WEBVTT - Am I too strict?

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<v Speaker 1>Apotiate production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

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<v Speaker 1>A Bad Mom? Podcast? The question we constantly ask am

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<v Speaker 1>I A Bad mum?

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<v Speaker 2>And the answer will sometimes the answer will sometimes vary,

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<v Speaker 2>but that's okay, that's what we do, what we do

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<v Speaker 2>and why we do it. I think it is a

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<v Speaker 2>lengthy process, this parenting. And we've got friends going through

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<v Speaker 2>different things, Like one of our good friends right now,

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<v Speaker 2>she's going through.

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<v Speaker 1>Teething mh remember that.

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<v Speaker 3>Actually, you know when some people ask you, they're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>what did your daughter have get her first time? I

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<v Speaker 3>don't know, yeah, actually don't know whether it was like

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<v Speaker 3>three weeks or six months.

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<v Speaker 2>I also Katie had this moment where I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to be that friend, but she went, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>but you know she's been really grizzly and really snotty,

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<v Speaker 2>and like, you know, her nappies have changed, and I've gone, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's going to just be all the way through.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, felt like that bad friend that

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<v Speaker 2>was like you shouldn't give her the negative. But at

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<v Speaker 2>the same time, I was like, yeah, girlfriend, this is

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<v Speaker 2>only the start.

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<v Speaker 3>And this is only one thing one of the starts.

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<v Speaker 3>Did you suggest putting a bit of whiskey on the gun.

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<v Speaker 3>We survived it. We all had brandy on the gun. Absolutely,

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<v Speaker 3>we did drink a bit too much now because of it, probably.

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<v Speaker 2>But we learn what we do from our parents.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what are we teaching.

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<v Speaker 2>Our kids right now? This is my point.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but this is like it's evolution, isn't it Like

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<v Speaker 3>we're evolving because we're getting new information now.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean it's too late for our kids, Like it's they're.

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<v Speaker 3>Done, they're damaged, they're going to need therapy in you know,

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<v Speaker 3>fifteen years time. But we're learning for the grandchildren that generation.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't even want to think, Katie of us being.

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<v Speaker 3>Like this sounds like a really weird thing to say

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<v Speaker 3>for someone just in their forties, but I'm not not

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<v Speaker 3>looking forward to it really. Yeah, Like obviously I don't

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<v Speaker 3>want it to happen too soon. I don't want them

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<v Speaker 3>to be young mum, no, to have babies, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>in the near future. But I just think you get

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<v Speaker 3>to do the fun parenting and have the fun yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>and not have all the shit like you pass them

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<v Speaker 3>back for the ship. Here you go, here's sleepless nights enjoy,

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<v Speaker 3>here's your attitude. I'll just give them lollies for one night.

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<v Speaker 3>I think my dad's got the right idea. Remember my

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<v Speaker 3>dad said, I'm only ever going to have them for

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<v Speaker 3>one Did you say one night?

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<v Speaker 2>I think it was one night originally, but then he

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<v Speaker 2>stretched it to two and then he was like, why

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<v Speaker 2>did we do that?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and he said night two.

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<v Speaker 3>Take into the parenting zone and he said, I'm not

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<v Speaker 3>doing that again. No, they were ganging up on him.

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<v Speaker 2>Am I a bad mum for being too strict? This

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<v Speaker 2>comes from a place of like just reflection. We talk

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<v Speaker 2>about that a bit hey on this podcast, of like

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<v Speaker 2>having those moments of reflection, because that's the only way

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<v Speaker 2>that you're going to obviously acknowledge sometimes your I guess

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<v Speaker 2>parts of you that you could work on and get

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<v Speaker 2>better at. And we talk about lengthening the lead, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like the boundaries. Yeah, she's like letting it slowly expand out.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think at the moment my reflective state has

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<v Speaker 2>been Okay, am I too strict? You know? I have

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<v Speaker 2>like certain things that I'm just I won't budge on.

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<v Speaker 2>Like Grace is eleven and she's like I want a

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<v Speaker 2>phone and I just won't budge on it.

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<v Speaker 1>Do your kids as well.

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<v Speaker 3>Compare you to all their other friends' parents as well,

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<v Speaker 3>because I get all the time and it drives me crazy.

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<v Speaker 3>You're the only parents that don't let us do that.

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<v Speaker 3>You're the only parents that make us have a bed

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<v Speaker 3>to nobody else is, and they shame you time and

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<v Speaker 3>time again. Might even come home and go like Sienna

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<v Speaker 3>thinks that you're too strict, Like, none of my friends

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<v Speaker 3>can believe how strict you are. You guys are like

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<v Speaker 3>the worst.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's exactly what I'm getting. I'm getting all of

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<v Speaker 2>those and we're not even at high school yet.

