oh, okay, like I don't know

558
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 6: how that feels with me. That sort of makes me

559
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 6: question things, but it's not an instant deal breaker. So

560
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 6: let me just see how it goes over the next month.

561
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,640
Speaker 6: Let me see if this becomes a pattern in the person,

562
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 6: and then if it does, let me voice it it

563
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 6: and communicate it and let them know that that doesn't

564
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 6: feel good for me or I'm not available for that,

565
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 6: and then see how they respond. So they if someone

566
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 6: is willing to listen to you and take on board,

567
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 6: or you're telling them and they want to change to

568
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 6: make the relationship work, then that becomes like a massive

569
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 6: green flag.

570
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a positive characteristic of someone.

571
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 6: But if you communicate something that's making you uncomfortable or

572
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 6: doesn't feel good and they just like don't want to

573
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 6: hear it, or they just turn it around on you

574
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 6: and say you're asking for too much, you're being needy,

575
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 6: or you're.

576
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 5: Just whatever, that's a red flag. I'm like, Okay, obviously

577
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 5: you can't have mature conversations.

578
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.

579
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 3: I have a few, like a kind of question about

580
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 3: like things to maybe look out for. So, say, if

581
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 3: you're going on like a few dates with a guy,

582
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 3: or it's like your first or your second date, what

583
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 3: are some things to look out for on the early

584
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 3: starts of dates that you can kind of probably save.

585
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 2: Yourself a little bit of time.

586
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 4: Flag, but it's like it is a red flag, I

587
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 4: don't date them.

588
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 5: Okay. Two things to that.

589
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 6: The first one, I would say, it's actually far more

590
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 6: important to notice how you feel around someone on the

591
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 6: first few dates, right, because you're you know when like,

592
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 6: have you ever had an instance where you meet someone

593
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,919
Speaker 6: and like, on paper, they seem they seem nice, they

594
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 6: seem great, but something in your gut is like, I

595
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 6: don't know, I just feel a bit on edge around

596
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 6: this person, or I just feel a bit anxious.

597
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, have you ever experienced that?

598
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

599
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:29,640
Speaker 5: Okay.

600
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 6: So the reason that happens is because you're again coming

601
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 6: back to your subconscious. Your subconscious minds can pick up

602
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 6: on so much more information than your conscious mind can.

603
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 5: So there's all these subtle behavioral cues.

604
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 6: These little signs and signals that your nervous system and

605
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 6: subconscious are picking up on based on your past experiences,

606
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 6: based on everything.

607
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 5: You've been through. So if you've are.

608
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 6: Feeling anxious around someone, or you're feeling like you don't

609
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 6: know why, but you just don't feel like you can

610
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 6: trust this person, that is something I would urge you

611
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 6: to pay attention to, right, because your body doesn't lie,

612
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 6: the feelings don't lie. But on a more tangible, on

613
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 6: like a question based level, I would say, you know,

614
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 6: an important one if this is important to you to

615
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 6: test out, is sort of maybe you do want to

616
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 6: ask about a little bit about their relationship history and

617
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 6: when was their last relationship and oh like why did

618
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 6: that one end?

619
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 5: And just I think that's important.

620
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 6: To test the waters to see how they are with

621
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 6: that sort of question and how they are talking about

622
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 6: their relationship experience or even if they talk about their

623
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,680
Speaker 6: ex I think that gives a lot of insight into

624
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,239
Speaker 6: how self aware someone is, right if they can talk

625
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 6: about that comfortably, And it also shows if they've grown

626
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 6: from their last relationship.

627
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 5: So that's two things I would look out for.

628
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that's a good one. In your experience, has

629
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 4: dating change for gen Z compared to previous generations?

630
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,640
Speaker 6: So, okay, has dating changed? I think the biggest change

631
00:27:55,640 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 6: would probably be the introduction of dating apps, right, because

632
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 6: before they were around, like you had to actually you

633
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 6: have to go out there in the world more and

634
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 6: put yourself out there to meet people and to connect

635
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 6: with people. And I think the dating apps, there's so

636
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 6: many options of people that I think it's become a

637
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 6: bit like disposable almost.

