WEBVTT - #149 Andrew Hamilton’s Redemption: From Magic Mushroom Kingpin to Comedy Star 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.760 Hi, my boris and this is straight talk. Andrew Hamilton, Well, 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:06.160 straight tour mate Mark. Hello, It's good to be here, 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:07.920 so tell me what the fuck happened? 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:13.080 Good question, please search won't oh fuck? 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:15.760 Next thing, you know, the raptor scadn is smashing through 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:17.680 my door with a battering ram. I ran upstairs and 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:19.480 started flushing drugs. 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:19.920 Down the toilet. 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.160 But this raptor scored guy like tackle me to the ground. 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:23.520 He had like his knee in the back of my 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.200 thigh and he just goes, stay down in fat cunt. 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:29.920 You've got a twenty cock. I think I needed to 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:33.440 have the fall to really appreciate everything. I think I 0:00:33.520 --> 0:00:36.960 needed that setback. I'm much happier now living with my 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:40.040 parents and doing stand up comedy than I ever was 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:41.520 making money as a drug dealer. 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:44.040 Andrew Hamilton, Well, straight tour. 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:45.640 Mate, Mark, Hello, it's good to be here. 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:48.519 You know what this was really weird. One of the 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:53.680 reason he hear is my younger son dms me on 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.640 believe the dms me not he doesn't send me missing 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.200 was the dms me on my Instagram account from his 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:03.840 Instagram account little clips of You, and this has a 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.240 bit some months ago and I just went, you know, 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:08.480 did you get them thumbs up? And something goes, oh, Dad, 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.160 you don't understand the dear. You know you don't get it. Dear, 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:12.760 you don't you don't understand it. The piss take dud 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:15.959 because I know you were And this. 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.400 Is my fake business podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:20.280 And he said, Dad, it's a piss take he like 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:22.360 he was my son was saying the piss is he 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:24.000 thirty two? He was saying the piss out of me. 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:25.600 He's saying, yeah, silly, old fuck. 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:26.840 This is what you sound like. 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:29.640 You don't understand this ship. This is you Dad, like 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:32.880 you read it. And anyway, and welcome, welcome, well, thanks, 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:34.199 And what's the T shirt? 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:37.640 Mate? Confit con Fit. Yes, my my mate Joe Kwan 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:41.280 owns a gym in Paramouna that's run all by x 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:45.399 cons so stands for Convict Fitness yep. But I kind 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.760 of I got connected with Joe from doing a previous 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:50.560 podcast I had where I was just trying to interview 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.080 people who had similar stories to me where they'd gone 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:56.960 through ship and then turned their life around. And so yeah, 0:01:57.080 --> 0:02:01.240 Joe now runs CONFIT in Paramatta and they also have 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:05.480 a social enterprise called Confit Pathways where they go into 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:08.760 Sydney or New South Wales juvenile detention centers and help 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:12.320 guys that are locked up to turn their lives around 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:15.440 through through fitness or they get help them to get 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:18.960 university scholarships. It's awesome, but that's pretty cool. Yeah, it's 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:21.600 very cool. And so they're training the hell out of 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:24.520 me at the moment. And so I go in there 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:25.839 every day and I've got a whole bunch of ex 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:26.840 cons yelling at me. 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:30.800 So I want to go back a little bit. You 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.560 acquit yourself quite well when you speak, and part of 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:36.919 your gig now you maken do itut of being the 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.359 way you speak. And we'll talk about this. You know, 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.280 your tour coming up. I want to talk about your 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.520 book coming up and your podcast, et cetera. But if 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.800 I just you know, I know lots of ex cons 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.240 in my life. Fortunately for me, I do know them, 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:53.840 I say as that fortunate thing. I'm lucky to know 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:56.560 these individuals. But not many of them have quit themselves 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.560 very well, like wonder One, and a lot of them 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:03.720 have come shit environments, most of them, in fact, dreadful environments. 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:07.120 Turn me back to who Andrew Hamilton was when he 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:08.640 was at school. Where'd you go to school? Where'd you live? 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:10.840 Grew up Sydney, Melbourrisine a step in Sydney. 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:14.600 I grew up in Hornsby and I had a very 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:16.720 happy childhood. I was one of five kids. I went 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:18.639 to a private school. I went to Riverview in Wow 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:19.760 Standy Nation's College. 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:21.359 So you're you're a Jesuit boy. 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:22.880 Yeah, Jesuit boy. 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:26.959 My dad was actually a Jesuit scholastic for like almost 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:30.040 a decade. He was a student priest before he became 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:31.119 a father. Yeah. