Speaker 1: Apod Shape Production. Welcome back to another episode about I
Speaker 1: a Bad Mom? Podcasts The question we continuously ask am
Speaker 1: I a bad mum?
Speaker 2: I was having a little chin wag too. It sounds
Speaker 2: weird because I'm a trainer and then I have a trainer.
Speaker 2: But he just had said, what have you done this morning?
Speaker 2: I said, I went for a walk and he went, oh, good,
Speaker 2: did you listen to a podcast? I said, actually, listen
Speaker 2: to my own podcast? Am I a bad mum? And
Speaker 2: that was to just try and get my head back
Speaker 2: in the game because I was a pretty shit mum yesterday.
Speaker 2: He was like, Okay, great reflection piece. I was like,
Speaker 2: it's a great podcast. I know you don't have kids,
Speaker 2: so probably don't listen.
Speaker 1: Not if you ever are planning to have them, don't
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast.
Speaker 3: It's going to put you off off. Am I a
Speaker 3: bad mum?
Speaker 2: For flipping the rules?
Speaker 3: What are the rules?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It comes off the back of a couple of
Speaker 2: nights in a row, consecutive nights in a row, because
Speaker 2: I think you'll know where I'm going now. And I
Speaker 2: started to like beat myself up on it because I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I'm flipping the rules. Of
Speaker 2: what I've tried to install for nine years, which is
Speaker 2: when they come down if they have a bad dream, yeah,
Speaker 2: fair enough, Like if it's only a couple of hours,
Speaker 2: so we wake up, then I'll let them sleep in
Speaker 2: the bed.
Speaker 3: When they were little, little.
Speaker 2: Like freshy, I would co sleep off and on because
Speaker 2: else obviously it was a little bit harder as a baby,
Speaker 2: but I wasn't a huge co sleeper.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then when they're old enough, then they migrated from
Speaker 2: the cot beside the bed into their room. And I've
Speaker 2: sort of tried to be really not a stickler with it,
Speaker 2: but I understood why I was doing it so that
Speaker 2: I didn't create habits or patterns.
Speaker 3: Yeah, later in life. Now fast forward nine years and.
Speaker 1: She's like, oh I had a really bad dream.
Speaker 2: Yep, come on in.
Speaker 1: I completely agree with the flipping the rules because I
Speaker 1: was very much that you sleep in your own bed. Honestly, Rachel,
Speaker 1: I don't think I've had the girls sleep overnight in
Speaker 1: my bed ever. The only time they ever have been
Speaker 1: allowed to come in is if they've been sick. It's like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just come in, come in the middle. But I
Speaker 1: was exactly the same. I was like no, otherwise we're
Speaker 1: going to create bad habits. Like I had it in
Speaker 1: my head that if they came in and slept in
Speaker 1: our bed one night, that would be it. We would
Speaker 1: never get them back in their own beds again. And
Speaker 1: I think I was quite strict because I had twins.
Speaker 1: I think it was stricter because I kind of had
Speaker 1: to have that sort of military operation of these are
Speaker 1: the rules, because otherwise I'm getting no fucking sleep.
Speaker 3: I can't have two of them in there.
Speaker 1: But I agree with you, and I actually wish that,
Speaker 1: Like if I had my time again, I would definitely
Speaker 1: do things differently. I would definitely be a bit kinder.
Speaker 1: I would definitely be a bit more nurturing. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've got a friend and I see how she is
Speaker 1: with her baby now that for me, fifteen years ago,
Speaker 1: I would have been like, no, I cannot do that,
Speaker 1: creating bad habits. Kids never going to be able to
Speaker 1: sleep on their own, you know, they have to be
Speaker 1: put down.
Speaker 3: But now I'm like all for that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, well, because when you start looking at
Speaker 1: things like abandonment traumas, and you know, I let my
Speaker 1: girls just cry themselves to sleep and turn the monitor
Speaker 1: down I look back at that and go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I would so do that differently now.
Speaker 2: It was funny. It was only until I was at
Speaker 2: work this morning and I was chatting with one of
Speaker 2: the members and she's my mom and we just have
Speaker 2: this chat after class and we were chatting and I said,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, it's the third night in a row.
Speaker 2: It was like the end of the earth for me
Speaker 2: because I was like, the last two nights, Elsie has
Speaker 2: watched something whatever it is, on TV, like it was
Speaker 2: a kid's thing, but it's enough to trigger something in
Speaker 2: her head that she was like, I got to sleep
Speaker 2: with you tonight, and I was like, why dal didn't
Speaker 2: say anything? But then last night when we were laying there,
Speaker 2: she said, I watched this thing and she started to
Speaker 2: blurt it all out, and she'd worked herself up into
Speaker 2: such a tears over this. I was like, oh, Dar,
Speaker 2: I was like, why didn't you say something when you
Speaker 2: were watching it, or like I could have sat and
Speaker 2: explained it with you why you were in it, so
Speaker 2: that you understand. But she'd held on to it all
Speaker 2: day and that's what she'd watched three or four days ago.
Speaker 2: She'd watched this program again and something else had happened
Speaker 2: in it.
Speaker 3: I know, something with dragons and something. That's what started this.
Speaker 2: So now by the third night, she's now not coming
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night, she's coming in before
Speaker 2: you're in a bed, going please don't make me sleep
Speaker 2: by myself.
Speaker 1: Can I just input here, because we've hung out a
Speaker 1: few times recently over the last couple of weeks, do
Speaker 1: you have any idea that my husband Jay has been
Speaker 1: talking to the girls and telling your girls about the
Speaker 1: true times that he's been making Oh my gosh, that's
Speaker 1: probably what it is said to him at the time.