638
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 4: Do you think dating apps are, like would you recommend them? Like,

639
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 4: do you think they're a good way to meet someone?

640
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,919
Speaker 4: Because it is sometimes very face value, But then I

641
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 4: do have my sister and my mom and like all

642
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 4: these people that have met people they love now on

643
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 4: dating apps.

644
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely, I think dating apps are you know, I

645
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 6: think they've become extremely normalized, so it is a normal

646
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 6: way for people to meet each other these days.

647
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 5: And I think, like I said earlier, I think it all.

648
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 6: Comes down to your approach and the intention behind going

649
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 6: on the app. So like you just said before, oh

650
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,960
Speaker 6: I just like it for a bit of validation. I

651
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 6: totally get that. And it's almost like the dating apps

652
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 6: have become another form of social media, right, Like how

653
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 6: often do you find yourself board and you just pick

654
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 6: up your phone and unhinge.

655
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 2: Yeah I do that quite a lot.

656
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, actually daily.

657
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 6: Yes, surface level form of fanatastic validation, and so I

658
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 6: think if you're using it in that way, I think

659
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 6: it can be really it can be quite toxic, and

660
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 6: it can sort of like put you.

661
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 5: Off dating a little bit.

662
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 6: But I think when you go into it with a

663
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 6: really clear intention, a really clear mind surround, Okay, what

664
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 6: am I actually going, why am I going on this?

665
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 6: And what am I wanting to get out of it,

666
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,239
Speaker 6: you can have a very different experience.

667
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 2: When it comes to dating.

668
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm a very kind of sit back

669
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 3: in the chair and wait for them to come to

670
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 3: me kind of girl. Like I don't think since being single,

671
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever asked a guy to hang

672
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 3: out with me. Like I'll sit and I could wait

673
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 3: up to three weeks for a guy to ask how

674
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:52,959
Speaker 3: do you like approach it in a way that like

675
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I don't want to be sexually intimate

676
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 3: with you, but and I feel like that's why I

677
00:29:58,480 --> 00:29:59,719
Speaker 3: don't do it, because I don't want them to get

678
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,959
Speaker 3: their wrong idea that that's the one there for Like,

679
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 3: how do you approach you being like, oh, I'd love

680
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 3: to hang out with you, but like in a cool way,

681
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 3: like in a nonchalance, like oh, oh, do you wait for.

682
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 2: The guy to do it?

683
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 6: No? I would say, literally, how you just asked? Is

684
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 6: how you ask?

685
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 5: What did I say? You said, like, hey, like I'd

686
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 5: love to hang out sometime.

687
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 2: Oh, I just feel like that's coming on too strong.

688
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 5: No, But where where does that narrative come from?

689
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 6: That sort of mentality of like I can't ask them

690
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 6: because they'll think that I'm too into them, or like

691
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 6: it'll come on too strong is a really outdated mentality okay, right.

692
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 5: That I would urge people to drop.

693
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 6: And I think that comes from I think comes from

694
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 6: like Hollywood and what we see on TV, where it's

695
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 6: like the guy should always be the one chasing the girl,

696
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 6: and the cool girls or like the beautiful girls they

697
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 6: don't ask, they just sit back and like the guys

698
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 6: chase them, right, yeah, And I think that's created this whole, yeah,

699
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 6: this narrative around dating which is actually kind of of

700
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 6: not reality. And I think, you know, you want to

701
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 6: think about it like this, like, Okay, if you think

702
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,959
Speaker 6: of a woman or a girl who is just like

703
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 6: really secure in herself, really confident, and she meets a

704
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 6: guy or a girl that she really likes and she's like,

705
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 6: I want to go out with them, like I'd love

706
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 6: to get to know them.

707
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 5: She would probably just.

708
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 6: Ask it without second guessing herself or without wondering how

709
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 6: that person's then.

710
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 5: Going to perceive her or do you know what I mean?

711
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 6: Like, if she's really confident in herself, she's not going

712
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:30,479
Speaker 6: to be too worried about that.

713
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 5: She'll more be like, this is something I want. I'm

714
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 5: going to ask them out.

