Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing style.
Speaker 1: With a boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's
Speaker 1: in a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching her mu.
Speaker 2: I love being love. I love love.
Speaker 1: On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are
Speaker 1: reminiscing over the One that Got Away.
Speaker 2: And why sometimes the ending of a situationship can hurt
Speaker 2: more than a long term relationship.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned to find out why your more heartbroken over
Speaker 1: a three month fling than a five year relationship.
Speaker 2: Don't worry, you are not alone.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 1: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more. Hey Matt, Hello Anna?
Speaker 1: How are you back for a proper episode? Not an interview?
Speaker 2: I know, I feel like we haven't done one of
Speaker 2: these in so long. We've got a good topic to
Speaker 2: go off.
Speaker 1: I am. I had a friend recently who was talking
Speaker 1: to me about her one that got away, and I
Speaker 1: feel like everyone has one, even if we don't want
Speaker 1: to admit it. We all have one. And anyway, she
Speaker 1: was like talking me through like how she was feeling
Speaker 1: and all of that, and I had like a similar situation,
Speaker 1: and I was kind of like comparing notes with her,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is such a good topic
Speaker 1: to talk about because I feel like it's something that
Speaker 1: at one point or another we've all like googled. I mean,
Speaker 1: I have like get over the one that got away.
Speaker 1: How's your morning. You've rolled in and you've looked a
Speaker 1: little bit rattled.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's very hot at the moment. It's a
Speaker 2: bit of a heat wave in mail Is and I
Speaker 2: our air con in our room is not working. Well,
Speaker 2: not it's working, but we had while we were away,
Speaker 2: we had a mold check, like the bathroom renovated and
Speaker 2: all this sort of stuff. So they're checking our air con.
Speaker 2: So they've said don't use it until it's fully like
Speaker 2: it's fully cleared. So I'm sitting there sweating. Last night
Speaker 2: and when I was actually asleep, I was had a
Speaker 2: dream that I was being chased by the police.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: So I don't know what that means. If anyone knows
Speaker 2: what that.
Speaker 1: Means, you looked at us.
Speaker 2: No, I haven't, and I don't want to because I
Speaker 2: think it might be something bad. Yeah, something bad, I
Speaker 2: feel like it would be. But I felt like I
Speaker 2: was off season two of prison.
Speaker 1: Break, like I was escaping the prison.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was getting chased by the police. So if
Speaker 2: I'm a bit tire shapes because I've been running all night.
Speaker 1: He's been getting running through the streets trying to evade police.
Speaker 2: I remember a bit of a dream. A bit of
Speaker 2: it was I climbed over a backyard fence and then
Speaker 2: I landed on a tree and hurt myself and I
Speaker 2: was a limping through.
Speaker 1: God, it was terrific.
Speaker 2: It was pretty intense.
Speaker 1: I wonder you look a bit rad oled. That's like,
Speaker 1: what if I'd done wrong? For me? They're rocking up
Speaker 1: to the studio.
Speaker 2: I actually have done nothing wrong. I'm not stressing about that,
Speaker 2: but I'm still who knows? Really these days? What about you?
Speaker 2: How are you feeling?
Speaker 1: I'm feeling good. I've been going to my natural path
Speaker 1: a lot. I've been kind of like working on my health,
Speaker 1: so I'm feeling a lot better. My gut health is
Speaker 1: finally feeling like it's in a good place, which is
Speaker 1: a big deal for me because you know me, like
Speaker 1: I've been on antibiotics pretty much every two weeks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for the past like six months. Like it's been crazy
Speaker 1: in between, like UTIs, I had parrot influenza a while back.
Speaker 1: I just somehow just keep catching sickness and like also
Speaker 1: like you know, going into winter, it's a very scary
Speaker 1: time for me. So I'm like, I need is stay
Speaker 1: at home. I don't want to get sick. So obviously
Speaker 1: before winter has hit us, it's kind of been my
Speaker 1: goal to get my gut health in check. I've been
Speaker 1: on the probiotics, three biotics parrots.
Speaker 2: Are they good for you?
Speaker 1: It's fiber, which my so my natural path said, like
Speaker 1: have fiber before you actually have dinner because then it
Speaker 1: kind of like into the system. Yeah. What about meta
Speaker 1: musal metaw mucal is really good? Actually they have actually
Speaker 1: recommended that to me. And what's it called. What's the
Speaker 1: actual thing called. It's like celium husk, no helium husk.
Speaker 1: I think give me if I'm wrong, Guys, if you're
Speaker 1: sitting at home being like what is she talking about?
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure metaw mucil has celium husk in it.
Speaker 1: And so basically it kind of like builds like a
Speaker 1: barrier around your gut. I'm all over gut health, right
Speaker 1: you are, You've got it.
Speaker 2: I just take these vitamins that say they protect your organs,
Speaker 2: and I'm good. You like, yeah, that's all I do.
Speaker 2: I heard as well cheer seeds are good for you.
Speaker 2: They are they almost clean the lining of your guts. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, I've been having smoothies every morning, which has actually
Speaker 1: really helped because I was doing like fasting up until
Speaker 1: about midday. But I would have like three or four
Speaker 1: coffees because we're in the studio seper early. And yes,
Speaker 1: I think since having like my morning smoothie, so I
Speaker 1: have like this gut health powder that is packed with everything.
Speaker 1: I have cheese, you seeds, I have protein or berries
Speaker 1: you put in there, blueberries, blueberries, blueberries, gal.
Speaker 2: My smoothie is mixed berries, FROZENX berries, frozen bananas, oats, protein.
Speaker 1: Remember time freak yogurt. Oh in Greek yoga. I love Greek.
Speaker 1: That's very good for the guy as well. I have
Speaker 1: Greek yogurt with some honey at night.
Speaker 2: I know that this is in a this isn't a
Speaker 2: hotline and we're not doing recommendations, but you guys, I'm
Speaker 2: going to give you have a recommendation here. I recommend
Speaker 2: we do it all the time at home. Greek yogurt
Speaker 2: and we dip mission chips that are flavored in there
Speaker 2: Mission chip. You know, just the corn chips.
Speaker 1: The corn chips with Greek yogurt is amazing.
Speaker 2: You don't know if that's a thing that well, trust me, guys,
Speaker 2: try it and let me know how you go. It's
Speaker 2: instead of sour cream, So it's a healthy alternative to
Speaker 2: see our cream because I used to.
Speaker 1: Okay, I can get around that.
Speaker 2: I would used to abuse our cream like i'd finish
Speaker 2: a tub on my stuff. Yeah, I can eat see
Speaker 2: our cream out the tub.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I make burrito balls and I instead of
Speaker 1: using sour cream, I will do like a Greek yoga.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's the Yeah, that's just changing it over. And
Speaker 2: trust me, it's so good with the chips.
Speaker 1: I can get around that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let me know how you go. That's my recommendation.
Speaker 2: You guys have a bonus one this week.
Speaker 1: Look at you, guys, Lucky that fucking loves the recommendation.
Speaker 2: For driving into the studio. I'm always like funk, what's
Speaker 2: my recommendation this week? Dressing? Like what have I done?
Speaker 2: And then but when I get here, I get them,
Speaker 2: don't I?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do? You have some good recommendations.
Speaker 2: We like that.
Speaker 1: Okay, well we're talking about the one that got away today?
Speaker 1: Do you have a one that got away? Would you say?