Speaker 1: Stop scaring them. You're going to scare them. And they
Speaker 1: kept coming back for more. You know, kids arelike kept
Speaker 1: coming back from more. Tell us about the other one day,
Speaker 1: tell us about the other one. He's there loving himself sick.
Speaker 1: He's got an audience of kids around him. He's telling
Speaker 1: them about, you know, the fact that this girl killed
Speaker 1: her grandma and what she did. I was watching them
Speaker 1: all I was watching from afar.
Speaker 3: I was like, what are you doing.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't let someone do this
Speaker 1: to your kids, knowing that they're not going to go
Speaker 1: to sleep. This might be the problem.
Speaker 2: I reckon, I reckon that's what it started from, because
Speaker 2: it's only been like it's consecutive, but it's been like
Speaker 2: the last three to four nights.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's tasteful. Oh god.
Speaker 2: I was like laughing because she was trying to tell
Speaker 2: me about it, and she'd worked herself into such a spin,
Speaker 2: and I was like, we had to do the whole
Speaker 2: I am safe. I said to her, I've locked every
Speaker 2: draw in this house and she was like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: know that, And I was like, well, we needed some
Speaker 2: times understand that things are pretend. How to get to that,
Speaker 2: I was like, especially TV shows pretend. You have to
Speaker 2: tell yourself that they're so pretend. Now it's not even
Speaker 2: the TV show, it's your bloody husband with his true crimes.
Speaker 2: Well you at least know that the true crimes is working.
Speaker 1: I know there's some good stories there, some great stories.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry about that. I mean, it wasn't technically my fault,
Speaker 3: but I did chin and intervene.
Speaker 1: He had an audience of kids, so it wasn't just
Speaker 1: your kids, it was their cousins as well. So if
Speaker 1: your brother's kids are finding it hard to sleep.
Speaker 3: There, that's the reason why I'm going to text him.
Speaker 3: I do think so that.
Speaker 1: It's fine to change the rules. I think we're just
Speaker 1: moving with the times. I think if we look back
Speaker 1: and we talk about this all the time, about how
Speaker 1: we grew up and how our parents were with us,
Speaker 1: and it was the case of you know, off, okay,
Speaker 1: come back when the street lights are and I remember
Speaker 1: my mom even saying this, but children should be seen
Speaker 1: and not heard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, imagine that now. Yeah, I know, we wouldn't even
Speaker 3: be allowed. It wouldn't work.
Speaker 1: No, my kids turn around to me, and so you
Speaker 1: can't speak to me like that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I was like, let's not get into that,
Speaker 2: because I've had a few of those in the last
Speaker 2: few days, and I'm like, oh, you're teetering on the edge.
Speaker 2: I was like, just pack your bag, go find a
Speaker 2: new family. I was like, time right now, nor the energy.
Speaker 2: But just going back to what we were talking about,
Speaker 2: which is that flipping of the rules, It's kind of
Speaker 2: like I haven't had a problem with it. I've been yes, yep, sure, nurture,
Speaker 2: extra nurture, extra nurture. Yeah, I've just been a little
Speaker 2: bit more nurturing and lenient than what I am normally,
Speaker 2: and I got myself into such a tiars and two
Speaker 2: women this morning at work literally had said, it's okay,
Speaker 2: just be a little bit kinder to yourself. It's okay,
Speaker 2: you're not undoing what you've done, allowing this for a
Speaker 2: few nights.
Speaker 1: This is the thing when I look back at the
Speaker 1: sleep stuff and they're not letting them in the bed,
Speaker 1: Like really, I know, logistically, you know it's not the
Speaker 1: best thing for you'll be sleeping together for your own Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what. I could never sleep like if
Speaker 1: they were in the bed. So that's not great because
Speaker 1: you're just going to be really tired and uncomfortable. But
Speaker 1: is there ever a time where you.
Speaker 3: Can give too much love?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, So really, if they're loved and they're with you,
Speaker 1: Like the co sleeping thing was something that I was
Speaker 1: always like, no, put them down, otherwise they'll never settle
Speaker 1: on their own. Now, I'm like, there's a reason why
Speaker 1: they do skin to skin when a baby's first born, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because they need the Yeah, they need the bond, they
Speaker 1: need mum. So why shouldn't they be on mum?
Speaker 3: You know, as much as you can pare it.
Speaker 2: I think, ask me in another week of this sort
Speaker 2: of distorted sleep pattern that I've had for the last.
Speaker 3: That's the thing, it's not practical.
Speaker 2: I don't know how people I know, I know people
Speaker 2: that sleep with their children all the way through. Like
Speaker 2: my hat's you, because I don't know how you do it,
Speaker 2: because I need absolute disconnection from them. And I know
Speaker 2: we don't talk about it much on here, but like energetically,
Speaker 2: you're in each other's energy twenty four hours a day,
Speaker 2: seven days a week, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 2: There has to be a time where you disconnect it.
Speaker 2: And that is when we go to bed. And yeah, look, Elsie's.
Speaker 3: Not the lightest of sleepers.
Speaker 2: So she is kicking and punching and scratched like she
Speaker 2: goes nuts and her sleep she's fighting off obviously whatever
Speaker 2: your husband's told her. And then I end up with
Speaker 2: a swift kick to.
Speaker 3: The guts and I'm like, oh, I just got to
Speaker 3: send the.
Speaker 1: Kid back, give them the love and then send them
Speaker 1: back for your own sanity.
Speaker 2: Give them the love, nurture them, tell them that they're safe,
Speaker 2: go back to your bed. Ye, I've got to try
Speaker 2: and get her out. Now we're nearly at a week. Yeah, thanks,
Speaker 2: Jay Jay