715
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 6: And then it doesn't then mean that the entire relationship

716
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 6: becomes about you always having to chase. It doesn't mean that,

717
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 6: but you can show interest from like a really secure

718
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 6: place and then still hold yourself in high esteem during

719
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 6: the relationship, which means you're not just gonna like bend

720
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 6: over backwards and chase this person. You're still going to

721
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 6: stand your ground and have standards. But I think there's

722
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 6: something really attractive about someone who knows what they want

723
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 6: and isn't afraid to ask it and isn't afraid of

724
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 6: how they're coming across by asking it.

725
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I need to do that because I like,

726
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 3: I like hanging out with someone. But I'm like, oh,

727
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 3: I don't want you to think that, like I'm really

728
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 3: into you.

729
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 2: And that I need you because I don't need you.

730
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 2: I would just like to hang out with you.

731
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 5: And what's the fear there, like around when you say

732
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 5: I don't want you to think.

733
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: I have this.

734
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 3: I don't know whether it's because So I grew up

735
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 3: in a boys boarding school and I lived with one

736
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 3: hundred and twenty boys, and I also grew up with

737
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 3: two brothers, so.

738
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 2: I she's like, what, Yeah, what crazy?

739
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 3: My dad was a director of boarding at a boys' school,

740
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 3: so we lived there with my family on the campus.

741
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 2: So I think I have a very good understanding of how.

742
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 3: And I've seen so many girlfriends come in with my

743
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 3: brothers and like everything like that. And my brother was

744
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 3: a bit of a player growing up. So I think

745
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 3: I've seen how sometimes like boys speak about girls that

746
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 3: I really into them, and I think I have this

747
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,479
Speaker 3: like deep rooted thought that I just don't want them

748
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 3: to go to their mates being like, yes, Sam, so

749
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 3: keen on me, like she fucking loves me.

750
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 2: I feel she's obsessed with me, and.

751
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I want to do everything, but have

752
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: that thought because I know that my brother used to

753
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 3: say that, I feel like that's.

754
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: Got a good guy or a guy you'd want to

755
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: date them.

756
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, But I just think I have that fear in

757
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 3: my head all the time, and that's why I then

758
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: don't ask. Yeah, And my brother was a player growing up,

759
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 3: so like I know I don't want to date a player.

760
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 4: I ask, Yeah, I'm interested in someone. I'm like, I'm

761
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 4: not letting this slip past. I'll ask.

762
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 3: See, Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. It is

763
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 3: like I won't ask, and that's what I'm saying of Like,

764
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 3: I think it's because I've had that thought all the

765
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 3: time that I could. I always think about what they're

766
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 3: speaking about to their friends at beers on a Saturday,

767
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I don't want to be the topic

768
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 3: of conversation there that I look desperate, So I'm never

769
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 3: gonna ask you. So then if it does come out

770
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 3: that you have said that, I can go through and

771
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 3: show the text messages and be like I've never done that.

772
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 6: Right, right, Okay, I think you know what I'm going

773
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 6: to say. That is like, first of all, you can

774
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 6: never ever control what someone's going to say or think

775
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 6: about you, Like as much as you think you can,

776
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 6: you can't, like I could be thinking any one thing

777
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 6: about you, right, now you have no idea.

778
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 1: I don't tell us that.

779
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 5: I'm not judging, you have no idea.

780
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 6: What you can't control what someone's gonna do, what they're

781
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 6: gonna think, or you can control is yourself and your actions.

782
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 6: So coming back to we were just saying before, like,

783
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 6: I think it's if you're really secure in yourself and

784
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 6: there's someone you want to ask out and you just

785
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 6: don't want to wait around, it's like, yeah, go and

786
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 6: ask that person out. But then to follow that up,

787
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 6: I think it comes down to trusting yourself, Like trusting

788
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 6: that if you ask the guy out and then you

789
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 6: could sense that he's like getting all egotistical and he's

790
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 6: thinking he's hot shit and he starts to kind of

791
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 6: treat you it poorly, then that's through wait, through your behavior,

792
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 6: you can say all right, I'm out, Like I'm not

793
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 6: putting up with this, right, It's like, don't don't victimize

794
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 6: yourself or give your power away to these boys who

795
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 6: you think are going to say all this stuff behind

796
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,359
Speaker 6: your back. It's like, be confident in yourself to ask

797
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 6: for what you want and then trust yourself and back

798
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 6: yourself that you won't let anyone treat you poorly, you

799
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 6: won't settle, So yeah, does that make sense totally?