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<v Speaker 3>You know that's rubbish, Like, because I will say to

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<v Speaker 3>the girls all the time, I don't believe you.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't believe that you're no one has a bit.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't believe your friends just can't just scroll the

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<v Speaker 3>night away all through.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes they can. Yeah, But the other part of it

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<v Speaker 2>is is that, Okay, if they can, are we learning anything?

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<v Speaker 2>Like your brain isn't even completely developed to understand why

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<v Speaker 2>you're scrolling and when to switch off from scrolling, because

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<v Speaker 2>like science tells us that even as adults, we don't

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<v Speaker 2>and understand the boundaries of what we're doing when it

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<v Speaker 2>comes to like doom scrolling, or like social media and

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<v Speaker 2>those sorts of things. As an adult, we don't even

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<v Speaker 2>know the cue to switch off, so your brain'sn't even

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<v Speaker 2>fully developed. I have to be like this so that

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<v Speaker 2>I can protect you from this is the kind of

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<v Speaker 2>conversation that I'm having with my children about why I

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<v Speaker 2>do what I do. But then I have this other

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<v Speaker 2>part of me Katie that goes, why the fuck are

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<v Speaker 2>you explaining yourself to your You're eleven year old. That's

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<v Speaker 2>she doesn't give a shit.

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<v Speaker 3>It's one of those as well that she won't even

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<v Speaker 3>understand until she's an adult, Like she will never I

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<v Speaker 3>said to Jay all the time, I'm like, they are

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<v Speaker 3>not going to get this now, Like they.

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<v Speaker 1>Will not appreciate what we're doing now.

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<v Speaker 3>Now they will be older and to adulthoods before they go, oh, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Got why you did that. Yeah, they certainly don't get

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<v Speaker 1>it now.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's like that part though, going back to the

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<v Speaker 2>strict piece of going like, okay, am I too strict?

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<v Speaker 2>And where could I let the leash a little bit longer?

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<v Speaker 2>And then when I do that, what a repercussion is

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<v Speaker 2>going to be? Because I won't know what the repercussions

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<v Speaker 2>are going to be until we're in it, and then

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<v Speaker 2>that's that whole like you know, self development as a parent,

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<v Speaker 2>like me as a human being, but also as a parent,

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<v Speaker 2>like learning and growing and evolving as a parent as

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<v Speaker 2>our children get older, because like my whole belief system

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<v Speaker 2>is around that whole stages and ages. The kids are

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<v Speaker 2>changing and they stages change as they grow that bit older.

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<v Speaker 2>But I believe that we as parents should be growing

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<v Speaker 2>and evolving with them our ideas, our behaviors, the way

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<v Speaker 2>that we show up our actions, you know, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>that lead way louder than just talking the talk kind

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<v Speaker 2>of thing. One is obviously no phones, that's fine. The

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<v Speaker 2>iPad and the screen time I'm very restrictive on. Don't

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<v Speaker 2>get me wrong. They don't miss out on TV and

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<v Speaker 2>Netflix and ABC Kids and whatever they're watching on the TV.

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<v Speaker 2>They don't miss sat on that. So my kids are

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<v Speaker 2>not without But when it comes to screen time, absolutely

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<v Speaker 2>I'm quite restrictive, and I have my reasons why. The

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<v Speaker 2>other part for her is not going to the park

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<v Speaker 2>after school on a Friday, when the rest of the

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<v Speaker 2>whole of the school is going down to the park

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<v Speaker 2>and just up to no good, I won't let her

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<v Speaker 2>do it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's what's up to, like just eleven being.

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<v Speaker 2>Rats basically, and that's no disrespect to anyone, but because like,

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<v Speaker 2>the kids are absolutely of age where they're going to

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<v Speaker 2>go on a Friday afternoon and consume loads of sugar

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<v Speaker 2>and then run them up together, And I get that

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<v Speaker 2>that's what we did as kids, right, But at the

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<v Speaker 2>same time, I was like, no, it's just not appropriate,

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<v Speaker 2>age appropriate. It's not age appropriate for you, and you're

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<v Speaker 2>my child.

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<v Speaker 1>Did she want to go on her own with their friends?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Okay, yeah, od right, And so then you're going, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>why am I the only because I get the whole

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<v Speaker 2>guilt trip every time, You're the only parent that doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>let me go? Right.

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<v Speaker 3>I'd love to know how many moms get the you're

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<v Speaker 3>the only one that doesn't let must do it, because

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like that's every child, every child, and they're

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<v Speaker 3>playing off everyone else against.

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<v Speaker 1>You, right, you know it is because they absolutely are.

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<v Speaker 3>They're making you feel guilty and you feel bad because

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<v Speaker 3>then you question yourself. You go, am I the only

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<v Speaker 3>one that's doing that? In my case? Do teenagers have

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<v Speaker 3>bed times? Because they're telling me, no one does no,

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<v Speaker 3>but you must have you need to get up at

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<v Speaker 3>a certain time, and you certainly My kids have never

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<v Speaker 3>gone through the stage of going, I'm really tired, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>off to bed.