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.160 Most by the way, most people, Andrew don't realize that 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:38.600 a Jesuit scholar is a thing. It's they're actually quite 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.400 scholarly in lots of different things, not just theology, but 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:43.960 quite scholarly across the board. 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:47.280 Right, And you have to do it for like over 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:52.360 a decade to become a Jesuit priest. Yeah, so yeah, 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.680 I think just for it to become just a standard 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:56.920 Catholic priestss like three or four years maybe, But for 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.840 a Jesuit it's like it's like twelve thirteen years or 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:00.680 something crazy like that. 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:01.960 And how old are you now? 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:03.520 Thirty eight eight? 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:08.680 So were you at rev Whenma Costello was there. Father Costello, No, okay, 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.280 he's a friend of mine. He was the resident precept 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.280 for a long time. He was a good friend of 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:16.719 mine actually. And the intelligence that came from this dude 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:19.320 was crazy. What he knew about shit he knew about 0:04:19.360 --> 0:04:22.480 was amazing. And his influence was mental like he's influence 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:26.840 in politics, his influence in business he had. They're very 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:32.240 good at infiltrating processes. So you're a kid nor sure, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:41.159 Mum and dad great family, jesuit education. You left year twelve, 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:43.480 I guess leave you twelve and. 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:44.160 Then wasn't four? 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:44.560 What did you do? 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.240 Then? I didn't really know what I wanted to do 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.960 with my life. I went and just started studying an 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:53.520 arts degree at Sydney UNI and just drinking a lot, 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:57.080 doing a lot of drugs with my mates. And I 0:04:57.120 --> 0:05:00.960 was pretty aimless. And then I I did that for 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:04.480 a year or two, getting very average grades. And then 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:07.240 I was getting into a bit of trouble in Sydney. 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:09.560 I was getting into many fights at pubs, and so 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:11.760 I decided I needed to change my environment and I 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:15.520 went to Charles Stitt University in Bathist to just have 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:18.200 a get away, Yeah, just to have a scene change. 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:22.200 And so I just randomly scrolled through all the degrees 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:24.479 they had on their website and just picked a random one, 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:27.159 and it happened to be I think, just by sheer 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:28.680 luck that it was one that I turned out to 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:30.400 be very interested in and was good at, which was 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:31.760 public relations. 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:34.040 Like as and comm's communications. Yes, yeah, yeah, so likes 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:35.719 a degree in marketing or communications. 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:39.680 Yeah, yeah, they had there. I enrolled there, went there, 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:43.080 lived on campus for three years and had a great 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.320 time there in Bathist. It's amazing, and I mean it 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:48.680 was like whenever you see college movies in America. It 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:51.479 was like that you living on campus with guys and 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.039 girls in the same dorms together, and you're just drinking 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:55.920 and partying and trying to fit in some study. 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.360 Yeah, but you probably don't get it up to as 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:01.840 much mischief as you if you're here in Sydney. It 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:02.400 was intense. 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.480 It was different. There was a lot of drinking and 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:08.760 sex and drugs. It wasn't I wasn't getting into fights 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:11.280 here as much so it was. It was it was 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:14.560 a much more acceptable kind of. 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:17.800 Trust benign, Yeah, a bit more benign. Yeah, So you 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.039 a degree then what happens what job? 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:25.520 Well, I I got close to graduating. I think I 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:31.080 only had two subjects to go, didn't leave. My lecturer 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:35.400 was being asked by employers because they would recommend anyone 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:36.880 that they think a pretty. 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:38.239 Like reternships and stuff like that exactly. 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:42.120 So I got recommended for a job, I went and 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:43.880 did the job, and if you got the job, and 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:45.160 so I was like, well, I don't need the fucking 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:45.799 degree anymore. 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:46.560 So I got the job. 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:50.679 So I just a job doing what working in public 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:52.799 relations back back here in back in Sydney. 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.440 So just quickly defined to us what public relations means, 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.760 like you're talking about corporate relations, or you're talking about publicity, 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.920 blisses st or brand push it, what is it? 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:02.240 Yeah? 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:06.800 So I was working mainly for corporates in helping them 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:11.320 with their media relations, either to help market whatever the 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:13.640 main stories that they wanted to push out in a 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:16.800 lot of traditional media. And then as I continued to 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:20.200 progress in public relations, I started doing more crisis management 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:23.360 as well. So if companies fuck up, I'd be telling them, 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:25.920 you know, advising them what the messaging should be and 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:27.600 how to keep us out of the paper. That kind 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:27.960 of stuff. 