800
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 4: This is slightly off topic, but I think it's something

801
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 4: a lot of people that would be curious about. If

802
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 4: you are dating with the intention, like not casual dating,

803
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 4: you're kind of like, oh, I want to find someone.

804
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 4: Do you have any specific opinion on sleeping with someone

805
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 4: on a first date.

806
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good one.

807
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 5: Have mixed opinions on this, Yeah.

808
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 6: The first thing I'll say is I do not see

809
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,919
Speaker 6: it as right or wrong, yeah, or good or bad.

810
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 6: But I think depending on depending on what you're wanting

811
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 6: out of dating, and depending on like, I think this

812
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 6: comes down to know yourself really well, and I think

813
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 6: that's important. So if you are typically someone who gets

814
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 6: attached very quickly, I would encourage you to hold off

815
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 6: sleeping with them because, as I'm sure you know, everyone knows,

816
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 6: like when we sleep with someone that we think we like,

817
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 6: it's or even if you aren't even sure if you

818
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 6: like them yet, when you sleep with them, your body

819
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 6: releases certain hormones and chemicals that can make you think

820
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 6: you like love this person, or you get attached to

821
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 6: them really quickly before you even know if they're actually compatible.

822
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 6: Or someone you want to be in a long term

823
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 6: relationship with. So I would recommend that, like, if you

824
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 6: are wanting to develop a deeper connection and potentially get

825
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 6: into a relationship, and you are someone who gets attached quickly,

826
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 6: I would say probably a smart idea to hold off

827
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 6: until you until you feel emotionally safe with them, until

828
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 6: you feel like you've developed a good enough connection. But

829
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 6: it's also it's a case by case basis, right, because

830
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 6: if you are feeling really secure in yourself, really confident,

831
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 6: and you trust yourself to not get overly attached too quickly,

832
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 6: and you're on a date, you're having an amazing time,

833
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 6: and like that's naturally where it goes, then that's where

834
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 6: it goes.

835
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 5: You know, I don't think there's right or wrong.

836
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 6: And also another important thing is you know, I think

837
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 6: there can be a lot of there's a certain stigma

838
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,800
Speaker 6: attached to date, to sleeping with people on the first date, right, Like, yeah,

839
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,919
Speaker 6: typically in the past, people, especially with women, they would

840
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 6: call women like, oh, you're.

841
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 5: Such a slut, or you're easy, or you're whatever.

842
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,359
Speaker 6: And I think I know for me personally, like when

843
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 6: I went through a sort of a casual dating error,

844
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 6: So I went.

845
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,399
Speaker 5: I set the intention. I was like, Okay, I want

846
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 5: to go and have fun.

847
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 6: I want to date multiple people, and I'm not going

848
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 6: to get attached or in a relationship.

849
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 5: This is just fun for me.

850
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,479
Speaker 6: And I said to myself before going on dates, I said,

851
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 6: if I feel like I.

852
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 5: Want to go home with them.

853
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 6: On the first night, I will do that, and I

854
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:02,240
Speaker 6: will feel no guilt and no shame about it because

855
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 6: I just made that clear intention in the beginning. So

856
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 6: then if I did, I was just like, great, that's

857
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 6: exactly what I wanted to do and that was fun.

858
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

859
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like this is going to sound really bad,

860
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 4: But I say this because I know that a lot

861
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 4: of even friends of mine and voice this recently. Is

862
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 4: there a way you would recommend saying to a guy

863
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 4: like I like like you and like I want to

864
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,399
Speaker 4: see you again, but like I don't want to sleep

865
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 4: with you tonight, Because I've had a lot of people

866
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 4: say recently that this is where it sounds bad that

867
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 4: sometimes they just end up doing it because it's more

868
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 4: uncomfortable to say shut it down.