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<v Speaker 1>Never have they done that yet.

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<v Speaker 2>Never. This is what we talk about, which is like

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<v Speaker 2>that whole key to common sense when it kicks in.

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<v Speaker 2>Like what age was that? When I think about back

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<v Speaker 2>to my grade eight to grade twelve, I think I

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<v Speaker 2>still had a restricted bedtime, But my mum very much

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<v Speaker 2>led by. You'll definitely know about it tomorrow when you

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<v Speaker 2>will underperform for netball. You'll be tired through mass, you

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<v Speaker 2>won't learn a thing, and you'll just feel it all day.

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<v Speaker 2>You'll just feel miserable. You'll understand tomorrow why I'm telling

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<v Speaker 2>you to go to bed by nine thirty or something,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, Like she really led by that. So I

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<v Speaker 2>had to learn a few harder days along the line

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<v Speaker 2>to then for me to go, oh, yeah, actually, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>totally okay with going to bed at nine thirty.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, mine, aren't they?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, if you are too strict, can you bring it back?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you reckon? I've got time to bring it back

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<v Speaker 2>without like letting them go wild.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it comes back to the picking your battles

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<v Speaker 3>because there's so many things that you want to implement, right,

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<v Speaker 3>but what's really important and what causes you more stress

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<v Speaker 3>trying to enforce when you're like, fuck it, just let

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<v Speaker 3>them do it.

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<v Speaker 2>The battle part really makes sense, Like.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you really believe in?

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<v Speaker 3>You really believe that you don't want her to have

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<v Speaker 3>a phone right now, And I totally get that, because

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<v Speaker 3>once they've got the phones, then you've got a whole

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<v Speaker 3>new world of problem.

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<v Speaker 2>There's no going back. Though. Yeah, it's another world of problems.

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<v Speaker 2>But I don't believe that you're out there development stage

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<v Speaker 2>to be able to understand the processing part. There's so

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<v Speaker 2>much to it. It is not just like you and

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<v Speaker 2>I when we had a Nokia thirty two ten that

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<v Speaker 2>had like tetras on it or snake, like, it's just

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<v Speaker 2>not the same, you know, And you'd be putting in

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<v Speaker 2>your text message, but you'd be cautious of like the

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<v Speaker 2>amount of characters that you use because it's going to

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<v Speaker 2>cost an extra like twenty cents for your text message.

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<v Speaker 2>We had those, Our kids didn't have those that have

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<v Speaker 2>unlimited access to each other twenty four hours a day

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<v Speaker 2>once they're online.

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<v Speaker 3>I think that's what you're saying is another level of

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<v Speaker 3>parenting as well, like another reason why it's hard for

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<v Speaker 3>us at this age because we've lived the ages of

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<v Speaker 3>not having phones and not having the technology and not

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<v Speaker 3>having Netflix and all the rest of it. That's something

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<v Speaker 3>funny I saw on Instagram the other day where it

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<v Speaker 3>was like, no, wonder we're grumpy. We went out bought

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<v Speaker 3>CD singles every time we liked the song. Then we

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<v Speaker 3>had to move on to MP three's.

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<v Speaker 2>I had a discman, Yeah, but then when the discman

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<v Speaker 2>moved to any shock, and that any shock was like,

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<v Speaker 2>so that you could run with your discman, but I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, so big, didn't even fit in your hand.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't put that in your back pocket or your

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<v Speaker 2>side of your tides. No.

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<v Speaker 3>And before that it was cassettes. We had the cassettes.

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<v Speaker 3>We had to go out by the cassettes. Then we

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<v Speaker 3>had to go out and buy the CDs. Then we

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<v Speaker 3>had to go out and buy the MP three's.

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<v Speaker 1>And now you're asking for us to pay for a subscription.

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<v Speaker 3>So when you say we're doing what our parents did, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>we are doing an element of what our parents did,

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<v Speaker 3>but we're also doing an element of I've got no

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<v Speaker 3>fucking clue because our parents didn't do this because we

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<v Speaker 3>didn't have the stuff that.

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<v Speaker 1>They have now.

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<v Speaker 3>So we are brand new in the space of parenting

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<v Speaker 3>kids that are growing up with this shit. And so

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<v Speaker 3>in terms of your phone, I would say, hold off

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<v Speaker 3>as long as possible.

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<v Speaker 1>As long as possible was.

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<v Speaker 3>Going to be holding off until everything's on Snapchat. Your

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<v Speaker 3>kid's not going to get invited to any birthday parties

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<v Speaker 3>anymore because they don't see the snaps. Hold off until then.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I'm going to buy them. Even at that

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<v Speaker 2>stage at Bonafone, they're still going to get that Nokia.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's iconic. I think that everyone has to

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<v Speaker 2>go through a stage of having.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, do that, fill up your wine fridge, don't have

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<v Speaker 3>any rules, and just

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<v Speaker 2>Get back let it go.