Speaker 2: So? We were talking about this when we spoke about
Speaker 2: the topic, and I I was under the impression that
Speaker 2: once upon a time I did have got away?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and who was that?
Speaker 2: It was my ex for my ex like a while ago,
Speaker 2: from my first X. Yeah, but I was like, no,
Speaker 2: like you, over time, you realize that like if you
Speaker 2: had stayed with them, like opportunities, situations, you wouldn't have
Speaker 2: been able and I wouldn't be the person I am today. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: I don't know who I would be right now.
Speaker 1: We wouldn't be with Jen to start with.
Speaker 2: I want to be with Jen. Yeah. I was thinking
Speaker 2: more like life, like me as an actual person, like
Speaker 2: who I am, my personality, and that I think I
Speaker 2: to like leave them. I've matured and grown up and like,
Speaker 2: you know, seen more of the world, done more things
Speaker 2: that I know who I am, And yeah, I wouldn't
Speaker 2: have met Jen I wouldn't have met amazing people along
Speaker 2: the way as well. Yeah, yeah, what about you? Do
Speaker 2: you have someone that got away? I mean at the time,
Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, Like I sat there and I
Speaker 2: was like, damn, Like, how am I ever going to
Speaker 2: come back from this? I've spoken this before on the podcast,
Speaker 2: So I was like, that was my one, she was
Speaker 2: made the game, That's my soulmate. But you realize that
Speaker 2: there's other people out there.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think I've had like two that got away.
Speaker 1: Being greedy, can you have two?
Speaker 2: The expression no longer is the one that got away,
Speaker 2: and it's got that got away, the couple that got away?
Speaker 1: No, Like, Okay, So I've spoken and obviously we've spoken
Speaker 1: about all of our relationships on this podcast, but my
Speaker 1: first relationship, the DJ, the one that we were very
Speaker 1: on and off, cheated on you seven times, cheated on
Speaker 1: me seven times. I cheated on me six times in
Speaker 1: seven days.
Speaker 2: He missed the day there.
Speaker 1: Yeah I missed a day him. Yeah. I feel like
Speaker 1: for so long he was my one that got away
Speaker 1: because he cheated on me. I felt forced to break
Speaker 1: up with him, but I really didn't want to break
Speaker 1: up with him, and so it was this thing in
Speaker 1: my head being like and he would always message me
Speaker 1: being like, I'm still in love with you, give me
Speaker 1: another chat, I don't know all the love of my life,
Speaker 1: And like, obviously I was feeling all of those things
Speaker 1: at the time, and I was like, why is life
Speaker 1: so hard? Why do I have to be a strong woman?
Speaker 1: And so why am I so stubborn?
Speaker 2: A well, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then like I obviously after him got into
Speaker 1: a very serious six year relationship, we were living together,
Speaker 1: and I think, if I'm being really ho with myself,
Speaker 1: I've probably never admitted this out loud before, but we
Speaker 1: we are on the podcast. I think throughout that relationship,
Speaker 1: even though I was extremely happy, extremely content in my relationship,
Speaker 1: there was a part of me I think that was
Speaker 1: kind of like what if. And I really did feel
Speaker 1: that whole, all encompassing feeling of he was the one
Speaker 1: that got away whilst in that relationship, even although I
Speaker 1: was happy, it was just like a niggling thought in
Speaker 1: the background. And occasionally he would snapchat me and your
Speaker 1: partner whilst I was in a relationship and would send
Speaker 1: me like essays being like, yeah, the big egg would
Speaker 1: kind of like send me messages saying how much he
Speaker 1: loved me, how he still loves me five years later,
Speaker 1: how he regrets what he did. And after I broke
Speaker 1: up with my partner of six years, on a drunken
Speaker 1: night out, I did bump into him. We didn't have sex,
Speaker 1: but we did go home together and we like kissed,
Speaker 1: and it kind of like it was such a weird feeling,
Speaker 1: right because for so long I'd put him on this pedestal,
Speaker 1: being like, yeah, he is the one that got away
Speaker 1: from me. And then when I went back to his
Speaker 1: house that night, when I was single, and like i'd
Speaker 1: only been single for like three months, but I was single,
Speaker 1: went back to his house, and all of the sparks
Speaker 1: kind of came back naturally. Naturally. I guess, if like
Speaker 1: you really have put someone on a pedestal for that long,
Speaker 1: it's because there is like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, while you're with someone as well.
Speaker 1: But I don't think that's rare, no, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people probably feel this way. But after that night,
Speaker 1: like I didn't feel the need to have sex with him,
Speaker 1: And after that night, it was almost like closure, Like
Speaker 1: the pedestal that he had been on for so long
Speaker 1: was finally pulled. Down, and I genuinely remember, and this
Speaker 1: is so like funny because I remember it like it
Speaker 1: was yesterday. I remember walking out of his apartment being like,
Speaker 1: if I never see him again, I'll be okay with it.
Speaker 1: Did you No, I've never seen him since, and it
Speaker 1: was no, no. And I think maybe it was closure
Speaker 1: for both of us, because like you know, when someone
Speaker 1: cheats on you and there's all this like emotion and
Speaker 1: like you both kind of feel like what could have been?
Speaker 1: But yeah, he was like my one that got away
Speaker 1: for so long. And then after putting him on this
Speaker 1: huge pedestal for so long, after seeing him and actually
Speaker 1: like spending a night with him.
Speaker 2: That's sometimes all you need, though, to realize that it's
Speaker 2: just not what you think it is, and it's.
Speaker 1: Like it was a fantasy.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, your brain almost like telling you that, like, well,
Speaker 2: you automatically remember all the good bits, so you're probably
Speaker 2: remembering all the good.
Speaker 1: Bits with him, and that's that that's the whole thing
Speaker 1: as well, right, Like I don't know if you feel
Speaker 1: this way with your ex that was the one that
Speaker 1: got away for you, You forget all of the bad
Speaker 1: stuff and you're like, but they were amazing and they
Speaker 1: did this and oh remember that time when they did
Speaker 1: this surprise for me, and you know, all of those
Speaker 1: like all of the bad shit in the bin, you
Speaker 1: don't think of it, or one the fact.
Speaker 2: That you guys were completely incompatible. You were just like
Speaker 2: two friends, Like.
Speaker 1: This guy cheated on me six times in seven days,
Speaker 1: and I thought he was the one that got away
Speaker 1: for seven years? Like what was I thinking? Like that's crazy?
Speaker 2: So who was the other guy?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 2: So you said two, Matt doesn't forget, Yeah, who was
Speaker 2: the other guy?
Speaker 1: So the other guy was this guy that I was
Speaker 1: seeing for like two months and then.
Speaker 2: Oh so you hadn't even.
Speaker 1: So it was like a situation ship. Yes, we weren't
Speaker 1: like I mean, we both said that we weren't really
Speaker 1: seeing anyone else, but it wasn't like officially, well you know,
Speaker 1: it's up for debate unless someone tells me like I'm
Speaker 1: one hundred percent you know, yeah, yeah, But anyway, we
Speaker 1: were seeing each other for a couple of months. Something
Speaker 1: happened where there was like conflict and it just never
Speaker 1: got resolved, like our communication just wasn't good enough to
Speaker 1: resolve it. And then it just ended very abruptly. And
Speaker 1: it kind of just like knocked me for six. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like when you're like in a situationship and
Speaker 1: you're in the process of like really falling in love
Speaker 1: with someone, yeah, and just before you hit that mark
Speaker 1: for two.