869
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've had that before where I'm like, I kind

870
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,280
Speaker 3: of want to leave.

871
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 4: It's not to say we're being like sexually assaulted on

872
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 4: like a willing participant, but sometimes it's like you.

873
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 3: Don't wantop that awkwardness and you're like, I'll do it

874
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 3: because I kind of want to leave, but like it's

875
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 3: not get out of it.

876
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 4: Sounds really terrible when you say it like that, But

877
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,880
Speaker 4: I just more mean, is there a good sort of

878
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 4: confident way of being like, I like you, I want

879
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 4: to see you again, but not having.

880
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: Sex with you for like a couple.

881
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,439
Speaker 4: Of dates or a couple of weeks or how would

882
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 4: you best recommend girls voicing that to someone they're interested in.

883
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:17,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you know that experience is so common, Yeah,

884
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 6: Like unfortunately it is so common.

885
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 5: I've been there myself. I've done that too, And.

886
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 6: I think that comes from I mean, there's a lot

887
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 6: to be said about that, but I think it comes

888
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 6: from the type of society we live in where typically

889
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,359
Speaker 6: women were oppressed for a long time, and I think

890
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:36,439
Speaker 6: there's this underlying sense that like you can sometimes feel

891
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,839
Speaker 6: like you owe them something or.

892
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 5: You it's just like you should just go along with it.

893
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 3: That's why I hate them paying, because I'm like, I

894
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 3: don't want to feel like I owe you something, like

895
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 3: either I don't want to feel like I have to

896
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 3: see you again, or I don't want to feel like

897
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 3: I have to kiss or sleep with you.

898
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 1: I don't think it's owing for me.

899
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 4: I think it's more I don't know that it's sometimes

900
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 4: uncomfortable to get yourself out of a situation like that.

901
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 4: And yeah, I don't say that it's ever been a

902
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 4: situation where like I haven't been a willing participant, you know,

903
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 4: Like that is not what I'm saying. It's more just

904
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 4: like I would rather you leave my house and me

905
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 4: go to bed alone right now, but I'm too uncomfortable

906
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 4: to say that.

907
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, right, So when you say you're too uncomfortable to

908
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 6: say it, what are you afraid it's going to happen

909
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 6: if you say it?

910
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 4: I don't know, Like it's like even there have been

911
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 4: times where the guy will just like stay and I'm like,

912
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,280
Speaker 4: nothing happens. I'm just like and I hate sharing beds,

913
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,360
Speaker 4: like with even friends, and I'm like, I just I

914
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 4: feel like I hinted it, and a normal person would

915
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 4: pick up the fact that what I'm putting down that

916
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,439
Speaker 4: like I'd rather stay by myself. And if they don't

917
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 4: pick up those hints, I just feel like I struggle

918
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 4: to directly be like, okay, can you leave, because it's

919
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 4: like I don't want to be rude, because it's not

920
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 4: like I dislike this person. I just do not want

921
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 4: to have you in my space yet, because I think

922
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 4: I really need to like and feel emotions for someone

923
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 4: to have them be comfortable having them like in my

924
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 4: space regularly.

925
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 5: You know, yeah, no, completely understand.

926
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 6: I don't even know the answer thing though, right, Like

927
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 6: we are not taught growing up, we are not taught

928
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 6: direct communication skills, like we are not taught how to

929
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 6: properly voice our needs, how to set boundaries, and how.

930
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:11,879
Speaker 5: To feel confident in doing that.

931
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 6: So it makes sense that you feel like there's that

932
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 6: hesitation or that resistance to actually speaking up and saying something.

933
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 6: But when you say, like, how do I say that,

934
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,839
Speaker 6: the truth is that you literally just say it as

935
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:26,760
Speaker 6: you need to say it, Like you could say something

936
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 6: like this had a really great like I've had a

937
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 6: really great night and I really like you, but I'm

938
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 6: going to go home, or like it's time for you

939
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 6: to go home?

940
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 5: They say, why say just a boundary of mine.

