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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Carlie Taylor here for this week's My Joe Monday.

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Speaker 1: So I've been working at a school the last few months.

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Speaker 1: I've been working doing some one on one work with

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Speaker 1: some teenagers and I'm learning so much about these amazing

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Speaker 1: young people and how they think and feel and dream,

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Speaker 1: and one theme that keeps coming up again and again

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Speaker 1: is their deep human need to belong. So you think

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Speaker 1: back when you were a teenager, do you remember a

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Speaker 1: time when you felt left out, maybe you weren't invited

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Speaker 1: to a party, or you didn't feel included, maybe even ignored.

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Speaker 1: And that actually happened to me in year ten. It's

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Speaker 1: quite a clear memory for me. I remember it was

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Speaker 1: in the morning and I walked into the common area

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Speaker 1: where all my friends were and I was completely ghosted

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Speaker 1: and for reasons I don't even know now, but it

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Speaker 1: was very cruel and it was really painful. And it's

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Speaker 1: amazing how these moments stay with us. That sting of

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Speaker 1: exclusion can linger for years, and it can shape how

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Speaker 1: we feel to just be ourselves. And that's because belonging

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Speaker 1: it isn't just emotional or psychological, it's evolutionary. For thousands

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Speaker 1: of years, survival depended on being part of a group,

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Speaker 1: part of a tribe, and if you were cast out,

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Speaker 1: you didn't just lose friends, you lost safety, food, and protection.

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Speaker 1: So you think about that adolescent brain. It's evolved to

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Speaker 1: care deeply about belonging. It's a time when young people

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Speaker 1: are becoming more independent, pulling away from parents, turning towards

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Speaker 1: their peers. In with a group becomes a central focus.

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Speaker 1: And from what I've seen at the school, it's very

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Speaker 1: openly acknowledged as well. So these students they talk about

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Speaker 1: their groups. It's like groups are named and they're even categorized,

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Speaker 1: and there's a real pressure around finding your group, and

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Speaker 1: for many teenagers that search can bring as much stress

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Speaker 1: as it does comfort. So there's a research psychologist, Lucy Foux,

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Speaker 1: who's done a lot of research in the adolescent area,

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Speaker 1: and she explains that during the teenage years, the brain

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Speaker 1: social and emotional systems become hyper sensitive. So teenagers start

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Speaker 1: to tune in intensely to social cues. So things like

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Speaker 1: who's in, who's out, what people think of them, what

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Speaker 1: people are wearing, what music they listen to. This is

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Speaker 1: what as parents and onlookers think, maybe kind of vanity,

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Speaker 1: but it's actually their biology. Their brains are learning the

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Speaker 1: rules of the social world, preparing them for adulthood. It's

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Speaker 1: just hugely intensified around that age. But for many young people,

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Speaker 1: especially those who feel like square pegs trying to fit

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Speaker 1: into round holes, this can dry. This drive can come

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Speaker 1: at a cost, so they might hide their quirks, or

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Speaker 1: not express their opinions, or shrink parts of themselves just

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Speaker 1: to blend in. And at the heart of all of

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Speaker 1: this is this need to be seen, not for what

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Speaker 1: you have achieved or how well you fit the mold

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Speaker 1: that's created, but for who you are when you stop

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Speaker 1: trying to be someone else. So to be seen is

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Speaker 1: to be recognized and accepted and valued without needing to

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Speaker 1: shrink or mold yourself into someone else idea of what's acceptable.

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Speaker 1: That's the kind of belonging that restores us, the kind

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Speaker 1: that reminds you that you are good the way you are.

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Speaker 1: Of course, there's always for improvement. We're always improving ourselves,

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Speaker 1: but not for the sake of someone else's validation of

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Speaker 1: whether you are good enough or someone else liking you.

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Speaker 1: So it's not about fitting in. Really, it's about feeling

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Speaker 1: like you can show up as yourself. We don't often

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Speaker 1: get this until we become adults, and even then we

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Speaker 1: may not find that. But I think it's something our

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Speaker 1: young people can be aware of, so when they're socially

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Speaker 1: struggling getting support with social skills, or knowing that not

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Speaker 1: everyone is going to like them and they won't like everyone,

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Speaker 1: and that no one is worth sacrificing your worth too.

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Speaker 1: But you can feel worthy by being worthy to the

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Speaker 1: right people. And it starts with one person, like a

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Speaker 1: classmate or a teacher, a coach, a friend, who notices

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Speaker 1: someone on the edge and offers a small moment of inclusion.

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Speaker 1: So maybe this week pause and look around your own

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Speaker 1: social circles who might be trying to belong like who's

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Speaker 1: on the outside just hoping to be seen. Because when

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Speaker 1: you help someone feel seen, you strengthen your own sense

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Speaker 1: of belonging to and in a world where everyone's trying

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Speaker 1: to find their place, whether you're a teenager or whether

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Speaker 1: you're an adult, that might just be the most powerful

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Speaker 1: act of connection that we have. So thank you for

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Speaker 1: listening to you this week's Mojo Monday, and I will

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Speaker 1: catch you next week. Seea