Speaker 2: Months, it's probably the right amount of time, yeah feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So for me, because of the circumstances around it,
Speaker 1: I really felt like he was the one that got
Speaker 1: away until I met Michael.
Speaker 2: Okay for that long then yeah really yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: when you're saying that, I sort of have a feeling
Speaker 2: about like some girls that like I spoke to for
Speaker 2: a bit and then it just never eventuated into anything.
Speaker 2: And I used to joke with my mates being like
Speaker 2: that's the one that got away, but like like I
Speaker 2: wouldn't think, like I don't actually think that, do you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? But like there's a bit of
Speaker 2: me that's like, what what if like we kept talking
Speaker 2: or I had like going exclusive, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like I think that, but like, noah, nothing serious. But
Speaker 2: do you think that anyone thinks that you're the one
Speaker 2: that got away? Except for that DJ dude, Well, I.
Speaker 1: Don't think he thinks that. Now. I think that was
Speaker 1: like our closure, and I think like the whole like
Speaker 1: the one that got away phenomenon I feel like can
Speaker 1: be like nipped in the butt when you get closure.
Speaker 1: I feel like the lack of closure or feeling like
Speaker 1: you don't have closure can sometimes make you feel that way.
Speaker 1: But then I always say, if someone goes to that's
Speaker 1: closure in itself, or like the fact that you guys
Speaker 1: aren't together should be closure enough.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it isn't you need more.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you tell yourself it is that you should tell
Speaker 1: yourself that it is closure.
Speaker 2: I reckon that I am. Some girls think I'm the
Speaker 2: one that got away? Do you Yeah, I've got one
Speaker 2: in mind, particularly tell me more?
Speaker 1: Do you reckon?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I jumped into her and she said
Speaker 2: you were actually such a nice guy, all this sort
Speaker 2: of stuff.
Speaker 1: Was she drunk? Yeah, well, I mean the truth comes out.
Speaker 2: And I was just like, oh yeah, yeah, like not
Speaker 2: giving her much obviously because I've obviously moved on. And
Speaker 2: she was like, oh, I think she said what could
Speaker 2: have been? And I was like, well, it hasn't been
Speaker 2: and it won't be or something.
Speaker 1: Did you feel the same way with her? No?
Speaker 2: God know, when that ended, I was so happy you
Speaker 2: were relieved. I was relieved. I was like, thank god,
Speaker 2: is there anyone.
Speaker 1: Else who you reckon you're the one that got away for?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I reckon there's a couple of girls. But
Speaker 2: I don't know if if you feel like I'm the
Speaker 2: one that got away from you, let us know.
Speaker 1: No one's letting us know that, mad.
Speaker 2: Let us know. We're curious.
Speaker 1: I reckon I'm the one that got away for the
Speaker 1: guy who I was seeing before. Michael. Remember in our
Speaker 1: first episode of this podcast, I told this story about
Speaker 1: how I went to the airport.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, god, yeah, Okay, yeah, I think yeah, because
Speaker 2: you can tell by the way they view your stories.
Speaker 2: You can just tell when you see their name and
Speaker 2: your people have view your stories.
Speaker 1: One, there's there's so many ways to know if you're
Speaker 1: the one that got away with someone. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: they still follow you on social media. For one, they
Speaker 1: keep following you after the breaker. They're not like I mean,
Speaker 1: I follow a lot of x's to be honest, like
Speaker 1: just out of like I do. It's just it's like
Speaker 1: a nonchalant follow like it has no emotion behind it,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like respectfully following them because at one
Speaker 1: point we dated.
Speaker 2: I find it petty almost to unfollow them. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: find that as like they probably think, oh, like I've won,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, They're unfollowing me for this reason,
Speaker 2: where like I've muted a bunch of people that oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I muted so many people because like people are for
Speaker 2: that reason. I don't want to see them on YouTube.
Speaker 2: But I don't want unfollow them because I don't want them.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be rude.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't want to be rude. And I'm like
Speaker 2: they might get that satisfaction of that unfollowed him, because
Speaker 2: I know if someone unfollows me that I've dated or something,
Speaker 2: you're like, ah, you care.
Speaker 1: One in two ways, maybe they just don't care.
Speaker 2: Let's just that's like.
Speaker 1: Your face just like completely like drained them, and you
Speaker 1: were like, what they don't care this concept.
Speaker 2: You talk Now, I know they care. I could feel
Speaker 2: their energy. I know.
Speaker 1: What's other reasons that you know that you're like the
Speaker 1: one that got away with someone. I guess if their
Speaker 1: friends ask about you, that's a pretty obvious one.
Speaker 2: Pretty obvious one. Yeah, they don't get into another serious
Speaker 2: or long term relationship for a while.
Speaker 1: It's an hour to last exits been in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Since we're the one that got.
Speaker 1: Away from there, I highly doubt it.
Speaker 2: I'm sure my accidents hasn't even from what I've heard,
Speaker 2: hasn't really seen or anything with anyone.
Speaker 1: She did remember the lawyer.
Speaker 2: Oh you're talking about that one. Who are you talking
Speaker 2: about before? But yeah, both of them. I'm just everyone.
Speaker 2: I'm only got away from everyone.
Speaker 1: This is not supposed to be an ego. Let's just
Speaker 1: rein it in. I don't know how people.
Speaker 2: If I don't know on the other side of the
Speaker 2: but I'm just freeding the facts here.
Speaker 1: You get drunk text from them is a key sign
Speaker 1: that you're the one that got away. I don't get
Speaker 1: drunk texts.
Speaker 2: I don't so maybe, but I.
Speaker 1: Think we're both in pretty serious. I mean, I'm engaged,
Speaker 1: so if I was getting drunk texts from someone, I'd
Speaker 1: be worried for them. They're probably like holding in. I mean,
Speaker 1: to be fair, when I had those feelings of the
Speaker 1: one that got away, I never sent a drunk text.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put that out. Yeah, I think that
Speaker 1: like drunk texting was like eighteen year old to twenty
Speaker 1: year old Anna, twenty one year old Anna was like,
Speaker 1: we are no longer sending drunk texts.
Speaker 2: Last year, I don't remember lastime I sent a drunk
Speaker 2: text like I'm too busy, like talking.
Speaker 1: Shit too on this podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, when I'm dreaming mynd Yeah to send a
Speaker 2: drunk text, like you know what I mean. Yeah, they
Speaker 2: text you happy birthday or congratulate you on like a
Speaker 2: life achievement.
Speaker 1: See again, Yes, you could be the one that got
Speaker 1: away for them. But like I would respectfully send someone
Speaker 1: a happy birthday? Would I who was the last ex
Speaker 1: I send a happy birthday to if.
Speaker 2: They were in a relationship.
Speaker 1: There's a couple of people who I would now classify
Speaker 1: as like friends who I would send a happy birthday to.
Speaker 1: There's others who I mean, it's really hard. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: know anyone's birthdays. I'm going to put that out.
Speaker 2: That's true as well.
Speaker 1: It's probably like one or two ex'es that I would remember.
Speaker 2: I actually always have trouble remembering the exact date.
Speaker 1: When's my birthday?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the twenty third, Try again, twenty cloth twenty, it's
Speaker 2: the twenties. Yeah, it's before.
Speaker 1: Out my Instagram handle the twenty first.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought it was I was going to say
Speaker 2: the twenty first because it's before an exact day. I
Speaker 2: remember it's before an'zact day, so I know around about
Speaker 2: I know around about time.