941
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 6: I don't sleep with people until like I feel emotionally safe.

942
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, a boundary of mine. I feel like that's a

943
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,359
Speaker 1: good way to put That's a good one.

944
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Or you could say you could say

945
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 6: I'm just not available. I'm not available to sleep with

946
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 6: people like early on, I like to wait till I

947
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 6: feel a deeper connection.

948
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 1: Totally like you can be like I like you.

949
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 4: I'd definitely like to see you again, but like I'm

950
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:07,720
Speaker 4: just gonna see I'm nervous.

951
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 2: Probably because I've never had.

952
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,919
Speaker 3: I've never had a guy back, like I've never had

953
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,880
Speaker 3: a problem. No, but like okay, Sometimes I'm like, I

954
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 3: do not like to sleep with them.

955
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: Well, like I think, am I getting awkward? I'm celibate.

956
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 2: If you can I have with intimacy is sorry long.

957
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: Hang on.

958
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 3: Wing on my podcast Anyway. Sometimes I'm like on a

959
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 3: date and I'm like, I would love to not be

960
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 3: in a public environment with you, but I don't want

961
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 3: to invite you back to my house for you to

962
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 3: get the idea that I want to sleep with you.

963
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 3: I just want to be in a chiller environment, in

964
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 3: a environment that I know and then I'm comfortable in

965
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 3: without you getting the impression that I want to sleep.

966
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 4: Have a couple of drinks at home and then be like, Okay,

967
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 4: thank you so much, Can you can go?

968
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 5: Yeah.

969
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 6: I think that comes back to this mentality that you

970
00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 6: have around like you owe them something or just because

971
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,240
Speaker 6: they're coming back to your house it means they're getting something.

972
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 6: And I think you need to normalize for yourself, like

973
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 6: there are different there are different levels of intimacy you

974
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 6: can have with someone, and it could be like you're

975
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 6: out on a date connecting and then you spend time

976
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 6: at home in a more like private, intimate, intimate space connecting.

977
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 5: I think we need to.

978
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 6: Try and break this idea that just because you've invited

979
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 6: someone back, it doesn't it doesn't automatically equal sex. And

980
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 6: if a guy is assuming that, then like that's his

981
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 6: problem and that's on him.

982
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 4: I feel like, yeah, ideally it would be nice, I

983
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 4: know what you mean, like have a couple of drinks

984
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,319
Speaker 4: at home and then be like Okay, thank you.

985
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 1: How to stop going out the door, like I'm going

986
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: to go to bed now? Is like that? Can you

987
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:45,919
Speaker 1: say like that?

988
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 2: Yeah?

989
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely you could say like like this was really nice,

990
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 6: but I think I'm going to call it a night.

991
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:52,879
Speaker 5: I'm gonna that's a good way.

992
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 1: I'm going to call it a night.

993
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 4: That's like, get out of my apartment. I'll see you

994
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 4: in the next week.

995
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 1: Like I don't. A lot of the time.

996
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 4: I'm more worry when it's a guy that I say

997
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 4: I'm interested in. If it's a guy I'm not interested in,

998
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 4: I'll be like I'm going home, like bye bye.

999
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:06,959
Speaker 2: See.

1000
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 6: Okay, So it's a guy you're interested in, and then

1001
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 6: you're afraid to say that to him acause I'm afraid to.

1002
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 5: Come across the rude.

1003
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 4: But I do like to have. I like to sleep

1004
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 4: by myself.

1005
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 1: I like to have.

1006
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 4: I feel like, yeah, I do always because of my anxiety.

1007
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 4: If I do, say, end up sleeping with someone on

1008
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 4: the first date that I say was initially interested in,

1009
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 4: I'm not after I'm like, get away from me.

1010
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 5: But see, that's interesting.

1011
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like you think that if I don't, it's

1012
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 6: like saying, if I don't give my body over to

1013
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 6: this person even when I don't want.

1014
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 5: To, that's rude.

1015
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 4: No, I think that I worry about the way I'm

1016
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 4: verbalizing the leave, but I like, I've done it many times.

1017
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 1: I get it.

