WEBVTT - Mojo Monday - What To do When Your Values Compete With Carly Taylor

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<v Speaker 1>Hi everyone, it's CALLI here for this week's Mojo Monday.

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<v Speaker 1>So I want to talk today about when we try

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<v Speaker 1>to do too many things at once and the idea

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<v Speaker 1>of competing values. So let me explain what I mean. So,

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<v Speaker 1>most of us have values that really matter to us.

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<v Speaker 1>They're things that matter to us deep in our heart.

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<v Speaker 1>They're really really important, you know, things like being a

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<v Speaker 1>present parent, or maybe it's being a good leader at work,

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<v Speaker 1>or looking after our health or contributing to the community.

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<v Speaker 1>And these are kind of like compass points that guide

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<v Speaker 1>our lives. So when we're making decisions, these values are

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<v Speaker 1>our compass that point us in the direction that we

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<v Speaker 1>want to go towards the person that we want to be.

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<v Speaker 1>But what can happen is that we have more than

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<v Speaker 1>one value, so we have two values that we really

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<v Speaker 1>care about that come into conflict. So for example, just

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<v Speaker 1>say you are finishing a big project at work, or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe it's some big assignment at work, and you want

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<v Speaker 1>to really nail it because you value excellence and reliability,

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<v Speaker 1>for example. But at the same time, your teenager has

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<v Speaker 1>been struggling and they've just asked you if you can

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<v Speaker 1>hang out with them and do something with them after school,

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<v Speaker 1>so you value being there for them too. So now

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<v Speaker 1>you're caught. So one part if he says, right, I've

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<v Speaker 1>got to stay focused, I've got to meet this deadline

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<v Speaker 1>of got to do a good job. And then this

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<v Speaker 1>other part of you is like, you need to be

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<v Speaker 1>a good parent, you need to be present with your kids,

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<v Speaker 1>and right now your teenager needs you. So this is

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<v Speaker 1>where many of us get stuck. And that was just

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<v Speaker 1>one example, but you might sound familiar to you in

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<v Speaker 1>other areas of your life as well. And what can

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<v Speaker 1>happen is guilt and stress and overthinking can sneak in.

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<v Speaker 1>But the reality of life is that values will sometimes compete.

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<v Speaker 1>And that doesn't mean that you're bad at balancing life.

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<v Speaker 1>It just means that you're human. So what can we

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<v Speaker 1>do in this situation. Well, when values compete, we can't

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<v Speaker 1>honor both of them. We know that, and we certainly

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<v Speaker 1>can't honor them perfectly in every moment, but we can

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<v Speaker 1>respond intentionally, and that is key. So choosing the behavior

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<v Speaker 1>that best fits the context, not one that ticks the

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<v Speaker 1>most boxes or makes everyone happy or avoids discomfort. So

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<v Speaker 1>here are three steps that can really help to really

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<v Speaker 1>recognize what the value is and name that values that

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<v Speaker 1>are pulling you. You know, I value doing great work,

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<v Speaker 1>I value excellence, I value being emotionally available to my family.

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<v Speaker 1>And then check the context. What's the big picture right now?

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<v Speaker 1>What value needs your energy in this moment, not forever,

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<v Speaker 1>but right now, And then you act in line with

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<v Speaker 1>that chosen value, and knowing that the guilt is there,

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<v Speaker 1>but not shining that flashlight of attention on that guilt

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<v Speaker 1>because you're not portraying the other value. You're just making

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<v Speaker 1>a conscious choice in this moment. And that's integrity, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not failure. And here is the beautiful thing is when

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<v Speaker 1>we live this way, we're not trying to do it

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<v Speaker 1>at all. We're trying to do what matters with intention,

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<v Speaker 1>one choice at a time. So you go into your week,

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<v Speaker 1>just notice when your values are in different directions. You

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<v Speaker 1>take a breath and pause and tune into that and

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<v Speaker 1>really recognize and ask yourself, what is important to me

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<v Speaker 1>in this moment? Why are these emotions showing up? What

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<v Speaker 1>matters to me? And then you choose what fits the moment,

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<v Speaker 1>Because your values don't really need to compete, they just

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<v Speaker 1>need you to choose. So I hope that's helpful. Have

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<v Speaker 1>a great week everyone, and I will catch you next week.

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<v Speaker 1>See yeah,