Speaker 1: It's easy because it's everywhere, like I use twenty one
Speaker 1: for everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true. I just remember it's the roundabout time,
Speaker 2: the actual day.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So yeah.
Speaker 1: Another one is they keep in communication with your family
Speaker 1: and friends. That's a big one, sliding their way into
Speaker 1: your life without like actually being in your life. Do
Speaker 1: you have any exes who still talk to your family
Speaker 1: or friends? Really, maybe you're the one that got away
Speaker 1: from it.
Speaker 2: They flirt with you now and then as well.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I don't know how many exes you're seeing,
Speaker 1: but I mean I'm not seeing any of my exes.
Speaker 1: I personally wouldn't want to see my exes. I would
Speaker 1: just prefer not to, but.
Speaker 2: You can occasionally bump into them out Melbourne's a very
Speaker 2: small town.
Speaker 1: If I know that one of my exes goes to
Speaker 1: a certain place, I will go out of my way
Speaker 1: to not go there. I will avoid it like the plague,
Speaker 1: because seeing an X for me is just like I
Speaker 1: just couldn't think of anything worse. Also, they didn't untag
Speaker 1: or delete photos of you together. Again, I still have
Speaker 1: photos of all of my exes. If you go down
Speaker 1: my gram, it's still your life at the end of
Speaker 1: the day.
Speaker 2: You have you archived a grid post of your X Yeah?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I've archived like a few, but I'm not like
Speaker 1: totally deleted because i feel like it's part of my
Speaker 1: story almost like just because you're not with someone doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you weren't.
Speaker 2: I archived the ones that I'm like, but then the cool.
Speaker 1: The PDA ones, Yeah, yeah, I archive.
Speaker 2: Those ones, but then the ones that I'm like, car,
Speaker 2: these are cool, like like I've left like launch picks up?
Speaker 1: Have you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well I changed the description.
Speaker 1: Oh did you.
Speaker 2: Haven't you seen that? So you say your love heart
Speaker 2: and the artsis tombstone.
Speaker 1: Fuck you are savage, And that's actually so funny, man,
Speaker 1: I actually think that we should all do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Literally, the launch.
Speaker 1: It's like knife forever in a day. Forever isn't long enough,
Speaker 1: my one and only, And that's like put like a
Speaker 1: tombstone rip rip to our relationship.
Speaker 2: I'm funny like that. Well, I had something else? What
Speaker 2: was the other one I had? Years ago? I did
Speaker 2: another one and I did something funny, but I can't remember.
Speaker 2: Oh I had I left this up because I looked good.
Speaker 1: I mean, only you would actually do that. So it
Speaker 1: doesn't surprise me that that to And the last one
Speaker 1: is that they find reasons to bump into you. Luckily
Speaker 1: I haven't had this happen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, same, Really, I don't think there's any reason to
Speaker 2: bump into me.
Speaker 1: With's the one that got Away. Let's talk more after
Speaker 1: the break, Okay, So do you know what's actually funny
Speaker 1: is you know that song, the one that Got Away
Speaker 1: by Katie Perry.
Speaker 2: I'm not familiar.
Speaker 1: With it, you know, like the one My God, I
Speaker 1: don't want to see in the microphone, I don't want
Speaker 1: to like burn everyone's ear canals.
Speaker 2: It's actually funny that because I actually searched the one
Speaker 2: that Got Away in podcast listen on the way in
Speaker 2: and it was and this is just funny how the
Speaker 2: world works. It was about people escaping from prison. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I saw that and I was like, my dream last
Speaker 2: night this. Oh yeah, I was like, what's going you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's weird, it's weird.
Speaker 2: And then I did read this script before I went
Speaker 2: to bed.
Speaker 1: Interesting, you know, something actually really freaky happened to me
Speaker 1: the other day. I was at my parents' house and
Speaker 1: I made a coffee and like, you know, coffee banging
Speaker 1: for his coffee, and like it was a concrete bench
Speaker 1: and a cup and I was like in the house
Speaker 1: alone and the cup knocked over, Like how can that happen?
Speaker 2: Are we going into ghost stories because I can tell
Speaker 2: you some serious ones.
Speaker 1: No, we'll do another episode on stories, but I just
Speaker 1: had to tell you haunted. I think my parents' house
Speaker 1: is haunted. After that, the ghost of like my grandparents
Speaker 1: could be alive, and well, I looked at I looked
Speaker 1: it up what it meant, and it said that a
Speaker 1: coffee cup knocking over by itself means it's something really
Speaker 1: good is coming. So I was like, oh, okay, thanks grandparents.
Speaker 1: That's just knocked out for his coffee.
Speaker 2: Car That wasn't me.
Speaker 1: Spirit has to do it. You can't. You can't that. Okay,
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the topic, which is the one
Speaker 1: that got away. So normally when you have this feeling
Speaker 1: of the one that got away, it's when you've been
Speaker 1: seeing someone for about six to eight months, and usually
Speaker 1: that's because you're still in the honeymoon vase, So you
Speaker 1: put them on this huge pedestal, you fantasize about what
Speaker 1: could have been. And there's normally two things that can happen.
Speaker 1: So the first is you guys sort of knew each
Speaker 1: other socially, fell to spark, and then they didn't follow
Speaker 1: through with the relationship, which leaves you obviously heartbroken and
Speaker 1: wanting more, wanting more, wondering what if.
Speaker 2: They've taken that dok mean serotonin hit away from you.
Speaker 1: They gave it all to you and then they ripped
Speaker 1: it away. The next one is when the relationship has
Speaker 1: actually kind of started, there's some traction, but there's a
Speaker 1: disconnect or a misunderstanding, something wasn't resolved and it ended
Speaker 1: very abruptly, and you're kind of sideswiped by something else.
Speaker 1: So can you relate to either of those kind of circumstances?
Speaker 2: I would say the second one, but not how long
Speaker 2: did they give again? Eight? Six? Eight months?
Speaker 1: They said normally it can be six to eight months,
Speaker 1: But obviously there's exceptions to every kind of rule.
Speaker 2: When I think about that, I think about one that's
Speaker 2: been going for like two years nearly, and you're just
Speaker 2: so complacent and then maybe they just go you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, and they just go nut, they just
Speaker 2: wake up one day.
Speaker 1: And maybe that's a boy thing. Maybe that's a boy
Speaker 1: thing of not putting in enough effort, which I feel
Speaker 1: like many men are guilty of. And then in hindsight
Speaker 1: you have regrets.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, so then they just
Speaker 2: get swept the rug essentially get swept out from under you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you're just like, well, where did that happen?
Speaker 1: See? For me, as a girl, relationships like proper relationships,
Speaker 1: it's less likely to happen because when you're in a
Speaker 1: proper relationship with someone, you can see their negative traits,
Speaker 1: so you can be like, they're not missed a perfect anymore,
Speaker 1: which I once like in the honeymoon phase, you put
Speaker 1: them on this amazing pedestal. You think that their shit
Speaker 1: don't stick.
Speaker 2: You're like, literally, mine doesn't.
Speaker 1: I don't know why you continue to say that. It's
Speaker 1: so bizarre.
Speaker 2: The doors opened.
Speaker 1: You just anyway, and like you just think that they're amazing, right,
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 2: And then over time you realize things and then and.
Speaker 1: Then it's easier to let the relationship go because you could.
Speaker 2: Be like, well, then what happens when you're on the
Speaker 2: other end and you don't see that happening and you're
Speaker 2: not thinking that way. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: What do you mean, so.