1018
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 4: I just don't like how uncomfortable it makes me feel.

1019
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 4: So I was like, is there a specific way that's

1020
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 4: like I can kind of remember because I'm always just

1021
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:55,399
Speaker 4: in a free for all, Like, okay, you can leave,

1022
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 4: now get her.

1023
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, you just say like I'm gonna call it a night.

1024
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:00,320
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go.

1025
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,919
Speaker 6: Yeah, like it was really nice hanging out with you tonight,

1026
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 6: Let's do it again sometimes.

1027
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, that's good. That's helpful for all of us. Yeah.

1028
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 3: And so if you're like really liking someone's company, but

1029
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,839
Speaker 3: you've done like quite formal dates, like you've gone out

1030
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 3: for dinners and drinks and stuff like that, and then

1031
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 3: you wanted him to do something casually to maybe then

1032
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 3: be a little bit more like chill instead of it

1033
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 3: being in such a formal environment, how.

1034
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 2: Do you like bring that up? I'm very bad at communicating.

1035
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 3: So, like, for example, if you go on a day

1036
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 3: on Friday night and then you like their company, you

1037
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,880
Speaker 3: like you want to hang out with them, but you

1038
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:35,760
Speaker 3: don't want to keep on going out for drinks and dinner.

1039
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 2: Do you then suggest something? Yeah, I don't know how

1040
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 2: to do that.

1041
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 4: Broke me suggest every time, don't you?

1042
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 3: Yes? And this is what I'm saying, This is why

1043
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, maybe I've got like a block where I'm like,

1044
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 3: I will follow in every lead that you do, so

1045
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 3: then it never falls back on me.

1046
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: You're interested in I know.

1047
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 3: This is what I'm talking about, and then and they

1048
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 3: probably end up giving up because I don't give them anything.

1049
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,800
Speaker 1: And then you're sad because you're like, hey, I liked you.

1050
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 2: Yes, I liked you.

1051
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 3: How did you not pick up on all the cues

1052
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 3: that what I didn't give you?

1053
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like people, people aren't mind readers, and we

1054
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 6: want them to be like we expect them to be.

1055
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 6: We want them to just read our minds and just

1056
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 6: get it, which is then why we get resentful or

1057
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 6: angry when people don't read our mind and do the

1058
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 6: things you want them to do, because we're like, oh,

1059
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 6: like didn't you like you should just know or you

1060
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 6: should just pick up on this stuff. But that is

1061
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 6: quite and this isn't directed at you, but that is

1062
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,399
Speaker 6: quite like an immature approach to dating. So we want

1063
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 6: to step into like the mature side of dating. It's

1064
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 6: it takes two to tango, yeah, and you do.

1065
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 3: I would say I'm quite immature at dating because I

1066
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 3: in my last relationship, I was eighteen and then I

1067
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 3: became single at twenty one, So the last time I

1068
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 3: was really single.

1069
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,719
Speaker 2: I was a kid. So I don't know how to

1070
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 2: date maturely.

1071
00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 3: Where I'm like giving someone enough to show them that

1072
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,840
Speaker 3: I am interested in them without being.

1073
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 2: Like, let's fall in love, but what's wrong with you?

1074
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:07,439
Speaker 2: I don't know how.

1075
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 4: I feel like we're so different when it comes to dating.

1076
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just like love please.

1077
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 3: Like, for example, I was on a date and I

1078
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 3: literally told the guy we were like talking about like

1079
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 3: love languages or something, and I said, I was like,

1080
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 3: if I'm not interested in you, don't fucking touch me,

1081
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 3: like I hate physical touch by people I'm not interested in.

1082
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 3: And then he brushed me on the shoulder and then

1083
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,319
Speaker 3: like five seconds later, I was like, don't fucking touch me.

1084
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 3: So he's like, so you don't like me, and I

1085
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 3: was like, oh no, I was joking, you can't touch me.

1086
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 3: Like I'm so like almost like I kind of mean

1087
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 3: to them because I like them, Like, how do I

1088
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 3: stop doing that?

1089
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 5: I think it's you need to get a therapist, Sweetish.