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.080 Yeah, so sometimes putting you into the paper if you've 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.080 got a good story to tell, get now it's the 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.600 papers if the paper's telling bad story about me, which 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:38.480 which is pretty much the PR mantra exactly. And good 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:38.760 at that. 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:39.760 I was very good at that. 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:43.280 Yeah, so how long? How long did you do that? For? 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:44.400 About ten years? 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:46.520 Well, that's probably most of your life. Yeah, but I 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:49.560 just put to take you into your thirties. Yeah, so a. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:50.160 Lot of my life. 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:52.880 And so I worked at a small agency and then 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.840 got a gig at the world's biggest PR agency and 0:07:56.880 --> 0:07:58.800 I was an account director there and I ended up 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:02.160 getting nominated for Best I was the thirty Under thirty 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:04.160 Awards when I was twenty seven. 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:04.920 For B and T. 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:08.000 Thirty means what it's the B and T magazine have 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:11.760 like a list of people in marketing and PR and 0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:15.679 advertising that are the high achievements that are under thirty. 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:18.680 And so I got I won that in the PR 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:20.040 category when I was twenty seven. 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:22.520 Wow. So I was telling me what the fuck happened? 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.280 Good question, I don't know, man. 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.440 At the same time, I was just a degenerate alcoholic 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.240 and gambling addict, and I was just a mess and 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:33.679 I think I. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:34.679 Got into degenerate. 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:36.880 Really, I was just a mess man. 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:40.000 Yeah, I was just I was like after hours obviously. 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:40.760 A chronic gambler. 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:44.120 Well, I was after hours until the last few years 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:46.280 when I just became a massive coke head all day, 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:46.800 every day. 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:51.160 The wheels kind of we're pe we're talking about now. 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:51.760 So I mean I was. I was. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.000 My gambling problem started when I was about eighteen, like 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:58.400 Pokey's bad, and then as I got older, I just 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:01.000 never had any money. Anything that I had would just 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.720 slip through my hands very quickly. And so by the 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.760 time I was at UNI, I was living on campus 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.520 and I had very little money. And I ended up 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:13.960 going to Thailand with a bunch of mates and trying 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.400 magic mushrooms and we fell in love with them. And 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:18.240 so when I came home, I told my mate as 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.800 a psychedelics, Yes, psychedelic magic mushrooms, and I had such 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:23.360 an amazing time on them, and it was just such 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:25.760 just like world changing and changed my perspective. 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.160 Did you do it? Did you do it? Did you 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.520 do it for fun or recreation or did you do 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:31.079 it for securitive reasons? 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:31.520 No? 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:32.480 For fun recreation? 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:34.200 Yeah, Yeah, So we were partying. We were at a 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:36.640 full moon party and we were the night. We were 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.439 there the night before a fir moon party in Thailand. 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:41.920 It's on one of the islands Copenyang. They had a 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:42.959 place called Mushroom Mountain. 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:43.319 Yeah. 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:45.320 Yeah, and you can get these magic mushroom shakes, and 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:48.120 so we had those and they were really strong the 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.080 night before the I think they weakened them on the 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:51.679 night of the full moon party because there's just too 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:54.400 many people. I can't handle that many people tripping out hard. 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:56.920 So we had it the night before and fuck me, 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:59.240 it was just like flowers bursting out of my eyes 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.760 and just it was just this kaleidoscope in my head 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:04.280 and I was like, this is amazing. And so we 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:07.200 sat there on the beach as a sun rose just 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:09.200 coming down from these mushrooms, and I was just like, 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:12.000 there's more to life that we know about. 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.440 And so I had this kind of life changing experience. 