Speaker 2: Like you, you're not thinking, oh, you're seeing all those
Speaker 2: faults because you're sort of just slack.
Speaker 1: You're putting in minimal effort. Oh yeah, they're probably doing
Speaker 1: everything for you.
Speaker 2: Fuck when did this become so personal?
Speaker 1: I'm not taking personally. I'm just saying exactly what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: If you're taking it personally, and that's a problem.
Speaker 2: I forget I said anything, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And then you're focusing on like your job, you're like
Speaker 2: your careers and all that sort of stuff, and you're
Speaker 2: you're not really focusing so much in the relationship, which happens,
Speaker 2: and then they just wake up one day and go
Speaker 2: nah and pull the rug and you're.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, yeah, wait what Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think that's that's why I'd find it the hardest
Speaker 2: to move on sort of thing.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent, because I guess, like, you didn't make
Speaker 1: them a priority, and the fact that you didn't do that,
Speaker 1: then you think, well, what if I did make them
Speaker 1: a priority? And that's where that what.
Speaker 2: If kind of like, I agree, that's exactly.
Speaker 1: I think that imagination kind of can drive you wild
Speaker 1: and takes you away to a place where you're like regret. Regret, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the regret. Well, it's the concept of hindsight, right, It's like,
Speaker 1: what could I have done? Could we have spent the
Speaker 1: rest of our lives together?
Speaker 2: Hindsight is a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Speaker 1: But is it just a grass is greener mentality? Is
Speaker 1: the question that I have for you.
Speaker 2: I don't believe the grass is greener on the other side.
Speaker 2: I believe it's greener where you water it.
Speaker 1: I know you do say that, and I do. That's
Speaker 1: throwing up some gangster SI right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon that.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit worried.
Speaker 2: That's literally that saying I reckon that because I was,
Speaker 2: for a strong period of my life always believes that
Speaker 2: the grass is greener on the other side. You know
Speaker 2: what I mean. I'd be if we're talking about relationships,
Speaker 2: I'd be with someone when my younger here is like
Speaker 2: sixteen to eighteen, and I'd be like, fuck, all my
Speaker 2: mates are single. I want to be single. I want
Speaker 2: to be with them. And then like you end the
Speaker 2: relationship and I would just cry for ages wanting to
Speaker 2: be with.
Speaker 1: That, but that's because you can't be single.
Speaker 2: But do you know what I mean? Like yeah, and
Speaker 2: I'd be like, well, I want to be back with them,
Speaker 2: And then I took I don't know, a couple of
Speaker 2: years ago. I sort of like sort of had the
Speaker 2: mentality of like, I'm going to actively in my mind
Speaker 2: the grass is and greener on the other side, Like
Speaker 2: it's not better to be on the other side. You've
Speaker 2: got to work on what you are.
Speaker 1: Certainly better for you, that's for sure. I look, I'm
Speaker 1: going to say something I think that I know for
Speaker 1: your one that got away, then you've had all of
Speaker 1: these like what ifs, regrets, whatever, But if that person
Speaker 1: was right for you, you would have prioritized it.
Speaker 2: That's what I said from the start. Yeah, once you
Speaker 2: realize that they're not your one, they're not the one
Speaker 2: that got away, it's just that initial stage where it
Speaker 2: might be what year, a year, and that where you think, oh,
Speaker 2: I've I've done this differently, if I've done that, But
Speaker 2: then you realize, yeah, they weren't your priority at the
Speaker 2: time for a reason.
Speaker 1: But then another little sorry to play Devil's advocate. But
Speaker 1: could it just be a timing issue, like you weren't ready,
Speaker 1: you were too young, both parties couldn't commit properly at
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: Good, good call. But I believe that in time now
Speaker 2: I realized that, like maybe it was just timing. Maybe
Speaker 2: it wasn't. But I don't think that. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm happy with there I'm at. So
Speaker 2: it's kind of weird to think down that way, if
Speaker 2: timing or if things are being different, because in a way,
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think that like they're living
Speaker 2: their life and you're living your life, and I don't
Speaker 2: think those lives link up. Yeah at all? What about you?
Speaker 2: I don't think they link up.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because I've seen this thing on my TikTok
Speaker 1: algorithm recently, and it's about how men marry the woman
Speaker 1: who's in front of him when he's ready. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? Yeah, So guys, when they become ready and
Speaker 1: get into the mindset, okay, I want to get married,
Speaker 1: start a family, travel or whatever their life goals are,
Speaker 1: that's the person who they marry, the woman who's in
Speaker 1: front of them at the time. Think they can make
Speaker 1: it work.
Speaker 2: It sounds like it's so like I'm ready, let's pick her.
Speaker 1: It's a thing on my algorithm that I watched once
Speaker 1: and now I'm getting a million of these videos. You
Speaker 1: know how the algorithm work. But like people seem to
Speaker 1: really relate and resonate with this.
Speaker 2: I can see what you mean. What would girls do then?
Speaker 2: Though they always are thinking about it, they're always ready?
Speaker 1: No, why do you think girls are always ready? No?
Speaker 1: I think it's like, I think timing is such an
Speaker 1: important factor on deciding who you end up with one
Speaker 1: hundred percent, because I think like when the timing is
Speaker 1: right and you meet someone who's like ready as well,
Speaker 1: then you kind of like align and your life goals
Speaker 1: aligne and you start to kind of like plan out
Speaker 1: the future. Whereas like, for instance, when I was in
Speaker 1: my six year relationship, we were kind of just like
Speaker 1: in a relationship, like nothing really happened.
Speaker 2: We moved in together, buying saving for a house. Did
Speaker 2: you have the same goals?
Speaker 1: Like he was a builder, so he was building a
Speaker 1: house and we were going to move into it, but like,
Speaker 1: well that's.
Speaker 2: Brutal, And then you broke up with him and he
Speaker 2: built the house for you too.
Speaker 1: Don't make me feel bad? Has such discussion.
Speaker 2: Does he still have that house?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I haven't spoken to him in a
Speaker 1: hot minute.
Speaker 2: But he has a sausage dog, doesn't it?
Speaker 1: I think? So cool? Dude, Matt wants to make friends
Speaker 1: with my egg.
Speaker 2: Just to play with the goods. No, but I know
Speaker 2: what you mean that if they're not on the same
Speaker 2: journey with you, then the timing's not right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Matt, Let's talk about why situationships hurt more
Speaker 1: than a real breakup sometimes.
Speaker 2: Next, why does it feel like sometimes when we end
Speaker 2: a situationship it can hurt more than like a long
Speaker 2: term breakup.
Speaker 1: It's such a hard one, right, because I've definitely had
Speaker 1: situationships that have ended hurt more than long term relationships.
Speaker 1: And I know I'm definitely not the only one in
Speaker 1: this boat. And I think it's just because it triggers
Speaker 1: those feelings of like what could have been? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like what if I was.
Speaker 2: I've been trying to think about a situationship that's ended
Speaker 2: that I've been distraught about, and I can't really think
Speaker 2: of one, think of one like I can't. I'm trying
Speaker 2: to think I don't think this sounds pretty bad, but
Speaker 2: it is the truth. I don't think I've fully invested
Speaker 2: in a situation where I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, but then, how do you get to a
Speaker 1: point of being in a relationship?
Speaker 2: Then well, I guess just you keep hanging out, and
Speaker 2: I think it hasn't gotten to the point where like.
Speaker 1: Or so, you've never got to a point where you've
Speaker 1: like thought it was turning into a relationship and then didn't.