1090
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, probably, there's probably just some fears and blocks there

1091
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,879
Speaker 6: that you have, like you know, and again it's it's

1092
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,839
Speaker 6: kind of you need to start to question, like where

1093
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 6: does this narrative come from? Like where did I learn

1094
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 6: that I have to be mean in order to get attention?

1095
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 6: Where did I learn that if I ask someone out

1096
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 6: on a date that that automatically means that I'm desperate?

1097
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 5: Right?

1098
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 6: We need to like question this stuff because you could

1099
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 6: be carrying this belief or this idea and you don't

1100
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 6: even know where it came from or like someone.

1101
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 4: Else said it come from, do you believe that the

1102
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: one exists? Or is it more about finding someone with

1103
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 4: whom you can just build a meaningful connection with, Like

1104
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 4: do you think there are soul mates love at first sight?

1105
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 6: I sort of go into two minds about this, Like

1106
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 6: there's definitely there's one part of me, like the romantic,

1107
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 6: more maybe the more romantic spiritual side of me that

1108
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,720
Speaker 6: would say, yes, I believe there is someone out there

1109
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 6: who you're meant to cross paths with and you're meant

1110
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 6: to be together. But then the more like practical, pragmatic

1111
00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 6: side of me believes that there are many many people

1112
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 6: in the world that could feel like the one to you,

1113
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 6: and that comes down to compatibility and your values and

1114
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 6: how you see the world. I think there can be

1115
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,200
Speaker 6: many many people that you align with. And also I

1116
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 6: think there can be the one for like different stages

1117
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 6: of your life. So you might meet someone in your

1118
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 6: twenties who is extremely important in shaping who you are

1119
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 6: in your twenties, and then that doesn't work out, But

1120
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 6: that's because you're meant to go on and meet the

1121
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 6: next person in your thirties who's like better for you.

1122
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 4: Are many the ones, Because if there's only one person

1123
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 4: in a world of like what eight billion people, like,

1124
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 4: what are the chances you're actually going to find them?

1125
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: I feel like there's lots.

1126
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 3: And to end this episode, we're going to do part

1127
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 3: two as our Girl's Guide on Thursday.

1128
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:47,920
Speaker 2: Which are the viewers questions?

1129
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 3: But I feel like this is a high to end

1130
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 3: off on, what are three key pieces of advice that

1131
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 3: you would give to young women who are currently navigating

1132
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 3: the dating world?

1133
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 6: Number one, I would say they take some time to

1134
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,240
Speaker 6: understand the value that you bring.

1135
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 5: To the table. So get clear on like what do

1136
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,440
Speaker 5: you like about yourself? Why? Why do you feel you

1137
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 5: are a valuable person?

1138
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 6: Why you're someone who's interesting, who's worthy of finding it?

1139
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,320
Speaker 6: Like of love and a great connection. I think getting

1140
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 6: clear on that for yourself, so that you feel you

1141
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 6: feel secure and confident in who you are and like

1142
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 6: the value you bring to the table. I'd say that's

1143
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 6: number one. The next piece would be, don't throw away

1144
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 6: your friendships, your hobbies, things that are important to you

1145
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 6: when you start dating, like maintain your independence and your

1146
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 6: sense of identity, and have dating be like a compliment

1147
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 6: to your life, but don't let it overhaul your life.

1148
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,479
Speaker 6: And number three would be I would say, literally, read

1149
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 6: the book Attached.

1150
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,320
Speaker 5: It will change the way you see relationship.

1151
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 6: It's called it Attached by emir Levine and it explains

1152
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 6: attachment theory and that reading that book literally changed my

1153
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 6: life change relationships for me.

1154
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 5: So I would say I recommend that to everyone.

1155
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 4: I'm going to buy it right Yeah, yeah, no, thank

1156
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 4: you so much. So that was Mimi, what our little.

1157
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 1: Helpful dating coach, relationship coach.

1158
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 4: I'm sure there's so many pieces of information in there

1159
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:20,280
Speaker 4: that we can all take. So thank you so much

1160
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 4: and you'll see me Thursday's episode.

1161
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 5: Thank you