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:16.439 And I came home and told my mate how good 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.920 they were, and he started researching how to grow them, 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.319 and next thing you know, we had different strains of 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.800 mushrooms that I would take to UNI and give to 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:27.760 my friends, and suddenly they became very popular and i'd 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.880 start selling them to friends of friends. There's a little 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:33.719 bit of side of Baptist in Bathist at first. But 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.400 then I finished UNI pretty soon after, so then I 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:39.640 was back in Sydney working as a junior PR executive 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.320 and then just selling a few mushrooms here and there 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.240 to friends and friends of friends, which helped me to 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:47.600 cover rent or to get me out of the hole 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:51.600 whenever i'd like piss it all away gambling, and so 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.320 that helped me to justify if I think in my 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.160 head what I was doing, because I was like, gambling 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.760 is legal and it was destroying me, and mushrooms are illegal, 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.120 but they seem to be such a positive thing for 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.319 me and my friends that I was like, the laws 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:07.880 don't make sense, so why would I obey them. 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:10.520 That's a funny thing that when people do that sort 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:14.920 of stuff, that sort of self justification for their own degradation, 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:19.640 Like you know, like you fuck yourself up and but 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:22.839 if you thought about I'm fucking myself up here, maybe 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.120 that's the first step. It's nothing to do with how 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:29.200 how you get there. That's that's all bullshit, Like I'm fucked, 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:33.160 I'm gambling, I'm physically unwell, I'm sure I might add 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:35.520 one or to the troops are good, but like I'm 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.240 tripping all the time, like it's too much, but I'll 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:39.839 make but I'm actually go back and I say, yeah, 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.120 but as someone else's fault exactly. 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:45.520 Nobody likes to have accountability, Mark, Yeah, but it was 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:47.880 it was much easier to to just go fuck, the 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:49.760 rules suck. I'm going to make my own rules. So 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:51.280 to have a really hard look in the mirror. 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:53.520 Yeah, because the end and by the way, the rules 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:57.560 do suck, and and and sometimes the logic is, let 0:11:57.720 --> 0:11:59.920 I get the logic one hundred percent, but I will 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:03.880 ltimately you're responsible for yourself totally. And what was really 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:08.560 important is to be healthy, yes, and to have consciousness. Yeah, sure, 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.280 I get it, Mike Tyson stuff talking about it, you know, 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:15.200 like I get it where the psychedelics actually can help you, 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.520 and every now and there might be worth thing to do. 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:19.680 I get it. But doing all the fucking time and 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:22.400 get another shit on other shit and then all the 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:24.240 other stuff that goes, all the other degenerous shit that 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:26.000 goes with it. If I can gambling it, the whole 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:27.839 thing is a big cycle, and you just come out 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:31.840 rung out like a piece of shit. Yes, and you 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:35.400 look yourself's a point out and justifying how shy the 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:38.680 rules are. You're still a piece of shit. You're ultimate 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:39.720 victim exactly. 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:41.440 And I think a lot of that came down to 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.480 it's taken me many years to realize is I kept 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.240 gambling because I needed. 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:48.840 Just a distraction from my own life. 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:50.079 I needed an escape. 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:52.679 Yeah, it's funny that would you call avoidance? 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:53.720 Absolutely? 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:56.480 Yeah. I didn't want to sit down and think about 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.200 why I felt so empty inside. And the reality was 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:00.920 because I was living a life for that purpose. Even 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:03.160 though I was good at public relations and I was 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.760 doing that for a job, I didn't really want to 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.320 do it. And I had all these things in my 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.040 life that I dreamt of doing and I wasn't doing 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:13.040 anything of any of them. And so I think instead 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:15.679 of facing that, I was just trying to escape all 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:16.120 the time. 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:18.400 That's a really good thing to say that, that's that's 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:21.880 a good thing like identifying that. Then I didn't have 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.800 a real purpose that I could embrace because it's not 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.600 like you had a shit family and you know, Mum 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:29.400 and Dad was still there, and it's not like you 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:32.040 maybe you did, but perhaps you're not sort ofmmunicating to 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:35.320 media stuff at some sort of post traumatic stress disorder, 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:38.280 then did you were just at that up? So it 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:39.679 was just about purpose. 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:40.200 Exactly right. 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.480 I think I came from so much privilege and I 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:44.160 could have done anything, and I chose to do nothing, 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.200 and so that kind of ate away at me. 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:48.560 It's like a guilt, Yeah, a bit of a guilt. 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:50.559 Yeah, I think so. I think it was just this 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.240 such waste of potential and I didn't want to think about. 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:55.160 It, you know, Like, I mean, I know it's a 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:57.760 little bit heavy, but like and you know, you are 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:00.360 a comedian, but but a lot by the way, a 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.480 lot of comedians actually sort of have this as part 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:04.960 of their life, the heavy shit. 