Speaker 2: Actually, I lie. That was probably one girl when I
Speaker 2: was younger. She used to make my coffees all the time.
Speaker 2: We hung out a fair.
Speaker 1: Bit and I was like, oh, okay, she was a barista.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was my own barrista who made my coffees.
Speaker 2: And there again right and I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: cool chick, Like see where this goes. So I spoke
Speaker 2: for like five months or something, hung out, and I
Speaker 2: think this was probably this first and last person that
Speaker 2: I realized like, don't go two balls to the wall
Speaker 2: because they might not be do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So I was pretty into it, and then she wasn't.
Speaker 2: She met some other guy and my mates were making
Speaker 2: out at the local, and then I sort of took
Speaker 2: a step back and I was like, okay, well we're
Speaker 2: not exclusive, so fair enough. But I was sort of
Speaker 2: like respecting that line. And then it just sort of
Speaker 2: fizzled out from that. I was sort of not upset.
Speaker 2: I was like, no more free coffees. That sucks.
Speaker 1: How is your feelings? Feeling that it was to the side.
Speaker 2: I was upset, But it was a time in my
Speaker 2: life where like it was like thank you next sort
Speaker 2: of thing, like well, who, Like I was young, I
Speaker 2: was twenty one twenty two, right, so young. Yes, it
Speaker 2: was sort of like who's who's Like, you know who's there?
Speaker 1: Like and you next on the rotation?
Speaker 2: Who's next? Once you're going out all the time you're
Speaker 2: meeting new people, I was like who I And then
Speaker 2: funnily enough, another situationship actually arose not shortly after, just
Speaker 2: through sheer, like just you know, you're meeting people all
Speaker 2: the time, single.
Speaker 1: So you reckon it. Like twenty one you kind of
Speaker 1: got taught the lesson of like, don't invest until you
Speaker 1: know there are one hundred.
Speaker 2: Percent Yeah, twenty two around the great.
Speaker 1: Time to learn it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I wish I got some of that. Could have done
Speaker 1: with a couple of those lessons.
Speaker 2: I mean, but I'm sure along the way, i've sort of,
Speaker 2: like with Black Spoken, I've been like, oh, I like
Speaker 2: this one, but then I don't have I ever been
Speaker 2: Have you seen me distraught every situationship ending?
Speaker 1: Not really, if I think about it.
Speaker 2: I've sort of just always been like, oh, yeah, well
Speaker 2: it's not meant to be.
Speaker 1: I mean, you kind of if you're single, you would
Speaker 1: probably be talking to a couple of people. So if
Speaker 1: one fucks you off, you're replacing pretty quickly. She's a
Speaker 1: bit toxic of you, but I will but also not
Speaker 1: really because you're single, like you can date around like
Speaker 1: and the thing is when you meet someone. Thent's talk
Speaker 1: about Jen. You met Jen and you were all in
Speaker 1: from date one. Yeah, so like what happens if after
Speaker 1: like six dates, when you put her on that massive pedestal,
Speaker 1: if she was like, I'm not ready, how would that
Speaker 1: have felt? Or were you still not all in?
Speaker 2: I guess we'll never know, No, I I was.
Speaker 1: I think maybe you've just been lucky that you've never
Speaker 1: been all in and someone's pulled out. Yeah, maybe I've
Speaker 1: been there in a fucking sacks.
Speaker 2: It's actually a good point because I just think I
Speaker 2: think there was a lot about that though. That was
Speaker 2: like it was six years of chatting on and off.
Speaker 2: It was that like do you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: we sort of got like when we got to the point,
Speaker 2: it was like, oh, here we go, Like, yeah, this
Speaker 2: has been a long time coming.
Speaker 1: I mean there was moved a blessed life to never
Speaker 1: experience that type of pain because, let me tell you,
Speaker 1: fucking suck. Oh. Like I remember when my situationship ended,
Speaker 1: I reckon. I cried in bed for a week for
Speaker 1: a situation over a situation ship. I took it harder
Speaker 1: than a long term relationship breakup, definitely, because in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship breakup, if you're breaking up with them,
Speaker 1: then you're kind of like, okay, these are the reasons why,
Speaker 1: Like I want to be single, and like I want
Speaker 1: to do this with my life, and like you have
Speaker 1: all you have all the reasons. You've justified it, right,
Speaker 1: And I feel it's still sad, but you've justified it.
Speaker 2: I feel like by the time you break up with
Speaker 2: them and you've done the seven things of grieving as well,
Speaker 2: if you're the one pulling the trigger, you've done like
Speaker 2: the I don't know what they are off the top
Speaker 2: of my head, but you know what I mean? And
Speaker 2: then yeah, come to acceptance.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah absolutely. Whereas like when it gets swept
Speaker 1: from under your feet, it's like it's almost like it
Speaker 1: kind of gives you that feeling of like, well, it
Speaker 1: hurts your ego firstly, right, Like your ego takes a
Speaker 1: big hit when someone says I don't want you, because
Speaker 1: you're like, what have I done wrong? Is there something
Speaker 1: I could have done better? Was I bad in bed?
Speaker 1: Am I too fat? Like? What is it about me
Speaker 1: that makes you not so appreciate me the way I
Speaker 1: appreciate you?
Speaker 2: I just clicked. Then Jen was telling me a story
Speaker 2: on the way last night, we're in the car about
Speaker 2: her friend at work had been in a situationship with
Speaker 2: this guy for five fucking How do I forget this
Speaker 2: for five? It was probably because I was holding down
Speaker 2: a barm me in while she was telling me. I
Speaker 2: was focused on that, Yeah, that this girl at work
Speaker 2: had been seeing this guy for five months and he
Speaker 2: literally they'd been hanging out all week, going on dates.
Speaker 2: He'd be cooking her dinners, all this sort of stuff,
Speaker 2: and he literally told her on the weekend that he's
Speaker 2: not interested in taking this any further and she's heart
Speaker 2: broken about it. She's like, I really failed for this guy.
Speaker 2: I was starting to like him. And yeah, Jen was
Speaker 2: like confined.
Speaker 1: What's the word she was confiding in gen Yeah.
Speaker 2: And was comforting her at work.
Speaker 1: It's because you just don't see it coming.
Speaker 2: Well, this is the girl that I went. When I
Speaker 2: went and got drinks with her and her work friends,
Speaker 2: she was telling me about the situation. I said, he's
Speaker 2: not into you. And this was in December. I knew
Speaker 2: straight away. I was like, he doesn't. He's not into you.
Speaker 1: That's all you've given me, those hard truths.
Speaker 2: And yeah, Well Jen cracked it at me for telling
Speaker 2: her friends that. She's like, you shouldn't say that, and
Speaker 2: I was like, I was just helping her.
Speaker 1: Out, you know what. I always stand by this. The
Speaker 1: truth hurts, but people should hear it. Yeah, Like, why
Speaker 1: have your feelings run away with themselves and prolong something
Speaker 1: that's already coming, Like if something's not going to work out,
Speaker 1: I would prefer to know at the two month mark
Speaker 1: over the five month mark, all day, every day.
Speaker 2: Is it better to have loved and lost than to
Speaker 2: never love it? All?
Speaker 1: But feelings at two months compared to five months are
Speaker 1: very different. At five months, you're getting comfortable. You're like
Speaker 1: basically living at each other's places.
Speaker 2: Like when you fixed up that baby name list on.
Speaker 1: You've got the agreed. I'm the one that's going.
Speaker 2: Ahead the photo shopped her a wedding photo.
Speaker 1: But it's so hard with situationships because you lose something
Speaker 1: that was never yours to lose.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've had that thrown in my face a couple
Speaker 2: of times, not with relationships, but with like opportunities and that,
Speaker 2: and people have said, well, you didn't get it, like
Speaker 2: you were just in the running for it, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: still it sucks because you've pictured yourself. Yeah you know
Speaker 2: what I mean in that position.
Speaker 1: You picture yourself at the end of the aisle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well not yeah so much, but you know, like
Speaker 2: opportunities of yeah, well that's what we're talking about relationship,
Speaker 2: but in the opportunities you like you picture yourself in
Speaker 2: that that job role or that role. Yeah, it's been
Speaker 2: taken away from you.
Speaker 1: And the thing is as well, you go from all
Speaker 1: to nothing. So like I guess, like situationships are very spontaneous.
Speaker 1: It's like nothing's defined, so it's exciting, And I guess
Speaker 1: you can quickly go from speaking every day to being unfollowed,
Speaker 1: to being ghosted to being blocked. Like you know, it's
Speaker 1: just it's a real whirlwind and it really does take
Speaker 1: you on a spin.
Speaker 2: Yes, you can spiral very quickly when that happens to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I guess like with relationships, you know, there's
Speaker 1: disagreements that you can be like, oh, well, like he
Speaker 1: was a bit of a fuck with and like you know,
Speaker 1: you have all of these, like your list of negatives
Speaker 1: about them, Whereas with situationships, it's honeymoon phase. And that's
Speaker 1: I think that's why we feel so deeply when we
Speaker 1: do feel that rejection.
Speaker 2: And you also want to know, like there's a natural
Speaker 2: desire of why they didn't choose you, like what went wrong?
Speaker 2: Like you said before, it could be what is it?
Speaker 2: Something wrong with me where? And the end of the
Speaker 2: day could just be that you guys weren't compatible when
Speaker 2: they saw that and the timing was off for them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think as well, our attachment styles have a
Speaker 1: lot to do with it, don't you, reckon?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So like if you and me our attachment styles struggle,
Speaker 2: don't they?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, like unless you're Unless you're a secure attachment,
Speaker 1: you can find it really fucking hard if someone turns
Speaker 1: around and says, sorry, this isn't working out for me.
Speaker 1: Unless you're secure within yourself. It's tricky because then you
Speaker 1: start to think, like, what's wrong with me? You know,
Speaker 1: we're all terrified of being abandoned, and all of these
Speaker 1: attachment styles are kind of developed because of abandonment issues
Speaker 1: or things that have happened in our past, and like
Speaker 1: when you actually actually get abandoned, then you're like, whoa,
Speaker 1: this is a lot everything. All of my worries and
Speaker 1: anxieties have been reaffirmed by what this person has just
Speaker 1: done to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. It definitely plays on your insecurities and
Speaker 2: makes you question if you are attractive, worthy, or desirable
Speaker 2: to the other.
Speaker 1: Things, Like I reckon when situationships have ended for me,
Speaker 1: I've never felt more insecure, Like I was like I
Speaker 1: need to go want and diet, I need to like anything.
Speaker 1: I need to dye my hair blonder like all of
Speaker 1: these things, which is so silly and like in hindsight,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, Anna, you're so stupid. Like,
Speaker 1: but if you don't have the confidence in yourself, or
Speaker 1: like your ego takes a hit, you really do start
Speaker 1: questioning yourself. And when I look at younger me and like,
Speaker 1: I feel bad for her because I questioned myself so much,
Speaker 1: so much. I don't know if you felt this way,
Speaker 1: because you've got more confidence than anyone I know. But
Speaker 1: I make surely, surely you've questioned yourself.
Speaker 2: I question things I've done, not myself.
Speaker 1: What about when I didn't reply to your date request?
Speaker 1: Did you question yourself? Will be like not next?
Speaker 2: I'm sure like the next girl replied, or the one
Speaker 2: before I said.
Speaker 1: That message is one of twenty?
Speaker 2: Sure? What is that? What's the expression? If you if
Speaker 2: you throw enough lines out, one's going to take a
Speaker 2: one's gonna take the bait.
Speaker 1: Well, maybe that's the difference between girls and guys. Like
Speaker 1: I will talk to like one guy and if like
Speaker 1: I get rejected, then I take it more personally. Whereas
Speaker 1: if you're talking to like ten girls and throwing the
Speaker 1: same line out and you're getting two replies, you're still
Speaker 1: feeling like.
Speaker 2: Good young single man. You do that? Wrong with that?
Speaker 1: No, there's nothing wrong with it. But I'm just saying, like,
Speaker 1: if you're talking to one person, as opposed to like ten,
Speaker 1: of course, the odds definitely mine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a numbers game, the odds.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's jump into our listener questions, shall we?
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, so this is where we ask you to
Speaker 2: ask us where our heads are at.
Speaker 1: Okay, So Cherry has written into the podcast and she
Speaker 1: has asked, I always get stuck on my last situationship,
Speaker 1: or date and cannot move on until I meet the
Speaker 1: next person. Why do I get so infatuated with people?
Speaker 2: Cherry? I think that you feel hard.
Speaker 1: Maybe I can relate to this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So why do you think Cherry does this?
Speaker 1: Well? I guess she's kind of putting her self worth
Speaker 1: on like the date that she's been on, Like, are
Speaker 1: they nice to me? Does that mean that I'm worthy? So?
Speaker 1: I mean, there's nothing really wrong with like, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: you know how I feel about this, get under to
Speaker 1: get over, even if it just means going on another
Speaker 1: date to get over Essentially.
Speaker 2: How shit would that date be if they just suck
Speaker 2: and you're trying to get over someone and you're thinking
Speaker 2: about someone the whole time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's pretty normal to feel that way,
Speaker 1: especially if you're kind of like out there really wanting
Speaker 1: like a relationship, and you can't seem to find one,
Speaker 1: So then maybe you put like quite a lot of
Speaker 1: expectations and pressure. Maybe our advice to Terry is just
Speaker 1: to take the pressure off and kind of just go
Speaker 1: into each date with like a really open mind, have fun,
Speaker 1: but don't get to like invested and invested like.
Speaker 2: And what do we always let them come to you?
Speaker 1: Don't, you know, chase them?
Speaker 2: What do we always say? Don't worry if they like you,
Speaker 2: worry if you like them.
Speaker 1: Love that?
Speaker 2: Okay? The next one comes from Martin. Is it true
Speaker 2: that to get over someone, Oh, here we go, you
Speaker 2: have to get under someone else, or at least take
Speaker 2: someone else.
Speaker 1: Yes, I disagree, But when the last time you were
Speaker 1: getting over a relationship and you weren't getting under people,
Speaker 1: I mean, let's get right.
Speaker 2: But that's so I know from experience that it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: But you still do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well yeah, you do it, but I reckon it
Speaker 2: makes you feel more shitty, like you just get with people,
Speaker 2: like like I said on that episode, Like I said,
Speaker 2: when we've spoke about this before, like sex to me
Speaker 2: comes easy, you know, like I don't like, it's comes
Speaker 2: in it comes into my life. So it's not like
Speaker 2: I'm feeling anything. I'm briefly feeling a void and then
Speaker 2: they're gone, you know what I mean, Like and then
Speaker 2: you're left even lonelier and emptier.