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:05.760 I think. 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:09.199 So we offer joke where you're chatting to other comedians 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.320 that it's anyone who's well adjusted typically doesn't go well 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:14.400 at comedy. It's people that have got really fucked up 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:15.120 shit going on. 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.760 Yeah. Certainly my experience to the commedians because when I 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.480 did The Apprentice Celebrity Prince, every series we had a 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:23.600 comedian on there, and it was quite interesting to see 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:25.840 the actually if you actually said and don't have a 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:29.120 conversation like this. Generally speaking, there was some shit that 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:31.120 happened in their life, or there was something they were 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.200 very unhappy about in their life, but they're fucking good comedians, 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:38.680 like ridiculously good comedians. I love the fact that you've 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.640 identified this purposing and you know, everyone talks about you know, 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:44.000 they have books out on finding My Why and all 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.440 this sort of shit. But having a real purpose on 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:50.200 this planet for a thoughtful person, it's pretty fucking important. 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:53.800 I think it's dangerous to live without it. My experience 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.280 is if you're living without purpose, without a reason to 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.320 get up in the morning, then you start to feel 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:00.960 hollow inside and then you start to feel that emptiness 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.600 with anything, and a lot of the time that can 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:04.640 be pretty bad stuff. 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.560 And by the way, we judge ourselves pretty hard to like, 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.520 did you. I mean, by the way, I'm not someone 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:14.000 who's judging it, because I mean, I'm fairly old, but 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.040 I have been through the same stuff. Okay, maybe not 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:21.200 as hectic as you did, perhaps as hectic as you 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:25.800 did too, totally different period in the eighties and it 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.400 was a different world those days. But you know, there 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:34.120 was some stuff in my life and I know, I 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.240 think anyway, because I come from a really good mum 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:41.200 and dad, great brother and sister, great big family. You know, man, 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:45.840 I'd ever going from a university, degrees, fucking good income, everything. 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.400 But like equally, I was trying to I was avoiding 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:54.640 confronting stuff, and I was and my avoids process was 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:56.960 actually substituting things to makes me get in a point 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.960 where I was not unconscious, but not conscious no longer 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:03.600 being forced to consciously think about things. Yes, so sort 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:04.880 of pretty much numbing yourself. 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.280 I was doing that for over a decade. I think 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:11.280 that I was just escaping into alcohol, drugs and gambling 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.440 and I can't And that was both. 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:16.920 That was for anything. 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:19.080 I would escape if I had a good reason, if 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:23.080 I was happy, celebrate drugs, gambling, alcohol, if I was sad, 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:24.680 escape drugs and gams. 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:25.680 Did you get decided with it? 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.320 Not really With gambling, it was no, I didn't. 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:29.560 Really. 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:32.000 The drugs are like you're going to have with your 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.000 mates and there's a gang and tonight we're going to 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:35.480 get on it. 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:38.240 I think, not so much by the drugs, but just 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.600 as the social aspect of it was certainly something. Yeah, 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:43.000 there was a time I left where I couldn't have 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:46.200 four beers without having a mental trigger. Okay, it's time to. 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:49.880 Do cocaine and have another forty vodkas. Yeah, because beers 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.160 are work atting more, get onto something else. 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:52.760 That's it. 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:55.760 I'm getting too drunk. I better get on the gear. 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:58.200 Sober up, sober and by the way, now I feel 0:16:58.240 --> 0:16:59.280 so we're going to get on into the drink. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.080 Click. Still a little Holy shit, it's Thursday. 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:04.200 It you'd be going for four days. 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:07.600 How the fuck do we think that way? 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:10.679 I don't know. Yeah, when I think back, it just 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.680 how fucked up I was. Like I would often go 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:16.359 four or five days without sleep, just just sort of 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:21.399 never ending drinking and drug cycle. And yeah, it's just 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:25.399 what a waste of my brain cells, but also just 0:17:25.520 --> 0:17:29.000 my life because now I do so much fun shit 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.960 every day and I'm just I can't look back. 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:33.600 Drug free, drug free. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:35.879 I drink alcohol, but drug. 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:37.920 Free, be more moderate as a drinker. 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:41.119 Yeah, very much. So. Yeah, I don't really drink spirits. 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:42.800