Speaker 1: Metaphorically, I disagree with that. I feel like getting under
Speaker 1: actually relieves some of the loneliness I think the over
Speaker 1: one night, yeah, as opposed to being alone the whole time.
Speaker 2: But then, like how I think about it is, so it's.
Speaker 1: Not like I'm having one night sense. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: like going on dates, meeting people, like not trying to
Speaker 1: find a spark with someone else. That's trying to remind
Speaker 1: myself that there's other people out there, there's other fish
Speaker 1: in the sea.
Speaker 2: Yeah I can see that.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to sit at home and twiddle my thumbs.
Speaker 2: Yeah I can see that. But like I think that
Speaker 2: if you've broken up with someone and you truly are
Speaker 2: heartbroken by it, I think that like mending your heart
Speaker 2: and like spending some time by yourself and acknowledging your
Speaker 2: feelings and sitting them and like you know, holding space
Speaker 2: for them, as we say, and then knowing how you feel,
Speaker 2: and then when you come to a point of moving
Speaker 2: on then healthy and ready to move on. Look, I
Speaker 2: just know that when I've like got gotten under to
Speaker 2: get over. Let's hypothetically say, right, so, you pick someone up,
Speaker 2: you're vibing with them all night, you go home, you
Speaker 2: sleep with them, you leave their house or they leave
Speaker 2: your house. But then, like you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: like you send them a message. You're in your head
Speaker 2: about sending them a message. When do you talk to
Speaker 2: him next? What's the next step? Do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean?
Speaker 1: Getting jumping back on the bed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if you're not ready, you're not in a healed,
Speaker 2: good mental space to do that. I can also be
Speaker 2: spiraling and be more detrimental to you.
Speaker 1: Look, I definitely get what you're saying. But I will
Speaker 1: say that after my last relationship, I was very upset,
Speaker 1: and then I hooked up with someone who I had
Speaker 1: hooked up with in the past, and it reminded me
Speaker 1: that there was other people out there, people that I liked,
Speaker 1: and even although me and that person weren't going to
Speaker 1: get back together, it kind of just made me feel calm,
Speaker 1: like I didn't feel like time was running out. It
Speaker 1: felt like when when I was in a breakup mentality,
Speaker 1: I felt like it was like a ticking time bomb.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, it's just that stressful, anxious feeling.
Speaker 1: And I feel like getting under kind of broke that
Speaker 1: cycle for me, and then I could kind of move
Speaker 1: into doing those more healthy things. I started going to
Speaker 1: the gym, I started taking care of my mental health.
Speaker 1: I started really like focusing on me and like, yes,
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready for a new relationship, but I still
Speaker 1: wanted to experience single life because also, I feel like
Speaker 1: single life doesn't last that long in the scheme of things,
Speaker 1: Like if you think about it, for the majority of
Speaker 1: my life past eighteen, I've been in relationship. So single
Speaker 1: single life is short and sharp, like it's here and there.
Speaker 1: It's not like a constant. Being in a relationship is
Speaker 1: more of a constant from me. And I think you're
Speaker 1: the same.
Speaker 2: I think I am. I'll have to do some numbers,
Speaker 2: but the same. Yeah, I'll talking about that, but I
Speaker 2: hear what you're saying, and look, all I'm going to
Speaker 2: leave it on is if you're not over that person,
Speaker 2: and then you go and you get back into that
Speaker 2: scene too quickly and you're sleeping with someone and then
Speaker 2: you're like fuck, what's going on. And then you're already
Speaker 2: you're you're not healed, so like the heal, the wounds
Speaker 2: haven't healed from the previous thing. Yeah, you're making more wounds,
Speaker 2: more stress for yourself opening up the other ones by
Speaker 2: like dating too quickly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely don't date too quickly.
Speaker 2: Reason like, yeah, I did you know my opinion from experience,
Speaker 2: I just don't think it works, but you do. So
Speaker 2: we're on two different things with that.
Speaker 1: That you're actually like you're rolling around celibate. You're not
Speaker 1: rolling around celibate, like you're not getting over people, but
Speaker 1: you're still not being celibate. So, I mean, there's a
Speaker 1: happy medium in between what we're saying. I know you
Speaker 1: do exactly what I'm saying, but you get but you're
Speaker 1: just not getting over this.
Speaker 2: I'm not getting over it. Remember like my last one.
Speaker 1: I know, you're like, it's not like you're sitting in
Speaker 1: your bedroom with a chastity. You're making this Saint's.
Speaker 2: Like Hail Mary's and all that. You literally said.
Speaker 1: To me, that's going to church on the weekends instead
Speaker 1: of going to the club. Trust me, guys, it's not happening.
Speaker 2: It's not happening. But you literally said to me what
Speaker 2: you're doing is not working. And I was like, you're.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, that's true, But I mean.
Speaker 2: It wasn't working for me. It just wasn't. I wasn't
Speaker 2: I wasn't happy within myself.
Speaker 1: I think what you would do would have worked for anyone,
Speaker 1: to be honest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, true, a lot of not good not good? Oh mad,
Speaker 2: all right, you go, let's go on to the next one.
Speaker 1: That's like, let's move on from that. Okay. So Jordan says,
Speaker 1: my ex keeps telling me that I am the one
Speaker 1: that got away, and this makes me feel guilty and
Speaker 1: uncomfortable as I don't feel the same. How do I
Speaker 1: get him to know that he needs to move on?
Speaker 2: Two points Jordan telling him be honest with him, tell
Speaker 2: him that your communication, Yeah, tell him you don't feel
Speaker 2: the same way. Yeah, I think you've got to be
Speaker 2: cruel to be kind, yeah, or else he doesn't seem
Speaker 2: like he's ever going to move on.
Speaker 1: Do you know what the hard thing is? As I
Speaker 1: feel like secretly every single person on the planet loves
Speaker 1: to hear from the X because it's like, ha, yes,
Speaker 1: you still care about me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think Jordan's actually like loving the messages
Speaker 2: and loves.
Speaker 1: Hearing don't come and Jordans.
Speaker 2: That I think she's in Yeah, sorry, Jordan, love you,
Speaker 2: thanks for listening, thanks for the message, appreciate you. But
Speaker 2: I think that you've you're as much to blame here
Speaker 2: as much like he needs to move on. You need
Speaker 2: to tell him to you and you need to block
Speaker 2: him off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just have to be super clear, because the
Speaker 1: thing is is if you have an ex who's reaching
Speaker 1: out and you're not setting clear boundaries, then it's kind
Speaker 1: of unfortunately, as like hard as it is to say,
Speaker 1: you're kind of giving them a little bit of false
Speaker 1: hope by kind of maybe replying or you know, I
Speaker 1: guess like the whole feeling guilty and uncomfortable, like she
Speaker 1: doesn't want to hurt her ex's feelings, which is totally understandable.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, you have to be cruel
Speaker 1: to be kind, right.
Speaker 2: And what do I say? The two strongest emotions for
Speaker 2: humans are hope and fear, And he's got hope right now,
Speaker 2: so you need to lost you, yeah, and getting to
Speaker 2: move on or else he's not going to and you're
Speaker 2: going to be stuck in this vicious circle that you're
Speaker 2: in okay, Matt.
Speaker 1: That's all we have time for.
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us. Guys. It was a good one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope you've enjoyed it. Make sure you check
Speaker 1: out all of our socials, our Facebook page. Let's have
Speaker 1: more of a conversation about this episode there and until
Speaker 1: next time, Bye bye.